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jishyucks · 3 years

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It's the Thought that Counts ‣ njm

‣ genre: implied f2l, fluff, pining, female reader

‣ wc: 1.3k

‣ summary: In which you're Jaemin's plus-one to a wedding and questions start to run through your head rent-free

‣ an: (pretend Jaemin and Jaehyun are cousins in this)–idk if this is cute, but it was cute to me (◕‿◕), it's lowkey cliche but who doesn't like cliches... anyways, gonna start writing 'shorter' scenarios so I can post more frequently, enjoy!!

There was no denying that you’d rather be at home binge-watching a kdrama right now instead of attending a wedding. But because Jaemin had asked you to be his plus one ever so cutely, you couldn’t help but give in to his pleas before he could even begin his nearly endless tangent about why attending weddings was somehow significant to other events in life.

You had nothing against weddings, in fact, you’ve watched the Crazy Rich Asians scene so many times you can’t even count every single time you did, but it was the formality that made you not want to go. Though it was understandable why it was a formal occasion, you wished you didn’t have to care so much about what you wore just to go. Yet here you were, sitting in the passenger’s seat of Jaemin’s car all glammed up to go to his cousin, Jaehyun’s, wedding

“The guys are going, too, so not everyone will be complete strangers,” Jaemin mentioned, “I wanna see your reaction to them in suits and ties.” He turns into a parking lot in front of a venue that was completely packed. You could see other guests making their way into the building, smiles plastered effortlessly on their faces. You figured that this wouldn’t be that bad, especially because of how joyful the occasion was.

Jaemin pulls into a free parking spot, double-checking his reflection in the mirror, “Why didn’t you tell me my hair is all weird?”

You shrugged, “I didn’t think it looked bad.” And it was true, Jaemin looked good no matter how he was styled, but you swore to yourself you were not going to admit that out loud. Especially not to Jaemin.

You hear him huff before reaching up to fix tufts of his hair to look neater. He pats it down before nodding in satisfaction and turning to you, “Are you ready?”

“Yeah, especially since it took you long enough to fix your hair,” you joked. Pulling the car door handle, it pops open, allowing you to slip out easily. Jaemin follows in pursuit, dusting off his suit as he stands up.

“Ya! Na Jaemin!” You look around almost instantly, trying to pick out who called your best friend from the fairly large crowd of people. After a short while of searching, you finally identify them. Among those entering the wedding’s venue, you find the one and only Lee Jeno waving his arms shamelessly to catch yours and Jaemin’s attention, “Over here! Jaemin! Y/N!

You smiled and waved back, trying not to laugh obnoxiously at how ridiculous Jeno looked. As you and Jaemin begin making your way to him, you could see Mark and Chenle join Jeno at the curb, waving along.

“You guys look handsome as always,” you compliment, wondering why Jaemin wanted to see your reaction as if you’d be laughing your ass off at the sight of boys in suits.

Mark beams, “You look beautiful, as always.”

You miss Jaemin throwing a look at Mark before turning to you, “Hey, you didn’t say that to me…” You turned to find Jaemin looking back at you with a pout and a puzzled set of eyebrows, “Don’t I look good?”

You feel your heartbeat quicken in pace at your friend’s wish for a compliment, “Only a little.” A lie. He looked the most attractive out of basically everyone present, but you knew that if you did end up telling him that he looked handsome as hell, it was you who was gonna be losing your shit and not Jaemin. Jaemin would use this opportunity to tease you, and any boosted attention from Jaemin was basically someone asking to be punched in the gut (and hard).

Ignoring the stank glare Jaemin gave you for your reply, you turn back to Mark, Jeno, and Jeno, “Anyways… Where are the others?"

“Inside getting seats,” Chenle replied, “I guess we should go in and join them.” The rest nodded, all turning towards the building and following the other guests through the many entrances. You stuck by Jaemin’s side, who had suddenly gone quiet at the sight of all of his relatives and family friends

“Jaeminie! Is that you?” Out of nowhere, an older boy approaches your small group on the way to the main ceremony area. Jaemin motions for you all to go ahead of him, “Wait! Who’s this? Your girlfriend?” Before you could leave Jaemin’s side to follow the other three, the curious look Jaemin’s relatives had been giving you stopped you in your tracks. He was talking about you.

Jaemin abruptly chokes on air, brows raising in a slight panic. His attention shoots towards you, eyes wide at the assumption, “Oh! Nononono, this is my–uh–really good friend, Y/N!” He laughs awkwardly and turns back to his relative. Did you notice the way his ears turned red?

You would be lying if you said that that hurt a bit, but it was true. You nodded, “Nice to meet you!”

“Y/N this is my cousin, Youngbin,” Jaemin introduces, “Well, Youngbin, nice talking to you, but we really need to get to our seats before they’re gone.”

“No problem,” he smiles, “My mom’s holding my seat, I just had to go find something.” Jaemin nods before maneuvering you towards the actual ceremony area, leaving Youngbin without hesitation.

“I’m sorry about that,” he mumbles, “He’s always been really blunt and stuff.” You two spot the others sitting closer to the front but still in the middle seats.

“It’s okay, Jae,” you say, “It happens.”

Jaemin could only respond with a smile before you both were settled in a spot together between Donghyuck and Jisung.

“You two look cute~” Donghyuck whispers into Jaemin’s ear. There was a hint of a joking tone lining his words, yet Jaemin could sense he was serious.

“Hyuck, shut up,” he whispers back, poking his thigh, “My cousin already mistook her as my girlfriend and she looked offended.” The guests were quickly getting settled, meaning that the ceremony was about to begin.

“You do look like a couple, though, not gonna lie,” Donghyuck shrugs and shifts away into Mark’s side before Jaemin could even attempt subtly poking at him again.

“Yeah, whatever,” Jaemin mumbles. I wish.

The ceremony soon begins, shutting up any ongoing. conversation within the room. Everything went as planned. It was just like they were in movies or shows or books. The groom’s reaction to the bride’s entrance was your favourite part; the reactions of the guests to the bride was a beautiful experience too.

Throughout the entire ceremony, you couldn’t help picture how your wedding would be like or how you would want it. Yes, it was somewhat selfish thinking about yourself during the joyous occasion of another, but there was no stopping your active mind, especially since you were currently attending a wedding.

Would it be better for there to be many guests or only limited to close family and friends? What about the colours? A theme? Which of your friends would you choose as the maid of honour? Where would want it to be?

You let your thoughts run free while miraculously still paying attention to the emotional ceremony. At one point during the vows, you felt a tear threaten to fall, but you sucked it back in.

If someone had been able to read your mind, they were probably drowning in countless of your questions to yourself. It was then the final question had somehow overshadowed the previous ones.

At that moment, the minister spoke with his chest, “You may now kiss the bride!

Watching the two newlyweds lean kiss, you feel yourself unconsciously turn your head up to look at Jaemin, who had been completely stuff throughout the wedding.

Who would your groom be?

As the guests all begin to clap for the couple at the front of the room, your eyes settle on Jaemin, heartbeat skyrocketing.

Jaemin was already looking back at you. And little did you know, he was asking himself who his bride would be.

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danishmiilk · 3 years

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Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want so we can spread the love and link each other awesome works.

tagged by: @lavenderxuxi istg we haven’t talked in sOOOO LOOOONG but thank you so much for this tag <333 xoxo love you

everything below this line is shameless self-promo

1. deepest desire, greatest fear (l.yy) (dudes i forgot the name of this fic?? for a sec??) but honestly this fic means a lot to me like a lotlotlot and i think it’s my best fic? i’ve gotten a lot of feedback on this (all screenshotted so i can repost when i feel like it) and i think... i like the relationship dynamics and the kiss scene lowkey killed me when i wrote it so well that was a ridE i can’t believe it only took a (very inspried) three days <333 if y’all liked my other fics i strongly recommend this one <333 do check it out!!

2. when thunder splits the sky (n.jm) okay so i think this was like also my first collab fic, and who else to do it with but furou- i liked the crack a lot in this one even if im not that big of a fan of soulmate aus! still i think it’s very worth a read so do check it out!

3. haechan’s finest tea (k.dy) this one isn’t even complete yet but i’ll def update, maybe tonight or so?? actually nah i think i’ll sched three updates tonight as a christmas present to you all <333 this was my first socmed au and i think it’s quite interesting and funny ya HAHAHAH

4. child of the angels (d.sc) i haven’t uploaded this yet, but i think this is one of my proudest works so far (together with ddgf because ddgf is the og) and the angst! the pining! the pain! i can’t wait to finish this and share it with you guys because i really like the concept

5. if it isn’t too late (l.mk) this one!! this one was the first fic i looked back on and thought “wow, never thought i’d be able to write like this.” i’ve since left this writing style behind for another (hopefully) neater one, but i still look back on this with vv fond memories!! i like the header HAHAHAAH

honourable mentions

- table 7 (k.dy) this is another one i haven’t even uploaded the teaser for since we’re 13k in and i don’t have a proper plot but i promise ill make it good

- unholy hour (nil) oh my dear darling horror fic i have everything planned out in two lines and im done with the last scene so now i just have to write out a few more murders and i’m really excited for this too <3

enough of my bullshit time for tagging!! tagging: @neocitybynight @sly-merlin @lebrookestore @astroboy-lele @radiorenjun @orange-nimon-cross @rouiyan @c-sanshine @doyounged @rvse-hvvck @moonlightjeno @heartyyjeno @prettyjaems @channoticedmeuwu @loonacitys and anyone else who wants to do this since if i tagged everyone i’d take like, three days! just say i tagged you uwu

#tag games!#mentioned!#moots!#lavenderxuxi #em <3

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dillydedalus · 5 years

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november reading

how is it november. anyway i mainly descended into asoiaf hell again but there’s some other stuff!

hugo long list anthology vol. 3, lots of people anthology of the hugo long list for sff short stories - like most anthologies, it’s a mixed bag; i skipped a few stories, found a lot fine, liked quite a few (especially those by ursula vernon, sarah pinsker, p. djeli clark & theodora goss). this tends more towards scifi than fantasy, but i generally preferred the more fantasy-ish ones. 2.5/5

heimat: a german family album, nora krug collage-style graphic memoir about krug’s relationship to german identity after moving to the us and marrying a jewish man, focusing on her research into her family history and her grandparents’ actions during the holocaust, collecting images, documents, letters, statements from other family members, etc etc. the collage style is impressively well-done & her use of documents is especially excellent. 4/5

die untalentierte lügnerin, eva schmidt a german book prize nominee about a young woman in austria going thru a personal & familial crisis after dropping out of acting school. it’s intentionally really detached & isolating (e.g. there is absolutely no direct speech/thought in the entire book) but (unintentionally?) also quite boring. the creepy supportive-but-boundary-breaking stepfather is well done. 2/5

a game of thrones, george r. r. martin (#1 asoiaf) y’all.... i missed this series. i know i’m always lowkey obsessed, but reading the books really is a whole ‘nother thing and there are beats that get me in the heart every time (& every time there are beats that feel completely new) & every time i read agot i suddenly and painfully remember how much i love ned & how good he is & how sad. gods. also i want to take everyone who thinks asoiaf is all about being grimdark & edgy & cynical & ‘honourable = dumb’ and shake them like that’s not what they’re saying! littlefinger thinks like that, cersei, tywin and varys. we’re not meant to side with them! we’re meant to side with ned, who is honourable & chooses ‘the madness of mercy’, even if it kills him, which it does. 4.5/5

cosmicomics, italo calvino (tr. from italian by william weaver) honestly this is so hard to describe but it’s basically short stories about the genesis of the universe, the development of earth & life on earth, told from the perspective of a kind of eternal being (called qwfwq i think) who has been around with some other eternal beings with similarly weird names since before there was space, or time, or anything, but these eternal beings also behave & think pretty much like normal humans if they existed on eternal time-scale. it’s really weird & really fun, altho after the 12 stories i was kinda done. also like the gender politics in this are super eyeroll-y so be aware of that i guess. 3/5

a clash of kings, george r. r. martin (#2 asoiaf) i recently saw a poll on r/asoiaf or something about everyone’s fav book in the series & acok came in last, which i kind of understand - between agot & the absolutely epic and intense asos, it kind of looks like just a transitional book, & while both affc & adwd are kind of polarising, they both have really passionate fans BUT i think acok might actually be my personal favourite in the series. almost all the character’s arcs in this are amazing (arya in harrenhal! sansa figuring out how to cope in KL! theon’s whole mess! tyrion as hand! bran’s last chapter making me cry every single time!) and it has the amazing battle of blackwater bay. so anyway: 5/5

the narrow road to the deep north, richard flanagan (uni) UGH. this is a booker winning (for some reason) novel about australian POWs on the death rail, which is not entirely uninteresting & not something i’ve read anything about before but a) the writing is bad, b) flanagan tries really hard to be incredibly profound & it’s not working, c) half the story isn’t even about the POW camp but about our noble self-sacrificial hero dorrigo ‘manly resolve’ evans, who is a serial cheater & in his feelings about his ~true love for his uncle’s wife which like... who cares!!! in retrospect our discussion in class brought out some interesting aspects about the book & especially what we are meant to think about dorrigo evans but i still dislike it. 1.5/5

bad blood: secrets and lies in a silicon valley startup, john carreyrou the absolutely wild story of startup/total scam theranos by the investigative journalist who originally exposed their total scamminess. it’s sad that there’s so little insight into elizabeth holmes (steve jobs reborn/scammer in chief) and her motivation but oh well. my fav scene was elizabeth holmes giving every employee a copy of a coelho book & telling them she was starting a religion. 3/5

emma, jane austen another austen that is both incredibly delightful and incredibly frustrating in a lot of ways, which i think is partially intentional (although the intense classism never really gets challenged, just emma’s flawed way of enacting classism) - emma herself is often frustrating, misguided, arrogant, but her situation is so dismal and stifling, so many people around her so dull and wearying and demanding, that i couldn’t help but feel for her. sure, the romance is a bit #problematique, and the classism is a lot, but i think the heart of this is emma trying to find a way to exist in highbury, recognise that a) jane fairfax is great but b) she doesn’t have to be like jane fairfax, and that a) yes, she is responsible for her father but b) her father doesn’t have to be her whole life, and that she probably should just let poor harriet smith do what she gonna do. 4/5

the need, helen phillips i think what this book (and fever dream) really confirmed for me is that if i ever have kids, my ocd will go into infernal nightmare mode. anyway. this is a pretty good, pretty scary thriller about molly, working at an excavation site that seems to hold a lot of fossils and artefacts that are just a lil wrong, while also being stressed as hell about her two young children. the book opens with a truly terrifying sequence, switching from molly at her job to molly putting the kids to bed and hearing something that sounds a lot like an intruder (but she’s probably just paranoid right???). the rest of the book doesn’t quite live up to that, but it’s still pretty cool. 3/5

a storm of swords (asoiaf #3), grrm this book is just one thing after the other, in a really good way, in that every time something big & huge happens you read the next chapter or two and something else big & huge happens. read for handless & noseless the lannister boys, not one or two but three contenders for top post on r/weddingshaming, the infamous arya burrito, jon snow inventing cunnilingus in a cave, vengeance zombies, the most emosh snowcastle ever, and just. feelings everywhere. 5/5 thank you for my life grrm

exquisite cadavers, meena kandasamy kandasamy’s last novel (when i hit you) is a kinda autofiction-y novel, closely based on her own abusive marriage but also a novel & the fact that much of the reception has focused on her own traumatic experiences rather than as her novel as a work of literature frustrated kandasamy, as she says in the author’s note here, so she decided to write a story and include her commentary on how it relates (& doesn’t) to her own life in the margin. but rather than straightforward explanation, the margin notes, told by meena (herself? the author-persona? something else?) become their own story, often going on tangents only tenuously connected with the ‘main’ story. i love this conceit & i think in parts of this book it works really really well & it’s interesting how each part informs your reading of the other & how to read the margins as someone whose academic training & inclination tend toward death of the author (one of the characters dislikes barthes lol). sadly i don’t think there’s not enough meat to the story-part to make it more than an interesting experiment. 3.5/5

currently read a feast for crows (of course) and a brief history of seven killings which is... a bit of a slog to be honest sorry :(

#the books i read #long post

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k-llama-llama · 5 years

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Top 10 KPOP Songs of 2018:

These are in no particular order, but they are the songs that have meant the most to me/been my favourite this year. All of them were released in 2018, but they are ranked completely randomly, and I’ve kept it to one song a group! Please do share your thoughts, or your own top 10!

1. My Pace - Stray Kids

Released: August 6th 2018

Is anyone surprised that there’s a SKZ song on here?? Thought I love every single SKZ song, My Pace is definitely my favourite of their title tracks. The music style is most similar to what I love to listen to, the message is A+ as always, and overall it was an amazing first comeback.

2. Retro Future - Triple H

Released: July 18th 2018

Remember this comeback? When everyone was excited that Hyuna and Edawn had confirmed their relationship, we got an amazing song from Hui, Hyuna and Edawn, and they all killed it at every stage. This song is as boppy as it gets, even if it is kind of bittersweet now.

*Continues below the break*

3. Epiphany - BTS (Jin)

Released: August 9th 2018

Sooo...this is the only BTS song on the list. I loved all of BTS’ stuff this year, but nothing struck me quite like Jin’s Intro did. We’ve got power vocals, a true ‘love yourself’ message, and a gorgeous MV. Plus, when I saw them live, this was the one performance where I was like, ‘holy shit, I didn’t know humans could actually do that’ (though I loved the whole concert).

4. What is Love? - Twice

Released: April 9th 2018

Choosing between this and Yes or Yes and DTNA was physically painful for me. But ultimately, I have to be in a specific mood to listen to Yes or Yes, and I’m always in the mood for What is Love?. This is the song that really pulled me into Twice. It’s catchy, the dance is adorable, and the MV is creative as hell.

5. Love Shot - EXO

Released: December 13th 2018

As someone who generally doesn’t get hyped for EXO comebacks, and litrealy didn’t know this one was happening, this song shocked me. I loved it way more than Tempo, it might be my favourite EXO song. It’s like Move by Taemin and Gashina by Sunmi had a baby and it is wonderful.

6. Jealousy - Monsta X

Released: March 26th 2018

Honestly this is probably equal to Shoot Out, but it’s just a little sexier, so I had to pick it. I tend to prefer smoother music (if that makes any sense), so this won out. Plus, it was MX’s first win of 2018, and they had no idea what was coming. Catchy song. Amazing choreo as per usual. MX never lets me down.

7. Thanks - Seventeen

Released: February 5th 2018

I will never stop loving this song. I lowkey love all of Seventeen’s 2018 releases, including their Japanese stuff, but something about this is just really mesmerizing. Remember I said I love smooth songs, this is that. Just the perfect song to show off SVT’s power vocals and killer choreo.

8. Wow Thing - Seulgi, SinB, Chung Ha, Soyeon

Released: September 28th 2018

Literally did not care about this song until my sister showed me, and I was blown away. I mean...girl power is the best, but also everyone in the video looks amazing, the song is great from start to finish and you get that many amazing dancers in a room there’s no way it can be anything less than awesome.

9. 1,2,3 - Seungri

Released: July 20th 2018

Did not realize this came out in July. Apparently I have no memory. Anywho, I adore anything that reminds me of Grease, so this was obviously on the list. As someone who has never stanned Big Bang, I didn’t have an opinion on Seungri, but clearly he’s incredibly talented. Because I played this song on loop for weeks.

10. Hann (Alone) - (G)I-dle

Released: August 14th 2018

I didn’t adore Latata so I wasn’t expecting much from this, but I was pleasantly surprised. Especially with how often I found myself going...I want to hear that song again. I love the choreo, and though I don’t love the MV, I can still safely say that I’m not going to be turning this one off any time soon.

Honourable Mentions: Anpanman (BTS), Answer: Love Myself (BTS), Dance the Night Away (Twice), Yes or Yes (Twice), Shoot Out (Monsta X), Call Call Call (Seventeen), I am You (Stray Kids), Lo Siento, Super Junior

what do you think? Let me know your own top ten, or what you think of mine!

#bts #seventeen #twice #stray kids #g-idle #triple h #hyuna #seungri #exo #wow thing #seulgi #red velvet #monsta x first win #KPOP idol #top 10 #requests open

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greenishbucket · 7 years

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holding you again

TIna and Quinn at a wedding.

2.9k, ao3

Tina is trying really, really hard not to be bitter. Like, so hard.

It’s a beautiful wedding. The ceremony is a little heavy on the religion for her taste but it’s what Sam and Mercedes both want and they’re glowing with happiness in the colourful light from the stain glass windows as the priest talks on and on. If Tina’s honest she zones out a little until it gets to the ‘I do’ bit -- at which point she finds herself suddenly needing to swallow back a sob, gratefully accepting a tissue from Brittany, because some of her best friends are in love and just got married. Brittany pats her on the arm, as vaguely comforting as someone can be when they’re mostly preoccupied with delightedly wolf-whistling as Sam and Mercedes kiss with a lot more passion than Tina expected in a church.

The reception party is far more Tina’s speed, despite some lingering frustration with her carefully applied, and now ruined, supposedly-waterproof eye makeup: they relocate to a tall marquee, decked out in a classic colour scheme of lush pinkish reds and cream that Tina had helped Mercedes pick out over Skype months ago, with the marquee sides kept open to allow in the light and breeze of the clear summer evening and a DJ friend of theirs that Tina doesn’t know already in place between two stacks of speakers.

The music stays light and lowkey while they eat lest any ex-Glee Club, or any of Sam and Mercedes’ other friends for that matter, feel the unstoppable urge to sing mid-meal and it makes for a pleasant, slightly sleepy atmosphere at the evening draws in and the lights turn on. Some of the sleepiness may be relief, Tina thinks, following Santana’s delivery of the maid of honour speech all the girls had worked together on with no end of arguing; Santana’s near balance of cutting sarcasm and warm affection is met with laughter and applause and a kiss blown from Mercedes.

When Sam and Mercedes have their first dance Tina has to pull out Brittany’s crumpled tissue from her purse again because they’re radiant under the dancefloor lights, their hands gentle but sure on each other, and then she has to laugh around her tears when Sam pulls out the old body roll move and Mercedes acts like she’s embarrassed. Before long the dancefloor fills up with other guests and Tina hangs back a little when Mike is one of the first to join, held in place by the sting of their last unplanned fling that’s not quite passed despite the months and distance as well as the fact that technically Artie’s her date. It doesn’t last for long, however, with Blaine noticing her alone at the edge of the dancefloor and reeling her in to clasp her hand and spin her round like they’re still in high school.

But that was some hours ago now. Tina’s a little tipsier now and Blaine a lot judging from the way he’s dancing with Kurt, who’d pulled him away from her with the insistence that he had the right to enjoy his husband fully with a babysitter at home taking care of things. Artie vanished on her into the darkness some time ago with Kitty and she can’t begrudge him that since she's listened to the ins and outs of their on-off thing so often she's almost invested herself at this point. She knows if she checks her phone he’ll have texted to let her know, reassure her that he’s using protection this time – lesson learnt in college! – and tell her to get some herself, probably followed by six or so suggestive emojis.

Instead of anything like that, and in particular to avoid another messy night with Mike, Tina’s been dancing with all the children still awake enough for it, letting them stand on her feet and hold her hand in their cake-sticky ones as they chatter away alongside the music. Their interest in her dress or her carefully styled hair is uncomplicated and refreshing and their excitement at goings-on’s infectious but as the darkness really settles outside most become overtired and have to rest. Now from her table a few rows back from the dancefloor she looks over to the pile of sacked-out children in their miniature formal wear and feels a mixture of sadness that that chapter of life is still so far off for her and intense relief that it’s not a responsibility she has yet.

Tonight can be her own, whatever direction she chooses for it to take, and so can all the others after it. She has no one to stop her.

Tina is trying really, really hard not to be bitter about all the incandescent happiness around her and feel content with her own steady satisfaction where it sits deep in her chest. It’s a battle she’s been fighting for years as all her friends seem to find success with ease and true, deep love so swiftly and surely while she feels like every achievement is a thousand hours spent sewing sequins or learning lines, every love she feels too much or misdirected or inconvenient. Usually it’s not so hard but sitting here alone at Sam and Mercedes’ wedding, the jealousy rears its head with a ferocity she hasn’t felt in some time.

Tina’s horrified to feel herself getting tearful again and she’s about to try her luck finding the bathroom in the dark in high heels just to give herself a moment when someone sits in the seat beside her.

“Not dancing?” Quinn asks, body turned towards Tina in her chair like a welcome but the smile on her face almost cautious.

Tina really hopes she doesn’t look like she was about to start crying.

“Taking a break,” she says, “Dancing with the children means there’s a pretty early cut-off point.”

Quinn’s smile widens, “You know you could always dance with one of the grown-ups.”

Tina laughs, short and probably too bitter. “Yeah, right,” she says and that sounds bitter too so she changes the subject quickly: “How are you? I don’t think I’ve seen you yet today, or for ages actually. Since the fall, right? Time passes so quickly these days!”

Quinn looks stuck for a moment, eyes searching Tina’s face like she’s confused, and her arm draws back from where it was resting on the table behind Tina’s chair. “Fall sounds about right,” she says.

Tina’s just tipsy enough that she’s acutely aware it’s not appropriate to look at the way Quinn’s dress does amazing things for her boobs and also tipsy enough that instead it’s hard to look away from the assured way she’s crossed one leg over the over, the way the gloss of the matching varnish on her fingers and toes matches her lipstick and the way all three are distracting. Her hair is shorter than it was last time Tina saw her and it makes her wonder what has changed in herself that Quinn might notice.

“I guess you must have moved on from that one production in Chicago,” Tina continues when Quinn doesn’t. “I heard really great reviews, it sucks my schedule with Artie meant I was stuck in LA the whole run. I’d have loved to see it.”

Quinn takes a long sip from the glass she has with her but looked pleased.

“It would’ve been wonderful to see you there,” she says, “but what you were working on with Artie looks innovative. I won't lie, mostly I find the things everyone gets up to kind of irritating, but I’ve had the premier date in my diary for months.”

“You’d come to the premier?” Tina asks, voice squeaking upwards.

Since Yale Quinn had been into theatre that Tina associated with words like deconstructed, organic, independent, minimalist. Facebook photos to be trusted, Quinn’s stuff usually takes place on stage that's level with the audience with little in the way of props or set. It explores abstract concepts and political ideology. Tina loves to watch it and admires it and it’s clear Quinn enjoys it but it isn’t what she can, or even wants to, create. It’s forceful in a muted way where Tina likes to really pack a punch with lots of colour and noise. It certainly isn’t the kind of mashup extravaganza her and Artie had got the green light on and have been pouring their souls into since.

“Well, I haven’t been actually invited to the premier,” Quinn says, coy.

“Oh my God, consider yourself invited!” Tina says, reaching out to hold Quinn’s arm with delight. “I’ll tell Artie to tell someone to put you down. Please come, unless you really meant you were just looking forward to the release and, oh God, do you hate red carpets? Is it really inconvenient?”

“No, no, I’ll be in Portland instead of the East coast and I love getting ready for red carpets,” Quinn reassures her, though Tina notes the avoidance of the carpet experience itself, “Just send me the details and I’ll be there.”

Tina squeezes Quinn’s arm rather than try and relay in words how much it means that someone she knows will be there, Artie notwithstanding, since everyone else including her own parents has replied they are regretfully busy. That’s what they get for a premier so near Christmas Eve, she supposes, and puts aside the wondering why Quinn won't be with her family for the holiday. Instead Tina focuses on how much she hopes Quinn likes it, her anxiety over the reception ratcheting up a few notches.

“Save me a ticket in Portland, I could come up and see you?” she suggests, unsure where Quinn’s boundaries lie but wanting to return the kindness and, if she’s honest, get to see Quinn act again. The last time was transformative and far too long ago, falling out of touch as is so easy when your group of friends is an entire high school glee club and theatre so often means travel and long hours.

“Tell me a date and the ticket’s yours,” Quinn agrees easily, cheeks going pink and her hands fiddling with her glass in a way that makes Tina think she’s maybe embarrassed her or made her embarrassed by herself. It’s a good feeling.

There’s a loud whoop and a cackle from the dancefloor and they both look over, Tina’s hand falling away from Quinn, to see Rachel laughing as both Mike and Jake try some of their dirtiest moves with her; the whoop comes from Jesse who is very red in the face and looks like he’s having the time of his life watching.

The jealousy rears its head again in Tina’s chest where it had been forgotten, distracted by Quinn and the amazement that her and Artie’s project has passed Quinn's unknown but high standards to be seen as not only passable but innovative. For a bit Tina had forgotten about loneliness and dissatisfaction, lost in the rush of validation mixed with the flustering remnants of whatever thing she thought her and Quinn had used to have at McKinley. It wasn't as if Quinn was Tina’s bi awakening or anything but she was the first girl whose touch Tina thought maybe lingered longer when they danced, whose smile always seemed brighter for her and always made her feel brighter.

It’s a weird place for the friendship to rest, even all these years down the line. Neither of them have ever said anything about it, though Tina’s sure Quinn must be aware of it at least.

“You and Mike?” asks Quinn after a pause wherein they both watch Jesse get in on the action, Tina feeling some kind of sick fascination.

“No,” says Tina and she makes herself look back to Quinn, who’s watching her with a carefully distant kind of concern. “No, definitely not. Not today at least.”

Quinn laughs. “Good, wedding hook ups are never a good idea even if with Mike I can see the appeal. Last time I did it was with Santana and God knows how we made it out of that intact. Unbreakable friendships, I suppose.”

Tina feels simultaneously validated because she’d told Sam that Quinn and Santana had hooked up then and he hadn’t believed her, and like she’s about to swallow her tongue because the thought of Quinn and Santana getting it on is quite a thought.

“Ghugh,” she eloquently manages in reply.

“Not that she’s an option this time around,” Quinn continues, mouth twisting into something a little wry and with a hint of just as much bitterness as Tina feels, “married and happy as she is, happy as I am that she is.”

“Her and Brittany are great together,” Tina agrees because that’s just common sense.

Quinn nods. “They are. But would you look at that, nearly everyone here married or dating, on track with their lives. Except you and me.”

Tina realises Quinn’s arm is resting along the table behind her again and this time it doesn’t feel as innocent or coincidental as before.

“I don’t feel like my life is off track,” Tina says honestly because, sure, bitter she might be but she doesn’t think her life is off track. Tina’s only in her twenties, she knows it doesn’t all need to be sorted even if she’d like it to be. It’s just lacking in some areas, like the uphill battle in the industry or things with Mike or the truth that the woman next to her has drifted into her mind in the gaps between every iteration of her relationships – a what if, always nagging. What if me and Quinn just–

Tina looks over at her and Quinn is searching her expression again. Tina doesn’t know if she wants to let her train of thought show or not.

“I don’t feel like my life is either,” says Quinn eventually. “I never thought I’d say that, but I don’t.” Her smile is wide and open and a little wondrous, like the realisation has only just really hit her, and Tina doesn't know how to look away or if she wants to. She doesn't want to. If anything, she wants to move closer and do whatever it takes to keep the smile in place, to keep the simple joy of it.

“Exactly where we need to be,” says Tina, a moment too late but pleased by the idea for both of them. Maybe she’s somewhere a little beyond tipsy.

Quinn stands abruptly and holds out a hand to Tina.

“You look beautiful, Tina,” she says with a familiar bluntness and surety that still startles Tina all the same, “Dance with me.”

Tina takes her hand.

The dancefloor feels darker than out by the tables, the light blocked out by other bodies. Tina hadn’t realised she was cold until she felt the warmth of people dancing and the warmth of Quinn’s hand in hers, her body against hers. The wedding party is winding down, the music slow and romantic and giving them time for just one dance before it all wraps up.

The mood feels too strong for what is really her and Quinn’s first move towards each other but Tina thinks they manager to carve out their own smaller, untried but willing space within that. Both in heels, her face can still tuck into Quinn’s shoulder. She still smells like the same perfume she’s used since high school and it’s comfortable for Tina to rest her head there as they sway, wondering if she’s imagining Quinn pressing a kiss into her hair or if it really happens. She feels it again and knows she didn’t imagine it.

“I thought you said no wedding hook ups,” Tina says because this is great, this is wonderful, but she wants to know what to expect. She wants to know where the line is.

Quinn’s voice is huskier than usual and quiet enough, soft enough, that it’s just for them when she says, “Maybe it could be something more than a wedding hook up.”

Oh, Tina thinks, and she nods her agreement into Quinn’s shoulder like she’s suddenly a shy, stutter-faking kid again because she hadn’t realised she had this kind of depth of feeling bubbling away in some forgotten corner of her heart for all these years. Judging by the surprised edge to Quinn’s happy laugh in return, she hadn’t either.

Tina knows they’ll probably have sex tonight, isn’t blind to the chemistry between them or the way Quinn’s breath changes when they press close together or to her own desire for it to happen. She knows neither of them are particularly gentle with sex (although the idea of drawing it out slow over the night makes her stomach clench with heat and that’s one she saves for later), knows this gentle moment on the dancefloor won’t last forever. They have jobs and responsibilities, have whatever’s unresolved with Mike and whatever baggage Quinn no doubt carries with her, have occasionally abrasive personalities and bouts of bitterness that are sure to clash at some point.

Both of them are planners and Tina knows that if they do this, if they really do this, the uncertainties will weigh on both of them until they can be sorted. But for now it feels steady as anything. Tina lets Quinn sway with her, close and warm and both of them finally on the way to something, at the beginning of resolution, while the music plays and the lights twinkle overhead and the wedding comes to a close around them.

#quinntina #quinntina fic #glee #my writing

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