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nayavelazquez · 6 years

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@vlindervin7 never put a title so I decided to call this

PERFECT LOVE BECAUSE THEY ARE PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL IN THEIR OWN WAY

But I accept other ideas. Keep reading and then tell me.

If you know what to look for, you can sometimes see the three creatures I'm telling you about today. When the sun is exactly in the middle of the sky or gently kissing the edge of the ocean, and if you know they're there, you can see a dragon, a fairy and a mermaid. The spot is a patch of ocean next to an ancient forest, the edge of the water adorned with rocks. I won't tell you the exact location as I'm simply telling their story, but I'm sure you can envision exactly what I'm talking about.

That's the meeting spot of three creatures in love. I'm sure you think I'm making this up, but I'm not. Promise. At least, not really.

The ones I'm talking about, as previously mentioned, are a dragon, a mermaid and a fairy and they're in love. You might be asking yourself: 'How is that possible?' Well, the answer is quite simple really. The found each other after all three had wandered off from their family and tribe after feeling like the only place they truly belong is when they're alone.

The first part of the trio is our mermaid. The rock at the edge of the ocean and the beginning of the forest grants her a perfect view of the sunset. It's her spot. Her favorite place to go to when she can't deal with the expectations anymore. She's not human, she can breathe perfectly under water, but nonetheless when she finds herself above sea level, it's like she can finally breathe the way she should be able to do underwater. There is a certain order that's to be followed in the mermaid kingdom. Certain expectations that are to be followed, things that aren't to be questioned. But she does. Question them. She has no desire to follow the expectations that were put on her shoulders as soon as she was born, no desire at all to follow the road that's been stippled for a boy when that's -- that's not who she is. Why can't they understand that not everything is a matter of appearance. Is it really that strange that she might be someone else than the world wants her to be. Having to slip into the role of someone she isn't, someone that's being forced upon her, is slowly suffocating her. So, every evening she finds herself here. Looks at the pretty trail of colors the sun leaves behind while going to sleep and tries to tell herself that, even though she can't see the sun, that doesn't mean it's not shining brightly somewhere else.

And then, one day, while she's not sure the wetness on her face comes from her eyes or her dripping hair - they're both salty - a glittering appearance drops down next to her. The creature has wings and her luscious hair seems to be held up by what seems to be a magic wand, her eyes are a green exactly mirroring the deep leaves of the tree behind them.

'Hello', she says, and her voice contains glitter too. 'What's wrong?'

Meet the most talkative member of the trio: our fairy. You would think that because she has wings - beautiful, sparkly wings - she'd be able to go wherever she wants to, but it's not that simple. She has to take care of her big family; her mother can't do everything alone. She loves her family; she really does. But sometimes she dreams of a life in which she'd be able to go wherever she wants, talk to whoever she wants, kiss whoever she wants. She dreams of a life far from this place. But the farthest from home she can go, is the ocean, the edge of that frightening forest she would never dare to cross. Evil creatures live there, she's been told time and time again.

The mermaid looks at her with tears in her eyes and, for some reason she doesn't understand, she tells the fairy exactly what's wrong. She doesn't understand how she can just trust this fairy she's never met before when she can't even trust her own family. There's just something about her eyes glistening in the sun that makes a voice inside her say she would understand. And she's right. The fairy shows kindness and understanding and sympathy. She returns the spilled secret of hidden feelings with her own stories and struggles and fears.

When the sun is entirely under and the stars take its place, the two are forced to head back home. But although it's harder than usual to leave this protective bubble, it doesn't seem as bad now, after they've met each other. They promise to meet up the next day too, when the sun goes down, makes it easier. When the mermaid jumps back in the water with barely a splash, graceful like ever, she can't shake the idea that she just met the most beautiful person she's ever seen. But more important yet, she met someone that could make her laugh and forget reality just by being herself and to her that's such a precious gift. She can't wait to see her again, tomorrow night.

The fairy, fluttering her wings faster than she normally does, lets herself be carried by the wind. She feels weightless. The mermaid is the cutest, kindest, most interesting person on this earth, she's convinced. It does not hurt that she's nice to look at. So, so nice. Pretty, and elegant and from the moment she saw her she's wanted to kiss her, and she'll want to until the end of time she's sure. She really tries not to do this, but she's already in love and despite the wings on her back, she keeps on falling.

For two weeks now, the third part of our love story has been hiding nearby. You'll have to forgive them for lurking, they're very shy and awkward, you see. It's the dragon. They were engulfed by the darkness of the their forest, not wanting to come out in the light, but still wanting to admire the pretty sky and inhale the ocean air. They were simply sitting there when suddenly something blocked a part of the sunset for them. Upon closer inspection, it turned out to be a mermaid. The dragon wasn't sure if the girl was wet from the sea or if they were crying. If they had to guess, they'd say it's both of these option. There is something about the mermaid that intrigues our dragon. Something soft and vulnerable. They're hit by a suddenly desire to go up to talk to her and they might have, if it wasn't for the fairy that took their place before they had a chance to work up the courage. Whatever, they probably wouldn't have found the courage to just go up to her anyway.

They do not like strangers, especially fairy strangers. A fairy is a princess' friend and the dragon is the princess's enemy, destined to be defeated by some wannabe savior prince who can declare himself a hero after. A real hero would've been someone who found a way to rescue the girl and keep the dragon alive. You know, talking gets you a long way. A dragon guarding a princess is never there by their own will. Not that it's happened more than maybe a dozen times in all of their history, for the record. And not at all in the last sixty years. But despite all that, fairies and dragons have been taught to hate each other, which our dragon never thought was particularly fair considered they've never even met a fairy in real life. Well, up till now anyway.

So they've been watching them for the past week and they think the mermaid is so beautiful and looks like the sweetest creature ever, although her voice is sometimes so soft it doesn't carry all the way to the dragon. And they think the fairy, who's voice is loud and enthusiastic, makes them laugh more than anyone, their laughter muffled and kept quiet so the two girls don't hear.

And so maybe they still aren't courageous enough to actually go up to the duo, their views on fairies have changed forever. Someone so bright and funny and interesting... how can she possibly be the enemy? It doesn't make sense in the slightest. So they stay hidden and try not to think of what their parents would say if they saw them hidden like this, not tough like warriors, the ancestors of their sort. They'd shake their head and scoff, but the dragon can't bring themself to care. Not when they can't stop looking at the two beautiful girls in front of her.

They stay hidden until the day they don't. Until the day they accidentally make some noise; dragons aren't exactly known for being gracious. It's a small noise, so soft the girls probably wouldn't have heard it they were talking, but they had been silent for a while and because of this, when the dragon moved too violently, they heard.

Immediately, the fairy jumped up and made glitter appear around her hands, clearly gearing up for a fight. The defensive stance doesn't get better when she notices it's a dragon that's been hiding. Something that resembles fear appears in her eyes. 'What do you want?', she asks.

The dragon holds up her hands to show them they mean no harm, and before they have the chance to say it out loud, the mermaid steps in with a: 'It's okay'; directed to the fairy. The dragon she asks, nothing but kindness in her voice: 'Why were you hiding?'

And then the word tumble out of her mouth in quick succession. 'I know it sounds weird but I've been watching you guys all week. I usually come here to be alone cause being a dragon comes with certain expectations. Like, I have to be tough and ruthless and a fighter all the time, except I don't wanna be those things! So I come here to get away from that. But then you were sitting here and I started listening to you and I don't know, you seemed so nice so I kept doing it. I'm sorry if that's creepy. I can leave now if you'd prefer. I'm ranting, sorry, I'll shut up.'

Somewhere during her rant, the fairy lowered her arms, clearly realizing the dragon was harmless, although her eyes haven't let down their guard yet. The mermaid however, has a softness in her eyes and is smiling at the dragon, trying to tell them it's okay. 'Don't worry. You can stay. And your ranting's pretty cute'

The dragon blushes. The fairy sits down, a considerable distance away from the dragon. Our dragon doesn't know what it is about the situation, but they feel intimidated and more safe than ever, at the same time. It's a little awkward at first, but then they all start talking about their lives and feelings and realize that, even though the situations are vastly different, they're going through very similar things and they can relate to each other. It feels so good to talk about what's going on inside them, to let it out and to have someone there who can respond with sympathy and understanding.

When the sun is fully under, the fairy has moved closer to the dragon and is laughing at one of their jokes. The mermaid has her head on the fairy's lap. They're all touching one way or another, entwined not only with their bodies, but with their minds now, too. A connection destined to last forever.

At the end of their night, they part ways again, with a new promise to meet up the next day. The three go back to the lives they'd rather escape, already waiting for a day that hasn't started, to end.

The following evening finds the three creatures at the edge of the ocean and the forest again. And the night after that. And the one after that. And the one after -- well, I think you get it.

It starts off with a deep friendship that brightens all of their lives, although secretly they've all dreamed of taking it another step further. But none are brave enough to actually take it. Until one day, the fairy slips up and reveals what's hidden inside. Instead of taking it back and saying she didn't mean it, she stays strong and tells the two others the truth. To her immense relief and enormous joy, they tell her they feel the same.

When they part that night, their relationship has morphed into something deeper, more romantic, more intense. There will always be people who won't understand or who won't want to understand, but that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because it's not for other people. It belongs only to them and they're the only ones that should be happy. And they are. They're exactly where they're supposed to be.

So when you go to this place, the right one, at the right time, maybe you'll see three creatures entwined and in love, making the universe a brighter place one sunset at a time.

#little ladies #dragon #mermaid #fairy #these are my daughters and i love the three of them #i'm proud #they are beautiful #don't you dare to judge them #they only deserve hapiness #trans #lesbian #genderfluid #they are v a l i d #f i g h t m e #also #vlin you are an amazing writter #thanks for giving my daughters a happy life

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come-join-themurder · 6 years

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My Favorite Part of Sons of Anarchy is when Jax tells Galen “Hands off my guys” and then Galen chops the hands off his guys. 😂 What a cheeky bastard.

#Its not really my favorite part but its a part that makes me laugh and I think about it every time i see galen #every time #soa #sons of anarchy #tig trager #galen oshea #jax teller #filthy phil #vlin

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vfdarkness · 4 years

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S1E8 Queen of Cups - Transcript

INTRO

Dark Ambient Drone.

RYDER

You're with your child at the neighborhood playground. All the children stop playing and silently form a circle. One steps behind the rest, runs around them, and tags your child. All then lock arms with one another. Your child solemnly steps into the circle. In a bright flash, they disappear.

A beat.

RYDER

You need my help.

AVFD music fades in.

RYDER

This is A Voice From Darkness.

ACT I

AVFD music fades out.

RYDER

Hello, this is Dr. Malcolm Ryder, parapsychologist. Here as always to answer your paranormal questions, warn you of strange events unfolding, and take your calls regarding the most dire of circumstances. That said, we already have a caller on the line. Someone I'm surprised to hear from, to be honest, as this person is an old acquaintance of mine whom I haven't spoken with in years. They claim to have something I want. We'll find out what that is together in the second half of our show. First though, we go to National Alerts.

National Alerts music fades in.

RYDER

National Alerts. This alert is for Fairhope, Alabama.

For the past four nights windows and doors have disappeared from homes and buildings across the town. I do not mean to suggest they’re being stolen. No. The doors and windows of Fairhope are literally disappearing - leaving behind walls with no method of entry. Or escape. In all cases, the fire dept has arrived - broken through the walls to rescue those trapped inside. But in each case there are no living persons. Only the mummified remains of former Fairhope residents. The city council advises sleeping outdoors until the cause of this anomaly is discovered. So if you’re in Fairhope, Alabama - please be careful when indoors.

National Alerts music fades out.

RYDER

That is the only National Alert for the week. Onward to Quick Questions. Do you have a question you’d like me to answer? Feel free to write to us at [email protected] or tweet us @vfdarkness. That’s [email protected] or tweet @vfdarkness. Our first question comes to us via email from Grey: Dr. Ryder, they write. I’m still in school and recently when walking down the hallway, I turned the corner to another hall and it was empty. Deserted. But it was the middle of the day - between classes - there should’ve been dozens of students. I had to get to my next class so I rushed to where I thought I was supposed to be. I got to the classroom door and was about to go in, but the woman standing at the front - her hair was a different color and style than my teacher’s. She was staring at the back of the room. All the students were lined up, with their noses to the wall. Confused, I wasn’t sure what to do. I was supposed to have a class there.

At least I thought I was. One of the students turned my direction - glanced at me - but quickly turned back to the wall - now shaking with fear. The teacher told the students: “Do not look at the door. Do not look at her. She’ll go away soon. She’ll leave us alone. She won’t hurt us this time if we don’t look at her. She never stays more than a few minutes. Don’t worry.” I ran. Back down the hall around the corner. And I was safe - in a normal hallway - a hallway in my school. Dr. Ryder, what happened to me? Where did I go? The teacher made it sound like I’ve been there before. But I haven’t. What does this all mean? What do I do?

A beat.

RYDER

Grey, I’m afraid you’ve found yourself in a complicated situation. You're likely stumbling into an alternate reality - one that bears some superficial similarities to ours, but is otherwise quite different. Especially with how time flows there. Now I could give you a dozen different home remedies that’re supposed to prevent transversing realities - like carrying a broken pocket watch in your left pocket - but frankly these solutions never work. The best advice I can give is when you find yourself in this alternate place - and I'm sorry but you likely will find yourself there at least a few more times - don’t stay more than a few minutes. And try not to harm the students there. Sometime in their past - your future - you’ll inevitably do something to scare them. There’s nothing you can do about it - Alea iacta est: the die is cast. As many as six thousand Americans a year slip into an alternate reality either temporarily or permanently - most likely without even realizing it.

This is how we get phenomena such as the Mandela effect. It's rarely a fatal condition. I'm sure you'll come out on the other end just fine.

A beat.

RYDER

I’m afraid that’s the only question we have time for today. Shortly we’ll hear from our caller on the line who claims to have something I want. We’ll find out what that is after Today in Odd America.

TODAY IN ODD AMERICA

TIOA music fades in.

RYDER

Today in Odd America we find ourselves in Andover, Massachusetts. There on this day in 1962 the sexually-transmitted language of Vlin ceased to exist. The first known speaker of Vlin dates back to the Battle of Stones River in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. A woman, described as having olive skin tone and raven black hair appeared at the Union encampment on December 31st, 1862. A young officer, Captain James Vlin took her back to his tent that evening. The next morning he was incapable of speaking English. The woman’s name is unknown to this day. James Vlin shot her the morning of January 1st. She was buried in an unmarked grave. It’s unclear if she was the original speaker, and patient zero of the sexually-transmitted language, or if she too was merely a victim.

A beat.

Captain James Vlin was unable to communicate in any known language through spoken word or writing. Everything he said aloud was alien to those who heard him.

Everything he wrote - indecipherable. He was sent back North after the battle, examined by doctors. Through one of the Union doctors, Daniel Foster, we have the first attempt at creating a Vlin alphabet. According to Dr. Foster’s journal, he worked with James Vlin for weeks in an attempt to cure or understand him. He failed at both efforts. James Vlin was sent back to his family in Massachusetts.

A beat.

RYDER

He became prone to emotional outbursts when attempting to communicate with his family. Either angry or bursting into tears when they were unable to understand anything beyond his most simple wants. Journal entries and letters from his family at that period tell of their extended efforts to reteach him English or to learn his new language. All attempts failed.

Four months after his arrival back home, the family’s maid lost her ability to speak English. She too could now only speak in the sexually-transmitted language. James Vlin’s spirits rose during this time, though the Vlin family found themselves mired in scandal. It was unclear if James had forced himself on the maid, a woman named Stephanie Sanders, or if she’d gone to him willingly.

A beat.

RYDER

A small house was built on the far lot of the Vlin estate. James and Stephanie were wed and moved into their new home. A year later they had their first child. Less than ten months after the birth, the child could seemingly speak basic words of the sexually-transmitted language. Though it never did learn English. None of the eight children James and Stephanie had did.

The children, and parents, became regular research subjects at Harvard. Linguists, medical doctors, biologists all attempted to discover why the parents lost the ability to understand any language but Vlin, and why the children were incapable of learning any language but it.

Research papers and books were written about the Vlin family, but no answer was discovered. After several years of study, academics and the public lost interest in the strange linguistic phenomenon.

That is, until 1894 when an outbreak of the language occurred in Boston. Over the course of a four month period over 300 men and a few dozen women lost their ability to speak or read English, but gained the ability to understand Vlin.

The cause of the outbreak was traced back to Mary and Rebecca Vlin. Daughters of James and Stephanie. Both women were in their thirties, thought to be unwedable by the English-speaking side of the family. They disappeared from the Vlin estate sometime in the early 1890s. A judge found them guilty of both prostitution and willfully spreading a disease. For the latter crime, they were sentenced to death.

A beat.

RYDER

All the new speakers of Vlin were forcibly removed from their homes in Boston and relocated to land in the town of Andover. High walls and armed guards were posted around the area. No official records corroborate this, however it’s widely believed those inside the community were castrated to further prevent the spread of Vlin. The shelters in the Andover community were of terrible quality. Not able to keep rain or wind fully out.

All those inside the walls were reliant on a single well for fresh water.

Journalists and academics were discouraged from further reporting on the language of Vlin and the Andover community. In one case, a journalist at the Boston Herald who attempted to write on their harsh living conditions was found dead in a hotel room with two bullet holes in the back of his head. His death ruled a suicide.

A beat.

RYDER

The subject of Vlin died out nationally until the outbreak of the first world war. In 1917, Patrick Baker - a Catholic theologian and pacifist gave a speech where he stated his belief that the language of Vlin was the original tongue man spoke before the fall of the tower of Babel and God had finally forgiven mankind. He believed God wanted all people to become infected with the language to better understand one another and to come together in world peace.

Baker was denounced by the Catholic Church and imprisoned under the Espionage Act of 1917 for speaking out against the war. This had a dampening effect on anyone else speaking out in favor of those infected with the language.

A beat.

RYDER

During the second world war, comparisons were made between Andover and the Japanese internment camps. Still, nothing further was done to help the Andover community.

A beat.

RYDER

What happened to the speakers of Vlin between the end of the second world war and the early sixties is a mystery. Many journals written in Vlin exist but remain untranslated. All we know for sure is that every speaker of the language died of either disease, old age, or other causes during that period. Until finally, on this day in 1962 the last speaker of Vlin passed away.

The language disappeared from the earth just shy of being a century old. Despite the work of scholars and doctors, not a single word has been translated to this day. Conspiracy theorists believe the government preserved the language by freezing bodily fluids from members of the Andover community. And so it might be possible some day another outbreak occurs - perhaps even at the global level. Contrary to this view, some theologians now accept the Baker heresy and believe God gave us one chance to again be united with a single language, and we rejected this gift. I do not hold either belief myself, but do think it’s tragic when a language leaves the world. With it goes an ephemeral piece of humanity that we likely cannot ever get back.

A beat.

RYDER

Now back to our main show.

ACT II

TIOA music fades out.

RYDER

And we're back. On the line we have an old acquaintance of mine. Someone I'm surprised to hear from, to be honest.

ALEC

And I'm surprised you took my call, Malcolm. Figured you'd forgotten about old Alec Byrd.

RYDER

You said you have something I want. I'm curious what that is.

ALEC

My last year at Ravenswood - there was a time we drank at the Queen of Cups: you, me, most of the old crew. Do you remember?

RYDER

We went there many times. You'd have to be more specific. But, Alec, I'm not interested in talking about drinking stories from college. Why did you call?

ALEC

Context is key, Malcolm. I'll tell you what I have. But I want you to understand why I have it.

RYDER

Fine. Go on.

ALEC

This time at the Queen - five of us were there. You, Sonja, Charlotte, me, and Julian. Normally we'd all only stay for a few rounds, joke about something stupid we heard an undergrad say or try to out know-it-all each another. This particular time though - we asked each other the one question we'd all avoided. Do you remember what that was?

A beat.

RYDER

What are you afraid of?

ALEC

It's so funny - all of us were studying the supernatural. In a sense - studying the greatest cause of fear. Talking about it in dry, technical, academic terms.

Completely refusing to engage with this deep, primal emotion on any personal level. Well... everyone except Julian. But look what happened to him?

RYDER

What do you have that I want, Alec? I swear if you only called into my show to-

ALEC

(interrupts)

That story you told the other week about your grandad and his shadow. About how when you were a boy and he cut off his shadow... and it came at you. You told the four of us that same story that night at the Queen. Said shadows still spooked you. Gave you nightmares.

RYDER

Yes, it was a traumatic event from my childhood. These sorts of things hold a power over us even as we age.

ALEC

A few months after that night you had me kicked out of Ravenswood. I'd exaggerated some research-

RYDER

You fabricated results - giving credence to a false method of removing ghosts from a haunted place. If your made-up data had been taken seriously by anyone - people would've been hurt.

ALEC

It wasn't false. I just. Just embellished a bit. I had to otherwise I would have lost my fellowship. Not that that really mattered in the end. You ratted me out.

RYDER

I made sure no one got hurt from your false claims. Alec, what do you have that I want?

ALEC

Your granddad's shadow knife.

RYDER

How? That's impossible. He never would've entrusted something so dangerous to you.

Alec laughs.

ALEC

I'm sorry. It's just funny, right? You deal with, with... the unwelcome riders, cities that appear out of nowhere, so many ACTUALLY impossible things. But old Alec Byrd possessing you granddad's knife strains the credulity of Doctor Malcolm Ryder.

RYDER

Why do you have the knife?

ALEC

Duncan Ryder was one of my favorite professors. It would've been rude of me to leave the island without saying goodbye. During that final visit, he left me alone in his study while he got us drinks. In that moment, I admitted to myself why I was truly there: to steal the knife. To then use it to take vengeance against you. I was partially successful.

RYDER

You intended on cutting your shadow off and having it attack me?

ALEC

My plan... well, there was no plan. None of this was thought out.

A beat.

ALEC

I should've listened better to your story. The great Duncan Ryder couldn't control his shadow for more than a few minutes after he'd cut it from himself. It morphed, changed shape into something monsterous.

I don't know what made me think I'd have better results. I cut my shadow off in one of the courtyards on campus. Told it to go find you. I didn't say to kill you. I don't think I did. Not that it mattered. Thirty seconds after I severed it, it stopped listening. Stealthed away into the darkness of the night.

RYDER

How did you get it back?

ALEC

I didn't. For nearly twenty years now, I've walked this world without a shadow. Don't get me wrong, I tried to get it back. Stayed a few days longer on Mackinaw than I intended. After a while though, they wouldn't let me on university grounds.

RYDER

You could have told someone. Anyone. Any of us - even if you were furious at me - Charlotte, Sonja, they would have helped you. You could have gone back to my grandfather.

ALEC

Are you even thinking that through? I was the grad student they just kicked out. And what, I go back not a week later and tell them I practiced some ancient form of black magic I didn't even understand? To scare - or possibly kill - the student who turned me in? No. I didn't tell anyone. And when I wasn't allowed back on school grounds... that was that. I went to other libraries in other parts of the country, dark arts practitioners. Did research. No such luck though. As I said, going on twenty years - no such luck.

RYDER

Why come forward now?

ALEC

I've run out of time. Julian's after me. He knows I have the knife and he wants it. I don't know what for. But I need your help, Malcolm. I need protection. Can you meet me on the island - at the Queen of Cups - in two days?

RYDER

Bring the knife. Return it to me. And I'll be there.

ALEC

I don't want that evil little thing. It's all yours. See you in a few days.

Phone click.

A beat.

RYDER

All right, that is all the time we have for tonight. And I have some travel arrangements to make. But remember, if you're experiencing anything paranormal, supernatural, otherworldly - please feel free to call in-

AVFD outro music fades in.

RYDER

Next time, on A Voice From Darkness.

#horror #audiodrama #audiofiction #podcast #a voice from darkness #avfd

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memomomoz · 3 years

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My Gosh đỉnh vlin =)))))))

- sao trông mày đần thế 🤔

- m nhìn nhầm vào gương rồi 🙂

Dm mình phải đứng hình mất mấy giây =))))))))

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luchasauruses · 3 years

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okay so

someone just added my gif to a post that also contained j*rdan d*vlin

if you still stan that piece of fucking shit, don't interact with me. ever.

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chasingeast · 4 years

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Day 13- First Day of a Brand New Year- 8:37 A.M., January 1, 2019

Happy first day of January! May we have the best things coming to us moving forward! I hope that this will be a. Year filled with joy and celebration! I want to feel happiness like no other and appreciation like no other. There are many things to be thankful for, for example, living a comfortable life with a job, having a roof over my head, having food, having the ability to speak as I wish, and to do as I wish. There are many things that I have in my life that propel me forward if only I just looked at it and for it. I think a lot of the times I am held back because either I am too comfortable, or I haven't gotten to a point where I can think ahead yet, meaning I wasn't ready.

A lot of things happened this past year. I got to spend New years with someone, for the first time vlin a long time. I also got to spend an anniversary and a Valentine's with someone. I got to see many places up in the Troy area. I went to Florida, Lake Placid, Boston, Delaware, Spain/Italy, Atlanta, Philly, as well as various trips upstate New York. I went on my first big overseas vacation with a boyfriend's family no less boyfriend also went on a family vacation with us. I finished my second year on tenure track, and started my third year. I finished out another year teaching at Chinese School but also left to pursue my own dreams. I got to hike in the Adirondacks and in the Catskills. I got to spend time with many of my dear friends. S and I are closer and I am so thankful to her. I held another annual summer bbq party. I went to my first Paxx unplugged event. I played so many new board games this year. I went to different pop up stores in NYC and tasted good around the city. I went to many tea rooms and tried all sorts of afternoon teas. I tried different types of tapas, nosa, and many more kinds of foods! I got to see my brother again. I got to make homemade pasta again, hahm soih gok, and cute bento lunches. I got to go camping this year with a boyfriend and with friends! I made a pizza montage! I made my third holiday sweater!! I am trying to keep up with the environment by trying to use my reusable water bottle more often. I started Color a Smile at work. I got to attend many workshops this year. I set up my first happy hour event with faculty. I got punny with a colleague. I started going to the gym, even though I didn't lose weight. I got many laser and facial appointments. I finally went to see a dentist for the first time in years! I got to celebrate a first birthday and a third!

But on the other hand ….. I had disastrous poops in Barcelona and in the woods, and in Lake Placid. I went through a huge hurdle of sadness from getting my heart wrenched out, my boyfriend and I broke up and didn't make it to 2 years or a next step, I was yelled at by my principal at the beginning of the year. I have no idea if I'll have a job next year because my position is getting eliminated since there is no need for it with reduced class sizes. I felt my heart ripped out again because my brother left once again. My parents keep arguing because of the business. Mom keeps throwing around the divorce card. My mom hurt herself and must transition while dad is getting knee surgery soon. I feel overwhelmed by family and stress all around. I miss someone dear to me and I fear it's too late, or I lack the courage to make a move still. My emotions have been very overwhelming that I have a hard time dealing with everyday situations. I lost my cool overseas and had many breakdowns that I haven't had in a long time.

I suppose in the grand scheme of things the variety is huge for a pro list. One of my goals this year is to become more positive. To become more knowledgeable. To become more open to the world. The only way to do that is to continuously move forward. If one day, I get to a point if I still feel so stronger about Baby, months from now then I can be proactive. He feels like, at least when I woke up this morning like my distant memory, one that I wish I could have again. It will have been 3 years since our last interaction, but 4 since last seeing each other. For now I'll have to suffice with Big. I want to still grieve over S to make sure I've fully covered every aspect with no regrets. So I must let go of the fact that we never exchanged a new years greeting. And that I must be conscious of why we are contacting each other, if at all. I will stop looking at baby's account until months from now. The best I can provide him is my earnesty to try for him, even though nothing becomes of it, and if he never knows about it. I will keep the letters closed and not look at them. I will keep my life organized as best as I can and try to continue moving forward even if my heart and mind are stuck. I must continue or it may be the death of me. This life is a long one and each day must count.

I am thankful for the opportunity to reset my life to try again.

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