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#ok this was a hyperbole but you get it
art-of-wackylurker · 7 months
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Oh gods. Okay. I was supposed to throw him in at the very end when the whole squad is done but he didn't give me peace. There we go
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Yurand. That little shit who doesn't want to share brain space with anyone. Look at him. There he is
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liquidstar · 11 months
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I'm glad the "Satire requires a clarity of purpose and target lest it be mistaken for and contribute to that which it intends to criticize" meme is getting critiqued in its usage because... While the sentiment itself is absolutely true... I feel like sometimes, perhaps, it's not a work of fiction's fault that you're personally bad at picking up on satire
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takakurilla · 10 months
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every day i wake up and find out about a new art of shoma where he looks like a freak
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he's not even that bad in this one but it is still, like. i don't know. he looks too kind
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b4kuch1n · 11 months
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one thing I thought was missing from canon sk8 was the mine being haunted apparently. so we are bringing that into burnished house for absolutely no fucking reason
#sk8 the infinity#burnished house#(I am jokeing there is. in fact. a reason)#(you will not learn this until the divorce comes up)#(well the preliminary reason is I fucking love ghost stories and want to put them in everything)#(and that reki is afraid of scary things which makes him my favourite kind of victim. younger sibling coded for that only)#Im actually having a lot of fun alternating povs between reki and langa bc Ive like. accidentally grounded langa's in#very clear and present bodily sensations. straight up uncomplicated observations about materials in the world around him#while reki's gets all the hyperboles and pretty poetic stuff. I enjoy the idea of him being good at storytelling#ESPECIALLY bc him taking words to heart including scary stories. big deal to me ok?#love to write langa and going from things that clearly are present right there in the scene to the most insane thoughts a man can have#and then write reki and jump wildly between dork ass energetic shounen character speech and romanticizing the fuck out of concrete#weird thing to say after writing three fics of like 20K+ words in total about them granted lmao#but like. listen. I feel like burnished house is me going apeshit so far. this is truly my time to be the worst ever#same approach as I took with [REDACTED]. oh you think this is bad? just wait#I have already added TWO old people ghosts into this one. be in awe of my power#well. be in awe of it when I finish this chapter... I need to sleep rn dksdfhdskj#have a good nite lads. I cant wait to get to that one spot in this chapter where I go yess... YESS!!!! HAHAHA YESSSS#wish u the same for ur art endeavour. if ur art endeavour doesnt have something like that u should add it. my message to da world
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breadedsinner · 10 months
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People often will make posts about Dragon Age characters and general bathing habits, which is all well and fun, but a different aspect worth considering is maintenance.
I've never loved that characters like Isabela and Blackwall are put in the Stinky Section, but I can absolutely believe they struggle to maintain good habits and stick with new ones.
On the flip side I think Sebastian would be very good at consistent maintenance and this gets confused with BEING high-maintenance but it's more a constant, mindful effort. He's doesn't LIKE getting up at dawn and waxing his bow every day, but there is satisfaction in having done it.
So example
Isabela: What's the point of making the bed, you're just gonna go back to sleep in it anyway.
Sebastian: If I don't make my bed every single morning I will slowly undo every change I've made and fall into a pit of despair.
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mendely · 2 years
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I think it is morally correct if historical fiction authors do the historical inaccuracy of giving characters more interesting names than John.
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lhrry · 2 years
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x
#by the way I know this fandom sometimes gives the vibes that the more aloof you are or less emotional reactions you have#the better/more mature a fan you are#especially when veteran fans and larries have been here for so long and seen the worst of the stunts etc and we are just unfazed by the#majority of things which applies to me as to a veteran larrie as well ok#BUT it’s ok to have emotional reactions to things and we all have them#when you’re emotionally invested in something ofc you are going to feel not only the good but the bad sometimes#I just think the bad shouldn’t prevail and if it does you need to reevaluate your engagement with the fandom#but for what it’s worth I was really upset yesterday by the added residencies and the ridiculous prices and the fact that I’ve been waiting#for seven years to see Harry again after my off concert and some people are buying five to ten tickets for a concert in one city#KNOWING that I’m still privileged because I get to see him at all#I don’t like them making me feel like a little cash-waving dot that does not even matter because she’s not in a privileged area of the US#it made me feel bad and that’s ok to say ok??#as well as I’ve felt a pang at some of the HO photos this week I HATE that he#is stuck with her and hate imagining dwd promo and stuff#so like this is just to say that you’re not a worse fan for feeling things lol#(but let it be known I’m never a fan of excessive dramatics and hyperbolic and catastrophizing those are all a little different things)
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OMG youre right 😭😭😭 idk if the fandom would be able to handle a listener that is kinda lazy, I feel like theyd get called selfish or some shit 💀💀 Begging Erik for a “comforting you into doing the damn thing you have to do”
I seen so many people relating to all the listeners that overwork (so all of them 😐) like damn. You got the energy for that? wild. Makes me feel a little bad but aight okay that’s fine.
god that would be AMAZING as an audio...... catch me playing that on loop to get me through my day 😫😫 if i had the energy to work like those listeners i would be literally unstoppable!!
i know that the whole point of this kind of self-insert bf audio stuff is to put yourself in the listener's shoes, feeling like the characters are speaking directly to you, and that people don't generally enjoy feeling like they're being criticised - but damn i do wish we could have a little more collective tolerance for listeners who aren't necessarily wonderful perfect people whose only downside is that they're too good at what they do 🕺🕺
#i have absolutely nothing against any of the listeners whatsoever - i really like how mr erik does things#i love the listeners and i love putting myself in their places and imagining myself in their shoes#but in my personal opinion if a listener does something you don't agree with or that you think is bad or wrong or whatever#then why is your immediate reaction to start kicking and screaming saying that they're instantly an awful monstrous character who you hate#and not to just say 'well ok i would never do that' and move on#this is why i get a little bit nervous when people say they 'kin' the listeners#we do realise that the listener is DESIGNED to be as blank as possible so that as many people as possible can project onto them don't we?#and thus the character you're identifying with is just..... you??#either that or you're identifying with a fanon version of the listener character that has been constructed by the fans#and thus is an ever-changing concept of a character that not everyone will interpret in the same way#this is not to bash or criticise outright anyone who kins characters - do what you want dude it has nothing to do with me#but it makes me very wary in this fandom in particular#bc that feeling of OVER-identifying with a character and going for TOO long of a walk in their shoes#is when we get that super-reactionary hyperbolic '[x character] SUCKS!!!' thing that just ends up making everyone feel bad#it's what happened to bright eyes and it's what's happening to cutie#(and you could argue that it happened to imp!baby as well but that's a slightly different kettle of fish that we don't need to get into)#idk dudes do whatever you want it's none of my business#(but please do take a moment to ask yourself one question:)#(why do you think i felt that i had to give a disclaimer that i didn't hate any of the listener characters - who don't really exist?)#ginger speaks to anons#hope you're having a great week anon!!#it's nearly the weekend..... almost.... 🥳🥳
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gothamcityneedsme · 2 years
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biting and killing etc
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gibbearish · 6 months
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reddit refuses to stop recommending me the antinatalist sub and i just saw a post from there saying "women who breastfeed in public or on streams are just doing it for male attention" like dude that's literally just Regular Old Misogyny. this isn't an antinatalist thing you're just misogynistic is all
#and thats not even going into the problems with antinatalism itself like.#i am 1000% childfree and they try to act like antinatalism is the logical conclusion/next step from there but it just. super isnt#like no just because i personally dont want kids doesnt mean ill agree that doing so is abusive because#you can't ask the babies for consent before bringing them into this world#and its like. this is such a nothingburger when you think about it for more than like two minutes#is this world rough? yes#are there people who wish theyd never been born? yes#but they act like fuckin. their soul was in paradise before you so rudely ripped it away and forced it into this world#because of your own selfish desire to make a creature that is compelled to love you#and its like. ok. im sorry ur parents lived vicariously through you bc its clearly left an impact but that does not reflect on.#the entire human race? humans are animals. animals make babies of themselves. like reproduction of some form is how life continues#it's not inherently morally good or bad it's just a thing life does#(inb4 'ur making up a guy to get mad at' i have seen this exact sentiment expressed almost word for word many times)#(not the souls part thats hyperbole i meant the 'people only have kids bc theyre selfish and want a mini them who loves them by default'#part it gets really old really fast lmao)#and theyre always posting stuff like 'just found out ny friend got pregnant and is keeping the baby‚ i can't#believe she would do something like this‚ now i have to end a 14 year friendship' and its like. my dude.#you need to see a therapist because if you think just existing is such bad torture that you have to cut someone off for#having a baby you may actually just be severely fucking depressed#thats not in a derogatory way esp bc whenever i do look at the sub like. 100% of the posts there are depressed as hell#which makes sense‚ it's an ideology driven by 'everything is fucked‚ we can't stop it‚ we're the problem and should just die off'#and i think being unknowingly depressed can make it very easy to fall into the more nihilist aligned movements like that#i know before i figured out i had it i was big into nihilism#and i would say to a certain degree i still am and im still depressed but i think the two are actually separate now#like its not nothing matters because my brain doesn't have enough of a chemical#its nothing matters because like i said humans are just animals‚ highly influential animals yes but animals nonetheless#we're not morally superior to other animals‚ evolution didnt pick us it's entirely randomized#the entire world is randomized! every part of our universe couldve developed so differently if even a tiny thing changed#nothing means anything because anything couldve been anything else#theres no meaning in that bad thing happening to you‚ it was just random chance‚ it's not some cosmic punishment
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yay-depression · 1 year
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god is everyone in my family allergic to fucking normal conversation?? what the fuck??
#i don’t need every conversation to be a lesson#i just wanted support?? or acknowledgement??#my dad: asks how my day went#me: tells him#him: has a full weird conversation about how tf should he know i’m using a hyperbole?? he takes everything at face value!#which is 1. not true in almost any other case#2. like?? god just say what you fucking mean???#also bc i was talking about a faculty member and was like ‘everybody hates her’ and he was like#‘well wow i’m just going to assume that’s entirely correct and you all despise her’ which is fair but then he was like#‘this one line is very important to your story methinks’ and made the whole thing about like mutual respect and also the use of language#when having a conversation#and he always fucking does this when i talk to him#he always goes like ‘think of how i might take that’ and i’m like ok but i am talking with you#and i fucking know how you take things i based my whole fucking survival around it for like 14 years#i don’t need a lesson in how to talk to people especially from someone who rarely leaves the fucking house and says shit like#‘well i hope all of kentucky drowns in their floods’#YOU do not get to tell ME ‘be more careful with your words’#i just fucking wanted him to say ‘wow that sounds shitty’ and move on#my parents stop trying to parent challenge#you didn’t do it for most of my life you do NOT get to start now#the ‘well i just want to get to know you better’ god fuck off i don’t want you to know me! i don’t trust you to know me!#either be the emotionally neglectful father you’ve always been or just pretend like nothing happened and pretend we all trust each other
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leclsrc · 1 year
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you know it ✴︎ cl16
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genre: porn WITH plot (for once?! everyone cheered), humor, bit of fluff... oh inaccurate depictions of the 2022 season sorry
word count: 7k
Charles is a bit disappointed the pretty girl he harbors a crush on doesn’t have him listed as a Formula 1 crush. He is a lot disappointed that you two can’t fuck.
nsfw warnings under the cut!
18+ because... degradation, praise, charles is a bit switchy here lol, penetrative sex, a bit of ass play sorry...., oral (m receiving), semi public sex, yeah
title from this. i love u guys im so sleepy
Joris insists there’s some big present waiting for Charles in his car, to celebrate the middle of the season that has, and will no doubt continue to stretch into a period of conflict and strategy woes. He yanks off the beanie sitting on his head, listens to small talk drifting between Joris and Carlos as they all walk toward their cars to alleviate the bubble of nerves in the low of his stomach. 
Sure enough, there’s an unassuming box lying on the driver’s seat. Joris slides into the passenger seat after Carlos drives away with his girlfriend, his grin shit-eating and mischievous. The door is half open when Charles takes the box to inspect it. White, with the Ferrari logo printed neatly on the centre (very classy touch), the sides are signed by different members of his team. He scratches through the seal and pulls the flap open.
He’s been given a quasi-official Ferrari box of condoms.
Thirty-six condoms, at that, small squares neatly lined up next to each other. Talk about a welcoming present. Not a camera, not racing memorabilia, not a new pair of shoes. Just condoms. Thirty-six of them.
“A mid-season pick-me-up,” presses his friend, giddily. The shorter male lounges comfortably on the seat, a blissful look of pride on his face. Laughing with exasperation, Charles wedges the box shut and tosses it carelessly into the backseat, preparing to drive. This isn’t his first rodeo with weird gifts—he’s half-sure he got adoption papers from an especially excited fan once before.
“You are such an asshole.”
“It’s also a congratulations on winning literally every race so far present,” Joris adds. It’s hyperbole but has a ring of truth to it. As the season closes, Charles’ chances of holding up the trophy this year increase. 
Despite himself, Charles has a better outlook on his chances for the remainder of the season, driving-wise. He’s given it his all so far, and the rest looks promising enough. He only hopes he’s right. Netflix also increased the amount of people getting into the sport, so he’s dealing with tons more fans and nosey DMs, but it’s not too much of an impediment to a hopefully stellar season.
Charles makes a right. “Do you plan to use them?” Joris asks then, a teasing tone taking on his voice as he scrolls through his phone.
“No, not really,” Charles says, lying straight through his teeth.
“You’re a fucking liar, you are.” He whips his head toward Charles, observing his stoic side profile. “You’re single, haven’t gotten laid in months—”
“—weeks.” Corrects Charles with a cough, the defense coming at an embarrassing speed.
“…Case in point. And sports gets everyone horny. And if you didn’t know, Mattia actually OK-ed the condoms, so you’ve basically been greenlit by your boss to fuck half the world. Thank me later. I’m proud of myself.”
“Sports gets everyone competitive. Because it’s sports. Which, you’re conveniently forgetting, is my life profession.”
“Loosen up,” Joris whistles lowly. “You think Lewis got seven titles by being a closed-off celibate? It’s practically tradition to fuck around if you’re single in sports. And, for others, being in a relationship is barely an obstacle, anyway.”
Charles hates to admit that Joris is right—because he is. Racing isn’t racing without the extravagant parties that follow, and the girls and guys brought back to hotels for reasons known to everyone. People from everywhere come to the paddock and the clubs—models, influencers, actors. The pent-up energy has to go somewhere, he supposes.
But even if the little shit is right, Charles still maintains a level of dignity. Ergo, he’s steadfast in his belief that he will not be sleeping around or putting this godforsaken box of condoms to any semblance of use while the rest of the season progresses. He just hopes he won’t eat his words.
Monza kicks off with a 1-2 and secures Charles with a comfortable lead ahead Max.
He is high on adrenaline all night, toasting and chugging to the win, snapping pictures with Carlos, proud out of his mind. It’s everything he’s wanted and more, a quench to the thirst he’d developed over the season, a slap in the face to his doubters, a kiss on his. He texts his family, friends who aren’t present, some other people who he feels are deserving of a personal announcement, and pockets his phone.
“Now would be a great time to put that gift to use,” Carlos says at some point, when everyone in the garage is kicking back alcohol and slowly preparing to move the celebrations someplace else.
Charles cringes visibly, having almost forgotten about the dreaded gift, and totally forgotten Carlos’ knowledge of it. Even with the recent win, he’s already thinking of the next, the promise of a two-peat, another podium, hell, another 1-2. The condoms were honest to God the last thing on his mind.
They break apart an hour later, when Charles is heading to the hotel and Carlos is headed somewhere else. He’s almost to the exit when someone calls his attention in a curt English voice.He turns and finds Lewis jogging toward him, outside of his race suit and back in the fashionable apparel Charles merely wishes he could pull off.
“Lewis,” he waves, pacing toward him to save the extra few seconds of waiting. 
“Amazing, amazing race, man,” the elder compliments. “You’ve got the best chance at the title here.”
Warmth melts into Charles’ body and he offers praise back, which—praising Lewis is just about the easiest thing in the world. Nerves bleed out of him as the conversation continues, the atmosphere of a finished race a welcome accompaniment to their strategic talk. 
“Headed to a party, yeah?” Lewis asks when they’ve both exhausted the topic. Charles gives a half-hearted shrug, already energized enough from such a momentous win, and he nods in response. “Nah, I get it. Sometimes you just gotta sleep. But hey, if you’re ever free, we should go get dinner sometime.”
The “dinner sometime” happens in Singapore. Having gotten P1 beside Lewis and therefore once again high off the adrenaline, Charles claps Andrea on the back and retrieves his phone to view two texts. One reads Put the condoms to use yet, champ? from Joris, and the other Can I take you up on the dinner? from Lewis. One goes answered and the other goes muted on his iMessage.
A little something he failed to remember was Lewis’ plant-based diet, a fact that hurtles back toward him when he can’t find steak on the menu of this classy, hole-in-the-wall type of restaurant. Of course Lewis would know these types of places, he thinks. He’s a millennial semi-hipster with a separate Instagram account for his dog.
Charles ends up ordering pasta, and Lewis beside him orders a cacophony of very vegan, hippy sounding meals, the quantity of which could feed the two of them. “I hope you don’t mind,” Lewis says when the waiter departs, “but a friend is actually joining us tonight.”
“Sure,” Charles says honestly. As long as it’s not some deranged hyperfan, he does well in social situations. Right then, Lewis calls someone over. Charles looks up, squints through the dim mood lighting to try and make out the nearing figure. And then you’re sitting down across them, smiling softly, exchanging hellos with Lewis.
A little something Lewis fails to remember is his “friends” can just as well be called “celebrities,” because he is, after all, a sporting legend. So if Lewis says “friend,” Charles will assume it’s a “friend,” and not a world-famous model whose face is plastered everywhere on and offline.
“Charles Leclerc,” he says blankly.
You introduce yourself, sliding easily into a bout of questions, apologies for missing the race, you’re impossibly jetlagged, it’s crazy. Lewis chips in with something about how he’s already ordered food for the both of you, and this and that, and Charles is hopeless, staring at your face the entire time. He hopes he looks more sexy than aloof or, worse, starstruck, because it’s turning out to be the kind of situation where he looks like the deranged hyperfan, and not the other way around for once.
To be clear, Charles isn’t a fan of you. He just knows of you, because honestly, who doesn’t at this point? You’re talking on and on about how your latest shoot with Jacquemus was a pain because you shot in a tank top in sub-zero weather, but you express it like it’s the most profound topic on Earth.
Lewis turns to him and, in an (eventually successful) effort to include more of Charles in the conversation, goes, “She’s a big Formula One fan, Charles.”
Okay. Common ground. Charles lifts both brows smugly, his eyes flickering back over to you. “Really?”
You meet his eyes and smile, looking downward and blinking owlishly. You’re so pretty, long lashes fluttering as you blink and try to find an answer. Christ, you’re so painfully his type.
Lewis chimes in again—“Really. And not just because she and I are friends. I mean she was into racing before we got acquainted. Honestly. Quiz her and everything”—then excuses himself to “take a call.” (His phone wasn’t even ringing—total bullshit—but Charles is ultimately grateful for it.)
You make a face of shut up toward the departing Lewis, and Charles exhales a quiet laugh at your defiance. You clear your throat and come up with an answer.
“I’m not a big fan,” you say. “I’m more of a casual, ‘every once in a while’ type of fan.”
“That’s what every big fan of sports says,” Charles says smoothly. 
“Is it?” You ask, cocking your head to the side, making a tch noise. You chuckle before going, “Well, if you insist, I’ll be honest. I didn’t want it to come to this, but okay. I am a fan… of Red Bull.”
Charles fakes extreme offense, his jaw dropping as if totally scandalized. You laugh, throwing two hands up in faux surrender. “Not Red Bull,” he says, his tone making him sound even more devastated. “You’re telling me you—don’t tell me you think Max Verstappen is attractive.”
“I mean, a bit!”
Charles makes sarcastic sounds of disapproval, and you laugh. Charles leans forward, and you do, too, both of you smiling. “So you’re into the angry drivers?”
“I’m not into a specific kind of driver,” you say casually, your tongue peeking out to lick over your bottom lip. Your voice is as soft as it is firm, slow and demure, matching the way your eyes glint. You’re impossibly pretty. He almost can’t handle it.
“So who’s making the cut?” He prompts, interested.
“Well, for starters, drivers who are my age,” you say slowly. “I turned twenty-four this year, so anyone within that bracket.”
“Oh?” Charles pretends to delve into deep thought, teasing. “Maybe Stroll? He’s very funny, speaks good English. You can never really say no to a Canadian.”
Your face warms, and you hope your flustered state isn’t too obvious as you shake your head. “He seems fun, but I prefer somebody a bit… a bit older.”
“Older…” he hums. “Pierre, perhaps? Tad bit older, real charming, great driver. I can introduce you. We’re good friends, you know.”
You click your tongue, smiling shyly. You bite your lip and it takes everything in Charles to not turn on his horny gears when he sees you, big eyes and lip bite, look so pretty. “You tease me,” you say meekly. Charles covers a cough with a chuckle and adjusts his position on the seat.
Later, after Lewis comes back in (“Long call, eh? It was about Roscoe.” Bullshit again) and you all get to order drinks, and you’ve departed in your private car, pressing an air kiss to Lewis and waving goodbye to Charles, he turns to the Mercedes driver and hums.
“Next time you have one of these”—he points to the restaurant, gestures to the front door—“dinners, let me know, okay?”
“Ah.” Lewis winks, smirking. “I’ll be sure to.”
Understandably, your schedules never seem to mesh well together. Lewis ends up giving Charles your number as compensation.
He stares at the contact longer than he’d like to admit, when he’s marinating in the sweltering heat of Austin. He’s finished much of his work for this half of the day so he’s mostly watching the engineers work on the last bits of modification for Sunday; he cherishest the free time and drafts, reads, and rereads texts, scours Google and Instagram for pictures of, and anything related to, you.
There’s a few new articles about buying a new car (a Benz, much to Charles’ chagrin) and new photoshoots intermittently scattered across Europe, with all sorts of brands. He sees a picture you’ve posted of yourself smiling at the camera and thinks of how pretty it would look as his lockscreen. 
Am I seeing you soon? He texts finally. He hopes it’s enough to let you know who he is.
Hopefully is the reply. He smiles the whole day.
You’ve been texting and calling almost everyday, conversations stretching continents. He only sees you next in Mexico, Friday night, at a club Lewis has rented out for a crazy price that will no doubt be replenished in days anyway. He’s dropped to second here, but the thrill riding in him makes up for his disappointment. The place is so crowded—everyone and their mums seem to have been invited here—room blinking purple and blue, each step vibrating with the heavy bass of EDM. He catches you right as you exit the washroom area, and you look pleasantly surprised to see him.
He saw you earlier, when you were doing shots of tequila and chatting with with Bella and Lewis, but just as quickly as he spotted you, you’d dipped back into the sea of people. Now is better, he thinks. You two are alone.
“Charles, hi,” you say casually. You’re wearing a tight top and a short skirt that, despite Charles’ best efforts, always cast his gaze downward. He wonders what’s underneath, hungers to get his hands there. But he’s nothing if he’s not patient, willing to play the long game.
He takes a step forward, his gaze steady on you. Charles isn’t the tallest driver, but he’s got a big presence. You swallow, taking a step back to accommodate him. He smirks. “You look pretty.” 
“You flatter me,” you say thickly, smiling, inviting him closer. The air is hot around the both of you—when your eyes flit around, they see nobody. You’re alone together. His eyes pierce into yours so deep you feel like breaking eye contact, exhaling as you take another step back—evidently, you’re distracted, because you stumble.
His arm circles around your waist, and once you steady, the hand moves down to your hip. It stays, a reminder of what you might be getting soon. You smile curtly, wondering what this might look like to a bystander, a stranger. Somebody might want to piss and walk in to see the strongest world champion contender’s hand on Chanel’s poster girl’s waist.
“Is this okay?” He asks softly against your ear.
“More than.” You say, breath shaky. “It’s more than okay.”
He chuckles. “Good. I’d hate if we couldn’t fuck before Abu Dhabi.”
Your finger traces down and wraps around the belt loop of his jeans. “Who said anything about fucking?”
Charles exhales a laugh, his lips curling upward into an amused smile. “Ah? I can’t fuck you, then?”
“I’ll let you fuck me when you’re holding up the world champion trophy,” you say sweetly, tugging him closer. “That’s okay, right?” You stare up at him, blinking, pouty. He wonders, is this how you might look with your lips wrapped around his—
“That’s about a month away.” His composure barely wavers, his hand traveling lower, blunt nails digging into your ass. Your breath hitches. 
“I’m aware,” you say lowly. So be it, Charles thinks—he’s got thirty-six condoms for a reason.
“Define fuck,” he says, voice rough.
“Penetration.” You’re quick with it, cocking your head to the side. You lean back confidently, testin him, eyes batting flirtatiously. 
It’s time he get a little creative.
Daytime weather is hot and the paddock is swarming with people, but Charles has his sights set on somebody sitting in the Mercedes hospitality. He manages to get out of morning meetings earlier, wedging himself out of the room and passing by a mirror to fix his hair with admirable concentration. He’s in the middle of combing through it when a force tugs at the hem of his polo, causing him to stumble backwards.
“Uh—Carlos? What the hell?” He asks, brow raised defensively. Facing him are Carlos, Joris, and Pierre, arms crossed over their torsos and amused expressions on their faces.
“What are you doing?” Asks Pierre, cocking his head to the side.
“Fixing my hair.” 
“Pussy appointment?” Joris interjects; the vulgarity of his statement earns him a poke on the side from Carlos, who clicks his tongue.
“Wh—I don’t—”
“You are shit at lying, mate,” says Pierre, his lips curled into a devious smile. “Who is it?”
“It’s nobody,” he lies.
“Charles,” says Lewis suddenly from behind them, waving his arms to get the former’s attention, “are you going to go over and say hi?”
Hook, line, and sinker. He’s been caught. “Well, well, well,” Carlos starts, mischievous.
“Guys—” Charles says, attempting to make an excuse.
“Looks like your vow of celibacy isn’t so far off after all,” Pierre adds. “That one over at Mercedes is going to break it, eh?”
“Yeah.” Joris says, smirking.  “Lucky George, huh.”
The three face him, incredulous. “I was kidding,” he fibs, once he realizes his epiphany is wrong. “Kidding.”
Charles walks off, and ends up seeing you right where he expected you, sitting beside Lewis in a tiny dress with your hair pinned up into a bun. Almost naturally, your words fall into the flirtatious back-and-forth you’d started at the dinner, hyperaware of the cameras snapping your pictures. At some point, the Brit excuses himself to “take a call” (again, bullshit) and leaves the two of you alone.
“See anything nice on the paddock?”
“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” you say with a teasing smile, head cocking to the side to gauge his reaction. He chuckles.
“Did you get a picture with Max?”
“Only a ton.” You pause. “And Daniel, too.”
“Ah, you’re just crushing on the whole paddock, now are you?” He pokes his tongue into his cheek, leans forward.” Uh, Checo?”
“Pass,” you say with a nose scrunch. You’re so fucking pretty.
“Lewis.”
“God, pass. He’s not ugly, but he’s my brother at this point.”
“Pierre.”
“Horribly French, but… smash.”
“Are you not into the French?” He smiles. “Good to know. Hmm—Carlos.”
“I’d be stupid to say anything other than smash.” You narrow your eyes, licking over your lips. “I’m into the Ferrari guys, is the thing.” His gaze travels to your crossed legs, long and disappearing into the hem of your dress.
He smirks. “Are you?”
“I really am,” you hum.
“Are you staying long? All weekend?”
“Yeah, I’m free from work for now,” you say casually. “Any recommendations on what fun things I can do here?”
“I can think of…” he says, smirking a little. “A few.”
Stupid places to have sex, number one: a motorhome.
Still, Charles is crowding you up against the wall of the room, swallowing the whimper that leaves your mouth with his own. And still, this isn’t sex. At least not the kind he wants the most. He mentally praises Carlos for being able to decipher the typo-laden text he’d sent out on the way here, one hand around your waist, the other barely capable of typing with how fast his brain ran. Clesr the fuckng room npw now npw it read. Thank God.
Your mouth tastes like champagne, and everywhere else smells divine. Your hands roam impatiently over his shoulders and you make muted noises of frustration at your inability to pull his shirt off. You settle for letting your hands crawl underneath it, stroking over his abs.
“D’you remember what I told you,” you pant, his lips insistent on your neck, “at the club?”
“Yeah,” he says, grunting at the memory.
“Okay.” You breathe. “Let me suck you off.”
“Fuck,” he groans. “Jesus. Okay. Fuck.”
You giggle, and he watches intently as you drop onto your knees, looking up at him through thick lashes. You’re insistent, pulling the zip of his jeans down and tugging his cock out. It’s pretty, thick like the rest of him, already hard. 
He’s at his limit, having you here like this, on you knees and stretching your lips around the tip of his dick. Your eyes barely leave his, fluttering as they tear up when you take him in your throat.
He throws his head back, squeezes his eyes shut, lets a hand unpin your bun and thread itself into the untangled hair. If he looks at you, he’ll see your head bobbing up and down on his cock, and he genuinely needs to hold off the orgasm first.
He rocks forward into your mouth and feels your throat close up around him. That’s enough to weaken his resolve, send grunts out of his throat that he can’t keep quiet.
“Oh, shit,” he says, feeling every part of your mouth and throat around him, warm and tense. He can’t help but thrust harder, steady but not too rough, growing more aroused with every sound of you choking on him.
His gaze flickers toward you. You’re teary-eyed, lips dotted with spit, choking yourself on his cock. Just for him, here in public. You pull off, blinking tears away from your face and looking up at him smilingly.
He laughs, guiding his cock back into your mouth, watching the way your brows knit together, pleading, almost. You're at his mercy, he thinks, thrusting harder, listening to your coughs. He loves seeing you like this, innocent face messy and slick with spit and precum, eyes big and needy.
“You like that?” He grunts. “Look at me.”
You nod the best you can. Yes, you want to say. Give me more, I love it.
“Yeaaah, fuck. I know you do,” he says through his teeth, staving off his orgasm the best he can before he releases all over you. The image alone of streaking you with his cum, claiming you all over-eyelashes, tits, cheeks splashed with cum-is enough to send him closer to the edge. “Gonna cum,” he grunts.
You moan around him, the vibrations causing his eyelids to flutter. You shake your head, pulling off and wrapping your hand around his dick, stroking slower. “Not yet,” you say sweetly, watching him throw his head back in pleasure and frustration. He runs a hand through his sweaty hair, exhales shakily.
“Shit.” He whines. “Come on, baby. Make me cum.” He cups your jaw, stares down at you.
You stroke him faster, lip between your teeth. “Okay,” you say with a smile. “Cum for me, Charles.”
He stops staving himself off, falls into the pleasure and relief of your hand around his cock until he’s tense all over, knitting his hand into your hair and pushing you backwards so he can press his tip on the flat expanse of your tongue and let his cum shoot there. It drips from your tongue and lips onto your chin and you giggle, swallowing it, scooping up the rest to push into your mouth.
You stand, licking your lips slowly. “I owe you,” he pants, zipping himself up. Already he’s thinking about what he can do to you in return. Tease you, like you did him, bend you over his lap or sit you on it and make you whine and writhe and wait and cum. 
“I’ll hold you to that, champion,” you murmur, kissing his cheek and slipping back outside.
Ferrari’s advice is shit and despite his good mood and quick-witted driving, Charles finishes in fifth—not too shabby, but disastrous for his overall standings.
He suffers through a horrible debrief where attempts to defend his honor go unheard, his mood wilting and wilting until he’s at the media pen and ushered in front of some network he hasn’t heard of. They’ve probably paid to get a good seat here.
He’s in a shit mood, he hasn’t seen Joris or Pierre or you in hours, and has only faced red-faced frustrated superiors and now, wide-eyed journalists with loose mouths. The media’s done the mandatory speculation between the two of you, so he already expects questions of that variety, but it’s still hot and angry when he does.
Are you banging the Marc Jacobs model? The Irish reporter asks with a wink, so very unprofessional and not at all belonging to reputable media. The hot leggy one who has fuck me eyes?
Charles clenches his jaw, rolls his eyes, says fuck off mate and shoves him backward a little, then walks away and readjusts his cap. The clip makes Twitter and he feels even worse with the amount of troll accounts telling him to Jeez, take a joke.
After the ordeal, in your hotel room, you sigh softly and run your hands through his still shampoo-smelling hair. “You didn’t need to do that,” you say, a bit strictly. He knows you’re grateful, though, and a bit proud.
“I wanted to,” he insists softly. He forgets to leave before morning; when he does, he forgets his official Ferrari shirt hanging on the seat, leaving in a spare one instead. It’s got his number across the back. You don’t tell him.
In between Mexico and Sao Paulo, he manages to catch a flight to New York to peek into one of your photoshoots. It’s for Chanel and he’s half-sure he’s taken more pictures of you than the official photographer did. At this point your vague relationship status has caught onto headlines everywhere, and he doesn’t miss the curious murmurs from paparazzo that follow him as he enters your apartment later to greet you.
You’re in a pair of shorts and a tank top when you open the door, greeting him with a tight hug and leading him inside with a loose grip.
“Wine?”
“Please.” He eyes the wide area, the big floor-to-ceiling windows and the art on the walls. “Hungry?”
“Mmm.” You hum, sliding a glass toward him. “Starving.”
“Pizza?”
“Something else.” You smile. He tears his eyes away from your tits, poking out of the thin cotton, and coughs.
The both of you end up on the couch, your legs draped over his as you talk about racing.
He’s ranting about how he’s neck to neck with Max now, and the final verdict will likely be decided at Abu Dhabi, a fact that sends nerves all through him. You’re listening, you really are, but it’s difficult to keep listening because his hand, big and rough, is stroking your bare calf as he talks absentmindedly. 
You offer the occasional mmm-hmm and uh-huh and even the oh really to sell it, but he doesn’t seem to be conscious of how many sparks are coursing through you because of his hand on your leg. He just talks and talks, accent curving into curse words elicited by the competition.
And his voice, rough and deeper when he slides into Italian phrases, gets in your head, reminds you of the way he’d moaned when you had his dick in your mouth. You like that? he’d said, panting, heavy, hot. His hand remained in your hair, controlling you the same way you did him. Fuck.
When you blink, he’s stopped talking, and has likely noticed your wandering imagination if his teasing smile is anything to go by. You cough, clear your throat, adjust your thighs. You’re thinking—you can’t stop thinking—about what happened in Mexico, not just in the motorhome but in the club where he’d let his hand sprawl over your ass and stay there, possessive.
The tension rises. I owe you. He really does. You reach over and grab your phone from the coffee table, snap a few pictures of him. “—Hey!” He protests, scrabbling to grab it from you while balancing his half-full glass. “I look god awful.”
You stand up, review the picture. He looks so impossibly handsome. “You’re right, you do,” you say, pouting. 
He reaches over again, chuckling, and you avoid him. “Foul play!”
“Tch. At least show it to me,” he says defeatedly, so you do: presenting your screen to him.
Quickly, he makes a grab for it, but you just escape his grip, ending up right in front of him and leaning over. You’re losing your balance, digging your toes into your carpet to maintain stance. He spares a glance at your shorts, riding low on your hips, showing a bit of thin lace.
Charles tugs you forward by the hem of your top and then takes your wrist into his grip—the force of his grab makes your tits shake underneath your flimsy tank top. It’s dragged down so far your tits are spilling out. His eyes flicker down to them, dark, and a pretty smile spreads across his face.
“Come on, give it,” he challenges, eyes narrowing a little. You bite your lip, inwardly liking this a little too much—being at his mercy, trapped in his strong grip. You’re flustered and it shows.
He wrestles you onto his lap with ease, his arms steady around you. You stare downwards, dark eyes meeting his, hand on his broad shoulder for leverage. He’s so pretty, you think, so hot and handsome and you need him right now. Through his jeans you can feel how thick he is, his dick growing, getting hard and huge under you. It feels big even through a few layers—you can’t help but imagine how it might feel inside you.
Your phone clatters to the carpet behind the couch. “I win,” you say breathlessly.
He grabs your hips and jerks his upward, letting his stiff dick press up even more against your shorts.
“I think I’m the winner here,” he says gruffly, hands feeling you up all over. He thumbs at your chest, rubbing over your tits. You shiver—it feels good having him on you like this, your mind turning to mush.
“Shut up,” you laugh, shakily. A hand wanders in between your thighs, another coming to squeeze your barely-covered ass. You can’t focus on much, just his hands roaming everywhere and his hard dick pressing against your core. He shoves your hips downward again, his cock hard and perfectly against your pussy.
“You feel that?” He asks; it leaves him in one low breath.  
“Yeah,” you say, whimpering. “I want it.”
He grinds up against you again, his thumb teasing the hem of your shorts. Closer to where you want it. “Don’t think you could even take it, baby.”
“I hate you,” you say. “You know I can.”
He laughs. “We’ll see, yeah?” You find a rhythm of grinding down against his cock, nestled right against your ass. He’s everywhere and you can’t handle it anymore, finding yourself craving him more and more.
You moan against his neck—and then come to your senses. “No.”
He smirks when you pull away. “Tempted, were you?”
“Not…” You pause. You’re sweaty, flushed all over, and your panties are sticking to you from how wet you’ve grown. “Not very.”
Abu Dhabi is a son of a bitch.
It comes with meetings, meetings, debriefs, calls, meetings. Everything is riding on the night’s race, the flurry of social media a welcome source of anxiety for him as he watches the hours whiz by. You’d missed seeing him, understood he was busy; you send a selfie to compensate and it gets him calm enough to last the pre-race buzz.
Time speeds by with lunch, coaching, drills, talks with Carlos and Mattia and even Max, who displays support as strongly as competitiveness. Before he even realizes it, he blinks and he’s in his suit, adjusting his balaclava, inhaling, exhaling. Everything is just the way he likes—needs—it to be.
He drives himself to P2 behind Max, eyes shut.
All else seeps into him, natural method, natural routine. He flexes his thumbs. Through the team radio his engineer goes good luck, and Charles’ practice bleeds into his subconscious. The air is heavy, with tension and excitement, the division of blue and red. Everyone’s eager to see who claims the title. 
The lights go off and everything is left to skill, blurring into noise and turns and expletives yelled into the team radio. He can’t even feel himself think, turning with dexterity and overtaking with the kind of vengeance he hasn’t let out in a while. 
For all his trying, Max keeps up just the same, keeping a neck and neck level for the relative entirety of the race. They’re milking out the last few laps together, and Charles feels every fibre of his being work toward this, just this, nothing but this right now. Nothing but the finish line.
You got this, Charles, says the engineer, voice heightening. Maiden world championship.
He nods to himself, trusts his instincts and when he catches sight of the finish line, he thinks: he’s the best driver on the grid.
So he revs faster, and the rest descends into—
Absolute fucking chaos.
He’s smiling when he approaches the reporter, who’s already holding the mic with wonder. He asks for a message in Italian, then reminds him—and the crowd—that, in case he forgot, he’s world champion. Charles thinks he genuinely can’t ever.
“What are you doing to celebrate?” He asks then, smiling.
Sweaty, with damp hair and shiny skin, he smirks and leans closer. “Someone, I hope.”
“Hey there, champ.”
You’re already leaning against his hotel room door when he gets there, after the chore of wrestling himself free from the rest of the team pressuring him to get drinks. Carlos helps out, babbles something or other about Charles being “busy with something else”—which isn't wrong, not at all. He offers a smooth wink, bending down to kiss you.
Your mouths meet, softly first then increasingly messy as he pins you against the door. You push away, breathing heavy. “I don’t know what you’re into, but I don't want the top floor of this hotel seeing us fucking.”
“I wasn’t into that, but now that you brought it up…” You swat his arm and he laughs, unlocking the door and pulling you inside. You’re clinging onto him—his arms, his chest, anything, kissing up his neck and jaw. He groans at how needy you are. All for him, he thinks. Probably soaked through your panties and it’s all because of him.
“C’mon, pretty girl,” he says gently, voice low as he leads you to the bed. He catches sight of your shirt and a brow raises. “Did you buy that?”
“Hmm?” You look down, following his gaze and blinking. The shirt you’re wearing is loose, hanging off your shoulders and hastily tucked into your miniskirt so it looks like you actually have trousers on. “Oh. No, this is yours.”
“Mine.” He smiles a little. “You look so good in it, princess.” His hands mindlessly grope at you, hungry, sneaking underneath your skirt to feel at the lace there. 
In retaliation, you lean forward, unbutton his jeans and tug at it.
“You left it at one of my”—you gasp, feeling his finger sneak its way beneath your panties—“my hotel rooms.”
“Pretty girl, pretty shirt, pretty lace, yeah?” He tugs, lets the garter of the skirt loosen and fall off your hips on its own. “Red.”
“You take too long,” you groan.
“You’re just eager,” he laughs, thumbing at your clothed cunt.
You’re so wet, evident even in the lazy circles he rubs over your entrance. You’re aching, desperate, begging almost. So he gives you what you want, maneuvers you onto his lap and pushes your (his) shirt up to stuff your mouth with it.
It won’t work for long, but it’s enough. He pushes your panties to the side and pulls his hard dick out. You’re sitting against it now, leaking slick onto it, at his mercy, branding his name and his number across your back. It’s hot. 
He stares at the way you rock softly against him, hungry eyes meeting yours. “You’re so pretty, baby. Ruined.”
“Fuck me already,” you say, voice throaty, innocent.
“Can you take it?” He asks, teasing you, slapping his dick against your clit softly. You whine.
“Please,” you insist. “I want it. Make it fit.”
He’s a massive tease with it, his breath fanning against your skin, hands sticky on where they’ve hiked your shirt up. He lowers you, slower, against the tip of his dick and he watches your eyes flutter when you sink onto it. After ages of waiting. Your grip’s like iron on his shoulders, moans leaving you in quiet bursts of pleasure. 
You’re far away, dumb from the feeling, you barely register the way he shoves the shirt back into your mouth to keep you quiet. “So fucking tight, yeah?”
“Yeah,” you say. It’s muffled, barely intelligible. “For you.”
You’re only able to take it because you’re so wet, so turned on, face and brain filled with nothing but pleasure. He can’t take it.
“Mmmfh,” you say, muffled by the bite of cotton in your mouth. You’re sweaty, flushed, overstimulated—you don’t know where to focus. On his lips against your jaw, his hand on your neck, the way your pussy swallows his aching dick. “It’s so big, I—”
“You okay?” He asks, breathily. Smiling. He’s in control, but still he sounds whiny—almost, if not as desperate as you. “You’ll take it all for me, won’t you?” 
“Oh god,” is all you muster, letting him stretch you out even more, gushing all over his cock. “I, I—”
He moans, his grip tight against your waist, watching his dick bury itself in you. “You’re getting me so full,” you whine. “So deep, I feel it—” you taper off into a moan again when he presses hs thumb to your clit, distracting you from the stretch as he finally, finally bottoms out.
“Good?”
You nod. So good, give me more.
You grind against him, let the shirt fall out of your mouth. “You’re getting my dick so wet,” he comments, breathless. “So pretty for me, too.”
Growing antsy, he attempts to move, but you whine. Your turn to tease, you think, after he was a dick to you just now. “Not yet,” you say, lip caught between your teeth. His hands are tight around your waist. Desperate.
You squeeze around him, watch his brows knit together, a grunt leave him in a frustrated exhale. “You wanna fuck me?” You tease against his neck, blinking innocently.
“Yes,” he replies, not missing a beat. You pout, like you’re empathizing with the problem you’re causing; you grind slowly against him and he lets out a guttural fuuuuck. He’s so big, so hard—you can feel every inch of him inside you.
“Tell me again, Charles,” you say with a giggle. You’re so hot like this, face flushed and timid, hips moving slowly. He could cum just from the way you bite your lip, the way a whimper slips out of you when he hits the right spot.
“—Yeah,” he says, sweetly. “I want to—please, let me fuck you. C’mon, baby, can I?”
“Aww,” you tease. 
“Can I?” He asks again, voice deep and thin with the need to fuck you, thrust up into you and make you the dumb one. His face is flushed and desperate. “Can I move, baby? Let me, please.”
You’re not stupid. You know—if his flushed, pleading face and big green puppy eyes are anything to go by—that he’s going crazy, growing antsy. But you’re not complaining.
“Hmm,” you say, feigning genuine thought. “I don’t know, Charles. Feels good just like this. And you want to make me feel good, yeah?”
“Yeah,” he says.
“Yeah.” You repeat, staring into his dark eyes. He’s frustrated, desperate, flushed all over and sweaty. His fingers dig into your hips. “I’ll make you feel really good, baby, if you let me.”
“Go ahead,” you say softly, “fuck me, please.” And he’s thrusting upwards to meet you halfway. It’s knocking you out, almost, the pleasure of it, the dizzy onslaught of euphoria. He’s stretching you out so well, whining softly into your neck and yeah, you two have waited far too long to have this. You 
“Fuck,” he grunts, lids squeezed shut and head rolled onto your shoulder. “Go on, baby, ride it, make me cum.” He cups your jaw, reaches his thumb into your mouth. It’s too much, all of it. He makes you suck on it while thrusting up, dizzying you with his cock.
He grabs handfuls of your ass, teases his thumb at your tighter asshole just to watch your eyes flutter, feel your cunt grow wetter. “I’ll fuck you even fuller next time,” he says; the implication gets you hot.
You bounce harder, chasing release as his thumb teases over your ass, the tip of it just thrusting in enough to elicit strings of moans out of you. “Come on, ride me,” he goads. “So good for me.”
“Fuck,” you pant, “cum in me, please.”
You cum first, writhing around him and riding your orgasm out in lazy grinds over his hard cock. You want to see him cum, see his eyebrows knit and his mouth release pretty whines, feel him claim you inside, hands hot and heavy on your ass. He does, with a guttural fuuuuck, shoving his dick up in you to the base and spurting all his cum in you.
He thrusts, watches his cum leak out of you, fucks it back in, in a vicious cycle. You shiver, blinking coquettishly and watching along—and then you’re both crumpling over each other on the bed behind you. You pant heavily against his chest.
“Hey.” He muses out loud, drumming against your skin.
“Yeah?”
“I have thirty-six condoms we need to go through. Wanna go on a date?”
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ok topic is ugly parts of autism let’s goooo
way my high level autism present is. unable see people as people.
see people same as objects. unable recognize people think people have inner life have experiences have feelings have emotions have interests.
if people share thing with me that all there is. if you give ride to me then see you same group as car. if talk with you about specific topic can only see you as thing go to to talk about specific topic. call partner “partner” because is what language other people use but really none of what people mean by partner really just see them same as stuffies as blank chat text box to talk at n see body as stim toy. so play with their body literal same way as play with squishy and forget they have feeling have sensation have pain gets bored gets annoyed not interested in do same thing over n over n over
n get upset when interrupted. when told hey more than that. when reminded even gently hey cannot treat people as objects people not same catagory as objects
because brain literal not able. unable to see another way.
cannot see other people as people can only see them as what i do with them
get confused n upset when world not work way want it to not work way brain think it does
don’t care abt you cannot care about you n your inner life n emotion n feeling n experience, can only care n think about what i want n what me brain designate you as
n not able see another way
believe me have tried
not trying be mean. not trying objectify manipulate dehumanize people.
just brain literal unable.
n cannot compensate or mask or mentally make up for it. cannot temporarily talk self out of. often times not even realize it what am doing—only realized this is case, only able recent put word in it because partner pointed out, telling me it so obvious.
n still finding more n more ways this extend to in my life. every day find more ways.
it color everything. every interaction with every person
this what (part) mean by me say me theory of mind deficit
brain can only recognize me
none of this exaggeration or metaphor or hyperbole.
“i see people as tools” know there people who say that about themself and mean it in super smart way able read people n then get them do what they want them to do, or mean as self deprecating or edgy hyperbole
n when people find out you actually mean it actually literally realistically word for word they get horrified. because they say it too as joke n no they not actually monster like that what wrong with you
for me it literal
idk how word it
ETA!! regret didn’t do this when post but guess better late than never but if you not 1) high support needs higher level autism AND 2) mutual please don’t tell me “relate” even if think you do please. don’t want hear it.
[plain text of bold: if you not 1) high support needs higher level autism AND 2) mutual please don’t tell me “relate” even if think you do]
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weebsinstash · 7 months
Text
I keep thinking about just, platonic yandere Batman who forces you to be his sidekick for whatever reason (you're a troublemaker and you need discipline, you're a metahuman and need training so you don't hurt someone, you just genuinely need a family or some shit and he Thinks This Will Be Good For You, maybe he's just straight up fucking selfish and is dragging you along for his emotional benefit alone) but you constantly just make it the utmost pain in the ass experience for him in rebellion
"Alright, let's go over this again: you're cornered in the alley. You have a gunman coming towards you. Your grappling hook is broken, you don't have a weapon, and he's in arm's reach of you. What do you do?"
"Suck him off?"
"YOU DISARM HIM, GOD, STOP"
WayneCorp is a leading manufacturer in blood pressure medicine because YOU are singlehandedly fueling more research and funding into the topic with how much shit you give this man (to the delight of your troublemaker 'siblings'.) Not maliciously or like violently or anything but enough to just absolutely drive him up the wall, total "I'm not mad *leaves the room to break something*" ass behavior
Bruce is over here trying to debrief everyone for a mission talking about like how Deathstroke the notorious killer mercenary has been seen in the area and you've got your feet up on the table biting the corner of your mask "but why is he so FINE though??? Like I'm not the only one who thinks he can get it, right?" and your dear old dad is ready to hang up the cowl for the night and take a good long rest to try and forget what you just said
"You can't make those kinds of comments about Poison Ivy, she's literally a terrorist"
"Girls can have a little bit of ecoterrorism as a treat. She can be my Captain Planet Dommy Mommy. She can kill oil CEOs and i can put my face in her titties and Harley can be our weed smoking girlfriend, it's a win-win for everyone"
"Please, just stop--"
"Do you think Joker's prostate honks like a bicycle horn? Like, do you know from personal experience?"
"OK, we're going into the Bat Hyperbolic Therapy Chamber to discuss why everything you just said was not ok"
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taffycandyqt · 26 days
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hey so how badly do you think the rottmnt boys would be easily persuaded into things by their s/o? Who has self control and who throws caution to the wind for their s/o? Like their s/o is not manipulating or anything. Just like “No! I’m not joining”. “*genuine sad understanding doe eyes* If you’re sure, I wanted you to be the one to come with me though since I love you so much and I’d feel better with you there, but if you’re uncomfortable, it’s ok” if their boyfriend changes their mind, s/o is confused at the sudden change but look ecstatic? Or like they make their boyfriend angry and s/o is like “I did that? I’m sorry. I didn’t realise *genuine sad doe eyes. Makes it very hard to stay mad at*”?
Honestly, the rise boys are all so hungry for affection in their own ways. I feel like they are all pretty weak to their sweet little s/o. Also the one shots aren't exactly the best example of the headcannons but I was STRUGGLING so this is the best I got.
Weak in the Knees
Rise turtles (separately) x reader
How easily can you persuade them using your irresistible charm??
Warnings: Mentions of shooting as a hyperbole to emphasize a point. Not explicit. No deaths. Only in Donnies. Angst? ends happy so its fine
Established relationship
Fluff, crack
Tumblr media
Donnie:
We all know Donnie is a sucker for praise.
You ask him to do something stupid or dangerous with you it will be a no.
You want him to step away from his work for a break? absolutely not.
You want him to accompany you to Witch town. ARE YOU CRAZY?
Buuuuuut. If you just so happen to have thrown out a couple compliments his way beforehand.
It will almost immediately be a yes or a "Sigh! I suppose!"
Let's be honest here too, there is a lot to compliment Donnie on.
You praise him for his work, a gift he gave you, helping you, or for literally anything he is already wrapped around your finger.
But if you praise him and then add a little kiss on the cheek or hand. Maybe a small hug?
He would literally let you shoot him if that's what you wanted.
Bro is so in love with you it's not even funny.
Not to say he doesn't draw the line somewhere. No bees. No spiders. And NO BEACH BALLS.
Oh and nothing that could phically harm you in any way.
He ain't about to let you get hurt on his watch.
It doesn't matter how many times you call him the most handsomest genius boy and kiss his nose, you are not diving off the empire state building for him to catch you mid air.
"Donnnnnnnniiieeeeeee!" you slumped towards him as you drew out his name. After you got to him you rested your head on his battle shell. Your hands were positioned on either side of your head laying flat on his shell as well.
"Yes my dear?" He chirped. He wasn't very good at initiating physical touch. Don't get me wrong, he tried, he just let his Donnie overthink get the best of him more often then not. So when you initiated, it was very welcome.
"I looooove youuu." You answered him, "your the sweetest boy I've ever met, did you know that?"
This got Donnie to set his tools down real quick. You always liked to compliment him at random times. At first he thought there was a reason behind it. You wanted something, you wanted to get away with something, you wanted him to forgive you, ect. But no matter how many times he conducted the experiment. No matter the duration of time it took. The results were always purely random. You did it simply because you wanted to tell him how much he meant to you.
And honestly, it was his favorite thing in the world. The only problem was that it would always catch him off guard. There was no consistency to your charming onslaught so it was always left as a surprise till the very last minute. His face burned red as he proceeded to just stare at his work, trying to look like he's trying to figure something out.
"I'm not sure. You say I'm a lot of things," he tried to keep his voice even as he spoke to you.
"Well it's true! Your the sweetest, smartest, and most perfect boyfriend ever and your my absolute favorite."
At this point Donnie was trying to hard not to happy stim. Not because he's not comfortable stimming around you, infact he does it all the time. The thing is, even after all this time he still wanted come off as a cool, emotionally unavailable bad boy. What he conveniently doesn't remember is that he's already willing done things that counter that image. You don't need to tell him that though.
"Thank you dear. You're quite lovely yourself," he told you. He folded his arms and sat stiffly trying to keep his stimming under control, eventually opting for some speedy finger tapping.
"Awwwwwww, thank you my love!!" you said as you finally lifted your head off his back to lean over and kiss his cheek.
This caused him to jerk in his chair and mess with the weight distribution resulting in him tipping and falling right on the floor. Instinctively he reached for the table in an attempt to break his fall. Unfortunately, he ended up grabbing his current project instead. As Donnie fell a component of his invention was ripped from it's position and landed on the floor beside him.
"Oh mi gosh! Are you okay?!" you rushed to Donnie's aid and helped him off the floor.
"I'm alright, thank you," he smiled at you softly and went to pick up his chair.
"I was just caught off guard is all," he told you, but as he bends down to grab the chair he noticed the crucial piece of his latest invention laying off to the side of it.
"GASP! Nonononono!" he picked up the piece and scrambled to his work desk to inspect the damage.
"Nooo!!" He wined in frustration. He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index as he tried to calm himself down.
"Donnie? What's wrong?" You asked as you inched your way to his side.
"THIS!" he exclaimed shoving the broken piece in your direction before dropping his arm and turning away from his project to pace around the room.
"I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR WEEKS AND NOW I HAVE TO BACKTRACK AND REDO DAYS OF WORK! ALL BECAUSE YOU-" he stopped talking immediately when he say your face. He had originally turned to look back at you in order to emphasize his frustration. Seeing the look on your face though, made him instantly regret letting his frustration get the better of him.
"I- I'm sorry. I- didn't mean for that... I just wanted to... um..." you were on the verge of tears and couldn't think of anything to say that would fix the issue. So you just clasped your hands together and looked to the floor.
"I'm sorry," is what you eventually settled on.
"No! no, I'm sorry," Donnie told you as he approached and grabbed your shoulder while placing the other in his chest. He leaned his head down in an attempt to catch your eye as you kept your eyes locked on the ground.
"I shouldn't have yelled like that, and besides it wasn't your fault anyways. I was the one being careless in the first place." He eventually placed his and on your other shoulder and leaned down more, practically begging for you to look at him. When you did, your eyes were big and glossy with tears that streaked on your cheeks.
"I shouldn't have distracted you," your responded and you looked back to the floor.
"No, hey, your not a distraction," he told you in a gentle voice. He stood up straight and pulled you into a firm hug, burying his snout in your hair.
"Your the best thing that happened to me. Your never a distraction," he was really hoping this got through to you.
"Really?" You sniffed.
"Really really. Two reallys," he told you. With that you adjusted to wrap your arms around him and then lay you chin in his plastron.
"Do you think ice cream would make you feel better?" you asked.
"Me feel better?" he questioned. You were the hurt one, you were the one crying. Why were you concerned about his feelings?
"Even if you think it's not my fault, no doubt you're still upset with the amount of work you have to redo," you explained, "and ice cream always makes me feel better. So would ice cream make you feel better?"
He gave you a small laugh and traded the hug to hold your hand.
"Firstly, it's not your fault," he spoke matter-a-factly while waving his other hand around dramatically, "And secondly, ice cream sounds delightful."
So with that you both made your way to the kitchen. Donnie ended up not eating any ice cream at all and instead opted for flavorless juice. He was happy enough watching you eat your ice cream with a big smile plastered on your face.
Did he have a lot of work to redo? Yes. But as long as your there it might not feel as long. He might have to make a 'no flattery while one is working in the lab' rule though. For safety.
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Leo:
Remember how Donnie had a line? Yeah, no Leo doesn't have that.
Due to this, and his already mischievous nature, you can already get him to do pretty much anything just by asking.
However he does have a responsible mood. If he's in that mood nothing will work.
you know what I mean. Like how he acts in the movie while their driving in the turtle tank?
like that, just without the internal and external issues clouding his judgment.
It's s not a bad mood, it's just not good for getting what you want.
Lucky for you he's not usually in that mood, and if he is it's usually not so bad that you can't bring I'm out of it.
That being said Leo, like the rest of his brothers, needs praise so badly that it's kinda sad.
Any praise will work but if you want him to do something absolutely idiotic to the point that even he thinks so? Your gonna need to make him feel ✨special✨
Your gonna need to pull out the my man, my champion, special man, and perfect baby.
Names like that, that make him feel like a million bucks.
If he's showing off to you, one compliment will butter that sucker up like you wouldn't believe.
He would literally do anything for you, it's not even funny, bro has no standards.
"Y/n! Hey! Hey! Y/n look! Look at this sick trick!" Leo called to you from atop their indoor skating ramp. You were on the floor below talking with April while Leo skated.
"Okay sweets I'm watching!" You call back to give him the go ahead.
With that Leo was off down the ramp. As he came up the other side and was propelled in the air he flipped the skateboard from beneath him and then landed perfectly on top as gravity pulled them back to the surface. When he came back up the other side Leo jumped off the board and looked down at you with a big grin on his face.
You and April clapped and he came down to meet you.
"What did you think??"
"I think that was awesome. Your my talented man for sure," you told him sweetly as you kissed him on the cheek. Leo blushed slightly at this before puffing his chest out and holding his skateboard all cool guy like at his hip. He used his other hand to point at himself with his thumb.
"Well not everyone can be as skilled as ah-THIS!" He boasted while punctuating his sentence with a dab.
"Okay, Mr. Talented," April teased, "If your done I'd like to tell you the reason I stopped by today."
"What?" Leo said with fake shock, "You visited for a different reason other than admiring my rad skills?"
"impossible I know," she snarked to play along with him.
"So what's up April?" You asked.
"I was working my new job as a part time graveyard day guard and I saw this totally creepy and totally abandoned house right outside my post!"
"April if you're about to tell us you saw a ghost," Leo told her.
"No! But I DID want to find out if there COULD be ghosts in there."
"Why are you telling us this?" You ask.
"Because, I'm not gonna trespass on abandoned property by myself. That's just asking to be kidnapped," she answered while folding her arms.
"I don't know April, I better stay here and keep practicing my skating skillzz, right y/n?" Leo said.
"Well I think it sounds cool April! I'd be so down to go with you!"
"Heck yeah! Girls trip!"
You two high fived and right as you hands made contact Leo popped up in-between the both of you and clasped yours and April's hands together with his own.
"Though I suppose it would be unbecoming of me to not do my chivalrous duty to you both and tag along as a safety precaution."
April looked unimpressed at Leo's forced attempt to be cool in front of you whilst also begging for your attention. As you and April let your hands down Leo's went with them and you took his empty palm in yours shooting him a soft smile.
"So what time did you have in mind?"
"Oh, I was thinking like right now if y'all aren't busy," April told you.
"Sounds good to me, come on Leon!" You said as you dragged Leo to the Lair exit.
-
Apon getting to the building it was abundantly clear that it was very abandoned and very illegal to trespass. A rusted chain link fence surrounded the building with warning signs plastered all around it. Though, it was to dark to clearly read them without a flashlight.
"Uhh, guys?" Leo started, "Are you sure we should go in there? There are way too many signs around this place for them all to be just 'no trespassing' signs,"
"Do I hear someone who is scaaaaared?" Teased April. This prompted an offended gasp from Leo who put a hand to his chest.
"SCARED?! HA! I'll show you who's scared," he snarked at her before opening a portal to bypass the fence straight to the front door. He gestures for you and April to enter first. Before you followed April in you turned to Leo.
"everything will be fine, and if something does go wrong I know you could bail us out," you smiled sweetly at him and then stepped into the portal. Leo straightened up and blushed, then sauntered confidently through the portal after you. It felt good to know you trusted him so much.
As all three of you stood at the front door you heard the sounds of the house creaking on the inside. The old wood constantly fighting to stay upright. April pushed open the door with a loud creak and shinned her light into the entry. It was dark and messy. A brownish carpet greeted you along with a broken sidebar cabinet. stairs leading up to the second floor were covered in dirt and old enough to be one big splinter. Next to the stairs was an entrance to a different room. There were also different rooms on either side of you as well. As you all shines your lights to get a better look you could see the dust particles littering the air.
"I'm gonna go investigate upstairs!" April told you before disappearing to the second floor. Leo had gravitates towards the right side entryway before turning to you and gesturing for you to follow him.
"I think this is the kitchen," he said, turning his head back. You filled him as you both inspected the room. You broke looked around and noticed some light scratching sounds coming from what you assumed to be the pantry. As you opened the door the smell of rotten food and crap hit your face and you immediately gagged. You plugged your nose with your hand and you used the other to direct the flashlight. You didn't look around for long though as you saw a small, fast moving figure rush past your foot. You let out a short yelp as you stumbled backwards and out of the pantry slamming the door shut.
In an instant Leo was by your side.
"What?! What happened?! Are you okay?!" he gave you a once over looking for any injuries you could have procured.
"Yes! Yes," you sighed out patting his shoulder, "I'm okay, just a... rat. Or something,"
"Okay. Umm, just stick close to me for now ok?" He asked you. He was clearly a little nervous, about what exactly though you couldn't say. He grabbed your hand as you both made your way out of the kitchen.
"You've been hearing those sounds too right?" He asks as he turns to you. You both stop under the archway separating the kitchen d the entryway.
"W- what sounds?" This was, admittedly, making you a little nervous yourself now.
"The scratching. Like something's in the walls," he said in a hushed voice as he squoze your hand. You didn't at first but as you sat and listened, sure enough. Scratching. Or... Scurrying? It wasn't consistent but it happened often enough.
"Yeah," you answered in the same muted tone.
"I think we should leave," Leo told you, "Whatever this houses issue is it's not gonna be ours. Let's grab April and VAMINOS."
Before you two could take more that a stepp up the stairs you hear a loud crash and the house starts to rumble. April begins to scream and you can hear her rushed footsteps against the floor and as you both try to find her you ended meeting her at the top of the stairs.
"RUUUUN!! GO GO GO!" she yelled at you. She pushed you both aside and grabbed Leo by his mask tails to pull him along. Before you two started running though, you see what April was running from. I giant hord of mutant silverfish. They took up the entire hallway from floor to ceiling and they did NOT look happy.
As Leo was being tugged along by April you were tugged by Leo who still hadn't let go of your hand. In trying to position his body to run forward easier and April still holding on to his mask tails, it ended up turning his mask on backwards and obscuring his view. As all three of you exited the house Leo tripped out the door on top of April causing you to fall on top of him.
"LEO PORTAL! PORTAL NOW!" April yelled at him.
"I CAN'T FIND MY SWORD!" he told her frantically trying to fix his mask so he could see.
"HERE TAKE IT!" you said handing it to him. The silver fish where almost in top of you by the time Leo took the sword in his hands. With a swift swing of his sword the portal was opened and all three of you stumbled through it closing right as the silverfish burst out the door.
All three of you lay on the ground between where the two skate ramps met, panting and trying to gather yourselves.
"Everyone okay?" April asked out of breath.
"Yeah," you breathed out.
"All good here," Leo puffed.
"Great..." April sat up sluggishly, "I'm gonna head out then, see ya."
And with that she stood up and left the lair. You both waved her off best you could from the ground. You both just laid there for a while catching your breaths.
"Let's never do that again," Leo said after a while.
"I don't know, I kinda had fun," you told him.
"You have got to be kidding me," he looked over at you unimpressed.
"Ya know... I saw this abandoned processing plant a couple days ago," you said turning your head to look back at him.
"Y/n. We almost died."
"And now we know to be prepared for hords of mutant silverfish," you looked at him, "Please?"
"Uuugggg. FINE. But not for a while, I need a break from whatever the heck today was," he told you.
"Sounds good to me!" You chirped and cuddled into his side.
"Yeah yeah," he playfully rolled his eyes and wrapped a lazy arm around you.
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Mikey:
Oh he is just the sweetest little buttercup to you.<3
Surprisingly though, he also is the hardest to persuade.
I mean come on, doctor delicate touch loves you but he will be quick to tell you why a certain idea is....... not so great.
That being said if you get really sad about him saying no he will do everything in his power to make you happy.
He'll make your favorite food, watch your favorite movie, play your favorite game, whatever you want that isn't the first thing that you wanted.
Out of all brothers, Mikey is the one who need praise at the most normal amount.
You guys will probably have compliment competitions while cuddling.
So safe to say praise isn't going to get this dude to do stuff for you.
However, Mikey is able to see how his brothers feel like they can't fully express their feelings and wants them to feel safe enough to do so.
Frankly he wants everyone to feel comfortable enough around him to express their true thoughts and feelings.
So if you are the kind of person to emotionally shut down or pretend like everything is fine when it's not?
He will be a bit more willing to do stuff for you.
Again, there is a line. A straight cut no exceptions line.
Buuuuuut he might be willing to find a couple loop holes just so that his darling can feel better.
Piece of advice tho, don't push it. If he feels like you don't respect his boundaries that's gonna be a whole other issue.
"Hey Mikey!" you chirp as you enter his room, "What'ca up to?"
Mikey looked up at you from the floor, you could see the canvas in front of him and got increasingly excited to see what he was putting together.
"Oh just paintin', like one does," he tells you with a cheeky smile.
"Okaaaaay," you smile back, playing along, "What'ca paintin'?"
At this Mikey looked to his right and then his left, like he was scoping out the area for spies. Except it made less sense since it was his room. Then he looked back up at you and gestured for you to come join him with his hand.
You sat down on the floor and cozied up next to your boyfriend to which he revealed his masterpiece. It was a family portrait of Splinter and his brothers from when they were younger.
"We took this picture a couple years back," he handed you a small photo, "it was always dads favorite so I'm painting it for his birthday!"
"That's so sweet Mikey!"
He smiled and blushed at the compliment. You turned back to the painting. It was beautiful. It was the same picture but Mikey had taken some creative liberties with the colors. They were bright, vibrant, and harmonious. The painting felt like it was buzzing with energy because of it. It felt warm and inviting and at the same time unpredictable. The way the lines, colors, and textures went together, it almost made the painting feel alive, and it was hypnotizing.
"It looks like you've finished, right?" you ask, turning back to him.
"Almost!" He perks, "I just have to add a few finishing touches and it will be done!"
"Weeeeeeelllll," you said mischievously, "Since they're just finishing touches, maybe I could help."
One of the first things that people find out when they meet you is that you suck butt at art. When you met Mikey he tried SO HARD to teach you but no matter how hard you tried it just never clicked. You always saw it as a cute 'opposites attract' sort of thing honestly. The proficient artist and the one who couldn't draw a dot right it they tried. How romantic.
So when your little tease entered the space Mikey knew exactly what you were trying to do.
"Oh no no no my dear," he played along, "You see, I feel your artistic talents are needed else where."
"Else where?" you questioned with big doe eyes feigning innocence.
"Yes. Else where," he told you again, still with his playful expression.
"You mean," you picked up one of his used paint brushes, "HERE! you said as you lunged forward attempting to pin him down in order to paint his face. Attempting.
"NO NOT HERE!" he giggled trying to keep the paint brush from making contact with his face. He had been mostly successful but you still managed to land a couple good swipes.
You both continued to wrestle and giggle as time went on. At one point Mikey flipped you both so he was the one pinning you and reached for a paint brush of his own. You managed to wiggle free in the nick of time and this led to you both running around his room with paint brushes in hand. Every now and again one of you would corner the other, but the other would always manage to escape leading to the chase once again. At one point you realized that you might be able to catch Mikey off guard. You see, outside of cornering each other, all you guy have really done is chase the other and try catch them.
So in a moment of what you deemed to be 'brilliance' you took an abrupt stop and made a sharp turn on your heel to face him. However, that resulted in Mikey crashing right into you and you both falling straight to the floor.
"OH ME GOSH! Are you okay y/n?!" he scrambled to get off you quickly and inspect any possible damage to your person.
"Yeah, I'm okay, I think. Just landed on something hard," you told him as you picked yourself up.
When you looked back at him there was an expression on his face that could only be described as soul crushing horror. You were so confused, and concerned until you followed his line of sight and saw exactly what you landed on.
His painting.
His super sentimental and lovingly handcrafted painting meant as a GIFT FOR HIS FATHER. and now, there was a hole straight through it. Not a small one at that. Not to mention some of the paint was still wet and had gotten smeared and smushed at the impact. There was absolutely no salvaging this painting.
"Oh Mikey I am so sorry," you were horrified at what you had caused. Mikey didn't look at you, he didn't respond either. He walked towards to ruined canvas and slowly knelt down to pick it up.
"I- I didn't mean for this to happen Mikey I'm-" he cut you off.
"Can you please go? We'll talk later, I just need to be alone right now," still without looking at you. You were so heartbroken you had to hold in your tears.
"Okay," you told him in a shaky breath. You left the lair that night, and for the first time since you've known the guys, you left in a considerably worse mood then what you had when you got there.
The look on Mikey's face haunted you that night. You hate to think that you were the one to cause that pain. You were the one that hurt him. You wanted to make it up to him but you didn't know how. It's not like you could remake the painting for him. Heck you couldn't even paint!
You decided it would be best to stay away from the lair until Mikey invited you back. Fortunately for you, it only took about four days for that to happen. Unfortunately for however, it was through a very distressing text that read 'We should talk'. Eeeee 😬
Before you went you baked some cookies to hopefully help lighten the blow. You may not be able to... 'art'... BUT YOU COULD BAKE. When you met with Mikey it was in a secluded area of Todd's Puppy Land, or whatever its called.
"Hey y/n," he said giving you a weak smile and finally looking at you. He looked tired. Like he hadn't slept since you both last talked.
"Hey Mikey," you responded, "I uh. I brought cookies." You gave and awkward smile and his expression softened. He motioned for you to sit next to him on the bench. As you did you placed the cookies between you both as to give him some space.
He sighed, "I'm sorry y/n, I didn't mean-" you cut him off.
"YOUR SORRY?! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO BE SORRY ABOUT?!" you were exasperated.
"Well I-"
"NO! I ruined your painting that took you forever to make that you made for your dads birthday! If anyone should be sorry it's me!"
"Thank you," he told you, "and I accept you apology, but it wasn't really your fault. It was an accident due to us both being reckless."
"But I started it!"
"And I didn't stop you, *sigh* listen. I didn't mean to scare you like I did. I just get very emotionally attached to my art so I was having a lot of feelings that day. I want to make it very clear that I don't want to break up with you and I'm not mad at you."
At this, you let out a sigh you didn't even know you were holding. When he looked back at you he was shocked. Your eyes were glassy with tears and your cheeks were red. You looked so sad. And so sorry. Oh, if he didn't already regret what he said to you that day he sure did now. How could he had asked you to leave?
"I still feel bad about it," you told him looking down at your hands. He moved the cookies behind him to close the gap between you both and pulled you into a hug.
"Hey, I get it. But if it makes you feel any better I was able to fix mistakes I made the first time and clean up areas I had previously messed up. On top of that I'm pretty close to being in the same spot with its progress that I was last time," he said, trying to console you. you pulled back to look at him.
"You mean you repainted it?"
"Well yeah. It's pops birthday gift, I had to," he smiled at you.
"Didn't that take you weeks to do?!"
"The first time yeah. But I kind couldn't sleep until I was back to were I was before sooo"
THATS WHY HE LOOKED SO TIRED! HE HASN'T SLEPT IN FOUR DAYS!
"Alright well someone's going to bed right now," you told him, picking up your cookies and dragging him by the wrist. He happily complied and followed you back to the lair. Not before thanking Todd for letting you guys use his space.
Overall, you both were just glad that everything was back to normal.
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Raph:
Oh bb. He's so soft for you.
Bro will kiss the ground you walk on.
He's also the most responsible.
However most responsible does not mean least chaotic.
I mean the dude tries to lift a bus and ate a literal phone.
So honestly, I can see him being pretty open to a lot of stuff as long as your safety isn't jeopardized.
Notice how I said 'your safety'?
Yeah. Again, remember the bus incident? I refuse to believe that he wouldn't do something stupid for you as long as he's the only one with a possibility of getting hurt.
That being said, like Mikey he has a line. Unlike Mikey that line is drawn with chalk and is very easily swept away.
Now Raph does not like crossing this line. I mean who likes compromising their boundaries?
But he will do it.
Raph is very susceptible to peer pressure and if it's coming from you of all people? He'll do it.
He won't be happy about it after though.
Like he's happy your happy but he will being to feel like his feelings don't matter to you the same as yours matter to him.
So for the sake of this poor boy please don't press further if he said no the first time.
It makes him feel like a bad boyfriend. :(
You and Raph were cuddling on the couch watching Jupiter Jim movies. As per the usual when you both are bored and have nothing better to do. You were positioned on his lap knees pointing to the side so you could rest your head on his chest.
"Hey Raphy?" you said grabbing his attention.
"Yes?" he said looking down at you.
"You wanna crash a wedding?"
"What?!"
"Do you. Want to. Crash a wedding. ... With me."
"And why are we crashing a wedding?"
"Fun," you told him, "but also I'm bored."
He giggled at you. You were such a little cutie and he could never get over it.
"What would we be doing?"
"Oh ya know, dancing, eating the food, photo bombing. The ushe," you shit him a cheeky smile.
"Okay, one question though," you nodded at him, "how are we gonna do that with... this whole situation," he told you gesturing to himself.
"Sweets, we're in New York. You put on a suit jacket and act like 'this whole situation' is normal, most people will chalk it up to eccentricity," you told him.
"You sure bout that?"
"I've never been so sure about anything in my entire life."
"Well I guess we have a wedding to prepare for," he said nuzzling his snout into your cheek.
"YESSSsssssssssss!!" you exclaimed.
---
After a quick social media search you found the perfect wedding to crash. You and Raphael dusted off your best wedding attire and set out on a mission to have a good time.
You guys had made it to the reception so you just walked in and pretended like you belonged there. Raph was obviously still a little worried about walking in full green skin and three fingered but you assured him it was fine. And you were kinda right. He definitely got weird looks but he tried his best to follow your advise and pretend like was nothing was wrong. So for a while now body bothered you guys.
"See? What did I tell you, no body even cares!" You smiled at him as you pulled him to the dance floor.
"Yeah, I guess," he told you a tad nervous. He smiled at you regardless and you're both began to dance.
It was a fun, up eat song so you and Raph jumped along in your own little world. Twisting, turning, and shimming to the beat, it felt like you both were walking on air.
After dancing for a couple of songs straight you guys decided to try some of the refreshments. You took some lemonade and the little cheesecake bits and found a vacant table. You both chatted about little things, telling jokes and having a good time.
Eventually someone from the party approached you. She was a skinny old woman. Not old enough to be grey haired and senile but just old enough that she had plenty of wrinkles.
"Excuse me, I don't believe we've met," she told you as she sat down her to you, "what are your names?"
"Oh, I'm y/n and this is Raph," you gestured to him and he gave a small wave.
"Well it's nice to meet you. I'm the brides aunt Tina."
"Well in that case, congrats! I'm sure your so happy for her!"
"I am, Oliver seems like such a a nice man. He treats Sara so well. On that note, who are you here for? The bride or the groom?"
Raph sweat dropped, he didn't like lying and it made him nervous that he might have to if you both wanted to stay.
"Oh we're not," you told her honestly. Raph was relieved for about half a second before he realized that now you guys might cause a whole other scene.
"I'm sorry, not what?"
"Here for either the bride or the groom. We don't know either of them, we were just bored and wanted to dance."
"Wh-," her face showed her absolute disbelief, "This is a family and friends even you can't just waltz in uninvited!"
"Well I mean. You can. We just did. Wether or not that's a respectful thing to do is an entirely different debate though."
Tina's face was starting to turn red.
"Well! I'm going to have to ask you both to leave!" she demanded raising her voice while she stood and pointed to the exit.
"Hey, what's going on Tia?" the bride asked putting a hand on her aunts sholder.
You leaned back in your chair resting your arm over the back of it while you took a swig of your water.
"These two hooligans weren't invited! They don't know anyone here!"
"Well that's hardly fair Tina, I thought we formed a connection over the last five minutes," you teased which prompted Raph to shoot you a disapproving look. Tina looked absolutely appalled by you attitude.
"What?" you questioned Raph with a giggle, "Come on this is kinda funny."
"Your making her upset!"
"Eh, she would have been upset anyways,"
"DONT IGNORE US GET OUT! SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE!" Tina was full on screaming now, which prompted Raph to shoot out of his chair. He apologized quickly and picked you up by your sides and ran you both out of the wedding.
"Awwwww I wanted to grab some more of those cheesecake bites before we dipped."
Raph shook his head and smiled.
"Your unbelievable."
232 notes · View notes
teyamsatan · 10 months
Text
Ok, so I need to get this off my chest because it’s been weighing heavily on my mind. I’ve never properly addressed this because I honestly think it’s not something that deserves the traffic, but my entire feed has been overwhelmed with negativity and it’s genuinely making me want to not be on here anymore.
1. I age up my characters. No, that absolutely does not make me a paedophile. You don’t like it, the door’s right there, the block button’s easily accessible, i tag my fics, you can block tags, there’s so many things you can do.
2. Throwing words with such horrible and serious connotations around as a hyperbole is not quirky and doesn’t make you interesting, it makes you an asshole who diminishes and undermines real world problems to make yourself feel better about literally the most inane of non-problems.
3. If you have time to give a shit about someone you don’t know on the internet who finds joy in some artistic relief, you haVE TOO MUCH TIME!!! I’m curious how many of you actually have any concern or involvement in anything regarding actual paedophilia, that concerns actual kids, actual real life people.
4. If you do indeed believe that someone who ages up a literal fictional tall blue alien is a “paedophile”, you genuinely, genuinely need to go out and touch some grass, BUT what absolutely KILLS me is the absolute unhinged hypocrisy: you want to think you’re better than me, you denounce my work publicly, and then FOLLOW ME and reblog my Jake smut (?!???!?). Like this actually blows my mind. So in your eyes, i am the scum of the earth, i deserve to die and go to jail cause i am “sexualising minors”, but THEN you’re ok with it when you get off to my smut that you do agree with. HOW?! You must be so flexible cause that’s some impressive mental acrobatics. Congrats!!!
5. YOU CANNOT PICK AND CHOOSE WHAT YOU’RE MORALLY SUPERIOR ABOUT!!! Pls get that through your head. If you can forgive “deviant” behaviour when you’re horny and need a Jake fic to get yourself off to, honey baby, you’re just as bad, cause you’re proving you’re willing to bend your morals for your own pleasure and selfish needs. Like PLEASE BE FOR FUCKING REAL!!!
6. This is for my readers and readers of fics in general - if you like what we write, please, please show it. I have seen/talked to several of my mutuals who want to take a step back because of so much negativity that outweighs the support at the moment. If you want to keep being able to enjoy this content, please show your favourite writers some love, especially at this time.
7. And for my mutuals/besties, please, please don’t get discouraged. I know it’s hard, and it sucks, and it’s so disheartening, but i am here to talk and here to stay, and we can get through this together. It would hurt me so badly to see genuinely talented, beautiful, creative, kind people be driven away by some lowlives with nothing better to do than bully people. Stay strong and know I’m always here for you.
This is the first and last time i will be addressing this. I will not be engaging with these people anymore, and i will be using the block button incredibly liberally going forward. Remember you’re responsible for curating your online experience. You don’t like/agree with something, FUCKING BLOCK ME. I BEG YOU.
That’s all. Stay safe and good luck, my loves. I love you. Xoxoxox
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