#id do it. ill become unemployed rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

boba-t-butch · 7 years

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ive let more people i know irl follow me here so i try not to get into too much detail about my family situation. and ive recently realized a big part of that was conditioning from my parents where they trained me not to tell people abt stuff at home but that's probably to protect themselves from looking like the shit parents they are.

so anyway ima just write this out and i guess i'll delete later if i feel too exposed but its irritating to keep vagueposting or holding myself back on my own blog. also if you know me irl idc if u wanna talk to me abt this id be fine with it. but like dont treat me with delicacy or pity cuz i fukn hate that.

so my dad has bipolar disorder and he's been arrested/ hospitalized for it multiple times throughout my life because he doesnt like staying medicated. he was off his meds for a while and became unemployed almost as a direct result. when i went home over winter break, i recognized that he was becoming more emotionally volatile and was nearing a manic episode.

i understand how medication for bipolar disorder can negatively impact a person's quality of life and i recognize that my dad has the autonomy to choose whether or not to be medicated. but i also feel that when he is unmedicated, he cannot fulfill his responsibilities to me (and my 14 year old sister) as a father. and now that i'm an adult, i also have the autonomy to choose the relationships i maintain in my life. so i decided, even while i was home over winter break, to stop speaking to my dad if he was going to be off his medication.

the subsequent semester, i did not keep in contact with my family and managed to find a way to stay at my college campus over the summer so i wouldn't need to go home. my older sister is an ex-military republican redneck married to a white trump supporter, my little sister is p chill but she used to pass on any info of my life she could find to my parents, and my mom is an extremely emotionally manipulative/abusive alien conspiracy theorist bible thumper. so i just kinda don't keep in touch with any of them if i can help it.

this summer, my dad went manic and intentionally smashed his pickup truck into another car that had people in it. he put his car in reverse and smashed into them again twice. he'd gotten into an argument with my sister and wanted to show her what she made him do by not listening to him/ disrespecting him.

he was arrested for criminal mischief, criminal assault, and assault with a deadly weapon. at this point, i reached out to my other family members to express support and concern. this kind of thing has happened before, we all saw it coming, we all know if he doesn't take meds it's just a matter of time before it happens again.

i encouraged my mom to divorce my dad and take a portion of his assets (bc she has no education and no source of income) so that she can take my little sister somewhere safe and raise her in a stable environment. i told my older sister she doesnt owe it to him to do him any favors when he's knowingly disrupted her life so much. she currently has a newborn child at home with health complications to worry about as well, so it's not her responsibility to clean up his mess, even if he is mentally ill.

instead, my sister convinced a judge to drop all of my dads charges, send him home to my mom and sister, and his main consequence is just that he's court-mandated to take his medication for a few years (i have no clue how). my mom says she owes him too much so she's staying with him and even leaves him home alone extensively with my younger sister. he has continued to take everything my older sister and mom do for him for granted, even continuing to accuse them for making him go manic by not understanding him enough.

i have continued to refuse contact with my dad, though i'm trying to be there for my little sister more. my older sister and i are trying to navigate how to have a relationship as well. my mom though... my mom is now trying to use me as an emotional crutch because i express sympathy for her bc i know she's in a tough situation. but i also feel like she's neglecting her duty as a mother by not protecting my sister more and that she shouldn't be coming to me for this support when she's been a terrible mother to me. lately she sought reassurance from me because she was feeling worthless and depressed and i havent responded at all, which makes me feel cruel and guilty. but i also refuse to play that role for her.

there's a lot of other random shit happening in my life rn too but honestly im too tired to deal with any of it. im too tired to try to navigate complex interpersonal relationships that hardly matter when im already trying so hard to figure out my family situation.

#long post #oversharing time #bipolar tw #mania tw #assault tw #personal

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nodaudaboutitt · 7 years

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for the get to know the blogger thing: even numbers in the 130 range

OH Boy, this is gunna be a long one

2. What is your favorite piece of clothing you own / owned?

I have a shirt of a lady wearing a panda mask, it looks really nice and im actually wearing it right now ahaha, also really like my star wars X-Wing hoodie :D4. What does your perfect room look like?

Im not really sure tbh, although it would be nice if there was a little more space and better lighting than my room has. Would love to get some small plants and stuff and some owl related cushions or something6. What fictional place would you like to visit?

Would be interesting to visit Dunwall from Dishonored or one of the many planets in Star Wars, would love to go see a Podrace or something!8. When was the last time you climbed a tree?

2014, its the same time i fell out of a tree and broke my collarbone ahaha10. What is the most annoying habit that you or other people have?

I check my phone way too much which is kinda annoying to me, although my dad gets really annoyed that i bounce my legs ahaha12. What skill would you like to master?

It would be rad to master a language (Although im on my way to that) or maybe my skating or art14. If you had unlimited funds to build a house to live on for the rest of your life, what would the finished house look like?

Honestly i would probably just buy a cozy apartment and get a cat or something, ive never really thought about such before16. What state or country do you never want to go back to?Havent actually got anywhere i would never want to go back to yet 18. What game or movie universe would you like to live in?

As cool as the Metro games are, not that one ahaha. maybe the world of Star Trek or something :D20. Are you usually early or late?

Im usually quite early tbh 22. When people come to you for help, what do they usually need help with?

Not really sure tbh, i cant remember, although people occasionally ask me about assignments or such so there that24. What do you wish you knew more about?

Well cos im finding programming a tad tricky at uni, i would say that, but tbh i would love to know more about astrophysics or anything related to rocketry and piloting !26. What are some small things that make your day better?

A cup of tea in my favourite mug, someone complimenting how i look, my dog saying hi when i get home 28. What’s the best way to start the day?

By slamming my face into the pillow and going back to sleep ahaha, nah i think a relaxed morning with some tea and a nice breakfast or something

30. What TV channel doesn’t exist but really should?

Would be cool to have a channel for all the space exploration stuff, lunno if it would be widely popular or not but i would love to see such 32. What age do you wish you could stay at permanently?

Im not really sure tbh 34. What’s your ideal way to spend a weekend?

My ideal weekend is to laze about at home and play videogames, bake some stuff or work on some art. I just feel really comfy at home so being able to relax at home all weekend sounds ideal to me36. What is your claim to fame?

Im not really sure if i have one?38. What’s your favorite book or movie genre?

I really dig science fiction, although with movies i also like the action genre :D40. What have you only recently formed an opinion about?42. What subject interests you that not many people have heard of?

I couldnt think of anything people havent really heard of but i really enjoy reading about early nasa, so stuff like the Mercury, Gemini and Apollo programs44. What’s the best book series or TV series you’ve ever read or watched?

I think at the moment, the best Tv series for me is Band of Brothers46. What’s the most heartwarming thing you’ve ever seen?

Those videos of people meeting family or friends in the airport that live really far away, everyone is so happy in those and its really nice :D48. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with no preparation?

I could probably give a presentation on ww2 or the moon missions, not 100% accurate or super detailed but yeah, well that or the Lore of various games and movies i like50. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?

Travel, just seeing somewhere new, the journey and exploration involved, its really cool :D52. What’s your dream car?absolutely no clue54. What is something a ton of people are obsessed with, but you just don’t get?

Game of Thrones, that new show on netflix56. Where is the most interesting place you’ve been?When i lived in England i went to the transport museum and also the various imperial war museums, those were absolutely fantastic. Over here in straya though? probably the top of sydney harbour bridge, that was pretty gnarly58. What is the best thing that happened to you last week?

Well i just got my grade back for my programming assignment and i got 70% :D60. If all jobs had the same pay rate and hours, what job would you want to have?

Im not sure, although at the moment im studying game design at uni so i would probably go for that anyway ahaAlthough if there was an opportunity it would be cool to become an astronaut or ww2 historian62. How different was your life 1 year ago?

Well i couldnt ice skate, i wasnt doing a degree, i think i was in somewhat crappier state than i am now. But things have been improving over the last few years :)64. What would you rate 10/10?

Ahh im not good at rating or ranking anything, i guess the new star wars? (Rogue one)66. What is the most interesting piece of art you’ve seen?

Im not really sure, i dont think ive been to see art in ages, although i really like the art my friend @echey does! its super awesome stuff!68. What do you hope never changes?

My ability to find good in a bad situation70. What movie title best describes your life?I cant even think of one tbh72. What’s the best way a person can spend their time?Just do what you enjoy i guess74. Where is the most relaxing place you’ve ever been?

Botanical gardens in adelaide are really nice, dont go there too often but theyre relaxing as heck76. Where would you rather be from?

As much as i talk shit about england, i dont think id want to be from anywhere else78. What do you look forward to in the next 6 months?New alien movie, end of first semester, turn 20 next month, Dunkirk movie, lots of cool stuff :D80. What one thing do you really want but can’t afford?Either a trip overseas or all those games that i have on my wishlist rn82. Where would you spend all your time if you could?Im not sure tbh, i guess anywhere i feel comfortable?84. What age do you want to live to?ahh thats a tough one, i guess in my 20′s? 86. What are you absolutely determined to do?

Get through my degree and get a job in my chosen field88. What do you wish you knew more about?theres so much i wish i knew more about ;-;90. What question can you ask to find out the most about a person??? iunno dude92. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?iunno? any compliment is nice to me :D94. Who inspires you to be better?nothing comes to mind but im sure theres someone :/96. What haven’t you grown out of?my favourite tshirt ahaha 98. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done that actually turned out pretty well?no bloody clue but im sure it was absolutely stupid aha100. What’s something you will never do again?climb a tree and break my collarbone102. What keeps you up at night?my messed up sleep schedule mainly, although those weird night time depressed moods get ya too 104. What is the most illegal thing you’ve ever done?probably underage drinking106. What are you afraid people see when they look at you?a worthless shithead108. What do you look down on people for?being absolute wankers, although in my degree the thing i really look down on is those people that are like “How did you not get that? its easy!” or generally act like a know it all and give you shit over coding, like chill out lads and help each other110. What lie do you tell most often?im fine, im not tired, im used to it, ill be fine, couldnt think of one so heres the top ones i can think off112. What is the best & worst thing about getting older?Can buy what you want, but worst thing is that the older you get, the more youre looked down on for being unemployed114. If you had a personal flag, what would be on it?probably a kickass dragon!!116. What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned?

Don’t procrastinate/ set your deadline a day or two early and start early so if you do procrastinate, it would fuck you up as bad118. What are you famous for among your friends & family?I think with friends im mostly famous for random history (Mainly ww2) facts and at home im mostly known for my shitty humour i think ahaha120. What one responsibility do you wish you didn’t have?122. What do you want to tell your 10-year-old self?Don’t give a shit about what others might think, just do what makes you happy and be how you feel you should124. What’s the best thing about you?My terrible humour, my optimism 126. Have you ever saved someone’s life?Who knows?128. What would a mirror opposite of you look like?Like a reverse image of me? nah ahaha probably a massive asshole, but at the same time theyre probably putting them self first and their happiness so iunno130. Which of your scars has the best story behind it?Got a massive scar over my right collarbone, had to get surgery on it when i broke it and so now ive got a metal plate in my body aha

thank you for the ask!!

#hockey-downunder

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