#nothing matters any more

[spevvy]

Although the fact I finally leapt on the CNCO train almost four weeks to the day after they officially split up is 100% on brand for my rotten luck, I'm very fortunate to have ADHD and so I have spent the last four weeks trying to cram 8 years' worth of fandom into my brain, with a level of success that has impressed even myself.

Things that especially give me extra dopamine about these doofuses:

. We don't have time for all the things I love about that idiot Vélez but I'll come back to him in a moment. In any case, let me tell you, he's such an amazing human being that I'm not 100% sure he's even real.

Stop it this instant please (don't you dare)

. Watching the official videos and still being constantly astounded at Rich's wardrobe. This is split into two levels of incredulity—a) "What the bleedin ell has he got on this time?!", and b) "There wasn't enough budget for a shirt for the poor sod again, eh?" (NB: There is rarely any budget for a shirt for Rich in any video, the poor love. Let Rich Be Warm™, FFS!) Both a) and b) are particularly evident in the Miami video, where the Rich's Shirt budget appeared to have been spent on a granny scarf. For his hair. Obvs. Because of course.

Legit son, what the fuck, did you lose a bet or something, lad?? 👀 It's like when Stewart Granger was in films in the 40s and 50s and he'd wear increasingly bonkers outfits scene after scene but he had absolutely zero confidence issues so he just owned everything like of COURSE he was gonna rock the hell out of it. Oh to have a thimbleful of Richard Camacho's self-confidence!!!!

. Every. Single. Time. I. See. Joel. Pimentel. De. León. The. Only. Thing. I. Can. Think. Is. "CABELLITO AZÚUUUUUULLLLL!!!!😭😭😭"

Never has the loss of a toy blue horse (is he just trying to not say My Little Pony, or???) ever been so heartbreaking to me 💔💔💔 Bless that small sweet boy, I just want to protect him, he takes up that one hidden sliver of maternal instinct I have lurking somewhere!! 🥹🥹🥹😭😭

. Chris' hair during the CNCO album era totally gives trans butch lesbian vibes. No I will not take questions on this. Yes I'm way more into it than I can possibly explain in polite company. Stop it, Christopher, I'm already bi. Totally here for my inadvertently genderfluid monarch.

I just want her to slam me into a wall and call me a good girl I don't know what to tell you.

. Erick Brian Colón is the visual representation of iron fist in velvet glove. He may have the face of a little angel and the biggest greenest most beautiful eyes since the invention of green - but that kid is brutal, folks!!! BRUTAL!!!!!!!!!!!

"Guess who just got MUUURRRDEEERRRRREEEDDD!"

. Two words. Lengua kiss.

Zab, sweetheart, you said it perfectly. You couldn't have improved upon it, thank you for blessing us with your lengua kisses, we are grateful.

. The amount of clever camera trickery and stage choreography involved in showing Chris actually dancing as little as possible. Before any of you come at me over this—I'm not saying Chris can't dance, I'm saying they cut around him and they do it consistently enough that it's hilariously obvious they're doing it. One of my favourite examples is in the Vevo Lite performance of Reggaetón Lento, where they just show his left elbow. Oh honey. (I marked it with a pointy finger to help you out)

I have a few theories about this but it's probably because his hips are so wiggly that if they showed them doing their thing on screen they couldn't have marketed the band to kids and that's a giant drop in revenue before they've even started. Not that I've made a study of his wiggly hips. Honestly.

. I have, however, made a very careful study of that lip-lick-into-lip-bite thing he does, and have come to the conclusion that HE is nsfw. Him. Himself. Alone. With no help. He just oozes it. Holy fudgeballs (probably). He's 100% that one guy who would openly flirt with an empty bag of crisps. "Hola, paquetito vacío de papas fritas, seguro que parece que ha pasado un tiempo desde que tuviste papas fritas dentro de ti..... te apetecería??!?!?" Seriously son, give it a rest, we're all pregnant now.

I swear to god you wouldn't be able to sit down for a fortnight. Fucking bloody hellfire. Is probably how it would be. OOOOFFFFFFFFF......

. I have literally lost count of how many times I've seen 4Ever in the last four weeks. I mean genuinely I cannot remember. I stopped counting at 12. There is no particular reason for this. I can't imagine anything that keeps my attention so solidly.

It's beautiful. I've been looking at this for five hours, now.

. "Que quiénes somos? YOU ALREADY KNOW!" My guys this has been my very problem with artists announcing themselves on their songs for at least the last decade, thank you for addressing the pointlessness of this activity but doing it anyway, I love you for it.

(Can he not? Does he ever take a day off??)

. Bringing back 90s boy band dancing with a level of aplomb I haven't witnessed since approximately 1998. And yes, I do remember. I was 15 in 1998, I was very much the target audience. Anyway, watch Mis Ojos Lloran Por Ti, it's the most authentically 90s thing I've seen since actual 90s boy band music videos.

White shirts AND white vests with black trousers in an abandoned building? ALL THEY NEED IS RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also the rap section of Mis Ojos Lloran Por Ti sounds EXACTLY like the rap section of Mysterious Girl by Peter Andre. It does. Go on, check for yourselves, I'm right about this.

. Tóxica. Just. Omg. Tóxica. It's beautiful. I dunno whose idea it was to do an acapella arrangement, but I hope they always hit the green light in traffic, because wow. What a song. (here it is if you're unfamiliar with CNCO, you've read this far, and you've never heard the song before. Even if you have, it's always worth another listen!)

Honestly it gives me proper goosebumps every single time, it's THE dopamine song for me, it just does all the things to my brain all at once. I was listening to all their songs on shuffle and all of a sudden I heard this one and I just stopped dead in my tracks like "holy SHIT what the hell....this is... this is stunning!" Like THAT was the moment I was like yep that's it folks this is MY band now, these are MY boys, they've got me for life whether they like it or not, I'm theirs, they're mine, that's how fangirls and musicians go, my guys (gender neutral).

. I am obviously not a native Spanish speaker nor am I 100% fluent in speaking, but after 4 weeks I've managed to learn a significant portion of their back catalogue and I am so goshdarned proud of myself. By comparison it's taken me about 5 years to learn most of Morat's back catalogue and I've been in the fandom since just before Balas Perdidas dropped.

Okay fine I have a whole different set of distractions with Morat (goddammit Monchi!!!!), we can't compare them, and it's not a "which band is better" thing at all cos I refuse to choose between any of my boys because they're MY BOYS. It's just nice from a personal viewpoint to feel like my Spanish level is now at a stage where I can pick up new lyrics to songs quite quickly!!! I feel like my Spanish has really improved in the last month and these doofuses are 100% to blame and I adore them for it and so many other things.

Suffice to say, I may be way too late to the party, but I think I get to be at least an honorary CNCOwner at this point. Without the smallest shred of doubt I know that I am retroactively CNCOwned, at any rate.

(ya tú sabes😉)

#Christopher Velez #Chris Velez #zabdiel de jesus #erick brian colon #joel pimentel #richard camacho #cnco #my poor everything #what even was my life befife December 14 2023? #i cant remember #it doesnt matter #nothing matters any more #everything is Christopher Briant Vélez Muñoz and nothing hurts #i love him your honor #he's just perfect #I feel like people might come at me over something here but its all with love folks #we'll see I guess #some of the gifs are mine but meh me da igual

[ryssbelle]

Thought of this while at work, sorry it's a bit hard to read I sketched it out really fast before my last shift lmao wanted to get it done so I could work on other stuff hehe

If it's any consultation Floyd is mostly talking about himself

#my art #trolls #dreamworks trolls #brozone #trolls 3 #trolls floyd #trolls john dory #trolls branch #trolls poppy #the way i imagine their 20 years in troll village is that one meme where its the two different nothing in life matters pics #but one is super sad and the other is happy looking and radical #thats floyd and jd #but they switch places depending on the day #branch is a secret third option #also idk what id do with the 3rd movies plot #this scene in my head is 3rd movie era but i like havent decided what theyre doing yet #theres a few possibilities on whos in the bottle or if theres a bottle at all #this would take place in a timeline where clay or bruce is in the bottle #but like heres the thing any of the brothers could be bottled and itd make for a good story #i drift more towards clay only for the irony of finding out your brothers alive but its a race against time cuz hes literally dying #so it adds to the urgency but then its not much adventure cuz they just gotta get bruce and go #cuz we have 3/5 brozone here already #same goes for if its bruce #so like for story purposes that means it would be most likely JD or Floyd which is just most aus and canon #cuz after world tour Floyd would travel with JD on their own tour Floyd going solo with JD as his manager #and in this scenario they came back to tell Branch about finding whoever is in the bottle #but the story of these guys could also work without any bottle so idk we'll just have to see what i decide to do later #also im slowly coming up with a name for this #very slowly but it'll happen #i actually have a google doc that has a name so i may just use that

[cromulentreader]

Do y'all also think about how Cardan went from telling Jude she was destined to and deserving of death to being like Jude dies over my dead body? Or are you normal?

#and how Madoc said Cardan would always see Jude as inferior to him (for being fae implied) #that said more about how Madoc saw Eva that anything else in the books to me #maybe she is no longer mortal as queen or maybe she is #Cardan will still risk his life to save hers #it might have started in TWK with Cardan letting Roiben's court be decimated to save Jude's life #the realization that he cared for her short life more than any long-living creature around #normal is the wrong answer #jude duarte #cardan greenbriar #tfota #the cruel prince #matter not #the wicked king #the queen of nothing #the prisoner's throne #jurdan

[touchlikethesun]

okay so i will say, i do think the hinata harem is kinda cringe and it is definitely not something that should be brought back or encouraged bc people take it way too far and they make it weird

however...

it is endlessly amusing to me just how much chemistry he has with like. every setter. like yeah he gets along with just about everybody but the tension between him and setters is on a whole nother level, like obvs kags is the first one that comes to mind, but it's not just kags, kenma oikawa even atsumu (*gags*) are just like . obsessed with him- and he freaking matches their energy!! like kenma and hinata don't even get me started but oikawa and hinata meeting up in brazil post time skip and immediately becoming bfs/partners?? no one but hinata could charm oikawa like that... (i'm not talking about astumu and hinata because i hate atsumu but even with my deep hatred for him i can recognise how well they work together)

that being said, i think it would be absolutely hilarious if post-canon it becomes like an inside joke on MSBY that hinata will - somehow - manage to charm/befriend or otherwise click with the setter on every team they play against. like sakusa and bokuto will be watching as hinata lands a particularly impressive spike and the other team's setter will blush or get that look in their eye and bokuto will either cheer or groan depending on if he won the bet on how long it would take this time xx

#akaashi is safe bc he doesn't play any more #i think i would have been a very bad person to be around if i had been in the hq fandom during the 2020 resurgence #don't ask me about that bitch atsumu i have nothing more to say on the matter #hinata shouyou #msby black jackal #kagehina #kenhina #oihina #hinata x all setters lmao #haikyuu

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

#akio and utena #m #long ramble in the tags sorry: #the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human #he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims #he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry. #and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios #(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think. #like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her #i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing #not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that. #and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did #but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her? #whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway #idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims #the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it? #how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions. #(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive #but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.) #when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her #but is there something genuine there too? i don't know. #again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me. #on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had #reflected back at him through her mean anything? #is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid. #either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over. #i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways) #but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly #wants you to analyze and think about. #which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.

[beansterpie]

rewatching LoK, i'm being reminded how much I dislike the.... the brothers, mako and bolin, yanno? they're such underwhelming characters on basically every level. it'd almost be impressive if they weren't in every episode and didn't annoy me so much ugh

#bean talking into the void #also this show in general is very flawed lol #cool things about it but the choice to structure it more like a #prestige tv show #as in each season follows One Story #is... i wouldn't say it was a bad choice but i feel like you can see the growing pains #switching over from the episodic structure of ATLA #s1 while flawed is solid #it knows what it's trying to do even if it doesn't always stick the landing #season two feels like a season-long filler episode LMFAO #which is hilarious because a lot of world-building stuff happens #but tonally it's all over the place #serious political plots interspersed with the B Plot following Tenzin and his family #on vacation??? #so fucking random #but anyway back to roasting the brothers #i find bolin just annoying in general his brand of comedy totally doesn't work for me #but at least he has like #a personality that's consistent #mako is sooooooo blah #the writers have no idea what to do with him and he comes across as having a strikingly boring personality #with no defining traits other than being wishy washy (and a boot licker) #it FEELS like he was meant to remind viewers of Zuko #at least in appearance if nothing else #another broody pretty boy to latch onto #but he has literally nothing interesting to actually get invested in #sure he's got his tragic backstory and he's the 'older brother who took care of his younger brother after their parents died' boo hoo #but that's all just exposition and it's barely shown in a way that feels illustrative or emotional in any way that matters #(other than him comforting bolin in s1 after he KISSES THE GIRL HE KNEW BOLIN HAD A CRUSH ON lmfaoooooo) #(what a good big brother lmfao)

[ronithesnail]

Damn school is just an endless cycle of trying to catch up on my late work and then getting more late work in the process huh…

#Its not even hard work i just cant fucking do it #Never have time for anything even tho thats literally just not true #Just cant fucking focus on this #Always got a bunch of anxiety about all the late work i havent done and it just doesnt go away cuz i always just get more #And then i dont have any time to do the things that actually matter to me like fanart and library work… #This system just doesnt work for me and there nothing i can do about it #Adhd #neurodivergency #neurodivergent #school #homework #autistic #autism #adhd meme #actually autistic #autism meme #This isnt a meme but whatever im tagging it anyway

[d3sertdream3r]

I’ll never understand why people have to be such dicks to shippers for literally no goddamn reason.

If you don’t ship it, that’s fine. Why do you have to scream your hatred of it in the faces of people that do ship it? Why be so violent and mean about it? What do you gain by being an asshole? It’s so childish and strange.

#This happens to every single ship #Some more than others but every ship gets at least a taste of it #and I just don’t understand it at all #the two that I’ve seen the most hatred towards recently are #reylo #and #sabezra #chill the hell out it’s fictional #there’s nothing wrong with either of these ships or any ship for that matter #shipping #fandom #Ahsoka #ahsoka series #star wars

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

feeling Normal about hermitcraft season 8 again (lying)

#hermitcraft 8 asks the question “does any of this matter” from two different directions #both from the direction of “does anything matter if everything we know is going to be wiped out and theres nothing we can do to prevent it” #and “does anything matter if its not real? if theres a reality beyond this one that is More Real?” #and the answer both times is of course it does #it always mattered #even if it couldnt change anything #nothing that happened inside of the Hermatrix affected the Hermitheus's journey. but that doesnt mean the hermits were wasting their time #nothing that the hermits built could survive the moon. but that doesnt mean they shouldnt have built it #hermitcraft 8 #hermitcraft #hermitblr

[twinkodium]

Let’s cure our sadness with gorgeous pictures ❤️‍🩹🧡

#f1 #oscar piastri #singapore gp 2023 #the b&w pics 👌🏼 top notch #rosy cheeks showing with full force 🥺 #hands in the hair biceps bulging back muscles flexing 😮‍💨😮‍💨 #kinda of sad and upsetting pics the last two #but he’s so incredibly handsome still even when he’s not it a good mood #the pics from the garage? piece of art 🥹 #I’m obsessed with him and just want him to do well but luck isn’t on his side lately 😩 #when it is his time to be lucky? #Japan? pls make it happen #I can’t take any more upsetting sessions 😭 #I would like to give him a hug and telling him that he’s amazing and I’m so proud of him #and it doesn’t matter because he showed what he can do when everything is in order 🥺 #just caressing his back while whispering sweet nothings into his ear 🥺 #probably he’d be the one who needs to calm me not the other way around tho #I feel more upset than him 🫣

[fayevalcntine]

The whole "Claudia is now his sister"/Louis' sibling comparisons are never gonna sit right with me because that's never going to erase the fact that Claudia exists as a vampire partly because of him. Their relationship will never have this clearly defined role of siblings in the same manner Louis had with Grace or Paul, even if he was their older brother and was implicitly given the role of providing for them as the successor and manager of his family's estate. Because Louis was never responsible in part for their creation, the reason why they existed the way that they do in terms of behavior and life itself.

It also makes his betrayal of her all the more heartbreaking in ways that him and Grace drifting apart never will. He was her father, and didn't provide emotional support for her. She had to turn the tables and try to assume the role of being on an equal level because of this failure but this doesn't make him not choosing her any less painful than it did the first time. Even as they shift roles, take or give emotional responsibility one has towards the other, the fact that Claudia exists the way she does because of him and Lestat will always be there.

#interview with the vampire #claudia #louis de pointe du lac #it's why in a way Lestat's whole 'I am your maker' rant is relevant #not in terms of him trying to keep his veil of control over her #but in terms of how no matter how she tries to shift positions; switch roles #put on the costume of 'sister/companion/mother/knight' #she will always be on a lesser position than him or even Louis #because THEY are her parents #even on a physical level she's technically weaker because she's in the body of a teenager #her given role of daughter will never be shed; especially when both of them took to physically abusing her #and tbh I personally don't like acting as if Claudia having to take on the role of Louis' protector/therapist/sister #is a positive thing in any way #it's basically his own child being forced by circumstances to be the adult #and it's such a fucked up dynamic to me #i'm not saying Louis is responsible for that because he had his own issues and then there's Lestat who acerbates the whole situation #but consider it from Claudia's angle: she keeps Lestat away from Louis for SIX years #then Louis takes him back; and even tells her to get used to it and to try to be more open with her own abuser #all the while Claudia gives him nothing but understanding and time; pleads with him to run away together #i can't even start on how his betrayal of her after the attempted murder is not only the final nail of the coffin #but the only result she gets after emotionally supporting him throughout this entire situation #anyway no offense to anyone that makes Claudia/Grace/Paul edits in relation to Louis #it's just that even without the ep7 reveal the whole thing feels sour to me in episode 6 #because that is very much not his sister/brother protecting him; that's his daughter #Claudia should not have to do this shit on her own; she should not have to assume another role just to be considered seriously #in any way by either Louis or Lestat

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

you know if we do accept the last epilogue-esque sequence as a sort of dream/wish of ted's and therefore not necessarily canon, very funny if we then simply go "yeah, trent's book is called 'the lasso way' actually. he didn't change that. nope."

#listen on one hand #i think that like #i don't think ted actually changed trent's mind about the title #i think trent changed it because ted asked him to #and like that's especially interesting bc he even made a point of being like #'tell me if you disagree with anything and i'll tell you why you're wrong' #but he respects ted; more than that he likes him and he wants him to like the book--like him #anyone else and trent would have told them to fuck off but ted? ted asking him to change the title? yeah #i think he didn't agree with 'it not being about him'--and not bc of any feelings he may have for ted--but if we accept that him changing #the title is canon then like. he did it because ted asked. nothing more nothing less #maybe he felt he owed it to ted as the subject of the book; maybe he just respected him too much not to #maybe it's partially bc of his feelings; maybe it's because he just couldn't say no to ted #but it's ultimately just. because ted asked him. #and trent respects him; trusts him; cares about him #and that's pretty heartwrenching #but like on the other hand if we say 'no that was ted's wishufl thinking trent definitely went 'sorry ted it's called the lasso way'' #also like.... him being like. like quietly not changing it and if ted said something him just. being like #ted. i respect you. i care about you. i trust you. but with all due respect absolutely not #yes it isn't ONLY about you but YOU made this happen. YOU are special and YOU have a place here whether you can stay forever or not #yes it's about the team and the coaches yes you aren't a one man band but ted. TED. you touched lives. you changed lives. and that was YOU. #that was you and your philosophy and your attitude. #you made richmond what it is today. yes the team deserve credit too for the kind of bond they have now but YOU facilitated that #none of the coaches currently here woudl be coaches if not for you. the diamond dogs wouldn't exist. literally every single one #of our friends--OUR friends--wouldn't be where they are and probably wouldn't be as happy #you got through to people over and over again who were hurting and lashing out. to rebecca. to roy. to jamie. to nate. to me. #and you can be humble but there's being humble and there's acting like you don't matter to any of us like you didn't have an impact #like you can just leave without a trace. we don't blame you for leaving--i especially don't--but acting like we won't miss you and like #your time with all of us--our time--meant nothing is more insulting than it is humble because we /love you/ #and yes. it was the goddamn lasso way that built this place #this community.

[pixielle-hrrngrv]

i never consciously realized… if Billy graduated Summer of '85 like implied in canon (tho i stand by the fanon of Billy being in Nancy and Robin's grade, it's just a vibe) and he died on the 4th of July... he likely was less than a MONTH away from going off to college and finally getting to build his own life. to be himself.

if he was gonna go, he would've already committed to his school by then and that was at the forefront of his mind.

lifeguarding was probably his Summer job to get him the gas and travel money he needed to drive cross country and get back home.

#billy hargrove #harringrove #(like i know Billy's already tragic enough and we don't have to pile any more tragedy on him but mama it's always there. #just watching; waiting to strike.) #and... if we wanna talk abt that one grody plotline... #maybe billy only started flirting w/ karen bc he knew he'd be outta there in less than a year #not expecting to get far but then she leads him on (canon) and mommy and daddy issues mcgee likes the no strings attention #maladaptive coping and self sabotage #all the girls his age wanna tie him down and he just doesn't care either way & he never questions why he's not genuinely attracted to them #it doesn't matter to him. there's nothing and next to no one that's gonna keep him in fucking Hawkins #and then... *insert Max graveside in s4 here*

[even-disco-baby]

YOU — “What was it like when we were partners?”

JEAN VICQUEMARE — He looks at you, taking a long drag from his cigarette. His eyes are hard. “You don’t remember at all?”

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Impossible: Failure] — You try to search through the mire of your mind, but come up with only the ghosts of vague and conflicting feelings— comfort and pain, gratitude and resentment, and above all, fear.

YOU — Fear of what?

CONCEPTUALIZATION — Of being seen. Seen and despised.

EMPATHY — He fears that, too. That one day, he’ll look at you and realize that it was all for nothing.

-1 MORALE

PRECINCT 41 — The night air is pleasantly cool, and even this late, you can hear plenty of signs of life in Jamrock. Dogs barking, laughter in the distance. It only makes your own silence more pronounced.

“I remember we were friends.”

“I remember we hated each other.”

“I remember you cramping my style.”

“I remember being a burden.”

“I don’t. I’m sorry.”

JEAN VICQUEMARE — He sighs. Smoke trails as he shakes his head. “It’s fine.”

DRAMA — It is decidedly *not* fine, sire.

JEAN VICQUEMARE — “You know what? It’s probably better that way. Don’t worry about the past. Your great big life is finally starting.” Every word drips with irony. He takes another puff of the cigarette. “Good for you.”

“You’re right. I won’t worry about it.”

“I swear I’m going to make the most of it. It’ll be different this time. I swear, Jean.”

“You’re such an asshole.”

“You sound sarcastic.”

JEAN VICQUEMARE — “Oh, do I? Sorry, let me try again.” He claps with mock politeness. “Congratulations on the amnesia. You must be thrilled.”

“Ha ha. Real funny.”

“Maybe I am. Fuck off.”

“No. I’m scared. It’s been really hard.”

“I’m sorry, okay? It’s not like I can undo it. I don’t know what you want from me.”

“I’m sorry…”

(Say nothing)

JEAN VICQUEMARE — He lets out another breath, closing his eyes. “…Sorry. Look, just forget it, okay, Harry?” He tosses the butt of his cigarette dispassionately into the bushes and lights another. “Believe me, it’s not worth dredging up.”

DRAMA — What he means to say, sire, is that you don’t want to know how bad things got.

EMPATHY — Even he doesn’t like to reminisce. Not on the bad *or* the good. It would all swallow him up if he wasn’t careful. But he can’t forget, either, so he just carries it. And now he carries it alone.

INLAND EMPIRE — He was fooling himself if he ever thought that to live was to be anything but alone. We are all either leavers or those left behind.

HALF LIGHT — It’s not your fault that he started to look like a leaver. You had to be faster than him. You couldn’t let it happen again. Never again.

VOLITION — Derail this train of thought before it builds momentum. It won’t lead you anywhere helpful.

None of this is helpful. Fuck this. [Leave]

[Espirit de Corps — Formidable 13] Just how bad did things get?

CHECK SUCCESS

ESPIRIT DE CORPS — Apocalyptic. Screaming matches that devolved into agonized wails. Words that neither of you can ever take back. Nights spent talking you off of ledges only for you to turn and shove him toward the edge. Times he told you to go ahead and jump, only to then turn and cling to you in terror of a lifelong haunting. Pitiful attempts to revive the corpse of your friendship. Empty ideals of brotherhood clutched tightly to your chests. His orbit around you, both a curse and a reassurance.

SAVOIR FAIRE — You needed him to think you were cool again.

EMPATHY — He needed you to think he was worth trying for.

INLAND EMPIRE — You both discovered that you were sad, cruel animals, incapable of anything but lashing out at each other and licking your own self-inflicted wounds.

VOLITION — And so you changed, somewhat. You did what you had to do to survive and evolve. There is no use or sense in regretting it.

EMPATHY — But *he* refuses to change. He cannot bring himself to dig his heels back out of the dirt. This precinct will be his coffin. He has already decided.

RHETORIC — A memory stirs. A letter, written to you, but never meant for your eyes. You read it, anyway. He never forgave you. You never forgave him, either.

“Kid,

“I bet you think someday your life will begin. That it’s still out there somehow, a great big life just waiting to start. Well, it isn’t. This is all there is. This job is the only fight we are given. After this, we will be its veterans.

“There is nothing more in that beloved future of yours. We are all done there. Done and gone.”

VOLITION — But there is a future beyond ourselves. There is all of the rest of human history-to-be, and they are at our mercy. Find some mercy in yourself, Harry. You know there’s something beyond this job, this precinct.

No. Jean is right. This is my home, these people my half-brothers. I would be nothing without them. I don’t want to die alone.

No. He’s right. There is no future for me. I’m a dead man walking, and soon I’ll be gone. It doesn’t matter.

No. There is no mercy in me. I’m tired. I hope the world ends. I hope we can all be done.

You’re right. I changed a little. That means that I can keep changing. I can be a kinder animal.

You’re right, but I’m afraid. I don’t remember my life before the RCM. I don’t know what I would be if I left.

Isn’t there any way to change Jean, too? Is there a great big life waiting for him?

VOLITION — I… I don’t know. I’m sorry, Harry. I cannot answer for other people. His future is in his own hands.

PRECINCT 41 — Dogs howl in the distance. What a lonely sound.

#disco elysium #harry du bois #jean vicquemare #suicide tw #ok sorry this is not the one that i said was gonna be different it’s gonna be the NEXT next one #i had to get this one off my chest while i was still thinking abt jean #but um. yeah. lots of complicated feelings abt this guy #can’t say i Like him. since he’s a cop and all. and also just generally #i think he’s very interesting and funny and there’s a lot of poignant stuff to unpack w him and harry #but i dunno i just???? how do you even articulate this #the damage to their relationship is never gonna be undone no matter what #but especially not if harry stays a cop forever #and i think jean is never gonna quit even if harry goes #hell i think even kim is more likely to be convinced to leave and i’m not even optimistic abt HIM #‘’there is nothing more in that beloved future of yours. we are all done there. done and gone.’’ #that does not sound like a man who has any interest in changing… man i dunno. #acab and all that.

[icewindandboringhorror]

I have a big google doc thing where I keep track of media and stuff (putting everything in loosely ranked categories), which is mostly just for my own reference so I know what tv shows I've already seen before, etc. and I never really look back through it, typically just a quick "okay, watched two movie in the past 8 months, need to quickly slap them somewhere in the lists. okay. done. save document. exit". But today I was actually reading through some of the old notes and there are like... MULTIPLE places where my comment is basically "It would have been good if it were about elves" or "I wish there was a fantasy show made in this same style" or "It's well made, but I just keep thinking about how I would like it more if everyone was an elf or was in old 1700s costumes" or etc like...... lol.... Most biased media ranking system on earth blatantly made by someone with an extremely hyperspecific range of narrow interests. It'd be like if a food reviewer only had 5 foods they actually liked, so they'd just go to a pizza place and be like "eh, the pizza was okay, but I just think it would be better if it was cereal instead. :/ ...2 out of 10"

#Which.. I mean... I am allowed to be biased because literally it's just for my own personal reference (or occasionall #y to send to friends or something if we're discussing the topic) so like.. nowhere am I saying 'I am the god of perfect taste and these #rankings are objectively the absolute truth and everyone should have my same opinion' or anything #BUT still.. it's funny to me sometimes #'Succession would be 100x better if it had the same cast/character quirks and shaky camera style and #acting choices/weird dialogue and general concept etc. EXCEPT it takes place within an elven noble family or something #managing the family business and everyone is in fantasy costumes now'' like.....okay...... but it's NOT that way..soo... thats not the show #''I like the acting style/general tone of Fleabag but i don't care for any of the characters or any of the subject matter and I wish it was #set in the 1800s and had vampires and was about magic instead'' okay..... again... you are making up an entirely new show in that case lol #OR my other beloved typical complaint ''The concept is good but theres too much plot and action and not enough people just sitting #around doing nothing and exposition dumping world and character lore'' ''this needs more goofy sideplots and filler episodes'' #''this Drama was too dramatic I think it should be more lighthearted & people need to sit around doing nothing just being weird more often' #''the Action Movie was ok except for the action scenes - which I skipped through all of- but I liked the costumes and worldbuilding'' etc. #ERM sorry your plot has too much plot. also elves have to be included somehow. bye #BUT SERIOUSLY!!!!!! I literally genuinely believe that any show I like (or even dislike) could ALWAYS be improved greatly by #putting people in fantasy or historical costume/setting/etc... why the FUNK would I want to see bland jeans and cars and cell phones #when I could see elaborate velvet cloaks and fantastical landscapes and interior design and innovative takes on historical or #magical technology or etc. etc. etc. I LIVE in the modern day. I see it all the time!!! BORING! stinky!! boo!!! #ANYWAY... another social divide for me.. People love to bond by discussing media. which is hard when I'm like #'I literally will not watch something at all unless it fits into one of these 10 extremely specific categories which are all i care about i #the entire world''.. I say this and yet I still dislike most fantasy or historical things I've watched lol. ok TWO main criteria then!! #it must 1. be in a different world or time period. 2. be goofy silly. Nothing ever has BOTH. It's always overly serious boring drama action #fantasy/history stuff OR it's comedic lighthearted but with modern day characters... WHY.. anguish and woe and so on.. #ANYWAY jhjnk... at least I can make that divide. Some people seem to project their own personal preferences and get really emotionally #defensive if you say you didn't like something - as if the fact that they DO like it is some Objective Truth or something rather than just #opinion/preference based. I can still easily say ''this is well made/well written/acted/good in a technical sense/has a lot of #points of appeal that most people would be drawn to/etc'' and admit that it's a GOOD show probably. I just PERSONALLY think its #bad because my tastes are very narrow. Some things ARE actually made badly but. things are not bad INHERENTLY just bc they dont suit ME lol #Better to recognize/accept whats odd about you and be peacefully aware of it than just being mad at everyone all the time for not fully #agreeing with you even when you're the one with the Weird opinion in that case lol.. I am right though :3 but.. lol... still. i get it

[anxiously-sidequesting]

To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope

#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad #but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to #its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐 #HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j #like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal #but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip #(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA #ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances- #and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people #LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny #like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay” #and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood #without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now #for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why #like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ #you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially #whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not #ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing #but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u #i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts #malistaire drake