#idk if it's anxiety or ocd or...what | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shadebloopnik · 3 months

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This is gonna sound SOOO off or smthn but

Was the Perfect Family Harmony planned to be a weapon against the Bergens?

Long post ahead bc brain is rotting

Ok so as we know, the Perfect Family Harmony is smthn that's so powerful that its capable of shattering diamonds. Not just that but its one of the only thing capable of doing so(according to Floyd it was the only thing but giving the benefit of the doubt)

So we know its strong, and we saw it blasting off Velvet and Veneer off their platforms when they performed it, and they weren't even the targets, they were blasted away by just the shockwave that came with using it.

"Its that powerful."

Ok, so its definitely powerful enough to be used as a weapon right? Yeah it was relatively safe enough to use in front of a crowd, else they wouldn't have tried to do it during a concert, but that could just be when those harmonizing aren't targeting anything.

If it could shatter diamonds, how easily could it break cages? What would it do if it was used to target a Bergen? A whole Kingdom of Bergens?

Lets also go back to that concert, to that time John was obsessed with them getting it right. They were in the Troll tree, in Bergentown, a place where any of them could die during Trollstice. The Bergens were a huge threat, something that trolls, at their size, couldn't fight back against normally so they had to run instead right?

But what if they COULD fight back? What if they had a weapon so powerful that it might finally be able to free them? To defeat the monsters that tortured their kind for centuries?

What if John Dory found a way to help make sure nothing would threaten his brothers' safety ever again?

Like, it'd make John Dory's obsession make SOOO MUCH MORE SENSE

Like yea he clearly has OCD and anxiety and some bossiness and that definitely added to it all, but imagine if it was more than that?

Look at him during that performance. He was in deep. He had a wild look in his eyes, a sort of deranged obsession to have everything be perfect no matter what. It wasn't healthy, it was scary, maybe even downright terrifying for his brothers who had to be subjected to it.

But you know what else he looked like?

Terrified

Man was scared out of his mind. His anxiety and stress levels were through the roof. He probably was one wrong tune away from hyperventilating.

What if it was bc it was so much more than the fans? What if he put the salvation of the entire troll-kind on his shoulders?

One wrong step meant they were nothing.

One wrong step meant disappointing the fans.

One wrong step meant letting down the kingdom.

One wrong step meant another troll getting eaten.

Thats why when they failed, John blew up. He took all of that self-hatred of failing to use that weapon to defeat the bergens and poured it all onto his brothers.

"I know we can reach the Perfect Family Harmony."

"What if we don't want to."

John Dory, blind to how and WHY his brothers didn't want to follow his lead, felt betrayed.

To him, all he's ever done was to ensure their safety, everything was for the greater good. He'd done everything he could, his goals slowly twisting him into a crazed obsession. To hear his brothers say they didn't want to help anymore might've struck a cord too much. If you'd noticed he actually looked really sad and hurt when they started bringing up how much they hated being in the band, but it slowly twisted to anger instead. Kind of in a like, "I tried doing everything for these shts and THIS is how they repay me???" way. He was so stressed and stuck in his own head with his failures that he just couldn't see what his brothers were trying to say.

So in a fit of impulsive rage, he left. To him it probably was like that rlly childish way of saying "Yea im leaving, good luck dealing with the Bergens while im goneee." You know? Like how kids runaway from home when they get angry or upset over every little thing but come back when they realize how stupid that was?

"Im not allowed to change."

And he DID come back. Who knows how long, but he did. Imagine how he must've felt seeing their empty pod in an empty tree, with the knowledge that he could've done something about it. The Perfect Family Harmony could've saved them. They could've used it to break the cage, to fight the Bergens. Hell, it could've been powerful enough to wipe out all the Bergens if they do so wished.

"Im the oldest, I have to be the leader."

He and his brothers were the only ones who'd ever gotten close to getting it right.

"Why do you think I moved into the middle of nowhere? So I didn't have to be in charge of anyone."

The village was counting on them. Counting on him. He let them down. He failed.

"Freeing the village Four little brothers is a lot of responsibility."

They could've gotten it. If only John did it right. If only John did it differently.

If only John Dory was Perfect

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keshetchai · 8 months

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As someone who enjoys religion blogging/discussions, I've come to realize that it's a good practice to be aware of the general signs/symptoms of religious-OCD thinking (aka scrupulosity), because if the conversation is taking on all the hallmarks of scrupulosity, it's actually a definitive sign that we cannot meaningfully and compassionately engage in a conversation about religion in a healthy way. I've actually had this play out a significant number of times online, and when I realized what it was, I also began to realize that the intrusive thoughts/obsessive and compulsive thinking are only ever fed by continuing the discussion with that person.

[[ Important edit to clarify why I am saying it's not healthy — made after I went back to look for more concrete facts about OCD or anxiety (I have GAD, not OCD, but many resources overlap since they're both anxiety disorders):

When Reassurance is Harmful — this explains how/why reassurance-seeking specifically about an OCD fear is a compulsive behavior, and engaging with reassurance-seeking interferes with recovery/management/treatment.

This table from the Anxiety Disorders Center lists key differences between Information Seeking and Reassurance Seeking.

This IOCDF page on Scrupulosity info for Faith Leaders identifies "symptom accommodation" as enabling. Two of the examples of doing this by participating in the OCD behavior are: "Engage in excessive conversation focused on if-then scenarios (e.g., "If I did this, then would X or Y happen? And what if Z was involved? How about W?")" And, "Repeatedly answering questions about ‘correct’ religious or faith practices."

That page also goes on to outline more info about reassurance seeking. "Although providing answers to (often simple!) questions may seem harmless, providing reassurance serves to maintain the anxiety disorder cycle." (This BMC psychiatry article cites a lot of related studies establishing this.)

The IOCDF page on What is OCD and Scrupulosity? ]]

Imo, the responsible thing to do is to recognize that (even if the other person hasn't outright stated it/isn't diagnosed)* the conversation is not about religion, it is about needing mental health support from professionals and experts. Talking to me, the layperson who enjoys chatting theology and my religion — is not only not helping, but is actively harmful. I'm not just talking about the person who I replied to today, either. Like I've said, I've seen this happen dozens of times in various online forums.

*[while I am against diagnosing strangers on the internet, it's important to realize A) lots of people don't know what Scrupulosity is, so it's possible they've never considered this is a mental health concern that could be treated, and that B) for the purposes of my concern, it doesn't matter if they actually have diagnosed OCD. The only thing that matters is that their thought-process causes them genuine distress/fear, and every response given to them seems to only incite new/additional distressing questions/thoughts, or further entrenches the original distress.]

Ultimately, any discussion aside from "you might want to speak to a mental health professional about scrupulosity OCD" seemingly puts me in the position of feeling as if I am being used for their self-harm. I hate that feeling. I do not want to be leverage for fear and pain. I have GAD, I despise the idea that I am making things worse.

No matter how much I love religious discussion, the answer in these cases is always "please reach out to an OCD specialist/mental health professional. I am not qualified to discuss this." And then to stop there. I have never once seen anyone stuck in this compulsive thought spiral be reassured or feel any better by hearing from someone else's approach to theology handled with things like empathy, compassion, logic, or even atheism. It doesn't matter what we say, how we say it, or how we relate to our own religion. The urge to engage in this kind of conversation in order to chat about religion is a sign that we are not equipped to help.

You can't have a conversation here, because intentionally or not, ten times out of ten, you are adding fuel to the fire. Just like people can't simply tell me something that would erase/talk me out of my ADHD/depression/anxiety disorder, you also cannot simply argue/reassure/persuade people out of scrupulosity. We should not try. We have a responsibility to consider that it's outright harmful to do so, and to disengage.

#this is a massive pet peeve of mine #im not mad at the people who responded about religion and religious thinking bc it took me time to realize what this was too #like im sure i used to view these kinds of questions in a more...idk flippant light when i was a teenager and maybe even in my 20's #as i became more educated about my own mental health though i started to realize the pattern in these fears #and like many of you i probably originally started replying to people with scrupulosity or similar religious anxieties genuinely #not realizing at first that replying to their fears or questions was inevitable harmful #not realizing that hey actually this is far above my paygrade #ocd/obsessive thinking and anxiety spirals can be crippling life ruining and immensely painful #and unfortunately my love of theological discussions sometimes tripped me RIGHT into what was essentially self-harm #so im not mad at other people for also making that mistake - but i am asking everyone to think about this actively #its too easy to leap in without considering if the discussion is healthy to have for our discussion partner #its definitely too easy to contribute to the pain and fear while only meaning to genuinely help what is misunderstood as a mere “worry”#bc these arent just small fears or worries but thoughts that are causing them immense pain

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akajustmerry · 3 months

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anyways forgot to tell you guys that after YEARS of asking my doctors to get me assessed for adhd I finally had the appointment with the psych and they're referring me to a different psych who specialises in treating inattentive adhd which is what they suspect my diagnosis is. I cannot even speak how relieved I am that I haven't been imagining feeling like this!!! but also I'm trying not to feel crazy about All The Things Wrong With Me™

#idk it's silly but I feel like I know ppl who have gone through way worse trauma than me and it just feels embarrassing...#to have not gone through anything so awful as what others I know but still need so much like I feel like I'm taking resources or something #like when the doc said so yeah you have ocd depression and anxiety and probably this too I'm like but WHY

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tortellinigirl · 2 years

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I feel like recently, ADHD has kind of become shorthand for “a person who is annoying online and has no real problems,” and I don’t really think that’s awesome news, given the context that ADHD has a long history of being disregarded as a made up disorder that’s just an excuse for poor/obnoxious behavior, no matter how much scientific research proves otherwise. ADHD is not by any means the only disorder that has people making a thousand misleading tiktoks about it, so perhaps do some critical thinking about why specifically ADHD has become the poster child for that behavior. There are certainly valid criticisms to be made of the way we discuss mental health online, but maybe use your brain and determine why this disorder in particular is the one that’s easiest to point at for being “annoying” and “not that big of a deal.”

#idk maybe if u actually watched a couple of the tiktoks u might learn that the lack of focus thing is reall not the main issue #its just what the people around us are most likely to notice and be bothered by #not saying it doesnt get obnoxious seeing people say the same thing over and over #and yes some people are like purposely vague and disingenuous about the symptoms to get views from people thinking they have it now #but i see that with everything. like autism PTSD depression OCD anxiety #im always getting tiktoks saying that im a lesbian or i have repressed memories or “x normal thing is a symptom of y disorder!!”#and yes its annoying but its probably somewhat helpful to people who actually are dealing w those things #and also like. if u simply stop treating ur for you page like a crystal ball that sees into your soul and reflects it back #and realize its just an algorithm designed to make u interact whether thats bc u like what u saw or fucking hated it #then u will not be as bothered !#but yes our generation seems to have a habit of constantly trying to find the right box to out ourselves in so we can be like. “marketable”#like people seem to want to design their personality like an movie character or something #but its so shitty that we’re dog piling all that on ADHD as if our specific disorder has anything to do with it #also personally i think its kind of normal to be really focused on a particular aspect of your identity when u just discovered it #and it usually evens out and just becomes part of the background of your identity #but yes there’s often a problem with pathologizing normal things #but i think its important to recognize that lots of things that are normal occasionally are pathological in excess. like thats how it works #like we’ve all been through how being sad sometimes is not the same as depression #why cant we grasp that occasionally going into a room and forgetting why you’re there isnt the same as ADHD #my posts

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thediamondarcher · 8 months

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I got back from the psychiatrist and oh my

#I'm not diagnosed yet but she already gave me the pills #my brain is constantly trying to make me think i don't actually have something and I'm just making shit up so i badly need a diagnosis #all i know is that i have an anxiety disorder (which was already pretty obvious)#but idk what like #idk if i have like GAD or OCD or another one idk which one i have #I'm going to start the meds tomorrow so say goodbye to my creativity 💀

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bitchapalooza · 4 months

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Researching ocd for yourself is hard to do when you’re barely sure of who yourself even is 🥴

#some more outwardly stuff really do coincide with ocd that it’s made me wonder on and off #about it for the past 6ish years #but I’m mostly concerned with my intrusive thoughts #they make me sick to my stomach sometimes and I really wanna find out the source of em #I know intrusive thoughts are normal but at what point #is it considered ocd related? is there treatment to help to ease the anxiety they often give?#idk I’m just trying to help myself feel more at ease…#talkies

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zurko48 · 9 months

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I am trying (honest) I am doing better than I was before (possibly) I will be okay in the end (unsure)

#actually autistic #autistic #autism #type one diabetes #type one diabetic #actually diabetic #t1d #diabetes #actually disabled #mental health memes #actuallychronicallyill #depressed #anxiety #idk what to tag lol #ocd #actually ocd #mental illness luv

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schizopositivity · 2 years

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you can be neurodiverse and still be abelist or sanist to psychotics and schizophrenics

like the bipolar drug addict from the psych ward that said "youre lucky you can hallucinate for free"

like that guy with anxiety and depression that called his friend "psychotic" for adding sugar to his juice and his friend with ocd and autism who laughed along with him while i was in a car with the two of them

like my brother with bipolar and cptsd who told me i had to show more expressions and when i told him its flat affect he told me to "grow up, just fake it, the real world doesnt work like that"

being mentay ill doesnt give you a pass to be shitty to psychotic and schizophrenic people

#these are just examples that ive personally experienced #schizo #schizophrenic #psychosis #abelism #ableism #idk how to spell #sanism #neurodiversity #nd #tagginng these next ones so maybe yall can learn what not to do #anxiety #depression #bipolar #autism #ocd #ptsd #cptsd

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passionate-stalker · 2 years

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Oh look. It's 1:00 am. Time to introspect about my life choices, get really motivated, understand how to fix my life, get ready to work hard and get amazing ideas about stuff I should have done during the day time.🥰🥰🤩🤩

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sureuncertainty · 4 months

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at least now i've gone through an important tumblr rite of passage, watching a longtime mutual become a radfem :/

#the thing that really got me was that they were talking about their morality ocd triggering them about it #bc of the way tumblr and the internet in general has this black and white approach to things #and one of those i guess was 'transphobes = bad' which like. is not what i'm ever talking about when i say that things have more nuance #that said i DO think that the way this website prioritizing hating terfs over supporting trans people is kinda gross #but anyway this person was so anxious about it and it just was depressing bc i related to that #they were SO afraid of losing friends or being cancelled over it and i was just like damn i wonder if all terfs are that miserable #but they acted like they just had no choice but to believe this 'thing' that they constantly alluded to but never talked outright about #which i am pretty sure now is just that they're a radfem or at least believe in a lot of radfem ideologies #and honestly? i go back and forth between genuinely feeling so bad for them and being like well that's what you fucking get #i wish i'd had the courage to talk to them about it but whenever i thought about it i got immeasurable anxiety #sorry for the very long tag ramble i just haven't been able to talk about this and it's been eating ME up too for a long time #i just feel horrible. i know in the past they've mentioned too how they want people to tell them why if they unfollow/block them #but i can't. i cannot. and then i'm afraid of just feeding into their victim complex by doing this #i just can't win. and it's like. i'm trans i am literally affected by their bigotry that they're acting like is just not even a choice #ALSO I REMEMBER HOW THEY MADE A POST ONCE ABOUT HOW PEOPLE IRL DON'T TALK ABOUT TRANS STUFF #LIEK IDK WHAT PLANET YOU ARE LIVING ON MY DUDE BUT I HAVE LIKE 5 TRANS COWORKERS AND EVERYONE IS VERY NORMAL ABOUT THEM #like maybe YOU live in a bad area #but you're just a really loud minority #anyway. yeah. just. oof.#still feeling some kind of anxiety about it #win rambles

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kindheartedgummybears · 9 months

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Are the neurotypicals in the room with us?

#THIS IS SO DUMB OAWFW0HWAFHOAW]#theres not a single neurotypical person on the lonnt team I'm sorry #Mark and Erin?#autism.#Jamie?#ADHD.#Charlie?#(based on a conversation with my sibling)#Autistic AND has OCD #but like #actual OCD not that white-girl neurotypical-ed “OMG its uneven my OCD😭😭😫😫” version of it.#now obviously some people with actual OCD might have that as a trigger which is completely fine and valid!#but you know exactly what im talking about #idk wtf Kate has but she sure as hell ain't neurotypical #and all of them have anxiety!#and depression proabably #and you wanna know what?#Erins dyslexic now!#sorry not sorry💃#Charlie also has BPD.#you wanna know what?#Kate does too now #you cant stop me #i will neurospicy all my fav characters cuz I'm neurospicy and THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!#anyways~~~~#The Devil in Me #TDiM #The Dark Pictures #The Dark Pictures Anthology #Mark Nestor

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birdietrait · 11 months

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i really need to get evaluated for autism but i’m too scared to talk to my doctor about it 🙃

#birdie rambles #got so overstimulated in a store that i could barely think i was zoning out so hard #like i could barely form words and i felt so separated from myself #there are so many other things that i’ve just pushed aside bc it could just be anxiety or ocd #but i’m so nervous to ask my doctor bc what if i’m just being dramatic ??? idk #ughhhh #sorry for the rant <3

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lecliss · 1 year

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How come when I do research on anxiety and paranoia everything just talks about being afraid of how strangers and society in general perceive you and judge you behind your back? Like yeah thats a major part of it, but wheres all the information about being terrified of dying every single second you're in a car or that the ceiling will suddenly for no reason at all just collapse on you killing you instantly or that The Killer is standing in the hall while you're on your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night???

#im having a 'scared of everything right now' moment and i refuse to believe im the only person in the world like this #how does this not qualify as anxiety and/or paranoia??? is this something else???#i tried to look into paranoid schizophrenia once but i just got info about schizophrenia in general #i couldnt find anything specifically about the paranoid version #does this count as some form of ocd perhaps??? see the problem here is that i dont know enough about these things #and idk what my specific problems are classified as cuz no one talks about that part #its all just 'everyone is judging me and they think i suck' or 'imaginary people are stalking me'#which actually. maybe The Killer in the hall counts as that? see idk AND THATS THE PROBLEM!!!!#see fuck people. idc about people. but about the improbable but never impossible chance a gorilla will come up behind me and kill me???#and see im wording it funny but thats just how i talk. its for real not a joke. im terrified of these things #the improbable but not impossible thing is just how i live but i act like everything is 99% probable #personal

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jinglejanglemornings · 7 months

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basically i decided yesterday (second day of college) that i cannot continue to live life with a name i hate and i changed my name to my hebrew name in my school system so. full send it or whatever the kids say i'm psyching myself out about it now but like i have a name i love that i chose for a reason... absolutely zero reason not to use it.

#other than anxiety. but like.#what is it that this one OCD therapist said.#you're going to be miserable and anxious anyway you might as well be miserable and anxious on purpose #idk. it's the only name that's ever really felt like mine so. it's mine. whatever.#it was a somewhat impulsive decision but also i've needed to do this for years i just. was missing the confidence #i figure new school is like THE time to do this #anyway lol i'm actually incredibly anxious about this but i guess enough is enough i've been waffling on this for a long time #i know what i want... i know how i feel when people call me that name...#everything will be okay...

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gxlden-angels · 1 year

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I don't know how many of you watch/listen to Belief it or Not but I love his concern about a USAmerican pastor bringing a gun on stage for a message cause my old pastor openly bragged about being armed all the time

#gun mention #gun tw #and yes of course it was in the southeast #yeehaw :)))#I hated it #I understand the reasons why and it's very nuanced especially in the aftermath of multiple attacks on black churches #black churches are a staple of black communities and while I don't like christianity #I will defend the right of black churches to keep serving their communities #I hated his weird 'look at me I'm so modern and hip I'm not a pacifist like most christians' energy #It was really fuckin weird and it made me feel so uneasy #He implied most christians are passive and hate guns as if 'god guns and glory' wasn't a whole thing #idk I've had some iffy experiences with guns so I don't like them #and that was one of them #gave me bad anxiety of 'if you have a gun here (what I thought was the safest/holiest place as a kid)#then that means everywhere else is even less safe than I thought since you still need protection here #and no one helped me cause a) fear being sin and b) them holding onto the idea of Jesus personally protecting their church from harm #so they insisted that was and would always be the case #and starting to grow up in the social media scape and constantly learning about tragedy even in churches #well let's just say my OCD didn't come from nowhere #was genuinely convinced Id cause a shooting by worrying about it too much #I'm a lot better now #I'm much secure in the idea of a world of neutrality #Things happen and things don't happen and that's how chaos and nature work #I am not better or safer at a church but it doesn't mean Im never safe #And it doesn't mean Im never loved #anyways I got off topic this was meant to be a yeehaw Im from the south pew pew guns merica am I right? type post #but y'all know how I am I've gotta lot to say #thanks for reading <3 #ex christian #religious trauma

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