#old wounds being reopened

[warpedlegacywrites]

Chapter 19: Crescendo

Cullen struggles to cope as it feels like everything is unraveling around him.

Cullen isn’t sure which is worse, the waking or the dreaming. Both bring pain and sorrow in different forms. His dreams are devoted to wounds of the past, while the waking world is filled with the emptiness of the present. And the future… He can no longer imagine a future.  He is no stranger to grief. But in all those losses, the pain was in the absence. In the missing pieces. The silence that replaces their habitual humming, the empty spaces where they used to sit. Eyes that still seek them out when he enters a room.  Perhaps that’s why it took him so long to fully process his own parents’ deaths. That was a loss he’d already mourned years ago. He remembers Tess saying something similar when learning that her own father and brother were killed at the Conclave.  But how do you mourn the loss of what you never had? 

DAFF Tag List: @rakshadow, @rosella-writes, @effelants, @bluewren, @breninarthur, @ar-lath-ma-cully, @dreadfutures, @ir0n-angel, @inquisimer, @crackinglamb, @theluckywizard, @nirikeehan, @oxygenforthewicked, @exalted-dawn-drabbles, @melisusthewee, @blarrghe, @agentkatie, @delicatefade, @leggywillow, @about2dance, @plisuu

#my writing #while time remains #the black city #theresa trevelyan #cullen rutherford #cullen x trevelyan #theresa x cullen #grief #trauma #ptsd #self loathing #templars vs mages #old wounds being reopened #this one hits hard fair warning

[sakurasfallingstar]

The Sky, the Land, the Sea, and the Cherry Tree

So this was just a weird plot bunny I've had involving Kingdom Hearts and Sakura Haruno. It probably won't go anywhere else from here, but if anyone wants to use the idea, they can. Just please give me credit.

Also, this was written on my phone late at night, and obviously, writers can't catch all their own mistakes.

Anyways, enjoy.

Kaguya felt the burning rage consumed her very being as these two boys, who where the recarnation of her sons seal her away. She wanted revenge.

Then she felt it.

The door had opened opened, just ever so slightly. She could feel the energy of the worlds seep out from behind it. The world's that were never ment to connect to this one.

She smiled wickedly. She had a the perfect thought that would make this team suffer.

Kaguya allowed her hair to extend and wrap around the the girl.  She had flung her through the opening and watched as door closed as she was sealed away. The screams of the girl's name leaving her teammates lips, brought Kaguya great comfort.

Sakura bearly had enough chakra to one last healing, but nothing more than that. She along with her teammate had let their guards down. Watching as Kaguya was sealed. She even saw Naruto fling black Zetsu to be sealed along with his mother. If only they had known what she would do.

The moment Sakura felt the hair wrap around her she tried to struggle. She even reached out for her sensei for help, but was only able to brush her fingertips against his. She heard him call out for her. Watched as her two other teammates, looked at her. Their eyes shocked with not just worry, but what seemed like helplessness.

"SAKURA," they shouted, together.

Oh, how she once dreamed of them calling her name. However unlike those dreams, it did not sound warm, or happy. It sounded like a plea for her life.

Despite moving at such a fast speed everything around me seemed like it was all in slow motivation. I watched as they grew smaller the further I got.

My eyes grew heavy, after feeling like I was flung threw an invisible force. The force had stretched before tearing. Then I saw the door.

'It closing,' my subconscious, told me as the world around was enveloped in darkness.

The last thing I could feel was my body being submerged into water.

Sora and Riku were at it again, and Kairi was waiting for them at the end point. Most days it was fun to watch, exciting even. Today, however, was different.

From where she stood, she caught a speck of pink from the corner of her eye. She began to walk toward it, and when she saw that it was a person she ran towards them.

Kneeling down toward the girl, she noted that she was breathing, but unconscious. the girl couldn't be any older than 12, yet it looks as if she had been through a lot.

The pink haired girl's clothes were worn, burned and missing it's right sleeve. Not to mention the minor bruises, and the hole that Kairi was sure if she flipped the girl over she'd find an identical one on the other side.

"Riku, can't you just hold back a little for once?"

"Now that wouldn't really do you any good. If you want to beat me then you just have to keep getting better."

Hearing her two boys' voices she called out to them for help.

It was Riku who picked her up, and it was Sora who suggested she stay over his place. His mother was the island's healer in an unofficial way, so yeah.

His mother didn't ask many questions, just hurriedly guided them to the extra room. Riku laid her down of the soft bed. They watched as Sora's mom cover the girl up with a white sheet. The woman even opened the window's blinds slightly to let some light in.

When Sora's mom left, it was quiet between them. They could only stare at the sleeping girl, as the ceiling fan provided a light hum in the background.

In a way it similar to how they first met Kairi.

A girl who they never seen before, washes up on the island. They have no idea where she could have come from. The only thing it brought to the islanders was that thought that there might be more beyond the island. Now the only thing with this girl is that she, unlike Kairi, may have some recollection of where she came from.

It took three days for the pink haired girl to wake up.

Sora was in the room just taking away, to keep her company, when she opened her eyes.

Of course he and his friends have been visiting. Not only were they curious of the girl, but they also didn't want her to feel lonely. They knew she didn't have anybody to make sure she was ok or visit, so they took it upon themselves.

Only they didn't expect how she would react when she woke up.

When I opened my eyes, I knew I was in unfamiliar territory with an unfamiliar person. I shot out of bed taking a defensive stance.

The boy before me was shocked by my sudden movements. I fact he had even fell out of his chair. I watched as he stood slowly, careful not to make sudden movements. His rose his hand, keeping his palms open, as to show he ment no harm.

"Hi. It's nice that tour awake now. My friends and I found you washed up on shore," he paused, before continuing, "We brought you to my home so my mom can look after you. She's pretty much the island's unofficial doctor. Speaking of which, I think I should tell her your awake. She probably has some questions for you to answer, and some move things to check. I'll call for her from here. She's downstairs, so she shouldn't have a problem hearing me. I can see you're a little on edge so I'll stay here so you can watch me. I promise i am not here to hurt you."

I watched as he called for his mother. I even channeled chakra to my ears to listen for reinforcements just in case.  However, true to his word it was just his mother who entered.

Slightly letting my guard down I answered all medical related questions. I still had know idea if they were friend or foe, but I wasn't going to risk it.

When she and the boy left, I could hear the his excited chatter.

"I can't wait to tell Kairi and Riku she's awake. I'm sure they'll be so excited to meet her! In fact, I should go get them right now," he said, excitedly.

However, his mother stopped him in his tracks when she spoke, "Sora, perhaps you should hold off. She just woke up, and based on her physical conditions; she must have been through a lot. Give her time."

"Ok mom."

I listened to their steps as they walked away. Once they where far enough, I checked over myself, with my chakra. I noted the bruises, and the slight scaring but nothing too serious to waste my chakra on.

With a sigh, I removed the white sheet. Bringing my legs over the beds ledge, however I could quite touch the floor. They just hung there. In fact my feet haven't hung like this since I was in the academy. Panic was staring to bubble within me.

Hurriedly, I made my way to the connected bathroom. What I saw in the mirror, cause me to almost loose my cool.

There before me stood, a girl who I have long out grown. She stared back at me with wide emerald eyes, and tousled pink hair. The baby fat still being out grown, and the purple diamond faded but still there.

My hand reached out and presses against the cool glass.

This couldn't be happening. After the fight, I knew something must have happened. Especially after being flung, but for my body to regress back into my twelve year old state seemed unlikely. Yet, my reflection proves otherwise.

Backing away, my back was pressed against the wall. I felt like I couldn't breathe, my heart rate accelerated. I even saw my hands tremble as I brought them up to run through my hair.

I was having panic attack. 

I slid down to the floor, the wall being my only real support to stay somewhat upright.

"I need to calm myself," I said, to myself.

I looked around the bath room and tried to find something to refocus on. There was nothing that caught my attention. Next best thing to do is to take deep breaths and count.

Breath in.

'One.'

Exhale.

Breath in.

'Two'

Exhale.

Breath in.

'Three.'

Exhale.

On and on that cycle went, until I could finally feel in control.

How long I sat on the bathroom floor for, I don't know. All I knew is I was twelve again, on an unknown island, I just had a panic attack, and I was so fucking hungry.

Seeking out wasn't an issue, but being hungry can be slightly distracting. Which would explains why the brunette boy, startled me as I raided his fridge.

Rude, I know, but cut me some slack. I fought a war, got stabbed, saved countless of lives, pumped my best friends hear manulally, punch a goddess, got transported to who knows where, and was age reduced to be a preteen. I think food being the only thing on my right now is considerably reasonable.

"You know, if you were hungry, you could've just told us," he said, with a teasing grin.

For a moment, I saw Naruto instead of him.

Looking down, I mumbled, "I didn't want to be a bother."

"You'll never be a bother here. How about we get you some warm food, and talk a bit. You know, get to know eachother."

Perhaps it was the fact that I was hungry, that he had a familiar aura, or that I didn't want to be alone; either way I took him up on his offer.

It would be from this moment on that the strings of fate would intertwine Sakura to not just Sora's soul but to his friends as well. This is where her true journey begins.

#sakura haruno #haruno sakura #sakura haruno crossover #Kingdom Hearts x Naruto #just a plot bunny #naruto crossover #if you don't like it dont read it #sakura x sora #sakura x riku #Sakura x kairi #could totally be Sakura x Kairi if you want #for the most part pairings are undecided #sora x sakura x kairi x riku friendship #at least in the beginning #oof imagine the riku reopening Sakuta's old wounds when he joins the darkside #like the flash back to sasuke #then remembering everything she and her team had to go through to get him back #like that's a whole can of worms that probably should have stayed shut #she would probably feel like being friends with her is a curse #that eventually someone in her friend group will always betray them andhurt them #i mean it's happenes twice now #who's to say ot won't happen again? #i should stop now... #this is getting to long

[solarisgod]

micah has given charlie the extra key to their house in case he ever needs to crash over at their place for any reasons. their house have two floors, is simple and neat; it's their temporary home while they would do their special cases in philadelphia. they do not ever ask for much when it only comes to having a personal space to stay in for a while, so they are content with what they can find. even micah doesn't mind if charlie comes over as they're absent having to do miracle makings far from home. they trust him well enough to not do anything too out of the line with their place.

it is during the night when charlie enters micah's home at a rather poor timing. maybe he had wanted to visit them to have a fun random conversation after having a long day, or there was something on his mind lately that he would like to vent it out. regardless of the reason, charlie would find micah shirtless in the living room as they are applying medicated oil on the new bruises they got from today's work. micah tries to get their shirt to cover themself, but it's already too late. he has seen at least half of them with their burn and frostbite injuries. their marks and scars—

"are you okay, charles? what happened?" micah softly asks @ratkiing about the reason for his visit, as if they're not the one to be holding the most concerning sight. they're not finished using the oil, but they put on their shirt, not because they're at unease that their scars are being seen, but they are only being mindful of charlie's own comfort. micah tries to ignore the shock. the staring. "i'm okay," they assure him, yet they know that's not what he would like to hear. they don't know what to say instead. some people will see this part of them in the end, they are aware, but ...

micah can never find themself being ready to face and handle their reactions to what is only normal to them. ( it is all the same with the cutting and bleeding and hitting. nothing truly aches anymore when the burning is all they can ever feel. )

#RATKIING #INJURIES CW #SCARS CW #/// #// #/ #𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ IC . › #𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ V : IASIP . › #𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ MICAH . › #[ ✨ : hhrgrhrrgrhgrh now it's Charlie's turn to stumble upon a vulnerable part of Micah :<<< ] #[ wild how the moment these two form and hold a much more close connection ( them dating now ) everything of them both just ] #[ gets suddenly exposed up like old wounds being reopened after being held and touched and just loved consistently for a while ] #[ this is just so... ] #[ head in hands ... o+< ]

[soggypotatoes]

just.. the blow of my entire chosen family rejecting me at once.. after years.. finding myself alone, talking to myself all day every day for weeks and finding a strange peace in it but also.. they left me :( and they say they like me still but then.. they don't express that, they pull away and away and I hug my dog and look around at all the empty space and it feels.. unspeakable

#and they all left at the same time #gradually but still #and now theyre all hanging out without me #so im in the wrong - i know that - i just don't know why #so im left with that old feeling #it's not something ive done #its something inherent to me #i told my therapist i grew up like a rat surrounded by puppies #people disgusted by me even at 3 years old while the other kids got love and attention #so now im here feeling all of that all over again #its not anyones fault #just who i am.. #and im being so dramatic i know.. #but these are old wounds reopening #ive lost my family again - i shouldnt have let myself think i had one in the first place #ed mumbles #it also stings that i went through something really bad #and am doing a lot of very hard things #and they dont reach out or want to spend time with me or ask if im ok #my first overdose was horrible - being abandoned in the er for days with no visitors #and now im having dangerous thoughts #like huh if i overdose again i get to be looked after in the er at least lol #like. idiot dont risk your life just to have some nurses take your blood and give you shit food #im such a dramatic bitch haha 😅

[junipercastor]

i hate when people r like "oh these newgen fans of so and so suck so much" like the new people are flocking to that musical artist's new music probably because they relate? and most often the trajectory of these artists is from negative to positive as they learn and grow. i just think its silly to discount their newer stuff just because it's different from their old

#im mostly thinking about bladee and sybyr #most of sybyrs old stuff is him struggling with his mental health or drugs and people are always like wow i miss old sybyr #if they took the time to listen to his newer music they would find its coming from a way better place #i feel like being an artist is difficult because you're reopening and preventing old wounds from closing #in an effort to communicate yourself through your art #so i really admire when they choose get better and seek peace for themselves #just because the narrative is different from how fans are used to doesn't mean its worse

[erabundus]

anonymous &&. said... ren are you happy where you are now?

it's  an  odd  question  in  all  of  its  simplicity  —  something  that  should,  by  virtue  of  the  PHRASING  alone,  warrant  but  a  mere  yes  or  no  in  response.  yet  ren  finds,  when  he  opens  his  mouth  to  say  something,  the  mystery  word  gets  caught  in  his  throat.  teeth  click;  lips  press  in  a  thin  line.  he  averts  his  gaze,  one  hand  already  tugging  surreptitiously  on  his  hat  as  though  he's  fighting  the  urge  to  muffle  his  EMOTIONS  behind  it  once  again.

how  does  he  feel?  is  he  happy?  after  all  he's  accomplished,  the  wanderer  doesn't  necessarily  think  he  SHOULD  be.  if  he's  being  quite  honest  with  himself, he probably deserves more than a little discomfort  —  yet  what  he  deserves  was  never  part  of  the  question.

❝  ...  sometimes.  ❞   when  experiencing  the  joy  of  flight.  when  his  fingers  drag  wondrous  trails  through  the  clouds  themselves.  when  he  tastes  rain  and  fresh  air  on  his  tongue.  the  peal  of  his  brothers'  laughter.  the  melody  of  birdsong.  the  scent  of  a  freshly  brewed  cup  of  tea.  featherlight  steps  that  echo  a  past  life's  dance.  the  wind  curling  at  his  back  as  if  to  say  i'm  here,  i'm  with  you,  keep  moving,  never  stop.  a  warm,  warm  hand  in  his  own;  a  flavor  like  ambrosia  (  affection  )  on  his  lips.  perching  atop  some  high  place  and  seeing  land  stretch  out  in  every  direction  —  knowing  that  the  choice  is  his,  this  life  is  his,  and  he  can  go  wherever  he  pleases.

❝  other  times,  not  so  much.  ❞   when  the  back  of  his  neck  burns  like  a  brand.  when  the  only  words  he  can  spit  come  with  sharp  edges  and  a  poison  coating.  when  the  memories,  the  shame,  the  fury  become  too  much  to  bear  —  and  he  feels  as  though  his  ribcage  might  split  asunder  from  everything  it's  struggling  to  contain.  the  knowledge  that  he  can  scream,  scream,  scream  until  he  tastes  blood  in  the  back  of  his  throat  and  nothing  will  ever  change.  the  uncertainty  of  what  lies  ahead.  realizing  that  everything  he  loves,  and  allows  himself  to  love  is  still  subject  to  eternity's  will.  (  that  he  is  a  permanent  being  trapped  in  an  impermanent  world.  )  hungering  for  revenge  so  deeply  it  consumes  him  like  a  fever.

❝  isn't  it  the  same  for  everyone?  ❞  ren  continues,  arching  a  brow.  ❝  there  isn't  a  single  person  in  this  world  who  is  completely  happy ...  or  entirely  miserable,  either.  ❞  he  exhales  an  amused  little  huff  at  that  —  an  unspoken  JOKE  at  his  own  expense.  (  entirely  miserable ...  well,  the  balladeer  certainly  came  close.  )  arms  spread.   ❝ i'm alive.  ❞ he declares. ❝  i ...  exist.  ❞  he  exists,  despite  his  efforts  to  the  contrary.  ❝  it's  up  to  me  to  find  VALUE  in  what  that  means.  ❞

#anonymous #( tl;dr is a little yes and a little no ) #( is he happy in the sense that he's in an objectively better place? yes. ) #( is he happy otherwise?? it's complicated. ) #( honestly more than anything else he's exhausted. ) #( deeply existentially exhausted. depressed. ) #( he's had to recontextualize all of his trauma and it's basically reopened old wounds that weren't exactly healed to begin with. ) #( still struggling with self destructive urges still chomping at the bit to lash out -- but at one specific source now. ) #( at the same time i wouldn't necessarily say he's unhappy bc he has a lot to be happy about. ) #( he's just in a weird & messy place & he's being a good sport about it all things considered but he's still very much mid therapy arc )

[apollo18]

Rereading some of the stuff I’ve written and I make Adam so mean to Marvel even while he’s trying to help him. Poor marvel doesn’t know what to do with himself as his self proclaimed enemy becomes his only confident berating him with every breath while also trying help him figure what happened to Billy but also drugging him and leaving his comatose body for the justice league to find ‘for his own good’

#I mean he’s possessed so Adam does have some excuse but fuck man pls be nice #it’s all very much purposeful and for the plot but looking back at all that is just 😬 #Adam being incapable of being kind while under the control of the sins while also wanting to help hurts marvel in so many fucked up ways #it reopens a lot of old wounds he and Billy probably got together while people kept trying to put Billy in foster care too #it certainly kinda forces marvel to reevaluate his past memories of the wizard that he’s just kept looking back on with rose tinted glasses #marvel never catches a fucking break poor guy #I say as I continue to write things for the purpose of tearing him down mentally

[teethcore]

trauma is crazy bro

#like #if the same thing happens to you more than once #it seems like it hurts worse each sequential time #even if the previous time was ''worse'' #example: #14 year old me just. went to school. shell shocked and sore. #after getting raped by a john #23 year old me? #is devastated to a point of nonfunctioning from .... a forceful kiss #i mean i guess it makes sense in a way #bc it's a combination of the new pain + all the difficult memories and wounds being reopened #but it feels silly #i was like ''damn. that was crazy. oh well i guess i lived so. i'll do my geometry homework now.'' #me now? #i keep crying at work. over a kiss. #i'm gonna get fucking fired lmao i keep disappearing to cry #echoes from the void

[catcatb0y]

I'm giving up on human connection. I can't do this- it's too tiring.

#getting roped into conversations that I don't want to have #being pushed to the extent of my emotional capacity #getting emotional for no fucking reason #reopening old wounds and being forced to tear apart my own skin for a sliver of recognition #reaching a hand out just to get a high five #phyisically distant but emotionally present #or emotionally distant but physically present #always trying and trying and trying and for what! #why? #what's even the point? #'for friends'? #'to be friendly'? #why. #I'm tired #I'm tired I'm tired I'm tired #what could I even do better? #what's even the point.

[cowboyscrypt]

call me eddie brock the way im praying on your downfall

#vent in tags #vent tw #vent cw #my parents just completely made me have a meltdown about my ex and the old apartment and all that. #they meant well but. they dont know when to stop. #i paid a portion of the cancellation fee on the lease. 500 out of the 700 that was left. my old roomate had already paid some. #so like. logical solution is that my ex would be the last one who had to pay. right? wrong. #my parents make me check the account and its my roomates name AGAIN. not my fucking exes name #it makes me start breaking down. this whole goddamn time hes not paid a cent aside from emergency situations here and there. #even when theres a financial consequence to all of us leaving. he doesnt pay. its not his name on the receipt. he did not pay. #that fucking man child never once got up off his ass and paid. never. #mental illness isnt an excuse to financially and emotionally abuse someone. not realizing isnt a fucking excuse. #executive dysfunction isnt an excuse. not being self aware isnt an excuse. #none of it excuses you from cheating. taking advantage of me. sexting this other person while in bed with me when i didnt consent to that. #does he have any fucking idea how violated i felt by that? #hes getting his fucking rocks off when im cuddled up on him unaware of what hes doing and shirtless? #he used that excuse then too. he didnt realize. what fucking ever douchebag. whatever. #he does all this shit to me and i STILL stayed. i STILL paid for everything. i STILL let him do whatever he wanted. #even after he dumped me and started dating this person he cheated on me with within 2 days. even after he took advantage of me. #and to now have to reopen this wound because my parents pushed and pushed and pushed about it is so painful. #everytime i think im over it i get a reminder of the shit he put me through. the things loving him drove me to do. how he didnt care. #the paranoid schizophrenia is really hitting after this shit too. #im constantly worried he could show up at any minute and kill me or he could spread rumors about me or he could doxx me #he never cared about me. he never loved me. he loved what i could do for him. he loved using me for money affection and sex. #i paid for everything. that hurts so much. #i did everything. i paid for everything. i was willing to support him in everything he wanted to do. i supported him and his cats. #i loved those thats so much. it broke my heart to leave them. i hope theyre okay. they were my babies. #i just wanna be over it. i wanna not be delusional and have a psychotic breakdown every time i get triggered over him #i wanna not feel like hes stalking me and my socials. #i wish he had to pay that goddamn fee. even if it was smaller than what our old roommate and i paid. i wish he had to fucking pay it.

[seireiteihellbutterfly]

If You'll Have Me

A/N: Finally, this is here. Got this request back in March I think so anon, here ya go, sorry it took so long. Pairing: Megumi x Fem! Reader *(Both are 21 here) Warnings: Angst, breakup, pregnancy

It rained the day Megumi broke up with you. He sat there on your sofa, looking detached and apologetic, and you felt like your heart might choke you to death, the way it pounded frantically in your chest.

“I gave you everything!” You whispered furiously. “I supported you! Waited long hours for you to get home, without knowing what may have happened to you! I looked after Tsumiki when she became bedridden!”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Megumi’s eyes are like dark tunnels, with not a trace of warmth or emotion in them. “With everything that’s happened…I don’t feel like I’m worthy of you.”

“Oh, how noble of you!” You spat, feeling utterly humiliated. “I suppose you’ll say it’s not me, it's you?” 

“It is me. I see the fear in your eyes whenever I leave you for a mission. I hear the pain in your voice when I tell you I’m coming home late. I hate being the person that makes you feel that way. You’re such a good person. That’s why I think you’d be better off without me.”

“Get out.” You managed to squeeze the words past your tightening throat, your eyes stinging painfully, tears spilling from them. Wordlessly, Megumi gets up and walks towards the door.

Perhaps you’d been daring him to go because your heart stopped for a second as he got to the door. Part of you wished he’d stop, look at you, and gather you close, saying he couldn’t live without you. You’re begging him with your being to not throw this away. 

He’s supposed to stop, isn’t he? He’s supposed to realize he’s being irrational, that there’s no one better than him for you? You were a pair, meant to be. His look haunts you as he turns the doorknob.

“I’m sorry,” he says brokenly, before disappearing into the rain. 

You stood there, watching the downpour, feeling your heart crack and splinter, like a delicate teacup that had fallen from a shelf, no safe hands ready to catch it and prevent it from falling to its doom. 

.・。.・゜✭・.

A month later, you feel exhausted, more than usual. Getting out of bed feels like a chore. Your back and feet hurt, and nothing stays in your stomach. You try everything. Soup, saltine crackers, toast, applesauce. Whatever you ate made you nauseated and dizzy. 

You started worrying you had caught a really persistent form of the flu, but when your period didn’t start, you felt a wave of dread. 

Now, as you stared at the positive pregnancy test in your hands, you felt like someone had torn your body open, invisible wounds reopening and stinging afresh, chaotically spilling your feelings everywhere. 

“You need to tell him.” Gojo leans back in his chair, assessing you critically. You look at him coldly, cursing his six-eyes technique.

“I do not. And it’s none of your fucking business.”

“It is. Believe me when I say Megumi will not shirk his duties as a father. It would devastate him if he ever gets to know he has a child and that he was absent from its life.”

“How can you possibly assume that?” You cross your arms over your still flat belly and glare at him. Like it wasn’t bad enough that you were Megumi’s ex, now you were knocked up with his baby. “He wanted nothing to do with me. That man was barely able to keep promises to me as his girlfriend. What makes you think he’s going to step up and be a father to a child he probably doesn't want?”

“Because he knows what it’s like to be that child,” Gojo says the words quietly but with a firm edge that had you staring at him in disbelief.

“What?”

“Has Megumi ever told you about his dad?” Your silence says it all and Gojo narrows his eyes. “He’ll probably want my head if he ever finds out I told you this but I think it’s necessary.” Gojo sighs deeply and continues.

“Megumi’s dad loved him. But he simply wasn’t fit to be a parent. He abandoned Megumi and Tsumiki. Megumi was 7 years old at the time.”

You blink back tears as Gojo continues. “Megumi grew up as my ward. I don’t pretend to be his dad, but I can’t just let this slide. I understand you probably harbor resentment towards him, but cutting him out of this decision isn’t the right way to go about it.”

“I don’t want him to feel like he has any obligations towards me because of the baby. That’s the only reason he’d try to get in touch with me now, right?” You can’t forgive him for deciding to walk out of your life just yet, no matter what his childhood was like. 

“How long do you think you can keep this a secret? Megumi might not be around that much anymore, but you’ll start to show soon enough. If not me, someone else will tell him.”

Your expression hardens and you stand up with steely resolution coursing in your veins. “Thank you for your opinion. But the last I checked, though it takes two to make a baby, it only takes one to raise it.”

You pack your belongings and urgently move out of Tokyo by the end of the week.

.・。.・゜✭・.

Surprisingly, no one comes to bother you. You start over and manage to find work at a small accounting firm as a secretary. Your boss is sympathetic to your situation and doesn’t give you a hard time about needing maternity leave. Everything is going well despite the constant worry about running into someone from the jujutsu world but so far, nothing has happened. Your tummy swells and grows, the baby healthy and full of life. It brings you joy, knowing you carry this little being inside you.

One night, you wake up with a strange feeling inside your abdomen. Worried that the stress was getting to you as you entered your eighth month of pregnancy, you restlessly forced yourself out of bed and tried walking around the small apartment to ease your nerves.

It was a curious sensation, like something unseen was flowing through your veins, not sinister but a little unsettling. You place a hand on your swollen middle in hopes of soothing the baby then freeze when you feel the flow of cursed energy in your womb. 

You’d heard it wasn’t uncommon for sorcerer babies to begin regulating and channeling their cursed energy in utero, but it filled you with awe at how familiar the energy signature was to Megumi’s, vitality coursing under your fingertips as you felt it kick and turn. 

A soft rustling has you turning in panic, a gasp escaping your lips as you see 2 dog-like figures padding over to you from nowhere, their eyes glowing in the dark. Up close, you recognize them as Megumi’s divine dogs, their tails wagging as they approach you.

Motherly instinct has you clutching your stomach and angling away from them. Had Megumi finally figured out the truth? But the dogs’ demeanor didn’t seem to match that scenario. If anything, they looked curious and friendly. One of them finally gets close enough to nose your belly with its snout, before nuzzling the bump affectionately, which the other one mirrors. You watch in silent fascination, then feel a surge of energy from your womb. 

The baby was responding to the dogs. 

They recognized it as their owner. The dogs weren’t here because of Megumi. The baby had subconsciously summoned them. With a shaky hand, you pet both of them, seeing their eyes close happily. They bring back memories of Megumi and your eyes fill with tears.

“Does he want to be a father?” You ask them. They look at you with intense yellow eyes and before you can say anything else, vanish in a blink. 

.・。.・゜✭・.

The day the baby arrives is one of the happiest and emotionally draining days of your life. You lay on the labor bed, gripping the sheets as the contractions relentlessly come and go, each more painful than the last. 

You almost scream, not from the pain but in shock, as something noses your hand. Turning, you see the divine dogs at the side of the bed, unseen to the normal humans. You could’ve wept with relief, knowing you weren’t quite alone. You pet them and grip their fur as you finally deliver your baby boy into the world. 

The small pink bundle was a miniature of Megumi, the beautiful black hair plastered to its little head, screaming with the rage of life. With shaky hands you accept him, your heart so full of love you feel like it could burst. You’re so occupied that you don’t notice the divine dogs quietly padding outside, tails wagging, as someone lingers near the door.

Megumi has tears in his eyes as he hides just outside the room. He sees his child, and you, the person he loves and cherishes. You’re cooing at the baby, getting him settled down to suckle, his little hand wrapped around your finger so tightly.

Megumi balls his hands into fists feeling his fingernails dig into his palm, emotions raging through him. He’s so glad the two of you are healthy, and there’s regret for his mistakes of the past. He understands why you left Tokyo. You were a proud woman, independent, determined to not need him after he’d broken up with you. It wasn’t like you to grovel or beg. He was sure if the baby hadn’t summoned the divine dogs by accident, he would’ve never found you. 

Yet he felt like an intruder, an outsider, unworthy of entering the room. He understands what he broke the day he left and it eats away at his soul knowing that he was the reason you didn’t come to him after finding out you were pregnant. It had taken so long for you to let your walls down, to learn to depend on him finally, and in an instant, he had taken that away from you, the one thing you had avoided for so long; the need to rely on others.

It was that which drove you, the shattered dependability, and he remembered how long it had taken to reassure you to be less guarded on that front. He was awful, no better than his own father. But he had to try. He knocks on the door.

You turn, breath catching when you see him in the doorway.

“Hi.” He tries to not let his tears show, but when your eyes fill, he can’t contain himself. He closes the gap and embraces both of you as you sob uncontrollably into his shoulder.  

.・。.・゜✭・.

Megumi sleeps on the sofa, taking care of his child with such tenderness and love. He relearns everything about you, appreciating all that you are. It takes time but the relationship rebuilds steadily.

“How did Gojo not rat me out?” you ask one evening as Megumi cooks dinner while you cuddle the baby on the sofa. 

Megumi pauses, and looks over uncertainly. “He did.”

“He did?” 

“Yeah.” Megumi’s voice is low. “He told me and said I’d regret it if I didn’t try to find you. I was a coward.” He turns the stove burner off and faces you. “I never stopped thinking about you. You were the best thing to ever happen to me. I still believe I’m not your equal, and I never will be. You were my home base. The single person holding my life together. How much more could I ask you to do?”

He joins you on the sofa, taking his son into his arms, rocking him softly as he starts to doze off. “I was so scared to ask you to forgive me. I felt like a hypocrite, reassuring you all these years that it’s ok to depend on me, and then taking that security away from you. I was the worst kind of asshole. But I knew I couldn’t be a deadbeat father. I looked for you. But you did such a good job covering up your tracks. Honestly, if the baby hadn’t summoned the divine dogs, I probably would have never caught on.”

The baby yawns and drifts off to sleep in his arms. Megumi stares at the little face, unable to forgive himself for what he almost missed out on.

“I want us to be all right. I want us to be a family. Can we?” He looks at you with doubt, knowing if you said no, it was well within your right.

You take the baby from his arms, carefully settling him down in the portable bassinet next to the sofa, and take Megumi’s face in between your hands.

“Yes,” you whisper, your voice choking up. 

Megumi pulls you against him tightly. “I love you so much. I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure to live up to being your equal.”

You nod, letting your tears flow freely.

“I love you too.”

all dividers and banners by @/ cafekitsune

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@byul9158 @mirrors-musings @Mangiswig

@that-goth-bisexual @connorsui @jadedjane @darkstarlight82

@soft--cherry @galactict3a @hunnie-lily

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #megumi fushiguro #megumi fushiguro x reader #jujutsu kaisen megumi #jjk nanami #megumi fushiguro fluff #megumi fushiguro angst #megumi fushiguro x you #fushiguro megumi #jjk fluff #jjk angst #megumi x reader #jjk megumi #vee writes

[halfpastemu]

tis ace week, happy ace week everybody

#i saw a couple of ace tiktoks today talking about not being able to experiance love and being sad about missing out #it reopened an old wound for sure

[spyruce]

Someone tell him to stop reopening the wound 🙏🙏🙏 (not actually though he gives fuel to the fandom and it’s 10 people and we need it)

Edit sorry but Curt Mega is actually insane for still fueling this fan base like??? Every other celebrity loves being all “ugh can people shut up about the popular thing I was in a year ago 😒😒 ur so lame for still liking it move on” but Curt is our #1 supporter for this 7+ year old musical and I appreciate more every day

#saf #Curt mega #spies are forever

[starhoppin]

pick a picture; how would your future spouse act when they're jealous?

pile 1 -> pile 2 -> pile 3

disclaimer; this is a general reading! these messages may not fit everyone. please take what resonates and leave the rest.

「pile one 」

five of pentacles rv (cb: queen of wands, four of pentacles), king of swords rv (cb: ace of swords, seven of cups rv), nine of pentacles (cb: four of cups, nine of swords)

when your future spouse is jealous, they tend to keep their thoughts to themselves. they view you as the queen of wands - charismatic, bold, charming - overall, a catch. so when others flirt with you, your future spouse gets a bit possessive. still, they seem to recognize that the way others behave towards you is beyond your control, and you cannot be held responsible for whether people flirt with you or not. consequently, they feel like bringing it up would only create unnecessary conflict between you two. however, - in a moment of weakness - this person may act cold and a bit rude toward the person who is flirting with you. this person is normally level-headed, but the thought of you being with someone else really upsets them. i also see them reassuring themselves that you only have eyes for them. they trust you a lot and you actually may be the type to shut down any person who tries to flirt with you - particularly if they're doing so in front of your future spouse.

if this reading resonated with you, please consider leaving a tip!

「pile two 」

page of pentacles (cb: six of swords rv, three of cups), queen of pentacles rv (cb: ten of cups, four of cups rv), ace of cups rv (cb: four of pentacles rv, knight of pentacles)

i think your future spouse would struggle with acknowledging that they're jealous. they'll make an effort to act like everything is fine, yet it feels more like they're suppressing their genuine emotions. they may be the type to bottle up their true feelings in general. this person could struggle with issues of abandonment/neglect from past relationships, so when situations like this arise, they have to do their best to work through those emotions. instances that trigger their jealousy could be akin to reopening an old wound for them. despite knowing that you're happy together and you're not interested in anyone else, their instinctual response is colored by past feelings. your future spouse might place a high value on material possessions, and their love language may lean towards gift-giving. in light of this situation, they may become more extravagant in their gift-giving, almost as if they're in the courting stage in your relationship again. it's an energy of "no other person can provide for you like i can."

if this reading resonated with you, please consider leaving a tip!

「pile three 」

five of swords rv (cb: six of wands, king of swords rv), three of pentacles (cb: queen of pentacles, five of cups rv), five of pentacles rv (cb: six of cups, king of pentacles)

out of all the piles, your future spouse is most likely to speak up and tell someone off if they're flirting with you. they seem to perceive the conflict as a form of competition, but it's not true competition because you are already taken by them. it's like your future spouse has this perspective of "try all you want, you can never win them over." still, your person is likely to voice their displeasure and make it clear that they'll never have a chance with you. while you may prioritize harmony, your future spouse exudes an attitude of "i don't care if they like me or not." they are the kind of person who speaks their mind in any situation, even if they're aware you might disapprove. i distinctly heard the words "charity work," so they might use cutting words to convey that the person is not even close to being in your league. this person has a healthy sense of self-esteem and also believes that you share a strong relationship based on trust. although they may get a bit heated initially, i don't think that they'll dwell on the situation.

if this reading resonated with you, please consider leaving a tip!

tarot deck used in this reading: ostara tarot

#tarotblr #tarot reading #tarot readings #pick a pile #pac #pick a card reading #detailed pac #tarot #divination #cartomancy #pick an image #pick a photo #tarot pick a pile #free tarot #love tarot reading #love tarot #free tarot reading love #future spouse pick a card reading #future spouse pac reading #future spouse #tarot spouse #pick a card readings

[comfortless]

Everything you write leaves me breathless <333

Sorry in advance for my English

I was thinking about König, (maybe in an ancient rome/Greek settling) being so alone and desperate for connection that he turns to religion: one day he's walking in the woods, deep in thought, when he finds an abandoned temple. The inside is small but lavish, with a life sized statue of what must be its goddess. He sees this lovely sculpture, abandoned and alone and sees himself in her. He becomes a dedicated, fanatic and soso lovestruck worshipper. Unknownly to him his goddess, woken by his prayers, has been watching him and listening to him. One day while he's praying in front of her her statue moves and talks and now his deity is in front of him. Looks like he has an opportunity to worship her like she deserves ;)

granting you ten million kissies for this prompt and your sweet words! your English is perfect, little wisp! <3 also… giving me an excuse to write more loner/loner and mutual worship?! you have spoken to my heart…

content/warnings: 18+. minors do not interact. historical/myth au; vague time period, brief mentions of violence, fluff, pining, not very explicit smut, mutual worship.

The spirit of the temple feels disorienting, though the architecture is a still, white marble, the floor riddled with leaves and dirt, creeping up the sides of the building as if river water had washed the entire thing ashore… Something feels very alive here, feathered out on the air, a pulse of thunder, the breeze beneath dove’s wings, enthused and yawning. Hungry.

It only becomes more apparent the closer he steps to the statue.

She is unlike any he has ever seen before, carved with the same skill, but so much smaller than the other statues in their temples, so much more lifelike that he almost thinks to greet her. She’s been painted unlike most, a perfect vision bathed in color where she stands out amidst the sea of white and green surrounding her. The temple has not been stained with blood, no offering strewn before her bare feet, left for the rot or dragged away by the dainty hands of this very goddess. No maidens sit in prayer, no men lower there swords to her…

There’s nothing to tell him just who she is, either.

Despite his better judgment, his hand does find her side, a swift draw up from the vision of her thigh peeking from her robe upward to curl over her hip. Her beauty is unmatched, impossible to describe and the call seems almost tangible, shrieking at him in whispers to bend a knee and let her in. So, he does. He prays to her in the silence, alternating between whispers and his own thoughts.

He tells her of his struggles: a soldier brought in from a small tribe up north, robbed from his parents as a boy, how all he knew now were the Roman ways yet could rarely comprehend their customs and deities. Maybe she could offer him some counsel or solace…? Make the weight of his blade feel less heavy as he struck down men that could very well be his own brothers? Give him something to return to when old wounds reopened and he bled, hurt with no one but himself to tend to his heart or his injuries.

The goddess only blesses him with silence: the wind does not pick up outside, there is no disembodied laughter, no sudden thought of an offering or new words to speak to her. She is void of an answer just as the very temple she waits inside is empty of all else.

This does not dissuade him from returning.

Returning to the city after another battle some months later, his first thought is to return to her, to leave the things he’s taken from dead men at her feet, to paint the temple with the blood lingering on his weapon. There is honey, wine, meat and jewelry made of stones from the sea. There is brittle, dried flakes of blood polished from his blade and left to settle onto the floor like the leaves of late autumn. He presents these things to her with a grin, thinking that assuredly this goddess would call back to him then, grant him with a love so consuming that all of the evasion and emptiness cursed upon him would be untwined.

He kneels before her statue, presses his cheek to her thigh, sighs content at the feel of cold marble against the ever-burning of his flesh, gazes up at her like an adoring dog.

Assuredly, if this temple were built for a being that did exist at all she would know just how she was all that this lonesome soldier had, would know the way that he loved her and waited with bated breath and heartstrings pulled taut for her to love him in turn. A greedy, begging muzzle that utters his prayers, words he’s never spoken to anyone whether deity or mortal, only to her in the quiet of the forest.

It’s not madness that provokes him, but the gentleness of her face and the tender look in her eyes, an expression that no other had ever offered to him, no one but this little forgotten goddess. Whether pitying or loving, he did not know. It was only enough to keep him returning: for many days, his path from the city led straight to her feet, even some nights were spent lying upon her floor, finding peace finally being able to sleep next to something apart from lonely walls.

The sun rises and sets each day where he sits and speaks to her as though she were a living, breathing woman. Occasionally he reads aloud to her in the stillness, cheekily tells her when another goddess’ name is brought up within the lines of poetry that they could never hope to compare.

It’s ridiculous when he does not even know what purpose she serves, but this silent figure is his only companion, the only thing that sets his heart ablaze and mind focused in battle because above all else, he has to return to her. Though she can not share his words, he knows somehow that she shares in his loneliness.

Finally, he thinks to ask her the question that has been burning at the tip of his tongue for weeks and months. One, that he has tried to hold back, display a patience that he lacks. It’s after a night of sleeping on cold marble, an ache in his neck from its hardness and his own refraining from bringing a cushion from his own home in his desperation to return to her.

“Why won’t you speak?,” he asks, somber as he makes his way to leave the temple, only halting in place to cast her a fragile look from over his shoulder. He has read the epics, heard the stories and seen the blessings of other deities… Yet no matter what he does or how often he tethers himself to her leg and dotes upon her, she still meets his devotion with nothing but her silence in return.

König is left with the thought that his gifts are not enough, that he, himself, is not enough, even as her sole devotee. To keep his mind preoccupied, he keeps to the city for a time. The bed is cold, the people still see him as a barbaric outsider, and the horrible coil wound around his heart only seems to tighten its grip further. He feels as though he has left a part of himself out there in the forest within the four chalked walls of her temple.

This loneliness does not feel like one he is forced to swallow down, it feels like a vicious sort of ache, the twisting of a dagger beneath ribs to sink in and steal away what little of a life he does have.

He returns to her the following night, with a furrowed brow and a grave look upon his face. There’s an intent to demand she free him of her, that this longing finally pass, but as his sandals reach the entrance to the temple, those thoughts fall away from his mind like droplets of rain, a cool drizzle that begins to fall outside the very moment he is sheltered.

The statue— the goddess moves.

She tilts her head and inspects him fondly, the perfect mouth he has envisioned speaking to him so many times prior tilts upward in the gentlest smile as her bare feet move to carry her body forward.

“A test,” she explains as though answering his question from only the past day, almost saddened by her own words as her gaze lowers to the space between them.

König’s heart does not roar then, it only melts with the knowledge that someone like her has been left alone for so, so very long that she felt the need to prove to herself that he would return to her side. He would. Time and time again he would. When she raises her head to look him in the eye, her own clouded and misty, he only silently prays that she could see such a vow upon his face.

“I am worthy then?,” he questions, forcing himself to remain rigidly in place despite the call- the urge, to circle her, just once, drop at her feet to then feel her pulse beneath his fingertips. Anything. Even an assurance would be reward enough, but there is always a greed in the hearts of men, one he feels burning a hole through his very being even now.

Her lips press to a line and her gaze seems faraway, lost in her own thoughts that must be as mighty as Olympus itself. After a time, she only answers in a soft whisper, “It is I who am unworthy of you.”

All discordance in his chest pulls to a halt at this, all apprehension and sadness are whisked away when she instead comes to kneel before him. She curls her arms around his leg, presses her cheek to his thigh as he had done so many times before. The goddess gazes up at him with not just affection… but reverence, as though he were the strongest warrior of myth, deserving of even the love of something only as ethereal and sweet as she could provide.

His breath catches for a mere moment before he lowers himself at her side. The stares exchanged from both are full of an unspoken wonderment, all of the things that words alone would fail to speak in truth.

He waits out the rain there, sat beside her with the air surrounding them charged with such a great and unspoken affection that even Venus would taste a bitter envy on her tongue should she pass by to see.

She tells him she can not recall what she was the goddess of… or if she was ever truly any goddess at all. The marble surrounding her was put up for a purpose, but she’s never seen the Elysian Fields or climbed Olympus on her own. Her memories are scattered blurs, and she confesses that she feels tired when she tries to parse things together in a way that he will understand.

He listens while he tends to her by offering the honey and dried meat left in offering for her here, then fetches fresh water from the stream that brooks several yards away and returns to her side with a face both damp and flushed.

König tells her of his life too, how during every battle since stumbling upon this sacred place he has kept her in mind; he has no wife to return to, no other women to bed, that since their meeting his life has become hers. He confesses he had the intention of returning only to force a curse upon this madness that had enveloped him, but… he could never have brought himself to do so, even if she had not appeared to him warm and breathing.

Her laugh then could have prompted waves of flowers to bloom and birds to sing in tune, whimsical and so precious he only begins to feel himself fall, truly. Not out of sheer desperation, but with genuine affection.

When her exhaustion does take her, she does not mind the way his arm curls around her middle to tuck her body closer to his own. The goddess has no fury within her, only mirrors his own feelings with a fluttering of lashes and a soft sigh.

So she sleeps, pulled close to him like a lover rather than a stranger. When dawn breaks, when König knows he’s to be called back to train and fight with the other soldiers, have dull talks about what land to cross and take for their own next, she tells him she will wait there for his return.

He can not concentrate as well on his training this day. The plans for future wars and battles do not send flurries, hot excitement through him. The world is an endless gray, reflected above with darkened clouds threatening further rain. There is only one place he wishes to be, one that yearns for him more than his own home or the women waiting on the street for coins the other men readily supply. When one, a native Roman, does ask him why he does not just venture to the brothel to put himself in better spirits, König only grits his teeth to still his hand from quieting him eternally. These men knew nothing of the love he feels, and certainly they didn’t deserve to.

The temple is no different from how he found it the night prior. The goddess sits with her hands curled in her lap, smiling just as fondly at him as she had before. His heart shatters at the thought that she had sat there waiting for him in such a way all day. He swears to her that he will have a proper bed made for her, bring her the softest of furs and cushions stuffed with downy feathers to lie upon. For now his offering is only fruit and wine, things that she shares with him while she shushes his concerns with quiet words and gratitude that he had returned.

She lowers herself again before him after pulling her robe free and lying it upon the floor. It is no proper bedding at all, but she swears that it is enough, that his own warmth is just enough for her to be sated and comfortable. His head swims when she kisses his thigh, drags her lips up from his knee to rest there with that reverent look in her eye. Mortals coupling with deities was not unheard of, but to think it could happen to him…

She is a goddess. How is he supposed to… How could he ever dirty her with himself? He thinks to refuse her before she tugs away the barrier of fabric between them and takes him into her mouth. Stunned, he only watches her, feels her in a way he has never felt a woman before until he finds his voice again.

“Lie down,” he breathes, shaky and tentative as he rests his hand upon her cheek. She complies, giddy and content when she’s splayed out on the white robe beneath her, legs parting immediately and her arms reaching upward to invite him into her hold.

There’s no tact when he lies atop her, feels the warmth of her thighs around him and her arms curled over his neck. His forehead is pressed to her own when togetherness is found, and when she sighs so soft as she envelops him in full, his mouth descends upon her own.

She doesn’t praise him, doesn’t need to in words, because the muffled sounds and cries that leave her lips are more than enough to spear him onward. König, however… he babbles ceaselessly, overwhelmed and overcome by such a profound joy, he can not keep himself from reciting every word that comes to mind, whether vile or pure.

“My goddess,” he whispers into her hair, eyes half-lidded and dazed with each shallow thrust. “We could have had this for a season… you have made me wait so long, hm?”

The way she feels is unmatched, he thinks, when her breathing shudders and she only seems to constrict him further. To think he could bring a goddess to ruin… the grin that crosses his face when he pushes his head against her neck is bordering on both ecstatic and cruel.

“I will give you a demigod,” he hisses against her throat, not at all subtle about just how far he was willing to go to keep her here. With him. More than Olympus, she belonged beneath him, and the tremor that wracks her form then is all of the confirmation he would need.

She sobs his name when the tension becomes too much to bear, fingernails graze the flesh of his shoulders as she shudders, falls into such bliss that her words of praise come incoherent and weak. He follows her to a saccharine abyss with a guttural groan.

The aftermath is softer than any other moment he has shared with her. There are an abundance of kisses pressed between them, littered across her flesh and his own with whispers that leave his mind cloudy. Her worship is subtle by comparison to his own, coming in honeyed stares and such words he would never dare to repeat, no lowly poet deserved to ever hear them, their voices could never compare to her own.

The goddess holds him close, bumps his nose with her own and makes a promise; she tells him for as long as he shall live that this temple was as much his home as it were his own. That even when this body of his does die, she will seek him out in the Elysian Fields, lie at his feet as he had done her own; that no matter what may come, they will never be apart.

#könig x reader #konig x reader #storing your other request for now angel! <3 #someone kick me and make me write! so sorry to anyone who has sent something in that i have not gotten around to just yet #i see them and i promise i am working through them! my heart soars any time i am entrusted with a König prompt!

[classypauli]

Hiii! So... I would like to request a :

Jenna Ortega x Female Reader, story.

R is a talented musician whose world shatters when her partner Jenna Ortega abruptly leaves without explanation, just as R was on the brink of stardom. R's heartache fuels her music, but the pain of abandonment consumes her. Years later, they cross paths by chance, reopening old wounds. R must confront her unresolved feelings and decide whether to forgive or seek closure, knowing that the melody of their love may never be whole again.

It's totally okay if you don't want to write about this!💙

-🐻

𝑷𝑨𝑰𝑵𝑭𝑼𝑳 𝑴𝑬𝑳𝑶𝑫𝒀

Pairing: Jenna Ortega x Fem! Reader

Tags: little angst, italic are flashbacks, death, Reader is popular singer

Word count: 4k

A/N: Thanks 🐻 for request! Sorry if you didn´t imagine it like this but really hope you will enjoy :) Happy reading <3 sorry for mistakes

Glory, money, success. Being on top of the world at such a young age. What else could you dream of? Doing whatever you want, having possibilities that are almost endless. Endless.

What is endless? Something that never end. So forever? Why would someone want to live for so long if they have nobody to share it with.

Flashing lights from cameras and lound screams of people pushing themselves closer trying to get best look. White perfect smiles of celebrities that already accepter their fate. Things like this brought Y/N flashbacks, begining of endless life.

Christmas was Y/N´s favourite holiday. Since she was a child she loved doing snowmans and building igloos, hot chocolate that warmed her small hands. She loved making Christmas tree and putting colorful decorations around house.

„Oh look! Who´s this big present may be?“ Her mom pointed out at the big gift lying under the Christmas tree. Y/N stood up and ran with big expectation on her face. Small hands were trying to make their way to the thing that was hiding under the paper. The small girl gasped.

On that Christmas her mom got her first guitar. Y/N smiled a little at that memory. She used to annoy everyone about it. Singing loudest on a car rides and karaokes with her family and friends. She grabbed her neckle softly that was hanging around her neck as she looked up at the dark sky.

Growing up Y/N used to put videos on YouTube of her playing some instrument, most of the time guitar or piano. When she was comfortable enough she sang a little but not much. She was doing this for couple of years, once in a while post some video. Y/N wasn´t really popular, she had small fanbase of her family and friends, some people that found her work and supported her. Nothing big.

„Y/N?!“ Her mom could be heard from downstairs. „You got something in box!“

The girl´s face turned confused and she slowly stood up from the bed. She made her way down the stairs and saw white envelope with her name on it.

„That´s for me?“ She was much confused right now. The only post she has got by far was from school and even that was sometimes on her mother´s name. And this definitely didn´t look like from school. „Strange...“

Her fingers slowly cut the envelope open and unfold the paper that was there.

„Oh my God...“

Her life took radical change after that. Y/N always says that small things could change your life big. It was all about small details that made your life.

It turned out that someone from a big music company found her and was interested in her talent. She couldn´t believe it, it was like a dream. The imagine of her doing something she loved for the rest of the life sounded perfect in her mind.

She was cut off by opening the car doors and her body moved to autopilot. Her steps brought her to the edge of red carpet and that moment everything got louder.

„Y/N!“

„Y/N look here!“

She was looking around her, posing for the cameras as the people around her were yelling for her attention. She started walking to the front of the big entarance to the building.

Y/N as a musician with big influence was invited to the award show. It was such a shock to all the people that the singer showed up here. She wasn’t much of a person to go to the public shows like this. To her it wasn´t needed. It was rare to see her somewhere in public besides on her concerts. Y/N liked to put everything together in her private life. She liked to keep herself low, reminding that being a known person is a double-edged sword. Just like was her love for the girl.

Y/N remember how she met her for the first time. They were still teens and saw each other on some premiere of a movie which they were invited on. Even blind person could feel the instant spark between them. After that there wasn´t day they wouldn´t contact each other.

They grew closer and closer as the days went by, after texting couple of weeks non-stop they agreed to go out to grab some food. They slowly became best friends that soon turned into more.

She used to support you in every way, always saying how talented you are, how she´s proud of you. You were supporting her too, being her biggest fan behind closer doors. Your relationship wasn´t known to public. People saw you a couple of times out together but nobody had proves that you were actually together.

It was sunday evening, Y/N´s fingers played soft melody as they brushed through the strings of her guitar. She were sitting on a couch in a living room. The burning fireplace was adding to the cozy mood. Her girlfriend was laying beside her, watching her carefully with her big brown eyes, enjoying the beautuful melody.

When the song ended Y/N looked up at her, as if she was waiting for her approval. „What do you think?“

Jenna smiled at her, pushing herself a little closer. „It was beautiful.“

„You wanna try?“

The girl wanted to refuse but the singer´s big eyes stared right at her, as if they were praying for the word yes. She sighed with a small smile and agreed. The rest of the night was filled with laughter from both of them as she was trying to teach Jenna that song.

Jenna was her person. Even since they met each other they were always together. They knew everything about themselves and always had each other's back. Jenna´s family loved Y/N and Y/N´s family loved Jenna. Y/N´s mom would always say that they were made for each other and that Y/N needed to keep her.

Y/N was sitting by the big table in the dining room in her family house. Her mom invited her and Jenna to a sunday lunch with her whole family. It was good to see her family together like that. The girl loved spending time with her close ones.

Laughing was heard around the room as Y/N´s face was turning red from embarrassment. „Mom!“

„What?“ she laughed warmly at her child. „It was funny.“

„Well, not to me!“. She told some embarrassing story of Y/N when she was a small kid. The singer has a lots of them and she hates every single one.

„I can´t believe!“ Jenna laughed. „Do you have a photo?“ She asked as she was still trying to hold her laugh inside.

„Of course I do! I´ll show it to you right after!“

„Absolutely not!“  

Despite their busy life, they were able to make it work. Jenna traveled and filmed a lot and Y/N was most of the time making new music for her or was helping someone else. But even like that, they could still make it work.

It was a couple of weeks since she started to film Wednesday. Jenna was away from country, big amount of her time filming and if she had some free time it was used for her recover. The girl was tired and Y/N knew it, she was worried about her well-being, if she got enough sleep, if she eats everyday and drinks a lot of water.

At first everything was fine, Jenna didn´t have much time because of filming but Y/N was understanding. She knew how busy the girl must be, remembering how it was while her girlfriend was filming Scream or X so right now her being main character, the actress was very much needed everywhere.

But as weeks went by it looked like the girl´s free time was much shorter. They no longer face-timed each other, from texting every morning and every night become sometimes. Y/N was still messaging Jenna, sending her texts, voice messages, photos and videos of her or things she saw, her new music or funny memes.

But she got nothing in exchange.

Was she being that much delusional that she still thought that the young actress just didn´t have much time? Yes, Y/N kept always protecting her girlfriend, saying that she was busy, tired and had more important things to do. But after not geting any text from Jenna she become a little worried, so she texted her sister.

Aliyah told her that everything was fine, she was surprised by the news Y/N told her. Jenna was texting her almost every day and sometimes even send her a photo from behind the scenes or her with her co-stars. To not no worry her sister´s girlfriend more, she didn´t tell her about that.

„Y/N you look amazing tonight! How are you?“ The interviewed asked the singer as she was approaching the main room of the building.

„Hi! Thank you so much!“ She smiled at the woman with mic in her hand. „I´m good, how about you?“

„Amazing! So Y/N, I wanted so ask if you got something prepared for tonight show!“ she smiled at the woman, laughing gently at her words.

„Well, that´s a secret! Maybe I do, maybe I don´t.“ she continued laughing. „We will see.“ Y/N was actually one of the performers tonight but she wanted to keep it to herself and people who knew already about it.

They continued to chat a little before the girl said her goodbye and continued her walk. There were a lot of celebrities which was expecting. Actors, singers, directors, DJs, Y/N thought she even saw some TikTok influencers.

As she was passing by to the table she was seated, the girl could feel the starings of others. Sure she knew she was quite known among a lot of people, the singer has a pretty big fan base. But what more shocked them was that she even show up, at least that´s what Y/N thought. Finally she found her seat and and sat there waiting for the start.

Y/N knew from a young age that not everything can be bought with. She was rised humble, to always appreciate everything. She thanked God everyday for being healthy and having everything her family needed. She had nothing more to ask for. She already had everything she wanted in life.

That morning Y/N woke up, she and Jenna agreed to have a chill day and just spend some time together. The singer was in a kitchen cooking something for a lunch while her girlfriend was taking a shower. She was drinking a water when suddnely her phone rang, thinking it was one of her sibling she didn´t even look at the contact.

„Miss Y/L/N?“

The girl frowned, confused at who it was. „Uhm... Yes?“

„I´m really sorry but we found your mom today morning. We couldn´t help her anymore.“

Y/N´s vision narrowed, her heart fell to her stomach. Those were words she didn´t want to hear, never. The loud sound of break glass was heard around the kitchen as she dropped the cup of water she was holding.

Declining the call she sobbed softly into her hands. Her back slowly leaned against the kitchen cabinet as she was now sitting by the broken glass.

„Y/N? You okay?“ Jenna was asking from the bathroom after she heard the noise. The actress became worried because she didn´t hear her girlfriend’s answer. Quickly leaving the bathroom running to the kitchen.

„Baby watch out for the glass- Y/N!“ She hurried towards her carefully as she saw the girl in a ball, holding her knees, hiding head between them as sobs were leaving her mouth, tightly holding the neckle around the neck. That neckle was given to Y/N by her mom on the girl’s birthday. „Did you hurt yourself?“.

By now she was even more concerned. Jenna leaned into her, trying to find some cut or blood but nothing.

„She´s gone Jenna.“ More sobs were coming from Y/N as she wad trying to say it to her. „My mom is gone.“

Jenna´s eyes watered. She took the girl’s head into own hands as she brought her face into her chest. Both of them were sitting there around broken glass, just like their hearts.

Y/N´s mom was everything to her, she made her daughter beautiful childhood, made her who she is today. She appreciate her not only as a mother but also as a person. The girl would do anything for her mom. The day they told Y/N´s family about her bad health condition was the worst day of her life. She tried everything, going to different hospitals, doctors, giving all her money to her mom´s treatment, despite her always saying she didn´t want to take her kid´s money, she would always pay for it. But you can´t buy everything with money.

After that day Y/N´s look on the world changed. She lost someone from her closest people, someone who was with her whole life, someone who teached her everything she knows. Someone she wouldn´t be here without.

Jenna was with Y/N everyday, always saying to her that she is now better and she won´t suffer anymore. That she is happy up there looking after her now. The girl wouldn´t know what to do if the actress wasn´t with her. She kept Y/N´s company, making sure that she won´t ever leave. That was before she went to Romania.

„Please welcome Y/N Y/L/N.“ The voice could be heard around the big theatre as everyone was greeting the singer with applause. On the screen was written her name and in the middle of the stage was a mic waiting for her. Y/N slowly approaches the mic with the guitar hanging loosely around her body. Tonight she´s going to perform with things that were most dear to her but lost them both. The guitar was the one her mom got her on Christmas, her first ever guitar. Everything got quiet and just like that Y/N started.

Soft sound of closing door was heard around your apartment. Y/N was sitting on a couch in a living room watching some show. She thought that her mind was playing tricks on her because of how much she didn´t sleep these past weeks.

But when she heard she sound of keys she knew that must be her girlfriend. Y/N jumped up from the couch and ran to the hallway. There stood Jenna with her bags around her. The singer was so happy that finally she was home. She missed her so much. At that time it was much more.

They greeted each other and hugged tightly, Y/N thought that everything will be like it used to but their life had different plans.

Jenna said that she came for a week, that they gave them free time to get some new energy. Y/N could feel that something was different about her girlfriend. She wasn´t as she was before she left. She acted more distant, more cold, she was trying to make excuse for everything like kiss or cuddles. When they talked she refused to look into her eyes.

Y/N knew they need to discuss this before she leave because then they won´t ever talk about it.

Jenna one time left her phone on the couch when she went to bathroom, Y/N wasn´t kind of person to go into her girlfriend´s phone, she trusted her with her life. But as her phone kept ringing every second with new notification she looked. It was one of her co-stars, saying how he miss her and can´t wait to hang with her again. The singer´s heart dropped to her stomach once again.

,,And the winner is… Y/N Y/L/N” the moment of silence was followed by the loud sound of yelling and clapping hands after they announced the singer’s name.

Her eyes widen at that new information, everyone was now standing smiling at her as she was now filmed on camera that was showed on big screen. Everyone laughed at her confused face as she couldn’t believe she won.

People gratulate her as she went to the stage to grab an award. The girl’s hands were shaking a little as she now stood infront of big audience of celebrities and cameras.

,,Woah uhm… it didn’t even cross my mind that I could win something like this.” She brough up the award a little holding it with both hands. ,,This means a lot to me. I’ll use it as a reminder that I’ve came this far in my life, as a reminder that I wouldn’t be here without my family, my friends and fans, you. I wanna thank my family and everyone that stayed with me and supported me.” The girl leaned a little more into the mic as her voice started shaking a little.

,,Espessally someone dear to me that I’ve lost.” She took a big breath. ,,Mom, there’s not a day that I don’t miss you. You gave me everything you had and I don’t know what I did to deserve you. I will love you forever mom.”

Even after so long she still craved for her mom. She will always be her child even when she´s no longer with her.

„Thank you.“ Y/N bowed a little and walked away accomopanied by applause.

„Jenna, please.“ Y/N was coming after her girlfriend.

„Jenna I don´t understand.“ The singer was looking at her girlfriend as she was quickly packing her clothes into the bags.

„Y/N I don´t want to talk about it.“ She said. Her body was moving fast as if she was trying to get away from you as quicky as possible. Jenna was going to Romania again, for God knows how long now. She didn´t tell you.

The taller girl breathed out as she was trying to understand her girlfriend actions. „B-But why? I thought we tell each other everything!“

Y/N confronted Jenna about her worries and how she felt like she was pushing her away. The actress of course refused to accept that, saying that everything was normal. It wasn´t, even she knew it. As the singer was trying to talk things out, Jenna went to pack her things saying she´s going to leave soon, avoiding the talk.

Jenna was now in a hallway, putting there her bags and shoes on. Y/N´s heart beat faster and faster by her actions.

„I saw your texts.“

The short girl stopped and looked up to Y/N. This felt like the first time she was looking at her since she came home. Her big brown eyes were wide and her face changed, as if she realized something.

The hurt look the singer was giving her. She can’t blame her. The way she acted this week was awful. It was her fault.

„Y/N-“ she was trying to get closer to her but the girl took a step back. „I-I promise you that doesn´t mean anything.“ Jenna´s voice was now soft, still looking at her girlfriend as she was only looking down.

„We will talk about it when I get back. I swear.“ Jenna took her bags as she was now unlocking the apartment door.

„I love you Jenna.“ Y/N said to her with broken voice „But I don´t think I can take it anymore.“.

Y/N was leaning against the balcony in the big building. After the awards show everyone were invited to the after party that was in some club. The singer didn´t feel like going to party, she just wanted to lay in her bed and watch some show but it would be rude it she just left right after.

„Hi.“

That was the voice she could hardly forget. Y/N didn´t even have to turn around to know who it was.

„Congratulation. It was clear that you would win.“. She leaned a little by her ex-girlfriend´s side, carefully not too close.

Ex-girlfriend. Jenna hated that. She hated how open she left their relationship despite Y/N´s desperate callings. She knew how Y/N miss her. Even much more after her mom passed away. The singer told her lots of times how she felt like she didn´t have anyone besides Jenna.

„I want to say I´m sorry-“

„There´s no need.“ The taller girl cut her off, she still didn´t look at her way. Jenna missed Y/N´s eyes at her.

„No! I was stupid! I left you when you were just perfect to me!“

The first month of filming in Romania was the worst. Being that far away from home and all the people she loved the most. Jenna felt alone. She knew she needed to adjust as soon as possible and it wasn´t supposed to be a problem for her, she had done this a lot of times, but now it was for such a long time and there wasn´t a way to go back from it. She kept texting Y/N everytime she had some time for herself or if she didn´t have much work at that moment.

As time went by, the months started to go by without her noticing, she enjoyed it so much more and it started to be not just about her job anymore. The girl started to go out with her now new friends and slowly started to forget about what she left behind.

She felt a little guilty everytime she saw a new message from Y/N. Jenna didn´t even know why she was doing that, the whole ignoring thing. She just knew she felt less attached because of that but her excuse was that she wanted to focus only on the job. When she finally texted her, she made sure not to read what Y/N had to say. For her own selfishness.  

When she came for a week she didn´t know how to act, feeling embarrassed for her actions but instead of explaining herself and apologizing to her girlfriend, she kept going. Jenna knew she was wrong, she felt it but being already so deep in the problem she didn´t want to make it worse or better, it would take her a lot of energy.

It was eating her up for the whole week, the look Y/N was giving her, it was visible she missed her, her body showed it pretty clearly. Jenna´s heart was crawling for her but her mind told her not to, that it´s better that way, not being attached.

Finally, when she was going to film again, expecting to just leave and run again, leaving the problems behind, Y/N said those words. Just then she understood that it was hurting her much more than she thought. Y/N didn´t have anyone besides her.

At that moment Jenna just wanted to throw herself at her and never let her go. But then it would be so much harder to leave. When she came to Romania she missed her again and the words haunted her mind.

That night Jenna was just lying in her bed, reading Y/N´s messages. Every greeting, every photo, text, voice message, every I love you. The more she was scrolling the more her heart broke.

Jenna was lying in her bed every night asking for forgiveness with wet cheeks and hope in her heart that Y/N would still be there.

Finally when Jenna was coming home, her whole ride she was praying for things to work out between them. Thinking about what to tell her to make it right.

But after her hands were trying to unlock the door as quicky as possible her ears were met with silence of apartment. Jenna´s stomach dropped a little when she realized her girlfriend isn´t home. Her legs took her to their bed room and was only met with her empty closet.

She left.

Jenna remembered Y/N´s last words, how the girl cried and how she was desperate for her touch all week. Now the tables turned. There wasn´t day the actress wouldn´t regret what she did, she wanted to make it right again. But she couldn´t find her anymore.

„Y/N I regret it so much. If I could I would take it back-“

„But you can´t.“ Y/N turned finally to her. Jenna´s eyes was on her, she missed her. After all this time she still feels the same. „I was depressed and didn´t understand why you acted that way. I thought I did something wrong, that maybe that was the reason.“

Jenna shook her head at your words. Her heart aching at that imagination. „After you left I had no one. You were the only one I got and you knew that and... And you still left me.“

„Y/N please.“ Jenna said with shaking voice, her eyes glossy from tears that refused to fall. She wanted to come a little closer but she was sure the singer would take a step back. She felt just like Y/N was feeling on that day.

„And after so long? You just want to apologize? You think that it would be so easy?“ Her voice got a little higher as she was staring at Jenna with anger and betrayal in her eyes. She breathed out, closing slowly her eyes trying to calm herself down.

„You knew how hard it was for me. You knew what state I was in! And you still choose to make me feel so alone without any explanation.“

Y/N was looking at her like she was memorizing her face. „I don´t want your explaination. Not anymore.“ She took a deep breath and with a heavy heart said her last words.

„I´m sorry Jenna but... I don´t think I can.“

And like that Y/N turned around to walk from her. Jenna was big part in her life. She still appreciate her but after how things between them ended she wasn´t sure if she could forgive her that easely. Even though she still loves her.

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