#it's just i reckon it was the first proper depressive episode i had and being so young i didnt know yet how to handle it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pluviophile-bookworm · 4 years

Text

AWAE 2x4 rewatch: thoughts and reactions

See, this is the kind of cold open that I like, not like last time. I never figured that one out. But let’s not dwell on that. I’m here for 2x4, so let’s dive in.

Oh, so that’s the one with the Lady of the Lake? I’m sure this will be great to watch.

Of course Eliza Barry would spoil everything. I would have liked to see this play out. Of course, not like in the book, since Gilbert isn’t there, but somehow. See, this is why I didn’t remember this reenactment happening. Because it never really happened.

The consequences of whatever happened to the gold rush thing are still present, as is made obvious by the conversation the Barrys just had.

Why on earth would Anne take Matthew’s private correspondence, and why would she read it to the girls? Oh, yes, because she’s Anne. She can’t help being Anne, you know.

“... with the kindest, most wonderful man...” - true, Matthew is that.

Matthew really doesn’t have the words - at least not the words needed to give the love talk to Anne, which he thinks she’s asking for... but still, in Matthew we trust.

Give Jerry instructions about the hay? About how to do the job he’s been doing for quite a while now? Ok, this is just looking for excuses.

I see Gilbert is still experiencing Trinidad. I thoroughly enjoy looking at scenes like that.

“there might be gold on your land and you’d rather move coal” - to be honest, there’s way more money in that coal than in the “gold” in Avonlea. so Gilbert had better stay where he is and move his coal. He’d be better off that way.

Yeah, and would a man spit “danger” up like a garden hose? I thought so.

And now Anne is answering the letters in Matthew’s name? How Anne of her!

So now Diana and Minnie May will be home-schooled in etiquette? Well, I guess one of them is ahead of the other, but Minnie May will surely be the one that comes out more prepared for real life if thing s go as they’re going right now.

Also, that was kind of cruel. “Childhood is over.” For Diana, that’s a teeny tiny bit more acceptable taking into consideration the times this takes place in, but for Minnie May? She’s like 5, maybe 6 or 7. This is just cruel. And I’d bet Diana would rather read books than balance them on her head while curtsying. But being a proper lady is a number one priority, isn’t it?

I see what Nate did is taking its toll on Marilla, and she’s taking it worse than everyone else. It’s understandable why she would feel that way, but what’s with the Cuthberts (and the honorary Cuthberts - I mean dear Jerry, of course) blaming themselves for what that sick bastard (does this count as a swear word? There’s no swearing on main, but I reckon I’ll allow this one. My clean words is not enough for Nate.)? It’s just not right.

Oh, that’s the one where Anne dyes her hair green. Good. I figured it was high time for this episode to come along. After all, her hair grows out to half its previous length by the end of the season, so it had to happen already. Let’s see.

Anne and her tales would be a way better seller than the man who sold her the hair dye.

You know, Anne is right about old things being special and full of life. I wholeheartedly agree that they have so much more in them than new things. But when it comes to books, for instance, I love new and old ones the same. Wait, who’s talking about books? Oh, I am, of course. I must still be hung up on Diana balancing one on her head.

What does Marilla have against Italians? I’d really like to know.

Oh, so this is not where he sells her the dye? Maybe later in this episode? We’re not even halfway through it yet.

Gilbert is answering Anne’s letter. No ink stains on his side, I see, because he’s using a pencil instead. Wise.

And the correspondence with Jeannie continues as well. This will end up in tears and possibly the “depths of despair”, but at least she’s enjoying it for now.

Ah, Cole is here. This promises good things, even if he just does regular stuff.

Oh, poor Cole. He feels he’s not man enough just because of who he is. But it’s not true. He’s a lot more of a man than certain people he shares a classroom with. And I’m not even talking about the students alone. Ah, speaking of the devil, there’s Phillips.

Is this when Anne’s “agent of love” antics will be found out? Yes, it seems so. Well, it was good while it lasted. Gosh, it’s rare for Matthew to speak with such a tone, but it sure is scary. Maybe that’s exactly because it’s rare.

Ouch. Jerry did nothing to deserve getting screamed at just for asking an innocent question. But Anne does that sort of thing sometimes. And she’s hurt too, so it’s understandable.

Oh, it’s the fox. This sure is getting interesting. But it’s so heartbreaking to hear that Anne thinks Matthew of all people doesn’t love her any more. She should know better than that.

Gosh, what’s with everybody? Why is Diana yelling at poor little Minnie May about fishmongers and marriage? MM is too young for any of this business. She’s too young to have her childhood taken away. So is Diana, to be honest.

Minnie May is once again asking the real questions. “How come no one loves each other anymore?” I’d like to know that too, you wise little one. But if this is enough to break her mother’s stone cold mask, it would be nice.

She’s done it. Minnie “God” May has made her mother realise a thing or two, and now Eliza is doing that for her husband. This is beautiful.

There we are. Bash doesn’t even know Anne yet, and he’s already captain of the Shirbert ship. I love this.

Oh, that’s the one with the baby delivery. This is when Gilbert finds his vocation. Here’s an extract from my diary from when I first watched this same episode: I’m watching Anne with an E, episode 2x4, and I have to say Gilbert helping a woman give birth is one of the most heroic things I’ve seen in fiction lately. If Anne could have seen it, she would most certainly have thought of it as one of the most “romantical” things that can happen. Although I’m not sure the scene is the best thing to watch before bed… That’s all I’ve got to say. There’s nothing new I can add to it.

Ok, I have got something to add after all. “You get that white man away from me!” speaks volumes about the relationship POC had with white people back then (and somewhere still have, quite unfortunately). All I’d like to say to poor Ruth here is that she’s got nothing to be scared of, but sadly, I can’t. I’ll have to let he find that out herself.

“He’s my brother and I trust him.” I already knew that Bash felt that way about Gilbert, but it’s beautiful to hear it out loud.

The way Gilbert talks to Ruth about his own birth reminds me somehow of Dr. Doogie Howser, from another show I love almost as much as AWAE. I wonder if it’s because of their similar ages adding to the similar methods.

There. I believe she’s sure now that she can trust Gilbert. I’m glad dear Ruth saw that all white men are not the same.

Doc. I bet Gilbert likes the sound of that. I’m so glad for him.

“She’s certainly been blessed with a life with you at Green Gables.” These words of Jeannie’s couldn’t be any truer. But I also believe Anne is a blessing for GG in return. Also, in a way, her “agent of love” was successful.

I’m so glad to see the Barrys goofing off and having fun for once. They truly needed that. I hope they do it more often, even if it’s not on screen.

“I have you.” This was so beautiful of Matthew to say. Sure he doesn’t speak much, but when he does, he says the right words. You’ve got to love a man like that.

Oh, the locket(s)! This is truly beautiful. Sure this episode was lagely depressing, but it paid off in the end.

Let’s sum up this episode: Eliza Barry gets parenting wrong; Anne takes over Matthew’s previously non-existent correspondence with Jeannie; being a proper lady and being a man; the aftermath of Nate’s crimes; not the one where Anne dyes her hair; the Shirbert ship is sailing in letter form (although it’s “not a love letter”) and has a captain now; Minnie May is God; Gilbert discovers his vocation by delivering a baby; in Matthew we trust; the Barrys learn to live fully; the DiAnne lockets

#anne with an e #awae #renew anne with an e #renewannewithane #anne shirley cuthbert #gilbert blythe #bash lacroix #diana barry #jerry baynard #cole mackenzie #marilla cuthbert #matthew cuthbert #queue're bigger than that #jnk watches awae #awae 2x4 #awae season 2

4 notes · View notes

chucklestheechidona · 4 years

Text

Red Dwarf: USA

AKA: One week into isolation and a Welshman drunkenly types out his most controversial opinion

One of the first sci-fi shows I ever watched, at least, without realising it was science fiction, before even Star Trek, of which I vividly remember seeing Patrick’s face and voice on my thick arse grey heavier-than-sin Television, would have been that of the 1988 comedy - Red Dwarf.

I didn’t watch it live of course, I was born in 1993, by the time I could actually start remembering things the show had already ended. Like many people, I watched it on someone’s recorded VHS tape, among others in our house such as Duckman. Like Duckman, Red Dwarf was a bit out of my depth, but I liked it all the same. Some of the jokes landed and the slapstick and (not)aliens were enough to capture my attention.

Of course, I grew older, my appreciation for the show changed over time. The jokes obviously landed a lot more, but what I appreciated more was the character building, the acting, the writers and the cast having an appreciation, even through troubled shooting or grievances, towards what they were working through.

As anyone would expect though, I have my thoughts on where the series’s high’s ended, can see the flaws in some writing and some episodes, and overall the direction it headed after series 6, but yet, it still holds a special place in my heart.

Something I didn’t figure out until I was much older was the existence of a USA version. There was a pilot, then a failed attempt at another pilot/episode 2, and it was never heard from again.

Anyone from Britain could have told you this was a terrible idea from the start, anyone who’s watched it will tell you how awful it is.

In a DVD extra on one of the boxsets, both writers lamented what could have been if things went right, the misery of working in an American environment which didn’t appreciate the British insight. Rob, who plays Kryten, speaks about how the American cast thought the script the American execs were pushing on them to be terrible. But Rob got paid a lot of money to eat food and do some scenes, so he enjoyed it for the most part.

But if you like Red Dwarf, you already know this. If you didn’t, thanks for staying with me.

There are many reasons for why Red Dwarf USA didn’t work. “You can’t just take a British thing and try and localise it.”

Yet The Office USA is a massive hit, and has its fan-base here.

Craig Charles, as in, Lister’s actor, reckoned it was because of a lack of a class system, although Doug, one of the writers, would disagree.

I get Craig’s feelings, mind you. In the UK, I have more in common with people who are on the same pay-grade as me than anything stupid like race, sex or religion. Which isn’t to say there aren’t those divides in the country, but the class system is very heavy here. The Lower and Working class bond knowing they’re working harder than those above for not as much pay.

But as Doug says, the people on Always Sunny/Malcolm in the Middle aren’t the same people who are on Friends/Frasier, for example. He uses a different example, for it’s an old documentary, but the point still stands. There is class in America, even if it’s implemented differently in media and IRL

(As an aside, Malcolm in the Middle was fantastic.)

Craig Bierko (the USA Craig and the USA Lister) said it was just a mistake to do, that they shouldn’t have even tried to localise an exceptional program. I mean, he partook in it, but the actor had to eat and food isn’t free.

But after all that, here’s the thing.

I think it could have worked.

It would need heavy editing mind you. A proper look into why it didn’t work in the first place. More of a look into an American future, rather than a future which was (despite original intentions) still heavily British.

The jokes would need localising, the actors would need a bit of a workaround in terms of personality, but here’s why I started this.

Where the story would go next.

Dave Lister (UK) was a happy-go-lucky carefree scouser, who worked as little as possible, chased impossible dreams while playing a guitar he never put any actual time into learning. He got along with people quite well, despite being on the bottom of the pecking order. He got in trouble with authority, but he was doing it out of good intentions.

This was mostly to balance out his bunkmate, Rimmer, who was in every way opposite. He was a stressed pent up ball of worry and anger, who had one dream and one goal only, of which he failed constantly. He was liked by no-one, the only person he was above (Lister) he took extreme measures to exercise the little power he had.

On an aside, UK Lister wasn’t conventionally attractive. Craig Charles is a good looking bloke mind you, he’s not ugly, but his looks managed to sell the underdog achiever. He looked very much the part of a low-life Liverpudlian drunk. (despite being a wordsmith and successful poet in real life, not to mention his impressive DJ’ing)

USA Lister however, was played by this HUNK.

Dave Lister USA was shown to be the same kind of person, but hinted at was his more roguish cheeky nature. A more... American view. While Lister UK, when talking to his crush, would be almost awkward, never really sharing many words with her, despite being madly in love with her, Lister US had gone out with Kochanski.

(True, UK did past series 5, but a retcon to match the books is still a retcon)

Lister US was cheeky, cocky, a bit arrogant to Kochanski. He hadn’t taken the relationship seriously. She was a Flight Navigation Officer, he was the lowest rank on the ship, a Third Technician. He had no aspirations, no dreams. He had a plan, much like our Lister, but hadn’t even seemed to save up pay for it. He mentions it once in passing to Kryten at the start, but the way he talked to Kristine, the way he spoke about it to Kryten, it seemed that he’d given up, more than our more hopeless UK Lister.

UK Kristine knew Lister but had hardly shared words with him, and it was all Lister’s fault, as Kris would have been kind enough to actually talk to him. UK Lister’s story overall is of a man who had the chance to be better, but gave himself excuses why he couldn’t, or didn’t. UK Lister could have talked to Kris at any time, but had been his own obstacle.

USA Kristine however, had had USA Lister actually get her to go out with him. It was nice, they still talk. But Kris had ended it. Kris had career aspirations, and Lister had not.

(This kept close to the UK books, but UK Kris had somewhat used UK Lister as a rebound. It was still a nice enough break-up, but Lister then careens down into depression. Unlike AmeriLister who’s optimistic he can pick it back up. Gotta love America and their hope.)

This culminated in the final scene we see of pre-accident Kris, where she sees David did a noble gesture by sacrificing himself to save his cat, and (even though oddly paced) tells David she loved him.

Heat of the moment it may be, but USA Lister immediately cracks, telling the crew that he’d give up the cat’s location. It’s played for laughs obviously, but maybe this is what’s more important to USA Lister.

But these very differences, like angles, could stretch further than just copying the show. By leading on from what made AmeriDave different than BritiDave.

What I would do

First, we make USA Lister stand out more. His dress attire seemed Han Solo-esque, so let’s put a bit of that personality into him. This Lister, would have been an under-acheiver his whole life, maybe after the event, he wouldn’t be. This Lister would be brought back with a new sense of determination. He has to prove to Kochanski, Rimmer, his Cat and Holly that he’s no longer this Third Technician, he was capable of getting back the human race.

Where UK Lister (at least, in the show) would try and see in what ways he could kill time, in a sobering kind of malaise that strikes a man three million years into deep space, USA Lister would be trying to get his head around how to get back. In the final part of the show, after they see their future selves, he knows he actually has to do something. Back to earth? Sure, he wouldn’t know, and finding out would be hard, but USA Lister would actually have to learn to apply himself early.

This doesn’t sound like Lister! (or more accurately, isn’t this just the Book Lister) British people like seeing despair. We long to see Del Boy fail, we want to see Basil Fawlty have a meltdown. Americans have hope. They want to see Ross get with Rachel, they long to see their hero win. Or if he can’t win, have a snarky comment about it. We want to see UK Rimmer and Lister fail in their attempts to get back, because it’s funny. USA have hope. They’d want to see Lister get home.

USA Rimmer would make learning hell for USA Lister. Rimmer, thinking he knows more, would foil the attempts at Lister, but not out of malice, out of incompetence on Rimmer’s part. “Thermodynamics, let me teach you, Dave, no-one’s taken that test more than I have!” Que the failed test.

Unfortunately, the Cat, Kryten, Holly and Rimmer in the US version are almost all carbon-copies of their UK counterpart. I haven’t thought this through enough, obviously. They’d have to be changed, Episode 1 would have to be rewritten, but with changes in mind.

I’d have USA Lister be an actual hero, but a kinda useless one who takes a while to get things done, consulting with his equally useless crew. Rimmer, to be a dick, but with a lot of the bitterness taken out (because American’s can’t really pull it off), but with the same inferiority complex. He’d make hell for Lister, but under the genuine reason of “I want to see you do better. (cause right now you’re an embarrassment to the human species)“ The last human, trained by the best of what was left of humanity. Or at least, Rimmer would see it that way.

The rest of the cast could be figured out later. Honestly, too much like their counterparts. I guess that was the point of the show when they tried to release it, it was only a localisation after all.

Conclusion

We’ll never know what Rob and Doug wrote that the other actors liked, I doubt a copy was kept after it was butchered by the Americans.

But I think what little made it different, was the bit where it shone. Sure, shone as in behind 4 panes of glass and a sheet of paper, but still, it could have been something.

I’m a sucker for “What could have been.” Even for money-grabbing USA executive schemes such as trying to make RD: USA

And hey, maybe it could have. And I like all that alternative stuff. When Mortal Kombat actually included bits from the movies, that made me smile. If Sonic ever had a nod to Fleetway, I’d be happy enough.

Maybe one day we’ll have an alternative Lister played by Craig Bierko, and he’d be an actual space-wanderer hero. And then our UK Lister can call him smug smeghead. And he’d be right.

(About USA Lister, not Bierko)

Final Conclusion

The word count on this went way out of hand. This killed an afternoon and I’m stuck in my house, I have a backlog a mile long to go through

Need to finish ‘Off’, ‘Torchwood’, DW, and possibly watch some Red Dwarf before the new one is out.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Smegheads

#Red Dwarf #USA #Lister #Rimmer #Kochanski

7 notes · View notes

davidmann95 · 5 years

Note

Velvet's battle is a great choice, though I'll always have a special place in my heart for the fight against the Grimm Deathstalker and the Nevermore in Episode 8. That said, what do you think of the individual members of Team RWBY?

I decided to wait on this until I caught up on the series thus far, which I just finished doing the night before last in pretty much the only time in my life I’ve ever really properly binged anything other than comics, and…wow. I knew RWBY was a thing just as a matter of course from being on this site and Youtube, and from watching Death Battle, so I picked up some major beats by osmosis. But my main impression was that it was a charming pseudo-anime online thing of decent quality that unsurprisingly got heavier as it went along as such things tend to do, with extremely rad fights and music along the way; figured it’d be more than serviceable to watch while I was on the treadmill as a disposable distraction from the agony of propelling my wheezing, sweating, loathsome meat-scaffolding forward.

I did *not* expect it to eventually end up after growing pains a - while far from flawless - intensely engrossing story of all-consuming personal and generational pain and people who choose to love and do the right thing in defiance of that trauma and loss and hopelessness, where also occasionally a corgi gets fastball specialed at mechas. Though once it became clear that’s what it is, it pretty clearly sat at an intersection of a hell of a lot of my favorite things, especially when characters copped in-universe in both the main series and spinoff material that this is basically a superhero thing. My initial impressions re: the fights and music were on-point though.

I actually have quite a few thoughts on pretty much all the protagonists of note at this point (other than I suppose Oscar and Maria. Like them both though, and I do hope that nice boy’s brain somehow doesn’t dissolve into the blender of Ozpin’s subconscious), but I’ll just stick with the core four here as requested for now unless someone asks otherwise. Weiss is the simplest to get at the core of, I’d say: her arc is learning that fuck rich people, actually. She’s a seriously difficult character to get onboard for at first - especially if you’re watching those first episodes for the first time in 2019 - as the mean unconsciously racist rich girl who learns to be less mean and racist but still kinda mean. But after you’ve extensively seen the hideously toxic environment she grew up in, and fully understand her efforts to grow past the empty values it inculcated in her in favor of everything she was raised to think of herself as above, she becomes a hell of a figure to root for. Assuming RWBY is gonna go, say, a respectable 10 seasons given it was just renewed through 9, I could easily see the upcoming 7th be the climax of her arc with her return to Atlas and likely further reckoning with the consequences of her families’ actions beyond how they’ve hurt her personally.

Yang is also, in a certain abstract narrative sense, simple, in that she’s built around the very oldest trick in the book for characters whose main deal is ‘can punch better than absolutely anyone’: give them problems that cannot be solved by punching. Except in her case it’s less a material “well, this person is invulnerable to punching!” or “well, actually this other person can punch most best of all” issue blocking her path than “punching cannot solve depression, abandonment issues, questioning whether what she considers her purpose in life is one she’s truly pursuing for noble reasons or if she even has the resolve for it anymore after what’s happened to her, or PTSD”. Yet, while it may not be the kind that manifests in the form of punching people with a smirk and a bad pun anymore (much as she still definitely does that all the time) what ultimately drives her and defines her is still her strength: to move forward, to forgive, to let go, to do the right thing in spite of the risks. Which could easily come off as some unpleasant “you just have to get over your moping!” dismissal - there’s a bit with her dad that means it saddles riiiiight up to the edge of that - but there’s a weight to how her traumas remain a consistent factor in her life and have shaped her outlook even as her circumstances and day-to-day disposition improve that makes it feel thematically like it’s coming from a place of acknowledgment and endurance rather than denial, even if it’s not handled perfectly. Great to see her apparently recapturing some more of her joie de vivre based on the trailer for Volume 7, and how that’ll interact with how she’s grown should be interesting.

Blake is…tough, because you fundamentally cannot talk about Blake without getting into the Faunus, which is maybe the biggest aspect of RWBY that leaves it in the realm of Problematic Fave. It really, really wants to have something substantial to say about the proper response to racism, and every now and then it pumps out a “capitalism greases the wheels of systemic oppression and vice-versa” or “it’s perfectly reasonable for the oppressed to seek to fight back directly against their oppressors, and even the pacifist in the room can recognize that’s a defensible approach that deserves its place”. But then Abusive Boyfriend Magneto literally murders nuance in Vol. 5 episode 2, and it descends into some borderline “but what about black on black violence” respectability politics shit. It’s the classic X-Men setup - this persecuted race of often superpowered folks torn between pacifism and efforts to prove themselves to their oppressors, and those who think they should rise up and annihilate the flatscans - with most of the same pitfalls, but also we haven’t had over 50 years to get used to that just being how it works here, and it doesn’t have the excuse of having to expand as best it can on a metaphor that was originally devised before most of the people currently handling it were born. All of which would be rough enough, but given I watched this right as Jonathan Hickman’s been completely refining the entire X-Men paradigm outside that outdated binary, it especially grates. I’d love to be directed to any solid counterarguments - I’ve heard it might actually be an analogue, and a well-done one, for The Troubles, which I am one million percent unqualified to evaluate - especially since apparently one of the writers grew up in a mixed-race household, and at the end of the day I’m a white guy who may well be talking completely out his ass. But it sure comes off at a glance as some well-intentioned dudes stumbling through stuff that’s not their business, and that’s inextricable from Blake’s character when so much of her story is her navigating through that metaphor. Hopefully with new writers coming onboard this is something that can be navigated more insightfully in the future.

On a purely personal basis however, Blake’s a standout in terms of relatability when her story comes down to a pretty universal shared horror: how to climb back from having fucked up. She tried really hard to do the right thing, was taken advantage of and led into doing things she eventually realized were wrong, was so shaken that she couldn’t tell who to trust, and then the situation spiraled out of control on every possible front just as things finally seemed to be stabilizing. The way a single mistake - enabled and exacerbated by an abusive past relationship in her case - expands into a self-loathing far beyond the bounds of anything she could possibly be responsible for is brutal and completely understandable, and seeing her start put her self-esteem back together with the help of those closest to her and the power of her original convictions is arguably the single strongest, most clearly conveyed individual character arc in the series. I’m very curious where it goes from here: Adam’s finish represents a logical climax and the setup for a happily-ever-after with Yang (or Sun if they end up going that way after all) for her to coast through the remainder of the series on, but the way emotional consequences have played out in the series thus far I doubt her demons are going to be put to bed that simply.

Finally there’s Ruby, and I am contractually obligated to note up front: she is clearly not a Superman analogue. There is precisely zero percent chance that she was conceived as such or was ever deliberately executed in such a way that mirroring him was kept in mind. Though she IS a super-powered idealist raised in the middle of nowhere with a significant deceased parent who wears a red cape, flies, gives inspiring rallying speeches, has black-ish but primary color-tinted hair, and has a mysterious birthright that involves being able to shoot lasers from her eyes, plus she has a dog who also essentially has superpowers, plus she tells someone they’re stronger than they think they are, plus Yang basically quotes a bit from Kingdom Come regarding her in Rest and Resolutions. But it probably goes a ways in explaining why she works so well for me.

There’s more to it than that of course, though it does bring up the closest way in which she relates to the superhero paradigm: she doesn’t go through an arc in quite the same way as the others, instead being an already solidly-defined character who is simply illustrated by how she interacts with the people and situations around her. She learns and grows and matures, but her most basic motivations and goals and outlook haven’t really changed since the day she enrolled at Beacon. She’s a good, caring person, a leader archetype who still has more than enough personality to spare to keep from falling into the genericism that can often plague that role. A big part of the key I believe is that she’s the audience surrogate in a profound way beyond the obvious touchstones of her frequent awkwardness and self-doubt: the reason she does this is because she was inspired by stories. She’s a fan, ultimately, but one who learned all the right lessons, whether recognizing from day one the way reality falls short of the tales she was raised on but still believing in the ideals they represent, or openly holding up Qrow as a role model while being willing to call him on his shit when push comes to shove. It’s a romantic, hopeful perspective that stands out sharply from even our other heroes even as it mirrors their struggles, but as of yet there’s little to suggest it comes from a place of naivete so much as a belief that it’s the only way to bear the pain of the world and continue to believe in it. Bit by bit it’s clear she’s heading for a breaking point, but all signs point to that being a matter of her ability to withstand what she’s been through, rather than any doubt that it’s necessary, and should that time come she’s inspired plenty who’ll be able to help her back onto her feet the way she has for so many others. So while I understand her speeches apparently grate on some, as far as I’m concerned keep them coming, they’re the beating caring heart of the series and often the sole respite in the eye in the storm.

#RWBY #Ruby Rose #Weiss Schnee #Blake Belladonna #Yang Xiao Long #Mental Health #Racism #Superman #Analysis #Opinion

34 notes · View notes

winterune · 4 years

Photo

Well, that’s one more anime ticked off my 2019 watch list. I still have...I don’t know how many I have left ^^; Maybe I’ll finish those spring leftovers first haha, then maybe I’ll finally watch the part 2 of Shingeki no Kyojin Season 3 (for which I would need to rewatch part 1) and Vinland Saga. Well, anyway, let’s get into it.

Hoshiai no Sora - Thoughts and Musings

This anime was...one hell of a ride. Okay, maybe not as much as Beastars was (though, Beastars wasn’t really emotional per se, but rather an anime that tackles really heavy topics), but the emotional roller coaster throughout its 12 episodes was really something to reckon with. Honestly, I wish this was a two-cour anime instead of a one-cour, because the 12-episode run doesn’t give it enough time to really flesh out all their characters and give everyone a satisfying ending.

I mean

As long as he’s alive, we will never be free. I’m ending this.

What kind of ending is that??? *flips table* (beware of spoilers)

In its heart, this is a story about trying to find your place in a world that is trying to box you in. It’s not just your average sports anime about a weak sports club trying to gain its reputation back. It’s more than that. We have this cast of seemingly stereotypical characters, but right from the very first episode, we’re immediately given a tease of a dysfunctional family in our two main leads: Maki with his single mother as a parent and his abusive father still terrorizing them from time to time for money, and Touma who doesn’t have a good relationship with his mother for unknown reasons. And it turns out, the rest of the team member has their own issues to deal with.

Rintaro, being a child born out of teen pregnancy and was then put up for adoption. Though he has loving parents, it still doesn’t erase the confusion and incompetence he had felt because of it. (I kind of have issues with how his parents told him he was adopted when he was still only 10? 11? I think that’s a bit too young for him to know he was adopted. I mean, an elementary school kid is suddenly being told that the parents he has always known has never been his real parents. It would get him thinking: why was he adopted? Why didn’t his mother take him? Was he unwanted? Was he a mistake? Huh, I guess that’s why I can’t do anything right. I’m a failure. I was a mistake. I shouldn’t have been born.)

Itsuki’s mother, in, probably, a bout of depression, poured hot water all over his body when he was only 1 year old.

Shingo, who doesn’t seem to have any problems, lives with a step-mother who is only protective over her daughter while dismissive over him. He doesn’t seem to be overly bothered by it. In fact, he adores his little sister. He’s probably learned to deal with his step-mother’s behavior.

Taiyo’s parents are quite overprotective and overbearing, but at least I don’t think they’re doing any real, permanent damage to him.

Tsubasa, though has wonderful relationship with his brothers, has a father with high expectations and will not settle for less, who won’t try to understand why he dropped soccer and took up soft tennis. Who won’t get off his case, saying that it’s stupid, that it doesn’t do him any good, that you’re better off studying instead of joining such a stupid club. And he actually slaps him, right across the face, causing Tsubasa to fall off the stairs and break his wrist, one month before his big game. And yes he looked shocked at what he had done, but he didn’t do anything; he just stood there, he didn’t even chase after him, as if he was justifying his actions to himself. Like, dammit! Don’t you know what you’re doing to your kid? You’re already hurting him emotionally and you slapped him?! I will say that Tsubasa’s story hurts me the most, because this kid, this happy-go-lucky kid who always smiles and laughs when he’s with his friends, cries as he runs out of the house. And can I just say that Toshii’s voice acting was just...spot on? To the point that I think I cried harder because of Toshii’s voice breaking when Shingo found him outside the house, when the doctor at the hospital asked him if he wasn’t pushed off the stairs, when they were talking in that park and Tsubasa hates how his father kept bragging about his time with his soccer team and never listens to a word he says, never sees him for who he is, because he’s not his brothers and he wanted so badly to play in their game.

But then we have Nao, with that kind of negative overprotective, overbearing, emotionally abusive mother and an indifferent father. It hurts. Hearing his mother talk hurts. Imagining myself in Nao’s shoes hurts. There are the kinds like Maki’s father, who knows they’re a jerk by abusing their own kid. Then there are the kinds like Nao’s mother, who, as Maki said, doesn’t even realize they’re abusing their children, justifying their actions by saying it’s for their kids. She’s blind to Nao’s feelings. All she cares about is what she wants. It doesn’t matter what Nao wants, because I’m her mother and I know what’s best for my son. What she doesn’t know, however, is the permanent damage it’s doing to Nao. Sure at the “conclusion” to Nao’s arc, Nao seems to have find the strength and will in him to shut out his mother’s words, but we also see something different. Nao’s mother is only going to let him off the hook this time. Which means she will probably be worse than she had ever been once Nao comes home from the match.

And finally, one of the most important of all: Yuuta’s arc, where he questions about himself, his gender, the role that is expected of him, and how he feels as if he doesn’t quite fit in with the boxes already laid down by the world. Also his desire to find an answer but also the fear of coming to terms with it, not wanting to disappoint his parents but all the while wanting to find a place he feels like he belongs in. Very realistic. Very relatable. I’m not entirely sure how it is seen in Japan, but in my country, due to strong religious beliefs and traditional values, people with “questionable” gender identities are seen as a sin, a violation, improper behavior - some might even call them a shame to the family. So, I really appreciate the director and his team writing quite a realistic portrayal of the lgbt+. I don’t hold anything against his mother, however, as I understand her feelings exactly, even as I would like Yuuta to have the freedom to learn and discover who he is and what he wants to be.

Even Mitsue, whose family wasn’t shown much, says that her parents don’t approve of her drawing. But that’s what she wants to do. That’s what she wants to be good at. She’s not good at studying. She doesn’t have passion for it. She likes to draw, but even people on the internet says her drawing isn’t good (when in fact it’s quite good). She’s not good with people and her classmates make fun of her. She’s haunted by an inferiority complex, social anxiety, frustration that she doesn’t fit in this world.

This entire show is like a How Not To Be A Parent 101. I do think some are stretching it a bit too far, but I understand what the director’s trying to say. A parental figure is important in a child’s life. Even if you have a crappy life, even if you’re bent on pushing your dreams and expectations to your children, even if your spouse doesn’t appreciate you any longer, that’s no reason or justification to “push the blame on your child”, to abuse them, both emotionally and/or physically.

When you don’t have a good parental figure, a good family environment, it will scar your children for life, and these children will start looking for a place they can belong to outside of their families. Whereas Nao’s mother said that the soft tennis club is a bad influence for Nao, I’d say it’s a good thing Nao found his place inside it. With a mother like that, and a father who doesn’t care much about what happens to him, Nao could have done a lot worse. And yet there’s this sports club made up of misfit children, who are hiding all their pain behind their smile and laughter, because this club is the only place where they can be themselves. Where they don’t have to worry about overbearing/indifferent/abusive parents. In this club of misfits, everyone has everyone else’s backs. When one’s down on the low, someone else will try to lift them up.

This club is their refuge, but in a way, I also think this is their sort of escapism. Because once they’re back in their homes, their lives return to being pressured and trapped under the expectations of their parents. Why I think it is an escape is because, neither of them really grow from it, aside from, I guess, Shingo, Rintaro, Itsuki, and Taiyo. They have either learned to live with their families or showed positive development. Nao’s mother is still a problem, Yuuta’s journey of self-discovery is still long and winding, while Tsubasa still has yet to make amends with his father. Not to mention we have Touma, whose mother just basically told him over the phone that she despises him and is getting a divorce, and Maki, who’s bent on killing his father.

This is not a story of self-healing. This is a slice-of-life story that is trying to tell how bad parenting affects children, especially children in those early adolescence years, when they’re just beginning to learn who they are and what they want to be. It’s not a story of how these children can overcome it. The club acts as their refuge, but not a place of healing. And if their psychosocial development took on a negative turn (see Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development), especially like Maki’s case, well you can imagine what will happen next if he’s not given the proper treatment.

As a final note, I would like to say the sports aspect is a bit weak. The soft tennis matches were too easy, too straightforward, as if the staff didn’t really care what happened in the matches. Well, the main story isn’t in the matches, so there’s that. Also, I would like to say that how they dealt with Maki’s father in episode 5 was also weak. I mean, what’s with Touma yelling at him? To me, it was a bit out of character for Maki to let Touma meet his father (I’d thought he was the type to say, no, that’s all right, I’ll deal with him myself, though I think Touma would have forced himself inside Maki’s house nonetheless). And that spontaneous outbursts about killing him? It was very cringe-worthy when I saw it, but now that I think about it, though it was probably Toma’s heat-of-the-moment outburst then, Maki certainly took it seriously with how he was holding that knife in the end.

#hoshiai no sora #stars align #anime #musings #anime musings #hoshiai no sora musings

3 notes · View notes

hesflyingonbrokenwings · 4 years

Text

Dearest V,

it's been almost one year since we last spoke, so I guess our lives might have changed a bit since then...

I hope you've had a peaceful holiday season with your family – speaking of whom, the warmest of greetings and best of wishes to them – may your parents and your cat have a wonderful and healthy start to this decade.

I went head-first into last year thinking I'd see greater changes by the end of it, but, as Oli put it quite concisely, "then I found out how hard it is to really change" – for example, I had quit smoking weed in summer and started to enjoy life free from it, only to start toking again three months later when my mental wellbeing started spiralling downwards again... in the end I have to admit that while I may have felt like I could make a meaningful change in my life, I'm still sitting around trying to find out of my depressive ways, and I'm growing more and more unsure by the day that going back to who I once was is an option at all... after all, people grow up, and I guess part of who we are is determined by our experiences... I should definitely try to seek professional help this year, so maybe over time I'll be able to create the version of myself that I need to be so I can finally stop being down all the time. While that means I may not exactly be "past me", I sincerely hope you'll like whatever person I'm going to be then.

The years we've spent side by side have shaped me in a number of ways, some healthier and some unhealthier. On the upside, obviously, there's the hundreds of memories that we've shared and that I still like to look back on every once in a while (even though I'm slightly concerned about how many of those involve weed and / or booze), the music you've introduced me to (I still enjoy your Spotify mix every now and then) and so on. What's probably more on the unhealthy side of things and might sound a bit crazy is that, interestingly enough, I still sometimes feel like you're watching my every move, judging every single thing I'm doing, and it's driving me nuts. I don't know the exact reason and it confuses me... on the one hand it's kind of annoying and a bit restrictive, and on the other hand I just want to figure out where exactly that comes from. I guess part of it is because of what I've experienced over the past years, the numerous occasions on which you've trash talked the time I've spent in relationships with other people to feel better about yourself. Then again, maybe part of me just wants you to still care, when the rational part in me reckons you probably you don't care about me anymore – I mean, why would you, you can do so much better. I don't think I'll find answers for now, more stuff to discuss with a therapist once I've found one, I guess. Then again, maybe it'll help me make saner decisions for the moment, I don't know. What I do know, though, is that I'm done with this whole trash-talking business, that is, if we start talking again, please just let me decide for myself what to make of my past... I hope this didn't sound too harsh, it's just something I might've left unsaid for too long. Oh well, and speaking of long-lasting impact, then there's like hundreds of things that still evoke your memory anyway, whether that's any mention of anything related to law school, or the former capital, or still wearing the things you gave me, or, oh yeah, living in the same flipping part of town. Also reminds me, I still haven't touched the new BoJack episodes or the Chris-chan documentary yet... watching TheOdd1sOut's Sooubway part 4 without you feld weird enough, somehow. I guess it goes without saying that there has hardly been a day this year that I haven't thought of you at least in some way, mostly thinking about how awkward it would be to run into each other on the streets, whether we'd exchange words and what the hell I'd have to say about how my life was going and what I've learned or accomplished and so on if that became the case. It obviously didn't, but I still spent some time thinking about what I'd have to say and it was interesting to observe how it changed over the year. I guess you were right about some things, first and foremost about how I should try to get myself up from the fucking ground first before attempting to build up anything in life.

That being said, there are two major milestones I've reached last year, and I hope you're at least a bit proud of me – I've used the spring semester to finally complete my mandatory internship, coding for a software company that was a pleasure to work for, and they offered to hire me as a working student right away and as a proper engineer once I finish uni. Anyway, since the office isn't exactly close to uni, I've decided for now to keep working at uni for two more years. They have been quite understanding and the offer to hire me again still stands. Since I could definitely see myself working in software development after uni, I have started working towards a proper computer science bachelor's degree which I'll pursue in parallel with my usual master's. And, what might surprise you even more, believe it or not, I've been smoke-free for more than 7 months now, and I'm making damn sure I'm not touching another cigarette or anything else containing nicotine again – fuck off, big tobacco! I almost also managed to finish my bachelor's degree, but my assigned thesis topic was so cryptic and far off from what I expected that I ended up not handing in anything at all... but I'm making sure to finish in a second attempt before the next semester starts, wish me luck!

Anyway, how's your 2019 been? Is everything alright at uni? Have you passed the bar yet, and how's your internship situation (been) going? Also, I've heard that the houseshare didn't work out (it really sucks to hear that), did you find another nice place to stay near uni and how do you like it? How's your bass journey coming along? I hope you're still having fun with the bass and I'd love to hear some of the riffs you've been rocking out to one day. (Speaking of rocking out – I don't know whether he told you, but Sebi and I have been trying to start a band for a while now. While we somehow procrastinated our way around it almost all year until recently, we've started jamming and recording voice memos, so who knows, maybe we'll have written some kick-ass tunes soon.)

Lest I forget, speaking of 2019... a very belated happy birthday! Whether or not to contact you for your birthday was a harder decision than you may think... in the end I decided to keep at a distance and not leave a message, I still hope you've had a great time (at least it probably won't have been a disappointment like the times I've been involved) so make damn sure to enjoy your remaining time at 22... because you know what Blink-182 has to say about them darned 23-year-olds.

Quick change of topic, politics is the same clusterfuck as always, isn't it? When the 12/12 general elections were announced, I was hoping so badly that Great Britain might be coming to its senses... and then the results were out, oh boy. Well, if this is what the Brits truly want, then good riddance, I guess... also, I hope the Americans won't make the same mistake this year but I'm not too sure about that... but at least the old fucker finally got impeached, about time. I know senate is likely to acquit him, but I don't want to think about that just now... for now, let's just stick with "they've finally got him."

Enough for now, I hope this note reaches you someday – if you feel like replying, just interact with this post, leave me a PM or so, you'll find a way. Just know that I still don't quite feel like I'm ready to take contact back to a normal level just yet, so it might take me the usual couple of weeks to reply in case there's anything you want me to reply to... until then I'll just go back to lurking in the shadows, trying to figure out my life while checking in on your Tumblr every once in a while to know you're okay. (Oh well, it's your Tumblr we're talking about, maybe "being okay" doesn't exactly cut it, but you get the gist.)

Best, L

1 note · View note

okgrumps-blog · 6 years

Text

The Best and the Worst of You

Chapter 7: Tired Arin

AO3 | Read chapter 1 | more

The two men were cuddled up on Dan’s couch together, with a fluffy brown blanket draped over their knees. They were meant to be at the Grump Space at least three hours ago, but Arin had streamed video compilations of horseshoe crabs on Dan’s television, and they’d gone through nearly every available video until they were led to Vine compilations. When the last compilation ended, Dan made the executive decision to switch off the TV, Arin groaning in response and cuddling into Dan’s side. Dan shook his head, moving so that Arin would be more comfortable.

“What time even is it?” Dan chuckled, pulling out his phone from his pocket. He read the time and frowned. “Aren’t we meant to be at the Grump Space?” He looked over to Arin, who was incredibly warm and definitely didn’t look like he’d be moving any time soon. “Arin.”

Arin slowly shifted and looked up at Dan sleepily, a soft smile over his face. Dan couldn’t hate that look at all. “Mm…?” The younger man hummed.

“Are we going to the office at any point to record?” Dan asked, moving a hand over Arin’s head to play with his hair. “I know you’re tired, and if you’re not up to it…”

“No, we gotta…” Arin groaned in response, sitting up and yawning quietly. “We gotta record. We didn’t record at all yesterday.” He scratched his head. And Arin was right - their upload schedule had been very spotty over the past couple of days. It couldn’t be helped - especially after the trauma they’d both experienced yesterday.

Dan offered to drive to the Space, a sleepy Arin sat in the passenger seat of his car. Dan glanced over at the other man occasionally, checking he wasn’t going to fall asleep before they got there. Since they’d missed a few sessions, it’d be an intense day of gaming for them both. They hit traffic lights, and as Dan looked over, he immediately recognised that Arin had his eyes shut.

“Arin, buddy…” Dan warned, nudging his shoulder. “I’m gonna stop off at the store, maybe you can pick up some energy drinks or something?” Dan frowned, watching as Arin opened one eye and nodded. He wasn’t aware of it, but Arin must not have slept well at all last night. He, on the other hand, had slept like a fucking baby after such a stressful evening. He really felt sorry for Arin - it wasn’t his fault any of this was happening, and clearly it affected him more than it should.

“I didn’t sleep…” Arin quietly admitted, mostly to himself. Dan could tell because he was shutting his eyes again. The lights turned green and Dan huffed, driving towards the local store. He wondered if he should just turn the car around and go home. But no; Arin would be mad at him, and everyone at the Space would worry. Not that they weren’t worried, anyway.

A few minutes passed, and Dan was pulling into the driveway of the 7-11 nearest to the Space. He looked at Arin again, who was passed out, looking incredibly peaceful. Dan bit his lip, leaning closer to him and speaking in a hushed voice.

“How many Monsters do you reckon you’ll need?” Dan stirred Arin from his slumber. Arin jolted, looking at Dan in confusion before understanding.

“‘Bout 5.” He mumbled, trying to sit himself up in the chair. “I’ll get you the money for it when we get to the Space…” Arin stretched his arms out, and Dan raised an eyebrow. Arin must be really tired, if he was offering to pay.

Dan hurried into the 7-11, leaving Arin to sleep in the car. He shuffled to where the drinks fridge was and tucked five Monster cans under his arm, grabbing a sparkling water for himself. He also picked up a Kit Kat for Arin on his way to the tills.

Making his way back to the car, he could already see through the window that Arin was sleeping peacefully. He felt bad as he clicked open the driver’s door, slipping inside - it obviously woke Arin up, who looked displeased. Dan gently dropped the five energy drinks onto Arin’s lap, holding up the Kit Kat in front of his face to catch his attention. Arin’s eyes immediately lit up, and he sat up properly, taking the Kit Kat from Dan.

“For me? Thank you…” Arin smiled happily, quickly opening up the packet and breaking off one of the fingers of the bar. Dan sat back and took a sip from his sparkling water, a smile across his face.

It wasn’t more than 2 hours before they’d ran into a problem.

Arin kept falling asleep in episodes, and Dan was really struggling to make up for Arin’s silence. Dan began to feel how Arin must have felt with him earlier in the week - with Dan constantly being tired from travelling. Dan, unlike Arin, was never angry. He could never be angry at someone like Arin. Whilst Arin was out cold, he finished up the episode himself, even keeping to the traditional ‘Next time on Game Grumps’. He quietly maneuvered himself about the room, stopping the game capture and recordings, fiddling with wires and buttons. He’d only ever done this once before by himself, but he figured the once was enough to know by now how to do it all properly.

Arin didn’t stir from his sleep, surprisingly, and Dan made a decision to leave him resting in the Grump room for a little while. He draped one of the blankets from his office over the younger man and closed the door behind him, strolling into the office. Checking the time, he hushed a small sigh. It was already turning 6, and he’d done nothing of proper use with himself. Feeling a weird kind of weight in his chest, he sought out Ross, who was running over some scripts with someone Dan didn’t quite recognise in Ross’ office.

“Whatcha up to?” Dan asked, peering over Ross’ shoulder. Ross tilted his head back and looked up at Dan with a smile.

“Dan.” He acknowledged the other man’s presence, sliding his chair back a bit. The man next to him did the same. “We’re just running over some stuff for Gameoverse. Lines and stuff.”

“Oh, that’s cool. How… How long do you think you’ll be?” Dan asked nervously, running a hand over his hair. Ross raised an eyebrow and looked at the stranger next to him, glancing back at Dan.

“I can pause it if you need to talk.” Ross folded his arms, watching Dan warily. “You never come to me first, though. So I guess it must be important…” He looked at the man sat next to him and shrugged. “If you’re good with it, we can come back to this in about an hour.” Ross suggested, the other man nodding and agreeing, walking to the other room. Ross watched him leave, and once he was out of sight, he turned back to Dan.

“You’ve known Arin for a long time, right?” Dan started, dragging a chair over to sit by Ross, dragging the door closed at the same time.

“Not as long as Suzy has. You could talk to her.” He shrugged, turning back to his screen. Dan grabbed his shoulder and turned him back around with a sigh.

“Suzy’s not here, and I need to hear it from someone who won’t object every flaw I’m about to point out.” Dan’s voice bordered desperation, and Ross’ eyes widened.

“Oh shit…” Ross turned to face Dan properly. “Well, you’re right. Did something happen?”

Dan prepared himself, hands fumbling in his lap. He knew that he should probably just confront Arin about this kind of stuff, but he didn’t know if it was just him being someone who worried too much.

“He didn’t sleep last night, and I’m just really worried something’s wrong.” Dan looked down at his hands with an exasperated sigh. “I don’t know if it’s him and Suzy, or anything going on outside that we don’t know about.” Dan looked at Ross, who’s face frowned in recognition. Ross must have noticed, too - or even, maybe he knew something. “I mean- God, Ross. When I was out yesterday, I met an Arin who was literally seconds away from killing himself.” He watched Ross’ face as he tensed, clearly concerned. “I stopped him.” Ross let out a breath he didn’t even realise he was holding in.

“But that’s not our Arin.” Ross tapped against the table, his brain running wildly now. Was Arin okay? He’d noticed Arin had been a little more distant recently, but hadn’t thought much of it until just now.

“Right.” Dan confirmed, crossing his arms and sitting back in the chair. “But I got back, and Suzy said Arin had a really bad, unexplainable panic attack.” Dan frowned, Ross shaking his head in tow. “When I told him about the other Arin, it made him really uncomfortable. He’s spoken about death before only recently, but like…” Dan groaned and covered his face with his hands. “Do you think? Arin might be depressed, or something? Something’s going on, and it pains me that I don’t know what the Hell’s going on, and…”

“Where is he?” Ross suddenly asked, quick, worried. Dan shook his head and waved a hand dismissively. He’d never taken Ross as the kind of person to worry so much.

“Grump room. He fell asleep.” Dan mumbled. “God, I don’t know what to do, Ross. I can’t talk to him about it, ‘cos he’ll get all upset. I can’t talk to Suzy, because she’ll just worry more and freak out and shit.”

“Yeah…” Ross nodded with a sigh. “I think just… talk to him. Even if he does get upset… Better to do that, then leave it to become something worse…” Ross frowned.

The two of them jolted upon hearing even the weakest knock against the door. Ross and Dan exchanged a concerned glance, and then Ross stood up to open the door. Standing before them was Arin, looking at them both sleepily. His hair was rustled, and he still seemed really tired. He hadn’t slept for long.

“I thought we were recording…” Arin grumbled, sounding a bit hurt. Dan stood up to match his height and nodded quickly, feeling bad for leaving him.

“We were, but you kept falling asleep, buddy…” Dan frowned, putting a hand on Arin’s shoulder. “So I stopped it. We got about two episodes done, but you should really rest up. I don’t want you to die by being overtired and fuelled only by energy drinks.” Arin seemed to huff a quiet laugh, shaking his head.

“I can stay up… It’s not even late.” Arin propped himself against the doorway to Ross’ office, a lazy grin on his face. Ross merely rolled his eyes, turning back to his screen and scrolling through the script again.

“It’s not late, but you literally didn’t sleep all night. You told me that.” Dan looped an arm around Arin’s waist and pulled him close for a quick hug. “I don’t mind if you want to call today off and go home. We can space everything out, I’m sure Ross wouldn’t mind recording some Steam Train stuff with me before I leave.” Dan glanced at Ross, who looked dumbfounded. “And we can even get some Grumpcade stuff out. We’ve got that special with Brian and Audrey to come out, yet.” Dan reassured him, patting him on the back. Arin seemed to mumble something sleepily into his shoulder, and Dan just laughed.

“C’mon, big cat. Let’s get you home. Or at least, to mine.” Dan stopped and thought for a second. Suzy wasn’t at the Grump Space, and neither was Barry, so he assumed that they were both at Arin’s still. He waited for a response, but Arin was already falling asleep leant against him, which made Dan giggle.

“Can you two lovebirds just go home already?” Ross sighed, deferring back to his usual persona. Dan was nearly surprised. “I’ve got work to do.”

Dan said that he didn’t mind carrying Arin back to the car and such, but Arin was very adamant that Dan wouldn’t be able to. They were back on the same couch at least twenty minutes later, minus the energy drinks. Arin refused to sleep anywhere other than right next to Dan, for some unknown reason.

“You want me to sleep with you?” Dan looked confused. Arin shook his head and cuddled up to Dan on the couch.

“No, I mean-” Arin looked embarrassed, tucking his fringe behind his ear. “Just… stay with me whilst I sleep. Until you go.” Dan nodded and ran his hands through the younger man’s hair, just for something to do. Arin wasn’t sleeping for some reason - Dan thought he was tired. It’s the whole reason they came home. His conversation with Ross arose in his thoughts again and he looked to Arin with a worried expression.

“Is something wrong?” He asked very quietly, as if there were anyone else in the room to hear them. But they were alone, and even Barry probably wouldn’t be back until the late evening. Arin looked up at Dan, suddenly seeming very sad, as if he could cry. Dan hugged him tightly and rubbed his back.”Hey, c’mon… I’m right here.”

Arin stayed quiet for a while, just trying not to spill any tears. His voice was muffled by Dan’s shirt, so Dan pulled back and gave him some room to breathe. Arin took a sharp breath in and stared up at Dan. His voice was cold, terrified.

“I had a dream that you didn’t come back.”

#tbatwoy #okfics #arin #danny #ross #egobang #razzaflap #HELLO EVERYONE I'M BACK #TAKE THIS ANGST-FEST AND FEAST #just a bit of character development tbh #some realisations etc etc #also i wanted to write ross #hope you didn't miss me too much!#deals w some sensitive subjects from previous chapters #mwah mwah mwah #love you all #chaptered #angst

32 notes · View notes

drink-n-watch · 6 years

Text

Genre: Everything that Irina Loves

Episodes:23

Studio: White Fox

It’s amazing how quickly something can seep into your normal. You repeat the same actions under the same circumstances a few times and just like that, it’s a ritual. Comforting and familiar. You miss it when it’s not around. Before you can even notice, it’s a little part of your life, and tiny little spec of what makes you, you.

Since April 12, 2018, every Wednesday evening I’ve come home to watch an episode of Steins;Gate 0, then I savoured it. I took it in my mind with me and let it settle as I drifted off to sleep so the next day, I could try to tell you all about it. I truly wanted to share the experience with you in an unvarnished, honest way. I wanted to give you all of my thoughts and feelings and to heck with pretence and pride. It often came out in a jumble of passion and directionless enthusiasm.

On Friday evenings I would relive the episode in stop motion form to capture images and put it all together, ready to publish by Sunday. Even after a long week, I enjoyed taking this time, screencapping away.

Like most of my episodic posts, my Steins;Gate 0 reviews have had relatively modest success. But that’s fine too. It made sense that such personal and intimate posts would be seen by the few close readers that have gotten to know me best. That was comfortable…and familiar.

where have I heard this before?

And so, for some time now, Steins;Gate 0b has become a part of my reality. It’s made a tiny mark on me. I’m the girl who looks forward to Wednesday evenings. The girl who’s a little quieter and pensive on Thursdays and a little too contempt on Monday mornings. The girl that mumbles El Psy Congroo under her breath and giggles in her head. I have come to enjoy being that girl. Today, I’m going to be that girl for the last time. I couldn’t have asked for better company.

Steins;Gate 0 has been a ride! If you want a proper review, I’m sure you have plenty of options. This isn’t going to be one. I probably couldn’t write one even if I wanted to. I’m a little biased…

WordPress’ digital editor always screams at me when I start sentences the same way. It’s an issue with drinking games… This is why I put this little buffer in before continuing. Steins:Gate 0 is a series that trades and relishes in nostalgia while betraying the expectations built upon those memories. I don’t think you need to have seen the original to enjoy this season, but it certainly adds a ton to it. In any case, although the story is different and the themes almost opposite, it’s pretty safe to say that it will likely appeal to the same audience.

good pertinent cap, right? so proud!

This is a time travel story meant to take you back in time. Back to the original, which is still beloved by so many fans. It’s clearly pandering and I bought it hook, line, sinker, rod and probably part of the fisherman’s glove. This show was written for me. It did exactly what it was suppose to. It took me back to a time when I was a little anime lover and time travel otaku who had no friends to share those particular passions with and stumbled unto a fan patched version of the visual novel. To a time where I was completely engrossed in that world. For months, I live in Steins;Gate’s version of Akhibara.

I remember once overheating my laptop while playing and having it unexpectedly shut down and refuse to start up again. My only concern was that I might not be able to find the game and mostly the English language patch again. I couldn’t care less about the computer itself, everything else on it or my progress. The first time I found Steins:Gate, I found a place where all my disjointed passions came together in a format that was my preference. I found a home.

A decade later, fearful and suspicious, I stepped back into that world that had meant so very much to me. I was suspicious and defensive. How can you possibly catch lightning in a bottle twice? And then, I was home. Only this time, for the first time, I get to invite friends over.

little Suzu is the embodiment of adorableness

I told you this was not going to be a review…. OK this is the deal, Steins;Gate 0 is a lot like the original and also very different. By now, enough has been said on both that my post is unlikely to either sway or inform you. Instead, this post serves as a place to hold all my feeeeelings about the season but also to tell you a bit about this final episode.

Shocker: I liked it. What can I say, I’m a girl in love. It’s not as if I’m completely blind though. I realize there were some issues. We never got back to the second Reading Steiner. Judy’s role was useless and a lot of the characters are dreadfully underdeveloped. Farris the great is lost forever in the folds of time. That’s just tragic. The darkest future lacked the narrative connective tissue to make the emotional impact it could have. Why was Moeka with Maho in the first episode? You can tell that in the editing process meant to adapt a multi branching VN narrative to a basically linear one, some plot threads where excised not quite a cleanly as they could have. I don’t care, I loved it.

And really, the final episode wasn’t perfect either. Those directorial choices were plain to see. This was a story cut down to fit the format and the director obviously had to pick what would stay and what would go. The action is streamlined and half skipped over. Only a few characters get to grab unto the spotlight. These were hard decisions but the fact is, if you want to get somewhere, eventually you have to pick a path. Steins;Gate 0 picked the prefect one.

cried when I watched it, cried when I got the screencap, cryin’ now…

Visually, the episode opens as a parallel to the ending of the first season. Okabe backlit and depressed in the streets of Akhibara. The episode itself twined around and intermeshed with the ending of the original Steins;Gate in one glorious Ouroboros. We finally got the full view of how both stories fit together, crossing paths for only one second and changing the future for eternity. Cynically you could call it a huge load of fanservice for fans of the original. At least at first sight. I call it beautiful.

Thematically though, it was quite different from Steins;Gate, and that’s what I adore about it. We never saw Kurisu again and Amadeus is gone forever. This time, the difficult choice is made. This is the worldline where love doesn’t conquer all. It’s also the worldline where decisions have eternal consequences. If Steins;Gate was about having it all, Steins;Gate 0 is about the importance of compromise. But closing one door in order to open another is a powerful gesture. There’s something deeply comforting about that. A sense of purpose and urgency that brought out the very best in everyone.

only Mayuushi can save Mayuushi!

Mayuushi was a force to be reckoned with. This is a character that was essentially a walking, talking damsel in distress trope. And yet, our eternal little victim saved absolutely everyone through sheer strength of will and never faltered for a second. The damsel in distress was allowed to pick up the sword and become a hero. It took a decade to get there, and it was well worth the wait.

The unfortunately underused Moeka was given a sliver of agency and more importantly hope, for a second she looked like a real person and not a puppet. Moeka has always been one of my favorite characters and generally favorite villains. The idea of an average someone being so deeply broken that they willingly make themselves into a weapon as it is less painful than being a person, was as terrifying as it was sad. Her every appearance in Steins;Gate 0 send a shiver down my back. Giving her a chance at a different life, brought a smile to my lips.

As for Kagari, her trajectory is similar. In essence she’s also nothing but a tool. But Kagari had something Moeka never had. A mother who loved her. As we bid goodbye to the season we also saw Kagari as her best self. A small child longing for her mommy.

now that’s quite the ensemble

And Suzu… My dearest Suzu. It’s not that much longer to type out Suzuha but I always shorten her name. It’s a nickname, you see. We have a rapport Suzu and me. Few characters have endured more. It would have been easy to write her as an ultimate badass having sacrificed all emotions in order to survive. She tries to pretend sometimes. But Suzu did manage something amazing in the eleventh hours. She actually figured out how to be vulnerable without being weak.

This was an episode full of heroes.

Somewhere along the twisting and turning timelines…uhm worldlines… Steins;Gate matured. 0 is no longer the insecure kid that needs it’s leading man to be everything to everyone. It’s secure enough to spread the glory around. It can handle ambiguous relationships that aren’t clearly defined and long term friendships that don’t lead to dating. It’s also grown up enough to trust us, the audience. To let us figure out what it was saying without over explaining everything. That’s what happens when you get older, you learn to let go.

I think so too!

I adored that no one got the girl. In the end, there’s no real indication of who “the girl” even is. This time that’s not what it was about. Everybody got a turn at the wheel. For everything it failed to do, Steins;Gate 0 finally gave the little girls lost a chance to chose their path and find themselves. That’s worth a whole lot in my book

But where would Steins;Gate be without the Mad Scientist of the hour! Few characters have gone through as much growth and regression and regrowth as Okabe Rintaro. The man has his faults. Many, many faults… He can be frustrating, annoying, unbearably selfish. When he’s not being a cringe inducing doofus, he’s a complete downer. Who could blame you for being over the guy? But you still got to admit, that Hououin Kyouma’s got some swagger!

‘Cmon, don’t tell me you did cheer out loud when his silhouette came into view at the last second. Now that was an epic Big Fat Hero moment.

I mean it… don’t tell me. In my worldline we all applauded and cheered, laughing loudly. We hugged and danced around the living room. Buddy watched us, confused. It was a great moment. Don’t take it away!

I had a great time these past few months. I was really happy you were there too. If ever you want to take a stroll back down memory lane, you can relive the good times with me:

Steins;Gate 0 Ep1 – In Memory of Things That Never Were

Steins;Gate 0 Ep2 – Kindred Spirit

Steins;Gate 0 Ep3 – Little Girls lost

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 4 – Confabulation

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 5 – The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 6 – The Best of Times and The Worst of Time

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 7 – Strange Bedfellows

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 8 – Okabe And The Real Girl

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 9 – The Comfort of a Familiar Ache

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 10 – Space Time Oddity

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 11 – Anti-Thesis

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 12 – MEAMs

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 13 – Discrepancy

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 14 – The Disapearance of Kagari Shiina

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 15 – Hope for the Future

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 16 – Those Who Fail to Learn From History…..

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 17 – The Second That Lasts Forever

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 18 – Never Trust A Professor

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 19 – Meaningless Consequences

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 20 – The Once and Future Okabe Rintaro

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 21 – Going Back to Yourself

Steins;Gate 0 Ep 22 -A Nostalgic Sorrow

I’ve been reducing the number of pics. They slow down my site. Also Crunchy roll has recently changed making image capture much harder. Still I couldn’t resist this week. Here are a ton of pics. Doesn’t that Mayu and Suzu pic have slight yuri vibes?

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Steins;Gate 0 – Time Heals All Wounds Genre: Everything that Irina Loves Episodes:23 Studio: White Fox It's amazing how quickly something can seep into your normal.

#action #drama #friends #Mystery #sci fi #Steins;Gate #Time #wow

0 notes