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#im going to need some to get over the daily migraines all week
intotheelliwoods · 1 month
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imagine naming you character poptart. couldnt be me...... who would do such a thing....
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deleteddewewted · 2 years
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Hello, I'm not entirely sure if I'm doing this right, this being my first time- so please bear with me lmao. Could I get Monoma being extremely soft for his s/o and comforting her for trying to set firmer, healthier boundaries and taking a break from people except close friends for a little time? And not to feel guilty for saying no and looking after her own wellbeing. She feels guilt because her friends are struggling too, and feels as though she's neglecting them by not always being there for them. Maybe throw in some cuddles aojfkakdmwkk
Thank you, and congratulations on 2k followers! I hope you're having a great week <33
Anon: Shit I'm so sorry if I'm being annoying, hello again, I'm the one who requested the fic where Monoma's soft for his s/o and comforts her because she's feeling guilty for trying to set boundaries- I forgot to add that I wanted it to be Sweet and sfw- I'm pretty sure you'd have gathered that much but I've literally been thinking about this for the past forty minutes I am so sorry- I was anxious while writing it out and forgot to add it, my apologies ToT
Sweet: Affirmation
Monoma x Fem! Reader
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He watched as the anxiety began to creep up on you. You had been avoiding touch and drowning yourself in your work. He wasn’t dumb, he could see that you forced social interactions with your friends and others around you to give the impression of being well. It was honestly harrowing to witness since it meant that you had no energy or motivation to spend time with him. He was a needy man, his afternoons after work required being attended by you. He was able to feel the stress melt away from his person as he basked in your body heat and the soft kisses that you placed all over his body. But, that was something he was deprived of for the past week. You evaded his hands, turned your face away as he tried to kiss you, and slept with your back facing him. Monoma was not the most patient man but he was passive, he could keep himself together even if his seams were about to burst.
“Y/NNNNNN!!!!” You were welcomed home with a loud whine of your name. Monoma rushed towards you and picked you up without saying anything else. 
He dragged you into your shared bedroom and sat you on your bed before closing the bedroom door and kneeling down in front of you. He placed his hands on either side of your legs and watched you intently. The eyeliner that he would put on daily to “make his eyes more appealing”, according to him, was smeared in his half attempt to wipe it off before you got home.
“Ok, so I’m going to need you to talk to me. I love you. You’re literally the love of my life. I worship the floor you walk on. And im-” Monoma cut himself off just as his voice began to break. He had a habit of being overdramatic but he was genuine when it came to you. Monoma never emotionally manipulated you as he did with others, you allowed him too vulnerable and he wanted to offer the same back.
“-Breaking seeing you so stressed. You’ve been forgetting your lunch for a while and you’ve been talking about the migraine you’ve been having. It’s concerning to me.” You tried to deny what he was saying but your stomach betrayed you by letting out a concerning noise. You were running on nothing since you gave your lunch to your friend who had forgotten their own food. You were going to get something to eat but you didn’t have time, you’re lunch break had ended before you even noticed.
“I know…. i -” Monoma hushed you and stood. He pulled you into his arms and laid both of you down on the bed. His legs were sticking out and yours were bent but hanging off the edge of the bed. Your lips wobbled as he kissed your neck and murmured sweet things to you.
Monoma wouldn’t let you go that night, his arms were wrapped tightly around you and his mouth only placed kisses all over your chest to help ground you. He let you cry as much as you pleased and held you without complaint, not that he would, he was starved for your touch. He watched as the tears streamed down your face but he quickly wiped them away with a napkin and went back to holding you. He placed his head on top of your chest and listened to your heart. It made him feel mushy when he was in this position. It’s intimate, so very intimate, and it makes him want to quit everything other than you. He just wanted to lay down on top of you where he knew you would be safe and the world was fine.
“It’s just hard to not- I know I should say no to things when I’m tired but I feel bad and I know that my friends don’t always get a chance to hang out and I haven’t been feeling good-” You choked on your own sobs, fresh tears soaking your skin. Monoma quickly got up and cooed at you as he wiped your tears away again. 
“We need to work on that my love.” He chuckled as you continued to cry. The more you expressed yourself to him the more he came to understand that what you were struggling with was not a recent development. It was a long time coming and he somehow didn’t catch on to it until now.
“My love,” Monoma sat up on the bed and lifted you in order to place you on his lap. “Allow me to take care of you. Let’s work on this together.” He pecks your lips and presses you flushed to his body.
The changes were immediate. He made sure to keep track of your eating by setting a timer on both of your phones to simply remind you to buy something to consume. He also made sure to remind you to stay off yoru phone. As a hero he was aware that a social media presence was essential but he didnt want that pressure to be passed onto you. He had you sit on is lap while you both watched a movie and kept your and his phone on mute and out of sight so it wouldnt alarm you. Every night, he made sure to shower you in affection and hold you close to him. He reminded you of how much he loved you and kissed you passionate about how he longed to someday make you completely his.
“This precious human,” He laced his fingers with your own, “Is going to be my wife someday, and I need you to be ready for when I get down on one knee and have fireworks with a dance company behind me asking for your hand in marriage.” He chuckled. You also giggled but you simply nuzzled your face into his chest. You felt better as Monoma helped you. He spent more time with you and made sure to give you all of the affection he had.
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pollylops · 6 months
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just trying to make a comprehensive list of everything wrong with me
aphasia- difficulty communicating verbally and for about a year struggling to form written sentences and especially complex or more complicated sentences. THIS IS HARD TO TYPE im all over the place and none of this feels right.
brain tumors/migraine/tinnitus- seems like when i address these things individually they are like ahh yeah jjust gotta deal with it to which i say, ok but why do i not get access to SOME kind of treatment why cant i at least try to find something in this world to help me understand/treat and deal with living inside of my head 24/7/ i know i come off as quit normal but thats bc my nervous system WILL NOT LET ME UNMASK in front on 99.9% of humans. i barely unmask with my closest friends let alone someone meeting me the first time who i am QUite CERTAINly will judge me if i act too peculiar. i have brain tumors, migraine, tinnitus and i have no doctor or anyone remotely who gives a flying freak this is happening to me. ( I AM SUICIDAL IDEATION DAILY bc of my tinnitus and this is something i struggled with in silence at my job bc i was ableist, embarred, ashamed and confused. )
cptsd
medical ptsd from being not listened to and gaslit by over 5 physicians throughout my life
ptsd from not having medical care for 20 years
ptsd from going to the emergency room 3 times to get antibiotics because my mouth is full of rotting wisdom teeth that are broken, infected and shifting in my mouth for over 20 years leading to possbile severe blood infections i already have heart issues and this could be making it worse
back and spine issues- idk if i have a broken or slipped disc or degenerating discs on its own or if i have cancer and its causing fractures in my spine but i cannot move or bend without risk of severe pain or injury. i had a back episode about a year ago that PARALYZED me for at least 2 days.
i have trauma from not being able to access health care during this time of paralysis. not only do i not have health care I AM AFRAID OF DOCTORS and i need therapy and help to save myself from falling through the cracks of yet again another system. I AM TERRIFIED OF LIVING let alone working one wrong move and i cannot walk or move and i have nothing to help me access a world without legs. i already barely shower and cook food and care for myself properly. i go weeks without caring for my home. i am lost in my head often and when flat out asked how i feel i often cannot explain it or express it not only bc of the aphasia but also bc of alexithymia.
i have repeated trauma from not being able to access medical care. i cannot walk to a hospital from where i live. i do not have 24/7 transportation. i have had MULTIPLE emergencys such as FALLS, BURNS and mental health breakdowns where i have had to "ride it out" on my own alone in my apartment and i genuinely again do not know how i made it out alive.
i have trauma from going through the dehumanizing process of applying for disability. i find it to be insane that i have to prove i have been treating my disability my entire life when part of my needing help with my disability directly stems from the ongoing lack of care and access to it (treatment/healthcare/proof im disabled). PLEASE DONT LET tHIS PART GO OVER YOUR HEAD I FKN BEG YOU. this is inhumane.
autism - suicide attempts ??? i mean i genuinely have no idea how NOGODDAMNBODY in my life never noticed this but in their defense autism WAS NOT nearly as understand communally as it is in 2023 and we got people out here trying to literally kill me just for saying i am autistic so theres a ways to go on that front
adhd - currently this is what is disabling me the most, imo.
depression - suicide attempts 3. i was diagnosed with depression at age 15 by my family physician dr. radnothy. he also gave me medical trauma for dismissing basically everything i ever came in to see him about and i have a mole that is growing and changing colors on my side for over 20 years which i recently was told was NOT OK was explicity told to me was perfectly normal.
anxiety - i mean.... lol (i honestly chalk ALL of my anxiety up to autism and the fact that i was genuinely just overwhelmed most of my life but that overwhelm was not a valid excuse in the eyes of the believeres of our lord and savior in the year 2023.
paranoia
bipolar suicide attempts 3
bpd suicide attempts 2
dysautonomia -pots
fibromyalgia
schizophrenia/schizoaffective - during the time i was working i experienced this at its worst and as ive been home since sept 2021 i have experienced the affects of this less and less. at its worst i believed my bosses were all witches in a coven and they were constantly hexing me. i believed they were casting evil spells to make bad things happen in my life. while working at my last employer i:
experienced severe bullying (will provide examples) as the bullying and stress got worse the symtoms of schizoafffective became unmanagable. i think thhis experience triggered adhd and schizophrenia or at least thats the symptoms i experienced the worst.
pandemic started
my self awareness has not always been this good. i have written 15 and 25 page sociolgy reports when i was in college now i can barely put together a bunch of cohesive thoughts for this argument.
i will not survive without receiving these benefits. i want to be a part of society again and benefits would help me do that. please do for me what would have helped me years ago. to know that i was disabled but instead i was raised by an ableist family who would have rather pretended like their kid was okay and bury their head in the sand then admit that your kid needs help and you maybe created a human without truly understanding the ramifications. i mean moreover and disgustingly so my fucked up ablesit family would have rather my 27 year old severely brain damaged mom give birth to me not realizing her disabilities would not only make it nearly impossible to raise a child in a healthy loving environment then waste the opportunity for a man and woman to make a holy family in the eyes of our lord and savior of the year 1984.
willupdatemorewhennotoverwhelmed
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gvf-imagine · 4 years
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Part 2
A/N: as always feedback is welcome! I hope you all enjoy it ❣️also if you would like to be added to the tag list just message me
Tag list: @karrotkate @satingrass-maidensfair @justacollegestudentyay @love-philautia @jimmypagesandbrianmayshair
Word count: 3206
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It had been a week since the festival show with Greta Van Fleet, you found yourself listening to their songs on a daily basis and every once in a while you smile absentmindedly as thoughts of them ran through your head. That night with the boys ended with passion and insight. After having that moment with them in that field of lush grass they went back to their bus and you went back to yours feeling like a whole new chapter of your life had begun and you knew for a fact that would not be the last time you'd see them. You truly liked all of them, Josh made you laugh, Danny made you feel safe, Jake made you feel reckless and free, and Sammy brought you a certain aspect of self-involved peace. They all had great qualities about them that made them special to you in the short time that you were with them. They left an impression and you couldn't help but wonder if you'd left one on them.
Unfortunately the alcohol that swirled in your veins caused you to stumble into a sleepy stupor and by the time you woke up , hazzy, with a migraine, your tour bus was already long gone from Los Angeles and headed back home. You cursed yourself for not getting at least one of their numbers before going your separate ways. In the week since, you had been spending your time with yourself mostly. Lounging around your apartment, catching up on sleep and some of your favorite netflix series. Now it was friday morning and you had just woken up, not by choice but rather from the sound of some ungodly loud construction worker who was jack hammering the pavement like it owed him money. The sun was up, the birds were chirping, it was another typical day in your small town. Immediately upon waking your body craved caffeine, you hadn't drank at all last night so the headache slamming in your brain was surely due to the lack of said caffeine in your bloodstream. Nothing a quick cup of coffee couldn’t fix. In your ever flattering attire of jogging pants and a tank top, you moved down the hall to your kitchen, the sun shining through your windows and warming your skin like a gentle hello. 
As the coffee brews you look at your phone, no messages or calls, which is not unusual as you don't have many friends or family still in the area. You open your instagram page with a flick of your thumb and you can't stop the smile that paints its way across your face when you see you had four new followers, Josh , Sam, Jake, and Danny had all found their way to your account, you followed them all back instantly and spent the next half an hour sipping your coffee and going through their photos. Four such gorgeous men literally at your fingertips, you were smiling so much your cheeks began to hurt. When you took a sip of your coffee and were met with a cold liquid you decided that was enough phone time for now, now it was time for a nice hot shower. 
Throughout your shower you absolutely could NOT take your mind off the boys. Josh’s smile filled your mind as water cascaded down your body, relaxing your muscles and awakening your mind. What a beautiful man he is, so gentle and enticing, you licked your lips thinking about him.
The skin on your fingertips began to prune, it was time to get out. You wrapped a warm towel around your body and walked back into your room to get dressed for the day. You settled on a simple outfit, a high waisted jean skirt, with a yellow collared shirt and black knee high stockings. You were doing your makeup when you heard your phone chime in the bathroom, you smack your lips in the mirror, evenly spreading the matte,nude color across your moist lips. You shoot yourself a smile and go to get your phone. 
Josh_gvf: “hey girl, miss me?” 
You laugh , elated that one of them got in contact with you. That must have meant that he was thinking about you, it was good to know you weren't the only one that recognized the connection you felt.
Y: “hey Josh, how'd you know?” You write back perhaps a bit too quickly. You were not ashamed to seem eager, you were eager.
Josh_gvf: “I got a feeling ;) so guess what?” His response comes even quicker than yours. 
Y:”what??” originally you had put three question marks but erased one as it seemed too overzealous. 
Josh_gvf: “were playing in detroit tonight, nothing huge, just a bar show but we'd love it if you would come…..to the show  mean”  You could almost hear his flirtatious tone in your head, he would have shot you a wink as well. God a show sounded wonderful, honestly fuck the show, seeing the boys sounded wonderful. 
Josh_gvf: “of course we would come pick you up, your town is on the way anyways” he sends another message. 
Y: “of course! I’d love to come, what time?” you reply, your heartbeat was quickening in your chest and butterfly wings tickled the sides of your stomach. You were so excited! 
Josh_gvf: “we’ll pick you up around 6 ok? Wear something cute, I need eye candy while im up on stage” more flirtation, god you loved it, you craved it you craved him. His words settled over you, like the warm welcome of an old friend, or that feeling you get when you hear a song you haven't heard in years.
Y: “sounds good and I’ll try my hardest not to disappoint ;)” you write back, you also send him your address. 
Six o’clock was not very far away, only a few hours now. You wondered if you should change your outfit and you decide to find something a bit more tantalizing. 
You dig through your dressers and rummage around in your closet until you've got the perfect outfit put together:  
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You looked over yourself in the mirror, happy with your creation, your outfit on, your hair was done and so was your makeup, just a few squirts of perfume and you’d be ready to go.
You were so excited to see them it almost confused you. Why do you like them so much , honestly, you didn’t know them that well even. You couldn’t help it , being around them felt right in every way.
———————————————————
You heard two horn beeps come from outside your apartment. You scramble to the window and see a stretch limo below you, a smiling Danny Wagner hanging out of the sun roof. You practically squeal , grab your phone and run down stairs. When you open the door the boys pile out of the limo to greet you.
“Oh baby” josh winces upon seeing your outfit. His face looked as if though you looked so good it hurt him.
“Enough eye candy?” You question gesturing to yourself.
“You look gorgeous” Sam says grabbing your hand and leading you into a limo.
“Wow you guys get limo rides to your shows? Man My manager just gives me 5 bucks for gas” you joke. Jake laughs loudly as he climbs in the seat next to you.
“It’s good to see you again (y/n)” Jake chimes with a glistening smile, as he rakes his fingers over his head and through his hair. As he moved you caught a whiff of his cologne , it was sweet and very subtle not at all the scent you thought he’d go with.
As the limo begins to move your eyes move to josh who was already looking at you with a hind of mischief on his face. You wondered what he was thinking about.
“You want a drink love?” He asked. Hearing him call you love made your knees weak. His voice was so enticing , like melted chocolate. You wondered if he tasted like melted chocolate too. That satire thought escapes your mind through your mouth as you say “yeah I’d love a drink” you answer, clearing dirty thoughts from your head.
“Southern and seven right?” He asks holding up a bottle of southern comfort.
“Yeah!” You chime , happy he remembered your drink.
“Good because I bought this just for you, girl” josh informs. Your cheeks are blushing and you know it, you can feel the tingling burn on your face.
“Aw you made her blush” Sam comments running his index finger gently down your cheek. Josh looks over to you as he pours your drink. His eyes scan your face , lingering a bit on your lips. He looked at you with hunger as if you were sitting there naked and waiting for his touch. That image sent chills down your spine, he winks at you as he hands you your drink. Suddenly your throat feels dry so you chug the drink with an exasperated sigh when you finish.
“Jesus” Danny says with a chuckle.
“Get her another one” Sam speaks taking your empty glass from you and handing it back to josh. You heard a lighter spark to your right , Jake was lighting a blunt.
Oh that’s why he was being so quiet.
His lips rest around the end and he inhales watching the cherry burn as the smoke slips into his mouth, brushing over her succulent rose lips. He looks at you and smiles as he holds the smoke in then passes you the blunt as he releases.
You take two hits making “O’s” with the smoke as you exhale with a giggle.
“I can do that too” Danny says excitedly, you pass him the blunt and he gives it a try.
“Hmmm no. You can’t” josh states , all of you laugh at Danny’s sad attempt.
“You’ll get it one day” Sam chimes with a smile.
The limo was full of smoke now, you looked around at the boys through the hazy fog. Everyone is quiet now , you sipping your drink and watching the world pass by put the window. The alcohol and the weed were begging to take affect. The alcohol warmed your body while the weed pulled your mind into alleviation... a lusty combination. You were so calm in this moment , you knew this was exactly where you belonged, it just felt right and you hadn’t had the privilege to get that sense of fleeing very many times in your life.
———————————————————
Jakes hand reaches for you, offering his help as you step out of the limo, you accept and thank him. The sun still hung in the sky, blinding the earth unapologetically. The sunshine felt good casted over your skin, with your head still swimming in an elegant haze.
Josh grabs your waist and pulls you closer to him , his hand stays at your hips as you all walk through the door.
“I’m glad you’re hear, love” he coos in your ear before gently kissing your ear lobe. Your knees buckle causing you to wobble slightly, Josh tightens his grip on you and smiles
“Oh she likes it she likes it” he purrs with a wink.
Yeah. you loved it. You wanted more of him, you couldn’t stand the sexual tension anymore, you wanted to feel him and taste him , to know him in that way.
The bar was packed with people , you were sort of surprised. Josh said this wasn’t going to be a big show but it looked pretty big to you, there were people everywhere. Danny hops on the stage and begins tending to his drum set ,making small changes in its position.
“We gotta go on wish us luck” Sam chimes giving you a side hug.
“You don’t need luck Sammy, you guys are the best” you reply before he and Jake join Danny on stage. Josh plays with a piece of your hair , twirling it around his finger looking at you.
“I’m singing for you tonight girly” he whispers , his voice slick with liquor.
His hand trails down your cheek gently as he just looks at you. Seconds later he winks and joins his brothers on stage taking the microphone in his hand. Already the audience was forming and cheering for the boys. You found yourself right in front of the stage, a mass of people on either side of you and the smell of alcohol and smoke hung in the air.
Josh introduced the guys before Jake started to play the opening for ‘when the curtain falls’. A chorus of cheers and motion erupting from the crowd. Josh’s voice was all you could hear, the freeing sound of his bluesy rasp send vibrations through the building. His voice flooded from his mouth and filled the air like bright red fireworks exploding in the sky. He was so talented. The sound of Jakes guitar slices through you like a lightening bolt of sound and energy. Danny’s drums pounded into the crowd, his strong, muscular arms in control of it all. The sound of sam’s bass flooded over you like huge purple waves of calming spirit. He played that bass like it was all he knew how to do, like it was part of him. Song after song the boys held this vitality and vigor and the crowd was eating it up. Josh walked off to the side of the stage for a second before returning with something behind his back. Arms were reaching for him as he walked to the edge of the stage , his eyes meet yours and he brings a rose out from behind him and reaches to hand it to you
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You can hear the jealous gasps of girls around you. You smile up at him before he brings the microphone to his lips once more and continues singing. You smell the rose and feel those familiar butterflies in your stomach again. You were in awe, these boys had such raw talent and capability. You know a band is good when they make a bar show feel like a sold out arena. enjoying the music you moved with the crowd , the songs taking control of your body and mind , you forget there’s people around you, you are thrown into a world of your own. You don’t open your eyes again until josh announces that the show was over and offers his thanks and goodbyes to the crowd.
Josh jumps off the stage in immediately walks to you.
“Come here” he utters his hands grab your face before he presses his lips to yours. You are caught off guard but you let him do it, you wanted this just as much as he did. You didn’t know what had gotten into him , perhaps the adrenaline from a wonderful show.
His tongue licks your bottom lip asking for permission before you open your mouth and let his tongue slip in, deepening the kiss and the passion. His hand was now behind your head and wrapped around your waist pulling you further into him. A small moan escapes your lips unintentionally but you couldn’t help it. He balls your hair in his fist as he continues to kiss you.
When he lets you go your face is flushed and his chest is rising and falling with desire. The rest of the night was spent drowning in liquor.
Eventually bar time came around and it was time to get back in the limo. You all stumbled in, you got in first then josh sat on your left and Danny on your right Jake and Sam sat in the seats across from you.
When the limo pulled up to your apartment you sighed sad to leave.
Danny put his arm around you and gave you a hug wishing you a good nights sleep. Sam and Jake did the same , Josh got out and walked to your door to help you out.
He smiles as he walks you to your porch.
“Let me see your phone” he says reaching for it in your pocket. You pull it out and hand it to him happily. He presses a few buttons before handing it back to you.
“There now you have my number “ he says flashing you a smirk.
“Awesome, I’ll text you in a little while to make sure you guys got home ok, give my number to the other guys too ok?” You chime as his hand grabs yours.
“I will” he promises before kissing you on the cheek.
“Thank you for coming tonight” he adds, his voice was softer now.
“Of course it was super fun and you guys did great” you reply. Josh looks back at the limo.
“We should hangout sometime just me and you yeah? We can go to dinner this Saturday if you want, would you like that?” He offers.
“Yeah that sounds great Josh!” You beam. Josh lifts your hand to his lips kissing it gently, looking you in the eye.
“Goodnight (y/n)” he coos
“Goodnight josh” you smile. He winks as he gets back in the limo , you wave until the car is out of sight.
———————————————————
In the week that passed you had gotten in touch with all of the boys , josh did as you asked and gave them all your number, you talked to at least one of them every day.
Tonight was your big date with josh and you were so excited. You found the perfect outfit and couldn’t wait for him to see you in it.
Just then your phone vibrates, you pick it up and look at the message.
Josh: hey girlie , I hate this but I have to cancel our date tonight ... something came up I’m so sorry , I really wanted to see you but I can’t get out of this, I’ll make it up to you though I promise
Your heart sinks as you read the message, you felt upset for josh and hoped everything was ok but at the same time you were really sad that you couldn’t go out with him now.
Y: oh no I hope everything is ok Josh, no worries we will hangout some other time ❣️
You set your phone down and walk to your room to change out of your new outfit. You grab jogging pants and an old ‘quiet riot’ t shirt and head to your living room to spend an uneventful night on the couch.
Hours later you’re scrolling through Instagram. When a post josh is tagged catches your eye. You look at the date and see it was posted one hour ago. It was a picture of him and some girl at a mini golf course. You deflate when you read the caption.
“Fun night with Joshy❣️”
“Something came up huh josh...” you say to yourself with disappointment.
You look at the girls name ‘Andrea hartnet ’.
You flip to your messaging and click on Danny’s name.
Y: hey Danny, does josh know anyone named Andrea?
A few seconds pass before he responded
D: yeah that’s his ex, why?
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To be continued
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cyanpeacock · 5 years
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that comic is big hueg mood and i value it a lot.
mental illness really isn’t about “oh just be thankful for what you CAN do!”
it’s sometimes (always?) about “i know i’m capable of doing Even Better, if i just had some help! i’m not well! i’m thankful every day that i’m not worse, but it fucking burns me to know how much better i COULD be doing with more support!!”
and if you appear to be high-functioning, even if that level is like, abysmal compared to what you know your mind and body would actually be capable of in better circumstances, you sort of get... abandoned? like, “oh, that one is doing well enough.” and seeking out the necessary support to improve your functioning level requires SO much time and energy that it is literally killing people. 
like i have so many suicide attempts i can’t count them under my belt. i’ve got self harm scars on every limb and they number, like... well, it’s in the hundreds, for sure. i’ve got no IRL social network. a lot of my daily energy goes on regulating emotions and processing trauma. i can’t drive, i can assemble some food sometimes but can’t reliably cook, etc etc.
and because i’m in university - still there by sheer force of will, because this is the ONLY thing that might land me in reasonable comfort in the future - and not in trouble with the school, i’ve been written off again and again by mental health services. it’s always, “come back in six months,” or “here’s a referral for a 12-week group, in two years’ time,” and “oh, has it been two months? i’m sorry, we haven’t got around to allocating you a community psychiatric nurse yet” 
i’m here like, what... the fuck? i feel like, it’s been assumed i’m a person of average ability, with minor problems, and i can just Get On With It. when actually, i’m well aware i’m a person of exceptional academic ability, with really quite significant social, emotional, and mental health problems, particularly like... in terms of trust. and it makes me fucking furious, and at times ashamed, that i’m coming up to 22 years old, my secondary school peers are graduating, and i’m only just going into second year. i was ahead of my peers for So Long. i should still be there. but because nobody believes i need fucking help, i’m getting delayed more and fucking more!!! it burns me!!!!!
like, of course i can fucking Get On With It. that’s all i CAN do, it’s my Priority, My Degree Is My Life This Secures A Future I Could Accept. i can learn semantic information without ever fucking touching my trust/interpersonal issues. and i don’t think anybody just skimming my case notes can grasp how much this fucking course means to me, how much sheer fucking aggression i’ve had to channel to get here, to stay here.
like they don’t see how i haul myself out of my apartment when i’m fucking suicidal to show to the lectures. how I take notes from the lecture recordings for every. single. lecture. i miss because i’m too exhausted or overwhelmed to make it to the hall. how i never chat in the lab because i’m scared as hell and have to get into a mindset that goes I’m Here To Fucking Learn Not To Make Friends, although i’d really like to make friends. how exam revision takes priority to the exclusion of eating and sleeping, how I have to set myself timers and force myself to eat and sleep, how my walls get covered in webs and webs of colourful revision post-it notes and i spend hours and hours arranging them Perfectly so i can remember the whole thing as a 3D spatial map inside my brain. how i give myself eyestrain and migraines from staring at books and screens for so long, how i don’t fucking wash myself, or clean my apartment, or say a word to anyone but myself for days or weeks. how i’m so fucking hurt that it took me two years to do first year, how i’m having to go part time for second year. like, this is not healthy learning. this is, I’m Going To Die If I Don’t Cling The FUCK On To This Opportunity, This Lucky Fucking Break That Is Going To Save My Life. and i’m NOT fucking giving it up. 
they don’t seem to see that AT THE SAME TIME i’ve been off on my fucking own learning and practicing DBT skills, how i taught myself to meditate when my mind is still screaming Kill Yourself Kill Yourself Kill Yourself, how i’ve been seeing a private counsellor who i can’t afford from the wallet but who i have to afford so i don’t try to kill myself even more fucking often. how i’ve been looking around to try and find like, a faith that might give me more reason to keep fighting, how i do all that shit like taking walks in nature and working out and maintaining a good sleep schedule, and yet, i’m Still Not Well. 
like here i am with the SAME trauma spinning around my head and the SAME terror of social situations and the SAME goddamn increasing fear every time i push myself to “just join a group!! just talk to people!! it gets easier the more you do it!!!”
that’s the FUCKING PROBLEM! i’m DOING all the easy shit, all the “just make lifestyle changes! :) x”!!!!!!! there is still shit that gets HARDER the more i do it!!!!!!! i get MORE anxious and MORE scared and MORE defensive and MORE avoidant the more i push myself to Just Talk To People and the better somebody knows me, because the more they know, the more they have to use as a fucking weapon! this is why I shut down and say “Oh you know I’m okay :)” in my fucking appointments!!!! because they send me to SO MANY different people, who BARELY skim my case notes, and i have no opportunity to develop enough trust with them to tell them the whole truth! which is, “dude, i feel like shit. i’m behind where i Should be given my age and ability. i have no friends, i’m terrified of people who start to get to know me. i’m constantly trying to process trauma, but it’s always the same pain, and then i remember something else painful, and it’s all more fucked up the older i get, and there’s a limit to what i can do about this alone, and i’m overwhelmed. i’m used to it, because i’ve been living this way for so fucking long, but i’m furious, because you people should have KEPT me from getting used to living like this. and i Don’t. Want. To Live. This. Way. Forever.” 
they haven’t even given me the fucking opportunity to build ANY significant, long-term therapeutic relationship with ANY NHS mental health practitioner. i haven’t seen anybody for more than like, three appointments, except my goddamn private counsellor, who is a blessing and lets me pay him in artwork when the cash runs out. and he always looks so angry and disappointed that the NHS are doing so fucking little for me, but never that way in me, which i have seen from so-called mental health “professionals,” including crisis team workers, on the NHS. 
like, the last time i saw a psychiatrist, he had a face on him like NBC’s Hannibal fucking Lecter and he said word-for-word “I don’t think there’s anything I can do for you.” what kind of fucking health professional comes out with shit like THAT? and shortly after that appt I got increasingly unstable, went psychotic, trashed my apartment, tried to commit suicide again, then spent all my fucking money running all over the country and ended up here, in a flat in halls my uni are paying for while i bit-by-bit clean up my apartment, alone because i don’t trust anybody else to touch MY THINGS, until it’s livable again.
i think i’m gonna print a lot of these recent text posts and take them to my case review. i’ve always been too ashamed to take anything significant that i write to Brain Appointments, because, like... well. mother is to blame for that. “melodramatic/theatrical/overemotional/I think you’re just tired/making things up/imagining things” and so on. and the fact that when it was found out by my school i was self harming and they told her, shit got so much worse at home. like, that pretty effectively taught me Hide Everything Or You’ll Be Punished, Even By People Who Say They’re Just Trying To Help You. 
man, seriously, fuck this shit. fuck this shit. fuck how hard i’m having to fight for this. fuck all this terror and aggression, sure I can pilot the ship on fear and fury, but i wanna pilot it just like, gently, with love and enthusiasm. i’ve been finding ways to start doing that, alone. but this whole, social stuff? i can’t do that alone. the social space inside my head is healthier, i’m not screaming and fighting with the voices, or constantly blocking them out with music and drugs and trances, but Other Bodies? i need help with Other Bodies.
ok im getting a headache so it’s time to call this post Done
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Tiffin Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 44883
"Tiffin Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 44883
Tiffin Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 44883
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
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Tiffin Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 44883
Tiffin Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 44883
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Tiffin Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 44883
Tiffin Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 44883
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Im in early 30s, this is my first car... here are my preferences, i'm 6ft 2 inches so i want to feel comfortable in the driving seat and so the people sitting in the rear seats, Toyota for reliability, popularity & availability of parts, less maintenance overhead,nice ROI. I need good night visibility, does it comes with HID lights installed? Good range of colors (esp. nautillica metallic blue). Is stick better than automatic (if so why) ? This is mostly for my commute to work everyday (10 miles) and occasional long driving on holidays and weekends ? I'm not looking for any bells & whistles just the base model. The total cost of the car with tax comes $18K+ ... the APR is 6.39% (scion.com) , so by paying more down payment say $12K will i be able to reduce the monthly interest for the rest of the payment (6K) or should i shop around ? I believe you cant negotiate for price with the dealer. Do you have any more suggestions""
Can health insurance coverage be dropped for a single department in a company? (Pennsylvania)?
I currently live in PA and my employer has said they will drop health insurance for my department, but not another department in the same company. I did some research online to see if this is possible or not. I originally started this job with guaranteed benefits and now they are being taken away. I was reading somewhere online (unsure of credibility, website is as follows:http://employee-benefits.lawyers.com/Employee-Benefits/Employer-Workplace-Benefits-FAQs.html) that a company cannot take away a certain departments health benefits and retain another departments. Below is the Q&A question from the stated website above: Q: Is my employer required to provide health benefits? A: Employers are generally not required to provide any health benefits. Only the state of Hawaii requires employers in the private sector to cover employees who work over 20 hours per week. Union contracts may include provisions for insurance as part of the agreement. However, health care and other benefits such as life or disability insurance are generally offered by employer as a means of attracting and keeping their workforce. If an employer does provide health coverage, federal law requires the employer to provide Consolidated Omnibus Reconciliation Act (COBRA) to an employee who loses her job for any reason outside of gross misconduct the opportunity to maintain coverage up to 18 months at her own expense. This applies to companies with 20 or more employees. Some states also have laws with similar protections for employees who work for companies with less than 20 employees. Generally, it's not illegal to provide health benefits only to some classes of employees (for example, only to full-time employees but not to part-time employees). But once the eligible classes are established, an employer cannot withhold insurance from some members of the class while offering it to others. The employer can require employees to follow the rules of the plan, which may require an employee to fulfill a waiting period or wait for an open enrollment period before joining. An employer can usually change, or even eliminate, a health plan, but must follow the rules and guidelines of the Employee Retirement Income Security Act (ERISA). I understand they cannot choose and select who receives and who does not (I interpreted this as discriminating between employees). I do not know health legislature very well, and if anyone could provide some information it would be very appreciated. As for me, I am going to try and find more information out about this. Thank you.""
Does anyone know where I can get cheap car insurance for a 26 year old first time driver in the UK?
I have tried a few comparison sites but they come back with 2000 and up. I have tried adding my Dad and my sister but it does not make much difference, should I add more people? Or am I going to the wrong sites? Thank you in advance for any responses.""
What kind of cars cost the least amount of money to insure?
I am a teenage driver and I am looking to get my first car. What kind of cars have lower insurance rates, and are still reliable? I plan on getting a used car from around 2006-2008.""
""1993 Integra 2dr LS, automatic High Insurance COST?""
Hi, So i am debating with my family whether or not if the 1993 Integra 2 dr AUTO is considered a sport car? Usually, most sport card has HIGH INSURANCE. Our Insurance company is Wawanesa, and i can NOT get a hold of them at the moment. MY QUESTION IS; is a 93 integra 2dr insurance cost HIGHER than a 95 integra 4dr? or are they about the same cost?""
Car insurance help needed?
For reasons I do not want to discuss here, my car has not had auto insurance on it for about a year, it has not been driven only set in my garage. I am trying to get insurance on it again so I can drive it again, but because I put I have not had insurance for a year the monthly payment is not manageable, if I put that my last policy ended a week ago and get a policy online will I need to show proof of this or is there another way to get insurance and not have to pay such high premiums?""
How much does malpractice insurance generally cost?
Need an estimated cost but if you have a good source that i can go to that will help
Can I drive my sons car under my own (fully comp) insurance?
My son's car is registered to our home address, and he is currently away. His is cheaper to run so I want to use it (with his permission). He has third party only insurance but I am fully comp on my own car. My insurance states I can drive any other car with the owners permission, but does his insurance level, or the fact it is registered at my own address affect this?""
Roughly how much would it cost to insure a 17 year old male on a renault clio 1.2?
Its silver and just a standard model (not sport or anything extra etc..) And is from 2002 (51 reg) any help appriecated thanks :)
Health and Auto Insurance question?
I am nineteen years old and I need insurance. I was kicked off my families insurance plan just because I'm not going to school full-time. I'm working and going to school. What do I do? It's really bugging me to be without insurance. I need to work, though. Are there student insurance plans or anything like that?""
Can you personally propose a govt. health insurance program that would satisfy the majority?
Can you personally propose a govt. health insurance program that would satisfy the majority?
How do I get cheap insurance?
I'm 19. 1 NCB. Been on the road for 2 years and 5 months.
Affordable health insurance new jersey family?
anyone know of affordable health insurance in new jersey for self employed 1 person needing family coverage?
Cheaper insurance for a second toy car
I currently am driving a 99 corolla and am looking into getting an 87 firebird Is their a cheap way to insure the car just as a toy not a daily driver mabey drive it tops 5 times a month?
A question about my homeowners insurance check please. This doesn't make any sense.?
I don't understand why my homeowners insurance wants my bank to sign off on a check to cover my insurance claim. They plan to mail my check to me of which I then have to take to the bank to have them sign off before I can then cash it in. They never made me do this before when my tree fell into my barn. Why the change?
Base salary start for insurance office in california?
How much do you estimate I'd get as an administrative assistant in an insurance office? I have a possible job opportunity to consider for them to help me become a licensed agent and get commision and bonuses. The boss man said he does base salary.
What is a good place to get auto insurance?
Are there any sites similar to travel sites where i can compare the best rates available to me
What happens if you get in a accident with no insurance?
I got in an accident today. It wasn't my car it was my moms, I gave the cop my license, registration, and insurance. However, I didn't know that the insurance was lapsed. It hadn't been paid. There wasn't any damage to the lady's car, and minimal damage to mine. Me and the women were getting ready to take off, but a cop came up, and said that because it was a main road, that we needed to fill out an accident report. She isn't gonna call her insurance company, but if she does, and they find out there wasn't insurance, are there fines to pay, do they take the car? I know I'll have to pay for whatever damages she may have on her car out of my pocket.""
Changing grades for car insurance?
so my car insurance company wants my transcript so that i can get a discount. my GPA is high enough for the discount, but not high enough for my dad. if i make a copy and slightly adjust it and give it to my dad, there shouldn't be a big problem right. its not like they check the grades with the school to see if its perfect. and i'm not changing an F to a b. just like raise my low 70's to 74's or 75's. theres a possibility of this working correct?""
Teenage insurance for 2001 Ford Escape? 2002 Jeep Liberty?
I'm thinking about purchasing this car used for my 18th birthday. I have to wait until i'm 18 so I can be on my own insurance. But I have taken drivers ed, and I will be buying this car full payment in cash. So I'm curious to know what the insurance could be! I have tried to get quotes online. You have to already be insured and own the car...I have tried so many. I also am a female, so my insurance will be a little lower. I just really need to find out what it would be! I was also thinking of purchasing a 2002 Jeep Liberty, any insurance guess on that? Ford Escape is a better car, but i'm just seeing what insurance could be for both. Thank you so much!""
How will this traffic ticket affect my insurance premium?
I'm a secondary driver on both my parents' cars and on my dads motorcycle. Today, I was given a ticket for doing 117 in a 100kmh zone while trying to pass slow moving vehicles. Anyway, i'm 19 years old and this is my first ticket; how will this ticket from an ******* officer effect my insurance rates upon renewal?""
What is the cheapest car insurance?
in Richardson, Texas.""
Is it possible to apply for Medical Insurance?
Is it possible to apply for Medical Insurance at any time during the year? Company I work for is offering Blue Shielld Blue Cross I think is too expensive, 306 a monthly for Wife and Me. Looking for affordable insurance, I make 27,000 a year, thanks for your help...""
Can you get in trouble for letting someone drive your car without insurance?
I own a car. I just bought it. I don't have the title in my name yet, nor is there any insurance on the vehicle in any ones name. If I let someone else drive my car and they get pulled over, who is liable? Will the person driving the car get in trouble for driving without insurance or will I get in trouble for allowing someone else driving it knowing its not insured nor is the title in my name?""
How much my insurance will go up?
I had an accident which totaled my car. I am 100% at fault for that accident and my car worth 15000$. I have clear driving record and no tickets in past two years. How much will my insurance go up I am paying 900$ for six months
Tiffin Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 44883
Tiffin Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 44883
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