#if we're mutuals consider yourself tagged

[macleod]

I haven't taken part in one of these chains in a long time. But, @n-talia-a tagged me in a "top 5 on repeat" chain and so here we go. This is all the more recent on repeat, not in totality.

1. 3TEETH - Slum Planet feat. Mick Gordon

Do you like Industrial? NiN? Metal? Punk? Cyberpunk? and the music from Doom (2016)? Well 3TEETH has what you need, and this track was produced by the man behind Doom (2016). I am blasting this likely 3x a day, at a minimum. Warning: Video features flashing.

2. Yard Act - The Trench Coat Museum

Found this one recently, and the bass line is just addictive. Video is pretty great as well, especially the ending.

3. TURNSTILE - UNDERWATER BOI

Turnstile has been a group I've been listening to a lot since 2020 or so. Typically more hardcore, but this one is just a nice seaside vibe. They even just did a remake of their last album as a jazz album. Really good stuff.

4. Drain - Feel The Pressure

Following in the water-related theme I suppose (pretty apt for myself, personally speaking). This is a hard and heavy punk metal groove.

5. WARGASM (U.K) - Your Patron Saints

Wargasm is by far my favorite band of the last several years. I found them at the tail-end of 2019, and went deep during the early pandemic and never got out. I am addicted to every song of theirs, this is an incredible act. I highly suggest everyone checking out their entire discography. Industrial meets nu-metal (with heavy prodigy vibes). Warning: Video features flashing.

Bonus: FIDLAR (anything and everything by them)

If I said Wargasm is my favorite band of the last several years, FIDLAR is my favorite band of the last decade. I am playing their albums back-to-back multiple times a week.

Notable Mention: Seaway. Love that band. They were my most listened to in 2020 I believe. Classic pop punk style with a modern bend. I don't usually continue the chain, but I'll add @swordarmsaxelegs, @the-alex-xander, @oyeden, @tomandgeriatric @myfriendgoo94

#wargasm #turnstile #music #drain #yard act #fidlar #seaway #i would add so many of you but also i was already kinda considering not continuing it at all #if we're mutuals consider yourself tagged #mine #cyberpunl #industrial #punk #nu-metal #metal #doom #Youtube

[deludedandlostcause]

Since some larrie creators are feeling a bit frustrated and unappreciated because a lot of people tend to reblog from other blogs (who aren’t exactly the nicest to us in return), @oksfranta and I decided to make a post compiling all larrie content creators in one place so we could all have a little safe space and know who to reblog from.

@kiwikiwiandkiwi @oksfranta @delicatepointofview @2tiedships2 @braverytattoos @hlkings @complictedfreak @jumbiart @ladychlo @loulovehome @she-fearlesss @heyangels @thetriangletattoo @softlouve @ltpolari @lets-laughagain @setsfiretohistory @whatagreatproblemtohave @curlyhairedprince @tofiveohfive @leedsau @louistomlinsontwo @handgf @lapollypocket-detianguis @loustyles @16meets18history

And a special shout-out to the fanfic writers:

@greenfeelings @femstyles @starsweredible @itsmotivatingcara @chloehl10 @kingsofeverything @twopoppies @lightwoodsmagic @non-binharry @allwaswell16 @isthatyoularry @barchive @daggerandrose @rainbowninja @stylesthebrave @cursethedaylight @crinkle-eyed-boo @hershelsue @bluejeanlouis @helloamhere @thedevilinmybrain

If your friends are creators or if your favorite creator isn’t included in this post please feel free to tag them, especially if they’re a fanfic writer!

#hlcreators #hledit #if you don't consider yourself a larrie anymore please don't be afraid to reach out and i'll remove you from the list #anyway please please tag your friends!!! #also i'm sorry if we never talked before but you're suddenly being tagged in a random post 😅 #and i'm sorry if we're mutuals and i forgot you!!! but please tag yourself!!! #c

[tiarnanabhfainni]

tagged in a game by @mossbawn 💞💞

Last song i listened to: bad idea right? by olivia rodrigo. she's a lyrical genius im obsessed! the screeching kind of stresses me out near the end though

Currently reading: getting back to texts for nothing by samuel beckett and also relistening to the audiobook for lavinia by ursula le guin

Currently watching: um. im kind of between shows at the moment. i had a riot of a time with ready set love on netflix, really good mindless watch

Currently obsessed with: also a bit between passions at the mo. im going through a bit of a tofu phase if that counts?

tagging some people apologies if i forget you @channah @slashermary @cormuck @iphigenaiya @slicedblackolives @lucydacusgirl @goodfemalecharacters @maevefinnartist

#sorry about the short list here but i have to go to bed now so im cutting here! #also there's a few people whose names i can remember right now but not their urls #so consider yourself tagged if we've ever interacted or we're mutuals

[elminsters]

on repeat playlist tag game

rules: shuffle your repeat playlist ten times and tag ten people!

Thank you for the tag @korcariiwitch!!

the fruits by paris paloma

eat your young by hozier

gibson girl by ethel cain

pattern by the last shadow puppets

caesar on a tv screen by the last dinner party

crying all the time by alexandra savior

free by florence + the machine

andromeda by weyes blood

not strong enough by boygenius

nothing matters by the last dinner party

tagging: @haarleps @voloslobotomyservice @elveskissing @euryalex @neonbutchery @stinkrascal @galvus @dameaylin @mercymaker @arduath and anyone else who wants to!

#i tried to only tag people who i know haven't done it but idk my memory is bad #literally if we're mutuals consider yourself tagged #also all of these songs are from character playlists lmao

[grammarpedant]

Last Line Tag

tagged by @chimaerakitten :D thanks for the tag!

Rules: Write the latest line from your wip (or post where you last  left off in your art) and tag as many people as there are words in the  line. Make a new post, don’t reblog.

The crossovers been getting to me something fierce- and I've been having a helluva fun time with the prose on this one. Theoretically, it'll end on the image of Murderbot and Ghost sitting in the same cozy space and watching media in silence, but I've been dying to try a fight scene first...

As though the Dreaming mind is crowding against this one chamber, all force of feeling brought to bear on this one tragedy.

tagging: @blessphemy @broken-risk-assessment-module @uovoc @elexuscal @snugglyeldritchjellyfish @wtf-skittens @mintowls @fireolin @chetungwan

(No obligation to play, of course, but if you're willing to share I'm always happy to see what y'all are working on!)

#the rules of the game theoretically allow me to tag more people but by fuck of hell that's a lot to tag. i write long sentences man wdywfm. #also if we're mutuals and/or talk regularly on discord consider yourself tagged! #the year's been hard for everyone and i know a whole bunch of my friends are tired tf out #so no pressure to anyone but i'm thinking of y'all alright? #tag game #meme #verso talks #queue

[greenfiredragonfly]

I was tagged by @hannibalcatharsis-zero​! Ty for the tag!!

1. are you named after anyone? Yes! I'm named after a couple of people. I consider it a gift. I get to keep their memories alive. 2. when was the last time you cried? Like, yesterday? That's a personal question. :/ 3. do you have kids? No. Hopefully eventually, though. 4. do you use sarcasm a lot? Probably not? Less than an average amount, I guess. I'd rather be sincere. 5. what’s the first thing you notice about people? Idk, uh, their facial expression? And like, vibes? Whether they're threatening or not. Then I kinda categorize their general appearance like hair and facial features and admire people because people are nice to look at. :) 6. what’s your eye color? Blue. 7. scary movies or happy endings? Both? I don't really care for like, jump-scares or gore. They feel empty and uhhh kinda lame. They don't actually earn any of the emotions they evoke.  I love a psychological horror though, and I also love happy endings! 8. any special talents? Uuuuuuuuuuuh no. I guess I'm good at writing, but that's not really special. Lots of people are. 9. where were you born? East coast USA. 10. what are your hobbies? Writing, fanfiction, playing dnd, going on walks, running fandom events, modding discord servers, beta reading, taking care of my houseplants, spending time with my cat...uhmmm occasionally I draw? Rarely though. Idk, I'm kinda boring. I don't do much. 11. have you any pets? Yep!! I have a cat!!! I just adopted him a few days ago!!!! :D 12. what sport do you play/have played? Not much. I used to like swimming and bowling alright when I was younger, and I did fencing for a little while as a kid too? I didn't do any of it seriously, though. I've never been on a sports team. 13. how tall are you? Exactly average height for a woman in the US. 14. favorite subject in school? In grade school? Probably Art, with English coming in close second. These days I like the social work classes that I'm taking for my major. 15. dream job? Honestly? I'm doing Social Work for a reason. Doing something where I can make an actual difference is the dream. But if I enjoyed math more than I do (and I don't hate it, I just don't love it either) my dream job would be working for NASA. That's the coolest.

I’m going to tag @anonymousdandelion @liquidlyrium @hippykattrs @noir-renard @not-a-space-alien @akinmytua2 @trailingoff @zadusk @rouge-fox-expanded @ykceb01 and anybody else who wants to do this as well! (and obviously if this kind of thing isn’t your jam, no pressure to do it either!)

#tag game #personal #if we're mutuals feel free to consider yourself tagged #i just listed people off the top of my head and stopped once the list started getting too long

[jfleamont]

Tag Game

go on pinterest and search "(your name)core aesthetic" and see what comes up, then insert the first 9 images that show up (that aren't memes)

Thank you @thatsbitchcraft for tagging me!

I'm tagging @redrobyn285 @constancezin @prongsismyfave and whoever wants to do it ❤️

#sorry its been a weird day so far so if we're mutuals (and even if we're not please consider yourself tagged and do this anyway lol ❤️ #btw this came out pretty good #very cute 💕 #jfleamont rambles

[gentle-art]

you can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. put your favorite playlist on shuffle and list the first ten songs then tag ten people! no skipping!

thank you for the tag @m8nstruck 🌼

1. Hello - Younha, pH-1

2. Summertime - My Chemical Romance

3. He Don't Love Me - Winona Oak

4. Sunflower - Rex Orange County

5. Tomboy - HYUKOH

6. Piknik - Siddharta

7. Cherry Bomb - Julianna Joy

8. eight - IU, SUGA

9. we fell in love in october - girl in red

10. Version Of Me - Sasha Alex Sloan

tagging: @itishebihime-samaforyou @moonchild00x @i-wanna-fly-away

#i don't know many people on here #if we're mutuals and want to do this consider yourself tagged ^^ #audio #self

[hypewinter]

Prev

Tim came down the stairs with an empty mug in hand. As he entered the dinning room he found a kid happily eating pancakes. Ah this must be the new adoptee, he thought to himself as he recalled last night's group chat.

"This is not a new adoptee," Bruce said looking up from the boy. Man, Tim hated when the old man guessed their thoughts like that.

"Say whatever you need to convince yourself B," Tim replied with a shrug as he went into the kitchen.

Bruce shouted after him, "He already has a family!"

The boy immediately interjected, "She's not my family silly! She's my friend."

Tim chuckled to himself as he filled his mug and came back into the dining room. "Aw B," he said smugly, "he doesn't even have a family. You're not saying we're gonna leave him on the streets are you?"

Bruce for his part, glared halfheartedly at Tim before turning back to the little boy. Tim also took this time to observe the boy. He believed Oracle had said his name was Danny. Danny was currently happily kicking his legs as he stabbed at his pancakes. Tim couldn't help but note how the pancakes had already been cut into bite sized pieces. Other than that, he seemed perfectly fine. No apparent injuries or adverse reactions to sudden movements. His clothes were also nice and clean. Probably Alfred's doing. Speaking of the old butler, he came in and set a plate down in front of Tim.

"Oh I'm not-" One eyebrow raise was enough for the young man to shut his mouth. He looked down at his plate only to immediately turn back to Alfred with an eyebrow raise of his own. "Mister Danny claimed it was not fair he was the only one to receive such special pancakes. He was rather insistent that everyone experiences such happiness this fine morning," Alfred informed.

Ah, that explains why Tim had gotten star shaped pancakes. He looked over at Danny who was smiling giddily at him. As Tim took his first bite of pancake, he couldn't help but agree with that assessment.

Bruce cleared his throat. "Danny?" the boy looked up at him. "As you know our... mutual friend left you in my care. As such after you're finished with your pancakes, what do you say I take you back home?"

"Ok!" the boy replied before shoveling more pancakes into his mouth.

"I think I'll tag along too," Tim said. There was no way this little "drop off" was going to go as planned and he wanted to be there to see it. After all, someone had to keep the group chat updated. Besides, he took great joy in Bruce's half perplexed half annoyed expression.

"Don't you have some meetings to attend today?" Bruce asked through gritted teeth, guessing his son's angle. "Nope," Tim answered sweetly. "My schedule's all clear today."

"Fine," Bruce relented. "If you want to come along on this very quick drop off, I won't stop you."

Tim smiled into his mug. This was gonna be fun.

-----

"We're here!" Danny exclaimed as they pulled up to an abandoned looking apartment building.

"Are you sure this is your home?" Bruce asked cautiously. Tim couldn't blame him, this place was on the outskirts of the Bowery and looked like nobody had lived there in years.

Danny opened the door and hopped out. "Yep!" he said. "I know because I'm a big boy and big boys know how to get home." He puffed out his chest proudly.

"Right," Bruce muttered pensively as he examined the building.

They all entered the building and began ascending the questionable stairs with Danny taking them two steps at a time. As they climbed, both Bruce and Tim noted how rundown the building looked. Walls were peeling and there was rubble and trash all over the floors. The railing on the stairs looked so rusted that a gust of wind could probably knock them over. Most of the lights didn't work because of one thing or another which luckily wasn't a problem considering it was daytime. But none of that was even the most concerning part. No, the most concerning part was how silent it was.

As they walked down the hall, it was simply too silent. Even taking into account that most people would already be at work right now, it was still too quiet. There was no hint of people coming back from work the night shift. No sound of those staying home sick or someone with a day off. No dogs barked, no cats made any noise. It was an eerie silence that seemed to blanket the whole building. It was unnerving.

Danny stopped in front of a door and opened it with ease. There was no lock or anything. Once again adding to the list of concerning evidence. They entered after Danny to discover a shabby looking flat past the door. There was barely any furniture, and the furniture that was there looked like it should have been thrown out years ago. The floor boards seemed as if they would give way at any moment too. The windows to the far side allowed lighted in but that only served to illuminated the mountain of dust everywhere. The apartment didn't even look lived in. There were no clothes anywhere, no dishes, no sort of decorations, nothing.

Danny seemed undeterred by any of this and happily pranced into a room off to the right. Tim followed him as Bruce stayed behind to look around more.

As he entered, Tim was relieved to find that at least this space looked lived in albeit barely. The bed had Superman themed sheets on it and there was a backpack leaning against the closet. The bed also had a blanket laying on top of it which Danny ran to and grabbed. He came back over to show Tim.

"This is my most precious thing!" he explained excitedly. "My friend gave it to me. Feel it! It's super soft."

Tim knelt down and felt the blanket which was black and had stars all over it. "You're right," he said. "It really is soft." Danny beamed. "Told ya!"

Tim smiled at the boy's obvious excitement despite his less than stellar living arrangements. Just then, Bruce called for him. Tim returned to the main room with Danny in tow, still clutching onto his blanket.

Bruce turned to him and handed him a piece of paper with an unreadable expression. The paper had cursive scrall on it that simply read, Take care of him my knights.

Danny looked up at them both curiously and Tim just sighed. So much for this being a quick drop off.

#dp x dc #dc x dp #dpxdc #dcxdp #winter's tales

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

"get me a damned matcha" | Chapter 18: November II

{{ Chapter 17: October II | Chapter 19: December II }} Chapter Directory

(✿◡‿◡)

if you wanna get tagged for updates, fill out this form here!

✧ pairing ➼ levi ackerman x fem!reader, college x coffee shop x roommates!au ✧ summary ➼ After you find yourself plagued with misfortune due to struggles in your personal and family life, you find yourself needing to move last minute. As a junior in undergrad with little money and little social support, you considered yourself lucky when you found a sublease that was close to campus and was relatively cheap. Unfortunately, it seemed that your roommate did not seem to be so excited regarding your presence. ✧ content/warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, mutual pining, idiots in love, fem!reader, afab!reader, smut (minors go away), kinda the one bed trope except its a sleeping bag lmao ✧ word count ➼ ~7.7k

"Come on, we're approaching the second half of our senior year! The end is in sight!" 

You simply watched with an unamused expression as Oluo announced the beginning of your trip and sprinted his way forward down the trail, with Petra following closely after. 

The shared class that you had with Oluo and Petra had ended the semester early. That, and plus the fact that Gunther was in town, meant that you were more than happy to set up a camping trip with just the three of you. Eld ended up tagging along to celebrate Gunther's graduation.

You didn't mind bringing Eld, as he was a close friend of Gunther's. What you didn't anticipate however, was that Levi was a close friend of Eld's, and you did a double take upon seeing Levi on the shuttle to the nature reserve. You were the one that planned the trip and you certainly did not budget to bring along your grumpy roommate that you currently found yourself increasingly distressed about.

Ever since that night at the Halloween party, you haven't been able to keep Levi out of your thoughts. This was made especially difficult due to the fact that you lived with him. Every time you walked past him or even heard him through the thin walls of your bedroom reminded you of just how good having him against you felt. You missed the feeling of his hands on your waist as he planted sloppy kisses up and down your neck. You missed running your fingers through his hair as you silently begged for him to continue kissing, sucking, and biting at your sensitive skin. 

You felt heat begin to rise to your cheeks and you shook your head to try to get the image of Levi on you out of your head. 

Eld had said that Levi said he also had the weekend free and needed to get away from his labwork. You vaguely knew about Eld and Levi's friendship, but you certainly did not know that they were close enough to warrant Levi hijacking this trip you planned.

You didn't believe it for a second. There was no way that Levi, the clean freak that he is, would willingly come into the middle of nowhere for a weekend to sleep on the ground and not have access to a shower or restroom that wasn't public.

"Any day now, _____," Levi said with a tiny hint of amusement in his voice as he looked down at you from the top of the hill.

You stopped walking for a second to catch your breath. Keeping up with the rest of your friends felt impossible.

"Oh, shove it, you asshole," you said as you pulled out your water bottle.

You knew that this trip was going to take a not insignificant amount of physical energy, but you weren't expecting to be as winded as you were. You felt your breath getting caught in your throat and your legs were already cramping. If this was your state after thirty minutes, you weren't sure how you were going to last the entire weekend.

You looked down at the ground as you took a few deep breaths in an attempt to stabilize yourself.

You suddenly felt a hand place itself in between your shoulder blades and you found yourself getting steadily pushed up the hill.

"What?" you said as you turned your head and saw that Levi had come down from the top of the hill to give you an extra boost in getting up the hill. "What are you-"

"Just shut up and walk, you brat."

~~~~~

"Uhm, bad news, I think my tent is broken," you heard a voice yell out from across the river. The six of you had spread out around a riverbank to camp for the night. You had cleared out a little corner to yourself and set your bag down right as you heard Petra calling over to you. 

You glanced around and saw that your other friends had settled into their tents for the night. You sighed to yourself. This trip was turning out to be more of a disaster than you ever thought it would be. 

"Take mine," you yelled back, pulling your folded up tent out of your duffle bag as you hauled it over to the side of the river that Petra was on.

"What are you going to use? These aren't big enough to fit two people."

"His is," you mumbled, motioning towards Levi's tent on the other side of the river.

"Oh, then you can have your tent and I can-"

"No."

You immediately interrupted your best friend's stupidly innocent comment. 

While thinking of being forced to spend the night in close vicinity to the one person that has been making you feel all sorts of ways was distressing enough, thinking about Petra spending the night around him was even more distressing.

"Just take the tent," you whispered, dropping your stuff at her feet. "Levi and I are roommates anyway. We'll figure something out."

Petra nodded and quietly took your tent and began setting it up and you turned and walked back across the river towards Levi's tent with the rest of your stuff in your oddly light duffle bag. Levi's tent had been set up a bit further from the others, likely because he wouldn't be able to sleep and didn't want to be shuffling around near everyone that was already asleep.

You walked up to his tent and heard him moving around, feeling a tight feeling arise in your chest, taking a deep breath.

"Levi?" you called out quietly.

You heard him suddenly stop moving. After a pause that felt like it took much too long, he finally poked his head out the door.

"What do you want?" he asked with an annoyed tone. 

You shuffled awkwardly as you scratched the back of your head.

"Uhm, well," you started speaking, unsure of how to phrase the situation. "Petra's tent broke, so I gave her mine."

"And?"

He knew what you were saying.

"Well, I was wondering if-"

"What a pain in the ass," Levi said with a groan. "Get in and don't make a fuss about it."

You shot him a half-smile and nodded, crawling inside.

No words were exchanged for a while, with him keeping his back to you as he dug through his duffle bag to continue setting up. You could tell that he was awkwardly tense. Your dynamic with him has definitely changed within the past few months, but his continuous ignoring while you were this close in proximity gave you an unprecedented amount of anxiety.

You pursed your lips as you spoke up.

"What's the catch?"

He looked over at you with an eyebrow raised, clearly not knowing what you were referring to.

"Eld said you had the weekend off and that's why you're here," you said with an unamused look. "I don't believe it."

"Erwin's out of town, so there's not much I can do in lab anyways," Levi said with a sigh, as if he was expecting this confrontation. "Plus, someone had to look after your dumb ass." 

His eyes glanced down at your right arm, which had gotten fractured in the car accident from a few weeks ago.

"How's your arm?"

"Huh?" you gave him a confused look before realizing he was referring to your broken arm that had long been healed. "It's fine. It's been fine. What's up with you?"

Levi glanced back at you from the corner of his eye before turning back to his duffle bag.

"You didn't have to come with me on this, you know," you mumbled quietly as Levi got up and zipped up the door to your now shared tent. "I can look after myself."

Levi scoffed as he scooted towards his duffle bag and began rummaging through it again for his sleeping bag.

"I know," he said quietly. "But who else was going to stay back and haul your ass up this mountain?"

You frowned at his comment as a slight pout appeared on your face. You knew that you were not in the best physical shape in terms of exercise, but you didn't expect to be this behind. Levi was right in that climbing this mountain would have been impossible if it wasn't for him.

"You didn't have to," you whispered, repeating your earlier statement.

Levi put down the sleeping bag that he had started to unroll and glanced over at you, clenching his jaw in frustration.

"Well, I wanted to."

Your pout was quickly replaced with a look of surprise as your face began to heat up at his comment.

"Really?" you asked quietly.

"Tch. Yes," he said, shooting you an annoyed frown before turning back to the sleeping bag. "You happy now?"

You didn't respond, trying your best to hide the slight smile that was present on your face as you felt your heart pounding. That feeling was getting harder to ignore with each passing day.

"May I?" he asked suddenly, ripping you out of your thoughts. He was referring to your duffle bag.

You nodded, having completely forgotten that you were supposed to be setting up your sleeping bag. It was already pretty late into the night.

He began digging through your duffle bag before pausing and noting that it was oddly empty, as if it was missing an important item.

"_____," Levi said quietly, glancing over at you. "Where's your sleeping bag?"

You furrowed your eyebrows at him before crawling over to look into the duffle bag yourself.

Shit.

You nervously tapped on your leg as you felt Levi's gaze drilling holes into you. You had been so scatter-brained while planning for this trip and making sure everyone else had everything they needed—except for Petra's broken tent, apparently—that you forgot to double check for your own belongings.

You cursed at yourself for forgetting your damn sleeping bag of all things. You kept your gaze off Levi as you heard him shuffling around after sighing.

You were forced to look at him again as he tossed you his sleeping bag that he loosely rolled back up. It was bigger than yours, which you assumed was due to his own inability to sleep so he desired comfort over practicality if he had to be conscious with it the entire night.

"What are you going to use?" you asked with a look of concern.

"I'll figure something out."

"Well I don't wanna use it if you're not gonna have anything," you said with a frown. 

You two sat in silence as a tempting thought popped up in your head. It was foolish and probably much too forward. No matter how many intimate gestures you two had shared, suggesting this idea that you suddenly had would undoubtedly be crossing a line.

You said it anyway.

"We can share?"

You heard Levi's breath hitch, being genuinely surprised at your suggestion. He was also well aware that something was going on underneath the surface. At first, he had chalked it up to high emotions after you almost losing him and after him almost losing you immediately after. The next time, he blamed the alcohol, although he already knew that he doesn't really get drunk, so that wasn't entirely valid either. 

This time, neither of you had any type of excuse. 

"What?" he asked.

"I mean," you said, getting a little flustered yourself, "it's a fairly large sleeping bag and we're both small people, so I think-"

You immediately stopped talking as you saw him shoot a glare in your direction upon hearing you call him small.

You looked away from him and clenched your jaw, regretting ever opening your mouth or even entering his tent. It was a dumb and intrusive decision.

"You know what?" you said, as you began to get up. "Now that I think about it, this might not be the best idea. I can text Petra and see-"

"Don't," Levi said, grabbing your wrist to stop you from exiting the tent. "We'll figure it out."

You looked straight into his eyes and nodded, sitting back down.

"Okay," you said as you exhaled softly, your anxiety threatening to take over, "Levi."

~~~~~

You both sat at the center of the open sleeping bag, with neither one of you wanting to be the first one to lay down. You held your knees to your chest as you became increasingly aware of his presence next to you. He was almost close enough for your arms to touch. Shuffling around by even an inch was enough to bring him into contact.

You looked up at the open roof of the tent, letting the full moon shine its light over you.

"So." 

You awkwardly spoke, feeling your skin crawl as you shuffled next to him, his arm briefly rubbing up against yours.

"So?"

You bit on your bottom lip, unsure of what you were even trying to bring up.

"What?" he asked, noticing your silence.

"Uhm," you began nervously, your fingers tapping on your knee. "With what happened at the beginning of the semester..."

With that statement, Levi immediately knew what it was that you wanted to bring up.

"Ah."

You looked over at him.

"What about it?" he asked, avoiding your gaze.

"I just," you started, with a solemn look on your face, "I noticed that you hadn't come in and that there was a fire at your lab and the thought of never seeing you again made my chest fucking hurt like I was actually dying."

Levi finally looked at you, making eye contact.

"Yeah?" he responded quietly.

"Yeah," you said, feeling heat begin to rise to your cheeks as he continued to look at you. "And then once I saw you again..."

You took a deep breath, shooting him an embarrassed half-smile.

"I just kinda lost control. So..."

"So?" he repeated your last word, waiting for you to continue.

You broke eye contact, too embarrassed to continue looking at him as you continued to talk. 

"I'm sorry," you said quietly. "For that, and every other time after that. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about you and it was driving me nuts—but I know how awkward of a situation that puts you in too."

The way you were speaking made it seem like every kiss the two of you had shared was one-sided and initiated by you, but that wasn't entirely true. He had returned it every time and you had returned it to him every time it was him that pulled you in. It was always reciprocated, no matter how much you tried to convince yourself otherwise. 

At this point, your shoulders were in full contact as you leaned slightly into him, which only increased your anxiety.

Every second of silence that passed was agonizing. It felt like you were holding your breath as you waited for him to say something. You couldn't tell what he was thinking or even what expression he held on his face. You had no idea what was going on through his head.

You clenched your fist as your anxiety took over.

"I'm sorry for always being selfish," you whispered as you finally gathered the courage to look up at him again. You met his gaze as he watched you.

"I'm sorry for always feeling like I want more, and yet-"

As soon as you said the words 'I want more', Levi immediately lifted your chin and planted his lips onto yours, cutting off your words. 

You felt chills running throughout your entire body as you felt him on you again, your heart soaring as you parted your lips and returned the kiss, pressing yourself into him.

This had been the fourth time that the two of you had shared an intimate moment and it still felt just as euphoric as the very first time that you placed your lips on his after being so overwhelmed with the relief that he was still in front of you in one piece. Every time that you felt him on you made you long for him even more. His presence would fill up the entire room and your only point of focus was just him. 

Your hands grabbed at his shoulders as you felt him kiss back harder, with his own hands moving up to cup the side of your face, pulling you in even closer. All inhibition flew out the window as you continued to pull yourself into him, with your kisses quickly transitioning from gentle and loving motions to sloppy ones that were rough and had you gasping for air in between. You felt his tongue prodding at your lips as he continued to push you back.

As he continued to push you backwards to the point that he was basically hovering over you, you briefly broke away from him, taking deep, heavy breaths as you gasped for air.

"Lev', are you sure this is the best place? Shouldn't we-"

He pulled you back into a kiss, biting gently at your bottom lip.

"I don't care anymore," he murmured in between kisses, crawling on top of you. He didn't miss the way the edges of your lips slightly pulled up as you smiled into the kiss. “Packed a condom?”

“Pill,” you muttered into his ear, a gasp escaping your lips as you felt him planting kisses on your neck, back up to your jaw and then your lips again.

It felt right. This felt right. As aloof as he always made himself seem, Levi would be lying if he told himself that the tension wasn't bugging the shit out of him too. Every time he saw you or brushed up against you, he felt his entire body tense up as he struggled to keep his gaze off of you, because he knew that if he placed his eyes on you, he wouldn't be able to take them off again.

Once he was fully on you, your hands traveled down to the bottom of his shirt, feeling him take a sharp inhale as he felt your hands on his bare skin. You gently brushed your hands over his abs before moving onto his chest as you slowly raised his shirt. You had caught a few glimpses of him the few times he came out of the shower without his shirt on or when he only had one of his unbuttoned dress shirts on as he was getting ready for the day. You had found yourself fantasizing about it in recent weeks, but that couldn't even compare to how blissful you felt right now, with him actually on you, with your hands running up and down his body.

Impatient, he pulled his shirt over his head and threw it over to the side and you looked at him with elated eyes as you saw his hair fall back onto him in what seemed like a perfect manner. It was ruffled and messy, for sure, but it was perfect.

You pulled him into another kiss. Every one of your senses was on fire and you felt yourself shiver as you felt his hands reach underneath your tank top, promptly removing it. 

He held himself up with one hand and firmly clamped down onto your breast with the other, which resulted in a soft whimper escaping from your lips. 

You brought your hand up to your mouth to cover it in an attempt to muffle the noises he was drawing out of you.

He pulled away from your lips and began planting kisses on your neck, trailing his tongue over you, which sent intense chills down your spine. His hand that was grabbing at your breast trickled down past your waist, reaching into your pants, and you heard a soft chuckle come from him once he realized how wet you already were.

"F-Fuck, Levi..." you whispered shakily as you felt his fingers rubbing over your heat.

He looked up at you again with lust-filled eyes before connecting your lips again, effectively muffling the squeal that came out of you as he pushed his middle finger into you. 

"Shh," he whispered into your ear, his voice barely audible. "I got you."

You felt your chest rise and press up against his as your breathing shuddered as he gently ran his thumb over your clit. Your mind desperately tried to come up with a response, but went blank as soon as you felt him also insert his index finger into you. 

You began to grab at his back, pull at the hair at the back of his head, and bite at him as he continued to kiss you while pumping his fingers in and out of you, all while drawing smooth circles around your clit with his thumb.

He was quickly working you to an orgasm and you were slightly ashamed to admit just how good he was making you feel.

You wrapped one of your arms around him and pulled him into the crook of your neck as he began to plant sloppy kisses over it again, your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your bottom lip quivering as you began to feel your core tighten up as he continued to pump into you, curling his fingers up to hit the one spot that took away your ability to think properly.

Your orgasm came on suddenly, like a white hot flash, and you were so overstimulated that you momentarily lost your ability to see. He was making you feel so, so good that you had to bite down on your own lip to keep yourself from screaming.

Your body was shaking and your mind barely registered the sound of Levi unbuckling his own pants. You were barely coming down from your high, with your clit being overly sensitive to the slightest touch, when you felt the tip of his cock against your folds.

A moan escaped your lips, much louder than intended, as he gently pressed his cock into you. Levi immediately slapped a hand over your mouth to shush you and paused, giving you a moment to adjust to his size. He kept his hand on you as he slowly began to move in and out of you, with his own breathing beginning to destabilize.

"Easy there, _____," he whispered into your ear. "You don't want the whole group to hear us now, do you?" 

You shakily nodded at him as he slowly removed his hand before he began to gently bite at your neck, switching between biting, kissing, and trailing his tongue over it, setting all of your senses on overdrive. 

"F-Fuck...Levi," you moaned as you began to get noisy again, which Levi promptly quieted down by planting his lips on yours again, with his tongue entering your mouth, swirling around yours in an elegant dance. 

His movements began to get sloppy as he began to drill into you faster and harder, quickly bringing you to the brink of another orgasm.

You moaned into his kiss as you were brought over the edge again, with your vision blacking out over how intense it was and how overstimulated you were. 

He continued to pump into you through your orgasm and your back arched into him as you clawed at his back. You couldn't think or form coherent thoughts, all that you could even register was how good he was making you feel. His thrusts began to slow down as he continued to snap his hips into yours, panting as he also fucked his way through his own orgasm. 

You opened your eyes once you came down from your high and looked at him as he panted from his own euphoria running through his body. You saw that his hair was stuck to his face from the sweat that had gathered on him while he was fucking you.

You shakily exhaled as you felt him pull out of you before collapsing onto his back next to you. You felt him roll onto his side to face you and you turned to meet his gaze, only for him to pull you into another kiss—a gentle one this time, with his hand gently grazing your cheek as he pressed his lips against yours.

You buried your face into his neck, planting gentle kisses. There was just something about the way he felt on you—about the way he affected your very ability to process the world around you—that made you want to nuzzle into him and never move again. You desperately wanted to stay in this moment, wanting to implant a permanent image of this memory into your brain to visit again and again. You didn't want this moment to end.

For the first time, in a very long time, you felt content, happy, and at peace.

~~~~~

You woke up to the sound of leaves rustling around you. It was gentle, peaceful, and made you want to keep your eyes closed and simply fall back asleep. You kept your eyes closed as you shuffled around, frowning as you felt some resistance against you. 

Your eyes shot open and you blinked a few times to process the scene around you. You were in Levi's tent after being forced to spend the night with him. You had foolishly forgotten your sleeping bag and were "forced" to share one with Levi. You began chatting with Levi about some of the more intimate things that had happened throughout the beginning of the semester—and then you-

You felt all the blood rush to your face as you recalled everything that had happened the night before. You somewhat knew about the way that Levi's presence made you feel, but you had never expected it to actually come to fruition. 

As you began to stir, you felt a strong and sturdy arm that was wrapped around your waist pull you in.

Levi planted some gentle kisses on the back of your head as he pulled you in towards his bare chest. Although you had been against each other all night, feeling your skin to skin contact once he pulled you in sent a surge of euphoria through your body and his body heat began to merge with your own. 

You were addicted to his touch. You couldn't deny that anymore. Your fingers intertwined with his as you brought his hand up to your mouth and planted kisses onto his knuckles.

After a few minutes, you began to roll over so you could face him. You rested your head against his chest, his gentle heartbeat threatening to lull you back asleep.

No matter how much you wanted to avoid thinking about it, you knew you had both crossed the point of no return. You couldn't deny that there was something going on between the two of you—that you had long moved past the point of being just roommates, or even just friends. 

You smiled to yourself as you felt him give you a gentle kiss on the top of your head. 

"I guess we can't really ignore this anymore, can we?" you mumbled.

You felt Levi take a deep breath, with his chest rising and falling. 

"Ignore what?" he responded, his voice being scratchy and deeper than usual due to just waking up.

You ran your fingers up and down his chest as you tried to find the appropriate words to vocalize your feelings to him. 

You felt Levi tense up as you heard distant footsteps approaching from outside of the tent.

"We should probably head out in about 20 minutes if we want to make it to the lake by sunset tonight. Everyone, make sure you grab all your things," you heard Eld call out before you heard other footsteps begin to roam around the camp. 

Levi let out a long sigh, pausing for a few seconds, letting you lean up off him before getting up. 

You looked up at him and shot him a half-hearted smile upon realizing that your conversation wasn't going to continue. You couldn't help but be disappointed. You didn't know how well you'd be able to adjust back to "business as usual". You had to live with Levi for nearly another year and this wasn't something that you could just brush under the rug again. 

Stolen kisses were one thing.

Having sex was another—and although you knew it could just be a friends with benefits type of situation, you didn't want that. Something had happened between now and the day you found out about his lab fire.

No, it was even before that. Going all the way back to the beginning of the year, in January, something changed the minute he dropped everything in the middle of the night to come find you after you had wandered off from a party that had gone a bit too far. You couldn't ignore it anymore. You didn't want to ignore it anymore. 

You glanced back up at Levi, who had already clothed himself, leaving the image of his bare body—and your time with him—from the night before as nothing but a memory that was meant to gradually fade away.

~~~~~

You thanked the heavens that it wasn't another hill you had to climb today. 

What this mostly meant was that you weren't forced to be around Levi as you struggled to climb the hill. As a result, you were walking ahead of Levi, essentially leading the way down the trail, falling a few steps behind Eld. You couldn't be around him right now. Being around him meant you had to address whatever it was that you were feeling and you didn't even know where to begin. 

Were you just overcome with emotions again this morning when you were thinking of confessing to him? Did you even want to actually go through with it?

You heard footsteps run up to you and sighed in relief when you saw that it wasn't Levi.

However, you quickly tensed up again once you saw that it was Oluo with a mischievous look on his face. 

"So?"

You raised an eyebrow at him. 

"So what?"

"Anything interesting happen last night?"

Your eyes widened as your cheeks turned slightly pink. 

"W-What the hell are you talking about?" you asked, stammering a bit as you turned away from Oluo, only for your face to heat up even more upon realizing that Petra was walking next to you on your other side.

"Y'know," Oluo said with a shrug, "with the whole thing with sharing a tent and all."

You looked back at him with a frown.

"We're roommates, it's not as weird as you seem to think it is." 

"Sure it is," Oluo said dismissively.

"You're insufferable," you snapped at him, picking up your pace to walk past him and right up to Eld, deciding that the blonde was better company.

"Oluo giving you trouble again?"

You sighed, your shoulders slumping forward in a defeated manner.

"Yes."

~~~~~

Levi watched silently as you stomped away from Oluo towards Eld. Although he had lagged behind, he hadn't been able to take his eyes or mind off you for the entire trail. A somewhat permanent scowl had set on his face whenever he looked at you, but you weren't what he was frowning at.

"We can't really ignore this anymore, can we?"

His mind was fixated on that question you had brought up moments before the two of you set off for the day and especially fixated on his lack of a proper response. 

What the hell was going on through his head?

He knew exactly what you were talking about, yet the words "ignore what" was the only thing that came out of his mouth. He wasn't sure if he froze up due to a defense mechanism or instinctual reaction, but some disconnect had formed that prevented his thoughts from translating into speech or actions appropriately, and he had been mentally berating himself for it all morning.

"Rough night?"

Levi looked up and saw Gunther walking next to him, having noticed that he was lagging behind. Although Levi did not look actively distressed in the same way that you did, Gunther was able to at least tell that he was acting different.

Levi responded with a grunt.

"Define rough. _____'s annoying as ever," he grumbled, although his face currently carried an unreadable expression as he spoke.

"Hmm," Gunther said, looking down as he tried to formulate what he should say in response. "Well, appreciate you coming along. I know it must feel kind of out of place, being around mostly undergrads."

Levi scoffed.

"No kidding."

His official reasoning was that he was friends with Eld and used this as an opportunity to get away from the university and relax, but he knew that was a lie. Camping in the woods was not something he'd willingly do. He'd rather be sitting in his coffee shop reading or drawing or doing literally anything other than dragging his ass to the middle of nowhere to sleep in grime and filth for 2-3 days. Levi even being here was incredibly out of character for him.

His eyes landed on you again. He felt an uncomfortable feeling build up in his chest that radiated up into his throat, making it hard to breathe properly. No matter what he did, he could not shake that feeling off.

He knew that if he didn't address this soon, he was going to lose his mind. He couldn't possibly go back to "just living" with you after this trip. He couldn't think about anything else and could barely function around you before this trip and he especially couldn't now after the events of last night. 

He knew what was causing it—and it was because he knew, that he was able to deduce that he was royally fucked.

~~~~~

The entire day felt like it was never going to end. Part of it was because of the annoyingly warm weather. It was towards the end of November, so the weather should have been fairly cool. It was the perfect weather for you to throw on a flannel over a t-shirt whenever you went outside. Today, however, was stupidly warm and you felt your clothing stick to you, which significantly soured your mood. 

The other part was because you were agonizingly aware of Levi's presence on the trail behind you. He had been lagging behind you all day and didn't seem to show any intention of changing his pacing. That alone was enough to leave you more than exhausted by the time you arrived at the lake.

You sipped on your beer as you watched Oluo, Petra, and Gunther argue over who got to use each skewer for the marshmallows that you had packed to make s'mores as the last activity of your trip before you pack up and leave for home in the morning. Eld was tending to the fire a few feet away and a frown appeared on your face as you realized Levi wasn't with the group.

You knew that he had been lagging behind on your way here, but he was certainly smart enough to not get lost on the trail. Suddenly feeling a surge of regret over pretending he didn't exist all day, you started scanning the area around you, feeling more panicked with every passing second.

You felt yourself let out a relieved breath that you weren't aware that you were holding in when you finally saw him sitting near the lake on a picnic blanket that he had laid out to keep his clothes clean—another reason why you were surprised about his presence here in the first place—even something as simple as sitting on the ground was dirty.

You looked over at your friends that were gathered around each other, celebrating the almost-end of their undergraduate experience, and then at Levi, who looked alone, although he had tagged along to be a part of the celebration.

He looked quite lonely.

At least, that's what you told yourself when you found yourself headed in his direction and away from the rest of your friends. 

You saw him glance over at you once he heard you approaching. Seeing that he didn't tense up, move away, or show any form of resistance or discomfort, you took a seat next to him.

The two of you sat in silence for a while, both staring forward at the still waters of the lake that reflected the moon off of it like a mirror. It was an annoyingly peaceful scene that you knew wouldn't last. You occasionally heard an excited yell from Oluo in the background, but you were far away enough from everyone that even he was barely audible.

Sighing, you leaned back, placing your hands behind you to hold yourself up.

"Moon's pretty," you said quietly.

"Yep," Levi replied, feeling just as awkward as you did.

More silence followed. 

"Have a fun trip?" you asked.

"You could say that."

The tension was agonizing for the both of you. He glanced at you as you wrestled with your thoughts.

Part of you desperately wanted to get up and run away and continue to ignore him going forward, but you knew that'd fall apart as soon as you got home—and the longer you ignored this, the more you were afraid to address it. 

You didn't want to ignore it anymore, but you didn't know how to move forward. You glanced up at him and noticed that he was now looking at the lake again. The two of you continued to steal glances at each other, but not at the same time, almost as if you were afraid of making eye contact. 

Memories of the previous night brought a small smile to your face as your cheeks flushed up. 

Levi wasn't one for words—in fact, most words were used primarily to insult you more than anything else—but he was somehow able to make you feel like you weren't a complete and utter failure and that your life wasn't just one shitshow after another. Through nothing more than the way he looked at you or the way he would easily set aside everything to be by you when you were struggling or the way that he never seemed to push you away when you were worried for his well-being, he made you feel appreciated, or at least worthy of the space you took up.

You slightly shuffled to adjust yourself as a surprisingly pleasant fluttering feeling entered your gut. However, you tensed as soon as you felt your hand brush against his.

"Shit," you said quietly as you immediately pulled your hand away. "Sorry."

He didn't look over at you, but he reached out and grabbed your hand before you could fully retract it and weaved his fingers through yours.

"Don't be," he mumbled.

The small smile reappeared on your face as you relaxed and leaned into his shoulder, feeling some of the built up tension from earlier today dissipating.

Something was there, and you knew it. You knew that something was reciprocated, although you weren't sure exactly what. The fact that you had shared multiple kisses, slept together, and were now holding hands while basking under the moonlight meant that you shared something special with him.

The silence between the two of you suddenly felt comfortable and no longer awkward or tense. You scooted a bit so that you were closer to him as you continued to lean against him.

"This is nice," you murmured.

"Yeah?" he responded quietly.

He smells nice.

You shut your eyes as you enjoyed the feeling of him on you again. Everything about him was alluring, and you never wanted to let him go again. This moment—with just you, him, and the moon above you—felt right. None of your problems or stressors mattered as long as you stayed in this moment. 

"Is it wrong of me to be dreading tomorrow?" you asked.

Levi tilted his head down to the side a bit so that he was also leaning back against you, allowing yours to rest on his shoulder. He squeezed at your hand, knowing what was going on through your head.

"I don't want to go back," you continued. "Going back means real life and real life things and I just-"

You suddenly stopped.

"You just what?" Levi asked quietly.

"I just want to stay in this moment," you whispered, "being against you, feeling you next to me. It's like every shitty thing that ever happened is just gone. It's like, as long as you're around, my life actually feels like it's worth something and that I'm not just a walking disaster."

Levi was quiet for a bit before giving your hand another gentle squeeze.

"You're not a walking disaster," he whispered. "You've just been dealt shitty cards."

You turned to look at him as he spoke those words, finally meeting his gaze again. Your mind got lost in his steely gaze and the only thing you could focus on was how absolutely beautiful his eyes looked as he gazed into you. His gaze was intense and gentle at the same time and you never wanted to look away again.

"And this," he spoke again, his voice barely audible, "it doesn't have to be just this moment."

You blinked at him a few times as your cheeks flushed again. Your mind went blank and you lost your ability to think as you felt your heart beating harder and harder against your chest.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" you muttered.

"Well," he said as he gently grabbed your chin with his other hand, tilting your head up so he could get a better view of you. "What do you think I'm saying?" 

You parted your lips to speak, but found that no words were coming out.

You wanted this. More than anything, you wanted this—and now you were fairly certain that he wanted it too.

After what felt like an eternity, he finally pulled you into another kiss, and for the first time, it didn't feel like it was on impulse. It didn't feel stolen or like it was something that should be brushed under the rug. It felt real. 

You felt like you could cry from joy as you quickly returned the kiss, grabbing at the back of his neck to pull him closer. Your heart was soaring through your chest and you felt your heart beat in sync with his as you pressed yourselves against each other. He wrapped one arm around your waist and pulled you up against him as he continued to kiss you, never wanting to let you go—and wanting to forever stay in this moment.

"I knew it!" 

A voice shouted out from the distance, which rudely pulled you out of the otherwise perfect moment you were finally getting to share with Levi.

Levi shot a glare over at Oluo as you hid behind him, slightly burying your face into his shoulder out of embarrassment. 

"Don't you have more marshmallows to burn?" he yelled out to him with a not-so-surprising amount of hostility in his voice as he rolled his eyes before grumbling, "fucking undergrads."

You peeked up as you heard more commotion coming from the direction that Oluo shouted from. 

"Oluo, how loud do you have to be to take a piss?!" 

You heard Gunther walk up to him.

"What's going on?" 

You groaned quietly as you saw Petra walk up to Gunther as she asked that innocent question. You began banging your head against Levi's shoulder, desperately wanting to escape the gaze of your friends that were rapidly surrounding you.

"I knew you two were hooking up!" Oluo shouted out again.

"We're not just hooking up!" you yelled out, beyond irritated. "We're-"

You cut yourself off, not entirely sure of what you were trying to say.

"You're...?" Petra asked.

You noted that all three pairs of eyes were on you and you parted your lips to speak, although there were no coherent words that were coming to mind.

What the hell were you supposed to say? Are you together with Levi now? What did he want to call it? What could you say as you announced it without checking with him first? You felt like you would literally die of embarrassment if you had announced that you were in a relationship if it wasn't actually the case.

Before you got a chance to answer, you saw Eld walk up and begin to nudge everyone back towards the campfire, glancing at you and nodding. He was leading everyone away to give both you and Levi some private space without ogling eyes and you silently thanked the heavens that he came along on the trip.

You buried your face in your hands while groaning, beyond embarrassed about and annoyed at your friends.

"My head fucking hurts now." 

It was the emotional whiplash. You had gone from annoyed to anxious to sad to anxious (again) to overjoyed to embarrassed. It was like you were trying to experience everything on the spectrum of emotions all at once.

"What were you going to say?" Levi asked, prompting you to look up at him.

"Hmm?" 

"To Oluo," he said, taking your hands and lowering them from your face so he could see you better. "What were you going to say that we were?"

You froze. What were you supposed to say?

Roommates? Reluctant acquaintances? Friends with benefits?

"We're..."

You paused, thinking of the best way to put it.

Fuck it, you thought, shoving away your anxiety.

"...official?"

You kept your gaze on him to see his reaction. This could either make you feel ecstatic and elated or horrifically embarrassed and dejected.

A subtle smile tugged at the corner of Levi's lips and you felt a wave of relief wash over you before it was quickly overtaken by that stupid feel-good feeling that kept coming up whenever you looked at him.

He gently pulled you into another kiss before resting his forehead on yours and whispering.

"Official."

#: @levisbrat25 @gothgril69 @sckerman @berrijam @notgoodforlife @meowjaa @averysmolbear @roseofdarknessblog @bejewelledd @hhighkey @ayame236 @sad-darksoul @velouria17 @kamyru @l1zk4 @layenacreates @lamees004 @whoami-72 @highgoon69 @chaotic-on-main @levishotgf @nube55 @chosos-mascara @heichoucleanfreak @svftackerman @v4mp-wife @moonchild-angel @astri-ackerman @auriuswolve @noctemys @you-always-made-me-blush @raginginferno267

#levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi heichou x reader #captain levi x reader #n.sfw #fics: matcha #levi #levi ackerman #levi heichou #captain levi #modern!au levi #coffeeshop!au levi #college!au levi #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin #snk

[dianneking]

The Set-Up - Miranda/Reader (Top of the Lake: China Girl)

Crossposted on AO3 - if you prefer to read it there, follow this link!

Summary: Reader is crushing hard on Miranda, and yet somehow ends up on a date with Robin organized by none other than Miranda herself. Light angst, mostly Miranda being a hot mess tbh.

Tags: Mutual pining, jealousy, fake relationship, spying on people, Miranda being a clueless hot mess (as per canon), lil’ bit of angst, matchmaker!Robin, height difference, smoking, present tense, second person pov, ungendered reader.  Words: 3767

The Set-Up

You watch as Miranda enthusiastically waves goodbye at Detective Griffin before coming to lean against the wall by your side. Wordlessly you offer her a cigarette out of your pack, and she accepts with a muttered Thank you, sticking it immediately between her lips and lighting it up. Maybe it’s because you are somewhat more tired, maybe it’s because today she looks particularly happy and it tugs at something deep within you, but today’s the day where you throw caution to the wind and ask her what you have been ruminating on for quite some time.

"So, what's the deal with you and Griffin, huh?"

"We're on another case together. It's a good one."

"Only that?"

"What else?"

"Come on, Hilmarson, are you really going to make me ask?"

"I... I don't understand what you mean."

"You two seem pretty close, that is all."

"We sorted out our differences."

"Isn't that just great?"

"What's wrong with you today? You are being more waspish than usual. Didn’t take enough smoke breaks?"

"Don’t try to change the subject. Are congratulations in order? Are you two an item now?"

"What? No!"

"...if you say so."

"We really aren't! She's like my sister or something. Is that what was pissing you off?"

"Of course not! Why would I care if you and Griffin were hitting it off?"

"Oh my god, it is. You are jealous."

"No I'm not"

"You so are!"

"Am not"

"Are too!"

"Piss off!"

You shove her playfully, but doing so makes you painfully aware of your height difference, and you feel suddenly very small and nervous. If your crush for Miranda is so evident that even herself can call you out on it, you are worse off than you thought you were.

You try to sneak a glance up at her, and you see her beautiful face corrugated in a frown, as if trying to piece together a puzzle. Has she already figured out everything? Maybe you should consider making a tactical retreat before you dig yourself too deep into a hole. But at the same time, you are not willing to give up any time the two of you spend together.

Damn. She's so out of your league it's not even funny, you think, watching how the warm glow of the afternoon sun shines through her blonde eyelashes. You should probably have been more careful in letting your feelings known, you think as the silence stretches on uncomfortably. Now there's going to be that embarrassed little dance of her trying to let you down and you telling her that it's okay (it's not), you understand (you do), and that you hope you two can still be friends (you really, really do). You are not ready to give up your smoke breaks spent together, all the laughter, the jokes, the heart to heart talks. Miranda is the brightest part of your day, and you'll be damned if you'll do anything to hurt your friendship.

 "Hey I... I think you might have a chance, you know?"

"What?" You barely manage to choke out. Is she…

"Yeah, Robin is single you know. And you are witty and smart like her, you two would get on like a house on fire."

Oh no.

The implications of that sentence hit you like a cold shower. Is she really that clueless or is it some sort of joke? She's not the person to purposefully try to hurt you by mocking your crush, you know her well enough for that. You know she means well, and yet your heart sinks as surely as a rock in cold water. She's totally misunderstood, but that in itself is an answer.

"Miranda, that's not..."

"You know what? I can set you two up for a date!" She whips her phone out before you can try to get in a word, her tongue peeking out of her lips in a show of concentration as she types away. You try your best not to stare at her mouth as she does so, but you are entranced. So much so that you miss your only occasion to stop her.

"There you go!" she announces with a satisfied smile as the phone pings with Griffin's answer "She says she's up for grabbing lunch with you at Tony's tomorrow if you pay for it."

You try to swallow your disappointment, but it stays as a bitter knot in your throat. She might not be dating her detective partner, but she for sure isn't interested in you, if she's so quick to try set you up with her. She looks down at you, with so much excitement shining on her face that for a moment you get lost in those sparkling blue eyes. She's so gorgeous, and sunny, and kind. You really cannot be blamed for falling for her. It's just your usual rotten luck that she only sees you as a friend. So much so as to play matchmaker for you.

And you are so desperately in love with her that you cannot bring yourself to burst her bubble, to be the reason that her infectious smile drops from her lips, and so you don’t say anything. You don’t tell her that when the two of them storm through the station on their way to another case, or when they lean together, their heads close as they look at the computer screen together, it is not Griffin that you can’t take your eyes off from.

"So, what do you say?"

"Uhm…sure, I guess…"

“But of course, that’s what friends are for, isn’t it? You go get your girl!”

You shrug, trying to squash down the hurt that the word friend carries. You might as well go to this lunch with Griffin, hopefully you might be able to pull out of her whether Miranda is seeing someone else. Not that that would change much, would it? You should start trying to resign yourself to the fact that you really have no chance with her.

Also, Miranda looks positively giddy with excitement at having set the two of you up. Not when she has so resolutely stated that she only thinks of you as a friend. You are not going to make a fool of yourself confessing feelings that won’t be welcome and would only make your interactions awkward. Grabbing a bite with Griffin is for sure the lesser embarrassment of the two. Or at least the least damaging for your friendship. Because even if you can't have Miranda as your girlfriend, you are going to fight tooth and nail not to lose her as a friend.

 You only hope that Griffin won't be an arse about it.

“Why are we even here? Didn't you have a huge crush on Miranda?”

Obviously, it had been too much to ask for.

“...”

“I’ll take that as a yes. So why let her set you up with me?”

“If you knew that already, why did you agree to this date?”

“I wanted some free lunch.”

“Oh wow. Way to make someone feel appreciated, Griffin.”

“And I was curious.”

“Were you?”

“Yeah, I wanted to see what she sees in you.”

“Nothing much, probably, if she tried to peddle me to you at the first chance she got.”

You try to keep the bitterness out of your tone, but you still bite viciously into your sourdough sandwich, and you can hear Griffin scoff.

“Oh please, it's obvious that she's pining for you just as much as you are for her.” You can feel yourself burning with embarrassment. Still better than the alternative, you remind yourself. It's just a lunch.

“I might even believe you if she hadn’t just put me firmly in the friendzone, so please, Griffin, can you drop this and just enjoy your free food?"

 Miranda tries not to feel guilty as she peeks beyond the wall corner to watch her two colleagues through the window of the café. She just wants to see how the date goes, that's all. Since she's the one who made it possible and all of that, she feels somewhat responsible for it. Like a fairy godmother for your budding relationship. Her friend and her work partner hitting it off…that has to be a good match, right?

Everybody agrees that Robin is the absolute best detective in the station. And you...well, you deserve nothing but the best. And if you two work it out, she won't have to share her free time between the two of you, right? The three of you will be able to hang out together all the time, and all will be just grand. One big happy family.

She can see the two of you in conversation, and cannot help the nervous tapping of her fingers on the wall she's hiding behind. She can see you shrug, an embarrassed grimace on your face. She can see how red your ears have turned - she can't get over how cute you are when you blush. For all of your tough talk, she thinks affectionately, you really are just a big softie. Have you already told Robin of your crush for her?

What will her reaction be?

Maybe Robin will reject you, and of course Miranda will be there to help you through your heartbreak, to comfort you as you had done for her when her affair – it’s a relationship, babe – with Adrian had crumbled like a sandcastle built too close to the ocean. Because that’s what friends do for each other, right? And Miranda is very happy to be your friend.

She absolutely is.

Really.

It's just that…

It's just that sometimes she allows her mind to run free, and she finds herself wondering how it would feel for once to hold your hand as you lean against the wall outside the station side by side, how your hair would feel if she buried her hands in it, how your lips would taste if she were to… No. She really shouldn’t. You're her friend, and she's pretty sure normal people don’t think about kissing their friend.

Unless they have romantic feelings for their friend. And she surely doesn't. Does she?

…

Fuck.

She totally has romantic feelings for you.

How hasn't she noticed? How long has she been feeling this way towards you and mistaking it for friendship? Suddenly she feels like bashing her head against the rough brick wall. How could she have been so dumb? She has even helped to set you up with Robin! Wow, good job, Hilmarson. Great. Couldn't she have realised it like two days ago? Even for her standards - she's the first to admit that she has messed up multiple times in her life - that's one major cock-up.

 “See? She's totally into you as well, she's even spying on our date.”

“That might just be because she is curious. If she wanted me, why would she try to set me up with you? Come on, Griffin, you must be smarter than this. Aren't you supposed to be the best detective in Australia or something?”

“Ha-ha, such a flatterer. Look, I know what I’m seeing. And lucky for you, I’ve got an idea.”

“Lord help us all.”

“What if I pretended to go along with it?”

“Griffin, I am flattered, but I thought we had already been over how I'm not interested in you.”

“That's why I said pretended, genius. She’ll see us together, get jealous and realize her feelings for you.”

“She won't. You might be a decent detective, but you suck at relationship advice. Oi! Remove your hand from mine, this is ridiculous.”

 She shouldn't still be here, Miranda thinks, and yet she can't seem to be able to rip her eyes away from the way Robin has grasped your hand above the coffee table, her face opening in a lopsided smile.

This isn't fun anymore. Not since she's realised how badly she has fucked up in helping you two out. Miranda swallows, her eyes never leaving Robin as she slides out of her side of the booth and moves to sit beside you. She's never seen that sort of playful grin on Robin's face, unless she was totally hammered, and to see it when she's sober, and on a date with you of all people… Robin wants you too, doesn't she?

Well, of course she does. I mean, look at you, you are lively, smart, funny, attractive, and Robin might be many things, but she for sure isn’t blind or stupid. She has to know how much of a catch you are.

Miranda can only watch helplessly as Robin - the same Robin who refuses all sort of affectionate contact, struggling to even hug her own daughter - is leaning into you, nuzzling your neck, and whispering something in your ear. You jolt up as if electrocuted, and turn towards her, shock clear on your face. What has she said to you? Miranda feels like she's going insane, stuck on the outside looking in.

And then Robin chooses that moment to plant a kiss square on your lips.

Miranda turns tail and flees.

 “What the fuck, Griffin?”

“It's gonna work, trust me. I know Miranda.”

  Miranda leans against the wall next to the station, in what over the years she has come to think of as your spot. If she closes her eyes, she can almost fool herself into thinking you’re by her side, as you always are, cigarette dangling from your lips, always ready with a sarcastic quip, or a funny retort. Except you're not there. You're still on your stupid happy date, that she had pushed you into, like the moron she is.

She's been chainsmoking since she came back from spying on you, and the longer it takes for you to come back, the more harshly she pulls in the smoke between her teeth, trying to lessen her stress. Trying not to picture what you and Robin could be doing that's taking the both of you so damn long.

She tries to ignore the painful constriction of her heart at what her traitorous mind conjures up. The mere thought of Robin's small hands safely ensconced in your bigger ones, of her mouth exploring yours as Miranda had been dreaming of doing even before she recognized her feelings for you, of the two of you hugging or worse, makes her want to scream at the top of her lungs and hit something.

But she can't.

You're her friend, she should want you to be happy, shouldn't she? And if that means stepping aside and supporting you in your relationship with Robin, of course she'll do just that. Because Robin is the one you're interested in and there's nobody on earth Miranda can think is more different from her than Detective Griffin. Robin simply is everything Miranda has never been: petite, professional, smart, careful and precise. It's no wonder you like her and not big, clumsy, helpless Miranda.

Miranda, who's a terrible friend and cannot even support you wholeheartedly in your new budding relationship.

Miranda shakes her head, dropping the butt of her cigarette to the ground and moodily stepping on it. She should be happy for you, should be grateful to be allowed to be your friend, it's not like she has  a whole lot of those anyways. The sooner she starts to accept the fact that there's no hope for anything more between you two, the better it'll be for her poor heart.

She just didn't expect it to hurt so much.

But what's taking you so long? Is that how it's going to be from now on? You and Robin, so wrapped in each other that you forget about Miranda, leaving her alone once again, cast aside, begging for scraps of affection from her friends?

She can feel the tears filling her eyes at the mere thought.

 "You're back! How…how did it go?"

Miranda’s smile is too big, her eyes too watery for it to be sincere. For the first time you allow yourself to hope against all hopes that maybe, maybe Robin has a point.

But maybe you are just seeing what you want to see.

“Are you alright, Miranda?" Her laugh is high, nervous and ends up in a sort of hiccup as she clumsily claps you on the shoulder, rocking you with the strength of the impact.

"Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be, there’s a new, blooming romance in the station! And between my best friend and my partner, to boot! Isn't that just grand? Are you gonna tell all the others about it, or should I tell them and save you the pain?”

Her happy-go-lucky voice is so fake it twists your heart and almost makes you miss what she has said.

“Nonono, there will be no telling anything to the others!”

The last thing you need is for the whole fucking station to think you and Griffin are an item. You wouldn’t hear the end of it. It’s already bad that Miranda thinks that. And hopefully you can somehow clear that up.

“Is that something Robin asked you? Does she want to keep you as her dirty little secret? You shouldn’t settle for that! You deserve more!” She gesticulates wildly at this, her hands cutting the air with agitated gestures, as she defends your honor against imaginary slights.

“That’s not it, Miranda. It’s just-“ But she cuts you off before you can get a word in.

“You shouldn't hide your feelings! You two are totally made for each other. Go be unapologetically together!”

"Why are you so adamant in pushing us together?" You finally snap, irritatedly. She's not making any sort of sense. She's trying so hard to get the two of you together even if it's obvious that she's not happy in the least about it. And even though you are starting to think more and more that this might all be a huge misunderstanding, it cuts to hear the woman you love trying so hard to set you up with someone else. What if Robin wasn’t right? What if Miranda really only saw you as a friend and nothing more?

"What do you mean? Didn't the date go well? You sure looked like you were hitting it off pretty well, and you took your sweet time, too." She mutters the second part softly, as if it has come out of her mouth without her really wanting to, then promptly blushes a deep red.

You always found her adorable when she blushed.

"Miranda, I need to know it, why were you spying on us?"

"Oh god, you saw me? I… Uhm I…I just happened to drop by Tony's, I had totally forgotten that the two of you were there. So I uhm hid, because I didn’t want to make it uncomfortable for you. Hehe, that’s all."

"Is… Is it possible that you might like me?" You throw all caution to the wind because really, at this point you need a clear answer.

"No!" She answers too quickly "Of course not! You are my friend. I like you as a friend!" Hope stirs once again, but you don't dare to believe it quite yet. Not while she keeps denying everything.

"Miranda, you are many good things, but you are a terrible liar."

She suddenly rights herself from where she was leaning against the wall and makes as if to move towards the station.

"Well, I…I need to go. I just realized that my lunchbreak was over like five minutes ago and I-"

You stop her, a hand on her wrist, and a pleading tone to your voice.

"No, please. Stay. I…"

She stops, but she stays with her back to you. When she speaks, her voice wavers ever so slightly.

“You don’t have to spare my feelings, I know what you want to say.”

“You…do? ‘Cause it seems to me that this is all a huge misunderstanding.”

“Of course. A misunderstanding. Sure, that’s one way to put it. Just another big clumsy mess, made by big clumsy Miranda. I guess we’re used to it by now, aren’t we?”

She turns now, and you are shocked to see tears streaking down her face.

“That’s not what-“

“It's OK,” she interrupts you once again, angrily wiping the wetness off her face as she looks at you with a solemn, sad look into those beautiful big blue eyes of hers, “I know that you like Robin, I would never do anything to ruin your chance with her. You really make a perfect couple, I am serious about it. I just need a little time to adjust.” Her voice is picking up speed, as if it's impossible to stop now that she's started, “I am so grateful to have you as a friend, it's not like I expected you to return my feelings. Hell, I didn't recognise them for what they are until I saw the two of you together. And I would never let something like that ruin our friendship. Everything can stay perfectly the same, even if you are with Robin and…and I know I am a terrible friend that has fallen for you after setting you up with your crush but I want you to be happy and please don't hate me."

You blink under the onslaught of words she's unleashed on you, and when she abruptly stops, all that can be heard in the small alley to the side of the station is her heavy breathing, as if she had just run a marathon. Her shoulders are shaking and you can't see her face, dipped as it is into her collarbone in shame.

Your heart breaks at seeing her like this, at the sheer thought that Miranda could believe even for one second that you hate her.

You stand right in front of her, cradling her red, downturned face in your hands, tilting it ever so slightly up from where it was staring at the pavement, so you can once again look directly into her beautiful blue eyes, now swimming with tears and swirling emotions.

She's such a mess, you think affectionately. But she's a lovely mess with the biggest of hearts, and you wouldn’t want her any other way.

"Miranda, I could never ever hate you. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I… I think I love you."

"As…as a friend?"

"No, dearest, no, not as a friend."

And you hope there's no mistaking your intentions now as you press your lips to hers in a kiss that the both of you have been daydreaming about for way too long to admit.

Liked it? You can find more of my fanfiction on my masterlist!

#miranda hilmarson fanfiction #miranda hilmarson/reader #miranda hilmarson x reader #miranda (top of the lake) #miranda hilmarson #miranda hilmarson/you #miranda hilmarson x you #gwendoline christie characters #gwendoline christie fanfiction #miranda x reader #top of the lake: china girl #tol #dianneking fanfiction #dianneking writes #dragonmist fanfiction #crossposted on ao3 #angst fairy collection #top of the lake china girl fanfiction #top of the lake fanfiction

[moshieee]

Hello it is I, random anon who does not know you and has never interacted with you before, what is your opinion of your mutuals?

Oh hi @bixell-pixell I'll include you even if we're not mutuals I think you're pretty chill all things considered

That's kinda it idk you that well

Anyways

You didn't specify so I'm going to list all my mutuals in the order of oldest to newest on my following page that I remember sorry of I missed anyone and for the @ s

*inhales*

@e-the-village-cryptid (I don't have a tag for e yet but it would probably just be E)

Not only the first person who I became friends with here but also the first one I ever started sharing my stories with, even if we don't talk too much I'm glad Every time we do and I see them on my dash, (they bring some of my favorite posts and when I do send posts sometimes I mix up and send them their own reblogs) I'm so glad we're still friends, thanks for letting me ramble about stuff for 6 hours hehe

@jaqofallgenders (no tag for jaq yet either)

my in person friend and the longest friendship I've ever had with someone, love you 🫶. I'll be more specific on Monday if our ADHD doesn't kick in and make us both forget

@strawberry-seal77 (seal-berry!!!)

Hi hi hi yellows my friend 👋 the person I consider to be the second ever friend I made on here, a lovely person as well and wait waaa and an amazing artist too 👀??? Love you silly goofball and the amazing posts and jokes you have we should chat more often I thinkith.

@rabid-mercenary16 (Rabid jumpscare)

Hey hey hey .... BWAMP! Hope you feel better soon

I probably have the most to say about Rabid but all try to make it a bit shorter. besides being the first artist to do art jokes and include me, with we also became mutuals and interacting around a time when my life started to get a lot better. Even if she's not the only factor in that I definitely associate her with stuff improving, and she did play a big factor in it (I already explained a lot on my Valentine's Day gift to her and the others). Also she's just an awesome person to spend time with and be goofy, amazing sense of humor and I just love being friends with such an awesome person and artist.

@dia-smthidk (Dia fren)

I'm assuming you don't want a bowl of soup

I also said a lot about them in my Valentine's Day gift, but we've become closer friends sense then even if we don't get to chat as much as I'd like to. I relate a lot and am surprised how we have so much in common. Amazing artist and person as well and I wish we could hang out more, idc if they think they're bringing down the mood when/if they bring stuff up about irl, and maybe I won't figure out their timezone but oh well, please take care of yourself gender sibling.

@bunnybunnsowo (BUN BUN BROTHER!!)

little brother 🫶🫶💝💞🫶✨👋❤️!!!

(I could have sworn we became mutuals before Dia?)

another person I shared a lot about with the Valentine's Day gift, I love you my little brother! Seriously one of the kindest people I've met and I'm so glad they have bug in his life. Bun deserves the world and they keep sending me opposum images!!! Gona die from cuteness and his kindness one of these days istg

@spookykittyzzz (greaah why don't I have a tag for you???)

A very kind person and artist I don't know too much sense we're not that close yet but love the few chats we have had so far. Hope we get to hang out more even if I'm awful at reaching out to others and saying hi.

@glitchyk (goop buddies)!!

Nooo the parallels

One of the first people who was interested to deep dive into my creations and ask about my stories and worlds They're probably competing with Rabid with how much I have to say about her/silly. Seriously it's incredible how much we have in common and now I get to share and collaborate our sonas stories together it's amazing. And as someone once said "you can yap for hours". I love how creative and clever they are, I just wish they would be kinder to herself. One day I'll make glichy see how awesome she is.

@unfunnyaceartist (Floridian disadvantage) I feel like I should change that

When I say I was shookith when ace asked to be friends I mean I was shookith first person so show up and ask that (the others kinda just happened). Amazing artist and don't believe her lies she is funny. I'm so heckn glad we're friends., love the goofy and silly idc if she's a bit of a simp they've helped me a lot start to understand slang and references I'm supposed to understand shhshsh (such is the curse of how I grew up) we need to make our mafia sonas interact at some point I can already imagine the chaos /silly

@neptunestoast (plushy slime)

Hugs hugs hugs*

Trying my best not to baby talk I swear. amazing person first person to show up and be like "hey I Wana do something for you and your friends". Love their humor and another gender sibling!!! Hugs for ever for as long as they're ok with it. I love their creativity as well and Noodle is so adorable. I just want to pick them up in a hug so much. Kibbity/silly

@ner5y (no tag woops ill figure something out)

What are you doing here??? How are we friends???

I was absolutely confused and startled when they followed me especially since it was during a spoons argument . Amazing artist like holy heck I wish I was allowed to curse on this blog. Their humor also took me by surprise when I got invited to the discord, and even if they doubt how well they're running it I think they're doing amazing. And I love our silly interactions like this one

@vexation-816 (chaotic ADHD buddy!!!)

Why did it take me so long to follow you istg

ADHD ADHD ADHD my buddy oh pal we both got that and it's driving us insane/silly. Love how creative he is and the ideas for his sona and character lore. Also one of the first people who shared a character they added to my nightlight au. This is getting twords the end and I'm tired of whiting so much and am on a timer oh no. But your amazing dude don't ever forget thag

@butlerbugbunny (anxiety bunny buddy)

This is why I didn't respond to the DM yet hshsh

New friend who I feel anxious talking to sometimes but a wonderful kind bunny who I'm also incredibly happy to be friends with. Love his art so much it's amazing (shoot shoot timer is going off) I'm glad he's their for bun and wish them the best I possibly can 🫶.

@lilithloves-you (lillith my be-loathed?) need to change that

Don't you dare bring up grilled cheese

Glitchys friendo who I'm also friends with now. We don't interact too much but I've sent her on missions to go hug glitchy (to help both of them feel better but shhh). I hope we become closer friends in the future.

#god this is a lot anyways im off to the store now #mutuals #E #seal-berry #Rabid jumpscare #bun bun brother #dia fren #goop buddies #Floridian disadvantage #plushy slime #anxiety bunny buddy #Lilith my be-loathed?

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

#before i maybe get yelled at: #1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even #though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism #2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them #3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have #encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in #nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally #about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person. #4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces #and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too. #5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided #tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla #6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things. #7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl #i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know? #8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this #nyarla dni #<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks

[threebooksoneplot]

3B1P Countdown to New Moon Season: 2

Who's your favorite character from the Volturi?

Bonus: play F/M/K with the Volturi. Who's getting torched and why?

we're gearing up for our Season 2 premiere (9/13/23) with a series of New Moon challenge questions! If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged. Reblog with your answer and tag a mutual with New Moon Takes

3B1P is a Twilight podcast with a twist: we simultaneously read Twilight, Life and Death, and Midnight Sun! How will we continue this gimmick into the New Moon era? Find out 9/13/23! More info

#new moon countdown #3b1p season 2 #new moon #twilight

[jrooc]

🚄 w e e k ly 🌊 t a g ✨w e d n e s d a y ✈️

Thank you @deedala for putting it together this week! and thanks for the tags @juliakayyy @creepkinginc @mybrainismelted @michellemisfit

_____________________

Name: Jess (or J-rock as I randomly pronounce my own handle in my head like a weirdo)

Age: A little over a Nosho and a half (jumping on this train!)

Location: A cold winter tundra in which I'm afraid to go outdoors

we're going on a trip!! Thank fuck.

📍where are we going? Barbados

📍whats the weather like there right now? Hot and delightful

📍are you an over-packer or a light-packer? Over-packer. The last minute editing is real so I don't have to check a bag. 

📍are we taking a plane or a train? Flying Neeeooowww 🛫

📍early morning departure or an overnight trip? Early morning. Sleep is for the weak, let's get to the beach. (I'm basically the spawn of satan before 9am so sorry if you're travelling with me lol)

📍what song are you playing in the car while we drive to catch our departure? I'm late so something for driving fast? Kendrick Lamar maybe. Or Greta Van Fleet.

📍we need to grab something on the way, starbucks or dunkin? Starbs as the kids say (do they?). I like the egg bites.

📍we've made it to the transportation place 🚂✈️! be honest, are we on-time or are we rushing because we're running late? Late. I've never been on-time to an airport in my Nosho-and-half-years. I travel a decent amount so I've gotten real lazy. I show up and basically walk on the plane.

📍are you taking the window seat or the aisle seat? Window!

📍we're settled in our seats, are you gonna read or watch a movie/show? A long period of time where no one will interrupt my reading? Hello Fanfic.

📍what are you reading/watching? So much fanfic. Although I once had to stop reading a Porn Star AU for fear of the people behind me looking at my kindle.

📍are you using wireless or wired headphones? Wireless

📍are you going to take a nap or stay awake? I miss being young and being able to sleep on planes. My long legs don't fit.

📍do you want a salty snack or a sweet snack? both?  Yes.

📍we've arrived! are we heading straight to activities or are we gonna rest at the hotel? Pour me a cocktail and let me wander around the hotel. I always like to put my feet in the ocean.

📍finally, pick a treat to reward yourself for a travel day well done! Aforementioned cocktail and deep breaths of ocean air.

Also here's this cute picrew! It's sorta-accurate. The leather jacket and red lip certainly is.

Also I'm gonna tag you below - but as we recently chatting about in the fanfic discord. If I missed you, I didn't mean to! I love you all my mutuals. Consider yourself tagged if you see this. And if you don't want to participate you can unsubscribe at *fax dial-up sounds*.

Or I'm just waving hello! @ian-galagher @deathclassic @redwiccanrobin @mmmichyyy @stocious @skylerwinchester @mickeysgaymom @sgtmickeyslaughter @energievie @darlingian @thepupperino @skies-below @callivich @gallavichgeek @too-schoolforcool @guessiliedinthehook @cynfinsaa @bawlbrayker @rayrayor @ms-moonlight-inn @jessieoneday @crestfallercanyon @heymrspatel @such-a-barbarian @suchagallabitch @sluttygallavich

#weekly tag wednesday #tag games #tag you're it

[shannonsketches]

Can I just say I love how you can be somewhat critical about certain things about totk without completely and unnecessarily trashing it and even adding humor. I wish more people were like that.

Aw, thank you! I'm just trying to make sure folks feel safe to enjoy things here (as long as, yknow, the respect goes both ways).

I definitely used to be someone who would trash stuff unnecessarily, and I'll always credit a mutual (although I did forget their handle,,,I'm so sorry) I had at the time for just letting me go on a long rant about why something bothered me and went, "That sounds really personal, but that got nothing to do with this." And all at once I realized I'd been projecting my needs/wants/expectations onto other peoples work (commercial or otherwise), and holding strangers responsible for serving me, specifically! Which is an absurd thing to expect from anyone!!

And sometimes I still forget the world doesn't revolve around me, glorious me, and I have to go back and apologize and do my mental health homework to figure out why I reacted a certain way, and why I took something so personally. But it's been really helpful to try and do the homework first, or type that whole salty take up and delete it or draft and review it again in the morning, before you make a stranger (or a friend!) feel bad or unsafe with you for the crime of enjoying something you didn't (which I have done, many times, and feel very bad about).

Plus, I've learned that if you're someone who is always analyzing and critiquing things, those moments can be really good practice for (respectfully! privately! in your own space! not on that stranger's post! not in that poor dev's DMs!) considering what you might have done differently, assuming you had the same parameters and resources available. I find this is especially good practice if you plan on entering a creative field! I promise you get a lot more sympathetic with how things turn out when you force yourself to dream within a budget and a deadline.

(also being nice to professionals is good practice! Some of them are jerks, true, but 99% of devs artists designers directors etc are just doing their best under a ton of stress and pressure to make everyone happy, and they're usually really proud of what they're able to accomplish, and they are absolutely not getting paid enough to deal with the comment section)

Once you let go of that need to be Correct and have control over stuff that isn't about you, you end up having a lot more fun and a lot less limitations for playing in the sandbox, and with other creatives! Plus you learn about yourself, and what your priorities and tastes are. You become a better story teller and collaborator when you can not only find but actively look for the good in things you may have completely dismissed as a kneejerk reaction to not liking something about it.

And again, I'm definitely still an ass, a lot more often than I'd like to be. I still struggle with that need to be Correct and to have complete control over my sandbox. I still get defensive and have to navigate rejection sensitivity when someone's idea contradicts mine. I definitely understand the reactivity when something means a lot to us, and it takes practice to share when you're used to being protective! But it's so, so worth it.

You meet such amazing people and find such wonderful, supportive communities when you embrace two cake theory. I highly recommend making an effort to expand your perspective and be a part of that support.

Supportive Community Pro-Tips from a Fandom Old Guy:

You don't have to adopt a theory to enjoy or appreciate it!

If someone's takes upset you, just block them. It's okay.

Don't critique someone's work unless they ask for critique

Don't RB someone's work with negative/contradictory comments, just make your own post

DO freak out in the tags/comments/inbox if you like something

Obviously don't wish harm over ships/headcanons/etc, just block!

Remember someone else's work is not about you

Remember someone else's work is Not About You

Are they experiencing a thing? Are they sharing their experience with you? That's a gift! Treat it like one!

Elitism is a mind killer. Newer ≠ Lesser, Older ≠ Greater. We all have stuff to offer and we all have stuff to learn.

and if I may impart the most important thing I've ever learned in fandom:

BE NICE TO EACH OTHER, WE'RE ALL JUST MAKING STUFF UP!

Thank you for the lovely message and for letting me ramble I'm!! Sorry this got so long and preachy, haha

#Remember kids the Number One Rule to relaxing and having fun in your fandom is “Yes And”ing. The more ridiculous the better. #give princess zelda a unicorn and a gun it's okay who can stop you