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mewtwo24 · 5 months

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I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

#svsss #bingqiu #moshang #i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos'#and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change #also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content #the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing #mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES)#sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other #how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer #how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal #how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him #SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S #it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like #mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms #okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-;#the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem #really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing #the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan #that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace #over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it #the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form #how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment #how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are #how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them #how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them #ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry #as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance #that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression

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merakiui · 6 months

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thinking,,,,,,,, darling who has a cryptic pregnancy....... [insert twst character here] reacting to it,,, maybe you and floyd and you're both a little dense because neither of you could have ever guessed. T_T

"what do you mean you were pregnant this whole time???? i thought shrimpy just got softer. :D" - floyb mindset.

in floyd's defense, he has no idea how human pregnancies work. he slept through that part of land boot camp!!! fell asleep the minute the professor started droning on about how humans don't lay eggs like mers do. jade can only chuckle (maybe he knew, but in classic jade fashion he won't tell because it's much more entertaining to sit back and watch everyone slowly figure it out) and azul is shaking his head in disbelief. had he known, he would have prepared well in advance to lend a helping hand. and you're just so amazed because maybe you were told you're unable to get pregnant, but somehow it happened and you had no idea all this time.

thank you to floyd and his mer virility for doing what was thought to be the impossible!!!!!! <3

#meraki mumbles #tw: pregnancy #conversely this happens with rollo and he's convinced it's a gift from god LOL he feels very blessed <3 #OOOOO THIS CONCEPT WITH CATER #i need to write something with cater....... he gives me many thoughts but i never write any of them >_<#WAIT. CATER BEING SOMETHING OF A CRINGEFAIL #he kinda sorta sucks at adulting but he's trying and you're his roommate and you're not in a relationship but you fuck #and cater's okay with it because it's easier when he's not attached #but then cryptic pregnancy happens and now he's hit with the weight of: 'wow..... i'm going to be a father'#cater definitely goes to trey for advice #omg cater inviting riddle and trey to breakfast and being like 'sooooo what if i said cay-cay's gonna be a dad? :3'#he catches both of them so off guard...#AAAAAA SORRY FOR RAMBLING IN TAGS OTL

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wantonlywindswept · 9 months

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me: hmm who to romance who to romance

me: gets to the party scene

me: wait why is everyone all ready for sex now I BARELY KNOW YOU

#bg3 #ace problems #i know bg3 is all about catering to the people #infamous bear scene made that obvs #but like #i need a romance first! backstory! history!#it should take more work than this to enter a relationship with companions!#why yes i did romance fenris in da2 why do you ask #also kaidan in mass effect including no romance in me2 #look i'm too ace for this shit #anyway can't get over gale talking about his ex all the time #(tho he did compare me to his cat so point in his favor)#so i'm def gonna go karlach and maybe?? halsin?#cos apparently there's poly #larian how am i supposed to decide if i wanna sleep with halsin when i've said .5 words to the man #honestly #maybe i've missed out on a bunch of companion interactions??#idk man #EDIT TAGS: OH APPARENTLY YOU CAN'T SLEEP WITH HALSIN YET #okay that makes more sense now #edit again: ALSO WHY IS 'SHARING SOME WINE' AN INVITATION TO SEX #LARIAN PLEASE I'M WAY TOO ACE FOR THIS #this party is a minefield #EDIT 3 THERE IS NOT NECESSARILY SEX AT THIS POINT IN TIME

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zincbot · 4 months

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(insert another nothing post abt how good in stars and time is)

#in stars and time #sorry i'm just unable to play it as much as i want to be playin it (due to my broken foot and desk setup)#but MAN I LOVE IT SO MUCH #i love timeloops and i Love the characters more than anything #literally like. i just played omori and i love omori and the characters were a big part of that #but the team in isat is just so so catered to my gay found family dnd party sensibilities #AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE WORLDBUILDING #the different fictional cultures and traditions #just learned abt the tradition of giving kids multiple names for multiple genders in case they ever wanted to change #the bonded earrings thing #crabs #okay but there's a line that implies isa has changed names/genders already and he wants to keep his rest secret in case he changes again #i love choosing snacks on rest breaks waaa #i am worried that i'm underleveled because i avoid most monsters. but so far i haven't had too much trouble with bosses #even though. i just fought the 2nd? major locked door boss (the duo where one kills the other one)#and odile got frozen right at the start. i went to unfreeze her #and realized mirabelle didn't have that ability yet in this loop. and i never equipped the memory #thankfully she unfroze during the phase change where the 2nd half killed the first and healed from it #but i was fighting for my life a little bit

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frecklystars · 9 months

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I miss Starscream. I miss when TF wasn't a goddamn trigger

#looking at RID references for someone's commission #and crying my eyes out :') i want my starlight back #i want my fucking joy back #fuck my abuser how can you give someone ptsd and feel absolutely no remorse #how do you abuse someone relentlessly when you know they're at their worst and not give a shit #how do ppl like that exist. i can only hope karma hits u like a bus ❤#3 years!!! of loving stsc!!! and i FLINCH at him??? i CRY when i see him?? he used to feel so safe and loving #i never felt safer with anyone else!!! and now it's like that safe feeling is so foreign. i just want to get better so bad #im so fucking empty without my special interest i dont know how to function day to day #looking at my loved ones and genuinely wholeheartedly believing they'd betray me and hurt me for my abuser #is the fucking worst feeling in the world and i wish i could go back in time and stop myself from meeting my abuser #i wish i listened to my gut i had such a bad gut feeling abt her CONSTANTLY #and yet i stayed bc she kept insisting she was gonna off herself if i didnt cater to her every emotion #over and over and over and over #i wish i could go back in time and change everything #its so hard!!!! you dont know!!! you dont know how hard this feels im struggling every day!!!!#TF was all i had and now it's gone and self shipping is supposed to be my escape #i just want my life back #i dont care what bad things happen to me if i just had stsc i know i'd get thru it but i cant anymore #everything hurts so bad all the time and im so scared im never gonna feel okay again #vent #delete later

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vettelsbitch · 2 years

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As a known Daniel enjoyer I feel like I need so speak on that podcast clip. Seeing the tone of shock humour of the podcast (or at least that's what seems to be their thing per the replies to the clip) which is the kind of humour I thought we had all moved past, I think the downfall already started by simply going and appearing on it. The jokes and expressions used are absolutely disgusting and I truly wish Daniel had the backbone to had said something at the time instead of just awkwardly trying to laugh it off and deflect. We all know Daniel has this "chill vibes, always happy" persona going on, he has already said stuff in the past I do not support and honestly shame on him.

At the same time, are we really surprised? I know at least half the grid would have reacted the same way, or even worse, if it was them. This is another reminder that at the end of the day they're not perfect and that we should not put them on a pedestal and even less have them as role models.

And I am NOT defending him, he should get out there and apologize for his involvement in something like this, he should really stand out there and go "that was wrong, it's bad and I need to educate myself so it doesn't happen again". And if you don't want to keep supporting him, that's cool! I will try to tag my posts of him always so that filters work.

#if you feel like im a bad person for still going forward including him in my blog then go ahead and block me #its okay #cater your online experience #rich white men doing rich white men stuff #at least he has no seat to put him out of next year #daniel ricciardo #tw dicourse

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lord-squiggletits · 1 year

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The main thing about IDW OP that I'm on my hands and knees begging people to understand is to actually treat him like a fucking character and give him the nuanced understanding that this fandom gives to other characters just fine. Like, I s2g the reason no one even talks about IDW OP is because at the first sign of him making mistakes or having a flawed worldview (you know, like a REAL PERSON and not a cartoon caricature) they instantly bail and go "zomg worst Optimus ever".

Like please for fuck's sake IDW1 is a story steeped in realism and moral grayness can you stop for ONE SECOND and realize that IDW OP being a little bit of an asshole or making big mistakes doesn't instantly make him the worst character ever and maybe take the time to actually read his story? B/c half the shit people say about IDW OP makes it obvious that they've only read MTMTE and LL (badly, might I add) and it annoys the shit out of me

#discourse #squiggposting #in the eyes of this boring ass fandom the ideal OP is a literal cardboard cutout #because no one wants him to do anything except stand in the background and smile and be some Good Guy #i mean for fucks sake it only took 10 episodes of ES a literal children's cartoon for people to instantly be like #'goo goo gaga OP works with a shady organization for the sake of maintaining peace with earth's citizens'#'on a planet that cybertronians came to by force bringing war and destruction with them'#'omg this children's cartoon OP is so bad because he wants to protect humans and makes compromises he doesn't like in order to do so'#like sorry i'm just really mad bc the reason ppl reject IDW OP isn't because of who he is as a character strictly #it's just because he's op/timus pri/me (TM) and he's not allowed to be anything else but perfect and good #that's why mfs are out there stanning objectively shitter characters and acting like adults about it #but when it comes to idw OP being more morally gray they flip their shit or pretend he doesn't exist #baby shhhh it's okay let OP be a person it's fine you'll survive #one single OP who doesn't cater to geewunners and the sensibilities of children's cartoons isn't gonna kill you #we can have more adult transformers stories but god forbid OP be more adult too. he has to be his g1 self now and forever #and if he ever makes compromises or questionable decisions or mistakes then throw him right out of the window. lmao

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fingertipsmp3 · 1 year

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I really think I only get by at work because I look a bit pathetic all the time and people take pity on me

#people really let me get away with insane levels of incompetence and for what #case in point: the phone rang and my immediate reaction was to say ‘oh god why’ and then pick it up before i could second guess it #i babbled ‘hello; [name of workplace]; ellen lastname speaking?’ and then i was so anxious i didn’t listen to what the person said #i understood enough to realise we were either being auditied OR asked to make an order. both of these options made me panic because girl #i am not even CLOSE to being equipped to do either of those things. two seconds ago i was disinfecting a shelf and now i’m talking #to someone who seems to be welsh. i’m confused #so i said ‘uhhhh i’m going to get a manager sorry. it’ll just be a minute’ and i leave the phone on the hook #coincidentally the retail manager (NOT my manager but A manager) appears with a joiner who he is showing around and explaining some work #that needs to be done; and i hand him the phone and am like ‘i have no idea who’s on the phone but they need to speak to a manager’#he takes it from me and is like ‘[name] here. someone will call you back’ hangs up and looks at me like i’m some horrendous pleb #‘it’s a wholesale frozen food company. tell [assistant catering manager] they called’ and i’m like ‘okay sorry. thanks’#i felt soooooo stupid but nothing bad happened! and the assistant manager said we don’t order from them anymore because their stuff isn’t #good lol. so that was funny #this is why i don’t answer phones girl.#i was expecting it to be someone calling in sick (aka the only thing i was equipped to deal with) that was why i picked up tbh #because like who else has SPECIFICALLY the catering number. why do these people have it. so weird #but yeah. i really think i only got away with this because i’m so deeply pathetic looking lol #like gerry could never get away with this sort of thing #there’s a reason our boss’s boss asked gerry if he knew how to cash up yet and didn’t bother asking me. like. i OBVIOUSLY don’t know #i can’t even be relied upon to answer a phone lmao. i MOP FLOORS WRONG #world’s most incompetent barista over here ✨#personal

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trash-raccoon · 2 years

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me before playing thoma's hangout event: i like him but eh, idk if i want to go through the pains of building him yknow??

me after playing thoma's hangout event: yes thoma i will build you thoma anything for you thoma

#anything except money that is #life as a broke f2p player hahaha #genshin impact #genshin thoma #thoma deserves the world okay!! look at this man!!#he can clean he can cook he can knit #he takes care of the local strays population #not bad on the political front either #and he's got a tragic backstory to boot!!!#*starkid twisted's princess voice* it's like he was catered specifically to me

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pastel-rights · 2 years

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[Hana Overblot AU by my friend, the glorious mafia fish, @pinsssss <3] […does this count as fanart????] [lol]

I’m going to be seeing green for a week but it’s okay because it’s Hana. - Yami’s dumbass at 11:00 PM

This is sort of inspired by this one drawing and based on one of the two bad ends, the one where Hana keeps Cater captive,,,

Anyways more babble under the cut [aka tired dumbass who now sees in green thinks too much into the several overblot aus] [also non spoopy version under the cut too] [my tags are even worse oh god 😔]

I dunno this BE OB AU and Jade’s BE OB AU have similar yet different vibes,,,

Like in it’s broadest terms, it’s got “suffer with me” vibes because the whole bad end has the other party suffering with the OBed person, not only suffering because of them but suffering with them too 🤔 But Hana’s “suffer with me” is different than Jade’s… Cater’s suffering because of Hana (like how Chiaki’s suffering because of Jade) but Hana’s trying to relieve Cater of his suffering at the same time. Trying to convince him that he’s safe in her arms. That it’s gonna be okay because she’s got him. That she won’t leave him the way all his friends did (aka when she uh. you know. murdered them.) While with Jade it’s literally “suffer with me” like “you did this to me, and now you’re going to suffer with me, whether I have to drag you while you’re kicking and screaming or not.” Also yes that is a quote he says and another quote he says that really matches the situation is “there’s something fundamentally wrong with you. What made you think this was going to work out in your favor?” Which yes there is something wrong, why did you think imprisonment would work out in your favor Hana 😭 and there’s mentally shattering a person and forcing them to develop a dependency on the OBed person which I won’t get into because then I’d. be here all night. Also my Hana and Jade interpretations are complete wack at the moment so there’s that too. BUT LIKE the vibes. These are also Sadie’s vibes, over analyzing and making bizarre connections and shit. Ahhh the joys of being a writer and an artist/lh But also like ignore me it’s almost midnight as I’m typing this and sleepy silly silly sleepy director, you’re here for the art not the tired angelfish babble/lh

Anyways, non spoopy versions where you can see things [I need to do this for my other spoopy drawings but lazy,,,]

And also

Pink

#ringmaster doodles #twst #twst au #friend pins #others ocs #hana dyanthus #cater diamond #twst cater #nonshoutout to Four now I can’t stop imagining OB Hana as an aggressive Barbie doll/hj #I wish Qiqi fallen was an emoji because that describes me pretty well rn/lh #anyways sorry about the babble but it’s basically midnight and my head is in storytelling mode #also Jade OB quotes are a mood that happen to match the mood very well… like who gave him that power smh #also yeah I know in the canon of the AU Cater has hella pale skin but I think giving him the blacked out skin tone makes things creepier and #more unsettling because HOLY SHIT that whole BE was unsettling as hell.#like Cater’s there… but he isn’t there.#he… hasn’t been home in a long… long time. being imprisoned does that to you ig #I dunno this drawing genuinely feels unsettling to look at but also is midnight. drawing is dark. bright colors in dark room. 🤔#I dunno if you can feel the helplessness they’re both experiencing- I can but I’m also. the one who drew it LMAO #OTAY I’m going to bed now #*OKAY im a dumbass AUGHHHH #also #pink #lol

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lilgynt · 1 year

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i’m soooo talented i can cry about a fake birthday’s party almost a month after my birthday

#personal #my dad was having a delusion about my birthday and i was home alone tee hee #no so get off early from work bc i have to go in tomorrow but hey that’s some overtime #anyway so i get home and watch dad so my mom and the lady living with us can go grab dinner plus relax #but like 3 hours in and my dads having a delusional about my birthday #so i call my mom bc i can’t tell like hey surprise brithday dinner or and she’s IMMEDIATELY like i’m on my way #like okay. not what i asked. and then i asked and she’s like no he’s just crazy #come back and my dads pushed his chair out and is just walking and i’m like oh fuck not again #so anyway think she’s on her way home from a twenty minutes location #30 minutes pass and she’s still not here and dads getting worse #he’s demanding to go into my room to get my gifts m #btw my room is a mess bc i haven’t had time to clean since getting a new job actually :) and also moving out and back in #so i’m like worried one he’s gonna break soemthing of mine or hurt himself and he won’t fucking listen that he can’t go in #we compromise it works out #then he’s demeanding to go outside to get in and im like dad we’re inside the house already #and he’s insisting about the catering company and how i always have to plan my own stuff and never have fun and he wants this perfect #for me which like. great sentiment. i’m crying and arguing bc you’re not helping me #aka sitting down and he’s getting upset with me and it’s like i cannot give you the impossible #mom comes home and i chew her out in front of the lady living with us so classy on my part #but i go back and im like im not trying to be mean to you. but you need to help me if you want my help #don’t say ur on ur way unless ur own ur way. and she’s like well you know the place and im like then say ur in line. well i had to get a #tip. then say ur getting a tip. don’t say ur own ur way unless you are #and i thought she was sad so i’m like i love you but i just need this behavior to stop #and she’s starts laughing bc i’m treating her like she’s my kid and i’m forgetting myself #and i’m telling her well you’re forcing me to #and im like i can move out again ( she doesn’t know that i probably cannot emotionally)#and that if she expects adult help she cannot treat me like a child #and i’m not saying i have free reign in the house but i am saying you can’t have it both ways. just communicate with me #and also asked if she could see how this was mean or rude to me and she was like yeah but reluctantly and all but rolling her eyes #i’m not saying she can’t have fun just talk to me. told her i’m not playing these games during my vacation

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allseeingdirt · 2 years

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only one fic on ao3 with the aromantic asexual jason todd tag and its abt love and fuzzy feelings. boo

#where is the aroace jason fics specifically catered TO ME #WHERE is my loveless aroace but not nonamorous jason todd fics that only exist in my head #also for your consideration i think jason is like. chill abt not experiencing any rom/sex attraction and the possibility that some of it #may be trauma based. i think hes like. okay sure i dont feel that kind of stuff. no biggie i think #i think the anger issues claws out from his throat whenever he thinks abt aphobia tho. like. its not me who have a problem with being mysel #f. its everyone else. and the isolation and alienation and the pity and the everything when you live in a world that is obsessed with roman #ce and love and expect sex in every little way and over the top way #the feeling of less than human. less than a person. less than a someone. no one. nothing. just nothing #just a dead boy. just a ghost.#and its always so easy to be angry at it. so. so angry at it all.#rather than feel the empty twist in you throat in your chest in your everything. rather than the heartbreak and desperate longing.#i think the thoughts fuck him up a bit from time to time.#hwat is the presence of it anyway? what is the presence of the lack.#of the attraction and the pull and the desire and the feelings and the love. how can you make a nothingness a presence.#also i think hes a LIT NERD so he gets mellow and rambly inside his thoughts. before stuffing it into a bin to ignore for some months ^__^

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exopelagic · 3 months

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once again facing unstoppable force (anxiety-driven need to finish my work) vs immovable object (brain doesn’t wanna do anything but think abt little gay people)

#solution: write tumblr post #I JUST figured out a fix to my plot problem in this story I’ve been thinking abt #and I rlly rlly badly wanna start fleshing out these characters bc this is the story I’ve been most excited abt in a long time #it’s also combining a bunch of elements I’ve been playing with for a long time but never fit #and I am obsessed with all of the character concepts I have rn. there are 4 and this caters DIRECTLY to me #I’m getting much better at crushing the anxiety spikes that are uh. like. vaguely scrupulously ig that kept me from making things do ages #in favour of going hard on self indulgence and I’m having a great time #scrupulosity* as in i worry incessantly abt readings and sociopolitical implications until I’m just exhausted by the concept and drop it #sometimes you can just have fun luke it’s okay #but yeah I am!! and I wanna draw them all and do more stuff but #I have THIS FUCKING LECTURE. most boring frustrating man alive hislectures SHOULD BE GOOD but he SUCKS #he cannot get to the point and takes so many detours which are COOL but he’s so pretentious about it his lectures are PAINFUL #I get headaches within a few minutes of listening to him talk this hasn’t happened since I was sleep deprived in the v basic first year 9ams #and I’m on the last one. out of four. I have half an hour left. but this half an hour is insurmountable #and I gotta finish it bc I have so much other stuff to do (only two more lectures (better)!!! but also coursework now #which is easier!! and I know how to do both of them but it’ll take a chunk of time and I’m committed to getting it done by end of next week #okay. okay fine. I will watch this dumb fucking lecture and it will hurt #but once it’s done I will literally never have to listen to him talk again this is it forever. one last stretch #and then I can mess w my story while I have food. I can do this. pray for me #luke.txt

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myunghology · 6 months

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twisted wonderland 2nd years, except they're helplessly in love.

pairings ; riddle, ruggie, azul, jade, floyd, kalim, jamil, silver x gn! reader. (seperate).

tw ; none.. unless it's a bit too cheesy..?

a/n ; my first twst work.. im terrified!!

☆ — RiDDLE ROSEHEARTS

nope. will not allow it. he has his priority- which is his grades. he won't allow himself to be distracted by you. (more below the cut!)

but you are gorgeous tho, he'll admit that.

oh, would you look at that.. he's been distracted.

other students, even students outside heartslabyul are getting a bit weirded out, like what do you mean he's stopping in his tracks just to watch you pass by.

doesn't even notice it himself that he's staring at you. it's about time he notices that he'd stopped walking is when floyd smacked his head..

well, to be fair, he's noticed himself that he gets nervous whenever he invites you to unbirthday parties, he feels like everything has to be perfect.

—which is why some heartslabyul students are kinda annoyed when you come. only because they have to do so much with riddle pressuring them every 10 minutes. they like you generally though!

plus riddle seems more relaxed when you're around. that's just a bonus though! (is it really)

cater has multiple pictures of riddle just staring at you— his gaze softening whenever his eyes land on you instinctively.

he offers to hold open the door for you whenever you run into each other outside the classrooms, he offers to help you whenever you ever get injured playing some sport, and he even let's you borrow his notes if you were absent in class for a good reason.

sure, maybe he might be a bit arrogant, and a bit of a cry baby, and definitely strict— but he has respect for everyone. especially you.

riddle rosehearts is truly, a gentleman in a world full of boys.

☆ — RUGGiE BUCCHi

him? in love? absolutely.

if ruggie was in love, it'll probably be obvious. he tries to hide it though,, but it's clear he isn't good at that.

he's pretty chill around you though, nothing too awkward.

let me tell you this, whenever you ask him for a request, he'll want something back. no, he isn't gonna ask for a kiss or a date. stop imagining that.

he wants you to pay him back by a favor, so that he can pull the "you owe me a favor, since i did ___ for you." card.

okay maybe then he'll ask you on a date. or he'll ask you to steal something from a student.

what can i say.. it's 50/50.. slowly leaning onto the date idea though.

ruggie isn't oblivious, or stupid either. he knows when he's in love. he's just too afraid to admit it. sometimes leona makes fun of him for being a "wimp" and to just confess.

also stares at you, but in class this time. bro isn't listening at all actually because he's too busy looking at you.

maybe i will admit that ruggie is a little shit but he's actually a sweetheart when he wants to be. it's a win/win situation if you like annoying guys but has a soft spot for you.

spoiler: he eventually sucks it tf up and soon confesses.

☆ — AZUL ASHENGROTTO

azul may be a tad bit conscious about what you think about him. screw that- he's definitely conscious about what you think about him. from not only about what happened during his overblot and from his insecurities.

he knows you aren't that type of person, but he can't help it.

it makes him feel a million times better when you reassure him though. even if it's making him a bit delusional.. but then again you might be saying that just because you pity him.

"or maybe they're just nice and they actually care have you ever thought of that" - floyd

you go to monstro lounge about once a week, and for sure, azul has sent jade and floyd to take care of you well, since of couse, most of the time he's busy.

floyd almost exposed azul's crush on you once when you two were chatting, thankfully jade was there to cover his mouth before he continued speaking.

but when he is actually there face to face actually talking to you, he sounds smug but in reality, he's a nervous wreck in the inside. you obviously know that though.

wait till you tell him that you find him cute..

he explodes

no i'm joking, he's just blushing really hard. like.. too much. again- it's kinda obvious that he likes you whenever you compliment him.

☆ — JADE LEECH

so, so respectful when talking to you. still a bit teasing though. he offers to help you even if you're carrying just one thing.

always glad to see you when you're visiting monstro lounge, floyd loves you just as much, but in a platonic way! he isn't going to steal jades version of his 'shirmpy'.

tried to make a drink thats named by you, azul didn't allow it, unfortunately. (for him). i'd be embarrassed tbh.

in your opinion jade is a bit weird.. but he's still super nice to you, no matter how weird this guy seems. he would never do anything that would make you uncomfortable.

similar to riddle- he opens doors for you, sometimes offers to cook for you, and sometimes treats you whenever you're at montro lounge. only if azul allows it though, which is pretty rare. like jade wtf dym "its on the house" no it's not shut up.

you sometimes wonder if his mushrooms are safe to eat or not.

it's probably best not to ask him though.

he may or may have not tried breaking into your dorm room because you weren't attending class and you weren't responding to his messages asking where you were. it was all on concern tho don't worry i swe-

genuinely doesn't have a problem with confessing, but he only confesses until he's confident that you like him back.

trigger warning for floyd though since he's probably gonna pop out anytime soon during the confession..

☆ — FLOYD LEECH

my condolences if he ever likes you.

just kidding, it'd be pretty fun if floyd started to like you. only if you really like his bone crushing hugs.

doesn't hide his crush on you at all, you gotta be super oblivious if you don't notice it if he didn't even confess to you yet the moment he finds out that he likes you.

you're definitely scared shitless whenever you see him. when you try to run away he chases you around the halls and he's so damn fast, it's nearly impossible to escape him.

plus- his mood swings too? who knows if he'll get excited when you run away from him or if he's gonna get pissed off.. but mostly he gets excited though.

has kabedoned you one, too many times. mostly to fluster you, but also to get your attention.

easily gets jealous- especially when someone else hugs you for a long time. no one can hug his shrimpy except him! he isn't possessive, that's just how floyd is.

also stares at you in class- but throws paper airplanes at you, with the writings inside saying "HI".

ends up getting in trouble because either he got caught, or riddle snitched. most likely the second one tho.

drags you to monstro lounge to help him clean up his OWN messes, but he (might) have intentionally done this to spend time with you..

☆ — KALiM AL-ASiM

probably one of the best people ever to have a crush on you if that even makes sense..

spoils you rotten, even more than when he spoils his friends which is obviously already huge. wanna buy something online but can't? he's already asking for the link so he can buy it for you!

you obviously feel bad whenever he does this, so you try to remind him that he doesn't have to do all of this stuff for you.

not only with gifts, he spoils you rotten with affection too. you feel bad for jamil as well, he seems annoyed, but as long as kalim's happy.

very very respectful and nice to you, and will stop anything you don't want him to do anytime, he sometimes flirts with you unintentionally too..

hugs you literally at literally any chance he gets, he's also pretty clingy, if you haven't noticed that yet.

shows you off to other scarabia students, it's pretty obvious that he has a crush on you too.

bro's lovesick

gets so upset when something happens to you because of him, worries that people will try to do some crazy shit to you as well because you have a good connection with him..

introduces you to his family like you're his wife or something.. and then when you ask him what are you guys he'll go:

"are we not engaged" "NO??"

he was fully convinced that you guys were dating already

he's a little bit delusional but that's ok..

☆ — JAMiL ViPER

like riddle, jamil does not have the time to fall in love with someone since he's already busting his ass off taking care of kalim.. and with his academics too. plus the overblot situation but we don't talk about that.

maybe you are a little bit scared of him as well, but little do you know this guy will literally adjust for you anytime. it's really hard to see though when he does.

VERY hard to see that he has a crush on you though. you'd confess and he'd be like,

"i gave you so much signs what do you mean i might not like you back"

you were starstruck when you heard him say that. what does he mean signs. does he mean when he glared at you in class..? you thought you did something wrong for a second.

like floyd, kalim once almost exposed jamil for liking you accidentally.. don't get me wrong, jamil didn't tell kalim anything, he just found out himself.

jamil definitely likes you trying his culture's food, especially if he cooked it himself! it's not obvious, but he lets a small smile creep up onto his lips.

studies with you too if you're ever having a hard time. studying? nah, more like tutoring.. he's kinda harsh at first but then softens up a bit when he sees that you're really struggling.

☆ — SiLVER

im sure we all know silver is a generally pretty reserved person. and that doesn't change even when he's crushing on you.

but you do notice him stealing glances from time to time whenever you walk past him, lilia definitely asks him about that.

he may be a tad bit more open with you than others? but it's purely because he trusts you.

you sometimes tie his hair to the hairstyle called "apple hair" when he's sleeping and he doesn't notice even when he wakes up, he only notices after looking at a mirror..

genuinely doesn't mind though. lilia thinks it's adorable (he also thinks you guys are perfect for each other)

and that's why lilias opinions are always important..

generally, you guys usually talk through chat because you two don't really have the time to talk to each other physically.

but still, he still thinks you're beautiful. even if he can't see you all the time. this dynamic is kinda like a hallway crush typebeat..??

lilia is your number 1 fan alongside malleus!! sebek still has mixed feelings but he likes you generally! he just isn't sure if he likes you for silver.. or if he's not sure if he likes silver for you.. does that make sense?

after awhile he joins malleus and lilia.

©myunghology

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pomefioredove · 29 days

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now I'm actually invested in this idea. maybe I'll write a full length fic someday idk... for now I have short hcs

parts 1 | 2 | 3 | kalim | bad ending

summary: crowley decides to "give away" yuu to the highest "donation" for financial reasons type of post: headcanons characters: all nrc students additional info: can be read as platonic or romantic, except malleus is pretty romantic, second person pov, yuu is gender neutral, maybe a little ooc I wrote this as soon as I got up

crowley has had his fair share of "what the fuck" moments from you but this was really taking the cake

he acts so... casual about it?

swaggers into ramshackle one morning and says times are tough and your personal expenses are straining the budget so he's decided to "put you in someone else's care"

"The screening process will be vigorous to make sure you end up in good hands!" like you're a cat or something "Your expenses will be covered and you'll have somewhere to go during break!"

okay great. pretty obvious you have no say in this, so you don't even argue. what's the worst that could happen?

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Ace, Deuce, Jack, and Epel find you the next day to say they're pooling their money to buy you

"To what?"

Epel shrugs. "Oh, well Crowley said we need to offer a donation to prove we're capable of supporting you..."

(you think that if not for the laws of this land you would have slaughtered that old fart)

Jack goes on a really long tirade about how shady and underhanded this is, making sure to reaffirm that he believes you should be free to make your own choices

"So you'll let me go once you get me?"

"Uhhh..."

Ace thinks once they buy you you'll have no choice but to do all of his homework for him

Deuce says that's not really how it works- and even if he tried, Riddle would kill him

(they've already gone over this twice before finding you)

Epel happily volunteers to take you home with him over breaks, probably the only positive in this mess

even if he thinks the whole thing is kind of funny

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

incapable of keeping his mouth shut, Ace accidentally spills the plan to Riddle, who is understandably aghast

you can't just give away a person under your care like a toy!

of all the irresponsible things...

of course, he'll have to put up his offer, too

purely for your sake! with a nicer room and a brand new copy of the dorm rules, maybe you'll stop getting yourself into trouble

he's got some family money (doctors, naturally) and considers this a worthwhile purchase, for his sanity and yours

of course, Trey and Cater overhear and may or may not be pooling their own cash for a chance, too

going behind Riddle's back on this is a risky venture, but hey, someone's gotta be on your side, here, right?

I mean, between a bunch of sixteen year old boys, the housewarden, and them, who would you choose?

actually don't answer that

...not that it's much of a secret, anyway. Cater's already got their gofundme equivalent link in bio

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Leona initially plans to have you become a live-in lackey like Ruggie

but then he really starts thinking- and, hey, the possibilities are endless, right?

for one, you'd make a really good pillow

he might have to kick Grim out for your full attention, but you could learn to live with that

and malleus would hate it

...that's reason enough for him

plus, he's got money to burn, so why not?

either way, he sets his bid at a reasonable (maybe too confident) price and sits back to watch the chaos unfold as everyone scrambles for a piece of the pie

news travels fast around school, after all

then Ruggie finds out that you could dethrone him as Leona's #2 and is understandably a little annoyed

that's his cushy post-grad job gig, thank you! he's worked hard for that!

besides, why should Leona get to hoard you? the guy can barely take care of himself!

so, Ruggie ends up outsourcing to a few dozen classmates for the necessary funds at a steep I-owe-you price

he's gonna be eating nothing but dandelions for a while...

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

now, Azul is annoyed

once the news goes school-wide, it's all anyone can talk about

talk about good marketing...

why didn't he think of such a brilliant scam? he could have negotiated with Crowley to have a café brand deal tie-in!

of course, he's already set his bid, with Jade and Floyd offering to pitch in as necessary

it's a risky investment, sure, but a worthwhile one

Azul tells everyone that with the prefect's "obvious" popularity, having them at the café a few nights a week would drive sales through the roof

though that's really just what he says to shirk suspicion

a likely excuse coming from him, though, really, it would just be nice having you around

and if not for his own affections, Floyd's incessant begging and Jade's subtly manipulative comments about "how nice" it would be having a new face around would be enough for him to cave eventually

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

"Kalim, no," is the first thing that Jamil says

"I strongly advise against this. It's another one of Crowley's silly scams and you could end up a target bec- are you even listening?"

hint: he is not

the second Kalim found out that he could get to take in his favorite magicless student like one of his treasures, he was all over it

(AKA infinite sleepovers)

and for what? a little optional donation to prove he's got the funds? he's got cash to spare!

he's already got your new room in Scarabia set up before he even puts his bid in

right next to his of course :)

and despite what Jamil insists, he himself might be working behind the curtain just a little to ensure he's the one who ends up with you

after all, why should Kalim get everything? this might be a valuable learning opportunity for him

You don't always get what you want

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

as much as Epel tries to keep the rest of his dorm from finding out, it's inevitable

he's actually a little surprised that the news didn't get to Vil sooner

with Rook around campus, surely he must have said something...

when Vil does find out, though, he just sighs

oh, of course. what next, will everyone meet each other in the arena and fight to the death over the prefect?

of all the silly, immature things...

oh? what's that? he's bidding anyway? of course he is, silly potato. he can't have some unwashed miscreant making you sleep on polyester bedding

(really, he's the only person on campus worthy of your time)

Rook has also been mysteriously absent from the dorm lately, though his initials on a poem and a strangely large sum of money end up in the donation pile

but really, that could be anyone... Rook would never dare betray Vil again, right?

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Ortho finds out directly from the other first years and sends Idia the details immediately

with a little note of encouragement, of course: "could be excellent for improving your social skills!"

Idia understandably freaks out

"WTF!!!! nooo way! this is a person, not a chatbot we're talking about here! I can barely keep virtual pets alive!!!!"

(liar)

(...but this is still different)

the conversation ends there, but semi-anonymous bid from someone named "gloomurai" gets cashapp'd directly to crowley

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

everyone in the room immediately turns to Malleus

"For the record, I think it's wrong to be bargaining over a human being," Silver says first. "But if anyone could handle it with grace, it's you."

Lilia laughs. "Oh, you're just saying that because you like the prefect so much!"

"Father, you're the one who likes the prefect so much,"

"Oh, right! carry on then. After all, I'm sure we could share,"

Sebek is the only one relatively against the idea, though Lilia luckily manages to get him to lower his voice after his third speech about how you aren't good enough for his liege

Malleus is rather quiet through the whole evening, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with any of the points made

he disappears for a short while, and when he comes back he seems a little more confident

though, of course, he goes to you first

seeing him at Ramshackle in the middle of the night is a familiar and welcoming sight after all of the chaos of your week

and he's in a great mood!

"Child of man! I've come with news," he says. "I have heard of your predicament and have come up with a solution!"

you immediately sulk. "Oh, no. You know I think this whole thing is terrible, right?"

"Yes, Silver mentioned you might not like the idea of being bought and sold like a trinket. But worry not, I do not plan on paying for you in money,"

you pause, at a loss for words, and then tentatively continue. "You're not...?"

"Of course not. What a primitive idea, I was baffled to hear it myself. My proposal will be more traditional: a modest sum of treasure, and a generous amount of livestock and the finest crop Briar Valley can offer,"

certainly he's not this naive, you think

"You really think Crowley is going to accept that over money? I'm pretty sure Kalim just bid away an entire country's worth,"

he laughs. "You speak as if this is some kind of business deal! I'm quite confident that my dowry will be best,"

huh. that was a strange way of putting it

but then again, you still didn't really understand how things work here, so you go along with it

and you allow yourself to relax. he seems confident in his offer, and he doesn't even see you as some kind of prize to win!

"Oh, well, alright. Thanks! I'm glad you're on it,"

he smiles. "Rest assured, child of man, you're in good hands. My dowry will far outshine the others, and the wedding will be even better,"

"I was honestly getting a little nervous for a momen- wait- wedding!?"

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