#otp: the light my darkness has been longing for

[leopardmuffinxo]

indulge in me. let me be the fragrant taste your mouth desires.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #shadowheart #my oc: kyvoni moreau #otp: the light my darkness has been longing for #shadowheart x tav #my bg3 edits #userarklay #usermorvaris #userwolfkissed #userlumad #userterendelev #useravallachs #baldurians #katsigian #useremahriel #userfray #mrdekarios #userimogen #nsft #??? maybe. idk anymore lol #they don't actually sleep together before the beach scene #but ky has his ways of helping her destress #( ͡° ͜ ͡° )

[silviakundera]

I'm gonna need kunning palace to give me a lot of the main otp in the last episodes, we have 8 left (this is why I don't f*ck with this 40 ep rule because now that we're getting the main relationship the show is over and everything that came before was also necessary). I'm gonna need to see how deep JXN's love for him becomes, I know people are obsessed with dedicated ML but I enjoy otps where it's more equal and I love seeing a female lead protect and support her otp the way he does her, even if it takes a while like in ming lan she had completely reasonable issues and took a while to warm up to him but when she did she was 1000% in and showed just how much she loved him, I personally don't appreciate unbalanced relationships where it's just one party sacrificing and being a lot more dedicated no matter the genders.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS WARNING MAJOR SPOILERS

Hard to say, depends on how close they stay to the book. They've been quite faithful to the novel so far but at the point we are now is where I feel fairly confident that we're gonna diverge. Because in the novel the otp gets VERY dark before they get better. There's a reason why Xie Wei has been holding himself back & restraining his emotions. He's a whole mess of anxiety & PTSD and he has to work through his traumas. Both these characters have been a burningdog.gif meme and saying everything is just fiiiiiiiine but in the novel when they finally get alone on center stage together things get REAL because it's masks off. And underneath they are a whole mess.

imo the key to this pairing, and why we don't get a love confession from her until the very end, is what she thinks when she finally publically claims him (fittingly, she doesn't claim the lauded scholar but the unhinged figure that the public now finds monstrous):

Shen Zhiyi asked: "Ning Ning, do you know what kind of person he is?”

Jiang Xuening said, "I know."

This person forced her to kill in his previous life; even in this life, he still thought about taking her to die with him. He is definitely not a good person. How could she not know?

It can even be said that she knows better than anyone else. Because she has seen his truest and craziest side.

Shen Zhiyi asked again: "Do you like him?"

Jiang Xuening thought for a while and said, "I like him."

At this moment, Xie Wei's palm trembled slightly, but there seemed to be thousands of lights and shadows passing by in his mind, and finally there was nothing left, just staring at her blankly.

Yan Lin stood too far away, no one could see his blurred expression clearly.

Shen Zhiyi also didn't speak for a long time.

She didn't fully agree, she was afraid that her Ning Ning would be sad because of the wrong choice, but she couldn't stop her, and all her worries finally turned into one sentence: "Then you really know what you are doing now?"

Jiang Xuening smiled at her: "I understand."

And not only know what to do now, but also what to do in the future.

So calmly: "I want to marry him."

"..."

That night, he asked her once, but she didn't answer, so he never dared to ask again.

But now she says she wants to marry him. Xie Wei suddenly couldn't tell whether this was real or a dream: didn't she want to leave him and go find Zhang Zhe?

Jiang Xuening also saw that he didn't comprehend. "You are really, extremely smart, but you just don't like people."

Talking about love, this person is stupid to death.

I am too afraid of losing what I have, and I seem to think that what I have will eventually be lost, so I am paranoid, extreme, and I refuse to show weakness to others and say all those words.

Jiang Xuening felt that this person was too similar to her previous self.

There are some things that I don't understand, so I bash my head against it.

She blinked, with tears in her eyes, but took his hand, tiptoed to kiss his cool thin lips."

//

Part of the reason she feels so deeply for him is their deep down similarity, but the novel is Jiang Xuening's journey to love & accept herself, letting go of the pain & shame from the past. She doesn't reach this point until the end, where she recognizes and accepts her own darkness and thus his, and also believes it doesn't need to define their future. Everyone now thinks she is the saint and he's the sinner but she knows they are both.

The novel epilogue shows they are finding a peaceful life together, the urge to fight and claw at life and each other has finally passed. But though in the last 30% of the novel we get tons of couple-time, all the gestures of devotion are coming from him. She's not ready. I frankly have no idea how much the drama will change the last 30%, and it won't land the same cause I'm sure they have to tone down how scary the ML gets...but regardless I do think we won't get a confession until the last act.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

#story of kunning palace #cdrama #spoilers #meta #guuuuurl extreme doesnt even cover it 😂😭 #why are u guys like this #tbh anon i dont think this will be to your taste #but we are almost there so just hang with us 😘

[dangermousie]

Dramas for the first half of 2023

Now that we are six months into 2023, time to do one of these posts. I am gonna include both Korean and Chinese dramas, because why not and any drama I even checked out is on it.

DRAMAS WATCHED

29. Romance of Twin Flower  (China) - make it cease existing! My favorite het web novel got murdered and then had its grave spat on.

28. Dominator of Martial Gods  (China) - if MST3K still existed, this drama would be prime material for it.

27. Wanru’s Journey  (China) - acting. Try it!

26. Royal Rumors  (China) - they tried acting. But forgot to try having a functional screenplay on top.

25. The Last Princess  (China) - acting is nonexistent and the story is trash but it never aspired to be what it wasn’t and was kinda cute.

24. Oasis  (Korea) - great acting in a story with a screenplay that goes round and round fruitlessly like a hamster in a cage.

23. The Trust  (China) - the OTP in this one swaps bodies but it would have been better for everyone if whoever made this and an actual competent writer swapped theirs.

22. Snow Eagle Lord  (China) - yet another drama in which Xu Kai does his best to keep acting opposite a wooden costar and through a terrible screenplay. There is something seriously wrong with that man’s career choices.

21. Heartbeat  (Korea) - the good: it’s harmless. The bad: it’s harmless.

20. Back from the Brink  (China) - ummm the people are pretty? And if I were 10 I’d be all about this show but as is...

19. Joseon Attorney  (Korea) - slightly less fun than reading a legal treatise.

18. The Starry Love  (China) - the definition of a xianxia playing it safe and pastel; I did love the secondary couple a lot but it was not enough to save that snoozefest of a drama.

17. Chong Zi  (China) - badly acted and a screenplay that somehow manages to be both repetitive and disjointed. But I am a sucker for the shizunfucker trope so here we are.

16. Island  (Korea) - a mess but Kim Nam Gil is hot with a sword.

15. Circle of Love  (China) - rationally, a hot mess. But so entertaining and addicting and fall of make outs of epicness!

14. Lady Durian  (Korea) - makjang from the Queen of Makjang and with that scrumptious cast! This is gonna be GOOD!

13. The Forbidden Marriage  (Korea) - sweet and oddly charming despite nobody in it bothering to act much.

12. Pledge of Allegiance  (China) - the way they had to edit it likely due to censorship made it less than it what could have been but still more than most dramas this year.

11. Choice Husband (China) - delicious cliches and tropes and angst in the rain!

10. Hidden Love  (China) - to make ME of all people to care about a fluffy modern is a bona fide miracle but the two mains are chemistry machines who portray longing so well.

9. Gone with the Rain  (China) - wildly uneven but our heroine and the sexy general she eventually chooses are pure gold!

8. The Secret Romantic Guest House (Korea) - how to do youth sageuk right. Everything about this just works!

7. Alchemy of Souls: Light and Shadow  (Korea) - it has flaws but is so gorgeous and full of longing and grief and everything good!

6. Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938  (Korea) - a sequel/prequel that is almost as good as the original, how often does that happen?

5. See You In My 19th Life  (Korea) - wacky and grieving, delicate and odd, this is everything I ever want in a kdrama.

4. Call It Love  (Korea) - a truly exquisite story of trauma and loneliness and healing and love.

3. Till the End of the Moon  (China) - gloriously messy in every way this is just MORE. The ending is enraging and there are issues but when it hits, it hits so hard the rest of it does not matter - the dark characters, the dysfunctional love story, the battles, the insane visuals, the EVERYTHING of it. This is what fantasy should be like.

2. Chang Feng Du/Destined  (China) - came out of nowhere to own my heart via its story of growing up and finding love and slow organic relationship building and keeping your soul in a world of horrors.

1. The Ingenuous One  (China) - the best one, so I am gonna talk about it below.

FAVORITE DRAMA

The Ingenuous One - so impossibly solid, from acting to visuals to screenplay to EVERYTHING! Adult characters with adult issues and choices, both moral dilemmas and battles equally compelling. The love stories, the friendships, the shades of grey. This is utterly and completely adult.

WORST DRAMA

Romance of the Twin Flower - if I could make one drama cease to exist, this would be it.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Tantai Jin, Till The End of the Moon - the best character this year hands down - by turns (and timelines) unhinged monster, a contained saint, a victim of abuse trying to attain being viewed as human, a schemer, a ruler, grief personified, curiosity and monstrosity and nobility all mingled.

Runner up: Jang Uk, Alchemy of Souls - sunshine boy gone dark and grieving, but still with that same core of steel.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Shim Woo Joo, Call It Love - she’s damaged and impulsive and relationship-phobic and revenge driven and glorious!

Runner Up:  Shu Ya Nan (The Ingenuous One) - allowed to be tough and dark and with her own agenda and not a member of a good sect and just so cool.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Han Dong Jin’s Mom, Call It Love - that woman was horrifying and the source of so much of his trauma; a real realistic monster petty in all ways except for the damage she inflicted.

FAVORITE SHIP

Gu Jiusi/Liu Yuru, Chang Feng Du - wholesome and helping each other grow and talking it out but also there is blood feeding and midnight rescues and everything. They are good but not in the least boring.

Runner Up: Woo Joo/Dong Jin, Call It Love - two wounded souls finding such slow but such amazing healing with each other.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Su Ming Yu/Ke Menglan, The Ingenuous One - there’s actually been a lot of good secondary OTPs this year (General x Fox in TTEOTM, Investigator x Princess, TIO, Rang/Mermaid, TOTNT1938) but these two owned my heart - gentleman merchant x gambling hostess ftw.

NOTP

Romance of Twin Flower - they took my favorite het novel OTP, smart and coldblooded and forces of nature and turned them into THAT?

SHIRTLESSNESS AWARD

Xiao Hong Ye, Circle of Love - guy was a terrible abuser but those pecs were the real sin!

CRAZIEST FUNFEST

Circle of Love - screenplay written by rabid monkeys and populated by a bunch of psychos but such ridiculous, irresistible fun!

FAVORITE SCENE

Tantai Jin confronting Li Susu in jail, Till the End of the Moon - the energy, the intensity, the darkness the EVERYTHING.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Li Gong Quan, The Ingenuous One - yeah whatever, I realize he’s a minor character but I loved him so much! The whole having to bring down your benefactor who’s gone evil tho you are in love with his daughter should have been a whole other drama!

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Chen Wende, Gone with the Rain - most of this drama is not that exciting but whenever his King of Trolls hot general shows up, I sit up and pay attention. I am 35 eps deep because of him.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

The Ingenuous One - I am dying to see what happens to royal investigator and supposedly dead princess, how our OTP will travel the world, the merchant and his lady, Ten Taels and his orphans and his girl and just everything. I loved these people so!

NEEDS A DIRECTOR’S CUT

Till the End of the Moon - it was clear they cut a BUNCH in the last third to fit the ridiculous new “40 eps or bust” rule and it would flow so much more smoothly if it was allowed to breathe.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Romance of Twin Flower - it should have been shredded into nonexistence sorry not sorry.

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Pledge of Allegiance - this drama was good but had gaping lacunae where too many scissors were taken to it for censorship reasons; I am surprised even what’s left was allowed to air tbh but still...

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Shrill = cute - I see it every year, I hate it every year.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Hot Men Whump - come one, TTEOTM alone would fill the quota but we also had CFD, Call It Love, See You in my 19th life etc etc.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Back from the Brink - it’s based on a novel by an author whose other novels (Zhao Yao, Blue Whispers, Mulberry Song) I adore and the novelist was the screenwriter so I was so excited. But it was a juvenile, flat mess that de-powered the heroine and taught me that yeah, sometimes the writer should not adopt their work.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

Chang Feng Du - I loved the novel but the trailers were a fluffy bland disaster and I checked it out with zero expectations. However, this is a glorious adaptation, a lesson in how to transport a massive novel on screen into slim 40 eps and to account for changes in medium and stricter censorship restrictions for dramas versus books while keeping the essential vibe of the original.

BEST NON-2023 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2023

The Imperial Doctress (China) - the pining the pining by the Hot Emperor! This is like all my web novel dreams come true!

MOST ANTICIPATED

A Journey to Love/Prisoner of Beauty/My Journey to You/Kunning Palace - maybe one of them will air before the world ends.

#cdrama #kdrama #2023 drama list

[kyouka-supremacy]

heyy!

for the character ask game, would you mind doing odasaku? 🤭♥️

Of course!!! <333

Favorite thing about them: He's normal. He's plain and uneventful and almost supposed to go unnoticed. Which makes him the perfect common man and character who's the easiest to relate to and see oneself into. He's the bridge between the extraordinary, superpowers world and our ordinary reality. The author loves to delve into the theme of “ordinary”, “avarege”, “uninteresting” men (x) (x) (also see: Sigma's whole character), and I think they're very good at executing it, and it really shows in the composition of Oda. It's a very compelling concept!

Least favorite thing about them: Well. Not his fault. But if I had to be honest the whole oda/zai fandom drama is, politely, quite tiring... I used to have my perplexions about Oda's moral code the first time I watched the anime, but I've long come to terms with the fact that bsd's worldviews are simply different from mine, so I don't really have issues with it anymore. I sincerely enjoyed his character during the anime rewatch of the Dark Era arc.

Favorite line: I guess “people live to save themselves” hits quite hard. I may disagree with bsd's morals, but I suppose a poignant line is still a poignant line.

brOTP: Buraiha trio,,,,,, Oda and his orphans,,,,,,, Also, I know they didn't have much space to interact in canon, but Oda and Akutagawa. It's kinda sweet how Oda stepped up to go to Akutagawa's rescue.

OTP: I like odazai a lot :) Buraiha trio too as a whole, probably.

nOTP: Oda/ngo; not because I take any issue with it (I ship pretty much everything), and I'm sure they care about each other a lot, but every single time without exception I've been exposed to fancontent of them it always framed them as “Dazai's parents”, which I personally find extremely distasteful. Personally, I perceive it as infantilizing Dazai, and it bothers me in particular in the way it clashes with the image of the Buraiha trio I have of people who respect each other and consider each other equals and on the same level despite their rank.. So, y'know.

Random headcanon: Right now I can't take off my mind this headcanon that Oda wears bracelets made for him by his orphans.

Unpopular opinion: He's the author's self-insert lmao. From the way he's the only writer character, to how Asagiri has him as their profile picture on their socials, to how he haunts the narrative but isn't directly part of it, it's really clear as the light of day for me. Which makes Dazai's reverence for and idolization of him a little funny pffttt.

Song i associate with them: I heavily associate Lovers' Suicide Oblivion by OPA to odazai. For some reason, another song that makes me think of Oda is Servant of Evil by mothy, with Oda as Allen and Dazai as Riliane. You know, I suppose. Deeply loving someone despite their being inherently evil due to being able to see the childish, genuine side of them no one else can see. Dying in front of them as the ultimate act of selfless love and their death prompting the other's redemption. One looking over the other after their death and guiding / protecting them. Yeah, I think it fits them.

Favorite picture of them:

Favourite illustration:

Favourite illustration in the anime art style:

Favourite Mayoi card:

Send me a character?

#When I was like 7 or 8 I would spend entire afternoons watching Daughter of Evil / Servant of Evil / Daughter of White pvs. #No wonder I came out like this LMAO #sakunosuke oda #bsd #mine #people asks me stuff #Thank you for asking!! And sorry for the late reply ;;;;

[starsuncounted]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for tagging me @bywayofmemory!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 82.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 128,198.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently, LOTR, Silmarillion, Narnia, and Timeless. I'd like to get back to writing Turn fics, though. I have a couple ideas for oneshots that have been rattling around in my brain.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

winter-touched, frost-bitten (Spinning Silver, T, Miryem/the Staryk Lord, 1.1k): A missing scene in which Miryem strikes a new bargain with the Staryk Lord.

As the Hare Flees Before the Wolf (Silmarillion, T, Eöl & Celegorm, 1.8k): Curufin is not the only son of Fëanor Eöl meets upon the plains of Himlad. Or, Eöl meets Celegorm while pursuing Aredhel and Maeglin, and things go very badly for him.

Here at Journey's End (LOTR, G, Frodo & Legolas, 1.6k): They stay for those they love.

West, West Away (LOTR, G, Sam & Thranduil, 3.6k): Sam meets an unlikely kindred spirit on the journey West.

and I will love with urgency, but not with haste (Silmarillion, T, Andreth/Aegnor, 3.1k): A summer evening spent in a glade near the shores of the Aeluin.

5. Do you respond to comments? Yep! It may take me a while, but I always do. The only exceptions are for cryptic comments that I don't understand and have no idea what to reply with.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Lol. Lmao, even. At least half of my fics are nothing but angst. So...*spins wheel* Let's go with darkness lies on the foaming waves between us (LOTR, G, Arwen & Celebrían & Elwing, 1k), in which Arwen shares the news of her choice with her mother.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I do actually have a couple fics that would qualify for this (shocking, I know), but I have a special place in my heart for And There Make a Garden (LOTR, G, Éowyn, <1k). Éowyn finally being happy and content is everything to me.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not since I returned to fandom in 2020 and started posting on AO3 (unless some of those aforementioned cryptic comments are badly worded hate). But I did get the occasional hateful comment back when I posted on FFN.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Occasionally and it's very vanilla.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Never written one.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I hope not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? I must be loyal to my thirteen-year-old self and say Faramir/Éowyn, my forever OTP.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I really would like to finish And Every Winter Turn to Spring (Turn, Anna/Hewlett), but I don't think I can rekindle the same enthusiasm I had for it during the height of my Turn fixation in 2020/2021. That, and I'm sure that if I were to pick it up again, I'd want to tear it apart and fix it up because it was one of the first fics I started writing after a years-long break from fic writing, and I'm certain I'd be embarrassed by parts of it now. And doing heavy editing like that feels overwhelming right now.

16. What are your writing strengths? Usually characterization and description, but I've been having trouble with my descriptions lately, and in a very strange twist, dialogue has—for the first time ever—been easier for me.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Plots. You will be getting no 100k+ longfics from me. Sorry. Oneshots or bust.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I only use other languages when writing Tolkien fic and do so sparingly and always with translations in the author notes. All phrases are yoinked from RealElvish.net because I can't be assed to put Elvish sentences together myself. Sorry JRRT.

19. First fandom you wrote for? LOTR. A couple of ancient fics that have never and will never see the light of day.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? It changes by the day, but I am very fond of On These Hither Shores (LOTR, G, Frodo & Boromir, 3.2k). It took a while to come together, but I'm so happy with how it turned out and that I finally achieved my goal of writing Frodo and Boromir getting to know each other before everything went to hell in a handbasket.

Tagging @tortoisesshells @boltlightning @aloveforjaneausten @dreamingthroughthenoise if you'd like to do this!

#tag games

[kitramune]

My friend approached me a while back like "I've been making dumb OTP questions if you want to answer some." And I was like "Hell yeah, shoot." So I thought I'd share my answers, since they were all InuKag ones. I had an absurd amount of fun thinking about these, cuz that's just how my brain works, apparently. ---- Q: If Kagome and Inuyasha were shiny [Pokemon], what color hair/eyes would they have? Inuyasha can't just be black. A: Hmmm... I guess Inuyasha would be gold since everyone tries to say his hair is silver, not white. Like full on sparkly metallic gold. Kagome can be blue because:

Q: If they were a season, what season is either one? A: Inuyasha is spring cuz he has a lot of energy and the "rebirth" theme with him being sealed and then brought back. Kagome is autumn because the manga starts in autumn which means it's her birthday, and she's vibrant but sensible like the colorful leaves without being OVERLY vibrant like spring would be. Q: What gemstone would either be? A: I think Inuyasha would be rose quartz because it reminds me of a heart and he's a loving boi who got ended and revived by different loves, and gets his strength from it because he's more capable of feeling it thanks to being half human. Kagome I think would be jade because it has healing and protection qualities and she's got spiritual powers and is usually the medic throughout the whole series. Plus her green school uniform aesthetic. Q: What is their favorite weather? A: Inuyasha likes it just after it rains because there are tons of different unearthed smells. Kagome likes light rain because the sound helps her focus and she gets an excuse to stay inside and be lazy with hot tea or baths. Q: What music genre does either seem to prefer? A: I think Inuyasha would like reggae or soft rock because that's what dogs are supposed to like according to studies, LOL. But they have a beat that appeals to his more upbeat energy while also being able to lull him into relaxing. I think Kagome would also like those genres but might have a soft spot for traditional Japanese music and mantras because she grew up in a shrine so she probably heard them through her childhood more than others might. Q: If they were a Pokemon, what type(s) would they be? A: Hmmm... Inuyasha would be Ground Type because he's named after a nature spirit and most of his attacks are wind-based, with another being diamonds, so very earthy. Maybe mixed with Dark Type because his final move is literally opening a portal to Hell, and because he turns human based on the moon cycle. Kagome is Fairy/Grass because of the whole holy powers and herb healing. (And Grass and Fairy both have the most healing type moves.) Q: What type of herb/plant would they be? A: Kagome is a yarrow because of the arrow pun and it meaning "healing, protection, and everlasting love". Inuyasha is an olive tree because he was literally looking for peace and friendship his entire life and like the whole dove thing he found it after a long wait. Q: What zodiac sign are they? A: Kagome is a Taurus and Inuyasha is an Aries. Cuz the colors AND the personality traits match up. ---- I love these types of questionnaires, and if anyone has different answers, I'd love to hear them!

#Inuyasha #InuKag #meta #HC #character questions

[twofoursixohjuan]

Ingvar

WOOOOO AN ASK!

Sexuality: bi, and somewhere on the grey-ace scale. thought he was gay for a very long time and had known Lydia for at least three years before going Oh. Wait. Huh.

Family: sooooo many siblings, of which he is the eldest by a reasonable margin (he was a tricky birth and his parents were wary of trying again for a fair while until his mum put her foot down and said I want more fucking kids, goddammit). father was a lumberjack until a serious work injury and is now a toymaker. mother is a seamstress and fisherman.

Associated Garment: a nice thick woolly scarf.

Associated Weather: early autumn, just on the turn when it's getting a little nippy and time for hot chocolate.

OTP: I was meh on Lydia/Ingvar at first but have rather come round to it (do wish there had been more buildup). ships I like to toss up and contemplate occasionally include Ingvar/Nina and Ingvar/Jesper.

NOTP: look. you're going to curse my name for this. Hal/Ingvar just doesn't do it for me.

Animal Symbolism: a draught horse! big and stolid and gentle and overlookable until you remember that 1) it's smarter than it looks and 2) it can fuck you up.

Random Headcanon: his father taught him to carve little wooden recorder-style pipes and he plays them quite well.

Sketch: down below so as not to fuck with formatting. for the next Herons DnD AU comic! (the skip-salvaged iPad has given up the ghost, alas)

Random AU: can anybody say Fashion Designer Ingvar? his designing skills get spotted at a scholarship event and he's chosen to put together a collection. the rest of the Herons are runway models but despite the preponderance of pretty people wandering about Ingvar finds himself more interested in the lighting tech (Lydia).

Underrated Friendship: I would love to see something done regarding Ingvar and Rollond! they could bond over mutual admiration of Lydia and Hal.

Associated Colour: warm golden orange.

I'll have you know that I had to stick my sketchbook up against the wall to take that photo, and in doing so I knocked over the tub of homemade wood stain that I had FINALLY worked out how to get dark red. alas. my floor looks like a children's hospital.

please keep them coming! love doing these! doesn't have to be Brotherband either — if you've seen me mention it there's a good chance I have an Opinion

#brotherband #brotherband chronicles #ingvar #ingvar starbreaker #ask game

[grace-nakimura]

to be a person, by me (ew)

Rating: PG-13 / T, maybe a light R / M. Trigger Warnings: Depersonalization, Emotional / Mental / Physical abuse or mentions of, murder, violence, confessions of suicidal ideation, Palpatine being Mara's intrusive thoughts from beyond the grave, and light suggestive content. Also, not really beta'd, much like Lucasfilm and Disney didn't beta any of the sequels after TFA. This isn't really Legends-based, as well, so please do not be angry at me. Pairing: Mentions of Obitine ( Satine / Obi-Wan ), Korkie / OC, HanLeia, and can be seen as onesided LukeMara or not if you squint. The OTP of this fic and any sequels to it, or additions, is Mara Jade/Personhood or Mara Jade/Working On Her Mental Health. Summary: “I was just wondering, well, aren’t you curious? The emperor is dead,” yes, she may not be his Hand anymore, but that doesn’t mean she can’t wince as almost visceral pain lances in her heart. She may have been a means to an end for him, but to Mara he everything. “The war will be over soon. Wouldn’t you want to know where you come from?” 

“Aren’t you curious?”  

Mara raises her brow but says nothing. The mess hall is busy enough and while farm-boy is still regarded with a sense of awe among everyone, the two could find respite in both getting lost in the crowd of people so they can talk without being overheard too much. Skywalker, for all his near status as a modern-day legend, has mastered shielding enough to appear unassuming if he wants; as for Mara, well, the ex-child assassin wouldn’t have been good at what she did if she didn’t know how to blend into the crowd.  

She doesn’t want to delve too deep into why she feels a sense of camaraderie with Skywalker who, by all intents and purposes, she had tried to kill not very long ago. Which resulted in her capture which resulted in … well, she isn’t quite a defector, or at least not one by choice originally, but she isn’t Imperial.  

She will never be that again. She isn’t quite sure of who she is, or what she is, but she knows she’s more than just a means to an end. She hopes she is more than a means to an end. 

Aren’t you just a means to an end here, my dear? A voice that sounds too much like him creeps in her head. You are a monster and always will be …  my beautiful little monster.  

“Mara?” 

Skywalker gives her a look. He’s patient, too kind to her, and it makes her skin itch. Sometimes Mara isn’t certain if Skywalker pities her or genuinely wants to see her. Neither makes her feel comfortable, but she hopes it isn’t pity. She doesn’t think she could stomach pity. Not when the mind healer the Alliance High Council forces her to see twice a week when she’s on the base radiates pity when they speak. “You’re not going to let me brood over stale ration bars by myself, are you?”  

Skywalker’s smile is kind.  

Why the kriff does he have to be so kind?  

Stupid farm-boy.  

“No.” He answers, good-naturedly, even biting off a piece of his own ration bar. He winces because the only person who eats ration bars without complaint is Organa but chews it all the same. “I was just wondering, well, aren’t you curious? The emperor is dead,” yes, she may not be his hand anymore, but that doesn’t mean she can’t wince as almost visceral pain lances in her heart. She may have been a means to an end for him, but to Mara he everything. “The war will be over soon. Wouldn’t you want to know where you come from?” 

Mara knows where she comes from. She comes from Nur. She comes from darkness, loneliness, and the smell of blood and rot filled her lungs before she knew how to read. She comes from long, skeletal claws combing through her hair as she’d sit in front of the man who promised to make her his child in truth, if only she’d do what he’d tell her to the letter, weaving stories of special she was and how she’d make him so proud. Mara comes from the same hands that shot lightning because someone saw her slit a Moff's throat, when she ought to have been much cleverer in her attempt, and that at fourteen she should curb her impulses.  

The last one made her black out and wake up in the private imperial med center. To her credit, she never made that mistake again.  

She understands what Skywalker is asking, though; he’s recently found a sister, Organa, and he thinks that because she’s an orphan she longs for the same things he longs for. Home. Family.  

Never forget you are only two-hundred-twelve, the Grand Inquisitor had reminded her when she left Nur for Coruscant. She had been only eleven years old and hand-picked by the emperor himself. She could feel the envy and the hate drip from the man with every single syllable. She would be above him, a little child, and he hated it. Hated her for it. Mara had relished it something splendid.  

Numbers are no one. Numbers don’t have families. Numbers are discarded. 

“Not really.” Skywalker gives her a look, but he doesn’t say anything more. The conversation is over for now.  

*** 

When Mara thinks of her mother, she feels safe. A woman with curls darker than her red gold, singing to her as she holds her close to her chest, in a language she doesn’t understand.  

Her memory is patchy at best, worn, a bit like a well-loved stuffed animal that slowly loses its newness as years go by.  

When Mara thinks of her father, she remembers laughter. Boyish. To be fair, the woman sounds young, as well, but both sounds are so muddled and muffled she isn’t certain if she could pinpoint their ages accurately on memory alone.  

She likes to think the feelings she feels when she thinks of them, or when she dreams of them, is love, but she knows better.  

She’s a number and no one loves a number. 

*** 

Mara brings it up to her mind healer the day after, slouching in the chair in front of the mon calamari, blowing a strand of hair from her face as if it isn’t a big deal. 

“Perhaps it’s a good idea,” she says. Mara forgot her name. Doesn’t care to remember. Her voice is gentle, soothing, but Mara hears the pity in it, and she hates it. She misses when she wore force binding cuffs, when she was thrown in a cell with the best of the Alliance’s guards, and when she was looked at with cool contempt.  

Pity the men she’s killed. Do not pity her.  

“I know who I am.” She does. When she looks at her hands they are coated in blood, but she doesn’t flinch. She blinks and they are clean again. When she looks at the healer sometimes, she sees a younger her, dressed in black and her appearance obstructed by a black cloak, holding a blade to the mon calamari’s neck hissing—beautiful monster. 

“I don’t think you do, Mara.”  

You’ll always be my beautiful monster, dear girl, the voice tells her comfortingly. Embrace it. Make me proud.  

All Mara does is shrug.   

“I do urge caution,” the healer treads, leaning over to as she places the datapad aside. “We’ve made plenty of strides, Mara, but sometimes the past is better to be left in the past. Sometimes it can give us the closure we want, but sometimes it can reopen wounds that even bacta can’t heal.”  

“I don’t want to know.”  

The woman is patient. Stars, not that look of pity. Not that softening of features with the urge to coddle her as if she’s a child. She’s twenty-one. She hasn’t been a child in years, if ever. Numbers aren’t children. Hands are of a greater purpose than a person. All this is too little too late. “You once told me that tact is just another word for lying kindly. For someone who favors the truth among all else, you make it almost your duty in lying to yourself.” 

Mara, rather petulantly and notedly, shrugs again. 

I never lied to you, my dear.  

You did. She combats the voice in her head. You made me think you cared about me. You never did. You never wanted me like— 

“Mara?” 

“I don’t want to know,” she repeats. 

I am a number and I know nothing. 

*** 

 For all that she is and isn’t a number, and she tells herself she’s just doing this out of boredom some odd weeks later, looking at the med droid with supposed indifference. 

The healer says all she needs is a pinprick of her blood, and the med droid and the computers would do the rest. It can take hours, whereas in the days of the Republic it could only take moments.  

Skywalker offered to be with her. Organa even offered to be with her. Solo, well, he doesn’t like her all that much, but he doesn’t look at her with pity or contempt. He’s honest and Mara respects him for that.  

Mara doesn’t quite like herself, either.  

“How much longer?” She asks the meddroid after the initial prick. Her blood is being analyzed. If any of her biological family were in the system during the Republic, or even during the Empire, something would pop up. The droid turns it’s back to her as it works, pressing buttons here-and-there, as she slouches on the examination table.  

Slouching is beneath you, girl! Mara winces at how biting the tone is. Are you some common street rat? Are you no longer worthy of having a name, Mara Jade? Sit up straight and be worthy of my time!  

Despite how she wants to fight it, she sits up straighter. Stiffer. Can feel phantom clawed hands gripping her arm and squeezing. She wonders if she can see bruises if she gazes down, but she has to look straight.  

Don’t cry. Pain is your ally. Fear is your ally. Use it.  

She shuts her eyes. What does the mind healer say? The one she doesn’t remember on purpose? “My focus determines my reality.” Licking her dry lips and taking a deep, long breath, she opens her eyes. 

A robbed figure stands before her, opening its arms wide. Inviting. Its cackling is anything but.  

You’ll always be my beautiful monster, initiate two-hundred-and-twelve.  

A whimper. She lets out a whimper. It’s pathetic, and all too vulnerable, but when she closes her eyes once again, she hopes that the image she sees is just a med droid ignoring her. Please, she begs. Please.  

She falls asleep on the exam bed in a fetal position, and she dreams of lightning, of a woman singing, and vast darkness.  

A hand gently brings her back to the bright lights. It takes a while, but when she opens her eyes, she sees Organa with a worried expression. “Jade?” Mara sits up, although not as quickly as she’d liked. Her limbs feel heavy and her head fills like it’s been stuffed with cotton. “Are you alright?” 

“M’fine.”  

Organa’s dry expression tells Mara she believes none of it. It’s only when Mara lifts her hand to rub her face does she understand why; she’s been crying.  

Mara wants to say she’s just allergic to medicine, but before she could say anything to defend her hard-earned stoicism, the med droid that has been so keen on ignoring her pipes up: “A positive match has been traced. Exact matches are ninety-nine-point-nine in accuracy. Should I—,” 

She doesn’t hear it. All she feels are hands covering her own, Organa’s she supposes, and maybe having someone with her isn’t that bad.  

“—it appears that, according to the database, the maternal match is one Mae, Elora.” 

The singing woman has a name. Look at that.  

“The paternal match is one former Lord Kor of House Kryze. Mandalorian. Peculiar. Force sensitivity, as what I found in your DNA, isn’t common with Mandalorians, although not unheard of.” The med droid turns back around and hands her what seems like a disk with its mechanical hand. “A brief file as well as a few photos should be stored on this device. You can easily put this in on your personal datapad in your quarters to peruse. It also mentions your DNA is of both Stewjoni, Mandalorian, and Corellian descent, as well as possible genetic health factors.” 

Mara takes the disc and makes a point to ignore Organa’s pointed gaze. 

“Good! Now we are all finished,” the droid chirps, sounding more animated than it has the entire visit. “Please leave!”  

*** 

Elora Mae was the illegitimate daughter of a Stewjoni smuggler and Corellian pirate. Shady upbringing, but she was admitted to Coruscant to study medicine at the age of twelve. Prodigy.  

Mara stares at the black and white holo with an unquenchable hunger. There isn’t much. Prodigy. Born sixteen years before the Empire began. While she was born on her mother’s native Stewjon, she, apparently, spent most of her younger years in various space ports. Her professors recounted how she was more than proficient in several modern languages and at least three dead languages. For all accounts, Mara surmises she was a gifted student. While she can’t see it on the photo, it is said that the loose, big curls of hers were auburn and her eyes were green. From what she can tell she might’ve received her freckles from her, too.  

Her eyes were kind. Mara can’t stop seeing how the holophoto she has, even if she is only giving a shy smile, how kind Elora’s eyes were.  

Were. Past tense. She is dead, and along with her, her two-year-old daughter. In a way the report is right; Mara-Jade Kryze, or Mara-Jade Mae, or Mara-Jade Mae-Kryze has been dead for a long, long time. The woman of twenty-one who sits on her measly cot, her legs supporting the datapad as she leans against the cold wall isn’t the two-year-old Elora had sung to all those years ago.  

She’s a number.  

A swap of her thumb and she sees her father: Kryze, Kor. A man who looks too young to be called a man, much like Elora looked much too young to be called a woman, who stands straight and looks into the camera with a sort of forced stiffness. It makes Mara think that he might’ve been trying too hard to appear older, or serious.  

They were both so karking young. 

Kor Kryze, or Korkie as loved ones often called him—did his parents hate him? Who would think about giving their son the nickname Korkie unless they wanted his life to be miserable? —was the nephew of a deceased Mandalorian Duchess, Satine of House Kryze. Nothing on his parents. It is assumed that his father was the initial first Duke in line, the late Lord Adonai the II, the firstborn of the late Duke Adonai of House Kryze, who died in a terrorist bombing in Sundari a year before the late Duchess ascended the throne. That, or a foundling, but Mara knows very little of Mandalorian culture to look too much into it.  

Same as Elora, minus the shady upbringing: gifted student, studied medicine, and was set to be the late Duchess’ heir on account that her sister, the Lady Bo-Katan, was presumed missing and dead. He, too, was well versed in many languages, and was said to be quite gifted in arithmetic, but his passion was medicine. When he abdicated the throne after his aunt’s—and from what Mara could conclude, his guardian—death from the Sith Darth Maul, he went to Coruscant to study medicine.  

Mara can put two and two together: they met studying the same field, although it is said that Elora ventured more to psychiatry and Kor into being a pediatric surgeon, probably bonded over being orphans, and bam—marriage and a baby. Her.  

Not much is said after Elora’s death. Not much is said about her. Just that he had a daughter, the daughter’s name was blacked out, and was put on the Empire’s Most Wanted when it was discovered ten years after their deaths, he was smuggling force-sensitive children out of Coruscant, as well as forging medical records to conceal force sensitivity.  

From his date of death, and the fact that the Alliance gave him orders to be on Aldera during that time, he would’ve been on Alderaan when Tarkin destroyed it.  

Both of her parents are dead.  

She … She went into this knowing the possibility. She remembers telling herself that they could be dead or, if they aren’t, they might as well be dead because who wants to know their child was the Hand of the Emperor? She doesn’t think Darth Vader ever had a mother, or even an actual name, but she knows if he did, she’d be horrified to know what her son had become.  

It doesn’t soften the blow. Just because you know a bullet is heading towards you, that it’s going to hurt like hell, doesn’t take away how bad it karking hurts when it finally hits you.  

You could’ve never achieved true power with them, her eyes sting but she makes no move to wipe away the tears. I made you great. 

“I didn’t want to be great,” Mara confesses into the void, brokenly. “I just wanted to be loved.” 

*** 

Five years have gone by since the treaty on Jakku, and she has her own ship. Most ships have names, but Mara decides Ship is as good as any. She works for a man named Karrde who is probably the closest thing to a friend she’d ever have. 

Skywalker is a friend, so is Organa, but they are—complicated.  

Skywalker is starting a new Jedi Order. “I know it’ll never measure up to what the old Order was,” he began, almost shyly, as he spoke to her about his vision, “but it can be something. Maybe something better.” 

“Good for you.” 

He gave her a sheepish grin, looking down at the ground as if the dirt of Jakku was more interesting than her actual face, “you could—um. You could join me, if you want. Not as a student just … we can learn together, maybe?” 

She had told him no but wished him the best. Mara knew the Jedi of old were flawed and, from what she gathered with the little she had heard from the Inquisitors who used to be Jedi Knights or Padawans, to even Vader himself—their fall would’ve happened sooner or later. While one could argue that it was bias—and a lot of it was bias—Mara did note the ring on truth. She didn’t have the heart to tell Luke that, though. 

Just because they were on borrowed time didn’t mean they weren’t needed, or aren’t still needed, after all.  

Organa is a mother. “I never thought I’d live past twenty,” she had told her, holding the baby to her chest. Bags underneath her eyes, hair oily and unwashed, covered with spit up stains and sweat, Organa still was positively radiant in the Force. Mara wondered then if that was how her mother looked when she held her as a baby. “Now I’m someone’s mom.” A pause, as if to allow that notion to really sink in, before Organa made a face. “I’m someone’s wife, too.” 

“You could do better than Solo,” Mara had said, which made Organa laugh, and the indigent sound of a ‘Hey!’ in the background to be the husband in question.  

Solo is another person in the complicated category, but he doesn’t hate her anymore. She still respects him more than she lets own, just like she respects Organa, or Skywalker, or Calrissian. 

On the control panel, right next to the steering wheel, is a wedding holo of her parents. Nineteen and eighteen, respectfully, just like there is a photo of both, separately, by her nightstand in her personal quarters.  

She doesn’t see a mind healer twice a week anymore. Once every three months. It’s taken a while, but she’s worked hard. Not just to get the New Republic off her back—mandatory sessions were not only her stipulation for not being a prisoner, but now being on an eternal parole as she smuggled for them—but to get his voice out of her head. That part, the insidious part of her brain that sounds too much like her old master, is the hardest monster to silence.  

Curling up with a blanket on the pilot’s chair she stares at the holophoto and shuts her eyes, willing herself to remember the three things her mind healer has been telling her: her name is Mara Jade. She is nearly thirty years old. She was born in Coruscant. Those are the facts. Those are hard facts and everything else is just wind.  

Her father was Kor Kryze. Her mother was Elora Mae. They married a year after the Empire rose and she was born the year after. Her lifeday is the fourth day of the fourth month.  

“Why do I still feel like a number?” She had asked her mind healer. Oh, her name is Stevie. Or she thinks it’s Stevie. It’s something with an ‘ie’ at the end. “Why do I still see myself as a title, or Initiate Two Twelve?” 

Stevie, or something, just gave a sad smile. “The woman is healing, Mara, but to be completely free? You must heal the child, too. And that child, no matter how much you hate it, was Initiate Two Twelve.”  

“I think I’m a bit kriffed, mum,” she tells the bride in the holo, and then turns to the groom, “dad. I bet you had bigger and better plans for me. If it’s any consolation, what I lack on the interior I make up for the exterior.” 

And she’s good at sex. They may be projections and they may be dead, but Mara doesn’t think she ought to tell them that.  

Being the Hand of the Emperor meant anything considered hedonistic, or anything deemed unclean, was prohibited. When she was told about sex itself it was only with clear instructions of don’t do it. Her old master claimed it was protecting her innocence; her healer—let's call her Vie—claims it was a way to control her. Six months after the treaty was signed, thereby ending the Galactic civil war, Mara went into a Cantina in Dantooine and met a Twi’lek named … well, she forgot her name, but she never would forget the conversations about consent, about health, and more importantly that sex was supposed to be fun.  

It isn't something she partakes often in, but she took those guidelines to heart. The only name she remembers from her encounters was Lando, the first male partner she had, but while he truly did have a talented tongue his fingers fumbled too much to be too memorable. Apparently being too honest with him, even if she thought honesty was the most important part about consent, wasn’t the way to go because he still hasn’t really spoken to her since.  

How immature.  

Sometimes she wonders, when she’s alone in her quarters, underneath the covers as her hands trail down in between her legs, if Skywalker would fumble with his tongue and be smooth with his fingers, or if he would be the opposite, or both, or neither—but she stops herself from going further, leaving herself unsatisfied and strangely empty. 

She isn’t a Jedi and, from what they’ve gathered from his Jedi-ghost-friends, Jedi aren’t supposed to have naked friends. Well, that is what a green troll had told him. A man named Quinlan Vos, who had just passed this year to be exact, had said plenty of Jedi kriffed around, but it was the attachment bit that wasn’t frown upon. 

Luke is kind. Luke is going to make a new Order that will survive centuries.  

And all you are is damaged goods, the snide voice tells her. 

*** 

Seven years go by and she’s older now. Older than her mother ever would be. She still has to catch up another decade to make it where she’d be older than her father, but it’s creeping up there.  

She still reads the datapad at night sometimes. She’s read it a thousand times front to back, side to side, but something always rubs her the wrong way when she reads about her father’s early life. 

It isn’t his unfortunate nickname, either.  

One night she clicks on the name Satine, his listed guardian, and something strikes her as odd. The eyes, for one. Turning towards one of the holophotos projected on her nightstand of her father, she blew the photo of Satine Kryze up with a pinch of her fingers and studied both side by side. 

Save his hair, which was the same reddish gold as hers, or the nose and dimples, it was almost uncanny how alike they looked. Biological, then, and not adopted. But when she swiped back and clicked on a photo of Adonai II and his late wife, Miriam, they looked nothing like her father. And Bo-Katan—who is still very much alive and, for all the progress Mara has made can’t find the courage to reach out to her great aunt—isn't even in the running for a parent since she’s only four years his senior.  

“No karking way,” she whispers to herself when a thought pops into her head. “S’just coincidence, is all.” 

That doesn’t stop her from booting up her on-call multi-purpose droid. Pinprick DNA sample. Instead of hours like before, its minutes, and it shows what she knows to be true. Only she adds in Kor Kryze to find his genetic match. She comes up, of course, and considering he’s deceased, and she is the only genetic donor available, it takes a little longer. 

Maternal and paternal matches come up afterward. Ninety-nine-point-five percent chance of shared DNA.  

“Maternal match: Kryze, Satine. Paternal match, Kenobi, Obi-Wan.” 

And Mara throws her head back and releases the loudest cackle in the Galaxy. 

Falling on her back against the cushioned bed, red gold hair fawned out like a halo, she stares up at the ceiling and she’s still laughing.  

Her grandfather—her karking grandfather—was the High General of the Galactic Army of the Republic. General Obi-Wan Kenobi.  

And he was the one man both Darth Vader and the Emperor himself hated beyond measure.  

Perfect Obi-Wan Kenobi went against the code some fifteen years before the Clone Wars and no one was all the wiser. Well, besides Satine, her grandmother, that is. If she remembers correctly, Obi-Wan's reward for being found while the Empire was still in power was over a billion credits. More, if she’s being honest.  

She wonders if her old master knew. Wonders if Vader knew.  

No, or at least not Vader. If Vader had known, or even suspected given how deeply he hated the Jedi, he would’ve taken it out on her. Instead, he hardly acknowledged her and she him. Well, small mercies and all that.  

Does it matter, my dear? You’ll always be my creation, not his.  

“Maybe so,” she allows, but only half-heartedly. 

When she goes to sleep that night, she knows one thing: she’ll go to Ossus, tell Skywalker about what she’s found out, just to see the look of horror on that ghost-gremlin's face.  

*** 

“Old Ben kriffed someone? You mean … You mean he’s had sex?!”  

Skywalker’s jaw is on the ground. They are in her quarters and no, thank you, they aren’t here for anything untoward. She’s still giggling—been giggling off and on for quite some time now—and then full-on snorts when Skywalker repeats it: “Old Ben kriffed someone? But he’s so … conservative.” 

“Conservative people usually are the dirtiest,” supplies Mara, and at Skywalker’s look of horror, she full on cackles.  

He shakes his head. “Still! It’s...It’s old Ben, and you are his granddaughter. That means he..” 

“He kriffed a duchess well and good and nine months later, my dad was born, and then given an unfortunate nickname for the rest of his life.” Mara says almost sagely, which finally makes Skywalker wake from his stupor and break out into a brilliant grin. 

When he smiles at her like that, when he laughs with her like that, she almost wants to call him Luke.  

“Korkie is an awful nickname,” Skywalker—Luke—agrees, shaking his head. “I thought being called wormie was bad.” 

“Wormie?”  

Luke shakes his head adamantly. “Another time.”  

There is a comfortable silence. Being nearly thirty did wonders for Luke. His face now looks more steadier to sit on— 

WHORE! 

Shut up.  

She doesn’t give straddling either side of his face, even if it’s been years at this point and her own fingers aren’t cutting it. That isn’t why she’s here and she knows that Luke deserves better than her. She isn’t a whore, but she is damaged goods. Tainted. Everything Luke doesn’t deserve.  

So they stand there in companionable silence and she does all she can to keep her thoughts pure, until he breaks the silence with something she never considered.  

“Remember when I told you about Yoda?” He begins, chewing his bottom lip. Oh, it’s been so long, because now she is thinking about him biting her bottom lip, or other places, preferrably between her legs and—oh. Right. He’s asking her a question. She nods quickly so he can continue. “Master Yoda comes to me as a, well, a ghost in the Force. My father does, although not as often, and so does Ben.” 

She isn’t following. Mainly, because he licks his lips and now she is thinking untoward thoughts she really, truly did not come here for this. She doesn’t think she could handle this, or whatever this is between them, because it’s more than likely one sided. She nods, dumbly, but nothing is registering in her brain.  

“If you want, you can talk to him. Old Ben. Obi-Wan, you know.”  

Oh. 

Then it hits her. She can talk to her dead grandfather who kriffed a duchess right and proper, that made her father, and then her father kriffed her mother—although they were married, which means she isn’t a bastard like she always guessed she was—and then she was born. The circle of bloody life.  

Luke continues, unaware of Mara or just ignoring her antics by now: “He’s sort of, um, unreliable? He shows up whenever. I’m sure he’d want to meet you, at least? I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn’t want to meet you, anyway.” 

This is all she needs to wake up from her lustful haze and back to reality. 

All he would see is me, and now the voice is louder than it has been in a while. You are tainted by the dark side. He would whisper into Skywalker’s ear to strike you down. You would be naïve to think a Jedi will want anything to do with you, blood or not. 

Instead, Mara shakes her head and swallows a gigantic lump in her throat. “S’fine. Just wanted to see your reaction up close and personal.” A brave smile stretches her face, and it hurts. “I’m here, though! Would you like to show me around?” 

He’s back to beaming and the two exit The Ship—it still doesn’t have a name and at this point, she doubts it ever will—and he begins the tour of his Jedi school in its infancy.  

*** 

Months fly by, and then a year, and she hasn’t left Ossus.  

Sometimes she still dreams about sitting on Luke’s face, but sometimes she also dreams about waking up beside him and greeting the day.  

While she never meets Bo-Katan face-to-face, she does eventually gather the courage to comm her. When she tells her great aunt about what she’s found, the woman isn’t even surprised. “Knew it,” is all she says, and Mara thinks she might take Bo-Katan up on the offer of visiting Sundari or even Kalevala. Not now. She isn’t brave enough just now, but soon, because she thinks she likes her great aunt. 

After all, they are the only two people in their family left.  

When Luke, with Mara’s permission, had told Organa—Leia. If Mara can call Luke by his first name in her head, she ought to do the same for his sister.—about her grandparents, the face Leia made looked like she ate something incredibly sour by accident. “But he’s always been … old.”  

“That’s what I said!” The other twin agreed.  

“Old people kriff, you know,” both Mara and Han supplied, which made the twins shiver in disgust even more.  

Luke doesn’t ask if she wants to talk to her ghost-grandfather. She doesn’t bring it up.  

She finds out they share the same preferred dueling form, though, and she recognizes the man from the archives she used to watch as a little girl was … well, she had been watching her grandfather the entire time. She remembers thinking how Form III looked more like a dance than the other forms and that it seemed more controlled, which is still something she aches for, and knew no other form would suit her. 

It almost makes her want to change forms, just to be safe, but by now it’s just as easy as breathing. She’s turning thirty soon and she’s probably too old to change anything up, anyway.  

She knows Luke has caught her watching his instructional videos. She watches them and thinks that maybe, if she had a chance to be a cleaner version of herself and less tainted, and if the Empire never rose, then she could’ve been a granddaughter he would’ve been proud of. Maybe not acknowledged, since everyone who remembers Obi-Wan Kenobi has told her how dedicated he was to being a Jedi Master, but maybe … maybe he wouldn’t be disgusted by her. 

Maybe he could’ve liked her, if not loved her. 

It’s the same when she sees old holos of her grandmother. She wishes there were more of her father, but he spent his youth largely out of the media spotlight, so all she could find was a polite wave here and there and when one interviewer asked how he enjoyed Alderaan when he was just a child, he called it pretty. Her grandmother was a renowned pacifist. She abhorred violence. She and a thousand other systems remained neutral in the Clone Wars and with how the New Republic treats Mandalore, well, apparently the Republic hasn’t forgiven or forgotten.  

She remembers the night of a thousand tears; the Empire didn’t forget, either.  

I wonder how such a well-known bastion of peace would feel to know how her granddaughter’s hands are stained with blood? Her hands aren’t wet with blood this time when she looks, sitting on the rock amid a makeshift fire. Ossus is beautiful at night and the fire is comforting, even if she is wrapped in a green shawl to protect from how chilly it can get. Remember when you beat that one ISB agent to death with simply a rock, my dear? I had to punish you for being so sloppy when you knew better, but your brutality was always so … beautiful.  

“It was wrong.”  

Did it feel wrong, my dear?  

“It felt good,” and Vie, her mind healer who she still can’t remember her actual name, tells her she must be honest with herself to move forward. “I felt powerful, but hurt people hurt people. I was hurting and I shouldn’t have done that.” 

And the son—how old was he? Five, maybe? When he watched you repeatedly hit his father’s head with that rock, tell me: did his horror give you power? 

Mara shakes her head, swallowing. “No,” and this is the truth. “I didn’t see him. I saw me. I kept hitting him because I saw me, and I hated myself. I envied him because I wanted to die. I knew it should’ve been me and not him. The only crime he committed was that you were bored and thought his time ran out.” 

And you couldn’t even kill yourself correctly, my stupid, beautiful monster. The voice sneers. That is why you let the son of Skywalker win all those years ago, you foolish girl. And the noble cretin spared you. 

“Because he’s better than us,” Mara replied hotly to oblivion. Her eyes sting and her throat aches, but she must put this voice to rest. “He isn’t damaged goods. He’s better and he thinks I can be better. I am not your beautiful karking monster anymore. I am not your little experiment. I am a person, and my name is Mara Jade. I was born in Coruscant on the fourth day of the fourth month. My parents were named Kor Kryze and Elora Mae. I’m not a karking number and I never kriffing was, you obsolete ghoul!” 

Silence.  

And for the first time in Mara’s life the invisible stone that held her down, made it so difficult to breathe, is lifted.  

“I am incredibly proud of you, not that it matters,” a voice draws her away from the silent sobs that make her rock herself back and forth soothingly, and from the dying fire is the man who gave her dimples and a nose she isn’t terribly fond of, and while blue and translucent, he looks the picture of serenity. He looks at her hopefully with his light eyes shining. “I know my opinion, my pride, in you or your father holds very little considering my contribution to the both of you was horribly little, but I am.” 

She can’t really form words, but she manages a breathless ‘how’ before her throat closes again. She never told Luke he couldn’t say anything, which is sort of on her. She still doubts he would’ve. 

“I knew when you fought Luke that first time,” he says, and at the look of horror on her face his tone becomes much gentler, soothing. “It was like looking in the mirror in some ways, but mostly I saw your grandmother’s fire and my sadness. And you were just a little girl, just seventeen years old, and my heart broke.” 

Nothing. She has nothing, and yet she has everything. She wants to ask everything and anything but all she can do is crumble, hiccupping in her silent sobs, her nose leaking snot most unbecoming.  

He doesn’t care. He sees her and he is wistful.  

In one world she could’ve been a Kenobi. In another, a Kryze. She isn’t certain if she wants to be a Skywalker yet; all she knows is that she, only if he wants it to, both wants to be railed by him so hard she can’t walk for days and also be the first person he sees when he wakes up in the morning and last when he goes to sleep at night. That isn’t here nor there. The present is now so when she finds her voice, she tells her grandfather her name with her head held high. Snot and all. “My name is Mara Jade.” 

“Hello there,” the ghost beams, his grin all teeth, but it reaches his eyes, and they twinkle like little stars. “It’s an honor to properly meet you at last.”

#myfic #* mara jade is a kryze. #is this decent? eh. #is this remotely good? absolutely not which is why i am not tagging it. #i might not upload it to a03.

[freedfromthegalactichivemind]

ooooh ask game :D

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

7. Character fandom had me begin to hate: Catra, for a while. In the early days of the fandom, particularly if you found yourself gravitating toward gremlins (Entrapta, in my case - Adora, Catra, Bow and Glimmer were the main characters first season), everyone going gaga over Catra felt like... "I'm over here, in my little corner." She felt overhyped, even surpassing Adora - the hero - in popularity. And then when season 2 hit, I was one of the earliest Entrapdak-people. Honestly, back then, I treated it as a lark, didn't think it would last, but even THEN some of the "You shouldn't be shipping this ship over the girl-ship / you shouldn't be liking this mean, horrible ugly male villain (even as a side-dish to the cool science gremlin)!" started. People who thought it was more righteous to enjoy Catra / "you must enjoy Catra at the expense of Hordak" bullshit started. When Season 3 happened and the Entrapdak pool-noodle became a dreadnought and people started getting interested in Hordak independently as more of his story was revealed, that's when the fecal matter hit the turbine in terms of the frankly weird Catra vs. Hordak war in the fandom. I really got tired of being called an "abuse apologist" and having it insinuated that I was pro-colonialism because I enjoyed a cartoon space alien dark lord and his Pinky and the Brain-esque realationship with my favorite mad scientist. All while people were holding up Catra as blameless, Catra as only a poor widdle victim. It got annoying to a lot of Hordak-fans and Entrapdak-fans. There was a backlash. I don't think I came to hate her as much as some on that side of the fandom did, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have animosity for the character for a good, long time. I've learned to part myself from the negative experiences in fandom and actually analyze Catra from finding myself enjoying her whenever I re-watch the series. Sweary She-Ra has also gone a long way toward me considering her internal issues and psychological states, despite it being a fanwork / not canon. It is one of those surprisingly insightful fanworks. 14. That one thing I see in fanfics all the time: Characterization getting de-railed for what is obviously an author's personal vision or projection - ex. quick happy endings for fluff, woobiefication for MAXIMUM ANGST. Sometimes the authors even know about it (their notes). 22. Favorite ignored thing: Honestly, I ought to put this in one of my fics just so it stops getting neglected. Not enough people talk about how Entrapta's automated systems in her castle ran on The Clapper. I never had one, but I grew up with those annoying commercials. It amuses me greatly. 23. Ship I've unwillingly come around to: I'm not sure there's any. I am pretty chill with shipping in this fandom. (It's one of my other fandoms where my Bro-TP is almost everyone and their dog's OTP and I feel like tearing my hair out). Maybe Catradora. I always saw it as canon - it was just an obvious "they're leaning into this" from the beginning for me, but there was a point in canon where Catra had gone so far into choosing destruction that I wondered if Glimmadora might be endgame instead and if that would have been the better main ship. It took Catra making a start toward better choices (and being denied her deathwish) to make it start working for me. That, and I think reading something you said about Adora's choices and "fuck Shadow Weaver" that made me see it in a better light.

#spop #she-ra #choose violence ask game

[schnuffel-danny]

Jack/vlad otp ask

39. Do they get along with the other's family? If not, how do they deal with the other's family?

I am so curious how you see the family situation shaking out

Ohhhhhh, this is the one I have bean dreading the most, because I really worry about sharing my thoughts on their families, since it can get pretty dark :,)

Content Warning for: child abuse, parental death

I headcanon that Jack and Vlad have met when they were around 11-12 years old, they're childhood friends who did everything together up until college. The whole "First friend, First love, First kiss" deal, y'know? Jack never met Vlad's mother, she died before Jack and Vlad got to know each other. Vlad's father was indifferent to Jack from the start, only bordering on mild annoyance. Jack and Vlad's dad barely interacted when Jack went over to visit. Vlad's father died while Vlad was hospitalized, he never learned Jack was the cause of the accident. Jack remembers Vlad's dad fondly, considers him to be one of the very few adults who were kind to him growing up. But looking back, it seems the man never cared for Jack's well-being, considering how he never offered Jack any help, despite how evidently he's been neglected as a kid.

Vlad despises Jack's entire family, and Jack's family hates him right back. Jack's parents, especially his father, were convinced the soviets are going to bomb America any tuesday now, and considering that Vlad's late mother had fled from a soviet-aligned country, they saw Vlad's entire existence as a sign of the coming fall of the USA.... Needless to say, Vlad was never welcome at their home. Not that Vlad ever wanted to visit, he's heard enough horror stories from Jack. The house was filthy, Jack offhandedly mentioned he never took of his gloves or boots at home, even while sleeping. Jack would often talk about the horrible mistreatment he's suffered at the hands of his siblings, of whom there is too many to count, his tone light and humorous while he spoke. Jack was the punching bag of the family, even in a household full of barely socialized, neglected and abused children, he was the odd one out, but he genuinely believed it was just siblings messing around in good fun. Jack would even argue with Vlad, how he doesn't get it because he's an only child, and he has no right to insult his family like that. Vlad only met one of Jack's siblings in the time he knew him, his eldest brother, he came out of it with a dislocated shoulder and a missing tooth. When they found out about Jack's romantic involvement with Vlad, his parents kicked him out, thankfully it was shortly before him and Vlad went off to college, so Jack wasn't without a place to stay for too long. Jack was formally accepted back into the family after he proposed to Maddie.

I have a lot of headcanons as to how Jack and Vlad grew up, and I don't think I will ever fully share them here, because I'm uncomfortable about going into detail. This is just very bare bones tidbits. They both struggled :,D to say the least

#jack/vlad #and well #we already know how Vlad gets along with Jack's kids so

[lumiereandcogsworth]

I’ve been meaning to ask !!! Its possible you’ve already posted abt this BUT I got in an angsty mood recently and was curious, do you think Adam or Belle dies first? and how does the other cope with it ?

ooohhh i love that you Know i’m just crazy enough about them to know the answer to this question. i’ve thought TOO much about this, unfortunately! look you have one otp for six years, YOUR MIND WANDERS, OKAY?

okay so obviously in the ideal perfect world, they die at the same time asleep in bed in each other’s arms after a very long life of being so ridiculously in love. that way no one has to deal with anything (except the rest of their family, of course). that’s the ideal otp death scenario. BUT. i do have a sadder answer, yeah

so for a while i actually could not decide who would die first. it really wasn’t ideal either way because if adam dies first, belle has to go through experiencing his death TWICE in life. and if belle dies first, adam is… disaster. but ultimately, belle is by far the stronger one between the two of them, they both know it and always have, so i decided that adam would die first.

i once entertained the idea of belle dying first and adam just… oh my gosh… like they’re always very old when they die but even still it’s like… belle is the air that adam breathes… watching him lose her is so… dark. and grim. he really can’t live without her and the aftermath is far too upsetting to include it into my canon. he becomes so unwell…

now, obviously, belle is utterly heartbroken by adam’s death, and she doesn’t do all that much better than the alternative. i headcanon they both die in their 90s (no i do not CARE that they’re from the 18th century!!!!! they’re living long ass lives because i SAID SO!!!!!!) and it’s really no specific illness that takes adam. it was just his time. he was in bed for a week or so, too weak at this point to do anything else. belle never left his side, caring for him even though she had slowed down in her old age too. even as nurses and grandchildren tried to take over, she wouldn’t let them. she’d do anything for him. she’d take his place if it were possible.

he dies at the grand age of 98, surrounded by his family and loved ones, holding his wife’s hand. she can tell he’s nearly gone, but he’s fighting it. he loves his life too much now to leave it. he’s been sunbathing in happiness for over 70 years and he doesn’t want to let it go. but belle kisses his hand and tells him it’s okay, they’ll be okay. this family he’s raised, this family he’s protected, this family he’s loved. they’ll be okay. rest now, my love.

silent tears fall down belle’s wrinkled cheeks as adam turns and looks at her. though his face and body age, his eyes never changed. still the same crystal blue that she fell in love with. he looks at her and he squeezes her hand. his lips turn up in a slight smile. “my darling…” he whispers, just as his last breath escapes his lungs.

everyone knows he’s gone. he was husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather, beloved king. he was rescued so many years ago, it seems none of it matters anymore. but belle remembers. belle remembers when her love was lost in the darkness. belle remembers when he accepted her light.

the following days are a blur. everyone is sad, but relieved too — in the way anyone is when an old, beloved family member passes. he deserved to die that way. life fulfilled, loved by plenty, surrounded by those who meant the most to him.

while the children (grown and old themselves, frankly) tend to announcements and letters and funeral arrangements, belle keeps to herself. she sits on the balcony of their chambers in the west wing. she watches another sunset alone. she hasn’t felt such sadness since her father died many years ago. she thought she would never recover from the deep pain she felt at his loss. but adam had been there to hold her while she cried. adam had kissed her head and told her things would be better again. and at the time she couldn’t fathom it, but she never left his arms. his warm, comforting arms. belle had never felt safer than when she was in adam’s embrace. and now… now she shivers under even the warmest of blankets.

they were old. and belle always thinks too much. she knew their time on this earth could not be much longer. and when adam could no longer get up, it was only a matter of time. what she did not anticipate was how utterly betrayed she would feel by death itself. how dare he be taken away from her? to leave her alone? she always prided herself on being able to do things on her own, but the true reality of it was devastating. she didn’t want to do anything alone ever again. she wanted her best friend back. who was she going to dance with now?

the last entry of her diary was short, but clear in how sad the queen felt. how lost she was, how high up in the clouds her head floated, with no one to keep her grounded. her heart had completely and irreversibly broken in two. she would see adam; visions of when they were young, and some when they were older. but he’d always vanish again before she could say anything to him. “where is my adam?” she’d ask her children when they found her. they would simply take her hand and kiss her cheek, asking her to come and sit awhile with the little ones.

a week after adam’s death, their children found belle in bed, having peacefully died in her sleep. they were devastated, but equally knew how much their mama loved their papa. they had always known of their parents’ grand love. and they knew this may just be too much for her. knew that dying from a broken heart was as real as it could be.

so, adam and belle were buried together, entombed in the rose garden behind the castle. their precious home. a huge, lovely structure was placed to honor them, with vines and flowers growing around it, and eloquent words on a plaque speaking of a beloved king and queen, who loved like no other.

#thanks bro made myself cry :) #i am in shambles thinking about belle seeing a vision of adam. young and healthy and rocking their baby daughter #and she smiles to herself #and then that same daughter - old and a grandmother herself now - comes in and gently sits beside her mama #and belle tells her to stay quiet. adam’s tending to their little renée. he’s so good with her you know #and renée looks over and sees nobody. her heart aches #she kisses belle’s cheek and asks her to come sit with the little ones. come be with family. don’t be alone mama #belle loses sight of adam. he’s vanished again. she goes with renée and asks where her adam has gone #‘you’ll find him again mama’ renée promises as they walk slowly. arm in arm. #alex tag #answered #batb 2017 #adelle #batb headcanons

[leopardmuffinxo]

Don't laugh... but I'm not quite sure I have anything to share.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #baldur's gate 3 spoilers #shadowheart #my oc: kyvoni moreau #otp: the light my darkness has been longing for #shadowheart x my oc: kyvoni #shadowheart romance #shadowheart x tav #shadowheart x mc #my bg3 edits #userarklay #usermorvaris #userwolfkissed #userrivensbane #userlumad #userterendelev #miyku #baldurians #katsigian #userdekarios

[nerd-artist]

tag game (Horizon)

Thanks @singingkestrel for tagging me! This was fun!

1. ride or die ship (your otp):

Ereloy. When I first played HZD and Erend made his first appearance I didn't like him a bit because I prejudge him as the alpha male stereotype, but then the writers began to unwrap his layers, revealing the cinnamon bun inside him and I ended the game by being in love with that big Oseram and his mohawk. I shipped them then, when they had the two minutes conversation, but my obsession started with The Daunt reunion in HFW when he couldn’t avoid being upset because she left without saying goodbye, and then Aloy closing his wounds by defeating Asera in First Forge by his side, and Singularity with all those flirty lines and the side hug. I’ve always thought they were going to be end game (and I still hope we can choose that in H3). They care for each other so much, I can see them living happily together and I need to witness it.

2. most annoying ship: Ship and let ship. We’re all here to enjoy so if your ship makes you happy, there’s nothing wrong with that (unless they are sisters, that's it, that’s the annoying one for me).

3. second favourite ship: the second ship involving Aloy that makes more sense to me is Hawk and Thrush, and also involving the Sunhawk there is Kotalanah that has a special place in my heart (what can I say, they have chemistry).

4. favourite platonic relationship: I love the friendship between Erend and Varl there was so much complicity between them, makes me so sad that we only could enjoy it for a short time and now I hope we can see Erend having a similar relationship with Kotallo. Also Aloy and Zo, I need to see that friendship evolve even more in the next game, Aloy is going to need her wise advice.

5. underrated ship: This one is underrated mostly because it only exists in my head: GAIA/Gildun. Just imagine them having daily long-distance calls and then Gildun going to the base to meet her. The calculations GAIA is making at that moment let her know she is experiencing love and we can see her smile for the first time…

6. overrated ship: I don't know, I don't think there is one.

7. one thing i would change in canon: A lot of us agree, Varl’s death was unnecessary, Aloy had already lost Rost, she didn't need to lose a friend too to know how important people can be for her. Also, the way they wrote some characters in HFW and some plots in BS. But what I think is the big mistake is to have wasted the opportunity to make Aloy and Beta bond in Burning Shores, she could have been helping Aloy a lot more from the distance, giving us some cute sisterly moments. I hope they fix this in the next game.

8. something canon did right: A lot of things! That’s why I love these games! HZD is almost perfect, that game made me go through a roller coaster of feelings and I’ll never forget that.

Aloy’s personality evolution. You can clearly see the difference between HZD Aloy and herself at the end of HFW but it’s not forced, she learned through the way to get there.

The lack of prejudices. Obviously there are conflicts between tribes, mostly because of the different religions, but the Horizon world is showing us how humanity would be without racism and without homophobia, Guerrilla is doing a great job there.

9. a thing i'm proud of creating for the fandom PLEASE BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF I WANT TO SEE/READ YOUR ART: I am very proud to be part of the Focus On The Heart team, a visual novel fan game. It is a huge project that I believe a lot of Horizon fans are going to enjoy when it’s done.

Also I’m proud of my Horizon’s characters as Greek Gods series of fanarts. I got distracted by other illustrations I needed to draw, but I plan to keep on doing them at some point.

10. a character who is perfect to me (wouldn't change a thing): Gildun! He is a light in the darkness, but I want to talk about Zo because she is also perfect and she is very underrated. She is fierce but she is also lovely. She joined Aloy although that meant to deny all her beliefs. She confronted the Utaru chorus in the past and she doesn't hesitate to do the same when it’s needed. We meet a very interesting character and I hope that the fact she is pregnant doesn't mean she is not going to have an important role in the next game because that would send a very wrong message.

11. the character I relate to the most and why: I never thought about this until now, but I guess I can relate to Beta, all the traumas of her past aside and I’m way more social than she is but... I work remotely and my hobbies are almost the same as my job so I’m always indoors in front of a screen, like she is (using her focus constantly). She is also afraid of a lot of things, which is essentially my everyday mood. I can relate to Erend sometimes because I tend to make fun of myself to hide my insecurities.

12. character(-s) i hate the most and why: AMADIS, but also, The Quen as a tribe (not talking about individual characters here), they have the best outfits and they are sailors, and that is great… it is their society which is very disgusting, nothing good could come if it’s inspired by a start-up structure. I also don't like Carja. Anything imperialist makes me wanna puke.

13. something i've learned from the fandom: I’ve learned what to be in a fandom means, this is the first time in my (long) life that I join one, I’ve been screaming about other games and series before but mostly to myself and to friends that didn't fully understand me, to be able to talk freely about blorbos (a word I didn't knew existed until last year) with the lovely people I’ve met it’s truly a relieve. Also I think (and I hope🙏) being in this fandom and this obsession is helping me improve my English.

14. three tags i seek out on ao3: friends to lovers, angst with a happy ending, it’s not unrequited they’re just dumbasses (and some others I don't want everyone to know 😉).

15. a song i strongly associate with my otp/favourite character: I come with knives by IAMX, I can see Aloy singing it to herself to stop her from having meaningful relationships.

tagging: You don't need to answer if you don't want to (sorry if you have already been tagged) and everyone is welcome to do it although you haven't been tagged @sorbetowl @meg-noel-art @chloefraazers @kittleskittle @hartlesshart @emtazer @xxxhellfireravenxxx @bookmancer-legendarium @boobaloof (edit because I wanted to tag @artekai too and I forgot 🥲)

#tag game #horizon forbidden west #horizon zero dawn #horizon fandom

[jadeoxfordrose]

OTP asks: 5, 10, 11 for your favorite ship that has you in a stranglehold!

So I'm gonna answer these for one of my TTRPG OCs, Thea, and her paramour Adelaide (an NPC). For a little context, the game where I play her is Court of Blades which is a Forged in the Dark system focused on interpersonal relationships, political intrigue & the interplay of the noble houses as you play a retainer for one of said houses. It's very Game of Thrones meets the Borgias in fantasy renaissance Venice.

I won't go into full details of the backstory but while Della is *mechanically* Thea's paramour, the two of them are still in the longing/yearning part of the relationship - yes they are both in love with each other, no they haven't actually said those exact words to each other yet. It is complicated of course by the fact that Della is currently married to Thea's former husband who did try to kill her 12 years ago and until very recently believed he had been successful. And Della is pregnant with his baby. Like I said, it's complicated lol.

With that in mind, I'm gonna approach answering these as if the two were already at a more established point in the relationship :))

2. What would they do if the other woke in a manic state after a nightmare? Of the two, Thea is the one who struggles with nightmares more often. I can see Della putting Thea's arms around her, letting Thea hold on to her as tight as she needs to, hands resting over Della's heart and the two of them just breathing together until Thea feels ready to talk (if she wants) or fall back asleep. Then Della turns to face her, hands wrapped around one of Thea's, so she can fall asleep knowing Della is there.

5. Describe their cozy night in. Baby settled for the light, the two of them curled up together on a big pile of cushions or a conversation pit style seating arrangement. Thea working on some embroidery or sewing something, Della working on research or reading aloud to Thea.

10. Describe their first date. Arguably it was Thea bringing Della a picnic that they got to share in the vineyard in late summer, the heat of the sun kept at bay by the shade of one of the trees that are peppered through the arbor.

If they were to do an official first date? A walk through the artist's quarter, listening to music and watching performers, small gifts being bought and a meal as the sun goes down, making the canals look like they are shining pink and gold.

11. Do either try to hide their emotions if upset? Can the other still tell? Thea definitely does, a habit born of necessity, and while she isn't there quite yet, Della will get to that point soon. Roles reversed, I think Della does it less/is less practiced at it and Thea can usually tell right away. (Her inability to realize Della was in love in her is due to other factors, Thea is usually pretty emotionally perceptive.)

20. Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship. I don't know if I have found the song that does it perfectly but if I think about them while listening to First Light by Hozier, it's like being body slammed with feels lol.

30. Your OTP gets to pick out each other's outfits; what is each wearing? Thea for Della: Long floaty dress in a light but rich colour, soft outer layer, well worn boots. Comfort is first priority, but also a mixture of pretty and practical. (Della has had to dress to social expectations for a long while, Thea doesn't want or expect that from her.) Della for Thea: Genuinely not sure, I kind of want to ask the GM lol. I could see it being something simple, without all the layers of (mostly metaphorical) armor Thea wears, a sign that Thea was safe enough to not need them.

44. Who would dance in the kitchen making dinner? Would the other join in or watch from the doorway? Della is making dinner and dancing, Thea would watch for a little while (probably until she's spotted) then join her because Della would absolutely hold out a hand to her and Thea is always going to take it. Thanks for the questions @emilykaldwen and @homosociallyyours <3

OTP Asks!

#ask box games #in response to #emilykaldwen #homosociallyyours #my OCs #thea cuore #thea + della

[n7viper]

HEY i was creeping in maeves tag can you tell me about her too if you want??? Like fave songs for her or fave weapons or just whats on your mind about her rn!

Ooh, thank you for asking! :3 This got away from me and is rambly, so strap in. But first, I’ve got a playlist for her here:

A lot of it is angsty because that’s just the kind of music I listen to lol. It’s a bit of a mix - the first part is sad angsty music, then it goes into a handful of Mae/Crow songs, and then finally into some sort of “happy” songs. I update this every so often, so there will be more OTP and happy songs in the future. I’ve just been a little depressed in the first half of the year, and her playlist has suffered for it 😅

A bonus fact before we get into my rambling is that her tag (Maezi) is a nickname that I imagine Saint giving her. I don’t think I ever said that here, now that I think about it? It really just came about because I was thinking of her normal nickname combined with her last initial, Mae Z. It sounded like Maisy when I said it aloud, and it also sounds like a funny name someone would give her, Saint being an obvious first choice. I spell it like that because her last name is Zin.

Mae is my main guardian, one half of my Young Wolf pair. I only recently started playing D1, so I don’t have a ton of info about that time. For D2, I’ve mentioned in a few random places (so forgive me if you’ve seen this) that I started playing a few months before Forsaken came out and then left sometime around Season of the Drifter, I believe. I didn’t come back until last year, about halfway through Season of Plunder. So there are a lot of gaps in Mae’s story and things that I haven’t really thought about because of having to rely on going back to watch videos on Youtube to absorb the story. So as a general disclaimer, things change in her development A LOT. I know this is normal for OC creation, but I always feel really insecure about it. There are already some things from just a few months ago that I've retconned. So yeah lol

Mae is a jack-of-all-trades hunter who is primarily an arcstrider, sometimes nightstalker (spectral blades). She is capable of using solar light but chooses not to, and doesn’t often rely on either of the Darkness subclasses. For long-range combat, she prefers bows; Wish-Ender and Le Monarque most often (no, I’m not projecting that at all). Melee and close-quarters combat is more of her jam, though. She most often uses hand cannons and SMGs, swords and glaives for actual melee. For armour exotics, it’s a little complicated. In an ideal world, she would wear Liar’s Handshake and have some leg armour that looks like ST0MP-EE5 but don’t necessarily function as they do in game. She wears (fake) stompies because of their bracing; she has a persistent stasis-induced injury to her right ankle that is not easily healed. (Things might have changed on this since BL was quite some time ago, but Ghost repeatedly says in that campaign that there isn’t much he can do to fight stasis. Seems like if you got a shard of that embedded in your skin or in a joint, it would be difficult for a Ghost to heal, even if the shard was removed. That’s my thought process on this little aside.)

This is her canon armour, as long as you pretend that those hardened basilisk vambraces are Liar's Handshake :P

High level overview of what I currently have in mind for her general story — the other half of my little YW pair (Phaeston) dies between Curse of Osiris and Warmind. She handles this pretty poorly. Phaeston had been with Mae since she was revived, and they’re sort of a platonic bonded pair. She feels a little lost without him, feels like it was her fault (WIP), and becomes a bit reclusive. She has a pretty significant shift in personality as a trauma response, going from being a playful hunter to a quiet and solitary lone wolf. Cayde tries to help in his own way, feeling like she may be feeling like he did after Andal died (not that he would ever admit that to her). It only sort of helps and mostly just makes things worse after he dies too. She feels a little skeptical of the Vanguard after she kills Uldren and takes an extended assignment to the Dreaming City to help Petra try to contain the curse cycle. Anything between the end of the Forsaken campaign and Season of the Lost is mostly just a WIP.

Mae is also a Crow-mance because I am weak lol. Loosely, Crow is the one who takes the lead in their relationship and initiates it in the first place. Mae originally takes him under her wing as a sort of protégé, remembering what it was like for her when she was trying to find her footing as a guardian. She also feels mildly guilty for his early life, whether she necessarily should or not. He’s a good catalyst for getting her back to her old self and getting her to reconnect with her friends, but I do want to stress that it’s the early mentor/mentee relationship that does this, not the romantic one.

These days, she’s doing about as well as most guardians can be, I suppose. I haven’t even started thinking about her mental state this season with [potential spoiler] bringing up past regrets for several of the main seasonal cast. I’m still stuck in past seasons 😂 I could ramble on for an eternity about Forsaken and Season of the Haunted if you let me.

God uhhhhh idk if this really answered much of anything, but it’s been 2 hours since I started typing some of this out, so I should just call it here. I’m trying to get better about engaging with ask games again, so hopefully I can answer some specific things in the future.

#alkdjslfkdj thank you for sending this!! #maezi

[sokadraws]

100 suns.

The Clone Wars drabble.

A/N: I'm not sure about the translation. If something is wrong, please don't kick me. This drabble is kind of my personal canon. No backstory, no sequel. Only calmness and one of my favorite otp (you should know them all:3)

Hurt/Comfort, AU, songfic (30 seconds to Mars – 100 suns).

Trigger Warnings: schizophrenia, anxiety.

Summary: After the mission to Umbara, Kix started having mental problems. He is haunted by hallucinations, the voices of the dead brothers in his head do not allow him to sleep peacefully. When Jesse finds out about this, he suggests that they leave everything and run away. Kix doesn't mind.

He was always attracted to Shili. Attracted with its clear sky, mountain ranges and dense forests. A native of Kamino rarely gets the chance to see something like this. Feel how soft grass tickles your bare feet. Something in his soul stirred once when he first saw how drops of dew were falling from small coniferous needles, when he heard how a mischievous river was running among the mountains. Even the locals greeted the clones with all their warmth and hospitality, provided them with shelter.

Jesse suggested they run away somewhere. Kix wasn't mistaken with the choice.

The night birds are screaming. The bonfire spews dozens of sparks with a crack. Slowly, the lights in the wooden houses are dying out, even the noisy youngsters go to bed for the night. The first stars twinkle. The village goes to bed.

The last lamp goes out. Quietly the fire is smoldering. The sound of water in the distance. The forest nearby looks as if a violent artist has filled it with black paint: it was no longer visible in it the individual outlines of trees and animals. Nothing but darkness.

Once upon a time, Kix would have been scared. After the mission to Umbara, he quickly developed a fear of the dark. But just as quickly, mental illness pushed it into the background. It no longer seemed to him that a giant iron centipede or something worse could break out of the darkness. The clone chuckled. At least something fell into place.

He sat like that, listening to the measured sound of the mountain river that flowed down the slope, for a couple of hours. The cup with the long-cooled caf leaned forward slightly in relaxed hands, the knees were tucked in, the fingers trembled slightly. Some kind of Mandalorian lullaby was coming out of his mouth quietly, almost inaudibly.

And complete silence in his head.

It's happened so often since he fell apart.

'𝘕𝘪 𝘶𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘳 𝘰'𝘳 𝘯𝘢𝘢𝘴 –

𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘦 𝘬𝘺𝘳 𝘣𝘢𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵.'

The rustle of fabric sounds right next to his ear. Short fringe tickles the neck, slides down the shoulders.

'𝘕𝘪 𝘶𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘳 𝘰'𝘳 𝘯𝘢𝘢𝘴 –

𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘦 𝘷𝘩𝘦𝘩 𝘣𝘢𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘦 𝘒𝘢'𝘳𝘢.'

A strong, heavy hand rests on his chest. Where the heart beats. The second one carefully removes the cup from Kix's gentle grip, setting it aside.

'𝘕𝘪 𝘶𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘳 𝘰'𝘳 𝘯𝘢𝘢𝘴 –

𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘶𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘢 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘦 𝘥𝘩𝘢.'

Kiss on the temple. Kix closes his eyes, fully surrendering to the feeling. Feeling calm, safe.

'𝘕𝘪 𝘶𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘳 𝘰'𝘳 𝘯𝘢𝘢𝘴...--'

'𝘈 𝘵𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘶𝘶𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴.' Jesse continues, hugging the medic from behind.

They don't need a fire to keep warm.

Jesse pours the rest of the kaf onto the smoldering coals, they hiss menacingly. Darkness completely envelops them. The song comes to an end.

'How are you?' Jessie whispers, adjusting the blanket over Kix's shoulders.

'Stable' the former military doctor answers without hesitation.

Jesse clicks his tongue softly, rolls his eyes. He never liked this answer. Kix laughs.

'Do you want to enjoy a little more?' he asks, following Kix's gaze. Stars. He looked up at the stars again.

'No.'

'Shall we go to sleep then?'

Clone nodded.

As he left, Kix took another look at the valley. Small cozy houses in the distance, a forest that now looks more like a lot of black spots, mountains, paths... He Inhaled clean air.

There were no voices in his head.

Everything was okay.

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