#im literally broke but

[smute]

IM GETTING A BIKE 💖🚲✨

#im literally broke but #for some reason we're letting geringverdiener do a ratenzahlung #ballert übelst brudi #rip my schufa score #all i can say is god bless credit card debt god bless payment plans god bless mild hedonism #one of the oversized freak bikes i had my eye on #came back in stock #IN THE CORRECT FRAME SIZE #WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND #AND WITH A HEAVY DISCOUNT #so i ordered it 😌 #for context: my most specialest boy (name of my old bike) was stolen by my landlords in 2019 #OUT OF MY BASEMENT #and after one and a half years of bickering they reimbursed me #massive air quotes #meaning they paid me like 90 bucks for the bike (the lock alone was worth that much) plus a few more euros for some other shit #anyway ive been a pedestrian ever since #and ive been dying to get a new bike #im 6'6 and not made from lightweight materials so your 50€ average flea market bike simp #ly doesnt work for me #thats why this feels so AWESOME #IM SO FUCKING HAPPY YOU GUYS #IN A FEW DAYS ITS GONNA BE #DING DING BITCH #GET OUTTA MY WAY #&

[an--artistic--autistic]

i am unreasonably proud and excited about this

#disability #chronic pain #mobility aid #i am officially running a thing to make my university accessible #i am so ready to fight people over it and I've recruited a bunch of people #we may or may not end up in our local news too #im done with this shit #literally on Friday had to walk around the building bc the elevator broke again and i couldn't do stairs #should take 30 seconds instead took like 10 minutes

[heartorbit]

always by your side

#couuugh. whehezze #hold on #project sekai #emu otori #pjsk #prsk #proseka #ok thatsg enough RANK 96 COOOOOGUH WHEEEZE #literlaly cough wheez ei have fucking covid. i wanted to draw something nicer for the event but my hands rlly hrut snd my throat hirts and #i was sticking my head in the freezer in between matches. #omfg i didnt think the end sprint was gonna be so insane i didnt have enough energy. mfers made me spend 700 gems. nene please. #i never wanna open the game agaon.(guy who will open it tomorrow and sunday) 16 MIL POINTS.. pimh was only 9mil. for rank 80smth. #the hatsune miku colorful stage tiering economy is in shambles #'im never doing that again' [will do it again in august] #event was insane. started out ill -> only 1 rate up card -> charger broke -> assignments -> covid on the last day. Be fr #to my beloved sakurako and fixer i wub you. ill try to finish my nice profile but well honk mimimi. #NSIFFLKE. SNIFFLE. WAAAAAAH #this is so lazy but i havent drawn for myself literally in a week. other than doodles i did between matches #actually theyre like little bobblehead emus all over my sketchbooks i should collage them into anpost #idk how people get that subtle gaussian blur on their lines i tried it but it looks so obvious to me here.. maybe bc i used a thick brush.. #ok wonderhoy i need to lay down so bad tylenol save me. I ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED MY LOZENGE IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAAAAAME

[d4ydream-girl]

comments from smosh cast + crew on shourtney's wedding post!!

ft. mythical, thomas sanders, and www.chess.com?? lol

#courtney miller #shayne topp #smosh #shourtney wedding #shourtney #smoshblr #if i missed comments... umm im not going thru those comments again i cant think straight #thought it was funny how some of the smosh gang are also acting confused in the comments AS IF THEYRE NOT IN ON IT #theyre REALLYYY selling it if its just a prank #real or not i KNOW they were all laughing around the office abt this #the battle btw angela damien and sarah trying to get first LMAO #this day is going to go down in smosh history as the day the the fandom broke #tbh real or not im just really impressed with this whole thing #even if im dying for answers #head vs heart ykwim #“guys its literally april fools” vs “guys theyre literally married now” #now watch me try to tag as many ppls names as i can TT #angela giarratana #chanse mccrary #amanda lehan canto #anthony padilla #damien haas #sarah whittle #arasha lalani #noah grossman #olivia sui #trevor evarts #tommy bowe #ian hecox #spencer agnew

[skysurfing]

wife loving husband yeahhhh

#watched the episode where gomez turns boring and it broke me #no like literally im booking therapy after avoiding it for years this was the worst thing anyone has ever thought of #bad bad writers!! making him not adore morticia how dARE YOU!!! #the addams family #moriticia addams #gomez addams #gomez and morticia #fanart

[thealexanderfiles]

there is too much sword fighting in xianxia novels. i propose a main character who is completely average at swordplay but is skilled in hand to hand fighting. so they decide to use this as a trump card, and not really display their abilities.

bonus points if this scene is included:

opposition, pointing their sword at MC's throat : It's over. you have lost your sword, you are kneeling at my feet. i have won-

MC: wow your knees look really breakable down here

opposition: what

cutscene to MC pinning opposition in chokehold

#and then they kissssssss #no cause this goes against most of what ive read about this genre #enemy: mwah ha ha ive disarmed you- #mc: not literally bitch #*decks them* #shen yuan #mdzs #wei wuxian #wei ying #shen qingqiu #tgcf #xie lian #im actually not that exposed to many xianxia novels #SOMEONE decided to introduce me to tgcf and now im broke but broke with mxtx's books #you know who you are #svsss

[wyrmswears]

LAWYERS!!!

#i know i just got a bunch of ninjago followers but im forcing them to witness the lawyers #athena cykes #sebastian debeste #juniper woods #ace attorney #reposting because i think my last post.. broke?? #simon keyes #blaise debeste #literally just his arm but whatever.. #aai2 #aa5 #dual destinies #ace attorney investigations #wyrm draws #aa5 spoilers #for the simple fact that my entire au is a spoiler #athena is arrested au #sebastian and simon are unfinished but i am lazy and will not finish them oui

[yomeiu]

can you see me clearly?

#drowning live on the monitors #my poor pookie schmookie broke his leg #chuuya where are you #i have no reason to make this into skk but i will anyway #hes waving at his bf chuuya ofc #dazai be like *twirls hair* chuuya i know you're being possessed by the devil but im on the big screen #sigma next to him: bro what the fuck #literally dont know what this looks like because on every screen i own the colors are different #i also lost the file of these so what ever mistake you see well its there foreve my bad #recent chapters getting me scared #water practice #dazai osamu #dazai #bsd #bungo stray dogs

[marblerose-rue]

click for better quality!

are you gonna start climbing, or what? / needletail

#my art #do not copy trace or steal #needletail #wc #waca #warrior cats #wc art #uhhhh I DO THIS EVERY TIME i forget what my normal tags are #if i said ive been working on this all day please dont take me literally . ive been working on it off and on all day i probably spent like #3ish hours total on this thing #LITERALLY RIGHT AS I STARTED THIS ONE OF THE TREES OUTSIDE. HALF OF IT BROKE AND FELL LMFAO everything + everyone is alright dwdw #i just needed to stare at it for a while . and there was also a butterfly i brought inside and fed hummingbird feed to with a cotton swab #this is a request from twidder :-] my account is private bc im weird about twitter but if mutuals can ask for my user they can ^_^ #THIS IS A NEW COLORING METHOD if it looks weird pls tell me and i will go about it differently bc its still experimental #scratching my chin OH YEAH i repotted almost all of my plants yesterday i have like four more left to go #if this is out of character for her also please let me know i have not read avos . or anything beyond that x_x

[plumbewb]

✨dick me✨

#one of my sliders broke the earrings i just noticed lmao #i’m about to make a few more ladies for this strip club im making #i literally love her so much #i can’t stop staring #oc: honey #ocs #sims 4 #the sims 4 #ts4 #sims #ts4 cas #ts4 edits #the sims #Spotify

[susiehunsecker]

:(

#sorry i know i just posted that screenshot of kerry but im so sad about her and roman #literally parallels. mirror girls #i need there to be a sequel show to succession where its just a sitcom about kerry and roman being roomates and friends #that plays like 2 broke girls but good and not insufferable and also jennifer coolidge is still there. #kerry #roman #succession spoilers

[soottea]

haunted one

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #the dark urge #dark urge spoilers #im so sorry alfira but i literally had no choice #the fact that you can try to get withers to bring her back and he's like 'nah you have to live with this forever' fucking broke me #hars is NOT OK about it but he got a butler and a cool cape from his dad out of it soooooo

[tboyswag]

sam campbell from being my special little guy and taskmaster has tboy swag!

#mod birdhouse #im literally broke and flying down to la to see him hes my special guy

[nomazee]

Greetings! Would it be okay if I request bodyguard!Dan Heng x celebrity!Reader with a 19:58 timestamp? I hope it's okay, thanks in advance.

i think my dan heng favoritism is showing because this is the longest drabble i've written for this event so far,,, i love dan hen hsr,,, THANK U FOR UR REQUEST :**

my 1k event!

—°+..｡ﾟ｡ﾟ+.*.｡.—

The airport is much too bright for Dan Heng’s taste. The reflectiveness of the linoleum floor tiles and the beaming LED lights make him squint as he guides you towards the baggage terminal. 

“That was fun!” your enthusiasm is almost painful compared to how exhausted Dan Heng feels. There’s no hint of a drag in your steps or a lull in your words as you head towards the carousels, on the lookout for a sky blue and neon green striped suitcase—courtesy of you, of course. You asked Dan Heng for his opinion when you were first buying it, claiming that it would be easy to recognize among the sea of plain, typical suitcases. Truthfully, it was an eyesore, but you looked so happy about it, so he just nodded along. 

“Fun? You’re not tired?” he asks. Your atrocity of a suitcase is, in fact, easily spotted, and Dan Heng goes to pick it up for you. Luckily, his is on the same carousel, and he takes up both in his hands before turning back to you. “It was a long flight. You’ll be jet-lagged for a bit.”

“Oh, I’m definitely tired,” you admit, engaging in a wordless struggle with Dan Heng as he fights against your attempt to take your own suitcase from him. He has yet to engage in an actual fight as a bodyguard (or do much at all, really), so he might as well help out by being your glorified bag-carrier. It makes him feel less guilty about the paycheck he gets every two weeks. “But being in first-class was so exciting! You didn't think so?” 

Exciting is certainly a way to describe it. For most of the ten-hour flight, Dan Heng was trying to not puke in a paper bag in front of you in fear that he’d embarrass himself, and then get fired. He hadn’t been on a flight in years, and sitting through one that’s that long was not the best way to ease back into it. It would be embarrassing to admit out loud, but you have a way of reading through him, so he divulges as much of the truth as he can stomach.

“There was… it was shakier than I thought. But it wasn’t loud, which was good.” 

“I meant, like, the food and stuff! And the hot towels that they gave us.” 

Of course you’d be excited over something like a hot towel. He tries not to look down at the (objectively) ugly suitcase that he’s successfully torn from your hands, but it’s all very you and he can’t help but be reminded of every single one of your habits. 

“Are you hungry?” he asks, instead of talking more about the plane, because he’ll seriously be sick if he keeps replaying the turbulence in his head. “The portions were small on the plane. We can check into the hotel first and then find somewhere to eat.” 

A sigh escapes you, lighthearted as you swat Dan Heng’s arm with your hand. You both walk through the confusing maze of the airport and eventually find the exit, stepping into fresh air for the first time in a while. “I’ll get you dramamine on the flight back, Dan Heng. Maybe then you’ll be clear-headed enough to understand how nice the hot towels were.” 

You’ve clocked him, saw right through him and pried your incessant way in and offered him a motion sickness pill while you were at it. He tries to ignore the flush of his cheeks as he watches you smile from his peripheral, but it’s hard to ignore when it’s all that he can feel right now. 

“The— food,” he stutters, because he’s a fool and would like to lay down already. “What would you like to get? It’s a little late, but you should get some dinner.” 

“Whatever you want, Dan Heng,” and he looks to his side to see you smiling at him, so warm and familiar and he’s really, really trying not to puke on the sidewalk right now for a variety of reasons. He ignores you again, because that’s his best way to cope, and hails a taxi before cramming in both your suitcases in a flustered haste. 

In the backseat of the car, you lean against Dan Heng’s side and open up Google Maps, scrolling through all the restaurants near your hotel. The line of your arm presses into Dan Heng’s, and his attention is flitting between that feeling and the bright icons on your screen, different foreign names and descriptions of food popping up. 

“I don’t feel like sitting down for a full dinner,” you admit, mercilessly skipping any restaurant that has things like tablecloths and candles and small plates. “Something to take back to the hotel would be nice. Oh—” you bring your phone closer to his face as if he can’t already see it crystal clear, “—the menu for this looks good! They have some of your favorites.” 

Dan Heng skims through it and finds that they do, in fact, have a suspicious amount of his favorites. There’s a prideful look on your face, hiding the fact that you likely spent an hour researching local restaurants to find something Dan Heng likes. It embarrasses him and makes him have hopes, like a fool. You treat him less like a bodyguard, more like a close assistant—a position that you’ve never actually had filled, which makes his suspicions (and hopes) grow day by day. Really, it’s more like a close friend, a partner, and he likes that thought more than he’s comfortable admitting. 

He mumbles something like okay, looks good, and the grin on your face only grows brighter and cheesier. He’s forced to look away from you and stare out the car window instead, watching the passing city lights against the dark background of the autumn night, in a country that he covertly learned the language of, so that he could guide you around a little better—in a country that you spent an hour looking up restaurants in, so that Dan Heng would have something to eat.

—°+..｡*ﾟ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡.—

gen taglist: @tragedy-of-commons @lasiancunin

fill out my event taglist (pinned) or general taglist (navi) to be tagged in upcoming works!

#hsr x reader #dan heng x reader #honkai star rail x reader #honkai x reader #hsr dan heng x reader #honkai dan heng x reader #honkai: star rail x reader #oh dan heng my first and forever love #this is 1k words i literally broke my word limit for him #im just a common dan heng enjoyer nothing to see here...

[3-aem]

MY BRAINS NOT WORKING AND THE CUTE BOY I WORK WITH KEEPS CORRECTING MY GRAMMAR THIS IS SO AHAIWIAKSDHDGRRRRHRNE

#dhakaksdjs fuckdwkufeisfjsjajsueei #im using a translator and it keeps outputting 您 instead of 你 and he keeps calling it out like bro ur making it awkward #AND IM LIKE SORRY I CANT ACTUALLY WRITE IN THIS LANGUAGE IM REALLY DU M. BB #also he offered to take over the last part bc i was like hi its almost 9pm here and i literally cannot think anymore #like i am certain its a very easy last part my brain is just finished #i feel so bad bc i wanted to push this proj over the line #this company is so intense i am so baby i am so tired #hugging my cat and rubbing my gross face all over his gross body #me in vc trying to figure out how to say: it was broken earlier idk how it was fixed u saw it was broke tho right #but all that came out was: in the past it was….problematic… *20 yr silence* #before he awkwardly went: um its okay i dont think this is necessary also u have lint issues #and i was just like ya….i know 😭 #its ambiguous to some of my teammates if i just dont understand them or if im fking dumb #its probably both im ngl #the blank stare i have on my face is first from trying to comprehend what the actual words they are saying mean #and then to comprehend what technical concept they are trying to convey #using like 50% of the information i managed to parse out #also im used to literally spending 30-40% of the working day talking smack #now i try to crack and joke and everyone is like three this isnt the time #three we are all gonna be hear past 9pm working this isnt the time

[megueggu]

design piece of Jasper for Youso ✨

#sfw #clean furry #feline #cat #druid #moon druid #ttrpg #reference sheet #commission #my art #it's like a mini ref but you know #if ur wondering how i'm we still don't have hot water #it's been 15 days without hot water lol #and our washing machine broke second time today #but we are managing #im seeing a psychiatrist finally next week #and i rly rly rly hope i can get some meds #bc ive been off meds since sept and it's greatly affecting my mood and my work #i literally don't have any brain power to do art it's so frustrating lol #anyways love u guys thank you so much for being patient with me #im doing my best but i'm just super slow