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karahalloway · 2 months

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Devil May Care

Fandom: Heaven’s Secret (Book 1: Season 1)

Pairing: Lucifer x F!OC (Devon Hart)

Series: Oh, So Devilish

Chapter summary: Devon sneaks off to track down a lead on her death... But she's not alone.

Word count: 5,100

Warnings: M (swearing, angst, suicidal thoughts, aggro, toxic behaviour, references to death, physical violence)

Chapter theme song:

A/N1: So. This is not what I was supposed to be working on. At all. Not only is this not Intentions, but it’s not even TRR… or Choices, for that matter. However, a couple of weeks ago, @angelasscribbles convinced me to take the plunge with a Romance Club choices game called Heaven’s Secret and I became instantly hooked… especially on Lucifer’s character. I have a type; can’t you tell? 😆

A/N2: This first part of what turned into a two-parter (it just got too long, so I had to split it) focuses on the events that take place at the end of HS S1E5 and the second part focuses on the start of S1E6. Because while I love the character of Lucifer, I felt like that his characterisation missed the mark a bit (especially considering that he is the literal Son of Satan) so, I decided to make… adjustments 😏

A/N3: I appreciate that this is not what most people on my tag list signed up to read, but I have tagged my Permas anyway, in case anyone wants to indulge me. However, in the (highly likely) event that I end up writing more for this fandom, moving forward, I will only tag people who specifically request to be tagged. So if you want in on Part 2, let your preferences be known, or forever hold your peace.

A/N4: By way of context for people who decide to read, but are not familiar with canon for this story, here is some background (which I have also tried to incorporate as much as possible into the fic itself): MC (default name, Vicky Walker, but for various reasons, I decided to create an OC instead) is killed in a car crash. However, instead of ‘simply’ dying, she is offered the choice to become an immortal and join the Angels & Demons Academy (located in Heaven) and train to become either an angel or a demon (your choices in the game actually affect your path — prior to choosing an eventual side, you are referred to as an ‘Unclaimed’). As part of her training, MC is sent down to Earth to complete assignments that require her to influence humans into making various choices… however, MC is also secretly trying to investigate the circumstances of her (highly suspicious) death. Also, for the purposes of this universe, Lucifer is the demon son of Satan and Lilith (not a fallen angel as per Biblical canon). Dino, Sammy and Fencio are true-born angels (don’t ask about the names), Mimi and Adi are true-born demons. Both angels and demons (and Unclaimed) are anthropomorphic and have wings; however, when they go down to Earth, they disguise themselves in human form. Hope that helps! 🤗

Devil May Care

“Ah, there you are…”

Jerking my gaze away from Dino, I spot Sammy’s human form standing a few feet away.

“Sorry,” I say, quickly wiping the remnants of the wetness from my face. “I… I just needed a minute.”

Sammy nods in understanding. “If it’s any consolation, the fact that you care is a good thing. It shows you still have your humanity. No death should be treated lightly, yet most demons… and a fair number of angels have lost sight of that. But it’s a strength. Don’t let Adi or Mimi tell you otherwise.”

“Thanks, Sammy…” I say with a sniffle, forcing myself to stand.

“Any time,” he acknowledges with a lop-sided smirk. “But we should get going.”

“Yes. It is time to return,” confirms Dino, coming to stand beside me.

As if on cue, the air begins to thicken around us, and a familiar crackle of energy raises the hairs on my arms. Glancing up, I see the very fabric of the night sky stretch and strain as an otherworldly wind whips the now-familiar bridge between the dimensions into shape.

Dino steps into the centre of the maelstrom first, lifting into the air as the vortex sucks him back to the ethereal realm.

“See you on the other side,” Sammy winks as he leaps after the other angel.

With a heavy exhale, I shove my hands into the pockets of my biker jacket, and force myself to move towards the epicentre of the storm.

Finding myself back on Earth in the wake of my death hadn’t been easy the first time, and it sure as hell hasn’t gotten any easier the second time either. Because even though everyone at the Academy keeps reminding me that my mortal life is well and truly over, and there is no going back, for whatever inexplicable reason I can’t seem to accept my new-found providence.

And coming back here — to the human realm — just feels like a massive kick in the gut each and every time… Like a kid being taunted with everything they can’t have from the other side of a toy store window. A cruel reminder of what that was wrenched away from me. My friends… My family… Even myself.

The undeniable force of the vortex tugs at my clothes, trying to lift me skywards, but I find myself fighting it.

Maybe because my death had been thrust upon me with such shocking suddenness… giving me no time to prepare, much less come to terms with it before I fell into the world of angels and demons. Maybe because the grief I saw etched into my father’s face has woven itself into the threads of my soul as well, reinforcing the harshness of the truth that we got cheated out of what could have been left of our precious, irretrievable time together. Or maybe it’s because I know that my killer is still out there, living it up despite the crime he committed against me, free from punishment, free from the scythe of justice.

The tip of my finger brushes against the folded letter buried in my pocket.

Since picking it up outside of my house a few days ago — though, to be fair, I have no idea how time converted between Earth and the angelic realm, so for all I know, it could’ve been years since my last visit – I’ve carried the piece of paper with me everywhere. In part because I don’t want anyone finding it and wondering how I managed to get my hands on it in the first place… As given that we aren’t supposed to interact with mortals outside of our given assignments, I am not particularly interested in the chewing out that is no doubt in store for me if someone decides to rat on me. But also, in part because I cannot let what happened to me go… and desperately crave answers.

Digging my heels in on the edge of the swirling whirlpool of energy, I pull the letter out…

…but as if by fate, the square of paper is ripped from my grasp by a particularly vicious gust of wind.

“No…!” I gasp, throwing myself heedlessly after my only lead.

The letter zooms around the circumference of the vortex — like a hapless butterfly riding the edge of a tornado — and begins to track upwards, ever further from my reach…

But just as it’s on the verge of vanishing into the void, it is suddenly snatched out of the air with inhuman speed and precision.

I stumble to stop, mouth agape and arm outstretched like some drunken ballerina as I lay eyes on the dark form on the other side of the vortex.

Crap…

Of all the possible ways this screw-up could’ve gone, this is — hands down — the worst.

As even in human skin… without the horned wings gathered around him like a dark halo, or the pulsing, ethereal tattoos that seem to constantly shift along the visible surface of his skin… there is no mistaking the raw power emanating from the being standing across from me.

Lucifer cocks a lazy brow in my direction as he holds the note up. “Lost something, have we?”

His eyes meets mine, and in spite of the distance separating us, I feel the full heat of the fire that burns in his demonic gaze scorch into me like the blade of a hot knife.

And despite drawing upon every ounce of my willpower to prevent it from happening, I feel an incriminating blush rise up my cheeks.

A slow smile curves at his lips. “I thought so…”

“Give it back!” I snap, my momentary embarrassment morphing instantly into anger… even though I know in the back of my mind this is exactly the reaction he is probably looking to goad me into.

Because I am angry. Angry at myself for being stupid enough to arm someone like Lucifer with such potent ammunition to use against me. Angry with him for the fact that he managed to sneak up on me like this in the first place.

But most of all, my heart is still bleeding for that little girl who died a senseless death mere minutes ago… and the knowledge that I had been complicit in it.

And I cannot keep a latch on the tidal wave of red rising over me. Nor do I really want to.

I have already cried a river on the bench with Dino — commiserating not just for the fate of the girl, but for the fucked up situation I now find myself in as well — and I have no tears left. Just raw, frothing rage at the inherent unjustness of the world, at the flippant and uncaring attitude of my fellow immortals who see humans as mere pawns on their eternal chess board, and my own powerlessness in the face of forces and rules that I don’t yet fully understand, but which I’m being steered to blindly conform to anyway.

And the arrogant demon standing in front of me is just as good a scapegoat for my ire as any.

“Or what?” he taunts, sliding his thumb slowly across the paper… taunting me shamelessly with the missive he now holds in his hand.

Something inside of me snaps and I launch myself at him with a wordless yell.

But the vortex has apparently had enough of being kept on hold by my indecision, and before I’ve made it two steps, I find myself being sucked up to go careening through time and space like a discombobulated pinball.

“Damn it!” I cuss as I’m tugged through the shimmering funnel against my will.

I had one chance to make some much-needed progress on figuring out who killed me and why, and I’ve managed to blow it.

And who knows when I’ll have the opportunity to try again? Or even if I’ll be able to try again…

As knowing Lucifer — the literal Spawn of Satan — he’ll end up throwing me under the bus the moment we get back to the Academy… just for perverse kicks.

“Asshole…” I gripe under my breath as I feel the speed of the vortex slow, indicating that my unplanned trip is about to come to an end.

But as my feet touch down once more, it is not back at the Academy where I find myself. Instead, I’m standing outside of a building that looks very much like a police station… in my hometown.

“Huh…”

Dino had mentioned previously that destinations in the vortex are set by one’s intentions.

Since I had been so focused on the letter — which my father had received from the lead detective assigned to my case — the vortex must’ve thought this is where I had wanted to go.

And I’m not about to look an unexpected gift horse in the mouth.

Knowing that I didn’t have a lot of time before my classmates — and Fencio! — notice my absence back in the angelic realm, I hurry across the street.

Taking the steps two at a time, I shove myself through the revolving door and step into the station. Luckily, I have the contents of the letter memorised, given that I no longer have it in my possession, so I’m hoping that I’ll be able to blag my way through this with some semblance of grace.

The receptionist manning the counter looks up at my arrival. “Can I help you?”

“Erm… Yes,” I confirm, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear as I step forward. “I’m looking for DC Lawton. He was heading up the Hart case…?”

I cross my fingers behind my back, hoping against hope that it’s only been mere weeks and not decades since my death, and the police are still investigating.

The receptionist takes a moment to consult her computer. “Yes. He should still be in.”

A relieved breath bursts out of me. Another break!

“Do you have an appointment?”

“Not exactly…” I admit. “But… I do have some information relating to the case that he needs to hear.”

The woman behind the desk studies me for a long moment, no doubt wondering what a petite Korean girl wearing pink pigtails and spiked leather could possibly have to contribute to a homicide investigation… given that that is the mortal skin I am currently masquerading around in.

But she nevertheless seems to take me at my word. “Down the hall, second door on the left.”

“Thank you!” I blurt, already turning away.

Speedwalking past the desk and down the corridor, I locate the correct door and push down on the handle without knocking.

The lone man occupying the room barely glances up from his stack of papers at the sound of my arrival. “Yeah?”

“DC Lawton?” I ask, stepping into the room.

“That’s what it says on the name plaque,” he grunts, indicating the front of his desk.

“Great!” I exclaim, moving up to him. “I…”

I trail off, realising that I haven’t actually planned out what I was going to say when I got here. As I can’t exactly reveal that I am the dead victim from one of his case files, come to demand answers about the circumstances of the car crash that killed her.

The detective raises his head, waiting for a response..

I take a deep breath. “I hear you’re the lead investigator on the Hart case.”

He nods. “That’s right. And you are?”

“An interested party,” I admit. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either.

His brows furrow, no doubt in response to the same train of thought that chugged down the tracks of the receptionist’s mind earlier. “What kind of interested party?”

Shit…

I’m not sure exactly how I had expected this conversation to go, but it definitely wasn’t like this.

But then I remember that I’m not a mere human anymore…

And I’m not willing to leave empty-handed.

Ditching any rational approach, I scrunch my face up in pretend grief as I flop dramatically into the chair at the side of the detective’s desk. “I didn’t want to say anything before because I didn’t want anyone to know… especially my parents… but I can’t keep it in anymore and I need to tell someone!”

DC Lawton startles slightly at my unexpected and borderline theatrical flip of composure. “Keep what in anymore?”

I slap an aggrieved hand onto his. “That Devon and I were in a relationship!”

The detective’s eyes widen in shock, and I use his momentary surprise to lock my gaze with his, just like we practiced back at the Academy.

The physical contact, combined with the suddenly unrestricted access to the window of his soul, allows me to breach the energetic wall encasing his body, and dive right into the hidden recesses of his mind.

Yes! It worked!

But I force myself to curtail my celebration, knowing that I need to focus all my attention on maintaining the delicate connection with the man sitting in front of me.

“You must help me, Detective,” I urge, tightening my hold on his hand.

DC Lawton looks somewhat dazed — like he’s been whacked over the back of the head — but at the sound of my voice, his pupils dilate eagerly. “How can I help?”

“The girl in the Hart case that you’re investigating… she was run off the road. Do you know by who?”

“No,” he intones, his voice slightly groggy. “The vehicle was a rental. A black minivan. I haven’t had a chance to talk to the rental company yet…”

“Which rental company?” I press.

“Global Drive,” he says. “The license plate is NYK 357.”

“Can you write that all down for me?”

He lifts his pen up with a nod to scribble onto a Post-It. “Your hand is so warm…”

“Thanks,” I say, snatching the note from him and breaking off the contact in the process.

He blinks up at me rapidly. “Any time…?”

Jumping up from the chair, I turn to dash out of the room…

…and nearly trip over my own feet when I come face to face with the glowering form leaning against the door jamb.

“What th—?”

Lucifer’s lips curl back to reveal teeth. “I should have you racked in the Pits.”

An involuntary shiver runs down my spine at his words. Not because of the sinister nature of the threat — I’ve been to Hell, and it certainly is no picnic! — but because I can see from the tight set of his jaw that he is actively considering carrying it out.

I force myself to meet his burning gaze head-on. “Well, unfortunately for you, I didn’t end up in Hell when I died. So, you don’t get to make that call.”

“No,” he growls back. “But your flagrant disregard for the rules makes you a liability, and I refuse to take the fall for you.”

“Well, maybe you should’ve thought of that before you decided to follow me,” I hit back, bumping him with my shoulder as I shove past him on my way out of the room.

His hand shoots out to latch around my arm with a vice-like grip, and suddenly I find myself nose-to-nose with him.

“I didn’t follow you,” he hisses into my face, his coal-black irises alight with the very fires of Hell. “The vortex brought me here because you can’t keep hold of your own fucking trash.”

“It’s not trash!” I spit back. “It’s—“

“Was it worth it?”

The question — and the sudden change in his tone — catches me off guard.

I blink in confusion, wondering if I maybe misheard him. But while his piercing gaze is still locked onto me with the same degree of ferociousness as a moment ago, behind the raging inferno of irritation glimmers a genuine spark of curiosity.

“Maybe,” I concede tightly, trying to get a read on him.

As demons, I’ve learnt, are inherent wildcards. Unpredictable at the best of times, and downright diabolical at the worst. Which means their whims and whiles can change at the drop of a hat, and it is dangerous to get caught in a compromising position with them.

Which — unfortunately — is exactly where I have managed to find myself with Lucifer. Trapped in a corner, with him holding all the trumps. So, I don’t want to admit any more than I strictly have to.

He rakes his hot gaze over me one more time — as if trying to catch me out in a lie — before pulling back slightly.

“Hmm… Not a complete waste of wings then…”

I wrench my arm from his grasp. “Fuck you.”

I swear I hear a snort of amusement escape him as I stomp away… But I resist the urge to sucker punch him. He is not worth it, and I have better things to do with my limited time on Earth anyway.

Glancing down at the Post-It in my hand, I can see that DC Lawton has been kind enough to scrawl down the address of the rental centre… and that it is only a few blocks away.

Which is a blessing, given that I don’t have any money on me with which to hail a cab or jump on a bus, and our lessons at the Academy have yet to cover how to magically hotwire a car.

So, walking it is. At least the physical exertion will give me a chance to blow off some steam.

Shoving the note into my pocket, I push through the revolving doors of the station, and back out onto the street. Pausing for a second to get my bearings – it’s been a while since I last frequented this part of town, having spent the preceding four years of my mortal life off at college – I quickly rake through my mental map of the neighbourhood before setting off to the right.

Except, I don’t even make it to the end of the block before I feel a tell-tale prick in the back of my neck. Glancing over my shoulder, my stomach drops as I catch sight of Lucifer a few yards behind me.

Gritting my teeth, I pick up my pace, hoping that it’s merely an unfortunate coincidence that he happens to be going in the same direction as me.

But it seems that I am in no such luck, as he’s still tailing me two blocks later, like an annoying black fly that I cannot seem to shake, no matter how hard I try.

With the result that by the time I get to the next crosswalk, my cool has evaporated completely, and instead of crossing the road in front of me, I end up rounding on him like a rabid pitbull.

“You’re such a fucking hypocrite!”

My outburst seems to catch him off-guard. But whatever jump I may have managed to get on him is fleeting at best, and in the next instant, he’s up in my face again, teeth bared and hackles raised. “Watch your tongue, Unclaimed. Before I rip it out of your mouth.”

“Oh, the truth hurts, does it?” I snip up at him.

“You don’t know the meaning of pain,” he grits, his hand snapping around the base of my throat.

My eyes narrow. “I know more than you think.”

“No. You don’t.” The flames in his eyes lick over me contemptuously. “And your arrogance will get you killed. Permanently.”

“Bet you’d love to be the one to do it, too,” I goad with a humourless smile.

I know I’m playing with hellfire. But I don’t care. I didn’t ask for this life, and I’m still not convinced I want it. So, if Lucifer is willing to put me out of my misery, then so be it. Being who he is, I’m sure he has the means… and I’ve just handed him the opportunity on a silver platter.

The Prince of Darkness stares at me for what feels like an age, his hand wrapped around my throat, face a mere breath from mine, his gaze simmering as if trying to read my very soul.

“Unlike you, angel, I’m not that stupid,” he murmurs, his voice barely a whisper. His hand drops from my neck as he steps abruptly past me.

“Then why are you still here?” I demand, whirling around after him.

He stops a few feet away, shoulders tense. But when he looks back at me, rather than anger or annoyance, it’s that devilish grin playing at his lips again. “Maybe I’m just enjoying the show.”

“Eugh!” I grit, throwing my hands up in the air as I plow past him.

Conceited, egotistical, patronising bastard! Why can’t he fall back into the Seventh Circle of Hell, where he fucking—

I’m so incessed that I end up storming right by the rental centre… and have to retrace my steps from the other end of the block to correct my mistake.

So, by the time I arrive back at the correct entranceway, my mood is even more foul than when I left the police station.

“Save it,” I spit as I reach the still-smirking form of Lucifer, leaning against the metal fence post of the lot.

His brow arches. “Did you hear me—?”

I flip him off in no uncertain terms as I stride past without a backwards glance.

He wants to stick around? Fine. But that doesn’t mean I need to be nice to him. Hell will have to freeze over first.

Arriving at the first row of parked cars, I pull the Post-It out from my pocket and begin scanning the plates, looking for the black van.

“Good afternoon, miss. Can I help you find anything in particular?”

Looking up, I see a suited man with a combover and a name tag looking at me expectantly. The rental rep, by the looks of him.

“Yes, actually,” I affirm. “I’m looking for a black minivan.”

“You have come to the right place,” he tells me with an eager smile as he starts to lead me to the other side of the lot. “Global Drive stocks the largest selection of rental vans available for hire in the area, and we’re happy to accommodate both long- and short-term requirements. Are you moving, by any chance?”

“Huh?” I’d been too busy trying to match the van plates to the number on the Post-It that I totally missed the question.

The rep’s smile falters slightly. “Since your interest is in a minivan, am I correct to assume that y—?”

“No.”

Both mine and the rep’s gaze snap around to land on the hulking presence of Lucifer, who has managed to slither up behind us without either of us noticing.

“We’re not planning on renting it,” he adds, with what I can only deduce is his interpretation of an angelic smile.

My stomach drops. Oh, no…

The rep frowns. “Then why—?”

“Because this lovely young lady is of the belief that she may have left a rather intimate item in one of your vans following a recent excursion of ours. And she’s desperate to retrieve it.”

“Oh, well of course!" agrees the rep. “We pride ourselves on—"

“It’s lacy… And expensive…” Lucifer clarifies with a sly look. “And probably lodged between the—”

“The point is!” I interject loudly, my cheeks burning with mortification despite the fact that the entire story is a shameless lie. “We would like to take a look in the van. The plate number was NYK 357.”

The demeanour of the rep suddenly shifts. “Umm… Are you certain?”

“Yes,” I say, laying a hand on his arm to try and sway him like I did the detective. “Very—”

The rep snatches his arm away. “I’m going to need to see some ID. I cannot allow access to the vehicles without verifying that—”

I reach towards him again. “Surely that’s not necessary… We just want to take a quick peek, and—”

“He’s going to bolt…” breathes Lucifer in my ear.

I flick my head away irately. “Shut—”

But the rep has already turned tail and fled.

“Damn it!” I grit.

“Told you,” Lucifer smirks down at me.

I give him an annoyed shove. “He only did that because of you! If you hadn’t stuck your nose in it, I would’ve—”

“I did nothing,” he counters tersely, the coals of his eyes flaring in warning. “Your attempt to influence him was doomed from the start. But you were too obstinate to notice.”

“Obstinate!” I cry. “You were breathing in my ear!”

“And did you like it?” he purrs, suddenly all up in my space again as he flips the tables on me with diabolical speed.

“No,” I snort, turning pointedly away.

Asshole…

He deliberately sabotaged my attempt to establish a connection with the rental rep. Whether for his own perverse enjoyment — like the Devil temping Eve in the Garden — or whether for some more sinister reason, it doesn’t matter. The end result is the same. And I have no clue how I’m going to be able to salvage this rapidly snowballing clusterfuck, given that I am already working on borrowed time.

But I know I have to try. I’ve somehow managed to make it this far, in spite of the successive obstacles Lucifer’s thrown in my way, and I refuse to give that bastard the satisfaction of believing that I’m going to let him win whatever one-sided game he’s playing.

“He is gay.”

I stumble to a stop. “Say what?”

Lucifer is standing in front of me, blocking the way to the door of the rental centre. “The rental rep. He is gay. That is why your feeble attempts to influence him didn’t work.”

“Yeah… Right…” I snap, trying to push past him. I’m not falling for whatever kind of trick this is supposed to be.

He grabs my arm. “Check that attitude before I check it for you, Unclaimed. Because you’re not going to like my methods…”

“Is that supposed to be a threat?” I hit back. “Because based on what I’ve seen of your ‘methods’, they are mediocre at best.”

His eyes flash in fury. “You’ve seen nothing, angel…”

“I’m not an angel,” I deride, wrenching my arm from his grasp.

He scoffs. “Well, you’re certainly no demon. The way you’re floundering around like—”

I catch sight of something through the window. “Oh, no…”

Lucifer jerks his gaze over his shoulder…

…and before I can blink, he’s vanished into the rental centre, the glass door flapping wildly in his wake.

Catching the handle on the out-swing, I dash after him as fast as my stiletto boots can carry me… and an involuntary gasp escapes me as I lay eyes on the scene in front of me.

The rental rep is pressed up against the wall, his feet dangling a good foot off the ground as Lucifer holds him suspended with the hand locked around his neck. The phone that I’d spotted the rep frantically trying to dial a moment ago lies shattered on the floor.

“Please…” begs the man, clawing desperately at the fingers that are squashing his trachea. “I—“

“Shut up,” growls Lucifer, shoving the rep higher. “You have exactly two seconds to tell us everything we need to know before I rip your throat out. And if you even think about lying… Well, you don’t even want to go there…”

The rep blanches visibly. “Anything! I’ll… I’ll tell you anything! Please, just—“

“Ask him,” Lucifer barks without even a glance in my direction.

I take a shaky step forward. “We… We’re looking for the driver who rented the black van. License plate—”

“I… I know…” croaks the rep, his face starting to redden from the lack of oxygen. “I worked the shift and… and remember him. He never bought the van back…”

My throat tightens painfully. Because he rammed me off the road…

“Who was he?” demands Lucifer.

“Not… local,” the man rasps, struggling for breath. “Gave a hotel as an address… Hotel… Hotel Aphrodite. And his name… His name sounded strange… almost French. But he didn’t speak—”

“To Hell with all that,” comes the short-tempered command. “Give us the fucking name.”

“Am-Amidi Laurent!”

Lucifer drops the rep like a sack of trash. “You got that?”

“Yeah…” I confirm tightly, watching the man wheeze on the floor.

“Good,” he grits. “Let’s go.”

Without giving me a say in the matter, he grabs my wrist to haul me out the door.

I stumble after him like a witless marionette, trying to process what I just witnessed.

Lucifer… Willing to kill… For me…?

The concept simply does not compute.

“Happy now?”

The sound of Lucifer’s voice wrenches me from the whirlpool of my thoughts…

…and looking up, I find that we’re back out on the street, just around the corner from the rental centre.

“I…” I glance back in the direction of Global Drive with a lump in my throat. “Why did you do that?”

“To save time,” he replies dispassionately. “And get the truth out of him.”

“Yeah… But…” A shiver courses through me at the ease with which he’d immobilised the rep… The ease with which he’d threatened him. “Why?”

Lucifer lets out an exasperated exhale. “Hell’s bells, you Unclaimed are dense sometimes… Because that’s what you wanted.”

I gape at him, stupefied. This must be some kind of fever dream…

“Don’t I get a thank you?”

The simplicity of his question knocks me off kilter completely.

My eyes lift to his almost on their own volition, and I find him gazing down at me silently, intently… like a cat waiting to see in which direction the mouse will jump.

Except there is no malice or mockery in his gaze. Just plain old curiosity once again.

And because my tongue has become stuck in my throat, and after everything that’s just happened, my mind is a non-functioning mess, I do the stupidest thing imaginable…

…and reach up to kiss him on the cheek.

He stiffens — probably just as shocked by what’s happening as I would be if I could think coherently right now. But for whatever reason, he doesn’t laugh or pull away. He simply stands, still as a statue, hardly even drawing breath.

I have no idea how long we stay there, frozen in time with my lips pressed against his jaw — the heat of his skin burning me even through the dampener of his mortal guise — before we finally break apart.

I turn quickly away, face flushed and heart hammering, not being able to bring myself to look him in the eye for fear of what I might find there.

Oh, Christ… What the hell did I just do?

The story continues in Devil You Know

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#heavens secret #lucifer #devon hart #lucifer x oc #Spotify

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soaricarus · 11 months

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rivulet and spearmaster refs! was oriignally gonna finish all scug refs before i posted here but oh well i really like how they came out. design notes under cut!

rivulet:

big fancy gills so they can stay underwater for longer

frills for threat display in and out of water (based off of one of my favorite dinos! the bi flag isnt intentional but now it is i guess)

big tail for better manuevering and movement in water

arm fins are connected to the shoulder

freckles! they just look cool and ive always drawn rivulet with them for some reason

webbed paws!!! why do i not see more webbed paw rivulets!!!!!!

based on a fishing cat (head shape mainly)

spearmaster:

big fat tail because thats kinda how it eats yk

tail patterns based on echoes kinda

whiskers!! alot of them!!!

big fancy mane. no reason suns just thought it looked cool

round, glassy eyes

bandanna given by suns after campaign. also pearl earring during campaign from moon! (its specifically the one that talks about the purposed slug organism)

raptor pose for better movement on land (raptor spearmaster supremacy)

bright ourpel

#rain world #rainworld #rain world downpour #rainworld downpour #rain world art #slugcat #rivulet #spearmaster #rw rivulet #rw spearmaster #rain world rivulet #rain world spearmaster #[my art]

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lightningmcqueeniloveyou · 5 months

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Some personal Cars headcanon cuz it is living in my brain while I have other stuff that I needed to do but all I can think of is these 4 wheels fuckers.

Humanized

Mostly Lightning (cuz I love him), Doc and Sheriff is mentioned tho

Lightning is early to mid twenties in Cars (2006), he is atleast older than 21 to me, in Cars 2 he is about early thirties, and Cars 3 he is late fourties (still pretty early to retired if you ask me)

Doc was in his mid to early thirties when he crashed in 1954, ending his career waaaaaay too early, he's mid 50, pushing 60 in Cars 1. (like I know the timeline dont make sense but hey, im humanizing them, leave me alone)

I have not read much comics or books bout Cars and def will appreciate it if you guys can recommend me something that feature Doc and Sheriff's relationship. In the mean time, Sheriff and Doc are best friends, they play chess and watch soccers together every Saturday nights.

They both have a soft spot for Lightning, cuz who doesn't. They are the "tough guys" of the town, but actually are the softest, just see how Lightning worms his way into their hearts in like 3 days.

Sheriff is the softer one out of the two, he might be one of the softest people in Radiator Spring.

Lightning's real name being Montgomery was quite difficult for him to spell when he was young, so he start calling himself Monty. So most people know him as Monty, and later, Lightning.

Lightning def has atleast one (1) dino onesie.

He loves dinosaurs since he was young and still do now, binging every dino documentaries that came out inbetween his races and rides. Remember the names, what the species looks like, even specific dinosaurs. He likes the ones that travel in herds or have strong family bonds.

If you give him a chance he could talk about dinosaur all day, but he knows when to reign it in, and actually keep it quite a secret. Ever since Harv made sure he knew it wasnt "good for his image", Lightning found sharing his interests with people have left a sour taste on his tounge.

The taste is slowly going away now that he have people who actually want to listen to all his dinosaur facts!

Lightning pierced his ear when he was 16. To look cool, mostly. After he got the nickname Lightning, he bought bolt shape earrings, that when hit by the light will shine (like his sticker in the movie!!)

Later on, like much later on, he switched to a bolt pendant with a necklace, to give off a more mature look.

#lightning mcqueen #doc hudson #pixar cars

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emmies-agere · 3 months

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this is oddly specific but would you write some headcanons for Regressor!Kim from OMORI? Preferably if she was like toddler aged & loves dinosaurs! :3

- 🧩☀️

hello 🧩☀️ anon! of course, that’s not too specific at all :D omori is so fun to write for so i hope you like it!! take care and have a nice day <3

regressor kim headcanons!

•i think kim would be a reserved and quiet regressor, keeping to herself a lot and preferring to play gently. she is a rather sleepy regressor, too!

•she regresses to find the comfort that she had in her childhood, however also slips when she’s really stressed, or when things aren’t going her way.

•despite her calmer regression, i think she would really like colorful things! bright colors and lots of different shapes to mess around with :)

•has a bunch of plushies!! (especially dinos) she usually has at least one stuffed animal in her arms when she’s regressed. it’s soft and provides her comfort.

•on the topic, she loves loves loves dinos!! colors them all of the time and can’t help herself from pointing and gasping when she sees a dino plushie in the store.

•i also like to think she has some of those plastic dinosaurs! she’ll play around with them and make them do things like fly, play house, or promptly take over the world hehe

•kim has a tendency to regress when she’s particularly stressed, or really uncomfortable/overstimulated. this sometimes results in her regressing in public, or around her friends. she’s fairly good at hiding it, though her words may occasionally slur,,

•favorite snack when regressed are animal crackers and warm angel milk! though as a meal, dino nuggies are a favorite too!

•likes being at the park when regressed!! she’ll swing on the swings and go down the slides. sometimes, though, when her friends are around,, she likes to just sit down in the grass with them and pick flowers <3

•kim chews on her sleeves when regressed or has her thumb in her mouth. it’s a soothing thing for her, and she doesn’t really have a paci/know where or how to get one.

•would adore picture books!! they’d have to be sort of simple, maybe like short rhymes or sentences. even if not, she could probably figure it out!

•she watches a lot of cartoons and shows when regressed. she’ll flick to the kid’s channel and watch it for hours!

•in order to sleep or nap, kim would really like music. she’d have some playing in the background, lulling her to sleep.

•as a whole— just a very sweet and soft-spoken regressor!! always trying her best and just hoping to find comfort in her regression <3

#age regression #age regressor #agere blog #agere #sfw agere #sfw #fandom agere #safe agere #sfw interaction only #age dreaming #omori agere #omori age regression #omori #kim omori #agere writing #agere headcanons #agere imagine #omori headcanons #regressor headcanons

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bluntblade · 3 months

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10 Fandoms, 10 Characters, 10 Tags

Thank you to @sinvulkt for the tag :D Let's go...

Rey (Star Wars Sequels)

Rey is at this stage by some way the character I've spilled the most ink over, specifically a post-TLJ Rey Nobody. I love her curiosity, her loyalty and that core of wounded anger. I want her to be happy and kick baddies in the head.

2. Ikrie (Horizon: Forbidden West)

Shape a woman out of abandonment issues and give her a spear. With so little screentime, she's such a fully-formed character, tough yet vulnerable, flitting between rambunctious and melancholy, and "I never cared about the Werak" cuts me to the bone each time.

3. Shiban Khan (The Horus Heresy)

Broken down and built back up, two or three times over. It's heartbreaking to see how he falls into bitterness over the course of the Heresy, and then glorious to see him rise again and become one of his Legion's greatest heroes.

4. Barristan Selmy (A Song of Ice and Fire)

It's fascinating to watch a character shaking off decades of swallowed doubts, forced to evolve by events. If we ever get The Winds of Winter, I hope his progression continues.

5. Keeve Trennis (Star Wars: The High Republic)

Adorable, great haircut, bold and passionate yet warring with impostor syndrome. Also swears like a Corellian kriffing docker, and she has a neat splitting saberstaff. What's not to love?

6. Theoden (The Lord of the Rings)

It still amazes me upon rewatching The Two Towers that Bernard Hill doesn't just walk off with the whole film, his performance is so magnificent. I don't think there's really anything I can add which hasn't been said already.

7. Caitlyn Kirramen (Arcane)

Lawful good, beginning to realise just how how questionable the good of the law she serves is. Her evolving dynamic with Vi is great, she's tougher than those around her expect and of course, she's so very very pretty.

8. Stephen Maturin (Master and Commander)

A canny spy who is nonetheless perpetually baffled and exasperated by the nautical world he has inveigled himself into. Also a thorough nerd.

9. Mahit Dzmare & Three Seagrass (A Memory Called Empire & A Desolation Called Peace)

Cheating a little in part because I couldn't find a solo pic of Mahit that wasn't AI-generated and also because I love them so very much, your honour. These little bundles of anxiety and constant second-guessing, pitched into events far more massive and momentous than anything either had imagined. And they have moments of intimacy to eat rocks for.

10. Yrica Quell (Star Wars: Alphabet Squadron)

You can fit so much guilt and conflict in this bad girl. Quell has arguably the most fascinating "Imperial defector" arc in all the Star Wars media I've read, as she undergoes this evolving moral struggle across her trilogy.

No-pressure tagging @mehoymalloy, @foibles-fables, @meg-noel-art, @dino-trash-kieran, @iron-shrike, @retrob0t, @fancyfrey, @tremendouskoalachild, @robo-dino-puppy and @lilypuffsw

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facewipes · 4 days

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posting the mybeauty iceberg specifically so that icy can get caught up on some mybeauty lore fire might’ve missed

explanations under the cut [tw substance abuse, csa, ed, family death]

tier 1 - you guys should know everything here and if you don’t. tch

tier 2 -

magenta mine: buggie’s hit song after leaving mybeauty. infamously known for having the line “i’d pretend someone’s work was my own too if my voice sounded like the vomit you puke into the toilet after every time we ate”

why charlene likes clowns: her dad was a clown and it sparked a special interest for her. simple as that

neo’s real name: yafir, that’s all

tipsy toms: buggie and minnie’s workplace. just a classic american food chain restaurant

elvis: buggie’s brother that died of lung cancer when she was 17. his death led buggie to run away from her family.

tier 3 -

best new artist: beauty won best new artist in 2022

mommy issues: both emil and charlene’s problems stem from their moms.

dinocon: a convention held by dinos (like furries but for dinosaurs). cole has been to a couple dinocons in his life

jubilee’s fursona: self explanatory

bulimia: a core part of emil’s character is that he is bulimic and has been since he was 14. he has small periods where he’s fine until he relapses again

neo addiction: omg wow speaking of relapse…neo! neo has an alcohol and sleeping pill addiction. he uses his addictions to knock himself out of reality…there’s a point where he does go to rehab in 2018 but once the stuff with emil and co goes on in 2022 he gets back on everything

bloodsuckers: in-universe fantasy/mystery comic turned getflix live-action show. emil and jubilee are big fans

charlene’s stitches: from her gallbladder removal

tier 4-

dead pigeons: a british pop punk band that jubilee likes a lot

jubilee is adopted: self explanatory

fractured pelvis: referring to how emil has a minor fracture in his pelvis due to a car accident

misses madam the musical: a semi-popular musical. malcolm is a part of it. there’s a specific storyline involving him and this musical + emil but i don’t want to take forever explaining it…maybe i will another time

mmood swingz: a group of toxic gen z north florida teens in a band that makes music that no one likes and everyone makes fun of. their lead singer mika is a stan of mybeauty/emil

froot and veggi vs emil: picture this. you’re a pop duo of twin greek sisters with more plastic surgery procedures than years of your life and suddenly a washed up frail chainsmoker tells you that you’re untalented. he then proceeds to have a coked up hissy fit about how you and your sister suck and that back in his day pop music was good. amongst all his ranting you just watch and from being silent you automatically win the fight that he made up for no reason

tier 5 -

cole’s ex: a girl cole used to date in high school before he met jubilee and who is now a model. her name is gia. jubilee gets extremely jealous of gia when she sees cole interacting with her. so jealous in fact that she goes on kidder and bashes her for appearance basically no good reason.

beauty pageants: erin grew up being in multiple beauty pageants. though she never won any. her standards of beauty was shaped through her experience as a pageant girl…

camila: erin and emil’s cousin from their dad side. she’s not very nice to her cousins (nor her parents, uncle, aunt, and grandparents, for that matter) but she still expects them to be there for her when she “needs” it

erased lesbianism: referring to erin getting the lesbian card revoked

yoohoo bunny: a little white bunny mascot that can be found as toys, clothes, bags, pillows, and so much more. emil and bambi love yoohoo bunny

prom queen 2013: the year erin (gasp) won prom queen. she brags about it anytime she gets

tier 6 -

swine: the nickname buggie gave her groomer, monty swineson. a very abusive and controlling man. treated buggie like dirt while trying to convince her that he was the only person who cared for her. overall scum!

papaya fields: think of a site with a fruit in the name and targets trans people. this is the beauty version of that and you can bet your ass they have a dedicated page on emil somewhere

lost music: the earliest music emil and neo made together is completely lost and the idea of it ever being found is very slim

jivin: an editor for indiefools and emil’s future (like very distant future) boyfriend

motorg!rl: an online alias created by neo where he can pretend to be a cute anime girl producing music. he has a league of devoted fans who have no clue who is actually behind the music. if you looked his persona on google images you will get…interested results

jubilee gets drugged: there’s a moment during 2017 mybeauty where they all go drinking and jubilee (who never drank a day in her life and lowkey got pressured by cole to do it) gets drugged. she falsely accuses cole of doing it out of paranoia

drunk meltdown in france: neo gets REALLY fucked up in france + has a fight with dondre and ends up going live on the motorg!rl channel. he reveals his identity and calls all his fans “gross porn addicts”. he then cries for the rest of the live until passing out with the camera still on. this destroyed his online persona immediately

tier 7 -

“i wish i was born a girl” truth or dare: one night the gang is all together hanging out playing truth or dare (but like the one that is a physical game where you get like a truth or dare prompt on the card) and buggie gets a truth card directed at neo that reads “what is your biggest hot take” and everyone is expecting neo to say something silly but neo is already pissed at buggie for something earlierso he hits them with “i wish i was born a girl.” which causes everyone to go “….🥚?” but then neo goes on about how being a woman is easier than being a man and how women don’t seem to understand the privilege they have above guys. it’s basically him generalizing the experience of all women and comparing it to his unique experience as a man and most of it was just neo being bitchy about something buggie said earlier. tldr neo has a misogyny moment because a clown girl pissed him off.

jubilee’s doppleganger friend group: jubilee has a seperate group of friends that can basically be described as off brand mybeauty. their names are emiliano (mili), neya, aaron, and chelsea (cricket). mybeauty meets them and finds them to be very…offputting

medical abuse: referring to medical abuse both neo and emil faced. mainly involving mental health services.

why cole’s dad is in prison (csa tw): he made cp. he would sell stuff with other kids but never uploaded or shared anything with cole included, however, he did take gross pictures without cole’s knowledge back when he had custody. the police raided his house when cole admitted to his 3rd grade teacher that his dad assaulted him just a day prior. cole’s dad also abused his older sister judy before abandoning her, cece, and his ex-wife, but he never laid a finger on cece. cece feels guilt about it constantly

tier 8 -

dondre’s mom cause of death: murdered by his abusive stepdad. in a blind rage dondre grabbed his stepdad’s gun and shot him too. thankfully, he wasnt sentenced/charged due to it being deemed self defense. the memory of that day haunts him forever.

charlene is anti vax:

emil sex tape: i think the name makes it sound like he and neo made a sex tape kim k style but it refers to when emil used to make porn while he was homeless because he had no other form of income. a lot of people found these videos years later and used it to harrass him

neo dated his music teacher (csa/grooming): neo would call it dating but i personalllllyyyyyyyy would just call it grooming. he started doing things with his music teacher after school (some sexual some not) in exchange for good grades (he would’ve been a A+ student in that class without it but his teacher tricked him into thinking that he would fail if they weren’t together). their relationship offically ended when the teacher got fired for something completely unrelated. to this day neo refuses to see it as grooming since he wasn’t “forced” into anything. neo look at me you are a VICTIM.

tier 9 is just jokes nothing serious

#mybooty

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mockingbirdshymn · 1 year

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giving camp camp characters favorite foods

preston: french toast and bagels with cream cheese. he really likes blueberry bagels and blueberry muffins. he's a breakfast food kinda guy

harrison: bannana bread!!!! he really seems like a bananna bread guy. and a hot dog guy too, he definitely loves hot dogs

nerris: pizza. only cheese pizza, though, she doesn't like pepperoni. their dad always orders one during long dnd sessions that take up most of the evening. she likes dominos especially because their dad orders the cookie brownies too when they get dominos

max: smiley french fries. he also likes to press them down in a pile of ketchup to make the ketchup ooze out of their eye and mouth holes like blood. (im hoping that was a universal kid thing and that i wasnt just weird as fuck)

nikki: pb&j uncrustables!! she likes normal pb&js the same, though. she only eats them with either strawberry or blackberry jam

neil: lunchables. despite how hes well aware how unhealthy they are, he likes the fact theyre compact and he can take them anywhere with ease

space kid: his mother's chocolate chip cookies and dinosaur egg oatmeal (the kind where the egg melts over time in the oatmeal to reveal a colored dino inside)

dolph: shaped mac & cheese (ie. dino mac n' cheese, spongebob mac, etc.) he won't eat the normal macaroni (he only uses it for macaroni art)

ered: oreos, specifically the weird oreo flavors or double stuffed, and sonic drive thru

nurf: dinosaur nuggets but only the soggy ones you get at lunch at your shitty school that are soaked in like corn juice or some shit because i dont like nurf

david: sandwiches! lettuce, tomato, turkey, ham, mayo, onion, he has it all. he packs one every day for max to bring to school. max doesnt like them but he pretends to so that david feels happy

gwen: sushi!! she seems like a sushi lover. she probably eats a lot of cups of noodles

cameron campbell: his mother's oatmeal raisin cookies

bonus:

space kid has an uncanny resistance to spice. kids at camp started to feed him spicy stuff but he never seemed to react.

harrison once sobbed as a kid bc he ate deer and got upset because deer are cute and he ate one without knowing it was a deer :(

nikki always gives her leftovers to the pigeons in the city she lives near whenever she eats there. even if she doesnt have any, she makes sure to give some to the city birds. pigeons never forget a face, and they follow nikki whenever shes in the city. shes started bringing crumbs and food in her pockets to scatter behind her whenever they show up.

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ridiasfangirlings · 8 months

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Hello Ridia-san!

For some reason I wanna see what will happen if Saru gets hit by a Pregnancy Cravings strain.

Like he just starts demanding the alphabet boys to get him water but he wants the water specifically from Homra.

Then sometimes he's gonna wake the whole Scepter 4 in the middle of the night just because he wants some dino nuggies.

Or like he will ask Domyoji to climb a mango tree just because he wants one 😭

And if it's okay I wanna see the reaction of Scepter 4 and Homra but that's all (⁠´⁠∩⁠｡⁠•⁠ ⁠ᵕ⁠ ⁠•⁠｡⁠∩⁠`⁠)

Imagine this pre-S1 too and now the S4 boys have to go on an elaborate undercover mission in order to procure Homra’s tap water for Fushimi-san. Like say Fushimi gets hit by a Strain and no one knows what the power is, he claims he’s fine and everyone needs to stop bothering him and get back to work. The squad are concerned and become even more concerned when they’re on the way back to headquarters and Doumyouji decides to grab a sushi snack to eat because he’s hungry. Doumyouji notices Fushimi staring at him and says it’s just a snack he’ll eat it real quick and Fushimi won’t even have to smell it he swears, thinking he’s in trouble. Fushimi keeps staring though and finally just reaches out and takes a piece of sushi. Everyone is staring and Fushimi’s like what, Akiyama slowly says that they thought Fushimi didn’t like sushi. Fushimi grumbles that he doesn’t…it’s just he’s really hungry and he wants sushi.

Shortly after this Munakata uncovers that this was in fact the False Pregnancy Strain, who gives their victims symptoms of pregnancy. Doumyouji is like wait so Fushimi-san is going to have a baby and Fushimi glares at him, Munakata chuckles and says unfortunately not (everyone else: “….unfortunately?”), instead it seems that Fushimi has been hit with pregnancy cravings. Fushimi denies it, even as he snacks on a piece of broccoli because what he wants more than anything in the world at the moment is greens, greens, nothing but greens. Everyone’s like okay it’s either the pregnancy cravings Strain or an imposter has taken his place to infiltrate S4 (Fushimi throws a knife at Doumyouji for suggesting the latter and Doumyoui’s like good news guys it’s the pregnancy cravings).

So now the squad has to take care of Fushimi for a few days to help out with his cravings so he’ll have a healthy baby (“I’m not pregnant you idiots”). Kamo is initially pleased to put his skills to use, like if Fushimi wants grilled mackerel for breakfast grilled mackerel he will have. The issue is when the cravings get more specific, imagine Kamo making Fushimi fried chicken and having it rejected so now he has to go to the convenience store at 3am to buy frozen chicken nuggets in the shape of dinosaurs and heat them up in the microwave. Doumyouji ends up having to climb a tree and steal persimmons while on a mission because Fushimi is very hungry for one right now, S4 will work things out with the tree owner later.

At some point Fushimi complains he’s thirsty and he doesn’t want cola or coffee, he wants water. But not S4 water, it doesn’t taste right. He eventually admits that what he’s really craving is Homra’s water. The S4 guys exchange looks like we can’t get that and Fushimi grumbles it’s fine, he isn’t thirsty anyway, but he clearly looks parched and unhappy and the squad are like okay I guess we have to infiltrate Bar Homra and steal their water. Akiyama and Benzai decide to take charge of this mission, with Akiyama going undercover by wearing street clothes and parting his hair on the other side (Doumyouji tells everyone not to look in the demon eye). He goes into the bar and orders a drink and some food, playing it all smooth. At the right moment he pretends to choke and Kusanagi gets him a glass of water. That’s when Benzai and Hidaka cause a distraction outside, which catches everyone’s attention and gets Kusanagi to move away from the counter. At just that moment Akiyama grabs his water glass, leaves payment on the counter and makes a dash out the door before anyone can see him.

Yata happens to be coming back from skateboarding and imagine he spots someone running out of Kusanagi’s bar, he’s immediately suspicious and follows. He’s even more worried when he sees Akiyama meet back up with Benzai and Hidaka, who are in their uniforms. Akiyama hands off the important glass to Hidaka, Yata’s like what are those asshole Blues doing, did they steal something from the bar and they’re taking it back to their King in a glass. Of course no way is Yata letting them get away with this and he comes bursting out of hiding all give me that. Akiyama and Benzai tell Hidaka to forget about them, just get away while he can and take that with you. Yata’s really sure it must be something important now but he’s blocked by Akiyama and Benzai. Eventually he manages to give them the slip and decides to go to S4, thinking maybe he can cut Hidaka off at the pass. When he gets there though imagine Enomoto is at the door, Hidaka breathlessly hands him the glass and says he ‘got Fushimi-san’s water for him.’ Yata’s like wait what and imagine him climbing over the fence to see Fushimi sitting outside on a bench, taking the glass from Enomoto and drinking it. That’s when someone asks if it helped Fushimi’s ‘pregnancy craving’ and Yata promptly falls off the wall.

#Fushimi Saruhiko #k project #Talking K #Yata runs back to Bar Homra #pissed off because he thinks the Blue King knocked up Saruhiko and also Kusanagi-san S4 stole Homra's water #Kusanagi is like Yata-chan did you hit your head or eat weird brownies again

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quibbs126 · 8 months

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Dino-sour and cotton candy fankid?

Here you go, this is Sour Floss Cookie

Not gonna lie, didn’t think I’d draw her today. Her name’s been there for a while, but I’ve never had ideas for her. Then suddenly I was struck with inspiration while I was waiting in one of my history classes, and here we are

So her name’s another fabricated one, it’s just a combination of “fairy floss”, another name for cotton candy, and sour like Dino-Sour’s family. I imagine she tastes like sour cotton candy, I just don’t know if that exists. But I like the name

Speaking of names, for some reason I look at her and think she looks like a Bonnie or Betty

Anyways so let’s talk her design

Honestly I’m surprised at how well she turned out, I just kind of got an idea and went for it. The only thing I had certain was that she’d have pastel blue curly hair. I ended up giving her shorter hair with the edges so she wouldn’t just look like her mom and so she could have some amount oh spikiness like Dino Sour

With the eyes, I wanted to give her something in the eyes, since Cotton Candy has the heart shaped eyes, but I couldn’t decide on anything specific so I just went with circles and I quite like it. Also I didn’t feel like the green or pink really worked with Sour Floss’s color scheme, so I temporarily elected to give her blue, and then it just kind of stuck. But I was able to at least work in the green somehow

With the outfit, I wasn’t sure what to do other than give her something modern, so I went to an outfit ref album I have and just picked one of the first things I saw, and just gave it a spiky look at the bottom to make it more like Dino Sour again

I kind of liked her feet just bare without shoes in the sketch, and I eventually elected to give her some black leggings, and then some white stripes up top. Didn’t think it’d turn out as well as it did

But overall, I actually really like how her design turned out. I wasn’t expecting that, but I’m happy anyways

So let’s move on to her herself

Okay, so today, my thought process was basically “okay, pastel blue hair, probably has something to do with dinosaurs. Pastel blue is like a kid color right? Pastel blue dinosaur Ovenbreak stage (or something like that ran through my mind). Dinosaur plushies? She works with kids? Maybe she makes dinosaur plushies!” And so here we are

So yeah, basically she makes dinosaur plushies and gives them to kids, hence the pink ribbon (measuring tape like Sour Belt and Currant Cream) and dino plush, as well as the sketch. She probably also works with kids, maybe at a daycare, giving them stuffed animals

She’s probably a nice lady. Also she has sharp teeth. Sorry that’s random, just wanted to mention it

I have another character in my mind that also works with kids, maybe they’re friends and work together

Anyways yeah, that’s all I got for her. I hope y’all enjoy!

#I said I’d lay off the drawing #and then I make 2 new fankid designs in a day #I can’t help it if I have 20+ minutes of free time between classes!#(I mean I could just go later but I don’t want to)#anyways #cookie run #cookie run ovenbreak #dino sour cookie #cotton candy cookie #cookie run oc #fankid #fanchild #sour floss cookie #my ocs #my art #requests #answers

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boxwinebaddie · 4 months

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raven for sure owns chunky af slippers that are like dinosaur or bear feet (he definitely has bunny slippers that's out of question) I KNOW HE WOULD WEAR THAT OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE, like roaming the streets of NY in his giant dinosaur feet shaped slippers.

okay, so listen: i just saved a pin to the stan board that really just encapsulates the energy of this ask perfectly. omg. cozy king tbh.

…but this is The Ask Ever.

This is the REALEST ask.

oh my God, this is my fAVORITE ask — tbh any ask about offstage boyfail cryptid celebrity ravenstan when he’s not in the deceptively hot sexy rockstar getup and is just in his civilian clothes and by that i mean the most obscenely embarrassing crusty musty dusty oversized, hole-filled, stain covered ratty ass stan marsh pijamas ever at all waking ( half asleep ) hours is my favorite ask bc i love my beautiful disgusting son — but ur so right about him fkn terrorizing the mean nyc streets in his crazy, chunky animal slippers like that is such a messy, unhinged offduty celebeauty king RavenStan Concept.

( which is honestly just a #stancore concept because horrifically dying of sudden sbf lovesickness chapter 9 pep!stan hobbled miserably to wendys house in his gigantic cringey novelty terrance & phillip house slippers so raven could run amock in his big fluffy a-list bender boy flipper slippers from faux bad boy hangover hell )

which, okay, i will say he probably does have a couple pairs ( he always has to have alternates at the ready bc he is my adhd angel baby and loses everything he owns bc he never puts his stuff back where it goes — shoes specifically, he litrally flings those fuckers off into the abyss ) and totally has the massive bear/dino feet…BUT!

all my stans are mermen and enjoy large bodies of water, specifically the ocean ( yes this is funny to me bc kyle hates/fears the ocean ). and i feel like he really likes…Sharks, for some reason? because they are cool and very misunderstood!!

( all leopard sharks do remind him of jersey btw <3 )

but with that said, i think the most iconic and signature ravenstan walk of shame slippers are these very cheap, cute but comically large cartoon memory foam shark slides that he ordered off the internet w the platinum company card when no1 was looking smh and also bought this gigantic matching shark hoodie…AKA...

The Shoodie and…

…smh….

The SharChanclas.

( yes, i’m crying. )

wHICH HE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO WEAR IN PUBLIC BTW!!! management literally shits a brick anytime stan goes anywhere unsupervised bc he’s such a PR nightmare…i just know they’re shaking their heads bc how does the most drop dead gorgeous man ever with one of the most hauntingly beautiful voices of our generation go from looking like he sells out stadiums all over the world to sELLING CrAcK??? LIKE SHSJSK?!??

but u know what!!! everyones a hater tbh i am a lover of weird boy stan!!! if exhausted raccoon eyed dramatic crybaby anime eboy sharchancla stan has one fan ITS ME!!!! HES PRETTY TO ME! pretty fucking lame but I DIGRESS!!! HES CUTE!!!

like his big slouchy sleepy boy hoodies!! the metal teeshirts!! the little half up half down hot boy hair style!! ( i am Obsessed w it like when his hair is not all in his eyes and u can see them and his bone structure and his eye freckle and his dimples & stuff…truly…immaculate ) NOT TO MENTION THE BIG PANTS LIKE!!! ALL STAN WANTS TO DO IS WEAR THE GIGANTIC PANTS AND NO ONE WILL LET HIM!!! >:((( </3

sweet, swagless, baggy sweatpants stan being comfortable at home as himself and not oversexualized on stage as raunchy rockstar boy raven of cd means so much to me…I LOVE U BB.

my man did not die for you all to not let him LIVE!!!!! free ravenstan

BUT ANYWAYS!!! back to the sharchanclas which istg, stan just be rolling up to the studio at 6am like an hour late on Crim in the standana w the cat boy headphones around his neck, wearing the shark hoodie, the slip knot pijama pants and the fucking sharchanclas like sorry im late i didn’t want to fucking Come!

and management is like raven…what the FUCK are u wearing and he’s like ??? hello what do u mean?? the shoodie and the sharchanclas Obviously and they’re like tHE WHAT??-?/?/??/

HEEEEEELPSHAKSK THEYRE SO MAD AT HIM

they’re like raven u can’t wear stuff like that Outside you have to look Hot and he’s just PERO LIKE ITS SO COLD AND IM COMFY???

they’re like please tell me no one saw u in that!!!!!!! and he’s like dude *calls all of management d00d* no ofc not! i drove right here!!

*sweats* he’s such a bad liar sober im literally so

bECAUSE UPON CLOSER INSPECTION MANAGEMENT IS LIKE RAVEN IS THAT DIABLO SAUCE IN UR HAIR???????? OMG DID U STOP FOR TACO BELL??? AGAIN??? RAVENSTAN WE ONLY HAVE ONE HOUR IN THE RECORDING STUDIO U WERE 45 MINUTES LATE WE HAVE 15 MINUTES TO RECORD UR VOCALS WHICH IS BAD ENOUGH BUT ALSO U LOOK INSANE AND WHY IS THERE A TIKTOK OF YOU DOING DOUGHNUTS A RANDOM WYOMING TACO BELL DRIVE THRU !!! IN !!! THE SHAR—WHATEVERS!!!

and he’s like the sharChanclas!!!! >:(( and being a celebrity is so DUMB like it’s always noooo raven u can’t wear ur sick ass pajamas to the recording studio even tho ur super tired bc it’s unprofessional !! and nooo raven u know ur not supposed to stop for taco bell even tho it’s six am and ur starving like??? this sucks ASS bro fml ://///

( free raven…my man has millions of $ n literally just wants fast food and his weird silly temu purchases for five dollars and to SLEEP :( )

which he did…eventually go back to sleep right after he crushed that 15 minute recording session btw like he was sooo grouchy and sleep deprived still dropped fire in that studio i am obsessed with him he really did the bare minimum, produced a banger and was like LMAOOO OK CAN I GO NOW ZZZZ hsjskss

he’s such an icon…also i just know kyle is so fucking confused bc all the major google searches involving raven are like majorly edgy things like the Coke Scandal he backed kenny for so kyles like yeah whatever that tracks 4 him but then all these smaller articles just have him like w his acoustic guitar at the children’s hospital in silly scrubs taking requests from kids w cancer/making them laugh...

him carrying an old ladies groceries to her car and tying her shoes for her in the pajama jeans and the big sunglasses and getting kissed on the cheek, him dying his hair purple for domestic violence awareness month and reading that all of his slutty boy halloween shenanigans at last years shows were not just a sick cash grab but were all going towards women’s shelters and dv charities 4 his bday ;-;;;

and jerseykyle is like??? HUH????

is this photoshopped what the fuck is he Wearing but why does it actually not matter bc he’s smiling he looks happy he’s kind of glowing? Wow? and that’s so Nice??? and EWEWEWEHEJSK eW

my man is fighting demons and the demons are having a crush on a mainstream celebrity ALSO THE LOST LOVE OF UR LIFE HELLO???

whose clothes kyle Does steal when they’re Hating like 25/8, tyvm!!! like ok he cannot wear the sharchanclas but istg that man is guilty of coming out of his room in the blondies haus wearing the big orange stanime shirt and the shoodie and stans pj pants n his headphones humming cd under his breath, going to water suzie in the morning, responding to stans cute boy buenos dias mi amor~ <3 voice message and sending back the sleepy good morning zeeskiet :* how are u i stole the shoodie voice message AW cute...cringe...my boys

( i do think they send a lot of voice messages — stan cannot spell and kyle types like a crazy robot so it just works better but also it’s nice to hear eachothers voices esp when stan is on tour and uh there are definetely…various…kinds of voice messages some more incriminating than others…more on that later tho… )

AND EVERYONE IS IN THE LIVING ROOM FUCKING CRACKING UP DYING LIKE LOSING THEIR MIIINDS LIKE WOOOOW U JUST GOT CAUGHT SIMPING IN 4K IN THE sHOooDie BITCH!!! KYLE BROFLOVSKI DAWN SPAWN BREAKING NEWS SOUND THE ALARMS DID SOME1 HEAR A WHIP CRACK OR IS THAT JUST KYLE

& he Did threaten to violently kill everyone after that don’t worry…but what matters is that he did it powered by pure hatred and of course...

In the Shoodie <3

true love, true hate, same difference, right?

-uncle nina, captain of the weird stan ship and sharchancla nation

#im sorry this ask is really unhinged but for some reason #this just feels right to me #also sorry i do love making the pinterest collages like someones 45 year old aunt smh they are fun #also i love u weird boy stan w the pinned back hair and the big baggy clothes obscured from societys harsh glare #u are so beautiful for me u are so fucking strange and odd and i love you good for you baby #also hes so funny hes so bad at being a celebrity hes like dawg this is so whack i just want tAcO BeLl ://////////#anyways i hope u laughed #i am of sharchancla nation #i love stan #also i love cute domestic jersey kyle he is super evil on the outside bc hes actually so sweet and warm on the inside my bb #also yeah they do send a lot of interesting voice messages #no one hack into ravens icloud i beg omg #but listen something abt stan being like the most beautiful person on planet earth and also so fkn gross is so funny to me #like management was like wow he is so pretty and he can sing this is perfect and now theyre like HOLD UP WAIT ACTUALLY TAKE HIM BACK PLEASE

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thebibliomancer · 1 year

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Essential Avengers: West Coast Avengers #25: The Greatest Show on Earth!

October, 1987

Hmm. I dunno. I don’t think that anything with the Abomination is the greatest show.

-thinks about She-Hulk: Attorney at Law-

Still can be good though!

Let’s see how this presumably Simon Williams, Wonder Man focus issue goes!

The West Coast Avengers have been up to a lot lately. Here’s the rundown vis a vis Simon Williams specifically. His movie career is doing okay! In that he has a movie career! He’s playing the villain in an Arkon film which is the Marvel equivalent of Conan because they don’t always have the rights to Conan. Fun fact: Arkon is a real man from an alternate dimension that the Avengers had to stop from destroying the world. And now Hollywood makes movies about him.

Wonder Man also dealt with his fear of death by confessing his embezzlement wrongdoing to the world. Without his fear of death holding him back, he’s been a very confident guy. Confident enough to wear a new green and red costume which looked terrible.

The West Coast Avengers also wound up lost in space-time for so many issues. The main takeaway is that Simon’s new confidence led him to bad mouth the original Avengers right in front of Iron Man, rankle at taking orders, and just generally be a gigantic asshole in a bad costume.

Simon started feeling that maybe he’d outgrown the West Coast Avengers.

Also, one of his entourage showed up when he got back from lost in time and told him that his costume sucked. Which it did. So bad. Now he’s in a nice red and black outfit.

Although it debuted in the West Coast Avengers/Avengers Annual crossover story. Wherein despite Wonder Man’s newfound confidence, he got his ass kicked by Thor and Hyperion. Hyperion threw him into a star! He died!

So let’s see how he’s doing:

Well, he’s beating people up and being narrated doing it. On top of his spiffy new costume, I think his hair is starting to look pre-mullet.

Let’s call it overall a good place.

The peeps he’s beating up are actually stunt men.

No, he hasn’t gone all Hollywood and is beating up movie crew because he doesn’t control his outbursts.

This is promotion to promote the new Arkon IV: The Goblin Pit movie Simon is acting in with Arnold Schwarzburger. You read that right.

And because he showed off his new costume, nobody is even talking about the Christmas tree costume, as Dino the producer dubs it.

The new costume is more multi-functional than the Christmas tree, too. Although that mostly means that he can put a jacket with “dynasty shoulders” on over it for formal occasions and interviews.

As Simon, his girlfriend?, and producer take their seats for the premiere, there’s some exposition about how worried everyone was when Simon disappeared (into the past) and then when he went to Houston for a baseball game.

This is important exposition because it helped me place the annuals in the posting order.

The movie premiere starts.

Its not important to the plot to see the opening scene but c’mon. They dressed Simon in a little devil costume and glued a face mustache and beard to his face. The eyes look good though because they’re his real eyes.

The important part of the premiere scene for the plot is Simon thinking that he’s getting mass approval as a movie star in a way that the West Coast Avengers just can’t understand, doing stuff for altruism reasons they do!

Meanwhile, back at the West Coast Avengers Compound, Mockingbird and Hawkeye are enjoying a bubble bath together.

I think that’s their couple activity. They did a bath together at the end of the Hawkeye miniseries too. That tub was heart-shaped though.

And they deserve a nice bath, all that they’ve been through lately!

Mockingbird: “Man, am I exhausted! I could hole up here for a week!”

Hawkeye: “You said it ‘Bird! Gettin’ lost in time was bad enough, but dyin’ was even worse!”

Such a superhero thing to be able to say that sentence.

Hawkeye finds a chance to brag about how his team beat the East Coast Avengers in the death tournament. Never mind that it was part of an evil scheme to let the Grandmaster steal Death’s power. The important thing is that he sure proved that the West Coast Avengers could hold their own against a team with Captain America and Thor. Although those specific guys beat their opponents with embarrassing ease.

Bubblebath Hawkeye also swings the topic over to what Mockingbird went through when she was trapped in cowboy times and he wants to know whether Phantom Rider did anything to her beyond all the drugging.

Mockingbird lies that Phantom Rider never touched her. Because she doesn’t want Hawkeye to have to live with the knowledge. And also because she doesn’t want anyone to find out she manslaughtered Phantom Rider. And I guess once you start pulling threads, it may come out.

Anyway, the married couple gets frisky in the bath.

But what’s Tony Stark, Iron Man up to at the meanwhile?

Being the bigger man.

Iron Man: “This strongman competition between Iron Man and Wonder Man has got to stop! It’s no good for the team! I’m the senior member, so I’ll take the first steps toward --”

But he finds Simon isn’t in his bungalow and weakening his bigger man plan, he uncharitably decides Simon is doing something with his “blasted movie career”!

So you don’t even know his movie is premiering? So Simon didn’t even invite any of his teammates to the premiere?

Wow.

Wow wow wow.

I was gonna say, you gotta respect his movie career, even if you don’t think a superhero should be doing it. It’s clearly important to him. But Simon is kind of being a dick too.

After the movie premiere, there’s good news as Arkon IV: The Goblin Pit is a big hit with the audience! Everyone wants to shake Simon’s hand and Menachim tells Simon he’d be a shoo-in for Best Supporting Actor if the academy respected fantasy films. Producer Dino tells him hey no problem, they’re all going to make so much money off of Simon’s movie career, Dino will just buy him a little award statuette.

Simon tells him not necessary. The love and adoration of the public is all the aware he needs.

Dino decides strike while the iron is hot and tells Simon about the next movie he’s got lined up.

Dino: “You gonna play-a de opponent from outta space in Rocky V -- you an’a Stallone-a gonna fight it out onna de space shuttle!”

I’m pretty sure I’ve heard a similar joke about how the Rocky franchise would eventually go IN SPACE. Guess its just an easy thing to crack wise about.

Wonder Man: “Gosh, Dino -- I really appreciate it -- but I don’t think that’ll do! You see, I’m a hero in real life, so I won’t be doing any more villains! Could hurt my image!”

Dino is taken aback because when he hired Simon, Simon was willing to do any role just to prove himself. But Simon says times change. He’s proven himself and now he wants a three picture Flash Gordon deal. He says he’ll have his agent contact Dino.

Wow. One movie and he’s already a prima donna.

Dino doesn’t seem that upset though. He just says Simon Williams is gonna go places.

Meanwhile, back at West Coast Avengers Compound, Moon Knight gazing moodily at the Moon through a window.

This is kind of an issue for unwinding after everything that happened.

Pretty sure that joining the West Coast Avengers is inevitable (I mean, he did literally die for them) Moon Knight contemplates that its not too much to imagine that one day he might even fly to the Moon.

Well, the Avengers do go to space sometimes.

But Moon Knight doesn’t want to go to the Moon because it’d be a letdown to know Khonshu as a god and then go to the Moon and see its just dust and craters.

Weird man, Marc Spector. Weird man with odd trains of thought.

Moon Knight’s pilot friend Frenchy shows up for a meeting and Moon Knight lowers the defenses so he can hover the Moon-Chopper over the Compound without the defenses shooting it down.

And basically Moon Knight is breaking up with Frenchy. Basically.

If he’s going to work with the Avengers, the Avengers don’t need another pilot. And its not stated but they probably wouldn’t hire a mercenary like Frenchy just on Moon Knight’s say so. So he wants to basically cut Frenchy loose so he’s not wasting his time hanging around waiting for Marc to call him.

Frenchy is cool with this and saw it coming. As his closest friend, he’s seen that Marc has been at loose ends since love interest Marlene left. And this Avengers thing seems like its the direction he needs right now.

Cool guy, Frenchy.

SCENE TRANSITION BACK TO WONDER MAN

In a limo, his girlfriend? Chris is asking why he bothers staying with the Avengers.

Wonder Man: “You know, Chris, I’ve been wondering that myself! I’m really glad of the break they gave me when I was just starting out, but, it’s kind of like with Dino -- ! I’m world-class now, in both heroism and stardom! I’ve moved to a different league!”

Chris: “Stars do move in a different world from everyone else... but the West Coast Avengers is still a good commercial tie-in for you! I’d ask for a bigger percentage of the merchandising before you decide to cut it off altogether!”

... She... really doesn’t get how superheroes work, does she?

Wonder Man: There’s no merchandising -- not for us, anyway! All the revenues from the Marvel comic and the toys go to charity!”

Chris: “What? Then what’s your net, and how many points is that?”

Wonder Man: “No points -- we all get the same cut! We each get a stipend of $1000 a week!”

Chris: “One G a week? You can get two G’s a day out of Dino after tonight!”

Wonder Man: “Sure, if I could guarantee I’d be on the set whenever he needed me!”

Chris: “Well...?”

Wonder Man: “Well... Let’s see how the Carson Show goes, before I answer that! But the way these crowds are gathering for me tonight, I think I already know the answer...!”

Meanwhile, BACK AT THE COMPOUND again, Hank Pym walks into his lab and whaddayaknow La Espirita is here!

I’d wondered what happened to her after she was left with the Collector!

Apparently, she appeared in Silver Surfer’s solo

Silver Surfer bust into the Collector’s ship to question him about the Elders’ various plots and discovered La Espirita was just hanging around so he agreed to take her back to Earth.

Dropped her off in Albuquerque, in fact.

La Espirita took care of some things and then swung by Los Angeles to check on the West Coast Avengers.

Hank asks her why she didn’t join the team in death when they all drank poison (and I’m still shaking my head at that being a plot point) but she tells him, yeah, she drank poison like all the cool kids but didn’t die of it.

Dr Pym: “What? But even Wonder Man died!”

La Espirita: “I know! There’s something very strange about me, Hank -- I don’t understand it myself -- but since my vision of Carlotta turned out to be crucial to returning the Avengers from the past, I know God has much to teach me still! I plan to enter the wilderness to seek a better understanding!”

Hank decides this is as good a time as any to dump her.

Classy as ever, Hank.

Dr Pym: “Bonita, I can never repay you for what you did for me -- you not only saved my life, but you helped me rebuild it -- I love you for that -- but I’ve come to see -- I don’t love you...!”

La Espirita: “I know that!”

She’s taking this well.

But, she has her own reservations about the relationship. Annnnd, y’know, I’ve never been too sure what exactly she saw in him anyway? And this following conversation implies maybe she was casually trying to convert him?

She asks him, knowing the answer, whether he believes in god.

Hank hems and haws but has to admit that he doesn’t. And La Espirita admits that an atheist isn’t a good match for her so she kind of expected she’d be going on her wilderness quest alone.

Oh my god, its the completely mutual dump! As spoken in legends!

Hank feels bad though and tries to say he’ll still go with her but she tells him his place is with the Avengers “the team you founded and have just found again!”

Good wordplay, La Espirita.

And her place is not with the Avengers. Aww. Dangit.

I mean. Moon Knight is fine. But I was hoping Bonita would stick around.

She gives Hank a kiss and strolls out of the book.

AT LEAST SAY HELLO TO EVERYONE FIRST, GEEZ.

Okay, back at the Wonder Man side of the plot.

Wonder Man appears on the Carson Show, very pleased with the applause he’s receiving.

Chris: “I knew it would be like this, Simon! The moment I thought of casting you in Arkon, I knew you just needed the one break to break through! Stallone was nobody before Rocky, but then it was straight to the top!”

And Simon promises to take her for a night on the town to remember as soon as he finishes the taping.

A journalist asks Wonder Man if he has some big bombshell news, since last time he appeared on the show, he announced his criminal past.

But before Wonder Man can say anything Abomination shoves his way onto the set.

Oh, I’m sorry.

That’s not Abomination.

It’s Tyrannus’ mind trapped in Abomination’s body.

Comics are weird.

For example: minor recurring Hulk villain guy Tyrannus? Who is Yet Another Underground Jerk like Mole Man? Yeah, Tyrannus is actually Romulus Augustulus. If you’re moderately interested in Roman history, you may recognize that as the name of the Last Western Roman Emperor.

YEAH. He’s that guy.

A child emperor that Goth general Odoacer just sort of shooed out of the room when his father Orestes refused payment to the German mercenary armies in Italy.

In history, Romulus Augustulus was given a pension to live on for being such a nice young lad and sent into exile. History is scarce but he probably didn’t cause any further trouble.

IN MARVEL, he was right pissed about the loss of his (pretty illegitimate) throne and became the servant of Pluto (who is a dick in Marvel) who sent him to destroy Merlin. He was stopped by the first Black Knight. And there’s something fitting about Marvel’s Original Character for Arthurian Lore beating up the Last Western Roman Emperor. Anyway, Merlin banished Tyrannus inside the Earth. Where he found the Fountain of Youth.

TRULY BONKERS.

Anyway, this dumb shit for some reason decided to body swap into Abomination and then went ugh this body is way too ugly. But he was stuck with it.

That’s not a tangent. That is literally his motivation for this issue.

Romulus Abomination: “This is your night to shine, manly one! Your night to strut the stage before the world! But I bestrode he world fifteen centuries ago -- and had I not fallen to Merlin, cursed be his name, I would rule it all today! But I did fall to Merlin, and I have recently fallen to the Hulk to be trapped in this grotesque pile of emerald protoplasm -- a body truly called Abomination... and if I cannot rule in glory, then neither will you!”

This is a truly stupid motivation.

Does he attack all movie stars or is Simon just lucky?

Wonder Simon tells everyone to back up to give him room to fight and for Chris to go home so she won’t be in danger.

She’s worried for Simon because Abomination goes toe-to-toe with the Hulk but Wonder Man isn’t impressed.

Gotta say. Makes for hilarious comedic timing.

Romulus Abomination: “You are unimpressed with me, are you? You will be impressed -- and it will be your final impression!”

Simon punches Abomination away and belt jets away for some space and so he can build up ramming speed.

But Abomination tackles him out of the air, shatters his belt jets, and hurtles him into another studio.

David Letterman’s studio, precisely.

So this is another time that Wonder Man appeared on David Letterman’s Late Night show.

That David Letterman wit.

All this getting his ass kicked has blackened one of Wonder Man’s eyes, something Abomination takes note of.

Romulus Abomination: “So -- the man of wonders is not invulnerable!”

Wonder Man: “Wonder Man is still a man, if that’s what you mean -- but the difference between me and invulnerable is too small for you to notice!”

Good line! I mean, you need to stop getting your ass kicked to sell it but good line!

Wonder Man punches Abomination off of him, even manages to stagger him for a moment. But that old self-doubt is boiling up. Abomination gives Hulk a hard time, Hulk gives Wonder Man a hard time. The math don’t look great for him.

And and and, he thought he couldn’t die but the Collector’s poison killed him. He thought he’d gotten strong enough that he could beat Thor but Mjolnir gave Thor an edge. So what if Wonder Man is wrong about being able to beat Abomination?

What if Abomination kills him?

Fear is the mind-killer!

He’s gotten really good at avoiding spiraling into doubt.

Wonder Man announces that a tan will really help Abomination’s self-image problem. And then wraps a stage light around him.

Zing!

Abomination flexes loose from the light but gets electrocuted by the now damaged wire. JUST AS WONDER MAN PLANNED!

With Abomination stunned, Wonder Man is free to go ham on him. VERY HAM!

Except nobody cares.

The camera crew didn’t bother filming any of it, figuring it was just another engineered fight Simon arranged to hype up his movie.

Even when they’re told it was real, a real supervillain really showed up and really beat the shit out of him, nobody cares. They already got footage of him fighting at the engineered fight so... does it matter that nobody got this fight? Really, how many clips do you need, Simon?

And as a dejected Simon watches everyone take off, the gravest insult of all - an old man tells him that he likes the special effects of Jaws on the Universal tour better.

Oof ouch.

Meanwhile, back at the West Coast Avengers Compound, god damn, these two are still chillaxing.

Hawkeye and Mockingbird have moved on from the hot tub to the hot room and are in the sauna room that the compound apparently has.

Geez, I wonder if I can get hired as a West Coast Avenger. The only downside I can think of is that if I don’t quit in time, I’d have to be in Force Works.

ANYWAY, as Hawkeye is telling Mockingbird about all the wild days he had with the East Coast Avengers, but that he prefers leading his own team - problem child #1 walks into the sauna.

He excuses himself when he sees its in use but Hawkeye tells him yes this is definitely not awkward, why don’t you come in so we can discuss your future with the team.

Wonder Man: “And I can guess why -- but I’ll save you the trouble! I came to tell you, Clint, no matter how big I get in this town -- and it’s gonna be very big -- I learned tonight what’s real and what isn’t! An actor plays many parts, but I have one special part to play -- as a part of the West Coast Avengers!”

Aww! I didn’t know how Wonder Man’s ego trip ‘I’m too cool for this team’ thing was gonna end. I figured there’d be drama. Hawkeye or Iron Man would get in a shouting match with him.

Him realizing on his own that he could just be a superpowered celebrity, doing nothing but movies and fake fights, but that it would feel empty -- well, good on Simon for getting his head on straight without it requiring yelling.

And good on him for wanting to stick to the acting thing! It makes him pretty unique and I’d hate to see it get written out.

Next time, West Coast Avengers. Still one more issue before the dates are synced back up. But god damn it the Zodiac. I wouldn’t say I hate those guys but they’re boring.

That “What is Scorpio -- ?” is at least enough of a twist to get me interested though. What is Scorpio indeed.

Follow @essential-avengers because What is Scorpio? Maybe a curated bimonthly box of snacks? Like and reblog if you like snacks or unnecessary references.

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