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#masquerade in vienna
classicfilmblr · 11 months
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Paula Wesseley in Maskerade 1934 | dir. Willi Forst
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marleneoftheopera · 3 months
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POTO Vienna rehearsals! From becciplays on Instagram.
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For some reason TTRPG books are really hard for me to read (maybe i just have a hard time with PDFs?) SO i've been reading the VTM fandom wiki (are there any good non-fandom affiliate wikis for VTM?) and I'm glad I have bc its clarifying a lot of lore things I didn't like and I actually like them now :)
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operafantomet · 3 months
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Rooftop and Masquerade from the media call in Vienna, featuring Lisanne Clémence Veeneman, Roy Goldman and ensemble in the Restaged version
Photos by APA/Georg Hochmuth
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80089mt · 1 year
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An interesting moment from POTO Vienna that I’d never caught before! After the Phantom disappears through the trapdoor in Masquerade, everybody runs over to try and find him.
Nicholas Saverine, Vienna, 1992
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tuttocenere · 7 months
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Happy Birthday to the best and only opera of all time Don Giovanni
Fun facts / stories about the Don Giovanni premiere (some of these disputed, regrettably I was not there):
Mozart had traveled to Prague because his previous opera Nozze di Figaro was a massive hit there, much more popular than it had been in Vienna. So Don Giovanni was written as a sort of sequel to please the Nozze fans.
Also there: Giacomo Casanova, a famous seducer in real life. He got involved in writing the opera, but as far as we know none of his suggestions made it in.
The premiere was delayed more than once because Mozart took his sweet time writing the music. The overture had to be sight-read because Mozart didn't write it down until the night before.
The singer who played Don Giovanni was 22 years old and known for his skill at imitating other singers which explains the masquerade in the second act.
Plays about bad people going to hell were old hat at the time, the trending aesthetic was realistic stories with no religious elements.
Ah che piatto saporito was probably a meta joke relating to the singer of Donna Anna being named Teresa Saporiti.
And there's reason to believe a lot of other things in the lead-up to the second finale were some sort of in-joke, alas we can't reconstruct most of the context.
Also at time of writing the English Wikipedia article for Don Giovanni contains this adorable sentence: The final scene's chorus of demons after the Commendatore's exit gives the singer time for a costume change before entering as Masetto for the sextet, though not much time.
To celebrate the anniversary, I'll be rerunning all the Don Giovanni posts I made that I still like. Enjoy.
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artthemasquerade · 1 year
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The Berlin Coterie at a Toreador party
It's been a while since I've posted art on here! XD I've been really busy with things and writing my current devilman fic, but I've finally gotten around to do some art for the Vampire the Masquerade campaign: Berlin Fugue, which is set in 1920s Berlin. The Coterie from left to right, Maddalena Puttanesca, a Puttanesca(Hecata) which part of the Giovanni clan bloodline, Elif Bulut, a Toreador who is the youngest member of the coterie and her sire, Tomas, is the host of the party and she invited her coterie mates to accompany her, Simone Reiher, a Tremere and Nicolaus Everhart, who is a secret Caitiff pretending to be a Brujah. Things at this party have already gotten interesting, for one the party has both Kindred and Kine(the humans who have no idea that they are a vampire party) and Tomas lets his guests decide to choose between eating the mortal food along with their mortal guests or drink a mixture which has some of his vitae (Which would give them a level one bond) in it and would allow them to temporarily have the third level Auspex power of share the senses and they could use it to experience another person's senses. 👀👀👀  Everyone but Simone took the mixture since she has the Tremere bane (before the fall of Vienna) of suffering double of the blood bond level and drinking the mixture would've gotten her up to level two instead of one! And we're discovering a lot of interesting gossip at this party and I'm looking forward to seeing more in the next session when we continue the party :D
Maddalena Puttanesca belongs to @qwib
Elif Bulut belongs to @cthylla-rlyeh
Simone Reiher belongs to @devil-latte
Nicolaus Everhart belongs to me
I was trying something a little different with this piece, I focused more on the inking details and playing with a simpler shading style and I'm pretty happy how it turned out :D  
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Btw if you like what you see and want a commission drop me a direct message on tumblr, instagram or a note on deviantart
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skitskatdacat63 · 27 days
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Would you mind if I asked for any classical recs. I started listening to Bartok and something clicked (also because I like hearing you talk 🗣️ )
- Penalanon
Aaahhh omg penalanon hiiii!! 🥺 so glad you liked Bartók! That's on such the deep end of classical honestly so I'm rly so glad to hear you like his work! Alright sry in advance if any of these are basic bcs im not sure what you've listened to before. But here you go, in no particular order
1812 Overture - Tchaikovsky
Okay hear me out ik this is pretty basic but I love this recording so so much, I listen to it constantly. Tho it's especially fun to listen to when I'm drawing something Napoleonic, it's very fitting
Marche Slave - Tchaikovsky
Another Tchaikovsky piece! I just really like this one :)
Piano Concerto No.2 - Rachmaninoff
Most beautiful piano concerto of all time?? Perhaps. I just love this one, and the story behind it is very sweet to me(Rachmaninoff was very depressed but his therapist helped him get back to composing, and he dedicated this piece to him)
Rite of Spring - Stravinsky
If you liked Bartók, you'll definitely like Stravinsky!!
Firebird - Stravinsky
Also must link this hilarious vid that I always think of every time I listen to this piece
Gayaneh - Khachaturian
My fav ballet EVERRRR. Okay bear with me, I know it's two and a half hours long, but I listen to it constantly
The Planets Suite - Holst
You've prob heard these before but ahhhh one of my favorite pieces, it never gets old. They are all so unique, and I love how you can tell how much they inspired modern film scores like Star Wars
La Follia - Vivaldi
My fav Vivaldi piece other than Four Seasons(not linnking it here bcs I think most people have def heard it, but go listen to it again ofc dklaskjl.) But man Vivaldi always goes off so hard
String Quartet No.8 - Shostakovich
I linked this in my prev music reccs but I'm not sure if you listened to it so I will again!!
Symphony No.5 - Shostakovich
I love Shostakvich so much waahhhhh, his life makes me sad :( But he's one of the reasons I got more into classical music!
Symphony No.7 - Shostakovich
The story behind this one is so sad to me :( It was a song of resistance for the people of Leningrad while they were being seiged in WWII. Also I love how the conducter in this vid literally looks exactly like young Shostakovich
Battle on The Ice - Prokofiev
such a sick piece
Dance of the Knights - Prokofiev
Symphony No.2 - Weill
I randomly heard this at a classical concert, and I've been in love with it every since!
Masquerade Suite - Khachaturian
Gnossienne No.1-6 - Satie
I can't link all of them so just start with the one I linked!!
New World Symphony - Dvorjak
I love the fourth movement especially, there's parts that sound like Jaws and Star Wars
Danse Macabre - Saint-Saëns
The Swan - Saint-Saëns
This song is what I imagine falling in love feels like. It always makes me teary eyed. Also Vienna has stars like the hollywood stars in some subway station, and I took pics of both Saint-Saëns and Debussy when I saw them, and two people I was with had no idea who they were SOBBB
Raindrop Prelude - Chopin
Arabesque - Debussy
I'd recc Clair de Lune but I'm sure you've heard it, so here is another Debussy piece :)
Miserere mei, Deus - Allegri 
IDK I LIKE CHOIR MUSIC BE QUIET
Lacrimosa - Mozart
You've def heard this before but GOD it makes me cry every time, soooooo iconic
Funeral March (Orchestral Version) - Mendelssohn
There's such a cool video of this as an actual march but it's for Thatcher's funeral ugh, so here's the orchestral version too
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rpf-bat · 5 months
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THE YEAR OF NIKOLEKSI
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At the beginning of 2023, I decided to participate in The Year Of The OTP: 12 prompts. 12 months. One ship. I chose Niko/Aleksi because, well, in Niko’s own words, they’re soulmates. 🤷‍♀️
I have a very bad habit of starting a writing challenge and then giving up halfway through. (Sorry, Whumptober and Whumpuary mods. 😅) But I actually completed YOTP, and I’m very proud of myself!! So, I’ve compiled all 12 fics into one masterpost:
January: DU LÜGST
Prompt: Historical AU
Word Count: 969
Summary: Vienna, Austria. 1794 A.D.
Niko has been studying abroad for a few years now, learning the art of music from a master composer. One day, he hears about a new, handsome face in town. A fellow Finn - and a fellow musician.
Tags: Alternate Universe - Historical, 18th Century, Flirting, Pre-Relationship, Short Oneshot
🖤
February: I’M A SHIPWRECK
Prompt: Mermaid AU
Word Count: 1,378
Summary: After a lover breaks his heart, Niko decides he doesn't want to live anymore, and dives into the sea. But, a mysterious savior drags him out of the water, back to shore. Niko isn't sure what shocks him more. That someone saved his life - or that that someone isn't human.
Tags: Suicide Attempt, Alternate Universe - Merpeople, Drowning, Near Death Experiences, Mouth-to-Mouth
🖤
March: TOWELS
Prompt: “Make Me.”
Word Count: 584
Summary: Aleksi is hogging all the towels in their shared hotel room, and Niko is annoyed.
Tags: Arguing, Flirting, Nudity, Implied Sexual Content
🖤
APRIL: WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEW YEAR’S EVE?
Prompt: “No, I’m Not Dating Your Brother!”
Word Count: 963
Summary: It's Christmas, and Niko is in Oulu, visiting his family. Aleksi is in a different city, but he decides to give Niko a video call, and wish him a happy holiday.
Joona can see the obvious crush Aleksi has on his brother, and decides to meddle a little.
Tags: Christmas Presents, Webcams, Fluff
🖤
MAY: MY CUTE HAMSTER
Prompt: Pet/Child Acquisition
Word Count: 546
Summary: Aleksi and Niko have been dating for about a year now. They already have Rilla, but they decide they're ready to adopt a second pet together.
Tags: Established Relationship, Short & Sweet, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
🖤
JUNE: IT WAS HATE AT FIRST SIGHT FOR US, DARLING
Prompt: Soulmate AU
Word Count: 801
Summary: Everyone has the first words that their soulmate will ever speak to them, written on the inside of their wrist.
But, there's just one problem. The words on Aleksi's wrist are "fuck you."
Tags: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soulmate Identifying Marks, Enemies To Lovers, Short Oneshot
🖤
July: LET’S SEE HOW FAR WE’VE COME
Prompt: Vacation Together
Word Count: 518
Summary: Two years after their performance at Eurovision, Niko and Aleksi return to Rotterdam for a romantic vacation.
Aleksi is feeling a bit nostalgic.
Tags: Established Relationship, Vacation, Short & Sweet, Fluff
🖤
August: ENGLISH SUMMER RAIN
Prompt: Storm
Word Count: 538
Summary: Niko and Aleksi share a hotel room, the night before a festival gig. Aleksi discovers that Niko has a phobia of thunder.
Tags: Thunderstorms, Astraphobia, Sharing A Bed, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Short & Sweet
🖤
September: FIFTEEN LOVE
Prompt: Meeting The Family
Word Count: 1,374
Summary: Aleksi travels to Oulu, to meet Niko’s little sister, and cheer her on at her tennis match.
Tags: Established Relationship, Meeting The Family, Tennis, Fluff, Minor Injuries
🖤
October: PLAYING COPS & ROBBERS
Prompt: Couple’s Costume
Word Count: 1,056
Summary: On the final night of the Warrior Souls Tour, Nyamjantsan - better known as “Jaya” - from The Hu invites Niko and Aleksi to a Halloween party.
Niko really wants to wear a costume that matches Aleksi - but the DJ isn’t really sure why.
Tags: Halloween, Costume Parties & Masquerades, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Fluff
🖤
November: THE WORST WISH
Prompt: “Be Careful What You Wish For”
Word Count: 1,489
Summary: Aleksi is in love with Niko. But, Niko is in a relationship with Joonas.
When he spots a shooting star in the sky, Aleksi wishes - for one, selfish second - that Joonas would disappear, so that Niko could be his. Immediately, he regrets it. But, when Joonas gets into a terrible accident the next day, Aleksi is consumed with guilt. He can’t help but think this is all his fault.
Tags: Car Accidents, Major Character Injury, Hospitals, Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Angst With A Happy Ending, Polyamory
🖤
December: ROSES ARE DEAD, VIOLETS ARE DOOMED
Prompt: Tattoo Parlor/Flower Shop AU
Word Count: 2,242
Summary: Aleksi is on the bus, headed to his part-time job at his aunt’s flower shop, when he meets a young tattoo apprentice named Niko.
Aleksi is only sixteen, and it only takes a day for Niko to become his first crush. But, Niko appears to have his eye on someone else.
Tags: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop & Tattoo Parlor, Teen Romance, First Crush, Light Angst, Not Actually Unrequited Love, First Kiss
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glassprism · 11 months
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HELLO! I've started noticing random lyric changes in bootlegs of Broadway/West End Phantom... is there a timeline to why these changes occurred? Randomly? Is there any rhyme or reason? i.e. "Christine are you alright" in 2023 or the order of Masquerade lyrics switching in 2014 (?) or Bravi vs Brava. Just curious!
That's a pretty tall order, but I'll do my best! But there is definitely a rhyme and reason to it all, you just have to follow the timeline while taking into account that there will also be differences between productions and between actors as well. Keep in mind too that especially in its early days, it's not uncommon for a show to be tinkered with and it's lyrics altered as they get it running.
The first difference (if we don't count the Sydmonton production which was more of a concept production, but you can read about some lyric differences here) come between the original London production when it opened and the original London cast recording. There's already a difference in the 'Think of Me' lyrics, with the production opening with the lines, "Fly away, but when you lie awake" while the cast recording simply repeats, "We never said our love was evergreen", among other things. Furthermore, the London production had an extra line for Raoul in 'Little Lotte', where he says, in response to Christine talking about the Angel of Music, "No one could have sung the way you did tonight without a little help from him." By 1987 this line was cut, I assume because it's a tad redundant.
Many of the initial lyric changes came from 1988 Broadway transfer, such the changes to 'Think of Me', adding more lines for Piangi in 'Notes I', changing 'Wandering Child' from a trio to a duet, altering some lines in 'Point of No Return', flipping a line or two in 'Down Once More', and so on and so on. None of them make massive changes to the story or plot, but they are alterations all the same. You can read about all those changes here.
One more important addition was made in 1989, either for the opening of the Los Angeles sit-down production or the Toronto one, and that was the reprise of the line, "Help me to say goodbye" in 'Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again', which was added to end the song on a more powerful note. Since this was added in 1989, if you listen to any international productions that began before this period (such as Japan, Vienna, or the original Stockholm production), they will not have that additional lyric.
From here things start to get funky. Starting as early as 1990 in the London production, the production began using alternate lyrics for 'Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again', which began with the line, "Three long years..." There were used up until around mid-2002, when they were changed back to the more common, "Passing bells and sculpted angels". However, one or two productions that based their libretto off of London's would also use it, such as the Dutch production, and it would make a surprise return in the restaged US tour.
One other change I can think of came in 2006 with the Las Vegas production. Most of the changes in Vegas were because the show was cut down to a 90-minute, one act show, so most of them did not apply to other productions, but they did alter two words in 'Think of Me', going from, "Think of August when the trees were green" to "Think of August when the world was green". This is notable mainly because the line started showing up sporadically in other productions, such as the 25th anniversary concert (probably because SIerra Boggess was an original Vegas Christine) and Broadway.
From 2014 onward, another change: the song 'Wandering Child', which had been sung as a duet everywhere in the world except London, some of the UK tours, and some non-replicas, was changed back to the trio, and this was enforced across all productions except non-replicas, which can probably do what they want. That being said, there were still some lyric differences between London and other productions worldwide, which I go over here.
Finally, when the show was revived in London and reopened on Broadway after the COVID shutdown, there were multiple lyrics changed. The most famous is the one for 'Angel of Music', done to accommodate Christines of color but which underwent several changes in the first few months, but there are changes scattered everywhere, though some were reverted a few months later, which was just very funny to me. I go over it a bit here.
All right, got all the major timeline changes down? Great! Because now we're going to add another layer of complexity: production differences! Because as you might have noted, some productions have different lyrics between them, or will omit or add lyrics. The most notable are the differences between London vs. Broadway, and this is where you get things like the different 'Masquerade' lyrics (London has one version, Broadway has another that tends to be used worldwide), the use of "viper" vs. "vixen", Christine's hopes lying "shattered" or "murdered", and many others. I go over quite a bit of it here. Unfortunately, when the London production was revived, most of these differences were lost.
More changes came with the 25th anniversary concert, most of which were to accommodate the changed setting. These were then used in the restaged UK and US tours, but with even more alterations, with some again being done because of differences in the staging or props but others just because. I go over it here, and an additional one here, and I also discuss an old line being brought back to the concert here.
And finally, once you have all the timeline and production differences down, you have to account for the fact that in a few places, actors have a choice in what lyrics they can sing. One of the most famous is whether the Phantom chooses to sing "far-reaching gaze" or "fathering gaze" in 'Wandering Child', something that goes back all the way to the 1990s. Heck, some actors, like Hugh Panaro, will switch the word depending on their run or their mood.
And then when you get into "bravo" vs. "bravi" vs. "brava" (or "bravissima" vs. "bravissimi"), I can only assume it's a whole combination of the above. Keep in mind that both Raoul and the Phantom say variations of those words so it gets pretty complicated pretty fast. Officially, Raoul should say "bravo" and most do, but then in the Canadian production, whether due to direction or tradition, they almost all say "brava". Meanwhile, some librettos, such as the original and the Las Vegas one, state that the Phantom should sing, "Bravi, bravi, bravissimi", but later librettos, the 2004 film, or the RAH concert states it should be, "Brava, brava, bravissima". I wondered if they might be a little more consistent in the Romance-language productions (Brazil, France and the French dub, Italian dub, Mexico, Romania, Spain), but nope, it's all over the place there, which leads me to think that they don't actually care that much - except, naturally, for the Italian dub, which has Raoul congratulating Christine with, "Brava!" and the Phantom congratulating Christine with, "Brava, brava, bravissima".
So we'll see what they do in the actual Italian production! Don't let us down, Bradley Jaden and Ramin Karimloo.
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weimarhaus · 4 months
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In order to “drill himself into the center of life,” Schatz said to his friend the writer Viktor Matejka, he attempted either to remove any disguise, or to emphasize the masquerade so much that we can recognize not only the misery, but also the will to self-determination of those who live on the margins of society. In the large-format "The Hope," originally called "Artistes," Schatz depicted four completely different existences from the world of the Vienna Prater. Although they are painted in the half-naked, they present themselves rather with pride and self-confidence. With the meticulousness of New Objectivity, Schatz reproduces subtle details, such as the transparent lace shawl of the figure to the left, for example. While the form may be clear, the depiction of these four persons remains ambiguous. They were often interpreted allegorically, as an indirect image of the phases of human existence, or of the continents; they were also seen as an expression of the artist’s anti-classical approach. When the National Socialists gained power, Schatz was forbidden to work. [Source: Degenerate Art group]
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harleychick91 · 7 months
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All of my SuperCorptober fics in one place 
Day 3: Kara
Rating: T
Word Count: 12,238
Title: Vienna and Banana Pancakes
Summary: Wanting a fall getaway before Halloween, Lena invites everyone to her family’s home nestled in the Western North Carolina Mountains. A weekend full of crisp weather, apples, pumpkins, and an almost kiss.
FFN and AO3
Day 11: Earth
Rating: T
Word count: 3,173
Title: Earthly Rituals
Summary: For the most part, Kara understood most of Earth’s traditions and customs except the ones surrounding jewelry. Those confused her.
FFN and AO3
Day 14: Midnight
Rating: T
Word Count: 1,232
Title: Midnight Snack
Summary: Feelings are shared over an unexpected midnight dinner.
FFN and AO3
Day 18: Lena
Rating: T
Word Count: 1,928
Title: But You Kissed Back
Summary: After a bourbon laced kiss, Lena has to confront her best friend about why she kissed back.
FFN and AO3
Day 22: Art
Rating: T
Word Count: 1,406
Title: Friends To Lovers
Summary: A mysterious painter named Sarah Bennett starts selling artwork in National City. Kara is tasked with finding out who this woman is.
FFN and AO3
Day 24: Enchanted
Rating: M
Word count: 3,156
Title: Enchanted Evening
Summary: Kara finds herself drawn to a particular heartbeat at a masquerade gala. After sharing a dance, Kara is tasked with tracking down the mysterious woman in black.
FFN and AO3
Day 27: Cardigan
Rating: T
Word count: 1,658
Title: A Coveted Cardigan
Summary: Fear of spiders, a coveted cardigan, and an accidental reveal.
FFN and AO3
Day 28: Season
Rating: G
Word Count: 583
Title: Kissing Booth
Summary: Lena gets jealous at National City’s seasonal fundraiser.
FFN and AO3
Day 30: Magic
Rating: T
Word count: 1,449
Title: Twin Flame
Summary: After returning from Newfoundland, Lena must come to terms with the information about her bloodline and her best friend.
FFN and AO3
Thank you everyone who’s read, liked, and commented on my stories! You all are amazing.
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midgardian-witch · 5 months
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So I wrote a vampire!Anselm x vampire!reader fic right? Haven't posted it yet but it's there and ready to go.
But now my brain is pushing that whole concept into a Vampire The Masquerade AU and I am conflicted because idk if I have the capacity for another series but.
Anselm as a Ventrue, newly (about a few decades ago) appointed (through a violent coup helped by the reader) Prince of Vienna (I also thought of maybe Weimar but I think Vienna suits him better). Because let's face it he'd absolutely be a Ventrue and he'd definitely not be an Anarch.
Reader (who is a younger Generation than Anselm) used to be his Sheriff and right hand before they had a fallout and reader moved to the States and joined the Anarchs.
Just the vampire politics and drama of VtM mixes so well with that in my mind. Or maybe it's because I have loved VtM for so long.
I have THOUGHTS and HEADCANONS but idk if I should put that to paper (or if anyone would be interested in reading that).
So uh hit me up if that sounds interesting to you? Or if you understood nothing of what I just said and are intruiged I am happy to explain.
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operafantomet · 1 month
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MASQUERADE COSTUMES IN THE CURRENT RESTAGED PRODUCTION IN VIENNA VS ORIGINAL LOOKS
I tried to not cherry-pick my favourites of the original costumes. Rather, I looked for the most similar fabrics or constructions, while still trying to show a full-view and a similar pose to the Viennese photos. I hope the photoset makes sense.
Whereas the Restaged Tour's Masquerade costumes has been massively improved since UK 2012, especially for the Australian and Austrian productions, I think the biggest mistake still is to try and create ballroom costumes out of what is highly allegorical or character costumes. I don't think the transition is believable and would rather have seen newly designed Victorianesque gowns - like in the Mediterranean production. It would be more coherent to the uniforms and tailcoats most men wear in the scene.
Meg Giry's equestrian-inspired costume (row 5) is maybe the best example of how it would need a much bigger redesign to function. A grand bustle skirt, perhaps? The current added layers is bulky and unflattering to both the wearer and the costume.
I also think the Phantom's Red Death (row 3) has gone from an actual threat to a charming Alexander McQueen catwalk look. I'm not sure that's what I want from Red Death. They lost the death part. Same for Carlotta (row 4) - the original costume feature spiders and cobweb and bats, while the new one is all lace and feathers. I do however appreciate that they returned to the original silhouette and colours.
I do however think Christine's and Raoul's costumes (row 1 and 2) have been restored to more or less what Maria Bjørnson designed. Those are also the ones I like the most, along with the "flunkies" (not depicted).
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lietpolski · 2 months
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1,2,12,25 for croatia if you dont mind :)
1. what do you like or dislike about this character?
i think what i like the most is that there are layers to him!! he's a deranged little freak who masquerades as a holier-than-thou snob <3
2. favourite canon thing about this character?
his beautiful long hair he had when he was under austria <3 i still hc him as having long hair now :D also the HIDEOUS homosexual outfits he wears 90% of the time
12. what's a headcanon you have for this character?
slovenia was his first (nation) partner and they had a steady romantic relationship of sorts for a long time when living under austria together!* from 1868 to ww1 he had to live with hungary, and they exchanged letters often during that time :) he also got close to both hungary and slovakia during their cohabitation!
(* since he was kind of a big deal, he was allowed to live in his own country after a certain age, but he still had to come back to vienna often)
25. what was your first impression of this character? how about now?
it took me forever to understand him!! i think his personality is more subtle so he didn't stand out to me, and i didn't know how i'd describe him? but when he clicks he's so good... i'm obsessed with him now
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jbbarnes · 4 months
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@brooklynsoul : ❝ I know you’re nervous. And you have plenty of reason to be. But you’re lying. ❞
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One foot in front of the other. Just focus on that. Nothing else. Not the sensation of every single eye following his every movement, not the hairs standing up on the back of neck as he wound down back alleys and side streets on his way home. It took a lot of concentration not to run, to keep his feet moving at a normal pace, hands in his pockets, eyes down.
Why the fuck did he decide leaving the backpack in the apartment was a good idea? There were so many places he could have stashed it. And yeah, maybe going back for it was a bad idea, but he just... he couldn't lose it all again. If they–if they found him, and they–He'd have his notebooks. They couldn't take them from him, because he had his notebooks. It was real. All of it was real. He had to have them.
Even before he reached the door, having climbed the stairs two or three at a time as soon as he was out of view, he'd known there was someone in there. The shift of the floorboards reached his sensitive ears and he'd frozen. The low murmur of voices had him silently climbing a few more flights, finally able to make out a voice he felt like he knew better than his own.
Steve.
His stomach lurched and his heart twisted as his brain suddenly supplied a tidal wave of memories of Steve's voice coming from behind a closed door. Greetings and complaining and observations. He had to stop, lean against the wall for a moment as it passed, and it was only the sound of approaching sirens that had him moving again.
The door was well oiled, completely silent as he pushed it open. A figment of his memory overlapped with the man stopped in his kitchen for a second, a smaller frame with floppy blond hair he was constantly pushing out of the way. But this wasn't just Steve – he had the shield at his side, but the uniform was the one he had seen on the news, not the one he'd sho–shot–
A shake of his head.
He stood in the middle of the small space, unable to bring himself to say anything. This wasn't what he had wanted. He wanted... he wanted to be Bucky again. Able to smile and offer up what he remembered freely, not just glimpses into the past and screams and blood. He wanted to feel like a person again, not something masquerading as one. Broken parts tied together with gossamer string. But when had the universe ever considered what he wanted?
"Do you know me?"
Golden hair in sunlight, graphite covered fingers, bruised knuckles, a bump on his nose from one too many run ins with a fist, sky blue eyes. Thin shoulders tucked under his arm, tugged tight against his side. Knees knocking against each other under a table. Sleepovers and days at the beach. Curled up next to each other in the depths of winter, that one draft refusing to be patched. Being pulled off a table, holding a shield, blasted out of the side of a train.
A hand reaching for his.
A rough swallow. "You're Steve. I read about you in a museum."
A blatant lie. He'd noticed the notebook Steve held in his hands. The one he'd have propped open as he chewed on one of the caramel bars he liked, jotting down whatever random memory of the pair of them came into his head. Some of it in a near illegible scrawl, but more and more these days in a neat cursive that felt familiar, felt right. The leaflet the only picture he'd allowed himself to have after that fateful visit to the Smithsonian, swiped on his way out. He didn't need anything else messing up the validity of his memories.
The response made his knees want to buckle, too weak to hold him up. Steve's voice was so gentle, like he was an animal about to spook. Of course he was fucking lying, if they were coming for him, they'd come for Steve, he couldn't implicate him in this. Steve shouldn't even be here, stood in his tiny kitchen, small and broken but his. He was meant to protect Steve, he'd promised... he'd promised... He knew he had.
"I wasn't in Vienna," he blurted, needing Steve to know the truth, even after the lie had slipped from his lips. "I don't do that any more."
Footsteps on the roof, men gathered outside the door. More on the balconies. He'd already set up the place for each scenario, but not all at once. Still, he could handle it. There was just the spanner of Steve in the works, and his mind ran through his plans, adding it another thing to keep safe as they continued to speak. He didn't even really hear his own replies. The inevitability of it weighed heavy in his bones. Of course they'd come for him. Whether that was his handlers or someone else, he'd known it would come to this.
"You pulled me from the river. Why?"
It took all his control not to snap his head to look at that imploring face. Because if he did, Bucky knew he was done for. When he did, clenching his jaw, he wished he could tell the truth.
Because you're Steve. Because you're my person even when I don't know who or what I am. Because you broke through the thing HYDRA made me to finally reach the person trapped underneath. Because you believed in me when no one else would.
Because I love you.
"I don't know."
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