#no i’m not crying at all what do you mean. i’m fine

[torasplanet]

❝𝙏𝘼𝙇𝙆 𝙏𝙊 𝙈𝙀.ᐟ❞

C. MATSUNO + F. READER

𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 ; you get so wet when you're cockwarming your boyfriend that your pussy starts talking to him!

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 ; smut, baji cockblocking you, cockwarming, riding, p in v, gamer!chifuyu, chifuyu's kinda mean, crying, pretty vanilla ig, clit play?? skin color not mentioned

Chifuyu had been playing this game forever and you were getting so tired of it! You had to sit in the living room because he was being so loud screaming at Baji to stop screaming at him and telling Kazutora to do something you didn’t care about and yet you could still hear him.

It wasn’t fair, he was annoying you while you were just sitting on the couch with an aching feeling between your legs which was widely different from the aching in your head from all his yelling. You knew chifuyu liked to have time to himself to game and whatever but why did he choose now of all times when you’re probably the horniest person in the entire world right now?

You tried to get friction on the arm of the couch but it didn’t work. You need your boyfriend but he was too busy yelling at his friends to help you. Whatever, you didn’t care. If you wanted dick, that’s what you were going to get.

You walked down the hallway to your and his shared bedroom and peeked through the slightly cracked door staring at your boyfriend as he typed on his keyboard so much focus on his face before pushing it open the door creaking and echoing throughout the house. His green eyes blinked up at you and he flashed a gentle smile “Hey pretty.” Your boyfriend said before looking back at the screen.

“Is it that [Y/n]!? Tell her I said hi!” “Yeah!” You heard Kazutora and Baji scream from Chifuyu’s headset as you leaned against the doorframe. Chifuyu chuckled under his breath before looking at you and gesturing you to come over “The guys said hi.” He told you while you walked over to him wrapping your arms around his neck and leaning over his frame as he sat in his gaming chair.

“Hey guys.” You said your lips close to the headset so they could hear you before pressing a kiss to Chifuyu’s cheek making him grin while you ignored everything else the other two guys said about the game. Soon your cheek kisses moved down to his jaw, then his neck, and then you started to move his shirt around a bit to kiss at his shoulder blades biting at the skin a bit.

Chifuyu’s body grew stiff and his eyes went wide knowing what you were doing. He was quick to press mute before taking off the headset on one of his ears “Stop it.” You whined as you slid your hand down to his lower abdomen growing closer to his crotch but he swatted your hand away “I’m serious, I’m playing a game right now.” Chifuyu said a bit more sternly than you expected and you put your hands on his shoulders.

“‘Fuyu, please! Hurts s’bad right now…” You mewled walking in front of him just barely covering the side of the PC screen wanting him to see how desperate you were. Chifuyu got hard in his pants at the sight of you looking at him so needy wearing only his crewneck and panties.

You lifted the hem of the crewneck just a bit allowing him to see more of your panties and the small wet spot. He looked down and looked back at you letting out a sigh and leaning further back into his chair “Fine, c’mon.” Chifuyu said patting his lap and making a smile stretch across your face. You wasted no time going to him and beginning to pull his sweatpants down but what he said next made you stop.

“But you’re just gonna sit there. Still got a game to play.”

What? In your most desperate hour of need, he was going to make you cockwarm him while he screamed in your ear at Baji? Couldn’t he see how wet you were for him? “Chifuyu what the fuck are you doing!?” Baji yelled from the headset just as you opened your mouth to protest against it making you shut it really fast.

Chifuyu looked at you with a nasty smile on his face “Either you get on or you don’t.” He said shrugging his shoulders putting the other side of his headset back on and turning mute off to talk to Baji ignoring the pout you had on your face. Despite all your thoughts against it, you still slid your panties off and sat on your boyfriend's cock your legs folded on either side of him with your arms wrapped around his neck.

You were desperate for anything even if it was just his tip sitting at your sweet spot with no movement but after nearly an hour had passed, you couldn’t take it anymore! He was still getting yelled at by Baji with Kazutora trying to be the mediator and you were a soaking and drooling mess in his lap holding back the urge to whine for him to let you do something but you didn’t want to humiliate yourself in front of you guys’ friends.

It’s not like your asking would do much. He would say no just like the times you tried to move your hips just even a little bit so it’d be pointless but you just needed to move! You were so focused on getting yours that you hadn’t even realized that Chifuyu had muted himself on the game and slid the headset on his head just a bit so that his ears were visible. Chifuyu was getting tired of being hard inside of you.

The green-eyed man moved his hips just a bit making you whine but more importantly, the wet sounds of your pussy clenching around him got loud and it made Chifuyu grin “Hm?” Chifuyu said gaining your attention. You looked up at him with your head still on his chest curious as to what he was talking about and saw him beginning to lean down “Wha–” “Shhh. Pussy’s talkin’ to me baby.” Chifuyu said silencing you.’

He moved his hips at different angles again, even thrusting his hips up just a bit to hear those noises your soaked pussy made “She’s tellin’ me that she wants more.” Chifuyu spoke glancing up at you, that smile still on his face and it made you pulse around him again just wanting more like he said. “Should I give her more?” He questioned tilting his head just slightly and you nodded immediately not hesitating for a second.

Chifuyu leaned back against his gaming chair but didn’t respond. Well not verbally. His response was unmuting and telling Baji and Kazutora that he had to go. Once he left the game and ended the call, his attention was entirely focused on you.

“So sorry for neglecting my girl,” Chifuyu said as his hands moved to your ass groping it lightly. You wrapped your arms around his neck while he started to kiss all over your neck and collarbone “Lemme give her what she needs.” The black-haired male muttered into your skin making goosebumps form on your arms because of his lips tickling you. Nodding your head with small moans leaving your lips “Please.”.

Chifuyu began to move you on his cock using his hold on your ass to his advantage “Ah, pussy’s so loud…and I thought you have a problem being quiet.” Your boyfriend said with a small laugh as you began to bounce on his dick without needing his help but his hands remained on your ass kneading and groping at the fat “S-Shut up.” You stammered as your pace sped up wanting more and more by the second. This slow pace wasn’t doing it for you especially when his tip was brushing over your g-spot with every slow fuck.

“Make me,” Chifuyu said almost threateningly but it was evident that he just wanted to kiss you by his stare at your plump lips that had been releasing whines of his name all day. You grabbed hold of his face and pushed your lips into his; tongue immediately entering his mouth wanting to dominate but he took it instead once bringing out your weak point by slapping the flesh of your ass.

Chifuyu’s hand grabbed your ass tightly as he began to fuck up into you smiling into the kiss because of how much he had you moaning into the kiss “Mhm, s’good.” You mewled into the makeout trying your best not to cum so soon as you wanted to cum with your boyfriend but with the way he was fucking you on his dick, he wasn’t going to let that happen. His bright red tip crashed into your sweet spot over and over showing he wasn’t letting up until both of you came.

One of his hands moved from your behind and came to flick at your clit surprising you “Stop that!” Chifuyu merely laughed at your yelping that broke the kiss. He loved playing with you during sex. Lightly slapping your clit or flicking it just to make you jump, it was so funny to see you squirm just from a small movement.

“Wanna make you cum faster, not my fault you’re so sensitive…” The Matsuno male muttered pecking your lips with a smile that attempted to be comforting but his words weren’t whatsoever. Your cunt tightened around him with a string of moans leaking from your mouth as you threw your head back.

You bounced faster breathing heavily as you felt your release approaching, it was right there in your reach. You just needed to lean a little further for it “Keep touching me, oh my god. Almost there!” Whines and pleads were all that were leaving your mouth just begging for Chifuyu to help you reach your mark and he ate that shit up, oh he did. His fingers drew the letters of his name all over your clit sometimes even pinching it after the last ‘u’ in his name “That’s my girl. Fuck…moan for me pretty.” Chifuyu groaned as you kept tightening around his cock warning your orgasm and you were about to cause his.

Chifuyu stood up and your legs immediately wrapped around his waist. He slammed your back onto the table in front of him not caring about the PC or the keyboard and just sliding the keyboard across to make room for you “Fuck, I’m almost there pretty. Hah, fuck.” The dark-haired man said holding onto his hips tightly as he fucked into you harder than he did before. Your hands gripped the edge of the table trying your hardest not to bump into the PC and break it but Chifuyu wasn’t letting up. It’s like he didn’t even care.

“Baby…!” You moaned. Your nails dug into the skin of his neck as you felt yourself cumming all over his cock and that was Chifuyu’s last straw, he gripped your hips even tighter as he piped your womb to the brim with his semen.

He pushed the black strands that were sticking to his forehead back whilst he breathed heavily. His gaze slowly traveled to the bed on the other side of the room before it was directed back to you. “Lemme play one more round then I’ll give you one too, okay?”

©torasplanet .ᐟ reblogs and likes are very appreciated! pls do not repost!!

#torasplanet.ᐟ #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers smut #marls-fics.ᐟ #chifuyu matsuno #chifuyu x reader #chifuyu matsuno smut #chifuyu smut #◛⑅·˚fuyuuu

[duskwoodraven]

I feel moved to speak, sooner rather than later because I believe time is of the essence and this needs to be understood in order to keep Moonvale from crumbling to the ground completely.

This is not completely spoiler heavy, but it will discuss the game. I should note that unfortunately I have not finished the episode because I am struggling with the mini games in making progress. So I do not know how the episode ends, but I need to say this in order for me to rest.

I am very angry and disappointed with this game, and even more than that, I hold a great deal of second hand embarrassment for Everbyte.

One of the greatest reasons I respected these developers during Duskwood is that the game never felt like a cash grab like so many games do these days. The option to make a one time payment for complete access to Duskwood was fantastic, an option they should have carried to here and that is the biggest grievance I have.

There is no reason a game should cost hundreds of dollars to experience and enjoy. There is no reason for the prices of gems to be as expensive as they are. This is unacceptable Everbyte, and you should feel ashamed of it, you should know better.

The beauty of Duskwood and what set it apart was its feel of realism and the fact that every question had a reasonable answer. Your use of AI art has cheapened the look of your game, not enhanced it, not to mention it’s insulting to use generated art when there are many artists who are already losing jobs to AI, artists who would have been happy to work with you if given the chance. If the cost of commission is too high, then use of stock photos you had before was just fine, and I believe you should have kept it, I can’t look at Ash and Charlie’s profiles without it striking me as goofy.

Furthermore, the story does not make sense, we were able to read chats because Jake made it possible for us, now it just feels like the return of a gimmick with no explanation, the same with the mini games, in the past we did mini games to “hack” into Hannah’s cloud, now we do it “just because”. It’s lost its feeling of meaning, not to mention most private chats are behind the gem paywall, which we never had to deal with before!

The characters seem more plain to me, or maybe they are loveable but I’ll never know because again, paywall. I can’t read the premium options and get to know them deeper because of it. There are also no profiles like before, which is awful because we can’t look back on past video calls and links and we can’t see what these characters are all about, their personality is gone.

Even MC’s answer options seem blander, more vanilla, repetitive or one directional.

I say this truthfully from my soul, if this was the style of of game you dropped but for Duskwood instead, I never would have played it.

I would have never fallen in love with it.

I would have never made this blog and would never have waited years for every episode and a new game.

I would have never made art and countless theories.

I would have deleted the game immediately.

So I’m asking you, begging you, please change this for our sakes, and especially for yours.

Because despite all my gripes and anger, and everything I’ve said, I know you guys have actually worked hard on this game because the evidence is there, hidden beneath it all.

I love the actual real life people you have for Adam and Eric, I was so moved to help Adam when he started to cry. I want to know why he knows us and wants our help. I laughed when Eric told us he had tripped, and I do want to get to know him. I even wished to lovingly twist Charlie’s neck! That is the game I remember loving, its writing and characters, I can see the potential here.

But you need to change something, otherwise I cannot support this game, I cannot force myself to play it. I will drop Moonvale.

Give the players a one time payment option for 100% complete access to the game, access to all premium options. That’s the least I feel anyone could ask of you and is biggest reason you are getting this backlash.

To my fellow players, if you agree with any of what I said then I ask you not to pay for anything until Everbyte changes to make their game more affordable. Don’t be quiet and please voice your opinions everywhere they can see it. That’s the only way something could change.

I am so sorry this is what we got… you all deserve better.

#i feel sick #make a change everbyte #moonvale #everbyte studio #everbyte #duskwood #moonvale x duskwood #moonvale release #moonvale game #moonvale everbyte

[pensat-i-fet]

His very own real princess (Pedri x Reader)

**I'm back with another imagine! This one was requested many moons ago and the anon who sent it might have forgotten about it so sorry 😕 but I got the inspiration for it and so I wanted to share it! I'm not so used to writing short format anymore so I feel everything could be a series. Let me know if you'd like this concept to be one! ☺️ And enjoy! ❤️**

Word count: 3675

Masterlist

Wattpad

Being famous was not as great as people made it up to be. For Pedri, it meant leaving the house was too much sometimes. He had to deal with people following him and even getting in front of his car just to get his attention. He was asked to sign autographs and to take photos every couple of minutes. While he loved his fans, it could be a bit much. Especially when he could tell they were filming him so they could post the video on TikTok for a couple hundred likes. So, one day, he tried to avoid those people by going to a park. He could probably lose them there. There were so many trees and dogs that made it harder to move quickly around the area.

For you, it had been a bit different. Growing up your family wanted to keep you a secret almost. For security reasons…or so they said. So, naturally, you wanted to rebel against them and do the complete opposite. Still, it wasn’t until you turned 18 that you started to show up at official events. And now you were 20, you realised maybe your parents had been right all along. But you weren’t going to tell them that. Of course. So while some paparazzi were chasing you, you spotted a park and thought you could hide there for a bit. Maybe even call your chauffeur so he could pick you up and save you from the vultures.

“Oh! Sorry”.

Pedri turned to look at the girl who was apologising to him. You had bumped into each other and he hit you in the head with his shoulder without meaning to. He hadn’t even seen you there.

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry. Are you alright?”

And then, it happened. You looked up to see his face and you couldn’t believe who it was that you were talking to.

“Oh my God…oh my God”, was all you could say.

“I take it you know who I am”.

“Yeah, who doesn’t?”

Pedri chuckled. “I guess there are some lucky folks out there who don’t. But really, are you ok?”

“Yes, it’s fine. Just more shocked to see you here than anything else”.

Pedri smiled at you and you were trying hard not to swoon. Being hidden from the public eye meant you hadn’t been around a lot of famous people before. Your second cousins were way more used to this and always told you famous people were just normal people. To them…not to you. To you, famous people were…fascinating.

“I was planning on hiding here for a bit”, you said.

“Me too, but I don’t want to ruin your plan so I could leave…”.

Pedri started to look around, getting ready to leave so you stopped him. “You don't know who I am so that makes you good company. Perfect company actually. So you can stay. Also, you got here first”.

“Should I know who you are?”

“I guess not”, you shrugged. Not everyone followed your family. Thankfully.

“Are you a singer?

“Babies cry when I sing”.

“Actress?”

“Nope”.

“Influencer”.

“I only influence how much money there is left in my dad's bank account”.

You thought it was really cute how he concentrated, trying to guess. “Then…a model?”

“No, but I appreciate the compliment”.

“What compliment?”

“If you think I could be a model, then you think I'm pretty”.

“Well”, he started. “I like to invite pretty girls to eat or have a drink so…which one is it going to be?”

“There is an ice cream ban there…if you dare approach it”.

It made you laugh how Pedri looked around the area, making sure no one who could know him was there and then he turned to look at you again.

“What flavour?”

“One ball of coffee and one of vanilla, please”.

“Sounds sophisticated”.

“I guess you’re getting closer to my identity”, you laughed.

“What are you? A princess?”

“Nah, the princesses are my cousins”.

Pedri laughed before going to the ban to get the ice cream. The funny thing about being part of the Royal family was that it was so weird that many thought you were joking when you said that. But you weren’t. Not many people knew your parents but they still were part of the family so…they got attention. And now, you got the attention too.

“Here is your ice cream, your Majesty”.

“Thank you, Golden boy”, you joked back.

“Does that make me royalty too?”

“I guess. Football royalty so less hated than real royalty”. “Less hated? You clearly aren’t on Twitter”.

No, you weren’t. No amount of therapy would heal you after reading what people wrote about you or your family there.

Sitting down on the grass and eating an ice cream while chatting with Pedri was something that healed your mood. It was so nice to be with someone who didn’t know who you were but that also understood how you felt. Even if he didn’t know it yet.

“There are a lot of kids and parents around now. I feel no one will even look at us while we leave”.

You looked around and agreed with his assessment. “Ok, where should we go?”

“I don’t know. Wanna go walk near the beach? It’s usually where I end up when I go out. It’s not often I do but it’s nice to go there”.

“I like the beach”.

“Where are you from?”

“Well…it’s a funny question that one”, you sighed.

“How so?” “I was born in The Netherlands, then lived in Madrid for a bit, went to school in Switzerland and Wales and now I’m back in Spain. I go to different cities all the time. I like travelling”.

“Wow, that’s a lot. Was it a boarding school you went to?”

“Yeah”.

“Maybe you are a princess after all”.

You giggled and looked down to hide your blush. Yes, your life sounded very much like that of a princess. Even if about 40 family members needed to die for you to become one for real.

“I love this”, you said, looking around and feeling so…normal.

“Yeah? That’s good”.

Pedri smiled at you and you realised maybe it wasn’t so normal what was going on. Sure, you were on a walk like a normal person but you were walking with a very famous footballer. That didn’t happen every day. At least not to you.

“And I see pizza there. Do you want a slice?”

“I probably shouldn’t…”.

“But Pedri! Today everything is possible! You’re not a football player but just Pedro from Tenerife. And I’m not a princess”.

“What are you then?”, he asked, smirking.

“I’m just a girl standing in front of a boy…asking him to get some pizza”.

The excitement of the crazy afternoon made you lose a bit of the control you usually had and you grabbed Pedri’s arm to take him to the pizza ban. It wasn’t like holding hands but…once the physical contact started, you were both very aware of it. But pretended it was all normal.

After buying the pizza slices, you didn’t wait a second to start eating. You were so hungry and it wasn’t often you got to eat greasy pizza with your hands.

“That burns!”, you complained, opening your mouth and using your hand as a fan.

“Maybe wait a little to eat”.

“I was hungry”, you pouted and that made Pedri stare at your lips.

“You got some sauce on your mouth”.

“I think I have a mirror on my bag…”.

But before you had time to find it, Pedri used one of his napkins to clean your face. When you looked up at him, you noticed he seemed to have done that without even realising.

“Sorry”.

“No, don’t be. Thank you for not letting me look dirty while we walked”.

“Princesses have to always look perfect”.

“Exactly”, you told him, laughing.

But good things had to come to an end and soon Pedri started to notice people looking at him. That meant it was time to go home.

“I’m sorry. It just…that’s my life”.

“I get it”, you told him, wanting to explain to him how much you actually got it. “It was fun to spend some time with you though”.

“Would you like to do it again?”

“I would. But maybe somewhere more private”.

“Do you have Instagram? So you can follow me and we can talk about meeting”.

That made you pause. You had an official account controlled by people hired by your family but also a private one. So maybe you could use that one to follow him.

“Yeah. I’ll follow you later and send you a message”.

“Cool. See you…soon?”

You nodded, not knowing what to do. Should you hug him? But then all the people ready to surround him showed you that no, a hug wouldn’t be a good idea. So you said goodbye and left.

Pedri was entering the dressing room a couple of days after you met, not really looking at his teammates but at his phone. You two had been texting ever since you separated. And he was constantly checking to see if you had sent him a new message.

“Hello, your Majesty”, said one of Pedri’s teammates and it took him a second to notice he was looking at him.

“Sorry?”

“I just said hi to your Majesty. Would you like us to find a throne for you to sit on?”

“What are you on about?”

“Haven't seen the cover of the magazine yet?”, asked Frenkie.

“I haven't done any covers lately…”.

“The gossip magazine”, pointed out Lamine. “It’s all everyone is talking about”.

“I don’t get it. I haven’t done anything to be in one of those magazines”.

“How about going out with a pretty girl the other day? Paparazzi are everywhere. You should know that by now”.

So people had seen him when he was hanging out with you. Great. You didn’t seem like someone who’d enjoy the attention. But why make such a big deal out of him being seen with someone unknown?

“You also chose the wrong girl to date”.

“I’m not dating her but she's just a normal girl…”.

“Who's related to the Royal family. And here we were worrying about Gavi being the one who could become king”.

“I would have made a great king”, said Gavi, raising his chin proudly.

“You would have made a terrible king”, told him Fermín, shaking his head.

“What do you mean Royal family?”

Pedri was about to start freaking out. You joked about being a princess but…was it not a joke? What? He knew the princesses! Leonor, Sofía, Victoria, …none of them were you. So what the heck was going on?

“She’s like a second or third cousin of the real princesses but the media has been trying to find out everything about her in the last few years”, explained Pau.

“How do you know so much about that?”

“My mum loves the Royals. I live with her and she talks about it”, shrugged the youngster.

The jokes continued but Pedri didn’t care. He just kept thinking about how you had lied to him. And he got it in a way. It couldn’t be easy to be in your position but…you had spent two days talking to each other about a lot of personal stuff. Didn’t you trust him enough to tell him the truth?

When he finished training and picked up his phone again, he saw a text from you saying “I’m sorry”. A part of him wanted to ignore it but you didn’t deserve that kind of treatment despite your lies. So he asked you to meet instead. But you were in Madrid for a couple of days so it’d have to wait. You apologized multiple times and Pedri told you it was ok but…you weren’t so sure.

“What’s wrong?”, asked your cousin Sofía, who was a real princess.

“You saw the magazines, right?”

“Yes. Wanna talk about it?”

“I…we bumped into each other randomly and it was so good to meet someone who didn’t know who I was. You get it, Sof. If someone gets it, it’ll be you”.

“I do. Is he mad at you for lying?”

“Not really”, you said, frowning. “I expected him to be but he seems to understand why I lied. He also gets it”.

“I bet he does. So, what are you going to do?”

“We’ll meet when I get back to Barcelona in a few days”.

Sofía laughed looking at you. “That smile…someone is smitten!”

“How could I not be? Have you seen him? And he’s super nice too, not just handsome. But I fear I’ve ruined it”.

“Don’t be so negative. Let’s just get ready for the match and forget about your Barça boy for a couple of hours”.

It wasn’t a secret that the king of Spain supported Atlético de Madrid and a lot of people suspected his daughter Sofía did as well. However, it was very hard for her to attend matches without people noticing but she had become a bit of a pro at it. And now she was taking you to the match too.

The match was fun and Atleti won so Sofía was very happy. And you didn’t get spotted by anyone…or so you thought.

“Pepi!”, called Ferran when Pedri was entering the dressing room in the morning.

“What?”

“Your princess is a traitor, she doesn't even support you”.

“What are you talking about?”

“She was at the Atleti match yesterday with Princess Sofía. But I bet you can turn her into a Barça fan”.

Ferran’s wink didn’t stop Pedri from feeling so weird about this whole situation. Or more like jealous. What if you had your eye on an Atleti player?

But he could only stare at the photos in the article. After your meeting, he had only the memory of how you looked that day. Your private Instagram only had a handful of photos and a few were of your dogs. The official Instagram only had a few official photos and…even though that was you too, it wasn’t the you Pedri knew. The girl in the photos from the Atleti match was you. Laughing with your cousin and looking so happy.

The article…he didn’t like as much. After the photos of what the press called “a date” were published, they just assumed you were seeing Pedri. So what were you doing watching a rival team? It wasn’t as if you went to see a Real Madrid match, God forbid. But still…shouldn’t you be supporting “your boyfriend”?

“Hi”.

A few days later, you were back in Barcelona and Pedri invited you to have lunch with him. Finding a place where no one would see you was hard, but your family knew a few tricks to achieve that.

“Hey. It’s good to see you again”.

This time, you did hug as a greeting. Even if you had spoken only via texts, it still felt like you knew each other so well now. So a hug seemed like the right thing to do.

“I’m sorry about everything that happened. I just…I don’t know, Pedri. Being with you made me forget who I was for a second and I didn’t think about how this could affect you”.

“It’s ok. You know I get it. It’s the same for me. My every move is overanalysed. Though I guess being a princess is a bit more important”.

“Not this again”, you shook your head, laughing. “I’m not a princess. I’m a nobody, really. But the press was waiting for a moment like this. A scandal or whatever”.

“Eating pizza in public is very scandalous. I don’t know how your reputation will recover”.

You laughed at Pedri’s joke but also remembered what you had been told. “It’s not so much what I did but who I did it with”.

“Oh…ok”.

When the photos were published, your parents talked to you about all the reasons why you should stay away from Pedri. Before you even had time to say nothing was going on…at least not yet.

“It’s stupid. I told you I’m a nobody. But family connections dictate this or that…I don’t want to date a politician or another royal just because it’s what I’m supposed to do. I don’t have it as bad as my cousins. You know, the real princesses. But still…it’s boring. I want to be able to make my own decisions”.

“You don’t want to date a politician…but would you like to date me?”

Being so annoyed with your family and their restrictions, you didn’t realise Pedri wasn’t stupid and could easily read between the lines.

“You’re better than a politician so…”.

“Look”, said Pedri, grabbing your hand to hold it. “No relationship was going to be easy for me. I knew that. So…this doesn’t scare me”.

“Really? I was actually worried it would”.

“I could see it in your face”.

“Can you read minds now? Is that how you know where to shoot the ball?”

“No, that’s because I’m a generational talent”, joked Pedri, making you laugh. “But I mean it. I’m not scared. Are you?”

“Not as much as I probably should”.

“But…are you an Atleti fan? These are the important conversations we need to have before trying to date”.

“That’s my cousin. I don’t really have a team. So I might let you convince me to become a Barça fan. I already support Spain so…”.

“Even against The Netherlands?”, he asked. Your mum was Dutch so it was a fair question.

“Only if you play for Spain that day”.

And so you both forgot about what people would say, what people would demand from each of you and started to date. There was no need to hide since there were photos of your first date online already. Even if back then you didn’t want to admit it was a date.

Being together compensated for any comments or insults…but Pedri was starting to get a bit tired of his teammates curtsying in front of him and calling him Majesty. They did it with you too, which only made you laugh.

“I told you, guys. I’m not a princess”.

“No. Not officially”, told you Pedri. “But you are my very own princess. My queen even”.

Your blush made everyone laughed. It was so obvious to everyone how in love you both were.

However, the media was going to try to find anything that could make it sound like your lovely love story wasn’t so lovely.

Something your family always had to do was attend charity events. It was probably one of the few things you liked doing, since many of those events raised money for great causes. So when you were invited to one to raise money for cancer research, you said yes immediately. It being organised by the Atlético de Madrid foundation didn’t matter to you. But for the press…it was a different story.

“Hi, it’s nice meeting you”.

You turned to see it was Álvaro Morata, the player who presided the event, saying hello to you.

“Thank you, it’s nice meeting you too”.

“I heard about you and Pedri…sorry if it’s too informal of me to say this”. “It’s ok, don’t worry”.

“So…you two are really together?”

“Yes”, you said, blushing.

“Good. He’s a good guy. I’ll see you around the Spain matches then”.

“You will”.

Other players were there too and you were introduced to all of them. Mario Hermoso, Marcos Llorente, …they were all very nice to you. But it was a younger player you had to sit next to at your table. One that you hadn’t met before but that introduced himself as Rodrigo Riquelme. However, that wasn’t what his teammates called him.

“Should I call you Rodrigo or Roro?”

“I feel I can’t ask someone of your station to call me such a nickname”.

You laughed seeing the Atleti player blushing. “I don’t mind. I’m not really that important”.

“You are the most important person here”.

“Depends on who you asked”, you shrugged.

It was lovely having someone young to chat with at such an event. You were usually surrounded by old politicians and entrepreneurs who bored you to death with their conversations. So you had a great time…Pedri didn’t have as much fun seeing all the posts on social media talking about how his girlfriend was being too friendly with another player.

He knew it was stupid. You were just chatting with Riquelme. Pedri knew you now and realised that was how you talked to his friends too. That was how you talked to Ferran, for example. It was nothing like how you talked to Pedri.

But still…it wasn’t nice to see so many people doubting your relationship. And, what was worse, insulting you.

“You look unhappy”, you said when you met him again in Barcelona. “Is it because of the articles? Nothing happened with Riquelme. I swear”.

“I know”, he sighed, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing your forehead. “I just hate how people will try to find any excuse to try and hurt us”.

“We knew it was going to happen…”.

“It’s not nice anyway”.

“But we’re fine?”, you asked, worried.

“We’re fine. I missed you a lot”.

“I know. I missed you too”.

Knowing Pedri trusted you was so important and you felt you needed to prove you were worth that trust. So, even though you knew you were likely to get in trouble, you forgot about protocol and attended his match wearing his shirt.

It wasn’t even the most important match but when it ended, you went as close to the pitch as you could and called Pedri so he could go meet you. Every one of his teammates that walked past curtsied and called you two “your Majesties”. But you didn’t care. You looked around, noticing the cameras were all pointed at you, and kissed Pedri.

“Making sure everyone knows you’re just my princess?”, he whispered.

“Yes. And while we’re at it, everyone can also learn you’re my prince”.

#pedri #pedri gonzalez #pedri imagine #pedri one shot #pedri x reader #pedri x y/n #pedri fluff #footballer imagine #footballer one shot #footballer fluff #footballer x reader #footballer x y/n

[johnwickb1tsch]

Vino Veritas - Part II

A Destination Wedding Frank x Fem!Reader Fic part 1

Attending the wedding of your ex-fiancé gets slightly better when you meet someone having just as miserable a time as you... Warnings: Nothing too serious holy shit. Cursing. Broken engagement. Nihilism, existential bullshit, copious amounts of sarcasm. Eventual nsfw, not this chapter. Pretty much in line with the movie here.

II. The Interminable Fucking Car Ride

“So…what do you do?”

“I run the marketing department for JD Power.”

“The car trophy people?”

“That’s a magazine.”

“Ah. So you’re the grand architect of big corporate’s bid to tell us what to think while slyly taking all our money.”

He snorts. “Only those who are incapable of thinking for themselves. Somehow, that doesn’t seem to apply to you.”

If you squint, that almost felt like he was paying you a compliment.

“So, what do you do?” he asks in turn.  

You don’t know why you’re almost embarrassed to tell him. “I run an art gallery/gift shop on the beach in Santa Bonita.”

He blinks, those lovely dark eyes fixed on you for a moment. “Of course you do.”

“What does that mean?”

He huffs a little. It almost sounds wistful, but then he frowns, utterly fucking ruining the moment.  “You just look the type.”

You’re not sure why that stings…or why you even give a fuck.

The Fucking Rehearsal Dinner

“I’ve never really understood the point of the rehearsal dinner. Is eating so hard we really have to rehearse it?”

You sense an almost twitch of the corner of Frank’s mouth. They have stuck you together at a table in the far back. The black sheep who they felt they had to invite, but didn’t really want to.

“Not to miss the opportunity to make the groom’s parents spend unnecessary money too?” Frank offers.

“Fair to spread the misery, I guess.”

“Didn’t you sue Keith over this shit?”

“My parents did. They lost thirty thousand dollars in deposits.”

“Jesus fucking Christ. No one should spend that kind of money on a wedding.”

“Strangely, I agree with you now. I didn’t know any better at the time.” You’d been so young, you could hardly even fathom how much thirty-thousand dollars was.

Your parents had been happy at the time with the prospect of marrying you off to Keith. He’d been successful, charming, and outwardly doting on you. They never really thought you had much going on your own, so they probably thought he was the best you could do. The thought still hurts, more than it should.

“I mean,” you blurt, “Did you know who you are or what you wanted when you were 20?”

“Of course not.”

“He was my whole world. When he dumped me. It...it really fucked me up.” You don't know why you're admitting this to this near total stranger. There is just something about his forthright manner that demands honesty. 

“Ah well, join the club. My father tried to shoot me once, if it makes you feel any better.”

You blink. “He tried to shoot you?”

“Yes. With a gun.”

“What did you do?”

“I ran at him.”

“You ran at him? Not away from him?”

“Yeah. Well, I was pissed off. He tried to shoot me again, but I got the gun away from him and hit him with it. Broke his orbital bone. He said I was the accumulation of all his bad decisions. He started to cry and begged me to kill him. I didn’t, only because I didn’t want to fuck my whole life up. The poor bastard jumped out the seventh floor the next day.”

Before you can stop yourself you reach out to place your hand on his on the table.

Before he can stop himself, his long fingers close around yours.

This connection endures for precisely 1.5 seconds before he shakes you off.

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t think your fine.”

“Fine, I’m all fucked up, but there’s nothing I can do about it.”

You sigh, sinking down in your chair, embarrassed. Why did you touch him? What were you thinking?

“I guess we’re in the club together,” you answer miserably.

You feel him looking at you out the corner of his eye. There is a weight to this man’s gaze. It’s not unpleasant, just…you feel as though he sees everything.

“I feel like we should get at least decoder rings or something,” he grumbles.

The bride and groom make their entrance, interrupting whatever acerbic thing you were going to say next. You watch as they make their way through the crowd, basking in the glow of being the center of attention. Keith always loved that shit. You hate to admit, that his bride to be is a solid stone cold foxy 10. The kind of woman that men will trip over themselves for as they walk down the street.

You weren’t bad looking but you’d never had that kind of power.

If you wanted to trip a man, you had to do the dirty work and actually stick out your foot.

“Oh, look at us, let us presume to inconvenience you with the ostentatious display of our love,” you mock quietly in a mousy little falsetto.

It actually makes Frank laugh. At least, you think it’s a laugh. Maybe it was indigestion.

He joins in, though forgoing the funny voice, “And we’re conceited enough to think we’re actually different from the rest of the human race, and our love will last forever and ever…”

You’re enjoying this malicious bit of fun, but there is something in the way that he says it that makes you pause. “You don’t think love can ever last?” you ask.

He snorts. “Well, he doesn’t. I heard the prenup she had to sign was brutal,” he tells you.

 “Poor thing.”

“You really feel sorry for her?”

“Slightly?”

“Are you going to say hello?”

You sigh. “I guess I fucking better.”

You slowly make to stand, the chair screeching under you. “Give ‘em hell, kid.”

You flip Frank the bird as you go, and hear that peculiar strangled sound that must pass for his outward expression of mirth.

Dumb ass free shit you would never do on your own

"I spoke to the bride last night."

“Indeed?”

You’ve had pedicures before, but you’ve never sprung for a professional foot massage, and you have to admit it feels pretty good. It totally surprised you to find Frank there, but he’d informed you unashamedly that he can’t resist free shit. You find that amusing, considering he’s obviously comfortable, if not outright rich.

Maybe that’s how he stays that way.

“Yes, and she told me she doesn’t mind that you’re here, and she’s not threatened by you.”

You snort at that, taking a long sip of your iced latte.

“At least, I think she meant you. She’s dumb as a box of rocks, it was hard to tell who or what she was talking about at times.”

You sigh at hearing that. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to soothe my feelings.”

It’s his turn to snort. “Merely reporting facts, I assure you. If you still feel badly about Keith and have not managed to move on to one of the other 8 billion people on this planet, then there is no helping you.”

“Is that your method for getting over a bad breakup?” He makes it sound so easy, you cannot help but roll your eyes at him.

“No, I have opted out of that shit show. It makes me uniquely qualified to offer comment on your own situation.”

You tilt you head in confusion, looking over at him. “You’ve…opted out of what? Dating? Romance? Marriage?”

“All of the above. It never ends well, as I have learned from watching my mother’s train wreck of a life as she blithely stumbled between marriages and boyfriends and suitors.”

“That’s so sad,” you blurt before you can stop yourself.

If you hadn’t already started to learn this man’s gestures, you would have missed the way he stiffened slightly, staring fixedly down at his feet.

“How many times have you been in love?” he asks.

You think about it, and regret the answer. “Just the once.” With Keith, the asshole. Any one who came after didn’t have much luck getting over the wall you built to protect yourself from another heartbreak.

He looks at you then, and you are pinned by those chocolate brown eyes, that for once seem earnest rather than annoyed. “What’s it like?”

The fact that this man, who is at least ten if not fifteen years your elder, is asking you tears your heart into little bits of confetti.  

“It’s like going insane,” you answer truthfully, and he looks back down, frowning.

“I thought so.”

***

You are standing in your inflatable body bumpers together on the sidelines, declining to partake in this insane sport, content to watch the others attempt to inflict cervical injuries on themselves and others.

The question is eating at you, and you decide what the hell. What’s he going to do? Be mean to you?

“So, you’ve never been in love?”

“I don’t think so,” he answers, frowning, though it’s the same frown he’s been wearing for the past hour watching the idiots running around the field.

“Believe me, you would know.”

“Do insane people know they’re insane?”

“Ok, maybe that was a bad comparison. It’s…total surrender.”

“Wow, you’re really talking it up.”

“It is though. You have these special feelings for a person, and you just know whatever they do to you, it won’t matter, because you’ll still care for them.”

“It doesn’t matter, until it does matter.”

“Some people have higher tolerances for pain than others.”

“If you loved Keith you could probably take a Caesar-style stabbing without flinching.”

You’re not sure how exactly to respond to that.

“At any rate. I prefer to avoid pain rather than withstand it. My parents inflicted quite enough. No need to spread it around.”

“Alright, I get it that your parents sufficiently traumatized you, with the failed marriages and the…shooting thing. But doesn’t there come a point where you have to let it go and rise above it?”

“I don’t see any reason to.”

“Think about all your missing out on though.”

“What exactly is that?”

“You know…human connection. The things that make life worth living.”

“Jesus, are you sure you don’t work for Hallmark?”

“Positive.”

“I bet you sell rocks in your shop that have inspirational words carved in them.”

“Of course I do. The markup on those things is astronomical.”

You see him smirk out the corner of his eye.

“I bet you also sell little statues of big-eyed children slinging bible verses.”

“Ohhh, now those are fighting words, sir.” You bump him lightly with your inflatable tutu, making him shuffle a step. For a fleeting moment, you catch a hint of a smile, and it feels like a resounding victory.

Feeling bold, you fix him with an earnest stare. “You claim you’ve opted out of this mess. But what if you meet someone you really like?”

“Then I should probably run swiftly in the opposite direction,” he says, paying you a side-eyed look.

Five minutes later, he does quit the field, though he doesn’t quite run from it. You tell your self that it’s just a coincidence, and that he was just done standing in a polyvinyl orb in this heat.

But deep down…there is the tiniest kindling of something in your heart, and you know you should kick dirt over that shit and stomp on it.

You don’t, and you carry a ridiculous little light feeling with you as you return to the hotel.

It feels like you swallowed a butterfly.

#destination wedding #frank x you #frank x reader #frank x y/n #keanu reeves #keanuverse #keanuverse fic #keanu reeves x you #frank reeves x you #frank reeves x reader #vino veritas destination wedding fic #destination wedding frank x you

[thepersonperson]

Thoughts on the tragedy of Gojo Satoru and narrative cruelty towards him as of JJK 261.

Some notes before we start.

1) This originally was going to be an analysis about how Gojo is Megumi's dad. Then JJK 261 came out and shattered my heart into millions of pieces.

2) This analysis will briefly deal with suicide.

3) The light novels are canon and provide critical insight to characters and their motivations. I would go as far to say they're the equivalent of Bleach's CFYOW for JJK. I will be citing the official translation from my own copies. There is a fan translation (Book 1 & Book 2), but the syntax is a bit clunky to read. Either version is fine, I just highly encourage reading them.

4) I will be mainly using the TCB scans for the manga because of their accessibility. 

5) Read the light novels.

(Click pictures for captions/citations.)

Preface

Umineko no Naku Koro ni (When the Seagulls Cry) is a visual novel about a person who is fundamentally misunderstood by those around them. They desperately want to be loved without being perceived, believing themself to be unworthy due to trauma and immutable characteristics given to them at birth. Instead of telling anyone these feelings directly, they play games akin to torture. They torment the ones they love over and over in hopes they'll see through their actions and understand them.

"Without love it cannot be seen."

If you've ever heard of Umineko, you've probably seen this quote. It's the lens in which you are supposed to view the contents of the novel in order to understand the heart behind the actions.

Keep this all in mind as I attempt to answer the following question:

What's wrong with Gojo Satoru?

Short Answer: Being the Strongest. He never got over the trauma inflicted by Toji that was worsened by Geto. And because he's the Strongest, he never sought help for these problems. I’m not going to explain why this is the case here—we’re just accepting this as canon for this analysis. How this trauma manifests and affects his interpersonal relationships is the focus here.

Regardless of trauma, Gojo Satoru is a fascinating character in that he is simultaneously a egotistical arrogant dickhead and a deeply caring individual. He's not one or the other, he is both at the same time at all times. Allow me to explain how he pulls this off.

2 Birds 1 Stone

Gojo Satoru is a 2 birds and 1 stone kind of guy. What I mean by this is that Gojo will do 1 thing and have 2 reasons behind it. The reasons often seem contradictory which leads fans and characters to have a polarized view of Gojo based on how they feel about him. If you hate Gojo, you will only see the bad/selfish reason. If you adore Gojo uncritically, you will only see the good/selfless reason.

This is why without love, it (Gojo's heart) cannot be seen.

I will now provide examples of this 2 birds 1 stone action.

Ijichi Kiyotaka

Ijichi and Gojo’s relationship is the best to start with because it teaches you how to read Gojo’s words vs his actions/results. We all know Gojo is very blunt in an rude way. This is at its extreme when he’s with Ijichi as seen in the following panels.

Gojo straight up tells Ijichi he’s useless as a sorcerer in a way that makes him cry. It’s definitely bullying, but it’s not to torment Ijichi even though it seems that way. Ijichi comes to understand Gojo was just trying to make sure he wouldn’t die. This particular scene took place right after Haibara died, Nanami quit, and Geto defected. The harshness is how Gojo is choosing to say “Hey I care about your life, but don’t get too close to me, I can’t handle that.”

Gojo was even kind enough to offer a productive alternative that let him participate in Jujutsu society without risking his life—driving a car and putting up veils.

Still, Gojo’s bullying of him is a lot. It makes Ijichi doubt that Gojo even likes him. Gojo has to spell it out that he trusts Ijichi the most. Ijichi being weak means he cannot betray Gojo like Geto did, therefore Gojo can fully trust him. Still, Gojo is aware his weakness is other people, so as The Strongest, he can’t let him in all the way. This leads to him showing affection/care in the most insane ways possible. (It’s not really a surprise people don’t understand him when he uses this plausible deniability model.)

ENTER: JJK Thorny Road at Dawn, Chapter 3 Asakusabashi Elegy

As stated in CFYOW, Gojo is aware of Ijichi’s stress and went out of his way to help him deal with it.

Not only does he recognize the stress and notice he hasn't taken time off for it, but he also pinpoints the reason so well that it moves Ijichi to tears. (Summary of Pages 75-77: He feels guilty for failing Yuji twice. Gojo assures him it’s not his fault and flicks him on the forehead.)

But! Gojo can’t be too affectionate. The very next day he piles a good deal of work on Ijichi’s desk he is aware will be stressing him the fudge out. (See Pages 78-79 for full context.)

It should go without saying that treating Ijichi like this is not ok. My point here is to demonstrate that despite being a massive asshole, Gojo does care.

So what did we learn here?

1) Gojo is aware of people’s emotional problems to some extent.

(IDing Ijichi’s stress source accurately.)

2) Gojo is aware he is unable to deal with emotional problems on his own so he enlists outside help.

(Having Shoko and alcohol help cheer Ijichi up while he talks to him.)

3) Gojo’s bluntness and flippant behavior is both rude and serves a purpose for the recipient.

(Gojo bullying Ijichi to keep him out of harm’s way.)

4) Gojo packages his affections with cruelty to keep people at a distance.

(Gojo flicking Ijichi on the head while telling him to take it easy. Taking Ijichi for a night out and then burdening him with extra work the next day.)

5) Other people do not understand Gojo and misread his intent all the time.

(It took Ijichi about 10 years to realize Gojo cares deeply about him.)

Nanami Kento

ENTER: JJK Summer of Ashes, Autumn of Dust, Chapter 2: Resurrection Doll

This chapter is so good at fully fleshing out the Gojo Nanami dynamic that I will not be using manga citations for most of this part. Please read it. Or listen to the official audio drama which has been fan translated.

Gojo spends the first half of this chapter messing with Nanami, forcing him to try unique foods and drinks and generally enjoy himself. You know the typical purposeful Gojo bullying. (See Pages 33-38)

Then it gets rather serious when they arrive at their mission’s destination. They have to deal with a grieving mother. Gojo is blunt. Nanami is comforting. (See Pages 47-50)

What’s interesting about this interaction is how Gojo reflects on it. He acknowledges how bad he is at dealing with attachment issues that come from grief.

Gojo and Nanami find the culprit and the both of them are quite pissed at how he’s exploiting grief to make a profit. They kind of let him be tortured by the curses that eat his body for a bit before killing him. Gojo makes Nanami do it because he can make him die a human death. (See Pages 50-57)

Even after he has expressed hatred of his man for preying on grieving parents, Gojo still ultimately wants this person to have a proper death. This captures the duality of his inhumanity (torture) and humanity (merciful death) quite well.

The following bar scene ties this all together nicely. (See Pages 58-60 for full context.)

I want to note that it is constantly drawing attention to the sentimentality the both of them feel as they converse about how this particular mission messed with them.

As stated in CFYOW, Gojo believes adults treat their stress with alcohol and conversation. And yet, he denies himself the alcohol.

Gojo denying himself this stress relief seems to be a combination of him being too wary to let down Limitless and not believing he needs it. He's the Strongest and he has to be the Strongest at all times, otherwise someone like Toji will get him.

As stated in CFYOW, Gojo recognizes his students will face trauma similar to himself and Nanami and that as adults they must look out for them.

What's so heartbreaking about this interaction is how Nanami is painfully aware Gojo isn't following his own advice of stress relief and says nothing. In a way it almost reads like Gojo, who knows people see him as a giant child, is asking Nanami to help him too in the most roundabout way possible.

As stated in CFYOW, Gojo deliberately paired Yuji with Nanami because he recognizes he is unfit to keep him emotionally stable. (Also note he refuses to have Yuji’s humanity denied as Sukuna’s Vessel. His concerns are explicitly about Yuji as a kid and nothing else.)

Not only is this for Yuji’s benefit, but for Nanami’s as well.

As we know, Nanami and Gojo have one thing common: they lost their best friends because they couldn’t be there for them. This guilt motivates both their actions as adults. Using that connection through shared grief, Gojo is trying to help Nanami heal from that wound with Yuji.

Why Yuji? Nanami’s best friend, Haibara, was a cheerful, friendly boy with a big heart—just like Yuji. He may not be able to replace Haibara, but that familiarity helps Nanami move on. We know this worked because Nanami dies without regrets thanks to Yuji. (All while seeing Haibara too.)

This is called the Nanago Bible for good reason. We have Gojo being an absolute annoying dick to him and then doting on him so targetedly it kind of makes your head spin. Just like Ijichi, Gojo cares but he’s got to bully you first before he shows it. (Totally sane and healthy behavior. /s)

That's why this hurts so much.

This is so cruel. Gojo does all this for Nanami only to be misunderstood by him in the end, and learn that everyone else is the same way.

However, Nanami still cares for him. Like Gojo, Nanami doesn't show affection unless he's being kind of mean. The best example of this is Yuji calling him Nanamin. And to be honest, his whole stern father dynamic with Yuji.

Nanami puts on a show here. He pretends this is pissing him off but he ultimately accepts it.

We've already established that Gojo is unable to fully understand other people. Nanami calling him a pervert/weirdo/self-satisfier was affection and Gojo too misunderstands him. So we're left with that panel of Gojo looking very hurt.

Iori Utahime

Similar to Ijichi, Gojo trusts Utahime because she is weak. And just like Ijichi, Gojo doesn’t say “I trust you won’t betray me like Geto”, he says this:

Not ignoring the misogynistic stint to his bullying of Utahime, Gojo has been doing this for so long that Utahime flat out hates him. It’s in her official character description. And Gojo is unaware of this because he can't read people well. But you want to know what else is? Her love of sports. (Baseball is one she's really into.)

After the disaster that was the first half of the Goodwill Event, Gojo makes the second half enjoyable for the students and Utahime specifically. 2 birds and 1 stone. Baseball means kids get to enjoy their youth and Utahime gets to have fun with something she genuinely enjoys. And Gojo gets to piss off Principal Yaga and Gakuganji as a treat.

Hopefully you can see the pattern now. Gojo cares for people while also being an absolute menace to keep them at a distance for what he believes to be their own good. And still he craves a direct connection with them. All of it is him failing to cope with Toji and Geto in a healthy way and being The Strongest.

Gojo's Heart

Now that we've established how to read Gojo's actions and words, let's take a look at his heart. What kind of person is Gojo Satoru really under all the posturing?

Gojo’s Students

Gojo cares a lot about his students, their enjoyment of life, and their futures. He also wants to change Jujutsu society without senseless bloodshed so he goes out of his way to recruit strong children with potential as his allies (Megumi, Yuta, Yuji, Hikari). Some may think he’s only using the youth for his own purposes. Others may think he just wants to help troubled youths. But it’s both. Gojo is doing both of these things. And boy does he feel immense guilt over it when it goes poorly. See how he handles Yuji "dying".

(It should be noted that he still tries to maintain his jokey persona with Shoko and Ijichi while he genuinely gets upset.)

As stated in CFYOW, JJK Summer of Ashes, Autumn of Dust, Chapter 4: Ijichi at Work, Gojo’s style of care is one that is focused on helping the children handle the emotions he couldn’t at their age. (See Pages 116-118 for full context.)

Gojo basically finds children who are like himself and tries to make sure they don’t wind up like him. This is how he has chosen to cope with his trauma.

You could read this as manipulative and selfish if you find Gojo unbearable. It did turn out poorly in the end. But remember how he forced Nanami to speak of Yuji as a person and not a vessel. And how Gojo discusses with him the fragile hearts of youth and how he wants to prepare them for grief. Gojo is anticipating Jujutsu society ruining their lives and acting preemptively.

Gojo also postures in front of the students. As their pillar of stability, he pretends everything is ok because he's the adult in charge. Look at how quickly he buries his grief when Yuji notices something is up.

"I've got students watching so I'm going to show off."

"I'm not going to lose."

And each time he does this, it works. He definitely believes what he says and that does make him annoying. However, the students feel secure because he's promising to take responsibility. When he fails them, he blames himself and no one else. That's the attitude of someone that cares despite most of his students not seeing through his arrogance.

Geto Suguru

It's not up for debate that Gojo was in love with Geto. Gojo 100% was gay for Geto. What is up for debate is whether or not the two of them ever acted on it when they had the chance. I lean towards the interpretation that this love was never realized in life. (Gege is a huge fan of yaoi that ends in tragedy.)

I want to make it very clear, after reading the contents of JJK 261, I believe Geto is the one who failed Gojo the most. He had a fundamental misunderstanding of his best friend so bad that he abandoned him and was shocked that Gojo still loved him in the end. It took him until the afterlife to see that all Gojo wanted was him.

Gojo checking in on him wasn't enough, Gojo not killing him for 10 years even though he could've wasn't enough, Gojo saying something that caused Geto to blush before he killed him wasn't enough, Gojo dying and immediately greeting him first wasn't enough. This is when he finally understands.

After not denying the fact Geto saw Gojo as a self-satisfying Jujutsu pervert who cared about no one else.

Geto was too consumed by his own trauma and hang-ups to see Gojo with love. He wound up doing the exact same thing he killed non-sorcerers for; putting all the burden of their relationship on the strongest and expecting him to do all the work.

And yet somehow Geto was able to find the love Gojo also deserved. He made a family and was surrounded by people who openly loved him and even understood him. It makes me a little bitter.

At one point Geto did understand Gojo a lot. Enough to be his moral center and sense his suffering. He even accepted Gojo's awful personality when everyone else wouldn't. Since their breakup, Gojo has been mourning him. Every little thing Geto told him to do while they were together is something Gojo incorporated into his life.

Using the personal pronouns "Boku" and "Watashi" over "Ore" to be more polite? Done. Not killing ordinary people, even if they suck, because that would be pointless? Done. Even to the point where he spares most curse users or rehabilitates them. He takes care of Geto's family even after he's dead. Looking after the weak because he's strong? Done until it kills him.

Gojo is chasing after a Geto that no longer exists. These little rituals keep that ghost alive. And they turn out to be super beneficial to other people so let's make it another 2 birds and 1 stone that hides the fact he's grieving.

Gojo's Guts

In summary, Gojo does care about other people despite treating them in bizarre and unpleasant ways that aren’t ok. He may be using them as a way to work through his own trauma, but he is also determined to see that they live better lives than himself. 2 birds, 1 stone.

His status as The Strongest isolated him so severely that he was doomed to being misunderstood by everyone he loved. Both because of how Gojo treats them and how they treat his power. (Limitless being the metaphorical and literal barrier between himself and others.)

Gojo wants to give love and be loved but is denied it at every turn. His heart is that of a pathetic sopping-wet cat that pretends it's completely dry.

Narrative Cruelty

The narrative ire for Gojo Satoru cannot be overstated. This person sums it up the best.

After JJK 261, it has become abundantly clear to me that Gojo was intending to die the moment he made the date December 24th (the most romantic day in Japan and the death date of Geto Suguru). He has all this grief and guilt and truly believes that no one living will ever understand or care about him in the way he wants. The only one Gojo believes will understand him is Geto and he wants to be with him. (And that didn't pan out well either.)

Gojo is also refusing to burden the students with being a monster even though they're offering. As an adult he is in the right to do his damndest to make sure the minors in his care don't become as broken as him. He knows being a monster sucks and his whole goal is to put an end to that.

Plus, he blames himself entirely for this situation in the first place. He's taking responsibility by killing the elders to ensure that when he dies, his students don't pay for it. In a way he's correct, failing to kill Geto properly because he loved him is why they're here now. Kenjaku exploited that love to seal him and Gojo knows it.

The Gojo vs Sukuna fight was Gojo effectively committing suicide to be with his one and only love who fundamentally misunderstood him in life and barely understands him even in death. And ironically, the one who kills him is the first and only person relate directly to his suffering and acknowledge him as himself. Sukuna frees Gojo from the title of Strongest and leaves him as Gojo Satoru, appreciating him as the one who cleared his skies.

This is so unbearably cruel it makes my stomach twist just thinking about it.

It's why I want Gojo so desperately to come back to life. I want him to experience love and know that he is loved. I want him to come to terms with his grief and work through it. But we don't get that. He dies and is surrounded by people that barely understand him while claiming to have no regrets.

What's the point of this narrative ire?

Japanese society is largely Buddhist. Stoicism is a core tenant of Buddhism. Emotions are to be subdued and cast away. This manifests in Japanese culture as a mantra known as Suffering in Silence or Gaman. In summary, if you're hurting, you hide it. That's the proper thing to do. JJK deliberately draws inspiration from Buddhist teachings and imagery so I'm assuming Gojo Satoru being the poster child for Suffering in Silence is intentional. Taking everyone's burdens and pretending it's all ok because he's the strongest and that's what you're supposed to do.

He took on most of the burden for protecting Amanai Riko and they both died for it.

He took on the burden of being stronger, going on missions for both Nanami and Geto while they grieved until they both left him.

He took on the burden of raising Megumi and Tsumiki and look at what happened to both of them.

He took on the burden of every student no questions asked, money food, dealing with higher ups, etc and all but 2 of them treat him kindly.

He took on the burden of killing Geto, which Principal Yaga forced onto him when he was 17 and it came back to bite him 11 years later in Shibuya where he took on the burden of dealing with that veil.

This is a cautionary tale demonstrating just how much this kind of mindset can ruin your life. JJK has always been a massive critique of Japanese societal standards. And despite Gojo rebelling against it, the toxic ideas a part of his upbringing are ones he can't let go of for himself. He believes he can't be fixed, so he paves the way for the future generation with all his body and soul.

That's why this is so cruel.

In life Gojo was treated like an object by everyone around him. His clan saw him as a tool for their glory and pushed everything onto him. The higher ups, Yaga, Nanami wanted to push everything onto him and they did when they could. You can say whatever mean thing you want to him because he can clearly handle it. You can assign whatever mission or task because he's reliable as the strongest but not as a person. He gave his life for others and even his body, only to be scorned by those very ones he's helping. (Think back to how he forced Nanami to speak of Yuji as a person and not a vessel. He doesn't want any of his students to be dehumanized like himself.)

Yuta is only person who stopped to ask if Gojo was ok. He's the only one that noticed his status as a monster was eating him alive. He's the only one who had a problem with everyone talking about Gojo's body like a tool. And to help him be less lonely he asked for explicit permission to be the one to desecrate it.

And this too is cruel. Yuta understands Gojo the most (Remember how he went out of his way to kill Kenjaku so Gojo didn't have to kill Geto again?) and yet he's still doing something Gojo doesn't want him to do.

Gojo doesn't want his students to give up their humanity and be lonely or give their lives to win. He's ok with them taking risks if it means they survive (see Megumi). And from what it looks like, Yuta will be the only one to fully understand him (obtaining his memories and all) and then die as the result of it.

So in a cruel twist of irony, Gojo will have one person know him fully as a monster and they will likely die as the result of it, further justifying his self-isolation in the first place. It's a game he always loses no matter how he plays.

Sukuna wasn't really wrong when he called Kashimo greedy for wanting Love and Strength. With how their society is structured, they really can't have both.

Note: I'm leaving Yuji out of this because he had no idea this was the plan and always saw Gojo as his teacher first, aka a person.

There's still more...

I also want to note Shoko's reaction here is another instance of Gojo not understanding those around him. From her first official character profile it's noted that Shoko has finally quit smoking for 5 years because Utahime asked her to.

Now what is Shoko doing in that panel and during the entire fight? Smoking. She's just mirroring Gojo's own behavior towards her. Pretending everything is ok and saying nothing of her true feelings. He did that to her for over a decade and she's doing it back to him. Not because they want to me mean to each other, they just don't know how else to deal with their own trauma. To an extent the other students are doing the same. They're just being like their Sensei.

Gojo went out on a suicide mission believing only Yuta and Yuji cared about him in life as a person. (Megumi's getting his own post and believe me it's not fun.) The 2 most empathetic characters were able to let him know they saw his heart. With love it was seen. Other people cared and didn't show it or they flat out treated him like an object. Gojo is both at fault and not at fault for this.

It hurts me a lot and it's very cruel, but I think this has severed its purpose. If you don't tell people how you feel, they'll never know. Emotions will eat you from the inside out and no one will notice because on the surface you look ok. There aren't a lot of people like Yuta who will take the time to look for your heart, so it's better to outright show it. Don't put off grief, it will consume you.

Gege Akutami...when I get you...

Another prominent theme of Umineko is how poorly readers treat the creators of the story they are experiencing. Often times fans will say and wish horrible things on the author when the story they like doesn't go the way they want it to. You're free to feel upset by how this story's direction and critique it to your hearts content, but please remember Gege is a person too. Don't do to Gege what everyone else has done to Gojo.

Remember: "Without love, it cannot be seen."

However JJK ultimately concludes, I make you this promise.

"This game story will not have a happy ending."

#cactus yaps #I kind of hate everyone but Sukuna Yuta and Yuji for how they've treated Gojo. But also I understand. He is a lot. #I don't think I've been this tormented over a character's fate since Sephiran Fire Emblem. #It's ok in my delusions Gojo will be free. If his body is desecrated then I will treasure his memory. #I'm also extremely worried Yutajo is going to be eaten by Sukuna. That'll really make me cry. #gojo satoru #ijichi kiyotaka #nanami kento #geto suguru #okkotsu yuta #jjk spoilers #jujutsu kaisen #jjk 261 #Read Umineko btw.

[persephonesdreams21]

NSFW Alphabet with Kyle

A/N: So like, I’ve had this in my drafts forever and I finally got around to tidying it up(sort of) and finishing it. In a perfect world where I had free time, I’d love to do headcannons for all of Timmy’s characters. In reality I’ll probably only get a few more in,

Warnings: NSFW. Smut- def talks of dom/sub undertones and just generally horny themes. I mean, the title is very self explanatory. Kyle x AFAB! Reader

After Care(what they're like after sex):

The first time you have sex with Kyle, aftercare isn’t a practice he’s ever partook in. He comes and makes you come and then is ready to poop a cigarette in his mouth and call it a night.

This rubs you all the way wrong.

Has you wobbling out of bed and pulling on your clothes in a furious, flustered silence.

“What are you doing- hey. Y/N. What the hell?” He watches you, big green eyes accusatory as you prepare to leave. Your steps shaky and uncoordinated. He hadn’t exactly gone easy on you. “Sit down, you can barely walk”

“Like you care” you scoff. “it’s fine, I’m just gonna go”

He sighs, not one for dramatics that aren’t his own. “You’re gonna hurt yourself”

“I’m not some random piece of ass that you can screw and discard, Kyle. Fuck you very much for thinking so” your words are venomous and sharp, but your bottom lip is wobbling. Your eyes are stormy and still slightly unfocused and woah.

Holy shit. He’s a douchebag but he’s not an idiot. He spends way too much time online and he’s able to put together what’s going on pretty damn quick.

You’re dropping.

He can’t let you leave like this. Hell, you shouldn’t be up from bed much less driving in this state..

Kyle doesn’t do aftercare, we’ll at least he hadn’t before.

It’s all kind of clunky, him bullying your purse from your weak hands and batting away any resistance. Him sitting you on the edge of his bed and leaving, just long enough, to return with a glass of water and a stray granola bar. He sits close by, hovering. His hand a solid, but silent comfort on your thigh.

You don’t cry, won’t in front of him, but god do you want to.

You end up stripped back down to your panties and under his plaid comforter once he deems you hydrated enough.

He still smokes his after-sex cig, but this time he has you tucked into his side. Your cheek smushed to his chest as he puffs on nicotine. The fingers of his free hand dancing along the skin of your back.

He’d deny it, but he’s a sucker for aftercare now.

Body Part)their fave body part of theirs, and of their partners

Kyle likes his height. He enjoys towering over crowds, being the tallest person in the room. It makes him feel strong(and like when he was little he was a shrimp- he had a late growth spurt in 9th grade)

Kyle likes your hands. They’re all teeny and delicate and he tends to play with your fingers absentmindedly. He also likes the pudge on your sides. They’re called love handles for a reason. Any time he reaches for them you screech and shy away but like. That doesn’t stop him ever.

Cum(anything to do with it)

He’s the first man to ever make you squirt and yeah, that goes to his head a little bit. He’ll finger fuck you until youre sobbing and clawing at his arms, whimpering at the mess that he seems to love.

Dirty Secret(self explanatory)

He’s a panty thief. Will literally steal your panties and keep them(and sniff them, often). You complain about it, because he’s such a weirdo and because cute underwear can get expensive! He doesn’t care.

Experience(how experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?)

For how much sex he’s had he lowkey wasn’t great at it when you guys started fooling around. Or maybe it’s that he never cared- to get good at getting his partner off. Kyle is a selfish lover. You def teach him all the tricks in your book on how to make you feel good. And once that boy knows? He KNOWS. He’s able to flip you over and make you come in two minutes flat.

Favorite Position(this goes without saying)

Kyle loves doggy. He wants you bent over, unable to do anything but take him. Also partial to reverse cowgirl.

Goofy(are they more serious in the moment? Are they goofy?)

He is soooo serious it’s almost laughable. He gets offended when you laugh at the smoldering look on his face while he fucks you. It makes you nervous- you can’t help but giggle.

Hair(how well groomed they are)

Very well groomed. Neatly trimmed. He can’t pretend he doesn’t care about societal norms all he wants, Kyle is a total preener and loves taking care of his appearance. I mean, look at his hair. You just know it takes him a ridiculous amount of time to do in the morning.

Intimacy(how they are during the moment? The romantic aspect)

At first- intimacy isnt even in Kyles vocabulary. He doesnt know how, he doesnt understand it. It makes him feel awkward as hell. Slowly but surely as your relationship developes he starts to crave it. He wants you to stare into his eyes while you ride him, your fingers interlocked. Its tantric. Addicting.

Jack Off(masturbation headcanon)

Porn addict. All conspiracy obsessed, internet surfing boys are. He loves reading Manga and watching anime porn. You’ll indulge him and watch it with him sometimes.

“Hey, I have a toy that looks just like that!” You make the offhanded comment as the two of you watch an animated girl with big tits in a school uniform getting railed by a tentacle monster.

You’re immersed in the video. The raunchy sounds of high pitched squealing and skin slapping fill the quiet room. The blinds are drawn and the two of you lie cuddled together in his bed.

Kyle stares at you. His brain short circuiting.

You’d said it so casually. You have a toy- that looks just like the giant tentacle on his computer screen.

“You’re lying” he deadpans and it makes you giggle.

“Maybe one day I’ll show you” you shrug and like. What the fuck. Where did you even come from?

When you send him a short video of a pink glass tentacle dildo sliding in and stretching your wet hole…well let’s say that he doesn’t have to turn to his anime porn for spank bank material anymore.

Kink(one or more of their kinks)

Kyle loves overstimulation and edging. Both him doing it to you and you doing it to him. Like full on tears, shaking, emotional breakdowns, orgasms that are so good they hurt. Ugh. It’s his favorite.

Location(favorite places to do the do?)

Anywhere. Although, he def has a thing for sliding inside of you after a show. The adrenaline of playing live still coursing through his veins as he crowds you into the handicapped stall of some grimy venue bathroom and fucks you raw, his jeans around his ankles.

Motivation(what turns them on? Get’s them going?)

He loves it when you’re jealous. He's not ignorant to the way that women(and men tbh) look at him. React to him. It's always been this way, really it doesn't phase him anymore.

But you? You hate that shit.

You hate the way you can be holding his hand, and still girls will come up to him. Wink at him from across the room, waitresses leaving their phone numbers on napkins. Its maddening,

Kyle reassures you with words, with kisses and promises. He’s yours. He isn't interested in wasting energy on any of them. You're his only girl.

Still, the way you stake your claim makes him feral. When you suck bruises into his throat or wrap your arms around his waist. Don't even get him started on the time that you threw a drink in that girls face at that one party(she’d told Kyle he had like, the best hair, and reached for his dark curls. Her hand never even made it close) its just so hot. Knowing that you want him that much,

No(something they wouldn't do? Turns off’s)

So he likes it when you’re jealous, right? But you making him jealous? Is completely off the table. He will, and has, freaked out about it. He could never do threesomes or any kind of group play, he’d lose his shit.

Oral(preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc?

Kyle loves getting head. “Selfish lover alert”. It’s a chore you’re happy to perform, you love suckling at his big cock. Playing with his pink tip-

But like. He also enjoys going down on you. When the two of you first started sleeping together, you were really self conscious about it. Something about your shitty ex not liking the mess. Which like, he’ll never understand.

Your pussy is so gorgeous. All puffy and pretty for him, swollen and sopping wet. Hes such a tease with his quick tongue and little kisses. It’s not until you’re writhing and begging and forcing his dark haired head deeper that he really goes to town.

Pace(are they fast and rough, slow and sensual?)

The mans good with his hips, it's the musician in him. He has rhythm. But he is still just a young man, and he does end up getting sloppy and messy towards the end. Chasing his high like a mad man

Quickie(their opinions on quickies, how often?)

Loves a good quickie- but you’re not a huge fan. He’s very good at convincing you though, at dragging you into dark corners and palming at your body through your clothes.

Risk(are they game to experiment? Do they take risks?)

Yup, he loves that shit. He's such an exhibitionist You warn him that it is in fact, illegal. That public indecency can end in heavy fines, “The sex offenders list, Ky! I’m serious!”

But like, you always end up caving. Letting him fuck your brains out in his car. Spreading your legs when he reaches under the restaurant table, his fingers grazing your soft inner thigh, playing with your clit through your panties. If you wore a skirt for easy access…well thats your own business.

Stamina(how many rounds can they go? How long can they last?)

He’s a lazy little thing, I just know it. You get a couple rounds out of him and then he’s laying back and demanding you ride him, your turn to do the work.

“You’re my pillow princess, huh, baby?” you purr as you climb ontop of him, rubbing your wet slit along his flagging erection. You know he’ll get back to full hardness soon enough.

For now, he lies back, hands behind his head. Lounging, barley awake, his long eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks. You give his plump lips a wet smack and they twitch up in amusement.

“Princess? Whatever” He sasses, feigning offense. Even as he lets you do all the work, reaching between your own legs to fist at his cock, leading the head to your waiting hole.

“Prince then” you smile as you sink down and he groans, the veins in his neck straining as he throws his head back into the soft down pillows. He’s more than happy to let you do all the work.

Toys(do they own toys? Will they use them?)

He’s bleh about them. I think he’s inquisitive by nature, and likes to think of himself as explorative but like- he doesn't want anything but his cock filling you and making you feel good. He does enjoy watching you use them on yourself,

Unfair(how much they like to tease)

He is the absolute WORST tease. He loves riling you up. It makes him so hot, the way he can get you so desperate for him.

Volume(how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc)

Kyle’s a quiet lover, he grits his teeth and lets out long sighs You love getting him to crack, making him moan and writhe and gasp.

X-Ray(let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

I’d hate to say this because he already has a massive ego, but he has a pretty big dick too. Maybe right above garage. 7 inches. Long, but heavy.

Yearning(how high is their sex drive?)

When he wants it- he NEEDS it. Like. He’s very dramatic and takes high offense to you withholding yourself from him. Its as annoying as it is flattering.

Zzz(how quickly they fall asleep after)

He’s knocked the FUCK out. Quickly. This man has fallen asleep with his softening cock still inside of you. He’s your big baby and once he’s drunk on your kisses hes a goner.

“Your pussy’s better than indica, baby” he tells you once, only half joking and you snort and hit him square in the face with the nearest pillow.

#timothee chalamet #kyle scheible smut #kyle scheible #kyle scheible x reader smut #kyle scheible x reader #timothee chalamet smut

[nightylantern]

Gojo x reader; A nightmare that couldn’t hope to exist again

So I uh saw the newest leaks on jjk, and I wanted to be heavily comforted as I don’t know how to feel about it. Don’t worry this doesn’t contain the leaks, this is a what if scenario (info down below)

Here’s just some comfort as a what if, what if maybe after everything they somehow revive Gojo? I mean this Gojo right? He’s not a regular sorcerer…right? This is honestly to comfort me, don’t come at me if he’s truly truly gone.

Tw: Nightmares, fluff, Au of post canon where everything is saved and all, because I don’t know how the ending will go yet, ptsd, SPOILERS LIKE HUUUGE-

Poke poke

…

poke poke poke

…

poke poke poke po-

“ALRIGHT, I’m up I’m yawn, up, wha- OW!” His waist was still sensitive as heck, no wonder, he was slash- no, SPLIT, literally. Gojo groans as he blears out from his sleepiness due to the insistent poking, the poking who he assumes is coming from you, “listen I know you want me up but could you turn on the lamp? It would be easier to se- yelp agh…shoulda warned me, gosh my eyes… rub rub I hope it’s not to early, otherwise I won’t be able to sleep” he continues to ramble out of sleep for a bit and turns to you, or more surprisingly, your back.

Now that he thinks about it you haven’t done or said anything, minus the poking of course. “Hello…? Uh your awakened husband is here, seriously you can’t just poke me awake as I’m recovering from, well I dunno…MY BODY SPLITTING IN HALF and just remain in the edge all quiet and everything.” He tried to sound playful but you didn’t move, it was almost like you didn’t hear him, and suddenly he felt chills.

What if maybe…he was still out there, rotting in half? What if he left you behind..? What if what if what if-

He didn’t realise he reached out for you unconsciously until he felt the warmth of your skin and you turned your head slowly, not enough for him to see your face but well…enough for him to know you acknowledged his presence, he runs his fingers up and down your back “hey, uh, you okay? You woke me up and yet you seem so…distant and odd, love you know I’m here right?” He hesitated before holding your shoulder, where he felt the trembling and realised why you weren’t facing him, why you were so quiet. You turned around facing him which confirmed it, you were crying. With this knowledge he wasted no time in sitting up at the headboard despite his waist screaming otherwise and trying to situate you in his lap, which came along with your protests;

“Satorou! No I can’t…it’s still healing!”

“It’s fine, it’s fine, I’m alive and it’s not like it’s gonna fall off.”

“It’s still healing, what if it gets infected due to a blood clot or something! Satorou I can’t, even if you claim it’s okay I won’t be okay…so please..”

The fear and helplessness is your voice is what got him to stop, so, rather than you sitting on his lap he had you both lie down and cuddle up to each other, making sure you were comfy while also proving he was comfortable aswell. He kept kissing your face, wherever his lips could touch as a gesture of comfort, he wanted you to feel, to know he was here, and he also wanted to know that he was here. He kept you against him while running his fingers up and down like earlier in a comforting manner, hoping to soothe you.

“…so, my scrumptious little dollop of happiness, love a-“ “Satorou don't you dare,” you interrupted with a giggle, both cringing and giggling at the super long phrase he tried to give you “haha! Just wanted to make you laugh, or atleast a it happier darling. Seeing that you giggled I had done an amazing job, right sweetheart?” He said as he kissed your cheeks, to which you giggled.

“Seeing that my first job is done, we are moving to the second job!” He said as his voice toned down slightly, “and that is finding out why you were crying when I woke up, my lovely spouse here shouldn’t be crying as I was sleeping, oh do tell me if it was the snoring, wait that explains as to why you were poking me aggressively!” He said dramatically to which you chuckled “no no Satorou, I’m sorry I woke you up, I just…I had a horrible nightmare about…about you and I thought you were…let’s just say I needed you, I needed you talking to me, touching me, I mean the warmth is enough but you sleeping, considering how your body has been…I just needed to see you alive” You mumbled the last part out quieter but he caught it. He didn’t know that his sleeping was THAT bad, he was told by Shoko that he slept like a dead man, but to make his one and only think that too? It broke his heart seeing you crying because of him, because he looked dead, and while you trailed off he had a good idea as to what you might have dreamed about, sure you weren’t out there but you knew the contents of his…death. Hmm…

”Is that so darling? Hm…what to do, this is rather a pickle isn’t it? Well as much as I would love to say that everything will be okay…I can’t confirm it considering the situation is still unknown,” he murmured while stroking your hair, you tensed against him as you knew this, but didn’t want to hear it. “However, Yuji and Shoko both are on my case, they refuse to leave me alone, and are basically forcing me into temporary leave, heck maybe considering my condition they will force me to retire all together,” he said with a joking tone which made you smirk. “I don’t know what will happen, for despite my amazing capabilities I cannot tell the future, if I could I wouldn’t have been split in half now would I? Hey…no I meant is as a joke, no I’m sorry I didn’t mean to dampen the mood..” he said upon realising you were tensing, fretting over his words,”damn it…I really suck with comforting don-“ “yes,”you deadpanned.

“…haha, did you really need to call me out?” He said awkwardly, when he got no reply he just continued running his hand up and down your back, the atmosphere eventually got comforting. The night was quiet, minus the ticking of the clock, and the wind outside, it was cozy and warm, safety was guaranteed, yet your trembling had yet to cease, he was about to speak up again when you interrupted him,

“I always hated your cockiness you know?” He looked down at you, “I hated how you always assumed you would win due to your abilities, it was because of that, that you became reckless and lazy, and even when fighting against a formidable enemy you still remained confident no? How do you think I felt in regards to that?” Gojo wasn’t stupid or deaf, you would always complain about his recklessness and how he could die, to which he would always brush off, one day it even lead in a fully fledged argument between you both, which lasted for days on end until you both broke the silence, realising that it wasn’t healthy for either of you to continue with this silence since you both had issues taking care of yourselves. That’s not to say your worries ceased, nor his cockiness, but he promised to be more careful, and well…he was cut in half. “I knew you know? I knew that the jobs were dnagerous and I knew you weren’t guaranteed a happy ending or anything, especially with your cockiness and all,” happy ending? Damn you had unique phrases didn’t you.

“I hate you so much, I hate you for making me worry! I hate you for dying! I hate you for making me grieve and mourn!” You kept crying over and over and letting your resentment be known until “I hate myself for being weak, for being unable to protect you…” Gojo froze at that, while he was aware of your worries, he wasn’t aware of how it affected the image you projected onto yourself, the fact that you couldn’t help him on the field, the fact that he surpassed you miles ahead, and the fact that he basically died. He thought about it for a moment before finally speaking up:

“I won’t lie to you, I haven’t necessarily been thinking about your needs on the field, or in general despite the fact that I love you. Getting stronger, teaching my students and defeating curses were mainly on my mind. For that, I am really sorry…but that doesn’t mean I loved you any less. If anything I’m at fault for not taking you into consideration, because the last thing I want to do is break my dearest spouses heart. Now that everything has changed, if there are curses they are most likely not strong, something I could take out within minutes, seconds even…hey dont give me that look, I’m not being cocky.” He trembled under your glare..

“Okay, maybe I’m being a little cocky, but that isn’t my point. The point is, the curses are weakened drastically and if that’s not the case then they are gone for good. Regardless of the outcome we don’t have to worry about danger, for we both are capable enough to defend ourselves, you with your self defence and me with my abilities. Don’t you see what this means?” He wiped the stains off your cheeks. “Just because everything is over doesn’t mean the pain and suffering will go away immediately, heck maybe never, I know Yuji will be unstable for a while, but that isn’t all there is. I’m not young, but I’m not old either, same with you. We still have a life to lead you know?” He pulled you against his chest while smiling, a soft smile reserved for his closest ones, like you. “So let’s live with happiness moving forward. Whenever you suffer I’ll be there to support you, just as I expect you to do the same. Let us live our lives to the fullest, like a normal married couple, it is my job as your husband to make you the happiest person alive no?” He murmured softly. You listened intently while resting against his chest, and then you spoke up:

“Can you at least promise me that you will remain safe moving forward? That you will take care of yourself?” You asked, looking at him expectantly, to which he hesitated a bit, to which you spoke up once again, “you said it yourself, there are no more major threats with the curses, so you shouldn’t be out there fighting and returning home all banged up, so it’s impossible for you to be able to break said promise…unless you plan to pull something?” You eyed him suspiciously to which he spoke up quickly,” NO! I uh…I mean no, I wouldn’t dare, and your right about the curses…so yes, I promise that I won’t ever put myself in danger recklessly ever again, and that I will make sure I return to you, in one piece, not two- OW!” He winced at your smack, however you were satisfied, and with that you snuggled up to him. A comfortable silence ensued again, until you asked one last question:

“Satorou…you said we would have a future of happiness earlier…what future do you envision when thinking of that? I mean I can’t expect life to be simple for you after everything that’s occurred…” He was silent for a long time, until he replied, “honestly I don’t know, I just tend to dream about your happy face, and me being by your side, touching you, kissing you, loving you, and living a happy life with each other, heck maybe even with a child,” he smiled at the thought.

“…then let’s make it come true.” You finalised, to which he looked down raising an eyebrow. “Let’s make your dream come true, for that is now my dream as-well! A dream like that…is a thousand times better than the nightmares.” You said with sparkling eyes, the first genuine emotion of happiness you showed that night.

He smiled, but didn’t say anything, he didn’t need to, for all his words could be felt with his eyes, hands and body. He wanted nothing more then to secure that future, and so he squeezed you a bit tighter, to which you reciprocated, and just like that, both you and him dreamed.

He dreamed of you, your smiling face, your laughter, your iconic glaring face, you scolding him, and just living a happy life.

You dreamed of him, his smiling, his laughter, his face when he is trying to hide from your scolding. A happy life with a happy man, and even a glimpse of a child, a child you desired to have with him.

You both didn’t know if the world would even be safe, and knew that a “happily ever after” was near impossible for sorcerers or those within the circle, especially with someone like Gojo who had been different from the other sorcerers. However the world had changed for the better, you both knew that, so maybe, just maybe, his ending that intertwined with yours, and continues intertwining, could change too. However all you could do was dream in the meantime.

Nightmares became less common after that night.

*Credits to the amazing manga of JJK, also GOJO PLEASE COMEBACK ALIVE* *I hope you enjoyed! Mind you I’m not into JJK as a whole so I don’t understand the lore, please correct me if I do get things wrong!Also IM ALMOST DONE WITH SCHOOL AND FINALS AAAAA*

#gojo satoru #jjk gojo #gojo x reader #jujutsu gojo #satoru gojo #jujutsu kaisen #angst with a happy ending #light angst #fluff #manga spoilers #jjk spoilers #comfort #comforting #crying rn #crying screaming throwing up #exams suck #im gonna throw up #jjk #yuji itadori #gojo x you #gojo saturo #gojo is alive #love #warmth #gentle #gege when i catch you gege #fanfic #screaming crying throwing up #you are loved #i’m going insane

[breakingupthelove]

Perfect (K.SM)

Kim Seungmin was the most perfect boy at school. Or at least in your eyes. You had liked him for as far back as you could picture him in your memories, since you accidentally tripped over him at age 5, prompting your self proclaimed protector/ best friend Ryujin to rush over and start chiding the poor, confused boy, while you sat there on the ground, knee bleeding, staring up at the boy with stars in your eyes.

As you got older, your feelings for the boy just grew stronger, till one fateful day, Ryujin was off sick, and a girl from your art class (Danielle, you recalled her name was) noticed you all alone, and invited you to sit with her at lunch. As you walked with her to the lunch table later on in the day, she clears her throat and says cheerfully “Just to let you know, it’s not just me at the table, there’s a few others”.

Of course, you reassured that it was fine, and that you’re sure they’re all lovely people, but your last sentence trailed off as you saw just who was sitting at the edge of the table, laughing boisterously. Kim Seungmin. Your heart stopped as you saw just exactly why he was laughing, he was laughing along a girl who was the complete opposite of you. She was tall, with a doll smile, and doll eyes, and a doll laugh, everything about her was complete and utter perfection. Seungmin’s eyes never left her, seemingly drinking in her delight at whatever interaction they shared before you arrived. “Of course…” you thought “of course he’d go for someone on his level…”.

Through choked back tears, you stutter out a lame excuse about needing the bathroom and run off, dropping your backpack in the process. You cry for a little bit in the bathroom, trying to do it as quietly as possible, although what you really wanted to do was scream, scream at how unfair it all was, scream at how it was always you that was lovesick, scream at how you could never compete with perfection, and still scream some more.

You exit the bathroom, wondering if you should go back and get your backpack and face the embarrassment, or if you should wait till the bell rings and everyone clears up, and risk being late to class. With a sigh, you sit down on a nearby bench, head in your hands, trying to soothe your inner turmoil, when you hear a familiar voice.

“Hey, you okay?”

You look up through your bangs, and see Seungmin there, still as perfect as ever.

“I-I’m fine…” you mutter dejectedly, still not meeting his gaze

His lips purse, clearly not believing you “I brought your backpack” h e says dropping it at your feet, the moving to sit beside you. As you begin to shuffle away, he says “How come you’re upset? You’re usually such an upbeat person”

“You really wanna know why?” You take a deep breath and stand up before continuing “It’s cause of you, you and stupid perfection, you and the way I fell for you, and how you never noticed, and how I keep chasing after you, even though you clearly have some that you love! Well guess what, Seungmin, I love you, that’s what’s wrong!” You explode, not even bothering to turn around and look at him.

“Y-you love me?” He asks, before his brow furrows “and someone that I love? What do you mean?”

“That girl from earlier” you practically spit the words out

“You mean Wonyoung?” He asks, and he starts laughing “she’s my cousin, visiting from Busan!” He stands up and places a hand on your shoulder

“And I, um, love you too…” he says, tone dropped, before walking away with a smirk on his face

fin.

A.N/ this is literally just a blog filler

#seungmin #stray kids #skz #skz x reader #seungmin x reader #x yn #kpop #kpop bg #kpop fanfic #imagine #fluff #oneshot

[alluringnectar]

Timeless

abby anderson x fem!reader

a/n: srry ts might b a lil short lol, kinda rushed

summary: you go on a patrol with abby

warnings: sfw, slow burn, js kinda angst, not rlly tho

pt. 1 , pt. 2

it’s 5:45 in the morning.

the sky is still dark, you can hear the hums of cicadas and the hoots of owls.

you’re in the back of a W.L.F. truck, holding double barreled shot gun. infront of your view is alice and abby. even though its pitch black out, her features illuminate like the moon; at that point moths would even be attracted.

you didn’t realize you were even bouncing your leg until abby held your leg.

“nervous?” she asked, chuckling. “yeah, it’s my first patrol since i ever got promoted” you shyly admitted, “i’m scared im gonna fuck things up.” abby listened to you intently, finding comfort in your pure honesty. “everyone fucks up once in every while, it doesn’t get easier, just easier to handle.” you smiled, full of teeth, thanking her.

how could this even be the same girl Mel was talking about?

the truck comes to an abrupt halt, signaling it’s time to hop off. Abby, Alice, & you jump off, thanking the W.L.F. driver. “good luck girls!”

as you walk into the abandoned ruins of what was once a beauty thriving city, abby pulls out a map. “there should be a hospital around here somewhere. orders are to clear it and get all supplies.” you nod, following her as she walks to the abandoned hospital.

as you walk in, you feel shivers. you turn to look at abby, but she has a sad look on her eyes, like a sad puppy dog.

you hear barks, that takes you out of your thoughts. both abby and you flinched.

alice is barking at this door, abby and you budge it open.

then out of no where, a stalker jumps you. before you can take out your pistol, abby grabs a shiv and stabs it in the throat.

it lays there, blood seeping out.

“are you okay?” abby asks you, “yes, im fine thank you.” abby offers her hand and you take her in.

both you and abby look around the room.

its a chapel.

“ it’s pretty, isn’t it?” you say to abby as you admire the alter, the benches that once had many families praying for patients to get better. abby hums, and she asks, “do you believe in God?” you tell her, “I believe in God, i just dont know if he believes in me.” abby looks at you, “what do you mean?” “i believe he is real when i see fawns and their mothers taking care of eachother. i believe he is real when i see the sun taking care of the plants as the sunrays reach them. i feel like God doesn’t believe me when i see the sufferings of this world, when i lose the people i love, or i see the once humans so alive, laughing, crying, and other emotions trapped in all the fungus.” abby looks at you, intently staring and picking up at every feature.

“do you?” you ask, snapping abby out of her trance. “do i what?” abby asks. “believe in God?” abby sighs , “if God was real, maybe he wouldn’t have taken away my farther.” your heart hurts for her, and you embrace her, letting her know shes not alone. she returns it, holding you tight

you feel a sharp pain the back of your shin, causing you to hiss. “whats wrong?” abby asks you worryingly. you pull up your pants and replied “glass must’ve cut me with that stalker was on me.” “i don’t know how i didn’t feel it, must’ve been the adrenaline” you joke, causing abby to laugh.

“sit down, ill get you treated” abby says.

she wraps your leg and puts anti infection cream all over as she cleaned the wound.

“how do you know how to do all this?”

“my dad was a doctor, i only learned from the best.”

“your father was blessed to have you.”

“he would’ve liked you.”

“yeah?”

“yeah.”

“let’s report back to base, we have supplies now anyways.”

you learned her farther name was Jerry.

as abby, alice, and you go back to base, alice is put into her kennel.

“see you soon alice!!” you both yell.

abby and you report your findings to other W.L.F. members then abby takes you to the infirmary because she swears it’s necessary.

and she isn’t wrong because Nora is telling you with an injury that severe you need to stay home and supervised.

abby volunteers, and now she’s next to you on the couch, with you falling asleep on her shoulder.

she could get used to this view.

#abby the last of us #abby tlou #tlou #the last of us #abby fluff #abby x y/n #abby anderson fluff #abby x fem!reader #abby anderson #abby x reader #abby x you #fluff #agnst #slow burn

[calliesmemes]

PINTEREST QUOTES WITH POTENTIAL

ASSORTED SENTENCE STARTERS pulled from various quotations I have seen on Pinterest while creating boards for my muses.

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

❛ Who’s a heretic now? ❜

❛ If I stay here, trouble will find me. ❜

❛ What’s it like to be so free? ❜

❛ I watched the whole world fall apart. ❜

❛ I am teaching myself how to be free. ❜

❛ The only solution is to stand and fight. ❜

❛ There’s something tragic about you. ❜

❛ You were never a saint. ❜

❛ To be a woman is to perform. ❜

❛ l speak in verses, prophecies, and curses. ❜

❛ Now I know what I was born for. ❜

❛ There’s a light in all of us, trying to get free. ❜

❛ There is nobody innocent here. ❜

❛ Look who’s digging their own grave. ❜

❛ Come a little closer, if you dare. ❜

❛ Family defines you, even if it demands sacrifice. ❜

❛ History does strange things to dead women. ❜

❛ I can’t believe the things I’ve done. ❜

❛ Hubris is a bitch. ❜

❛ It’s all in your head. ❜

❛ I keep my visions to myself. ❜

❛ We could be heroes. ❜

❛ Take my hand, and I’ll protect you. ❜

❛ Open your eyes. This is the revolution. ❜

❛ I am so much more than they told me I was. ❜

❛ Let me be your muse. ❜

❛ I’m not just a pretty girl. ❜

❛ Your fear of looking stupid is holding you back. ❜

❛ I wish I could be the perfect daughter. ❜

❛ I am not who I was before. ❜

❛ I won’t just be a puppet on a string. ❜

❛ If I can still breathe, I’m fine. ❜

❛ Straighten up, little soldier. ❜

❛ Am I a monster, or a victim myself? ❜

❛ This isn’t the way normal people live. ❜

❛ Your impression of me is wrong. ❜

❛ I wish I could let all this anger go. ❜

❛ I wasn’t born to be soft and quiet. ❜

❛ If I hadn’t fallen, I wouldn’t have met you. ❜

❛ Maybe there’s a hero in me after all. ❜

❛ I am happy anywhere that I can see the ocean. ❜

❛ They should be terrified of you. ❜

❛ I have seen the future. ❜

❛ Let go of the illusion that it could’ve been different. ❜

❛ My father is a good man. ❜

❛ I went to war with myself for you. ❜

❛ I care too much in a world that cares too little. ❜

❛ If it makes you happy, then it’s not a waste of time. ❜

❛ Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes. ❜

❛ You make everyone around you feel seen. ❜

❛ If you feel nothing, then why are you shaking? ❜

❛ Let’s run somewhere far away. ❜

❛ You carry your last name like a burden. ❜

❛ You are at war, even in your dreams. ❜

❛ We met for a reason. ❜

❛ I designed my own catastrophe. ❜

❛ You and I are the same thing. ❜

❛ Never let another soul tell you what to fear. ❜

❛ I have always loved the sea. ❜

❛ I didn’t say I liked it — I said that it fascinated me. ❜

❛ You will never be forgiven. ❜

❛ No one ever really dies. ❜

❛ Your son is gone. ❜

❛ Death must exist for life to have meaning. ❜

❛ Your mouth is full of white lies. ❜

❛ Loving me is a death sentence. ❜

❛ There is a thunderstorm inside of you. ❜

❛ Beauty is a weapon. ❜

❛ You haven’t even seen my bad side yet. ❜

❛ How do I stop the guilt? ❜

❛ I am a victim of introspection. ❜

❛ Love is what gives me strength to survive. ❜

❛ There is nobody innocent here. ❜

❛ You’ve seen too much too young. ❜

❛ I am not of mortal men. ❜

❛ Tell me what it’s like to conquer. ❜

❛ I like who I’m becoming. A lot. ❜

❛ I don’t believe in promises anymore. ❜

❛ Parents kill more dreams than anybody. ❜

❛ You are woven into my veins. ❜

❛ You are a diamond. They can’t break you. ❜

❛ I must not hope. I must not cry. ❜

❛ It’s no wonder that you can’t sleep — you’re haunted. ❜

❛ You are made of destructive magic. ❜

❛ You are so unique. ❜

❛ I myself am a haunted house. ❜

❛ You comfort others with the words you want to hear. ❜

❛ You’ll find love, kid. It exists. ❜

❛ You talk like a book. ❜

❛ You are one of God’s few mistakes. ❜

❛ I’m not capable of saving you. ❜

❛ Curiosity often leads to trouble. ❜

❛ I have crossed oceans of time to find you. ❜

❛ I can do this. Even if I can’t, I have to. ❜

❛ I can’t go back there! ❜

❛ Forests have secrets. It’s practically what they’re for. ❜

❛ Can you remember who you were? ❜

❛ Are you proud of who you have become? ❜

❛ I see in you an old soul with young eyes. ❜

#askbox meme #askbox prompt #rp ask meme #ask box #roleplay sentence meme #sentence starters #roleplay prompts #roleplay sentence starters #* sentence meme #rpc help

[jedi-enthusiast]

Honestly I’m so confused why people are so upset that Israel was included in Eurovision, like…my dude it’s literally a music contest for a bunch of countries---that Israel has already been included in before---not an actual political statement.

It’s literally insane to me, especially with how people were treating the Israeli contestant---protesting her, forcing her to change her song, other contestants saying shit like “talking to her doesn’t mean I support Israel,” etc. etc.

And I feel like that’s a reoccurring thing with all this mainstream pro-Palestine bullshit: y’all don’t actually care about Palestine or want to help anyone, you just want “good person points” socially, but don’t actually care about your impact.

You'll post shit like "stan Hamas" and ignore the fact that they're literally a terrorist organization dedicated to killing Jews, and that they're literally hurting Palestinians too, as well as the fact that the conflict between Israel and Palestine is only ongoing because Hamas keeps breaking the ceasefire and won't give back hostages.

But you'll ignore all of the organizations that actually help Palestine because they're run by Jews/Israelis, or even just supported by Jews and Israelis.

(And how much do you want to bet that the same people who cry- "Hamas is only doing this because of Israel's actions regarding Palestine, so it's justified/reasonable/understandable, etc." -would never say that if it was a group like, say, ISIS that was kidnapping/killing/waging war on Americans because of the US's actions in the Middle East?)

You'll harass random people on college campuses just because they're Jewish, even though they clearly have no fucking say in what a country on the other side of the world does, and barricade yourselves inside a building and be shocked when you're suspended or expelled for property damage/harassment/etc.

But you won't volunteer at any organizations that are dedicated to helping Palestine, or donate money to those organizations, or donate food/clothes/etc., or actually do anything besides whine and cry because you helped destroy a campus building and your college doesn't want you there anymore.

(Hell, 99% of y'all don't even bother volunteering for your own communities, so I know you're sure as hell not volunteering to help anyone else's---again, you just want the "good person points")

Everyone that was so gung-ho about "oh yeah, let's punch Nazis!" a few years ago are now spouting Nazi rhetoric.

Everyone that preached that bigotry is never ok, even if someone from a minority does something bad, are now the same people chanting- "Jews are shit!" -and spreading blood libel.

Everyone that was calling for solidarity between minorities and oppressed groups are now the same people ostracizing Jews because they won't condemn the only country that will actually protect them- (or rather, they'll condemn the Israeli governments actions, but won't stand side-by-side with antisemites or say that Israel should be destroyed).

Everyone that said that it wasn't okay for people to be racist towards poc because some of the BLM protests were getting out of hand/violent are now the same ones going- "oh, it's fine to be antisemitic because these disgusting Jews Zionists aren't agreeing with me on everything."

Everyone that was posting shit about being aware of misinformation and doing your research before posting something are now the ones that have no idea what Zionism actually is, don't even know which river and sea their chant means, has no clue what Israel has actually done to Palestine and is just calling it a "genocide" as a buzzword despite all the evidence stating otherwise, etc.

Like...you guys are really just proving that you don't actually have morals beyond what's socially acceptable.

"Never harass random Muslim/gay/trans/black/etc. people just for a cause or because they did something you didn't like...unless they're Jewish, then you can stalk them on campus and be physically violent towards them."

"Bigotry is never okay, even if someone from a minority does something you don't agree with or something awful...unless they're Jewish, then spread blood libel and call for the "final solution" all you want."

"Not everyone from the US/Republican states/Christian churches/etc. agrees with what their government/state/religious leaders are doing, so it's not fair to blame and ostracize them for it...unless it's Jewish people or Israelis or, G-d forbid, Jewish Israelis, then you can hate them and blame them for everything!"

Like, genuinely, fuck off.

You aren't good people, you aren't "making a difference" or "on the right side of history," you don't give a shit about morality or justice or doing any good for anyone---all you care about is your fucking popularity and the social norm.

So keep your stupid, hateful, misinformed hands off of the I/P conflict---you've proven that y'all clearly can't handle having opinions on it.

#antisemitism #israel/palestine #i/p conflict

[polarsirens]

five years

#dimension 20 #the ravening war #the ravening war spoilers #queen amangeaux epicée du peche #karna solara #colin provolone #thane delissandro katzon #no i’m just happy we got new even cooler portraits aha #no i’m not crying at all what do you mean. i’m fine #fanart #my art

[babyfairy]

it takes about 5 seconds of thinking about my personal life before i start to cry now i think that’s really cool and good. fun too

#said literally 3 words earlier to my mom and started to cry so i stopped immediately like i’m so tired dude. #i don’t want to think about any of it anymore. i wish i could just go on autopilot. i’m so mentally checked out #from everything and everyone. i feel like i’ve given up on almost everything i enjoy doing #i just work go home watch tv sleep and then repeat it all over and over. i can’t be still. i can’t live in the moment anymore really even #because that means i have to be present and absorb what’s actually going on around me. all the change #i feel like i’m fading into the background more and more every day #i don’t even care either it’s just kind of like …? good lol #the more i fight my grief the worse it gets #if i can outrun it until my time here is up then that’s fine. i’m sure i won’t but. lol #anyway if you read all this i’m fine i just don’t really like being alive it’s whack imo nothing brings me joy long term #it’s all fleeting. mostly i just feel blank and disconnected #and that’s it. and tired lol

[seventh-district]

why have i suddenly been gripped with the desire to get back into fishkeeping

#Seven.txt #fish stuff #fishkeeping #fish keeping #fishblr #i’m not complaining cause i’ve lowkey missed feeling so passionate about the hobby but. my brain couldn’t have picked a less convenient tim #me: trying to spend less money and manage my time better #my brain: hey hey hey you know what you should do? you should get back into a really expensive and time-consuming hobby!!! it’ll be fun!!! #and i mean. it’s not like i truly ever got out of it i just sort of dialed back the number of tanks and fish i have over the past few years #so i’ve currently got a bunch of empty tanks and equipment sitting around collecting dust #i do still have three fish that i thought would be my last for a While. i’ve had them for a number of years and they’re all old by now #so i’m just trying to help them live the rest of their days as comfortably as they can #well. Paprika and Thing One are near their end but in spite of the Mystery Growth on Thing Two’s head that little guy is still doing fine #so he could still be here for awhile. who knows. but anyways #fishkeeping was one of my first really intense and long lasting special interests/hyperfixations so it’s such a strange feeling #to have it come back so strongly and for no obvious reason. but. that’s the nature of fixations i suppose! #insert Drake and Josh ‘I do not control the hyperfixation’ meme here #anyways. the project to finally set up the 75gal that’s been sitting empty for years is finally underway!!! so that’s exciting! #now i’ve got to make a list of things i need and find somewhere to set up a quarantine tank. hrmmm #and also cry over the fact that the filter i need is 200 dollars ahahahaaaaa why did my brain have to latch onto this hobby oh my god #oh man. i’ve gotta order the snails and activated media before the weather gets any warmer or they’ll cook in the bag on the way here ugh #This Post Brought To You By- me sitting here refreshing my email every 10 mins. waiting for Cynthia to let me know if she still has #these two adorable Sakura Ranchus avaliable to purchase. i mean. they were listed in Sep. 2021 so i will be Shocked if she still has them #but maybe the universe will smile upon me and i'll get lucky!

[starpros-sunshine]

This this this this is the screenshot I was on about look at this and I know I have more but I can’t find them anymore but just. Head in hands fine ,,,,,,

#just. #remember that Eichi 3* #where they wanted to go to that cafe to try that parfait that was supposed to bring luck or someth in that vein #but Wataru had a job that day so they all decided that it would be nicer to do that together after Tori mentioned that #and how Tori once made Wataru cry after he told him he considers him family #I’m quoting very liberally #but you get what I mean #and how they all came up with the concept of Eichi days so Eichi wouldn’t work himself into an early grave #and how Wataru came up with that name and how it’s a stupid pun #and how wataei #and I need to ead more into watarus and Yuzuru relationship but they care each other #YUZURU AND FINE AS A WHOLE THAT IS SUCH A NICE THING TO EATCH #BECAUSE AT FIRST HE WAS SO POLITE AND QUIET AND RESLLY FULLY IN HIS BUTLER ROLE #AND THE IN THE LATER STORIES HE MAKES QUIPS AT TORI AND EICHI AND COMMETNS ON WATARUS EXTRAVANGANZA AND HES JUST GENERALLY MORE COMFORTABLE #I LOVE THAT SO MUCH #YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW

[pussy-ache]

i probably shouldn’t read about bpd before bed

#cuz now it’s 330am and i’m crying cuz i have no way to actually mentally process love effectively #like it’s so weird to realize that as much as romantic love and intimacy interest me as concepts #i crave it until the exact moment where i can get it for myself #and then the craving dissipates #like how do i say ‘’hey i know we’ve been having fun for years and you seem to be falling in love with me #but i have no desire to actually be loved by you or touched by you in an actual real way’’ #especially because the attention i receive is the only dopamine i get that gets me out of bed #so essentially i just use people and string them along knowing i’ll never actual want more than surface level anything #and this is what i mean when i say i do not love right. like on paper i seem fine. in theory i seem fine. in practice not so much #there is something so deeply cracked about my desires sexually and romantically completely disappearing #like it really hurts him that he craves my touch and love and i crave. nothing. #like he always craves video chats and calls and loves seeing me and talking to me and idc if i ever have that. i don’t crave it at all #the roleplay of intimacy is fun and then it’s not anymore when people expect me to actually seriously want to spend time with them #i feel like i want to want someone because i’ve been taught i should #the way i operate romantically and sexually falls completely in line with BPD #i will probably be alone for the majority of my life #and i know i can do that but i was promised to some degree that the normal thing to do as an adult is cohabitate / be intimate with someone #and now i’m like ‘’well no one prepared me for a reality where because of a mental illness i might not actually be able to do that’’ #i wasn’t prepared for the possibility that i truly will live life alone because of this #and now it’s like 4am and i’m staring at the wall and having it hit me like a ton of bricks #it’s like in order to actually fall in love at all i’m going to have to beat back this mental illness at any given moment forever #and that’s IF and only IF i’m able to even fall in love in the first place #it doesn’t seem like i’m actually capable of falling in love