#on a personal level

[whetstonefires]

See I don't necessarily disagree with what seems to be the primary reading that Yue Qingyuan's shifu fucked him over, caring nothing for his needs or preferences and only for whether he was useful. That makes sense, it ties into plenty of the generational and societal themes of the story. It fits.

But iirc we don't actually get enough information to know that's what happened.

And the thing is it would be so in-character and also thematically appropriate if Yue Qingyuan absolutely did not explain his goals or why he was working so hard, because it was private and shameful and he didn't expect any sympathy, and there was a high risk of losing everything if he blabbed.

And also if he engaged with the existing ruleset with which he was presented, i.e. 'can't go off on your own on personal business until you've mastered your sword,' in the most negative and controlling manner possible, as absolute commandments.

He's a different kind of guy but he comes from the same background as Shen Jiu! It fucked him up also!

He is very very very not a guy who trusts the system to make allowances for him--even once he has all the power he 'does what he wants' and 'makes selfish choices' as a conscious transgression; not something he has a right to do, just something he can get away with so he's gonna. (And ofc he spends almost all the latitude he grants himself on sqq.)

And even less is he a guy who opens up easily.

He isn't too proud to ask for help or pity, so much as he just doesn't expect to get any.

So in this interpretation, he understood that rule as a non-negotiable barrier in his path, the target to overcome, and focused all his considerable will and talent on overcoming it through the sphere of action he felt he had control over.

And fucked himself up bad.

Whereupon his teacher, possessing absolutely no context for this dumb shit their star pupil pulled, did the only thing they thought might work to save his life, paying in the process no attention to the raving of someone deep in a psychotic break.

Like, I feel like there should have been a better, kinder medical option, but I don't know for sure that there was, so I can't say with certainty this was the kind of cruelty that derives from not caring enough.

And it really would be kind of elegant and so typical of Yue Qingyuan's fundamental tragedy if the real mistake was 'not confiding in anybody' the whole time.

And he was just so deeply sunk into the understanding that explaining and asking were useless that, even looking back, it never really occurred to him that maybe his mistake wasn't 'fucking it up when trying too hard to solve everything on his own' but 'assuming there was no help to be had, and that he had to do it all on his own.'

Like. What if this really could all have been avoided if he'd just trusted and communicated with the adult in charge of him? But of course, of course his history of trauma (neglect, child abuse, exploitation, being the One Responsible for the younger kids whom he could not keep safe) meant he was absolutely not going to do that.

It was basically impossible. For the person he was, the person the world had made of him. And that's always been the core tragedy the whole novel circles back upon.

People can only ever be themselves, and so very often the elements of self that let them survive until now are that which dooms them, that means they need someone else to intervene if they're ever going to be saved. Because your personal doom is always the thing from which you can't save yourself.

#hoc est meum #JUST LIKE SHEN JIU #yue qingyuan #svsss #scum villain #meta #trauma #ambiguous backstory elements #tragedy #growing into your deathmask #the fact that shen jiu got in #and got promoted #tends to imply the former generation wasn't particularly inflexible #or unwilling to entertain deviance #the fact that yqy got made Sect Leader #despite his disability #suggests his teacher valued him #on a personal level #though not necessarily a level that gave a shit #about his happiness or wellbeing #but we srsly do not know

[murdrdocs]

it’s crazy how no one can relate to this song like i can

#matty made this for me actually #and this was the first song i ever related to #on a personal level #Spotify

[archduke-enver-gortash]

RAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

#they both. are so. #the brainrot #insanely special to me #i went into a little but i don’t think i’ll ever be able to talk to anyone about why exactly but. most important characters in fiction to me #on a personal level #camellia gwerm #enver gortash

[ovrgrwn]

The media blackout on what is happening is Iran Is utterly disgusting and I am mourning for every colonized country on earth that has integrated Islamophobia into their culture.

Tens of thousands of women and protesters will be executed and not one country is doing anything about it, let alone talking about it.

#this reality is so fucked up #if we don’t start paying attention to our unconscious bias’s #and doing the work to decolonize ourselves from whiteness #on a personal level #and on a cultural scale #idk what will happen #fuck the patriarchy #islam #iran #islamophobia #xenophobia #genocide #opression #capitalism #colonialism

[judaschair]

manifesting elon musk eats shit and dies in 2024.

#i have no way to have this happen #i hope he knows i hate him #on a personal level #i can be paid into silence though

[itspileofgoodthings]

every single day of my life I am reminded of the fact that tumblr is the one place where the obvious and very beautiful and right romance from a popular story is the one that will make people agree as a collective that shipping it makes you insane/evil/dumb etc. truly, wild stuff.

#this is about reylo and stancy lol #like y’all are insane #INSANE #and the thing that really gets me is that you all agree with each other and so you treat your insanity as reasonable #WHEN IT IS LAUGHABLE AND I N S A N E #you don’t know how to read/comprehend a story on its most basic level #and you hate true love #and like GO OFF I GUESS #(this is about my for you page which is just ant/ stancy posts #which is insane and cursed #anyway like I literally don’t care #on a personal level #because I will block you all and stay away from you #like. reylo and my eternal vindication cured me of actually caring what you little gremlins say #but as a TEACHER. as a LOVER OF TRUTH AND ROMANCE #y’all are insane and if you care about anything good you will check yourself at the door #(this is not @ anyone I know this is @ people who make anti posts that get thousands of notes) #deranged behavior! #anyway

[yiilinglaozu]

bts paved the way but epik high is painting in the lines

#they’re so intertextual.. #to me personally #thank u tablo #thank you bts #thank u nmj and yg specifically #on a personal level #like BTS and Epik High the brands are definitely referencing each other all the time #bc the band members are personal friends #eternal sunshine my beloved #all day my beloved #etc etc #plus they’ve both experienced unprecedented levels of media attention #like.. epik high paved the way #to be honest #bc bts (esp namjoon and yoongi who do a lot of the writing/producing #are such huge fans #and they respect and look up to epik high so much #epik high paved the way for bts to pave the way #and they’re still talking with them #musically and across their songs and lyrics and features #im so obsessed #im huge army #but loving epik high feels like unlocking army level two for me #lmao

[appleroach]

Listen I just want them to be friends

#to be clear i love clint and matt relationships #but with how clints hearing was handled in the mcu #i feel the bonding over being disabled superheroes dynamic they have in fandom is more applicable with Maya #bonus they both hate Fisk #on a personal level #maya lopez #eco #matt murdock #daredevil tv #netflix daredevil #wilson fisk #the kingpin #hawkeye #mcu daredevil #mcu #marvel phase four #edited for alt text and tags

[captaingondolin]

hey has anyone considered this extremely fucked up idea: someone (doesn’t matter who, but it can’t be a clone, or likely anyone who works with them on the regular) finds out about the chips, the plans for order 66 and who Palps really is. so. because they don’t even know if the chips can be removed, or if the orders can be reversed once activated, or because they have to make a choice quickly due to time constraints: they activate the chips, but with a different order. the clones still lose their free will, but aren’t used as tools of genocide.

Palpatine is shot dead, the empire never starts, the Jedi are mostly alive, the war ends. they eventually figure out that the chips can be safely removed, but now all the clones are a lot more traumatised and most of them will never trust a natborn ever again.

...to be fair the clones already always get the short end of the stick and this is unnecessarily cruel, but in my defence I am a poor european meow meow experiencing extreme heat (and not in the fun omegaverse sense) without air conditioning and I might be going a little feral

#angsty plotting from the cellar #it's a nice cellar tho #i've got a nice armchair and all in here #my tag #imagine the fallout though #on a personal level #between specific clones who really got along with their jedi for example #wolffe and plo koon angst #absolutely tragic

[nureposts]

Anime Recs For Narcissists

The Misfit of Demon King Academy

The King's Avatar (donghua, not anime, but I felt it still deserved a mention anyways)

That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Slime

The Prince of Tennis

The Genius Prince's Guide to Raising a Nation Out of Debt 

#anime rec list #anime recommendation #actually narcissistic #actually npd #actually cluster b #these animes have been #on a personal level #a source of great joy #thru very 'narc high' like feelings

[ittybittybumblebee]

Omg Timma was actually a little shit,,, of course she was a kid and you cant take her completely accountable for how her being raised shaped her as quite a young child who hasnt fully grasped the concept of respecting other people yet,,, but oohhhmy god you dont even know you donnt even know this poor kid was so bratty and beru had to deal with all that being her gaurdian but ouhghhhhhhhhhh and then what happens after ohgmgmg yall dont even know

#my ocs #ive had siblings i promise you i #have 3 sisters and theyve all been little shits at times #i know. #on a personal level #ive been bitten by all of them

[seilon]

hm

#I’ve always felt a bit. hm #alienated? no that’s not quite the right word uhh #just generally I’ve always felt a bit unnerved and cornered by the fact that it’s the general consensus of trans people on here and other #places online for the most part that a trans person should not wish they were born cis and should not feel um. I guess. depersonalized? by #the fact that they’re trans or have any ill feelings I’m not being born physically aligned with the gender they are #because. ngl I’ve always wished I was born cis. a cis man in particular. and growing up going through the Trans Experience for years and #years hasn’t really changed that. I mean that’s sort of what dysphoria tends to do. make you feel out of place in your own body and long for #a reality in which you have the Right Parts per se #but it feels almost like… problematic of me to think that way. I mean. like. if given the choice choosing to be born cis #it goes against the concept of having pride in a way because yeah frankly on a personal level I don’t really have much pride #in my not aligning with my assigned gender. I don’t feel like it’s wrong either obviously but I don’t feel overtly glad to be who/what I am #it’s just sort of… what it is. I guess from a personal philosophical standpoint to a degree but mostly just a combination of dysphoria and #living the Trans Experience which is– good things about the community as a whole and such aside– mostly terrible due to the proclivity for #hating yourself and/or associated constant bigotry and discrimination and being looked at weird and being looked at the wrong way and etc #so the part of ‘pride’ I do have is more of a general non-personal overarching pride for the people (including me) who have to go through #the shit thrown at us from the rest of the world and bearing it and still maintaining the label despite the pain it can provoke/invoke #but #on a personal level #I don’t know man I just can’t really… make myself glad to be trans or treat it as more of a pro in my life than a con #and I feel. like. from posts I often see and other people’s personal experiences/presentation that that’s… idk I’m looking for another word #than problematic but that’s the only one coming to mind #dysphoria’s a bitch man and it really goes much further than body image issues alone. I go through episodes of depersonalization all the #fine because of a disconnect from my own identity and sense of self and so on and though I have other mental health issues associated with #this as well a chunk of the reasoning for it is still dysphoria causing my own body to never feel 100% like my own body #anyway sorry this is edgy and hashtag deep sorry I need to do my work now #kibumblabs

[captainjonnitkessler]

Sometimes I wish we would start calling out the performative radicalism on this site for the poser bullshit it is. "Remember, it's always morally correct to kill a cop!" "Don't forget to firebomb your local government office!" "Wow, it sure would be a shame if these instructions on how to make a molotov cocktail got spread around!"

Okay. But you're not killing cops or firebombing government offices. You are posting on a dying microblogging website to a carefully-curated echo chamber that has radicalized itself into thinking that taking the absolute most extreme position on any subject is praxis but that anyone discussing the most practical way to effect actual change is your sworn enemy. You do not have the street cred OR the activist cred to be talking about killing cops, babe.

#thinking about the person i saw saying that if you're at a protest #and other protesters try to stop you from becoming violent you should just kill them bc 'peace police are still police' #even taken as hyperbole that's simply dumb as shit on every conceivable level #it's also pretty blatantly hypocritical coming from people who are usually self-avowed prison/death penalty abolitionists #like i'm sorry but you don't get to be a death penalty abolitionist and also call for the death of your political enemies online #this isn't a major issue or anything i'm just bored and annoyed

[liquidstar]

Yes, Greece still exists, we didn't all die 2000 years ago. Yes, people speak Greek. You people are so fucking stupid for real. So many of you claim to love ancient shit but can't even acknowledge the actual living culture of the people whose mythology and classics you romanticize. You keep leaving annoying comments about how you just forget Greek people still exist, thinking you're being quirky because you love ancient stuff soooo much that you forgot about the people it came from. You think about it so little you don't even realize that an actual Greek person has to read this shit, making it clear how little you actually care about the culture beyond the romanticized (and westernized) mythology. Don't claim you love Greece, don't use our mythology anymore if you can't acknowledge that we're still around without making it about how little you think about us. It's mind boggling that you'd think a Greek person would read this and think you're anything but obnoxious. Explode.

#this post is edited because you're all annoying. maybe I'll turn it back someday #it sucks that people can't even be normal about a funny family story once the fact that we're greek comes into the fold #suddenly its all about blorbofied mythology shit and idiots saying ''GREECE IS REAL???? 🤯🤯🤯🤯'' yeah percy j*ckson didnt make it up #maybe it would be less annoying if they weren't all saying it like I'd think it's funny that they don't know we exist instead of like #disturbing on a personal level. like what the fuck #man if you can't acknowledge we exist in real life just name your oc Icarus something else idgaf #so yeah explode. Skase. Voulos'to. Valto mesa sto katamalakismeno mouni tis mana's sou. Psophise. etc.

[valgue]

that painting i rbed ive had dreams exactly like that about the same exact bridge

#i cant leave this website bc every so often it speaks to me #on a personal level

[catmask]

does anyone have like an anti aesthetic. like something you look at and can recognize as a complete fashion/interior design/artistic movement and understand it but it makes you shudder seeing it. i am not talking like “its morally bad” “its poorly structured” like just sheerly devoid of joy for you actually invites a repulse response.

#also if it wasnt clear this isnt ‘its bad its lazy’ there is a level of like #completion consistancy i am thinking for with this #personally i really do not enjoy the like. vintage chic long red nails fur coats noir esque aesthetic HOWEVER 💥💥💥 #i can recognize that it is put together it is Intentional #i feel like a lot of people are going to say minimalism on this so LET ME SAY 🫰☝️ i recognize that minimalism is Considered an aesthetic #but i *PERSONALLY* do not consider it an aesthetic i consider it the void of one #it is a lapse in aesthetic or personality in the same way a silence in a song is still technically a ‘beat’ but no music is played #however the importance of Space or Breath in design is more akin to a purposeful silence in music #because that silence matters in the same way rhythm and breath in design do #so i guess minimalism is more comparable to like. white noise. the sound of a fan #very little effort and there is a comfort in it i suppose but its not. A Design. okay #TO ME 🤫 #if minimalism has one hater its me if minimalism has no haters im dead