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autistic-beshelar · 4 months

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Hey! I'm very interested in what you've told me about antisocial personality disorder, neurodivergence, and empathy vs. compassion so far. I would love to hear more!

hi, sorry this has taken me a bit to get to, i've had a hectic few days, and i knew i'd end up writing a lot!

ASPD:

i'll start by saying that i don't have ASPD, so i'm just going to give the basics and hand you off to people who DO have it. it's important to bear in mind that ASPD is primarily considered traumagenic, and that, like any other disorder, it can manifest in a bunch of different ways, and people with it can behave very differently from one another.

ASPD is a cluster b personality disorder characterised by low empathy, limited range and depth of emotions, disregard for other people's feelings, disregard for societal conventions and morality, chronic anger, and chronic boredom. the common view of pwASPD is that they are violent criminals, but that is primarily because research is only ever done on the worst kinds of people, and i'm sure many of them are misdiagnosed. i'm sure i don't need to explain to you why basing a disorder solely off of people in prison is fucked as a concept, given how both the prison system and psychiatry are both incredibly flawed. (it's also for this reason that i have no scientific studies to give you, because the only ones i've come across are grossly ableist)

having ASPD comes with a lot of challenges, but having a disorder - any disorder - doesn't make you a bad person. from what i have seen, a lot of pwASPD don't so much 'not have morals' as have a deep distrust of authority and base their morality on logic or serving their own interests. in fact i've seen an awful lot of pwASPD who are very left leaning or are anarchists. of course there's also plenty who are right wing assholes, but that kind of goes to show that a disorder doesn't dictate your morality, it just might lead you to approach your sense of morality differently.

ASPD resources, from actual pwASPD:

https://shitborderlinesdo.tumblr.com/post/115096247519/the-anti-social-personality-disorder-checklist

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/life-with-antisocial-personality-disorder-aspd/ (cw for mention of csa)

https://inanawesomewave.tumblr.com/post/177638772232/the-bones-of-it

EMPATHY:

my favourite thing to rant about. empathy is wildly misunderstood by most people, so let's start off with a proper description. there are two main types of empathy: cognitive and affective. you will also see some people say that there's a third type, 'compassionate empathy', but i have never seen a definition of it that isn't based on the idea that empathy is necessary for compassion, so i'm ignoring it, and i'll get to compassion later.

cognitive empathy: basically, thinking about feeling. cognitive empathy is the ability to recognise and understand emotions. it is involved with reading people's expressions, or understanding why a certain situation might cause a certain emotional response.

affective empathy: this is typically what people mean when they talk about empathy - the ability to feel what someone else is feeling.

it's extremely important to note that this is fucking impossible. 'feeling what someone else is feeling' is some sci-fi nonsense. it isn't real. the belief that it is causes a lot of harm.

affective empathy, properly defined, is the a person's emotional response to an emotion that they perceive someone else having. it isn't always as simple as 'i'm happy because they're happy'. affective empathy can also be involved in more complicated situations, like feeling afraid because of perceived anger (which leads to a whole conversation about hyperempathy and hypervigilance and the relationship between them, but that's a whole other post that someone who actually has feelings would be more qualified to write)

so that's empathy. it's really just a bunch of feelings that we have about or in relation to other people's feelings. there's no moral component to feelings whatsoever. morality only comes into play when action is involved. which leads me to...

compassion: being kind, not as an inherent state of being, but as a choice.

i'll talk about my own experience here, but i've heard similar from other people with low/no empathy, and i've heard similar from some pwASPD as well.

i choose to be kind because i believe it's the right thing to do. i see a lot of injustice in the world, and it makes me furious - in fact, for me, it's primarily my anger that fuels my compassion. my morals have been based partly on feeling, but also on logic, and on a lot of research. to me, being kind is logical and sensible. it's logical to want people to be happy and safe and free. it benefits me too, for starters.

i don't need to feel sad about people's suffering to want it to stop. and though i don't really feel much empathy, i do still get emotional about things - i can still be sad or angry or happy about certain things happening, it's just... less than other people.

i look at the world around me and i try to find things that i can do to make it better because i think that's my job as a human. sometimes i'm bad at it, and sometimes i'm too tired to, but at the very least i can refuse to cause harm, and when i do, inevitably, cause harm, i can make amends.

(there's also a long discussion to be had about how basing your morality on your ability to empathise with people makes it extremely easy to no longer care about people who have been dehumanised, but that's a post i don't feel qualified to make)

a book i am desperate to read on this subject is Against Empathy by Paul Bloom, but here's an article about it, which is of course not perfect, but makes a lot of interesting points: https://www.vox.com/conversations/2017/1/19/14266230/empathy-morality-ethics-psychology-compassion-paul-bloom

i hope that helps explain some things. if you have - or anyone else has - more questions, feel free to ask, and i'll do my best to answer.

#empathy #low empathy #politics #kind of #autistic #actually autistic #there's a lot more i could say tbh but lets leave it there or i'll write an entire essay. with chapters #also i've used pwASPD because i usually see person first language used for personality disorders #and it's not my place to use identity first if that's not the community consensus #but pls let me know if you are ASPD/ are someone with ASPD (or another PD) and have thoughts or feelings on this #identity first vs person first is sth that's interesting to me #disability #ableism

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kalofi · 8 months

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zl fic idea

hii everyone i wrote something yesterday about an au idea i had for zolu and. i thought i'd share it here since its a bit too messy and disjointed in places to post on like. ao3 or something.

4.7k words, warning for temporary major character death but do not worry all will be fixed in due time. i'll put the rest under the cut

ok i have an idea for an au thats like kind of reincarnation but like reality displacement but like. okay just listen.

so we start at laughtale. its a couple years into the future from where we are in canon the strawhats are achieving their dreams luffy is about to find the one piece theres a big battle happening between them and the blackbeard pirates and whoever the fuck else is there idc. the rest of the strawhats are fighting the bb crew while luffy and zoro head off to find the one piece and also end up fighting black beard himself. luffy and zoro atp r like basically a thing but they never talk about it cuz theyre luffy and zoro and they kind of just exist with each other but like. theyre basically in love and everyone knows it. anyway they go off together luffy has the one piece almost in his grasp blackbeard attacks they fight its a big battle blood is shed bones are broken uumm in my mind luffy and zoro are like teaming up against bb bc his devil fruit is lowk broken and op and like ok theres gear5 too but i didnt rly consider that so lets just assume bb’s devil fruit can negate gear5 somehow or luffy exhausts it before bb is fully defeated.

finally theyre able to knock bb down and hes out and theyre both tired and worn but they DID IT and the one piece is luffys and theyre facing each other grinning ear to ear and zoros saying “you ready, king of the pirates?” and luffy laughs and goes “not just yet zoro, i still gotta-“ and then theres a spear piercing right through his chest. and in the next moment its gone.

theres a gaping hole through his captain and theres blood, theres so much blood and luffy’s still smiling like he hasnt realized it yet, like it hasnt even registered. zoros ears are ringing and he doesnt know what to make of whats hes seeing because its just not real, it CANT be.

he looks over luffy’s shoulder and blackbeard is on the ground with his hand outstretched , black energy coiling back into his form and he’s laughing and laughing with bloodstained teeth. hes fucking laughing. one moment zoro is still standing parallel to luffy and the next hes in front of blackbeard and the mans head is rolling through the dirt and gravel, wado dripping crimson, a terrible gap toothed grin still stretching the man’s cheeks.

zoro is breathing heavy, hes trembling and hes almost mesmerized by the blood pooling around a lacerated neck— then he’s remembering luffy and turning around and calling his name and he can see right through him theres a HOLE right through him and he chokes and stumbles and rushes to his side right as luffy starts to crumple to the floor . catches him and lowers him gently and doesnt know what to say.

hes still shaking but cant move his mouth and everything is muffled, the sounds from the battle outside are distant and they dont matter but what does he do. what does he do.

he snaps out of it when luffy gently calls his name. a strong “zoro,” like hes not fazed at all. like there isnt blood soaking into zoros clothes.

his brain kickstarts and he’s speaking. saying things like “youre ok you’ll be ok” and “choppers right outside i’ll just call him and he’ll fix you right up” and “you always bounce back, right captain?” and hes thinking “dont die please dont fucking die. not now, not when we’re this close please dont fucking die” and hes silently praying to all the gods he doesnt believe in but luffy calls his name again and his mouth clicks shut. luffys saying it’ll be fine, that he had fun. that hes proud to have made it this far with all of them. and those sound a lot like parting words so zoro’s shaking his head no but luffy is still smiling. hes saying that hes glad he had zoro, that he made him happy. hes saying to tell everyone he’s glad they met, that hes glad they all had each other, that he knows theyll be just fine .

zoro wants to say that luffy should tell that to them himself, when hes wrapped up and recovering and alive but his mouth is glued shut again and he feels that interrupting luffy now would be cursing him to death, like his words are the only thing keeping him tethered here, he just needs to get him to keep talking to stay awake.

he tries to smile but it comes out ugly and wrong and he feels his lip wobble so he drops it. he settles on rubbing his thumb on luffys shoulder. something to keep him here.

so he rubs and luffy talks little things until he cant anymore. until his eyes grow dull and his skin loses its warmth and still zoro rubs and he rubs.

—

thats how law finds them. zoro hunched over a body that should never be as still as it is. and its really no surprise hes there, hes been gunning for the one piece since the time he could captain a ship (or a submarine) but it all feels so wrong.

zoro either doesnt notice him or doesnt care, but either way the man doesnt acknowledge law until he’s right behind him. its not like law can say anything to announce himself either, not after seeing the state of the body that zoros currently holding. the body that used to be luffy’s. hes still processing it all when the other man(the one whos alive) finally speaks.

zoro asks if hes got a devil fruit. less of a question and more of a statement, but he should know anyway since theyve spent considerable time together and hes literally seen him use it. law cant unstick his jaw so he hums in affirmation. “and you can switch stuffs’ places?” another hum. “what about time.”

that makes law pause. “what?” his voice comes out stronger than he feels.

“what about time? can you switch things in time?” by this point law has awakened his devil fruit or some shit dont sweat the logistics but hes never tried anything of that sort so he kind of stumbles “im not- maybe? ive never attempted-“ zoro interrupts “send me back”

“what?”

“send me back so i can fix this. you can do that, right.” it clicks. law would pity zoro if he didnt know any better, instead he just feels mounting despair and resignation.

he may not be crew, but he knew luffy too, he was allied with the man for fucks sake, and this just feels- wrong. he sighs, a tired, heavy thing.

“what about your crew?” its useless. zoros as stubborn as his captain, with arguably a handful more screws loose. “it wont matter. they’ll never know because i’ll make sure this doesnt happen.” he still hasnt turned around. law doesnt know what expression hes making and hes sure he never wants to find out.

hes ready to deny it, cut his losses and head for the one piece himself (hes not heartless, but if he stands here any longer and has to look at. well. he think he might never be able to move again) but then he really thinks about it. could he? would it even be possible? surely this isnt the way things were supposed to go, surely this isnt right. luffys never been one who was supposed to die just like that, like this, law knows that much. he thinks hes going to regret this, but he counts it as one last thank you for everything luffy did for him.

youre gonna owe me big time strawhat-ya. if i even remember this, that is.

he puffs a breath “i can try. i cant- promise anything but. i think we both know this,” he makes a vague, weak gesture, “isnt right.”

zoro doesnt say anything, law didnt expect him to. he just bows his head slightly and law takes that as the acknowledgment it is.

he brings his hand up, “dont do anything stupid, zoro-ya. or, at least, make it stupid enough to bring him back.”

he positions his fingers in way so familiar, but the weight of it now is nearly unbearable.

room.

shambles

—

zoro’s world shatters, differently than before, and then theres nothing.

—

he wakes up in bed, bleary eyed and a pounding headache assaulting his senses. his alarm clock is going off which only adds to the drumbeat against his eyes. he grumbles and whacks around aimlessly to shut it off. the silence lasts a moment before his eyes fly open and he jolts up, sheets pooling around his waist. luffy. where was he? where was zoro? did the crew find him and take him back to the ship? did law fail? but this didnt look like chopper’s office.

he looks around to find hes in a room hes never seen before in his life, yet he instinctively knows is his. it all feels so wrong, like he doesnt belong in his own skin. he scratches lightly at his arm. he needs to go to work.

work?

what the fuck is happening.

its like his mind is at war with itself, one truth trying to dominate over the other. he trained at sensei’s dojo. he aged out of foster care. he was a swordsman, he was the first mate of the strawhat pirates. he didnt go to college, hes working construction. he made a promise, and kuina died. kuina…died. huh. his captain, his luffy, someone he knew so intimately and who knew him in turn. hes never met someone with that name his entire life. he needs to go to work, he needs to find his crew.

he doesn’t understand what the fuck is happening.

without his permission his legs stand him right up and he moves confusedly, surely, to the bathroom he didnt know he had. his reflection stares back at him in the mirror and its him, of course it is, he doesnt know why he expected someone else, but hes also…different. he has both function of his eyes, first of all. a scar in the same place as before but its light and healed over and doesnt seem to have blinded him like it once did. his hair is green, sure, but black roots peek out from underneath the familiar shade. hes grown stubble, he should shave. he needs to go to work.

hes so confused, but his body moves like its been doing this its whole life. as far as zoro knows, it has.

he continues getting ready, mind still at odds, and makes himself a cup of coffee (in his own kitchen. his own kitchen? the state of it leaves less to be desired. sanji would surely skin him alive) before tucking into his shoes, grabbing his wallet and keys and heading out the door. he seems to live in a single room apartment, and a crummy one at that. his legs move him faster, he has to go to work, he cant be late again (again?).

his car is parked outside the building, he has no fucking clue what it is but he unlocks it all the same and settles in. he feels like he shouldnt be operating this sort of machinery. franky would know better than him how it must work. he starts it up and backs out. trusting his gut to get him where he needs to be. he should be more concerned, he should be frantic and inconsolable, his captain was dead in his arms and now hes? what? going to lay some bricks or some shit? but he finds that part of him dulled in favor of following whatever mundanity this body is pushing him towards.

uumm whatever whatever he arrives at work eventually i dont know how construction jobs work are there offices or something. idc thats not the point. johnny and yosaku are there and zoro is surprised to see them since, as far as he knows, the last time they were with each other was at arlong park which was years ago for him. but the two greet him like this is a daily occurence, like theyve been working together for years. and zoro thinks, knows, they must have. but this is good, this is great fucking news actually because until now theres been no confirmation if zoro was here alone (wherever “here” is) but now his proof is right in front of him because if johnny and yosaku are here, and they exist the same as from before, then that must mean everyone else is here too right? he clings onto this hope with both hands trembling.

nami, usopp, the cook and chopper and robin and franky, brook, jinbe and fuck. fuck, luffy. theyve got to be here somewhere, zoro just has to find them. hes not sure if they remember things like he does but hes got to try because they are his as much as he has always been theirs and they should all exist together as it has always been.

so then yeah he finishes his shift because its what hes ‘supposed’ to do but he doesnt go home. he drives around aimlessly before pulling into a random lot and pulling out his phone (theres no snail attached to it. weird.) he doesnt even know where to begin. hes not usually the one coming up with plans, he just goes where theres blood need to be shed. but no one seems to be in any danger here except for maybe himself, and its not like he has his swords anyway- shit. fuck did he still have wado? he must have right? he knows there was a kuina that existed here too, he knows because he remembers. and she, well she wasnt around anymore so he must have wado. he must. with shaking fingers he pushes that aside for now, though barely. he needs to find luffy, but he wouldnt even know where to start. luffy could probably find the rest of their crew by simply wandering around and happening upon them, thats how he did it before. but zoro has no idea where he’d be, he doesnt even know where he is. nami or robin would be a good bet to at least form a plan, but he wouldnt know how to find them either.

is there even a coco village here? would robin still be part of baroque works? he needs someone who has a defined location that he could google or something (what the hell is google?). usopp would be at syrup village right? shit. is there even a drum island? these are all too broad, he needs something specific. specific…..a place with an identifiable name, somewhere smaller that would be easier to stake out…

a lightbulb goes off.

fucking shit he thinks. of course. of fucking course it would come down to the cook.

he types in “baratie” to his maps and a location pops up, just 27 minutes from where he is now. he hasnt eaten yet either, so he figures thats killing two birds with one stone. he taps the address, backs out of the lot and drives.

(if it takes him nearly an hour to get there thats nobodys business but his own)

he pulls up to the building about a quarter after 7. it seems packed enough already, but if memory serves him right then that was just par for the course for baratie. he parks, gets out and locks his car, then shoves his hands in his pocket and resigns himself to another oncoming migraine hes sure to get upon interacting with the man hes certain is waiting somewhere inside.

the tables are full, the host tells him, he slips a 20 from his wallet and suddenly (of course) theyre more than willing to serve him.

he gets settled in a far and somewhat isolated booth and a waiter comes up to him, but he cuts the man off as hes introducing himself and says “you got a blonde working here? stupid ass side part with a weird eyebrow? goes by sanji” the waiter looks shocked and put off by his rudeness but quickly collects himself and says “we might. depends on whos asking” zoro snorts “just tell him hes got someone who wants to talk to him,” he cringes at this next part, tries to smile but knows it comes off as a sneer. hes not sure if he still has conquerors haki wherever he happens to be now, but he tries to channel that energy the same way he would if he were in battle and says “tell him im a fan.” the waiters eyes widen, in fear or surprise zoros not sure (most likely a mix of both) before he nods and scurries across the floor, weaving in between patrons and coworkers alike until he disappears behind the double doors to the kitchen.

zoro sits with his arms crossed and skims through the menu out of boredom and impatience. its a couple minutes before he sees a familiar head of blonde hair emerge from across the way. a smile climbs onto his face despite himself. sure, the guy annoyed him to hell and back and their…friendship (if you could really call it that) was a tumultuous one, but it was good to see someone familiar nonetheless. he schools his expression before the blonde can spot him. a few moments pass before hes standing right in front of zoro, his stupid suit primped and pressed as always, and a cautious look on his face.

“you asked for me?” his tone is the one he only reserves for men who he deems not worth his time. zoro grits his teeth but says “yeah, theres something ive gotta discuss with you.”

hes never been one for tact, forever blunt unlike his swords.

sanji quirks a brow “i dont plan on talking about anything with anyone unless theyre a paying customer” zoro feels his eyebrow twitch but grabs his menu nonetheless and points to a random item without looking “i’ll have this then, and whatever booze you got.” sanji leans in to see what hes pointing to before his one visible eye widens and a grin slowly overtakes his previously unaffected face.

he speaks condescendingly. “wonderful choice sir, coming right up.” before zoro can get another word in he grabs the menu out of his hand, spins on his heel, and marches back to the kitchen.

zoro clenches his fists and does his best not to grind his teeth into a fine dust. no matter where they are or what displacement in time the fucking curly brow never fails to be absolutely insufferable. at least this way though, zoro knows its him for real.

its another 20 minutes before the shit cook reemerges from the back with a platter and a mug in his hand. he steps up to zoros table and places the plate and cup down in front of him with a smug look. zoro has no idea what the fuck hes looking at on his plate. he doesnt have time to question it before sanji plops down in the booth seat across from him, disregarding all previous faux-professionale and asking “so what do you want” zoro tears his eyes away from his plate and looks into sanji’s, trying to convey as much emotion, as much urgency as he possibly can.

“luffy needs us. and we have to find him” whatever the cook was expecting him to say, it definitely wasnt that. the other man regards him more warily now, looking him up and down with a tense frown before replying “i dont know what the hell youre talking about. and i dont appreciate being mocked or having my time wasted” he goes to stand up but zoro grabs his wrist, yanking him back down unceremoniously.

he blinks before rounding back on zoro, flaring his nostrils in a way zoro knows means hes about to get himself in deep shit “oi, what the fuck do you think youre-“ he doesnt let him finish “im not mocking you. this isnt some stupid prank or whatever youre thinking. and despite how much i would enjoy punching your teeth in right now im not looking for a fight either.”

the cook still looks affronted but seems to actually be listening. zoro continues “look, i dont know what the fuck is going on. i was at laughtale with you and the others, with luffy, and then i woke up and now im here and i dont know how but this is all wrong. its all wrong but i need to find luffy and fuck, i cant do it alone. i need your help to find him. find everyone.” the blondes eye is wide, but he blinks and its gone. he looks more tired than zoro has ever seen him

“im not paid enough for this shit. i dont know why i even-“ he looks like hes getting ready to leave again but zoro is desperate at this point so he blurts out whatever he thinks will convince the other man hes not bullshitting.

“we met you here, at the baratie. me and nami and usopp and luffy. luffy busted through one of your walls so your old man punished him by making him wash dishes. i dont, i dont know what luffy said to you, or how he convinced you to join us, but he changed your life like he did mine. we sailed together, and we had each others backs no matter how much we got on each others nerves. you were our cook. i was our swordsman. luffy was our captain and youd do anything to help him, i know you would, same as me. youre a pervert and an asshole and a damn annoyance, but youre strong. i could still kick your ass though” if the cook’s eyebrow could go any higher hes sure itd be clear off his forehead by now.

“and you- your dream. you wanted to find the all blue.” he stalls there, engine sputtering. zoro doesnt know what else to say, so he snaps his mouth shut.

the blonde is still gaping at him like a fish, but he mouths the phrase “all blue” like hes been searching for it his whole life, like he always knew but just never had the words.

he blinks.

then he blinks again, rapidly. there are tears pooling in his eyes. his mouth flaps for a moment before he seems to finally be able to push out words.

“you- zoro?” he sounds small. he sounds hopeful. zoro grins.

“yeah, yeah its me.” sanji stares at him a moment, then looks around, as if hes seeing everything with clear eyes for the very first time. zoro figures he might as well be.

“holy shit. holy shit.”

zoro laughs, a rough thing. theres a ball in his throat that he cant seem to dislodge. “nice to have you back, curly brow” sanji’s gaze snaps back to him before he scowls and tries wiping away the tears that are now streaking down his cheeks. its useless though, it seems they cant stop. zoro laughs again at the sorry state of the asshole in front of him, this time more full and genuine. he feels so relieved he doesnt know what to do with himself.

“yeah yeah, whatever dick head.” sanji grumbles. zoro quiets down, glances away, lets him have his moment. “fuck, mosshead, im still on the clock and you unload all this on me? how the hell am i supposed to finish the rest of my shift?” his words are sharp but he doesnt sound angry at all. in fact, when zoro turns back to look, hes smiling.

“you remember now though, dont you?” he has to be sure.

“what does it look like, dumbass? think im tearin’ up cuz of pollen or some shit?” the cook rolls his eye. theyre both silent for a moment, trapped in their own heads, before he speaks up again. “so, what now?” zoro doesnt even have to think before he answers “we find everyone else, obviously.” “well no shit, but how?” zoro glances to the side. “i was hoping youd figure that out” sanji stares before bursting out laughing. zoro scowls and hunches into his shoulders.

“of course!” sanji cackles “of course your dumbass wouldnt know what to do! you probably just typed in the most recognizable place you could remember and hoped one of us would be there!” zoro doesn’t answer, because yes thats what he fucking did, but it worked didnt it? he doesnt see whats so funny.

“fuck you.”

he wants nothing more than to bash that smarmy mouth in, but the familiar egging settles something in his soul. sanji gasps a few breaths before calming down, now wiping tears from his eyes for a completely different reason.

“alright alright, well lets figure this out then, yeah? we figure out how we got here then we can figure out how to get back right? simple enough”

zoro nods, “law was-“ he stops. remembers dull eyes and clammy skin and wrong wrong wrong. he shakes his head, “no, no we cant” sanji looks at him confused.

“we cant go back,” zoro presses, “not until i fix things. i promised i would” the other man seems to pick up on his panic and his mood dampens, becomes more serious. “promised what?”

zoros never been one to sugarcoat, but now he wishes he could find a way to soften the blow hes about to deal. he inhales, pushes the breath out. says, “luffy died, sanji.” the fact the hes actually using the other mans name seems to fly right over his head in favor of the first part. “what?” zoro huffs, is he really gonna make him say it again? “luffy di-“ sanji interrupts, angry now, fists clenched and whitened from the pressure “i heard what you said. but what do you mean.”

he doesnt want to have to tell sanji what happened, doesnt want to talk about it at all, wants to slice it up into small enough pieces that it very well may have never existed.

he told law the others wouldn't have to know, that he would make sure of it, but he's realizing now just how unrealistic that is. as much faith as zoro places in his own abilities, he's aware he's only one man.

and, he figures, if there's anyone i can trust enough to share a burden heavy as this with, might as well be the one who's strength i'd count on just as much as my own.

sanji cant help if he doesnt know what went down once they got separated at laughtale, so zoro sets his shoulders, clenches his fists, prepares himself like hes riding into a battle he knows he has no chance of winning—hes the first mate for fucks sake—and resigns himself to filling the other man in on every horrible detail

by the end, the cook looks much the same as zoro feels, pale-faced and shaky. he runs a trembling hand through his hair and clenches his eye shut. “fuck mosshead, thats…” he doesnt bother finishing, and zoro stays silent—already knowing just how much of a shitty situation it is that theyve found themselves in.

—

(btw the reason sanji was so smug about what zoro randomly chose on the menu is bc its one of their most expensive dishes. even upon regaining his memories he still makes zoro pay it cuz hes an asshole like that. business is business 😁)

uuummm i dont feel like detailing the rest basically my idea is that they work together to try and track down all the members as well as law, since hes also a part of this. i dont know how or when or in what order but i do know finding luffy would come last. so yes its zolu but for a majority of it more in spirit than anything. maybe i can throw in some luffy pov of him living with ace and sabo . he knows something is off but cant place his finger on what. he knows something is missing but hes got his brothers with him so what else could he possibly need? etc etc. you get the idea

#devil fruits don't work like this but don't sweat the logistics. just read with your heart not your head #it starts off rough cause im kind of just rambling about my ideas then the more i go the more it just turns into a fic #let me know your thoughts in the comments or my inbox or whatever i love discussing stuff hehe!!#as you all know im an artist first and foremost but sometimes my ideas get a bit too big for my current drawing skills so i write them down #so heres that #one piece #zolu #theres no guarantee i'll ever like. srsly continue this but i rly rly like it as a concept im invested LOL #and i have a few ideas on how the rest of the crew would be found that ive discussed w friends #so perhaps if i find motivation and can outline. an actual plot progression and clean up this first part...#well who knows... XD #also im not a zs truther in fact my insta followers r well aware of my. certain feeling on the ship #HOWEEVVEERRR i do think zoro and sanji have such an interesting unique and important dynamic/relationship #that i enjoy studying outside of a romantic lens #anyway ive spoken enough . pls enjoy! or dont thats fine as well

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skitskatdacat63 · 5 months

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Notes:

I think I definitely like the original versions more than the edited ones. I'm more happy with the grumpy Fernando one, whereas the bratty Seb one made me want to cease painting forever. So hopefully he looks good?????? I'm sure I'll soften on it, but yeah, not TOO pleased with it right now. His facial expressions are so cute and dynamic and unique until you have to try and paint it and then you dont love him anymore(kidding ofc, how could I ever hate my beloved boy king 🥺)

Anyways, these are them:

#the caption is a multi-pronged reference so if you get it you get it 🤭#hint: the quote is both a translation of a vettonso thing but its also not...exact. i added a little spice to it #so yeah translate all of that first(the first part of the quote wont work in google translate tho)#and then also the rest of the caption is both a reference to a real life thing but also me making it AUified !!#hehehe let me know your thoughts 🤭 was so fucking pleased w it when i first told C about it #ngl putting that quote was the main thing pushing me thru finishing the seb one #im like CMON YOU CAN DO IT!! IF YOU FINISH IT YOU CAN PUT YOUR SILLY LATIN JOKE!!! YOU LOVE LATIN!!#anyways i drafted this before i even really started the seb one #and my god LOOK AT THEIR HAND SIZE DIFFERENCE WOOF WOOF WOOF #did you guys notice...seb's ring...his wedding...ring? 🤭🤭🤭#wanted to add one to nando but his left ring finger isnt really visible but just so you know hes wearing it #I have a lot of thoughrs about rings and ungloved vs gloved hands grrrrrrr #theres a lot of meaning in it to me and it adds to their characterization so ill try and make a post abt thay sometime !#anyways pls enjoy the fruits of my labor.....#vettonso so good it makes me PAINT TWO PORTRAITS #i think before this au i was kinda trying to get away from painting csuse it stressed me out too much #and then the vettonso brainrot is so horrinle that im willing to paint for like...an undisclosed amnt of time #undisclosed not bcs im being secretive but bcs i have no idea and irs 6 am and i have school JSKFLVL #okay bur yes yes please enjoy. and enjoy my suffering as a purveyor of vettonso 🥹 id do anything for my lieges #f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #vettonso #catie.art.#boy king au

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teyamsatan · 9 months

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come on barbie, let's go party 🦩 who's going to see barbie/oppenheimer this weekend? 🥰

#i have so much to do this weekend besties :(#but if you've seen it/will see it pls let me know what you thought about it!!!#no spoilers plssss #also the pink eyeshadow is a look and i will be using it liberally in honour of barbie #ೄྀ࿐ andra’s personal stuff ˊˎ

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katasstrophy · 1 year

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*shakes you* i just thought of something and you and @itoshi-s are going to suffer with me🤕(read devils night guys it’s so hot)

bad boy! rin being sent to clean up his act at a private university for the esteemed to make sure the itoshi family name is no longer being tarnished but his parents naive thoughts of sending their youngest son to a boarding school and hope he magically turns into an angel that’s fit for his arranged marriage with a nuisance who’s after his money is ridiculous. rin isn’t bound to a single rule and does what he pleases as he walks the halls of the posh boarding school, giving the founding headmaster’s valued portrait the finger.

here comes you, who thrives off of academic validation who’s not afraid to keep her sharp tongue to herself. the youngest son of itoshi is here? scoff. he’s nothing but a jerk decorated in unbuttoned blazers and popped up collars with his fathers name to hide behind his acts of clownery. you don’t miss a chance to say it to the taller male’s face, his eyes practically boring holes into your own as if to memorize your look of annoyance at him. rin likes challenges but he thinks he’s going to love this one. he’ll make sure by the end of the school year he’ll have you on your knees, bowing in forgiveness, he says that you with a glare to make babies cry. with his thoughts rushing on how to make you beg for mercy you unleash a harsh slap to his face. stunning everyone in the common room and ignoring the gasps of surprise. “you better clean up your act itoshi or else you’ll lose everything including your family name.” you dare slap an itoshi? you’ve got bigger balls than everyone at this school. rin thinks the adrenaline you gave him in a second is the best feeling he’s ever had in years.

from that day on rin decided to play the good boy. smiles and effortless straight A’s to please his professors and make things work out in his favor, but his enjoyment isn’t getting the staff to kiss his feet, it’s backing you into corners of the library so that no one would catch on to mr. changed attitude wanting to keep his quiet, nerd to himself. you let him. slowly, but surely you break down each others walls as he allows himself to be vulnerable with you and shares his burdens of being the youngest son, always being forced into being his older brother’s shadow. but for once. just once, he had something his brother doesn’t have. he has you. he makes you feel warm and he fiercely keeps you safe from the judging eyes of his father as he peers down at you. as if he was looking at a lowly commoner. “you throw away your fiancée for someone like this?” “i’d throw away the family name in honor for her.” he walks away with his head held high, ignoring the stoic stare of his older brother as he smirks at the eldest, smirk growing wider at his words. “you’ll never inherit the itoshi name.” “i won’t inherit it alone. my family will.”

he beat his brother in not being able to continue the family name. he makes sure he pounds the thought into you as he thrusts feverishly into you as the moon shines a white sheet of light on your bodies. he makes love to you greedily as he marks your skin in red and purple, the marks blooming onto your skin like flowers. he loves you, he loves that no one in the world can know him and love him like you do.

“i’m going to put a fucking ring on that finger in front of my brother,” he growls. “no matter how far or high they separate me from you, you are mine and we’re going to live in a big house with you warming our bed.” he puts his forehead against yours, “and you will give me an itoshi heir.”

kayla what the— wHAT THE FRICKITY FRACK FHUUUCCKKK. !&!@! WHAT THE SHEEEEEII WHAT THE HOLYY FUCJCING SHIITT ??@!!!?? you DARE drop this ATOMIC ASS FUCKING BOMB ON ME???? OUTTA NOWHERE?? ON MF RIN DAY?????? NAAUURRR bc miss ma’am i’m gonna have to ask you to start paying rent cuz like,,,, 🤨🔫🔫 DO YOU LIVE IN MY BRAIN??? how did you know that devil’s night has been on my tbr for 5everrrrrr but i just know if i get hooked on the smut i will abandon all my responsibilities idcidcidc

they way i had to LITERALLY. TAKE. BREAKS. reading this so i could reduce my unholy demon spawn screeching to a minimum (spoiler: it DID NOT WORK) thIS IS FOUL THIS IS ILLEGAL I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU SOBBING

and oooohhhhhh i’m such a slut for academic settings :(((( especially when rich entitled bastard boy with a shitty past meets driven and cunning number 1 girl and they CLASH and have BRUTAL BANTER and have THE FILTHIEST MAKE OUT SESSIONS AGAINST PRICELESS BOOKSHELVES im clawing my eyes out

rin showing up to the posh uni like it’s his own personal playground, pretending like he owns this place much like everything else in his life due to his family’s wealth and status only to get mfing owned in turn and SLAPPED IN THE FACE (LITERALLY!!!) BUT HE FEELS EUPHORIC INSTEAD OF AGGRAVATED OOOOHHHH SO HE JUST HAS TO HAVE YOU GOD BESTIE U KNOW HOW TO GET ME GOING </3333 and then he pretends to be a good little student so he can get close to you:( keep you all to himself sniffle so possessive:( but the ANGST BC OF SAE >:(((( but now he also has you to patch up the empty cold pieces inside of him ur his future fuck his family 🥺🥺🥺🫶🫶🫶🫶 he’ll create a new one with you anyway AAAAAAAHHHDJFNFN so fucking UnWeLL

#this got SO INSANELY LONG but this has me in a vice grip so many thoughts kayla ur like my grandma during xmas keeping me fed for days fr #THE WAY ID LET HIM DO ANYTHING TO ME PLS HOW MANY LIL ITOSHIS YOU WANT BABE HOW MUCH WOULD PISS OF UR SHITTY BROTHER??#five???? u got it hubby gimme that insanely expensive ring and fuck them right into me sir my legs are spread🥺#he would be so consumed and obsessed with you I KNOW IT HIS LIL CUNNING BADDIE SWEETHEART #kayla what have you done to me im depraved #itoshi rin x reader #itoshi rin smut #blue lock x reader #blue lock smut #—my dearest<3 (kayla)#—riv.favs!#rin loml <3

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khaothanawat · 1 year

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My School President wants to subvert your expectations

(or: if you're not watching this show, you're missing out on something wonderful)

...so. I am supposed to work today, but I don't wanna and also i rewatched all four episodes of My School President last night and if I don't let out as many feelings as possible about it I might explode because I am unhinged.

so I wrote a 4,700+ word essay i'm so sorry oh my god I spent hours writing this good lord

episode 1 / the introduction

episode 1 plays out mostly as a traditional high school series might. we have gun, who is not the greatest student, but who loves music and, even more than that, loves music club - which revolves around his friends and the band they’re in. it is, as we’ll learn a few episodes down the line, his “safe zone”, and the one place in school where he’s found love and acceptance.

we also have tinn, who is the son of the incredibly strict principal and who himself is a fantastic student, good looking, admired by all the other students. he gets voted in as school president, and thus has complete control over the fate of all the school clubs - including, of course, the principal’s least favourite club (on account of how its members keep failing their classes and almost burning down the school), the music club.

the dynamic between tinn and gun is familiar to us - it’s a rivalry, with one side being very charming if a little ridiculous and the other being a traditional tsundere-type character - stern and not particularly forthcoming or unforgiving at first glance. we see little hints though, very early on, that tinn, despite his exterior, gets drawn into gunn’s music.

the end of episode 1 is our first real insight that not everything is going to go quite as expected - thanks so a slow reveal that tinn has doodled a little picture of gun singing, and written next to it the words “you’re cute. so damn cute. cuter than anyone in the world.”

it’s a well-used trope in BL romances to have the handsome, tsundere character be secretly a MASSIVE SIMP for his love interest. we’ve seen this in previous GMMTV shows, with a mid-series reveal that the tsundere has been wildly in love and putting up a ridiculous front the entire time. What MSP is turning on its head is not the fact that Tinn has feelings, but the decision to reveal it in episode 1. the traditional mid-series reveal allows romantic tension to develop in the story, the will-they-won’t-they of each moment existing because we don’t know for certain that the tsundere character has feelings. the reveal is usually used after the first kiss, when the tension is no longer needed by the narrative.

MSP deciding to remove that tension entirely completely changes the way they need to build the romance between tinn and gun, as well as subverting our own expectations around what we’re watching. tinn is no longer cool and detached and stern - he’s awkward and adorable and… completely insane, honestly, he’s just absolutely unhinged. he does not know what he’s doing and has somehow boxed himself into pretending to be a tsundere in his secret quest to help gun save the music club.

now, the tension in the story is whether tinn can get gun to stop hating him - and if, how and when gun will develop feelings for tinn.

(yeah yeah yeah yes, we the viewers know that they’ll end up together, but that’s beside the point)

I can't believe this got so out of hand that I need to use a cut - let's kEEP GOING I GUESS

episode 2 / in which we are made aware that all is truly not what it seems

episode 2 introduces us to another trope - the “secret correspondant” trope. only, of course, it’s not a secret here. we see tinn posing as ‘nong lion’ and messaging the music club to try and help them with their problem (and side note - MSP has the same structure as Bad Buddy, wherein episodes are self-contained stories; an obstacle appears and is resolved in the same episode). in fact, the show turns the trope on its head even further by having gun almost immediately suspect tinn, only to get conveniently thrown off the scent by tinn’s bestie for the restie, and the owner of the sole braincell on the show, tiw. and even beyond that, tinn does a terrible job at hiding the fact that he’s ‘nong lion’, but the show just mines this for comedy, because a huge running line in the show is that the members of the music club are, bless them, absolute dummies.

even so, the episode culminates in tinn openly helping gun in-person (on a stage in front of a bunch of other people, no less!!) and then openly vowing to help the music club win the hot wave contest.

which isn’t a super selfless move - tinn is told earlier that evening by an old music club alumni that music club members can’t date unless they win the hot wave contest. of course, one of the very first things we learn about the music club in the show is that it’s former leader lost the hot wave contest because of his girlfriend, so it seems possible that maybe that rule doesn’t actually exist anymore. but that’s for a later time.

episode 3 / remember episode 2? lets do that again but MORE

episode 3 of my school president takes the concept of subverting expectations and turns it into a whole-ass episode (and it’s perfect).

episode 3 opens with tinn going on another adorable little meltdown about how cute gun is, only for gun to be standing right there listening. another trope again, but this time - i have to wonder whether gun realises what has happened. the narrative has told us over and over that he’s sort of a dummy - the remainder of episode 3 revolves heavily around this, in fact. but he did suspect tinn of being nong lion in episode 2, he’s not always completely obtuse, and he explicitly asks tinn who he was talking about, before waving away the conversation entirely because he has more important hot wave-related things to discuss. this is one of the many instances we see of tinn conflating his own fantasies with reality - something that will become infinitely more prevalent this episode.

speaking of: tinn has to tutor gun. we see them sitting at a table and tinn has somehow made calculus sexy by drawing a heart with equations. they move closer, almost kiss and then- it is, of course, just a figment of tinn��s wild imagination. in reality, he’s yelling at gun for being a gay who can’t math. this is the first time the show tells us to be on our guard in this episode, because tinn’s little mind is going wild and not everything we see will be real.

eventually, tiw suggests they (tinn and gun) move in to his sibling’s apartment for a week to study because tiw is a romantic mastermind, and then, when tinn panics because he does not know how to be a normal person around gun, tiw suggests tinn recreate classic BL tropes with gun. like in bad buddy, tiw says. tiw played by mark pakin, who was in bad buddy. tiw who says that his favourite actor in bad buddy is mark pakin. i’ve gotten off track a little. except i HAVEN’T because -

ok, MSP is written by the same writers as Bad Buddy and directed by one of the assistant directors of Bad Buddy (and 1000 Stars), director au. this is au’s first full director role, but he’s obviously been working closely with backbone of GMMTV aof and aof appears a number of times in the MSP special episode to discuss the process of making the show, which would maybe indicate he had a decent hand in the show - or at the very least, has had a hand in helping au develop his own skills (and to be clear, au worked as part of the writing team for years before this, so he’s not new to the business by any means) (not me speculating on aof’s own staff career growth plans loool). i think it’s not a stretch to say that MSP has a very BB feel to it, and i’m so endlessly impressed that it has managed to maintain that so far whilst also forging its own identity as a show. it doesn’t feel like a carbon copy, or a poor imitation - it feels very much like it’s telling it’s own story, but it’s using a something that BB used super successfully to do so, which is the subversion of tropes. MSP goes one step further with that though, and uses it differently (helped by the fact that because BB is set in college and MSP is in high school, the tropes are naturally a lot less… well. horny.)

MY POINT BEING that that Bad Buddy call out was deliberate. they didn’t use the show just bc they had mark pakin saying the line - i think it’s likely that they felt it necessary to add in mark’s line 4th wall breaking line about himself because it was his character making the reference, but they want us to know what they’re doing. they’re referencing Bad Buddy because this show is, in a way, a spiritual successor to BB - it likely wouldn’t exist as it does if BB didn’t already exist (and wasn’t a huge hit). in the very next scene, we get a reference to the band scrubb, which is a huge 2gether reference - and, looping this all back to the creative team, au was a screenwriter for Still 2gether and aof created/directed Still 2gether. tinn’s character is a direct play on sarawat in 2gether - he is, in so many ways, sarawat, but the narrative is using him in a different way.

oh my god i legit wanted to write a one sentence post about this show how did i get here

OK GETTING BACK TO EPISODE 3 oh my god

episode 3 shows us over and over that tinn creates these vivid fantasies about being in classic romantic scenarios with gun that he then tries to turn into reality, pet tiw’s instruction - only for the reality to be a lot less romantic. in his one actual, real-life chance to get close to gun (the ballroom dance) where he’s not just trying to recreate something from a BL series, he gets so overwhelmed and nervous that he can’t dance at all, which we’re told through the loud and quick sound of his heartbeat.

and then, part way through the episode, the show starts bait-and-switching us.

first: tinn sees gun with food on his lip and fantasises about brushing it away with his thumb (an absolute romance series staple). gun licks it away before tinn can do any of that, because of course he does - but then tinn gets food on his lips and gun reaches over to brush it away. finally, tinn has ended up in a romance series moment with gun, only it wasn’t one of his own deliberate creation. it just happened.

second: tinn and gun talk at the swimming pool about themselves - finally. they’ve been living together for a week, but we don’t see them often having conversations about who they are. gun talks about seeing the music club as his ‘safe zone’. tinn explains why he became school president (to support people’s dreams). gun tells him that that’s such a handsome answer, then asks “have you used that line to hit on anyone?” tinn replies: “you.” we expect by now that it’s another fantasy moment, because we’ve been duped by the show with these moments multiple times by now, but once again the show twists things. the moment is real, tinn really says “you” and it hangs between them for a moment before he quickly changes the subject. but it’s the clearest declaration either of them have made. we don’t know what gun is feeling by this stage, however we do know that gun is in fact the one who gave them a Classic Romance Moment of brushing away food. it’s the show telling us that, whether he realises it yet or not, he’s in this too.

the third bait and switch is the Big One, except it’s not at all: we reach the ballroom dance midterm and tinn is trying to get out of dancing altogether - he still isn’t sure he can do it, he still feels overwhelmed when he tries to dance with gun, his heart races too hard and fast. gun refuses to listen to him and makes him get up. he tells tinn to close his eyes and says “let me help you”. tinn closes his eyes and suddenly the sports hall fades away - he and gun are in beautiful suits, they’re in the music club room (gun’s safe zone!), gun’s band chinzilla is playing and he and gun are dancing. throughout the episode we’ve heard tiny portions of the melody of the ballroom dance song, but now finally we hear the whole song, performed by chinzilla. as they dance together, the scene flashes between the fantasy dance, their practice dance by the pool and crucially, the actual dance that’s happening in the sports hall. as the dance comes to an end, we realise that even though we saw it happen in tinn’s fantasy, it was happening in real life too. the way they danced in tinn’s fantasy was how they really danced - staring into one another’s eyes, smiling at each other, looking completely lost in the moment. gun said “let me help you” and entered tinn’s fantasy with him. gun said “let me help you” and he’s telling us, the viewers, that tinn isn’t going to make this romance happen alone (even with the help of tiw). tinn can’t create romance moments when gun isn’t on the same page.

the final bait and switch happens in a series of parts: prior to the ballroom dance midterm, on the night after they go swimming, gun makes tinn share the bed (rather than the Bad Buddy reference sleeping arrangement they’ve been doing all week). tinn, because he’s a lunatic, asks if he can stare into gun’s eyes and gun obliges. after a moment, we hear the heartbeats again - but it’s gun that looks away and decides to go to sleep.

the episode ends, after the ballroom dance, with gun and tinn having a small moment together outside the school. gun tries to give tinn back the pencil case he borrowed earlier, because he of course does not own a pencil case. it’s one that says “i think about you” on it that gun has, obviously, doodled all over. specifically, he has drawn a cute little monster and written the name ‘tinn’ with a bunch of arrows pointed at it. you think about who now, gun? anyway, tinn tells gun to keep it, because what high school student doesn’t have a pencil case oh my god gun - and they hold hands over the pencil case for a moment. until the tinn’s mother the principal comes out of her office and tinn very gently drops gun’s hands. that’s not relevant to this, i just think it’s Big Foreshadowing. anyway. tinn leaves with his mother and gun is left standing there, staring after him. and once again, we hear the heartbeats. they’re gun’s, because of course they are. we get a flashback to the night before, to tinn staring into gun’s eyes and looking away, and we know for certain that that was gun’s heartbeat and not tinn’s, and that it’s happening again now. bait and switch - tinn’s heartbeats followed us through the whole episode, only for us to end on gun’s heartbeat, and a confirmation that yes, he’s feeling it all too.

again, the show is revealing things early. no longer do we have the tension of whether gun feels something too - now we have the tension of whether gun is going to do anything about it, or acknowledge it at all.

we're only up to episode 4 by now, and I wouldn't say that episode 4 turned much on its head that hadn't already been set up before, but I do think it serves as a way to start building up a number of new plot points, so I'm going to talk about that a little, just so that I can revisit this later once more episodes have aired.

episode 4 / resetting expectations (...sort of?)

episode 4 of my school president introduces us to a new character: tinn's original rival, sound, who joins the music club (because of course tinn has a rival).

I think it's actually really key to point out a tiny scene that happens at the beginning of episode 4, as the show is starting to lay out the plots for the episode. gun and the band are looking for a solo guitarist (hence the eventual introduction of sound). he puts posters up on a notice board. tinn comes along and, because he's a dweeb, mentions that people need permission from the school council to put up posters. gun sighs and obediently starts to take the posters down, before tinn dives in and says that he'll let gun put them up anyway, he'll make a 'special exception'. real smooth, kid.

anyway, this fascinates me, because it's such a good display of how much their relationship has changed by this point. tinn and gun have had a surprising number of scenes together in front of this notice board - mostly with gun fighting back against tinn trying to enforce the school rules as school council president. here we see gun not fight, but immediately give into tinn instead (even though tinn had no desire to win, he's just got so little game oh my god this boy has NO GAME i'm obsessed with him). gun looks thrilled when tinn lets him put up the posters anyway - he respects tinn's word enough now that he wasn't going to fight, which is so the opposite of the gun we've seen so far. it's just a really interesting story beat to throw in.

they have a little moment again (in real life) (initiated by tinn) and gun's heartbeats from episode 3 appear once more, reminding us that gun is also Feeling Things. gun runs away in a flustered panic.

(tinn, it must be said, genuinely has no idea what's going on in gun's head. because tinn is a dummy.)

from here, the dual plot lines of the episode play out pretty traditionally. story A sees gun quit the music club and tinn take the opportunity to get closer to him now that he's not beholden to the no-dating-before-hot-wave rule that definitely still exists. they do get closer. in fact, they go on an accidental date, flirt heavily over some imaginary cake, and tinn finds a position for gun in the student council that would allow him to sing and play music, story B sees sound take over the music club, who are unfocused and not actually using their practice sessions to practice, only to be a tiny teen tyrant about it. the band beg gun to come back. gun feels as though the band will have a better chance to win hot wave without him. tinn sees this happen and convinces gun to go back to the music club, because that's clearly where his happiness lies. even if gun being in the music club will inevitably put the absolutely real and very much something gun definitely is aware of no-dating-before-hot-wave rule back into play.

gun rejoins the music club, but lets sound stay (sound, to be clear, mostly joined because he thought it would piss off tinn, but we start getting the indication by the end that he could also maybe find friendship and support in the club, just as the others did). they have their traditional bbq pork meal together to celebrate being back together. it's sacred.

so, it's all fairly cut and dry - and we as viewers probably already knew where these plots were heading and that the main issues would be resolved in this episode, thanks to the self-contained episode structure of the show.

until we see gun grab a bunch of the pork and run off, away from the bbq, yelling that he'll be back soon. he goes, of course, to tinn. he, quite crucially, claims that the group have finished eating and that there was some food left over and he just wondered whether tinn might want it - once again, we as viewers know this is a lie, and are left in possession in much more knowledge than the characters in the scene. gun is making up an excuse to bring tinn food, and to hang out with tinn. if the question this episode was 'gun is having feelings for tinn; what will he do with them?', then we saw moments over the course of the entire episode that answered that. gun, unlike tinn, has apparently an abundance of game (if anything he's a little too dangerous, frankly). he jumps both feet forward into flirting with tinn, and manages to conveniently set up scenarios in which he can do that - successfully, unlike tinn in episode 3. where he's a little more in control, we don't get a return of the panicked heartbeats from the beginning of the episode.

maybe tinn had put this flirting all episode down to the fact that gun was no longer in the music club. it's not really made clear. however, now gun is back in the club, and he's abandoned the sacred bbq pork time to have a nivea micellar moment with tinn (once again, gun successfully initiating a BL romantic moment in real life, because gun is the only one here with game). he gets tinn to take a photo of them together, and so they stand pressed shoulder to shoulder, hands touching. they're smiling at each other, and the camera jumps back and forth between the way they're looking at one another and their hands. tinn, probably emboldened by how much gun has put himself out there across the entire episode, starts to move his pinky finger closer. his hand is shaking, but we see them over and over barely looking at the camera because they're too busy smiling sweetly at each other, as tinn's finger twitches closer and closer - the slowest build up in the world, as we wonder whether he'll get the guts to do it. and then finally, finally, tinn loops his pinky around gun's, and gun responds in kind, and we see a shot of them taking the photo, they're fingers out of shot but entwined.

this is almost par for the course by now - how quickly this show has put tinn and gun on a playing field of both having feelings for the other, and both being at least somewhat aware that those feelings could be reciprocated.

episode 5 and beyond / is this show impossible to predict?

it's not really something we get to see too often, the very cautious build into something more. the next episode preview doesn't really tell us anything about how that develops (but rather that gun has a lot of other stuff going on, apparently). i think this becomes it's own question - now that MSP have turned the traditional BL pacing on its head (akin to the way Bad Buddy did it before), what do they do next. with BB, we very quickly saw that the obstacles between the lead characters were almost entirely external - it's the basis of the entire show. they couldn't be together because no one wanted them to be. it made the pacing of the romance make complete sense.

with MSP, we're going in much more blindly. the boys are already on a similar page and there's no obvious obstacles between them outside of the definitely very real no-dating-before-hot-wave rule that no one in the present day music club has even spoken about or mentioned (yet?). what this suggests to me, and why this is so fascinating, is that we therefore don't necessarily know the basic conceit of the plot from here on out.

yes, we want to see how tinn and gun ultimately admit their feelings for one another, but at episode 4 of 12, the show has already done most of the work in getting them there. inevitably, we need to be faced with obstacles and there have been a small number of hints, maybe, at the things that could go wrong for them, but it's fascinating because those hints have been very sparse.

there's the perceived rivalry of the music club and the school council - which tinn has accidentally perpetuated a bunch of times, because he's a dummy. episode 4 reminds us conveniently that this is still seen to exist outside of tinn and gun's gay little bubble, when we see the two random students discussing it in the hall (this is of course also how sound ends up joining the club). it's not a particularly violent rivalry though - we're not at Bad Buddy drop kick into the chest two seconds away from breaking out into a sharks and jets style dance number. i wouldn't say it's rife for conflict, but that's sort of the thing: it's almost impossible to predict at this point what will happen. we know that chinzilla will probably perform at hot wave, and at some point tinn and gun will probably kiss. beyond that? it's anyone's guess.

another obvious obstacle that has been (honestly quite lightly) is the principal - we are literally introduced to tinn's pov in episode 2 by the concept of his mother coming in between him and gun, when he dreams about gun turning into her. he's lied to her a number of times in the name of helping gun. her character is generally quite fascinating, because she's a near-constant antagonistic presence, but it's clear she has huge amounts of love and care for her son, and she's trying to do her best by her students. she's also really frugal though - in episode 2 we learn that she and her husband would argue because she felt that music was an unnecessarily expensive hobby. a real subtle moment that i'm sure won't come back in any fashion later down the line...

the other obvious one is of course the no-dating-before-hot-wave rule which, sure, might be real, but might even become an issue in some form or another even if it's not. the reason the music club lost hot wave the year before, as we know, was because the last leader was distracted on stage by his girlfriend. this is how we meet the music club in episode 1, and we see gun vowing to win hot wave next year, because he knows it's what will save the music club.

it seems as though episode 5 is about to introduce new conflicts too, or expand upon things that have really only been very barely hinted at. but, if I know anything it's that promos are unreliable, so only time will tell how that plays ou.

it's important though, in my opinion, that the show really hasn't hit us over the head with anything here yet (except the very real very current day hot wave rule that very much definitely exists - and even then, it has only been mentioned a handful of times at most between tinn and tiw, usually as an occasional reminder to the audience more than a constant driving force for tinn's actions). these are obstacles, but they ultimately haven't been shown to cause too much issue to tinn and gun's story - or at least, tinn and gun have successfully navigated everything with almost no pushback, hence the fact that they're both sailing through their own romantic storyline at a pace faster than an olympic runner.

there's not really an ending to this post yet, because we're only at episode 4. I'm not particularly committed to any theory about where this could go (except the one about the hot wave rule being real YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME IT'S REAL AU), but from a storytelling perspective alone: this show needs a conflict. the assumption it gave us and then systematically tore apart across the first four episodes was that the conflict would be around tinn and gun realising their own feelings for one another, because that's how these shows go. that's not the central conflict in MSP. the central conflict is... uh... one of these other things. or maybe a secret different thing. i don't know. come back to me in like 6 weeks.

#my school president #tinn x gun #the total word count for this is 4787 words and um. Um.#no more meta this week bc I have written 3 posts in the space of like 5 days and they've all been exponentially more unhinged than the last #actually I blame gmmtv for not giving us a MSP episode this week because I just think. if the promise of episode 5 was around the corner...#then well. this probably wouldn't have happened.#anyway if you do have like... an hour spare and decide to read this...#pls let me know your thoughts ALSO THINGS YOU DISAGREE ON BC I WANNA KNOW THAT TOO!!!#I realise this is the evident work of a lunatic but I swear I love when other people make observations I've missed and can change my mind #show: my school president #msp: meta #ship: msp: tinn x gun

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iswateredible · 2 months

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Tell me everything. (In relation to your art of aged up Hiccup, Viggo, and Dagur.) Also, oh my god, I’m so excited for that art!

yesssss LETSGO!!

I'm rly excited to share it, cross your fingers for me when I go in w the colors lol!

I always wanted to write/draw more about how I imagine Hiccup would build relationships nd spend quality time with Dagur or Viggo (or both at once?) through things like drawing, documenting and studying dragons... in one of my old drafts Hiccup would be covering up/redoing a tattoo that Dagur had (the list of enemies if I recall correctly - and would change it into something more ornate and dragon related to symbolize him changing sides). I want so bad to just see them going on long travels together with their dragons, stopping on a remote island to camp overnight... falling asleep on the other's shoulder telling stories around the campfire...

I also had another thought that I thought you in particular or other pple in the fandom might be interested in - say at that point in the future Hiccup is the chief of Berk, Viggo is ruling the Berserker tribe and has married Heather (it goes well w the Skrill being bonded to him, ALSO YOU PEOPLE BROKE ME AND I SHIP THEM a little NOW), And Dagur is maybe ruling the Defenders with Mala? (altho to be real I don't really see what rtte writers were thinking, I just don't see them together, but for the sake of this scenario where everyone else has a wife/kids at home...)

And it would be like an annual conference, maintaining a peace treaty or something along those lines... would start off with all three of them meeting on Berk, catching up with one another over Mead in the mess hall... and before you know it they've gone on a several day long trip to visit the Edge, to spend some time reminiscing over the battles all of them fought with one another (and re-live that spark...). One thing leads to another and they're catching up on all the lost time physically. It's been so long, and Hiccup's bonds with the two have if anything deepened over the years, but living so far away from one another... so many different emotions wash over them at the catharsis of being together like this again.

Their wives don't have to know. Or maybe they do? Maybe they always knew.

#nsft #you can never be too safe I guess #not art #ask #art insp #evilwriter37 #rtte #httyd #hiccup #dagur #viggo #vigcup #dagcup #viggo/hiccup/dagur #vigdagcup #god one day we will streamline the tags and I won't have to tag a trillion things #pls let me know your thoughts or feel free to add on to what I wrote my brain is allover the place

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yuelun · 6 months

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Okay, so being at home (and ill!) has given me some time to organize my thoughts ahead of time for 2024, because I want to clean house a little bit across the board. Consider this a little informative post that'll simultaneously function as my to-do list to complete by the end of the year. In essence, I've seen the phrase 'do what makes you happy' enough times in the last year and a half to two years, that I think it's time for my donkey-level stubborn self to finally listen to it. So I'm going to do just that, and also, I'm going to clean house. In order of importance, where you'll find me most commonly, and what I'll work on getting up and running, this is the game plan:

Yelan: This one will hold most of my priority by a landslide. Fontaine, let's go. Kafka: I have numerous starters/replies/meta and replies waiting, and these are not on hold out of disinterest; I simply need to organize/give into my priorities. Kafka is near and dear to me, but Genshin as a whole is more my home than Star Rail. Bear with me, I have every intention of running her alongside Yelan). Me at self: Old theme/resources blog (x) needs urgent work.

And then, I have the secondary game-plan:

— Guizhong: She'll return, but I'm, very sadly, in a little bit of a mental lock here. Stay tuned! — Zhongli: This is the big surprise, I suppose. I'm finally giving in. He may not come very soon as my current focus very much lies with Yelan in specific, but especially when Lantern Rite 2024 inevitably hits, I know the tears will fall, my heart will warm and I will be a mess. There were a plethora of reasons as to why I never made him, but— times and things change, friends are joining the Genshin crew (hi Lottie, I love you) and now, there's so much reason to. Besides, how can I not write the man who's kept the dream alive? Stay tuned x2.

#[ i know a specific birdie who sang a lot about our dear zl during the poetry event on the dash and yes you're 100% the reason... ]#[ why i was extra motivated to go look. and our man didn't disappoint. ]#[ every sight of him is tears naans. every single sight. ]#[ i dunno how you'll be when you read this or if you'll read it at all but pls don't kill me; super affectionately or otherwise. ]#[ also hi guys!! i thought i'd make it an official post. ]#[ guizhong is quite complicated. and while my heart for her is very much there-- sometimes things happen that you just can't defy. ]#[ and you gotta wait it out and let it mentally settle. ]#[ but she too if anything-- at latest? lantern rite. ]#[ ... the best time of the year. ]#[ tHE BEST TIME of the year. ]#[ /salutes. ]#[ everything is drafted. everything. ]#[ and i want to get to it all on my return. but for now-- i promise i'll be where i said i'd be. ]#[ and if you wish to have me on discord-- though i'm very on/off. feel free to add me: iniziare ]#[ hope you're all well!! ]#[ ooc. ] wherever her spirit may be among the countless grains of sand and specks of dust between the harbor and the mountains…

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90sbee · 2 months

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the average wlw experience is never knowing if shit is platonic or not

#i am still screaming abt this. like i am on my period. i have to kick and complain abt things #like damn i really thought this woman was interested in me FUCKING DUMB FUCKING DUMB SJFUIFFKFJFKRKFJRIF #i am repeating she likeS A BOY IM NOT A BOY bc it's a bop. but also bc it lets all the shit out #frustrating shit #i guess i am into emotionally unavailable women #i'm prob deleting this one it's just too much lol #like i am so stupid i give up on reading people like. i cant read anyone for shit.#i def dont know how attraction works anymore like. absolutely forgotten #I AM ANGRY AT MYSELF SO ANGRY AT MYSELF IF YOU HAVENT NOTICED #god writing a fic tomorrow is gonna be so cathartic pls #boludeces y reclamos mios(?

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akkivee · 2 months

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despite not quite sharing the same pink-gold-dark palette that otome and ichijiku’s speakers have, i think it’s kiiiiinda crazy kuukou and jyushi’s speakers match theirs in style better than nemu’s lol

#this is vee speaking #not pictured is nemu’s bc while her’s is necessary for comparison i also hated how the photo set looked lol #ah concern over kuukou and jyushi’s pink my old friend LOL #i was revisiting the thought that their pink comes from an important woman figure in their lives #and nothings changed about it lol i just started comparing their speakers with the characters who are heavily influenced by a girl #so that’d be ichiro in a way samatoki ramuda dice hifumi and rei #aaaaaaaand ramuda and dice are the only ones with pink lol tho ichiro’s speaker graffiti has Some pink lol #which is on god actually no cap frfr like goddamn fcking me up LOL #i let myself get lulled into a false sense of security thinking jyushi’s pink was related to his grandma and kuukou’s a lady we don’t know #and it can still hold true esp since dice’s known chuuoku connection is his mom #but posse always keeps you fuggin guessin who knows what else is up with dice #*crying* and who knows what is up with bat other than their vibes #pls let me return to my false sense of security idk if i have any new info i can infer from pls i’m not strong enough for bat fears aGAIN—#c: kuukou👑#c: jyushi #c: otome #c: ichijiku

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pharawee · 2 years

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&& bonus:

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startgamc · 4 months

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Headcanon - Blueberry Academy And The Pressure to Succeed

Uva/Naranja Academy and Blueberry Academy could not be more different from one another. This may seem like a pretty surface level observation, but the fact of the matter is that the culture surrounding battling and achievement in particular is much more intense than it is in Paldea.

To expound upon this, when we first arrive at Uva/Naranja, we're greeted with the concept of the Treasure Hunt. Yes, classes are still imperative but the truth is, where you choose to focus your studies ultimately is up to you. There is a lot of freedom within Uva/Naranja to follow one's passions, and that is reinforced by the faculty that are proactively involved in the lives of their students. That's not to say that Uva/Naranja is perfect by any means, as evidenced by how they handled Team Star. However, your education and what you do with it is much more in your own hands.

By contrast... Blueberry Academy seems to put an intense focus on battling and competition among its students. There do appear to be plenty of extracurricular activities available to the students, but battling appears to be the main focus of this academy. Between the exclusive use of double-battling, the competitive strategies that we see in Pokemon battles from non-E4 members, and the reactions of onlookers when their Champion loses a single match, it's pretty clear that the students hold themselves and each other to a higher level of battling.

Where does this culture come from? Likely it stems from the faculty first, but perhaps paints a broader picture of Unova's views on battling. We don't get the opportunity to see more than just one class during our introduction to the academy, but the class itself is very much hands on, practical experience. This may not be the case for every class, but it certainly lends itself to the impression that faculty expect you to be of a certain skill level when going into their assignments and to achieve the expected results.

And of course there are the random trainer encounters throughout the Terrarium. Each student seems to be focusing on their teams and trying to competitively improve so that they can move up or impress other trainers.

This all culminates in the Champion Battle against Kieran. All of these students gather together to watch, and the moment that Kieran loses, all of them turn their backs and walk away as if it was never worth their time to begin with. This is in stark contrast to the way the final battle against Nemona is perceived in Mesagoza. And while yes, Kieran certainly did not help the matter with how he behaved prior to the match, there's still no celebration or fanfare in this battle, even for the victor. It feels more like the students watching went well that Champion was short-lived. Anyway...

I would not be remotely surprised if Drayton's loss to Kieran had a similar energy.

Let's take a moment and move back to the Teal Mask too. Yes, there are other factors that do contribute to Kieran slowly losing it, but each battle does become more personal for him. That loss streak really gets to him over the course of the trip, perhaps because it's happening so consistently against someone he assumes to be a peer. And if the academy he attends already has a very intense curriculum when it comes to battling, this shouldn't come as a surprise.

We don't know how well Kieran was doing at Blueberry Academy before the Kitakami trip, but we can at least infer from Drayton that he had a lot more fun battling prior to those events. My guess is that Kieran was having his fair share of wins and losses.

And what of the faculty when it comes to Kieran's mental health? No one appears to have stepped in or tried to talk with him. The only faculty member directly involved in his battling is far more absorbed in the knowledge she can glean from him, rather than listening to and understanding a teenager's desperate cry for help. To me this implies the teaching staff do not have nearly as much care when it comes to how their students are faring if they're getting results in battles.

The academy is failing at checking the mental and emotional well-being at all levels if they're fine with allowing a troubled kid to no only run himself physically ragged, but inflict this same kind of punishment on other students for being weak in battle.

So what is the result of this? Bleuberry Academy is fostering highly competitive young trainers who will absolutely take on Unova, more than ready for all of its challenges and battles, but it appears to have a negative impact on the socialization of its students as well, where winning becomes a priority for everyone involved. Of course, not all of the students fall into this mental trap, but those that do may end up drowning due to the pressure and expectations of Blueberry Academy's ever lofty expectations.

#pls do not reblog #indigo disk spoilers #{ headcanon }#{ ☆ Drayton ; Dragon Tamer }#{ ☆ Kotone ; Pokemon Trainer }#this ended up so much longer than I expected it to #but I have a lot of thoughts about BB academy #say what you will about uva/naranja academy but at least the current faculty seem to give a fuck #so anyway blueberry academy reads as the pokemon equivalent of those really shitty prep schools in the US #the ones that you either get into with money or skill #I know the meta is that this is essentially this game's equivalent to a battle frontier or whatever #but the fact that they use the setting of a school for that paints such a fascinating meta narrative imo #let me shut up before these tags end up as long as the post itself

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