#just me rambling about things nobody want to hear but i gotta put this out somewhere or else i'll implode

[tobiasdrake]

I've been asked about my gender a couple of times. Once today, even. And I always freeze up when asked about that because. Like.

The reality is that I have a long and complicated relationship with gender. For years, I've just said "cis-male" because that's the easy answer. It felt like a noncommittal default answer. It's only recently that I've become less comfortable with that because. Well. Identifying as cis is still identifying, still committing to something.

But it's hard to commit because my situation is... messy.

I don't know if anyone is interested to hear me ramble about gender so I'm going to put this all after a jump. But since I'm having a mid-life crisis introspection day, here is my long, convoluted history with my gender identity.

If you saw my "characters who raised me" post, you might have noticed that an overwhelming majority of them were women. I have always felt more comfortable in the spaces that femininity creates than masculinity.

When I picture myself, when I close my eyes and see myself as the person I want to be, as the image I want to project out into the world, I see a young woman in her 20's with long brown hair tied back in a ponytail. Like Sailor Moon's Makoto Kino, a decade older.

My parents weren't around very much, so these women were my earliest teachers. They taught me how to walk. How to sit. Where to put my hands when I'm moving. And then adults made me unlearn all of that because you're not supposed to carry yourself like that or walk like that or sit like that if you're a boy. Learn to cross your legs in a masculine way!

To this day, I still often walk on the balls of my feet by habit, simply because my legs naturally imitate the posture of wearing heels. But I tell people it's because I watched a lot of Gargoyles as a kid and also really liked the X-Man Nightcrawler. (Which I did and do, and they're great.)

My favorite color is red. The reason my favorite color is red is because it's actually pink, but you're not allowed to like pink if you're a boy. My parents made that clear when they made me stop wearing my big pink winter coat that I loved so very much.

I spent the rest of my childhood and much of my adulthood dressing in black instead. Nobody cares if you're a boy or a girl if you're wearing black. (It also color-coordinates well with pink. That is a fire combination.)

I didn't really know what I was doing as a kid. I just knew that I was doing it wrong. Because people kept telling me I was doing it wrong. Gotta be a man. Gotta man up. Gotta like the things that boys like. Gotta put away the girly things because real men don't like girly things; In fact, "real men" aggressively hate girly things!

Gotta get money. Gotta get women. Gotta be aggressive and violent and not take no for an answer. That's how you be a real man. These are the things I started to internalize as the way I'm supposed to behave, as the space I'm meant to be in.

And I should note that this is not a fair reflection of masculinity. This is toxic masculinity. But it's what I was learning and it's the person I started becoming. Because I stopped listening to women, stopped respecting women, reframed my relationship to femininity as one of desire and power and control.

And I was miserable. I became a mediocre boy with pent-up aggression, prone to lashing out at the slightest indignity or disrespect because gotta assert my manhood. And I was tremendously unsuccessful at getting money and women. Women didn't like being around me very much. Can you possibly guess why? Probably because I was visibly unsafe to be around.

I hated it. I hated doing it. I hated the consequences of it. I was miserable.

Then I discovered that there were LGBT spaces. And I felt saved. My school's Gay-Straight Alliance became my sanctuary, where I could escape into a new world that nobody ever told me about. Where I could let it all of those pressures go and just say, "I am a trans woman."

This was not the end of my journey, though. You might not see the problem there. The thing that undermined my coming out. But for me, looking back, it's clear as day.

I was not coming out because I was more comfortable in the spaces that femininity built than masculinity. Even though I am. My mind was too poisoned by that point for a reason that good.

I was coming out because I was uncomfortable in the spaces that patriarchy built. And I thought being a transwoman would free me from that.

It did not. We are not, any of us, free from the pressures that patriarchy built. I had just traded one set of manacles for a different set. One that I hadn't been socialized in, one that is deeper and more complicated than I knew and that I didn't have the patience to learn because I was just trying to escape.

I wasn't trying to be a woman. I was trying to be what toxic masculinity thinks women are. The grass looked greener on the other side. It looked easier (and holy shit is it not). By that point in my life, I no longer respected women enough to be one.

It was two years before I gave up. Because I was still miserable. Being a woman (or my toxic impression of one) hadn't cured my soul-sickness. I was still angry. I was still lonely. So I went back to full-throated raging masculinity. I wrote those two years off as "experimenting" and I doubled down on toxic masculinity because now I was compensating for something.

I got a career because I'd dropped out of high school and wasn't going to college so I needed to have something. I moved out at 18 and got my own shitty apartment because a real man's gotta have his man pad. I refocused myself: Get rich, get women, be successful as a man. I spent the next years of my life as an angry libertarian incel issuing social darwinist screeds and ranting about how women are all bitches 'cause they won't sleep with me.

Then I started to meet people who were worse off than I was. Who showed me entire facets of the world I never knew existed. And I started to soften. Then I started to learn. And then I started to heal. To find acceptance for the parts of me I'd buried a decade ago.

People I can sit around and watch a TV show with, and see a snooty rich woman on the screen and go, "That one! That one's me. My character is Tahani. ^_^" and they won't judge me or tell me I'm wrong and I need to pick a different one.

Well, they'll judge me a little but only because my characters are always the fucking worst. Not because they're women. In my heart of hearts, I am an egotistic, entitled, prissy bitch and I own it.

I'm happier now than I ever was before, either as a man or a toxic man's perception of what a woman is supposed to be. And maybe my pronouns should be she/her. I don't know. Looking back over my journey, it's hard to feel like any set of pronouns really fits me - but I feel weird being they/them. Nothing feels right to me at all anymore.

I feel more comfortable in the spaces that femininity creates than the ones that masculinity does. Even healthy masculinity just doesn't call out to me the way femininity does, because femininity defined so much of my formative years. Most of the things in my childhood that were good are gendered female.

But I also don't know why they have to be. Why you have to be a woman to like pink, or to wear a pretty dress, or to enjoy cooking, or to cross your legs in a particular way. I don't want to believe that I can't be male but enjoy the things that I enjoy. That I'm not allowed to just decide for myself what masculinity means for me.

And yet, whenever I close my eyes and picture myself, I see a woman in her twenties with brown hair tied back in a ponytail. If I could start it all over again and be that woman from the very beginning, I would.

I don't know.

What I do know is that during my time as a libertarian incel, I started a career. That career has become my family's lifeline. I'm a high school dropout whose main skillset is knowing how computers work and being proficient at Microsoft Office, and I make more money than the rest of my family combined.

I feel like anyone in my age bracket can do my job. But they pay me to do it. Because I'm white, male, and clean-cut. We're forced to live under capitalism, and my family's future depends on the money my privilege earns. Because I'm aesthetically hirable.

So I go to work in the spaces that masculinity built. Then I come home to my LGBT family where it simply doesn't matter because everyone is accepted for who they are individually, no matter what box they fit in.

#feeling nostalgic #gender #lgbt #masculinity #femininity

[thebatbites]

i have a hyperfixation and i wont shut up about it, take my rambles about mount rageous

i wanna talk about mount rageous (the song). specifically velvets vocals.

veneer's vocals are completely overshadowed by velvets and completely fade out by the middle of the song

from a lore standpoint, its because he stopped singing because the trolls got taken from him so he could no longer steal their talent

but you could also argue at this point, its also because veneer has realized impacts of his actions now. i dont think veneer ever fully, completely consented to kidnapping floyd (btw how did they do that??) but probably went along thinking that it wouldnt be too bad and even if he died, no one would ever know and they could just get another troll (or by that time he could convince velvet that its gone too far and actually stop her before another troll died)

but now there are members of his friends and family publicly outing them and calling them frauds, fighting for floyd and hes probably like "oh shit he wasnt just some nobody and these people are fighting for him"

BUT BUT BUT thats veneer, its velvet who i wanna talk about

after that musical interlude in the soundtrack (where it was actual scenes of dialogue), velvet takes figurative and literal center stage as her vocals become the primary focus of the song.

the lyrics repeat, but they sound so desperate shes not the same strong confident persona that she was giving off anymore. now shes desperate and fighting to keep the attention on her and not on the fucking 3inch creatures fighting for the freedom

at 2:15 it becomes so apparent when the backing tracks die out and you hear her sing "im going to live forever" and then at the very end where her last line is "baby, remember my name"

shes desperate to be remembered, to be wanted and feel needed. to be adored, almost.

i dont know how much any of you know about singing, but your emotions can have a big play on how you sing something

you gain more bass in your voice when your angry and therefore it follows when youre singing

and when you become desperate your voice can break, become raspy

now look at velvet. her singing at this point is less singing and more screaming

and holy shit the LAST LINE

"baby remember my name" as she holds out a long note while the backing vocals chant at you. they chant at you to remember. remember her name. who she was. dont leave her in the gallows of history nameless and faceless.

its haunting if you spend more than 5 seconds thinking about it. they could almost take that score and put it in some kind of horror movie.

and in a way, she kinda got what she wanted. she and veneer will be remembered, but not for the right thing. theyll be remembered as frauds. remembered as the people who lied and cheated their way to the top and fell astronomically when confronted.

theyll be remembered as hypocrites. after all, they wrote it themselves

"if you want to be as famous as me you gotta work"

#velvet trolls #trolls veneer #velvet and veneer #trolls #i have thought about nothing other than trolls #FOR DAYS #SOMEONE HELP ME I LOVE THESE MOVIES #trolls band together #trolls 3 #goingbatty

[twst-drabbles]

You ever just...

look around, seeing requests of an insecure reader with Vil and how he'd react, and they'd answer that he'd comfort and pamper them and make sure they'd feel beautiful and all that. And, do you ever just think "Would he though? Would he really?"

(Uh, kinda get rambly and uh, warning as well. I curse cause I'm nitpicking at how insecurity is often presented.)

If the insecurity is not so common then sure, I can see it, but if the reader was insecure from the start and it continues to do so, then no, I can't see it at all. The comfort Vil would give wouldn't be the "Mom Mode" that everyone slots him in, it would be kinda on the harsh side to be quite honest, cause Vil is the kind of person that delivers what he feel to be the truth upfront rather than trying to put it in a sugarcoated package.

Meaning, if the insecurity pops up, he'd likely try and point out the source of the discomfort and try and give ways to get at the root of the problem rather than just saying sweet words and gifts and all that. Vil's pretty much a man of action with a sharp eye to boot. Simply put, the comfort would not come right away, so to the person who's feeling insecure, it will seem as though he does not care for them, because insecurity is nasty in that nature. Because one's own self-worth is so low, it makes it real easy to believe that if you don't get nice things, it's because you don't deserve it rather than it's because the nice things will come later.

Get the blood moving, take up a new hobby, refresh the closet, spoil yourself in the shower. Essentially, Vil is going to introduce things the reader can do by themselves along side some of his own spoiling. Keep in mind, he's doing all this with the mindset that the reader can and will help themselves rather than Vil trying to do all the work for them. I suppose that's what usually bothers me the most about asks that requests a super insecure reader, cause usually they want the "cute" side of insecurity that ends with super fluffy comfort without wanting to think of the consequences that can and will come. And I get that. Nobody wants to think about how insidious insecurity can get cause it delves too close to reality and nobody likes that.

But there's a comfort in exploring that side of insecurity cause, often times, it leads to many a decaying or cutting of friendships or relationships. When one is so deep in their insecurity, it becomes easy to believe they're helpless, but they don't want to be, they really don't want to be helpless, but they also believe themselves to be so useless and dumb and not good for anything that any help they try to do will lead to more hurt. Lead to confirmations that yeah, those things you did to help yourself? Didn't do shit cause you can't help yourself. Why did you believe you can do anything?

So when one gets some comfort that has no strings attached, it leads to this unique euphoria that's easy to get addicted to. It feels good, for the first few times, but then the brain forgets and starts to doubt and the effects of those words expire. So, they gotta hear them again. And again. And again. And if they start retracting? The brain hits the red alarm button and starts thinking of all the worst outcomes known to man. Spiraling into another, worst cesspool cause now they have to deal with the withdrawls. Only makes their own self image worse cause they asked for too much, they're too needy, they shouldn't have said anything. Shouldn't have said a word.

And when everyone turns their back to then, letting go of the hand that's gone necrotic with how gripping their own fingers were, they look outside and go "I think I'll spoil myself today. I don't deserve it, but that's okay. I'll feel like I'll do one day."

See, I don't really answer to any super insecure reader with Vil, or any character in general, cause I would not do the topic justice in just a single drabble. Along with the fact that I wouldn't make it a pretty fluffy piece either cause I don't like to write the watered down version of insecurity. That and Vil will not help an insecure reader that will not take the steps to help themselves. He will not hold their hand, he will not mother them until after the steps have been taken. Cause Vil does not mess around when it comes to that.

Honestly have a hard time seeing him with anyone that has self-image issues. And, if this insecure reader refuses to take any of the olive branches, he can and will leave them even if it will leave them an emotional wreck. It's because Vil knows of his limits that he will break up with them. He can't be in a relationship of equals if one party looks to him as their savior, as their sole reason for having any confidence at all. And, as such, the reader would suffer tremendously as a result.

So, yeah. All in all, Vil can be in a relationship with an insecure reader, provided that they can find self confidence in themselves rather than solely relying on Vil to be their rock. Otherwise, he will not enter into that relationship and will be upfront about it. He's, uh, a little too harsh for them.

#admin #NRClutter

[underratedandoverit]

okay, last orangekip request lol i love introspective fics, like when a character is thinking about how much they love the other and what exactly they like about them. so maybe a fic where oc is thinking about how much he loves kip during a mundane thing, like watching kip streaming or playing with his hair while he sleeps in his lap. can take place in the belt corruption arc or not. i'll leave it up to you 💚

~2,3k words orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian)

set in immortal fears/the belt corruption au. this is literally 2k words of me rambling about details and plot points in immortal fears and then the remaining few hundred words are like. actually something cute and fluffy lmao. i mean sometimes a man just gotta think, you know. but he has a good reason, as you can see in the end :3c

@stormbornpirate

on ao3

---------------------------

Usually nights like this made him anxious. The darkness surrounded by almost a deafening silence was rarely tolerable, whether he was alone or not, despite the horrors being mostly left behind him a while ago, he could still occasionally see shadows and figures move around in the darkest corners of the rooms he occupied.

Tonight things felt different. Maybe it was because it had been a relatively good day compared to many previous ones, maybe because he was tired but content with today's work that had gotten done even though it wasn't absolutely everything he wanted to do…

Maybe it was the sleeping Kip laying on the couch next to him, curled up against the side of his leg, head laid down comfortably on his lap.

Cassidy looked down at him, a small smile playing on his lips. They probably should have moved to bed ages ago, but ever since Kip had passed out on him almost as soon as they had gotten home, Cassidy just didn’t dare to wake him up and move the two of them to the bedroom. He looked so comfortable there, his steady breathing the only sound in the living room as Cassidy had muted the television to allow Kip to sleep in peace, as he was clearly exhausted after spending the whole day out in town.

Cassidy’s fingers ran absentmindedly through Kip’s hair, watching the bright coils he wrapped around his fingers untangling themselves and settling back to their places time after time. He honestly couldn’t really figure out how they had ended up here in the end, considering the extremely rocky start they had gotten off to years ago at this point.

They never really got along, or at least they never actively tried to. Cassidy was always with his tightly knit friend group, Kip was with his like-minded people. They didn’t hang out, they barely shared greetings in the hallways when they crossed paths. Sure they were familiar with one another, knew that they worked together and occasionally shared the ring too, but that was about the extent of everything.

Then one day, pretty much purely as a prank as Chuck had egged him on to do it saying how funny it would be to mess with them a little, Cassidy interrupted a promo by Miro and Kip. And that was pretty much the beginning of what had become a years long rivalry in most people's eyes at this point, most of them saying that Cassidy costing Kip the International title wasn’t the end of it either. Of course behind the scenes it was, leading them ultimately where they were now, but if people wanted to believe that the story still wasn’t over, Cassidy wasn’t going to let them in on their little secret.

Not that the road to get here had been easy for either of them. Cassidy could still remember Kip just disappearing after Arcade Anarchy was done, only later on hearing about the injury and the surgery he had to go through. At the time he partially blamed himself for it and putting them all through the match, though Chuck had convinced him that nobody was to blame, these things happened. Which, he was right, but knowing that he had been one of the last opponents Kip had faced in that match still poked his conscience occasionally, even after all these years. They had talked about it and Kip had said, multiple times, that he didn’t put blame on Cassidy as this was an issue he had dealt with prior to the match, but it was still occasionally bothering him, for one reason or another.

Maybe Cassidy blamed it so much on himself because he had seen and felt firsthand what being on the shelf had done to Kip when he eventually started to return to shows and the ringside.

His eyes focused back on the sleeping face of the Brit, watching the little content smile linger on his resting face, lips slightly apart as he was clearly asleep. The dark circles around his eyes were partially from the sloppy job of removing the makeup when they had gotten home, but Cassidy knew a big part of them were also the sleepless nights and the nightmares that kept him awake and alert for too many hours of the day. Kip wouldn’t admit to it at this point that it was still a problem, in his mind it had been tackled a long time ago, but Cassidy knew. He knew it all.

He knew how much of the makeup was a facade and how much of it was the real Kip Sabian. As much as the base of the eyeliner was real, the rest of it was nothing more than a cover up. To make sure nobody else saw how much it all had messed him up. The injury, the recovery, the return…

The box, the title hunt, the belt itself.

You could have shown Cassidy a single picture of Kip from any point of this timeline and he could have pinpointed exactly when it was taken, based on nothing but the way he looked. He had seen Kip go from the colorful though vengeful persona to the man in the deepest depths of hell, hellbent on revenge and redemption. While Cassidy hadn’t been there or a part of it every step of the way, he had observed it enough from the sidelines to have seen all of it develop. And he had been there enough to experience the worst of it firsthand.

His hand slowly left Kip’s hair, the palm pressing gently to the side of his head as his thumb ran over the other man’s cheek. Even in his sleep Kip leaned against the touch with a content hum, making Cassidy’s heart flutter at the sight. Despite everything they had gone through, both separately and together, they were still here, able to have this kind of a moment together. In complete peace.

He didn’t intend it to, but Cassidy’s mind wandered on its own back to the first days they spent together after Kip had been broken out of the curse, after he was no longer a champion. Cassidy had been the one to cost him the title, sure, but that had just been the beginning of it. It didn’t take long for Kip to fall prey to the aftermath, just as Cassidy knew he would be. And he had been there to pick up the pieces, to help Kip back up on his feet, whether he liked it or not, whether Chuck liked it or not, whether anyone liked it or not, because Cassidy knew he was the one that needed to do it, and he was the one that was able to do it.

It all started very rocky, and continued very rocky for a long time. Understandably it took Kip a long while to be able to get not only used to this changed situation where he was alone but no longer in control, and to accept the fact that he was not only getting help, but that he needed the help of the man he had proclaimed his nemesis. Cassidy didn’t mind this, it felt kind of bad to admit it, but he knew Kip didn’t have it in him in the end to fight against it. If Cassidy kept up with it, eventually Kip would give in, he would understand how all of this was necessary. Cassidy knew this, as he had been in the same boat before, only he had been in Kip’s place and Kris, and occasionally Chuck and Trent as well, in his.

Cassidy’s hand moved from Kip’s face, grabbing a gentle hold of his hand resting next to his head, easily interlacing their fingers. Even if Kip was asleep, this setup was so usual for them that it was ingrained into his muscle memory even if he wasn’t aware of what was happening around him. Cassidy observed his content face for a while, thinking how long it had been now that he had been able to look Kip like this.

It hadn’t always been like this. Hell, this hadn’t been the end goal at any point. Cassidy was just supposed to be here until Kip was better and able to get back on his own feet and take care of himself again, and then he was supposed to be out. That’s how it was supposed to be, only for a short period of time. Instead it had been almost a year at this point since they had moved in together, at some point down the line they had moved into sharing a bed – at the beginning this was to avoid extra nightmares and make sure Kip got the sleep he needed, but something about that clearly shifted the dynamic in the end.

Cassidy could remember multiple nights looking at Kip’s sleeping face, much like tonight, wondering how they ended up here. Where they would go from here. If there would be more than just him taking care of the Brit like it had been up to that point. Slowly seeing his actions help Kip, to genuinely make him get better and be able to get somewhat back into normalcy…

Somewhere in there, between all the good and the bad, the laughs in the day and confused, fearful tears cried in the night, his heart had decided that Cassidy was feeling more than just the need to help Kip to overcome this huge obstacle.

Cassidy felt extremely lucky to know that Kip shared those feelings with him though, he couldn’t even bring himself to think how things would be if he didn’t.

Feeling a lump forming on his throat the thought, Cassidy closed his eyes, inhaling deeply in hopes of calming himself down. Today had been such a tiring, hectic day it was no wonder him being this tired and having his thoughts running so rampant that it was making him emotional, but at the same time he didn’t want to cry and risk waking Kip up because of it. Cassidy was supposed to be the calm and collected one, he was always the stoic one, he wasn’t the one that was supposed to cry.

And yet, the tears were inevitable.

He barely stifled a sob, but the tears slipped past the shut eyelids, wetting his cheeks. Almost as soon as Cassidy could feel that, he felt a hand being pressed on his cheek, a thumb running over it, wiping away the tears.

“Hey.”

Cassidy opened his eyes, looking down at Kip, seeing the smile still on his lips, tired eyes looking back at him, just barely a hint of worry in them. While it wasn’t usual for Kip to see him cry like this, seemingly unprompted, Kip knew to not get him more agitated whenever it did happen.

“Everything okay?”

Cassidy offered him a smile, wiping his face with his free hand, giving a squeeze to Kip’s hand with the other. “Yeah… Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Kip looked at him, observing his face, like he was trying to find the lie that he knew he wasn’t going to find. “You sure?”

Cassidy nodded, taking in a deep breath. “Just thinking. About this. Us. …How we got here.”

Kip hummed in response, eyes finally leaving Cassidy, allowing him a little breathing room. Kip pushed himself up from his lap, stretching a little with a yawn. As Kip settled back to his spot on the couch next to Cassidy, he leaned closer to the blond, pressing a quick kiss on his cheek.

“I think about us all the time,” he smiled, pressing another kiss on Cassidy’s cheek before he pushed himself up from the couch, stretching again. “But it’s bedtime. Come on.”

Kip offered a hand towards him, Cassidy taking it without hesitation. But instead of letting Kip pull him up, Cassidy pulled the Brit closer and into a kiss. He obviously intended it as a passionate one, one hand running through Kip’s hair to keep him close as the man basically melted against him, in the end ending up sitting in Cassidy’s lap as the breath taken out of him was too much to keep him up on his feet anymore.

“You’ve really been thinking tonight, huh?” Kip gasped as he was finally able to get air into his lungs again, Cassidy just responding with a quick peck on his lips and a smile. Kip looked at him for a while, leaning closer as he snuggled his head against Cassidy’s shoulder with a quiet sigh. “I love you.”

Cassidy’s hand ran through Kip’s hair again, leaning his head against the side of his. “I love you too. But you’re right, we really should go to bed.”

Kip chuckled at him but obliged, pushing back onto his feet, raising a brow as Cassidy didn’t follow suit immediately.

“I’ll turn off the lights and such. You go ahead.”

“Well, if I pass out before you get there, that’s on you.”

Cassidy just chuckled at him, watching Kip leave the living room. Only after he could hear the footsteps going up the stairs to make sure he really was leaving his immediate vicinity, Cassidy stood up from the couch, reaching for the remote to turn the television off. He grabbed the jean jacket that had been laying on the back of the couch, hand stuffing into its pocket.

He looked at the little black ring box in his hand for a moment before putting it into the pocket of his jeans, knowing he could get away with hiding it from Kip for a little bit longer until the morning.

#fic #setting: belt corruption arc #character: orange cassidy #character: kip sabian #ship: orangekip #aew fanfiction #wrestling fanfiction #request

[nozoroomie]

Bit of a personal ramble since sometimes, you just gotta do one. tws will be in the tags

I have had a very long 2023 so far. I was put on medical leave at the end of February due to my job situation changing in the company I'm employed at, as well as not acknowledging/ taking care of my grief from losing Meredith. I'm on a list to get a psych evaluation but it's quite a long waiting list in my area, so I might not see someone for a while yet. I've been off of work since March, but have been actively trying to find a new job/ new field to work in while also taking care of myself and my mental health.

Grief is... it's just consuming. It comes out of no where and its overwhelming. It makes me feel alienated from my friends and family, even more so because of the preexisting anxiety and depression. I'm trying my best to stay social with people, do things that would make me happy, but I disassociate a lot. I sometimes feel like I'm just kinda looking in and that I just don't.. I dunno, fit? I get anxious about what to do and say in conversation that there's nothing to overthink about. I feel scared that I'm too depressed to hangout with friends and like I'll ruin it just being there. I don't know what to talk about without being scared I'll make people uncomfortable if I start mentioning anything that brings me into talk of emotions or feelings. I get exhausted thinking about crying. I know it's healthier to feel feelings and express them, but I'm tired of it sapping all my energy for the day afterward. I'm tired of my roommate checking in with me and then saying "Same shit, different day" and him just having to hear me vent about the same thing. My medication helps me do the things I need to function, like eating, getting up, taking care of my animals, but when it comes to actually dealing with all of this I feel like I just can't navigate it. Anyway, all this to say even after all this time, I go back to work in a couple weeks and I'm just not ready for it, especially since I hate this new position and there's literally nothing I can do about it. I applied for almost 40 jobs on my leave and only had one interview that I didn't get a call back for. I got certified to work as a budtender since earlier this year there were literally dozens of budtender positions, and if I had the cash at the moment I'd be doing my smart serve as well, but god. No calls back from anything but one place. It's ridiculous, especially with people complaining nobody wants to work (aka the excuse all the business owners use when people want a living wage and not bare minimum wage.) And that's that for job hunting. I'm hoping one day I can at least find passion for things again and get back into a creative habit, but until then I'm just going to keep trying to navigate these murky waters one day at a time.

#roomie speaks #tw depression #tw death #tw grief #tw intrusive thoughts #tw mental health #thanks for reading if you did and thanks for sticking around

[killemwithkawaii]

Ok ok so I know there’s the whole “Sal (intentionally or accidentally) overhearing/spying on y/n”

..,but what about the reverse 👀 just imagining y/n hanging out in their apartment when they hear a shower start to run, and they realize that whatever room they’re in is shares a wall with Sal’s bathroom.

And it’s like…Sal still lives with his dad, he needs some privacy sometime, and hiding under the spray of the shower is a tried and true method! And y/n’s eyes widen as they realize that they’re pressed up so close to the wall they can hear Sal OVER the running water. And the walls are so excruciatingly thin that it’s like they’re right there with him, hearing the unmistakable slap of skin, his panting and grunting and quiet growls as he tries to keep quiet—unmuffled without the prosthetic but bitten behind his teeth.

And y/n knows they shouldn’t be listening in, knows they should just put in headphones or go to another room but they feel completely frozen by the spike of searing hot arousal just from hearing Sal’s raspy voice moaning so vividly it’s like they can picture what he must look like—water pouring down his body as he wraps his long fingers around his cock. What expressions does he make, completely alone? Does he throw his head back? Are his eyes open or shut? God—it sounds like he’s going at it so rough and fast…is that how he likes it or is he rushing?

And then….oh god, oh god, he starts talking, muttering dirty talk under his breath in his absolutely wrecked voice. Saying all sorts of filthy, kinky things because he thinks no one will hear them—and y/n realizing he’s talking about them.

“Fuuuuck, (y/n), show me how much you want my cock. You gotta earn it, baby, yeah, just like that—“

And holy Christ how is y/n supposed to look him in the eye next time they hang out when al they can think about is Sal’s deep, rumbling voice growling and moaning in their ear as he tells them exactly where he wants them 😩🙌

Listening to Sal have some 'me time' through the wall-

[CW: NS/FW lemon/grapefruit, yandere, voyeurism, stalking, implied unsanitary] 

>Yes hello I would like to very selfishly and unashamedly claim this imagine as my final birthday present of the year because good god thank you for the food 😩😩😩🙌🙌🙌💞💞💞💦💦💦

>A man in his prime needs his privacy (and if he spends his private time pressed up against the adjoining wall of your apartments, are you really going to complain??)

>Sal growling and panting and biting his lip + fapping sounds. That's it that's an entire A+ post by itself and then you went and painted the picture even more vividly bless 🙏💕💦

>THE UNCENCORED DIRTY TALK THAT HE THINKS NOBODY CAN HEAR, A TRULY UNBRIDLED FLOW OF FILTHY THOUGHTS CENTERED AROUND [Y/N] AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH 🙈🙈🙈💓💓💓💦💦💦

>Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE me some dom Sal, but imagine listening in on him regularly and hearing him in different moods:

-when he's feeling vanilla, so romantic and sweet, rambling about how gorgeous [y/n] is, how much he longs for them and wants to show them how much he cares for them, how badly he wants to make love with them and make them feel as good as they make him feel...~ 🥺👉👈💘

-when he's feeling submissive, all desperate and needy, whimpering and begging for [y/n] to let him worship them like they deserve, for them to take him and use him how they see fit. You can tell from his whines and clipped moans (and maybe a few quiet squelching or choking sounds) that he gets a little more... self-exploratory in those instances.... ;3c 🍑💦

>Yeah no eye contact would be nearly impossible once this all starts good luck with that (just make sure not to completely avoid him, otherwise he might start taking sad boy showers :< Feed the beast, keep the show going, and who knows! [y/n] might be lucky enough to get a front-row seat 👀🍿💦)

#K.E.W.K. answers #sal fisher #sal fisher x reader #sal fisher x y/n #yan!y/n #sorry steve #lemon #grapefruit #tw yandere #tw stalking #tw voyeurism #tw unsanitary #[implied but still uwu] #ill be thinking about this all day bye slkfjas

[thepartyresponsible]

Hiya, I was just curious as to whether you have any fics in the works atm <3 I'm a massive fan of your work and I saw your name pop up so I thought I'd ask :))

hi! so i recently got a bad things happen bingo card, and i've been working on a fic for that.

the inspiration for this one is that in some timelines, wolverine is a howling commando, which has always struck me as hilarious. but i started thinking about what would change if, after the war, logan went looking for bucky's body.

so here's a quick peek at what i'm working on for the near death experience square of that bingo card.

- - -

It’s 2012 – or 2014, or possibly 2011, but definitely sometime in the spring – when Logan shows up to ruin Bucky’s retirement. Again. He breaks from the tree line at a slouch, wearing that jacket he only wears when they need to go killing, and he’s scowling and tight-jawed, looks like he’s already tired of spitting other people’s blood out of his mouth.

“No,” Bucky says, and points over Logan’s shoulder. “Fuck you,” he adds, to establish a baseline of discontent. “We just did that thing in Serbia.”

“That was seven years ago, shithead,” Logan says. “I don’t wanna hear it. You think I want to be here? I had to take a boat.”

He always complains about the boat, like it’s not a Goddamn headache for Bucky to spend twelve hours scrambling up a mountain after the road runs out just to reach Logan’s sad little cabin in Alberta. There’s nothing wrong with a boat. The water’s peaceful. Sometimes Bucky spends whole days out there, listening to the water, thinking about Steve.

Anyway, unlike Logan’s Rockies, there’s usually nothing in the lake that’ll try to eat you.

“I replaced the motor,” Bucky says, because he spent a whole week on it, reading and learning. Installing the stupid motor. He did that for Logan, so he wouldn’t have to row.

Maybe he did it for himself, so he wouldn’t have to listen to Logan complain.

Or maybe he just did it to give himself something to do. Hell, Bucky doesn’t know. He gave up introspection in the ‘70s, and never got back into the habit. The world’s probably better for it.

“Fuck your motor,” Logan says, with exactly the kind of effusive gratitude that Bucky’s come to expect after a rambling six decades of occasional collaboration. “Pack your shit. Wash your hair. We’ve gotta go.”

Bucky feels, just for a second, like the ground beneath him doesn’t exist. Like some careless celestial bastard flicked the planet with an almighty forefinger, sent all of earth and its inhabitants careening into freefall, knocked wholesale into the atmosphere, every oxygen-breather alive doomed to death.

He can’t really describe it in his own head. Sure wouldn’t verbalize it to anyone who asked. But somehow, after everything, after the war, after the experiments, after winding his mind back together like it was a spool of thread hurled into a windstorm, that’s one of the scariest Goddamn things he’s ever heard. Logan Howlett saying Wash your hair.

“We putting on our dress uniforms?” he asks. Hasn’t been so long since the last one, he thinks. Morita. Heart attack. Winter in ’99, and hadn’t that been a bitch? All the snow and impassable roads made them two weeks too late for the funeral, but they found his grave anyway, in their own time.

Even then, Logan hadn’t told him to wash his damn hair. And Jones wouldn’t mind, which means it has to be Carter.

Someday, Bucky won’t know the name of a single living human being.

Well, except Logan. But he’s not so sure either one of them really meets the criteria for human anymore.

“No,” Logan says. And then, sharper, “Stop it, Barnes. Nobody’s dead. That’s the whole problem.”

“That’s a problem?” Bucky says, still shifting, counterbalancing for the gut wound of grief, the way it can eat you hollow before you’re done processing the bite.

“It’s Steve,” Logan says. He spits it out fast, makes a face after. “He’s alive. I think.”

But he can’t be alive. “No, he isn’t.”

Bucky would’ve known. He would’ve felt it. And all he’s felt since Logan dragged him out of that Hydra facility is alone.

Logan shrugs. His jacket stretches, blocky and thick, hides his muscles, hides the weird way he moves these days, like his bones are stiffer than they should be. “He just picked a fight with some alien in Germany. So it’s Steve, or it’s somebody wearing his face.”

Bucky’s lips pull back over his teeth.

If they could, the scientists would clone him, no question. Clone him and raise the kid in a lab, try to engineer a super soldier a little less Steve Rogers and a lot more Captain America. Which is why, in Bucky’s estimation, scientists had no business in war. They’d do any Goddamn thing. Look at what they did to him. Look at what they did to Logan.

Look at what they’ve done to the whole world, all electric and starving, plastic and sick, mechanized and heartless.

And maybe nobody’s better or worse, not really. But Bucky hasn’t known any soldiers who could kill a hundred thousand people in one morning.

Granted, he’s not really sure what Steve’s upper limit would be, if someone found a way to take the heart out of him.

“Gotta be a clone,” he says. “Or a mutant.”

“Whatever it is,” Logan says, “it’s a problem.”

It’s a desecration, is what it is. And Bucky didn’t know there was a single thing left holy in the world until this exact moment.

“Fine,” he says. “Let’s go solve it.”

[ticketstomydaydreams]

5:3666

(All We Have: Part Two)

Part One

Colson x Female Reader

Summary: You and Colson fall into a night time studio routine when he starts keeping you company through your insomnia and you decide to work though some past demons

Word count: 3,200 (ish, I lost count editing)

Feels: Fluff with a dash of past trauma

Warnings: Drug & alcohol consumption, domestic violence, cursing, Colson being so sweet it almost makes your teeth hurt

Companion playlist:

Machine Gun Kelly - 5:3666

Warren Zevon - I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

The Vamps - All Night

Halsey - You Should Be Sad

A/N: If you've been affected by anything in this story, please know you're not alone. My inbox is always open and I'm all ears 🖤

______

During the first couple of weeks of moving in, you’d been partying A LOT. The guys wanted to show you just how mad it got, breaking you into their chaotic household, blending the days together. Everyone was hyper and the house was buzzing with energy. You'd been so exhausted from all of it that you'd been all but passing out each night, but you couldn’t lie, it was great fun.

You’d tried to pass on a few nights but Colson would never hear of it, often forcing you out of your room to get involved as the house was filled with people, jam sessions taking place in between drinking games. It was a far cry from your usual homelife, your last housemate mainly kept to themselves so your place was normally pretty chilled. Colson had used your place as a quiet escape over the years, but it seemed you wouldn’t have the same set up extended to you here with this lot.

With the pandemic unfolding, the house had started getting quieter, less people in and out every night and everyone was settling into a lazier way of life. The gang were mooching around the house throughout the day and while the house was still lively at night, it wasn’t quite the party central you’d almost started getting used to. Your normal working routine went out the window as everyone had started working from home mainly and without your daily routine, followed by nights out partying, your insomnia was back with full force.

______

You were lying in your bed, trying to force sleep on yourself but after trying to nod off for a couple of hours, you accepted defeat and got back up. Throwing some sweats on and one of Colson’s huge hoodies (you’d been slowly sneaking them out of his closet, finding that the masses of material drowning your small frame were super comforting), you headed down to the kitchen, turned the stove on and filled the kettle up. You were scrolling through your phone when you heard footsteps on the tiled floor. Colson strolled into the kitchen looking disheveled in a white tank top and boxer shorts, hair ruffled and looking sleepy

“Dude, it’s 3am how come you’re up?”

“Couldn’t sleep, living that oh so fun insomnia life again” you sighed “Did I wake you?”

“Nah, I was already awake. Couldn’t sleep either and heard someone moving about so thought I’d come down” He replied, climbing onto one of the breakfast stools

“Yeah, I think it’s not having much of a routine. Hate lying in bed staring at the ceiling so just got up. You want a cup?” you offered, pointing to the chamomile tea you were brewing

“Sure, thanks” he says, taking the steaming mug from you

You sit down at the breakfast bar with him and start chatting, scrolling through instagram as you do. After about an hour, as you’re talking about an article you’re reading, you notice Colson doesn’t respond and you look to your right and see he’s fallen asleep, leaning on his hand, his mouth slightly ajar.

“Hey, sleeping beauty” you whisper, rubbing his back with your hand “Go to bed”

He slightly jolts at your touch, opening his eyes “Nah man, I’m keeping you company”

“Some company” you laugh softly “pretty sure you just slept through all my rambling there”

He leans against your shoulder, closing his eyes again “Hey, at least you’re not sitting here alone. That’s something right?”

“That’s true” you smile, leaning your head against his “You’re very appreciated, do you know that”

You gently push him upright and stand up “Come on, let’s go to bed. I’m pretty tired myself, so you’ve definitely helped”

He’s laid his head down on his arm on the counter, his breathing getting heavy immediately so you pull his other hand making him stand up. He stands up and puts his arm around your shoulder as you walk towards the stairs, your legs feeling heavy as you climb each step, carrying some of Colson’s weight as he sleepily walks with you

Once you’re standing outside your bedroom doors, he pulls you in for a hug

“Night kid, don’t be wandering around bored if you can’t sleep yeah? Just come get me. Nothing worse than sitting up alone at night…”

“Will do. Thanks Col” You squeeze him a bit tighter as he kisses the top of your head

“Night” you smile, as he let’s you go and turns and heads into his room, waving his hand up behind him

Undressing and crawling into bed, your eyes feel heavy as your head hits the pillow. Colson was right, insomnia was a much less lonely experience with a friend.

______

Of course, as is always the way after your sleepless nights, you sleep in super late the following day meaning the cycle continues and you find yourself wide awake as the witching hour approaches. Feeling restless in your bedroom, you get up, and decide to head downstairs and out into the studio because you figure you might as well put this time to good use. You settle into a chair with your acoustic guitar and started playing, stopping and starting as you figure out a melody, working your latest lyrics in with it

“I wanna start this out and say, I gotta get it off my chest. Got no anger, got no malice…”

“I thought I told you to come get me if you couldn’t sleep”

You almost drop your guitar as you hear Colson’s voice behind you, “Jesus, how are you such an enormous human but you still manage to creep up on me all the time?”

“Just a stealthy motherfucker I guess” He laughs, flopping into the chair next to you

“Whatcha working on? That sounded sweet, keep playing…”

Colson knows you sometimes get a bit self-conscious with people watching you sing, so he lights his joint, rests his head on his hand and closes his eyes. You smile as you see what he's doing, thankful he always understands what you're like.

You turn back to your notepad, reading over your lyric outline quickly before repositioning the guitar in your lap and resetting the metronome

___

‘I wanna start this out and say, I gotta get it off my chest

Got no anger, got no malice, Just a little bit of regret

No, nobody else will tell you, so there's some things I gotta say

Gonna jot it down and then get it out and then I'll be on my way

No, you're not half the man you think that you are

And you can't fill the hole inside of you with money, drugs, and cars

I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you

'Cause you can't love nothing unless there's something in it for you

Oh, I feel so sorry, I feel so sad

I tried to help you, it just made you mad

And I had no warning about who you are

I'm just glad I made it out without breaking down

And then ran so fuckin' far, that you would never ever touch me again

Won't see your alligator tears

'Cause, no, I've had enough of them’

___

“Man, that was beautiful Y/N. I got some chills right there…You just wrote that?”

“Nah, it’s something I dug up from ‘back then’. Been going through some old lyrics and samples while we’ve got all this time on our hands. It’s kinda cathartic to go over some of that stuff now there’s a bit more distance you know”

______

A couple of years ago, you’d been stuck in a really toxic relationship with your ex, Stevie. Your time with him had been a tornado of arguments, drugs and the constant heartache of him cheating on you. Every time you’d get close to having the strength to leave, you’d always cave in and the mess would continue with you losing a bit of yourself each time you stayed. You’d become pretty used to his violent outbursts, he had always been controlling and short tempered, often pushing you and throwing stuff around your apartment. Despite his own frequent infidelity, he flew into a jealous rage with you constantly.

He’d always hated Colson, despite him being one of your best friends, and while he’d play nice to his face you’d always get it in the neck once you were alone about how you and Colson were ‘too close’ and he ‘didn’t trust him’. Before that final night you’d spent with him, things had been pretty good with the two of you for a few weeks, there hadn’t been much drama and so you hadn’t thought too much of inviting him out with you and the gang for a night out clubbing. Your good run had clearly come to an end, when you felt his hand grab your arm tightly and drag you off the dancefloor where you’d been dancing with Colson. You’d been bundled into an uber so quickly, you hadn’t even managed to get your handbag from inside. You saw Colson running out of the club, followed by Rook and Slim who was holding your bag, as the cab pulled away.

Once you were back at the apartment, he flew into a rage. You’d never seen him this bad before, his eyes were dark and when you tried to argue back, calling his jealousy ‘pathetic’ he snapped. He’d grabbed you by the throat and slammed you against the wall, “Don’t you ever disrespect me like that again” he’d spat in your face, before striking you so hard with his fist that the skin across your cheek split open. It was as if his actions had knocked him back to reality, he’d let go of you and you ran to your bedroom, locked the door behind you and started packing a bag. He hammered on the door, begging you to open it and you could hear that he was crying. You looked around for your phone before you remembered you’d left it at the club. Desperate to get away, you opened your laptop and brought up instagram, managing to send Colson a message asking him to send you an uber to his house straight away. You’d thrown your laptop and a few more bits in your bag, the battery dying before you had a chance to wait for a reply, before pulling the bedroom door open and barging past Stevie. He’d tried to grab you, but you’d finally had enough “Never fucking touch me again” you spat, pushing him off you. The hatred in your voice rooted him to the spot and he said nothing as you walked out, the door slamming behind you.

Once you were outside the apartment building, the reality of what had just happened and the situation you were in started to wash over you. You had no phone, no wallet, your laptop was dead. Just as you were starting to seriously panic, an uber pulled up and Colson had leapt out of the backseat. You’d been in total shock and had just let Colson guide you into the cab and then out into his house, up to his room. He didn’t say anything as he led you to his bathroom and lifted you up onto the counter. He grabbed a flannel and soaked it with warm water, rinsing it out before pressing it softly against the cut on your cheek, gently wiping away the blood that had mixed with your mascara laced tears. The tenderness of his actions was almost too much and you started to sob again.

“Hey, hey. Y/N, look at me” he said softly, lifting your chin so you looked at him, his blue eyes misty themselves “It’s okay, you’re safe here. Don’t move, I’ll be back in a sec”

He left the bathroom and returned with a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Putting them on the counter next to you, he crouched down and undid the straps on your heels, slipping them off your feet and then helping you down from the counter. “I’ll leave you to change”

When you came out of the bathroom, Colson was lying in his bed “Come here” he said, holding his arm and beckoning into his side. You crawled under the covers next to him and snuggled into him, his long arms wrapping around you.

“Col…” you said quietly

“Yeah?” he whispered back, stroking your hair off your forehead

“Thank you…”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’ve always got you Y/N”

______

“I hated that fucking guy. That night...I wanted to kill him after what he’d done to you”

You see him tense up at the memory and you lean over and squeeze his knee “You’re such an amazing friend, do you know that. I don’t know what I would’ve done that night without you”

"You're a fucking warrior Y/N, you'd have handled your shit. I was just happy you trusted me enough to let me be there for you. You deserve so much better than that" he says, covering the hand you'd placed on his knee with his, staring you in the eyes and returning the smile that's crept across your face

"You know there's been a few punches I've wanted to dole out on behalf of you over the years, but you've never let me" you tell him

"Too right I'd never let you. I never want you in the drama, you're too good for getting caught up in that shit" he replies, pointing at you with mock sternness

"Hey" he says, seeing your expression wash over with a tint of sadness "At least the sleepless nights aren't what they were then…

… If we're gonna work through some old demons this lockdown, I'm sure I've got some songs and lyrics that have never seen the light of day" He reaches over the desk and pulls his laptop towards him "You've inspired me… "

"Oh no, are we gonna fuck our heads up with this?" you joke nervously, worrying that Colson's going to delve into something that's going to upset him

"Nah, I got you covered and you got me, right?"

"True dat" you say, as he holds his fist out so you can fistbump, his eyes now focused on his laptop screen

______

You felt kinda bad, having kept Colson up all night with you the last two nights, especially as you'd got him reminiscing about some tough memories, so tonight you tried to sneak past his room when your restlessness got the better of you.

"Nice try kid!" Colson says as he throws his bedroom door open, causing you to yelp in fright. standing there topless with his sweatpants hung low in his hips, he lights the joint hanging from his mouth "I told you we were in this together now"

"I felt bad, making you stay up with me"

"You didn't make me do shit…Wait a sec, let me find a hoodie. If I have any left in here…" he says, giving a pointed look towards the huge blue hoodie you were wrapped in before walking back into his room and rummaging through his drawers

"Oh shush, you have like a hundred…"

"Right come on" he says, pulling a pink hoodie over his head and flipping the hood up over his messy hair "Let's see what we get into tonight…"

______

And so the nights went on like this, the two of you falling into an easygoing studio routine. If there wasn't anything else going on in the house, you'd eat dinner together then head to the studio and work through the night into the small hours, skipping out the pretense of trying to sleep. You were both pretty productive at this time it seemed, both being proclaimed night owls, and keeping busy during these uncertain times was keeping your minds off the unfolding pandemic.

Considering he’d referred to his home studio in the past as the ‘rage cage’ (and it certainly could still be party central when the entire crew got involved), it was actually a place you drifted towards to relax these days. You’d always worked well together in a studio, but over the weeks spending so much time just the two of you, you became more in tune with each other, noticing when one of you had hit a wall and it was time for bed. Sometimes you'd work in comfortable silence, side by side, engrossed in your own seperate tasks. Sometimes barely any work would get done as you put the world to rights talking about anything and everything in a late night impromptu therapy session.

This evening, you'd been sitting cross legged in your chair for hours now, focusing so hard on editing a song which was driving you mad, you hadn't realised your feet had gone numb. As you try to move, your knees crack and pins and needles shoot through your legs. Colson looks up from the screen he'd been engrossed in after hearing you groan and sees you rubbing your feet trying to bring back the feeling to them

‘C’mere’ he said, before turning his chair towards you and leaning down to grab your legs, bringing your feet up onto his lap. He pulls your socks off and begins massaging your feet. You lean your head back, eyes closed and let out a long ‘hmmm’. You don’t see Colson glancing over at you and shifting in his seat as he lets out slow breath before turning back to his screen

“Now this is the kind of work session I could get used to”, you sighed "You being my studio bitch on hand for foot rubs. Although, I imagine this enjoyment goes both ways Mr Foot Lover” you tease, throwing him an exaggerated wink

Colson throws his head back with a hearty chuckle, and light heartedly slaps your calf

"Keep it in your pants Y/N"

You laugh and wiggle your toes, Colson letting out a dramatic, throaty groan in response. "Those are some sexy little toes though" he states, sticking his tongue out.

Still laughing, you put your hand to your chest, and gasp as you feign prudishness and try to pull your feet away. He grabs both your feet in one of his hands, keeping them in place then leans over the desk and pulls your laptop towards you

"Get on with some work you, this is supposed to be keeping you motivated, not distracted"

He scolds affectionately, with a smile on his face

“Okay, okay, spoilsport” you grumble as you pull your computer onto your lap

Half an hour passes, your legs still on Colson’s lap with him still massaging your feet absentmindedly with one hand while he works, and your eyes begin to feel heavy. You don’t realise you’ve fallen asleep, until you’re awoken by a “woah” from Colson as he catches your laptop which is about to fall. Taking it from your lap, he states “Right, time for bed you”

You check your phone and see it’s already 5:36am.

You stand up and stretch then walk over behind Colson, putting your arms around his shoulders, and resting your chin on his head. Looking at his screen, you yawn “You got much left to do?”

He leans back into you, bringing his hand up to rest on your arm, “Making some good progress so just gonna finish a couple of bits”

“Okay dude” you gently kiss the top of his head and squeeze the back of his neck a couple of times as you turn to leave “Try and get some rest, we’ve got a long day of sweet fuck all to do tomorrow” you say through another big yawn

“Heh yeah, Night Kid” he says softly, letting out a yawn himself. Colson turns and watches you head out of the studio and lets out a big sigh. Feeling the back of his neck still tingle from where you’d squeezed it, he’s suddenly aware of how empty the room feels without you in it....

______

Taglist: @triplexdoublex @thisshitisfuckingdifficult @brightblaqkkheaven

Lace Up! ❌❌

#colson baker imagine #colson baker x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #machine gun kelly imagine #machine gun kelly x reader #mgk imagine #mgk x reader #mgk fluff #mgk smut #Colson Baker #colson baker smut #Mgk #machine gun kelly #mgk fanfiction #Mgk fic #Colson fic #Colson imagine

[jingerhead]

I have an idea for you (this is andrews-jorts-loving-pipe-dream btw). So, hear me out, Neil (or Andrew it doesn't matter) gets appendicitis (but he won't admit it) and during his fevered dreams before Andrew (or Neil gets worried enough and feels bad that he's going against Andrew's aversion to doctors) finally gets frustrated enough with his "I'm fine" mantra and drags him to the hospital, he starts imaging all of the foxes as Muppets.

Just an idea 😁😁😁

OMFG so here's a tiny bit that I thought of, I gotta expand this at some point (this ended up being longer than I meant it to be):

Neil was getting worried. The fever was definitely getting worse and Andrew hadn't stopped complaining about the stomach cramps. He hadn't eaten all day - hadn't had anything but water since he'd thrown up that morning - but he'd refused a trip to the hospital. And Neil understood why, but he was starting to think that he'd have to drag Andrew there even if he protested. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

Well, maybe eating would help. Neil had warmed up some canned tomato soup that would hopefully be easy enough on Andrew's stomach. He brought it into the bedroom, where Andrew had curled up under the covers, wearing the big black hoodie they reserved for bad days. The cats were curled up on the bed as well, seeming just as worried as Neil was.

"Andrew?" he called. All he got was a grunt in response, but that meant he was still coherent enough to listen. "You need to eat. I brought you some soup."

He sat down on the edge of the bed and watched Andrew slowly blink at him. "I don't need soup, 'm not hungry," Andrew slurred.

"You haven't eaten anything today," Neil told him, trying to be as patient as possible.

"Hurts," Andrew huffed. "Fine, I'm fine. I'll eat it."

"Thank you," Neil said. "Here, let me take your temperature, first."

All Andrew did was blink slowly again as Neil put the bowl of soup on one nightstand and grabbed the thermometer. He'd never been this out of it before, not with a fever, and Neil was pretty sure Andrew had warmed up again after huddling under the covers. He'd been pulling them away all day.

"Can I take your temperature?" Neil asked.

"'ssss..." Andrew hissed.

Bad. Not good. The opposite of fine. Neil reached out anyway, gently tilting Andrew's head to get the thermometer at the right angle at his forehead. It wasn't until after he saw the number 103°F that he noticed Andrew's stare through his climbing worry. "What?" Neil dared to ask.

"Your..." Andrew trailed off. "Hair's like Beaker."

Huh? "Who the hell is Beaker?"

"From the Muppets?" Andrew slurred. "Yeah. 's all red and crazy."

It wasn't a laughing matter. Andrew comparing him to a Muppet of all things should not be funny, especially given the circumstances. But Neil still snorted. "Thanks, Andrew."

"You know Matt's kinda like Fozzie?" Andrew continued. "Aaron's face does the - does the - " He paused, frowning. "Kermit scrunch. Yeah, that's it."

"So, Katelyn is Miss Piggy?" Neil asked, looking for his phone.

"Yeah. Kevin's Animal. Nicky's a chicken."

"So, who're you?" Neil asked. He found his phone under some of the blankets, using that as an excuse to rip them off of Andrew's overheated body.

"We," he said, motioning for Neil to lean in. "We are the guys that judge everything."

He must've forgotten that he'd already labeled Neil as Beaker. Neil nodded along while Andrew started mumbling that he actually wanted Renee to be the old guy with him and started calling Aaron. "I wish I could record this," he grumbled. "You'll deny this until you die."

"Nobody we know is cool enough to be Gonzo," Andrew added.

"What the hell do you want, Neil?" Aaron asked when he answered the call.

"Your brother has a high fever and just called me a Muppet," Neil said, barely able to keep the smirk off his face as Andrew continued rambling. "I'd appreciate if you'd help convince him he needs to go to the hospital."

#aftg #aftg wip #aftg fanfic #andreil #andreil wip #andreil fanfic #andriel #tfc #tfc fanfic #all for the game #all for the game fanfic #the foxhole court #this was so much fun to make #honestly its been a long time since ive watched the muppets so i wasn't 100% on who to make who #but then i thought andrew has a high fever whatever he aint thinking either #jinger's works

[averykedavra]

12. “I feel sick…so anxious and sick and like my heart is trying to beat its way out of my chest.” intwuwogical 👀 🥺

(Hi, sorry for the delay! Thanks to @subtlereferencetomyinterests for the pun!)

Words: 2951

Logan didn’t expect any visitors.

It was always easy to slip through the cracks after an argument. Everyone was always preoccupied--with grudges, with apologies, with their own accelerated heartrates. It often took days for the situation to resolve itself, and it always went quicker when Logan was there to help.

Maybe Logan should help. But instead, he was in his room, lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling.

He’d taken off his tie--he couldn’t stand the feeling of it around his neck--and loosened his collar. The room was a mess of half-finished papers and crumbling corkboards. His hair was unwashed and his glasses were covered in crud.

Logan didn’t want any visitors. But when something banged loudly on the door, he took a second to answer, and the door burst open.

"Hey-hey, Isaac Ass-imov!” Remus grinned at him. He was brandishing a staff, probably the source of the banging. It seemed to be built of several bones, topped with teeth. Fascinating. Had Remus created it himself? “It’s time for dinner.”

What? Logan could have sworn it was only morning.

“Pop-Tart says you gotta come on down!” Remus shimmied his hips. “So get your booty out of bed and eat out with us!”

Logan decided against parsing every innuendo from Remus’ sentence. “And he sent you?”

“Yeah!” Remus slapped his staff cheerily. “I’m persuasive.”

Logan had no doubt of that. He rubbed his arm. He didn’t feel hungry--quite the contrary, his stomach felt rather like the ancient monster Charybdis, as if it would spit out whatever it ingested. However, he knew Patton would be upset at a refusal. More pressingly, Remus would be upset. Logan did not want to find out what Remus did when turned down.

“Who else will be there?” Logan decided to ask.

“Everyone Paternity Test and I can drag out of their rooms!” Remus’ smile, and staff, fell a bit. “Not Ro-Bro, though. Or the emo, if Jay is gonna be there.”

“Jay--” It took a second for Logan to comprehend. “Oh. Janus.”

Remus looked between Logan and the door, then closed the door.

“He--he feels really bad about what happened,” Remus finally said. “They all do. It was a whole big garbage-pile mess, I couldn’t have done it better.”

“You would have improved the situation,” Logan said with a chuckle. “You could have knocked us all out, thus forestalling any crises of morality.”

“That’s what I said!” Remus flopped bonelessly to the ground. His head lolled on the foot of Logan’s bed, his feet pushed at the carpet and the papers drifting by, and he began to fidget with the teeth on his staff. They clinked when he moved them. “Anyway, are you coming to dinner?”

“It doesn’t seem as though either of us are going anywhere,” Logan pointed out, “as you’ve just made yourself comfortable on my rug.”

“Oh.” Remus looked down. “Do you--mind?”

“No,” Logan said, surprising himself. “I don’t, as long as you don’t make a mess.”

“I don’t need to,” Remus said, waving a hand at the papers marooned on the floor. “But yeah, we are going somewhere, ‘cause our Patreon tier gives us free meals now. Nice of him.”

“You’re allowed?” Logan asked.

“Yeah! If I don’t ‘make a nuisance of myself.’” Remus leaned forward confidentially. “Think Patton just wants to have one creative Side around, to make himself feel better.”

Logan traced the edges of the ceiling with his eyes. “He seems to be warming to you.”

“Yeah!” Remus beamed. “Well, Janny likes me, and they’re two peas in a Juul pod now, so he lets me do stuff! Like banging on doors!”

Remus banged on the floor with his staff. The teeth shook.

“Where did you get that?” Logan asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. “Is it made of human bones?”

Remus’ eyes lit up. “Yeah! Femur here, and then some wrist bones here, and a rib, and then a bundle of molars!”

“Where did you get them?”

“Imagination.” Remus’ voice slid into a rambling tone, as if he was gearing up for a long monologue. Logan found it rather endearing. “My side of the imagination is filled with bones. So I made this one last year! It’s a bonk stick.”

“A--” Logan blinked. “A what?”

“It bonks!” Remus raised the stick and twisted around to Logan. Logan barely had time to move before the staff came down on his head. A light tap. “Bonk!”

“Bonk,” Logan repeated, watching the staff. “What does it do?”

“It bonks people into doing stuff!” Remus pulled the staff away from Logan. “I bonk on doors and I bonk on faces and I bonk on walls! Gets people’s attention. When people are stuck in bed and being gloomy, I bonk them into doing stuff! I--used to do that for Jay, sometimes. I’m the one who gets everyone out of bed.” Remus laughed. “Perks of being a bother.”

“You’re not a bother,” Logan said, out of habit. He’d said similar things to Virgil many times.  

“If you think that, I’m not trying hard enough.” Remus flipped, knees over his head, and landed on his back on the carpet. His feet kicked up on the bed and l left smears on the quilt. His hair pooled in snarls around his face. “It’s my job, right? I’m the one who bangs pans in your brain until you do something.”

“I suppose that’s one way to put it.”

“But yeah, I know, I’m not usually the ‘helpful’ one.” Remus sighed, though it sounded more like a blown raspberry. “Jay winds me up and points me fun-wards, though! And now I’ve been tugged all the way over to you!”

“Wonderful,” Logan said.

“It is, isn’t it?” Remus tugged at his mustache. “So, you coming to dinner or not?”

Logan let out a breath.

“Come on,” Remus said after a moment of silence. “You can’t just sulk in bed forever. Get moving! Go-go-go! You’ve got no excuse to stay in bed.”

Something angry twisted in Logan’s chest. “Maybe I do,” he snapped.

“Oh!” Remus blinked up at him. “What is it?”

“Um.” Logan hadn’t thought that far ahead. “I’m working right now.”

“You’re lying in bed.”

“I’m brainstorming,” Logan lied. “I often do my best work in silence.”

Remus scoffed. “No one works well in silence.”

“I do!”

“Your room says otherwise.” Remus gestured with his staff at the piles of paper and the dusty desk. “You haven’t been working, Specs and the City, don’t try to bluff.”

Logan bit back a pout. “Then--I’m tired.”

“You’re tired?”

“Yes.”

“But it’s not sleep-time,” Remus said. “You can sleep later! Aren’t you all about those cicada rhythms?”

“It’s circadian rhythms,” Logan said. “And you remember that? You weren’t even there!”

“I’m always there,” Remus said. His grin would have been threatening, if he wasn’t sprawled on the rug with curls flopping over his forehead. “I hear everything. Whether you see me or--” He covered his face and splayed his hands. “You don’t!”

“Interesting,” Logan said. “So...you were there during the argument? About the wedding?”

Remus cringed. “Yeah.”

“Oh." Logan felt a bit embarrassed, which was ridiculous, because Remus was the last person who would judge him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Eh, not my jam.” Remus tossed his staff in the air and caught it. The teeth jingled. “Yadda yadda morality bogus, no fun. I don’t mind callbacks, and I don’t mind weddings if they end in orgies, so I really didn’t care. I’m not really about reflecting. You do what you do, no use getting your panties twisted after it’s over.”

“Huh,” Logan said. “So...that’s how you feel about it?”

“What?”

“How do you feel about it?” Logan asked. He didn’t know why--maybe to deflect Remus’ own questioning, maybe because he was curious, curious to see this unknown variable in action. “How do you feel? Has anyone asked you?”

“I--” Remus looked at him open-mouthed for a moment. Then his mouth slammed shut like a nutcracker’s. “I don’t care about it. Like I said. And--no, nobody has. I’m just the voice in the back of your mind, nothing to worry about.”

Remus was in the back of the mind. What did it mean, then, that he was here? Was this the back--was this the shadows? Was this where voices went when nobody listened to them?

“But you’re getting me off-track!” With a nod, Remus was back to full energy. “No getting off-track. No pileups today. I need to hear why you can’t go to dinner.”

“I don’t want to,” Logan said.

Simple. Sickeningly, achingly simple. The scabs stung around his neck.

Remus actually seemed to be considering it. “Why not?”

“I want to stay in bed,” Logan said. Simple. Truthful. No lies to summon anyone, anything. To just keep the two of them there.

Logan stared at the ceiling instead of Remus. Don’t check to see if he’s gone. That wasn’t how you dealt with intrusive thoughts--they always came back. And he wanted Remus gone.

Didn’t he?

“Yeah, okay,” Remus said. “But should you?”

“I’m done worrying about shoulds.”

“Do the others want you to?”

“I’ve spent too much time thinking about them already.”

“Is it good for you?”

Logan huffed. “You tell me. Morality is hardly my area of expertise.”

“Mine either,” Remus said, “but I’m good at being where I’m not wanted. And doing what I gotta do.”

Logan continued to look at the ceiling. Maybe Remus would leave. Maybe he wouldn’t. Schrodinger’s cat, he thought idly--dead or alive, an enigma, an unknown. Anything was possible until you checked to make sure.

“How do you feel?”

“What?” Logan jerked his head over to Remus. “What do you mean?”

“How do you feel about everything that happened?” Remus shrugged. “You just look kinda icky. And you asked me. Fair’s fair.”

“You don’t believe in fair,” Logan said.

“You do.”

Did he? If he allowed himself the possibility, something red-hot choked his chest. Fair meant everyone was listened to. Fair meant everyone’s input was valued. Fair meant he wasn’t pulled away before he got a chance to fix things--

He’d already failed, though. Wasn’t it fair that he didn’t deserve a seat at the table?

“I don’t believe in fairness,” Logan said. “And I don’t feel anything.”

Remus snickered. “Sure.”

“I don’t!”

“Look, I won’t tell anyone.” Remus winked at him and tapped his nose. “I already know, anyway. I know all your dirty little secrets.”

Logan blinked. “You do?”

“Yeah, Jay might hide the secrets, but he needs somewhere to put them.” Remus spread his arms. Sprawled on the carpet, his arms outstretched, he looked like he was being pinned to a cross. “I’m where all the secrets go! All the dirty things you’d never say out loud, I hear them. I’m like your footprints! Or oil sludge--or radiation!”

Logan touched his collar. “Fascinating.”

“I think so too!” Remus bonked the staff on the floor. “Point is, my pointy Poin-dexter, is that I’m not gonna judge. You probably don’t even measure up to the freaky shit I’ve heard some of them think. Glass houses. Say whatever you want, I don’t care, brains are weird and gross sometimes.”

Logan didn’t have a brain, technically. Or he was the brain. Either way, he wasn’t supposed to be weird or gross. Or--fallible. Yet here he was, sprawled on his bed and immovable, a pile of feelings he could barely understand.

“I feel...sick,” Logan said.

Remus was quiet. Maybe he wasn’t there--Logan could monologue to himself, and no one would be the wiser, and Remus wouldn’t be there until Logan looked for him. Remus wasn’t helpful unless someone looked.

“I feel sick,” Logan repeated. “So--anxious, and sick, and like my heart is trying to beat its way out of my chest.”

He could feel his pulse, pounding in his neck. Why did he need it? How was this fair? How was it fair to give him a heart to race, breath to steal, a voice to silence? Why did he have to be this?

Things he should be. Things others wanted. Things that were good.

Things he wanted.

Always tangled, always at odds, always disastrously intertwined.

“I tried to help,” Logan pleaded with no one. “I tried to help--I knew it wasn’t my place to interfere, I couldn’t help with their personal issues, but I could still--give information. Help. I needed to help, I’m--I’m the one who helps. And I failed, and it hurt--and he dragged me off and I couldn’t breathe--”

Breathe. His windpipe was closing. Logan closed his eyes and breathed in and out. Four, seven, eight. He’d taught Virgil that rhythm. Why could he fix everyone else’s problems, but not his own?

“I tried to help,” Logan said, weakly. “It wasn’t fair.”

“No,” Remus agreed. “It wasn’t.”

Logan rubbed at the scabs around his neck. Remus’ throwing stars hadn’t hurt him, so everyone assumed he couldn’t feel pain--that he was unflappable, powerful, untouchable Logic. But it was only because Remus didn’t try to hurt him. Everyone could hurt Logan if they tried. Or if they didn’t bother to stop it from happening.

“I feel sick,” Logan said, quietly, like the crook was still around his neck. “And that’s why I’m not going. That’s my excuse.”

Silence. Logan didn’t want to check if Remus had left. He wouldn’t blame him if he did.

“Chicken noodle soup,” Remus said.

“What?”

“That’s what people eat when they’re sick,” Remus continued, springing to his feet. “And, like, toast. And mushed bananas.”

“The b-r-a-t diet,” Logan agreed, still confused. “Bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast.”

“Okay!” Remus nodded. “Yeah, I thought so. I’m more practiced at the make people sick side of things, but this is cool too.”

“What?” Logan asked, hoping that for once, Remus would explain. “What are you doing?”

“Uh, you’re sick?” Remus asked. “So I’m helping?”

“I’m not that kind of sick,” Logan started to say, but he realized that wasn’t entirely true. He did feel flushed. And his stomach churned menacingly. “Why?”

“There is no rhyme or reason to what I do, I just do!” Remus bonked him on the leg. “You gotta eat something, so I’ll grab stuff for you.”

“But you’re eating with Patton.”

Another bonk on the leg. “I can do it another night! Plus, it’s no fun if I can’t be a nuisance.”

Logan smiled a bit, despite himself. “You can’t be a nuisance here, either.”

“Aww!” Remus pouted, sticking out his lip. “Pwease?”

“I’m not hungry,” Logan said, instead of confronting the fact that Remus’ puppy eyes were working. “Thank you, though.”

“Still gonna get you some food, I think it’s kinda necessary for survival.” Remus looked him over. “Yeah, I’ll grab you a plate, so you can eat in here!”

“You’re...” Logan still didn’t fully understand this. “Letting me stay in bed?”

“You said it yourself, you wanna be here.” Remus shrugged. “Sometimes the bonk stick doesn’t work! And sometimes you just gotta work with what you got. So you stay in bed, and I get you stuff you need, and you take a nap!”

“A nap,” Logan repeated.

“You said you were tired!”

“You said it wasn’t time to sleep yet!”

“Sick rules are different!” Remus crossed his arms. “Look, it’s me, or I sic Pat and Jay on you. And they’re gonna baby you something fierce.”

Logan knew that was true enough. “And you're...okay with this? I don’t wish to interrupt any schedules you may have--”

“I’m Intrusive Thoughts, I don’t have schedules.” Remus shimmied. “I do-do-do what I wanna do-do-do! And what I wanna do is help you out here.”

“Help me,” Logan repeated.

“I can be helpful!” Remus protested. “I have a stick!”

The staff jingled in his hand. He looked utterly convinced. And Logan knew it well enough--there was no way to force the Duke to retire a subject of conversation. Or to get rid of him. Or to stop him from trying something out.

And oddly, Logan found he didn’t mind a bit.

“Okay,” he said. “If you’d like to, you can help.”

Remus’ grin stretched almost the full way around his cheeks. “Oh! Really? Oh, this is so cool, usually I only help Jay--I’ll get you some food! Toast and brats and whatever you were saying. And like a temperature thing, stuff to help you out. You should get into some PJs while I’m gone.”

“Okay,” Logan said, after a few seconds. It was often hard to tell when Remus was finished talking. “Sounds like a good plan.”

“Yes!” Remus whooped and tossed open Logan’s door. “Be right back, nerd, and I’d better see some pajamas! Or your birthday suit, if that’s what you’re into!”

The door slammed shut behind him.

Logan stared after him for a second. He wasn’t quite sure how the conversation had progressed as it did. He definitely wasn’t sure if this was a good idea. Or something he should be doing. Or what the others would want.

It was what he wanted, though. Didn’t he get that? Wasn’t that fair?

Two Sides at the back of the mind, two sides of the same coin, leaving each other’s footsteps behind.

Logan touched his collar.

He only wore his onesie when he didn’t expect visitors. But he changed into it now, curling up on the bed, waiting for Remus to come back. For some reason, despite Remus’ unpredictability, he was sure that Remus would. Intrusive Thoughts never truly went away. Like a grease stain, or a mole in a game of Whack-a-Mole. Or radiation.

Logan smiled to himself. Remus was already rubbing off on him.

And for the first time in several days, his heart rate steadied, and Logan could breathe again.

Give me a prompt, and I’ll write a short drabble!

#intrulogical #sanders sides #remus sanders #logan sanders #logan sanders angst #janus negativity #like just a wee bit but it's okay #remus sanders angst #asks and answers #anon #averywrites #long post #dhgsfhj kinda proud of this one even tho i deleted the whole first half by accident #it definitely came out longer than i expected #might even rb with taglist later? maybe!

[symphonicmetal101]

After watching some anime, can I request the brothers and Side characters with an MC that makes really great bentos in their aesthetic with their favorite meals? MC could make Lucifer a fancy dish of steak done to his favorite temperature, side dishes are organized neatly, and the bento is red and black to match his design or she made pink/pastel treats for Asmo is a very cute bento that matches his style. I think it would make their day when they receive something so cute from the human

ABSOFRICKINGLUTELY! ANON! I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU! However, I write gn! Whenever possible, so I hope you don't mind. Also, I've only made bento once, so I did a tinny bit of research. Most of them stray from traditional bento, however I tried to make sure I had the four components, (protien, carbs, salad/veggies, and fruit) (except Asmo), and different cooking methods for each. Some of them I forgot to explicitly say what colour the box was, so I'm sorry about that. I didn't do Luke because he had a role in Simeon's, and I blanked. (Sorry) Also, some of them have links bc I started to lose inspiration and motivation to write the same thing over and over again bc brain juice went bye. Hopefully I did this justice, I may have gotten a little carried away...sorry for rambling.

MC Makes Bento For The Boys

Lucifer

Lucifer had been working non-stop for the past few weeks

You had barely seen him, as he was so busy going back and forth from the castle, meetings, and he had banned everyone from his office. It had gotten so bad that he would "postpone" his meals, but nobody had seen him eat in a while.

You had a lot of spare time, so you did meal prep for the whole week just for Lucifer.

It was a little past noon by the time you finished, (and made Beel swear he wouldn't touch the food because you would treat him at Madam Scream's later), so you decided to make a bento box for Lucifer's lunch today with some leftover beef and rice you had.

With your protein and carbs taken care of, you prepared some roasted asparagus to add some colour to the box as well as a couple of carrots. You also added an umeboshi plum on top of the rice to match the colour of the box. (A/N I personally don't mind umeboshi on it's own, but if anyone wants to try it, I highly suggest you eat it with rice or have water on hand 😂)(oh yeah, umeboshi is a small, sour, pickled plum.)

In the final box you arranged a couple of orange slices, strawberries and grapes.

Satisfied, you brought the box and a glass of water up to his study. You didn't even bother knocking, knowing he would just send you away anyways.

You were greeted by a low growl. "Get out."

You rolled your eyes. "No. You need to eat Lucifer, and I'm not leaving until I know you've finished this."

"I don't have time for this MC. I have to-" he was cut off by his stomach rumbling.

He blushed slightly, and continued to busy himself with work.

"Please? I hate seeing you overwork yourself like this. Have you looked in the mirror lately? When was the last time you slept? Eaten? Had something other than coffee? Have you even gone to the bathroom in the past 48 hours?"

He sighed, folded his hands under his chin and looked up at you through disheveled raven locks.

"...you really aren't going anywhere until I eat." It wasn't a question, rather a statement with a trace of relief in it.

You extended the bento box out to him once more, though this time he accepted it.

"....thank you MC.....this is quite delicious. Perhaps once I'm done my work I can take you out to Ristorante Six to show my appreciation."

You pushed his hair back and planted a kiss on his forehead.

"Once you're done your work, you're going to sleep. That's an order, sir."

He silently cursed himself as he felt himself blush again

You were planning to stay until he finished, but then you heard Mammon and Levi fighting.

"I'll take care of that love. Make sure you drink that water too. Also, I prepped meals for the rest of the week for you, so you have no excuse to not eat. I bribed Beel, so they should stay there, but as an extra precaution I got Satan to teach me a protection spell. I didn't tell him what it was for, so it should be fine."

He watched you close the door behind you and wondered what he did to deserve someone like you.

Mammon

He was complaining to you because his actions finally caught up with him, and tomorrow he had to go out and repay some witches with time and favours, (being a bagboy), instead of money

He started belly-aching even more when you told him you weren't interested in joining him.

Luckily you were on dinner duty tonight, so you had a legitimate excuse to leave his pity-party

However while you were making dinner, you decided to show Mammon a little bit of sympathy, and set some rice and pork cutlet aside that you could use later.

After dinner, Mammon followed Lucifer, trying to convince him to give him money.

So you had ample time to continue working on his bento.

He had a three compartment wooden box

You scooped the rice into the box, put the cutlet on top, and two thinly sliced pieces of lemon on top.

You cut up some yellow, red, and orange bell pepper to put in the top left corner of the box

In the last compartment, you cut up golden kiwi, pineapple chunks, and a couple blueberries

You were about to put it in the fridge, when Mammon came screaming into the kitchen.

"MC HELP ME LUCIFER'S MAD I DON'T WANNA GET STRUNG UP AGAIN AND- wait, what's that?"

You sighed. "It was supposed to be a surprise Mammon! I made lunch for you for tomorrow, because you're going to be doing some running around and who knows when you'll get a moment to yourself? I was going to cast a spell on it to keep Beel from eating it, so it would have lasted overnight too... I just want to make sure you have something healthy to eat and so you don't have to spend money on take out. If you don't want it though, I'll just give it to Beel..."

He blushed furiously. "Ya don't gotta worry bout me, silly human. The Great Mammon can take care of himself! But-uh, I'll probably end up taking it anyways, because it's umm, it's free food! And Mammon ain't about to pass that up!"

He tried to grab it, but you pulled it close to yourself and turned, blocking him.

"You only want it because it's free? Ok. Fine. You'll have to pay me if you want it." You teased

He whined a bit. "Aw come on, ya even said ya didn't want me spendin money tomorrow! And ya said it was for me! MC, this ain't fair!"

"I didn't say you had to use money."

The next day while Mammon was out and about, trying to carry multiple bags of stuff for the witches, he happily ate his food, a light blush on his cheeks as every bite reminded him of the way you felt against his lips yesterday.

Leviathan

Levi had lost out on another draw despite having spent copious amounts of money on the tickets

As such, he had locked himself in his room to temporarily drown in his sorrows

You decided to make Kyaraben, character bento, for him. (Kyaraben can also refer to animals, real life celebrities, or natural settings)

(I would do Ruri- Chan but I have no fricking clue, so here's a link to a recipe for Pikachu Kyaraben because that's what you did instead)

Hesitantly, you brought your creation to his room and lightly knocked on the door.

"...I don't wanna talk to anyone right now."

"Levi, it's me. I brought something to cheer you up! At least let me give it to you if you don't want me to stay."

You could hear some scuffling and mumbling from behind the door. "I highly doubt there's anything a normie like you can do to help."

You tried to brush that off, because, ouch, but you knew he was upset so you tried not to take it to heart.

He was pouty as he opened the door, his demon form on display.

His expression immediately changed when he saw the bento in your hands.

"WOOOOOAAAHHH!!! THIS IS FOR ME??!! YOU MADE ME BENTO??!! This is something straight out of anime!!! Uh...uhm...d-do you maybe w-want to share it?"

The last part of his sentence had him blushing furiously, and he refused to look you in the eye.

"Sure. Maybe we can watch that anime you texted me about a couple days ago too."

His eyes lit up with joy as he used his tail to gently grab your wrist and pull you excitedly to his couch.

Once he had arranged everything to his liking, he sat down and bashfully accepted the bento.

At some point, he asked if he could feed it to you, however, there was only one pair of chopsticks

Blushy otaku very much enjoyed the bento, not only because it was like his anime, but also because it was you who made it.

He also got a couple indirect kisses, and could not focus on anything but that for the next few days.

Satan

You and Satan had been spending a lot of time together lately because he was helping you study for a test

Thanks to Satan's tutoring, you had managed to get a much higher score on the test than you had imagined.

As thanks, you wanted to make a kitten Kyaraben

You found him in the library at a desk, hunched over a book, studying some foreign language.

He was so engrossed in his studies that he didn't notice you right away, so you tapped him gently on his shoulder.

"Ah, MC. I'm afraid I missed you coming in. Are you alright?"

You smiled and nodded. You brought the box out from behind your back with your test papers on top, the mark clearly visible.

"I couldn't have gotten that mark without your help, so I made you some bento as thanks. I hope you like it."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Oh MC, that wasn't necessary. Spending time with you was enough for me, but thank you."

He slid the lid off the bento and chuckled when he saw what you had done.

"That's quite clever kitten. Perhaps next time you can show me how to make it?"

His pet name made you blush a bit, but that didn't stop you from agreeing.

You two spent the next few hours discussing different meals you guys could learn to make together.

Asmodeus

Asmo had been taking you shopping lately, hyping you up and helping you destress with spa nights

In return, you decided to make a dessert bento box in a pretty pink container.

It was a square container split into nine compartments.

Across the top three compartments, you arranged a rainbow of mochi.

On the bottom three you arranged a rainbow of macaroons.

In the two outside compartments left, you put a mini Wicked cupcake in each

Finally in the middle, you arranged Hershey's kisses into a heart.

Satisfied, you made your way to his room and announced your presence at his door.

"Come in darling~ I'm just finishing up my nails!"

You let yourself in and settled across the table from Asmo.

"I brought you something. I just wanted to thank you for helping me out lately and show you how much I appreciate you!"

You placed the box next to him so he could see what you had done.

His squeal of excitement almost decimated your eardrums, however moments later you were enveloped in a very tight, heartfelt, "smooshy" hug, but his elated expression made up for your temporary loss of hearing.

"Ohh MC! You're so sweet!!!! These look delicious, let's share them!! Just let me take a picture first with my favourite snack!!"

You sat back and expected him to pick up a cupcake, but yelped as he pulled you into the frame.

"I said with my favourite snacc MC, and I meant it!!" (Yes, he still took a picture of the bento)

Beelzebub

You wanted to plan an outdoor date for the two of you that wouldn't require you to excersize.

So you decided to try and make Koraku Bento, or picnic bento, but even bigger in hopes you would be able to temporarily satiate Beel's hunger

Because you were making so much, you needed multiple boxes, and a couple days to prepare, so you asked Simeon if you could work at PH so Beel wouldn't get to it early.

Of course, he agreed

Day one, you prepared five different fillings for the Onigiri you were planning to make: sha-ke (salted salmon),umeboshi (Japanese pickled plum), okaka (bonito flakes moistened with soy sauce), kombu (simmered kombu seaweed), tuna mayo (canned tuna with Japanese mayonnaise)

Day two you prepared three large protiens, (chicken, beef, and pork), each enough to fill about two containers each. You cooked each of them differently. You also cut up/prepared vegetables you wanted to use for tempura.

Day three you woke up early in order to be ready to take Beel out after his game. You made rice and finished making the Onigiri, (which Luke was adamant you let him make with you).

And Simeon helped you make the tempura and a beautiful salad to accompany everything else.

However, now there was a lot of stuff to carry and you wanted to greet Beel out of his game.

So the angels took care of transporting the food to the roof while you went to get Beel

"Why are we going to Purgatory Hall? Are we having dinner with the angels?"

"Not quite. The date I wanted to take you on had a slight change of plans. We just need to get to the roof-"

"Do you want me to fly us up there?"

You considered it for a moment then agreed. If nothing else, you would be avoiding Solomon.

Once you landed, appreciation for the angels swelled as they had laid everything out so beautifully.

"...oh. It looks like someone else is doing something up here. It smells really good, so we should probably go. I don't want to eat someone else's food and ruin their night by accident....again." He tried to leave, but you pulled on him gently.

"I'm glad you think it smells good. This is for you! I made it for you, and the angels helped me bring it up here when I went to pick you up."

His eyes widened. "...All of that...you made it for me?"

You couldn't help but smile and nod at his bashful expression.

He hugged you gently. "Thank you MC. I know that took a lot."

"It was worth it! You haven't even tried it yet. Come on, I'm hungry!" You giggled.

Beel's stomach growled in response, causing a slight blush to light his cheeks. You're so good to him❤

Belphegor (this has a bit of crack energy, I'm sorry. So will Solomon's😅)

"MC....can you pass me my D.D.D?"

"MC....can you give me a massage?"

"MC....can you switch my laundry for me?"

"MC....can you pass me my pillow?"

"Belphie, I love you. I understand you're the Avatar of Sloth. But what the actual fuck? Your pillow is under your arm, just move it under your head. I've already gotten up, like six times to do stuff for you."

He groaned. "But it takes too much effort!" He smushed his cheek into his arm and attempted to give you puppy-dog eyes.

"Sorry, only Beel can pull that off. If you want your pillow moved less than a foot, you're going to do it yourself. You of all people should now how frustrating it is to get up as soon as you sit down."

He groaned again and grumbled as he moved his own damn pillow.

You tried to relax a bit. Normally your time with Belphie consisted of cuddles, movie nights, planeterium visits, or just plugging into some music and enjoying each other's company, like you were trying to do now.

Until you made eye contact with him again.

He was going to ask something-

"MC........... can you get me a snack?"

Dear God, he was not gonna like this.

"Of course Belphie. I'd love to."

You made your way to the kitchen with new found energy.

You were going to make Shikaeshi Bento (revenge lunchbox)

Basically, it's supposed to be inedible or embarrassing, and be used to convey anger or overall dissatisfaction

So you grabbed his bento box, dumped uncooked rice into it, cracked an egg and left the shell in the box. You used purple food colouring to make a heart.

You brought the box up to Belphie, who was surprisingly still awake

"That was quick."

You grunted in response and walked out

"Hey why are you leaving?!"

A few seconds later, you heard, "MC! ...WHAT DID I DO??!! I JUST WANTED A SNACK!!...MC PLEASE COME BACK I DON'T WANNA GET UP!!"

Diavolo

So, usually Barbatos is in charge of making sure the Demon Prince eats

However, you told Barbatos that you wanted to make something special for Dia

"My Lord would thoroughly enjoy anything you made for him. He's been very busy lately, so I'm sure he would appreciate the kind gesture."

Barbatos graciously gave you precedence over the kitchen, giving you full access to everything you could ever need or want.

You decided to make him bento with your favourite protein

One compartment you filled with rice, using sesame seeds and an umeboshi for garnish

You arranged pieces of your favourite fruits in one of the smaller compartments

Then you made your favourite type of tempura, and prepared the sauce to go in the last two compartments

You asked Barbatos where Diavolo would be, and he escorted you to his office.

"My Lord, MC has come to speak with you."

Diavolo's head shot up and his face lit up with delight as he watched you walk through the door.

"MC! A welcome surprise. How are you? Is everything alright?"

"Everything's fine! I actually just wanted to give you something." You gave him the black box.

"I made bento with some of my favourite things...you mentioned wanting to get to know me a little bett-"

You were cut off by Diavolo crushing you in a hug

"...My Lord, MC needs to breathe."

"Ah, my apologies MC. This is the most wonderful, meaningful thing anyone has ever given me. How can I adequately express my gratitude? Simply name anything you want, and it shall be yours."

Once you had regained your breath, you gave him a small smile.

"Anything? Could I trouble you for your time?"

"MC, Lord Diavolo must finish his work in a timely matter. I can clear his schedule for afterwards."

"Barbatos, could they stay long enough for us to share the wonderful meal they've prepared?"

Usually Diavolo's begging and sad eyes™ would be powerless against him, however the soft spot he had for you and your much- less-seen sad expression were enough for him to bend this once.

"My Lord, I'll be back in an hour. I'm afraid that's all the time I can allow."

He stepped out, and allowed a small smile form on his face as he heard the two of you celebrate, also knowing that later on he would be listening to a very happy prince recount everything you two talked about and how much he loved you.

Barbatos

You, the brothers, and the other exchange students had been invited to the demon lord's castle for another event

It wasn't for another day, but you felt your chest tighten as you remembered Barbatos

Did he even get to eat those days when everyone was there?

You didn't want to take that chance, and decided to set up a small, filling bento box.

It only had three compartments, so you stuffed each one.

One had rice and meat.

You made some sushi and tamagoyaki to go on top.

For the last compartment, you made a simple chickpea salad.

The next day, Barbatos welcomed you all to the castle, as per usual.

However, this time he stuck around once the brothers and others had left.

"I...Well you already know, but this is for you!"

He nodded and graced you with a smile. "My knowing does not take away from my appreciation MC. Admittedly, nights like this are very demanding. I will repay you later. Thank you."

He tried to walk away, but you yelled after him, "You're not supposed to repay someone for a gift! Just take it!!"

He smiled to himself as he started to eat some food.

Perhaps this night would not be as taxing as he thought

Simeon

You had been experimenting new dinner recipes with Luke at Purgatory Hall; you were watching him while Simeon was away.

"If we leave these leftovers out, Solomon will get to them and ruin them."

"....why don't we make bento for Simeon? He's coming back tomorrow, isn't he?"

Luke beamed at you. "Okay!"

He went to get a small bento box divided into fifths (two large bottom compartments and three small top ones).

"Ok, so in one of the big ones, we can fit the rest of the rice."

Luke nodded. "Can I use this?" He held up a star-shaped cookie cutter.

"Of course!" You helped him mould the rice into a stable star shape.

He looked so happy designing stuff, you let him take the lead.

By the time you were finished, it was easily the most stunning dish you had seen.

"Wow MC! We should do this more often!" He was very proud of himself, and rightfully so. "I can't wait to give it to Simeon!....Is it ok if I give it to Simeon? It was your idea, so it's ok if you want to do it instead..."

You just smiled at him. "You can give it to him, you did most of the work anyways. For now though, you need to get to bed."

He pouted slightly, but complied.

The next morning you woke up to Luke speaking very animatedly to Simeon.

"Yeah! We tried a bunch of new things, and then MC suggested we make you a bento box with the leftovers, and it turned out really well so I can't wait for you to try it!!"

You leaned against the kitchen doorframe observing the interaction.

"Thank you Luke, it looks wonderful. Good morning MC. I hope you slept well. Thanks for ba- for helping Luke while I was away."

He smiled gently at you before Luke was trying to get him to try the bento again.

He took a bite and smiled at Luke.

"It's delicious. You guys must have put a lot of love into it, as always." He looked directly at you at that point, but Luke was too elated to notice the silent exchange between you too.

Solomon

"Don't get mad at me! You agreed to test spells with me!"

"You asked me when I was half asleep Solomon! I also meant later, not right away!"

"Well, you're not a frog anymore, so I don't see what the problem is."

.... No, you weren't a frog anymore

That didn't mean you were happy about being a frog in the first place.

You texted Simeon, 'Who's on lunch duty today?"

"Me. Why?"

"I'll make us bento. We can picnic, the exchange students, that is."

So you spent the next little bit making normal bento for the three of you.

"Simeon said we should probably leave in five minutes" you thanked Luke and started on Solomon's.

You made Shikaeshi bento; you cracked four eggs and aligned their yolks into a rather phallic shape, added way too much fish oil, and threw a few sesame seeds on top.

However, once you made it to the picnic grounds, Solomon opened his box and gasped.

"MC, you know me so well!" And proceeded to drink right out of the box, the rest of you looking on in horror.

"I thought you were mad at me and you were going to give me something disgusting like Mac and Cheese. I guess all is forgiven. Thank you!"

At that point you couldn't even stay mad, that was just disgusting.

Aye, I hope you liked it anon, not sure if this is quite what you meant but....yeah.

Love y'all!

Masterlist

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #obey me thoughts #long post #i really liked this one

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Into The Unknown, Part 2

First

Interdimensional travel? Awful. Don’t try it at home. It’s a lot like how one would imagine getting sucked up a straw: you get squished and pulled until you come out the other side a goopy mess.

Speaking of goopy messes: Tim keeled over and threw up.

He ignored the yelling right next to him because, honestly, he couldn’t even bring himself to look up at the moment. The bright light of this world -- apparently it was daytime here, ew -- hurt his eyes even through his sunglasses and he really didn’t want to move from where he had curled up in what seemed to be grass.

But, eventually, he did. He pushed himself up onto his knees and squinted over at her.

Ladybug had detransformed at some point and was now wearing an old t-shirt and some sweats… and she was apparently fighting off a baby. Damian kicked, screamed, and wiggled in her hold as she tried her hardest to trap him in the blanket again.

“... how are you losing to a baby?”

She sent a glare at him and then mumbled a curse as a tiny fist connected with her face and Damian wriggled away from her.

“Let me think about that, Red. What could go wrong if I, a meta used to fighting other metas, tried to use force against a human child?”

Okay, yeah. It was probably for the best that she hadn’t tried anything.

Oddly enough, when Tim walked over and replaced Marinette, Damian started behaving immediately.

He frowned, tipping his head to the side confusedly. He picked up his younger brother and stood up. “Why’d he start freaking out?”

She did the exact opposite of standing up, opting to spread out in the grass and glare at the sky. “I don’t know. He just started freaking out when I tried to put the watch around his neck.”

“Weird,” he mumbled.

“Yeah.”

He took the time to look around properly for once. They were in a park but it must have been a weekday because there was hardly anyone around. The only people that had paid them any mind were a group of teenagers -- probably ditching, he thought -- that were staring at them with wide eyes.

Tim glanced at a street sign to make sure the common language was English before sending them a glare. “It’s rude to stare, y’know.”

The teenagers quickly looked down at their phones. Tim knew better than to believe that they were actually paying attention, they had the same posture that a lot of lookouts did, but whatever. No one would believe them, anyways.

He gave her a few more minutes before he adjusted his hold on Damian and offered a hand up.

Ladybug took it with a faint smile and he pulled her to her feet. She grabbed their discarded suitcase and they started walking aimlessly.

“Okay, we’re here… but we still need a cover.”

“Um… you’re the one that’s good at hacking, right?”

He nodded. Damian reached a hand out of the blanket and began touching his hair. He was too busy wondering what to do to really mind.

“Great. How about… we’re the kid’s siblings?”

“We can pass as his parents. I mean, it’d be a teen pregnancy but it wouldn’t be bad,” said Tim. “We still had him at eighteen-ish.”

She shook her head. “He’s darker than both of us, it wouldn’t make sense. Maybe I had him with some… darker guy and now you’re my boyfriend? No, that feels racist for some reason. I’m his half-sister, our parents died, and you’re my boyfriend.”

Tim frowned. “Why am I always the boyfriend? He’s my brother.”

“Well, frankly, you look nothing like him. He and I, at least, have similar noses.”

He scowled. It made sense but it still annoyed him. “Fine. I’m your husband, though. I want to have at least some rights.”

She rolled her eyes. “Sure. Guess that’s good for tax benefits, too. Better get me a cute ring.”

“Okay, but the diamond is going to be fake.”

“Cheapskate.”

“Cheskae,” Damian said, yanking Tim’s hair like the little shit he was.

“See, he agrees,” Ladybug said with a victorious grin.

~

They went up to a hotel (Red Robin had tried to talk her into a five-star one but she managed to bring it down to a two-star when showing him the cost) and tried to reserve a room.

“May I have a name for the reservation?” The nice lady at the front counter said, smiling at them.

Red Robin glanced up from where he was awkwardly bouncing with the baby in his arms to shoot her A Look. It was unfortunate that she had no clue what the look meant. She considered the question for a moment before eventually saying:

“Dupain-Cheng.”

Red Robin relaxed a little so she was pretty sure she had gotten it right.

She hesitantly took the baby from him -- the kid had apparently forgotten about his earlier freakout because he was just as weirdly still as he had been back in Gotham -- so he could pay.

The moment they got into the hotel room she fell back in the bed. The baby squirmed a little on her stomach to get comfortable before joining her in her laziness.

Red Robin sighed and sat next to them, resting his head in his hands. “Okay. We’re going to need supplies for him. Do you want to do a supply run or should I?”

She shrugged a little, much to the baby’s dismay. Have you ever had a baby babble angrily at you? It’s very cute.

“You’re so helpful. Thanks, Ladybug.”

“No problem,” she said as if she couldn’t hear the blatant sarcasm in his tone. Then she pushed herself up to squint at him, the baby sliding down to her lap smoothly. “Wait, are we still going to be using codenames?”

He frowned. “Obviously.”

“... for fifteen years?”

“Obviously.”

She rolled her eyes. “Great, so when we take the kid back we’re going to explain to him that, on top of all the adjustment of moving to a different dimension, he needs to now use a different name for you, and messing up isn’t an option. Also, I feel like people are going to question two random people called ‘Red Robin’ and ‘Ladybug’ at some point.”

Red Robin frowned, clearly thinking hard, and then nodded slightly. He removed his glasses and looked at her with an awkward smile. “This is Damian, I’m Tim.”

She raised her eyebrows because he was looking at her expectantly and she really didn’t know what he wanted from her. “Uh… am I supposed to know you?”

“I mean… kinda?”

She squinted at him for a while before shrugging. “That one guy? Timothy --.”

“Yep!”

“-- Chalamet?”

He looked oddly hurt now. “You think I look like Timothy Chalamet?”

“I mean you both have the same sickly Victorian boy look about you.”

“... for the sake of our fake marriage I’m going to pretend that you didn’t say that. I’m Tim Drake.” She still didn’t show any hint of recognition (probably because she didn’t recognize him) so he groaned and motioned to Damian. “This is Damian Wayne.”

“Wayne? Like Waynetech?”

“There you go,” he said.

She grinned at him. “It’s not my fault you made me guess.”

He huffed a little. “Alright, fine, then who are you, then?”

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

“... who’s that?”

“A nobody. Like secret identities should be,” she said, giving him a smug look.

He rolled his eyes. “I feel like this is going to be a long fifteen years.”

“Shouldn’t have dragged me into your mess, now you gotta deal with the consequences.”

He stuck his tongue out at her. She returned it. So did the baby.

~

It was decided that Marinette should be the one to go on a supply run since Tim needed to start making identities for them.

… it would be a lot easier if there wasn’t a baby crawling all over him. She’d better get a crib while she was out because he didn’t know if he could deal with a baby smashing the keys for much longer.

“Dami -- no, stop, I -- I swear to god -- you’re a baby okay I can literally just drop you and you would -- please stop --,” Tim cut off his irritated rambling when Damian nearly got them on a good few government watchlists by smashing the keys at the wrong time.

Fed up, he grabbed the kid and set him on the ground. It’ll probably be fine. He only needed to do a few quick things, anyways.

He was shocked to find that there was a version of him in this world. The idea of a Tim who didn’t do vigilante-work was foreign to him. He had apparently stayed with his parents and was now working towards a business degree. This dimension’s Tim wasn’t nearly as famous as he was and the three of them had landed in Texas so it was unlikely that he would be recognized but he would prefer not using the name if he didn’t have to. Just to be safe.

Damian didn’t exist, as far as he could tell, but Bruce Wayne did and he was still famous so it wouldn’t be a good idea to use his last name either.

There was a version of Marinette, too, but she was currently in France helping her parents run their bakery. Very little chance of her getting recognized.

So, he decided to use her last name for all of them. Quick and easy. He’d have to tell her that he changed her birthplace to New Jersey when she got back to the hotel but he doubted she’d have much of a problem with that.

… oh. His phone was ringing. Apparently he could tell her now.

He picked up and wedged it between his ear and his shoulder as he worked at finding them a few social security numbers to… ‘borrow’.

“Yeah?”

“How big is the baby?”

Tim blinked a few times. “... baby sized?”

“No. Like… what size diaper do you think he would use?”

He scoffed. “Do I look like I would know the diaper sizes?”

“Do I look like I do? Just… how old do you think he is?”

Tim looked over the edge of the bed to where Damian was currently shaking Kaalki like she was a maraca. Kaalki, for her part, only looked vaguely annoyed as she bounced around in his tiny baby fists.

“I dunno. Like… a year-ish? Just buy one of everything we can see what fits.”

“Fucking hell I forgot you were rich. You said a year? I’m using that.”

He rolled his eyes. “Okay -- OH SHIT DAMIAN NO!”

He tumbled out of bed and raced over to Damian before he could stick his finger in a socket. He didn’t really know if that was enough to get shocked but this was not the way to find out.

Damian was apparently very annoyed about him foiling his attempt at dying because he squirmed around in his grip and yelled incomprehensibly. Tim ignored the baby fists trying to knock his teeth out -- his teeth had faced far worse before -- and scooted across the ground to his phone.

“-- to god, Tim, what happened if you don’t answer I will run over there --.”

“It’s fine. Just get… you know the things that cover electrical sockets? Make sure to get some of those,” he said, tipping his head back to rest against the bed so he could kind of relax despite the ball of anger in his arms.

Marinette groaned. “Fuck, you can’t just scare me like that.”

“Yeah, you were the one that suffered the most during that.”

She scoffed but he swore he could hear a tiny laugh hidden under her mumbled ‘shut up’.

He smiled a little.

She didn’t hang up, probably expecting to ask him something else soon, so he listened in idly as he tried to calm Damian down enough to start working again.

She mumbled to herself while she looked for things. Some of the speech was normal but most of it was pretty much as incomprehensible as Damian’s babbling (admittedly, it probably didn’t help that he was only half paying attention).

“... tty trai… now?... oh... alright… oh, great, does she work here?” She murmured to herself. Then, louder: “Hey, lady --!”

“We’re in Texas,” he reminded her. “People are expected to be more polite down here.”

He was too late. Someone started yelling on Marinette’s end and, if the tiny sigh of annoyance was anything to go off of, it wasn’t her.

The yelling lasted approximately five minutes before someone intervened.

He heard her speak in rapid Spanish to the employee and, to his surprise, he could actually understand every word of them talking shit about the lady who had screamed at her. He didn’t know what to think of this outside of pulling the phone away from his mouth so he could try and roll an r. He was delighted to find that he had gained that ability as well. He continued rolling his tongue.

Damian stopped his squirming and gave Tim a confused look… and then he started to giggle. He twisted around in Tim’s lap and started trying to mimic the sound.

He tried to hide his smile as the two of them kept making r sounds at each other. He didn’t think he’d succeeded at keeping his face relatively neutral, but he didn’t really mind.

~~~~~

Next

@nathleigh @peachmuses @unoriginalmess

#made a complex story with distinct arcs and heist vibes #and then released a story about two idiots raising a kid #and somehow i was surprised that people liked the second one better #i know im good at fluff its just really draining to do it all the time #but i rely so much on feedback at this point for serotonin that now I'm doing both #idk what ill do when school starts up tbh #into the unknown #maribat #timari #timmari #timinette #shutterbug #ladybug #tim drake #red robin #marinette dupain cheng

[granolabird]

The Weight of Reality

Post 2x08. Sorry guys, there isn’t really a way to fluff this one out. It’s gotta be angsty. Beth finds out about Rick being put in jail, and immidiately calls him. Needless to say, he’s not doing well. Written while listening to Giants by Imagine Dragons on loop bc that’s such a Rick-centric song. 

Warings: One single F bomb. And a lot of sad teenagers. That is all.

Tags: @hournites @bethchapelsbonnet 

If you’d like to be added to my weekly Hournite fic taglist feel free to ask :)

.

Beth is sitting at her desk doing research when she gets the call. It’s ten at night, and fireworks still light the sky outside her house. She’s always hated the fourth of July. Too much noise and partying. Beth was a fan of neither of those things. This fourth of July felt different though. It felt too quiet, what with all the Eclipso business. She was almost thankful for the bright colourful bursts of light outside her window, reassuring she was still in the real world. She was still here. Eclipso couldn’t get to her as long as she had the goggles on.

Her first instinct after the whole Eclipso business had been to phone Rick. He hadn’t responded, which was nothing out of the ordinary. She chalked it up to the bad service at his farm, as that was his usual excuse. When Beth called Courtney and she didn’t respond was when Beth began to worry. Courtney spent all her free time on her phone. She always answered. She was decidedly not answering. Then Beth tried Pat, who she only really called during emergencies, to the same result. She left them all messages of varying concern, telling them about how she really needed to talk, and she had more information on Eclipso. Perhaps the Whitmore-Dugan family were out having a fourth of July celebration. That made sense. That was the option Beth went with.

So that’s how Beth got here. Googling her life away, looking at shady PDF documents on possible origins of Eclipso, and on the original JSA. She didn’t have much but it was something to keep her brain occupied. She’s skimming an article about The Flash and everything that’s known about him when her phone rings. 

It’s Pat.

She almost takes her goggles off before picking it up instinctively, but she corrects herself and leaves them on as she answers the phone. There's a moment of silence on the other side of the line before Pat speaks.

“Beth?”

“Pat! Thank goodness, I’ve been trying to get ahold of you-”

“Beth, I need to tell you something.” There’s a serious tone to his voice. It reminds Beth of the time the hospital called to tell her family that her grandfather was deathly ill. It’s a tone of voice laced with pity, and she hates it. After everything she’s dealt with tonight pity is the last thing she feels like dealing with.

“What’s wrong?”

She keeps her thoughts to herself, instead focusing on figuring out what Pat has to say. There’s more silence on the other end of the line. She can hear what sounds like Courtney crying in the background. She hears Pat take a steadying breath.

“Pat? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

“It’s Rick.”

Beth’s entire body drops. She feels it. She feels herself crumple. The feeling of dread she thought she’d destroyed when she fought off Eclipso returns instantly, making her feel sick. Rick. 

Something’s happened to Rick.

“Is he…”

“He’s okay, Beth. But he’s in Jail.”

“What?”

“Eclipso got to him. Made him think Matt was Grundy. Rick attacked him, and almost killed him. The police took Rick in. Court and I are at the station now, we’re trying to get it figured out.”

“No.” She can barely hear herself speak.

“Beth I’m so sorry”

“What about the hourglass? Can’t he use that to break out of jail or something?” Beth is scrambling for an answer, a way to help Rick.

“You know he wouldn’t do that Beth, even if he could.”

“If he could?”

“He smashed the Hourglass.”

Beth doesn’t know when she started crying, hot tears flowing down her face. She finally got somewhere with her parents and now this. Now this.

“Beth? Are you okay?”

“Sorry. I’m sorry Pat I just… I need a minute to process.”

“It’s okay Beth. I can call you back later if you want. Then we can talk about what you wanted to tell us?”

Beth wants to say no, that she has to tell them about Eclipso and her immunity to him with the goggles right now but she can’t. She physically cannot. Every time she opens her mouth it feels like fire is creeping up from her lungs. She can barely breathe. 

“Yeah.” 

Is all she can force out.

She’s shaking as Pat hangs up, staring at her cracked phone screen. The photo of her and the rest of her friends smiling split by the nasty lightning-bolt shatters on the glass screen. Broken. She looks at Rick in the photo, his arm slung around her leisurely as he laughs at a joke Mike said before taking the picture. She wants nothing more than to be back with him at that moment. Things seemed so much easier then. 

“I’m sorry Rick. I’m so sorry. I should’ve been there for you.” She murmurs, pressing her forehead to the top of her phone screen.

The phone, of course, provides no response.

She stares at the screen a while longer before she gets an idea, frantically searching up the number of the police station. She’s not sure it’ll work. She’s not well versed in the etiquette of phoning the police station to talk to a newly-arrested teen but it won’t hurt to try, right? 

She hesitates for a moment, her finger hovering over the phone number. She takes a deep breath before she presses it, and then hits the call button.

Ringing

Ringing

And then 

“Blue Valley Police Department, how can I help you?” A deep male voice answers the phone.

“Hi! Sorry, I don’t know if this is the right number to call, or what I’m supposed to be doing here really.” She’s speaking quickly, words blending together in her panic. She takes another deep breath and then continues.

“You have someone I know in detainment? A Rick Tyler? Or maybe he’s under Rick Harris, but that’s not really his name.” She cringes at that statement, but the officer, whoever they are, should call Rick by his real name. He deserves at least that.

“Right. So why exactly are you calling?”

“Oh! Sorry, I’d like to talk to him if that’s possible? I know he’s just gotten there but I’m.. Well I’m his closest friend. I just really need to talk to him.”

“Listen kid, we already have people here trying to figure out what to do with him-”

“Pat and Courtney. They know me, they’d want me to talk to him too. Please. I really need to talk to him. Even if it’s only for a little while. Please.”

A deep sigh on the other end of the line.

“You’re lucky I have a soft spot for young romance. He’s in a detention cell right now. I’ll see what I can do.”

Beth’s mind catches on to the words young romance. She wants to correct the officer and tell her there is no romance, but she doesn’t. Because that would be a lie. There was something. A spark. One that may never turn into anything if Rick gets sent off to a juvenile detention centre somewhere halfway across the country.

“Thank you so much.” Beth breathes, realizing she hadn’t said anything in response.

The officer only grunts, and then she hears the sound of the phone being placed on the table, and footsteps walking away.

It seems like hours before she hears more footsteps, hurried, almost panicked. She hears a vague 

“You have to be quick. I really shouldn’t be doing this.”

No response, only a swoosh of air as the phone is lifted up and then 

“Beth?” Rick’s voice is shaking.

Beth has never heard him so genuinely scared. He sounds terrified, and so deeply sad. He sounds broken. 

“Rick. Rick, I’m here, what happened?”

“Beth.” He repeats her name, and then she hears him sob. 

It’s a guttural noise as he gasps for air, and Beth wishes she could reach through the line to hug him. She wants to be there with him more than anything.

“Rick, it'll be okay.”

“It won’t. I’ve fucked it all up Beth. We can’t fix this one.” He sounds so defeated. 

“We can try. I’m not going to stop trying. This isn’t your fault. We’re going to get you out of this.” “This is my fault. This is entirely my fault. It was bound to happen one day, and now it did. Even Matt knew it, I was destined for the cells. That’s my future.” He’s not even listening to what she’s saying, just rambling to himself at this point.

“Rick-”

“You deserve better than me Beth. You, and the whole team. I’ve been nothing but a dead weight. You’ll be better off without me.”

“RICK.” Beth half-shouts into her phone, tears still burning molten streams down her cheeks.

She hears Rick inhale sharply on the other end of the line. He’s surprised. Good, at least that’ll get him out of his own mind.

“I’m not leaving you and that’s final. Nobody is. You may not think it, but we care about you. A lot. We’re going to get you out of this.”

Another sob on Rick’s end, and she can hear his heavy breathing as he tries, and fails, to regain his composure. 

“I’m sorry. Beth, oh my god I'm so sorry.” She wishes Rick didn’t sound so terrified. 

She wishes there was some way she could reverse time and be there to help him. To make everything better. 

“It’s not your fault. It’s not. Eclipso made you do it. Please, please don’t blame yourself. Please don’t.” She’s pleading, trying to keep her voice from shaking.

“I… Beth I…” He’s at a loss for words. 

She hears the deep voice of the Officer in the background. Shuffling. “I’ve gotta go Beth.” His voice is strained. “Ok. I’ll see you as soon as I can.” Beth offers, hoping it’ll provide him some reassurance.

“Right.”

A deep breath on his end, and then more shuffling and voices. “Beth I.. I lo… I…” He’s really trying to say something, his words choked as he struggles to spit them out. 

Before he can finish his sentence there’s more footsteps and the phone clatters down. A few more seconds of shouts and shuffling before the line cuts out, and Beth is left alone again.

She’s almost certain she knows what he was going to say in that last sentence but she can’t bring herself to think too much about it. It’ll be something to talk about once they get Rick out. They have to get him out. With a sigh Beth returns to staring at her shattered phone screen, still crying. She stares at Rick’s smiling face, and tries to smile back at him. She just wants to be with him. She just wants it all to be okay. She’ll just have to keep telling herself it’ll all be okay. Then, maybe one day it will be. 

It has to be.

#This hurt me to write #But it is what it is #Stargirl #Stargirl Spoilers #Hournite #Beth Chapel #Rick Tyler #beth x rick #hourman #dr. mid nite #pat dugan #Angst #Just a lot of angst

[taelme]

Enemies-to-lovers!Changbin

request: Hiiiii I read you bangchan enemies to lovers au and I swear if I could like a post more than once I'd like that one a MILLION TIMES I'm wondering if maybe you could write an enemies to lovers au for changbin pretty please? 🥺🥰 genre: enemies-to-lovers!au (again, not Super extreme, low-key clash bc they’re both stubborn), film club president!Changbin, childhood penpal!au (fluff, very mild angst, they bicker a lot, kind of cheesy bc changbin’s a sap and we know that) pairing/s: Changbin / Reader (ft some skz members)  word count: 17k+ tw: mild coarse language (they say shit a lot LOL)  a/n: THE ANON WHO REQUESTED THIS...IM PRETTY SURE you waited months for this so thank you for being so so so patient!! I decided to try something a little different from my usual style but idk if it’s That Obvious, but its more structure wise I guess, but nonetheless, I'll be getting a little busier soon so I’m not sure If I'll be able to put out Full one shots for the next few months but I'll try my best w those little shorter ones maybe! (I'll have to see how Tired I am) also p.s I love this gif thank u to whoever made it but changbin is blonde in this fic bc of Personal Reasons 

To: my penpal Y/N

How are you?

I had a good day today. Sorry if the paper is crunchy I am writing this on my bed because my mom thinks I am already asleep. Today I went out with my mom and we went to the park and ate some sandwiches at the park. We had a picnic but with no juice because my sister finished everything. And then we went to the toy shop after lunch. I saw a keychain of a camera and bought it for you because you like acting and cameras can take a video of you acting.

This is a picture of me next to the wishing well at the park, you cannot see it but i’m making a peace sign. I threw a coin in the well and made a wish that your audition will be good. I know you will do very well because you practiced a lot for it. That’s all. I’m a bit tired now. Goodnight, or good morning if you are reading this in the morning. Or afternoon.

I hope i’ll be hearing from you soon, Binnie.  

“So, do you wanna keep them? If not I can chuck them together with the rest of your old things,” your mom began, already reaching over to take the letter from you.

Your eyes widened just as quickly, shaking your head quickly as you gripped the envelope and its contents behind your back away from her reach.

“No, no. Don’t throw them away,” you said sternly, softening your gaze when you noticed the way her eyebrows had raised in amusement, embarrassment washing over your features.

“I’ll keep them. Gimme the box.”

Your mom set the beaten looking converse shoebox down onto the table, shaking her head at you as a small chuckle escaped her. Mental note to transfer the letters to a smaller (and more durable) box. 

“Alright, alright,” she waved her hands at you in dismissal, “hurry up or you’ll be late for school.”

She shut the door behind her with a light thud, leaving you to stare at the grainy polaroid your childhood penpal had sent you when you both were only eight and still exchanging letters every week.

Inhaling deeply, you shoved the polaroid picture back into the envelope, slipping it into the box of envelopes before getting up. You figured that was a box you wouldn’t have the time to delve into when you were already keeping Jisung waiting.

Driving as fast as you could (or as fast as you dared to) within the speed limit, you’d reached your campus soon enough. It wasn’t that long of a drive and it would be even shorter (walking distance to be specific), when you move into your apartment nearer to campus in a few days. But that didn’t change the fact that you were running late now, spotting Jisung standing by the fountain with a sour look on his face that had only deepened once he’d spotted you.

Before an utterance of apology could leave you, Jisung had pursed his lips, stretching out his hand that held your cup of drink, a small hint of a smile playing at his lips.

“I’m starting to wonder which one of us has worse time management,” he sighed deeply, shaking his head with feigned disappointment as he glanced at his nonexistent watch on his wrist.

Jisung was one to talk, for sure. His crumpled looking shirt over baggy cargo pants and a hat to cover his head of messy hair told you his journey to school wasn’t exactly ‘leisurely’ either.

You rolled your eyes, taking a sip of your drink and sighing at the taste, “it’s definitely you. I was only late today ‘cause my mom was showing me my old stuff she found in the storeroom.”

Jisung waved you off, “fine, whatever,” he fished his phone out of his pocket as you started walking towards the auditorium for a class you were both dreading.

“Oh, shit, Hyunjin says the professor’s already in class, we should hurry up.”

Quickening your pace, you were glad to have reached before your professor had started, Jisung directing you towards where Hyunjin was seated at the side of the auditorium, giving him a small nod as you sat down.

Not that Hyunjin noticed anyway, the said boy busy with messaging someone on his phone with a frown on his face.

“What are you doing?”

Jisung peered over Hyunjin’s shoulder, frankly not wanting to focus on the lesson as the professor played a video on boring business things he figured he could just ask you for later.

Hyunjin sighed, setting his phone down onto the table and pushing his laptop open further, going to his email with quick clicks on his trackpad, “gotta send the scene for the auditions later to Changbin.”

“Oh, for that film thing?” Jisung asked, earning a nod from Hyunjin, whose eyebrows furrowed as they remembered your presence.

“Y/N should audition,” Hyunjin nodded his head towards you, his mention of your name distracting you momentarily, but you’d brushed it off quickly as you tried to take down whatever your professor was rambling on about.

At your lack of response, Jisung nudged your shoulder with more force, “hey, did you hear what Hyunjin said?”

You tore your gaze reluctantly from your professor as your fingers finished typing whatever you had left in your memory, the confused look on your face prompting Hyunjin to take over.

“We’re having auditions later for the movie the film club’s gonna be making,” he started, nodding slowly as his eyebrows raised, “I was saying you should join, you’d be good for the role.”

You narrowed your eyes at Hyunjin, “what’s it about?”

Jisung huffed, “some cheesy penpal shit, the last I heard.”

Your quirked an eyebrow at that, Hyunjin rolling his eyes.

“Something like that, but it’s not super romantic. They’re childhood penpals who meet again in the future but they don’t end up together, I don’t know how to explain it to you as well as Changbin can, but will you come anyway?”

You scrunch your nose as you consider his offer.

Was there anything you needed to prepare? You didn’t even know exactly what you were signing up for. Or much less anyone in the film club. Well, other than Hyunjin, of course.  

“Is there any script I'm supposed to prepare with?” you asked, making Hyunjin’s eyebrows raise, his lips parting in realisation.

“I’m pretty sure it depends on what role you want…” he trailed off, making you scoff.

Not being able to help the laugh from escaping you, you narrowed your eyes at him, “you sound like you’re not even in the club.”

Hyunjin flashed you a sweet smile, “you know what? I’ll just send you what I sent Changbin. You can just prepare with that! Penny’s role!”

Jisung snorted, his hand coming up in a poor attempt to stifle his giggles.

“Penny? Is it because...she’s a pen pal?”

You pressed your lips into a firm line, finding it awfully amusing as well.

Hyunjin frowned, scrunching his nose up in distaste, “we couldn’t think of anything better, okay?”

You huffed, lower lip jutting out in a small pensive pout. You didn’t have much going on in terms of school productions as of now, anyway, you guessed there would be no harm in showing some support for Hyunjin.

“What time are the auditions?”

“They start from lunchtime until like five,” Hyunjin tried his best to recall, looking at you with his best pleading gaze.

Sighing again, you nodded, “this is my only class for today.”

Hyunjin was practically beaming now.

“Perfect.”

===

“I don’t like it.”

Hyunjin sputtered over his sip of coffee, an incredulous expression on his face, attracting looks from the other film club members in the dance studio. Excusing himself, he’d made his way outside, oblivious to the squeals and stares the girls waiting to audition were directing towards him, settling himself in the middle of the field outside the dance studio.  

“What do you mean, ‘you don’t like it’?” he asked you again, his eyebrows furrowed as curiosity took over him.

You sighed, rolling your shoulders back as you nodded at one of your teachers you were walking past, your grip relaxing on your phone as your arm had started to get tired.

“I mean, I read through the script, and something about Penny’s character just doesn’t sit right with me,” you told him, “it just… doesn’t make sense for her to come to that conclusion when she’d been having a perfectly good time with the guy before that, you know?”

Pausing, you’d waited for him to respond, his silence prompting you to continue with your elaboration.

“Okay, I’ll put it this way,” you started, adjusting your grip on your laptop in your arm, “If I were a reader, or like, a viewer in this case, I would wanna be able to pick up on these small moments or signs that Penny is actually thinking about her relationship, do you know what I mean? Because now the way it looks is that she’s just a plot device meant to hurt him, and that there’s no exploration of the development of their relationship at all.”

Hyunjin let out a deep sigh, “Okay, I know, I know, but the thing is… this was Changbin’s idea, and I don’t know if you’ve heard—I mean, you probably have, but… nobody really questions him.”

You hummed, following Hyunjin into the school building and tugging your coat tighter around yourself, the cold air in the building shocking you as you entered.

“Yeah, I get that, but you’re forgetting that I don’t have the same relationship with this Changbin guy that you guys do. I don’t mind telling him that I have a problem with it. I don’t wanna be acting out some two-dimensional love interest character if I can help it.”

Hyunjin grimaced, not seeming to be too keen on your insistence, “I really think it might be a little late for him to change the script.”

“It’s never too late.”

“Well to Changbin it could be!” Hyunjin insisted, making you roll your eyes, a small chuckle leaving you.

You huffed, “I still think the audience deserves a better film with better crafted characters.”

Hyunjin let out a sound in between a sigh and a groan, “Okay fine, you just have to make sure you get the role, and then you’re free to argue with Changbin all you want. Deal?”

“Deal,” You turned the corner and spotted Hyunjin standing in the middle of the field, already making his way back to the dance studio.

“Okay,” he spoke before you could end the call, “I gotta go, see you later.”

You didn’t expect there to be so many people at the auditions, mostly girls and just a handful of guys. Though you seemed to piece the uneven ratio together when you saw the not-so-furtive stares the girls would cast in Hyunjin’s direction whenever he’d peek his head out from the crack in the door to call the next person in.

You recognized one of the guys who’d come in later than you, one of Jisung’s upperclassmen friends whose name was Minho.

“Didn’t think i’d see you here,” he gave you a small smile as he took a seat next to you.

Shrugging in response, you let out an awkward huff of laughter, not used to talking to him about anything other than his cats and Jisung’s whereabouts.

“Yeah… well, Hyunjin asked me to come, so I figured I might as well,” you fiddled with the slip of paper with the scene printed on it, “not like I had anything better to do, anyway.”

Minho nodded slowly, leaning closer to you and dropping his voice to a murmur, “I’ve never seen any of these girls before.”

You huffed, “I’m pretty sure most of them are here for Hyunjin.”

“Oh yeah, makes sense,” Minho hummed, a small lilt of amusement to his tone, “where is he, anyway? He told me he would be here—”

Minho’s question was answered when the girls beside the both of you had erupted into harsh whispers and murmurs, tapping each other excitedly as Hyunjin could be seen through the window panel in the door, looking on seriously as one of the girls inside the room was auditioning.

You huffed, gesturing to the window.

“Found him.”

Inside the room, Changbin was distracted.

He knew he had a certain image in his head about what he wanted ‘Penny’ to be. But whatever the girls that had auditioned so far had been showing, that dramatic ‘i never loved you!’ emotion, that wasn’t exactly it. And it didn’t help either that they struggled letting go of the dramatics when Chan would prompt them to try a different angle.

Hyunjin cast a (mildly concerned) look at Changbin, trying to gauge his expression, figuring the pointed look Changbin had sent his way was enough to say he didn’t think this girl would be shortlisted.

“Who’s next?” Chan leaned over in his seat to peek at the clipboard of names of signups, Changbin leaning back in his seat and pushing the clipboard towards him, not finding it in him to be able to be more hopeful about the next person.

“Oh, Y/N,” Chan hummed, nodding with an impressed expression on his face, the name catching Changbin’s attention, “that’s cool, didn’t think they’d audition.”

“Y/N?” Changbin echoed, something about the name awfully familiar to him, yet not being able to make the connection in his memories yet.

So for now, he’d simply gestured to Hyunjin to signal that he could send the next girl in, Chan sweetly thanking the girl that had just auditioned as she left the room.

Making your way into the room, you scanned the ‘panel’ of judges.

You recognized Chan, the said pale-faced boy looking even more tired when he’d yawned as you made your way to the centre of the room. He came to your school productions often since he and Felix were friends, and Felix was always involved in some way or another. The other boy, though, you didn’t think you’d seen before.

The two of them seemed to exude completely different auras, with Chan smiling warmly at you and gesturing for you to come closer while the other boy sat with his arms folded across his chest, frowning at you as though you were a code to decipher.

“Hey, didn’t expect to see you here,” Chan broke the silence first, giggling.

You shook your head, “honestly didn’t think i’d sign-up either.”

You pressed your lips together in a tight-lipped smile, rocking back on your heels as you glanced at the boy next to him again, “I actually only heard about it from Hyunjin this morning,” you admitted, Hyunjin flashing Chan a grin from behind you as if to say ‘you’re welcome’.

Changbin cleared his throat, making Chan perk up.

“Right, sorry. So, we’ve obviously met but this is our club’s president Changbin,” he gestured to the boy sitting next to him.

Changbin nodded curtly, bringing his hand up to run it through his bleached hair and shoving his cap back on his head with habitual movements.

Now you were starting to understand why Hyunjin was so intimidated by Changbin, always having heard stories about him but only now being able to put a face to the name.

Nodding slowly, you gave him a smile, “nice to meet you, I’m Y/N.”

Changbin had to stop himself from faltering, his breath hitching when he realised why your name was so familiar.

After all, it had been the first candidate before they’d decided to go with ‘penny’. He wondered how cruel fate was to have brought you, someone with the same name as the person he’d practically based this story on, to be auditioning for the very role.

You tried not to be offended by the way Changbin had simply nodded at you, straightening up in his seat, “and you’ll be auditioning for the role of…?”

Would it hurt him to smile?

You inhaled deeply, trying to hide your amusement as you answered him, “Penny.”

Changbin nodded, Chan humming as he looked up from his copy of the script to give you another reassuring smile.

“Alright, whenever you’re ready. I’ll be taking the lines of the male lead,” Chan told you.

You understood that the scene was some sort of scene where the two romantic leads have some sort of confrontation, and you did your best to get into what you imagined Penny would be feeling, Chan reading the line asking if ‘penny’ had even loved him at all. Dramatic was the word to describe it, really.  

You softened your gaze, unintentionally letting it rest on Changbin but deciding to let it stay there, executing your lines all the while trying to ignore the way Changbin’s stare was unnerving you, making you want to prove to him that you were a good actor even though he hadn’t questioned your acting skills.

Hyunjin had been watching the exchange closely, Changbin’s grip on his pencil loosening as he’d let the pencil fall softly against the table.

Changbin wondered if it was some sort of coincidence, because whatever ‘it’ was that he’d been looking for in Penny’s character, you’d managed to convey almost perfectly.

And it was clear that Chan had felt the same way as well, since once your audition was over, the smile on Chan’s face was nothing but beaming.

Once you’d left the room, Hyunjin telling you that they would contact you by the next morning, Chan had turned to Changbin, the same stupid smile on his face.

“That was great!” he nudged Changbin, the younger boy still recovering from the shock of the coincidence of it all, managing to muster a small huff in response.

“Yeah,” Changbin reached over to grab his water bottle, prolonging his silence as he took a long sip, “I don’t think we’d even need to see the rest.”

Chris scrunched his nose up, grinning, “but you know we still will, of course. Just in case.”

Changbin sighed, glancing at the clock, agreeing with Chan even though he knew he’d already had his mind made up.

“Yeah, just in case,” Changbin mumbled, looking out the window and seeing you talk to Minho, tearing his gaze away and rolling his shoulders back.

“Okay, send the next one in.”

===

To: Binnie

How are you?

I’m okay. I like the picture you sent me of you using your scooter. My mom says you look nice. I think so too.

Today I went to the museum and I ate an ice cream for lunch. I don’t have a picture of it but it was a Strawberry ice cream.

I just finished reading your letter. Sorry to say it using a bad word, but i think what your sister did was stupid. I think you should still tell her to ask for permission to use your scooter. But if she still does not listen, maybe you should tell her again. Because my mom always tells me that if I want something, I have to ask for it. So you should do that. Maybe she does not know you don’t like it when she plays with your scooter. Or, you could buy a new scooter. Here is some money so you can buy a scooter. I drew you $50 because that is a lot of money. I hope you have a good day when you read this.

Till next time, Your penpal Y/N.

You weren’t the world’s kindest human alive, you had your petty moments. I mean, there were so many songs and literature and movies that highlighted that idea that no human was perfect, right? But you tried your best, surely.

So, you’d gladly complied when Hyunjin asked you to grab extra cups of coffee for Chan and Changbin (as reluctant as you were. You were strapped for cash as it was).

You figured that was the least you could do before the trouble you were about to cause the both of them. But hopefully, if office etiquette was anything to go by, the simple gesture would show that you were kind, and someone who appreciated the offer given to you, as much as you hated the superficiality of your character.

However, when you showed up at the room, you were reminded that Changbin wasn’t just anyone. And while Chan made his appreciation known, Changbin… was the same as ever. Intimidating, and very hard to read. The sight of it almost made you want to take back his coffee.

He wasn’t wearing a hat today. Instead, he’d let his blonde hair (which looked darker since the last time you saw him, or maybe it was just his dyed-black undercut) fall messily over his forehead in a slight side part.

His black shirt did nothing to hide his physique, every movement of his coming across as a subtle flex, making you have to remind yourself time and time again that you weren’t exactly here to fawn over him.

He would lean back in his seat, scrolling through whatever he was looking at in his phone with one hand, his other hand draped over his stomach and propped underneath his elbow to support it. The way he would look made it seem as if he was almost oblivious to the world around him, only paying attention to what was on his phone until he would laugh at something Chan said, Chan being the only person you’ve seen that managed to elicit seemingly uncharacteristic giggles from him.

Though it wasn’t as if you were given much time to get used to it. The moment Chan had murmured something in his ear, his expression had switched back to ‘strictly business’.

Chan straightened up, looking around the room with his eyebrows slightly raised in question, one hand adjusting the braided leather bracelet around his wrist

“So, shall we get started then?” Chan asked, gesturing to Changbin before typing away at his laptop.

Changbin took his cue, getting up from his seat and making his way around the table to the front of the room, pulling the overhanging screen up to reveal the whiteboard.

“So, first of all, we’ve finalised the actors playing the characters,” he gestured towards you and Minho, “Minho as Soobin and Y/N as Penny. So, we can start shooting about next week. I would say we’re working with a pretty loose deadline because we don’t have to submit it until a few months from now.”

Changbin rolled his shoulders back, his body language seeming fairly relaxed although his expression remained serious nonetheless, “but that doesn’t mean we should slack, obviously.”

His statement elicited a small groan from Hyunjin, who muttered a ‘figures’ under his breath, making you stifle your giggles for Changbin’s sake.

“But we will start with maybe going over the script once through, go over the technical stuff after we get any issues with the flow out of the way.”

He looked as though he were going through a mental list of things to cover, his gaze flickering momentarily to Hyunjin, as if his face would give him answers to the invisible question in his head.

“The people in charge of the props, have you started preparing the letters?” Chan stepped in, earning a shake of the head from the two girls sitting next to Hyunjin, making Changbin wave a hand dismissively in their direction.

“They could start on that after we confirm the script,” Changbin leaned over the table to grab his cup of coffee, proceeding to take a long sip from it.

“Alright, let’s start then.”

Changbin took the empty seat he was standing next to, pulling his laptop closer to him to pull up the script.

Throughout the reading, you tried to keep your comments to yourself, you really did. It just fascinated you how fearful the team was of Changbin (well, aside from Chan), the way everyone seemed to bite their tongues or withhold their comments caused a permanent frown to be etched on your face.

It didn’t make it any better that Minho seemed to have no problems with the script, not even when you’d occasionally leant over to whisper to him and ask if he found that part a little weird or a little abrupt. But you held your tongue for now, (and also because of the side glance Hyunjin would cast your way whenever you would let out a small sigh),  you wanted to give Changbin the benefit of the doubt, figuring maybe if he read through his script again he’d realise how one-sided it was.

But thankfully, when you were reading out the lines where the two main characters had ended their date, and on a particularly high note for that matter, it seemed the opportunity to voice your concerns about the script was presented to you when Changbin had spoken up.

“Okay, since the next scene onwards will be where their relationship breaks down, any questions so far?” He asked, though his tone didn’t sound like he was really asking for feedback. But, hey, an opportunity as an opportunity, wasn’t it?

You cleared your throat a little too harshly, raising up your hand as you leaned against the table to be seen better, “uh, actually, me? I mean, I have some feedback actually.”

Changbin looked at you curiously, his gaze landing on you with slight surprise, as if he hadn’t expected it to be you of all people. There was a slight hesitancy evident in the way he paused before giving you a short nod, prompting you to go ahead.

You smiled, ignoring the way Hyunjin had sighed deeply a few seats away from you, dreading the chaos that could have come with people like you and Changbin bumping heads.

“Well, it’s not really specific to this scene. It’s kind of about the whole flow of the plot in general…” you fiddled with the corner of the page you were on, “but I was thinking it would be better to show more of Penny’s point of view? You know, because when I was reading it it just felt a little… weird for them to suddenly break up if everything seemed to be going fine.”

Changbin narrowed his eyes at you, looking back down at his computer with a simple dismissive shake of the head, “That’s not necessary, they’re going to break up anyway.”

The room had fallen silent, everybody seeming to have taken that as a ‘end of the conversation’ kind of line, already beginning to bring their attention to the next scene.

You frowned, unable to control your expression as you made your dismay obvious, casting a desperate look to Hyunjin who honestly looked as though he would pay you not to pursue this.

“But that’s not the point,” you spoke, getting Chan’s attention as he looked at you, silently urging you to continue, “you wanted to show their relationship, right? So, shouldn’t you show… both their parts in the relationship? Since it’s not like this is told in Soobin’s point of view.”

Changbin pursed his lips, “the point is,” he brought his cup of coffee to his lips, taking a small sip before continuing, “their relationship was superficial so it doesn’t matter.”

You mirrored his expression. The way it sounded was that he was just trying to convince himself that it didn’t matter.

Your frown deepened, quick to respond to him.

“That’s the thing, if you’re so insistent on them breaking up, why don’t you just make their relationship lead up to that? The way they’re interacting up to this scene makes viewers think they’re just going to end up together,” you tried to reason, hoping Changbin would understand where you were coming from.

Minho took that opportunity to excuse himself to the bathroom, and as you gave the rest of the film club members a once-over, you hated the way they were all looking at you as if you were cussing Changbin out instead of just giving him constructive feedback, or just voicing your thoughts for that matter.

“Well, not everyone gets a happy ending, I guess.”

He was practically avoiding your message at this point, making you grow more frustrated.

“Okay, look, what’s your intention behind making this film?” you asked, watching carefully as Changbin huffed, looking fairly amused at your insistence, which only served to irk you more.

“Simple,” he shrugged, “to show people like you that not everything that seems so perfect ends up perfect in the end.”

Your lips parted, scoffing, resisting the urge to get up from your seat as you heard Minho re-enter the room.

“People like me?” you echoed spitefully, “okay, fine, whatever. But as you said, if that’s the point of your discourse, shouldn’t your message be to tell people that they can work through things like this instead of just giving up and leaving like Penny did?”

Changbin was annoyed now. To him, you seemed too idealistic to understand his reasoning behind the story. He wondered why it had to be you that was telling him this, you were the only one that was trying to find problems with his story, that he’d based on his own life for that matter.

“Well what if she did, huh? What if Penny did just up and leave with no warning?”

You rolled your eyes, hearing Chan struggle to stifle his laugh, your exchange with Changbin being just about the most excitement he had in the whole school year.

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes, “which is why I'm saying that your job as a storyteller is to shed some light on the reason behind that. Then your story wouldn’t be about showing how things don’t turn out the way they seem, it would just be telling you, but not showing you. You could just ask literally anybody to hurt Minho—”

“Soobin,” you heard Minho correct from beside you, making you huff, scrunching your eyes shut tightly before opening them harshly.

“—Yes, Soobin’s character, and it would be the same? The story wouldn’t show me anything other than the fact that it was Soobin’s fault he ended up that way. He didn’t question anything that happened, he just let it happen to him,” you sighed again, clenching your jaw, “Penny isn’t anything other than some 2-dimensional plot device designed as an excuse for Soobin to sulk about how cruel love is.”

Changbin scrunched his nose up, his brows knitting in annoyance as he stared at you, a silence falling again in the room. Changbin was about to interject when Chan had decided that would be a good time to step in.

“C’mon guys, let’s… calm down a little. We’re talking about penpals here, not the king’s lover betraying him.”

You cast Chan a questioning look at his example, making him shrug, continuing, “we’re running a little overtime anyway, we can just continue discussing this another time.”

Just like that, the rest of the film club members seemed eager to leave, either rushing for their next class or just not wanting to be in the same environment as an irritable Changbin.

Chan directed his gaze towards you as you were getting up from your seat, slinging your bag over your shoulder.

“I’m sure Changbin will keep your points in mind, don’t worry,” he reassured you just as Changbin chimed in with a ‘no, I won’t’ behind him, leaving the room promptly afterwards, leaving you free to let out the frustrated groan you had been withholding.

“Thanks, Chan. Sorry I kind of made you guys overrun your time,” you sighed, watching Hyunjin making his way to you with wide eyes.

Chan shook his head, holding his laptop securely in one arm as he let out a burst of giggles.

“No, don’t apologize! I should be thanking you, I didn’t think about your point until you mentioned it just now,” he murmured, “but again, sorry about Changbin. He’s just a little… protective of his work.”

Hyunjin let out a low whistle from next to you, “Extremely.”

You nodded, shrugging, “It’s alright, I get it.”

Chan flashed you a smile, his hand reaching out to give your shoulder a reassuring squeeze, “Thanks, again. See you around.”

Leaving the room with Hyunjin, you ignored the way he’d begun to chuckle to himself, “honestly, in this whole time i’ve been in the film club, i’ve never seen Changbin actually… argue with someone.”

You rolled your eyes, kicking at the stray pebble “well if he continues like this, you’re gonna be seeing a lot more of it.”

“You sure seemed like you were having fun, though, weren’t you?” Hyunjin was being sarcastic, knowing he was just doing this to dissuade you, his tone eliciting a scoff from you.  

You shook your head.

“You know for a fact I wasn���t. But it wouldn’t sit right with me if I just kept my mouth shut like you and the rest of your film club goons,” you shot him a pointed glare.

Hyunjin pressed his lips into a firm line, holding his hands up beside his head in surrender, prompting you to continue.

“If I want something done, I’m gonna ask for it. It’s as simple as that.”

===

To: my penpal Y/N

How are you?

Was your audition good? Thank you for the money. But $50 is a lot of money so I don’t think I should spend everything, my mom says I need to save money. Thank you for telling me what I should do, but in the end I didn’t buy another scooter. I did this because we were learning about needs vs wants in school and I think the scooter is a want. My teacher says this means I don’t really need it. But needs are things like colour pencils and pens and paper so I can write letters to send you. Maybe your mom tells you you cannot buy so many stickers because the stickers are a want and not a need.

Anyway, I think I can just let my sister take my scooter. Maybe I will just get another scooter for myself when I am older and I have more money.

I hope I will be hearing from you soon, Binnie.

As you said before, you weren’t perfect, but you surely did your best. But days like this you wondered if people like Changbin even tried.

After your interaction with said stubborn being during your meeting with the film club had put you in a bad mood, you were currently seated with Jisung in a booth at a popular burger outlet outside school, thankfully having managed to get a place in the midst of the anxious afternoon crowd. And even more thankful that you could eat your lunch in peace where you were very much away from Changbin.

“What did you say to him, again?” Jisung hadn’t bothered trying to hold in his laughter as he was almost shouting over the noise of the crowd, making you huff as you bit into your burger.

“I said it’s funny that he was talking so much shit about the main couple when he’s dedicating his entire movie to them,” you drawled, your annoyance returning as you recounted the spat you had with him during the small meeting you had with the film club just before lunch.

Jisung’s shoulders shook as he laughed, fumbling with his drink as his eyes shut tightly, giggles leaving him and seeming as though they would never end, “and that’s what you said word for word?”

You nodded, reaching over to press the lid of Jisung’s drink down firmer before he could spill it all over himself.

“I know you’re friends with him but I really don’t know how you work with this guy, he’s as stubborn as stubborn goes,” you huffed, taking another bite into your burger as Jisung’s laughter had died down, though his smile had only lingered.

“You’re worse,” he snickered, earning a glare from you.

Jisung remained unaffected, “Look, he’s honestly fine once you get to know him,” he tried to reason, sounding as though he were trying to convince a child to make friends, “I mean, we’re all still kind of wary around him when he’s in a mood but honestly, if not for the way you guys met, I’m pretty sure you two would get along well. He seems like he’s your type.”

Your eyes widened, scandalised at Jisung’s implication.  

“The only thing he has in common with my exes is being annoying, okay?” you rushed to push away the curiosity of what Changbin would be like as a boyfriend. Curse Jisung and his stupid implication.

“And plus,” you continued, hearing the doorbell chime for what sounded like the thousandth time to signal yet another entry into the diner that was now overflowing with people asking for take-out, “it’s not like he’s been very nice to me since I got involved with his stupid short film.”

Jisung sighed, his gaze momentarily distracted by something behind you, making you wave your hand in front of his face to keep his attention. He’d glanced back at you, an almost dazed look in his eyes before he’d given you a small smile, taking a bite out of his burger and not waiting to finish chewing before he answered you.

“I honestly think that he just needs a little more persuasion. Like, take this for example, something similar happened with him and Chan when they were composing something in the past, and trust me, if you don’t give up now, i’m pretty sure he’d agree to come to a compromise or something,” he gave you a shrug, his gaze returning to whatever was behind you (probably someone cute, you figured). You couldn’t say you blamed him; almost all your conversations revolved around you and Changbin’s squabbles these days.

You pursed your lips, narrowing your eyes at him, “you really think he’d be willing to rewrite his script?”

Your tone was skeptical, already imagining how Changbin would simply tell you to keep dreaming if you’d brought up the proposal to him.

At Jisung’s lack of response, you’d frowned slightly, seeing him turn back to you calmly as his smile widened, giving you yet another shrug.

“Maybe you can ask him yourself.”

If there was any feeling one would get just before something bad was about to happen, that was definitely what you were feeling now.

You didn’t dare to tear your gaze away from Jisung as you watched him turn his body, his hand coming up in a wave that had only turned into a hi-five, his behaviour only adequately described as boisterous as he welcomed the people you were hoping you wouldn’t have to see for another week until the next film club meeting.

Well, Chan was fine, you were simply referring to Changbin.

“Oh, hey, Y/N! Didn’t know you and Jisung were friends,” Chan gave you a sweet smile, gesturing between you and Jisung as he spoke.

Jisung chimed in with a nonchalant “Best friends, actually,” which had only made you shoot him a glare.

“Might have to re-evaluate that,” you muttered, turning back to Chan and Changbin to give them as warm a smile as you could muster.

“Are you guys eating here too?” you asked.

You were oblivious to the way Changbin’s gaze flickered from your face to the food in your hand, and then back to Jisung, looking perfectly unaffected as he joked with Jisung about something you didn’t quite catch.

“Well, we wanted to, but, you know, with the crowd and all we probably won’t be able to get a seat,” Chan’s gaze was pitiful, to say the least, making Jisung raise his eyebrows, and that sinking feeling within you had only intensified as his next sentence left his lips.

Jisung had barely glanced at you as he held onto Changbin’s hand.

“Well, our booth’s actually meant to seat four people, so you guys could squeeze in if you want,” he offered.

Changbin quirked his eyebrow, skepticism written all over his features, though mostly directed towards you, “you guys really won’t mind?”

You glared at your burger, scrunching your nose up as you avoided Changbin’s pointed gaze.

Jisung scoffed, giving Changbin a loud smack on the arm, “of course we won’t, right Y/N?”

He turned to you, giving you a smile you could only describe to be devious (and fairly amused).

“Yeah,” your voice took a pitch higher unintentionally, “go ahead,” you murmured, scooting into the booth to make space for them.

You took another bite from your burger, watching out of the corner of your eye as Changbin took a seat next to Jisung, Chan excusing himself to retrieve both their orders.

“Funny that you showed up, actually. Y/N and I were just talking about your short film,” Jisung spoke, earning a pointed glare for you, as if daring him to continue (and you should’ve known that wasn’t going to faze him at all).

“Oh, were you?” Changbin drawled, his eyebrows raised and a slight smile playing at his lips, “I’m sure Y/N had a lot to say about that.”

As you were about to speak, Jisung had interjected with a little giggle, “she did.”

Changbin didn’t seem to take Jisung’s comment as an answer, simply keeping his gaze fixed on you, prompting you to produce an answer of your own. You ignored the knowing look Jisung gave you.

You sighed, “maybe I wouldn’t, if someone just took my suggestions.”

Changbin had let out a small huff at that, leaning back in his seat with his arms folded over his chest as Chan returned to the table with his and Changbin’s food, casting curious glances between the three of you seated at the table.

“Hope you guys didn’t fight while I was gone,” he joked, making you sigh, and you missed the pointed look he cast Changbin’s way when the boy had scoffed, “what were you guys talking about before I came?”

You shrugged.

“We were talking about the short film,” you told him, “kind of.”

Chan had perked up at that, turning to you as he handed Changbin his food, “oh yeah, I wanted to ask if you had more feedback about the scenes.”

You nodded, “I do, actually.”

Changbin’s gaze lifted from his burger to look at you as he sighed, “what is it now?”

You huffed, “It’s not that bad. I was just wondering if the content of the letters were gonna be read out during the scene? ‘Cause if it is, then maybe we could kind of make it a little more relevant to their personalities or something.”

“Will that be hard? What do kids even talk about in their letters?” Jisung laughed.

Changbin’s lips parted slightly before pressing them into a firm line.

“Well, they’ll be like 9 when they’re exchanging letters, I suppose, so I guess they’d at least know how to have a conversation… ” He sounded almost hesitant, making you wonder why he made talking about childhood penpals seem like such a complex thing.

You thought about your own penpal, Binnie. You were about that age when you were exchanging letters with him too, figuring you could give some insight on that until Jisung had intercepted.

“At that age all I did was talk about hot wheels, to be honest. Much less talk to girls,” he snorted, making you scoff, using your shoe to nudge his leg under the table.

Chan, who had been silently thinking, had straightened up abruptly.

“Wait,” Chan’s eyebrows lowered, frowning slightly as his lower lip jut out in a slight pout. He directed his attention to Changbin, pointing his index finger towards him, “didn’t you used to have a penpal?”

You had to stop yourself from making your shock too obvious, your eyes widening as your gaze became nothing but accusatory. How badly did his penpal experience go for him to be so cynical about it now?

Whatever it was, the newfound information made you curious as to exactly how much of the story he’d changed, more importantly, how much he’d retained.

“You?” you couldn’t help yourself from blurting, though Changbin remained unamused.

“Yeah, I did,” he bypassed your incredulous stare, answering Chan simply.

Jisung hummed, bringing one hand up to fiddle with his ear piercing, not having expected Changbin’s response.

“Oh, well, what was it like, then?”

Changbin shrugged, resting one of his forearms on the table to support himself, his other hand reaching down to pick up a fry, “was nice. We would exchange letters every week. Talked about a lot of things, sent each other pictures, you know, all that stuff.”

“Do you still keep in contact with them?” Chan asked, genuine curiosity in his voice, not having heard much from Changbin about this penpal in the entire duration of their friendship.

Changbin shook his head, “nope,” he popped the p, picking up his cup to swirl it around noisily, the ice rumbling as it got tossed around in the paper cup, proceeding to take a sip from it as the rest of you looked on curiously at him.

“Well, why not?” you dared to ask, a million different possible reasons running through your mind.

Maybe they did something to piss Changbin off, or maybe they got into a big fight (which also made you wonder how heated fights could get over snail mail), or maybe one of their parents disapproved of the other. The possibilities were endless as you anticipated just why 8 year old Changbin would’ve cut ties with his penpal. And maybe, you were enjoying the dramatic aspect of it a little more than you should’ve been.

But something about the way he replied felt restrained. Maybe you were reading into it too much, but he almost sounded evasive. But, of course, you chose to ignore (suppress) it for now, watching intently as Changbin had once again shrugged, an air of nonchalance to his gestures as he met your gaze.

“Just… grew out of it, I guess.”

You huffed, memories of your own penpal making his response sting.

You don’t think you ever ‘grew out’ of talking to binnie. You remembered how frustrated you were when you’d stopped hearing from him after he moved, and every letter you’d sent to his new address had only been returned back to you. Maybe he grew out of it, but you wouldn’t have left it like that if you had a choice.

You rolled your eyes at his response, something in your response seeming to have irked Changbin.

“What?” he snapped, making you hesitate just the slightest bit, deciding to bite your tongue and shake your head.

“Nothing.”  

Chan let out a huff of laughter through his nose next to you, shaking his head at you goodnaturedly.

“Forgive us, you always seem like you have something more to say,” Chan spoke, apparent ‘damage control’ for Changbin’s abrasiveness.

“Wait, so, you’re really not gonna have a happy ending?” Jisung frowned.

“Well, Changbin and I were talking about it after the meeting that day, we figured since we have time we could afford to change the script a little,” he hummed, turning to you, “you know, since it could be a chance to kind of send a more hopeful message like you were talking about.”

Your eyes widened, your hand almost reaching out to touch Chan’s arm but realising you were still holding your burger, “really? You’re open to changing it?”

Changbin’s gaze flickered momentarily to you, observing your posture, noticing how open and comfortable you seemed with Chan, the sight alone enough to make him scoff. Call him a cynic, but he couldn’t tell if this was you acting or not just to get your way.

“There could be another meeting for you to discuss and work on the script together, but yeah, we’re alright with changing it.”

You turned to Changbin, a hint of distrust in your stare, making him huff again, putting down his drink on the table with a little too much force.

“He said it, not me,” he told you, pressing his lips firmly into a tight line, “you wanna change my script so badly? Fine. But your ideas better be worth changing it for.”

Jisung scrunched up his nose as you turned back to Chan, not wishing to look at Changbin’s face any longer, leaning over to whisper to Changbin, “you two don’t like each other very much, do you?”

If he was caught off guard by Jisung’s statement, he didn’t show it.

Changbin shrugged, picking his drink back up, “they started it.”

At the sound of his accusation, your eyes narrowed, turning to glare at Changbin, thankful for Jisung nudging you under the table before you could retaliate with a comment of your own. Chan simply casting you an amused look, his eyebrows raised in a silent question of what you were about to do.

You shook your head.

Whatever, you pushed your annoyance away in your head, as long as Chan was there during the rewrite meeting, you’d hopefully still be able to maintain your sanity.

Or at least, that was the hope that you were holding on to until that night when you’d gotten a text from Chan.

Chan 11:17pm - hey, i gave changbin your number if you don't mind... you know, since you guys have to discuss to rewrite the script and all -

You’d almost sat up from your bed in shock, frowning against the harsh light coming from your phone and the contents of the text, the latter obviously making you more disgruntled.

11:17pm - won’t you be discussing with us?? Why not just make a group chat??? -

Your heart was pumping with anxiousness as you awaited his reply, something about the sound of the clock ticking putting you in an even more anxious state, your heart almost sinking as texts from him and Changbin had come in at the same time.

You looked at Chan’s first.

Chan 11:18pm - oh i didn’t tell you? All script writing is done by Changbin. I’m just in charge of the other elements like props and directing and whatnot -

You shut your eyes, suddenly wishing you could travel back a few seconds back in time and not have checked your phone when Chan had texted you. Bringing your fingers across your screen reluctantly as you typed a reply to him.

11:18pm - ohhh hahaha right i forgot, thanks chan -

Now for the bigger menace at hand. You swiped over to Changbin’s message, your finger lingering on his chat as you decided to stop being petty and just open it.

seo changbin 11:18pm - just so you know, i’m doing this only because Chan asked me to. we can go over the changes at my house. is saturday okay with you? -

You pulled your notifications bar down. Tomorrow was Friday, and from what you knew you were pretty much free on Saturday. Fortunately or unfortunately for you.

You took another deep breath as you typed out your reply to him. For your own sanity, you tried to ignore the way he felt the need to clarify that he wasn’t doing it for your sake.

11:18pm - saturday’s fine. What time?-

Resisting the urge to go offline when you saw him come online, you felt as though you were in some sort of staring contest through your phone as you watched him type, his message coming in quickly.

seo changbin 11:18pm -1? We could order in and discuss -

You sighed, it wasn’t enough that he had to take away one peaceful lunch from you today, but yet another one on Saturday.

11:19pm -okay text me your address-

Another sigh left you when you read that the address he’d sent you was just a few blocks away from your apartment. Maybe he lived alone too; most of the apartments here were occupied by college students looking for affordable rent and shorter travel time.

seo changbin 11:19pm - don't be late -

You scoffed, shoving your phone back onto your bedside table as you slumped back against your pillow, burying your head into your pillow and kicking at your blanket that covered your feet uncomfortably.

Fine, if he wanted to be that way, that was fine by you. You would just do this for the sake of the short film. Yeah. That’s all it would be.

===

“Let’s make this quick and painless for the both of us,” you blurted the moment Changbin had opened his door to let you in, glad to see he was donning an outfit similar to yours (sweatpants and a t-shirt), your previous worries of being underdressed dissipating instantly.

He let out a sigh, his hand coming up to run it through his hair, his hair messy and sticking up at one place awkwardly, looking as though he’d slept on that side for too long.

“Hello to you too,” he grumbled, shutting the door behind you as he gestured to the living room.

You glanced around his rather plain apartment as he led you to the living room, his laptop resting on one of the cushions of the sofa, soft music verberating from the device.

“What food do you want?” he asked, earning a thoughtful frown from you as you set your things down on the floor next to the sofa, taking a seat on the other side of it.

“Fastest delivery would be if we order from that Chinese food place nearby, right?”

Changbin’s eyebrows quirked up in intrigue, “I was thinking of that place too,” he handed you his phone, letting you order what you wanted before handing it back to him.

It was otherwise silent between the both of you as you waited for the food to arrive, neither of you quite knowing how to break the silence. The tension slowly made you grow increasingly fidgety as time passed.

Changbin had sat down on the floor next to the coffee table, resting one hand on his soft rug as he pushed a stack of papers towards you, drawing your attention away from your soft copy of the script on your phone as you realised it was a hard copy of the script.

“Just use this, i’ve got a copy on my laptop,” he mumbled, making you nod, accepting it from him as you flipped to where you left off.

Changbin glanced at the clock, in disbelief that only 10 minutes had passed and yet he found himself feeling jittery at your silence. Turning his gaze towards you, he let out a small sigh.

He had expected you to say something by now, or let out some snarky comment about something he wrote. Your silence was unnerving him, it was almost as if he wanted you to say something, especially with the way you were scribbling notes beside the pages with a mechanical pencil he didn’t even recall seeing you take out.

“Which scene are you at?” he blurted, his anxiousness getting the better of him, making your head shoot up abruptly, surprised at his sudden outburst.

“Uh,” you glanced back down at the page, “I’m at the part where they find out they used to be penpals,” you told him.

“Okay,” Changbin murmured, thinking about where to go from there, momentarily distracted when he’d heard the doorbell ring. Pausing, he’d stepped out momentarily to retrieve your food, the rustling of bags getting louder as he neared the table.

Setting the food down on the table, surprising you when he’d pushed the food towards you, your surprise hadn’t gone unnoticed by Changbin.

“What?” he scoffed.

You shrugged, “nothing, just didn’t know you were capable of doing nice things,” you told him, a sarcastic lilt to your tone.

Changbin inhaled deeply, shooting you a patronizing smile as he broke his chopsticks, “anyway, I think we could start from there, since that’s kind of the turning point of their relationship.”

You nodded, pulling your food towards you as you began to eat.

“I was thinking,” you spoke, pausing to chew on your food, “this part has a lot of unanswered questions, like… I wouldn’t just let it go so easily if I found out someone was my penpal that I grew apart from. I felt like they should’ve had a bit more of a confrontation there.”

Changbin hummed, shocking you when he’d leant closer to you to look at the script, making you push it towards him, a small huff leaving him at your action.

“What questions do you think Penny would ask, then?” he asked you.

“I don’t know, maybe why they stopped talking in the first place?” there was a hint of sarcasm in your tone, making Changbin look at you over his mouthful of noodles.

“I told you already, Soobin grew out of it—”

You grimaced at his answer, your chopsticks halting before your mouth momentarily before you shovelled your noodles in with annoyance, “I don’t believe that.”

“I used to have a penpal, and I can guarantee you, the reason why we stopped talking wasn’t because we ‘grew out of it’,” you told him pointedly, having to stop yourself from growing too riled up about it, Changbin tensing up at your revelation.

Bringing his glass of water to his lips, he let his gaze wander around everything but you as he thought, curious as to what your penpal experience was like. Finally meeting your gaze, he almost sputtered over his water with how much he wasn’t paying attention to his actions, the only thing on his mind being to get his words out.

“You did?” It was pathetic, really, that that was all he’d come up with after such a long pause.

You nodded.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter, the story isn’t based on my penpal, it’s based on yours,” you attempted to draw the attention away from you, unsettling feelings of sourness building within you at the thought of how you left things.

“So, think. What would you be curious about?” you prompted him, seeing him purse his lips, a certain dazed look tinting his gaze.

Swallowing his mouthful of food, he looked at you as he thought. He would want to know if they were still passionate about acting, he would want to know how their family was doing, he would want to know if their personality had changed, if they were still the assertive ‘go after what you want’ character that had encouraged him so much. Or maybe, just how they are.

Changbin’s lips parted, shaking his head slowly, “... so many things,” he murmured.

An unexpected tension fell between the both of you, Changbin’s eyes meeting yours with a sort of unspeakable thoughtfulness, as if he was still thinking about your question.

You broke eye contact first, “write that, then. Who knows? Maybe they’re both as curious as the other.”

“You’re one of those glass half full people, aren’t you?” he huffed, making you click your tongue in annoyance.

“And what? You have no glass at all?” you retorted.

“Would you still be… curious too? Even If it didn’t end well?” he asked suddenly, a stupid question, Changbin thought, but still something he felt compelled to ask in the moment, as if he wanted the confirmation that you, someone with a penpal experience as well had shared the same sentiments as him.

You nodded, “of course I’d be. I could hate you and still be curious about you,” you shrugged.

“Me?” Changbin asked, making your eyes widen, the tension dissipating slightly as you shook your head vigorously, your hands coming up to wave at him dismissively.

“No no, not you. I meant-” you stopped yourself, glaring at him, “I just meant it as an example.”

And for what you were sure was the first time, Changbin had laughed, beginning to feel a bit more comfortable around you, his eyes forming narrow slits and the apples of his cheeks rounding slightly as he grinned, soft breathy giggles leaving him.

“Alright, I get it. It’s not a secret that you don’t like me.”

You huffed, not being able to help but feel the need to reassure him, “you’re not… that bad I guess. Jisung talks you up all the time.” you said, unsure why you felt the need to reassure him that you didn’t have a burning hatred for him, “you’re just stubborn as hell.”

He scoffed, “I could say the same about you.”

You quirked an eyebrow at him, reaching over to flip the page, “glad to know we’re on the same page, then.”

“Now that you said it,” Changbin began, moving on quickly from your bickering as he shoved his empty food packaging aside, “I do think Soobin would be curious about the things they talked about in their letters.”

You perked up at that, eyebrows raising, “That reminded me, I actually still have some of the letters from my penpal when we were younger, if you want I can loan them to you for some inspiration or something.”

Changbin nodded, flipping over to another page before pausing to type something on his computer, “yeah, actually that would be useful.”

You continued to look at the script for what had become hours, the both of you deciding it would be easier if you each assumed one of the character’s voices, speaking on behalf of the characters as you discussed. Coming up with a ‘what would soobin/penny do?’ process.

All the while during this discussion, Changbin had been scribbling down in his beaten up journal, the sides of the spine of the book peeling off when he’d set it down on the table, making you grimace.

“Do you think Pe—”

“Why don’t you just get a new journal? This one’s making such a mess,” you blurted out, frowning at the way the little brittle pieces of God knows what material covered his notebook had fallen onto the coffee table, making him tear his gaze away from what he was writing, looking at the mess on the coffee table you were gesturing at and letting out an amused huff.

“Oh, didn’t notice,” he smiled, “but that won’t be necessary, this journal’s been serving me fine.”

“It’s literally falling apart,” you pointed out.

“And you’re literally exaggerating.”

You scoffed.

“I mean, look at it, it’s such a hassle to use, since you have to keep cleaning up whenever you do so much as touch it,” you reasoned, seeing him shake his head.

“I don’t need a new journal, I’m perfectly fine using this one,” he told you, making you scrunch your nose up in distaste, Changbin looking at you with amusement heavily laden in his smile.

It seemed that there was something about the hours of bouncing off ideas and bickering that warmed the both of you up more, not feeling as wound up or hostile towards each other as you did a few hours ago, bonding over a shared want for the short film to be good.

“What?” he asked, leaning back against the sofa and resting his arm on one of the cushions, his other hand grasping his fingers as he awaited your response.

“You sound exactly like my mom,” you had a sour look on your face, continuing, “I bet you’re one of those needs versus wants people.” You huffed in amusement, shifting in your seat as you flipped through the scene you were about to discuss.

Changbin’s lips parted in shock, a breathy huff leaving him, “and what’s that supposed to mean?”

You shrugged, “You know, those people that decide on buying things through the concept of needing it or not.”

Changbin rolled his eyes, “yeah, like any other normal person.”

“It’s so boring! Ever heard of the concept of treating yourself?” you huffed, gesturing wildly. You were clearly very passionate about this.

Changbin shook his head, the smile lingering on his face, “I’m starting to understand why you’re Jisung’s friend. Sure, a treat once in a while is understandable, but i’d rather not waste my money on things I could do without.”

You huffed, a deep sigh leaving you, recalling a conversation you had with Binnie about his scooter.

“What’s up with boys and this need versus want thing? My penpal said the same thing even though he was only eight,” you mumbled, a small breath of laughter leaving your lips, leaving Changbin frowning at your statement.

Maybe other kids just talked about the same things he did with Y/N? He brushed the thought aside.

“He did?”

Changbin’s voice came out more hoarse than he’d intended, the intent in his stare making you falter momentarily, forgetting what you were doing just for a second.

Thankfully, you’d snapped out of whatever trance you were in, shaking your head dismissively, “nothing, it doesn’t matter.”

Changbin tilted his head at you, narrowing his eyes as he contemplated whether to pursue it or not, watching closely as you busied yourself with flipping pages just to look busy, even though the inside of your mind was spinning with an indescribable feeling that came with convincing yourself that the drift between you and your penpal was merely circumstantial.

You chewed on your lip, hating the way it felt as though your stomach was churning as you remembered the disappointment you felt when your letters had stopped getting sent through.

You were young, surely you shouldn’t blame yourself, you believed that. Your finger fiddled with the corner of the page, staring at Soobin’s dialogue.

‘Did our conversations even mean anything to you?’ the dialogue read, and you inhaled deeply as your head lifted to look at Changbin, your abrupt movement almost making him flinch in surprise.

“Why did you really stop talking to your penpal?” you sighed, curiosity getting the better of you. Though at this point you weren’t sure if it was curiosity or simply reassurance. Maybe even closure. All of which you needed to satisfy.

Changbin knew you weren’t going to accept his ‘grew out of it’ statement for an answer, deciding to be honest with you, you know, for the sake of the short film.

“I just… stopped hearing from them,” he began, heaving a sigh of his own as he shifted in his seat, picking at the imaginary dust on his sweatpants, “guess they had nothing to say.”

You couldn’t lie about it, you felt relieved. A part of you began to understand why he’d painted Penny’s character out to be like that, or furthermore why Soobin had seemed so affected by the revelation.

“Nothing to say…” you echoed, as if trying to wrap your head around his reasoning as well.

A small huff of amusement left him, though there was a hint of bitterness in his smile.

“I wouldn’t have minded, you know.”

He took his lower lip between his teeth, letting it go and you watched as the blood rushed back into his lips, looking redder than before.

Your eyebrows knit into a frown, “Wouldn’t have minded what?”

Changbin met your gaze, giving you a resigned shrug, “hearing it,” he continued, “nothing, everything.”

You could almost feel your heartbeat slowing down, the tense silence returning in the room and making you feel like you couldn’t breathe. Now that was some dialogue.

“Oh,” you broke the silence, your blank expression reading pure shock, your reaction catching Changbin off guard, “write that down, that’s such a Soobin thing to say.”

Changbin couldn’t do anything but laugh, shaking his head at you, “how opportunistic of you,” he teased, though he wrote it down nonetheless.

Maybe you being here was good, Changbin thought, it reminded him not to take himself too seriously sometimes.

===

To: Binnie

How are you?

I hope you are not still sad about your friends. I would tell you not to listen to them but i know that’s difficult sometimes because you can hear everything they say. But they were being very mean so they are not nice people. I don’t agree with what they said, because i think you are very nice and you have a nice smile. I don’t think you are scary. Sometimes my mom tells me i should smile more so people think i’m happy but I think you should just smile if you are happy. If you are sad then you can be sad. It is not a bad thing. I’m your friend because you’re nice to me and I like talking to you. If they’re going to be mean to you then they’re not your friends. If they do that to you again you can tell me their address and I will go and tell them myself!

Till next time, Your penpal Y/N

You’d shown up on the filming set on the first day absolutely buzzing from head to toe and ready to go (though, when you told Jisung about how you felt he’d insisted it was because of the lack of substantial sleep and the cans of energy drink you’d both drank the night before while he was helping you prepare your lines), but it seemed that everyone on the set was more tense than ever.

You found Hyunjin huddled with a few of them next to the sound cart, deciding to approach them to ask where Changbin was, having bought a coffee for him along the way.

“Hey,” you called, Hyunjin jumping in shock as he turned, his hand over his heart as he winced at you.

“Why do you move so quietly!” he groaned, making you dismiss him with a wave. 

“Did something happen? You guys look stressed,” you took a step towards them, possible reasons fluttering around in your mind but none seeming quite appropriate for the context you were in. Maybe the semester’s GPA results were out?

“Whatever, do you guys know where I can find Changbin?” The boy next to Hyunjin, a freshman by the name of Jeongin had sucked in a sharp breath at your question, making you grow even more confused.

“He’s… a little tense these days, so I’d suggest being a more careful around him,” Chan explained, earning nods of agreement from the film club members.

Your eyebrows raised, confusion showing in a slight pout on your lips. You didn’t remember him behaving out of the ordinary when you’d seen him the day before.

“Where’d he go?”

“He’s over there,” Chan pointed towards where the camera was set up and true enough, you saw Changbin seated at a bench there busying himself with his phone.

Nodding, you’d made your way over to Changbin, discomfort growing within you at the stares you were getting from the club members (some of which you didn’t even know the names of) as you made your way towards the blonde haired boy. It was a wonder why they all avoided him like the plague.

Changbin seemed to have sensed your presence, looking up from his phone and giving you a small wave as you reached the bench, sitting down next to him and holding out his cup of coffee.

Accepting it gratefully, he’d given you a nod.

“Thanks,” he glanced at your hands, “you didn’t get one for yourself?”

You let out a small burst of chuckles, “nope, figured it wasn’t the most logical thing to do since i’m already pretty alert from last night’s energy drinks.”

Changbin sucked in a sharp breath, clicking his tongue in teasing disapproval, “I figured as much, Jisung was way too hyper when I met him at the studio.”

Your expression was sheepish, “I’d say I was sorry but it was... important.”

Changbin huffed, “It’s alright, as long as you’re taking care of yourself.”

Before you could react to his statement, Changbin had acted as though he hadn’t said anything, an amused smile playing at his lips as he tore his gaze away from you, looking forward as he took a sip from his cup, “ready to film today?”

You nodded, regaining your bearings, trying not to think too much of his words.

“Pretty much, you?”

Changbin nodded, “yeah, even though we still have a little bit of the script left, I would say i’m pretty confident.”

You glanced behind Changbin, spotting Hyunjin looking at the both of you with sheer disbelief, making you roll your eyes, turning back to Changbin, angling your body on the bench so you could hug your knees to your chest, looking at him curiously.

“Are you feeling okay?”

He nodded, looking at you with confusion written in his features, clasping his hands around his coffee cup as he rested his hands on his lap, “yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”  

Maybe it was just his resting bitch face.

“Smile,” you commanded, nodding your head when he’d looked even more confused.

You watched in amusement as Changbin had laughed, shaking his head before looking at you with an all too sarcastic smile, his hand coming up in a peace sign next to his cheek, a smile unknowingly making its way onto your face at the sight.

“Okay now, don’t smile,” you continued.

Changbin had let his smile fall, looking just the same as he did when you’d shown up, making you press your lips into a firm line, a slight knit in your brows as your eyes narrowed.

Turning his head, he straightened up.

“Cool, Minho’s here,” he said, getting up and holding a hand out to help you up.

“Thanks,” you muttered, not expecting him to turn around and give you a smile.

“Let’s go, Penny.”

It was strange to you that there was something that felt so familiar about his smile, it reminded you of something that made you feel nostalgic. You liked seeing him smile. Changbin had a nice smile.

You brushed the thought away, nodding as you took his hand, letting him help you out.

“What, so you guys don’t hate each other anymore?” Jisung groaned later on that same week when you’d told him about the exchange you had.

He lifted his head from where he lay on your bed, “God, with you guys it’s like everyday’s something different.”

You quirked an eyebrow at him in amusement, “well… that’s because it is, isn’t it?”

You spotted the box of letters from your childhood penpal hidden beneath a stack of novels you had yet to unpack, your eyes glistening with triumph as you reached into your storage closet, fishing it out with a grunt.

“Come to think of it, Changbin hasn’t said anything about you since that day you met him to rewrite the script,” he murmured thoughtfully.

Heaving a sigh as you got up from your squat, you closed your closet, “which day? We met up a few times for the script.”

Jisung perked up at that, sitting up slightly and supporting his weight with his elbows.

“You did? Why am I only finding out about this now?” he scoffed.

You rolled your eyes, walking over to your desk to set the box onto it, “I told you about it, you just forgot.”

Making your way over to the bed, you flopped down onto your belly next to Jisung, looking at him curiously as he frowned at you. His mention of Changbin had made you curious.

“He… really hasn’t said anything about me?” you dared to ask, regretting it almost immediately when Jisung had taken the opportunity to twist your words.

Jisung’s expression had changed to one that you were all too used to, how his eyes would give away that he was thinking of saying something to tease you, his lips curving into a slight smirk.

“Why? Do you want him to be talking about you?”

You wrinkled your nose, a small panicked scoff leaving you, “yeah, right. Don’t get too carried away there.”

Jisung prodded further, leaning closer to you as he drawled, “well, why not? I mean, you said it yourself, you guys are on pretty good terms now, aren’t you?”

You purse your lips. The film club had been nice enough to give you a month longer to work on the script, you and Changbin ending up getting carried away and doing the whole thing over. And of course, within that month, you interacted with Changbin in some way or another almost everyday.

It could be meetings at his or your apartment, or spontaneous phone calls when one of you thought of an idea and you’d felt inspired to discuss it (even if you were on your bed tucked into your sheets when it happened most of the time), sometimes it was even just simple texts checking up on each other and asking what the other thought about the updates.

Nonetheless, you’d grown used to Changbin’s presence, finding that after that meeting at his house, it was like it had softened the both of you up to each other, especially when you realised your perception of Changbin was all wrong and that really, he was as soft as softies go.

You gave Jisung a shrug, tugging the neckline of your shirt down, feeling as though the room had gotten hotter, “I mean, yeah, I guess. He doesn’t annoy me as much as he used to.”

Jisung let out a chuckle, the laugh bubbling out louder as he continued.

“You know if you tell me you like him now,  I won’t make fun of you.”

“You’re lying.”

“So, you do like him?” His grin widened, making you sputter for a better response, figuring you’d dug your own grave with that one.

“Don’t stir shit,” you narrowed your eyes at him.

Your reaction had only tickled him even more, clutching his belly as he sighed, “I knew it. Remember? I told you he was your type!” his tone was triumphant, making you regret fuelling his suspicions.

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re very happy about that,” you huffed, turning away from him and burying your face in your soft sheets, your hand coming up next to your head to smooth over the fabric.

You felt Jisung’s hand on your arm, his expression grim.

“Wait, so am I really right? You like him?”

You shrugged his hand away, though he hadn’t budged, giving up soon after.

“I mean,” you enjoyed your last moment of peace before you decided to reply to him, “he’s cute, I won’t deny that. And he’s become a lot nicer to me… he’s fun to talk to? I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little attracted to him.”

Jisung snickered, “that’s cute, but gross. I can’t believe you like Changbin.”

Trust him to only get that out of whatever you’d just told him.

You turned to give him a wide-eyed look of disbelief, “oh, please, you were the one that kept fluffing him up to me!”

Jisung had simply shrugged, unfazed by your outburst, a small sound of hesitation leaving him.

“I would say I did a minimal amount of fluffing. I just called it before the both of you realised.”

You grit your teeth, “fine, enjoy your moment. But one word about it to Changbin and you’re dead. Got it?”

Jisung’s eyes widened, his hand coming up to mimic zipping up his lips.

“Got it.”

===

“Cut!”

You turned to cast a desperate look to Chan, the said boy looking apologetic as he called for a stop again. You watched as he leant down for Changbin to murmur something in his ear, Chan nodding before making his way over to you and Minho.

“We’re thinking maybe you could try that scene again but maybe with just a little more… in the moment? Maybe try not to rush through it,” Chan suggested to Minho, making the said boy groan.

“Sorry, it’s my fault. It’s just- we’ve been filming for hours, if I wasn’t so scared of Changbin I would’ve—”

“I know,” Chan reassured Minho, giving the both of you a small smile, “hopefully we can get this scene done quickly and then we’ll all be free to go, hmm?”

You nodded, letting Chan make his way back to where the monitor was as you got back into position with Minho.

Changbin watched intently as you and Minho acted out the scene again, something about the way Minho was delivering his lines seeming so unaligned with the picture Changbin had in his head. Was it the lines that weren't doing it for him? Was it because Changbin couldn’t quite tap into the emotions of the character in this scene?

He wasn’t sure what exactly it would look or sound like to be in love, but whatever ‘Soobin’ was showing, sure wasn’t what Changbin wanted it to be.

After you’d finished the scene, the film club members had waited anxiously for Changbin’s greenlight on whether they were free to go, all of them anxiously looking on as Chan went to talk to a few of them at props.

You taken the liberty of making your way over to where Changbin was, seeing him intently monitoring the scene that you’d just shot, the reason behind why he’d made you and Minho run through the same scene 15 times starting to become clear to you.

“That’s not gonna help you make it better, you know?” you spoke, shoving your hands into your pocket and scrunching your eyes shut as you braced against the cool wind that was blowing your way, the trees rustling loudly as Changbin’s head shot up, the frown remaining on his face.

“What?” Changbin figured he came off as a little too annoyed, but he stayed unwavering nonetheless, wanting to know just what you thought you knew about him.

“You know, I watched an interview once, and this actor said something that was so true,” you began, taking a seat next to him, feeling his gaze on you before you continued, your gaze falling on the image of you and Minho on the monitor, “he said that playback makes scenes seem a lot more dissatisfactory.”

Changbin’s frown deepened, “I don’t get it, just spit it out.”

You rolled your eyes, though you couldn’t help but smile, “I’m trying to give you advice here, okay? As I was saying, be in the moment. Not everything’s gonna turn out like how it is in your head.”

You inhaled deeply, a slight shiver running down your spine at how cold you felt, taking a hand out of your pocket to tap him on the arm.

“Now can you wrap it up and call it a day? The rest of them have been dying to go home but they’re too scared to tell you.”

Changbin hummed, “They are? Why?”

You nodded, seeing Changbin already making to stand up and call for the rest’s attention, with you taking the opportunity to lean over to him and mutter, “Dunno, maybe they just haven’t figured out what a softie you are yet.”

Changbin attempted to press his lips together firmly to contain his smile, though eventually giving up and letting the soft smile be shown on his face as he dismissed the club members, the rest of them already having started shifting their equipment back.

You’d decided to help them shift the equipment while Changbin talked to Chan about something, trying your best to ignore the way the weather seemed to be getting chillier as all the equipment had started feeling cold to the touch. Mental note to start wearing warmer clothes out after today.

“Thanks for convincing Changbin to free us,” Hyunjin sighed when you were coming down the stairs after locking the club room, making you huff.

“He’s not some dictator, you know. You guys could just ask him next time,” you reasoned.

Hyunjin scoffed, “I’d much rather keep my life, thank you very much.”

Rolling your eyes, you pulled out your phone as you thought whether to text Jisung if he’d wanted to meet for dinner.

“You’re so dramatic,” you told Hyunjin, “I told him and I got to keep my life.”

Hyunjin scoffed, “that’s cause he—”

He stopped himself abruptly, eyes widening for a split second before he shrugged, “that’s cause you fight with him all the time, it’s different.”

You saw a text come in.

Changbin 8:14pm - do u wanna go get dinner? I’m done talking to Chan -

“Speak of the devil,” you murmured, erasing your drafted text to Jisung and replying to Changbin to say that you would wait at the quad.

Changbin 8:14pm - i was thinking of eating some cold noodles -

You grimaced at the thought, Hyunjin pulling you out of your thoughts, “are you waiting for Changbin?”

You nodded, sensing his hesitancy to let you wait there alone, “you go ahead, I’ll be fine, he’s already on his way.”

Hyunjin frowned, turning to see Changbin from afar already making his way over, Changbin having spotted the both of you and given Hyunjin a wave.

Waving back, Hyunjin nodded, “alright, I’ll see you.”

Tugging your jacket tighter around yourself, you folded your arms, hoping Changbin would hurry up so you could finally go somewhere with heating.

Though once he’d met up with you, you were a little confused when he’d gone a completely different direction than you’d expected, leading you to a traditional restaurant that served mainly soups and broths instead.

Don’t get me wrong, you were thankful for the warmth of the restaurant, of course, but just a little confused about why he changed his mind.

You let him order for the both of you, looking curiously from where you were seated facing him, leaning back in the wooden chairs as Changbin ordered from the older lady running the shop.

“I thought you wanted to eat cold noodles?” you scanned the menu in search of the item, confusion increasing when you found nothing of the sort.

Changbin shook his head, “figured you might wanna eat something warmer,” he admitted, making your lips part in surprise.

“How’d you know?”

Changbin didn’t know how to explain that it was because he’d kept looking at you during shooting and he didn’t miss the way your hands would clench and unclench the fabric of your clothes, or how you’d fold your arms more and shake them out in between takes when you thought no one was looking.

“…  just a wild guess.”

You brushed his comment aside, the both of you talking about your upcoming classes or complaining about readings that had yet to be read, the sheer boiling temperature of the stone pot making heat rush to your cheeks and spread through your body, thankful for Changbin’s wild guess.

Leaning back in your seat with your hands over your stomach, you sighed at how full you were feeling, already anticipating your food coma as you let yourself zone out staring at the label of Changbin’s bottle of soju.

“Are they really scared of me?”

You’d dragged yourself out of your daze (reluctantly), your lips pursing, “sorry, what did you say?”

Changbin averted his gaze, fiddling with his fingers under the table. Smoothing his thumb over the soft skin at his palm, his tongue poking at his canines before he looked back at you, meeting your gaze with a certain determination.

“The film club people,” he repeated, “are they really scared of me?”

You shrugged, “yeah, I guess. Like, they talked about it before… I guess it’s because you have that serious expression on a lot so they might take it the wrong way.”

Observing his expression, his lips had parted, a blank expression on his face, “I have a serious expression?”

You couldn’t help but laugh, tilting your head at him, “I think It’s just your resting face. They’re kind of wary of how they act around you during meetings, you know, which is why they had that kind of reaction when I first spoke up about the script.”

Changbin let his grip around his spoon relax, whatever rice he’d scooped into it dispersing into the soup.

“Then why aren’t you scared?”  

You almost snorted with how immediate your laughter had bubbled out of you, a bout of chuckles leaving you as your shoulders shook lightly.

“Because,” you waved your spoon slightly, “there’s nothing to be scared of.”

Changbin’s blank expression had prompted you to continue.

“I have no problem with you being assertive about what you want,” you explained, “I mean, if it were my script, i’d probably be equally, if not more, assertive about how I want it. But that’s a good thing about you. You don’t just… shut up if something doesn’t sit right with you. That’s something I’ve always thought was really important.”

Call him crazy, but Changbin couldn’t adequately describe how your words had done more in spreading a giddy warmth in his chest than the food ever could.

He wasn’t always like this. If anything, he’d wanted to say that he’d pushed himself to be more assertive after countless conversations with his penpal about not being afraid to speak up for what you want.

Though he’d always been scared of whether he’d be doing a disservice to the people he worked with if he chose not to speak up, he was glad that you reminded him just why he started doing it in the first place.

Penny’s character in his head had started to look more and more like you. And he was glad.

“You wanna hear something crazy?” You blurted.

You didn’t know where you were going with this. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing, really. You just knew that saying what you said to him had triggered a sense of what you could only describe as love within you. If you knew anything about it.

“What?” he asked, the smile on his face making you stop in your tracks. How could he remind you so much of someone, yet seem so much like a mature, upgraded version of them at the same time?

You couldn’t possibly tell him that you were starting to be kind of glad that you didn’t meet Binnie, because you felt like you were looking at him right now. And childhood penpal or not, you were so much more smitten with the one sitting before you.

“Nothing,” you breathed, “nothing, sorry, forget I said anything.”

Your revelation reminded you that you’d brought your old letters from Binnie for Changbin to tap on for inspiration to write the last scene, shutting your mouth and turning to fish the box out of your bag.

“I just remembered, you asked for these right?” you pushed the box towards him, seeing him pick up the box gingerly (as though it were that brittle old notebook he uses), placing it into his bag.

“I’m assuming they’re the letters from your old penpal?”

You nodded, “but don’t laugh when you read them, okay? He was really nice to me.”

Changbin huffed, his tongue peeking out to wet his lips, “yeah, yeah, no promises.”

After you were done with your dinner (Changbin paying for it as a supposed ‘thank you’ for being patient during filming), you’d prepared yourself to fight against the cold night breeze as you stepped out of the restaurant before Changbin, not having expected to feel a warm weight being draped over your shoulders.

“I don’t know why you decided to come out without a coat when you know now’s usually when the weather gets colder,” he tutted his tongue, feigning disapproval, not giving you any time to be shocked at his gesture.

He stood in front of you, tugging the coat tighter around you as he met your gaze, giving you a tired smile.

“I’ll walk you back to your apartment.”

You bit down on your lip, your racing heart and panic making the best reply you could come up with to be a mere, “didn’t peg you to be so gentlemanly.”

To which Changbin shrugged, a small smirk playing at his lips.

“I can be pretty romantic if I want.”

You were gonna get whiplash at this rate.

That same night (or day, 3am was a fine line), you’d received an email from Changbin of the last scene for the film, reading through it and having to stop in between for breaths and water breaks because you had no idea Changbin was capable of encompassing such romantic sentiments in a scene.

Looking at what he wrote, you would never have thought he was the same person that kept arguing with you about happy endings going to shit.

Changbin had written the scene in a burst of inspiration, having felt an almost uncomfortably foreign giddiness within him after returning home from your dinner, feeling even more motivated when he’d watched the film footage they’d shot earlier that day (unconsciously rewinding more than once to watch you act) deciding to just go with whatever he was feeling and write down the scene he had in mind.

And if anyone was asking, no, he totally didn’t picture you as Penny and himself as Soobin the entire time while doing so.

By the time you were done, it was almost an hour later, the aftermath of reading his scene making you pick your phone up and send him a text.

4:02am - did something happen? What’s with the lovey dovey script? Did someone finally change their mind about Penny? -

Not long after, Changbin’s reply came in, feeling thankful that he’d only decided to open your box of letters, or more accurately his letters, after he was done with the scene, something about what he found putting him in an all too thoughtful mood.

Changbin 4:04am -let’s just say... i took your advice-

===

“What do you think, Changbin?” Chan’s voice had snapped Changbin out of his daze, the latter looking at Jisung with a shrug.

“I would say you’re just short changing yourself if you didn’t talk to her. I mean, you said you liked her, right? So what are you waiting for?” Changbin sounded almost impatient, his tone eliciting a grunt from Jisung.

“Yeah, you say it like you’re not the one hiding your hopeless crush on Y/N.”

Chan’s eyes widened, not having expected Jisung to say it so blatantly.

Changbin sputtered, looking at Chan for help only to be met with giggles.

“I’m sorry, dude, it was really quite easy to tell.”

Changbin wanted the cushioned booth to swallow him whole, scrunching his eyes tightly shut in a wince.

“Whatever, that’s not the point,” he waved Jisung off dismissively, “we’re talking about your love life here.”

Jisung pursed his lips, shaking his head, “it’s not fun anymore, I wanna talk about yours.”

Changbin glared at Jisung, “i’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Good, ‘cause you should be having it with Y/N.”

Chan raised an eyebrow at the younger boy, humming in suspicion.

“Why do you sound like you know things...”

Jisung shrugged, raising his hands to give a dramatic shrug, “Do I? I guess we’ll never find out since Changbin ‘isn’t gonna have this conversation with me’.”

Chan turned to Changbin, who currently looked as though he would rather die than be here right now, “actually, what are you waiting for?”

Changbin brought a hand up to massage his fingers on his temples, a resigned sigh leaving him.

“I don’t know, I’ll probably not do anything until the showcase. I still don’t know how exactly I wanna go about it.”

Jisung snickered, “you’ll be fine, seriously.”

“Yeah, whatever, I’ll just enjoy whatever time I have left to think about it till the showcase. Now back to your issue… ”

But obviously, Changbin didn’t use his 3 days of buffer time very well.

He was lucky the atmosphere of the showcase and the unexpected crowd of people had prolonged the time until he’d be in a situation where he’d feel compelled to talk to you about it. Whatever it was.

You hadn’t noticed, obviously, the way Changbin had been keeping himself busy talking to guests and teachers that had shown up, people from the media and publications club. You were too busy being whisked away by your own friends and a already slightly tipsy Minho who thought it was a good idea to pregame drinks before the afterparty later on.

It’d only been when things started calming down and people were actually watching the film that you’d been put in a position where you had no choice other than to think about the boy seated in front of you tapping his foot incessantly on the carpeted floor of the auditorium.

Once the show was over, you’d leant forward, about to congratulate him when you’d both been whisked up by one of the teachers-in-charge, pulling you together with Minho onto the stage to answer questions from the audience.

The questions were fairly simple, most of them from the media and publications club trying to get technical details for their article, allowing you to zone out from where you stood on the stage, letting Changbin smoothly answer all the questions they could possibly throw at him. It wasn’t like Minho was in any position to answer them, tipsy and zoned out of his mind.

It was only when you’d heard him fumbling around with his words that you looked up from the spot on the wall you were staring at, turning to look at Changbin with an embarrassing amount of concern on your features.

“I’m sorry can you repeat the question?” you’d spoken into the microphone, hearing someone that sounded almost identical to Jisung asking how he got inspiration from the story.

You looked at Changbin curiously, as if silently asking if he needed you to step in, only to have him look at you with a blank expression, his mouth opening and closing as he fumbled for an answer.

“Oh, well, I’m sure I can answer this on behalf of Changbin,” you began, “we’d worked on the script together, and it was inspired by a lot of things, like our experiences with pen pals as well as movies like ‘you’ve got mail’.”

Changbin’s shoulders slumped with relief, nodding towards you as a silent thanks, the moment cut short when you were once again whisked away into different crowds to take pictures or to carpool to the afterparty.

Though you were bored 10 minutes into the party, Minho having gotten drunk before you could even get past your second drink, you’d let Changbin have his fun. You figured it was a good thing that he was being recognized for his efforts, even if he didn’t look like he was enjoying the attention very much. He needed it, you supposed, to be forced to see how much people enjoyed the work he made.

But you didn’t stay to see it too long, adjourning to the porch of whoever’s house you were in to enjoy an environment away from the loud music and too many people you didn’t know.

“Already bored?”

You’d jumped at the sound of Changbin’s voice, his footsteps loud against the wooden porch as he took a seat next to you on the swing, holding out his bottle of soda to you, “do you want some?”

You shook your head, seeing him shrug, “suit yourself, then.” He took a long sip of his soda, sighing afterwards.  

A tired smile on your face, you let out a deep sigh, “didn’t expect you to find me here so quickly.”

“How could I not?” he laughed, shaking his head, “In case you didn’t notice, I was suffocating in there, figured I deserve a break.”

“Good job, though, I’d say you handled everything well…” you started, your smile growing, “... though there is one thing…  I didn’t think you were the type to struggle with public speaking.”

Changbin’s lips parted in shock, scoffing, “shut up, I don’t usually.”

“Sure, you don’t,” you teased, bringing your hands to your sides to support your weight, letting your legs lift off the ground as Changbin used his feet to move the swing gently.

You leant back in your seat, enjoying the silence you were able to get out here as compared to the chaos going on within the house, noticing how tense Changbin seemed, his posture anything but relaxed as he’d let out sigh after sigh, tapping his rings against the seat of the bench absently.

“Relax,” you chuckled, “it’s already over.”

Doing the opposite of relaxing, Changbin simply stopped moving the swing, angling his body to face you more as he fished in his blazer pocket for something, pulling out an envelope from his jacket, “I have uh… something for you.”

Holding it out for you to take, your gaze fell on the colourful envelope, the little strawberry stickers you remembered using your savings to buy as you frowned at the address written on the envelope in your old messy ‘princess handwriting’.

Your gaze darted from the envelope back to him, “how did you… how do you have this?”

“I have it,” he began, letting out yet another sigh, “because you sent it to me.”

If it could, your heart would’ve stopped in that exact moment.

“Read it,” he prompted when you’d stayed silent, your hands moving urgently to open the envelope, your heart feeling warm when you pulled the paper out, already being able to see the ‘To: Binnie’ written with your favourite scented marker.

To: Binnie

How are you? I’m fine. I am writing this very late in the night because I finished my rehearsal for my school play in the evening and I just finished taking a bath. I have to be quick or my mom is gonna scold me for not sleeping yet. I wanted to tell you that you should sign up for the competition. Which is why I have to mail this to you A.S.A.P as possible because you said the sign up closes in a few days. I think that you should just try it out, even if you don’t do well. Because then at least you can say that you gave it a try and you had fun. I saw this on a tv show, and they said if you don’t try, you will never know if it will turn out well, because you didn’t try.

So I’m telling you to try!!!!! Just try your best and have fun. I think you will do well.

Till next time, Your penpal Y/N.

“So this is me… trying… it. Whatever it is,” he sounded out of breath, almost, and your heart had begun to pick up speed at how it seemed as though this would be the time where he would confess his feelings to you (if Soobin and Penny were any guide to go by).

You should’ve known Changbin better by now, though.

“Thank you… for helping me with the film. You know, for giving me crap about it because I know that that wasn’t really what I felt. I was just… bitter, but for some reason, you giving me shit about it kind of reminded me why I liked being friends with my penpal- or, I guess, liked being friends with you, so much in the first place.” he was looking at you more confidently now, straightening up as he continued.

“It wasn’t because you gave me fake money to buy a scooter, or anything,” he laughed, “it was more because you were someone that was friends with me for who I was? You were kind, and you were honest.”

Changbin fiddled with the envelope in his hands as you tried your best to contain your smile.

“And you were especially supportive, you know, in your own argumentative way.”

You let out a huff of breathy laughter at that, your hand coming up to touch your necklace, finding something else to fiddle with to contain your anxiousness.

“I’m glad, though, that I didn’t know you were that Y/N,” he told you, “because I already grew to like this Y/N so much, that… finding out was just… a pleasant surprise.”

For the first time since you saw the letter, you’d spoken, a breathy, “me too,” leaving you, embarrassing you to no end.

“I’m glad it was you,” you murmured, averting your gaze, not having expected Changbin to have reached out a hand towards yours, hovering just momentarily before making the decisive action of grasping it gently.

“Me too.”

“So are you gonna explain why my letters—”

“Shh,” he shut his eyes, the smile on his face making you give in almost instantly, “don’t ruin it.”

===

“I didn’t know people even still sent letters these days,” Jisung snorted, sipping on his coffee that he’d just gone downstairs to buy, “here, you have one, but there's no name.”

You frowned, picking it up and finding the handwriting of your address awfully familiar, feeling as though you’d definitely seen it scribbled on a specific brittle old notebook before.

You flopped onto your bed, opening the letter as Jisung resumed playing whatever game he was busy with on your desktop computer.

Thankful for the distraction, you’d quickly unfolded it, scrunching your nose at his choice of pen name.

To: my penpal Y/N

This letter may just be over a decade overdue, but I wanted to firstly say I’m sorry for making you wait so long. That letter about my film competition, that was the last one I received from you, and one of my favourites. I figured it out, by the way, I gave you the wrong address. Phonics was a very tricky thing for my eight year old stubborn self that refused to cross check with my mom.

I figured sending you a letter was best, you know, since you know I'm not the very best at public speaking, or just speaking in general sometimes, I doubt I'd be able to say as eloquently what I wanted to say to you in this letter.

I wanted to give you a few updates. Firstly, I met someone in my film club. Well, technically I auditioned them for my short film so there’s no one to blame for the trouble they caused other than me. I didn’t like them that much at the beginning. I thought they were just trying to impose their stupid happily ever after beliefs on me, someone who thought I was a big bad cynical bitter man that didn’t believe in love stories.

As you probably guessed, they challenged me (a lot), and waiting to see them started to feel like the days where I would wait to hear my mom tell me that a letter came in for me, even better actually. They reminded me of the qualities in myself that I was always afraid of showing, and they reminded me what was so good about being unapologetic for who I was sometimes, because they accepted all of that, (but not without giving me an shit about it first, of course).

But i’m thankful, I’m thankful because I really grew to like them a lot. I liked how I could be comfortable being myself around her, and I liked how they would support me when I needed it, but also to correct me when I need to be corrected.

They were real, and I liked that, a lot.

So, the point of this was that if they ever happen to receive this, you know, (because I totally didn’t know your current address, obviously), I hope they know that I’ve grown to like them very much, to like the personality that i’ve come to know, and that i’m very excited to grow to know (and like) even more.

I’ll be seeing you, Binnie.

#changbin #seo changbin #seo changbin au #changbin au #changbin fluff #skz changbin #skz au #skz #stray kids scenarios #stray kids #stray kids au #stray kids fluff #enemies-to-lovers!changbin #on track #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #I love changbin

[leossmoonn]

Belle of The Ball [Kol Mikaelson]

masterlist 

pairing - kol mikaelson x fem,gilbert!reader

type - fluff

note / request - “since your TO requests are open can i request a kol fic where the reader is a gilbert and is kinda shy and kol invites her to the mikaelson ball” enjoy!

summary -  the middle child of the mikaelson family takes interest in you and invites you to the mikaelson ball

warnings / includes - your jeremy’s twin, mild language, kissing, suggestive flirting, underage drinking (drink safely), mention of sex

————

*gif isn’t mine*

“I think Connor likes you,” your friend, Karina, nudged you. 

You looked over to the cute, brunette boy that was staring at you from across the hallway. “Yeah, right,” you muttered.

“I’m serious! Oh, look! He’s coming to ask you out!” Karina squealed. 

You looked away from your locker, straightening up as Connor was approaching you. He flashed you a charming smile. 

“I’m gonna go. Meet me by your car!” Karina smiled. 

“No! Rina!” You whisper-shouted. 

Your attention was turned to Connor as he stood in front of you. 

“Hey, Y/n,” he greeted. “Hey… Connor,” you smiled shyly. 

“I wanted to ask you a question,” he said, leaning against the lockers. 

“Y-Yeah, go ahead,” you nodded. He smiled at your nervousness, moving closer to you.

His scent filled your nostrils and you felt yourself going dizzy. You leaned against the lockers, hoping it would help you not trip and fall. 

“So, I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me at Mystic Grill. We can get dinner then go back to my place and watch a movie,” Connor suggested. 

Your eyes widened. You were pleasantly surprised. You had liked Connor since school had started, which was a few months ago. You had been trying to get him to notice you, which was going horribly until now. You were way too shy to go up to say anything to him. You guessed that Karina had something to do with him asking you out. 

“Um, Earth to Y/n?” Connor asked, waving his hand in front of your face.

“Huh?” You blinked rapidly. You looked at him, getting even more embraced and shy when you realise you got lost in your own thoughts. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m just um… not really used to people asking me out, you know? I’ve never really been on a date before. My Aunt Jenna used to say that was okay since I’m only in junior year and stuff, but my brother has already had sex with Vicki Donovan and my sister is already on her second boyfriend. It’s kinda sad how un-loveable I am and-” 

You were cut off by Connor chuckling. You cussed yourself out in your head for being so awkward.

“I’m sorry, again. I ramble a lot, too,” you apologised. 

“It’s not worries. It’s really cute. You’re really cute. Anyways, what do you say? Come with me to Netflix and chill?” Connor asked. 

You smiled, opening your mouth to respond, but you were rudely interrupted. 

“She has plans Friday. Sorry, mate,” an all-too familiar Australian accent sounded behind you. 

You clenched your jaw and balled your fists. You turned your head, glaring. 

“Kol, go away,” you said through gritted teeth. 

“No can do, darling. Jeremy asked me to watch over you,” Kol smiled. 

“Uh, who’s this guy?” Connor asked. You turned back to him. “Oh, just a uh… family friend. Don’t mind him, he’s super annoying.”

“Actually, do mind me. I’m here to pick Y/n up. Elena wants you home, now,” Kol said. 

“Oh. Well, if you need to be home, go ahead,” Connor said. 

You sighed, “Yeah, um, I do. But it’s a yes to the date.”

Connor smiled widely. “Awesome! I’ll pick you up at 8.”

“Great! Can’t wait,” you smiled sweetly. 

Connor walked away, leaving you grinning from ear-to-ear. 

“You can do so much better, Y/n,” Kol said. 

You rolled your eyes, turning 180 to him. “Go away, Kol. I know for a fact that Jeremy and Elena didn’t tell you to watch over me.”

“Hm, true. That was just an excuse,” Kol smiled. 

“An excuse for what?” You asked. “Well, I needed and excuse to talk to you,” Kol shrugged. 

You sighed, going back to your locker and grabbing your textbooks. “About what?” You asked. 

“Well, I know my family hasn’t made it easy for any of you, so we are throwing a ball! My mother’s idea, really. We are allowed to bring dates and I’d like to bring you,” Kol explained. 

You started to feel all flustered. “Uh… Wh-Why?”

“Because I like you, Y/n. I think you’re cute, funny, and all the good parts of a woman. I’d like you to ditch that Connor-nobody and be my plus one!”

You slammed your locker shut, walking away from Kol. 

“Y/n, darling! You never answered me!” Kol exclaimed, trying to catch up with you. 

“Yeah, I did that on purpose,” you muttered, knowing he could hear you because of his vamp hearing. 

“You are so rude. I take it your parents didn’t teach you any manners? Not like they can teach you them now,” Kol joked. 

You scoffed, not believing what you were hearing. “Like you can talk. And plus, why would I want to go to the ball with a jerk like you?”

You waked out of the school, spotting Karina over at your car. 

“Y/n, wait!” Kol called out, reaching out to grab your wrist.

“What!” You exclaimed, turning to him. 

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean that, but I really do want you to accompany me to the ball,” Kol said, staring you right in the eyes. 

You stared at him for a few moments, your eyes flickering down to his lips. Once you noticed him smirk, you looked away, pulling your wrist away from his grip. 

“I appreciate the invitation, but I’m going out with Connor,” you mumbled. 

Kol sighed, “Fine. But if you reconsider, it’ll be at our house.”

“Thanks,” you said, looking up at him through your lashes. “I need to go, okay? My friend is waiting for me.”

“Alright. I hope you reconsider, Y/n. I’d be a shame if I didn’t have a date,” Kol said. 

“As if you can’t get anyone you want,” you rolled your eyes. 

“But I only want you,” Kol admitted. 

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach. As much as you wanted to stay and ask him if he really did want you, you knew you’d end up a blubbering mess. And you definitely didn’t want to be like that in front of a devastatingly handsome Original vampire. 

“I gotta go,” you murmured, turning away and stomping off to Karina. 

“Hey, who’s that?” Karina asked once you approached. 

“Oh um… An annoying friend of Jeremy,’s” you lied, running your fingers through your hair. 

“Hm, well he’s hot,” Karina bit her lip, looking at Kol who was still where you left him. 

You rolled your eyes and started to twiddle with your fingers. “No, he’s not.”

Karina narrowed her eyes at you, gasping in realisation. 

“What?” You asked, full of confusion. “You like him!” Karina grinned. 

You scoffed, “Hell no.” 

“Hell, yes! You’re doing that thing you do when you talk about a guy you like,” Karina giggled, pointing to your hands. 

You looked down and sighed, putting your arms to your sides. “I do that when I’m nervous.”

“Oh, yeah? Are you nervous about Mr. Hottie?” Karina wiggled her eyebrows.

“No. I’m nervous because Connor asked me out this Friday,” you explained. 

“Oh, my God! Babe, that’s awesome!” Karina squealed, jumping up and down, clapping while doing so.  

“Thanks, I know,” you smiled sheepishly. “Well, what day is it? Wednesday, right? We need to shop!” Karina exclaimed. 

“No, no! I'll just wear jeans and a cute top. There’s no need to shop,” you said. 

“Have you seen your closet? You only have one cute flora top and a pair of black baggy jeans. The rest of your closet are sweats and sweatshirts. You don’t even have any date-appropriate dresses!” Karina said. 

“Not true!” You protested weakly. 

“Mhm,” Karina said, pursing her lips. You rolled your eyes, knowing she was right. 

“Fine, but we are only going to buy one outfit. ONE,” you said, holding up your first finger. 

“I’ll take it! Wanna go now?” Karina asked. 

“Sure,” you nodded. “Yay! We can get lunch at the Grill, too,” Karina suggested, opening the passenger door of your car. 

“Alright,” you nodded, going over to the driver’s seat. 

You drove to the outlet mall, parking in front of the shop. Karina and you walked inside, Karina immediately pulling you to the jeans section. 

“God, I hate jeans,” you muttered. “Why?” Karina asked. 

“Because they’re tight and I have to jump to get them on,” you explained. 

“Well, that’s just because you have a nice ass,” Karina smiled.

You smiled, “Yeah, right.” “I’m serious! Your figure is to die for! I’m jealous, honestly,” Karina said in a sincere tone.

You chuckled, “Thanks, Rina.”

“Of course. Now, let’s see what jeans they have. Do you want black, dark wash, or light wash?” Karina asked. 

“Dark wash,” you answered. “High-waisted or low-waisted?” Karina asked. 

“(Your choice),” you said. 

Karina pulled out two pairs of jeans, handing them to you. “Now, for the shirts! Do you want a ruffled top, knot front, or button-up?” 

“Um, ruffled, I guess,” you said. “Alright… Well, I know you like plaid… So, what about this one?” Karina pulled out a black and white top that was cropped. It was long sleeved, the sleeves ruffled slightly. The bottom of the shirt was stretchy and the top had buttons. 

“Wow, this is really cute. Simple, too. I like it,” you smiled. 

“I knew you would! Now, go try it on,” Karina said, going over to the changing rooms.

You put on your cloths, buttoning up the top and turning around to the mirror. You raised your brows, surprised by how good you looked. 

“You done?” Karina called out from outside. 

“Yeah,” you said, going out of the dressing room.

“You look so pretty. Y/n. The jeans highlight your figure perfectly!” Karina exclaimed. 

“Yeah,” you smiled, “And the top isn’t as cropped as I thought it would be.”

“I am amazing at dressing you! Maybe I should become a professional dresser?” Karina said.

You chuckled, “You should. Well, I think I’ll get this. I’m not interested in shopping anymore and I’m hungry.”

“Alright, well, I have some things I want to try on. So, give me 15 minutes tops and get us a table at the Grill,” Karina said, holding up the clothes she found. 

“Sounds good,” you said. You went back behind the door and changed out of your clothes. You paid for your outfit, walking out and going to the Grill. 

You got yourself seated quickly. 

“Y/n, hey!” Matt exclaimed. “Oh, hey, blue eyes,” you grinned. 

“How have you been?” Matt asked. “Good! How about you?” You asked. 

“I’ve been good, thanks. How is Elena?” Matt asked.

You chuckled, “Elena is good. I’ll tell her you asked about her.”

“Alright, sounds good. So, I heard Connor Askren asked you out,” Matt said. 

“Oh, yeah,” you smiled happily. “Good for you. I have to warn you, though, be careful,” Matt said. 

“Be careful about what?” You asked. “Well, Connor has a reputation of asking girls out then bailing on them,” he explained. 

“Oh,” you frowned. “Well, he seemed really excited to ask me out.”

“I'm sure he was. I’m just saying. You’re like a little sister to me. I don’t want you getting hurt,” Matt explained. 

You smiled gratefully. “Thanks, big bro.”

“No problem. Anyways, are you here alone or is Karina with you?” He asked. 

“She’s with me. She’s at the clothing store. I just came from there, hence the bag,” you said, holding up your shopping bag. 

“Ah right. Let me guess, she wanted to try some stuff on and she let you go?” Matt asked. 

“Yep,” you laughed. “That’s what Caroline does. So, do you want to get started with a drink or anything?” Matt asked. 

“Yeah, sure. Can I get a Diet Coke, chicken tenders, and cheese fries?” You asked. 

“Coming right up. Do you know what Karina would want?” Matt asked. 

“She’ll probably want lemonade, a chicken wrap, and onion rings,” you said. 

“Alright. Be right back,” Matt smiled. 

You gave him a goodbye wave. You sighed once he left, looking at your shopping bag. You would be lying if you said you were’t worried about Connor. You hoped that he was different than what Matt told you. 

————

Friday came sooner than expected. You were currently at home and getting ready for your date. Karina had helped you with your makeup, putting eyeliner on you and letting you borrow her lipstick. You were strapping on your heels when Karina told you she was leaving. 

“Text me if you two kiss,” Karina winked. 

“Highly doubt we will, but noted,” you smiled. 

“Alright, I’m gonna go. You look amazing, Y/n. Have fun!” Karina hugged you before leaving.  “Thanks,” you giggled as you shut the door. 

You looked at your phone, seeing it was 7:57. You smiled nervously, grabbing your purse and waiting at the door. The 3 minutes passed by slowly. It was soon 8 and he wasn’t there yet. You shrugged it off, knowing that he would probably be there in a minute or two. But as you waited, 2 minutes passed, 5, 10, and 20. Each time you checked your phone, your hope in Connor disappeared and your fear of what Matt said becoming true increased. Once it reached 8:30, you realised that Connor wasn’t coming and he had in fact stood you up. 

You stomped off to your room, tears falling down your cheeks. 

“God! How stupid are you, Y/n? Thinking a guy like Connor would want to go out with you? A football player? A guy with one of the highest GPA’s? Fat chance,” you sobbed to yourself. 

You took off your heels and wiped your eyes with the back of your hand, smudging all the makeup that Karina had done. You took off your clothes, slipping into sweats and a tank top. You washed your face of all the makeup, going into your kitchen. You went to go and get some chocolate, but someone interrupted you.

“Don’t look so glum, Y/n. Connor is an ass.” You turned around sharply, surprised to see Rebekah there. 

“I… Rebekah, what are you doing here?” You asked rudely. 

“I’m here to give you your dress and get you ready for the ball!” Rebekah smiled. 

“I’m not going,” you mumbled, going back to getting your food. 

Rebekah sped to you, grabbing your wrist. “Yes, you are. I don’t like you very much. I don’t like any of your family, but Kol seems to have taken an interest in you. I have no idea why, but I just got my family back and want to make everyone happy.”

“Well, I don’t like Kol. So you can tell him to shove off,” you said. 

“Hm… No,” Rebekah grinned. “C’mon, you’re going to the ball whether you like it or not. Your sister and brother will also be there.”

“Another reason not to go,” you stated. 

“Oh, please! If you don’t go I am sure Kol will kill Elena and Jeremy,” Rebekah said. 

“No! I… I don’t want to. Kol doesn’t even like me. He just likes to piss off all my friends,” you said.

“Y/n, look at me,” Rebekah said. You looked at her dully.

“Kol likes you. Hell, I think he’s in love with you. All he talks about it you and quite frankly, it’s sickening, but a little heartwarming to see him care so much for someone. So, please, come to the ball. If you want to leave after a little bit, I’ll make sure you go without any issue. But just try it out,” Rebekah begged. 

Your heart fluttered once you heard Kol might be in love with you. If you were completely honest, you had a little crush on Kol. How couldn’t you? He was charming, handsome, and even nice to you. You never pursued the crush because one, you were too shy for that. And two, you knew your family would kill you. But you knew Rebekah would just kidnap you and take you there, even if you said no again, so you deciding to say yes. 

“Fine, I’ll go. But don’t expect me to have fun,” you mumbled. 

Rebekah took her hand off your wrist, smiling widely. “Great! Let’s go and get you ready, we’re late.”

You nodded and went back to your room. Rebekah sat you down and did your makeup. Giving you a fox eye look with a red lip. She then got out your dress, to which you gasped at.  Your dress was a long red ballgown. The top of the dress had jewels all over, the skirt then puffing out like Cinderella’s. The sleeves of the dress were made to go across your shoulders, letting the top of your breasts and your collar bone show. 

“Wow I… Wow,” you gasped. 

“Amazing, right? You’ll be the belle of the ball! You’ll even outshine Elena, who’s dress is disappointingly gorgeous,” Rebekah smiled. 

“Thank you,” you smiled. 

“Of course! Now go put it on, I’ll help you with the back,” Rebekah said handing it to you. 

You took it gently, going to your bathroom to get changed. You came out, letting Rebekah tighten the dress for you. You then slipped on your black heels that you were wearing earlier, and took a look at you reflection. 

“Wow, I actually look like a princess,” you smiled.

“That you do,” Rebekah smiled. “Now let’s go. Our ride is waiting.”

You nodded, lifting up the bottom of your dress so you could walk. You and Rebekah walked out to the limo, going over to the Mikaelson house. 

“Hey, Rebekah?” You asked. “Yes?” She answered. 

“Why are you being so nice to me? Besides making Kol happy,” you asked. 

Rebekah sighed. “Well, I think you’re good for my brother. You make him more bearable to be around. Kinder, warmer. A lot less murderous. I know you like him, too. I can see the way you look at him when you think no one is paying attention. He’s head over heels for you and I think you could be the same for him after tonight.”

“Good to know,” you smiled. 

“Mhm. But don’t tell anyone I ever complimented you or helped you out tonight. I don’t need your friends thinking I have a good side,” Rebekah said. 

You chuckled. “Alright, deal.”

You two arrived at Rebekah’s house, stepping out of the limo. Rebekah and you waked to the doors, opening them. As you stepped into the ballroom, all eyes went on you. Your entrance elicited gasps from everyone. You smiled shyly, your smile faltering once Elena, Damon, and Jeremy approached you. Rebekah left you to deal with your family.

“What the hell are you doing here!” Elena exclaimed. 

“Having fun, El,” you answered. 

“No, you need to go home now,” Damon said. 

You shook your head. “No. Connor stood me up and Kol invited me to this thing, so I decided to take the opportunity.”

Elena’s angry face fell as she heard what Connor did. “Connor stood you up? That jerk!”

“It's okay. I’d rather be here and in this dress than with him and drunk,” you admitted. 

“Need me to beat him up for you?” Jeremy asked. “I’m good baby bro, but thanks. Uh…. have you guys seen Kol?” You asked. 

“Nope,” Elena said. “And I wouldn’t advise looking for him. He might kill you,” Damon frowned. 

“No, I won’t! Like she said, I invited her here,” Kol said from behind them. 

Damon turned, a grimace on his face. “Why?”

“Because I am in love with her,” Kol smiled, his eyes meeting you’s.

Your blood ran cold and you looked down, holding the skirt of your dress tightly. 

“I’d like to dance with her, if that’s alright,” Kol said.

“No way,” Jeremy said. “You put a hand on her-”

“Jer, it’s okay,” you said. “I’ll shout if I’m in trouble. Please, just go.”

Elena sighed, “Fine. I have to go and see Esther anyways. Do not hurt her.” Elena warned Kol. 

“I never would dream of it,” Kol smiled. 

The three left, leaving you and Kol at the entrance. Kol approached you, you putting your head down again. 

“You look ravishing, Y/n. If we were alone, I’d rip that dress off of you,” Kol said, looking over your figure. 

“Thanks,” you chuckled shyly. 

Kol put his hand on your chin gently, lifting your face up to meet his. “Don’t be so shy, Y/n. And don’t self-doubt yourself, either. I know that asshole Connor stood you up, but you are still the most beautiful, kind girl ever. He doesn’t deserve you anyways.”

“And you do?” You challenged. 

Kol chuckled. “No, but I’m hoping you think differently.” He then offered you his hand. “Dance with me?”

“Sure,” you nodded, taking his hand hesitantly. 

Butterflies threatened to rip out of you as you touched his hand. Goosebumps rushed up your arm as you grasped his hand. Kol walked you two to the ballroom floor. You put your free hand on his shoulder, him putting his free hand on your waist. You two swayed for a few moments until you broke the silence. 

“So, um… How did you know Connor stood me up?” You asked. 

“I had Rebekah spying on you,” Kol admitted. 

“Wow, not creepy at all,” you muttered. “I wanted to be ready for if he stood you up, so Rebekah could then go and get you ready,” Kol explained. 

“Makes sense,” you said. 

Kol smiled at you, not being able to keep his eyes off of you. You kept adverting your gaze. Too nervous to actually look at him or more than 5 seconds. 

“You’re very cute when you’re tense,” Kol complimented.  “Thanks. Not a lot of people think that,” you chuckled. “Well, those people are out of their minds then,” Kol said.

“Why do you like me?” You asked suddenly, looking at him. You had been wandering this all night, waiting until you were here with him to ask. 

Kol smiled. “Well, you’re different. You’re not aggressive like your brother, or so moral like Elena. You’re quiet and calm. You think through things rather than be impulsive, which seems to be how everyone is around here. Your eyes are so beautiful, I get lost in them. When I see you smile, it makes my dead heart come alive. And when you do that hair-twirl thing, it’s so adorable. You’re also extraordinarily stunning, which is a big plus.”

Your heart skipped beats as he told you his reasons for liking you. As you looked at him and watched him pour his heart out, your liking for him grew. You subconsciously moved closer to him, too. Your body doing its own thing. 

“Wow,” you breathed out. “You really um… Thought about this.”

“Well, you are all I think about. Besides who’s head I want to rip off,” Kol smirked. 

“Gross,” you grimaced. “I’m kidding! But I’m serious about you. I’ve never liked someone as much as you, Y/n. I hope that I can prove that I’m a good choice for you,” Kol said. 

“Well, you’re proving it now,” you admitted. 

Kol grinned, “Fantastic.”

You two swayed in silence again. As the music got slower and slower, and the lights got lower and lower, you two moved dancing positions naturally. You were quite scared to move closer to him. You were already so close, practically hugging. But your bodies were like magnets, pulling each other close. So tried to go with everything and relax. 

Both of your arms went around his neck and both of his hands wrapped around your waist and went to the small of your back. You two scooted in until your head was on his shoulder. You closed your eyes and breathed in his scent nonchalantly, enjoying his cologne. Kol nuzzled his cheek onto the side of your head, him also breathing in the scent of your shampoo. 

You two danced for a while before Kol got an idea.

“Do you want to get out of here and go to the balcony?” Kol asked. 

“You’re not gonna kill me, are you?” You joked. 

“No promise,” Kol winked cheekily. You giggled, “Alright. Let’s go.” Kol nodded and kept his grip on your hand, walking you to the balcony. On the way, you took two glasses of champagne. You handed him one as you stepped out on the terrace. You put your elbows on the railing, sipping the champagne. 

“So, why’d you bring me out here?” You asked. 

“To gaze at the stars,” Kol answered simply, walking next to you. 

“Hm,” you hummed, looking up at the night sky. “Did you ever stargaze back before you all were vampires?”

“Yes, all the time. It was one of my favourite things to do,” Kol said. 

“That sounds nice,” you said. “It was,” Kol said. 

“Do you ever miss being a witch?” You asked. Kol sighed, taking a sip of champagne. “Sometimes. But I love being immortal.” You smiled, “Makes sense. If I were a vampire, I’d be the same.”

Kol turned to you, “I can turn you.”

You shook your head, “No. I like being human. Being a vampire seems to complicated. Plus, I want kids.”

“Hm. Sounds nice having your little perfect, human life. I miss that,” Kol said. 

“You were never human, though,” you smiled, turning to him. “Yes, but I was once mortal,” Kol said. 

“True,” you nodded, taking a sip of your champagne. “Hey, um… I want to thank you for inviting me. I know I said I didn’t want to go, but I’m really glad I did. I’m having a really good time.”

“Of course. I knew you would. I know you’re not the girly-girl type, but every girl deserves to experience to dress up for a ball,” Kol said. 

“I agree,” you nodded. “And I’m also glad that you are warming up to me a little bit. You’re not so much of a blubbering mess anymore,” Kol smirked. 

You chuckled, “Yeah, I take a little to warm up to new people.”

“Well, I’m glad I’m that person you’ve warmed up to,” Kol said, stepping closer to you. He put his hand on your’s, looking at you flirtatiously.

You grinned at the moves he was making, deciding to make a move of your own. 

You leaned into him, your eyes boring into his the whole time. You were standing toe-to-toe to him, your mouth parted as his eyes glowed dark brown. He smirked at you, his hand leaving your’s and settling on your waist. You wanted to move closer, but your skirt was so puffed out it restricted you from doing so. Kol noticed your slight frustration with your dress, setting his glass down, and putting his other hand on your waist, pulling you impossibly closer.

“Kol, my dress is too big,” you chuckled. 

“Not too big for me to do this,” Kol grinned, leaning his head down. 

Before you knew it, he was kissing you. Your eyes widened as his lips met your’s. A few moments passed before he pulled away, confused and scared. 

“I’m sorry, I must have read the room wrong. I-” Kol started to apologise, but you put your hand on the back of his head and pulled him in again. 

This time Kol was surprised. He didn’t waste any time in kissing you back, though. Your lips moved together in perfect synchronisation. It was like his lips were made for your’s as they fit in-between your’s like puzzle pieces. Both your fingers entangled themselves in his hair, pulling slightly as he pulled you impossibly closer. Your stomach did a million of flips as his tongue swiped your bottom lip. You opened your mouth slowly, Kol’s tongue slipping in gently. As your tongue’s fought, Kol’s hands went to your skirt, finding your legs under them. He put his hands under your thighs, lifting you up with ease. 

You pulled away, breathing heavily. Kol’s eyes opened, going down to your lips and smiling as your lipstick was smudged. Your chest heaved up and down as you stared into his eyes. 

“I just wanted to um… To tell you that i-if you were planning on having um, sex. I’m not ready. This um… This was my first kiss, too. Sorry if you were expecting to get lucky tonight,” you confessed, blushing profusely. 

Kol smiled at you, setting you down. “It’s alright, love. I wasn’t expecting anything from you tonight. I hope your first kiss was good.”

“It was really good,” you giggled. 

“Good. Now, do you want to continue to make out? Or we could go back out and dance,” Kol suggested. 

“Um… can we dance again?” You asked, going back to your shy nature. 

“Of course we can, darling,” Kol smiled, holding his hand out for you to take. 

He led you to the ballroom. You two danced for a couple hours until you started to get tired. Kol drove you back home and you went into your house, Kol kissing you goodbye. You closed the door, smiling widely and squealing to yourself. 

Your phone rang and you answered it immediately, seeing it was Karina. 

“Hey! How did your date go?” She asked. 

“Um…” you sighed, the feeling of Kol’s lips on your’s still there. You smiled again, fidgeting with your fingers.

“It was good. Really, really good.”

————

Like and Reblog!

taglist form

#kol mikaelson #kol mikaelson x reader #kol mikaelson imagine #kol mikaelson imagines #to #the originals #the originals imagine #tvd #the vampire diaires

[sorry-i-ship-drarry]

congrats on 300!! you absolutely deserve it and more. and since we all love some angst how about 22. “Look, he/she wants you, just make him/her happy.” with harry saying that to draco because the more hurt the better. or 20. “Could you just take this pain away ? It hurts, so much… Help me.” set in hbp were their dating and harry's having the voldemort nightmare were his scar hurts. whatever you want, thank you❤

Okay, I'm sorry In advance. Thank you anon. Prompt 22 updated on list.

Just one eclipse

Dialogue Prompt 20- could you take this pain away? It hurts so much .. help me

TW- ANGST | HURT MOSTLY LESS COMFORT

" so much pain for someone so young "

" hey i know I'm a bit late but I was just picking up these Oran- harry ?" Draco immediately crouched to the ground next to a weeping harry, rubbing his back.

" love, hey, hey, what happened ?" Draco asked as he sat down properly over the ground, trying to calm him down but harry kept sobbing in draco's white shirt, soaking him through.

" harry, what happened ? Did someone say something to you or what ?" Draco whispered as he passed his hands through Harry's hair after having embraced him in a hug.

" it hurts " harry choked on his own sobs.

" where? Where does it hurt ?" Draco asked as he created some distance between them to see any signs of any injuries upon his boyfriend..

" it hurts and I'm so tired of it " harry sobbed again.

Draco frowned as he wiped Harry's tears from his sleeves, kissing his forehead.

" what happened harry ?" He asked again.

" I can't sleep " harry replied in soft whimpers.

" why ?" Draco asked again as he harry hiccupped.

" these nightmares. They don't go away. It still hurts " harry replied

" even after those sleeping potions and those muggle sleeping pills ?" Draco asked

" I thought they'd stop but they didn't. He still" he hiccupped " comes in my dreams. I can see him murdering people, torturing them. It hurts draco. It hurts so much " harry started weeping again.

Draco's heart leaped with guilt as he hugged harry again, rubbing smooth circles on his back " it'll be fine one day "

" please, just- could you take this pain away . It's hurts to much " harry cried " help me draco, help me "

But draco couldn't. He couldn't help him except for rubbing circles on his back, kissing his face momentarily, assuring him that one day everything would be fine. There was nothing he could do. He swore he'd take away his pain if he could. He swore if he could take away the pain inflicted upon harry, he'd take it, he swore he would, but only he couldn't. He knew he couldn't.

But wasn't he hurting too !?

When they met again around the black lake again in the cold night a few days after December had begun, harry was doing better, he was hurting but he was doing better. Draco wasn't but he swore to himself he'd never let harry knew he was suffering. He couldn't afford harry losing his Sanity because draco was suffering. He just couldn't do that to him. In their little bubble, Harry was rested against draco's chest, his arms wrapped around his torso, muttering about the weird incidents happening in the school.

" everything's weird. These incidents. Who do you think are behind this ?" Harry asked softly.

Draco gulped as disgust brimmed his head but he replied in soft humour " you need to know everything, don't you" because draco wasn't ready yet, he wasn't ready to tell yet. He swore to himself he would but he was afraid of learning that he was thinking of breaking that swore promise.

"no, but it's just- it's weird. It's creating a bad influence upon everything you know " harry replied before he looked up and kissed draco softly over the cheeks without a reason.

" what was that for ?" Draco asked frowning.

" I gotta make these count you know, what if something happened to you and you have to be sent back home or something " harry shrugged looking back at the trees above them again.

Draco's face scrunched in disgust with tears glimmering his eyes. He hated himself. He so-

" hey, what have you been doing around the seventh floor corridor lately ?"

" what ?" Draco froze fearing he'd been caught, his heart racing faster. He couldn't tell now, not now, maybe after Christmas, not now.

" the seventh floor corridor. Around the room of requirements?" Harry asked with furrowed face looking at Draco.

" room of requirements is on seventh floor, I didn't know that " draco lied

" you literally caught me there last year, how could you forget ?" Harry asked as he straightened up and fetched their warm water bottle.

" I don't know. I never paid that much attention " draco shrugged his right arm crossing under his head, looking away somewhere in the forest to calm his nerve wrecking heart beat.

" can I say something ?" Harry asked after a while of having stared at Draco.

" yeah ?" Draco frowned

" why have you been so distant lately? I see it in your eyes, you're shielding something from me "

" what? No. It's nothing harry " draco assured him.

Harry still wasn't convinced but didn't question it again " you'd tell me if there's something right ?"

Draco felt everything inside him shift, like every inch of his body was rearranging himself as he looked at Harry's hopeful face. He was hurting not only himself but harry too. He knew the day would come when he'd have to come clean but the thought of Harry wanting draco to be alright, knowing that there was Something wrong with his boyfriend, knowing that draco was concealing something from him was crushing draco beyond comprehension. But harry came in his concealment too, he was concealing harry from the pain whether he was failing at it or not, he was. He was trying to.

" of course harry. Why would I hide anything from you ?"he smiled.

Harry smiled back " good " and drank his water again.

But maybe the happiness was bound to cease in their Little bubble on this very night of December, changing everything they had been through with so far.

The bottle of warm water in Harry's hand slipped colliding with the ground, drenching draco's left hand.

" merlin- I'm so sorry " harry rambled as he took out his handkerchief and tried dabbing draco's hand only Draco pulled away wincing.

" it's okay, it's nothing " draco mumbled crawling backwards.

" draco, the water was hot alright, let me just-"

" I said I'm fine " draco raised his voice affirmatively.

" draco let me just take a look-"

" I said I'm fine " draco sternly replied shaking his hand to drip the remaining water.

Harry rolled his eyes, dropping the handkerchief pretending to give up until Draco lightened up and pulled his hand when he didn't paid enough attention.

" see your sleeve's all wet" harry struggled keeping draco's hand to himself.

" harry, please, no. Just leave it " draco's voice broke as he struggle retrieving his hand back. Not today, just not today.

" Just shut up and let me see-" harry rolled his eyes as he oped draco's cuff Button's and started rolling his sleeve's backwards.

" harry, please no. I beg you " draco whimpered.

" stop being dramatic. Let me- " he stopped all together. His movements, his breathing, his hands, his mind, his heart, his body, everything stopped altogether when his eyes fell upon the dark mark.

" y-yo- you- you're one of them " harry stammered, his grip on draco's hands loosening too much.

" harry- I- I wanted to-to tell you " draco stammered, his eyes glimmering with tears.

" yo- you-" But Harry covered his mouth with his hands with a gasp standing up.

Draco immediately stumbled up, closing his distance with him but harry raised his hands to stop him.

" yo- you're one of them " harry couldn't believe him, or draco, or anything right now. Everything seemed too ridiculous to be believable but instead of Humour raising a laughter in him, his eyes filled with tears threatening to spill.

"I- I didn't wanted to be one harry, please just let me explain-"

" explain? What are you going to explain that you didn't have a choice. Save your bullshit draco " harry shouted.

" harry please-"

" no, I- I need to go " harry started picking up his thing's from the ground but draco didn't allow so, interrupting everything harry tried to pick up.

" please, harry, please let me explain " draco cried as he remained on his knees holding Harry's cloak in his arms.

" what will you explain draco ? And all these month's y- you lied to me. You being a- a- death Eater is one thing but lying, you lied to me draco " harry cried snatching away his cloak, putting it on.

" I had no choice. You have to understand-"

" no, you see, you had a choice but with your crippling fear of everything you became one. You betrayed me draco "

" you betrayed me " harry softly whispered and somehow it hurt more than the yelling. Harry saying he betrayed him crushed something in draco he didn't know existed, like his Insides has suddenly been filled with stones and he felt heavy. It was like every limb of his body was being torn apart by 3 simple words and draco couldn't stop crying.

" out of all the people, you know me. You knew me better than anyone else. You knew what he did to my parents and how I feel about everything yet you went ahead and became one of them " harry cried looking away as to look anywhere but draco.

" I'm- I'm sorry harry. I never wanted this. You have to understand I lied for your safety-"

" my safety? You lied to me draco. You hurt me like nobody else ever had and you call it safety. Use your brain draco " harry replied with disgusted expressions.

" I can't even look at you right now- and- and you kissed me- ugh- I- what did I ever do to you?"

" harry, please " Draco cried " please hear me out. You are the best thing ever happened to me but I never wanted this-"

" you- you tried to kill Ron " harry deadpanned with sudden realisation

" I didn't wanted to-"

" but you did.. I - I- what if it was me ?" Harry asked pointing his chest.

"I never wanted to do any of it harry. Please trust me-"

" trust you? Do you think I'd ever be Able to trust you with anything anymore ? I loved you draco- I loved you and you- you broke me " harry cried, his face scrunching in pain.

Draco's lips whimpered as he left out a harsh sob trying to approach harry but he stopped him again.

" you hurt me draco " harry sobbed with a heavy heart. He wanted to scream loudly, hurt draco, throw things at him but the thought of even hurting draco hurt him right. Everything about him hurt too much for him to do anything but cry.

" I loved you draco " harry whispered shaking his head and walked away with draco collapsing to the ground with screeching tears, his mewls and his groans. He left him there and he never Walked back to him. For him it was as If the world has collapsed, all of him had caved inside him as he sat there on the cold floor crying to himself how he couldn't stop the pain, how he hurt harry, how he broke harry. He remained there wishing to be dead but Today was when he felt too alive, because it hurt. It hurt to be alive.

____________________________________

Month's had passed since harry last saw of draco, month's since he saw him run away with death eaters on the day Dumbledore died, months since Severus Snape killed him. And harry had never thought of Draco until that day when a tiny black owl pecked Harry's window Only once, dropped the letter on the table and flew away just as silently as it had came.

Frowning harry picked up the letter, Turned on the night light and sat down on his bed reading the letter addressed to him.

" we're too young, too fragile to be in pain, to be in vain.

I know you loved me first but don't think I didn't fall for you too harry. Perhaps you fell first, I fell harder for you. I know you hate me with every vein that runs in you but that night if you had given me a chance I'd had explained to you everything but if I were you and you were me I'd probably do the same thing.

But I don't want to talk to you about that day or anything about that, I want to tell you how much I still really love you even when you hate me. I love you so much that I can live with knowing you feel at least something towards me, hatred be it. I had months craving sunshine in those dark dungeons, in the manor but then I realised, my sun wasn't the star that shone so bright in the day, it was you. You are my sun, in dying and in rising each day and maybe, just maybe I might even be your moon because we can never be together at the same time of the day. We can't be together, we can't be seen together because even If I am there, you're too bright, too good, too yellow that I remain dim, unrevealed. You're too bright for someone as dark as me and I understand that but I am nothing without you. There can be no moon without the sun. The Universe is blessed to have you in existence, and maybe we all are nothing without you but I read this that in an eclipse, there is the sun, the moon and the earth, our earth perhaps is our pain, our sufferings, our differences that comes in between, but in all realities I'd do anything to be with you even if it's for few seconds and you're only there to shadow me because every moment with you is worth breathing and without you, it's not. Even if I get to only to share that eclipse with you, I'd make sure it lasts forever, it'll be my little infinity.

Planet's revolve around you harry, but I hope you won't forget me.

I hurt you but I know I'll spend the rest of my life ruining myself that I had lost my mind to hurt you. And I'll spend my life waiting for you.

I hope in your big heart one day you can find it in yourself to forgive me. I will love you for as long as the Universe Exists.

Only yours,

DLM "

Harry sniffed, tears dripping down on the piece of parchment with already wet blotches from draco before.

And he only cried in memories of all the Times that were good and all the times there wasn't so much pain. All the times when he didn't try to focus on denying to be in love with draco, in all the Times harry still thought of him and it made him happy.

And he Stared out in the rainy sky, waiting for only one eclipse. Just one that'd last forever.

Never listen to sad rainy moods on Spotify if you don't want to cry. Since you asked me to tag you @drarrywords

300 followers appreciation dialogue Prompt requests open

Angst Prompt requests open.

#drarry #harry potter #draco x harry #harry james potter #hp fandom #draco malfoy #drarry prompt #harry potter fanfiction #drarry angst #drarry ask #drarry au #drarry drabbles #drarry drabble challenge #drarry ficlet #drarry fandom #drarry fest #drarry hurt comfort #draco malfoy fic #harry potter fic #drarry ship