#i've internalized so much of it

[godofsmallthings]

i know i shouldn't be but i'm always so surprised by how many people are christian

#it's also so weird that organized religion still feels like an untouchable topic even in some leftist spaces #and i fucking hate it because i wasn't even raised this way but bc of growing up in a christian country #(in everything but the law) #i've internalized so much of it #like girl why am i perpetually guilty for experiencing pleasure. why am i so concerned that i'm somehow a Bad Person bc i've made mistakes #it's so annoying #and also just like. the obvious harm that it has caused. #idkkkkkkk #i don't care on an individual level but it's just dhekdjdjddhjdhdjrhdj #vi is typing...

[salamispots]

a rug hook commission for @stickynotebirds! :O (who also drew the original sketch/design and I tweaked it a little bit)

#rug hooking #artists on tumblr #fiber art #had a very fun time working on this :] #I think this is the biggest one I've done so far (20x20) so that was really fun to see when it was completed #-squints- I think actually 20x21? mfhgj the backing fabric either got a wee bit stretched on the frame #or because the yarn is kinda packed in on this one haha #forgot to take a pic of the back but I printed out these little fabric tag labels to sew on #sending international mail had me sWEATING hahaha #but thank god for online making things so much easier where you just print it out/slap it on and it's fine >:'D #edit: wanted to wait till it arrived safely to post this (and it has!!)

[bizarrelittlemew]

calling it right now that season 3 starts like this

#so confused about people saying the season finale feels like the end because to me it didn't at all #there's like 5-10 issues immediately set up for another season #they're in a happy place at this point because they've both realized their love is bigger than anything else #and makes it worth working on their problems together #the problems are still very much there #both of them have deep self esteem/self loathing issues that haven't been resolved in the week since ed woke up #ed doesn't know about stede's trauma #they haven't talked through anything #and they'll be shit at starting/running an inn lmao it's not gonna go well #and those are just some of the internal issues #then there's prince ricky and all the authorities that would very much like to get their hands on both blackbeard and stede bonnet #because stede just full-on kept using his government name after faking his death. nice one #the crew are not “gone” they're more like off to college for a bit but will probably run into trouble immediately #again because while they escaped to the ship they didn't eliminate the threat (the british empire) #it's not a forever goodbye #ok this got super long already anyway i have a whole fic marinading in my brain until i've finished these 4 wips i'm in the middle of ✌️ #hope we get a renewal soon because i want to see the rest of their story!! #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2 #ofmd #our flag means death

[rottmnt-residuum]

promised raph angst. so much under the surface

this takes place right before leo and mikey get back from checking hidden city entrances

#rottmnt #rottmnt rapheal #rottmnt residuum #residuum #bonus! an aside #i dont write internal dialogue in the comic #i struggle so much with it that i wouldnt even be doing this comic if i had to write internal dialogue lmao #i dont consider residuum angsty because. well. #to me angst is entirely internal? #if you aren't privy to the characters thoughts angst isn't possible #but from i've learned and what co-author has told me- that isn't the case??? weird lmao #bonus stuff

[moonkhao]

EST SUPHA as PO and WILLIAM JAKRAPATR as THAMEin Thame - Po ・HEART THAT SKIPS A BEAT (2024ISH)

#heart that skips a beat #thamepo #thamepo heart that skips a beat #gmmtv 2024 #estwilliam #william jakrapatr #est supha #Y'ALL THEY GOT ME GOOD WITH THIS TRAILER #IT WAS MY SECOND FAVORITE AFTER THE HEART KILLERS ONE #I WAS EXPECTING AN ESTWILLIAM SHOW BC YK THE HINTS AND EVERYTHING #BUT FOR SOME REASON I'VE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT A SHOW POSSIBLY INCLUDING LYKN AND THEIR IDOL LIFE LOL #BUT DANG I'M INTRIGUED NOW #PLUS I AM VERY MUCH LIKING THEIR CHEMISTRY SO FAR #(ALSO WHAT'S THE ACTUAL INTERNATIONAL TITLE OF THE SHOW ??????) #my edits #gmmtv2024 #gmmtv 2024 part 2 #htsabedit #thame po #thamepo the series

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

[vibinwiththefrogs]

Often I just cannot comprehend the lack of curiosity so many people have towards the rest of the world... Different cultures, people, languages, food, architecture, stories. To me this is what life is about, this is the most awe inspiring.

#I'm watching videos of people giving a tour around Jordan cities and I'm just completely taken by it #Occasionally I forget it but I've felt this way since i was like 13 #there's just so much to learn about #we're all the same but all so different you know what i mean #langblr #random tho so an international club started at my school a couple semesters ago #and I went a couple times the first semester but the social demand became too much on top of school (yno know. the autism) #so i haven't been back #but next semester i have a much lighter schedule... maybe I'll try again

[quatregats]

Something I've been thinking about is how Patrick O'Brian manages so skillfully to write characters whose actions contradict their beliefs, which I think is honestly a big part of why his characters feel so real. Mostly with Stephen and Jack—e.g., and perhaps most notably, Stephen has notably leftist sympathies (honestly I have no idea how to characterize his politics in period terms) who nonetheless becomes very comfortable with his rise to the landed gentry, while Jack is a card-carrying Tory who much of the time sympathizes far more with working class sailors and farmers than with the upper classes—but I'm sure he does it to a lesser degree with some of his minor characters (James Dillon, while perhaps not precisely minor, comes to mind), and I love that he's able to do that, especially the way in which he embeds it in the narrative. We see how they're all unreliable narrators of themselves; we understand how they want to be seen and how that does and doesn't coincide with the reality, but most importantly, this isn't presented as something reprehensible, just as a part of their own humanity. They are not their expectations for themselves, but they don't need to be those expectations to be beloved.

#stephen is especially guilty of this and i think it's very interesting how he thinks of himself versus how he acts #which is probably an essay on its own #but i do think that this is another point he and jack make a fun foil on #(for jack this manifests much less explicitly but i think it's definitely still there) #i can't think of other characters atm besides james dillon #(who okay. his actions don't contradict his beliefs exactly but there is a weird and complex relationship between them) #though i do suspect that there are probably more #idk i've been thinking about this a lot because o'brianizing hornblower has brought to the forefront #how different those two authors treat internal/external narratives #patrick o'brian is kind of like yeah they don't really line up but that's okay that's just what it's like to be a person #while for hornblower and cs forester it's like the internal narrative is so unbelievably unreliable and negative #but the external narrative also seems to be resoundingly positive #(which is probably why. in my humble opinion having watched two episodes of it. the tv show is much more Fun) #writing hornblower in o'brian format is just like wow there is no weirdness going on did i write him wrong #but no it's hornblower he just sounds so much more normal without the 24/7 mental gymnastics #perce rambles #aubreyad

[tricoufamily]

a current day nils and a 90s college student nils who's way too intense about his internship walk into a bar

#hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii nils hiiii 💗🤭 #let me get my important tags out of the way so i can write you a novella in the rest of them #ts4 #ts4 cas #ts4 edit #the sims 4 #nils #i've been exploring his character 🏃‍♂️ #his full name is nils pelletier he's from canada originally he went to nyc for college and stayed there forever #he didn't grow up with much but he was really good at school so he got a scholarship and he was very very determined to become rich #he interned at frankie's dad's company and was offered a full time position after he graduated yayy you made it. i guess :| (evil company) #he's always been very stern very serious very quiet he's never had many if any friends. he was a deeply unhappy child #his parents weren't even bad they're nice and supportive and tried their best #he was married and has one son but he hasn't been married for a while. i don't know if it's divorce or death or what yet #it was the first girl he ever had a relationship with and he was also her first relationship #a very dull marriage but again not a bad one. she was nice and supportive and tried her best #it seemed like it was what they were supposed to do. get married and have a child bam done you did what was expected congrats #they barely ever even argued it was just. well loveless seems a harsh word. and 'well they were friends at least' seems untruthful #anyway he often has to be frankie's handler because frankie's dad is his boss and he does what he's told always #frankie's really difficult though

[ontosgold]

I adore sun/moon ryomina dynamic... but specifically how ryoji is the moon to makoto's sun. in the way that the moon is a reflection of the sun's light. without the sun there is so moon, but also the moon brings meaning to the sun's existence...

#augh sorry brainrotting over them and i need to put my thoughts out there somewhere #they mean soooo much to me they're like my favourite version of the sun/moon ship dynamic ever #I've been listening to colour your night A Lot while working on uni work lately and yeah. yeah... #the moon's favourite little guy... who happens to be the sun he needs to catch a glimpse of what living is like on earth #also i love so much how it doesn't reflect they're personalities like you'd typically expect it to #like the outwardly gloomy and quiet sun... and the sociable and upbeat moon.... aauuhhgh yeah they're so special to me #also I've just been internally clawing at the walls lately bcs i wanna draw ryominas SO BAD but #I've been swamped in uni work lately #so this is how im getting the thoughts out of my brain rn. otherwise i feel like I'd go insane #ryomina #ontos.text

[beesinspades]

something something ace people often being told they're not human for not experiencing sexual attraction and/or not wanting sex, something something vash seeing his sex-averse asexuality as yet another thing that makes him even more different from humans than he already is because of it

#trigun #vash the stampede #asexual #acephobia #internalized acephobia #bee talks #ace vash tag #when i was writing hualian i was very much doing so with 'xl is super duper comfortable with being ace' in mind at all times #but vash............yeah no i don't think he'd be #anyway i just like thinking that when he pretends to be asleep to avoid having sex #and thinks the attention/kisses (?) were already more than he deserved / wonders if he regrets it at least a little bit (98 anime) #it's a combination of his self-loathing (both in general and about his scars) and his asexuality #i've seen people sometimes going 'it's not about not wanting sex it's about his self-loathing' #well i say it's both. it can be both. #disclaimer these are obviously headcanons~ #canon ace in my heart though!!! #anyway that's why personally i like writing my wolfwood allo even though I like him acespec too #i need whoever vash's partner is to be allo but still tell him it's okay #but also obviously he needs ace human friends

[crescentfool]

having the hc that minato is ace is incredibly funny sometimes when you think about how ryoji is oh so very bi because it's like. "ah. death stole my ability to be attracted to people," in the same way that ryoji stole minato's eye color and energy level. like wow, thanks ryoji, you just keep finding things to steal from minato!

#persona 3 spoilers #minato arisato #hc and au nonsense #lizzy speaks #happy international asexuality day to my fellow aces out there i hope you know that you are loved!!! 🎊🎉🥳 #i like viewing minato with the lens of him being gay / ace. esp bc it stems from my own experiences so it's fun to look at- #him from that perspective even if that's not what was intended by atlus y'know? #and im sure others have other hcs from me that are informed by their own life experiences and i think that's great ^_^ #something that i found interesting while playing FES was how. stilted? minato's animations felt when hugging the girls #you could definitely go with the perspective that it's a graphical limitation or they didn't have time to polish the animations #and that's def true!! but sometimes i see the hug @ yakushima beach + the other hugs and then i compare it to the sou/yo hug in p4 #and there's like... a noticeable difference to me with how intimate and close together the hugs are... #that said i do know that the animations for reload are updated and the hugs are much more natural (good on them tbh!) #the other thing is (pensive sigh). the way you couldn't reject any of the girls when doing their social links in FES #objectively speaking i'm glad that they did away with that and i like how the rejections were handled in reload. it feels naturally written #but also a part of me enjoyed looking at the “hey atlus what the FUCK” moment and thought of how to interpret it differently #specifically with the idea of minato having like.. little to no autonomy and kind of going along with the relationship #it kind of reminded me of myself tbh with like going along with the rship without considering what you want bc #it's what others want or expect out of you... LOL. i dont think atlus intended for someone to interpret it this way but #eh i think that's the fun part of hcs and looking at characters with certain lenses! #regardless of how you perceive minato i do think there's something to be said about him being the kind of guy who molds himself- #into someone that is needed. not wanted. but needed. important distinction here. #the one caveat my brain runs into when im like “minato is ace!” is when i remember thanatos exists and i go #“you know what these ideas can exist simultaneously” GKLHFHDFHD when in doubt schrodinger's headcanons #anyway that's all i've had this thought in my brain in awhile and haven't sat down to share it properly until now 👍 #have an excellent weekend everyone !!! lizzy loves you all lets all nurture our inner yippee!!! 🥺💙

[bbcphile]

WIP Wednesday (MLC longfic again!)

Now that my amnesia fic is posted, it's time for more of my MLC longfic! At long last, LLH is awake again . . . and not doing that well.

(You can find earlier excerpts here.)

CW/TW: Panic attack, bicha flare, suicidal ideation

Something was different. The pain was there as always, waiting to devour him whole once he acknowledged it, but there was something else, something blanketing it, muting it somehow.

Li Lianhua stretched out his senses like a limb and tried to make sense of it.

Ah. Warmth. That was the strange sensation. Warmth–heat, even–all around him–his back, his chest, his legs, even his fingers, which had been more like blocks of ice than flesh and blood these last few months.

He leaned back, pushing into the banked heat behind him. The solid core of warmth tucked against his front from navel to neck twitched, then pressed against him more securely, as though it could make a home for itself inside his sternum, ribs, and spine and heat him from within.

He felt warm everywhere.

Well, almost everywhere.

He rolled forward slightly, wiggled further down on the bed, and tugged the core of warmth up higher. He curled his arms and shoulders around it and nestled the bit in his hand between his face and the pillow until it cradled his cheek. 

Much better.

He smiled into his new, warmer pillow and let himself start to relax back into sleep.

“Xiangyi?”

The warmth against his face gradually took shape as his skin and mind began to wake. That was a finger–no, several fingers. A hand. A large hand. And those calluses–how could he not know them when they had clashed steel with him, choked him, clinked brimming cups of wedding wine with him, even been inside him, taking him apart with a gentleness he hadn’t known they could profess.

He let his awareness spread throughout his body, setting aside the pain, and yes, that was a-Fei’s chest he had pressed himself against, like Huli Jing requesting head scritches, and those were a-Fei’s legs, tangled with his, and that was a-Fei’s breath rustling his hair–less now than it had been a moment ago–and that was indeed a-Fei’s arm he was clutching like a child would a favorite toy. 

But a-Fei had been holding him first.

Why was a-Fei holding him? It was one thing to wake up in each others’ arms in the newly wed room, after their  . . . exertions. Before a-Fei knew that any real dream of a future was doomed to fail.

But to hold him now? After he’d given away the wangchuan flower and left a-Fei behind, left their promise behind? To hold him like he still mattered. Like he wasn’t a curse who killed everyone he’d ever cared about. Like he was some sort of treasure . . .

Treasure . . . 

Cabinets stained in blood, Xiaobao’s blood–

“Xiaobao,” he gasped, flinging himself free and to his feet. Where was Xiaobao? He had to find him, had to heal him, before it was too late–

“Xiangyi! Sit down!” A-Fei caught him as his legs buckled and lowered him back onto the bed. 

Why wasn’t Xiaobao here? Had he killed him, too, just like he killed everyone he cared about? 

“Duobing,” a-Fei roared. “Get in here. Now!” Callused fingers cupped both sides of his face, turning it gently but firmly toward him. “Xiangyi, look at me. He’s alright. He’s on his way.” 

“How could he be alright?” Li Lianhua gasped, clutching at his shoulders, the already blurry world turning more hazy. “I saw the blood!”

“I healed him. He’s safe,” a-Fei said, cradling his head as though he could hold the shattering pieces of his mind together. “Now breathe.” 

Li Lianhua choked on an inhale, his lungs spasming, only managing to draw in a desperate wheeze.

A-Fei cursed and dropped to his knees by the bed, pressing one hand to Li Lianhua’s back and the other to his chest, filling both with a familiar warmth that began to break apart the iron bands strangling his throat and lungs. “Try again. Feel my hands. Press against them when you inhale.”

The next breath shook and spluttered like a dying candle but some air squeaked through nonetheless.

“Good.” A-Fei gave his back a short supportive pat. “Again.”

Lotus Tower shook as footsteps pounded toward the bed. “What’s wrong?” panted a beautifully familiar, impossible voice. “Xiaohua’er?”

“Bicha,” a-Fei growled, rising from the floor to kneel on the bed at his side, his hands still bracketing him on either side. “He thinks you’re dead. Show him the scab.”

“Shit,” the Xiaobao-shaped hallucination cursed. It seemed especially cruel of hallucinations to now match the blurriness of their surroundings. It made them seem far too real.

The hallucination knelt at his feet and took his hands. “It’s me, Xiaohua’er,” it said, tears in its eyes and voice. “I’m alright. A-Fei healed me. See?” It brought his hand up to a spot on the back of his skull and pressed his fingers to a crusted, raised line on its scalp. “I’m right here and I’m alright. Do you believe me?”

He could feel it. Why could he feel it? His fingers had always passed through hallucinations before. And even when he’d dreamt of Xiaobao, or of a-Fei, of holding them again, it hadn’t felt as real as this. His fingers traced the ridges of the scab–a perfectly neat seam–then the silk curtain of hair that covered it. 

This was Xiaobao’s hair. The texture, the thickness, what he could see of the color–no hallucination could do justice to this. 

This was his Xiaobao.

He was alive.

“Xiaobao,” he cried, turning his head this way and that to make sure it was the only injury. “You’re alright!”

Xiaobao’s bright smile shone through despite the haze his eyes imposed on everything. “Told you. No harm done. So focus on taking care of yourself, ok, lao huli?”

Li Lianhua huffed out a wet attempt at a scoff and bopped the side of his head. “No harm? What do you call this?”

Xiaobao captured his hands with his and brought them down from his head to rest between them. “Less serious than a Bicha attack. How are you feeling?”

Li Lianhua blinked. A Bicha attack? He turned his attention inward to his qi, and–

Ah. There was a-Fei’s Beifeng Baiyang, somehow wrapped around his Yangzhouman and pushing the last of the poison back into the recesses where it would lie in wait, coiled and ready for the next attack. The black tinge was almost gone from his veins.

He had been so worried about Xiaobao that he hadn’t even realized.

A-Fei had probably saved his life. Again. 

He shouldn’t have bothered.

#mysterious lotus casebook #lhl #WIP Wednesday #lianhua lou #my fic #Di Feisheng #Li Lianhua #Fang Duobing #Difanghua #Things will get much better for LLH #starting in the next chapter #If tumblr blocks this excerpt from the MLC tag bc of my tws like it's done on previous weeks I will be so mad #I literally just finished writing this 5 minutes ago #this is the shortest turnaround time ever btwn when I've written something and posted it #cue internal screaming #also I am trying a new narcolepsy med which means thinking feels weird and consequently writing is a massive struggle #so I really hope this lives up to expectation

[b4kuch1n]

hi! birthday. which means it's finally time t

yo what the itch store is fixed up now

damn what? I don't know where this came from. look all the comics I put on g*mr**d a year ago are back here again with all the formatting and typesetting by @fireflysummers as well as the exclusive bonus art wtf who did this. my werewolf comic on here too what the hells!! that one also got re-toned for printing if u want to AND an exclusive cover spread !!! what the fuck!!!!! come see for urself I can't make this shit up

#bakuspecial #comic #itch.io #bakugoods #<- made up a tag for when I sell things that aren't commissions just now #for folks who still remember me talking abt a physical run of these comics: I'm so sorry this year and the last have been brutal #and I live in a well and suffer a curse of international mails never going well. so the logistics became Very complicated #I still think abt it tho! I've prepped up all the assets just bc I thought abt it so much... we picked out a gift print for the orders #And a bonus print for the pack #but I couldn't gather my brain enough to make it happen. yet #it takes a bit of overhead so I gotta build that up. which is. right now talk for after the shit that just happened to me got smoothed out #but I do want it to happen. I've been sitting on this exclusive custom print for like two years now #I really love that drawing its so cute. I still hold that project close to my heart #anyways uhh itch store! happy birthday to me! #last year this time was so rough I didn't even Want to think about my birthday lol #strangely enough with this small little fragmentation grenade we just got I became more motivated to fuck around on my bday lmao #probably out of spite. hammer philosophy #my parents love making a whole thing out of me and the brother's bdays lol so dinner's gonna be something #but for now I can still chill. and prep up stuff. and do my thang #if u look thru the itch store and get something from there thank u so much! I hope the comics treat u well #and now. I make hot drink. have a good day lads! do a little jig for us let's go

[deoidesign]

Hello I stumbled across your profile and I just say I love your art style! I've gotta ask, how'd your develop it? And do you have any advice for someone who can't decide what they want their art to look like?

Thank you so much!

To be entirely honest, I don't feel like I truly "developed" my style. I feel a lot more like I finally let myself draw it! But I am incredibly deliberate with my work, and I do have clear tendencies and preferences... So I'll do my best to explain how I got to where I am now as an artist.

It's important to remember that "style" is something of a nebulous concept. It changes with you as you grow as a person, and most artists can work in and emulate many art styles! Art really is a form of communication with yourself, and your "style" is a reflection of the tendencies and preferences you have. My art does not look how it looked 5 years ago, and my art will look different 5 years from now too. I've changed, and my art reflects that!

(2012, 2018, 2023; two pieces I remember being incredibly proud of and considered my best work up til that point, and then my most recent piece)

What you need to do, as everyone will tell you, is study the fundamentals (anatomy, perspective, form and structure, lighting and shadow, color, and composition) so you have the proper tools to make the most informed decisions possible about your art, and so you can deliberately break or follow rules as you please for your desired effect. I know it sounds silly to learn rules if you're not gonna be following them anyways, but they help you be much more consistent and intentional! More knowledge is NEVER a bad thing to have!

However, I know it's a bit demoralizing to just be told to study fundamentals. Everyone knows you're supposed to do that, but it takes YEARS to learn, and people want their art to feel how they want it to now (which is very very very normal to want!)

So on that front, I have 2 follow up suggestions that I personally find helpful (of course, everyone is different, so it's not like this is the only way to learn! But, if it resonates with you, it might mean it will work for you too.)

1: Separate study from application

I believe this is beneficial for a few reasons:

If the goal of every piece is learning, it can become frustrating, overwhelming, and boring

It's harder to self critique when there are multiple variables to investigate. I like to study one fundamental at a time

Study (usually) works best with a large quantity of output, whereas application of knowledge (finished pieces) is often more satisfying and effective when you get to take your time

Deliberate practical application of what you've learned in a finished piece helps cement the learning in your mind, and also lets you get satisfying finished pieces with noticeable improvement after a good study session!

I've found that keeping these things separate helps me improve faster and more deliberately, and it takes a lot of the pressure off of both aspects! I'm not worried about my studies looking beautiful, they're just to learn! And I don't feel pressured to critique my finished pieces, cause they're just for fun and to make something pretty. I personally find this helps me have a much healthier relationship with my art.

When studying, copy! Copy things as best as you can, all the time. It gives you something to compare to for self critique (and of course, if you're copying someone else's work and you share the study, ALWAYS give credit, share the original, and say it was for study.) In application, don't copy: reference. Make it yours!

2: Let yourself do the things that feel "easy" or like "cheating"

This one is simpler: nothing in art is easy.

If something feels easy to you, most of the time it's not because it's actually any easier... It's because it's part of your natural tendencies and preferences! This took me forever to realize, but as long as you're actually doing some study, then you're learning. You don't need to learn All The Time. When you're doing the "application" portion, you should let yourself do whatever is actually the most fun and feels easiest! This is where your style will start to come through, and where you get to learn about yourself. Take the pressure off, and have fun!!!

The only cheating in art is theft. If you're not stealing, then it's allowed!

My whole life (and yes, still!) I'd get regular criticism about both my style and my subject matter. You will too. You'll see a thousand different styles, and a hundred different things to admire in each. Your heart will ache that you don't draw like others do.

But art is a form of communication with yourself. It's like your voice, or your accent; just something that's a part of you! It can be fun to mimic others', but when you sit to have a conversation you speak naturally. (I know some people want to and do change their voice, but this is a metaphor and metaphors aren't perfect)

Don't stress so much about what you want your art to look like, especially if you're not sure. There's a lot of value to be had in constant experimentation, I think it'd be rather boring to only draw one style the rest of my life. What I draw is what I want to see, right now, for who I am now! It's a part of me and comes naturally, if I let it!

I hope this helps!

#justbrowsing1124 #asks #art tips #drawing advice #drawing tips #art advice #long post here sorry #long post #I could have gone on so so so so so so much more but this took me like 2 hours to write #and I've gotta go to bed! haha #so if you feel like something wasn't properly explained you can send a follow up ask and I'd be happy to elaborate #I love answering questions like this #sorry if it sounds a bit condescending I wrote the post for like... what would have helped me to hear when I was just starting out #so I wrote it basically for how I think would help I guess a kid #sorry about that. the content is still all what I think though #also I realize that i didn't really talk about like... my journey... at all here lol. #I guess if you wanna know my personal journey I'd love to get into it! #but i focused a lot more on the second part #cause yknow #that's kinda what my journey was internally anyways #but yknow no fun progress of my art with notes about what I was doing and why #but fuck that sounds fun if someone did wanna know about that LOL #I am VERY deliberate with my art I could legit analyze every piece #pretentious? maybe. do I care? not at all. #why make it if I dont have a reason?

[uncanny-tranny]

I often see this impulse from other trans men* that involves hypervigilance of being one of the "good men" who set ourselves apart from the men who hurt others, and I wonder if this ultra-policing actually prevents us from being "bad"

I wonder if agonizing about doing everything "right" is only contributing to poor mental health of trans men* because you are seeing a distorted, monstrous version of yourself, somebody with whom you have to kill off. It forces you into this space of having to be perfect, to beat yourself up over any perceived infraction.

And I just don't think it's an effective measure to ensure we are "one of the good ones." Constantly treating yourself as the beast, treating yourself like a leper who has no place in the civilized world? How does that ensure that you both treat others well but also ensure that you aren't fucking miserable every single moment you're not alone?

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #i'm still trying to be More Normal arpund others because i still to this day immediately treat my manhood... #...like a slight. i can feel the way people stare when i am over-apologizing and they're assuring me to my face that i am /fine/... #...i accidentally touched a coworker and i could feel her amusement that i wouldn't accept her acceptance of my three+ apologies... #..i've heard so much about how Awful men are and i carry around this impulse both to protect my manhood but to also apologize that it exist #and that internal shame and isolation doesn't contribute positively because you aren't focused on action if that makes sense #you're so focused on not rocking the boat that your feet grow roots in the ground that prevent you from moving forward #and that feeling of being Stuck is honestly scary and isolating and there's a lot of self-hatred in that (at least in my experience) #because i KNOW what i believe about my manhood is wrong and yet... i often still believe it #it's fadcinating that you can know something is Wrong and yet still firmly believe in it with all your soul #why do i always make these thpe of posts while playing skyrim. damn you todd howard (lighthearted)