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going-to-ikea-for-the-fries · 3 months

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It's a Match! || 141 x reader

[ Chapter 1 ] || [ Chapter 3 ]

Pairing: Soap x Reader || 141 x gn!Reader Words: 1K~ cw: a bit of dirty talking/innuendos Summary: While overcoming recent heartbreak, you decide to join Tinder in search of a rebound. Your friends advise to just Swipe Right indiscriminately... What happens when 4 soldiers from the same squad match with you?

Chapter 2: Johnny

“Oh, hello…” You remarked to yourself as your eyes locked into a stunning pair of blue eyes on your screen, stopping your mindless right-swipping. “...Johnny.”

“You’re 29… A soldier… Scottish… Are you friends with Kyle?” You mused playfully. “Let me guess, you’re a gym bro, aren’t you?” You asked sarcastically as you tapped your finger on the right side, skipping through his pictures. The first one immediately after was him lifting while wearing a weightlifting belt. “Yup… Mandatory gym pic.”

Chuckling to yourself, you snap a screenshot of his profile to the girls as well, sending it quick.

leah: @/mia Whatever good energy you sent its working. second hot guy in the last 5 minutes! mia: i lit a CANDLE for this!!!!! leah: there weren’t any handsome guys like this when i was on tinder?! 😫 UNFAIR. 🙄 you: blow it out then cause this is the 3rd actually. leah: 3rd??? Where’s number 2??? you: didn’t think to snap a screenshot. hasn’t matched me back yet. mia: has he posted a shirtless pic? you: kyle did and this one idk but probably. need to check. leah: Don’t forget to send it over.🥴

Shaking your head and laughing in amusement, you went back to Tinder, checking on ‘Johnny’. The mandatory gym pic was there… a couple of them in fact! And then the mandatory shirtless selfie. Or rather… The mandatory shirtless SELFIES. Plural.

Three of them… The first one was him just straight up wearing just a towel… And the next was him in a kilt… And the next was him with a button-up very much so unbuttoned.

“Oh, my, Johnny-John-John… You sure know how to woo a bird…” You joked to yourself.

You dragged your finger down to check his bio and immediately frowned. “Of course…” You trailed off with a disappointed frown as you snuck another spring roll into your mouth.

He might be stupidly attractive, but his personality… Gosh, he doesn’t know how to sell himself. Boring, boring, boring. “I work out and like video games!” You quipped mockingly and scoffed a bit.

“Artist.” You remarked when you reached the last of his profile’s tags, spotting that word in the hobby section. “An artist? You?” You asked your phone screen as if Johnny would come alive in it and answer you.

You’d admit, him calling himself an artist was intriguing enough, but normally that wouldn’t be enough to make you Swipe Right on him… But you’re not under normal circumstances. You promised your friends you’d Swipe Right on everyone so…

Your phone almost dropped out of your hand as soon as the ‘It’s a Match’ screen showed. “Of course… He’s probably swiping right on everyone as well…” Rolling your eyes, you go to click off the screen but accidentally enter DMs.

Johnny: ye have any scottish in you? you: not that i know of. Johnny: would ye like to? 🫦 Johnny: wait. wdym not that ye know of??? Johnny: i was trying to be filthy and now got me curious bonnie

“Fuckin’ hell…” You said as you set down your phone and covered your face before breaking into a fit of giggles.

The fact you had accidentally ruined his pick-up line and succeeded in stumping him got you very, very amused. Okay, maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t as boring as you thought.

you: story for another time. you: i walked right into that one tho. good job. Johnny: no ye cant do that Johnny: gotta tell me all about it now you: i mean werent scottish people everywhere in the uk at one point? you: i might be 1/370232103484320th scottish. Johnny: would ye like some MORE scottish in ye then? 🫦 you: solid attempt again. you: if you keep trying you might just get there. Johnny: i intend to dont worry you: soooo… Johnny: so? you: were you wearing underwear under the kilt? Johnny: no Johnny: why want a peek? 😏 you: i’m good you: so ur an artist? Johnny: i am Johnny: ur fast at typing fuck you: what kind? you: keep up then! Johnny: drawing Johnny: im trying 🥴 you: can i see some? Johnny: hanging with my mates difficult to text fast 😤 Johnny: idk if ull be in the mood to see anything after im done with ye you: why? 🤨 Johnny: might be too tired and need to be cuddled to sleep 😏 you: oh fuck off. Johnny: u just cursed me out Johnny: i think m in love 😫 Johnny: gonna tell my mates i just met my spouse 🥴🥴 you: don’t give them any ideas. you: haven’t even agreed to meet up with you. you: haven’t been invited in the first place. Johnny: meet up with me 🙏 Johnny: meet up with me 🙏 Johnny: meet up with me 🙏 Johnny: meet up with me 🙏 Johnny: meet up with me 🙏

Your eyes widened at his enthusiasm and persistence. Okay, he was definitely not boring… It was actually kind of endearing and funny!

you: jc r u copypasting that? Johnny: yes Johnny: are ye going to or not you: can i get back to you on that? Johnny: ill wait for ye you: sure you do that johnny Johnny: ow the sarcasm burns

Concealing a chuckle, you clicked off the DMs page for the second time tonight… but, this time, you closed the app and focused on eating dinner.

Sure, this whole dating app thing was stupid, but at least you were enjoying yourself.

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IF THE GIF DOESN'T WORK FOR YOU: CLICK HERE

taglist: @daisychainsinknots , @bunnysdaydreams , @iite-cool , @lahniu , @pagesfalling , @tapioca-milktea1978 , @live-love-be-unique , @thelaisydazy , @littleghosthoney , @bossva , @emotion-no-hot-yes-hotel-trivago , @chamomiletealeaf , @ghosts-hoe

#ikea writes 💚#it's a match! fic #cod modern warfare #cod fanfic #captain john price #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #simon ghost riley #text story #cod x reader #call of duty x reader #soap x reader #johnny soap mactavish #johnny soap mactavish x reader

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birdiewriteslit · 4 months

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wildest dreams au

luke hughes x abigail abernathy

masterlist

note: this took me a week bc i have to go to school sorry y’all

abyabynathy

tagged _quinnhughes, lhughes06, jackhughes

Liked by jackhughes and 1,896,245 others

abyabynathy the boys are back in town

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_quinnhughes DAMN STRAIGHT🗣️🗣️

jackhughes @/_quinnhughes 🙄🙄

abyabynathy @/jackhughes looks like someone’s mad about the loss

jackhughes @/abyabynathy don’t accuse me

rudeth skipping the bruins game??

abyabynathy @/rudeth this is the only exception

user1 @/rudeth why is he commenting

user2 @/rudeth are yall back together or something

trevorzegras when will you come to my game

abyabynathy @/trevorzegras @/dixiedamelio come get your man

user3 @/abyabynathy HER WHAT.

ekat19 miss my girl

abyabynathy @/ekat19 shameless days>>

madelyncline LOVE YOU DEAREST

❤️ by author

jamie.drysdale collab when🤔

abyabynathy @/jamie.drysdale hmmm

user1 @/jamie.drysdale @/trevorzegras well well well

January 6, 2024

—

messages 9:40 pm

jack: so what is going on with you and luke

jack: you guys were being weird earlier

abigail: jack we’re in the same room just talk to me

jack: luke’s in the other room i am being safe

abigail: whatever

jack: so why has he been ignoring you all night and why does quinn know and i don’t

abigail: how do you know that quinn knows🤨

jack: bc he told me not to ask

abigail: yet here we are

jack: i dont like the vibes i need to fix them this is weird

jack: you never fight

abigail: fine he’s mad bc i made peace with rudy and i was with him the other day

jack: is that it

jack: your breakup was toxic but if you’re good with him now idk why luke would be mad about it

—

Abigail bit her lip, glancing at Jack from across the couch. “There is something else,” she said quietly.

Jack looked up from his phone and set it down beside him. “What is it?”

“You can’t say anything to anyone because Luke and I haven’t talked about it yet.” Abigail scooted closer to Jack and held up her pinky.

Jack intertwined his pinky with hers and motioned with his other hand that his lips were zipped. “I won’t tell a soul.”

“Okay,” Abigail said cautiously. “Luke and I kissed on New Year’s.”

Jack’s eyes blew wide. “What?” he practically shouted. Abigail slapped her hands over his mouth.

“Shut the fuck up!” she reprimanded through gritted teeth.

Jack made wild gestures with his hands and pushed hers away from his face. “That’s not what I thought you were going to say. You can’t just do that!”

Abigail shrugged. “Well, sorry to be blunt but I’m not sure how else you wanted me to say it.”

“I cannot fucking believe this,” Jack whispered. Abigail felt obligated to say something, but Jack brought his finger up to shush her. “You told Quinn and not me?”

Abigail rolled her eyes. “No, idiot. He just knows Luke’s mad about Rudy. He doesn’t know about the kiss thing.”

Jack grinned. “So I’m special.”

“You are not special,” Abigail said, exasperated. “I just don’t know what to do about this. He hasn’t said anything about it.”

“Abby, he’s probably waiting for you to say something,” Jack rationalized. “You know how he is.”

“Maybe. Should I talk to him about it?” Abigail asked.

Jack looked hesitant. “Can I ask you something?”

“What?”

“Do you love him?”

Abigail’s eyes widened and she felt her heartbeat quicken in her chest. “Jack, what?”

“I’m serious, Abby,” he said, his face stern.

“Jesus, I don’t know. I don’t even know where to go from here,” she admitted, running a nervous hand through her hair.

“You better figure it out because this is a big thing and I don’t want either of you getting hurt,” he said seriously.

“I know.” Abigail nodded solemnly.

“Do you want to be with him or not?” Jack asked finally.

Abigail thought for a moment. She always stopped herself from thinking about Luke like this. It felt forbidden to want him the way that she knew she did.

That night, when they kissed, it felt like she was on fire. She had never felt like that with any of her exes, not even Rudy. She always felt different when she was around Luke. He wasn’t her brother like Jack and Quinn were. He never was, even when they were kids. She knew the answer to Jack’s first question.

“I do,” she confessed softly.

“Then you know what to.”

“Yeah.”

Jack stood from the couch. “Goodnight, Abby.”

“Goodnight, Jack.”

#birdiewriteslit #birdiewritesfics #wildest dreams au #abigail abernathy #luke hughes x abigail abernathy #luke hughes x oc #luke hughes fic #luke hughes #lh43 #smau #media edit #nhl fic #nhl #nj devils #jack hughes #quinn hughes #birdie’s aus #birdie’s edits

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sweetest-omens · 1 year

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okay it’s been discussed a million times but I would like to talk AGAIN about the blocking/body language in the 0401 best man scene [wwdits] [long post]

okay first up, we open on nandor drying guillermo’s hair:

this comes directly after nandor jumping into the water after him to save his life with no hesitation. and then THIS. a complete 180 in their dynamic. right out of the gate all of the erosion of boundaries that was paced so gently in season 3 are completely shattered. but look at the body language!! nandor is still very physically distant. he dries guillermo’s hair with the tips of his fingers and then dumps the towel over his head.

next, we get a bouncy, tentative “how are we feeling?” from nandor

this is so funny to me because he’s standing there doing his little nervous hands, hovering close but still maintaining distance.

I’m gonna skip over the little water bit because it covers a lot of the same bases. devotion through acts of service, role reversal, blah blah blah. but I do want to point out that all of nandor’s devotional gestures are functionally useless (hair still wait, water full of god knows what etc.) but they serve literally only to reassure guillermo that they are an on equal(ish) footing.

okay after that we get the “will you be my best man at my wedding” ft this beautiful baby boy facial expression:

and then:

they are standing... so close. guillermo puts himself in nandor’s personal space by standing up on “you’re getting married!!” but then nandor comes into his personal space with a saucy little “dont be jealous”. I couldn’t quite capture nandor’s mirco-expression after guillermo says “I’m not” but it is RIDICULOUS. a split second of bitchy sulky baby that he very quickly covers up.

anyway. HUG DODGE

sure, nandor refusing guillermo’s physical affection is a gag throughout the series. but usually nandor calls it out verbally. this, he just avoids, and then...

straight across the room to give the camera this look. I know it doesn’t look like much here but it is a distinct, sheepish(?) glance to the camera, and then he looks away. he deliberately has his back to guillermo to hide a series of small flickers in his facial expression. [also just really noticing how beautiful his outfit is here *cher voice* can we get a little commotion for the dress?]

and then he reveals his reason for wanting to get married: he’s been lonely. now, I know this has also been a theme through the series, nandor being unlucky in love. but a marriage within the month is a big step. what’s changed? guillermo being absent in his life, that’s what! what’s going to fill the guillermo-shaped hole in his life? oh, a romantic partner! a wife! good thinking, nandor!

the thing is, I don’t think either of them have the will or the words to discuss the massive shift in their dynamic. they are trying frantically to express it, but failing at every turn (this is why the closer they get, the more physical fights they have). but I really, really want to talk about the way their emotional connection manifests in the blocking for this scene:

HELLO! the closeness of the best man declaration with them literally inches apart, followed by the chasm of emotional distance that nandor creates with the absent wife. and its actually guillermo that rounds to the other side of the coffin. I mean, guillermo is very vulnerable in this scene. he’s in nothing but a little robe, and dishevilled and nandor has just saved his life. but this is the only time he seeks protection for himself in the form of a physical barrier between them. (also it being a coffin, and the unfulfilled promise of vampirism that is the true barrier between them).

I know this has all been said a hundred times before. but I rewatched this scene and was struck by how big the emotions are and how they affect both characters physically. also I apologise endlessly for my shitty little screenshots idk how to gif. BUT please go back and rewatch the scene for all of nandor’s heartwrenching microexpressions. there’s one that the camera barely catches when he’s got his back to guillermo and it drives me insane let me see his whole FACE. anyway <3

#this is just fun for me #nandermo

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1eoness · 18 days

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BROOO u were literally probably the first author whose fic i read when i first searched up leon smuts last year 😭 ur works r so good n idk if u'll see this but it's nice to hear abt ur perspective, i feel like fics abt leon these days r so fucked up and scary, it reminds me of when i first read a fic of yours and it was nothing but normal and hot? i just mean it's like, what fanfiction should be, how smuts should be, just p in v and stuff without all that crazy shit, it sucks to see writers these days waste their talent on writing dead dove fics that are so horrendous that it really affected me mentally

helloo!! (im not dead mueheaheah)

WARNING : Mentions of dead dove content and the likes of its themes!

before i talk : [HIIIIII HEHAHEH thank you for your support!! i'm glad you liked my (very subpar) work! now that i look back on it those themes did enter a somewhat gray line at some point because i lacked a lot of experience in writing. i do not condone ever letting your professor have sex with you nor do i promote any kind of hate-motivated sex, or dubcon! it was merely a bold attempt of expressing hormones (if you know 😭) like a lot of people my age commonly do and so i had (and still have to) reedit the tropes in my work a bit, also because i turned 18 now and i wanna readjust my boundaries! i hope you dont mind. regardless, i love that you like those themes. very good! love you!! /p]

anyway, leaning more towards the topic at hand. i don't doubt that your opinion is much different than a large part of the community under this tag. which is a very, very good thing! i'm pretty sure it was ever since @/gilfhub's posts started to quickly rise in the top pages that lead a lot of users to be influenced and begin to tear down a very, very important boundary. i'm very sorry to hear that being exposed to that affected you mentally, that's the entire reason why i absolutely abhor blogs that post and enable that content. you're not alone on that either <3 and i agree! people should ALWAYS write boundaries in mind. i've lurked around the tag a lot and noticed a lot of "popular" writers who also have an alternative blog for dark content (this isn't just a specific account, there are a lot of these.) warnings don't make things better, they don't fend witnesses away, and it doesn't make you any less insensitive. "dead dove content" itself (which is really just incestual/horribly taboo sexual assault fantasies, no need to sanitize it) should always be suppressed and private (or, well, NOT WRITTEN AT ALL). the moment you put it up on any kind of digital page, you are attracting ANY kind of viewer and none of that shit is cute, i'm sorry. projecting your trauma onto a character is one thing but writing them as someone who skips the morality line is just straight up trying to exercise your power through the wrong means. just as much as you have the power to express yourself, you also have the power to make someone very uncomfortable. people don't think about these situations in the long run, that's why. they seem to really like using the "leon is just a character, i promise he won't care" argument which i also think is total bullshit cause this isn't even about leon, it just entirely reflects what your true values really are. they centralize around the need to express yourself at the expense of other people's comfort (because, for the nth time, it's a public space with an unpredictable demographic yet people seem to really like just doing the "bare minimum" on their part). whilst your perception of a traumatic experience may be valid, it doesn't give you any excuse. this is far from the idea of free individualistic expression, it is just as bad as some 4channer posting about wanting similar situations be inflicted onto them with even real, sentient people. because we all know why these themes allow themselves to be exposed to the audience and that's because it tries to appeal to a very specific group of people (which is very disgusting.) they want to be so condescending, too. like "oh grow up, i'm all under ur skin and for what." it's blatant ignorance, you're not very smart!

and finally as ironic as it is, porn is to blame for enabling a lot of similar themes. it's so obvious, too, a lot of fictions like the ones you mentioned that are dead dove always have to mention pornography titles in it. (honestly doesn't have to be dead dove either). sanitization can be done in MANY ways, and a lot of the times I notice it's through the way of romanticizing or aestheticizing it. I'm talking about those who put up mini pinterest-board headers of like three whatevercore images and then putting lyrics at the bottom of it. it's like an attempt at writing a very bad fucking movie not gonna lie. for example, they end up trying to decorate their post with elements that fall under anything curated aesthetic. and guess what? we've all been there but NOT for writing about uncle!character and their kid reader thats just flat out WEIRD. trust me you are NOT anais nin, you do not have to write lyrical prose and try to beautify something that will always be ugly and demented to its very core. you cannot call dead dove content "artistic vents", either. i also think i can understand that some people are victims who have failed to get help thus they try to cope through other means. but i will never applause someone for making the right choices. i think there's no excuse behind writing dead dove content other than to self mutilate your mental health in the long run for a temporary moment of "safe fun", and not even knowing that it is also in/directly harming the public eye.

it's rotten. it's disgusting. dead dove writers should not be welcomed in any fictional writing space. i've been triggered over and over again and it made me put off writing and reading for a very long time. i've experienced something similar before and i have gone crazy over it, and trust me, the things these people write so "generously" for their viewers are NOTHING but toxic waste.

tumblr is NOT your space, but everyone has a space in tumblr, so be conscious of yours.

i also encourage people to not stay silent on the matters if they want to speak up on it but are afraid of getting backlash. i've seen people delete their accounts over it (which, i guess is good on them since then they won't have to confront this kind of space anymore).

#leon kennedy smut #ivy responding #loen s kennededyyy!!!!

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spacecowboy6780 · 3 months

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HII !!! LOVED YOUR ART ♡

do your csm ocs have lore? i'd love to read it ! (not me trying to make fanart no how would you think that nooooo of course nooooott)

HAADJKFMKLGD THANK YOUUU SO MUCH 😭😭 i dont know if i really have any good lore yet... im pretty bad at making that typa stuff i kinda just draw things lol

Orion!!

(i draw him a little differently each time dw abt it)

his pants are like- loose at the bottom so not tight fit :)) and he has like black combat boots i guess he's a whole sucker for black and white clothing hehe..

has a tongue piercing and a piercing on his right ear

he has a contract with the fox devil

likes the color white

does mma, anything to do with shooting things, and fishing

barem's right hand man (just a person to do his dirty work lol)

he's wasian, white mom (died during his birth), japanese dad (hates him for his mom's death and makes him try twice as hard because of it)

from a rich family who owns a [blank] company (i haven't decided what yet, i feel like a gun company would work but that's kinda ironic cuz yk)

he was a good child! always trying to meet his father's standards so he could do well, he wanted to be the best because he wanted his father's "love" (it wasn't really love. his father was emotionally manipulative and abusive and only gave him "love" whenever he did something in his favor or good. when he didn't he would tell him how much of a disgrace he is. only to treat him nicely again when he did something good.)

a social bird, made friend easily all throughout his school years, a popular and friendly person. he started to realize he could do whatever during his highschool years, because of his status as the sole heir to his father's company so he started to become more rebellious, going out more, skipping classes, getting drunk, but he always brought back straight A's. he became a rowdy asshole genius typa guy

closeted homo up to college years, he started really embracing his gay then. during highschool and middle school he would date women but he didn't really feel anything for them and would usually break up with them after a few months. he would make up the sweetest and most heartbreaking reasons why and they would forgive him, when in reality he really didn't care about them

his dad was suffering from heart issues as he got older, and as orion got older he grew to hate his dad, he slowly poisoned him with arsenic which led to him having a heart attack and dying!! one day he accidentally put too much arsenic into his food but he was like yknow what it's okay and then made sure to keep the maids away from his slowly decaying father, put him to bed early and tada he had a heart attack

he got away with it cause a) he’s the sole heir to the company and b) if he went to court? 💰💥💰💥💰💥

he met barem at the chainsaw church!! he was curious about it, flyers and all over town so he went to check it out. he got a tour from one of the church members before bumping into him. it was kind of a physical attraction at first, he just wanted to get into his pants. so he got a tour from barem, saying he didn't remember any of it (playing dumb blond stereotype lol). but after talking to him he was like hey wait this guy is also kind of cool and an eye opener (idk what he would've said i'll figure something out) and then he started to reeeeally take a liking to barem. he started to appear more around the chainsaw church, mostly around barem and talk to him a lot but he wouldn't join it. he didn't want to marry a woman. barem asked why he would come to the csm church if he didn't want to join it. orion was blunt and was like to see you ofc. barem was like ???.

sooner or later orion became his right hand man (i'll explain more on how later), or more of a person to just do a lot of his dirty work because he was so willing to do it. he's also willing to pay for all of barem's expenses. lol sugar daddy

ok i think im done for now but ill make like- a better doc for him i think he's like the first kind of fleshed out oc i've made in a while haha!

#chainsaw man oc #oc #orion #my oc #my oc art #asks and answers #csm oc #csm #i was staring at this ask for like 10 minutes it just made me so happy ahahdahamdhsdm #barem bridge #chainsaw man #barem #art #my art #digital art #digital

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gxdmade · 3 months

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Mmmmm thinkin about Transmasc NB Usopp.......

Under a readmore because we gonna ramble. and it will likely be incoherent but yknow.

so walk with me here.

pre time skip boyo being obsessed with being like his dad, a strong man, warrior of the sea, pretending he was strong and brave. and luckily (to him), he was naturally small chested, so it was easy to pass off as a boy for the most part. at the time, only Kayah and the older people in the village knew he was afab, but they didn't really mind when he started correcting people not long before his mother passed away.

her death further cemented the idea on his head that he had to be a big, strong, brave boy so that he could grow up and be as cool as his pirate dad.

and at some point, it turned into the whole brave warrior of the sea thing. east blue usopp really do be giving awkward baby transman energy at times. obsessed with being strong and cool and manly, struggling to fit in his skin.

it wasnt until after Water 7 that he really started to get introspective on himself, which lead to him getting incredibly insecure. thus leading to the, yknow, shenanigans that happened there. but after spending a lot of time with franky, a guy who Literally built himself, and getting some genuinely good words of wisdom, it helped him to think about things in a healthier way and come to his senses about how awful he's been on top of that.

being at his most unsure, he dons Sogeking, an attempt to be the type of man he admires. and while it sort of works for awhile, he still defaults back to his true self. and i don't mean gender wise, i mean the real type of person he is. supportive, anxious, crafty, a worry wart and a big ol baby. but above all that, he _is_ brave. brave enough to shoot down the flag. brave enough to use his talents to save robin. brave enough to scream for luffy, to give luffy the courage to get up at fight despite being entirely drained.

he also learns a bit of what his worth is to the crew. that it never mattered how physically strong he was, or how confident, or how cool he was. what mattered was him, plain and simple. and i feel since then he'd really been working on himself behind the scenes. and with the addition of franky and brook, it was becoming painfully obvious that his idea of a brave warrior of the sea was all wrong. or at the very least, a bit skewed and misdirected.

post time skip usopp finds himself much more confident, much more comfortable in his skin. acutely aware of his strengths and weaknesses, and an unbreaking trust in his crew and his place with them. sure, anxiety will have him wavering from time to time, but ultimately, he knows who he is, and where he belongs.

long nights of introspection for two years straight brought him a sense of peace with himself, mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. he had very long talks with himself, both current and younger. and it brought a million revelations and a mountain of relief.

how he got top surgery dont ask me idk. but damn does he feel like a million bucks.

he probably didnt feel the need to completely change his body, happy with a masc leaning in between physically.

#the true storyteller {ooc}#thinking about that post from this morning and also my personal thoughts on Definitely Not Cis Usopp. in like any direction.

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parallaxistaken · 10 months

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okay so i have a wild theory about what the final showdown in the animator vs animations series could be…..just as a forewarning i am writing this at a fever pitch at 3 am and i joined the fandom like 2 and some change days ago so, if anything is blatantly wrong i extend my deepest of apologies for not consuming the lore hard enough. anyway ONTO MY CRACKPOT THEORY. (under the cut)

I fully believe that Victim (and im 99.9999999Eipie% sure its him) wants the Chosen One captured in his facility for one of two possible reasons: 1) to persuade him (or coerce him) into helping Vic take down Alan (who still hasn’t reckoned with his earliest crimes against Vic) once and for all, or 2) skip the middle step altogether and just straight up steal the Chosen One’s powers for himself (and possibly his clone army.)

I am leaning toward believing the second, because we’ve already seen that TCO is willing to let bygones be bygones towards Alan. He helped ward off the ViraBot from Alan’s computer, fought TDL with Alan and the others without protest, and didn’t attempt to initiate a fight with Alan’s cursor after everything was said and done. He didn’t even care about Alan when he went to recruit TSC’s help in part VI, so I highly doubt that Vic would be able to turn him against Alan with pure rhetoric or appeal to emotions.

You see, I think Vic is building something in his facility. We can see all his worker bees milling around clearly doing something of importance, what that is exactly, we dont know. And we likely wont know until one or two episodes down the line. But, I will hazard a guess and say that he is building something to extract TCO’s powers. What would be the best way to exact righteous vengeance on Alan and his cohorts? That’s right, by turning The Chosen One’s all powerful abilities against the person who wished life upon him. If he bestowed TCO’s powers unto his hoard of loyal minions? EVEN BETTER. whats worse then a single pissed off Chosen One? A Thousand. Alan couldnt beat 2 of them, so suffice to say, if Vic is planning something even remotely like what i’m suggesting; we should all be supremely terrified of the next arc.

if i realize anything else or forgot to add evidence to this theory then i will add it to the tags, so keep watch on those !! knowing my dumb ass i deffo forgot some key shit for this bad boy

edit: gonna add another thought here. i dont think Vic will want to target the outside Internet like The Dark Lord, because he simply isn’t interested in it. The internet didn’t cause him any harm or emotional damage, but ALAN did. He wants revenge on ALAN, so he may use and abuse the internet as he sees fit to gain whatever edge he can, but his ultimate goal isn’t to invade the internet or destroy it or whatever like TDL, no, his vendetta is more personal, more targeted, more conniving. Also, out of universe, we’ve been seeing more and more of the Stick world, like their cities and grasslands, so I’m gonna assume that Vic’s conflict with Alan and TCO+TSC will continue in that setting. IDK, im rambling at this point XD

edit 2 electric boogaloo: ALSO THE CELL VIC PUTS THE CHOSEN ONE IN IS A BLANK WHITE VOID, LIKE THE WHITE PAGE OF AN ANIMATION SOFTWARE ‼️ dude i am so convinced Vic wants to manipulate him somehow or steal his powers like fr you can’t convince me otherwise atp save for some VERY compelling evidence to the contrary

#alan becker #ava #animator vs animation #animator vs animation theory #like genuinely if nothing of what i suggested comes to pass i will be HELLA surprised #i am CONVINCED of this theory LMAO #and if it doesn’t come true then i’ll just make an au its fine #expect fanart y’all

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dayundying · 1 year

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can you tell us more about nort please im so curious about him :)

NANA I LOVE YOU YOU ARE MY BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

Um um ok for starters his name is Nort, obvs! And it is just straight up his name, im sure in character, to Nort his name is meaningful and important but to me? Nort just struck my mind! Im pretty sure it was inspired by Norm from PaF which haha is fitting cause Nort is my owb poster child, robots!!! Haha. Although it also makes me sad because my first fallout oc was named Norman actually... but he wasnt named after norm he was named because he was a normal man ANYWAHS NOT IMPORTANT.

He uses solely he/him and basically ONLY presents masculinely but like ive SOMEWHAT expressed before he feels kind of weird about gender simply because well, human gender is so human and he really hates being human, he does not feel male at all, but defintely not female, im not sure if hed know the term nonbinary but its him and he would be it (nort LOVES transgenderism.)

The topic of how he feels about gender i think is a good segway to whatever he has going on in the sexuality department, i feel like hes defintely had relationships in the past and has and does feel attraction for other people but after the whole getting shot in the head nd getting to affirm his person and ideals he hates himself for feeling that, he hates all of his human desires and needs, he stuffs basically all of his feelings like so far down deep. So what he is with that label??? Agh idk lol. Hed loooooove to be nonbinary but he gives no shit to label anything else

Now! What IS up with his beliefs? Well at first I envisioned him as a avid transhumanist but then when i actually made him my idea for him as a nerd went out the window and he became totally tough and gruff, he still is a transhumanist and believes in it very much, but he is also incredibly survival of the fittest thinking if that makes sense (i want to say he believes in survivalism but i realized the actual definition of it sounds dumb.) I kind of think of it like this: he is incredibly trusting in machines and technology, but due to the wasteland being the way it is, he cant just be a robot like he very much wants to be, he cant have robot arms and put chips in his skin, he has to be the human he was born as, and eat and drink and fight, so yknow, he does.

Idk, hes barely 2 days old, hes still being developed, this stuff IS subject to change

But i am not done!!!

Deciding how my ocs feel about stuff is great, i will never skip out on explaining their opinions on factionsss <3

Hoof, looking them up, i realize theres more factions in nv then i thought there were...Ill get into his opinion on the more minor factions another time cause id TOTES love to, but i think right now the main stuff is supes important!

He LOVES mr house, er like, his politics wise, he sits and nods to everything he says and thinks because he simply completely agrees.

Thinks the ncr are some bunch of cowards, he does have a personal intrigue with how its set up though. Sometimes he daydreams about if he was in charge of all of the ncr, the changes hed make.

He doesnt think an independent new vegas would survive at all and does not support it. He simply believes itd just crumble and cave into itself !

Similar to how he feels about the ncr, he alsp has intrigue with the legion, but hates its lack of progressiveness and movement, i dont think he believes he could save it, just one of those things hell certain will just blow away into the sands of nevada, as weird history of that one time that happened.

#long post #oc: nort

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cocolacola · 1 year

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Yes, hello i have news

So today i showed my friend hellsing. I love her so much but she is so annoyinh, i ask her "which one would you like to watch, the 2001 version or ultimate?" (Mind you i talked to her about both of them extensively, so its not like she didnt know what was the difference) then she tells me "idk which one would you want me to watch?" and already then im crawling on the ceiling, but i stay calm and ask her "well do you want style or action?" And then she still doesnt give me an answer and then i start the gonzo version bc i think that that is a good starting point bc i saw that before ultimate (i read the manga before it but gonzo left a bigger impression in me amyways) and then she has the nerve to say that its slow and doesnt make any sense and that so much is filler

Bestie YOU let me choose, yes it will not be explained who makes the artificial wampires, but Ultimate doesnt explain it either at the same point in the story and i think its far better to look at in the case of style and mood

Anyway her mom doesnt really want her to watch it bc - prepare yourself - Alucard is Integra's servant. Yeah in the story where vampires kill vampires and lunatic catholic priests are running around with meter long bayonets and killing anyone who he wants (mind you her moms boyfriend is catholic), and THAT is the problem? That Alucard is a servant? That the fucked up anime has fucked up stuff in it when the point is to BE fucked up?

AND, and (and) this is when my friend watches aot which is equally fucked up, if not more

Idk its weird

my full response below the cut!

hey bestie ^o^ well let's see gets out clipboard there's a few different factors to this...

if we're talking about quality, hellsing ultimate all the way. a lot of people like gonzo for nostalgia and characterization reasons but ultimate is simply the better option for a first-time/one-time-watch viewer. i will say though, if they think gonzo is slow then the ultimate finale is likely going to be a total drag.

when it comes to getting into the show in general? it's a slippery slope. hilariously enough, most of my irl hellsing friends (hi guys) found out about it through me and the conversation went a little like:

"please for the love of god dont watch this show guys" "we're gonna watch it anyways" "might as well rewatch it with yall..." "HOLY SHIT WE LOVE IT"

in my (slightly un-knowledgeable) opinion, i think if your friend has watched aot they can handle the themes of hellsing ultimate. however i have been meaning to compile a list of content warnings (mostly for my own rewatches and skipping over scenes that are just. straight up assault) anyway so if you guys need any of that i would be happy to pitch in. unfortunately there's not really a way to cut out-how do i dance around this-the antagonists of the show so if that's going to be an issue i'd say stick to gonzo.

tldr, id say ultimate (unless you need to avoid the factor above), but that's just my humble suggestion and im not gonna hold myself responsible for anything that happens next lmao. thanks for inquiring and i wish you and your friend well :)

#yippee i love hellsing!! hellsing hellsing hellsing #for anyone just now getting into it by fandom osmosis i am but a simple guide #hellsing

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bellewintersroe · 1 year

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James ‘Moe’ Alley x nurse Jenny OC- Headcannons - Part 2. Moe, Liebgott, Jenny and Alice all go on a fourway date but things don’t go according to plan. There’s a slight blip in what could’ve blossomed into a super unproblematic relationship cos I loveeee angst and drama 😏.

So picture this right, it’s 2 weeks later, a Friday evening after the boys have just run Currahee endlessly, and both nurses have been in training all day. Liebgott for some reason finally takes up Moe’s request.

but the only problem? Liebgott and Alice DONT LIKE EACH OTHER. So both of them are only in it for the other people, and in the process they drink a little too much to pluck up some courage because oh boy this is gonna be awkward.

Moe’s angry from the second he meets up with a drunken Liebgott, Jenny’s trying to calm a FURIOUS Alice down, and by the time it gets around to the date everybody’s a nervous wreck.

But Moe and Jenny are still so cute, they’re literally pining after one another and they don’t know it.

Things are going kinda okay, apart from the fact Liebgott is making digs at Alice and Alice is rolling her eyes at everything she’s saying, Moe finally starts feeling a little more confident about making conversation.

they’re all young at this point, slightly immature so they’re chatting a lottttt of shit about Sobel, okay. Things seem to be going back on track. Jenny’s all like ‘Sobel hates me because I actually wanna look like a girl’.

then Moe slips out some cute little compliment like, ‘at least you look good when you’re getting reprimanded’ and they have a little moment where they’re just giggling and sharing ehe contact, but it’s ruined when drunken Lieb knocks a drink all over both girls.

Alice gets all pissed because she’s equally as drunk, and then Joe gets pissed back at her, then more drinks are thrown and they’re full fledged ARGUING.

Moe is internally plotting 101 ways for Liebgott to DIE. Seriously, it becomes the Alice and Joe show for the next hour and a half as the four of them have to share the most awkward cab ride ever.

Moe and Jenny don’t even get to sit next to each other because Alice is squashed between them, whilst Joe is in the front seat shouting over the chair back.

Its just one big mess.

I feel like towards the end of the night, once Alice has gone inside her barracks, Moe kinda lingers sheepishly (because there was probably no mixing allowed idk). And then Jenny would slip back out of the door so she could finally speak to him.

‘Hey’ she’d greet him so gently and Moe thinks he’s gonna melt into a puddle.

‘Hey uh, sorry for tonight. Didn’t realise those two despised each other.’ He’d sigh out and she’d smile gently, eyes lingering towards where Joe is hunched over.

her eyes narrow and oh not again, ‘I think he’s being sick’ ‘Who?’ ‘Liebgott. Again.’ ‘Son of a- I’m sorry about all this, I uh- I better go.’ It’s super awkward and it’s such a let down, Moe fears he’s just given her the worst date of her LIFE. With a gentle smile and a soft ‘see you later, Moe’ the night ends as dissatisfying as ever’.

the next day whys it kinda awkward? They’re all doing physical examinations on the boy and Liebgott jumps straight out of Alice’s queue, forcing Moe out of Jenny’s line.

it some how feels like it’s not meant to be, and Moe being slightly more sensitive than some other people, feels super disheartened. He thinks his chances are straight out of the window, and he’s positive Talbert or Skip or something with a bigger personality is just gonna snatch you up.

All he can think about is her perfect goddamn face and smile, despite everything that happened that night he just sees the absolute best in you, and you plague his mind the whole evening.

I feel like the next time they see each other it’s super awkward? Like it’s just a short meeting, maybe they’re passing by each other, but once or twice Alley might pretend not to see Jenny and it hurts her feelings so then she truly feels embarrassed after the date.

the date went down the drain, and so did both their hopes. There’s still a mutual pining there, but I highly doubt after the disaster of the date either of them kinda put themselves out there afterwards?

kinda sad but it happens but yolo, still early days, stay tuned for part 3 and maybeee there’s gonna be some good? Maybe not.

#band of brothers x reader #band of brothers imagines #Band of brothers headcannons #Band of brothers #James alley #james moe alley #james moe alley x reader #moe alley x reader #James alley x reader #Joe liebgott

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cocktailjjrs · 2 years

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TR Manga Spoilers!

Be warned, there will be spoilers from Manga chapters (Mostly 200 - 262)

FYI, I have not studied Medicine or any related branch, so what ever i have here is completely based on what is available on google and TR manga. Pardon me if i make any mistakes. I acknowledge the following symptoms can also be associated with any other disorder, but i’m considering only one here.

So i read the manga from ch 200 onwards thrice after ch 262 (yeah, it was one heck of a ride and i lived through the pain thrice) and something just kinda clicked. So Yeah! there are Manga spoilers, read at your own risk.

Coming straight at it, I have a feeling that Mikey most probably has Split Personality Disorder.

For those who dont know (Source Google) -

Split Personality Disorder or Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a mental health condition. People with DID have two or more separate identities. These personalities control their behavior at different times. Each identity has its own personal history, traits, likes and dislikes.

People may experience: Behavioural: impulsivity, self-destructive behaviour, or self-harm Mood: anxiety, feeling detached from self, or mood swings Psychological: altered consciousness, depression, or flashback Also common: amnesia or blackout

Why did i reach to this one? Well the most glaring instance was this -

Ch 200

When i first time read this, i didn’t think much of it. But as we go farther in the manga, this line makes so much sense. In the consecutive page he even names it as a “Dark Impulse” - like a person.

In the same chapter, it is stated that - “The ones who held that impulse back were probably my older brother, Emma and Baji” - but to me it seems like Mikey had people for whom he tried to maintain control over his “Other Self”; but as they dwindled in numbers, he gave up trying to control his own body, letting his “Other self” take over more often than not. (This one have its flaws, im not totally convinced myself) So he did what was best, pushed everyone away (Ch 217 where draken has a small falshback explaining to Mitchi how mikey made them hate him) thus we reach the bonten timeline, where if we compared BontenMikey to the Mikey pic pinned on Naoto’s Memo board(or whatever that is called), to me it seems like the future got worse and worse for Mikey himself with every iterative time-skip. Like in the origianal timelike he atleast had some flesh on his bones and was not just a skeleton giraffe.

Even after all this, Mitchi still went to see him (bless our crybaby hero, he is going to need it ch 263 onwards). I think there Mikey snapped.

Idk how much this counts, but i think the sign of Dark Impulse / Mikey’s Other Self is not just mikey’s eyes turning white. Because, in Ch 202 we see him having black eyes throughout, but there is a subtle difference.

Like this panel (ch 202), its when he shot Mitchi. Insted of having horizonal lines like most of the manga (for almost all characters), here we see them to be swirly or circular. And this, after two chapters is followed by (Ch 204) -

Here two things,

“When i came to, i had shot you” - implying someone else (Most likely his ”other self”) had taken over and shot Mitchi. Symptoms say it is common for people with split personality to have blackouts.

His eyes are back to having those horizontal lines, again implying maybe he wasn’t in control of his own action

And then we move to the final arc (which i can’t believe is still going on!!!). We get more characters from here on. Honestly, i was confused about who belongs to which gang for half of these people till the second read, but then i realised it was mostly just Tenjiku ppl joining Rokuhara Tandai, while Brahman basically had all 1st gen Black Dragons lead by Senju (On side note - she is a badass girlboss and deserves utmost respect from every single one!)

By the next time we see Mikey (Which a long ass time) he had stopped caring for whatever is happening, his sorrounding, comrades or the situation as whole (apathetic is the word here) Symptoms say for people with split personality have a feeling of detachment from self (I’m gonna add and say it also extends to detachment from their surrounding).

I also think that South having “Dark Impulse” was a clickbait; Mikey thought they were “Dark Impulse”, but to me it seemed like South had an extreme bloodlust riding on pure demonic pleasure that cannot be cured until it kills someone (I’m not saying Mikey doesn’t get these, i feel its his “other self” who has the Bloodlust)

In Ch 231, we see the “Dark Impulse” taking over Mikey, that’s after he fells emply inside - no pain or suffering from Draken’s death or Kakucho’s punches. (Depression is feeling emptiness; which also contributes as a symptom to split persoality)

Interestingly, in the same chapter there is this panel,

It looks like some demon’s POV. That again made me think, its Mikey’s “Other Self” and that is how he views his surrounding, because this other personality only knows darkness, nothing else.

And then we see South vs Mikey, which is then followed by Mikey killing South and almost killing Mitchi (Now this Mikey sure has bloodlust, he asked three different people how they wanna die and told the fourth that he should die, not to ignore the fact that he actually killed one). Mitchi is only alive because Senju stepped in and disbanded Brahman (does that count as an off trigger?), i think its poetic how he saved her just earlier that evening and she returned the favour; equavivalent exchange i guess. (Okay, that was complete off topic and i touched a tanget there)

We then come to the whole Senju blaming herself for Mikey, Baji and Sanzu changing forever. Like most people, even i believe (or hope that atleast) there is a lot more to this story than just a toy-freaking-plane breaking. We don’t see Mikey after senju tells him it was sanzu who broke it (i can never hate her for that - i remember doing the same thing many times in my childhood just to save my skin, its general kids tendency).

Also, Senju isnt the most reliable source here, she herself mentioned she couldnt remember why she lied, so it’s totally possible this whole matter had POV distortion, also the whole Sanzu getting scar seem to have happened after some time than the plane incidence - Even Sanzu mentioned that was just the trigger, Ch 250 (yeah, im still waiting for the explanation for that line Wakui san). But one thing can be, this maybe the firstime Mikey’s “Other self” made apperance (White irisis and all) - Something traumatic is to heppen for a person to be diagnosed with Split personality - here i debunk my own theory saying that there wasnt anything traumatic at all (unless we get the whole story, its pointless)

When the Final War begins between KMG and Toman 2.0, Mikey says “Is there a need for two “toman”? There’s no need for that right?”; because to him Tokyo Manji and Kanto Manji can be used irreversably, it felt like to him they are one and the same. (does that make sense?)

[Ch 245, when Mitchi punched Kakucho, that was the first emotion of Surprise final arc Mikey had shown contrasting to his apathetic behaviour till this moment]

And then we have savage mikey, sitting on top of container watching the fight unfold like he is having the first row sit for an action thriller (Only popcorn are missing, lol). Everything seems Normal till this point, way too normal to be good.

And then we have the recent chapter. (I remember laughing when in Ch 247 Mitsuya said he will be dragging mikeys ass down, because i knew once Mikes decends from his perch its over for Toman 2.0 - which is basically Ch 262)

In all this, Sanzu’s role is a bit weird to me, there is Ch. 256 where he assures Mikey “no matter how deeper he fell into shadows”, Sanzu will always be with him because he is his only friend (Baji and Draken won’t approve of this though). But in Ch. 262 we see him clearly declaring he was specifically waiting for Mikey to be consumed by the said darkness, for Mikey’s “Other Self”. Now here’s the thing, for a person with split personality, their each personality has a different history, trait, likes and dislikes. Does that mean Sanzu is after something only Mikey’s “Other self” can give him? Was it about revenge? or something completely different that is yet to released?

In Ch 261, Sanzu said “Mikey’s fate has been sealed since he was a kid”. When i checked how young can split presonality be diagnosed, the result showed between age 5 - 10; and wasnt this the same age Mikey was inseperable from Baji and Sanzu? Makes me think, the trigger he talked about had lead to something way more than imaginable, like a domino effect - only the succeeding pieces grew larger and larger. Maybe somehow, down the line Sanzu was convinced that if Mikey stays in darkness others wont have to? (Not sure here)

(I’m not going into the whole second time leaper thing, it makes my brain hurt with all the possibilities, theories and what-not’s)

In the latest ch 262, the trigger seemed everyone cheering Toman; it looked like Mikey had flashback’s of all the times they used to cheer for him, but now its against him. I’m gonna go a bit out of the way to say Mikey is currently in chaos himself, confused with two Tomans (KMG and Toman 2.0) and his own two personalities, add to that fact that Mitchi told him BontenMikey reveled his true feelings asked to be saved which might also feel threatening to one - someone knowing your deepest thoughts and thus he snapped. And we know the end results.

There seems to be no cure for Split personality, the only thing that can Help is various forms of therapy (And we have all been saying to take these kids to a therapist for a long time now!).

We are almost at the end now, makes me wounder how Wakui is gonna wrap this up; coz a haste work will take the whole manga to waste. I really hope there are legit reasons for the blank spaces that we have, i wish its not the ‘power of friendship’ that saves Mikey but an actual therapy or honest to god fight (which seems like asking for too much after ch 262)

Because this last panel actually scared me, makes me think someone is going to join the party in heaven soon. (Let’s pray that doesn’t happen either)

With this, i rest my case.

Wow! That was long, i touched tangents a few times there. It had been going on in my head for quite some time now so i just had to get it off my chest.

Anyways, thank you for coming to my ted talk! Toodles!

PS: in chapter 224 we see “Kamikaze” written on Mikey’s bike, i was curious what it meant.

‘A Japanese aircraft loaded with explosives and making a deliberate suicidal crash on an enemy target’ (also known as “ reckless or potentially self-destructive.”) - objectively something self-sacrificing that takes out the target, like Mikey taking out everyone in his path (like in every freaking timeline!) while also self destructing (Manila Mikey and Bonten Mikey)

Yeah, sounds about right.

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dojae-huh · 7 months

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I was going to ask about that poll..haha..

Just got bored and started to observe wayv members..to look who is whom...well I suck at observing ppl but itroed my best..haha...u can correct me always tho..

Do u think xiajun is gay? What I get from observing him is that he is not a gay..I mean not fully mayb..his dance sometimes gives the feminine vibe and he likes to doll him up...but to be gay that's not enough for me..he is more confident than jaedo in interacting with other men..so ..do u think he could be bi? Idk..correct me...do u observe wavy? Among them hendry, Yangyang nd win are straight like a ruler I think...ten is a sure case, just curious to knw if he is dating someone tho!!we never knw....nd kun no....i dont want to believe he is anything at all...dont knw y....i cant conclude him....but I get the vibe 51% he is straight...or he is acting....aah...I lost..

Seriously tho u r amazing huh nim...I can't even observe them for more than 1 hour straight...it really makes me throw up to focus on nd make the research on someones charecter nd sexuality..(is it the correct term ..dont knw!!)..but u r unbelievable...I really respect ur work nd hats off to ur patience for observing things..good work..

Hi.

I don't think Xiaojun is gay. I'll repeat myself though, aside from 127 members I haven't watched other neos often enough to know them well and to defend my opinion with conviction. Which doesn't matter anyway, my opinion, that is.

I don't observe idols to determine their orientation. I don't care about people's orientations and representation among celebs. That's just me. I guess it can be fun for some people to test their gaydar, hm. I can form an opinion as byproduct of long hours of watching content, but that comes on its own. If you want a term, it's "sexual behaviour" with JaeDo, heh. Courtship and pair bonding.

As for watching content. I wouldn't be able to watch people I have no interest in. I don't do that. Even with Doyoung I skip content that is borish. So don't sell yourself short. Honestly, the level of obsession and investment some fans have with everything their biases do is amazing. They can watch 2 hour lives without subs and draw pictures of their idol drinking latest Starbucks concortion. The fun for my brain is finding a pattern and drawing a bigger picture. It's a game akin to puzzle-solving. And let's be honest, JaeDo are funny. Whipped culture is both sweet and funny. There can't be enough moments of Jaehyun slapping curtains and flags. Observing a group of people also helps to understand human nature and interactions better, maybe apply it later in real life. Like neo's personal growth or strenghtening of friendships.

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oh-munda-kukkad-kamaal-da · 1 year

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Hey*not here to hate you* .. okay, agreed its a joke and now calm down. Here, have a hug. I like Taylor's music and she is a good person I guess... And it made me so happy when i saw that you send in flowers/good morning messages/asks to your cute lil moots. It was your "funny" opinion and i guess you are one of those okay to being rude and veryy straight-forward.. and btw your music taste isn't even bad, i like a few of the songs you have under Spotify tag. You are cute. Stay hydrated, Vighnesh.*hugs you again AJSKAJAKAJAK*💙

Idc anon. I'll say again, bigger. I've done the best i can to make people happy for the past months. I've had sleepless nights coz someone wanted to rant. I've skipped studying for boards coz someone was anxious and talking about hurting themselves. I wake up every morning and the first thing i check is if it isnt 12 already, go to pinterest download a flower picture and send it to 20 people. For what? It doesn't even give me anything. I just wanted to make people happy with the little love i have coz i never feel loved. No one's there for me when i cry. No one's there for me when i stare at the knife thinking to cut my veins. I just wanted to be that person to others. Ik how it feels when you have no one. Ik how it feels to love an artist. I've spent 2 literal years locked in my home, with people who fed me hate all day, and i had no irl or offline friends. Do yk how that feels? Do yk how it feels to talk to someone after 2 years? Its so weird. I spent 2 years just listening to K391. And you think idk what it is to love an artist. I remember the day when i first listened to K391. It was something in August 2019, i had planned that day to die. I was waiting for my mom to sleep so that i can silently go in the next room and hang myself. That's when i listened to K391. He gave me a dream, he gave me a new life. I promised myself that i would never harm myself and be like him someday. Idk how much you love TS, but my love for K391 will always be more than that. He's the reason I'm breathing, he's the reason I'm alive. Everyday i want to die, and everyday he reminds me that i promised to be like him. But idc if someone talks shit about him. Why does it even matter? K391 for you isnt what he is for me. I dont hate TS, and i dont think she's ugly. I find her really cute tbh. But sorry I'm immature. I didn't know people can get so offended if i say something like that. Coz tbh, people expect others to react how they themselves would have reacted. And i never would have been offended over someone calling K391 ugly, or shit. I probably would have added a lol in that post and scrolled ahead. But I'm sorry, i expected too much of people. You literally judged my character, my personality. You judged everything I've ever done for my so-called friends. You judged me that i would hate my friends coz they're ugly. I mean ofc. For my entire fucking life I've tried to find people who care about me, but i would hate them only because they're ugly. I feel betrayed. Ik I'm wrong. But what's worse is, that everyone made me feel like a pariah, an outcast. This is the only place i called home, and it is a ruin for me now. Because I tried giving every amount of love for people, but they judge me coz i called their favourite artist ugly👍

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godza · 1 year

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how are we all feeling about alien stage! round 5 destroyed me! spoilers and my theories under the cut

ok so barely theories but i think they will end up breaking the system. mizi is missing and not dead so thats already something huge. i dont think we will get a normal outcome from luka/mizi vs hyuna, hyuna and luka def have a connection that we dont know of. straight people perhaps? i think luka is like a puppet, he had very little emotion other than mocking mizi, showing her the real way the game works since he was a previous winner. hyuna is on the cleanup crew but shes still a contestant? WAAIT what if she had something to do with mizi’s disappearance? in a good way, since shes not dead at least. that gun was to her head, and mizi shared one last look with luka. what did that mean? i forget the details but hyuna somehow skipped her round which is how we got to mizi/luka. i need to reread what happened there, hyuna is definitely an integral part to this story. also, before we saw till at the end of round 5, we saw another contestant kid in the audience with the aliens. who was he??? he looked too young to be in the competition but he would be one of the kids in the “school”. im sure he will have something to do later, alien stage doesnt show things with no meaning. or he couldve been a symbol, idk

also! comments on ivan and till. i really want to see them fight. and i want ivan to win bc if he kills till and faces mizi, the wlwmlm hostility would explode off the charts, i think they could understand each other but theyd both be so emotionally destroyed that they wouldnt be able to sympathize with each other. also i dont know if ivans love for till was fully love, there was def some obsession mixed in there. i want to see the confrontation btwn ivan and till. till is gonna be operating under the assumption that mizis dead i assume, whats left for him? he didnt go with ivan bc of mizi, will he ever realize that mizi was never for him, she will always be thinking abt sua? how will ivan feel about killing till? will he find some way to try to bring them out again? will he let till win? will he kill him? oooooooooogghhhhhhhh alien stage......

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cruelsister-moved2 · 1 year

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you said you weren't gonna elaborate but ifyou have time could you on that point that most cis women will only give their genitals as what ties them to womanhood. not sure I understand the implication bc in my experience that's true and I've also wrestled with the same idea a lot bc of being in that space between cis and nonbinary where it's like well I don't feel like what society says a woman is but to pretend that all cis women do is misogynistic. jw your thoughts because i think abt it a lot

yeah I think about it too... obligatory The Quote:

anyway yeah I just I don't know how to say this without coming off dismissive to people who find other frameworks useful to understanding their existence but there really is only how you want to live in reality and what gets me is the... assuming people who don't use certain labels dont have the same interior complexity as you(ie the pansexual effect). no one can ever see your internal Experience of Gender and you can never see anyone else's so it feels like there might actually be an upper limit to how useful it is to engage with. idk maybe I'm just too autistic for all this stuff but I feel like on the internal level you, to yourself, are just you. gender is literally a relational framework that we use to categorise OTHER people so we are all going to feel some amount of awkwardness about the attempt to apply it to ourselves internally. I think some people, upon discovering this, are a little too hasty to assume everyone else (esp cis women) has an easy time doing that. So i guess THAT'S what i mean, like a lot of people are just straight up NOT doing that and just not considering themselves as having a say and therefore not thinking about it. which isn't to say that they don't have complex feelings about themselves as individuals in a gendered society, or even that they might not hypothetically feel equal or better about existing in the opposite category, if they were able to consider that for themselves.

Like im femme4butch I'm obviously a big enjoyer of fun with gender performance but I do feel like ultimately your options are like "I'm expected to be in group A but group B feels at least somewhat less terrible to me" or "neither group A nor group B feels at all comfortable for me" or "existing sometimes in group A and sometimes in group B depending on the context is preferable to me" etc. and each of those encompasses a host of internal experiences of gender but it just skips feeling like that is something fundamental that we automatically owe each-other and require to understand each-other and decides that actually in terms of interactions with other humans our efforts are best placed in facilitating others moving through the world in a way that's most frictionless for them. and internally within the LGBT community who even cares because its only recently that cis gay people have even had a category resembling cisness open to them bc previously manhood and womanhood were so inherently contingent upon heterosexuality (spoiler: they still are it's just you can at least theory cut out the gender of attraction and replace it). i think this is why people are increasingly identifying with terms like transsexual again because it DOES feel relevant to their identity that much of their lived experience is organised around moving through the world as other than their cagab. ithink once you acknowledge that gender isn't defined for you (either by your genitals or like your Male Brain or Female Soul or whatever) then it kind of turns the concept of what even is gender into soggy cardboard anyway, and trying to articulate the specific qualities of ur handful of soggy cardboard is largely pointless in comparison to what container youre going to put it in. and if that begs the question of why we're putting soggy cardboard into all these different containers anyway, well then there you go

#ask #anon #i feel like you already know how you feel bc like #yeah i dont feel like what society says a woman is > who the hell does though > what does this mean for whether we accept the category #(on the condition that we modify/recreate it on our own terms)#or reject the category to create a new one that accomodates us #is that actually a meaningful binary #etcc #anyway i would read kadji amin if ur having these questions #i dont always agree w how scathing he is but he kind of critiques the nonbinary-as-political-statement-as-identity thing #his book is called 'we are all nonbinary' if that gives u an idea lol #i have like.1001 thoughts about lesbian relationships to womanhood in particular but thats one for another day bc this is already too much #i feel like attempting to inhabit the brain of a cishet women in order to write this response has drained me so much

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