Kiryu and queer customs + Nishida’s touch
Oh, Kiryu learning about queer culture. Code phrases, secret language like in spy movies are all cool of course. But also have the context of the invisible wall, and hiding in plane site, and loneliness and fear. Kiryu knows a thing or two about all this already.
But there’s also the camp, the bars, and safe-spaces, and the relief of having someplace you can just relax and be. And also there’s anger of outlining yourself on purpose, just by not conforming to expectations.
Kink is welcomed at pride and in Majima Constuction ✊ Not cops, tho. Unless they are officer Majima 👉👉
(Nishida struggles 101: is it appropriate to cite your boss's fashion as an example of camp for Kiryu?)
(Majima is high camp, expensive af, bright, leather, shoes too cool for this world)
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Kiryu, looking at straight porn: *cringe, disgust, looking away*
Kiryu, watching naked men engage in the passionate manly bathhouse battle: *smiling, leaning in, tilting the head*
I feels like after discovering queer scene Kiryu’s tolerance for heterosexual stuff dropped. Can’t even sit through porn with a straight face 👉👉👉
Like, why even care, when martial arts movies exist. No more obligatory blank face sit through girl on balloon action :’D
Discovering he doesn’t have to do it (or enjoy it) was probably a relief, too. Unspoken rules of this world are weird and complex, but sometimes it works out.
(Remember how Kiryu immediately ranted to Rina about how boring the typical routine talks with cabare girls are? How tiresome it is to keep playing this game?)
(And after that Kiryu told Goromi, that he doesn’t need to pretend with her, and it’s very freeing)
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In Kiryu’s brain, complimenting Goromi is how it’s Supposed to Be, you say nice things to ladies. But he’s still trying to understand what the rules are around mlm stuff. Gotta approach it right.
After many struggles and frustrations, Kiryu might ask Nishida for advice. His help is very needed. Someone gotta tell Kiryu that giving compliments is alright, and gender should not stop him.
Kiryu “gender is not important” Kazuma should get a moment of enlightenment there. Since childhood he has learned to compliment only the ladies. He made Nishiki and some other boys really uncomfortable a couple of times when growing up, and got told that boys don’t really say nice things to each other like that (it makes them feel vulnerable and defensive).
But still… Even if he and Nishiki would always talk all brotherly, and “hi, assface” eachother, Kiryu will always tell other people that Nishiki has the best taste in everything, great hair, and amazing karaoke voice. Because all of this is not compliments… it’s objective reality.
Kiryu himself doesn't really react when hostesses give him fake compliments, but gets super lost when approached on the street, or when girls poke at some unexpected topic. Like when Rina said he would be popular among men.
Kiryu is an orphan with social issues, he would’ve loved to hear something nice, even if he doesn’t think he does. But he did tell Rina that he would like to be wooed and praised for once, not the one doing it.
Meanwhile, Majima suddenly got self-conscious about sending Kiryu a gift after Kiwami. Even if he did so much to surprise Kiryu, to train him, to get him to smile as well (it was an unexpected bonus at first, wasn’t really planned, but after the first one Majima started to chase those smiles like the fights)
Majima, holding a cue as a weapon: I came to challenge you!
Translation: Kiryu seems to like spending time playing games. Also he smiles more when he is relaxed. Not gonna say anything about the fights then, we’re just gonna play some pool. We’re being chill. This can also be a lesson, right? Probably.
Meanwhile, a year later Kiry is watching construction boys flirt at the bars, and some mlm couples being all gooey: ……??? >C *is a bit sad now*
He missed so much, apparently. A whole world of things. And Majima is in his denial arc now. Hitting on those “unwanted” feelings hard.
Is there some segway to be so at ease with yourself, to be openly affectionate? Is there a milestone he needs to pass? Kiryu can’t discern it >c It seems to just happen for everyone, and it’s upsetting.
And here Nishida’s help will be needed. Coming to Kiryu smoking outside the bar with a big sad frown on his face.
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If Kiryu voices his frustrations, Nishida can explain that yes, society places a lot of weird expectations on people that couldn't possibly fit everyone. And everyone has to follow them even if it's uncomfortable and even if it hurts, just to be accepted, not shut off.
Sometimes to be true to yourself in this world means being alone, and shunned. So it's alright if not everyone can go for it, this is a heavy life to handle. But that's also why people who don't fit in the "rule and form", they need to stick together. Even delinquents form gangs. And queer people have their communities, and tight friend groups. And they make the world where the things that are taboo or different are safe to exist. That's our lot in life – sometimes, to be ourselves (to do just that!), we have to decide to do it. Have to make the world where we can do it, bit by bit. It can be a bar, or a street, or a family, or just another person you are willing to trust.
Because people aren't made for being alone, Nishida thinks. And they can't live with all of themselves locked away forever.
It's a scary path to take, but it's beautiful, too. Seeing the world from a new angle, seeing the new ways you can live and love, seeing beauty where others don't – it makes the world more beautiful, doesn't it?
So yeah, men can compliment other men, just because they want to. It's as simple as that, and also is not – not for everyone. Some rando in the street can still punch you. But also someone out there probably wants to hear these words, because he's also backed up into a corner by what he's supposed to be in this world.
So you can make a new one, safe and accepting world between each other, Nishida says. That's beautiful too.
Nishida's touch needs to be applied to and absorbed by the best of us.
Kiryu was telling Rina to be herself, but it came to be a little bit harder to do in practice. Kiryu for sure will come to admire her bravery. Sure, it's more acceptable for women to be affectionate with each other than it is for men. Raises less eyebrows off the bat. But still, she just goes for it. And it's inspiring, in a way.
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the thing about the death engine that people don't think about enough was just how uncompromising it was. it was more than a mission. it was more than a life threateningly dangerous mission. it was a fork in the road for both the agency as well as zoraxis.
the death engine remains as, in the agency's own words, one of "the most powerful weapons known to humanity". if it was left to ravage every known agency base on the face of the planet, the results would have been cataclysmic. likewise, the agent destroying it was the first real domino in the toppling of zoraxis' empire. it would go on to cement one solitary operative as zor's personal enemy.
the agency and zoraxis' fates were thoroughly intertwined the day of the death engine mission. but so were the agent and solaris'.
saying that out loud, it may sound horribly obvious. the two of them were in a situation where neither of them expected to survive. of course their fates were intertwined. what else could they have been? but as much as the mission was a crossroads for their respective corporations, it was equally as important for their own futures.
one of them was bound to win, and the other bound to lose. even if both of them died. even if- as we've seen- neither of them died.
"there's only one agent who could have pulled that off, and they died on the death engine". have you ever thought about that? even before phoenix got their name- even before zoraxis knew they were still alive- they were already reveling in the infamy they gained from that moment. even when zoraxis thought they died, the phoenix still won. they destroyed the death engine, and even after their 'death', they continued to haunt everyone who worked there. a cautionary tale. a legend.
do you not think that if solaris succeeded- killed the agent in some way, or let them kill themself with their ineptitude- she wouldn't have been heralded as a hero to zoraxis? not as though she's particularly loyal to the company, but it's clear that even at the position she's in now, she still is at zor's mercy in regards to what she's allowed to design and create.
if the agent died- if the death engine destroyed every known agency base- she would be one of, if not the most lethal operative zor has. that would have come with power, prominence, the freedom to truly do what she wants… and really, that was the only reason she decided to work with zoraxis in the first place.
there was only one way the death engine could have played out. one of them would succeed where the other would fail. one of them was doomed to be a stepping stone for the other's success.
in that regard, from a narrative perspective, the phoenix and solaris are not foils, but mirrors of one another. they have their very stark differences in loyalty and morality, true, but in those ten or so minutes up in the death engine, they may as well have been one and the same. fighting against the same fate, whether they knew it or not.
to this very day, the phoenix's success is propped on top of solaris' bowing spine. it didn't have to be this way.
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Smutty Saturday
Well, I wrote something for the first time in months. It's Smutty Saturday, so here's a snippet. Big thanks to @mostlyoptimisticdinosaur for writing with me tonight!!
All of this is because of this art @spikesteaseasalt you're a damn genius.
“You’re so fucking pretty,” Sirius panted into Remus’ mouth, one hand buried in the curls at the nape of Remus’ neck, his other hand applying increasing pressure on Remus’ throat, knees straddled on either side of Remus’ thighs. Remus gasped, his hips involuntarily bucking up hoping for that exquisite friction of Sirius’ weight against his cock. Sirius ground his hips down to meet Remus’ for a fleeting moment before planting both of his knees directly onto Remus’ thighs to hold him down.
“You’re perfect, Re. Gorgeous,” Sirius took his hand from Remus’ throat to grab his chin roughly forcing Remus to look him in the eye. “Fucking look at me,” he growled and Remus squirmed half-heartedly trying to look away. “Say it. Tell me you know how beautiful you are.” Sirius demanded and Remus struggled not to roll his eyes. He heard the sound of Sirius’ palm making contact with his cheek before he registered the sting. His mouth fell open as Sirius roughly pulled his head back by the hair. “Say. It.” Sirius punctuated each word with a rough bite to Remus’ neck.
“I’m pretty,” Remus whispered, not meeting Sirius’ gaze. Sirius slapped him again, only this time, Remus was able to anticipate the delicious sting.
Sirius leaned in, licking Remus’ bottom lip, “Try again. I didn’t quite hear you.” Remus made a frustrated sound. “I’m pretty,” Remus grumbled.
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