#if things don't get better i will *remembers self harm jokes are not funny* become a pinecone and bury myself in the earth | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gildeddlily · 1 year

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we stan homosexual behaviour (so dazai knew he was somehow already important to chuuya?) (woah that's gay)

[1. We Stan The Flags 2. We Stan Adam (Paul bby what are you doing)]

3. We Stan the "Demon Prodigy" (the homo prodigy maybe) (he ab to flip Verlaine off)

Adam's point of view? nothing better than it

yk what Mori how about you fall down the stairs and oh so accidently break your neck? no bad feelings just go die in a ditch (he's actually right, cause they're in the damn mafia and Chuuya has to kill the man who slaughtered his family. but he's mourning them and that patronising voice is killing me)

well maybe. but reading things like this makes sense, like who even thought ab just chewing something for a long time without eating it? ppl who didn't know ab it must have felt like Adam, they have my solidarity (Chuuya's about to kill him right there, first with the chocolate now with gums. imagine if he saw him eating pure sugar like it was water)

because he's a self harming asshole who still thinks he deserves the sheep's betrayal cause he was a "bad leader" sugar they were shitty people, and even if you were all fifteenish you didn't stab anyone without any second thought at least

No, you didn't get anything, you're a dumb bitch who makes me want to rip out my own eyeballs every time I have to read one of the stupid sentences you says. one thing I didn't miss about Stormbringer was Shirase talking again and again and again about things he didn't know and treating Chuuya like he was the one at fault just don't talk

ADAM STOP IT NOW they're always dropping height jokes about Chuuya and it makes me cry everytime (Asagiri thinks he's funny) (he is)

EVEN MURASE no I don't know why but I totally forgot everything about him. and I don't know if I'm happy or not, knowing how he'll end up...

why so romantic Chuuya him talking ab Dazai like he's a piece of trash is funnier than everything. this following the "dazai fell first" headcanon that basically is my bible (it's canon shut up, chuuya started to really love him after stormbringer just trust me)

and talking ab Dazai

so he thought of Dazai as someone dear enough to Chuuya to tying him to the Mafia? wow that's some serious charges Paul are you sure ab it? (I just imagine Paul about to kill him and Dazai being like "hey, you're the dog's lost brother, why are you here? me? tying him to the mafia? I don't think so, but you can kill me if you need it so much, thank you!")

you'll find something one day honey please stop you're making me cry (i love Odasaku but straight up telling him that he'll always feel empty is a little fucked up but I understand that you're traumatized too so dw)

he's so teenager just stop please (his writing is so pretty and the he-learned-to-write-properly-thanks-to-the-mafia hc is as canon as his name)

shut the fuck up. shut up. I don't wanna hear you. you're not even my shoe's king, just shut up.

AH AH TAKE THIS YOU ASSHOLE Adam doing what Chuuya wasn't able to (admit he wasn't the guilty one in that fucked up situation) Shirase needed someone telling him that he wasn't the fucking centre of the universe

Murase is the man every kid in bungou stray dogs needed. He already knows that is late for Chuuya, that he has already became a tool in the mafia's hands, but he doesn't want him to see it happens to others, or to be the one doing it. (think about Akutagawa, that entered the organization in some months I think, and became a tool in Dazai's hands. Chuuya was made executive in little time and he was for sure busy, but he was still there to look at Akutagawa craving for someone's approval to the point of becoming with time the Rabid Dog of the Mafia, Dazai's dog (funny) and he remembered what Murase said to him. just- him remembering. need more Akutagawa and Chuuya contents btw)

I hope you die (I love you but stop with the "little brother" thing you're hurting my eyes) (you're depressed like anyone else so stop pretending to be cheerful) (parallels with future Dazai? no alr stop)

not Chuuya knowing how to speak but not what bread is (people joke a lot about it but it made me cry the first time, and it's still fucking sad. and Shirase calling him disgusting when they were almost in the same situation? shut up please)

...yeah bby you're the mildest person I've ever seen

mild adjective, mild·er, mild·est. -amiably gentle or temperate in feeling or behavior toward others -characterized by or showing such gentleness, as manners or speech

yeah ofc you are bby

I hate them so much Chuuya still doesn't see the mafia as "family". his family has been killed by the only person in that world that could understand him. he doesn't trust Dazai, and he doesn't trust Mori, even if he respects him. He truly is desperate about the fact that the only man who ever tried to give him a chance died, cause the truth is no one will ever do something like this for him again. And the hitting his chest things is so immature and childish- like yeah we'll tell you ab his strength and power every two sentences, just to remind you he's been around killing people for years, but then we'll drop something like this to remind you he's a mere teenager

#bsd #bsd stormbringer #stormbringer #chuuya nakahara #the flags #paul verlaine #dazai osamu #bsd adam #stop it ty #bsd manga #bsd spoilers #bungou stray dogs #burn the gays

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d3ar-di4ry · 8 months

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My story

For what feels like forever, I've wanted to lose weight. To be skinnier. Prettier. Better. I wish it came easy but it doesn't. So here's my story. Where it all started.

I remember a day during the fifth grade, I used to sit in front of a boy. He was the class clown and I had a bit of a crush on him, he was funny and could get the whole class to crack up if he wanted to. He was also known for his brutal honesty and how he always spoke his mind. One day, before class began, I was talking to him and somehow the conversation spiraled. He looked me right in the eye and he said "You look fat" he went on to say some other things but I was so stunned by that one sentence that I really don't remember the rest. Those 3 words shattered me and shook me to my core. Al though then, I didn't care as much as I do now. I also remember a day in the 6'th grade. Another boy, I honestly did not like him so I didn't pay much attention to him unless he was speaking directly to or about me. It was 6'th period, which was supposed to be the most fun time of the day. We were laughing and cracking jokes until everything suddenly went quite and the class blew up in heeps of "daang" and "omgs" Curiously, I asked what had happened. And only one person dared to speak up. "Jed" that was the boy's name. " he said that you were fat and ugly" he went on to repeat some other things Jed had said but of course, after I heard those words "fat" and "ugly" the whole world froze and that was all I could focus on. After hearing that, I was quite for the rest of the period and only spoke when I was spoken to. I went home that day and cried myself to sleep thinking "I knew I wasn't that pretty, and I knew that my body didn't look that nice, but I didn't think I looked THAT bad. " That's not all though, I remember the day of a doctor's appointment, I went to get a physical. My mom took me and went through the whole appointment with me. After the doctor weighed me, she looked at me in astonishment and disgust. "How do you weigh that much? You weigh more than your older sister!" She said to me. Once we got home, she continued to joke about my weight and call me every single bad name under the sun "Keep this going and you'll be like that too! " she laughed. She compared me to a pig and continued to pick on and embarrass me for how much I weighed. I still remember so clearly how everything went. I remember her laugh replaying in my head as I cried and cried and cried in my bed. All I could think about was how disgusting she thought I was and how much she laughed at me. I mean, my own MOTHER. The Woman who gave birth to me, who was supposed to protect and care for me,. Said that about me. How could someone do that? I knew I looked bad. I knew I looked disgusting. I knew I was repulsive. I knew I was unsightly. I knew I was fat. I knew I wasn't attractive. I knew that. Everybody knew that. I didn't need to hear it. I didn't want to hear it. So why did she have to mention it anyway? Was it fun breaking me down? Was it fun driving me into a state of being fully obsessed with my body image? Was it worth it? Was it worth making me despise how I look? Was it worth making me develop an eating disorder? Was it worth letting me slowly become worse and worse over time? Was it worth making me think that anything over 650 calories was binging? Was it worth me crying myself to sleep almost every night? Was it worth all the self harm I ended up doing? Was it worth all the scars I have now? Was it worth it? Was it really worth it?

#nutrition #exercise #workout #gym #fat #i wanna be skinnier #story

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just-absolutely-super · 4 years

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The First Crack

@soulxmakaweek

Day 4, Laughter featuring baby (and by baby I mean they’re, like, 12) SoMa. Enjoy!

Summary: It was the first time she had ever heard him laugh like that... Maka, Soul, and a kitchen mishap

FF.net // AO3

Maka had only known Soul for a week and she was thoroughly convinced he was emotionally constipated.

Seriously, the only form of raw human emotion she saw out of him came in the form of his playing the piano. It was like he had opened a window into his soul, one she had peered eagerly into and accepted wholeheartedly. But then he had decided that she couldn't see any more and firmly shut the window before nailing a bunch of two-by-fours to it, making him impossible to read again.

It didn't help that all their interactions afterwards were in the form of arguments. She'd try to get to know her new partner only for him to make scathing, teasing comments about her appearance and her affliction for reading books. This would cause her to lose her temper, leading to a chop before they'd go back to their respective rooms to do their own thing.

It was rather frustrating. She wondered if all boys were like that. She dismissed that thought, though, when she remembered the other men in her life: her father and Black Star.

Her father had no trouble expressing himself. He often wore his heart on his sleeve (as well as a different woman every day), sobbing big fat tears whenever his darling daughter gave him the cold shoulder. Meanwhile, Black Star spent most of his time crowing about how awesome he was and how he'd surpass God while Professor Sid yelled at him to get off the school's roof before he hurt himself.

No, she deduced that all boys weren't as opposed toward expressing themselves. It must just be a Soul Eater thing.

She could have tried harder to get to know him, but her mother often told her that partnerships were so fragile during the beginning stages. Even if you clicked right away, there was always that risk of things becoming strained and awkward the more you got to know each other. The best plan of action was to always go slow and to not force yourselves on each other.

Maka didn't want to try and search for a new partner—one who was a scythe at least—so she hung herself back and allowed Soul to be his moody, closed-off self. If things worked in her favor, he'd open up to her sooner or later…

"Hey, Mama sent me a blender as a housewarming gift. I'm gonna make a smoothie, do you want one?" she asked him one afternoon, poking her head in his room.

Soul was in bed lying on his stomach, some magazine in his hands. He lifted his head up to acknowledge her, "Yeah, sure. You got strawberries?"

Maka nodded, "Of course! I'll let you know when I'm done."

Soul gave a grunt in reply as Maka bounced into the kitchen. She was excited. Excited because not only was she going to try out her newest appliance, but she and Soul would have another reason to bond with each other. Sure, it may end up as them drinking their cold drinks in the living room while aimlessly flipping channels, but it was better than nothing. Maka liked to think of the glass half-full during these occasions.

After setting the blender up, Maka hummed as she brought the ingredients onto the counter. Following the recipe she had looked up at the library, Maka put everything in the jar. Placing the lid onto the jar, she eagerly pressed the start button…only for nothing to happen.

"Huh?" she said, turning every which way to figure out why the appliance wasn't working. She thought she had everything in place. It should turn on!

After fiddling with it for a while with no results, she got frustrated. She yelled out, "Soul! Could you come in here and help me?"

"What's the matter?" she heard him ask from his bedroom.

"I can't get the blender to come on."

"Are you serious?" he complained. She heard his heavy footsteps. "It's a blender, Maka. It's not like they're hard to use."

She pouted at him when he rounded the corner into the kitchen, "I know that! But I can't get it to turn on!"

Soul rolled his eyes, "Move aside. Let me look at it."

He inspected it. She watched him take the lid off of the jar to look inside, probably making sure nothing was jamming the blades if Maka had to guess. Deducing that the blades were fine, he detached the jar from the base and set it on the counter before picking the base up to examine it. Maka was thankful he had done that; she didn't want to worry about him accidentally spilling the contents of their smoothie onto the floor. After a brief moment, he placed the appliance back on the counter before turning to his meister.

"Found the problem. It's battery operated. You didn't put the batteries in, genius." He said, letting out a chuff at her incompetence.

Maka flushed in embarrassment. She was torn between hiding her face in shame and punching that infuriating smirk off his face.

"I… I thought they were already put in!" she defended.

Soul snorted, "Obviously not." He checked the box Maka had opened when she received the package from her mother. "Oh good, your mom included some batteries. Let me install them then we can work it."

Maka watched him place the batteries in, her cheeks still burning from the shame of making an utter fool of herself in front of her weapon. She hoped this didn't give him second thoughts about agreeing to partner up with her.

"Alright, here we go," she heard Soul say. She looked back to him and saw he was about to hit the "on" button. What she also noticed was in his hurry to make smoothies he had forgotten to put the lid back on the jar.

"W-Wait, Soul! Don't—"

Too late. Soul pressed the button and Maka watched his red eyes widen comically at the realization of what he had just done. Both weapon and meister squealed in shock as the contents of what would have been their fruity drinks exploded over them and their kitchen.

"Shut it off! Shut it off!" Maka screamed, running over to the boy.

"I'm trying! I'm trying!" Soul screamed back, strawberry and yogurt and whatever else had gotten into his eyes, clouding his vision and inhibiting him from hitting the correct button.

"Let me!" she said, forcing the appliance closer to her and managing to find the "off" button. She sighed in relief at hearing the whirling blades die down.

"Man, so uncool!" Soul groaned, running a hand through his hair and grimacing in disgust when it came back covered in pink goop.

Maka blinked at his appearance. The pink tinge of the smoothie and random chunks of strawberry worked really well with his white hair. It practically dyed it. Before she could stop herself she gave an unattractive snort before bursting into uncontrollable giggles.

Soul scowled at her, watching as his meister leaned forward in laughter.

"It's. Not. Funny." He growled.

Maka said in between giggles, "Oh…yes it…is! Hahaha, you look ridiculous!"

"Yeah, like you're any better!" he fired back, gesturing to her own smoothie-covered appearance.

"Yeah, well…" giggle, "at least my hair isn't pink now. You look so uncool!" she then fell onto the floor. The comment might have been mean, but after a week of hearing him call her breasts tiny, it felt like a breath of fresh air to make fun of him for a change.

"We'll see about that…" she heard her weapon say. Maka stopped her giggling upon hearing the underlying threat in his words. Looking up to him, she saw he had a maniacal grin on his face, a handful of pink goop in his hands.

"Soul Eater, don't you dare—" Maka's attempt to threaten him turned into a squeal of shock as Soul dived onto her to rub strawberry smoothie into her pigtails.

"Who's got the pink hair now, huh?" Soul taunted, making sure to slather the chunks of strawberries onto her face for good measure.

"You are DEAD!" with a battle cry, Maka tackled Soul.

The two wrestled each other on the kitchen floor, using whatever they could find among the mess as their ammunition. Various noises coming out of their mouths—screaming, threats of bodily harm, and most of all, laughter.

The laughter was mostly consuming them, to the point they disentangled themselves from their brawl to spread themselves out onto the floor. Maka was clutching her stomach as her sides were starting to hurt.

"Ceasefire, ceasefire!" she pleaded, her guffaws too much for her.

"I can't believe I forgot to put the lid on!" Soul said, "That's like…the number one rule of a blender. You'd have to be a stupid cartoon character to make that mistake! And now I'm covered in all this crap!"

He then turned onto his side as he broke into more infectious laughter. Maka would have joined him if she weren't overcome by a sudden revelation.

This was the first time she had ever heard Soul laugh.

Sure, he would snicker at a crude joke Black Star would tell him, or chuckle if he heard a funny joke on television, but as for genuine bone-deep laughter? This was definitely the first.

She just marveled at the site. His sharp teeth fully on display; his deep red eyes closed tight, crinkling at the edges in his mirth; and if she looked closely, she could see tears forming in the corners because he was laughing so hard.

He looked so natural and carefree. Like he didn't have the world's biggest chip on his shoulder. Like he wasn't worrying about how he looked or presented in front of others.

He looked…happy.

"Hey, what's with that look on your face?" his voice drew her out of her musings. He was trying to glare at her, but it was offset by his still present grin, "If you think I look bad, you should see yourself, nerdbrain."

Maka stuck her tongue out at him, "I wasn't staring!" (She ignored how unconvincing that sounded.), "I was just thinking about what a pain this was going to be to clean up, is all!"

Soul sighed, rolling onto his back again before cringing as more of the smoothie substance seeped into his shirt. "Yeah, that's gonna suck… Well, I'll let you take care of it. I'm gonna hop in the shower."

Maka gave an indignant noise, "Oh no you don't! You're the one who caused the mess, I get the shower while you clean up!"

"It wasn't my idea to make the smoothies!" he shot back.

"Well, I'm a lady and ladies go first!"

Soul snorted, "Funny, I thought 'ladies' had more sex appeal—"

"MAKA CHOP!"

"OUCH!"

While Soul nursed his aching head, Maka used the opportunity to run to the bathroom. "I'll help once I'm done showering. Then you can shower and I'll finish what you started!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever…" she heard him grumble as she grabbed some clean clothes and shut the door.

As she peeled off her stained clothing, she thought she heard more of his distinct laughter from his place in the kitchen. She felt herself smile.

It may take some time, but she felt hopeful that she could crack the sturdy exterior that was Soul's metaphorical walls.

Hopefully it wouldn't take too many mistakes and messes for that to happen…

#soma #soul x maka #soulxmakaweek #somaweek #somaweek2020 #soul eater evans #maka albarn #soul eater #my writing

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ellyzsx · 5 years

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Story time

Suicidal thoughts run keen through my head. Driving through Krakow country side I saw a housing estate next to lovely tall trees - forest like - and thought what a lovely area to be able to play as children. Then I wondered which is the tallest tree could I hang myself from? No former context, no sadness, just my empty emotions triggering my brain to tell myself I should be dead. This is how my life is now.

I dream most days and nights of my life ending in disasters. Lachesism. I say I'm scared of when lorrys drive to close or fast past me. But I'm scared for the moments when they don't kill me. People point out that I drive recklessly because they are afraid of the end; I'm not afraid. Driving that way feels like freedom, my chance to escape, even with intent to cause self harm.

I don't want a grave stone, I don't want my ashes to be spread. I want my organs donated and the rest burnt. The ashes can be used in cooking because I am one spicy mother fucker! Joking!! Don't worry, I really just want them turned in to jewelry so I can still shine while I'm gone.

The ironic thing about my situation is that I want to die to end my suffocating thoughts but at the same time I still have little bits of me that knows some of my self worth. Contradictory as it may be, I probably laugh and smile everyday without a doubt but my thoughts of disaster never leave. I work and study hard but I'm still occasionally believe I am a failure in my mind; like I'm always worse than everyone in the room. I love people and helping out everyone, but I think everyone hates me and would be better off not having me around. It's complicated in my mind.

I feel on the road to recovery, I can admit that I'm not okay when I don't feel okay, I know the past history that has gotten me to how I am and I'm seeking help; 3rd increase dose of Anti-depressants, Cognative Behavioural Therapy and many other forms of help I can get. I have supportive friends and family, I'm very lucky that I have my dream career job and I get to go on amazing holidays like just travelling in Poland for the past weekend. I just don't know what it is that drives myself hatrid other than... well myself.

It's a viscious cycle that I can't get escape. I'm motivated and feeling fine one day, something goes wrong very easily that affects me for weeks and then I find a little bit of motivation to build myself back up and it happens again... and again... and again. I try and count my blessings but in order to do that I draw Venn diagrams to see the wrong, okay and right things in my life. It's an occasional thing and the amount of varience I get each time seems like a uncoordinating joke. But It gives me a sense of assurance when things are okay or right for a few weeks in a row.

I've been taught many coping mechanisms in my past 4 years of anxiety and depression. Even writing them down in this form feels weirdly like a strategy. I'm explaining my dark and ugly, following my long journey ahead, and explaining what works for me. Even if one person gains usefulness then this is all worth it.

As we are on the topic of helpfulness: I like being helpful - it gives me a purpose other than selfish motives. If I've been helpful to one person and not to the rest of the crowd I feel like a failure. I desire to be the famous hero who didn't do it for fame but for the sheer enjoyment of people liking them and for a purpose in other people's lives. So I try to help - I volunteer at my local explorer scout group, I help raise and organise charity events, I help and support friends and family. I even try to go the extra mile at work to raise awareness of women in engineering to help inspire and shape them little girls to be the change our industry needs. I also help educate teams on mental well-being and illnesses with in the work place to bring the awareness to here and now.

All positive were written there, but the underlying negative abuse I hurl at myself for everything I've not been enough help on or not doing at all hurts:

"I'm not helpful I'm just in the way, I'm pathetic, I'm a waste of space, they don't need me, they'd be better off without me, it's not working you're a failure, you are making it more worse, stop trying you aren't a good person for doing it."

Just as them thoughts constantly pass through my mind another extreme example from this evening I write on - I was on the train back from Birmingham walking through derby station, I had the thought that I could run away on any train go ahead and not look back and when I'm on the train I can take every single tablet I own and swallow it to die. Or i could come back another night with a home made bomb and make sure I'm in a carraige with no people in it. Why not die? Make it a dramatic escape. Even in the last few typed words I had the thought of jumping in front of a train which would take no effort and only affect 1 person's life than my own. Why do I have these thoughts? Am I a physco path planning my death at every opportunity?

Reading back the first few paragraphs I see how contradicting my thought patterns are. Living with Anxiety and Depression for me is being followed by a voice, it knowing all my insicurities and how to use them against me. It gets to a point where it's the loudest voice in a room, that I can't hear anything else. I don't remember a time when it wasn't like this, when the voices didn't make me feel empty and alone inside. What's even worse is a lot of the people I have opened my heart to have let me down, causing me to shut down further.

My past history is not brilliant, I never felt secure with my friends, I was harassed in college and I've always struggled to maintain my apperance. I've been through some tough break ups of friends and partners and my relationships with family has not always been stable. One thing I find hard is to love myself and know myself worth when the people around you don't like you and tell you that you aren't good enough. But through all this at the same time I've had some amazing times.

I do want to be happy. I just feel useless most days. I try not to complain but the grass isn't always greener and I feel in constant mud. It sounds pathetic but I feel like I'm in a rut. At the moment everything is fine with friends and work. It I don't feel important. I don't feel as if there is any worth to my day's. I get up, go to work, and then do nothing until I get home and sleep. I mean sure I go to netball, dance, yoga and I volunteer at a scout group but it doesn't feel like I'm doing any of it for myself and I'm slowly giving up on trying to please those around me.

But I guess I do it for the hope of my future, for the one, for the wedding, for the kids, for the house, for the lazy Sunday morning lie ins with the loved ones. It's all a fantasy.

Tonight at explorers we were doing first aid training and one scenario was that one of the boys had a cut on his wrist and he was bleeding out. Through those discussions I was thinking how I could slit my wrists and drown in the bath and no one would be able to put me in the recovery position. Another perfect idea but inconveniencing whomever finds me. It doesn't sicken me thinking of myself this way. Maybe it's how I'm meant to be.

My mum tells me I should think positive thoughts but it's like an urge to plan how I should die. Another disaster I saw was a crash this morning. I wish I was in the place of the other person.

Not paying attention to lectures is becoming a really bad habit. I still haven't started writing for my digital assignment which is due in 5 days! But I have decided I would like to end up working for the Naval group in Adelaide Australia! I finally have an aim!! It feels good and when I travel there next year I will get to see if it's what I desire!

Another person has just unfriended me on Snapchat? What the hell have I done wrong now? I'm getting sick of being made out to be the bad guy all of the time :/ And now Facebook!! All for shutting him down over complaining that people can't be themselves or get offended. I've had enough of this work force, it literally is a battle every week just to keep peace. I don't want to listen to your political opinion every 2 minutes I'm sorry but I'm here to work. The ignorance of some people.

Do you know what I'm going to work my arse off and start this assignment today and prepare the manufacturing question to prove to the haters that they only make me more powerful :) oh the contrast in these paragraphs is funny.

This afternoon I spoke to my mum on how all my emotional trauma started. She understands now and it feels like a relief to be honest. I've just been to netball and I feel like I've played really well!

I have decided on a main goal within my career! Naval group Adalaide Australia! (Not long term but a few years in Australia won't do me harm in my life time! Now I've explored the majority of Europe it's time to step in to the big leagues!) Naval group design submarines for the Australian Navy and with my career path I hope that I will have the opportunity to be able to try and apply for a job there some day in the next 15 years! Now I just need to maintain motivation.

What to do when motivation is running low in the future:

• Find the worth of what you are doing

• research and re-inspire!

• be powerful enough to overcome the ruts!

• believe in yourself - you are capable!

• remove any distractions

I just read a quote that said 'don't worry darling this is just a chapter, not your whole story' and I thought well it's a fucking long one! I'm sat drinking mocha staring outside of a uni window in a corridor I look so depressed it's funny! I just needed to get away from the noise and the stress. I only want to talk to one person but he doesn't know that and it's starting to stress me out but it's my own fault for falling for him when he told me not to. On the plus side I definitely want a nice view in my house when i move to Aussie! I mean looking outside to wet britain it's really nice but sunny aus will be tonnes better!

I'm stressed, my brain hurts and I'm tired. I really want this assignment gone. I'm physically in pain from yoga and I'm exhausted :( moan moan moan moan I'm even pissing myself off. I could do with a power nap or somewhere comfortable to sit. I also miss my earphones :(

Just met a lovely man and had a chinwag it was distracting but it's nice to get to know people without it being depressing all the time!

I was in a one night stand with a 28 year old in a 7 year relationship. Put myself on tinder.

I'm tired of people they never fail to disappoint me

Netball is good though! Proper enjoyed chatting with everyone! Good stress relief and even though I haven't done much it took my mind off the crap earlier.

It's been a while

It's working

I feel ok

I'm no longer a mess

I can stop these thoughts

I counter act them

Not everyone hates me

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