About Me (prt. I)
If someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read/watch/listen to?
-Read: Anne Rice novels; poetry by Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson, Arthur Rimbaud, + T.S. Eliot; All things Edgar Allan Poe.
-Watch: Moulin Rouge, The Dreamers, Thirteen, Center Stage, Ginger Snaps, Lolita ('97), The Mummy ('99), Hannibal (tv series), House, Skins (UK), Euphoria, The Borgias (US)
-Listen: Damien Rice, Fiona Apple, Bright Eyes, Mazzy Star, Jacques Brel, Lana Del Rey, Deftones, A Perfect Circle, Marilyn Manson, Korn, Rob Zombie, Fleetwood Mac, Agnes Obel, Josh Groban
List 4-6 most influential books over your lifetime.
-12 Rules For Life by Jordan B. Peterson
-Beyond Order by Jordan B. Peterson
-Anxiously Attached by Jessica Baum
-Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson
-To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
-Candy: A Novel of Love and Addiction by Luke Davies
Which Hogwarts house? What's your patronus?
-Slytherin house and my patronus is a Wolf.
Use 5 words to describe yourself.
-Creative
-Resilient
-Analytical
-Resourceful
-Open-minded
Describe your ideal day.
-My ideal weekday is a productive day at work where I have solved the problems that come up, created what was needed, and helped where I could. Then, traffic (my 1hr+ commute) would be easygoing and no more than an hour. In my car, I would jam to my music and/or listen to an audiobook, or speak w/ a friend. Once I get settled in at home, I take care of my dog + lizard, open up a beer or pour a whiskey, and then I get things done around the house or do some self-care, and really ideally just play a video game or have friends come over!
-My ideal weekend day is getting dolled up to go out with my friends or bf.... or just hangin' around the house and grillin' + chillin'; listening to music or doing a project by myself or with loved ones...
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I think Ch. 7/4 may have just given us both Crowley's identity as well as the identity of his "dear esteemed benefactor"
Obvs. Spoilers Ahead in this analysis and speculative hypothesis (which will link the prologue to the current events in Ch. 7):
This moment is the moment that sent me down this rabbit hole:
General Lilia essentially calling Lady Malenore Briar Country's "most evil" princess.
I went over the prologue again semi-recently to see if the knowledge we have gathered since the start of the game recontextulizes some things. And while the purpose of the analysis then was different, what I did take special note of was that Crowley is speaking to a different but very specific person. To quote the man himself (from the English version):
"Ah, my dear esteemed benefactor...
My proud, beautiful flower of evil.
You are truly the fairiest one of all."
The way Crowley addresses this person is very interesting because it at once seems very subservient and almost intimate.
But what is even more interesting is the original Japanese phrasing. I will go through the lines one by one to point out the notable details:
ああ‥‥‥愛しい我が君
"愛しい" (itoshii) is generally used to describe something that is lovely, dear. "我が君" (waga kimi) is generally understood to mean "my lord/ruler/master". The translation as "my dear esteemed benefactor" is... alright, though it does seem to detract a bit from the portrayal of this person as someone that has a lot of power over Crowley.
What I'd like to note though is that since Japanese is a very context dependent language this line might also be read a very different way: if "kimi" was used in the context that Crowley knows this person very well, being allowed to address them directly like this... then the line could also be read as Crowley calling this person "My beloved." There is still the underlying power dynamic underneath but it is more finely tuned and something that reminds me more of a pair of royals.
This would certainly not be the first way for someone to understand this line but subtext and double meanings can reveal a lot.
気高く麗しい悪の華
Notable here is mainly that Crowley is using a lot of archaic words to describe the person he is speaking to (e.g. using the kanji "華" instead of the modern "花" - both pronounced "hana," meaning flower). This may indicate that this person is of a people whose culture does not move as fast as the rest of the world's - still bound to old ways of speaking and thinking.
貴女こそが世界で一番美しい
Now, this last line is spicy. The English version of this line is pretty gender neutral after all - the fairest of them all. But what the original line makes very explicit is that Crowley is talking to/about a woman.
"貴女" (anata) - not "貴方" (anata), not "我が君" (waga kimi) but "貴女"
Crowley is addressing a noble woman directly in a manner that implies they are of equal standing. Like a husband addressing his wife.
Now let's circle back to that conversation Lilia, Silver, Sebek and co. are having about Malenore for a minute.
Because what Lilia also calls Malenore is this:
Malenore is the only daughter to Queen Maleficia and she the ruling Lady of "Wild Rose Castle" (野ばら城). Which is known to Silver only as "Black Scale Castle" (黒鱗城).
In other words, Malenore is one of the most powerful noble women in the Twisted Wonderland, she is strongly associated with with Wild Roses/ Briar Roses, and on top of that described as the "most evil" princess by her own general (whether in jest or not is of little consequence).
And this description should ring very familiar after going over Crowley's introductory monolog. A noble, beautiful "Flower of Evil" as it were.
But if that is the truth, then the familiar way Crowley addresses Malenore can only mean that Crowley's true identity is Malenore's husband. Who else would be allowed to speak to her im such an intimate and familiar manner.
Malenore's husband whose status hasn't actually been confirmed, other than he is missing in some capacity. And while I have seen a many transcriptions of his name, no one seems to have gotten it right yet:
"竜眠公レヴァーン"
The Sleeping Dragon Lord Raven
And what is the associated animal of our dear Night Raven's headmaster?
A crow.
A corvid.
A raven.
Crowley did always had something of the mad hatter to him, didn't he? And he might just have something with a raven and a writing desk..
After all, a raven is nevar the same front to back as back to front.
And thus, at the end, we have the lost parents of a little dragon, summoning a human with no magical ability to this Twisted Wonderland - a human that cannot be influenced by blot.
Curious, curious...
Curious indeed...
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1:38pm LUNCH thoughts
I keep asking myself what brought me here. Why now?
A few things do come to mind—
I recently bought a house with the help and guidance of my parents, and since they are retired they are able to help me with house projects/repairs, letting my dog out, grabbing mail/packages, mowing my lawn, surprising me with groceries or other random things… sounds amazing, doesn’t it? And it is. It truly is a wonderful thing and I am beyond grateful. I don’t ask for these things, but I know that I am blessed to have the help.
I have lived on my own before, mostly with roommates and in rentals, or with someone who owned.
For years I lived far enough away to where my parents could not cater to me or save me. Now, I reside 8 minutes away from them, in the same town with the same zip code.
It’s wild too, because I moved back to my hometown. For years I ran away from it and telling myself I would never return.
So, it’s barely been a full 3 months since I moved in, and I feel more vulnerable than ever. I feel crippled in a chaos that is as pernicious as the quiet before a storm.
I felt like this before when I lived with my parents. I felt like this before the last few years living with my ex-boyfriend. Continuously in fight or flight.
This time, it’s slightly different. I made it so far and I have healed so much. I was always so proud of me. Sure, there was a bit of imposter syndrome every now and then, but I always realized that I made it this far because of my willpower, my determination & resilience, my yearning to be the best person I can be.
Yet, now I feel lost and I am not sure who I am. What are my values? What are my needs? My wants? My goals?
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