#if you know them tell them to keep their holier than thou objective ass out of social comentary

[blackmissfrizzle]

No One Has to Know

Pairing: Angel Reyes x black!reader

Summary: Since there isn’t a lot of angel Reyes x black reader imagines going on here I was wondering if u can write a request for me that. You and angel are in a secret relationship because y’all are ten years apart and your mom( who’s mayor) finds out?? Requested by @briannab1234​

Warnings: None for this part

A/N: This was going one way and then it went another, but I hope you all enjoy!

It was a hot ass day in Santo Padre, so it was no surprise that Adrian’s raspa shop was full. Today you were accompanied with your fake group of friends (except for Bryce) aka the group of friends your mom approved of.

When your pickle raspa with chamoy and lucas was finished, you searched for an empty table, only for you to find the one table you didn’t want to sit at because of who sat next to it. The Mayans. Or more specifically Angel Reyes, your secret boyfriend. The argument from last night replayed in your head as you stared at the table.

“Why not?” You yelled, throwing down your bag.

“Because its not smart Y/N.” Angel stared at you through a cloud of cigarette smoke while you paced back and forth.

Sitting in his lap you took his cigarette and put it out. Cradling his face, you kissed him. “What’s stupid about wanting my boyfriend to be my date at my graduation party?”

Angel scrubbed his face in frustration. This argument between the two of you was becoming more frequent. You wanted to make your relationship public, but he didn’t. He didn’t want everyone else to confirm what he already thought. He didn’t want them to say he was a low life and no good for the mayor’s daughter or that he was too old for you (his 34 to your 24).

“Listen, querida we can go public another time. Just take that loser Rob and make sure he keeps his hands to himself.” Angel kissed the top of your head to end the argument.

You hit him in the chest and pushed off him. “Fuck you, Angel! If you just want me to be your little fucktoy and not your girlfriend just say so.” Before he could stop you, you were already out the door. Once again, his insecurities fucked him over.

“Hey, yo, Y/N over here!” Coco’s voice pulled you out of your head. He was pointing to the table next to him. No way you could pretend that you didn’t see the table now.

Starting your way over there Eileen grabbed your wrist to stop you. “How about we just eat them to go?” Her green eyes wide with fear.

You broke out of what she thought was an iron grip. “Its over 100 degrees outside. Trust me they won’t bite, unless,” you leaned in closer to her and dropped your voice lower. “you want them to.”

Leaving Eileen in all her white woman shock, Bryce followed you to the empty table. Both of you greeted the men at the table besides you. You barely gave any energy to Angel while Bryce gave Gilly all her attention due to her crush on him.

Eventually, your friends joined you, still wary of the Mayans. Rob sat next to you and wrapped his arm behind your seat. Angel wanted to break that arm in half.

This midday delight was less enjoyable than you wanted it to be. It was tense and not just because you weren’t talking to Angel. Your friends made it a point to ignore your Mayan friends and while the Mayans did their best to make your snotty friends uncomfortable by making the most vulgar jokes (which were hilarious by the way).

Most of the time, Bryce and you talked to the Mayans. They were by far better conversationalists. Plus, you and Coco had a lot to talk about since you were Letty’s mentor at school.

In the middle of listening to EZ tell an embarrassing story about Angel, Rob saw Angel staring at you a little too long. So, slightly he tilted your chin towards him and kissed you.

You scrambled to end the kiss. In no way shape or form you led Rob to believe you were in a relationship. Even though he was your escort to the party, you explicitly told him that y’all were going nowhere.

When the kiss ended, Angel was nowhere to be found. A great part of you wanted to dump the raspa on Rob, but you didn’t want to make a mess in Adrian’s place. Instead you punched him in the face and left the shop with a bunch of cackling Mayans and Bryce.

It didn’t take you long to find Angel. He was a couple of blocks away at his dad’s carniceria. “Angel, I-”

He held his hand up to stop you. Flicking his cigarette down, he stomped it out. “Done with your ivy league boyfriend?”

“Don’t do that. I wasn’t expecting him to kiss me.”

Stepping down from the stoop, Angel got somewhat eye level with you. “You definitely let him kiss you longer than necessary.”

A black escalade rolled up, revealing up, revealing your mom behind the window. “Y/N, dear we need to get ready for the party.”

“Hi, Ms. Mayor.” Angel waved at your mom and in return she gave him a curt nod.

Patting you on your arm, Angel gave you his congratulations and returned to his father’s shop.

Once inside the car, the tirade started. ‘What did I tell you about those Mayans? Have your fun with them in private not in public.’ ‘Stay away from that Reyes boy. I don’t like how he looks at you.’ ‘You could’ve at least been hanging out with the smart one.’ ‘You should be focused on your career and Rob.’

Every line you heard before and just like every other time you were ignoring each word. Her nor Angel was going to ruin this relationship.

--

“I don’t know, Pops. Maybe I should wait til she gets home, and we can celebrate together. Just the two of us.”

Felipe fixed his son’s tie. “Nonsense, Angel. You’re going to your girlfriend’s graduation party. She wants you there, son.”

“What if I embarrass her?”

“You won’t,” EZ quietly entered the room, dressed up as well. “We’ll make sure of it.”

“We?”

EZ pulled back the curtains to reveal the Mayans all in suits on their bikes. “We got your back, bro.”

Angel squeezed his brother into a tight hug. “Thanks, mano.”

“Let’s go get your girl.” EZ clapped Angel on his back.

--

This had to be the most extra party ever, but extra was your mom’s middle name. All you wanted was a simple bbq, good music, drinks, and your friends. But nope this turned into an extravaganza and networking opportunity for your mom.

“You can’t be here!” You heard your mother’s voice despite her trying to keep her voice down.

Your eyes followed her voice and the sight you saw left you breathless. Angel in a dark striped suit strutting towards you with the rest of the mc in suits as well, trailing behind him.

“What are they doing here?” Rob asked with a mix of fear and disgust. He was truly a horrible person; you didn’t know how you put up with him for so long.

“He came,” you happily whispered. You shoved your champagne flute in Rob’s hands not caring that it was spilling on him. Your only goal was to get to Angel.

The dress you were wearing didn’t allow you to jump Angel like you wanted to. He could see the conflict on your face, so instead he twirled you around to fully admire the way the dress clung to your body and how it brightened the aura around you.

After your 360 turn, Angel twirled you inside his arms, grabbed the sides of your face and leaned down to kiss you. “You look beautiful, querida.” He whispered against your lips, his hand running up and down your leg exposed by the hip high slit.

“Not as good as you,” You bit your lip at the sight of Angel in a suit. His jet-black hair perfectly gelled back, his suit clinging to his body.

“Impossible. Now introduce everyone to your boyfriend.” The slap to your ass didn’t bothered you, in fact you laughed it off and began introducing Angel as the love of your life. The shocked gasps of the stuck-up residents of Santo Padre as you made the introductions did not go unnoticed by you, but you also didn’t give one flying fuck.

On the other side of the room you could not hear the most objected protest of them all. “Get him off my daughter!” The mayor ordered the president of the Mayans.

“No can do, Izzie,” Bishop smirked. Whenever he could he’d like to stick it to the mayor.

“Its Isadora,” she corrected him. “I will not allow my daughter make the same mistakes I did.”

The holier than thou act was grinding Bishop’s gears. There was a time when the mayor wasn’t a stuck-up bitch. “Watch it, Ms. Mayor. If it wasn’t for my fucked up feelings for you, I’d shoot you where you stand.”

“Obispo, please.” Her tone softer, reminiscent of the times she writhed under him. “She has a future. She has a future outside of Santo Padre. Don’t let my daughter-”

“Our daughter.” It was his turn to correct her.

Isadora sputtered. There was only one other person she told the truth to and that because she was caught, and he promised to never to tell anybody. “How did- how did you know?”

“I always suspected, but you kept her in LA with her ‘dad’ most of the time, so I couldn’t confirm until she kept popping up at the club. Easy enough to get DNA for a test.”

In all her being, Isadora wanted to slap the man. “You had no right.”

“And you had no right to keep her from me!” Bishop was upset at all the missed opportunities. You were a lovely young woman and he missed out on the chance to watch you grow up, but now he refused to stay away from you anymore.

Your yelling tore the two away. The unexpected guest getting all the attention now.

“Daddy!” Your arms encircled around the older man. His appearance was a welcomed surprise.

When he got done spinning you around, you introduced him to Angel. The three of you engaging in an animated conversation.

Isadora and Bishop watched off in the corner. Isadora in shock and Bishop in jealously.

“Tell her or I will.” Bishop threatened his old flame before he left heartbroken from seeing his daughter call another man dad.

A/N 2: Were yall ready for that surprise?

Tags: @angrythingstarlight​ @starrynite7114​ @briannab1234​ @chaneajoyyy​ @titty-teetee​ @thickemadame​ @brownsugarcoffy​ @ifoundmyhappythought​ @marvelmaree​ @browngirldominion​

#black!reader #angel reyes #angel reyes x reader #angel reyes x black!reader #Mayans MC #mayans fandom #mayans fanfic #mayans mc fanfic #angel reyes fanfic #frizzlefic #frizzlewrites

[punksarahreese]

Accident | 4 mg Ativan

Nosdecember day 9 | @neworleansspecial

Anxious!ava; Ava oversteps by accident and Connor’s reaction causes problems

CW: fighting, panic attacks, cognitive distortions

Repost because I’m a clown who accidentally deleted the original post

***

"Ava," Connor was mad, Ava could hear it in his voice even before she saw his face. She was just trying to make coffee, back turned to the door as she fought with the machine that wouldn’t cooperate. The way the door closed less than gently and the footsteps coming up behind her made her stomach drop a little. She hated that tone, hated the way her name sounded when someone said it with hostility. It made her want to run, but this was real life and she couldn’t do that.

"Connor," Ava tried to keep her tone level, pretending her voice wasn’t trembling a little as she turned to look at him.

He was mad, tablet in hand as he glared daggers at her. Ava hated that look, when his ego was clearly seeping through and one little thing that didn’t go his way made him act like this. He was about to throw a tantrum, she was sure, and usually that would make her more annoyed than anything. However, the way he had her borderline backed up against the counter made her feel more intimidated than she liked.

"Why was my surgery postponed and my patient allowed to break her fast?"

Ava raised an eyebrow, "Latham asked me to cover your pre-ops since you didn’t bother to show up for rounds this morning."

"That doesn’t answer my question, Ava."

"I’m not here for you to demand things of me, Connor," she retorted as she forced herself to stand her ground, "She’s diabetic."

"So?"

"So her white count and blood sugar were low," Ava rolled her eyes, "A bloody med student would be able to tell me why we had to postpone her surgery."

"We didn’t do anything! You ruined my operating schedule."

"She would have gone into hypoglycaemic shock, Connor. She definitely wouldn’t have made it off that operating table and if she did her risk of post-op infection was too high!"

"That’s not the point, Ava!" He spat and the anger in his voice made her jump a little. He was overreacting, she knew that, but this was getting to be too much. She had been overwhelmed all morning, after sleeping through her alarm and having to rush through her routine to get to work on time. This was proving to be yet another change in her schedule that was only stressing Ava out more.

"Then what’s the fucking problem, Connor?"

“You are,” he was clearly referencing more than just her meddling with one surgery, even if she had good reason. He was mad at her, for whatever reason, and was using this as an excuse to lash out at her. Ava just stared at him, both because she was waiting for him to elaborate and because she did not know how to respond. Usually an argument with Connor was no big deal, since they argued on the daily, but since she was already overwhelmed this was way too much already. She wanted to run, to leave and go find Sarah because she would be able to keep her calm, but she couldn’t. Ava never backed down from a fight, especially not when Connor and her job were concerned, and she definitely was not going to let him win now.

“All you ever do is get in the way,” Connor spat, “I have a system and this was an important surgery, now you’ve gone and messed it up. You meddle too much, Ava, and it’s getting ridiculous.”

“Excuse me?” her tone was incredulous because, really, he was making no sense, “Since when do you have a system? You’re the most erratic and trigger-happy surgeon I have had the displeasure of meeting.”

He didn’t validate that with a response, choosing instead to glare at her more, which only made Ava more upset. Him and his goddamn “holier-than-thou” attitude would drive her crazy one day. He was being entirely unfair too, since she had, in this case, done just was what required for the patient’s safety.

“Why are you on my ass about this all of a sudden? Last time I checked you were the one on Latham’s bad side today because you didn’t show for your pre-ops. Besides, I was thinking about the patient here.”

“Were you, Ava?”

The accusatory tone did not sit right with the other surgeon at all, “What are you insinuating now?”

“Were you thinking about the patient?” his question must have been rhetorical because he didn't let her answer, “Or where you just trying to get me back in the doghouse with Latham?”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“Connor, what the hell? Why would you even accuse me of that?”

He just scoffed, as if her shock was ridiculous to him, “I wouldn’t put anything past you, Ava.”

Ava stared at him in confusion, honestly hurt that he thought that lowly of her. They may have their differences but they have worked together long enough to know when the other was joking or just being difficult. Connor was serious now and it was so frustrating, he knew Ava would not put a patient in danger like that just to mess with his surgery.

“Just stay out of my way, Ava,” he turned to leave and only looked back at her dismissively, “Don’t mess with my surgeries.”

When the door to the CT lounge slammed shut again, Ava found herself shakily letting out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. She set her coffee cup on the counter again, realizing her knuckles had turned white from how tightly she was gripping the mug. Her head was reeling, trying to take in everything that had just happened. Connor’s accusations were ringing in her head, making her question where the hell this thought that she would sabotage him like that for no reason even came from.

Before she was even completely aware, Ava found herself sliding down the cabinet and landing less than gently on the floor. The ugly hospital linoleum was cold through the thighs of her scrubs, making her shiver both out of anxiety and the temperature drop. Her mind was racing, all of Connor’s words hitting her way too hard all of a sudden. She could usually brush off his comments with an eye roll and a reminder that he was just being egotistical, but this time they stung.

Maybe it was because she was already overwhelmed, the morning had been too stimulating and too many things were out of place. Whatever the reason, Ava’s anxiety decided to hit full force the second she was alone. She couldn’t breathe, it was all too much and guilt was hurting her like a rolling wave.

Why was she even guilty? There was no reason for her to feel this way, because she had absolutely done the right thing. She even clarified with Latham afterwards and he agreed that he would have done the same. Ava did what was in the patient’s best interest, Connor’s accusation was completely misplaced and ridiculous.

So why was this hurting her so much?

It was his anger, the way he yelled at her and had her cornered like that. Connor wouldn’t hurt her physically, she knew that for certain, but it still scared her. Her anxiety was never rational but when it came to conflict it was inconsolable. She could only hold on to her façade for so long before she broke, which is what this was. She didn’t mean to upset him, didn’t mean to make him angry. It was all an accident; she didn’t mean to.

“S-stupid Connor,” she muttered, “S-stu...stupid God co-complex.”

Her breath was coming out in ragged gasps by this point, short nails digging into her arms to ground herself. Mind racing, she tried so hard to focus on something, anything, but she couldn’t. His words were ringing in her head like a shrill shriek, not letting her ignore them. They began morphing too, into other distortions her brain insisted were real.

All you ever do is get in the way.

You meddle too much, Ava.

You’re the problem.

You.

You’re not worth it.

You’re selfish.

You did this.

Fraud.

Nuisance.

Disappointment.

Her hands clapped over her ears like she could block out the intrusive thoughts from the outside. She was shaking like a leaf, panic overtaking her completely. Stomach rolling, Ava felt like she was going to be sick with how overwhelmed she was. The fluorescent lighting made her feel way too hot and brought tears to her eyes along with the panic. Her head was reeling, too much going on and no Sarah or Ativan or any of her comfort objects to calm her down.

All of her coping mechanisms went out the window in that moment, slumped over knees and breathing rapidly. Her hands were over her ears or on her neck, nails digging in deep because it was the only way she could ground herself. Pain stims aren’t healthy, she knew that, but in that moment all she knew was she felt like she was suffocating. She deserved this, her brain insisted, the pain was the least she deserved in that moment.

All you ever do is get in the way, Ava.

#ava bekker #connor rhodes #4 mg ativan #anxious!ava #my aus #my-writing #userglow #mutuals #neworleansspecial #nosdecember

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Truths Part 2 Finale

Supernatural AU 

Link to Chapter 1 

Words: 5,551

Pairings: Gabriel x Reader

_________

You followed Gabriel out of the bedroom. Neither of you said a word to the other. To you, Gabriel didn’t seem to care that your soul was basically crying out to him. You were tired of being just a sex object of bed warmer to him. What if there were others he was seeing when he was away? It would make sense as to why he didn’t want to fully commit. The thought of someone else touching Gabriel made you feel almost crazy! Maybe it was time to put your foot down and say no more? Maybe it was time to show Gabriel just how crappy that he was making you feel? The archangel couldn’t just always have what he wanted. Your mind drifted back to a comment that Dean made one evening after an argument with Gabriel

“Y/n, this is your life. This isn’t Burger King. Gabriel can’t just have everything his way!”

You barely noticed Gabriel looking over his shoulder at the negative thoughts coming from you. Gabriel frowned immediately hating that he was making you feel this way. He was dying to tell you that you were his only one. He loved you in a way no one else could. Gabriel loved you in a way no mortal could understand! Maybe that was why you didn’t understand what was going on with him?

He reached back going for your hand but felt nothing. Gabriel hadn’t even noticed you walk away from him to take the cup of coffee Dean was holding out.

“Y/n, almost time to watch Jo get married. Are you planning on catching that bouquet?”

Dean asked with a smile. You rolled her eyes not even looking at Gabriel. That was a real hoot!

“Won’t do me any good.  That is never going to happen to me.”

Dean gave Gabriel a look. He was pleased to see the angry expression on the archangel’s face. To Dean, Gabriel needed a good kick in the ass!

“You never know.”

Dean said with a smirk. Y/n nodded.

“Oh, I know. I’m either going to die before I have the chance to get married or be a cat lady. You have to have someone love you before they marry you. People don’t just marry other people for kicks.”

You heard Gabriel mutter something like “what- fucking- ever” under his breath. You were pleased that you had struck a chord with the archangel.

“In all seriousness though I am happy for Jo. Alexander seems to be a good guy. I just want Jo to be happy.”

Dean sighed. He had started to ignore Gabriel and just focus on you. He didn’t like seeing his childhood friend looking so down on herself. Any guy would be lucky to have you! If the two of you didn’t know all of each other’s bad habits and it wouldn’t be like marrying his sister, Dean would be more than happy to date you.

“You deserve to be happy too.”

You shrugged.

“Well…it is what it is Dean. Come on we need to get going.”

You turned walking to the Impala without another word.

Once in the car, you settled yourself between Cas and Gabriel. You knew that Gabriel heard every word of your conversation with Dean and was almost afraid to look at him. His words of I’m an archangel not your fucking pet seemed to always ring in your mind when you wanted to be a dick to him. He could easily end your life. Whether he would or not would be another story. That sentence always sounded like something Lucifer would say…not Gabriel.

A hand sliding onto your thigh pulled you from your thoughts. You looked down at Gabriel’s hand with a sad sigh before laying your head on his shoulder. Was this his way of offering to makeup for a less than stellar attitude?

“Can we talk later?”

He asked softly. You nodded ignoring Dean’s watchful gaze.

“Yeah”

You let Gabriel continue to stroke your thigh. He leaned his head over on yours to nuzzle his face into your hair. Gabriel knew it would be so easy to say “I love you cupcake.”  It wouldn’t be that hard to say those words that he knew you were longing for. But for some reason, Gabriel couldn’t make them happen. Gabriel couldn’t help feeling like a caged bird at points. This is one of those times he wished his communication skills were better. He also wouldn’t mind not being an angel today. Maybe he could be a better lover.

Arriving at Bobby and Ellen’s, you smiled seeing your mom sitting on the porch with a smile on her face. Ellen immediately stood as you got out of the car.

“Darlin about time you got here!”

She said cheerfully pulling you into a hug. Right away Ellen could tell something was bothering you. It didn’t take being your mom to know that something wasn’t right in your world.

“Hi mamma.”

You said with a smile as Ellen kissed your face before moving to hug Sam and Dean. Ellen kissed both of the boys before hugging Cas and ruffling his hair. You had walked back to Gabriel’s side until you were literally knocked to the ground. Looking up you smiled seeing your sister on top of you.

“Y/n, you’re finally here! I’m so glad to see you!”

You coughed as the breath was slightly knocked out of you.

“Jo, damn, I missed you too. Can you let me up?”

Jo chuckled standing and pulling her you to your feet.

“I never thought you were going to get here. I need to make sure your dress fits you!”

You looked back at Gabriel. You were wanting nothing more than to see what he wanted to talk to you about but that was going to be put on the back burner. Jo smirked.

“He’ll be fine without you for a moment.”

Jo hurriedly pushed you into your childhood bedroom without another word.

For the next half an hour you tried on multiple dresses that Jo had picked out. Finally, Jo decided the emerald green deep v neck one was the way to go.

“I think that one is perfect. It makes you look so grown up.”

You rolled your eyes as Jo looked at you happily.

“So what’s happening with you and the archangel?”

Jo asked calmly. You sighed and sat down beside your twin with a tired sigh. How were you supposed to tell your own sister that your life was in a tailspin that you didn’t even know how to even control anymore?

“I honestly don’t know. One minute I am convinced that he loves me and actually wants to be with me. The next we are as far away from a couple as one could possibly get.”

Jo reached out taking your hand in hers.

“He watches you like you are something to eat. Maybe he doesn’t know how to accurately handle his feelings. I know he’s been on earth for a long time but maybe there is something preventing him from ...going forward.”

Lily laughed.

“I think you get him more than I do Jo. That’s probably all of the other girls that he sees that is preventing him from committing. I think that I am just wasting my time.”

After affirming the dress would be a fit, you followed Jo outside where Cas and Gabriel stood on the porch. Dean, Sam, and Bobby were looking at a car that Bobby had been fixing up. Gabriel turned to look at you as you finally got back to his side.

“Boys and their cars…I would say boys who look at cars like they are naked women but figured that wouldn’t be appropriate.”

You rolled your eyes as Gabriel wrapped an arm around your waist. That sinking feeling of despair returned like a freight train. You should have been happy but the way he was doing it no one could see they were even touching. As usual, it was Gabriel keeping things hidden. For once, you wanted him to be himself. Be the Gabriel that flirted with you nonstop until he got what he wanted. If it was that particular moment in time, he couldn’t have thought twice about wrapping his arms around you in front of everyone.

“Hasn’t stopped you before.”

You said with a smirk. Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

“Someone is feeling sassy.”

Feeling a little braver, you put a hand on Gabriel’s hip and stepped closer to him. His golden eyes were watching you with a wide lust-filled expression.

“Wait until you see the dress I’ll be wearing tomorrow. You will be able to see a lot of here.”

You motioned to your breasts making Gabriel’s eyes get even wider before he gave you that eyebrow wiggle.

“Now you are just getting wild.”

Before the little exchange could continue a voice caught your attention.

“Y/n?”

You turned to see a face that you hadn’t seen since the day you left home for good at age 18.

“Nathan?”

It was definitely Nathan Parker…the Nathan that you had a major crush on all the way through middle and high school. Here he stood 6'1, tall dark and handsome like before. The only difference now was he stood dressed in a nice suit and his jet black her fixed into an elegant hairstyle.

“Yeah, it's me. I heard you were in town for Jo’s wedding. I couldn’t wait to stop by and see you. Wow, you haven’t changed at all. You still look so beautiful.”

You could feel Gabriel tense. For a moment, you were afraid that the archangel was going to jump-start the apocalypse or smite Nathan one. You wrapped your hand around Gabriel’s keeping him from snapping his fingers. Gabriel was trying to get his hand free but it wasn’t about to happen!

“Uh thanks, Nathan. So what are you into these days?”

You tried to think of anything to get the conversation off of flirting. Nathan smiled.

“I own a chain of restaurants. I just bought myself that car your father is fixing up. I needed something fun for the weekends. So what are you doing out in Kansas these days?”

You blinked and tried to think of some grand tale. The last thing she wanted was for Gabriel to get all “holier than thou” and smite Nathan in mid-conversation. You remembered your mother telling you that Nathan was rolling in the money now and it was clearly evident.

“I uh…uh…I do writing.”

Nathan nodded seeming impressed.

“How about we go for a ride? I would love to catch up.”

You knew teasing Gabriel was wrong and that you would pay for it later. The cold angry glare on his face showed all of his feels at that moment. Maybe this was what Gabriel needed. Maybe he needed to see that you could move on to someone else.

“I would love to.”

You said with a smile before feeling Gabriel’s hand tighten on yours. You carefully got your hand away from the archangel’s not daring to look at his face.

“I’ll be back soon, Gabe.”

You spent the afternoon with Nathan. To your surprise, you hadn’t heard from Gabriel at all. You sent him a few texts only to receive nothing in return. You sighed, knowing that you would have one angry archangel to face later.

Around 7, you agreed to have dinner with Nathan before he would take you home. Walking into a quiet cafe, Nathan chose a table in the corner. You sat down across from him looking over the menu. Nathan smiled. Neither noticed the angry golden-eyed archangel in the corner watching like a hawk.

“So what’s with the guy whose hand you were holding? Are you two serious?”

You took a sip of the water in front of her.

“We ...I…uh…I don’t know. I really don’t know how to answer that.”

Nathan raised an eyebrow.

“Looks like he’s quite a bit older than you too. What’s his angle?”

You swallowed. How were you supposed to answer any question when it came to Gabriel? You couldn’t just say that your boyfriend was an archangel.

“He doesn’t really have one. Gabriel is a good man. He’s been really good to me. He is actually really funny. There is just a lot of stuff that…”

Nathan sighed.

“Look Y/n, I’ve known you for a long time. You know that I adore you. If you were with me, you wouldn’t be guessing at what our relationship was about. Gabriel sounds like he needs to get his priorities straightened out. “

You looked down uncomfortably. Nathan just summed up everything perfectly!

“Yeah. He does.”

The moment Nathan reached out to take your hand in his, the glass of water fell over sending water spilling all over his lap. Nathan jumped back hoping to stop the flow of water. Once he got the mess back into control, Nathan grinned.

“Boy, that was unexpected. Anyway, let's eat.”

Nathan went to put some salt on his food only for the entire salt shaker to empty all over the steak in front of him. You frowned. This was all happening way too conveniently.

“Gabriel, if you are here please stop. You have nothing to worry about. You don’t have to challenge him. Just come out in the open and take me home.”

When no golden-eyed trickster of an archangel appeared, you sighed. Gabriel was really upset! For him to not appear when you prayed to him was completely out of character.  You were so lost in your own thoughts that you didn’t notice the newest thing that was happening.

A woman screaming got your attention. You looked at a woman, a few feet away, who was swatting at a frog that was in her soup. Nathan meanwhile, was dealing with a pesky fly that wouldn’t get away from him.

“What the hell is with this place? Is this like the biblical plague restaurant?”

You groaned knowing 100% that Gabriel was behind all of this now. Putting a hand over her face, you looked down at your lap. Before you could say anything else there was a loud explosion in the kitchen and all of the sprinklers overhead began to go off. You sighed.

“Nathan I would really like to go home. I’m feeling really tired.”

Nathan nodded putting money down on the table. He too was less than pleased with the way that his date turned out. Nathan had all the intentions to try to woo you into staying home in South Dakota with him. Now he was almost positive that you were ready to run right back to Kansas with Gabriel.

Walking into the parking lot, Nathan yelled the moment he saw that he had a flat tire and a large key mark down the side of his car.

“What the hell?”

He squealed. Your eyes were wide as you looked almost embarrassed. This was getting all too amusing! It also showed you that Gabriel actually was serious about the relationship and wasn’t afraid to fight for what was his.

Arriving back to your parent's house, you walked in feeling a mixture of annoyed and flattered. Bobby and Ellen sat at the table playing poker with Dean and Sam. Cas was sitting on the couch watching a nature documentary on the Discovery Channel. Ellen smiled.

“Well look who finally came home. Did you have a fun time with Nathan?”

You smirked.

“It was interesting to say the least. Where is Gabriel?”

Dean grinned. The eldest Winchester looked totally happy as a clam.

“He’s in your bedroom pouting. I call him a baby in a leather jacket right now.”

You shook your head before turning and walking upstairs to your childhood bedroom. When you walked in Gabriel sat on the bed frowning at the TV.

“You made your point tonight.”

Gabriel turned looking at her coldly.

“What point? Have fun on your date?”

You took off your sweater laying it over your desk’s chair before turning back to Gabriel.

“It wasn’t a date, Gabriel. Nathan and I have been friends since we were kids.”

Gabriel gave you a glare.

“Fucker had a lot more than friendship on his mind.”

You shook your head in annoyance. There had to be some way to get through to Gabriel.

“Maybe he wants me for more than sex.”

The lights flickered in the room, cluing you in that you had hit a nerve with the archangel. Gabriel stood walking to you. For the second time that day, you were wondering about your safety when it came to the handsome archangel.

“What WE have isn’t just sex! I wish you would get it through that thick skull of yours.”

Losing your temper, you reached out and shoved Gabriel away. He elegantly regained his balance before giving you a confused expression. You began to pace.

“How the fuck do you think I am supposed to think anything different, Gabriel? All we do is have sex then you ignore me until you want another fuck. How am I supposed to think that you actually care? What you did tonight was the first actual hint of you remotely caring!”

Gabriel blinked.

“I’ve cared for a long time, sugar.”

“Right. You sure have a funny way of showing it!  I don’t know everything that happened before we got together. I’m sorry your past wasn’t perfect but the way you are handling us is telling me that you want to be alone forever. This is just like the night I asked to see your wings and you went ballistic on me. You know what, I am not having this conversation. Just go bug Cas or something. I need to get some sleep so I don’t look like a horrid maid of honor.”

Gabriel’s golden eyes were full of pain as he turned and walked from the room without a word. You immediately regretted your choice of words as you climbed into bed.

The next morning, you were awoken by your mother gently shaking your shoulder.

“Good morning, sweetie. Time to get you up and get you going.”

You yawned looking around the room.

“Where is Gabriel?”

Ellen shrugged.

“I think with Cas and Sam. Did you two have words last night?”

You sighed.

“Yeah, I bet you all heard everything too didn’t you?”

Ellen nodded sitting down.

“Your daddy wanted to come in here and knock his head off of his shoulders.”

You smiled, thinking of Bobby going into protective father mode.

“Well, it was mostly me, mom. I was doing the yelling. He was kind of just standing there. I didn’t even give him a chance to fight back before banishing him.”

Ellen reached out tucking one of your curls away from your face.

“Sweetie, I’m not going to pretend that I understand how hard your relationship with him is because you know I don’t.”

You sighed again.

“It’s beyond hard, mom! I am so in love with him. There is so much stuff he is keeping from me and I know that is what influences his actions in our relationship. I just wish that he would talk to me.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Baby, you know what it sounds like to me? No matter the species ...males do not communicate well.”

Ellen stood to walk to the closet to get the dress out but stopped looking back at you.

.“Sweetie, he loves you. You should have seen the look on his face when you took off with Nathan. I thought he was going to end the world. It took Cas and Sam to calm him down. I used to have my doubts about you dating an angel, especially an archangel at that, now not so much. Just talk to him later, sweetie.”

After an hour of getting ready, you were finally ready. You stood in front of Jo’s floor-length mirror looking at your appearance. It wasn’t often that you got dressed up like this.

“Hello, gorgeous!”

You turned seeing Dean and Cas at the door dressed in suits. Dean grinned as he motioned to his chest.

“Liking what I’m seeing!”

Cas gave Dean a look before focusing his attention back on you.

“You look beautiful.”

You smiled. You were used to Dean hitting on you from time to time. It had been that way since the two of you were young. Cas apparently still had to get used to that one.

“Thanks, guys. Have you seen Gabriel by any chance? I haven’t seen him since I threw him out of the bedroom last night.”

Dean chuckled.

“He’s with Sam. Probably still bitching about Nathan. He didn’t say anything about you but he was bitching about everything this morning. It started with me eating powdered doughnuts near him then went all the way to the help I have fallen and can’t get up button commercial.”

Cas winced.

“There was also the fact he was super annoyed with the Sock Slider commercial.”

Lily blinked, obviously confused.

“What?”

Dean laughed again.

“Okay, so it was one of those infomercial things where they want to sell you shit you don’t need. Well, this one was a device that helps you put your socks on. Like you don’t have to bend over or anything…you just slide your foot right in. Gabriel was bitching that just encouraged people to be lazy.”

You sighed turning to put the pearl earrings that Ellen had bought you in.

“Sounds like Gabe. One thing pisses him off and everything under the sun will bug him in some way or another. I figured he would have left after what I said to him.”

Cas and Dean exchanged frowns before Cas stepped forward.

“He wouldn’t leave. Go off and pout somewhere yes…but leave you no. As you have been told, my brother really loves you.”

You smiled at the angel in front of you.

“Thanks, Cas. Now come here and let me fix your hair.”

The wedding began without any major disasters. Thankfully Jo wasn’t a bridezilla either! You stood beside your sister as the ceremony began. As discreetly as possible, you scanned the church for any signs of your archangel.

When you finally found him, he was sitting beside Cas in the back of the church. His golden eyes met yours the instant that you found him. He gave you a half-smile that made your heart pound. You could feel your heart calling out to him. Unfortunately, he didn’t respond. He just kept his eyes glued to you.

You focused your attention back to your sister and soon to be brother-in-law. This service seemed to be going on forever and a day. You did whatever you could to keep your attention from going to Nathan. He sat about two rows in with his family and was doing whatever he could to get your attention.

“Can this get any longer?”

You thought miserably as you looked around the church. At the moment, all you wanted to do was get out of the emerald dress and flop down in her bed. The thought of Gabriel sitting in the back was driving you nuts. You wanted nothing more than to clear up what happened the previous night. There was also the fact that you wanted to get the archangel out of the button-down black shirt he was wearing. Sighing, you tightened your thighs trying to calm down the ache in your body.

Finally, the wedding was over and it was time for the reception. You wandered around the room looking for any sign of Gabriel again and avoiding Nathan at the same time. Just like at the wedding, Gabriel disappeared into the oblivion. How could someone so obvious just disappear like this?

“Come on Gabe.”

You muttered as Sam walked over.

“You good?”

You shook your head.

“If that stubborn archangel would just show up where I can get a hold of him I would be stellar.”

Sam handed you a glass of wine with a sheepish smile.

“Figured this may help.”

You downed the glass in one sip. Sam smirked as he noticed Nathan walking over. You clearly noticed it too.

“Shit! You have no idea where I am going.”

Sam smirked as you ducked under a table and out of sight.

“Never seen you before in my life.”

Sam went back to the beer in his hand as Nathan walked over. He smiled casually at Sam.

“Where did Y/n go? I just saw her.”

Sam shrugged.

“Said something about going to find her boyfriend. You know the one that she’s been with for a while…he’s around here someplace.”

Nathan nodded.

“So they are pretty serious?”

Sam looked thoughtful.

“Oh yeah! He’s crazy about her and the other way around too.”

Nathan smirked.

“I get the message.”

You meanwhile, had finally crawled to the other side of the table and crawled out successfully only to be grabbed by one of your cousins.

“Come on Y/n. Jo is about to throw the bouquet.”

You immediately winced.

“Nah, good luck with that!”

Your cousin shook her head.

“Oh no! You are totally coming! Jo will be so sad if you don’t try.”

You winced thinking about all the things that you had done for your sister. This was definitely one of those up there things that you did not want to do!

Standing in the group of your female cousins and other assorted people that you didn’t know, you felt miserable. You glanced around finally spotting Gabriel standing beside Cas. He gave you a smirk and was clearly amused by the expression on your face.

“Get me out of here.”

You mentally pleaded.

“No way, sugar.”

You gave Gabriel another glare.

“Now you decide to answer! Really?!”

Gabriel gave you a shrug before going back to talking quietly to Cas. You groaned as Jo turned her back to throw the thing. Looking at all the other girls around you, you decided to let them go for the prize and simply step out of the way. You winced as Jo started to throw the bouquet.

“Go away! Go away! Go away!”

You thought miserably as the cursed floral device landed directly in your hands. Blinking a few times, you winced as Jo began to giggle with delight.

“You’ve gotta be shitting me.”

You muttered as Jo ran over pulling you into a hug.

“Uh, Jo….can we do this again? I think cousin Mitzy is bound and determined to get Phillip to propose to her. You know I’m going to be a cat lady soooo….”

Jo shook her head.

“Oh no! It’s yours!”

“Son of a bitch..”

You muttered looking around for Gabriel and of course, he was MIA again!

For the next hour, you tried your best to have a good time but you mood had gone downhill ever since the disastrous bouquet catching. When you were finally able to slip away from your crazy relatives, you went outside to get some air. You jumped the moment a set of arms wrapped around you.

“Easy, sugar. Looking for me?”

You relaxed hearing Gabriel’s voice.

“I have been all damn day.”

Gabriel chuckled as he nuzzled his face into your curls.

“Sorry, I was trying to make sure you had a nice day.”

You frowned. It was time to unload!

“It’s been AWFUL! First, I have to wear this god awful dress. I haven’t been this naked in public since I came out of a uterus. I’ve had to play avoid the guy who wants you with Nathan. I had to crawl under a table to get away from him. Do you realize how difficult it was in this dress? It was BAD! I caught that damn bouquet and now Jo won’t leave me alone. All I wanted damn it was to be with you and you keep playing trickster and vanishing. God damn it, I just want to go home!”

Gabriel’s arm tightened around you.

“Being a little dramatic are we?”

“No, I am not!”

You growled as Gabriel kissed your shoulder.

“I’m sorry, sugar. I didn’t realize your day was that awful.”

You pouted harder.

“I’m a hunter not some party girl and I am sure as hell not wife material.”

Gabriel froze at that for a moment.

“I think you are.”

You pressed your lips together. You couldn’t say anything at the moment due to being almost 98% positive that if you did you would start sobbing. Gabriel sighed and held you tighter against him.

“Y/n, I love you. I don’t tell you enough and you deserve to hear it. I guess in ways I was scared to admit it. I’m not now. Everything you said last night was true and I needed to hear that. You wanted to know why I am the way I am…I’m ready to tell you everything now. There’s something else ...since you caught that bouquet…I want to marry you…”

Your eyes widened as you turned in Gabriel’s arms.

“I swear Gabriel if this is one of your tricks I’m going to slug you!”

Gabriel smirked.

“No tricks. It’s all serious. I want you all the way baby.”

He said with an innocent smirk watching Lily’s face for any signs of rejection.

“So sugar….”

You smiled again. Maybe this whole shitfest of a day was worth it after all. He knew that you wouldn’t want some skeptical made out of it. Plus Gabriel didn’t to be the whole down on one knee kind of guy anyway.

“Yes!”

You said as you stood on your tiptoes cramming your lips to the archangels. The two of you didn’t part for a moment once the kiss ended. It was just quiet cuddles.

“Get us back home.”

You whispered against his lips. Gabriel glanced over his shoulder, making sure no one was watching. He didn’t want to have to modify anyone’s memory at the moment. He was too preoccupied.

“Don’t you want to stay with your family for all of this ...stuff?”

You shook your head.

“No, and I don’t have to have something like this when we get married. I’m cool with Vegas.”

“You deserve more than that.”

Gabriel replied.

“You know I am no show-off.”

You said as you twirled one of his curls around your index finger. Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

“You may not be but I am. I want to show off what’s mine.”

You gave up and pressed your lips back to his.

“Can you get us home now?”

Gabriel smirked.

“You got it, sugar.”

He snapped his fingers and the next thing you knew the two of you were in your bedroom. Gabriel quickly pulled you on his lap. His face was back to the serious archangel as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“Before we get too occupied I want you to know everything that happened before. Years ago…I was with another girl. She wasn’t at all like you. Lucifer found out about her and threatened to kill her. I thought breaking up with her would keep her safe. I thought it was the best thing to do. Damn, I was a jerk to her. I told her that I didn’t love her and that she bored me. Long story short I missed her too badly. I couldn’t stand being alone again. I went to talk to her…to tell her that I was wrong and everything that I said was a lie. When I arrived at her house the door was open. Right away everything felt wrong. She was dead when I found her. It wasn’t Lucifer that killed her but some common thief. If I had been there she wouldn’t have died. She was the only human I had ever let see my wings. I never planned on falling in love again. In fact, I swore I wouldn’t…then I found you. You haven’t deserved any of the venom that I have given you since we got together. I think deep down I was afraid that I would get you killed like her. Before you say anything I know that you are more than capable of taking care of yourself. I just…do not want to lose you.”

Your eyes had softened as you reached out cupping his cheek.

“Gabriel, you have been keeping me healthy since we got together. Nothing is going to happen to us.”

Gabriel smiled.

“I know. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

You leaned forward and pressed your lips to his.

“I’m still cool with Vegas.”

______

@brokencasbutt67-writer

@supernaturalways

@emiwrites3reads

@shaylybaby2032

@fand0maniac

@fandom-trash-worth-it

@li0nh34rt

@tas898

@authoressskr

@untoldshortsofthefandoms

@mycuddlycorner

@summer-novak

@shitfaceddaniel

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts

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@deanwherescas

@wontlookaway

@hankypranky

#Supernatural #Supernatural AU #Gabriel #Gabriel x Reader #Dean Winchester #Sam Winchester #Cas #Bobby Singer #Ellen Harvelle #Jo Harvelle #reader insert #supernatural reader insert #gabriel fanfiction #series finale #Truths and Lies series

[stellamore-after-dark]

i cant believe it hasnt been asked yet but,,, the li's getting jelaous hcs

Alexa, play Jealous by Nick Jonas 😌

Cipactli:

Cipactli is not a man to get jealous easily…sometimes…but when he does prepare for the clingiest boyfriend E V E R!

What is personal space? He doesn’t know her.

When I tell you he will be all up in your space, he will be all up in your space. He won’t stop at nothing short of placing his hand in the small of your back, random kisses when he knows that the person desiring you is looking. “Come here love, look at me, you’re beautiful.” as he proceeds to grab your chin and give you the deepest kiss trailing down your neck as he stares at the person sending them a message “They are mine”. If looks could kill.   

Mukondi: 

If you look up the definition of petty in the dictionary you’ll find Mukondi’s face with a deadpan stare.

As petty as they come, her jealousy is a nightmare to endure. If you guys aren’t together you can bet that she’ll just talk smack about the person making goggly eyes at you and mocking them by imitating everything they say *insert Spongebob meme here*

If you are a couple then the jealousy takes on a different form. She shuts down and gives you the silent treatment. She will not talk to you until it’s just you and her and you’re basically at your wits end. 

Ariki:

Ariki can go two ways in the jealousy department. Smart ass or sad ass.

When Ariki senses that the person eyeing you is making you feel uncomfortable he will become the cockiest, snarkiest, most passive aggressive person. You rarely see this side of him and his behavior is strictly directed at the person speaking to you; he carries this air of calmness as he begins his holier than thou behavior that sometimes may get him heated and you would need to calm and cool him down.

On the other hand, like every humanoid creature that walks this earth, he has some insecurities that bloom when you respond well to a person he knows is trying to make a move on you. He picks up lilts, tones, shift, and shuffles in your voices and movements that might make him feel less than and you have to pick up the tiny pieces of his heart and put them back together MY PRECIOUS BOI 

Dior:

Much like Mukondi, they will be very petty. The differences between them is that Dior will find receipts and D E S T R O Y the person who dares look at you in any way that may be affectionate.

Dior has resources and they will use said resources to berate whoever tries to make a move on you. Their jealousy translates into a very possessive and almost unhealthy nature that may test the limits of the relationship. You might even need to take a break from each other in order to save it and through it all Dior would never admit that they were jealous.

Eventually, when things simmer down, and the object of Dior’s annoyance is gone you reconcile and talk in a civil manner. In the end Dior may or may not admit that jealousy had something to do with the transpired events.

Waauru:

*Kill Bill sirens play in the distance*

Get ready for heavy PDA and seeing Waauru act the nicest she’s acted towards anyone…..while giving them a backhanded compliment….or just a straight up insult.

It’s an all out, all bets are off and every filter that she has on to “deal” with people goes straight out the window. Waauru will look at the person flirting with you to their face and tell them they look like a burnt chicken nugget all while sporting the brightest smile. The good thing about her knew found “bluntness” is that she becomes very forward with you and very aware of what she’s feeling and experiencing and basically spills out every emotion she’s feeling unto you. Knowing how she feels will make you both work together as you get through this small bump in your relationship. Communication is key ya’ll .

Halle:

*halle.EXE has stopped working*

He genuinely does not know how to feel, all he knows is that he doesn’t like it. This is his first official relationship and from what little knowledge he has about them jealousy is high on his list of things that are not good to feel. Because of this, however, he is extremely good at communicating with you. Like Waauru, he confides every single detail to you even though he tries really hard to hide those feelings. 

Even after you have both talked, when said person trying to get your attention appears within the vicinity Halle will automatically get behind you and stare that person down. The only thing that will break his concentration is feeling you physically touch him.  

Taqtu:

Taqtu starts to automatically look around to see who it is that this person is trying to flirt with cause he know for DAMN sure that they are not about to even try to get with you knowing that you have a significant other.

Listen, he will get h e a t e d and everyone and their mother will know about it. Much like Dior, it will get messy really quickly if you cannot stop Taqtu from physically fighting whoever it is that is trying to flirt with you. He is an equal opportunity fighter and the only thing that may stop him from actually throwing the first punch is if you get in between him and the object of his current hate.

This, however, can go one of two ways. First, depending on his level of anger, if you get in between them and you can get Taqtu to look at you in the eyes he may be able to cool off just enough for you to be able to pull him away. On the other hand, if Taqtu is already too far gone in the angery™ department he might wrongfully perceive you getting in the middle as a form of you defending the person trying to get your attention. That is when it really gets ugly and all you can do is walk away and let the chips fall where they may. Once everything is said and done and he sees that what he did was wrong he’ll go and find you, once he does he’s ego is so hurt that he can’t even face you in his human form so he strolls up to you after he’s shape shifted as a cat trying to make amends.

Seneca:

Let the fun begin!!!

Seneca loves playing mind tricks on people who think they could ever have a chance with you making them feel like the stupidest person in existence. Seneca is incredibly smart and he will use that to it’s fullest advantage.

The PDA is s p i c y. Be prepared for lots of booty grabbing, kisses on your temple, and deep passionate kisses. Seneca doesn’t know who you think you are but he’s all about sending this person a message, this one is mine and you CANNOT have them. At some point, Seneca will find himself alone with the individual who wanted you all to themselves  and the conversation will be nothing short of anything a sociopath will do. He will stop talking to this person when he senses you walking into the room. All you see is Seneca with a smile on his face so happy to see you, and then there’s the other being trying to keep a straight face and not burst into tears.  

- Admin Nani

#stellamore #cipactli #mukondi #ariki #dior #waauru #halle #taqtu #seneca #anonymous #headcanon #answered #admin nani

[100hearteyes]

please write a fanfic for every day of clexaweek?

Clexa Week 2017 | day 3 | Stuck Together

“It’s over, Lexa.”

“No, Clarke wait– Clarke, no, please!”

Clarke goes in the bedroom and grabs a duffel bag. She starts throwing clothes inside, indifferent to whose they are, and zips it closed when she’s done. Lexa can only watch as the blonde steps into some shoes and prepares to head out.

“Clarke, please reconsider,” Lexa pleads. “You’re being ridiculous.”

Clarke whirls around at the words, her blue eyes working up a storm. “I’m being ridiculous?” She throws her hands in the air in anger and exasperation. “You’re the one that always comes home at ungodly hours, having been doing god knows what, and then when simply asked if they’re cheating, goes all ‘I won’t dignify that question with an answer’,” she mocks, doing a poor imitation of Lexa. “Well, dignify this,” she spits, practically shoving her middle finger in Lexa’s face.

The brunette responds with an eye roll. “Now you’re just being childish, Clarke.”

“Well guess what, Lexa, I’m not Bridget fucking Jones. I don’t say words like ‘sod’ or ‘arse’ or ‘spinster’, I don’t have a fucking diary, I don’t sing ‘All By Myself’ when I’m miserable, and I’m definitely not dating Colin fucking Firth!”

“You certainly cuss a lot, like her,” Lexa replies haughtily, ever the face of serenity.

Clark’s eyes narrow dangerously and pierce into her girlfriend’s. Lexa remains there, impassive and aloof, as the blonde slings the duffel over her shoulder.

“Fuck you, Lexa.”

Clarke storms out of the apartment, feet stomping for maximum effect, and slams the door open and shut. For the first time during one of their typically overly dramatic fights, Lexa is afraid.

So she runs to the door, opening it with difficulty (it’s decrepit, they don’t have money for another one, and she’s always having to tell Clarke that slamming it makes it hard to open the next time), and dashes for the elevator. Luckily, the door is just closing, so she thrusts a saving hand in and forces it to open, revealing a scowling Clarke inside.

“Clarke, please think this through,” she begs.

The blonde crosses her arms, unwilling to properly discuss the situation. “Just get out, Lexa.”

The brunette straightens, expressions closing, and raises her chin with disdain. “No.”

“Then let me get out.”

“No.”

“Well, I’m not talking to you.”

Lexa shrugs. “Then I will just keep you company.” She steps inside at last, feet more hesitant than she lets show.

Clarke, still fuming, punches the button for the ground level and folds her arms again, averting her girlfriend’s gaze.

The door closes and the elevator jerks slightly up, the familiar screech of its hinges giving way to drowsy movement. The atmosphere is quiet, both just praying for the tense ride to be quickly over.

The universe is not on their side.

With a violent jerk downwards and upwards, the elevator comes to an abrupt stop and the lights go out.

After a few seconds of stunned silence, a bitter guffaw pierces the air.

“Of fucking course this piece of scrap would stop now,” Clarke snarls, her laughter long gone. “It’s been fucking rotten for years, but it had to stop now!” She delivers a clumsy kick to the metallic walls. “Of,” kick, “fucking,” kick, “course!”

Lexa scrambles to Clarke’s side, grabbing her by the waist from behind and pulling her away from the walls, intent on preventing anymore damage.

“Clarke,” she whispers into her girlfriend’s ear. “Calm down. This isn’t you.”

Clarke turns in her arms and pries away from her hold. “How would you know anymore? You’re never here.”

Lexa flinches at the venomous jab, arms loosing around Clarke and falling to her sides. She recedes to the opposite side of the elevator, feeling around for the corner, where she sits down, legs crossed.

Clarke does the same in the opposite corner, still grumbling to herself. “Can’t believe I’m stuck here with my arrogant ass of a girlfriend.”

Lexa hears her opening the duffel bag and sift through it, pulling out an item. Clarke lays the object down and takes out another one. Seconds later, Lexa hears the familiar sound of a match being lit, and a weak flame comes in contact with a wick. Light floods the elevator and suddenly the tiny space is just a bit more comfortable.

“Is that one of my candles?” Lexa notices with a raised eyebrow. Clarke grumbles something in response, but Lexa wants to hear the explanation. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Clarke huffs out her frustration. “I said, I wanted to take a piece of you with me. Happy?”

Lexa can’t help the smug smirk that pulls at her lips. “Very much so,” she whispers.

After a long moment, Clarke heaves a defeated sigh. “I love you, Lexa, but that will mean nothing if you’re cheating on me.”

Lexa presses her lips together and her jaw tightens. “You know that I am not.”

“Well then, couldn’t you have just said no?” Clarke exasperates again. “Did you have to be an arrogant ass about it?”

“I love you, Clarke!” Lexa finally snaps. “I love you with all that I have. The mere idea that you would think me unfaithful hurts more than you can imagine, and I could not even find it in myself to even come up with a way to respond.”

“But you did respond, just not to the point I raised!” Clarke retorts, blue eyes burning into Lexa’s green. “Instead, you tried to belittle my point while asserting your self-imposed moral superiority. You know I hate it when you get that ‘holier than thou’ attitude while ignoring whatever it was I mentioned, because that really is not you. I thought we were over that assertion that you 'win’ by default just because I’m suddenly beneath you, simply for raising a point that you find unpleasant to discuss!“

Lexa swallows the lump in her throat. Clarke has a point, she realises, even if it still hurts that her girlfriend would ever question Lexa’s utmost devotion to Clarke and their relationship.

“I have been working overtime,” she explains after some seconds, when the silence has become unbearable. “At first it was just Janice who asked me to take her shift, because she was pregnant. Then more people started asking to cover for them, and next thing I knew, I was spending my whole days at the office.”

Clark’s eyes soften. “They’re taking advantage, Lexa,” she coos with a long-suffering look. “They’re taking advantage of your selflessness, because that’s what bad people do. They prey on the good people.”

“I know,” Lexa confesses in whispers, her gaze lowering to the ground. “But I can’t say no when people need me.”

Clarke scoots up to her and cradles her face in soft, loving hands. Thumbs brush tenderly over highset cheekbones. “I know you’re selfless and noble and all-around the best fucking person I know,” Clarke whispers affectionately. “But you have to say no. I know you want to help others, but you can’t forget that you have a life outside of work, at home. You have me, painting all day, making money from home, and counting the hours till you come back to me. I need you to come back to me, Lexa.” Her eyes lower to Lexa’s pouting lips, which she covers with her own for some blissful moments. “Lately I’ve been feeling like… Like I’m not worth your time anymore.”

Lexa’s eyes widen in shock and instant refutation. “You are worth my time, Clarke,” she assures earnestly. “Always. Nothing and no one is ever more worth my time than you.”

“Then show it,” the blonde pleads. “I need actions, not words. Telling me I’m worth your time means nothing if you keep spending all your nights away from me.”

Lexa nods in understanding. Lately she’s been so busy trying to take care of everyone, she forgot to take care of Clarke along the way.

“This will not continue,” she promises with a whisper. Words have always felt more true when kept a secret just between the two of them. “You are my priority. All I want is to see you happy and I am sorry that I was being the very obstacle to your happiness.”

“You’re never an obstacle to my happiness,” Clarke breathes, eyes shut, leaning her forehead against Lexa’s. “You’re my vehicle.” They stay like that for a few seconds, until Clarke’s eyes open with a chiding glimmer. “And I’m not asking you to let Janice down. Just… Say no to those who don’t really need your help. And when you have a hard time doing that, think of me. At home, naked, waiting for you,” she smirks. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

“The simple pleasure of your company is worth my while.” Then she adds hurriedly, “But I don’t mind you naked.”

“Mmhmmm.” Clarke chuckles breathily, sending tingles down Lexa’s spine. “Thought so.” She closes her eyes again, breathing in the ever exhilarating presence of Lexa.

“We should go back.”

“We’re stuck, remember?”

“Right.” A pause. “We could–”

“No sex in the elevator, Lex.”

“Right.”

“We could watch something when we get back. We’d cuddle naked, except for my sexiest lingerie and your Mark Darcy’s reindeer jumper… Try not to make out while we watch your favourite movie.”

“It is yours, too,” Lexa reminds her, as always. Clarke finds comfort in the quirks, tics, and routines of their days.

“A nice movie night, followed by a lot of sex, and then a lot of sleeping… Sounds nice,” Clarke murmurs. “No more working on weekends if you can avoid it. And return every day at ten pm the latest.” Lexa nods her agreement; they don’t need pinkies or hands to broker this deal. “You should’ve told me sooner… I can’t believe we needed to be stuck in a fucking elevator to settle this stupid argument. This is a whole new level of extra,” Clarke chuckles.

Lexa hums in contentment. “We would have settled it with or without the elevator. We always do.”

“I’m sorry I flipped you off. And called you arrogant. And an ass. And you’re so much better than Colin Firth.” Clarke pecks Lexa’s lips once more, then brushes their noses together. “I love you, Lexa.”

The brunette can’t help the wide smile that takes over her features. “I love you too, Clarke.”

And with that, the elevator kicks smoothly back into motion.

#clexa #clexa au #clexaweek2017 #drabble #my fics #ask #anon

[phobio2000]

Meekness

July 26, 2018, Thursday

At The Livingroom Cafe

One of my favorite movies is “Lord of Wars”, starring Nicolas Cage. It’s not like my all time favorite, one of the best of all times, but it is a very well made narrative that’s full of details and insights about the various aspects of being a successful arms dealer. I thought it was brilliant.

The movie ended with the main character saying something like “The meek does not inherit the earth, arms dealers do, because after everyone is done killing one another, they’ll be the only ones left.”

I’ve heard of a pastor of a very heavenly-centric ministry (as if they are preparing for a greater afterlife by sacrificing the present life, which is basically what buddhists do, and while it’s Bible based, I wonder how well does the ministry message stay unbiased and within the correct context) who said that the meek will inherit the earth in the next life, in heaven, when the Lord returned and re-establish the world order in a righteous and holy way. While I think that is definitely true, but does this mean that the implication is to forego this life altogether in pursuit of a better heavenly life through parking your butt in a chair and pray all day? Well, this is pretty much what buddhists do. They park their butts and pray to Buddha all day in hope for a better afterlife or a better reincarnation. It’s almost weird and dreary and even eerie. I think the various aspects and implications of any given teaching must be examined to prove its legitimacy, but even before that, Jesus has already taught us that we are to tell a tree by the fruit it bears, that a bad tree cannot bear good fruit and a good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and by the fruit you will be able to discern the false prophets (or problematic teachings of sketchy ministries, for that matter). Notice the wisdom of God, that you don’t have to be an expert on theology, but just simply apply your life experience, discernment, and common sense, and you’ll be able to tell what ministry is sketchy, enough to save your own butt from getting tricked.

Because, Satan is said to be the father of all lies, and his power is in his lies. So if we only pay attention to the message and the teachings alone, we would be playing right into the predators’ hands, doing exactly what they want us to do. Furthermore, if we do that, coupled with not applying critical thinkings and asking the right questions, then we are likely going to get into a lot of trouble.

It’s like that movie “My Cousin Vinny”, when Vinny was trying to convince his nephew to trust him and let him represent him as his attorney, he showed him a deck of cards and said something like “The prosecutor is going to build a house of cards. He’s going to show the jury every side, every angle, convincing them that it’s a real house, but he is not going to show the side view. Because, from that angle, everyone will see that it is just a house of card, paper thin, not the real thing, and we know that it isn’t real because you are innocent.”

So here is the second thing to look for, with the first being examining the fruit. What are these people like, how honest are they, how happy are they, how transparent are they, how do they conduct themselves (other than just being “holier than thou”), what do they do when they face conflict of interest, what is their strategy on handling life and getting ahead, how sincere are they, what are their goals and objectives, personal and ministry-wise, and etc.? And then, the second thing to look for is to scrutinize the ministry from different angles to see how legit and real is it. Chances are, with almost all ministry, or people, or family, or any organization, it would be at best, part real, part house of cards. And it would be yet another difficult thing to determine overall how legit is it, is there enough truth and good in it to consider it legit, how do you know your assessment and ruler is correct, how do you know you saw everything, how do you know you have not been placed under their spell already and have your judgment clouded? This can be really difficult. I personally make this kind of mistake all the time, being so lenient and willing to see the good in people and entities, cutting people slacks, giving people the benefit of the doubt, so that, even though I believe I really understand well how it all works, yet in terms of applying what I know, I have been pretty much a failure. Because, I feel that, on the other end of the spectrum, people tend to be too critical, playing it too safe, being too quick to judge and come to conclusions too quickly, so that, their hearts are not really about seeking the truth and opportunities to grow and solve problems, but to hedge themselves in a cocoon where they can comfortably do their own things and live their lives, having no burning passion to see God’s will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. And, for me, coming from that background myself, I would rather keep putting myself out there and get my butt kicked over and over and cry over and over, than to fall back in to my old pattern, obtained through the environment I grew up in. Chinese has this saying “Just stick to sweeping the snow off your own driveway” (自掃門前雪). I think this is a very common mentality that greatly attributes to why there are so many problems in this world, because we have set the expectations too low, that, as long as you sweep snow off your own driveway well, you are already a fabulous person. This is not what the Bible teaches. We need to take a closer look and reexamine our values and way of life.

Jesus is looking for peacemakers, good Samaritans, people who are willing to love God and people the way God loves us, and etc., and by that standard, we are falling way too short, and I hope that God’s light will shed into more people’s hearts so that they will feel convicted so that our lives may shine forth his glory, rather than falling short of it.

And the third thing I do is auditing, using secular ways of measurement on ministries and their leaders. Because, people will be people. Pastors and “holy” Christians love to put up a beautiful exterior to impress people, but, any one with a moderate amount of real life experiences can tell, that the very same bullshit and tactics employed by secular people to get ahead is being used by these religious hypocrites. I have a lot of real life experience because I got my butt kicked a lot my whole life. Just walking down the street today I thought that, “The best way to gain experience and insight is to have reasons why the right kind of people want to kick your ass and be in a situation that they would want to remove their masks and do it, then you’ll learn about life real quick.” My brother had reasons to want to kick my ass because he’s insecure, and he has read The Three Kingdoms many times, not good enough to use in real life situations, but enough to practice on a benevolent dummy. My dad had reasons to want to kick my ass because he needed to brainwash someone who can give him a legacy, and I was his last hope. My mom had reasons to kick my ass because she needs her son to be close to her (though she has repented, praise the Lord). My church had a reason to kick my ass because certain people want to propagate certain unrighteous agendas, and I happened to be in the way because I was honest, blunt, and willing to take a stand while being so obvious to politics to even remotely discuss under the table dealings and mutual back scratching. At various jobs there were people who had incentives and stakes to want to kick my ass, too. So time and time again I saw not just gloves coming off, which wouldn’t have been unexpecting, but masks coming off, too, which was extremely scary, how so many seemingly decent or even good human beings, when there are things at stake and they showed their true selves, they are monsters and animals on the inside, or at least have something like that inside them. So I have a lot of experience. Plus, over the years I’ve reverse engineered Bill Gothard’s teachings and have a pretty deep understanding of how the Christianity religion fools people. It’s like, when I notice these things, I’d pretty much get an allergic reaction, I don’t even need to think anymore, it’s like a trip wire would just go off and makes me go “Hmmmm…”. But that is not to say that I know everything or I won’t get things wrong, it just says what it is, that I have a lot of experience because I got my ass kicked so much by so many people over the course of so many years and I didn’t let those ass kickings go to waste but analyzed and scrutinized every detail the best I could. Nevertheless, with that being said, I still make the mistake a lot of leaning too far over to the side of giving people the benefit of the doubt, but that is only concerning my own life, though. When it comes to protecting others, I am rather verbose and vigilante, that I’d rather play it safe and call things out early before things get so bad that people fell under evil spells so deeply that they are not capable of listening anymore and then bad things would happen.

And I think that, the church is overall filthy, just like how the world is filthy. We cannot be salt and light and change the world when we are just as guilty as they are in our own ways and operations and fundamental approaches behind the scenes. And then, a lot of people with enough real life experiences, they look at the church and its people and smell the vibes, and feel the same way, or at least not feeling inspired, not seeing anything real, because our own corruptions has reduced our teachings and messages down to mere empty shells, a house of cards. In order to fix the world we must first fix ourselves.

And, coming full circle, I believe meekness is key.

I heard a very wonderful teaching on meekness last Sunday night by Nathanial Wood. I think overall, what he is trying to say is, that meekness is a two part process: 1) Becoming as strong as you can by the grace of God. 2) Having perfect self control over yourself, also by the grace of God, doing only his will and never our own, even when tempted to the point of death.

Because, looking back at everything I just wrote, the culprit is lack of meekness. We let our own desires get ahead of ourselves, going out of control, doing what we ourselves think is right, and thus resulting in the present situation, like what the Bible says “All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.” (Isaiah 53:6).

I think a good example is Moses. In his first forty years of life he learned all the knowledge of Egypt, which is a great feat. But because his strength was unbridled, he only ended up killing someone, and he was ineffective in rallying the Hebrews around him anyway. But in the second forty years of his life, that’s when he really learned meekness, laying down himself to become a clean vessel fit for the master’s use (2 Timothy 2:21). And by thee end of the second forty years, there’s something new about him, that he no longer believe that he has what it takes to do God’s will concerning his people, while during the first forty years, he seems to be just like an overly excited dog that just can’t calm down, constantly jumping around, barking “Me me me, pick me, pick me!”

Now, as a side note, we really got to take a hard look at ourselves, as well as ask the Lord fervently, which stage are we on, the first forty years or the second or the third. Sometimes I see some Christians or pastors or even major ministry leaders who are still stuck on stage one, still jumping around restlessly, screaming “Me me me, bigger ministry, bigger this, more that, greatness, great is my reward in heaven!” I think this is another important thing to look at, when choosing which ministry, teaching, and pastor to follow and learn from.

Another big distinction between the first and second forty years is that, the first stage, it’s more about Moses than about God and the suffering of the people. It was about him wanting self realization, wanting to do something great and feel excited about the fact, wanting a fulfilling life, wanting greatness for himself. He was willing to pay the price and choose to identify with his people rather than ignoring them and just enjoying himself as the prince of Egypt, which was something that Esther was tempted to do, but at the same time, he lacked meekness, that sense of total surrender and letting go of himself, which is really the key in all walks of life, actually, and not just being a Christian.

For example, yesterday I was listening to a young woman playing piano, very good, pretty accomplished pianist, but when she plays, I feel like she was competing against the music. There is that sense of duality of playing and expressing the music and indulging herself while she plays. The thing is, to be the very best you can be at what you do, you have to surrender yourself to it. The indulging part comes only after you’ve fully surrendered and then the music becomes so beautiful that it gives back what you sowed into it. This is really one of the most important principle of life that most people miss out on, the principle of sowing and reaping, letting the reward come in the form of a harvest, while sowing sacrificially in tears. So basically, Moses was chosen, but wasn’t ready.

So the question is, having you ever undergone this training of meekness, to completely surrender yourself to God, or to your life’s calling, so that it is no longer you that live, but Christ that lives in you, so that you have become a living sacrifice before God that is content with whatever, whether as a prince of Egypt, a mere shepherd, or as the chosen one that delivered the Hebrews out of the bondage of slavery. Does it matter still and how much? It’s a good question to ask yourself often.

I remember this pastor, Jeremiah Kua, preached about this when I was a kid. He was pretty lighthearted about it, saying something like, “So, what would have happened had Moses not undergone the second forty years? Well, look at all the plans and projects that God assigned Moses later on. Without the second forty years, Moses would have said to God ‘God, I have learned all knowledge of Egypt, and let me tell you, the design for the tabernacle can be much improved, let me show you what I mean…’”. Just imagine all of the wrestling that would have taken place between the two, while the imminent needs of leading the 400,000 people are urgent, pressing, and paramount every single day! How horrible would things have worked out, if that had been the case!?

I was just a kid and thought that’s a very interesting perspective, not knowing what the real world and the message’s implication is like. But the thing is, though, even though I was just a kid, like not even in high school, I took that message to heart, but the other mature spiritually advanced grown ups, they did not, and look at what kind of people they have become and how they run the church now! It’s like the parable of the sower, they were definitely not good soils… :(.

Decades later, Pastor Kua started writing books, which is basically a compilation of his life’s work, in the form of Biblical character studies. It has like over ten volumes, and the volume he choose to give away to people for free is the one titled “Serving God by Gifting vs Serving God by Grace”, and pretty much all those church people received a free copy, as I did, more seed sown, but no fruit still… In the book he wrote about people like Samuel vs Sampson, King Saul vs David, and etc., emphasizing the utter importance of serving God by grace, which will lead to beautiful results, vs serving God by gifting, which could lead to many problems. I think that in general, people have mix responses, because, perhaps some peopel do not like the restrictiveness of this view, that by inhibiting yourself this way, a lot of natural gifting would get hold back, inhibited, and restricted, which could be used towards productivity and getting results. But for me, I agree with the teaching, because, for one, it is Biblical, and in addition, I believe that God is a God that prefer to manifest his glory through the chosen few who are well prepped and ready, than utilizing the masses that would mask his glory and most likely make a big mess of things.

So this whole piece of my background just suddenly tied into this recent teaching of meekness. It’s interesting how Pastor Kua did not make that correlation, but it makes perfect sense. Because he said “What is a spiritual giant? Basically, great in natural gifting coupled with great in spirituality.” So to be “great”, for real, natural gifting isn’t enough, it must become trained into actual abilities rather than just raw talent and strength, which takes discipline. And then, all of that must become subjected under the control of self and God through the process of establishing meekness.

Psalm 86:11 states “Unite my heart to fear thy name.” This is meekness again, in a nutshell. Now how much work and time does it required to unite a person’s heart so that it is entirely focused and disciplined? And then, to have that united heart to come under God in fear and obedience, a very daunting task that the Holy Spirit is so willing to invest himself in with every single one of us, but we ourselves do not see the value it doing that. We may ignore it, partially ignore it, being half-ass about it, while coveting short term growth and productivity above it, so that, you may see ministries that don’t deal with the heart at all, but just impress them with rules and regulations, to keep the naturally waywardness of the heart suppressed and out of the way, so that the effort, time and energy can be invested towards practical productivity in growing the ministry. This is cheating, taking shortcut, exploiting the believers, even, as the individuals themselves may prefer to grow as a person through the taming, consolidating, and disciplining of their hearts, but since that aspect of personal growth appears to be irrelevant to the goals of the ministry, it is deemed irrelevant. How irresponsible is that? Pastors are first and foremost, the shepherd of the sheep that God entrusts them, so how dare they, and who do they think they are to play God, to ignore Biblical instructions and become workers of iniquities that rob God the pleasure of seeing his flocks grow and experiencing more of his love and grace, as well as robbing the individual believers of the same, just so that the leaders’ insatiable selfish ambitions may take another bite?! Where is the meekness in that? Is this the kind of leader that God wants to inherit the earth with, in this life or the next?!

I’m reading the Book of Genesis now, and I also seek a lot of meekness in Abraham. One thing that really stood out to me this time is that, even though God blessed Abraham with prosperity, the only piece of land that he ever bought in his life is a small land for burying his wife and himself, after he died. His whole life he lived as a nomad, living in other people’s land or in the wilderness or something, never gets to settle down and be established. And when you are not settled down, it just doesn’t feel right, I think, and when you are living in someone else’s land, it just doesn’t feel right, too, having to negotiating with the one who owns it and never be able to get really comfortable and rest, dwelling on the thought that “This is my land, this is where I take root, I can do what I want here, I can be comfortable and settled here.” It must have been hard to do, especially when he was financially capable of just buy a nice piece of land and call it. But he was meek, being a good steward of what the Lord gave him, and would not make decisions like this without God’s leading. Now that’s meekness.

Isaac many have lived a rather uneventful life, but he was really true to whatever teachings he received from Abraham, so he did great, too, I think, didn’t mess it all up. That’s meekness, too.

Jacob’s situation was peculiarly interesting. He’s so smart, strong, and capable, and he’s blessed by the Lord, yet he was made subjected to Laban. It’s a really bad situation to be in, having all this talent and favor, yet could not really establish himself and be his own man. He became a blessing to Laban, and Laban held on to him like a magic genie or something, probably planning to owning him for life. It’s just really hard, I think, to know that you are capable of doing so much better, yet circumstances press you down, making it hard to breathe, driving you crazy, yet there’s little you can do about it. Even later on when he became better off through his wit, he still has no power, not the military kind, so that, Laban can kick his ass any time he wants, and when he got back to his homeland, Esau can kick his ass any time he wants, too. It’s like, even though he’s so capable, it’s like his whole life there’s always something that kept him in line, in check, there’s always something that made his life hard. It’s like, even with his marriage with Rachel, which was proven true love for seven years, yet no one is perfect, and God hit Rachel where she’s weak at and she became contentious with her sister, Leah, and the marriage becomes love and headache at the same time.

I am not capable like Jacob, but I certainly feel his pain. All these years I just so long to be established, rooted, settled, making life more comfortable and having that feeling that things are working like they should, the way that most human beings innately longed for, but after all these years that day never came. And right now, whether it’s with women or work, it seems like my ability is higher than my stature, making it really hard. Middle management probably don’t want me because I’m too capable. Girls are afraid of me because I understand relationships way too well. It just feels like an impossible situation right now and I don’t know what to do. All I ever did was trying my best to overcome the various peculiar situations that God threw me into, and all I did was just trying to trust God and do my best for him everyday, and I ended up in this very peculiar place. It’s surreal and bizarre and kind of scary.

But I believe that God can do the impossible, that the whole reason why I’m in this situation right now is so that he can do the impossible and receive all the glory. I still believe that the best is yet to come. I have learned meekness. I will trust in the Lord and just have faith, hope in his mercy, and abide in his love. Amen.