#my instructor was nothing like this

[nemaliwrites]

roommate and i took a pottery class last night and, as is usual for me, i proceeded to make it about Miraculous.

imagine with me, for a moment, an aged up Adrinette-never-met AU. adrien is a tired, overworked college student desperately using his few free hours to hang out with his friends nino and alya (he'll even put up with third-wheeling! anything to be a good friend!). one way they do this is by taking a pottery class.

'the instructor's a friend of mine,' says alya, 'and she can give us a discount!'

ignoring the fact that adrien most definitely does Not need a discount, he says yes.

the instructor (marinette, obviously) is the prettiest girl he's ever seen, and she's making it really hard to concentrate on the clay in front of him. and the other thing holding him back is that pottery is really fucking hard, apparently! alya and nino are more preoccupied with laughing and throwing clay at each other, but adrien is focused on making the best pot possible (mostly to impress the cute instructor!)

time's running out, though, and all he's left with are messy hands and a lump of clay that is decidedly Not pot-shaped. perfectionism rears its ugly head, and he's about two seconds from just giving up and calling it quits - after all, how did he think he'd be able to impress marinette as a complete and utter beginner?

fortunately for him, she has a soft spot for beginners.

'it's okay,' she says to him. 'here, let me help you.'

he is not expecting her to reach her arms around him from behind. she places her hands over his, and even through the layer of clay covering him, she is warm. her hair tickles the back of his neck, and she smells like sugar and vanilla. it's more than a little distracting.

he tries his best to listen to what she's saying about throwing and pressure and texture, hoping she can't see the way his cheeks are surely flaming a bright red.

he's too nervous, though; his foot presses down on the pottery wheel's foot pedal unconsciously. the wheel speeds up faster and faster until adrien's creation is splattered all over his face. he can't even bring himself to care, though, when he hears how pretty marinette's laugh is.

he might not have learned anything about pottery, but he still gains something: he leaves that night with her number plugged into his phone.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous #miraculous fic idea #fic idea #marinette dupain cheng #adrinette #adrienette #adrien agreste #to be clear #my instructor was nothing like this #but pottery is indeed hard #i literally ended up smushing my wip like ten times #and the closer we got to the end of the session roommate and i were literally so anxious #they said they'll fire one piece for us in the kiln - that was WAY too much pressure #but it was still really fun! 10/10 would recommend #nemali speaks

[qzse-rtv]

Some sgt told me they got a email saying they had problems with me during the two weeks i spent at the 'driving school' thing???

And like, they havent told me anything about it when i was there ??

Ill know more about it next week but im going to get fuckign shit on for nothing im going to scream

#idk what ill even tell them?? #nothing went wrong they just didnt validate my driving like #i didnt fucking insult the instructor or anything

[fandomfluffandfuck]

You ever have one of those professors where you're just like... how? How are you,, employed? Y'know, as an instructor. A teacher. Someone who is supposed to teach. How did you get here because, in the least mean way I can possibly say it, so fucking bad at your job?

#don't get me wrong #I've had plenty of shit teachers and professors but Oh My God #she is making my life living hell #she's a seemingly bright and cheery and nice person #but she's a nightmare instructor #she does not teach #she gives us an impossible amount of work to do all by ourselves throughout the week #she has labs that are half written and are too complex to fit within the lab time #she holds us after lecture to continue talking about stuff that has Nothing to do with the content of the class #literally every class and lab! #she makes us take THREE #I REPEAT T H R E E #quizzes every week #there are three smaller group projects throughout the term and one overarching large group project throughout the term #and she's the only fucking instructor my institution has hired for this class that is REQUIRED for nearly every degree #i'm exhausted by her #like #she's a nice person #but the way she teaches makes me wanna fucking die #anyway #i have homework to do (for her class 🙃 of course) #personal #thoughts #i have to complain about this everywhere apparently... to my friends... to other students... to tumblr... yeah. its bad and i apologize lol

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload? #me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃 #listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook #i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort #to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop #being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol #i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like #let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and #make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works #ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil #ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations #bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess #its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively #health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by #medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary. #like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think #of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf #my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its #bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror #when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the #most me coded character to ever exist #unrelated

[emelinstriker]

my rant of the day

#emelin rambles #i already felt like shit before #the oh it's getting better it's only the first half of the week #that doesn't fuckin apply #it's rly not gettin better in this town #like i can't go to lunch at the cafeteria #i got asperger's syndrome and would rather fuckin starve outside in the cold than deal with the stress of people there #fuck life #my instructors telling me that they've never seen anyone rly unhappy after that week gotta be capping #cuz so far literally nothing made me feel comfortable except for my laptop #which is my only break from whatever tf this hellhole is #and since i can't go to my room #well guess i'll just fuckin starve #cuz i already feel so shitty i might as well just skip out on dinner #cuz that was the only meal i take from the cafeteria #just cuz there's maybe like 2 other small groups whenever my smol group goes there #havin a breakdown before work cool

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

hmmm a little scared for tomorrow....

#i have to get a ct scan and then i have a driving lesson and like neither thing is all that scary its just two mid-tier stressful things #back to back in one afternoon and its definitely going to use up all of my brain cells #its my last driving lesson but theyre 2 hrs long and its just a little awkward and socially draining bc like i'm socially anxious and #anxious about driving and then trying so hard to talk normally to the instructor and act normal etc #the ct scan like its for somethign that is probably nothing and at least medical stuff is usually just following directions so thats ok #also the driving lessons are a little awkward bc I’m very much ready for the test so I don’t need much instruction at all

[praise-the-lord-im-dead]

I have had three encounters with people today trying to point out crimes and evils committed by non-white or non-american people as some kind of gotcha and I just.

Oh my!! My whole worldview, shattered!

You mean lots of people can do evil things?? How fascinating! How new! How unheard of! That completely erases any and all need to try and understand our past, doesn't it. That makes everything that's ever happened okay and not worth examining. Evil is so pervasive that we just don't need to fight it, ever, at all, because if we can't approach a situation by separating people into good and bad categories along lines of ethnicity or nationality, then it's just too complex to think about. It's better to go on without examining our prejudices, because other people are prejudiced too, so prejudice is now a cool and good thing!

#grumble grumble snark snark #reminds me of when I brought up a worry to my boss that an instructor was mistreating the esli students (it was a false alarm) #and he was like 'well they have public canings in Korea' and I was like. okay how is that relevant to this in the slightest #anyway. history and tragedy aren't gotcha opportunities #and nothing gets on my nerves faster than people being flippant about the fact that they're so entrenched in their own views #that they won't ever seriously think about someone else's #discourse sorry #sort of not really #racism #venting

[pepprs]

lmaooooo i think i need to quit teaching forever and also bury myself in a hole. lol

#purrs #grading papers on a sunday and the WAYYYYY this one students paper just hurt my feelings so fucking bad. i mean it’s not just hers but like. #god. it’s the most childish thing in the world (which makes sense / is the literal problem. that i am a child.) but im coteaching this class #(WHICH I TOOK and my co-instructors were MY instructors and now im replacing one of them who’s also the one who left in july lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍) and #ive had WICKED impostor syndrome bc… not to air it all out but im airing it all out bc im so mad lol. they’re both older men with phds and w #wives and families and im a 24 year old in the first year of her career with a bachelors degree who stilllives at home w her parents and #also the two of them and the third instructor literaly developed this class together and again i TOOK IT as a student in their class 2 years #ago. so again… WICKED impostor syndrome. and the class is all abt figuring out how to thrive in different contexts that are constrained by s #social norms so it’s relevant to talk abt impostor syndrome and i have talked about it. and also i get substantial parts to lead in the #classes and whatever and take attendance and grade papers and send out emails to the whole class etc etc. so WHY are the other two #instructors getting shoutouts in the papers and i am getting… NOTHING!!!! naught a SINGLE mention. when i am literally fucking LIVING #THROUGH the things we’re taking abt in class abt the first year of ur career and impostor syndrome and shit……. oh iknow why! because they #don’t actually see me as an instructor because im short and a nothing girl and an IMPOSTOR!!!!! LOLLLLL 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 and the book chapter was the #same too lol like im the only co-author who doesn’t actually get individually named as making a contribution in the text of it and nobody #noticed but me because it’s a stupid thing to notice but i still noticed. awesome. i love being invisible and not actually mattering ♥️ < #<- has the mental illness that makes you utterly unable to see evidence of how you actually do matter and only hyperfocus on the evidence th #that you don’t <- but also is trapped in the psychijc prison of some parts of her environment telling her she does matter and other parts t #telling her she doesn’t so can you blame her for going CRAZY!!!!!!!!! like is this literally not the normal well adjusted reaction to have #to GENUINELY LEGITIMATELY JUSTIFIABLY upsetting thigns. when the circumstances are fucked up and deleterious 😍😍😍😍😍😍 #delete later #oh also im apparently not even an official instructor in Da System (which is a problem and it is not supposed to be that way) so i won’t #even get to read abt how the students fucking forgot about me and think im a nothing girl because they won’t even have a chance to give me #that feedback!!! lol. i think * and * should just do everything together because they are both qualified to do it. and i should spin off #into the abyss and quit my job and never be heard from again. that’s how this shit makes me feel. like ik it’s just a couple of students and #their opinions literally don’t matter but im like hm how about i go fuck off then since clearly i don’t make a difference to you. lole <3 #* i won’t get that feedback etc etc bc i am not going to get course evals because im not in Da System. lol ♥️

[keymintt]

well it's a good thing the stuff's nontoxic

#art #comic #my art #comics #subbing for some summer camp stuff while another instructor is sick and i mean kids are fun but oh my god #experiencing the reason why kid art supplies are nontoxic today #like i mean i knew why beforehand ofc #honestly it's pretty hysterical witnessing this and knowing that nothing you can do will make this kid's mouth less blue #like alright buddy hopefully your parents just thought you ate a jolly rancher or something

[munamania]

if my coworker doesn’t stop smacking his lips it’s gonna turn into a murder-suicide situation.

#they have him come in late to do essentially nothing. i set up the big event myself ran around and then he still acted #completely useless for the simple fucking event at 10. which is fine bc u know that's the only other one going on while im here #and yet i have to just sit here. anyway yay hours. but yeah im over it i just want to be out of here and go to class tbh. #WANT to go to class. i love my instructor that's my best friend. thought abt how bad i wished ic ould talk to him last night #HES DOING IT AGAIN UGGGHFSHGJFDHGDFHG. i might have to leave the office till he finishes this cookie im not even joking #it's so bad. #abby talks #u know when writers r like they Punctuated an action with blah blah blah. he jsut did that extremely loudly as if he can tell im suffering

[octobertomarch]

I definitely have to color this next timeeeee 😅😝

Shigino kisumi eating pancake/cake/sweets/ i forgot hahahha

The fanart is inspired by this:

Kdrama: Touch Your Heart (starring Yoo In-Na and Lee Dong-Wook). The show is great and funny. I recommend it

#fanart #free! #kisumi shigino #kisumi #kissme kissme kissme kissme #perfectbody perfectbody #actually I'll be attaching a rant here bc my day was so ughhhh #you see government scholarship here is WAY BEING POLITICAL when it shouldn't be #we the students have nothing to do with political fuckshittery #oh so another thing #we have this school-based dance contest andddd #i kinda feel that the instructors from our dept are expecting for us to win #makes me want to roll my eyes #coz i think they're not even supporting us enough #not even helping us to find a fixed place to practice when there's almost 40 of us #then they'll just stop by to watch us for a while then leave #we were adviced to tweak our dance a little more since the guidelines was changed somehow #COME ON WHY ONLY SAY THAT NOW WHEN WE HAVE LESS THAN A WEEK BEFORE THE CONTEST?!?!?!?!?! #yea i know there's cash prize and the fact that our dept always win competitions like thisbut it doesn't justify that they're expecting #but it doesn't justify that they're expecting much when they barely did anything for us #KISUMI PLEASE COMFORT ME

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

sorry for diary posting so much on main but this is the last one today prommy

#it's in the tags anyway so #SO #i didn't go get my masters. or rlly try for a phd because i felt like i was bad at school right #(because i failed two classes in freshman year and i'd never ever done that before) #(and i failed those because. my meds made it very difficult for me to retain any information/make memories or whatever) #and it was just so WEIRD and i felt so dumb because never in my life had i been bad at school before like that #so that kind of killed my general confidence in academia #so even tho i got into a decent program i just decided to go work instead #(and yes a big part of it is that my current job is awesome and i didn't know if i'd get this kind of opportunity again) #and i kind of just realized #the last year and a half have LITERALLY JUST BEEN SCHOOL #OR WHAT A MASTERS PROGRAM WOULD BE LIKE #sort of. like an engineering masters. #except technically i have come up with new stuff too it's just operational and not research #but i spent the last year and a half learning something completely new that i knew nothing about at all. #and i've been teaching classes while i was learning and taking exams #and my exams went WELL #the last oral exam i had my evaluator told me it was the best one he'd seen #i went to talk to one of my senior instructors recently about the last big class i taught to become certified #to fucking important ass terrifyingly smart people #and he told me i was a model for all new people and i did super well #and then he told me not to tell anyone he said that because he didn't want people to think he was a softie #(he's a gigantic softie. i can't believe people are scared of him) #when he gets mad he expresses it and honestly he's valid for it sometimes people are dumb bitches and need to hear it. but apparently some #oh that's a tangent. anyways. if i can do this i can probably go back to academia right... #and jesus fuck girl it doesn't have to be mit. it can be a normal school #i can Lower my Standards because they aren't about to lower theirs. haha but what if.... anyways im gonna stick with the same major as my #bachelors cause i did actually enjoy it. and aerospace is boring in comparison. and i wanna figure out how to keep people alive both in #space AND under the ocean. at pressures we were never meant to survive at! Now THAT' would be fun.

[teaboot]

This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.

I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.

(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)

Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.

And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.

I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.

And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.

But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.

But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.

And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.

So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.

And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.

But what if I hadn't known how to do that?

What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?

What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?

My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.

And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?

How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?

I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.

I think I'm gonna frame it.*

(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)

[supersumc]

Ways to get yourself on my "This person us an arsehole" list #67: Have your security cameras equipped with a motion detector that says, "Hi! You are currently being recorded." Guaranteed to tick off someone who's taking their dog out to pee outside instead of on your floor.

#in other news #my pilates instructor's new landlord is an irredeemable capitalistic arsehole dongwad monkeytrucker who only thinks of himself #like geez #way to make me feel guilty for doing nothing wrong

[fingertipsmp3]

The slides for class today look deceptively simple. Should I be concerned

#i realised that probably the reason i'm not doing great with class right now is i'm not really doing anything to prepare #other people in the class already have knowledge either because they've done this before or they know more javascript than me #(which is not hard since i don't know javascript) #but because i go in knowing nothing i just sort of fumble my way through and end up sitting there 2+ hours after the start of class #completely bamboozled and with my brain fried and no finished tasks to show for it #i get the work done eventually but i have to google thee most basic questions or rewatch segments of class (it is recorded thank god) #to understand it. which like.. don't get me wrong; i feel like if i was capable of paying attention better i'd probably understand it all #the first time around. my instructors are great. but i am not capable of paying attention #as soon as i don't understand something i just get confused and zone out instead of processing the information that would help me understan #it is soooo bad i hate it. so i was like okay. why don't i go through the slides first #read a couple of articles on this stuff and talk myself through the tasks. not DO them yet because i get plenty of time to do them tonight #we get like 15-20 minutes per task. sometimes half an hour if it's a big one #but making sure i understand how to do them will ensure i don't spend those 15-30 minutes having a breakdown #but with this one i was like... it looks okay??? #i think my biggest problem irt coding is i can never remember the fucking syntax. like i'm well aware of HOW to do stuff #i know how to link a stylesheet or a script file to a html file i can just never remember the exact syntax #i always have to google it or look at a previous project i made (on which i googled it) #<link ref='stylesheet' href='styles.css'></link> and <script src='script.js'></script> right?? please tell me that's right #so it's like. do i know what a loop is? yes. do i know what an array is? yes. do i know what an object is? i think so #do i know how to make any of these? NO because i don't know the syntax!!! #it's upsetting lol. i really wonder if these motherfuckers can code from their brains or if they're googling it as well sometimes #personal

[throwbacktears]

came back from dance and we literally stood there most of the time doing almost the exact same choreography she had taught us last time, but she also kept forgetting some of her own choreo as she was teaching it to us and didn't have a set song for us to dance it to. kept asking us for songs suggestions, to then realize it didnt work well with her choreo bc the song we suggested would be too fast or too slow.

having some real Adult Regret spending $220 of my hard earned cash on this lol. at this point im going for my mental health and to get outside the house lmao

#as soon as we stepped out the studio all the moms said to each other 'omg.. shes HORRIBLE' eroiwdsfifherwefds #i took classes from this studio 4 years ago when it was also cheaper and it was a different instructor. nothing like my experience this tim