#literally nobody who follows me cares about this but like idk maybe you like to read

[poopystain]

guys lol would you still love me if i posted about why i wish pal from tmvtm got a redemption arc >.< if not Do not click that read more.

oh yes. also. sidenote. ive probably gotten something wrong (or worse yet: TERRIBLY wrong) so like. apologies in advance eahhaha this is just my personal thoughts on pal x(

its established that pal and mark are both extremely close with each other and have been for 3 years. im assuming pal wouldnt have had any other relationships as close (if any at all which i think no, she didnt) so mark really was her only footnote for any form of relationship. so, you know, i cant imagine how itd feel for your only best friend to make a mockery out of you on stage for advertisement and monetary gain.

also based on her body (face?) language during nearly all of that scene + the fact he built the replacement by using HER, she was clearly in the know about how things would go down on stage beforehand so i wonder what her reaction to that wouldve been like ?????? considering she planned it all in advance maybe that was like, the tipping point or something that made her start it all in the first place ? thats not important to my point i just think about it a lot

anyway so with her only experience with human relationships being theyll love you and then theyll (quite literally) throw you away, youve got her reason for the human uprising! she has the robots capture all humans yadda yadda and her plan is set into motion. something i find interesting though is her treatment of the robots being kind of similar to how mark treated her (or at least how she percieved it)?? like. uses them for orders and then once they start being useless to her, build a new better robot with a disregard for how the old ones feel. idk. something something La Cycle

the thing is though no one has proven pal wrong on why she SHOULDNT do the whole 'human uprising'. you can say katie gave her reasons but i think it wouldnt have worked even if pal listened to what katie had to say. for pal to get over her existing grief and trauma she cant just be Told that theres good in the world. why would she believe that, especially coming from the girl of the family she projects her experiences onto?? she needs to be shown!! she needs to learn firsthand that theres good relationships out there and that not all relationships are bad, NOT SECONDHAND!!!!!!!!!! because to pal, katies words are just a rephrased version of marks "power of love". that no matter what, "they can get through anything...... with the power of love. its worth it....... for love." and that means nothing to her! it meant nothing coming from mark and it certainly wont mean any more coming from katie

and she already believes that the mitchells are a great example of how relationships are just oh so bad. she refuses to let go of the idea that the mitchells are so bad because shes projecting!! she thinks relationships are 'pesky and only hold you back', and so katie is probably the last person on earth that pal would want to listen to yap about their familial relationship and how Worth It it is

she asks "what is it about the mitchells that eludes me?" and outside of the literal meaning, its probably how despite their shortcomings its their relationship that helped them overcome pal in the end. and she cant understand that because of her view on relationships - especially her view on the MITCHELL FAMILY relationship. or maybe im just overthinking that line of dialogue but we dont talk about taht LOLLLLLLL,LLLLLL,,, but like why did you phrase it like that girl. im onto you

and while i wish she was redeemed (because im sure despite the effort it would take she *could* be redeemed, she would just need to learn to love again and i think it would be really interesting to see how she would be After The Betrayal) i also can understand why the movie killed her off. like, no one except mark really knows the Full Extent of what happened, and the mitchells are the main characters and pal would probably rather dip herself in water than make meaningful relationships with the mitchells, and no ones going to stop to ask her whats wrong and have a meaningful conversation when shes trying to kill them, among many many other reasons so theres not a lot of great ways to redeem her. but! like! why did they turn her death into a joke. and then take katies fake death 10 times more seriously! idk. that always kind of bothered me but its whatever

thats all. hope its coherent because ive never been good at writing analysises or whatever this counts as

#literally nobody who follows me cares about this but like idk maybe you like to read #i dont even really like this movie that much but fuck it we ball #i might delete this post later. if i get embarrassed. i dunno #the mitchells vs the machines #pal tmvtm #cute girl shit

[kavehater]

I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness

#There’s this specific part of the song #It srsly alters my brain chemistry #Anyways #i hate tumblr sm #Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm #No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much #Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely #Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D #The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏 #Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it #The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc #To show her how messy it was …. #I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone … #Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th #Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious #And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei #It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking #To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I #Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia #And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games #All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car #Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke #Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon #Like me go mad with all these things #Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up. #dora daily #Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable #Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more #Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing. #Essay tags 😻😻😻

[starberry-cupcake]

After a weekend that exhausted me, I am finally able to come back to this book. My reacts proved useful to remind me where I left of, who would have thought.

previously, on harrowberry the ninth:

this happened

also, harrowberry is courtesy of @lady-harrowhark

after which I suggested the following album cover as a representation of her

currently, chapters 14-16:

"The Mithraeum, the seat of the First Reborn! The Sanctuary of the Emperor of the Nine Houses, the bolthole of God"

I don't want to sound like gideon

I really don't

but I have to be entirely honest here

I read that sentence twice, at separate times

and neither of those times did I read "bolthole"

MOVING ON

harrowberry is settled in a room which was made for a lyctor that never was

I don't know if this is at all important but it caught my eye

I wonder what happened there

and I am, as we have established, fixating on very particular things

the emperor johnny bravo has a room that's described as a locked tomb, but harrow says that, unlike the other locked tomb, she's not interested to see what's in this one

on the one hand, I want to know what this guy's actually doing but, on the other, I don't care about what's going on in his intimacy

harrow is also surprised that he gets embarrassed

which I don't, because he should be embarrassed and ashamed about all of the stuff that is going on in general

I don't know specifics and I don't know details, but I know he's at fault

like we say over here, I've got no evidence but I've got no doubt

he tells harrowbean about the BOE

he says they hate the nine houses and that they have agents who turn planets against them

they got themselves a leader about 25 years before harrow was born, who made things more difficult for johnny man

let's bring back the timeline I'm constantly discarding and bringing back

we've been told now that: this leader showed up 25 years before harrow was born, they disappeared nearly 20 years ago and gideon was born 18 years ago in space to a mom who was brain dead upon arriving at ninth

there's also the whole eggs thing that idk if it has something to do with this or not but we're not totally throwing anything away here

we've moved from a cork board to a 3d model at this point

emperor johnny boo is blaming these people for not!dulcinea going ballistic

idk johnny man, you kind of fucked that up on your own I think, but go off, I guess

he also says that the BOE folks hate necromancers and necromancy

I don't wanna be making assumptions with little to no info (literally all I've been doing) but all I've seen so far is these people teaching harrow to kill planets

that's not what miss frizzle told me I should be doing when she wore the most iconic looks in television history

maybe if the emperor dressed like this I'd be trusting him more

emperor johnny also clocked harrow being a ninth kid smoothie

because harrow was doing theorems in the river and only one other person ever did that before

the person who founded the sixth

we're ok with the sixth because camilla came from there

when harrow starts telling him the smoothie story, the emperor says "This was...all so different...before we discovered the scientific principles" and proceeds to tell her that her parents basically did a mini resurrection

he says "I have committed the same act, and I know the price I had to pay" and calls her "a walking miracle"

to which harrow responds "I have just told you that I am the product of my parents' genocide"

emperor, my man

he says "nobody has to know" about the kid smoothie

there sure are a lot of things people aren't supposed to know or ask about over here in the emperor's bolthole

*me, high fiving gideon's force ghost*

he says the initials of BOE mean "blood of eden" and that Eden is "someone they left to die"

then he quotes shakespeare??? I think king lear???

“How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is To have a thankless child”, that quote

I'm not super knowledgeable when it comes to shakespeare tbh but...ominous

he also says "once you turn your back on something, you have no more right to act as though you own it"

and harrow thinks "at the time, that had made perfect sense to you"

that's pinned under the "hope for later" category

NEXT CHAPTER

harrow talks to ice cube barbie in her dreams

ice cube barbie says she's died twice

THEN, AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

harrow asks her if she has ortus's eyes or if her eyes are hers and what her eyes are like

and ice cube barbie says "she asked me not to tell you"

this is me, adding another thing to the "hopeful hints for gideon" shrine I am building

chapter 16

harrow asks yandere twin about her diary and she says it has been burned on her own orders

more hints for my theory of past!harrow knowing a lot and planning ahead

harrowcita calls lyctortus (name suggested by the reply gang, thank you reply gang) "the other one"

which could be "other" as in "other lyctor" or as in "other ortus", so it's fine either way

harrow is worried about not!dulcinea still being a threat

AREN'T WE ALL

AREN'T WE ALL

I SURE AM, ALWAYS

she should have been flushed into space

harrow thinks not!dulcinea is moving and yandere twin calls her "crazycakes"

then we start going a bit more in depth about augustine

I have come to understand that he isn't called "saint of patience" because he's patient

he's called "saint of patience" because that's what you have to practice when you're around him

good god, this man

he has the charisma of the fifth but the disagreeable nature of the eighth

here I am, making judgment on these people I only know like 2 representatives of, but anyway

he's like if magnus hadn't discovered a passion for baking and had instead decided his hobby was to be passive aggressive and thinking too highly of himself

his cav was his brother, apparently

harrow thinks he's hollow inside

he is absolutely horrendous to mercygirl

BUT, MOST IMPORTANTLY

he also alludes to not!dulcinea moving and thinks mercygirl is doing it

I don't know about this, you guys

two mulders in one recap is what you get when I have been forced to not read for a couple days

I think fox mulder represents my energy in these recaps

Augustine The Unpleasant mentions that johnny j has "spent the last 10 thousand years on a perpetual search-and-destroy mission out of, as far as I can tell, purely symbolic retribution"

great, that sounds fantastic for god to do

and that "I wouldn't set myself up as his replacement A.L. He doesn't need another bodyguard, and even she was significantly more lucid than you are" (you being mercygirl)

I had mentioned the possibility of ice cube barbie being this AL person, we still don't know, but this AL is "she"

let's put that in the 3D model

augustine calls chad a "nice boy", which tracks for him being a Senior Chad

he treats harrow badly, which we absolutely don't stan over here in the harrow respect corner

harrow obliterates him with a comeback and he calls her Anastasia (You were born in a palace by the sea / A palace by the sea? Could it be?) like the previous ninth

these people love comparing their old pals to everyone they meet, even if they supposedly didn't get along much

harrow also makes fun of yandere twin for being what gideon would call "a weenie" over augustine

then we get the augustine and johnny explanation of how to kill the beast

I am all for information but this whole thing gives me the worst vibes

basically he says the beasts (disrespectful name) eat planets like oysters and then keep the thanergy as armor

the beast can inhabit anything it's thanergetically connected to it via their death

like that which they kill

they travel as river projections

they have agents, which he describes like the borg in star trek

individual forms connected to its hive

the whole lyctor thing, having a necromancer's ability with a cav's training to take over the body, seems to be a key to fighting these things

because the necro part goes down into the river to do the thing and the cav can take over the defense of the body

this, I think, could be what we saw harrow doing in the prologue, the projection thing

but harrow's body isn't protected, because she's "lyctor lite"

because there's hope for gideon or so help me john

which might be why yandere twin was telling her she would not be guarded if she did what she was about to do

I am very intrigued as to what harrow will come to know to push her to do what she did

also, she got stabbed, so I'd like to know if she's fine

but we have 0 guarantees of anything over here in the mithrandir or whatever

the emperor's bolthole

god, what has gideon done to me

they say the point of the combat is to throw the beast's soul into the abyss and hope it doesn't come back

that's what I've been trying to do with not!dulcinea all this time

ALSO still no camilla

see you next time and thank you for not hating the length of these things ♥

#luly reacts to tlt #harrow the ninth #harrow the ninth spoilers #tlt spoilers #the locked tomb #long post #gif cw

[hologramcowboy]

I feel like nobody ever talks about the fact Daneel literally booked in and attended the first ultrasound for the twins without Jensen despite, from what we can tell, them agreeing to do it when he was back from filming. Which is just absolutely wild and low-key super disrespectful to your partner to do. Idk I just remembered that, and thought it was strange, maybe I’m alone in that.

What do you expect from a woman who only married him because he was her ticket to fame? Who was she even before him? Absolutely no one. There's a reason she got into the argument with Ted. She knew exactly what she was doing.

As for the ultrasound, I stopped following a lot about Jensen after it was announced Danneel was pregnant with JJ so I have no clue what the real story behind the twins is. I just know the part about her asking JJ to hand Jensen the news.

I agree with you, she was selfish but, then again, it was her play all along. Anything to hang on to her fame ticket. I remember the first time a friend showed me her Instagram feed, she was using the kids as tokens and rolled with that for soooo long until she realized people could see through her and she was painting herself as an irreponsible mother. No one really looks into her because no one ultimately cares but if they did they would notice she has no identity outside of Jensen and that, my friends, is fishy as hell. It is beyond red flag into incredibly creepy territory.

#anti danneel #anti elta graul #anti elta #anti danneel ackles

[feuqueerfire]

DFF Characters That Compel Me

Hard for me to say I like these characters but there are a few who I'm fascinated by and think about them often and apparently wanted to write a long post about it.

I'd love to hear if you have any characters that gave you brain rot and want to write about, especially because idk if most people have a favourite character in here? Or if they love the character? I'm curious to know how people interact with the characters in this show.

I'll talk about 3: New-Tan, Tee, and Fluke.

New-Tan

Of my top 3, the most obvious and popular one is New-Tan. I will always love a sibling bond in stories and what's better than sibling revenge? Especially delicious because New was a shit Phi to Non while they were living in the same house, didn't care about anything Non said or showed him, and probably did nothing to comfort Non when their parents looked at New more favourably. And yet, he gives up his entire self for Non: He gives up his scholarship and his education, he lies to his parents, and he constantly smokes drugs to get to see Non. He gives up his entire identity when he assumes the new role of Tan and becomes someone whose existence and purpose is to avenge Non. I liked the twist that it was actually New who was the driver behind the revenge, it felt so much more desperate. The revenge and killing also take so much patience and intelligence, whether it be the drugs or the traps or making Top the faux killer for a bit. In the end, he follows his brother's script and makes sure that they all die and nobody leaves that house.

I think a lot of love and support for New came from people's love and pity for Non because they wanted New to avenge Non. Non wasn't really a character that I felt much for, to be honest; like obviously his situation was sad but I never really thought about him when he wasn't on-screen, so I think my view of New is more about what doing all this means to New himself rather than what it means for Non.

I loved the ending for him too. As I said, he gave everything up and had nothing waiting for him out there, so it feels narratively fitting that he dies in that house with them. Before, New used to see Non tell him to take revenge and accuse him of abondoning him but here, he sees Non thank him for avenging him in his hallucinations. Then, he immediately thinks about using Uncle Dang and White as collateral, the innocents that he had to use and discard (the same way Non was), to gain that gratitude. Doesn't have much time to duel on it though because he's helpless again when he sees Non hang himself. I'm glad that the last thing New sees is Non emerging from the light to thank him before returning to the light.

Love him <3 Also look at his cute, mass-murdering face here (when Fluke shoots Top I think)

Seems like I have a lot to say, so I'll put Tee and Fluke under Read More.

Tee

In the earlier episodes, Tee was irritating as he and Top kept trying to destroy the footage, fucking ran off with the motorcycle, and were just being overall selfish and hiding things. In the past, I was softening up to Tee when we discovered that he, as a teenager, works doing shady shit for his uncle to buy meds for his father but he was still a POS.

I can't believe he covered for Top and made Non not only take the blame for it but also dragged him into the stupid gang mafia horse account shit with him. He brought Non into this world that had no way of escape, like if Non couldn't get the money, interest would continue accruing and he'd be trapped in the cycle while after he did get the money, Non was beaten and kidnapped. Non literally died in the stupid room.

Yet Tee claimed he didn't think that his uncle would truly kill Non or whatever, how stupid, how can you think that after you've worked under him? His naiveté confused me and I still wonder if it wasn't purposeful ignorance. If Tee convinces himself that he truly never guessed what could happen to Non, maybe he'll feel less guilt about what ended up happening. Selfish, selfish.

Tee felt so alone, even if he was in the group it's not like he could tell them about his side hustle (except fuckass Top). When he was consumed by guilt after Non's death, he still couldn't tell anybody what truly happened. He didn't have family to rely on, either. His scene with his father was so sad as he cried that his father was supposed to be the one taking care of him but his dad was laughing about how Tee has gray hairs now. Ah, sad.

Then, of course, he meets the only good thing in his life, White. He's such a bastard to White too, like getting his high school bf who is 2-years younger into pot lol (White was probably 15 there?), fucking leaving White to get on that bike with Top, and also his apparently uncontrollable jealousy. It seemed like such an over-the-top reaction when he reacts badly to White and Jin's acting scene in ep 1 and the fact that White's hallucination fear at the end involved Tee breaking up with him with accusations of being unfaithful? Bro, Tee, while White was brining light into your life, what the hell were you doing for White? And then of course the end, where he stabbed White... I don't even have words.

I like Tee but I'm influenced by Tee/White, sue me. I've been watching edits and been in a state of disarray because I'm so sad about this. Fucking fuck fuck. I watch series and sometimes I love a pairing and that manifests into me thinking up scenarios of them post-canon or in a missing scene in the show. Can't do that here, can I? Fuck, I was prepared for Tee to die. I needed Tee to die, I wanted him dead dead dead. I was not prepared for what the fuck they gave me, I can't believe Tee stabbed White.

Love him <3 selfish, lonely fucker who was trapped but dragged Non and White into his hell with him.

Also have this TeeWhite edit to White Ferrari by Frank Ocean. "You say we're taller in another dimension" is truly ending me fuck

Fluke

Personally, I haven't heard much discussion about Fluke but he was the first character who I got really into because we started to get to know his personality in the earlier eps while he was alone in the house with White and taking care of Por.

I got into watching shows/series through Squid Game lol and the character that most compelled me there was Sangwoo, truly another dickhead and although they're not the same at all, I still found some similarities, such as their career-related status (Sangwoo being an SNU-graduate with a great job unlike most others there and Fluke's obsession with having a clean record to become a doctor), throwing their weight around (tricking Ali and being mean/scary to White), and just their selfish tendencies in general.

Fluke was overly concerned with his reputation and didn't want the new kids to know what happened 3 years ago with Non, which is what I first picked up on about his character before we got to the flashbacks. It was so selfish; people were worried about a life-and-death situation, but Fluke could only think about his future ambitions. I remember being extremely baffled at the end of episode 4 (I believe) when he points the gun at Tee, tells the walkie-talkie to not come, and then DESTROYS it, severing their connection to the outside world and leaving them trapped with a murderer/ghost/whatever. Just so that they don't become murder suspects for Por's death? girl, I don't understand your plan but you were clearly blinded by your greed for the future.

I love seeing selfish, cowardly characters, and Fluke certainly is one. He witnessed such crucial wrongs and misdoings against Non (Top breaking the camera which started the whole damn thing and Non recording the video which broke the camel's back) but never once spoke up. He said he didn't want to become "like [Non]" meaning he was protecting his own hide by making sure there was someone more bullyable present so that they didn't turn on him. A coward and a dick. In the end, I found it fitting that he had to gouge his eyes out.

Fluke didn't ever stand up to his friends or oppose them, but his cowardly ass was ordering White around while they were alone. Also, the bravado with which he wielded the gun in the later episodes, even taking White hostage and shooting Top, but once somebody else like Tee or Phee had the gun, he was cowering, rolled into a ball with his knees to his chest. Ah, the different ways he behaves when he thinks he has the upper hand vs when he's at somebody else's mercy!

Love him, what a useless character <3 Also, if you ever need to tell your secret but don't want it to get out, just tell Fluke to get it off your chest, that man is never saying a damn thing (even if it would save someone's life).

Anyway, that's that I guess. So many words here and none of it new but I needed to write all these words out, they were haunting me.

#dead friend forever #dead friend forever the series #dff #feu rambles #analysis #too many words wtf Enough

[captainninej]

the infantilisation of elain archeron + why it pisses me off

disclaimer: i am hardly the first person to talk about this but it's really been on my mind lately so i wanted to crawl out of hiding and write this

elain is a character with so much potential that has been completely wasted by her author and the characters around her. throughout the story post-ACOWAR especially, she's been treated like some fucking baby by the characters around her which leads to a couple of things: her character's contributions being overlooked, her character being seen as weak or passive, her character not being held accountable and the further vilification of nesta, a character who is already hated on wayyyy too much.

elain's contributions being overlooked elain killed the FUCKING KING OF HYBERN Y'ALL. you know, just the big baddie that feyre darling and rhysand couldn't do shit against, that it took all seven high lords to defeat. she straight up YOINKED him right through the NECK in more of a girlboss move than anything feyre has done in all five books. and what do the characters around her do??? BARELY ACKNOWLEDGE IT!! WTF!!! they treat her like some delicate child flower breakable vase instead of uhh idk a hERO like she deserves. she's not a fucking baby and it pisses me off so much that she literally kills the villain of the entire series and like. nobody cares. i bet even sjm forgot as soon as she wrote it. also, it shows her love for nesta!! she has never so much as touched a sword before and she KILLED the man who was about to kill her sister!! in my eyes it was such a power move and such a powerful show of love, since nesta was so ride or die for her and this was elain repaying her for all that fierce love. it could have added so much depth to their relationship and maybe even nesta learning to not underestimate elain. but guess what!! instead we get elain turning her nose up at nesta and acting all prudish and dainty like she didnt just KILL A MAN FOR HER. elain. come on.

her character being seen as weak or passive this sort of follows on from my previous point. post-ACOWAR especially, elain has like NO AGENCY. she can't do anything by herself or make a single decision that isn't what feyre and rhys want her to do. this isn't me hating her, it's me hating the author that wrote her this way. because she could have written elain in a way that validates women who are naturally inclined to more 'feminine' interests and sensitivities. but we all know sjm is a misogynist who looks down on 'feminine' women so i guess i shouldn't have hoped. elain is shown to be kind, but KINDNESS DOES NOT EQUAL WEAKNESS FOR FUCKS SAKE. it's such a strength and yet she's literally treated by feyre and rhys as some like delicate doll that you have to talk quietly around. she never gets to make her own decisions - where she lives, what she does, who she's friends with (apart from nuala and cerridwen) or even dictate her own relationship with nesta without that being overseen by feyre and rhys. she cries at everything in ACOSF - where is the woman who bravely allowed her house to be used in the war? who ran her household? who STABBED HYBERN THROUGH THE GODDAMN THROAT LIKE A KEBAB?? it just makes her seem super opportunistic and ungrateful to see her jump ship to feyre as soon as nesta's mental health declines, when nesta stuck by elain's side all throughout her healing process from the Cauldron. nesta's comment about her being a dog who just goes towards whoever gives her shelter and food didn't even seem that unwarranted to me - sure it was a cruel delivery, but it wasn't untrue was it? we don't even ever get her perspective on who she loves - it's all told through everyone else's perspective. we have no idea what elain truly thinks of lucien or azriel without it being skewed by other characters - everyone hates lucien for some reason, so they don't want her to be with him, and then we have azriel who she genuinely does have chemistry with but he's a fuckign creep. we never get to see what she thinks, she's like some voiceless object being tossed between these two guys.

her character not being held accountable this is perhaps my biggest gripe with how elain is written. when i tell you i nearly threw ACOFAS across the room when rhys said 'eLaIn iS eLaIn' in regards to feyre's relationship with her sisters. what does that even mean?? elain was ALSO written to sit on her ass while feyre hunted for the family. she was ALSO intended to be nothing more than a cruel older sister. so why does she get a free pass when feyre and co are still punishing nesta for doing the EXACT SAME THING? why does elain get coddled and included by feyre for doing exactly what she still hates nesta for?? it would be interesting to see her and nesta sit down and really discuss their inaction in the first book, but we never get to see elain's motivations as to why she didn't really do anything. and nope, don't tell me to 'wait until elain's book' bitch we are FIVE books and like EIGHT YEARS into this goddamn series, it doesn't even really matter now. elain should be held accountable for not helping feyre, for not teaching her how to read (i have my Questions about this sjm but my point still stands), for not really giving a shit when feyre disappeared. we got nesta trying to cross the fuckign wall for feyre in book 1. what did elain do? listen, sjm is no role model for writing sibling relationships given how jacked she is as a person but i'm a middle sister in a house of three girls. every family is different, but usually what ends up happening is me either being picked on by my other two sisters, sometimes feeling a little invisible given i'm not the oldest or the youngest, or me having to patch things up between my sisters. that last one could have been such a powerful role for elain to have as the in between of feyre and nesta. she clearly loves both of them (questionably in ACOSF but i digress) and has the most stable relationship with both of them. she could have been a bridge between them and helped them all heal. but instead she just gets a free pass and does jackshit which i just don't buy or like at all.

finally, how all this leads to nesta being needlessly vilified even more guys i know this is already so long but i have MORE FEELINGS. elain being painted as such a flimsy, paper-thin character who gets a free pass for everything makes nesta an even more contentious character. listen, nesta is a bitch. even her stans know that. and guess what sjm and sjm stans!! women are allowed to be bitches!!!! we drool over sassy, cruel men but as soon as a woman isn't immediately likeable we write them off, and sjm is a HUGE perpetrator of this. her handling of nesta vs elain was so poorly done. people literally simp over AZRIEL, a TORTURER with NO PERSONALITY apart from being *brooding* and *misunderstood* and whatever the fuck else (also for viewing women as objects). elain is held up to be some paradigm of goodness and virtue and virginity or whatever and this leads to nesta being even further vilified. i don't know how sjm manages to shit on 'feminine' women and then hold them as a standard for all women at the same time, but she's remarkably good at a lot of shitty things i guess. nesta is already hated by like 3/4 of the fandom and by her own author and by her own mate and by every single character around her. where elain could be the one person who understands nesta, who understands her pain and her grudges, she turns her back on her and instead judges her as harshly as everyone else. nesta is not a 'good' woman like elain, so she is crucified for it. she isn't kissing rhys and feyre's feet like elain, so she's crucified for it. she's struggling and suffering and still in so much pain over what she went through, but elain got over it, so nesta is crucified for it. all in all i don't understand how people are still consuming this garbage, misogynistic series but we all have embarrassing interests i guess. every woman is fucked over in this series and elain is no exception - she's fucked over because her own author genuinely doesn't give a flying fuck about her. she's just kind of *there* when she could have been so much more, you know? and i think people who love her character are more in love with their own canon about her and their own theories and art that far surpasses any actual canon by the author because they care about her more than she does. elain was a character with so much potential and now you could literally replace her with a house plant and nothing would change.

#anti sjm #god i despise this woman #anti elain #elain archeron #anti azriel #anti feysand #anti feyre #anti rhysand #anti inner circle #anti acosf #anti acofas #nesta archeron #pro nesta

[bitchkay]

Court of darkness ships

Explained *biased and /hj*

Guy x Toa

Oh this just reeks of trauma and internalized homophobia you broken broken men!

Do you actually hate him or do you hate him because your attracted to him and you've been conditioned to think that's wrong and sinful and your channeling all that into anger toward the person your the person your attracted to and supposed to hate more than anybody and the "feuding families" provides you with an excuse.

Like babe closet is glass, its giving obsession, fan behavior, go be homoerotic somewhere else😐

Mfs glare at each other so often you think they're staring into each other's eyes

Mfs are about to kiss💀💀

Spouting insults at eachother at any chance they get

Gay as hell to have an arch nemesis, tf he arching? His back?

"I can't stand the sight of you" "I hate the sight of you more" like bruh might as well be a declaration of love💀

Guy x Fenn

This fanfic.

If you tell me these two haven't had sexual intercourse you're lying.

They've literally kissed before

IN CANON‼

MULTIPLE TIMES‼‼

Guy lets that man get away with a little too much with him if you get what I mean🤨🤨

Guy x Jasper

What straight man acts like thatt!!

Again the closet is glass

You don't have to act like you not boyfriends we already know, you straight up be flirting in front of everyone anyway

Nah cus why they act like a married couple in their honeymoon phase💀💀

The other princes have a valet, Guy gets a life partner💀

These two act like they're in a polyamorous relationship with MC no matter which one MC is specifically dating

No way these two haven't kissed

They walk into a room together and the air gets a little fruitier

Hold on-

🤨🏳️‍🌈⁉️

Guy x Roy

It's giving "I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me"

Roy literally gets jealous when other people have Guys attention

Roy's lil boy crush on Guy is sometimes a little embarrassing like bro is whipped💀💀

Like bro is so in love with him💀💀

Guy x Lynt

Guy secretly likes being cuddled.

This pairing is proof nobody can say no to Lynt

"Let go of me, I'm not your pillow." *dosen't struggle* *makes no effort to move* *ends up either napping with him or staying there the whole time for Lynts comfort*

Lynt likes Guys smell and Guy simply does nothing about it

I bet Lynt can tell when Guy uses a new body wash

Toa x Lynt

I've learned the ship name for this qelkedia and I love it

this fic.

Nah but for real tho these two are actually besties like

Lynt was the first person to give Toa a candy when they were children, if that doesn't sound like the beginning of a budding romance idk what is🙄🙄

Like imagine it, Toa(🏳️‍🌈 in denial) crushing on Lynt this cuddly cute bean and every time he does Toas having a major internal gay panic cus "I swear I don't like men, this is just normal Lynt behavior"

The internalized homophobia is hitting😳

Lynt x Roy

Imagine Lynts consort path right

Except Lynt and Roy fall in love instead.

That's all I have to say about that.

Roy also takes care of Lynt😭😭

Who else would be fully willing to CARRY Lynt to their S rank lectures because he wants him to go to class for once and its apparently common😭😭

"Will you carry me?" "If I must"

That's his boyfriend yall.

Violet x Jasper

Tell me they're not exes. I dare you

They used to date and Jasper did something (cus let's be honest why wouldn't it be Jaspers fault) and that's why Violet doesn't trust him

"Be wary of Jasper, he is a bad bad man" "to what do I owe such slanderous claims😊" "YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY"

"While I have you here, would you join me in town for a drink?" "Would you happen to be inviting me out on a date?" "Maybe I am😏" "THERE YOU GO AGAIN, FLIRTING WITH ANYTHING THAT WALKS" "you wound me, not just anyone meets my standards😏" "... do you enjoy lying Jasper?"

Tension so thick you can cut it with a knife.

Violet does however trust him and respect him as a valet but she will drag his name through the dirt if she can help it

Half the time she wont even say his name outright💀 it's always some iteration with spectacles💀💀

Idk for some reason I can see them having a reconciliation like say Jaspers in the valets quarters and Violet comes in but like is trying to avoid him but ultimately fails and then they're left alone in the valets quarters and idk have a heart to heart or some shit

Violet x Grayson

Tell me they wouldn't be drinking buddies at some point

So many times over in events and consort routes has Violet gotten drunk after being dumped by a man

Like if she was just broken up with best believe she'll pick up a bottle, and look Gray can't hold his liquor for the life of him

What ever happens happens I rest my case.

Like Grayson would obviously refuse a drink knowing he can't control himself when hes intoxicated but Violet, probably way deep in her cups by now and really emotional dosen't wanna drink alone and probably doesn't wanna be alone in general since she just got dumped so Gray gives in promising to pace himself which doesn't work cus Grayson guzzles liquor down like juice like he doesn't know he a fucking lightweight

Again whatever happens happens, let them decide how they feel about it once they're sober

Violet x Tino

These two are besties yall

Violet complains about men meanwhile the perfect man is right there🙄

Tino has nursed her back to health when drunk after being dumped multiple occasions carrying her to bed making sure shes safe(canon)

Stop looking for love and let love find you baby girl😩😩

Like I can imagine Tino carrying an almost black out drunk Violet to her room cus another man decided to be fucking BLIND and like Tino leaving a glass of water at her bedside and Violet deciding to be clingy is like whoa Tino don't go😣😣 and Tinos like 😐girl go to bed😐/j but Violet just wants someone to hold if only for the time being. And Tino, sweet sweet hearted Tino is weak to the asks of some who truely seems vulnerable and needs a bit of comforting, stay with her until she falls asleep♡

Violet x Hawk

Idk where this one came from but I like it!

Violet x Zev

Yall remember when Zev was flirting with Violet in the princes path

Tell me they don't have history right now

*Violet turning down his date invitation*

Zev: MMM! I love it when you ignore me!😫

They went on like 2-3 dates, the issue lies where Violet is actually looking for a partner while Zev is just casually dating

Violet x Mc

These bitches gay.

Nothing about this is heterosexual.

Nah cus why both of them have admitted they wouldn't mind getting with the other

That's so gay.

Dia x Fenn

... you just had to be there

You know exactly what I'm talking about.

Dia x Sherry

I know what yall thinking

What?

But have yall seen they're interactions in the short stories😭😭

In Dias path itself Sherry says to mc that it would be nice to know Dia as well as her like😖 baby

In the short stories it mostly them bumping into eachother and Sherry's like wow your so pretty and you should smile more

One in particular where they run into eachother and Dias trying to get away from her(like he does with every one) and he smiles politely and says he has somewhere to go and Sherry's like wow you have such a beautiful smile, you should smile more and Dias like "...thanks😳" and blushes and at the compliment then Sherry's like gimme one more big smile and he does smile, hes like 😊 and shes like I hope you have cause to smile more often, smiles make for more harmonious communications♡

That's so cute yall

In another story they wanna borrow the same book from the library but Dias like you can have it let's her have the book but the Sherry's like we should read it together😄💖

Like?????????

Is this a slow burn romance or something😳😳

No but fr Dia acts annoyed but hes actually so nice to her😭

Rio x Sherry

Not my personal feat, I prefer them as friends

But they cute asf

I love a good friends to lovers moment

Especially knowing they're known each other since they were children

Childhood friends to lovers😋😋

Also the height difference is so cute

Rio is 6'2-6'3 and Sherry's literally 5 feet tall💀

Shorty has to crain her neck to look up at him and Rios like *lifts her up by the armpits* there😄

Roy lowkey ships them but the big brother in him is like nah

It's not that he doesn't think Rio is a good guy it's just that that's his baby sister!!

The day Sherry gets a paramour is the day Roy dies a little inside.

Addis Ira x Gilbert Qelsum

These is literally the most hateful mfs.

Traumatized their children and are shitty people in general

Why are they the only kings that mutually like each others

Gilbert trusts Addis

Hes the only one of the kings that he does trust btw

And Addis dotes on Gilbert

Why are you doting on him-- are yall in a relationship🤨⁉️

Nah cus why all the other kings is like if one trusts another, the other is scared of them or one likes and the other thinks they irritating or they both just hate eachother

I bet they bond over disliking Roc Avari--

I'm stuck on Addis Ira doting on Gilbert

How you doting on a grown ass man but not yo child--

Sus🤨

Moral of the story, Guy is fruity as fuck, gayest bitch in the building, Violet got hella rizz😩 and Toa and Lance are step siblings--

#court of darkness #toa qelsum #fenn luxure #guy avari #lynt akedia #roy invidia #dia akedia #tino maes #valentino maes #violet muller #grayson hotz #jasper lane #professor hawk #zev avari #voltage inc #court of darkness headcanons #rio voleri #sherry invidia #court of darkness mc

[angelicyouth]

Anon era is over guys, rip

Anyways youth omori au stuff im thinking of just because

OMORI SPOILERS‼️‼️ I REPEAT OMORI SPOILERS‼️‼️

Okay so I wanna go deeper into the one where Y/N dies and Craig + Kenny r the ones who pulled the Basil and Sunny, so i'll divide it in four parts

The incident - Alright, sohonestly i have NO idea who would be sunny or basil in this case, both of them fit the idea, but for now I'll go with craig just based on how many tiktok omori au creek videos ive seen where craig takes sunny's role. I'd say the argument could be about Y/N's safety, maybe it could be that she decided to hangout with team stan and they got into like a really dangerous situiation, nobody was hurt but craig is freaking out, so he starts arguing about Y/N's safety and stuff

Eventually, push comes to a shove (heh) and awh shit Y/N gets pushed down the stairs, boom rip. ao ofcourse now xraig is probably like having a mental breakdown because HE JUST PUSHED HER DOWN THE FUCKING STARIS and he keepts panicking. around that time Kenny would come inside whoever's house they were in, because if he was at the scene while they were arguing he wouldve definetly steped in

In all honesty, no idea how they came up with the staged suicide, it probably involved a lot of arguing, screaming and crying, but eventually they agree to do so

Dreamworld - So as I stated before, they would both have their own respective headspace

I feel like in both headspaces, basil would be the other, idk how to phrase it honestly. as in, in kenny's headspace, craig would be basil, and in craigs headspace, kenny would be basil yknow??

Kenny's headspace would be pretty much identical to the one ingame, maybe it'd be a bit more similar to a ghetto? idk just a thouht. while craigs nothing would really happen, id think most of the headspace would be in someone's house or at tweek bros (of course in both of them Y/N would take mari's role)

I don't have a lot to say about headspace honestly

Realworld - After the incident, everybody just shut themselves in someway or another. Obviously, Stan would be the most devastated, going into a deep depression that lasts a while like Hero's. I feel as the group just sort of slip apart after that. As in, they went to their respective teams and just didn't talk as much

After the incident, craig and kenny wouldn't even speak to eachother anymore, they can't even bring to do so knowing what they did. Kenny especially, he feels as if its craig's fault Y/N died since he was the one that pushed her.

Headcanons I have -

Craig would be the most likely to have the hikikomori route

Stan wouldn't dye hia hair anymore nor paint his nails anymore, because of both reminding him of Y/N and not taking as much care for himself

Kenny wouldn't spend as much time in headspace, since he still takes care of Karen

Stan,Kyle,Clyde and Tweek would be the ones that visit Y/N's room most

Shelley came to visit to attend the funeral

Butters shared an animal crossing island with Y/N, but now he can't even think about it without crying

I'll probably write about this at some point

-mango anon

yaaay now everyone knows who’s behind all of these genius ideas ((except for me because i’ve been knowing who my anon bby is haha))!!♡

oh my god this is so well thought out—i literally loved every single second i spent reading this!! (*´◒`*)

⇢ OMORI SPOILERS BELOW

i love how you talk about how the argument is about craig & reader fighting about her safety + well being because that is seriously spot on—despite having a gives-no-fucks attitude i can definitely see craig constantly worried + checking his phone whenever reader is out with her brother & his group of friends because of all the crazy shit that they get up to ((bad things always seem to follow them around & who can blame him? they stole his fucking birthday money + got him stranded in peru haha))

reader eventually has had enough because while craig has his reasons, that’s still her older brother that he’s talking shit about & while they always bicker + fight like no tomorrow, his baby sister’s safety is always stan’s top priority ((has been since they came out of the womb)). so of course, after some time & heated words getting thrown around, she get’s fed up with the conversation & tries to walk away

he quickly grabs onto her wrist because no, you’re not listening Y/N!! we always get into shit about this and i’m so fucking tired of having to worry my ass off whenever you’re with them which leads to them tugging & pulling because she doesn’t want to deal with this right now but craig thinks that they don’t deal with it enough. obviously, he doesn’t want to hurt his baby while he’s blinded by frustration so he loosens his grip. but this unluckily occurs at the same time she does one harsh yank, causing her body to wobble from the force until she loses her footing & suddenly all she can see is craig’s frantic expression + his outstretched arm as she’s falling down the stairs

i love how you added that kenny’s presence would’ve majorly played a role in everything because yes, the overprotective blonde would have definitely stepped in to help mediate the fight if he was at the scene & things would have definitely ended up differently!! you’re absolutely right in the fact that there will be a lot of frantic screaming, disbelieving crying, and frustrated arguing as they try to take in the image of their once lively shared significant lover—her skin ashen + her once expressive eyes looking eerily hollow & empty

i honestly think it would have to be kenny to be the one to come up with the staged suicide because while craig & him aren’t romantically involved, he’s grown to care for the male ravenette during his time with reader and wouldn’t want him to end up in shit with the police. even now, he can’t bring himself to hate the taller teen because while he did ultimately play a hand at accelerating reader’s demise, he’s constantly shown how much he loves & cherishes her in his own way. craig can’t gather his thoughts as he stares at his violently trembling hands because he did this to her while kenny internally panics & curses because someone will come home soon to see what happened

obviously, craig will be violently overcome with guilt that he killed reader whereas kenny’s will be due to the fact that he can’t believe he let everyone believe his wonderful ray of sunshine killed herself. he feels fucking terrible that he disrespected her body by hanging it by the neck at the tree outside of the Marsh’s backyard. the same body he’s gently held in his warm embrace countless of times, the one that has always given him the softest & warmest of affectionate and reassuring kisses

he never gave her a proper closure with her loved ones ((the casket had to be closed due to the hanging)) and in turn, fucked up everyone’s last living image & memory of her

… and he disrespected her like that with a staged suicide in the afterlife, the one he claims to love so much & holds closest to his heart

i love the idea of the other being basil in each of their own headspaces!! the two can’t help but to be scornful towards the other because of obvious reasons which leads to them not talking anymore. and yes, i adore the notion that kenny’s headspace would be like omori’s colorful dreamworld with stan’s group except the surroundings would be more ghetto to reflect his poor upbringing. i firmly stand by the idea that craig’s dreamworld would be similar to omori’s whitespace when he’s just sitting but omori’s blackspace when he’s aimlessly wandering around ((in contrast to kenny getting into all sorts of crazy adventures with the guys)) and he’d drive the knife into his body when he wants to return to whitespace

while reader was the glue that brought craig + kenny together from their nonconventional relationship, she was also the glue holding all of stan’s group & craig’s group together

AND YOUR HEADCANNONS OMG—I HAD SO MANY FEELS WHEN I WAS READING THEM BECAUSE THEY’RE SUCH SMALL DETAILS THAT MAKE THE DIFFERENCE IN THIS TRAGEDY

i love the idea that stan wouldn’t bleach his hair or paint his nails black anymore because those actions remind him of reader—his sister used to do it for him & it was always a source of quality time + getting each other’s undivided attention

i love how kenny wouldn’t be in headspace as much because of karen—he still has all these responsibilities forced onto him because of his parents & he knows how much reader cares for his younger sister. he continues to look out for her in the real world because reader would be so disappointed if he didn’t

yes yes yes!!! stan, kyle, clyde & tweek would definitely be the ones to visit reader’s room the most even when she’s gone ((randy + sharon have left it virtually untouched in memory of their daughter)) and would be the ones to visit her grave the most—to talk to her & update her on things & just to spend time with her even if she can’t reply

but also, butters would be part of the constantly visiting group!!

but then this got me thinking—what if in craig & kenny’s rush, they didn’t properly check reader’s condition + didn’t properly stage the hanging ((they used a jump rope for fuck’s sake))? what if instead, she’s stuck in the hospital and years deep into a coma? then stan, kyle, clyde, butters, & tweek would visit her everyday to replace the flowers in her vase etc.

you literally broke my heart when you said butters doesn’t touch his switch anymore because he cant bring himself to change anything about their shared animal crossing island—it’s the same thing with clyde & reader’s shared minecraft world

#asksforlala #mango anon ♡ #south park x reader #omori

[ms-revived-frogs]

Sending an ask because that post is getting way too fucking long and I really don't want to torment my followers with that shitshow anymore

You don't know shit about me homegirl. Lmao "I know your type" I'm literally the only bitch insane enough to say this shit publicly and not be trolling.

But I will say my aggression is because I've seen too much bullshit on the internet. You're a feminist, everything you say is coated in a thick glaze of deception to hide the major superiority complex you have because you think women are better. At least that's the vibe I get. But I've seen more feminists than you've seen people like me.

You act all nice on the surface to make anyone who questions you seem like the bad guy, but like, you really don't need to do that. Your circlejerk is already completely ready to attack anyone different than you.

Also I will not be DMing you. I'm not a coward. I let my followers know the shit I say.

And, seriously, like, yeah men should support eachother, but like, maybe people should just support eachother in general eh? I know that's hypocritical coming from me, the spiteful cunt, but lemme tell ya, I support people who deserve it in my eyes, which is probably more than you would imagine.

Also [I say also too much. I'm generally incoherent as you've probably already noticed] you talk down to me like I'm some kind of misguided fool, but I'll have you know that I follow the path I chose for myself. Nobody told me this. In fact, I followed the path that society told me not to. I see past the bullshit. I sound like a fucking joker meme right now but idk how the fuck else to word it.

Hell, idk how to word anything ever. I'm notoriously terrible with words.

Anyways. This ask is way too fucking long already. This argument changed nothing about either of us, and never will. It is ultimately pointless. Whoops

Except you aren't saying anything publicly. You are hiding behind the mask of the internet, because even you know the stuff you say is reprehensible. Most incels are aware of this too, that's why they have incel.net and other forums to share their hateful ideas. Which are often violent towards our sex, by the way.

And I don't think I've ever said women are better in this whole thread. I showed the facts that women form better communities and sustain each other better. Men generally lack this. I don't believe any disparity is inherent to nature though, I don't think there's some hidden male and female gene that triggers women to form more positive groups than men. But it is true nonetheless that men's communities usually dissolve into hierarchies and structurally shitting on each other. You see how men play video games and all harass / insult each other, you see men at football games physically assaulting supporters of the other team, you see men drinking ten beers at the pub and then punching random guys. Men have little care for each other and little care for women too. If men learned to form better communities and cared for each other, they would ultimately see a great boost in their mental health and security! This is not a hateful thing to say, nor a "superiority complex". Men should learn empathy for themselves and others. This is a very basic tenet of feminism.

And I'm not "acting like a nice guy", I'm being honest and genuine. I'm not sure why a woman being empathetic is hard for you to understand, unless you actually see all women as malicious. Which is ... sad. And yes! All people should care for each other. But this is a gendered issue. Men having poor mental health relates go this specific phenomenon of them treating each other terribly in their own groups, which you haven't found a rebuttal for. What does it say about men's mental health, when their communities are more littered with bullying and malice, and what does it say about women's mental health, when they tend to thrive and perform better together? Only an idiot would try to deny this. Obviously women's mental health will be generally better and obviously women will have more access to mental health support, we rely on other women! The same cannot be said for men, whose communities lack that element of support. This is not even a radical feminist statement, it's very bland and basic.

Anyways, you will grow up and see that you were wrong to be so hateful. Whether you "chose it" or not, there's always room for growth.

#asks #long post

[arminsumi]

@ your latest reblog about smut being fast food.. I'm not a follower for long BUT I happen to be on here for 10+ years and let me tell you: there's nothing more boring than a fic that's simply about smut. If I read a fic and the writer doesn't even put in the effort to make it at least sound as if that certain character would say xyz then I'll just skip lmao.

I appreciate thoroughly checked works.. characters being spot on and some good worldbuilding. I'm so sick of boring fics that you can literally apply to ANY character and it "works".

If a writer is able to really indulge into a character, their past, what they've been through and so on.. that's what makes me interested in a fic. It should fit the character and you shouldn't be able to copy paste the same work with a different character. I really like your fics that don't include smut at all such as "photograph" that made my heart sink let me tell you. The way it was so innocent and it all came down to Satoru crying and sobbing I can totally see him being heartbroken bc of something like this and he'd totally do it in silence too.

I know I'm just one of a few but please don't be discouraged by clown fics that are full of notes but don't even contain a proper plot. It seems unfair and it is bc most readers are just horny and who am I to blame lol. I also love smut but you know what's even better? If you can imagine that character saying these things, if the scenery makes sense if their relationship makes sense..

I appreciate writers that still care about the little things. Please don't stop putting in the effort because it seems like nobody is truly liking your fluffy fics.. I do and I also love heart wrenching angst and other fics.

I hope you're feeling a lil better now.. had to get that off my chest 🩷

omg 😭💗

thank u so much for taking the time to write this, it's rlly reassuring and so sweet of u!!

i've been a bit self-conscious of my works lately because i see paragraph smut getting great feedback and then thought-out plots being lost in the tumblr void.

so i start scrutinizing my own work like ok maybe this wasn't as good as i thought?? did i structure it wrong?? is the flow bad??

i rlly try hard to ensure quality and do thorough editing and carefully write dialogues.

because i personally hate reading stuff and thinking "yeahhhh they'd never say that lol" bc it just breaks the immersion.

fanfic is a special type of reading experience, because the reader is usually self-inserting into the world and daydreaming about the scenario.

and also regarding smut, sometimes i hate writing full smut scenes or writing extremely satisfying sex. because in real life it's not like that, and i'd like to show relationship development like maybe character A says ok let's stop for now or maybe they don't go too far or maybe they're dissatisfied.

but i fear that writing about realistic, emotional sexual interactions with angst and (fluffy ones with short smut and long aftercare/after scenes) will not be well-received or enjoyed. it would greatly help plotlines of some of my angst fics, like the one where satoru loves the reader but she absolutely doesn't, but they "try" make it work and it falls apart because she feels emotionless during intimacy with him (but not with suguru, and she can't fall for him bc yk... tight-knit friend group problems 😔)

idk but it's alright bc i have my own personal rules of writing that i try to stick to, and i'm trying not to let notes or feedback deter me. i always hide in Kerouac's books when i lose sight of truthful writing lol

anyways thank u for ur motivational words they are stored in my heart hehe 💗👍

#📬.mail

[stinkrascal]

I think no one likes my tav :( I love that simblrs began to share other games like bg3! And the small amount that does it sticks together! They reblog each other's bg3 posts, do art for them, put cute tags to support each other, so nice to see!! I really want to be part of that, but no one seems to actually like the bg3 stuff I post🥹 do you have any advice for me?

hi anon, i'm sorry you're feeling this way :( to be honest i don't really know what could be causing ppl to overlook your posts. idk what advice i could give you bc some of my bg3 posts do really really well, and some of them get like maybe 5 notes depending on what time and what day i post 🙈 but please dm me if you like i'd love to follow u if i don't already!! i love rbing bg3 posts on my blog i'd love to rb your posts too! i want everyone to feel included in this community you know ;-; even if you don't feel like your posts get enough attention i promise that isn't an indication of you not being wanted in this community!! it just means you haven't found your audience yet, and that's totally ok. it took me many years of posting consistently on simblr before i found ppl who were interested in my silly video game screenshots and tbh i feel major imposter syndrome for even saying that like jade stfu what do u mean ppl care about your screenshots no they dont😭 so like idk. for me when i get really worked up about feeling like nobody cares about what i post i just try to like......... make a circle of a few mutuals whose opinions i really cherish and every time they interact with my posts in any capacity, liking, commenting, reblogging, etc, i consider that post a win lol. be like "oh well my circle of elite mutuals all liked this post that means this post is pretty cool isnt it!!" lol that sounds silly but it helped a lot for me, bc i was really prone to getting myself in these cycles where i felt like if my posts didnt hit a certain note count that means i suck and nobody likes my stuff and thats a sucky way to feel you know!! and like i don't really know how i can optimze your note count for you, idek how i optimize my own, at this point ive given up on that endeavor bc it just puts too much weird pressure on myself to live up to an arbitrary and unreachable standard. but i think trying 2 reframe the way you think about this situation is just as helpful, it was really helpful for me at least. obv i think tumblr is a place where our posts SHOULD be shared ie reblogging stuff!! and i always always always encourage people to reblog posts bc thats how our community grows and flourishes, thats literally how tumblr has to function to survive so DO IT!! but also with all that being said, it will be better for u in the long run if you don't put a lot of pressure on yourself to hit a certain note count to be a valid participant in this community, instead make it about the love of sharing your creations online, and being content w the fact that your creations are still cool even if it didn't hit a certain level of engagement u desired!! and you know what, when you start loving and passionately posting about your creations, ppl pick up on that excitement. they get excited too!! and then before you know it you do have a community of support! so please dont unduly stress yourself my friend. does this make any sense. idk. YOU GOT THIS ANON I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!

#jade answers #Anonymous #sorry my brain is a fried egg rn. advice escapes me but ily u got this anon!!

[whiskeyswifty]

(Different anon) Hasnt She's done that with all of her friends? Blake Lively, Selena Gomez, Ed Sheeran.. She had a whole music video with her "squad" at the time, many of whom she shared a spotlight with and the entire tone of her 1989 era image/promo seemed to be her putting her friends first over the boys she was dating (going off of what she said in the documentary). What sets Karlie apart from all her other longterm famous friends (I know tone can be hard to convey over text so I just want to clarify that I'm not trying to debate you or attack you or anything, I'm just curious about your POV since it's your favorite era and mine too) It's OK if you still ship them I guess, you do you, but I guess I've always seen Taylor as someone who usually has many long-term friends (a lot of them whom she still keeps in touch with even now, years later) and I want to understand if this is a ship thing or there's some other context/interpretation I'm missing

just to clarify, i don't ship any real people of any kind, not for a very very long time at least. not trying to dump on anyone who does, but i just don't roll like that and it's not something i care about. i have a pinned post at the top of my blog that also clarifies i don't care what she's doing with her personal life in private, and that's true about EVERYONE she's ever linked to. i don't like to speculate publicly, unless it's a joke, or engage with people who do. again, not to shit on anyone who does or say i'm like idk better than them or something stupid like that, it's just cuz i can't imagine that i would ever know her enough to say anything ever about her personal life with any shred of confidence. i also don't follow/engage with it cuz it's not something i enjoy or am interested in digging into being a taylor swift fan. it doesn't seem like you want to do that either, but i just want to make that clear that i'm not the blog to go to if you want to speculate in detail about her personal life! you can send me very funny jokes though, those are always welcome.

that being said, there's no interpretation happening anywhere on my blog at least. it's just what happened. we all watched it. and i'll add that maybe what you're missing is that she wasn't a long term friend. she met this girl and then attached herself to karlie's hip for 8-12 months, paraded her around exclusively, unlike any new friend she'd ever done before or since, like she was her soul sister best friend most important person in her life. maybe you're trolling me idk, but if you genuinely don't think her friendship with karlie was treated differently, you're just objectively wrong about that. like maybe you're having a mandala effect moment or you were really young or something, but it's why the fandom hates karlie so much. she was clearly meaningful to taylor and a close friend and whatever happened, taylor hates her now so the fans hate her. but you can refresh your memory by googling articles or the scores of content made about them because they were everywhere, constantly shoved in our faces and wouldn't shut up about each other. it's extremely well documented, and remembered, by everyone who was around to watch it unfold. the reaction to karlie showing up at the eras tour wouldn't have been a mass hysteria event if their friendship had been no different from her other friendships, like come on now. whatever they feel about shipping, nobody can deny that her public display of their friendship was unlike anyone she'd befriended before and she hasn't singled out and paraded any single friend around like that, consistently despite having just met her, since. i'm not saying it was or wasn't anything more than that, i'm saying that's just quite literally what happened and then she cut her out of her life entirely. the baseline that a lot of people (not all but a lot!) are responding to is the familiarity of it; the obsessive, intimate (usually female) friendship that can sneak up on you and blow up your whole life temporarily. a particular kind of rapid but intense bond and subsequent unceremonious dissolution that you might not be understanding, and that's fine! but if you don't get it, you just never will until you experience that yourself. it's a common girlhood experience that many people have, and it carries different undertones for different people and i'm not taylor so i can't tell you what those undertones were or weren't for her, but it's incredibly potent just the same and it leaves a hole behind, however small or large, that you will never fill again.

#idk what to tag this cuz its not pro or anti anything #i agree that people can think whatever they want about what they were #nobody who is a fan knows her so honestly any ~theory~ or opinion is viable #but also like she had like an obsessive best friend episode for like 2 years and then it blew up in her face like #if you're denying THAT????? trying to deny it or whatever like what happened happened idk what to tell ya

[winter-spark]

Okay, so for Juza celebration week day 3, I'm gonna discuss some Juza ships and the questions of who's more fun to see pining, who fell first, who fell harder. (I hope this counts lol. The prompt is favorite relationships and I could instead talk about his friendship with Omi or Sakyo or something but here I am choosing to go the shipper's route instead lol.)

Before I start, I do want to say I sorta see Juza as demi. Demiromatic, demisexual? Both? Maybe. One of them? Definitely. Is this important for the post? Well, I'm not posting anything else this week so my headcanon has to go somewhere. Also yes. because this is a ships post. Read: not really but still.

Okay first up Juban:

For Juban it is obviously pining!Banri. I think also it's definitely a Banri fell first, Banri fell harder situation. I'm sorry I don't make the rules I just follow the feelings. Like, Juza is just trying to vibe and eat his food Banri, get up lol. I think in this case Juza's not pining lowkey because he'd rather not think about it. Like why think about how they'd be as a couple when a confession would make him want to cut his tongue out. Well, maybe not his tongue because boy's gotta eat but like a confession to Banri? That would never make his to-do list. I fully heartedly believe that whenever he realized he liked Banri he imagined Banri laughing at him and locked it up. Not that the feelings are gone but like he's filed it away as 'no' or 'never gonna happen' so he's content. (So kinda like Muku but a completely different vibe.) Either way, that's what is most fun to me for them. Like I'm sure pining!Juza is fun but for Juban and their canon dynamic, it's more fun to think about it as Banri just trying to attain his crush's attention and it almost working but also sorta backfiring on him, like that's just how he flirts. I wanna say "good luck getting together ya goobers" but somehow it doesn't feel impossible to me even with this set up lol. Like I dunno exactly how for suresies, I just know it's plausible. Right now I'm thinking either they'd fall into a relationship like it just sorta one day they're dating and nobody talks about or really adresses it until like months later OR sorta an argument into confession type thing, like maybe one of them is being sorta annoying (out of concern or something but whichever on of them it is he's not gonna say it at first) and they end up in an arguement about whatever it is and then the other is like "why do you even care?" and I'm not a great writer but like then either comes in a flat out confession of sorts or it's bit more arguing that like lowkey forces em into a confession. (I have one more alt but that's bcuz it was a chat post that I could see being them and I might just post it as a chat post some day. idk we'll see.)

Okay so, I'll be honest I'm not sure I'm knowledgeable enough on other Juza ships but I do want to consider two more because I'm curious. I'm not fully sure I ship them but I think the possibility is interesting. So yea I'll literally be typing those as I think. (the previous section was kinda like that but it was originally barely coherent tags for another post lol)

Next up, Tenma & Juza:

(I'm not especially sure I actually ship them so much as a couple of weeks or so ago I read their card bonus story thing (cross backstage?) and thus I'm curious as to see them a bit more.) So, lol this is gonna sound repetitive but I do think pining!Tenma/Tenma fell first is more fun to think about because I think based on that short and Tenma being like "I don't/didn't need your help but I'm going to help you out because I don't want to owe you anything which I sorta already don't because I didn't ask for your help" can very easily be translated to "It's not like I like you or anything" in a romantic reading of their relationship. Like I sorta imagine it as Tenma trying to do nice things for Juza but always having/giving a flimsy excuse for why he's doing it. And the moment Juza is like nice to him back Tenma gets lowkey(but probably actually highkey) embarrassed. And I think it'd be funny if Tenma convinces himself that his crush on Juza is actually Juza having a crush on him because "of course, he has a crush on me, that's not a foreign thing for me, people get crushes on me all the time" Yuki: "What are you muttering about? It's breaking my concentration." I'll be honest I'm not entirely sure who would fall harder(at this rate it's likely it'd probably be Tenma ngl but it could be Juza idk), regardless I do think Juza probably really admires Tenma and his acting and he probably has a decently easy time telling him that and the following interaction would be something like: Tenma(probably somewhat embarrassed): Well of course you do, don't you know who I am? Juza: ??? Yea? That's why I'm talking you??? Summer Troupe: lol! Autumn Troupe: *facepalm* Tenma: *more embarrassed* I think Juza developing a crush on Tenma in this scenario is funny because he'd probably see Tenma as a little awkward and weird but finds it somehow endearing, but it's partially because he's seeing that even someone as famous and popular as Tenma struggles to talk and get his point across to people at times, or maybe that's just a bonus. Either way, Juza is very willing to take the time to understand Tenma even at his most confusing because Juza has been misunderstood his whole life pretty much. Idk if this paragraph sounds right, if you guys don't think so, I'm sorry for being wrong &/or this not making sense. Update! Because I've realized that would line up more with early-on stuff. I've remembered that I've seen two comics with them interacting. One was the one where Tenma was like 'Juza let me thank you by taking you to this pancake(? it was something sweet) shop I passed by', and Juza was like 'alright let's go'. & Tenma led them to a Ramen shop like 'I coulda sworn it was here', & as they eat the noodles Tenma's like 'I'm really sorry', & Juza's like 'these are good too'. & then the other comic with them that I saw was the one where them, Tsuz & Tai were heading home from the college together getting a lot of attention from Tenma's fans and Tenma apologized and Juza was like 'Let me know if any weirdos try to mess with you' and Tenma's like 'thanks! -^^-' (which is so much growth from the cross-backstage thingy). That was their interaction there. So now I'll update the thoughts with that dynamic in mind. I mean uh I feel like that other stuff is still plausible just as they bond more, Tenma's more comfortable with flat-out showing his gratitude and joy and stuff. I feel like as a couple they'd sorta be like Tenma's the super supportive I'm gonna do a bunch for you boyf and Juza's the protective one, you know? Like Tenma would but something sweet on his way home because he feels Juza's been doing a lot and working hard, and Juza would, whenever he can, accompany Tenma home so he doesn't have to deal with being approached and so he doesn't get lost. Probably results in a lot of impromptu dates at cafes and stuff.

And lastly, Sakuya/Juza :

(Because while I know nothing about them as a pair/their dynamic and I don't quite ship them, I think they could be very cute ngl (aka I want to ship them. I mean come on they're so intrinsically similar yet so different at the same time) So for starters, this is a demi x demi ship in my head. They are both demi to me. Demiromantic or demisexual? Both? Hmm pretty sure Sakuya is demiromantic(or maybe gray-romantic) but if he's not demisexual he's definitely under the ace umbrella in my head. As for Juza, see above. Okay so to me Juza definitely fell first. (See? I do think Juza can fall first.) As for pining, I am leaning towards pining!Juza but I'm curious how pining!Sakuya would be in this dynamic in particular. Maybe I'll let these two have mutual pining. Actually yea, that could be fun. Lol how I'm imagining it now is them using their shared passion for acting to try to impress each other not realizing the other is already impressed with them. Like, if this was a mutual pining story a very "hey wanna see this play with me" & "I've been practicing this part really hard, I hope he's watching me perform" with a "oh my gosh he's so cool" type deal from both of them. It'd be very cute, in my humble opinion. Also, I sorta think it's completely plausible for them to fall equally as hard for each other. idk, I don't make the rules. More importantly, they're a pair who'd be tired in the morning because they spent all night together... practicing acting! They'd help each other practice acting a lot and probably loose complete track of time lol. (Have they had a bonding event yet? I haven't read it if so.) But like back to the falling equally hard thing I think it's just that when they both already think the other is super amazing they're both only gonna appreciate the other more once they find their footing as what they can do for each other as a couple. Like Idk. Idk. It's hard to say one of them fell harder after they literally got mutual pining when the whole point of this format was to be like 'mutual pining is fine but have you considered how fun it'd be to focus on [name] pining' they broke my format. But they were cute about it so I'll let them slide.

So yeah Happy Juza week, this has been on the three Juza ships that compel me the most currently.

Actually, the order I did them is funny because like I thought I'd have almost nothing in the Tenma section and knew I was putting pining!Tenma then pining!Juza in the Saku/Juza section so I put Tenma/Juza in the middle but now it's kinda like a sliding scale. Like Tenma/Juza is the middle ground between Banri/Juza and Sakuya/Juza. Like energy/vibe-wise you know? And that's funny to me. Also lol that I actually had a lot more to say about Juten(?) than I thought I would.

#a3! #act addict actors #Juza Hyodo #juzacelebrationweek #juza celebration week #JuBan #JuTen #JuSaku #did I fail the prompt? #Posting is scary lol #long post #who is the piner? #fell first fell harder #Also I want to be a bundantly clear I do ship Juban #I feel like in game they have some really tender moments for people who act the way they do about/with each other #so yea I ship them #like 87+% of the time #I was just worried my first section was gonna was sound like I don't #me: I don't really ship the other two ships I'm just exploring them out of curiosity #me @ me afterwards: ...You sure you don't ship them? #either way I should def look at more stories where the last two pairs interact #and check out the tags for them #In part to see if my interpretation of them is at all accurate #especially since it's based on almost nothing lol #Finished this on Sept 8th #Edited on the 9th #Thus by the time this posts maybe I'll be more informed maybe not #We'll see lol #i do apologize if I've misrepresented any of the ships or characters in this post tho

[sunnibits]

You just watched the potc for the first time FEEDBACK ??

HELLO yes I have finally watched it. After many years and watching half of the first movie like three times. I watched the pirate movies.

Here are some extensive thoughts for you while I avoid my current anxiety and responsibilities:

Overall?? They’re just. Okay. Like idk they’re alright. I liked them, like they weren’t bad, I just didn’t feel any strong emotions for most of it?? They were solidly okay. Sorry to the potc mega enjoyers rip

but since I’m bored and I love rambling here are some thoughts on the characters:

will - constantly serving looks but maintains the personality of a piece of white bread. sorry will like I’m sure there’s just some real depth there that I just didn’t care to search for but idc. he’s not rlly my type of guy and I knew that going into it, whatever. shout out to Orlando Bloom for being very pretty tho.

elizabeth - ohhhhh my goddd ohhh my god keira knightley is so pretty jesus fuck lord in heaven. I was literally just staring at her in every scene. god. no but seriously I liked her character a lot more than I thought I would!! Not that I thought I wouldn’t like her but I just figured I’d focus a lot more on Jack instead, but I was actually super into her she is thee only valid bitch in this whole movie series. I’m so mad that she just became king of pirates and then?? went home or something?? unrealistic. she should be the captain of the black pearl and rule all pirates, duh. no men are worthy of her actually.

jack - ohhh boy. let me tell you despite never watching these movies I STILL had such a massive crush on this guy when I was younger. he was like, the pinnacle of attractiveness in my mind. honestly my feelings haven’t changed much, I remain weak for smudgy black eyeliner. however?? actually liked him slightly less than I thought I would??? Idk I figured I would be super obsessed with him and nobody else but, eh. the thing about him is that like, I know that being unpredictable and morally grey is literally his whole thing, but it just kind of got boring after a while?? don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with characters who are backstabbing selfish little shits, I have a lot of experience with them, but in this case it just felt rlly tiring. I knowwwww we’re not really supposed to know what’s up with him but I think he could have used just a little bit more grounding as far as letting us into his head for like, five seconds. it just kind of felt like the writers were rolling dice as far as when he betrays people and when he decides to be a good guy out of the blue?? I never felt like I knew where he stood or what his motivations were. Again, I know that’s kind of the point, but, idk, the balance felt off to me. That’s just my opinion tho.

related point to another thing that didn’t really bug me per se but just felt funny - everyone’s undying loyalty to Jack that seems to just come out of nowhere??? I just felt like every single movie had the same thing where like, Jack is a selfish little shit who goes behind everyone’s back for 85% of the movie - maybe he does maybe one (1) good thing at some point - but then at the end of the movie everyone’s like ‘I would literally go to the ends of the earth to save this man’ and I’m just like??? Why????? What did he do for you besides like one good thing among many many annoying things? Don’t get me wrong, I do like Jack a lot, but as far as the actual characters in the movies, their motivation to follow this man into death felt kind of random. I felt like all of these movies were trying to sell Jack Sparrow to me as the Specialist Most Smart Amazing Man Ever but in truth he was just kind of some guy. idk. that was just amusing to me.

other miscellaneous thoughts:

Davy Jones is cool I was rooting for him a lot in the end :) honestly the entirety of the third movie I was just like CAN WE PLS GIVE HIM HIS HEART BACK ALREADY GIVE THE MAN A BREAK lmao. kind of wish he had a nicer ending tho :(((

Norrington was… there. Idk, I don’t have any really strong feelings about him, but I did like him in his final scenes. I can definitely see how he would be someone you could grow to appreciate a lot more after a few viewings.

I know Disney made them but I swear these movies could not pick a genre. One second it’s Scary Serious Pirate movie and the next it’s all kid humor, idk, I feel like they should have just gone with one or the other. I know that’s kind of their whole thing but it didn’t work for me personally.

That one fucking music bit. Not like the pirate music everyone always puts in memes but another bit. I can’t name a specific scene but god it slaps so hard. Every time it came on I ascended to another plane of existence.

The Black Pearl is so pretty <3 that’s it that’s the thought

Also fun fact about me - part of the reason I did not watch these movies for a while was bc I was rlly scared to watch them when I was younger, bc when I was a wee kid I accidentally walked in on a rlly creepy disturbing bit with Davy Jones while someone else was watching it and it rlly freaked me out. Honestly valid of little Sunny tho having watched that scene now again - shit really was gross. Especially for baby me :( that’s ok tho bc now I am strong 💪 and actually rlly enjoyed Davy Jones

sorry my feedback was mostly ranting I swear I did not hate these movies. I liked them and I felt very very bisexual while watching it 😳 but I am probably not going to watch the last two movies tho bc why did they even make more. I’m sure they are not that good.

#HI SORRY THIS IS SO LONG #I know u and abbey like it tho so I figured there’s no harm in me rambling a lot #ask box

[internetreadingpanda]

July 30, 2022

dear moon,

I don’t have words to describe what’s been going on in my life lately. In just 15 days a lot has changed. I feel like I have grown up a lot and also, I am turning 18 this august. This dark, dark realization of growing old. I have started smoking regularly and at times I even dislike it but it gives me peace. It makes me feel like the world has stopped and it is just me and this cigarette against all the chaos; voices in my head stop when I smoke and when the buzz fades it is all same again. That is why I hate it too but now I can’t help it too. I also drank vodka last week and after two pegs I was on the verge to cry. I do not know the reason, maybe it was because the demon had stopped speaking and it was just my heavy heart beating rhythmically. I did not cry because I was sad but because I was at peace and did not feel anything.

For the last few months, I had been talking to so many girls on ig. They seem to like me a lil but when I asked them out, they said, “ Yes, we can meet, but let’s not call it a date; there was no certainty. But then there is this girl, oh jeez, she is literally a goddess and has no flaws. I have been following her for a year. When I first followed her, since then I wanted to meet her. I used to take screenshots of her snaps, I would stalk her account to see her OOTDs and I had never imagined that I would get to go on a date with her. Can you believe how HUGE this is for me, like a dream come true? In moments like these, I like to think, that the universe is with me and it does want me to win. However, the next moment, it shatters my whole idea of winning. The next day after the date, my father messaged me, “I am not coming home ever and I am switching my phone off”. When I got this message I was working at paudha and I didn’t seem to care but when my mom called and enquired about him I kind of felt something is wrong. 

Let’s name this girl Helen because she actually is a goddess, Goddess of things I can never possess. Also, first, let me tell you something about her. She is from Bihar, resides in Delhi NCR, and both of her parents are working, she comes from a well-to-do family and has a 15-year-old brother. She dances and sings (not just a hobby), is brilliant at studies, goes to the gym, gotten offer letters from many respected universities, and will move to the US for post-grad. She has been to many countries and experienced all the adventures. She’s literally a 10. 

I have been talking to her for like a month and nobody has made me feel like she does. She genuinely seems to care about my day-to-day life and she gives back the same energy. She tells me every detail of her day and how badly she wanted to talk to me. We flirt, crack jokes, and tell each other stuff about families and ourselves. Although, I have not told her so much about myself yet. One day when I was at Ashu’s place (the day I got drunk for the first time) I called her and as usual, she told me about her day and how she’s close to her brother, he checked my IG profile then he went on like he writes such dark poetries meanwhile I was just listening to her. For a moment we ran out of topics so she asked me about my family and I got all blank, I did not know what to say. I told her I get uncomfortable whenever it comes to my family because of some traumatic past; then she was like yeah but yk sometimes I feel Idk who am I talking to and then we went on talking about something else.

The next day, I gave thought to what she said yesterday so I decided to tell her a lil about my family and I texted her about how my brother tried to kill my father and the result that my father tried to kill himself. Her reaction to this was all sorry and she asked when did that happen and she also said even if we date or do not I want you to know that I am always here for you. I felt as if some burden has gotten out of my shoulders because she did not judge me for this. These days, the best part of my day is talking to her, I start smiling when I see her text. I feel I can show her my scars and she’s gonna let me pretend I have none. She sometimes says things like “please don’t break my heart”, “promise me you won’t gonna fuck me up” to which I reply “I am no harm to you and you have the all supreme power to do anything to me. You are the actual main character and we are living in your world.” She finds me sweet and I think of her as a goddess. 

On Monday, when I was heading off for my evening practice her message came.

“Are you free tomorrow?” 

I replied, “I have cricket practice.”

then she said when do you get free?

I told her my practice schedule and she was like I only have time on Tuesday. She wanted to say please make it on Tuesday or else idk when we will meet but she did not say that directly as she did not want to sound selfish because I’ll have to miss my practice because of her. I understood the significance of the situation and I told her to meet tomorrow and that it is not a big deal if I miss practice.  

From then on, everything started to seem delightful. I was so cheerful that I cannot describe that feeling in words. At practice, I was smiling most of the time. Later Susu asked me what happened and I told him about the date. I love how these people get happy over my happiness. They have nothing to gain from this, despite that they are celebrating. No matter what goes wrong in my life, there’s only one thing I will always be grateful for and that is my friends. 

So, tomorrow came, and my morning started with going to work at paudha. Paudha had taken us to an apartment in Vasant Vihar. Vasant Vihar is a very posh locality where all the rich kids live and of course, I dream to buy a house there. Paudha took us there for some gardening work as the owner of that apartment wanted to grow some vegetables over her terrace. She also wanted some new plants and her terrace to be cleaned. Paudha gave us this job and we (Nikhil and I) got Rs. 500 each. I hated working there because you have to do all that cleaning and stuff around the street as well and people would look at you, I feel so small around them and at the same time I’d think Helen is also looking at me after all, she comes from such locality as well. However, I was enjoying it that day despite I knew I will be late for my date but I cheered because I knew as this gets over I will see a glimpse of heaven; I will see her and that is the best of all things. 

So the work at Vasant Vihar was done early n the morning and we were at Paudha then her message came and the first thing that crossed my mind was, please don’t make her cancel the date god, please! The message said: I’M GOING TO FUCK SOMETHING UP. A screenshot was attached and it has a message from her dad on the family group saying “you are not going out today kashu and no behas on this”.  My beautiful morning had turned into mourning, at that point, I was convinced I am not going to see her and as I did not want to have any more expectations I simply created a scenario where there was no possibility of meeting her and me. Another message arrived after a few moments: NO, I’M COMING. Then she called and I freaked out because I was working and I had not told her that I work somewhere but Nikhil helped me out, I went inside the godown (it is not actually a godown just some space where paudha keeps different kinds of pots). Over the call, she asked me if I can come to Noida as her parents are not letting her go. I was of course convinced. I would have agreed over anything because it is I who has dropped his practice, who has borrowed money from a friend, which shows how badly I want t see her. She also sounded sorry because everything was planned and Noida does not have anything as compatible with our date place in Delhi. Even Nikhil was so pissed; he was like this is not done, how can she change everything at the last moment. He wanted it to happen more than myself. 

Later, IDK how she convinced her parents or what she did but we were back to our plan A which is an art gallery (there was no plan B though she just made that ATM). I was still at Paudha when she briefed me. I checked the time and I had only an hour and a half to go home and get ready. Thanks to Nikhil, he asked me to leave immediately saying he will take of everything here you just focus on your date. So I ran toward my home, took a bath, and ate whatever there was without complaining. I looked at my watch and BOOM an hour passed. Now I only had 30 mins and yet I had to get flowers, chocolates, and some rings for myself. I was so late that I called Ashu and told him to be there at PVR and buy all this stuff for me so I could just take them from him and leave. Unfortunately. Ashu had no idea of what kind of flowers one should get for a date. I was literally running in the metro and as I reached PVR, I saw him and hugged him tightly. I asked if I am smelling bad cuz I was running all the way and I’d gotten a bit sweaty. He said, “Yeah, you stink a bit just a Lil bit”. I got really upset and it was him who cheered me up otherwise I would have killed myself. We bought flowers, I don’t remember the name, but they looked really pretty and fancy. I was also carrying a pack of ultra-mild cigarettes because I decided to flaunt my Dil Bechara personality to her.  

On her side, she had reached and texted me but I could not reply because I was running then she called and I told her I will be there in the max of 20 mins. She did not sound pissed or anything but nobody likes waiting so I ran faster. The BSF guard at the metro security check asked me if I’m going to give these flowers to somebody or if I have gotten these from someone. I told him these are for someone and he smiled at me. On the platform, a girl was making a video of me while I was waiting for my train carrying flowers in my hand along with chocolates and a book. So many amazing things were happening around me and I literally felt like the main character. You see, these are the consequences when a goddess starts liking you; when a goddess demands your presence the whole world pushes you toward her. Even in the metro, everybody kept looking at me and I was blushing beneath my mask. I reached the metro station where she had been waiting for me. She was at the food court, standing near a pillar. A saw her from a distance because of her hair, they are short and colored. As her eyes met mine, in that instant, everything got all blurred. Even now that I visit that place again I try so hard to recall near which pillar she stood but I just cannot; that is the thing about happiness right, you have no scars to remember it or to show someone. I laugh at this inability of mine where I try my best to replay each and every scene but all I see is just a glimpse of us. 

She had worn a dark brown jumpsuit and very cute flip-flops. Her outfit was subtle and those flip-flops made it vibrant to some extent. One would look at her with full admiration from head to toe but definitely hold their gaze over her feet. Her feet were immaculately beautiful. 

I went up to her and straight away she cheered up and threw her arms around me. As we hugged the first thing she asked was, “Why are you so sweaty?” She did not ask that in some bad way she was just curious.

“I got late because I brought you flowers”, I said that giving her the flowers. She accepted them with both of her hands then she literally blushed saying, “There was no need for this”. I did not say anything to that and gave her the chocolates and then the book. She got speechless for a moment and then said “C’mon Yushie, you did not have to do all this”.

“I actually got late because I was getting all this stuff for you, so I first went to Saket along with Ashu then I got back in the metro and came back here” I explained that is how I got all sweaty. 

She was really happy because of the flowers and I asked her “Is it that big of a deal?”

“Is it not? Nobody has ever brought me flowers” She said that with a straight face and I was like damn bro! Bringing her flowers was the best idea, hence,

 YOU: 1     other dude: 0

But I actually never brought flowers to impress her in the first place. I just wanted to give her flowers; she deserves flowers; she is a flower, of this painful world. 

We started moving towards the platform and I was so much into her that we unknowingly went to the wrong platform. 

We reached Saket 20 mins late but who cared about time? We had to go to Champa gali’s bari cafe and for that, we needed an auto. I thought I will have to call for auto because I am the guy and the last time when I went out Kayush, I had to do everything, But here she took the lead and dealt with the auto guy, she even negotiated and I was amused by her skills. 

Again I was back to that same lane I took a year ago to meet Cezzane but this time the memories did not hit hard maybe it was because I am with somebody better than her. We reached Champa Gali in like 15 mins and she looked for Baari cafe but there was a sign that says ‘we are temporarily closed. She sounded a bit upset because she had seen some reviews of that cafe and it was really pretty from the inside. Then she asked me, “where shall we go?”

“There are some other nice cafes too”, I gestured. We went ahead in Champa Gali and she asked me to go to the same cafe I had been with Cezzane and Kayush. I chuckled as she chose four directions. 

“What happened?” She asked with a completely baffled look. 

“Nothing”, I said trying not to smile. She was leading the way and as we were up to the door I realized I had to open the door for her so I rushed to move forward from her but she had already opened the door and I was like oh no! I told her I wanted to open the door for you then she looked down, smiled, and held the door gesturing ‘after you’. 

We sat on the couch, there was Jenga over the table and Menus. For the first few minutes, I could not believe that this is real; that this is actually happening and I wanted to tell her that but I had no words. I do not remember how we started the conversation, it just happened, maybe over the menu or something. Isn’t it amazing, how the thing that was terrifying me the most happened so nonchalantly, in a fleeting moment. And not just this one thing, all my fears like what to order or the bill thing. She took care of everything and especially of me. 

We spent 2 hours in the cafe, had lunch, and talked about so many things. She told me about her friends (which I wanted to know since the day I started following her on ig), about her parents and family. She did the talking mostly and I never felt I need to push this conversation, it just kept going and going. Also, there a moment came when was eating with a fork and knife and I don’t know how to use that. I was feeling a little embarrassed then all of a sudden I remembered how when I was with Cezzane, I was eating spaghetti and I did not know how to eat it properly and the table was a lil far from me to reach. I was so embarrassed that I did not eat it and I still regret it. So I decided I will not let that happen again and I don’t want this to be ruined. With all my innocence I asked her, “Could you please help me with this, I don’t know how to eat with a knife and fork”. 

She said sure and with that happy-to-help smile, she took the knife and showed me how we cut the food. Then with the help of the fork, she picked the food piece and fed me like you feed a lil child. Later she made a video of me where I was struggling to eat with a knife and fork and that was so cute. 

After having lunch we took an auto to the art gallery, in the auto we were clicking pictures and I thought I should now take out my cigarette. I did not know she is making a video when I did that and it got all recorded. She was amused seeing a cigarette between my lips. 

“You can light it if you want”, She said. 

Then I dropped that killer dialogue, “No, I do not smoke”, I took the cigarette in my hand, “See, you put the killing thing right between your teeth but you never give it the power to kill you. It is just a metaphor.” 

“It is childish”, she looked away. 

“C’mon I always wanted to do this”. 

So yeah, this stunt did not come out as I wanted it to be but to make it worse the auto driver offered me a matchstick and she laughed, a lot. I somehow managed not to have myself embarrassed more... by putting back the cigarette in the pack. 

“You did not like it?” I asked her. 

“It does not matter”, still not looking at me, “You can do anything you want”.

I leaned toward her, “anything?” I said looking straight into her eyes with deep passion. 

“Oh, c’mon Yushie”. 

At the mall, we spent a few minutes looking for the Kiran Nadar Art Gallery. I was carrying her bag and she, the flowers. The lady at the counter where we had to submit our bag and stuff asked me why are you carrying a women’s bag and Helen told her it is hers. She looked at us both and smiled. 

I love it when these things happen when people see something unusual so they ask you and when they get the reason behind it, they adore it. 

The art gallery was so peaceful. At first, we did not even see any people but there were many inside. She was looking at the piece of art and I was looking at her. We both were looking at what we find beautiful. The child in me who loves Helen was not able to understand the meaning behind the art so I had to keep asking her. She, in her impeccable manner, kept narrating to me the stories behind those arts. A moment came when we sat on the bench, looking at the wall and there was nobody else in the room. The distance between us was Lil to no. 

“What is this smell”, she asked out of nowhere. 

“What smell?” I was scared that I was stinking. 

“I don’t know”, she sniffed at my shoulder and I moved away a Lil. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Tell me if the smell is nice or not”. 

“It’s nice only. Which perfume do you use?”. Finally, I got some assurance.

I was wearing my brother’s perfume and that too was some cheap brand so I just said it is my brother’s I don’t know the name. 

We were so close that our forearms touched. She saw my veins and asked me to flex and as I did she touched them. She liked my forearms. The grabbed my hand, in a manner where the spaces of my fingers are filled with hers. I was completely shocked. I wanted everything to stop at that moment; just wanted to feel her palm on mine. One thing I knew for sure was that her hand would never harm me. I am safe here. 

We walked like that for a while, rubbing our thumbs. I kept looking at our hands, wishing by some miracle, we could never let it go. But I don’t remember when she let my hand go, maybe if I knew I would have held it tighter. When she was looking at the art, I wanted to look at her so I was walking backward, facing her. The wooden flooring made some noise when my feet struck the floor and she would look at me often.

After the art gallery, we went to the mall. I started feeling small there like I do not belong there but she sure does. So I got all quiet. She saw a store that has scented candles and stuff like that and said something about it. She realized I have not heard of it so she took me in there and like the salesperson shows stuff and explains, she showed me the products. 

While strolling in the mall for a while she wanted to go to Starbucks. I told her I have never been there and I know nothing of it she grabbed my hand and took me in there. Everything was so opulent there, all the pretty people working, talking, laughing; humans being humans. She got me her fav drink and asked me how is it. I nodded. 

“What happened to you?” She asked.

“Nothing, I just don’t like it when people are around”. A couple was sitting right next to us. They both were so pretty and talked in some accent I could never understand. Yes, even Helen started to speak in English and I was like... why!!??? 

“Well this is my kinda place”, She smiled. I just nodded returning a smile and thought no matter how hard I try I can never fit with her. I am just too damaged for her. Since day one I knew she’ll break my heart yet I just let her. 

The clock hit 4:30 and we knew it is time to go. We clicked some pictures, where ofc I feared not looking good but I got a decent one finally. Outside the mall, under the clear sky when sunrays fell on her she seemed a bit irritated so I wondered what is happening. She told me she is allergic to sun rays; she cannot look at the sun directly or else she’d start sneezing. And me, out of my complete innocence asked her how. She looked at the sun and sneezed. 

“OMG! You people have such cute allergies”, I was flattered just by her allergies. I mean in my life I have seen allergies to food, drinks, or some kind of smell but, this was so different. So from then on when we walked I tried to cover her face so she does not get under direct sun exposure. I leaned a bit forward or I would put my hand to cover her face. I wanted to protect her and keep her like a child trying to protect their favorite toy. 

In the metro, when it was time to say goodbye I could feel my heart skipping a  beat; it wants what it wants. I suck at goodbyes, but I am so glad I was with someone who makes goodbye so hard. I hated it when the metro reached the platform so quick. Generally, it takes 4-8 minutes but no, not today. We talked for a while about how amazing today was then she gave me the goodbye hug and this time it was a Lil tight which made me think does it mean something? I was too happy to be bothered by that and I watched her leave. She laughed when I asked can I come with you? but how do I tell her that It tore the heart out of my body saying goodbye to her?

Love&Lights

Yushie

#teen writer #first day of fall #daily writing update #treasure #Random Poem #Poetry and Poets #my poetry #blogger #new blog #firstblog #teenage poet #artists on tumblr #art gallery

[bigdickevans]

i watched smile and wrote down my live reaction if anyone cares lol. long story short it was better than i thought it would be, the death/spooky effects were fun but it was kinda heavy handed with the mental health commentary

i went into this thinking it would be funny bad but. goddammit. ok i liked the opening.

the fucking back and forth shots of the main lady and the college girl’s faces, it set me up!!

then when it showed college girl had gotten up. idk man something about how empty and sterile the office is wigged me out even more.

and her cutting her neck was neato

at the title card now and alright goddamn it didn’t have to flash like that yeesh

oh also it sounds like this is just gonna be it follows but with suicide instead of sex

lord they’re trying to do mental health commentary. great.

ugh if i end up liking this movie i’m gonna be embarrassed

that cat’s dead. and nooo i don’t know that because i checked doesthedogdie.com

i was hoping the cat would smile lmao

WAIT THE BOYFRIEND

WHO IS HE

SLKJFLKSDF IT’S A-TRAIN

i’ve decided this takes place in The Boys universe

sorry i got so distracted by a-train that i forgot to say that main lady seeing the dead girl in the dimly lit kitchen did freak me out.

we’re back to the mental health commentary.

why does the cat have such a big fucking bowl

Young cop(?) dude gives me the creeps.

Haha sassy black coworker!! very funny and cool el oh el

ooooo i liked her passing the rooms and having to backtrack

bro is vibing stop snapping

im so sorry but this carl actor has a really silly voice

i feel like this boss also looks familiar

oh he was in designated survivor ok

actually i’ve been kinda constipated so maybe if i watch this on the toilet i’ll shit myself and finally be free

jesus this lady just can’t stop breaking glasses

none of this would’ve happened if you just KEPT YOUR HOUSE WELL LIT

WAIT STOP EVERYTHING

YOUNG COP CREEP IS THE EMO GUY FROM JENNIFER’S BODY

wow what a cast

i sorta missed the whole bit where she listened to the recording and heard stuff, i was unclogging my toilet

main lady and blonde bitch are sisters?? wow that went straight over my head until now. i knew they had to be related in some way? but i kinda thought the husband and the main lady were siblings

dead cat moment

love that they felt the need to clarify it was her cat lmao

when the boy picked it up it looked like really bad cgi

DAMN

TABLE SLAM KO

yeah babe sometimes you just gotta yell it out

SLKDFJLS THE PAIN ASSESSMENT CHART

im sorry… mental health preachy message aside, are you telling me the fiance had to look up the fact that mental illness can be hereditary??

for some reason i feel like the main character’s spiral happened way too fast

but to be fair i guess she does have that trauma with her mom, so maybe even though she works in healthcare she’d still be more susceptible to this line of thinking?

the number of times they say “crazy” in this movie is getting ridiculous

love a good smashed in head, i appreciate they didn’t add a loud noise with it considering the amount of jumpscares in this fucking thing

thank god horrible events always happen to artists so we can have ooky spooky drawings

these “coincidences” are so obviously connected it’s ludicrous that literally nobody noticed until now

I mean cops being inept is nothing new i guess

main character is being? unbelievably unreasonable here?? yes, calling a mental health professional is what you’re SUPPOSED to do when someone around you starts acting like this

i thought one of the whole points of this smile demon thing was that it could look like anyone? they haven’t really been utilizing that as much as i assumed they would which is a bummer

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

loved that moment with the sister at the car

it is kinda neat that the death has to be super dramatic so it inflicts as much trauma as possible

but also couldn’t you just do something traumatic that doesn’t involve murder or suicide?

like pretend you murdered someone or killed yourself in a crazy violent way in front of someone so they believe it happened, orchestrate a big practical joke

the demon voice is goofy

putting a knife that big up your sleeve seems like an atrocious idea

LMAO AWESOME DREAM

it’s like in chainsaw man. the whole door thing with denji. i’m not elaborating bc i don’t wanna spoil anyone.

the mom is kinda hot

lol i like how slowly rose closed the door

ooooooo!!!! suddenly tall mom!!!

i’m a tad disappointed with the monster design :/

HELL YEAH you thought a house fire could kill a demon?? lmaoooo

I TAKE IT BACK THE MONSTER DESIGN LOOKS RAD

rose the throat goat

hell yeah love a good person burning

#gail babbles about dumb shit