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pjackk · 7 months

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Yep another miesrable "F my life" moment just hapened to me i basicaly walked 10 miles up the mountain to get to behind to the gas station to see my plug to buy me my with my favorite delta 8 pipe rocks and grab another 6er of tall boy steelies and i forgot i had my lit pre roll from brunch at the Country Grocerys buffet and i tripped on a congom on they away out and fell directly into a puddle of oil which normaly is fine when i fall and hurt myself ebcause nobody gives a fuck about me but the pants got stained wich is not unusual for me either but this time with motor guel or some shit but my pre roll was smoldering still and it set my ptants on fire so i dive in to the muddy ditch to put wet mut on my body to estinguish the fire and it and it shook the fuck up out of my steelos and the bursted all over me and it put out the fire but now i dont have any booze at all and my delta 7 "Fuck n chill" rocks burned tf up and i dont got nothgin left and my pants were all fucked up so i had to go home thru the woods wihtout them and it was so dark out and my peice of shit phone died even thouhg it was at 27% and i couldnt see shit and i was lost for along time so i decide to go to sleep in the woods to find my way back in day time + the animals sounds were high key scary as fuck so i cover myself in leafs and dirt and sticks and mud and other shit to hide from them and i woke up in the adfternoon still tired as fuck cuz i dont sleep good without some shit to put me asleep like my medicidne prescribed from Dr Maltlikker if U catch my drift lol or Dr thc Gummy lol if u get what im saying and these stupid little cunts with 22 rifles were plinking at me and tlaking about how they wanted to shoot my big ugly rusty head right in the head or to shoot a hole in my nippels so i got up and trioed to get them to stop i begged but htey just kept lauhging at me and shooting at me and it realy hurt my feelings so i pick one up and threw it into the sky then they all ran away screaming which is a classic "Dont fuck with honest joe,because he might try to hurt you or kill you if u piss him of moment" but the miracle of the story if that i went to walk 20 feet to findm y way out and i found my busted as shit old as fuck camry with a litle gas left ive been looking for it for a few days cuz i did a lil cruising when i was blackout and did lots of crazy shit i didnt remember at all but it was all on my story and 100 ppl were snaping and whatsapping me telling me to kill myself when i checked my huwawai thats how u know u had a crazy fcking night when u get that shit!!😂😂 but it had a litle gas left and it wasnt super busted so i was able do get back on I81 and soem stupid fcking crazy ass north carolina motha fuckas are driving insanly as fuck as usual and they keep almost hiting me while im just trying to read my fukcking phone to get rid of all these stupid messages and shit i still dont know how to use the app and its hard to type shit with my hands but eventualy i got back to my fuck buddys houe im crashing there even though he hates me now but i have nowehre left since ive been down on my luck and im realy not able to pay the bills no more with my online black jack/DarkRp trial moderator gigs and basicaly he owes me cuaz i got him 1 pack of menthols back when he was 19 and Sleepy Joe Brnadon banned them since "Freedom to do real shit" was aparently removed from the costitution when he was elected😂 but anywas now im sitting here bored as fuck with nothign at all do do cuz i got nothing to get fucked up wthi and i spent the rest of my meony on shit thats burned and blasted im realy worried i wont be able to sleep tongith since i cant get fucked up and thats when the demons starts to flow in my head i might do something realy bad to myself like pluck out my screws or some shit if u care abotu my which u probably dont my cashuapp is $pjack9 im desprate for another bottle to numb my p[ain away

Pic of my ride when i found it thankuly it still had gas😋

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jealousmartini · 1 month

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"Haven't you ever seen skin like mine?" A vault

Skin clarity + glow | Skin tone | skin clarity

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

⋆.˚ Skin clarity .𖥔˚

My skin is just so clear and beautiful, I can't help staring and feeling it. I am just in awe at how wonderfully blessed I am to be born with such perfect ideal skin. It is so gorgeously smooth, and while its firmness keeps me looking young and perfect, it is still supple and has a slight bounce to the touch.

I mean my skin is so perfect some friends ask me what brand of skin care I use to get my skin so even and glowing like it does, but truth be told.. genetics and positive assumptions about myself I guess😭?? I've never had any reason to use skin products because my skin has always been naturally flawless, and ive never had any reason to doubt myself because literally look at me- i am the proof. That's just my nature. But every now and then, I'll get gifted high-quality skin korean care sets and expensive most wanted skin moisturisers with the most delicious and entising scents by my mum "just in case" but also because the process is fun😋

It's also so fun being able to eat whatever I want without ever having to worry about my skin because nothing could ever affect its perfectness. I just eat what I want, and the after-effects are like a couple of crumbs on my lips and still looking pretty😭

But some people do be jealous tho🙄. "There is no way she can eat what she likes and still look that good" one says and "what about the acne? Has she even gotten a spot once?" another says. And it's even better when I post pictures or videos cus haters really be out here doing there best to convince themselves and everyone around them (like the clowns they are) that skin is impossible to look that perfect and it HAS to be makeup or it HAS to be a filter or she MUST have gotten some surgery of a kind and they all couldn't be more wrong lmao. I just be existing and nothing else and i am just that naturally radiant😂

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

⋆.˚ Skin colour.𖥔˚

I've had people pointing out how dewy and golden like my skin is like all my life and I never even thought about it until now. Well, I kind of always knew that I have the most gorgeous, jaw dropping skin colour that ranged between a deep caramel tan in the light and like a golden brown in the dark; I've even been accused of bleaching my skin to get a lighter tone once but how would that even make any sense when my tone changes slightly due to lighting?😭😭 But anyway other than that one person I've been getting remarkable amounts of compliments both in person and on social media about how glorious my skin colour looks. It's kind of overwhelming but ive been fighting though it.

skin colour in the dark | skin colour in bright lightings

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

1 dimple is ♡shaped | I sweat= I shimmer | cutest mole marks

⋆.˚ Unique features.𖥔˚

— Glittery skin when I sweat

I have a rare phenomenon that only 0.0001 in the entire human population have, with my skin where if I am to sweat, my skin will have a light glittery coat. Scientists have recently come to find out that the glittery coat left behind by the sweat is a natural skin protecting barrier. This is incredibly useful for preventing skin problems like rashes, strawberry skin, and uneven skin texture. Scientists have not found a name for this yet (im scientists and don't know what to call it)

— ♡Shaped Dimple

Another rare phenomenon for people to get is dimples. Only 0.01 of the entire human population have dimples, and an even smaller number of people (me) have a heart-shaped dimple. There is nothing scientific about this tho, it's just fun to look at

— Beauty marks / moles

I have a couple of cute beauty marks on my body and face. Also somewhat rare, somewhat not lol. Nothing more to add😊

@theshifterbear @livingmydreamlife5555 @4ellieluv

This was lowkey entertaining to script especially the unique features one too. ONTO THE NEXT!

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dreamonseems · 10 months

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Thank You

Erling Haaland X Female Reader

Summary: Birth of baby number two

Literally, because i have been killing myself with work, I got so sick that I had to be in the hospital. Life's been crazy so sorry iv been MIA, I'm didn't even have a good vacation lol because I was sick. I'll hopefully be uploading throughout the week.

The much-awaited time had arrived for the couple to welcome their second baby, just like they did with Ragnar. They had planned for a home birth, hoping for a smooth and serene experience. Y/N's labor began around 4 pm, and they eagerly called the midwives to assist with the birth. Everything seemed ordinary in the beginning, but as the night progressed, the atmosphere took an unexpected turn.

Y/N, her breath becoming heavier, voiced her unease, "I don't feel good, something doesn't feel right." Her words carried an air of concern that immediately caught Erling's attention. Worriedly, he turned to the midwives, seeking answers, "What's going on?"

One of the midwives responded, her face reflecting the seriousness of the situation, "Her blood pressure is getting really high. We will have to take her to the hospital. Call an ambulance now."

Erling's heart skipped a beat, feeling the sudden rush of anxiety and fear. "What's happening? Is she okay? Is the baby okay?" he asked, his mind racing with worries. Sensing his panic, the head midwife, Doris, approached him and took him aside. With a reassuring tone, she said, "We will do everything we can to keep her calm until we get to the hospital. The doctors there will know how to help. But I'll need your help to keep her from freaking out."

Summoning all his courage, Erling took a deep breath to steady his nerves. He returned to Y/N's side, determined to support her through this challenging moment. He began massaging her back gently, his voice a soothing balm as he spoke calming words, "The baby will be okay, Y/N. You and the baby will be fine. Don't worry about that. Let's just stay nice and calm. Trust me, everything will be alright."

Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes as she clung to his words for comfort. "Is the baby going to be okay?" she questioned, her emotions running high.

Erling looked into her eyes with unwavering love and assurance, "Yes, of course, baby. You and the baby will be just fine. I promise you that. We're in this together, and we'll get through it." He continued to provide her with the support and strength she needed, knowing that his presence and words meant the world to her in this moment of uncertainty.

The ambulance rushed to the scene, lights flashing and sirens blaring, as they urgently transported Y/N to the hospital. Inside, the atmosphere was filled with tension and a sense of urgency. Y/N clung to hope, her heart pounding with anxiety while Erling sat beside her, trying to provide whatever reassurance he could.

As they arrived at the hospital, medical personnel were standing ready, anticipating their arrival. The doctor and nurses sprang into action as they swiftly took Y/N to the emergency room. Erling, desperate to be by her side, attempted to follow them, but he was halted by a nurse.

"We will take care of her and figure out what's going on. We'll call you when we are ready to have you in the room," the nurse informed him with a gentle yet firm demeanor.

Erling's heart sank at the thought of being separated from Y/N during such a critical moment. He nodded in resignation, though every fiber of his being longed to be with her. As he stood there, watching them take his wife away, he felt a sense of helplessness like never before. It was an overwhelming feeling of being lost, unable to do anything to help the love of his life and their precious baby.

Unable to bear the weight of his emotions, Erling sank to the floor, leaning against the hospital wall. He folded his hands together, seeking solace in prayer like never before. Tears streamed down his cheeks, and his voice trembled as he cried out to God with all his heart, "Please, God, please don't let anything happen to them. I beg you to protect them. Bring them both through this safe and sound."

Every word was filled with raw emotion, and Erling's heartache was evident in his fervent plea. In that vulnerable moment, he laid bare his deepest fears and hopes, finding a glimmer of strength in the act of prayer. The waiting seemed like an eternity, and Erling held on to the hope that his prayers would be heard and answered.

All around him, the hospital bustled with activity, but Erling remained on his knees, his thoughts consumed by his beloved wife and the life they created together. The uncertainty weighed heavily on his shoulders, but he held on to the belief that his love and faith could make a difference. Through the pain and the fear, Erling clung to the hope that soon, he would be reunited with Y/N and their unborn child, safe and sound.

"Mr. Haaland, you can come in now. She's pushing, and she's a strong one, your wife," the nurse called out to Erling with a hint of admiration in her voice. Erling's heart raced, and he swiftly rushed into the delivery room. He knew this was the critical moment he had been waiting for, and he couldn't bear to miss it.

Just in time, Erling stood by Y/N's side, gripping her hand tightly as she bravely pushed to bring their precious bundle of joy into the world. Y/N's face was flushed red, her tears mixing with sweat as she vocalized the intensity of her efforts. With every ounce of her strength, she pushed, determined to bring their baby safely into their arms.

With bated breath, Erling watched as their little one made their way into the world. But as the baby emerged, a sense of fear crept in. There were no cries, and the baby's complexion looked bluish. Time seemed to slow down as panic threatened to consume Erling's heart. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, and his mind raced with worry.

Y/N, still dazed and exhausted from the labor, was unaware of what was unfolding. She went in and out of consciousness, her eyes hazy as she caught glimpses of Erling's shocked face. Fearful for her baby's well-being, she repeated the question, "What's happening? What's happening?" But there were no answers forthcoming, and Erling found it difficult to tear his gaze away from the baby to comfort her.

With every second feeling like an eternity, Erling's heart sank as he focused on the baby's condition. The silence in the room was unbearable, and he prayed with all his might for a miracle. Just when it felt like time stood still, their baby finally let out a strong cry, piercing the air with life. Relief washed over Erling, and he couldn't hold back his emotions.

"Oh, thank you, thank you," Erling cried out, his voice trembling with gratitude. The sound of their baby's cries was music to his ears, a symphony of hope and joy amidst the fear and uncertainty. In that moment, he knew that they had overcome a major hurdle, and the bond between him, Y/N, and their newborn grew stronger than ever.

He turned to Y/N, her tired but elated expression mirroring his own feelings. The world seemed to fade away around them as they heard their babys cries, cherishing the miracle of life that they had brought into this world together.

As the anticipation reached its peak, the doctor's voice filled the room, ringing with a mix of excitement and tenderness, "It's a boy!" The words danced in the air, and Erling's heart swelled with pride and love. As the doctor gently placed their newborn son on Y/N's chest, a rush of emotions overwhelmed them both.

Y/N's eyes glistened with tears of joy as she looked down at her precious baby boy. A joyful chuckle escaped her lips, intermingled with tears, as she marveled at the miracle cradled against her. Her heart felt like it would burst from the overwhelming love she felt for the little bundle in her arms.

Erling's eyes welled up as he beheld the scene before him. His beautiful family, now complete with the arrival of little Elias, filled his soul with an indescribable sense of happiness. His hand trembled with emotion as he gently caressed his son's tiny, delicate head.

"His name is Elias," Erling declared, his voice quivering with affection and certainty. The name carried a sense of meaning and significance, carefully chosen to be a perfect fit for their new addition.

"Elias... I like it," Y/N said, her voice tender, yet teary-eyed. It was as if the name resonated deeply with her heart, sealing their bond as a family. The joyous tears cascading down her cheeks mirrored the overwhelming happiness in Erling's heart.

In that sacred moment, time seemed to stand still as they basked in the pure bliss of becoming parents once again. The room was filled with an aura of love, a cocoon of warmth and happiness that enveloped the new family. Elias, swaddled in love, had already woven himself into the hearts of his parents.

As they gazed at their son, they knew that this journey of parenthood would be filled with challenges and wonders, tears and laughter, but they were ready for every single moment. Little Elias had made them a family, and they vowed to cherish and protect him with all the love they could muster.

With Elias in their arms, their hearts were overflowing with love and gratitude. Y/N and Erling looked at each other, their eyes shining with affection, and shared a smile that spoke volumes. They knew that this was just the beginning of a lifetime of love, joy, and precious memories, and they couldn't wait to embark on this beautiful journey together as a family of four.

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plantboiart · 2 months

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Okay finished relistening to episode 1 (will listen to episode 2 and maybe more tomorrow but its like 10 pm and i have school tomorrow) of bitb and heres just like small collection of things that stuck to my mind!

Rolan does in fact canonically have a car i forgot about that so sorry rolan in my fic you got to live but lost your ability to drive such is life

Kian’s first act being just drinking something…. Like he wakes up and immediately gets alcohol… grizzly honestly just does such an incredibly amazing job making kian seem so like depressing but hiding it so well behind making everything seem like just some funny rockstar stuff its amazing

Also! The super tired ‘hey’ before he remembers and switches to ‘i mean whats up dude’??? Like could that have been a genuine mistake by grizz, sure, but i highly fucking doubt that. Like grizzly is so incredible at voice acting i refuse to believe that wasnt intentional

Rand. Just. How fucking mad he is at rolan. Its just painful. And how clearly done with it rolan is like you know this is an argument theyve had like hundreds of times before

So so so many details about kian that are so fucking fun to think about, specifically when he describes the look officer dudes gave him? Like (cant remember the exact quote but you get it) ‘ive seen some bad people in hollywood, people who just smile at you a certain way and you know you wouldnt want to meet them at night because they want to kill you’???? I am using that against him so hard holy shit

They just. Know nothing about how time works. They keep saying that its been a decade (it hasnt its been 15 years) and barc is supposedly old enough to have met them but no he is absolutely not and also charlie described barc as a golden retriever but then who the fuck is the black dog in rands official art just. Wow theyre so inconsistent about everything.

Theres definitely a few details about kian that i had forgotten about (like him just saying he has plenty more cars at home and whatever) but the pros of that is. I dont even need to decide to just ignore canon because i can just fucking believe that hes lying! Like its kian we cant trust his word on anything and thats great for me because i dont need to worry about messing up the canon!

Trying to just keep track of their stats and such but its. Its so hard. Because most of the time they just say ‘thats a success/hard success/failure/etc’ and not even what they actually rolled and then when they say what they rolled they still usually dont say what the number they had to beat was so just like.

Kian has 30 strength and 75 in guitar and 11 hp and that is all i can actually remember

Rand has 45 strength and 30 sanity (for like the first half hour) and ive already forgotten everything else

And rolan. Im going to be real i remember nothing already. I think he has 8 speed? But that was in the solo ep so i cant be sure. Also either him or rand had 14 hp i have already forgotten which one

Rat’s death is so hard to think about but its also very hard for me because im just thinking of kian going through the same fucking thing. Like hes aware of it and hes in pain and he just hears a buzzing and. Augh. (And kian probably died alone. God knows becky wasnt comforting him through that)

…..kian going fucking four times over the speed limit getting to galloway but then specifically not speeding with the others until theyre trying to leave after seeing rats whole thing? You cannot convince me that thats not like him being passively suicidal and just not caring about his own safety unless other peoples lives depend on it as well

Also, quick pat on the back for myself, i feel like i did very well with especially rand and rolan’s dynamic. Like just the intense care and love they have for each other but its been overshadowed by years spent apart and basically the second theyre left alone they immediately get into an argument and instantly start going right for all the things that hurt the most? Jesus they need therapy

Also kian (yes of course im focusing on him again thats my guy) just cares for them so much?? Like him immediately going after rolan and trying to help him without even knowing whats going on, also as fucking stupid as it is grizzlys plan being literally ‘im going to flirt with donna so john walks in on us and chases me with a shotgun to give a distraction for rand’ its like. So ridiculous. Yet somehow also very caring that this idiot is really willing to risk getting shot at to help rand out a bit

#jrwi show #jrwi #just roll with it #jrwi bitb #jrwi blood in the bayou #blood in the bayou #jrwi spoilers #jrwi bitb spoilers #bitb spoilers #blood in the bayou spoilers

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lina-lovebug · 1 year

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Bleeding Hearts

Part 7

Taglist: @silverhowe @happycupcakeenthusiast @vampire-hunter @simpforavillain @dumb-fawkin-bitch @mushroomlover13 @kimqueenofhell @vane28282 @namor-is-the-way @daaiissyyyyy @anyzandy @pturnersblog @cherrychupachup

Miles pov

Years ago, on Earth. . .

The love of my life was dying.

At the age of ten, my love was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was unexpected, and it happened over the course of a week.

During class, she started to seize and she was taken away in an ambulance. Her lungs were filled with liquid and with hundreds of tests done, it was confirmed she has stage two lung cancer.

She was pulled out of school, but that didn't keep me from her. Every day, like clockwork, I took a bus to the hospital to visit room 23.

And over the course of a few years, she kept getting worse.

Her parents didn't want her to do chemo, but it was her only chance of living. Her eyes were sunken in, but the sparkle was still there. Her spirit was breaking but she was still smiling. Her curly hair was coming off in clumps but she insisted she looked better bald.

I wanted to see her get better.

I wanted to see her out of here.

"Nina," I said one day, catching her attention as the nurse finished taking her blood.

"Yes?"

"Once you're better, I'm gonna marry you," Her eyes widened.

"Wh-what the fuck? Miles, don't joke about stuff like that-"

"I'm not joking. I love you, and I've been in love with you since we were kids. I'll join the military and get us a house, and you'll never have to worry about anything ever again, I swear to you," She started to cry and at first, I thought my feelings weren't reciprocated.

But she kissed me and said yes.

I had asked her fathers permission beforehand. I wanted him to know that his daughter would be taken care of, and that I would always be by her side. Her mother was hesitant, but they both knew that if I waited any longer, I would regret never telling her.

Date nights were spent in her room. I would pick up her favorites and new things to try, just to see the reaction on her face when she found something else she liked.

One night, I had fallen asleep in the room. I was going to head home, since visiting hours were done, but she wanted me to stay.

I fell asleep with her hand in mine, my back getting used to the chair I would find myself taking naps in.

Suddenly, I heard a blaring alarm. My eyes snapped open and turned to Nina, who was seizing.

“Nina!” I tried running to her side but doctors were already forcing me out. Her eyes were on mine as I was being dragged out, and she tried speaking but no words would leave her lips.

“Please, help her!”

“You can’t be in here, Miles,” One of the nurses said, closing the door infront of me. I rushed to the side window, trying to see what was going on and luckily, they didn’t close the blinds. They turned her on her side, forcing out her IV and her body wouldn’t stop shaking.

You’ll be okay.

They’ll save you, just like they always do.

But her heart rate was going down. Rapidly.

“Hey!” I screamed, banging on the glass.

“Hey, don’t you give up on me! Nina, you need to fight!” Love can make you blind. I was so convinced that she would be out of there that I ignored how skinny she had gotten, and how pale she was. I wanted so badly to believe that she would get out so I could marry her that I didn’t even see it.

She wanted to die.

She was tired of fighting.

And it stopped.

The monitor that always beeps repeatedly, all day and everyday, had stopped.

That’s when the screaming started. I wanted it to be a nightmare. I wanted to wake up as my fists repeatedly hit the glass window, ignoring the pain and the blood. I couldn’t see reason because there couldn’t be any good one. What reason was there to take such a beautiful person away? What reason was there to take her away?

Why couldn’t I just see her smile one more time?

All those thoughts were racing through my mind as I stared at the DNA results infront of me.

Ninat’ia, a Na’vi, perfectly matched the DNA results of Nina Gonzales, who died in 2120.

This felt like a punch to the gut. Like the world was saying “fuck you”.

“Anything come up?” General Ardmore questioned from the doorway.

“Nah, just some bullshit,” I replied, trying to keep my composure as I clicked delete.

Just absolute bullshit.

#avatar the way of water imagine #avatar imagine #avatar the way of water #miles quaritch #na'vi quaritch #the way of water

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nora-kano-rokii · 1 year

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Haikaveh where kaveh is pregnant and when they found out about it he freaks out bc he read stories online where husbands wouldn't like the wives as much after postpartum takes over.

For days after the discovery Kaveh wouldn't eat or sleep as much, so far as to not talk to Haitham as much in fear of provoking anything that'll make Haitham "hate" him even more after the delivery

"Why aren't you eating?"

"Oh I'm just... not that hungry. I ate lunch earlier."

"But we always have lunch together??"

"Well something came up and I gotta change my schedule a bit. Sorry about that."

He'll just lie and lie and keeps on lying.

Kaveh isn't the type to wish anything bad happening on his pregnancy period, but he does severely dread the day of delivery. He'd get anxious and nervous (even more than he usually is) around Haitham and is always thinking about his next lie.

He loves the idea of motherhood. He loves the idea of having a child to take care of. He loves the idea of a happy family because that was something he didn't get as a child and is now more than willing to do anything to give it to his child.

What he doesn't like is the fear of Haitham leaving him if he's not good enough to satisfy his needs. The fear where he'll lose his worth as someone pretty and just end up as someone thats already been "used" and is not "perfect" anymore.

Haitham gets wind of what's going on and approaches him one day.

"Sweetheart."

"Yes?"

"Whats wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Dont play dumb with me, sunshine. Tell me what's going on."

And then Kaveh will freak out, thinking Haitham already knows about the postpartum fear thing and start crying and begging for Alhaitham to not leave him. He'll do anything, he'll be a good wife and stay with the kids and do all the housechores and stay in shape and-

A simple kiss shut him about for good.

"You don't ever need to be sorry about how you look like after bearing my children."

"But.. I've read stories... and surveys- about how husbands are more displeased with their wives' body image after postpartum-"

"You think I care how you look like?"

Probably not the best thing to say (he should've rephrased it better) as Kaveh starts to tear up again.

"You... you don't think I'm taking care of myself well enough..?"

"No, it's not that. Kaveh, sunshine. I fell in love with you because of your physical image. That was only one of the reasons why."

"You... did not?"

"You thought I would be like some of those freaks that ogles you shamelessly on the side of the road? Of course not."

"But.. you always said that it's absolutely important for me to keep being healthy-"

"Sunshine, healthy does not mean body image. Healthy means you are happy with yourself. Which you are mostly aren't. That's why I told you to be healthier."

Kaveh wells up in tears again as he realizes what Haitham is saying. He kisses Kaveh's forehead and rubs his belly.

"This baby is going to make us a family. Why would I care about how you're going to look like?"

(Again, probably should've rephrased it better)

"Everything will be a marker of your battles. I'd love every stretch mark it'll create. All the cellulites that you worry so much about will be mine to behold." Another kiss to the forehead, "Kaveh, please understand. I love you for just the way you are."

"I did not fall in love with someone who obsesses with their beauty. I fell in love with the Light of Kshahrewar, the person who brights up my day with just a smile. The person who makes me fall in love all over again when they laugh."

"So please. Don't be afraid of our children. I promise that I'll love you no matter how you look"

Kaveh sniffs, "E-even if I were a fungi?"

Haitham sighes and smiles, "You'd be my favorite fungi ever."

-End

---

i have not posted in a hot minute GAWD DAYUM anyways hi everyone ive come back with FICS instead of DRAWINGS isnt that COOL theres VARIETY now!! Also this fic was first posted on Twitter as i had a brainrot at 4am so if you're intrested in that please go support me on Twt! Thank you everyone!

#genshin impact #genshin #kaveh my beloved #haikaveh #mpreg kaveh #genshin impact al haitham #al haitham #genshin impact kaveh #kaveh x alhaitham #alhaitham x kaveh #haikaveh fluff #haikaveh angst #genshin angst

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falltothesun · 3 months

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helloooo taking you up on that hook up advice offer !! especially since im also a trans guy & ive been considering grindr bcos i have been insanely needy the past week it's literally making it hard for me to function so yes!! please!!!!

Hi omg! So I definitely joined Grindr for the same reason, I needed to get dicked down so bad it was starting to affect my work lmfao. Huge disclaimer: this is all a bunch of stuff that works for me, from my experiences. There's no handbook, I'm figuring this out myself. If anyone wants to correct me/add on, please do.

First and foremost- don't settle. Grindr is a bit of a hellscape. In the moment it definitely seems like anyone willing to fulfill your needs is worth it. I'm speaking as a total sub/bottom so there were definitely guys on Grindr who 'spoke my language', offered what sounded like a good time, but didn't have my best interests at heart. You can't put much trust in any stranger on a hookup app, but here are some good indicators of things to watch out for and avoid:

- blank profiles/no pics. You're going to get a ton of them. Dick pics do not count. Make sure you have a good image of the person you're meeting. Make sure they're clean (both hygiene and std wise). Just- the more info you have on them, the better.

- being pushy. They're going to whine and whine about meeting up, and they are also going to say nasty things if you ignore them/turn them down. Do not let this guilt you. If this is how they receive boundaries over text- you can't trust them during a hookup. You don't owe anyone anything, not even a text back. A huge green flag is when you can have a no-pressure conversation, and sometimes even a pre-meetup to discuss boundaries and kinks.

Do not get stingy on your own boundaries! You are meant to enjoy this time, too. Tell them exactly what you want, your hard nos and hell yesses. Clear communication beforehand can lead to a fantastic night. Don't worry about blocking or turning down if you're getting bad vibes- there's literally dozens of guys waiting in your DMs, one of them has to be good.

Now, I have huge trust issues so bear with me here- you can't always count on your hookup, even if you found one that checks all the aforementioned boxes. So have some contingencies. Here are some of mine:

- two (or three) of my friends get a text as soon as I leave my house. Yes, it's awkward to mention to someone that you're about to fuck, but prior conversations have been had and usually I just say "I'm going out for x hours, call me if I don't get back to you by then". I send my location if possible (harder to do with carplay), and just like that, there are people waiting for my word. Hell, you can DM me your location and a timeframe and I will call the police in your area if I don't hear back from you.

- I never host. Is this controversial? I don't care. I'm a sub, bottom, afab, tiny human. I'm super susceptible to stalking and kidnapping (and not in the fun way), so I keep myself safe by making sure my hookups don't know where I live. I like to drive to their place, because then I have myself a getaway vehicle, or we meet in the middle somewhere. Regardless, my home is a secret and shall stay that way.

- don't bring anything valuable. Other than my phone and my wallet (which I sometimes just leave in my car), I bring nothing with me. This is less about personal safety and more about theft tho lol

-bring protection. Rawdogging is fun but STDs and pregnancy scares are not.

-this is Grindr specific but be careful with your photos. Grindr has a neat function called 'albums', and you can retract any sent albums at anytime so they can't be seen anymore. You also can't screenshot anything in the Grindr app. This protects you- to a point. But like anywhere else on the internet, be very, very careful with who you send your pics to.

Takes you by the shoulders. Listen to me. It is always okay to say no. You could be in someone's bed, naked, and you can say no. This sounds like common sense, but sometimes you're with a stranger in the moment and things aren't firing right in your brain, but your well-being is 100% a bigger priority than pleasing the guy you met on Grindr. They can bitch and moan all they want, but if you aren't feeling it, you aren't feeling it, and you don't owe sex to anyone. You can say no at any time. And anyone who fights you on it or disregards it is not someone you want to associate with.

Ok now that all the parental lecture-y stuff is out of the way- some general tips to show your hookup partner some respect! They're also in a place of vulnerability, so while it's good to be careful, it's also good to be gracious.

-protection. I said this already! But you can bring more than just a condom. Looking into PrEP, getting yourself tested(!!!!) after every encounter, and not having sex when you're sick is generally good etiquette. Getting tested is not only being a decent human for your hookup partner, but it's important to do for yourself as well. Idk what country you live in and what the healthcare is like so hopefully it's as easy as walking in to a clinic like it is here. Post-sec institutes (colleges/universities) usually have fantastic sexual health programs as well so I'd check there if you're in that demographic!

- clean up. Please. Shower, brush your teeth, put on some deodorant and a clean change of clothes. It goes a long way! My best hookups have been with a guy who smelled good, and I enjoyed it as much as I did the actual pounding in his backseat. Also clean up after the hookup! Shower, pee, etc. Hygiene. (I'm a germaphobe ok)

- boundaries! You've set yours, now stick to theirs. I've slept with guys who really didn't like blowjobs- so I didn't give any, we kept it junk to junk. I might've been the sub in the situation, but that doesn't mean the guy dominating was a sex machine who liked everything, so I accommodated that! Sometimes it's as simple as listening to the sounds they're making, reading the body language, and acting accordingly. If they aren't being enthusiastic about what's happening, then maybe it's time to check in.

- text back. Hey man, if it was a good fuck, it was a good fuck. NSA is usually my style, but there's nothing wrong with hooking up again with the same mf if it was a damn good time. Give 'em some feedback, tell them you had a fantastic night, ask about doing it again. Everyone needs the confidence boost.

Goddamn this got long. I hope some of this helps, I hope I didn't miss anything, and I hope I didn't say something that sounds completely fucking bananas. Good luck and hope you have some good, safe hookups!!

#from sun #ask #serious #this is ooc but i care about your safety more than an online persona

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stayxlix · 3 months

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Hello, my favourite author! I wanted to reach out to you sooner, but I waited a bit more so I could share some news with you🥰 first of all: I passed the hardest course at my uni (nevermind that I actually had to take it 3 times before succeeding). Of course I plan to celebrate by rereading Otde👀 also, today Hyunjin was in Milan for the Versace show... I thought I would be fine, just accompanying a friend to see him.. I thought I could keep my cool.. but ostg he is SO BEAUTIFUL. I shed a tear just because he was so ethereal, I'm not even kidding. How about you? It's been a while since you posted anything so I'm a bit worried.

Hugs💕 ~C

hi my love.💕ill start by saying CONGRATULATIONS on passing that course (the hardest course at your university??????) what an accomplishment!! im so proud of you and knowing that you celebrated by re-reading otde just warms my heart.😭💕 ALSO can we talk about the fact that you saw hyunjin in real life??? are you kidding me?! oh my goodness how exciting, im so happy for you to have been able to experience this!! i honestly don't even know what i'd do if i saw any one of the boys in person, i really can't imagine it but i think i would've shed quite a few tears myself.🥹

i really appreciate your concern and i feel like i owe you an apology for disappearing for a while there. work took an unexpected turn at the beginning of the year—i got a promotion which i am very thankful for but it also meant new training and trying to manage additional responsibilities. it definitely swallowed up more time than I anticipated and on top of that the gloomy weather had me feeling a bit off my game. but with the return of sunshine and warmer days ive been feeling a renewed sense of energy and motivation!! things are finally starting to slow down too so ive been finding my rhythm again.<3

with that being said, i suppose you can consider this my official return announcement lol. seriously though, im so excited for you and all the incredible experiences you’ve been having. you deserve every bit of happiness that comes your way!! im forever grateful for your continued support and understanding, and i'm eager to get back into things and share more with you soon.<33 take care dear and as always, much love.🤗💕

#alex answers asks♡#C #anon #💕

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blustering-old-fool · 20 hours

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I have an awful memory, I really do, when it comes to details like have I eaten today, What did I do yesterday.

But one thing I do remember are the people and how they make me feel.

I love people, I love *my* people. I hold people to a higher regard then I do myself. Not in some glorifying 'Im better if I care for people' but a just "Oh youre hurting? If I sit with you, so youre not alone would that make it better?"

Because I know how it feels to be alone with your thoughts, Horrible thoughts. Ive done things to myself recently because of those thoughts that i probably wont ever tell anyone besides this. Details, I wont put down but they weren't good. If I can save someone from having... *those* thoughts and wanting to do that to themselves... well....

I have a big heart... so Ive been told. Its broken and blue. Used and abused.

By my own doing and by others. Mostly... others,

But I have pink spots, yellow spots of fondness for people. I keep my true feelings from people because if I ever did speak such

secrets it would drive them away. Who I like who I dont like. I have to take into consideration that my feelings could be taken out of context and used against me like theyve been before.

I remember everyone that has been in my life, it might not be as their real names, but I remember Danny. I used to talk to him frequently when facebook roleplay was big back in 2013s. I was sixteen at the time. He was a big help to me for about a year or two until he just dropped off the side of the world one day, He lives in Leeds, has a wife now. I remember Mags, and Max, Oppy, the Rungs and Hadez, rebel, joker and segador. I remember mimi and booboo from when I was still in grade school. I was maybe 9. Tyler, Mason, Jessica, Sam, Star, Pheonix, Mama bear(a optimua prime roleplayer i was friends with for years). Everyone. all of them are still in my memory but I haven't heard from theses people in so long I cant remember what most of their voices were. some I have on facebook but they havent updated in years.

"I can see you in my eyes and I can see me in yours," Was one of the things probably one of the first memories when I was eight years old.

Things worry me now a days because people can come and go so quick any more. I worry the friends I have now will just vanish as well. I know life happens and everyone falls on rough times but.

I wonder if any of them think of me in kind regards as I have them. If they think of me at all. It makes me violently uncomfortable when *I* think of it. I don't know why, maybe its that little bug in my ear telling me that I won't ever be able to put myself on that podium I put so many people on.

I dont know any more. My heart is blue and what I knows true is that I make people smile.

But when theyre gone all I feel is empty.

#vent #ig nore

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lil-cherubim · 15 days

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Im consuming too much doctor who content Im inevitably dreaming about it.. abd let tell you! Its effin stressful lol

I had a dream where the Doctor accidentally took me back to a family reunion. Im Filipino..

Sarah Jane was a sweetheart, instant favorite! Harry being a doctor was easy to get into their good graces but

Do you know how hard yet so easy to explain a over six foot wide eyed foreigner dressed for colder climate and his magic blue box to your judgemental yet most hospitable family of over a two dozen?! I swear there are way more people in it but dream brain anxiety so.

Thank god for the TARDIS translator matrix cause them being able to speak the language is massive brownie points!

Imagine how challenging it is to keep your cousins and sibs not to mess with the TARDIS or climb the poor timelord like a tree? He was great with them especially because he got cool stories and jellybabies on his arsenal. Those gremlins were mild difficulty. Titas approved but not fond of the candy strat tho.

You also got to keep a look out lest they wander at the custonary karaoke booze traps at the yard! Some of the titos managed to offer a drink or two before I could intervene. I know he is a perfectly capable adult timelord that could probably hold his drink better than any human could but he is the designated driver and those Lambanog are no joke. Harry was a lost cause tho.

Somehow my house is bigger on the inside which is cool and every single one of my family got their own rooms! (Manifesting it into reality \(ᴗ ͟ʖᴗ)/) It was like a hotel almost it was giving casita aesthetic but bigger! And less sentient. The kitchen was industrial (giant woks!) And the pantry was like a cross between a hobbit's and a grocery store. It was so cool I might add it for like a mind palace or concept design or somethin.

It was a great dream. They got along with them for the most part then the conversation popped up on about 'doctor what?', 'What you mean assistants' 'howd you meet (my name)?' 'Traveling? We can barely get her out of the front door!' and I was sweatin but Sarah explained it better than Doc could without raising anymore questions like 'whats a Dalek?' .

dream brain go 'ahh i have the power to turn this into your worat nightmare! Buhahaha'

And it kinda did! Somehow in that same bigger on the inside house. Ive lost my slippers! Again! Even in my dreams I lose them to some bottom nook of a sofa never to be seen again! It was early morning and we had to go.

So the Doctor started to carry me around. In my amy pond's pajamas. (< tf?)

I DONT KNOW WHY? IT WAS SO EMBARASSING! But funny. My cousins teased me that I look like a monkey in his arms. Im offended. Im 5 foot asian woman I know we look ridiculous but monkey?! The elders said we look like his child, My mom didnt like it one bit. Bruhh. The glare she gave me was so realistic. It was a nightmare.

The man dared to take amusement of my misery. The git. He dropped me when mom looks like she's gonna hit him. Never safe with mothers.

Then at the end. When I went off to get something and the doctor had a chat with my mother... ヾ(×× ) ﾂ

My mom has always been my spokeperson. And not in a bad way, she's my support when I struggle with phone calls or doctor's appointments. Ironic. So this wasnt anything new.

I suppose it was neccesary for full immersion but ahhhhh! I hate having such realistically vivid dreams, paired with my hyper imagination, its a rollercoaster of emotions!

They talked about our adventures and what not. Odd things I do that they noticed or to look out for. If im taking care of myself. My mother worries if It gets too much for me and them (she gets like this when talking with my friends irl. Lmao)

my dream brain went full fanfic mode(i was writing one before I fell asleep)

"- it was Brilliant! Got a good arm on her aswell youd think her reach would give her a disadvantage but shes a creative one." he said cheerily but rubs a hand on his face at the memory.

My mother frowned at that. "That child. I told her not to hit her friends, that brutish pixie."

"Oh dont worry madam. It happened once and I quite deserve it. She never harmed another being quite like so in all our time together. She's a delightful companion even at her worst.. although I do wish she's less.. quiet."

"Quiet? Oh yes she's like a ghost, noh? Gave us quite the scare anytime she could." She tells him.

Then they grew silent as they watch me run around the crowd of relatives, barefoot (idk why I cant find my shoes!)

"Is she safe with you?" She asked him suddenly. Admittedly he was dreading that question because what is safe when you travel with the doctor? (Lets face it. most of us are gonna be shit companions. I know id be useless with the running! And the fact that my brain even dared make me one. Ha!) "I know she can be a handful and I can never fully understand the life youre draggin her into but.. please promise me that you'll look after her."

"I promise to always look out for her. And for what its worth, I take this duty of care quite.. seriously."

... she nodded relieved but somberly.

"She was so small.. she have always been compared to anyone" I heard her say to him. "And she would look at trees and the sky with such a far away look that youd see she's not with you anymore but lost in her mind."

"I agree. Shes very much the same even now. But shes more capable than you give her credit for."

This is where I came back dressed and shoed up. I got scolded for not wearing my good clothes and all that mom stuff. But after that and lots of food to go, me, sarah and the doctor got in the tardis and went off to another adventure!

My alarm went off tho before anything else happened. I cant really remember much of the wackier stuff that happened but yeah. The moment i woke up from it I decided Im gonna post this here to be part of my dream journal im making. Or a reference for a one shot idk.

It was odd but delightful that it was the Fourth Doctor when I have only seen clips and compilations of him. It made me want to watch his era.

Thats about it really. Hope you all have wonderful dreams!

#doctor who #cherubim dreams #4th doctor #sarah jane smith #dream rambles #doctor who imagine

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plantwreastler · 1 year

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Background: you and könig have been warbuddies for a couple of years but never really Seem to get along, for personal reasons. But it must not get in the way of the mission

You Got send on a mission with könig first thing in the morning, and youre tired yawns doesnt exactly make könig feel more energetic.

As you walk thru the small landmines trying not to die, “why are you so mad Big boy?” You ask, hes been pissy all morning, normaly hes Nice, he still is he just Seems more annoyed than usually. “Why does that matter birdy?” He says tilting his head to the side looking into youre eyes. “No reason, just tryna` make a conversationl” you say with a smirk “good for you”

Youre getting tried of his smart ass comments and kinda pissed that you dont know where theyre coming from, “CAREFUL! youre gonna get both of us killed, idiot!” You say trying to get the mountain of a man to listen to you, “no need to worry birdy, i know what im doing, afterall, ive been here longer than you” he smirks and keeps walking carelessly thru the bomb full field

“Im getting tried of this crap könig!” You try walking youre own way but he graps youre waist, and pulls you over his shoulder as if you weight nothing. “I dont Care how annoying you are, im a man of my words and im gonna protect you no matter if you like it or not”

You try wiggling youre way out of his tight grip, but he graps the thigh strap pulling you Down into his arms, no matter how hard you try you cant get free now, his grip tighten everytime you try, “i Can walk for myself, just put me Down!” You say in a bitter Barking tone “i know, but youre walking the wrong way, remember 5 minuts ago when you tried leaving me?” He says grinning his at you as he smirks. “Besides you lost youre bet, youre ass is mine, and Were going my way” he says as he keeps walking thru the dead land “lets make a new bet then?”

He looks Down at you clearly annoyed “and what if i say no huh?” “Then you just lost a great deal” you say with a provoking smile, “this is the millitary not a TV commercial” he says in a pissy voice “well, how about this? We do this mission youre way, and if anything goes wrong, Then im the boss from now on, and if i lose, then you Can do whatever you want to me” you say looking up at the Big man carrying you, clearly having many thoghts in his head

He smirks at the offer, thinking about how youre hips would look so small in his hands, hearing youre name as he pounds you, like its his last Day alive. “I Can almost see youre thoghts, you naughty man” you say teasingly “Bet” he says in a calm voice, giving you a smirk letting you know that he already has many things on his mind, and you start getting nervouse, thinking about what he might do to you, he is twice youre size, and could kill you any moment if he wanted.

“But, if you make my plan go wrong, i still win the Bet birdy, so dont pull any crap” he says as he tighten the grip on youre thigh

And you just focus on the mission, annoyingly enough, he won, he won the Bet and youre starting to regeret youre desision, hopeing he forgot all about youre Bet. Later the next Day, he walks into youre Room, opening the door, resting against the frame, and tilting his head slightly to the side, “wanna go for a walk? You have a promise to be hold” youre face turn red and you look flusterd which only makes his grin even bigger.

You walk for a While, and you get impatiant “just get it over with!” You say annoyed “oh no birdy, i want you to enjoy youreself, no ones around.. and you Can scream as loud as you need to” he places his hands on youre hips slowly kissing youre neak, “and we both know that youre only Being an asshole because youre in love, and try to hide it, so you get over it faster” he says as he buttons up youre shirt Nice and slow, “ and so what if its true? Its not a place for a love story handsome, you know that”

“Oh i do but we Can still have some fun eh?” You turn red and flusterd, sometimes you wish you never Got to know him so he could stay his normal shy self and not this flirty tall man, he picks you up as he takes off youre bra leaving hickys all the way Down. You make small moans, he truely is a pleaser and seems to enjoy every little Sound you make.

He takes his throbing hard cock out, you know you want it, and youre getting nervouse as youre laying there with youre legs over his folded thighs, making youre legs spread, and the way both og his hands are on each side of youre head, makes it easy to know whos gonna be in charge, his fingers is sliding up and Down youre clit and youre slightly moaning, he looks deep into youre eyes, ad he watches hoe you enjoy youreself.

“Beg for it birdy” you look flusterd into his Big eyes, and you see his smirk, his fingers is going faster and you just want him inside of you, youre hands are wrapped around his neak. “Beg birdy, you know you want it, i Can pull away any minut” he says teasing you “i want it, i want you inside of me” he grins and he goes inside, thrusting in and out in a fast tempo already from start, and making you moan, “thats not my name y/n” i Can stop, its a punishment afterall, unless you like it?” He says smirking Big at you.

“K-könig” you stutter from the bumps youre body makes as he humps you hard “yes” he says flirtingly, clearly enjoying seeing you on the bottom begging for him like that. “What is it meine leibeling? Ask and you shall recive~ im here to please” you make eye Contact “ its three Words love, i know you Can do it~ for me?”as he teasingly slows Down, very slowly pulling out “i want you!” You yell out knowimg thats what he wanted to hear, you wanted to be fucked stupid and ripped apart by him, to feel his touch, to taste him, to please him. To satisfy him.

He smirked Big at youre words, and fast went inside again, going fast, making youre breast bounce at every move, “youre doing so good” he says, clearly enjoying you Being submissive, jumping at every thrust me makes, “k- königgg, ah. Im gonna cu-“ you scream moaning you came, as he keeps thrusting like a animal in heat “not so Big with youre words now huh?” He gives no breaks, enjoying youre sounds, and you screaming his name, While he rubs youre clit fast and firm, While thrusting fast, youre legs start to Shake, and you try to close Them to get a break, but he just goes harder, making sure you cant, and you Can see by the look on his face that he knows what hes doing

He came all over you, and you slowly take youre legs back, but he pulls you back Down by the back of youre knees “where do you thing youre going leibe?” Going inside of you again, where he keeps edging you, and sucking youre neak purple, “coen on baby, moan for me, you Can scream my name all you need to” he says resting his hand on youre throat slowly gripping tighter, as he forces you to look into his eyes While you cum

When he finally is done, with a sex drive that seems to never end, he gives you a sloppy kiss, making sure you know that he truely loves you, you melt into his arms as he collapses onto you, he could go for longer if he wanted to, but youre legs are shaking, and still wrapped around him. “Leibe? Can you walk?” He asked looking concerned, wondering if he was too tough. You try To stand but you end up Being carryed by him.

As soon as you Got back to the base, he walks to his Room, and lays you on his bed. Giving you a sloppy wet kiss as he crawls on top of you, Holding youre chip up “ice leibe dich” (i love you) he says as he slowly lays Down next to you, spoling you, as you bury youre head in his still warm cheast. Laying one of youre legs between his as he holds youre thigh, kissing you on the forehead til you Fall asleep

#könig fanfiction #könig x y/n #könig smut #könig modern warfare #modern warfare smut #könig cod #call of duty #cod #fanfic

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weabooweedwitch · 1 year

Note

Yo Ive barely touched my feed so I missed all this shit that went down but I just want you to know that I am 100% behind you; I've been in a very similar situation with family and what you said is a brutal truth but truth nonetheless. TikTok teens can choke

What um, is so incredibly painful, is that we rented a car and went to see my sister after being in correspondence with her. I trusted my mom when she said she had talked to my sister after getting out of the hospital, I thought it was so soon, and we went there and. She hadn't understood we were moving her. She for some reason thought we were just renting a car to bring her for a visit for like two days and then taking her back?

She told us she's living in a studio but what she's really doing is renting a room in an old house with shared communal areas. Her "studio apartment" is literally like the size of a fucking closet. We are talking enough room for a full bed and little furniture on each side. We got there, after telling us we were on the way, and she made us wait outside for over TWO HOURS IN 30 DEGREE WEATHER. Saying she was hungry and hungover and cuddling with her boyfriend. Sorry, she kept saying "favorite person" instead of boyfriend which strikes me as weird

And my mom finally nuts up and says "and how long have you even known him?" and she says, quote, "longer than I've known you guys" GIRL WHAT YOURE THE ONE THAT DEMANDS TO BE TEXTED EXCLUSIVELY

Just. Gosh I'm not going to keep dumping her business but it hurts, like everything she said was so spiteful and hateful and saying she could run away or kill herself if ahe came with us. I went outside and just started crying and screaming so hard my ears started popping and. Yeah I was really gross by the end of it and we're home now and. Even now I'm like.should I have endured the abuse and stayed and let her come, because she was saying she would but in such a way that made it obvious she was angry and would be miserable and treat us poorly and we eventually essentially veckme a safety issue for everyone

Idk I'm trying not to say too much but I'm also incredibly upset and still worried about her. It's hard for everyone involved and incredibly stressful and also I had previously picked up an extra shift tonight so 😩😩😩 but I guess to put a positive spin on that it gives me more money for my trip on the 27th which I really need more lthan ever at this point haha 🙃.

since she doesn't want to come I hope she can at least be happy. I still have a Christmas present to mail and I'm considering either keeping it for myself or sending it to her as like. A parting gift. "I love you and hope you do well but I don't think I can be present in your life anymore"

It's just painful for everyone involved. She makes it very hard to be helped. And I also, am really worried about my guy friend actually 🥺 I won't get into specifics because i dunno why i can never keep a fucking secret when it comes to being upset but he's actually becoming really underweight so when we're hanging out I want to try and comfort him and spoil him with yummy foods and you know, maybe I should try giving my love and support and mental energy to someone who doesn't meet it with absolute hatred and bitterness for once? And I'm also still trying to take care of myself

#horrible family drama sorry

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pawbeanies · 2 months

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mm, thinking about slowly getting you all pliant without you realizing. i could wake up early to make some cookies, as ive been craving them lately and i love to share, so i make more than enough for the both of us. in the morning, when you're done with breakfast, i hand you a cookie and get one for myself. only difference is that mine doesn't have chocolate chips in it and when you point it out, i just say that i don't like chocolate, so i made two batches: one with and one without. it's simple enough to be accepted, because i truly don't like chocolate chips, so you think nothing of it. later on, i notice you looking a bit dizzy, so i offer you another cookie and some juice. to get your blood sugar up, yknow? I'm your knight; I'm meant to take care of you. but what i notice is that you keep getting more and more slightly off balance and clumsy as the day goes on, so i keep offering the sugary snacks. after the first handful of times, i get concerned, asking if you're feeling sick or if you're overworking yourself. my highness clearly isn't feeling well, so i clear your schedule and bring you to your chambers to rest. at this point, you're already spacey and a bit loopy and just want to cuddle with your knight. i mean, who am i to refuse? so i cuddle up with you and put a movie on, the both of us snaking on the remaining cookies. and the whole time, I'm teasing you about how clingy you're getting, how whiny you are, how you're putting up less and less of a fight as time goes on. at some point during the movie, you lose your ability to speak entirely, only whines and mumbles coming from your mouth when you want something because your mind is just so so fuzzy. it's not until you're good and gone that i reveal your cookies had more than chocolate in them :3c. i mean, you've just been working so hard lately and you've been being such a good prince, so i decided that you need a break for a little to just spend time with me, getting pampered and adored and not thinking about anything else. not that you could think about anything, with how foggy your head is. but it's okay, because you've got me with you. isn't that right? my darling royal boy <3

hgh. you. yyyouuu. i need you to know i saw this while getting ready for work this morning and its been stuck in my brain since!!! lkke!!! the WHOLE day this is a new form of torture. mean. mean. mean. ...

whining whining my knight you BULLY .!!! why would i ever not take something from you. i trust you wholeheartedly and id never turn down a snack... especially choco?!?! you bully. you. you.

i think. id be a little worried if i'm out of it... clinging on you and relying on you a bit more than usual because i don't know why i feel so out of it. thankful for you when you clear my schedule and whisk me back to my room so we can snuggle...

mean. whining all stupid and crawling into your lap while you talk about what you did because i get clingy and needy. not even registering what you're saying while i snuggle up against you... burying my face in your neck and nuzzling into it and maybe even leaving some kisses while being all silly. when my head is fuzzy like that i get much more open and touchy and needy. i think i'd be kind of a handful honestly but could you blame me ??? when my dearest bravest strongest most loyal knight is treating me so well??

gh. actually i would like this one a lot. please? please? how many times can i say please before it sounds pathetic gksjfksf. please get me high and pamper me and we can snuggle and eat snacks and watch movies... preferable to doing work really

#asks..?!?!?!#🌹 anon #also there were in fact. choco chip cookies at the office today and i ate one going like ......... wauh...#snacking on some even though theyre Too sweet and make my teeth ache. for immersion. you bully #this one is too good ... needy... whining at you dumb and pathetic #how can i say no to snacks fr....... bully......#also its ok i will eat all the chocolate chip things for you......#please get me pliant and mushy please ..........

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sollucets · 1 year

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ok so. so i made it out of midnight museum e3 alive but im gonna have to do something normal and calming for a while now because oh fuck me too many moths even like skipping scenes and cringing away from the screen. im unwell. many disorganized thoughts go here

so i Was right about dome frankly. i mean the hints were there (jib dialogue last episode + the long time no rent thing from e1) but for me it was that hes too stupid to be a full person (sorry baby i love u). like saying ‘is this normal’ about resurrection and lit. just going with whatever happens to him and running headlong into stupid situations. he literally Only just woke up. he has no brain head empty hes just doing the One thing hes been told hes good at and useful for. oh no baby :( they really keep putting him through it every episode LMAO.

got a Lot more worried khatha this episode plus a bunch more face touching. and sitting by his bedside. tor is So good with those shiny eyes of pain like … i dont know how he does that but its incredible. his face. his little tsundere look away / posture adjustment when dome woke up like you didnt literally die for this man recently. they are getting gayer each episode. again ive established i dont care about “bl status” it doesnt matter to me if they kiss but boy its just so…. they HAVE to know what theyre doing with this

i really like this show i Would Not have put myself through this for less agh. i still almost quit multiple times

that opening flashback scene with triphob’s grandfather was really good. by the way. i love immortals i love immortality. i love the moon (showing up just barely in blurry flashbacks)

bright did fucking Great this episode. im not too familiar with him, mostly from f4 thailand bits but he was so fucking creepy!!!!! tragic little murdery sadboy. what a mess. the whole house invasion scene was Sooooooooo. augh. freaky. everything he did was fucked up

i have some…. thoughts…. about the girl in this episode, rin, and her agency / lack thereof honestly. combined with the bride’s “men writing her story” thing….. its. hmmm. but i’m not sure i’m equipped to express that properly without rewatching and frankly i dont know if im capable of rewatching this episode

if i turn my lizard brain off also the vampire moths are a great horror concept and they were very aesthetically cool to someone who does not have. a lifelong fear of those fucking things

also yeah ‘cycle of death and rebirth’ confirms the reincarnation thing but i’m thinking that not only did khatha enounter past life dome / “that person” / “chan” but also like. present life pre-memories dome? and that’s why he was surprised when dome didnt remember him. it wouldnt make sense for him to be surprised a reincarnation didnt remember him. they definitely met pre-wipe

v fun to learn that june is immortal too??? but like. frankly im still so confused about her lmao. she was an immortal museum worker before this?? but she became the bride?? but they all forgot her past but she remembers being immortal and the artifacts? but she has bride magic now??? dont get me wrong i like her a lot shes great for wisdom and being the only one nice to dome but hoo boy

ok. theres all the bits in no particular order

so. yeah!!!! yeah i was so proud of myself for being mostly chill with the first two episodes of murder and body horror but uh i was NOT good with this. gods fuck why moths

#long post #mm #mm spoilers #fuck it ill put it in the tag. i want someone to talk to about this #midnight museum

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tactiletelekonesis · 5 months

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gonna just ramble my thoughts for a bit

i was talking about how ive been asked to be evaluated for bpd in the past and got told by the doctor that i “dont want that stigma” and shut down before i could decide for myself if its worth it, and the person i was telling this to said they think i dont have it and like.

im kind of mad.

because im still getting to know this person and the more i think on it the more i know i at least have things that mimic the symptoms

and being told “i can tell you dont have it” feels like its diminishing the fact that i worry i do

and dont get me wrong i know the symptoms can be caused by other things but i would still like to know

and like the reason im thinking this is just… dirk strider from homestuck. ive been seeing people say hes textbook DID and i GET IT, i do, but i also really see bpd in him more. and i also see myself in him, though i dont have DID

i see his splinters and lil hal specifically as like. i can see how hal would be an alter, but lets not focus on that. hal is the epitome of a version of dirks self that he gets aggravated with, probably even hates because it reminds him of who he used to be, and to some extent whi he currently is.

if you look at the symptoms of bpd on mayo clinic, i could argue for all of them in dirk - and myself

and like. ive fucked up so many relationships because a flip switches in my head and im convinced they hate me or dont care, and people dont see that BECAUSE I FUCKING HIDE IT

I HID MY AUTISM FROM MYSELF AND OTHERS FOR 19 YEARS. MY PSYCHOSIS FOR 27. whos to say i havent been hiding bpd from people?

i already have dependent personality disorder but if you have one personality disorder youre more likely to have more

the reason people dont believe my struggles is i mask automatically and suffer inside because i dont know how to talk about how im suffering or even explain whats a mask and whats not

i keep going back to the time i was told “youre incapable of being mean” and the visceral reaction of wrongness i felt because i shut myself down so fucking much because the idea of upsetting others is so goddamn terrifying yet until i was 19 i would purposely make lists in my head of actual ways to ruin my friendships of i wanted to. like i would make full lists. just cataloguing all their insecurities so i could weaponize them. i never did because when i admitted to doing this when i felt safe i was told that was a dick move. and theyre right but it still fucking hurt because i dont do it on purpose. i dont.

im currently losing two of my best friends because my brain wont let me fucking talk to them because im simultaneously afraid theyre mad, and mad at them myself, and im sabotaging myself by not talking to them at all

i literally swing from thinking im worthless to thinking im a literal celestial being. i dissociate all the god damn time. im so fucking angry every second of my life

i would go into more detail about other symptoms but im making myself sad.

i dont care about the stigma i want validation for these symptoms and acknowledgement that i am extremely mentally ill at times and i just

i know they meant well but being told im not bpd by a newer friend who im still opening up to is frustrating. youre not my doctor, youre not me. how would you know? my doctor doesnt even know all my experiences because i dont know how to talk about them

im not sure if its the 4am talking or the stress from the roommate situation but like im thinking about bpd again. i think its worth looking into

anyway i cant believe im turning into a dirk kinnie but im not complaining

#konwontshutup #talk about in therapy later

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noisytenant · 5 months

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rambling personal/introspection i guess, positive-ish

while im not doing "well" in general ive been starting to feel a sense of peace and unburdening with some things.

i think that given the pain of living in certain conditions, it can feel unbearable to imagine going another day with things as they are. i spent so much of my life "waiting it out" that i felt like it would be a crime against myself to not respect my feelings and emotional needs as they came.

but when you set yourself on addressing these things, sometimes you get buried in a cacophony of calls to action, an endless stream of internal requests that often contradict each other. i thought that perhaps i could chart an efficient course to meeting the most needs with the least actions, but strategizing takes time away from action too.

so i'm trying to loosen up and not set a strict dogma for how and when things happen, so long as they comply with external needs (eg there is a ticking clock on how long i can go without income before major and bad life changes activate; i need to eat and sleep a certain amount every day). i'm trying not to be too hard on myself for not living up to expectations and to accept certain patterns of behavior, to be more curious and to not immediately problematize them.

for example i'm watching wordgirl a lot and it's somewhat avoidant, but it's also something that lubricates the meeting of other needs and makes me happy, so it's not a "bad" or even fully "maladaptive" strategy. just a complicated one.

in the time shortly before my breakup, something i feel like i have still only fractionally processed (and that's okay according to my hip new state of mind), i felt like there would be disastrous consequences for less-than-ideal behavior. knowing the relationship and my mental health were both on the ropes, i wanted really badly to do things the best way i knew how. but i think it kind of would have been okay if i did it any other way too. it would have sucked but been fine if we screamed at each other, it would have sucked but been fine if we stayed together, i think anything would have been okay because you have no choice but to live with your actions and keep acting forever

something i struggle a lot with is in committing to decisions vs. being flexible. big questions in the fight for agency. i can't prescribe a heuristic for deciding whether you stick to a principle or change your mind, but in the moment i'm basically going back to the strategy of, "i'm going to do things however i'm doing them until something gives way and makes me need to change paths". and i think that's a freeing sentiment, one i'm able to access because i'm no longer in a relationship--i don't need to worry for two. i hope in my future relationships, platonic and romantic, i can maintain a greater sense of security that is resilient to these shifting tides.

a big thing also is that i'm temporarily electing not to dig into introspection, something i've seen suggested but hadn't really understood and kind of resented. in practice i'm using it to mean, "the most dire parts of my inner world will communicate with me if they are relevant. given my immediate needs, it might be better to wait until i have more breathing room before consciously exploring things." so i'm trying not to worry about, for example, being a person who forgets parts of its own life and experience because those parts will come back to me in due time.

ultimately i'm trying to give in to spontaneity. a feeling is only intolerable if i cannot tolerate it; if i'm finding that i'm avoiding or dreading something, it might really be intolerable, but i am constantly reminded how easy it is to actually survive and persist throughout the pain (this is only my personal experience)

it's hard and hurts to know you're carrying these burdens that ache for release and you're unable to address them completely. i hope to be able to give myself the care i deserve sooner rather than later. but maintaining stability and progress is a kind of care too!

and that's the nature of living, isn't it? ultimately, i want to be honest with myself and others. it's evidently the case that i can't solve every problem of mine overnight just because it would be nice if i could. i think all of me (or most of me, let me not speak for everyone) can appreciate an honest "no i can't solve your ass indefinitely" over "sure honey just a minute [doesn't do anything]". so for the moment i'm happy to be here and hoping i will be in better circumstances soon.

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