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hearteyes-for-killmonger · 9 months

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Miguel O'Hara x Black Reader. A short and simple to the point Dominant Miguel series with fluff and smut included as it progresses. Go on a lil journey in love with Miguel.

(I didn't feel like doing the small print. There has to be an easier way than going paragraph by paragraph 😭😭 Also anyone I didn’t tag who wants to be tagged, let me know.)

Chapter 4: Dealbreaker

Miguel was truthful when he said nap. He didn't do anything in your bed but sleep for the better part of an hour, making you the little spoon though you weren't tired. By the end of the hour, the two of you had cleaned the kitchen as it was before he came. He left the meat and the few ingredients purchased, but he cleaned and took his slow-cooker with him. You've now got enough pork to last you a week of taking your lunch to work and eating at home. Instead, you invite some friends to help you eat it and decide to tell them all about Miguel.

"Right here?" Aria panics when you mention the head on the couch, moving to the opposite couch with your mutual friend, Zenia.

"Exactly right there."

"You let me sit in it?"

"When I say he drained me dry, girl, he kept goinnng. Then we took a nap upstairs. It was pretty chill."

"You just fuckin met this man, what, a few days ago?" Aria laughs.

"I know, but if you saw what I saw, you'd do it too... That's why you can't meet him! Not yet."

"Bitch! One time! I didn't even know you knew David like that."

"I know, but NEITHER of y'all lil hoes are gonna meet Miguel or see Miguel until I've got him secured."

"Now, how did I get in it," Zenia asks, mouth stuffed with pork.

"Right now, things are up in the air, but I'll keep dangling and manifesting. He'll be wrapped around my pinky, and only then will y'all meet him."

"So when are YOU seeing him again," Zenia asks.

"I don't know, probably next weekend. We haven't made any other plans yet."

And you're both busy through the week. A week seems a long time to wait, though. You'd rather see him sooner.

"You think you should call him to schedule something," Zenia asks, reading your mind.

"Nah, I'll let him call me. It gives him time to miss me."

"Well, he's not disappearing just yet," Aria adds, "He ain't got that pumpum yet. Niggas ain't gone leave before getting it, believe that."

"Well, I'm a done deal," you smirk, "But if he does leave, I'll just get another one. Now I know where they congregate"

Sunday passes with no contact. When Monday comes and goes, you start to wonder what happened. Did he hit a busy streak? Did something happen? Tuesday, he texts you.

Is it too soon to miss me?

You're at work, so you keep it short.

Of course not. Text me any time. I may not respond immediately, but I'll respond.

You sure?

Yes

Why would he need permission? Is that what was stopping him from reaching out? If so, you'd like to hear more about it. You wait until you get off work to check your messages again.

He's sent a paragraph about his day at work.

Alchemax acquired another property to place a testing site. One more step for gentrification. The director is on my ass and pushing me to run this unethical experiment on the volunteers. They think we're testing covid shots. If I told you half the shit, you'd run from me. Hell, you're probably on your way now. Anyway, that's my day. How's yours?

Oh, okay, you stare, processing what you've just read. So he's not just the hero. He's confessing that he's done some sordid things in the name of his job. You get it, but can you really accept that? Knowingly testing dangerous procedures on innocent people? It's a lot to consider. You'll have to sit with it.

Later that evening, you still wrestle, but you're coming to term with your thoughts.

I admit that's fucked up. I don't agree with experimenting on innocent and unexpecting people. I do think Miramax or Alchemax can go to hell. With that said, I understand that this is your job, so I can't fault you. Sucks for you, I'm not that easy to scare. You're stuck with me.

You had me worried.

His text is almost instant. In all honesty, you had to think about if you COULD stick around. That's a big thing to admit, but at the end of the day, it's not technically his fault. He's not calling the shots. That's what you tell yourself.

Since you're at home on the couch with a bottle of Fiji water, you decide to call.

"Preciosa?"

Damn. His accent's got you weak already.

"My day was good," you buckle. "I delivered some interesting news to a family who were happy to finally know what was different about their daughter. Turns out, she has Angelman syndrome, but it was my first time coming across it , so I was explaining something I'd literally just learned about."

"Sounds like you did them a great service. Like you said, knowing is everything. If you're not educating and planning, you're worrying, which then diminishes your mental health, making it harder for you to parent."

"Exactly... Do you know about Angelman's syndrome?"

"Seizures, a smaller head that's flat in the back, issues with balance and movement, and most notably, smiling for no apparent reason?"

"I should've asked you," you sigh. "How do you retain all of this?"

"Having a photographic memory helps."

"Ah. I'll check Amazon..."

The more the two of you converse, the more you glean. For example, he has a 9 year old daughter named Gabriella, who unfortunately passed nearly four years ago. It was a case of Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC), and he was devastated. Since then, he's been okay, but every so often, the grief hits. Working stops him from thinking about it? So he works long hours every day. He knows it's not healthy. It certainly helps you understand him more. A lot of things suddenly make sense about him.

"Can I tell you how much I hate Taco Bell," he says, changing the subject. You get it. It's painful to lose a child, and talking about it can be triggering.

"That dog food? They don't even have a line. That should tell you something right there."

"It's a god damn stroke in a wrapper and tastes like shit. Not to mention, it's literally horse meat."

"See, I stopped eating there years ago. It doesn't even taste like real beef."

You put the phone on speaker while you fix yourself a snack. Talking food makes you snackish. Of course, he hears the popcorn popping.

"Damn, Supersonic! Do you hear everything?"

"Pretty much."

Your eyes roll as you gently fold yourself back onto your couch with your bowl. It's getting late. You've been on the phone for over an hour, though it doesn't feel like it.

"So question."

"Answer," he responds.

"It's a different kind of question."

"Ask away."

"Ok. Would you consider yourself vanilla or experimental?"

"Definitely experimental. You?"

Ooh! "Explain," you smirk, curious.

"You first. Vanilla or experimental?"

"Definitely experimental."

"Oh I see."

Your jaw drops. "What do you see?"

"Just know I see," he says, a smile in his voice.

"Uh!... Now you have to elaborate!"

He chuckles.

"Miguel!"

"Preciosa?"

You kiss your teeth.

"Ask what you really want to ask."

"Kinks?"

"Yes..."

"Yes," you repeat, rolling your eyes. "Well, what are they."

"Mm... I enjoy quite a few things. I like being in control and directing the action. I like taking care of my submissive with guidance and rewarding her when she's a good girl. I like making her do humiliating things for my pleasure. And... I love it when she tries to escape me. Then I get to catch her and teach her a lesson. You?"

🤭 To be continued...

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#original #miguel fanfic #miguel spiderman #miguel x reader #miguel spiderverse #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x black reader #miguel o hara x reader #miguel o hara fanfic

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themoonobserved · 1 year

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wow this is really really hard

so i got the results of my genetics test for my pregnancy. it tested extremely likely for downs. i had to get a CVS test, which is where they stick a catheter into my uterus to take a sample of the placenta to confirm. luckily i was at cedars and apparently got the best doctor for it in the world. he's done more than 35k of these tests.

Before that I got an ultrasound from the stenographer. I remember she was casual with me at first, but afterwards she was extra super nice. I remember her taking extra time to look at the heartbeat.

I had the procedure done. the doctor was talking a mile a minute. I should have noticed he was nervous. but I didn't because I was nervous. the test is risky (not as risky as amniocentisis, but still).

After they took the sample (it looked like thick blood in a bag) the doctor told me they had noticed something irregular with the baby's heart. i cried.

My mother called. I didn't want to tell her but she asked me how I was and I just started crying and blurted it all out. My husband and I had just started telling everyone. They told me I had to wait two weeks for the results unless I paid for expedited testing (we couldn't afford it). My mom offered to pay.

It went through today and I am waiting on the results. They should come in 3-4 days but it's not looking good. I'm probably going to get an abortion. My husband is a total wreck. I am barely hanging on.

I just had to get this all out so that I wouldn't do something rash, like cut or something worse. I don't know if I've ever felt this bad before. I'm guilty, I'm sad, I'm angry. I'm trying as hard as I can not to lose it.

The doctors say it's just really bad luck. That it's nobody's fault. That at my age, the chances of this happening are like less than one percent.

I'm in so much pain and I feel like I can't share it. I feel totally stripped bare. Idk what to do except survive.

If you read all of this, thank you. Sometimes I feel like I'm just clinging on to life, like everything is so out of control. Never look for the answer to 'why?' The answer is almost always just 'because :)'

#tw medical stuff #tw pregnancy

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sqswisashitposter · 2 years

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So, I want to talk about 'Meridian', but not actually about 'Meridian'

I've read many thoughts on this episode, tons of character analysis, lots of feelings, all that. But that's not what I'm going to talk about, and it's not like I can say anything new on that matter anyway.

What I want to talk about is The Huge Fucking Reference, which I've never seen anyone mentioned for some reason.

What I want to talk about is that the events pictured in the episode has hapened in real life. Twice.

Of course, the real events were not about dramatic self-sacrificing heroic acts. But to be honest, having the background made the episode much more tragic and dramatic for me.

This is the story about war, scientists, mistakes and deaths. The story about early nuclear developements showing that safety regulations are written in blood. The story about The Demon Core.

First of all, what is the demon core.

I don't want to go into war talks here, 'cause, you know, this post is about what happened after, but I have to give just a little bit of background here.

Everyone knows about Hiroshima and Nagasaki, right? And 'Little Boy' and 'Fat Man' bombs used there. There meant to be the third strike, and another bomb was already being assembled. Fortunately, the plutonium core nicknamed 'Rufus' at times, similar to the one used in 'Fat Man', never served its purpose, and after Japan's surrender it was retained at the facility. Still, it managed to take scientists' lives.

The first incident happened shortly after the canceled attack date. It's been a couple of days actually. Since there was no need for another strike, 'Rufus' has been assigned for use in criticality experiments. The experements meant to measure the threshold at which the plutonium would get supercritical by surrounding it with neuron reflectors and seeng how much reflection it is required to trigger the chain reaction. A physicist Harry Daghlian went to the lab alone to perform such experiment. He was assembling tungsten carbide bricks around the core, each brick reflecting neutrons back to the plutonium sphere bringing it closer to criticality. He was doing it alone. With his hands. As he was going to put one more, he noticed from the neutron counters that the system is about to go supercritical, and the addition of this brick will lead to a big radioactive boom. So he withdrew his hand and, whoops, actidentally dropped the brick ON THE FUCKING SPHERE. He managed to push the final brick off and unstack the assemply quick enough to prevent the more damage. Still alone. Still with his own hands. Radiation dose he recieved was huge, and it killed him in 25 days. The security guard that was sitting at desk about 3-4 meters away also got a dose of radiation. Mush lesser though. He died over 30 years later of leukemia.

After that first incident the safety procedures were reviewed. New protocols included needing at least two people for such experiments and several monitoring divices with audible alert. Also development of remote controlled test devices was initiated, but experiments were still performed by hand until the same tragedy happened once again.

The second incident has happened less than a year later, in the same facillity, with the same plutonium core, during similar experiment. This time instead of tungsten carbide bricks there were two half-spheres of beryllium serving the same purpose. Another physicist, Louis Slotin, having seven other personnel in the lab, was manually lowering the top half-sphere over the core using a thumb hole on the top. Safety protocol included using shims to never let the half-spheres close completely and maintain a small gap to enable enough of the neutrons to escape. That being the only thing to keep plutonium mass below criticality. Slotin though, apparently he decided he was better than this. He used a screwdriver. A fucking. Flat-tipped. Screwdriver. Well, it worked, right? Until it didn't. The screwdriver slipped, the half-spheres closed, the core went supercritical. Later in reports the reaction was described as a flash of blue light and a wave of heat across scientist's skin. Slotin also reacted quickly and removed the beryllium half-sphere. Everyone in the lab, including photograther and security guard, recieved a dose of radiation, although Slotin was the only one to get a lethal dose, even greater than Daghlian's. He died of radiation poisoning 9 days after the incident. One of medical experts described his internal radiation burns as 'three-dimentional sunburns'.

Returinig to The Huge Fucking Reference I mentioned earlier. If you read further into Slotin's death and his last days, you will notice that Daniel's death seems to be based on these events.

After the second incident criticality experements were performed only with remote controlled test equipement. The plutonium core was no longer called 'Rufus', from then it was only refered as 'demon core'. There were plans to use the core in nuclear weapon demonstrations, but after the second incident its radiation levels increased, so it was eventually melted down and included in US nuclear stockpile.

Well, after writing this story down I kinda understand why it's never mentioned in the context of episode. It doesn't have much to do with it. But i still want to leave it here, since i've got the impression that not much people around me have heard it. And it is very important story in trems of safety in scientific experiments. And the reason why you should follow safety rules. And pretty much interesting read in general.

#stargate #sg1 #meridian #demon core

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nathank77 · 24 days

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4/3/24

10:09 p.m Edited

Upon closely reading my thyroid ultrasound I do have a new nodule... I have my enlarged lymph node on the right side of my neck.

I have the nodule I've had for years but I think it got smaller than it was 3 years ago... not significantly but idk...

And i got the new nodule measuring at .5 CM... so that's cool...

I'm not going to worry too much, treating my thyroid should prevent anymore from forming and beyond that it's not abnormal to have multiple nodules on a Graves Disease thyroid... and for them to be not cancerous...

Either way as much as I love myself I refuse to do a biopsy unless I have gf and she holds my hand during the procedure. There are a lot of things I can do to be proactive about my health. And then there are things I can't do with my unsupportive family.

My sister said she would go with me but like I don't want her to go with me... I want my gf to hold my hand.

I still got to get an ultrasound on my lower half... and if they find something and want to remove it- I do want to remove it... bc I could never stop testosterone to harvest my eggs. Let alone go through the procedures to get my eggs. It's just not in the cards..... I'd be traumatized just stopping testosterone... the rest of it would fuck me up for life..

I accept I'm not going to ever have kids that are biologically "mine." And I'm okay with that. The only way I'll have bio kids is if it's a skin cell baby...

Either way I'd happily get a hysterectomy well the whole lot. I forgot the name but I want it all removed. Either way I can't do that without a gf and a place to stay otherwise I will have to expose my surgery status to my family and that would make me extremely uncomfortable....

I'm doing everything I can to take care of myself medically... although I have limitations. I refuse to do the biopsy without a gf. It's fucking scary I watched my sister get one on her thyroid you can't move a muscle...

I can't do the hysterectomy/remove it all without a place to stay to protect my surgery status. I would rather have people wonder than know. I'd do laparoscopic... but I'd still need someone to take care of me. I can't just do it on the downlow and take care of myself.

That ultrasound is scheduled for April 17th I hope they don't see anything. I've never been examined there other than ultrasounds... and i never will gf or not. That's why I just want to get it removed.

I waited years thinking maybe one day I'd get my eggs harvested but.... I know I'm never going to do it. You're supposed to get a hysterectomy within 5 years of testosterone...

It's been 12 almost 13 years. Hopefully the test results comes back unremarkable.

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jedimasterkelly · 3 years

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Shit happens when you're a woman. A lot of shit. Bad shit. And a lot of the time, you will run into doctors who do not listen to you. Will not care about you, and will not take you seriously.

This story is about the Great Cancer Scare of 2020.

I was 49, and 3 yrs post menopause. I was pleased about that, as it means no more period ever. I could deal with the occasional hot flashes, and the snapping of necks of anyone who dared bother me. Then in May of 2020, after the pandemic fully hit and the University I work at closed and sent all of us to work from home, I got very sick. Not from Covid, thankfully, but something else. I had started bleeding, and it wasn't menstrual blood. It was bright red and HEAVY. I was filling post-natal pads within 2 hours. I called the Women's Clinic where my OB-GYN lived. They couldn't see me until July. WTF! I called my GP, who got me in on an emergency basis, I mean, 3 yrs post-menopausal women don't just spring a leak, you know? My ovarian function had been almost nil for 3 years. He called my OB-GYN and demanded I get seen right away. They made an appointment for 2 weeks later. Keep reading, because it's quite a ride!

Seriously! 2 weeks later!

In the meantime, my GP discovered my thyroid was tanked out, so I was put on Levothyroxine 25mcg. It helped a lot. I started to feel a little bit more human, at least in the brain area. I finally got in to the OB-GYN, and he did a biopsy and trans-vaginal ultrasound. We got the results 2 weeks later and he called me in to go over them. He said I had hyperplasia with atypia. Cells were dividing rapidly, and he was very concerned. He recommended an endometrial ablation, or a full hysterectomy. At 49 he wasn't concerned with me having a sudden maternal urge (I have no kids), so he was fine with either choice. I decided on the hysterectomy, because why not? Endometrium grows back after an ablation, and why bother at my age? Just yank it all and let me get back to my life.

He said he didn't feel safe doing the procedure, since the cells were most likely cancerous and rapidly dividing, so he sent a referral to one of the cancer centers in OKC. I expected a call within a couple of weeks. I mean, really, if I have the early stages of endometrial cancer, they'd call me in immediately, right? Right?

Crickets. Literal crickets for 4 months! I was very concerned, hell, worried I was going to get full blown cancer and these jackasses weren't going to try and help me at all. I called OB-GYN several times during that 4 month period, and was told the cancer center in OKC wasn't returning their calls. I called them numerous times, and could never get a person on the phone.

I was told it was the pandemic. The pandemic was shutting everything down and causing huge backlogs for non-Covid issues to be seen. I told OB-GYN to refer me to the oncologist from Tulsa, who also worked once a month in Stillwater at the SMC Cancer Center. He didn't want to, he wanted me to see the doctor in OKC (who wasn't returning anyone's calls!) I called SMC Cancer Center and asked how soon I could get in with Dr. Thomas. His office called back within 2 hours asking for my chart and biopsy results. I had the Womens Clinic send my information to Dr. Thomas in Tulsa. Within a week, they called and had me on the schedule to see him in Stillwater on his next visit.

This is where the story gets good. And by good, I mean, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Thanks for sticking with me this far.

Got in to see Dr. Thomas. I researched him and learned we have the same Alma Mater. That day, we were both wearing t-shirts from said same Alma Mater. Instant bonding! I also work in Administration at said same Alma Mater, so we spent some time discussing (gossiping) about my department since he had taken classes with a lot of my faculty during his undergrad. Then he got serious and handed me my biopsy report. He told me he was going to assume I wasn't shown this, since I am:

1. A Master's of Science graduate student in Education Leadership - this making me a researcher who knows how to do research, do research, and understand research.

2. Work full time in a Physical Sciences department at a Big 12 University.

3. Edit manuscripts for my Dept. Chair, thus proving I am scientifically literate. You can't edit scientific manuscripts without having a good, solid knowledge of said science. If he's alternating between "adsorb" and "absorb", I have to understand his research in order to correct his manuscript. This is important because his manuscripts have to be peer reviewed before they can be published in a reputable journal.

"Read it to me, out loud," he said.

I started reading from the paper in my professional scientist voice. It didn't take long before I began to falter as I came to the realization I had been lied to.

"Read it again," he said.

This time, I read it with a lot more heat in my voice.

Diagnosis: no hyperplasia with atypia, no abnormal cells detected

Dr. Thomas waited for me to explode. I didn't. I just stared at him in anger and horror. He offered to do another biopsy to make sure, but he suggested I fire my OB-GYN immediately and find someone who actually gives a shit about me.

I was still randomly bleeding, 6-9 weeks at a time, so we agreed on another trans-vaginal ultrasound and biopsy. The attached photo shows he took 3 samples from my uterus. He wanted to be sure.

A little ditty about endometrial biopsies:

They hurt like a motherfucker.

Take 2-3 ibuprofen before you leave the house to go to your procedure.

Relax. It usually only lasts a couple of minutes. The doctor normally takes 1 or 2 samples. Pinch, snip, clip, done.

Not this guy. He wanted to be surely sure.

He went for a 3rd pinch snip clip. My uterus seized up in the most painful spasm I ever had in my life. I almost came off the table. He was seated on a little rolly stool so he shot back away from me before I could connect his head to my foot. He triumphantly held up his little weapon of Uterine Destruction and declared, "Got it!"

"Yeah, you almost got your ass kicked mister," I growled at him.

"It was worth it to get this beauty of a sample."

So, after a biopsy of your uterus, expect some bleeding and cramping. I had severe cramps for 2 days. I was not amused. We're talking laying in bed with a heating pad and ibuprofen every 4 hours kind of cramping.

Got the results back in a couple of weeks. No cancer. No hyperplasia. No abnormal cell growth. He recommended I find a new OB-GYN fast. I decided fuck it, I'm done. I'm never seeing another OB-GYN ever again.

Dr. Thomas said several times he's convinced my issues are endocrinal. I filed that away in the back of my mind.

(if you ever do test positive for cancer and you are in the Tulsa area, I highly recommend Dr. Eric Thomas! Make sure you have a sense of humor with him.)

My GP started pressuring me back in March of 2021 to find a new OB-GYN. The Women's Clinic has several, but they have a fucked up rule you can't switch doctors there. So if you go there, you are stuck with the same doctor and can't move over to his colleague on another floor. I saw my GP again, and asked if he was still best buds with a gynecologist who had his own clinic. He was always full, and not taking new patients, so GP would have to call his buddy to get me in.

Which he did. Buddy-GYN's office called the very next day to schedule me in. He had been sent my chart and was concerned about the long bleeds (6-9 weeks in duration) and why the fuck were they happening after being 3 yrs post-menopause.

I went in for a consult in April of 2021. First thing out of his mouth, "Has anyone ever talked to you before about PCOS?"

I laughed.

I laughed because every GYN I saw over the last 20 years told me I didn't have PCOS, endometriosis, or any sort of hormonal issues. I was just fat, lazy, and a piggy pig pig. I actually had one OB-GYN tell me to go on The Biggest Loser. Fat shamed while sitting there naked on his table after an invasive exam of my female bits. Thanks a lot, asshole.

I told him about that. He informed me he could tell by LOOKING at me I have the classics signs of PCOS. I use an epilator on my crazy man-hairs, so he asked if I was tweezing or waxing. I about fell out of my chair. Nobody ever believed me that I was having to remove crazy thick hairs off my chin and neck all the time. He asked if I ever had ovarian cysts. Affirmative, I was diagnosed with ovarian cysts the first time one exploded back in 1994. He stood there, holding the bridge of his nose and shook his head.

"Well, going by your chief complaints, your abdominal circumference, history of bursting cysts, and no period for 3 years, I am saying you have PCOS."

He went on to discuss my need for an appointment with an endocrine specialist, he was convinced my thyroid tanking out sent my ovaries back into production, and now my hormones are all over the place, most likely, and I needed specialized care.

He must have talked to GP, because I soon got a call from the endo clinic to come in.

This post is already long and tedious, but I am happy to say I finally have 3 doctors who listen to me. My new Endo doc tripled my levothyroxine and scheduled a follow up blood test for next month. Buddy-GYN talked me into a pap smear and cervical exam in July as well. He also wants a mammogram, which I begrudgingly need to schedule so he doesn't chew my ass in July when I walk in with no results. GP is working on my other issues (weight, bad fluid retention, etc...). We discovered from a blood test last Friday my iron levels are dangerously low. I am now on a Rx iron supplement. I've always struggled with anemia, but it never occurred to me or GP to check my iron levels. If you're a woman, and you feel like absolute dog shit and your doctor can't figure out why, have your iron and electrolytes tested. It'll probably take about 3-4 weeks for me to see any results from the iron supplement, but I can already see a reduction in fluid retention.

In September, I have an appointment with Dr. Le at Integris in OKC. He's a bariatric surgeon. I have gained so much weight from having PCOS and Hypothyroidism that I need to drop a lot of fat fast. I'm pretty healthy - I don't have the normal problems obese people tend to have. I'm not diabetic, don't have sleep apnea, my cholesterol levels are good. I am what they call "healthy fat" which seems like an oxymoron. However, it will improve my chances of getting approved for a sleeve gastrectomy.

I turned 50 last week, and had to endure 3 decades of no one listening to me. I feel I lost so many years of my life and I can never get them back. I hope this post reaches a lot of younger women having issues. Keep looking for a doctor who will listen to you. It sucks we have to hunt for these unicorns, but they do exist. I finally have a good team who actually cares about me.

You have a right to be listened to! You have a right to be heard!

I was asked: Who are my doctors?

Dr. Daniel Brown D.O. Stillwater Physicians Clinic

Dr. Yasuto Taguchi M.D. Taguchi Women's Clinic

Dr. Wynter Kipgen M.D. Stillwater Diabetes & Endocrinology

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lunasxsol · 5 years

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Love Like This

Bill Skarsgård x Reader

Word Count: 2194

Warnings: Abortion

(A/N: If you do not believe a woman should have a choice on her body then you can fuck off thank you vm. On another note I hope you enjoy this angsty fic. I just had this idea lingering in my mind so it’s here now..)

As I sat in the waiting room dreading my name being called, I looked at the other women that look terrified to go into one of the rooms. Some of them came alone as myself and others came with their significant others or friends. A nurse had brought over a clipboard with some paper I had to sign. I was so nervous I couldn't keep my hands from shaking, I felt like I was going to pass out. Someone took my hand in theirs, I look up to see my best friend Maia. She took me in her arms as I silently cried.

"It's okay, I'm here."

"I thought I was gonna have to go through this alone."

She shook her head taking the clipboard from me, "I would never let you do this alone. Now you sit and calm down and I'll fill this for you okay?" I nodded taking a drink from my water.

Once she finished filling out the forms she handed them back to the nurse and we waited to be called over.

"Y/n L/n"

I got up quickly as did Maia, "You'll be alright, I'll wait here." She gave me a hug and a quick kiss on the head."

"Alright hun lets get you prepped." The nurse said as she took me to one of the operating rooms.

After 15 mins the procedure was finally done, they took me to the recovery room where Maia sat on the couch waiting for me. The nurse, Stella, handed me a cup of water and some pain meds before she went back to her office.

"You okay?" I nodded laying on the bed, Maia took my hand in hers. "He called." I stayed quiet not carrying what he had to say. "He called me too, I didn't pick up."

"Maia, I don't care anymore. I needed him here more than anything and he left me." My eyes started watering once again. "We'd been together for two years and he couldn't respect my one difficult decision. He can go to hell for all I care."

We stayed quiet for a while until the doctor came back and discharged me. Maia took drove us home, I thanked her for being there for me, "I'm going to sleep early today, goodnight Maia." She nodded.

I went into my room shutting the door quickly, taking a seat on my bed and letting myself cry. Maybe if we had gone through this conversation differently then maybe he would've respected my decision.

[Flashback]

I looked at the pregnancy test that read PREGNANT in its bold letters. What the hell was I gonna do? I'm only 19, I'm still enrolled in the uni. I have so much ahead of me. I can't put it aside, I've worked too hard for it.

"Hey babe!" Bill spoke as he walked into my room. "So my parents are having a celebratory dinner for Alexander- hey what's wrong?" He turned me around and I handed him the test. "Hey its alright, we'll figure this out."

I shook my head, "I'm not ready."

He pulled me into a hug sighing, "Neither am I but we can do this. You have me.. till the end."

"No you don't understand.. I'm not ready, I can't have a baby right now, Bill."

"So what you're going to give it up?" I nodded. "You're kidding right?"

"Bill, we aren't ready. Do you not get it?" I threw the pregancy test in the trash brushing past him and taking a seat on my bed. "Your body isn't going to go through the entire change. I am not you. You get to walk around and continue to do your shit while I go to class carrying the child and getting called a whore for opening my legs at a young age. So yes I am going to give it up because I'm too fucking young to have a child."

"Fuck them, you shouldn't give a fuck of what other people say about you. God knows I don't so neither should you."

I chuckled, "My parents sacrificed so much so they can send me here to study at the uni of my choice, I'm not messing it up because of our fuck up."

"So what our child is a fuck up now?" He was red with anger.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way but if you loved me you would respect my decision."

"I love you (Y/n but I'm sorry, I don't agree with it. So whatever you're thinking of doing to our 'fuck up' you can do it alone." He left slamming the door loudly leaving me completely alone.

[End of flashback]

I sat up turning the tv on to have some sort of background noise. There was a knock at my door I groaned not wanting to see Maia or anyone at the moment. "Maia I'm okay, I just want to sleep."

The door was opened and a tall figure had walked in.

"Hey."

"Get out."

"I'm sorry."

"Get the fuck out." He didn't listen and instead kept coming closer. "Bill seriously get the fuck out."

"I need to talk to you."

I chuckled, "Well if it's to try and change my mind you can kindly fuck off cause the procedures done and so are we."

"I know it's done and I should've been there." I finally looked up at him his eyes sunken and red. "I'm sorry, I should have respected your decision because it's your body. I was just happy that we were gonna have a baby. I thought you wanted one."

"I did, I do, just not now. Not till I was settled." He nodded both our eyes brimming with tears. "Bill I need a break, a really long break. You fucked up and I-I don't know anymore. Look I'm 19 you're 26, I don't want kids till I'm like 30 or maybe never I don't know. And well with the way you reacted it's evident you want kids now. I knew this relationship wasn't gonna last."

"Hey, hey, I do want kids but I can wait. Just don't-don't leave, please." He took my hand in his but I quickly moved it away.

I sighed now full on crying, "I'm sorry Bill but this isn't gonna work out. You can find someone your age that you can settle down with now. I still have years before I'll even remotely be sure if I want kids. By then you'll be in your mid 30s, which is besides the point but what if I don't want kids what will you do then?" He shrugged his shoulders crying silently. "I love you Bill but we can't be together anymore."

He got up pressing a lingering kiss on my forehead, "I'm sorry."

***

3 years later

Today was finally moving day. I had finished my studies in New York and I was moving back down to LA. My parents were a bit against it since we had lived there years ago but they hated it there but I loved it. I was moving down by the beach areas. Maia was staying here with her fiancé.

"Well Ms. those are the last of your boxes." I handed the movers a decent tip and they went on their way.

I turned to Maia as she was already getting emotional, "Hey no crying, it's bad for the baby."

She chuckled pulling me in for a tight hug, "Hey me and Rosalie are gonna miss you."

I pulled away immediately in shock, "it's a girl?" She nodded causing me to shriek in excitement. Tyler came into the room and I jumped on him. "Congrats!"

"We were actually wondering if you would like to organize the baby shower for us." Tyler spoke.

"Yes of course!"

"We wanted to do it in 4 months. Closer to her due date."

"Once I get everything situated in LA I'll get things prepped and fly back here to organize everything!"

There was a honk outside of our house.

"Well guys I will see you in 4 months!" I hugged them both goodbye and grabbed my suitcase getting into the taxi.

***

2 weeks later

I was finally getting the finishing touches to my new house down. I still had a bit of work left but everything was mostly good to go. Now I currently sat in my living room going through a couple of designs for tomorrow's meeting. With the help of one of my close celebrity friends he got me a job with Leah Valderia a famous singer from London. She wanted help with her house and of course I said yes. This could be a great opportunity for my interior design career.

It was getting late and I decided to call it a night. I would show her the designs I had and maybe go shopping with her for some of the things.

The next morning I made sure to wake up early. I took a quick shower to calm my nerves. For my outfit I decided on a corduroy skirt that was a creamy chocolate color and a black turtle neck that fit perfectly. I also went with a dark grey oversized blazer that was just an inch longer than my skirt, for shoes I went with some heeled ankle boots. I did some light makeup and left my hair in its regular straight style. I added just some thin gold necklaces just to bring the whole outfit together. I looked at the time and grabbed my purse and work folders quickly heading out of my house. Before leaving the lot I sent a quick text to Leah letting her know I was on my way.

The traffic to her mansion was horrible to say the least. Luckily I made it on time, I parked my car on the curb and jogged to her door. "Great you're here, please come in!"

Looking around I could definitely see some potential for this beautiful home, "So Y/n I'm so excited you're here. I'm hoping you can bring my vision to life!" We took a seat in her office and she opened her laptop sliding it towards me. She had quite the vision. "I will sure try."

We were in her office for two hours, let's just say she is completely indecisive about what she wants to do with this place. So beautiful and so much potential only her vision was nothing like mine. "So we can definitely do what you want to do and we can also add some color maybe open up these curtains here as well just to get some light and more open space."

"Great! Let me show you the nursery so you can kind of get an idea of what we can with it. This baby will be here in 3 months need to have it done before anything else."

"What are you having?"

"A girl! I'm so excited, I hope one day you get to experience how beautiful it is to carry a life."

I smiled not really knowing what to say I just nodded, "Hey honey, I'm home, brought the- Y/n?"

"Bill?"

"You guys know each other?"

"We-"

"I-"

"We dated years ago."

"Oh?" Leah looked down. "Is she?" Bill only nodded.

"I'm sorry, I'm gonna go. I can send you an email of other designers if-"

Leah shook her head, "No I love your work, that's why I called in for you. This thing you and Bill had is in the past so I would still like to work with you if that's alright."

I nodded, "Well I'll email you some of the ideas I have then we can get started immediately. I'll be back in a week?"

"Perfect."

"Well I'll see you Leah, beautiful house you have here."

Bill set his things down, "I'll walk her out." Leah only nodded.

My car was only a block away but as we walked it felt like it was miles away. "Congratulations." I broke the silence.

"Thank you." He smiled.

"I told you, you would find someone to make you happy. Look at you, you're gonna have a baby."

"Yeah, I'm really happy, but I'm still really sorry about what happened between you and I. I'm sorry we didn't work out and I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most. I should have been there for you."

I sighed trying not to cry, "It was a bit traumatizing, having the procedure done is weird and horrible but it had to be done. I don't think I would've been happy if we went through with the pregnancy. I never want to be resentful towards a kid that wasn't at fault you know." He nodded. "I went to therapy after we broke up, got back on my feet and now I'm okay with it. I'm happy for you and happy that you're with someone that can give you the life you deserve."

He pulled me in for a hug giving me a kiss on the forehead, "I love you Bill Skarsgård."

"I love you too Y/n L/n and I wish you nothing but the best."

#bill skarsgård fanfiction #bill skarsgård imagine #bill skarsgård x reader #angst #heartbreak #fluff #roman godfrey #pennywise #roman godfrey imagine #pennywise imagine #smut

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justinsdaysinthedark · 5 years

Text

Post #2 - Thank You

What an overwhelming 36 hours it's been. An endless amount of phone calls & messages of support got me through what was an agonising day of waiting yesterday. This blog was started to keep my family and close friends informed about my journey but it's grown into so much more.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to each and every single one of you that took the time to reach out and wish me the best of luck. A simple message of support may not seem like much to you, but when you're in a situation like mine it means so much. Thank you.

Monday night provided the worst sleep I've had in weeks. Keep in mind, i've had some terrible sleeps in that time! Why? It was nerves. Simple as that. I was nervous for the gastroscopy and biopsy. It wasn't the procedure itself but the anaesthetic side to the operation. I haven't been under since I was five and the unknown had my measure. What if they didn't put me under fully? What if I could feel the procedure? What if I woke up early? What if I didn't wake up at all?

In retrospect, I lost sleep over nothing.

With the little sleep I did have, I woke up Tuesday morning earlier than normal. I was expecting the gastroscopy between 8:30am - 11:30am and knew I was booked in for a Radionuclide Ventriculography (RVG) scan of my heart later that afternoon.

Since being in hospital, 9am has been my regular time to get up, shower, brush the chompers - y'know, get ready for the day of sitting in my little 3x3 room and watching the world go past. Tuesday however, I was up and about at 7:30 - showered and ready. I hate feeling dirty, so if my procedure was at 8:30, I'd be ready to go.

Breakfast rolled around at 8:00 and I had to politely decline it as I was required to fast from 12am for the procedure.

This is about the time when my previous blog post took off and messages started coming in for the remainder of the morning. Before I knew it, it was 11am and nobody had been to get me for my procedure yet. I called the nurse and enquired to which I was told to hand tight, it shouldn't be much longer. Whilst she was around, she did my daily observations and it was no surprise to see my heart rate up to 100+BPM (regularly around 65BPM resting) and a slightly higher blood pressure. I guarantee this was due to the nerves.

Lunch comes around at 12:30 and once again had to politely decline. 12 hours fasting thus far - lucky I don't have an appetite still and honestly didn't care! It was around this time the doctor comes around with the results of my Lumbar Puncture. This fortunately came back negative as there was no major changes to the one I had three weeks ago. White blood cells still present with a marginally higher protein count than normal. I once again mentioned about my gastroscopy or there lack of and the doctor assumed I'd already had it. He said he'd follow it up and get back to me.

Mentally, I'm okay. Still incredibly nervous and a little frustrated I prepared myself for a procedure between 8:30 - 11:30 and still nothing. Your messages of support continue to light up my phone, which certainly kept me pre-occupied and made the time fly by.

Finally! 2:43pm and somebody comes to my bed to pick me up. "Justin Smith for a procedure? Let's go." I mentally build myself up as they take me. With my heart beating the quickest it had all day, we get going. Minutes later, we get into quite a dark room with a single scanner to my left and a glass wall. The radiographer, Liv meets me and goes through the basic questions. Name? Date of birth? Address? What are you here for? "A gastroscopy and biopsy" I reply. A few seconds of awkward silence follows so I split it with an "I think..." hoping to relieve the slight tension.

Liv replies with "not quite. We're here to do your Radionuclide Ventriculography scan of your heart."

My heart dropped. I spent the past fifteen minutes mentally preparing to go under and it's not even for the right procedure; I almost feel robbed!

To give you a brief understanding, the RVG scan involves injecting a small amount of radioactive material into your blood stream where they then track it until it passes through the heart, ensuring the heart is healthy and working as it should to a level that it should. Why am I having this scan? Good question. The doctors wanted to get ahead of the game essentially. Providing the biopsy comes back positive for lymphoma, I will need chemotherapy. The level of that chemo will depend, however if I do happen to require a strong dose, it can have negative effects to the heart. This scan is to ensure they have a baseline reading of my heart and ensure it will be able to handle a high dose of chemo.

This scan took 40 minutes from start to finish and before I knew it, I was up in my ward again. By this time, dad had arrived so at least I had somebody to talk to and reassure me when the time comes to get my gastroscopy.

4:00pm and the time finally came. 16 hours of fasting, I was slightly hungry but by this stage, I just wanted to get the procedure over and done with. I was still nervous, but more relieved the time had come. Having dad there for the hour or so beforehand made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.

The operation itself involved a gastroscopy (camera down my throat into my stomach) and if they could see lymphnodes, get a biopsy to test.

Cutting to the chase, was it worth worrying for 16+ hours? Not at all. All I remember is them checking my blood pressure, putting something in my cannula and asking me to count to 10. I got to 12 and next thing I know, I woke up coughing my lungs up in recovery with a nurse next to me. Luckily, the coughing only lasted for about fifteen minutes and that was just a result of irritating my throat.

Apparently, the gastroscopy went well and they were able to get a couple of good tissues from the lymphnodes to biopsy. Additionally, they also took the following photos whilst they were inside - I have no idea what they're of or even if anything is okay, but I thought they were cool!

For the first 45 minutes after the procedure, I felt fine. I was great! I felt incredibly thirsty and hungry but I assume that was simply due to the fact I hadn't eaten. Things from here turned pretty quickly once I had some dinner and a glass of water. I started to go downhill pretty quickly - feeling incredibly fatigued and tired....essentially dopey. It was from here I knew I just needed to have some rest and I'd wake up better in the morning. Needless to say, I was asleep by 9pm and basically slept through the night...except for when the nurses woke me up at 11pm, 12pm. 3am and 5am.

Waking up this morning (Wednesday July 17th), I instantly felt a lot better than I had last night. Admittedly, I had a bit more of a sleep in than I generally would've - it was great. I use the term 'sleep in' lightly though - it's nothing like a sleep in at home! What was the plan of attack for today? Well to be honest I wasn't too sure. A doctor yesterday mentioned briefly about a bone marrow test however the nurses and doctors on had no idea about one and couldn't see one booked in. I hadn't eaten since the night prior however the nurses got me to fast once again whilst they investigated. As a result, breakfast was staring me right in the face and I couldn't even touch my beloved weetbix, milk and sugar!

The clock ticks over to 10:37 and a Young, lanky doctor comes by. "Hi Justin, I'm Alex and I'll be doing your bone marrow procedure today..." Alex went on to explain the procedure, risks and what to expect. As he finished and started to walk away I had one last burning question. "When are we doing it? Later this afternoon?" "Now" Alex replied.

Woah. Wait. What? Hang on two seconds. I'm not prepared for this. You mean now...as in like, once Alex had finished preparing? You betcha....

Now I was under the assumption I'd be getting knocked out as I had done the night before however Alex proceeded to explain they'll put some medication in my cannula that "makes you feel like you've had four or five beers" as well as some local anaesthetic. No point being worried or scared about it - if it's getting done bedside, it couldn't be near as bad as the lumbar puncture, right? Once again, like I have been for the past few weeks I was completely and utterly wrong.

First though, what's this procedure involve? Basically, blood, white blood cells and platelets are produced in your bone marrow. This can be accessed via key areas of your body depending on your age...for me it was my hipbone - left side to be exact. The aim of the procedure is to get these fresh samples of blood, white blood cells and platelets as well as get a sample of my bone marrow - generally one small sample of the bone.

Alex got me curled up in the fetal position, lying on my right and basically began straight away. A few local anaesthetic needles numbed the surface before he inserted a needle in to collect the blood samples. This part was similar to a lumbar puncture, but I couldn't feel as much internally.

Alex then stated he was starting the bone marrow collection, which was without fail the worst part of this whole experience so far. He used the large needle with a blue handle, which can be seen below.

Alex hit the bone and advised me the next part was only going to tickle a little bit. What's he do? He starts to screw into my bone. Whilst I couldn't see, it felt very similar to uncorking a bottle of wine. Whilst he went in no deeper than 1mm, christ it hurt. The worst part was yet to come. Much like the pressure behind uncorking a bottle of wine, this happened too. Alex yanked the sample out and the pressure and pain was immense! Done. It's all done. Thank goodness. Then Alex said the words I didn't want to hear next. "Y'know what Justin? We want to make sure we only have to do this once, so let's get another sample, eh?"

Oh my lord. Are you kidding me? Whatever. Lets do it. I want to get it over and done with. I don't even think I replied, just mumbled something along the lines of whatever. And thus, the process happens again. I've attached photos of the two samples below, which I thought were pretty cool!

I must admit, Alex was incredible during the procedure. I asked at the start to keep me informed throughout the whole process. I'm quite an inquisitive character when things are happening that I don't know what the process is and this was no different. Alex not only kept me informed, he did as much as he could to keep me as comfortable as I could be during such a procedure. One thing I was incredibly surprised at was how much blood was on his hands!

Not much happened throughout the rest of today to be honest. Courtney, dad and mum came to visit but that was it. The doctors advised they are expecting the result of the biopsy tomorrow afternoon (hopefully) however they said it could take anywhere up to 72 hours from the procedure - which puts it at Friday night or Monday. Where does that put me? Same boat as I have been throughout this entire process - just waiting for answers.

I was advised that the results could come back either negative or inconclusive. Whilst this wouldn't be ideal, it's unfortunately just going to be another roadblock in this venture. In preparation the results don't come back the way we probably expect the, too, I'm booked in for an ultrasound of my gall bladder tomorrow. That will be their next avenue to answers. I suspect this is because my PET scan showed up significant areas in my gall bladder and I suppose that's not exactly a vital cog of the human body...so I suspect they'll just remove it, cut it open and see what's inside. But that's nowhere near a medical analysis of what's going to happen.

Before I finish for tonight, I'll leave you with how I am mentally. How am I going despite all this? Y'know what? I'm actually the opposite to what you probably think I am. I'm in the best mental state I have been over the past six weeks. Why? I think it's because we're close to (hopefully) getting an answer or at least following a more solid path to answers.

I end tonight with a final thank you. Thank you for all the messages and endless love. It's helping - trust me, it is.

Juzz xx

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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 4 years

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So this is a good video with lots of details and it should help explain why and how these officers are arrested.

This goes back to George Floyd. Remember i said it didn't matter who and what George Floyd had done -- when those officers put on their uniforms and went to him as cops and purposely killed him in that manner it changed things

Every time I write about how we have specific requirements people have in their death for their criminal activity in lui of prison I write how we have specific people allowed to do it.

Now some demanded they be killed by cops. And i refused that in excepting where they "rat" out their cop friends or up to 4 regular friends or co-workers and we set and/or allow it to occur that way. And i stipulated that they must be off duty if they were going to do anything for the Earth. Off duty cops only. And to which a reluctant agreement and/or an immediate acceptance did occur. And they did rat out their friends already there. So that was in their favor so they accepted off duty out of uniform officers. I said that they could like be listening to the police scanner and then go on their own to a crime in place and then be unidentified in news articles. Just as their clothing did not identify them, the news media and other officers would not identify them either.

We had a whole rule sheet. Which we all 100% agreed to. African American. Caucasian. Hispanic. Latino. Zulululu. Tribeca. Original human. And more. It wasn't a just three or four people we had over 100 people with each and every minority race accept at least twice with 2 different individuals. I worked with the meanest. Moat stubborn and most dictatorial. Then others read over the document I typed as we talked and signed it on approval. 254 people. 10 non criminals signed off. 34% African American criminal.

Because we scheduled on the Black Lives Matter, we wanted a majority of African American of mixed alien and evil human to have their say. They will add the document onto this post. And likely blur the signatures for privacy.

This was a Middle man. He wasn't sure if he wanted to have his family suffer through jail time and all that for his sanity to know he's loved or cut and dry have it over for them immediately and them.

So they signed another form where it was not like the other which was just sign random like a year book. But in a list. At that time those who were undecided could be dismissed if they signed onto one or the other is fine whatever is Destiny is. Or if they were firm. Some like the one whom was hung stayed because he was one of the ones who fought for procedure for the criminals. Then we brought more People in to have their voices on other subjects.

So they were grouped as to how and why. Then at the end we emailed and said this is all we have. Your last time to vote is now. And so if they changed it, then they were taken single and asked why or did they want an option mix so it was a mystery zzz

George Floyd was there and he did rat out his police he was working with and we told him because they were police it was our choice. And we would not ever say he told.

George Floyd then brought over Rayshard and said he had death questions and that was all

And I said "well what are you doing George?! Don't mix him up! He was fine! Hes a strong good one"

"You know. You're so weird you give us love and support although you hate us" George Floyd replied. I didn't know what to say. I did. And it hurt my chest and it was exhausting and literally made me sick. But I still felt it was the right thing to do. But they broke my heart. I did give them all 100% of my love. And it nearly killed me. And I was grateful he noticed. I was killing myself for them and he knew. And he cared about that.

"You know I feel real When I've cared about you and well all the others, too. And you feel that? I've given you all my love as a friend as best i could. My tolerance and patience and I just want to say thank you that you noticed"

He blushed and he admitted that he wanted to get out of the life. And George Floyd, did.

In 2008. I told him, "George Floyd, talk to me. I have a feeling. I see you will die anyway because you're in a dangerous position. So if you are killed while trying to get clean, what do you want me to do for you?"

He was not thrilled and his head spun "by who?"

"Cops. Or someone you think is family. I see not a knife but a manual killing. Like its not an auto like gun But hand to hand but it's fast and you suffer..." I lowered my eyes from his beautiful face and looked down at my laptop key board... "Less" and I kept my head bowed to breathe. To not cry. To keep myself sane and we'll balanced. Then I took a deep breath. And tuned to my left where my officials were "hey I have a problem. He's going to be killed when he's innocent"

George Floyd asked for a riot. All i could tell him was it was a dark and suffocating but fast and nearly painless death. "Almost relaxing when you pass. There's something wrong with you isnt there? See now i actually thought you were a CIA agent sitting over there like under cover. But you die. I am feeling it now --- every thing is too wild inside of you, uncontrolled. Like you're...... Restless for lack of a better word. Here come sit next to me"

"But that's your daughter's chair"

"She will come to me. Sit in my lap if she doesnt like you"

"Is this a test?"

"No i want to talk to you and you're too tall and it's hurting my neck to look up at you"

"Oh it's too tall!"

They explained the bone structure in my neck and how then it had been broken 66 times and it was painful. He got nervous. I let him settle himself.

"So what is it you want to talk to me about"

"Well you meddle ... No... You progress.. What im talking to you. I see you lurking over the lists and talking to everyone that passes and I'm wondering how they're taking it"

"Oh its good. It's good. Can i go now? I feel like I'm in the principal's office"

My daughter and Declan came preventing his escape. And my daughter accepted him, gave him a hug and sat on his long thigh

"That's not Snoop, you know that?!" I asked her

"Oh mommy you're so silly. I know snoop and this isn't"

She talked to him and judged him as "nice"

"So is it money that you're doing your life like this?"

"Oh what? Yeah" tears came from his eyes. "What's more is I didn't know what to do with myself. I was angry at the world. And i just.. Just.. Made a mistake. But I'm ready to admit to it and own up to it and so is he. But he won't stop, he told me. But i will. I'm thinking and that's what i been telling all them folks, the bros, "im stopping. You with me?" And oh woah. I feel so much better i was so nervous like what is with me and now i feel just a release! Thank you for caring about me"

He reminded me of Jesse James.

"What is your least way you want to die?"

"Oh by cop.I signed up for hanging because I knew you didn't want to and you'd check my file and hopefully then see I was worth living"

I felt this emotional turbine inside of me. A mix of extreme joy and sadness because I knew the world wouldn't work out for him but he was so simply amazing and Gracious and just one beautiful soul. And I told him so. Crying then laughing.

So with him we worked out, the last and worst death to be written in yellow. Then a second option, for I don't mind mystery in purple or pink. And the main option in black or blue.

The worst deaths were to be kept secret. In a seperate locked file that no one has access to but tree Which could release it for revenge sake.

I've felt George Floyd around me a lot since his death.

Rayshand Brooks signed on the same line both yellow and purple. For death by cop.

George Floyd wasn't supposed to die at all.

Rayshand. Was. So those that die in manner they dont want but were scheduled to die, we burn one of my buildings. We water the areas and business around the building we will burn before lighting the fire.

The reason why they're looking for our arson in Atlanta for Wendy's is because she didn't water and it was next to a gas station. And it was on her list of things to do. So the news report stating the 10k award to find her means that she will not be paid for that nights activity because the area around must be watered especially at a gas station. She didn't when push the emergency stop button at the station which is recommended if watering cannot be done. All she did was set the fire and it was a great fire. But she didnt do any other protocol. Only after 5 hours did she admit to not following safety practices. Another girl went and checked the gas station after the fire started and asked the cashier what to do and they decided together to push the emergency stop button and then water the areas around the pumps and in the parking lot with a hose.

It doesn't matter before or after but "recommended steps" means you're gonna recommend I pay you to do shit. I can't order you to do shit that is somewhat illegal to my own mind I can't ask someone to break the law. So all my orders are "recommendations" if you do one thing on the list, you do them all.

It was a $12k payout for the "arson and all the recommendations" it's an a la carte list, all jobs are. Each job pays the # at the end.

#1. Arson

#2. Water 6

#3. press emergency stop 4

#4. stick around to not observe but keep people safe 2

That was the order for Wendy's.

Class how much do we pay for arson? Nothing. The public finds it offensive and illegal.

Watering pays $6,000 if there's 10 people it depends on how much they do. All ten may get the full $6,000 and some may not if they were just standing by to be second hand water for emergency. Then it's at least $2k I have it all rigid and perfected but they pay how they do. Like sometimes you'll water but then someone else will come and you gotta pee and you get adhd and go talk to bystanders and go talk to cops and go drive in the car and check the hood. So you began watering with 2 others and a 4th came up. So you get $2k for 10 minutes plus then other pay. ESPECIALLY since it wasn't your job. CIA only.

Pressing the emergency stop. You can do that on your own then you must notify the gas station attendant of the danger they are in so they may flee (which was written in details) it pays $4,000 also you have to block the driveway to stop cars from entering. Using wet floor signs or traffic cones or water buckets for windshield cleaning what ever is available. I secretly then give businesses a GIFT if we have to close them and i label it under some kind of just good business neighborhood gift. For loss of income during our insanity. Which in this case is $10k for the gas station

Now the Wendy's burned so well due to the fuel inside. And this girl didn't have anyone to clear the Wendy's of financial records or goods. Computers and other Shit. I assumed she did.

The furniture inside should been removed due to vivid and it being a potential burn site. Nothing should,remained but the kitchen. The food in this case could been taken out as well. All you have to do is your jobs.

But whatever. People aren't thinking.

I didn't understand so much why the Mayor was so PISSED because i have a different view and job. And so now I see. Which we haven't got to that point yet.

Im going to continue on fire danger.

Wendys is full of oil. Which the storage oil for future use should be removed. As well as bread and vegetables and so on. What the fuck is the point to burn a big ole building of a restaurant if you're not gonna serve vegetable and cheese sandwiches in the parking lot while watching it burn?

A BBQ without the meat! A roast without the marshmallows!

Oil can be given to other fast food restaurants. Idc what i don't want is containers of oil exploding. Usually they're in plastic so they melt so its not a major issue but it needs to be checked.

Our CIA are given a key and the alarm pass code so they have time and ability to be very cautious in what is left inside.

This one did a "stick up" no hostages and lit the fire with the workers still inside. Waving a gun around

Protocol is waving a badge "this restaurant is now closed due to the proximity of the crime scene"

So we have to pay those particular employees for trauma now.

Which is coming 100% out of whoever told her not to do that shit. That she's supposed to do, as well as whatever I decide to pay her due to apparently now I hear some Jack ass running scores and thinking they know more than me. And since she code red at the store were going to evaluate what she was thinking.

And so I will continue. The oil baskets must remain uncovered and open to prevent explosions.

They can be drained to the floor but as long as they're open they don't have to be drained.

And there's a lot done for safety because of the potential for explosions.

So the point is that its an honor. Its lighting a torch. Like the statue of liberty for a bad example.

I asked George because some people walking by twisted my heart. I asked him to help me clarify. Because he would get nervous like. Antsy. So those particular people wanted to be good but they had blockages to prevent them. Deep psychological issues that stopped them.

So I asked for them to be honest and use the yellow.

This is how Mr Brooks took all his deaths and wrote his name on the topic death lists in yellow next to his colors.

It was about more money. But they had such conflict within themselves.

We had my daughter to verify character, i get so busy i like a clear mind to verify.

So like Mr Brooks was confirmed nice. "I don't like what you do but I hope you get better" Declan said and gave him a hug around his neck.

My mouth dropped open.

So our burning of buildings symbolizes the mental hell these people suffered and we continue in hope and prayer for their souls to be set free by then making a community park with freedom, free fresh food and so on.

"Freedom Parks, Miss Rosa Parks" may they find a goal worth suffering for.

And not suffering for money.

Its an extremely spiritual thing.

Its a movement like non other that has ever existed.

We got permission from most governors. When that didn't allow, we went to mayors and city council. To get permits and permission.

For Atlanta they blocked the fire truck's traffic.

I prefer fire truck on sight for community development. The sight of a fireman watering down the area around the burn site -- were not firemen we dont know how to put out a fire.

So protocol. Is watering the infrastructure around,the fire. Talk to by standers and make a community effort in being available and around and there for the community

Every now and again a certain type of not normally used full force blast to show the fire if sprayed directly (in that manner) will make the fire jump and burn higher. To show they're not stupid.

Because me? I'd be all wtf? Put the fire out!!!!

So there's a traditional way since the Black Panthers movement that it's done.

And so fire men are supposed to say "we're letting it burn out" if people ask "because it's safer" from me -.- muhaha.

Then I REALLY like firemen to let people try on and check out their fire gear and explain what happens and how they save people from burning buildings and stuff like that.

Usually i have a low key know it all lurking so he can help explain.

Its like a little carnival full of carnage.

Free food behind the fire truck and the firemen talking to people and "showing off" and so on.

That is what is supposed to happen.

We did that with black Panthers in NYC and so on. But we were extremely careful. 2 or more streets away we had a full street of vendors with food trucks and free food and drinks and some selling things very cheap like me and the shirts and candy and cokes.

Water was always free on fire nights. I was out even id the fires were not burning. And usually it was an abandoned building that wasn't fixable and wasn't historic and we built city parks. Playground mostly. And cashew trees. Nut as oppose to fruit trees Bec they're less messy than rotting fruit on the playground floor.

Sometimes white supremacy burned the buildings and then I would buy them.

That is how it started. The white supremacy began burning a building I just bought for apartments. But it burned too fast to save. I was devastated

I knew the only way to beat them was join them. Besides physically beating them in the street

But if a fire was burning they were happy. Didn't matter who started it they took credit.

Our buildings are death specific. And not many. Mostly for black men that are killed and killed by police in uniform or some how on the yellow

BUT it is A Specific Type of Person we burn for. And we burn to release their Hell. "The building is in inferno to represent Hell. Keep it out of your mind and soul and it will stay out of your life if you let it"

Then we put a Freedom Park that's community based and community benefiting to show them what they could done with the Hell on thier mind as opposed to what they did do.

Now simply Mr. Baker requested incarceration as opposed to death. He thought he could change in prison. Unfortunately he ran out of time.

Now for the officers being charged with homicide. The officers were in uniform.

Nothing more. Nothing less.

A CIA Agent could been requested

We could had a sniper. We could had one getin the car with Mr Baker and kidnap him.

What I saw was the police intervene as showing they had set him up and the kidnapping wouldn't go through because he was a set up.

It could been done in secret.

What happened was IN UNIFORM after being shot, laying down he was kicked in the head then his shoulder stood on. That is what CIA is allowed to do, not regular police men in uniform

That's why they're being arrested

Simply.

As I've ranted on, CIA has extreme protocol.

Police do as well

I fire CIA, sometimes kill.

Police must be held accountable as well.

This particular girl who started the fire will not be paid. She got cash register and safe money which is supposed to be turned in.

So we will see how far she wants to take this not following rules business

Because we don't slap on the wrist this day and age.

I'll have her ass turned in myself and tell the agency to keep the 10k award.

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im 60 and in very good health, never been sick. im thinking about changing jobs and the job i might take doesnt have any insurance plan or anything. but a better job for me. how much would it cost for me to get my own insurance? iv heard it cost a lot. ( MONTHLY) ?""

What homeowners insurance do you use/recommend?

I am looking for homeowners insurance for a home in California. We have 2 dogs, one which is a German Shepherd. What insurance carrier works well with dog owners?""

I have a question about my insurance for...?

ok i am 16 years old...17 in September and i am wanting a motorcycle sometime before i go to college...i have farm bureau insurance and i've not had a wreck before...so what would my insurance cost me to be driving a motorcycle at the age of 17 with no wrecks or tickets or anything?

Best home Insurance in Texas?

I'm a first time homer buyer and I'm about to gets quotes for home insurance and I was wondering what are some of the best and affordable companies to go with????

Can somebody explain to me about car insurance for a 16 year old (teen) driver?

I'll be getting a license soon, but don't know how insurance works. I've heard that once you have turned 16 with a license then you will automatically be added to your parents insurance and will be required to pay extra for a certain amount of months. Another thing I was told was that I wouldn't have to pay until I was 18. But If anyone can please tell me all that there is to know and the price for the average teen driver. I'll be driving an old 89 Toyota camry. Also I can maintain good grades. I live in the state of Washington. Parents insurance is State Farm.""

How much would car insurance in North Carolina be for an 18 year old?

I was wondering how much car insurance would be for someone my age? I've been told by a bunch of other people my age that their car insurance is $140 a month....Thanks for any help:]

What is the average insurance cost for a flat bed tow truck?

the general auto insurance anonymous quote

I got a car insurance quote from State Farm that?

is double that of the quotes I got online (from brokers). Is it better to go with State Farm or one of the cut rate insurance companies? I mean in the event of an accident and getting paid. I also rent a lot of cars and will be using the insurance I buy for those. And, not get the insurance that the rental companies over charge for.""

How much will insurance go up?

I'm 20 living in NJ. Been driving for about 2 years and under my parents insurance policy. I have no points on my license other than the ones that you start out with.I've gotten 2 tickets before but neither of them were point tickets and neither of them went to insurance. This ticket I just received was for speeding (over by 9 MPH). About how much will my monthly insurance rate increase by?

Where can I compare legal malpractice insurance like car insurance quotes?

I am a new lawyer and need to get receive coverage. Any attorneys out there know how much I'll pay? Who has good rates?

What is a cheap affordable coupe for a teen?

i understand the insurance issue. im 17 . I absolutely love the 03 g35 coupe, but im starting to realize i cant afford to maintain, insure and repair it :( what else similar is a little more affordable. please help im losing my mind!""

""Insurance on parents car, learner?""

basically, i wish to start learning to drive and i personally would prefer to be put on my mums insurance (50 moth quote from her insurance people with me as a learner) as i want to be taught by my dad rather than an instructor (many with dad then instructor after a few months) my question is; if i crash the car, with me driving with L plates with my dad/mum in passenger could or would i effect their no claim bonus OR put their premiums up? they only have a small 1.2""

""Hit a mailbox, will cost $2,500 to fix, how much will my insurance go up?""

The other night i crashed into a mailbox. It was completely my fault and it will cost $2,500 to fix it. I was wondering how much my insurance premium will go up per year about? I am 20 years old and have gotten 1 ticket before.""

Do I need auto insurance on a car that is not running with no plates?

I live in Parma, Cuyahoga County, Ohio. I am planning on buying a project car that is currently not running. I am going to keep it in a garage out on the farm and slowly build it back up. What kind of insurance do I need on it? My old car used to have storage insurance on it for winters, about $20 a month. I don't want to pay $70 per month for a nonrunning car!""

Homeowners insurance not renewed?

any insurance underwriters out there....our dog bit an adult neighbor who entered our yard...medical claim filed....agent tells us we wont be renewed....is this typical.....

What types of insurance would a spin cycling instructor require?

exmaple public liability, and why would they need these types of insurance""

Who has the cheapest auto insurance in California?

I have a second car that has been inop and I want to sell. I only need insurance for about a month.

Where can i get cheap car insurance for 20 year old?

hi, im 20 live in liverpool, just bought a ford fiesta flight 1.3 Y reg (2001) 1299cc were can i get insurance for no more than 3000 any tips on what to do aswell had my licence for 8 months""

Average cost Motorcycle Insurance?

Hello, Does anyone know the average cost for motorcycle insurance in Arizona?""

Best way to find affordable therapy for a teenager with depression?

I'm seventeen years old and I think I have depression. All teenagers are emotional, I get that, but I know this is more. When I'm occupied and around people for a few hours at a time or less, I'm fine and usually even happy. Then when I actually have time to stop and think and let my mind wander, I usually feel kind of hopeless and just very sad. I also have other emotional issues, like the littlest things seem to enrage me. Also, I read somewhere that depression can cause physical issues such as digestive issues (which I have been having a lot of the past four or five months). I cancel plans a lot now, either because my stomach is acting up or I feel too sad to go anywhere and I just dont want to be bothered with people. Ive been sleeping a lot more than normal lately because thats the only time things dont bother me. When I was about thirteen I had an issue with cutting, I would talk to my guidance counselor (which is not an option now because I did home schooling and now am done with school until college next fall) and when she realized that I may have some more serious issues, she called my mom. My mom always brushed it off. She talked to me a total of one time, only when I went to my older cousin and my cousin forced my mother to talk to me. Basically, my mom got mad because I said I didnt feel comfortable talking to her and she refused to send me to a counselor, then she said she would send me to a counselor (at that time I had insurance) but she never actually ended up doing anything. So I went back to doing what I always do, pretending to be fine, and for the most part I controlled it. I stopped cutting until about seven months ago, which was also when all my other issues started popping up. I havent cut myself in a few months now, but I still have the urge to which is not okay. Depression and other mental health issues run in my family, and I keep thinking of one particular relative who got so bad that she took her own life. I know that at some point she must have been like me, where it was difficult but still somewhat manageable, and it just scares me that I could get to the point she was at. I have no insurance, and we have very little money. I know Yahoo Answers isnt the ideal place to seek advice, but I dont know where to go. I only have one true friend that I trusted enough to tell, and obviously she is my age so shes just as clueless as me. Then I have tried talking to my older cousin (not the same one I mentioned before, she and I dont talk anymore) but in her world even if the money is not readily available, when its needed they find a way, so she doesnt get the concept when I tell her I really do NOT have the money for a psychologist or insurance. Is there any websites or anything that provide information on free or more affordable counseling for teens? Im ready to admit that I need help I just need to find somebody actually willing and able to give it to me.""

What is the difference between Insurance Brokers and Insurance Agents?

What is the difference between insurance brokers and insurance agents?

Can i get my parents Life Insurance?

Were can i get life Insurance for my parents? Im gonna be a Lawyer and they get good money. Also i want my parents to leave me money when they pass away. Im gonna be happy with money. I live in the Bay Area. what is the most that life insurance could give you? How much will you pay a month for the highest one?

Trying to find cheapest van insurance for private use?

Has anybody researched cheapest van insurers in uk

Best Profession For Cheaper Insurance Quotes?

what is the best professions to hold if you are after cheaper car insurance as i am currently self employed or free lance at least what could i stretch my job description to encompass and save some dough?????????

Motorcycle insurance?

About how much would insurance cost for a 17yr old High school student. If I was buying a sports bike with around 500cc of power. I'd be on my parents plan. So I would need a guess if using Progressive.

Home Owner's Insurance?

I'm hurt my foot not even a year ago. May 22, 2012. I was at my neighbor's house when her husband called, She was outside in her pasture fixing a fence. I went to take the cell phone out to her. I forgot to put on my shoes. As I was walking, I was about 5 feet from her and my older brother. And I fell to the ground. A Re-bar about the width of a pinky went through my left foot inbetween the toe by the pinky going 4 inches inside. I had to stay in the hospital for 8 days. Almost losing my foot. I have no feeling in my toe but at the top of my foot, just touching it causes me to feel pain. Is it possible for her Home Owner's Insurance to pay at least half or all my medical bills? I owe over $36,000. This also Happened in Oklahoma, and I moved to Missouri back in November (don't know if that would affect my chances). My mother decided that she didn't want my neighbor to pay for it. And I'm disagreeing.""

How to get car insurance at 16 without putting it under your parents name?

i just got my g1 and im looking to buy a car within the next couple of days. i live with my mom and she doesnt drive or have car insurance and my dad has been outta the picture for a long time. so how can i get car insurance under these cirumstances?

Can insurance companies do this?

my family is on allstate for car insurance and im kinda ticked off and confused, im 17 now , got my licence and drive around in my dads car. the problem here is that, insurance companies see me as a PRIMARY driver. My dad is a primary and my mom is legally blind, so she doesn't drive. (Hence shes not on the plan) im only 17 and they wont let us put me as a part time driver, my insurance a year is about $3,000!!!! is there anything we can do to change this?""

Will i lose my health insurance?

i am a full time college sudent, 17 years old. i have HIP health insurance derived from my mother. (i have it since im the child). if i change my mailing address to be different then hers, will the insurance still cover me? thanks.""

What is the difference between a car registration and an insurance?

I always mix the 2 up for some reason. I know that insurance is to insure the car for any damages done to the other vehicle or your own vehincle, but what is a registration for. Is it to verify the owner of the vehicle. Any sort of help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.""

Can my car insurance start the following month?

My car insurance renewal is up this friday, however i am off on holiday for a month, so will not be driving my car. Can my insurance start in February instead?""

What is the cheapest car insurance for me?

i am 18, had a DWI in dec 2006 what would be the cheapest liability only car insurance for me? thank you""

the general auto insurance anonymous quote

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/flexible-premium-adjustable-life-insurance-cash-surrender-walter-dunn/"

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