#remember how logan said that virgil only panicked and kept thomas up at night because patton’s morals were strictly against remus?

[eliemo]

Bored of Love

Summary: Virgil knows Roman is going to leave if he doesn't change. But he still has time. He can fix this.

TWs: social anxiety, fear of a breakup, misunderstandings

Notes: Enjoy this little oneshot while I work on some of my bigger projects. Romantic Prinxiety, established relationship

Virgil didn’t know how much longer he could keep doing this.

Which was stupid, he’d put himself in this position. It’d be selfish of him to back out of it now. He might ruin everything irreparably if he even tried.

Virgil could suck it up and deal with this, even if it felt like he was going to die the next time he stepped into a public place the Imagination created for him.

But that didn’t matter. Because this was for Roman- and Roman was beaming. He’d been thrilled all week, eyes lighting up in a way that made Virgil dizzy whenever he suggested another date idea or activity to the Prince, carefully hiding the exhausted waver in his voice that hadn’t gone away after three straight days of taking Roman out.

He’d thought he might have been going a little overboard, offering to go out and do things day after day. He’d been a little worried Roman would catch on to what he was doing. Maybe he’d laugh at how disgustingly desperate Virgil was.

But he didn’t. The Prince just looked more excited each time, jumping up and sweeping Virgil off his feet and into an embrace when a new idea was presented.

And that made it worth it. Roman was happy- happy with Virgil- and that was the best feeling in the world. If it meant Roman would keep loving him, that Roman would stay, a little exhaustion and extra anxiety was something he could live with.

Virgil was just...glad he’d forced himself to do this before it was too late.

He hadn’t noticed it until last week, how...annoying it must be for Roman whenever Virgil wanted to stay in and do nothing. Again.

Virgil had thought it would be ok, that Roman understood that sometimes going out and doing things, being active and social, was just a little too much. He’d warned Roman about it before they’d gotten together, that his anxiety could be an obstacle, that he’d do his best but he’d always prefer to be alone with his boyfriend, held safely against his chest.

And Roman hadn’t cared. Not even for a second. He’d waved it off with grand declarations of love that he’d quickly pushed aside in favor of more serious, quiet promises, holding Virgil close to make sure he understood.

All he wanted was Virgil to be comfortable and happy. All he wanted was for them to be together. If Virgil would let Roman love him, he would be happy no matter what they did.

And that’s what they’d done. And everything had been...perfect. It had been better than he’d ever thought it could be, everything he’d never let himself dare to hope for. Being with Roman made the world feel ok, and the bad days more than worth it.

Virgil loved him. And he was so so scared to mess this up.

Which was why last week, when Roman had actually been annoyed by his introversion for the first time, Virgil had panicked immediately and scrambled to fix everything.

Roman had suggested going out on a date night, something a bit more extravagant than their usual quiet dinner in Roman’s room or in the empty kitchen. And as nice as it sounded, Virgil knew there was absolutely no way he would have been able to handle it that night.

His anxiety had been acting up, leaving him jumpy and tired, and even just the thought of venturing out into the Imagination left him wanting to curl up in his bed and never leave.

And he’d said as much, sheepishly admitting he’d really rather just stay inside for the night. And instead of the usual gentle understanding he got in return, Roman had scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Of course you don't,” he’d muttered. “Come on, Virgil, you never want to do anything fun. Staying inside all day is boring. I’m just trying to do something nice for you like a boyfriend is supposed to do since apparently you can’t return the favor.”

And then he’d stormed off, probably to complain to Patton and Logan, and Virgil he’d been left on the couch feeling like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over his head.

Roman had said when they’d started dating that it was ok, that he didn’t care. He wanted Virgil, not the dates and outings and activities. He wouldn’t care if Virgil was too anxious to go out. He’d be perfectly content curling up in bed and watching a movie they’d both seen a hundred times before.

Was that...not true? Had he changed his mind? Was Virgil getting boring? Was he annoying Roman?

Was Roman going to leave if Virgil didn’t hurry up and get it together?

Maybe it was already too late. Maybe Roman had already gotten bored and fallen out of love with him. Maybe there was nothing Virgil could do to convince him to stay with someone like Anxiety.

Beneath the panic, Virgil had recognized he was spiraling. Roman wouldn’t leave him, not out of nowhere. Not over this. Virgil still had time to fix things. He could be better.

Roman had apologized less than an hour later, complete with a bundle of purple flowers and a nervous smile. Virgil hadn’t been mad, of course, and he assumed the apology had only felt necessary because it was impossible for Virgil to hide the fact he’d been crying.

But they were fine now. That had been days ago, and Roman clearly wasn’t giving it a second thought.

But Virgil hadn’t stopped thinking about it, and the next day he’d come to Roman with a date idea, something similar to what Roman had suggested. Virgil had been tired and a little unfocused, but it had been worth it to see Roman positively beam at him.

And then Virgil hadn’t...stopped. He’d kept making plans around their pre-existing schedule for filming and time with the others, more and more piling up until Virgil couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a moment to himself.

It had almost been almost a week now, a week of taking Roman out every day and pushing down panic and exhaustion because Virgil was fine. This is what he wanted because it was what Roman wanted.

Every time a date ended the thoughts would come rushing back, panicked and insistent that Roman was still going to leave him no matter what he did. What if it hadn’t been enough? What if Roman had wanted more? What if Virgil had been too quiet- too boring?

They wouldn’t be silent until Virgil made another plan, took them out again, until Roman smiled with undeniable excitement and led them back into the bustling Imagination.

They had another dinner date tonight, in just a couple hours. Virgil found himself hunched over the breakfast bar in the kitchen, staring blankly at his half empty mug of coffee, and trying very hard not to think about how Logan was staring at him.

“Virgil,” Logan said carefully, and Virgil heard him approach from the kitchen doorway. “Are you...alright?”

“I’m fine,” Virgil said quickly, too quickly, because he wasn’t fine, it felt like he was going to break down if he had to do one more thing today. They’d already worked on filming, and Thomas had gone out with a friend that morning, and Virgil just wanted to sleep. “Why?”

He heard Logan move even closer, tensing when the logical side put a hand on his shoulder. “Because you’ve been incredibly active this last week, and that isn’t like you.”

Virgil grimaced and shook off his hand, probably more aggressively than was necessary. “I’m fine. Maybe I like being active.”

“You don’t,” Logan said, and it wasn’t a question. “And there is nothing wrong with that, Virgil. Some people are more introverted than others, and socializing drains them more quickly. Not to mention your anxiety makes you—”

“Yeah, I know,” Virgil snapped, pushing himself off the stool to dump his coffee in the sink. “I’m shit at doing things and I’m trying to fix that.”

“There is nothing to fix, Virgil. Pushing yourself like this will only hurt you. I don’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself.”

Virgil sighed, squeezing his eyes shut and grabbing at the edge of the counter to keep himself from having a breakdown on the kitchen floor. Logan didn’t deserve to deal with that.

“I’m taking my boyfriend out to dinner,” he said, hating how his voice shook. “And I took him out a few times this week because he deserves it. That’s all. I’m fine, Logan.”

Logan was silent a moment, Virgil still refusing to turn around. “If you told Roman this was hurting you, I’m sure he would—”

“Don’t tell Roman.” Virgil finally spun around, eyes wide and panicked, meeting Logan’s raised eyebrow.“Please, don’t tell Roman, Lo you can't.”

Logan shook his head, watching Virgil with a mix of something between sympathy and concern. “It is not my place to talk to Roman about this. But I do not recommend letting this continue.”

“I’m doing this to make him happy,” Virgil said, and it sounded small and pathetic to his own ears. “I’m...I have to, Lo. He deserves so much better.”

Logan sighed, short and quiet, and for a second Virgil thought he was going to be told off. Virgil was being ridiculous, and no amount of faking excitement and energy could get Roman to stay with someone like him.

But Logan just reached over to squeeze his hand, smiling gently. “Roman is happier than he has been in years since entering a relationship with you. Please try to remember that.”

And then he was gone, leaving Virgil to try and catch his breath in the middle of an empty kitchen until he found the strength to hurry upstairs to get ready for dinner.

--

Dinner was great, obviously. It was great because Roman was there, smiling, eyes twinkling as he talked about...something. For the life of him, Virgil couldn’t focus on the conversation anymore.

He was exhausted and the background chatter of the other people in the restaurant (because of course when Roman created something he had to make it as realistic as possible- what was the fun in a date at a fancy restaurant if it was completely empty and quiet?) was grating against his skull. It was too much and as wonderful as it was to see Roman so happy, Virgil just wanted it to be over.

He wanted to go home. He wanted to go back to Roman’s room and climb into bed and sleep against the Prince’s chest and forget about the world.

But he couldn’t, because this wasn’t enough. It still wasn’t enough, he had to do more because the second Virgil showed just how much he hated this Roman would stop smiling, and he’d realize just how awful Virgil was to be with. Roman was a Prince, he deserved so much better than Anxiety, and if Virgil didn’t change—

“Virgil?” Roman had stopped talking, and Virgil quickly snapped to attention when he realized Prince was staring at him, brow furrowed. “Are you alright?”

It took Virgil a moment to notice he’d started shaking, uncontrollable trembling that was impossible to hide when he took a sip of his water.

But he was fine. He was fine and he needed to get over himself before Roman picked up on anything.

“I’m good, Princey,” he said, cursing how weak his voice sounded. “Do you want to go out to breakfast tomorrow? I had some ideas.”

Roman stared for a second, and Virgil’s heart sank when his smile started to drop. “You’re shaking like a leaf, Virgil. Do you feel sick?”

“No.” Virgil squeezed his hands into fists, nails digging painfully into his palms. “I’m fine, I’m...I’m just cold. It’s cold in here. Do you want to do breakfast tomorrow?”

It was clearly a lie, Roman always kept the temperature perfect in his realm, and Virgil felt more like he was overheating than anything.

“Virge...” he reached forward, freezing when Virgil flinched back before he could stop himself. “Honey, you...do not look fine.”

“I am,” Virgil argued, even as tears began to gather in his eyes. “I’m fine, I swear. We’re having a fun time, I’m ok. You’re...you’re having fun, right? You like these dates?”

Roman didn’t respond for a moment, cautiously looking Virgil over before speaking carefully. “I...I do, but—”

“That’s good!” It came out a bit too desperate, and Virgil internally cringed. “That’s...that’s good. They’re for you.”

“But I’m an extrovert,” Roman said. “We know I enjoy being out and about like this. You’re...Virgil, it’s ok if you don’t want to.”

“No, I do. I do want to, I promise. We’re..we’re having fun. You’ve been having fun.”

“I have,” Roman said slowly. “But if it’s at the cost of your mental health we can have fun doing other things. You don’t have to push yourself.”

“Yes I do,” Virgil said before he could stop himself, wincing when his voice broke. “And I’m fine. Do you want to go out to breakfast tomorrow?”

Roman was silent for a long moment, too long, watching Virgil like he was worried the anxious side might break. Virgil thought he might, too.

“Actually,” the Prince started, voice soft. “I was thinking we could stay in tomorrow.”

Virgil hated how quickly his head shot up, hope clawing at his chest when he saw the sincerity in Roman’s eyes. “You were?”

“I was,” Roman said. “I may not be as good as Patton, but I could figure out how to cook us something edible. We could eat it in bed and watch movies, if you’d like.”

It was like a weight had just been lifted off of Virgil’s shoulders, letting him breathe for the first time all week as he wiped away tears still pooling in his eyes. “That...would be really nice. If- if that’s what you want to do. If you’re sure.”

Roman nodded, back to smiling gently, and Virgil couldn’t even try to hold back the pathetic sobs that broke free, leaving him hunched over and trembling in the middle of the restaurant.

He heard Roman’s chair scoot back and for a terrifying second he thought the Prince was leaving, finally giving up on the pathetic mess sitting across from him.

But then there was another chair being pulled up beside him, and Roman had gathered Virgil into his arms and against his chest, letting Virgil cry into his shirt as he held him close.

“I’m sorry,” Roman said, and Virgil didn’t understand why he was the one apologizing. “Gosh, I’m sorry Virgil. I’ve...I’ve been so selfish, haven’t I?”

“What?” Virgil pulled back, still clutching at Roman’s shirt. “You’re not being selfish, Ro. I’m...I’ve been trying to make you happy.”

“I was perfectly happy how we were,” Roman said softly. “I thought you were being more social and I didn't want to discourage you, but I completely missed the signs that you weren’t enjoying it.”

“I was enjoying it,” Virgil said, and it was only half a lie. “You were so happy. You were happy. It was worth it.”

“You’re breaking down,” Roman said, and Virgil flinched. “Nothing is worth this.”

“But—”

“I’m gonna talk to Logan about a day off,” Roman continued before Virgil could argue. “You’re going to sleep in, and I’m going to make you breakfast, and we’ll spend the day unwinding. Alright?”

It sounded amazing, like everything Virgil had been desperately wanting all week long, but...but it was the opposite of what he’d been trying to do. He’d ruined the night, and Roman...Roman didn’t look upset, but...

“Are...are you mad? It’s ok if you are, but I—”

“No baby,” Roman said, soft and gentle in a way that only shattered Virgil’s resolve further. “I’m not mad at all.”

Virgil wasn’t sure he entirely believed that, not when he’d so royally fucked everything up. “I’m...sorry. I’m so sorry, I was just trying to be better.”

He felt Roman freeze, tightening his hold for just a second before loosening again to look Virgil in the eyes. “Better?”

“Yeah,” Virgil agreed, not sure why it was a question. “I’m...look, Princey I know I’m a shitty boyfriend and I- I don’t know how long you’re going to put up with it so I’m...trying to change. I can do better. I promise I can do better next time.”

Roman was silent for a long moment, and Virgil expected him to sigh, begrudgingly admit that Virgil was right, he’d just been hoping his frustration wasn’t so obvious, and agree to try another date tomorrow when Virgil got over himself.

Instead Roman tightened his hold, eyes wide and...horrified? “What on earth are you talking about?”

Virgil frowned back at him, panic and uncertainty coiling in his gut because he hadn’t actually thought any of this needed to be explained.

“I know I hold you back,” Virgil said, continuing before Roman could protest. “You love going out and doing things and I know it’s...frustrating that I don’t. You don’t go on quests as much anymore and you're less active because I like to stay in, and I don’t take you out like I should, and I—”

“I don’t go out as much because I’m happy spending time with you,” Roman cut in. “I’d go out if I wanted to, darling. I like staying in with you. Yes, these dates have been wonderful, and I appreciate them. But I’d prefer to do something where both of us are comfortable.”

“But—” Virgil’s breath caught on another sob, and he tightened his hold on the Prince. “But you said I never...I- I thought you were getting bored with me.”

Roman looked confused, but it only lasted a second before realization took over. “Is this...is this because of the fight we had?”

Virgil shrugged, eyes on his lap. “It...wasn’t a fight. You were honest with me and I tried to fix what I was doing wrong.”

“Oh, baby.” Roman’s hands were suddenly cupping his face, tilting his chin up to meet Virgil’s gaze. “That wasn’t me being honest, Virgil. That was me being an asshole because I had a long day and I took it out on you. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t mean any of it.”

Virgil couldn’t see with the way the tears were blurring his vision, but the anxiety that had been relentlessly wrapped around his heart since Roman had lashed out was beginning to unravel.

“Oh,” he said, a little breathless. “I thought...I just wanted this to be perfect for you. I wanted to be good.”

“Neither one of us will ever be perfect.” Roman smiled, wiping away Virgil’s tears with his thumb. “But I love you. I love you so much, Virgil. You’re perfect to me.”

Virgil struggled to breathe around hiccuping sobs still coming from his chest, completely lost because this wasn’t...this was all wrong. “But you...you deserve the best.”

“And I have that. You being comfortable and safe is all I could ever want, Virgil. You’re my world.”

And well...great. Now Virgil was crying in earnest all over again, collapsing into Roman’s chest and letting it all out, melting into his embrace as he once again held him tight.

Roman shushed him gently, rocking them both where they sat, running gentle fingers through Virgil’s hair. “You deserve the best too, Virgil. Please don’t ever put yourself below me.”

“I do have the best,” Virgil said, muffled from where he’d buried his face in Roman’s chest. “If...if you stay.” He quickly pulled back, panic clawing at his throat. “Not- not that you have to stay. You don’t. I’m not...you’re not trapped or anything, I just—”

“I know, Virgil,” Roman said gently, and he relaxed again. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Ok,” Virgil sighed, breaths still shaky, head rested on Roman’s shoulder. “Sorry for ruining dinner.”

“You didn’t,” Roman assured, rubbing gentle circles along the anxious side’s back. “Would you like to go home?”

Virgil probably nodded a bit too fast, but Roman didn’t seem annoyed in the slightest. He just scooped Virgil up bridal style and carried him through the now silent restaurant. Virgil belatedly realized Roman had gotten rid of the rest of the customers.

“I love you,” Virgil whispered, wrapping his arms tight around Roman’s shoulder when the Prince kissed the top of his head. “I’m really sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Roman said, stern but gentle in a way that didn’t send Virgil’s anxiety skyrocketing. “I’m going to take care of you.”

Virgil nodded, too tired to form another response, closing his eyes and letting Roman take them back to his room. For the first time all week, Virgil found himself looking forward to what tomorrow held.

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #roman sanders #prinxiety #romantic prinxiety #logan sanders #fanfiction #writing

[giant-sketches]

Hello everyone and welcome back to another chapter of Mass Emotions after such a long wait. I worked very hard to make it worth that time of course, but please do be patient with me as I find more time to write and draw for this side blog of mine. :9

To find rest of the chapters you can follow this link!

If you would like to be added to the taglist please DM or send an ask. :3

Disclaimer: Crying/Shouting/Cursing/Anxiety Attack/Pain/Slight Physical Harm

Side-note: The main ship in this series is fluff LAMP. Janus is seen as a guardian figure to the other sides and is therefore not shipped with any of them. All sides are the same age, but their maturity varied in the past. 

It was night when Virgil started making his way out of the window from his room, sneaking past Logan’s surveillance drones, and into the surrounding woods. Two weeks had gone by of them discussing, or more like arguing over which of the remaining destabilized giants to go after. Obviously, Roman wanted to save his brother as soon as possible! On top of that Logan supported his wishes based purely on the fact that Remus was closest to breaking apart.

However, Virgil wanted to go for Janus instead. He was the first to destabilize so Virgil thought it only fair and Patton agreed with him. Saying he’d suffered enough of not being able to remember his family for the past years. Yet, there was another reason the anxious side wanted to save him first...Janus’s destabilization had been Virgil’s fault. He was the one who started it and He had to be the first to end it!

A surprise was waiting for Virgil though, a note stuck to the outside window instructing him to come to the cave on the West side, signed Janus. The timing was uncanny as he stuffed it into his hoodie pocket. Virgil was now alone in the woods making haste towards the obvious trap awaiting him.

Unfortunately, Patton’s sixth sense for tomfoolery kicked in as he suddenly woke up. Roman was snoring, Logan listening to his recorded tapes on scientific studies, and Virgil...nothing. Okay, that’s weird. Usually his Stormcloud liked to fall asleep to the sound of rain or ocean waves. Pat turned the knob to find it unlocked and then to find no Virgil sleeping within. “Oh kiddo.” He whispered, full of disappointment. He flew to the alarm and pressed the button to wake up the others.

“Holy! What, what is it?!”

“Ah! What time is it? Who hit the alarm?”

Patton stood in the hall with his arms crossed in full Dad mode. 

“Virgil’s gone.”

“He’s WHAT?!”

“You have got to be kidding me. H-he didn’t...you know?”

Patton nodded. There was no way it could be anything else. “He’s gone to meet with Janus.”

“Are you sure?”

Just then Pat held up a crinkled note. It was the one Virgil thought he stuffed into his pocket, but it fell out while he climbed out the window. Pretty much Virge had made a lot of mistakes despite thinking he was being careful.

“Shit. I’ll get my gear on.” Roman ran back into his room and Logan followed suit. There was no telling how long it’d been since Virgil had left. They needed to hurry.

---------------- Many Years Ago in the Mindscape

“Big bro Jan Jan!” Janus turned around to find himself being tackled by a slightly shorter side.

“Woah! Hey Virgil!” He smiled sweetly. “Be careful running around like that. What if you got hurt?” Virgie only giggled, “You’re such a worrywart Big bro Janus!”

“Well, that is true, I am Protectiveness after-all. I’m here to make sure we stay safe and can protect Thomas when he needs us.” He said as he took Virgil’s hand. “I’m also here as your all’s caretaker my little ball of Curiosity!”

The two used to be so close, just like brothers. Janus was always kind and stoic as he taught and cared for Virgil. He did the same for the other sides as well, since he was the most developed. Morality and Creativity being a little more mature than Virgil, as they all played together. To all of them Janus was like a guardian, despite all being the same age, and they loved him as such, but that did put a lot of pressure on the protective side.

One night, that pressure finally caused him to break. It was late when a strange sound caught his ear. “What was that?” He wondered, getting up from his bed to look down the hall. No one; still there was a slight breeze lingering below his feet. Is a window open or something? A sense of panic started setting in as he ran out to check on the others. Morality? He was sleeping while hugging one of many plushies. Then was Creativity okay? Yep, mumbling to himself about some dream. The last to check on was Curiosity...gone.

The window on the back wall was wide open as the cool night air taunted Janus’s paled face. “Virgil! Virgil, where are you? Please, please come here if you can hear me!” Where had he gone? Jan was trying hard to listen to any odd sounds around him, but the heart beat in his chest kept pounding. His eyes watery, ears ringing, why was this happening? Why did Virgil go outside when he’d been told to never leave the house without him? The stress had been building inside Janus for a while now.

His natural need to protect was eating away at him as the pressure grew. The pressure to be the perfect big brother Virgil idolized him for. The pressure to protect his family, protect Thomas, always be there, listen to their problems, and on and on! What about him? Didn’t he matter just as much? When was someone going to protect him, listen to HIM!

“No one ever really listens.” He grumbled. 

*SNAP*

Quickly, Janus turned his head around in the direction of the sound. Running at full speed until he saw Virgil on his knees on the cliffside. What was he doing? “Virgil!” He shouted.

Virgil turned to look at his panicked friend and smiled as he started to get up. Waving his hand around like he hadn’t a care in the world...and that’s when it happened. A strong gust of wind hit, causing the curious side to topple over and begin rolling off the cliff. “NO!”

Without any hesitation Janus jumped down and curled himself around Virgil to protect him as they both fell off the side. This was it; Janus was going to break apart any minute now. He was going to disappear forever. It wasn’t fair...he didn’t deserve this! It was all Virgil’s fault for going out at night, for not listening to his warnings about staying out of trouble. He’d given up so much to care for him, for ALL of them. At that moment something snapped inside of Janus as his body started to grow in size.

He easily filled the space below of the ravine he had moments ago been falling into. The heat and pain was so intense that he fainted, with a tiny Virgil still lying safely under his hand. An hour rolled by, before Virgil stirred awake and began taking in his surroundings. Yellow, warm, and soft? What had he landed on exactly and how was he perfectly okay? From what he could remember he had found a big hole in the Earth and was curious as to what was inside it. Then...he fell into it somehow? The now very confused side held his head as a distant, but familiar voice rang out in his head. Only to then be cut-off by the ground underneath him beginning to move.

“What the…”

He trailed off as his eyes wondered upwards to see a giant with hazy eyes looking down at him. OH SHIT! In a panic, Virgil slid down the side of the giant to hide behind some of the fallen rocks.

 He clasped his hands over his mouth and started counting down in his head to control his breathing. While the giant rubbed his eyes, none the wiser to Virgil’s stealthy escape.

“Where am I?” He groaned, working his way up to look around. “Some kind of ravine? Whatever, for now all I have is myself and that’s all I need.” Janus smirked as he walked away with a hum. Curiosity, now not so curious making sure the giant was gone before he made his way out and back home. All the while thinking how familiar the giant’s voice was.

--------------- Back to Current Time

Finally, he was here. The West side caves that Janus was hiding out in and enjoying his freedom ever since he destabilized. Virgil’s nerves started to wear on him as to what this slippery snake had planned for him. Had Jan started to remember his past now that the others' memories were coming back? Or was something else completely different going on?

“Aaaaaahhhhhh” A long groan came from inside, followed by a hiss of pain. The ground shook violently, but Virgil managed to make his way inside. The sounds of discomfort vibrating off the walls until he reached a large opening covered in lights. The interior was quite cozy for a cave. Leave it to Janus to make any location a perfect hide away. “You’re here!”

The greeting snapped Virgil out of his daze and back to the situation at hand. He’d refrained from increasing his size because he hadn’t come for a fight. “Deceit. Why did you call me here?” Virgil lacked information. He needed to see what Jan knew...what he remembered.

Janus bared his fangs with a toothy grin as he picked up his little guest. Luckily, no squeezing this time around. “Oh my dear little Virgil. Why do you think I called you here? I know you’re the one doing this to me.” This? What was he on about? “What do you mean?”

The smile vanished as his grip tightened around Virgil making it hard to breath. “Ah...stop please...Janus.” Suddenly, relief as the hand holding him relaxed. “That! Why are you calling me that?”

Virgil was still dazed from the lack of oxygen. He began wiggling his way out of the giant’s hand and rapidly began increasing his own size to match Jan’s. “You mean Janus. That’s your name.”

“No, no, no! My name is Deceit!” He banged his hand against the cavern wall as tiny items on shelves fell to the floor with a crash. “I don’t know who you think I am, but this is who I am!”

“No, that’s not true. Your name is Janus and you’re one of us. A side...a light side. There is no dark side Jan. Just you and me, and…and your family.”

“Family? Hahaha, what family? You LEFT ME! Remus left me. Everyone’s left...me.” The now sobbing Janus fell to his knees and wailed at the pain of past and present memories colliding inside his broken mind. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.” “And you don’t have to be Jan Jan.” Warm hands, familiar hands embraced him in a welcoming hug as he continued to weep.

“I’ve been having these dreams. Where, we’re all together in one house. I’m looking after you all as your big brother. Are these memories?” “Yeah, they are.” “Why didn’t I remember before then?” “It’s my fault. I’m so sorry Jan Jan. I-I was too curious and you got hurt trying to save me. You destabilized and turned into this monster in order to protect me!”

Virgil softly cried into Janus’s shoulder as he held onto him tightly. Fearing he may disappear at any moment. “I remember now. Oh Virgil, it’s alright. I forgave you a long time ago somewhere deep in my heart.” “R-really?!” Janus smiled and helped wipe away Virgil’s tears as they both stood back up. “I think it’s time I go back home to my family.”

Right as the two of them started to leave the caves the trio of fashionably late heroes appears on the scene. “Virgil! Oh my gosh Sweetpea are you okay?”

The exhausted giant waved down to his friends to show he was well and good. “Stand back from that scaly fiend!” “Roman, it’s okay. He’s started to remember.” “Remember? Do you mean to say he’s begun restabilizing?” Logan perked up curiously. “Yeah, though he’s not running a fever yet so I’m not sure when the process will st-”

Just then a hot wave started to bubble up inside of Virgil as he toppled over in pain. His face sweaty and pale. Janus was confused until he noticed himself shrinking. “What is this?!”

Between gritted teeth, “You all need to get away from here. I’m not completely sure what’s happening but I know it’s dangerous to be near me right now!” The group didn’t ask questions, they trusted Virgil’s judgement as they made their way quickly down the mountain. Meanwhile, Janus was shrinking fast and Virgil was crying out in extreme pain as his body grew rapidly. Soon he had reached his maximum height of 1000 feet, but he continued to grow. What was happening to him?

Once Janus had returned to the normal size of a human he too quickly got to somewhere safer than right next to a constantly growing giant. “Janus! How is Virgil? What’s going on?” “I’m sorry, I don’t know. I suppose if I had to guess he’s stolen my height and added it on to his own.” “He’s adding it on?” “Yes, but not in an exact manner. He’s already grown past 1000 feet, but adding mine on he would have stopped at 1070, but he hasn’t.” “How big is he going to get then?” Janus gulped as he looked back over to the mountain that Virgil’s new size was slowly consuming, “I have no idea.”

Virgil’s body now laid on top of the mountain as he could finally feel himself cooling off. More memories returning to him as his eyes focused onto his surroundings. He had grown to a whopping 5000 feet, nearly a mile high! Virgil quickly spotted the others not too far away as he reached down to grab them up. They were so small he needed to be extremely careful with them. Virgil then laid back against the mountain and smiled. He loved seeing more of his family together again.

The others were mesmerized by his tremendous size. Roman and Patton were definitely blushing as they called out to him. “Are you feeling alright now Darling?” “Yeah, I feel amazing honestly. Usually, I’m really scared and anxious when I’m so big, but this just feels so right.”

They all knew how much Virgil enjoyed being big and they were happy to see him comfortable, still they had to wonder why this happened. 

“Do you have any idea why this happened to you Stormcloud?” Virgil shook his head. He had no clue. “All I can say is that it was similar to the fever I had before, but it happened a lot quicker, so the pain was more intense.” “Then perhaps Janus’s restabilization was a catalyst of sorts.” “A catalyst?” “A substance that increases the rate of a chemical reaction without itself undergoing any permanent chemical change.” “Seriously Logan, not really the time for a chemistry lesson.” “True, but I think a secondary definition is in order. A catalyst can be a person or thing that precipitates an event. The person being Janus and the event being the increased growth of Virgil.” “Well, besides all the science talk...what does that actually help us understand?” “I’d need to do some tests and get more data, but my starting hypothesis is that somehow Virgil and his new stable form is linked to those who remain destabilized. That chaotic energy inside the body of someone unstable needs to go somewhere and I believe Virgil’s body has adapted in a way that allows him to absorb it. Thus his increase in stature.” “So he eats crazy energy?” “....yes Patton, Virgil now eats crazy energy.”

That was cool! Either way, that was one giant down and one to go. Although, for now it was time to head on home. There Virgil and Janus could both rest and in the morning he’d get an earful from Logan and Patton on protocol and house rules for him running away after finding a note from a crazy giant serpent man. Still, a good ending for now.

To be continued...

@crystalk17 @paranoidgurl @gentlegiantdreamer @suckedinfandoms @craz-ewaters @rainbowbowtie @pattonvirglsanders @enby-phoenix @sanders-sides-virgil @just-some-gt-trash @notkolaidoscop @bluegreeninbtwn @lgbtqiaemo @avenirunknown @ncanspeak @maryann-draws @himeperson @perfectly-princely-emo-nightmare @daydreamburritoworld @im-a-creepy-cookie  @radicalskatervirgil

#mass emotions ts #sanders sides #sander sides #virgil #janus #deceit #patton #logan #roman #gt!virgil #giant!virgil #gt!janus #giant!janus #gt #g/t #giant #giant sketches #giant and tiny #roman sander #patton sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #giant au #gt au #size shifting #gt sanders sides #sanders sides gt #tiny!virgil #thomas sanders #infinitesimal!sides

[mtherhino]

One side, Two lives

Chapter ten

Is he ok?

First Previous Next

Warnings: slight gore, panicked attack, and mention of eating disorder

Where the heck am I?  Virgil thought as he took in his surroundings. He couldn’t see anything except himself, as I he was standing in a pit of nothingness. He tried to to walk around but the blackness seemed to go on forever so he started to panic. Where a I? How do I get out of here? Where are the others?! Are they here two? I have to find them!

           Suddenly the anxious side heard a scream from behind him in the darkness. That sounds like Roman! He thought. He turned around and there stood Roman, on his knees and grasping at his stomach which confused the other side. Why is he grabbing at his stomach? Never mind I need to get his attention.

“Roman!” Virgil shouted to the other, but the prince didn’t acknowledge him, he didn’t even seem to hear him. This in no way helped Virgils anxiety.

“Roman! Princy can you hear me!” He shouted again, but just like before the creative side didn’t seem to even know he was there. Out of no where Virgil heard a dark chuckle.

He turned his gaze away from the prince and towards the noise. The shape of a person had materialized from the darkness, glimmering in a golden light and having what seemed to be a cape dragging behind him. The whatever it was approached Roman’s fallen from, laughing the whole time.

“You see? Your nothing but a weakling, and theres no place for anything like that here.” Virgil watched in terror as the person drew a sword and used it to tilt Roman’s head up to look at him. The side had tears running down his face and blood leaking from his mouth. Why is he crying? Why is he bleeding!? Virgil thought.

He looked back down to the prince’s hand and saw that the normally pure white outfit was now stained in blood, the red liquid was still spreading rapidly. Virgils eyes grew wide with horror. The golden being ‘tsk’ at the downed side and kicked him in the stomach making him cough up blood. No! Stop! You’re going to kill him! That’s what Virgil wanted to say, but as soon as he tried to scream black tendrils wrapped around his mouth and kept him quite.

Never the less the anxious side tried to run forward to stop everything but he couldn’t. He looked down and his feet where somehow stuck to the ground. He tried to pull himself free but it became clear that it was no use. He looked back at the scene in front of him and saw the figure start to raise his sword.

“You really are worthless. You’re just a pathetic excuse for a side, a useless nothing, and you’re especially no hero.” As the thing said that, it swung it sword down.

“ROMAN!”

           Virgil jolted up from his bed, his hand outstretched like he was trying to reach for something. His forehead was covered in sweat and he was sure that if he looked in a mirror his face would be whiter than a ghost’s. He brought his hand to his chest and he found his heart was beating faster than he thought it ever had. Virgil took a deep sigh and tried to calm down, it didn’t work very well. He looked over at his clock and saw that it was around 3 in the morning.

           What the heck was that? Virgil wondered to himself. He couldn’t remember much of his nightmare but he remembered that he was more scared than he had ever been in his life. Just trying to remember what happened made the side start hyperventilating. Ok. I need to calm down or else I might give Thomas a panic attack. Virgil started taking deep breaths and began to calm down as he repeated his 4 ,7, 8 breathing exercise.

           Once he was calmed downed he realized that he probably wasn’t going to be able to go to sleep for a while and flopped back onto his bed in frustration. The one night I actually tried to get more sleep. Just great. The side pulled out his phone from under his pillow and grabbed his headphones from his bed side table. This wasn’t the first time he was woken up by nightmares, but this time had definitely been the worst.

           He put on his headphones and picked up his phone. He went though a few different playlist before he finally settle on just clicking shuffle on My Chemical Romance. He ended up on Mama and smiled. This song was slightly calmer than most of the groups songs. He went to tumbler and started scrolling though it, humming the lyrics as he looked at post. After about an hour of looking at memes and funny videos Virgil found himself starting to dose off, the residents of the nightmare going to the back of his mind.

           When Virgil woke up it was too Patton calling him down for breakfast. He groaned as he got out of bed and change into his usual style. He pulled on his signature jacket as he went out the door even though he knew that it was crazy to wear a jacket on almost any day in Florida. Virgil walked down the long hallway eyeing every corner suspiciously in case Remus decided to just pop up or something. Because of this he wasn’t looking where he was going and ran straight into someone’s back and fell down.

           “Virgil? Are you ok” a familiar voice said. The anxious side looked up and saw that it was non other than Roman who he just happened to run into. The memories of his dream flashed in his mind and he looked at Romans stomach glad to see that there was no kind off blood staining on the t-shirt he was wearing. He shook his head a bit to clear the image of the fallen prince in his mind.

“Yah, I’m fine Princy.” Virgil said. Roman extended his hand to Virgil and pulled him up.

“You need to watch where your going, wouldn’t want you falling down the stairs or something.” Roman said with a chuckle.  The smaller side smiled softly at the sound but pretended to cough into his sleeve when Roman looked back at him.

           “Kiddos! Come get your breakfast before it gets old!” That had snapped Virgil out of his embarrassed fake coughing fit and the two started heading towards the kitchen. When they entered they found Logan at the table reading a comic book? Roman turned to Virgil and raised an eyebrow in question. The anxious side shrugged and went to go sit down at the table. He took a closer look at the cover and saw that it was a horror comic and that only confused him more.

“What are you reading Lo? I don’t think I’ve ever even seen you pick up a comic book before” Virgil asked. Logan finally looked up from his book and he seemed kinda embarrassed.

“Well um, technically it’s a graphic novel and uh Remus asked me to read it over for him.” Logan said while he adjusted his glasses, and if Virgil wasn’t mistaken, he was ever so slightly blushing. As the gears in his head spun the smaller side started to smirk. It definitely seems like this guy has a crush Remus. Although it may not look it, Virgil didn’t actually hate the duke. They in no way got along, and Virgil didn’t trust the creative side as far as he could though him, but he didn’t necessarily hate the gremlin of a man.

           So, with this in mind, the mischievous raccoon in a jacket decided that as long as he was here, he might as well mess with people.

“I didn’t know you and Remus where such good friends.” Roman, who had sat down after getting a plate of food for himself from the kitchen, tried his absolute hardest not to burst out laughing as Logan stuttered and rambled to try and explain himself.

“He simply assisted me in conducting some research the other day and I wanted to return the kind favor.” Once more the prince and emo character shared a look. Virgil decided that was enough teasing for now. You have to spread out the torture to make it effective after all. So instead of continuing to make fun of his friend he decided he should finally grab some breakfast.

“Whatever you say Lo.” The former dark side walked into the kitchen to see Patton serving up a plate that he assumed was for Logan.

Today Patton had made some scrambled eggs, a few links of sausages, and some toast he was currently adding crafters jam to. Patton turned around to face his dark strange son and smiled widely.

“Hey kiddo! I made a plate for you if that’s alright. If theres anything you want to change about it go right ahead!” The fatherly side said in his usual cheerful tone. Unfortunate this kinda made the smaller of the two freak out a bit.

What if I don’t like whats on the plate? I can’t just mess with it Patton already put in the work to make the food and if I put any of it back it will look like I don’t like his cooking which of course into true but what if he thinks that? Luckily his worries were put to rest when he saw his plate had equal proportions of everything just how he liked it. He breathed a sigh of relief and went to go sit back down with the others.

When he got back to table Roman and Logan were arguing about some sort of play but the conversation was now going too fast for Virgil to actually pay attention to it.

“Don’t you dare say Hamilton wasn’t a good musical in my presence!”

“I’m just saying its historically inaccurate! For one thing the Skylar sisters did have an older brother so the part in the musical where Angelica sings about having to bring the family glory is false. Also she was already wed to a man before she met Alexander so she couldn’t marry him if even if she wanted to.” Logan reasoned in his calm yet frustrated ‘everyone-is-being-an-idiot-except-for-me’ tone of voice.

“Of course it isn’t entirely accurate to the real character. In theater you have to add a bit of drama to express the characters feeling in the scene better!” The royal side tried to explain while he waved his arm around in the air, surprisingly not hitting anything or anyone. Luckily before the two could continue Patton walked into the room carrying both his and Logan’s plate.

“Ok kiddos I think thats enough arguing for now, go ahead and eat instead of bickering please.” Patton said in a hopeful voice.  The two sides grumbled a bit to themselves but did start eating . Virgil looked over at Romans plate and saw that he once again had a lot less food on his plate than the rest of them. He had about two mouthfuls of eggs on his plate, one small sausage and half of a jam covered toast.

Doesn’t he need to eat more than the rest off us? I mean he goes adventuring all the time so he probably burns all the calories he gets from the meals Patton makes. Virgil pondered all this while he ate. If he was being honest he didn’t think he had ever seen Roman get seconds unless people insisted on it. Thats kinda concerning, what if he isn’t eating right because off stress? But why would Princy be stressed he’s the living personification of having a dreamy good life. Could something be wrong and we just haven’t noticed it yet?is he ok? Luckily he was broken from his thoughts as someone called his name.

“Virgil? Are you ok? You’ve been so pacing out for a while now, everything alright?” Roman said as he put a comforting hand on the anxious sides shoulder. Virgil gave the royal a small smile and took a deep breath. I’m just overthinking things. Roman’s fine, he would have come to us if he had a problem.

“Yah I’m fine Princy, just got lost in thought that’s all.” The creative side smiled at that and went back to eating his small plate of food.

           After everyone was done with breakfast they all went back to their own rooms, Logan still reading the graphic novel as he walked. Once Virgil got to his room he threw himself onto his extremely messy bed and was about to pull up something to watch on YouTube when he heard a knock on his door.

           What the, I was just with everyone, if they needed to ask me something wouldn’t they have asked me then? The purple side sighed and got up to open the door, only to find the hallway completely empty?

“Um, ok, anyone there?” Virgil said while he stuck his head out the doorway.

“Yup! I’m right here!” A choice shouted from behind him.

“Ahhh!” The smaller side screeched and accidentally slammed the door shut. There now sitting on his bed kicking his feet, was Remus. He wasn’t wearing his usual outfit for videos but instead a ripped up tank to and some black sweatpants.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” The anxious side said in an accusing tone.

“I was bored and decided that I might as well annoy you for a while.” The taller of the two said with a shrug.

Virgil groaned and destroyed any hope of having a peaceful day from his mind.

“Why in the world did you knock? You haven’t had any real manners since we were kids.” The purple clad side said as he sat down on a beanbag that he had in the corner. The duke shrugged.

“It was part of my grand plan to distract you so that I could scare you even better.” The insane side said with a sharp tooth smile. Before Virgil could make a retort the door burst opened. There stood Princy in a t-shirt and shorts, his hair looking slightly disheveled and with a sword in hand. He for some reason also looked a bit bigger than normal but Virgil discarded the thought as the lighting being weird.

           “Virgil! What’s wrong! What do I need to fight!” The red side exclaimed.

“Hey Ro! I just scared emo over here and he screamed like I had ripped out his guts or something.” The duke said as he threw his arm around his brother. Virgil was kinda surprised. Last time he had seen the twins interact Roman was out cold in seconds but now they were talking like they were best friends. Well I guess they are siblings after all. The smallest in the room said.

“Oh, ok then. Virgil do you need any assistance?” Roman asked. The former dark side thought for a minute and figured that he could handle Remus by himself, he had enough experience dealing with his craziness growing up.

“Yah Romano I’ll be fine.” Virgil said with a wave. Roman nodded but not without a sigh at the nick name and walked out.

“Oh but before I go,” the prince turned around and glared and the both of them, “if you two kill each other I will find a way to somehow resurrect you and get you both scolded by Patton.” And with that Roman left with a royal wave. The two remaining sides gave each other a look, Virgil’s one of distrust and Remus’s one of mischief.

“Sooooo,” Remus said as he jumped back onto the bed, “you like my brother huh?”  Virgil’s face turned bright red.

“I-I don’t know what your talking about!” The now highly nervous side shouted.  This only made the duke chortle.

“Chill out, I’m not gonna tell him, it will be a lot more fun that way.” Remus said with a grin. The hoodie wearing side breathed a sigh of relief.

“However you now owe me a favor.” The dark side said. Virgil grumbled to himself but agreed and asked what the favor was. The royal smiled widely.

“You have to help me beat Deceit’s high score in Mario cart.” The anxious side was surprised at first but then smirked.

“Sure, I’m not going to pass up the chance to piss off the snake.” The smaller jumped onto the bed as Remus summoned his switch that was nearly covered in stickers except for the screen.

           After a few rounds of Mario cart Virgil still hadn’t won once and he was getting annoyed, especially since Remus wouldn’t stop saying how he was the ultimate champion of this game. In this round they where nearing the finish line and Virgil was in second place while Remus was in first. He had dodged all of the shells Virgil had thrown at him but he still had one more.

There’s no way I’m letting this rat man beat me again. Suddenly Virgil had an idea and a dark smile formed on his face.

“So Remus,” the purple side said as he lined up the shot, “how did your date with Logan go?”

“What?!” Remus was so surprised that Virgil somehow knew about his sorta kinda date with Logan that he fell off the bed. Meanwhile Virgil threw a green shell at him and finished in first.

“Yes!” The smaller side exclaimed.

           “How in this wide terribly gruesome world did you find out about that?” Remus said from the floor. Virgil shrugged.

“Logan said that you helped him with some research or something while blushing so I figured you actually took him on a date.” The emo said while he leaned back on his pillow. He looked over at Remus who was now sitting on the bean bag looking slightly startled.

“Well I didn’t technically ask him on a date, I just offered to take him and give him a tour of the imagination.” The duke said while he messed with his white streak of hair. “I haven’t actually told him that I like him.” Virgil was surprised that Remus looked actually embarrassed saying this.

“I never thought I would see the day that you were nervous.” Virgil said honestly. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Logan if you aren’t ready to tell him.” Remus gave him an incredulous look and started laughing like a mad man which slightly scared the smaller side. He suddenly stoped and got up.

           “Thanks emo, I got to go or else De is going to get mad at me.” While the dark side walked to the door he messed up the purple wearing side’s hair until it defied gravity. “Wanna help me beat the record tomorrow since that slippery snake has such a freaking high score that we couldn’t beat it today?” The crazy side asked.

“Sure.” Virgil said, surprising even himself.

“Cool! Se yah tomorrow emo.” Remus said as he slammed the door loudly. The anxious side relaxed on his bed with a sigh. Even when just hanging out with the others being social was exhausting for him. He remembered that Thomas had some sort of event for tomorrow but Virgil doubted that he would need him for anything. As he was starting to drift off to sleep for a nap he had one last thought. Isn’t the wedding tomorrow?

Well I hope everyone if ready for some angst to come. Hope you guys have a good next 24 hours, bye!

Tag list:

@lovelivingmydreams

#sander sides #roman sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #prinxiety #pride!roman #logan sanders #intrological #patton sanders #slight mention of eating disorder #mention of gore #mention of panic attack #my writting #one side two lives

[lovelivingmydreams]

A story by heroes and Villains

Season 2: Secrets revealed Logan Anker: Old wounds and worries

Master list book 1

The wounds of the past can hurt. Not just you but your surroundings. No wonder we keep those secret to protect them... or is it ourselves we are protecting mort that way?

Waiting until the end of patrol was torture.

Logan didn’t like talking about the past. At all. He had trouble talking about Hannah and Caleb in any capacity to Virgil, or Patton, or Thomas or even Picani. And the Collector… Logan wanted to forget about him. But he couldn’t. If he was honest, that man showed up in his nightmares to this day. And he likely would keep showing up until he was behind bars. Patton and Thomas did their best to comfort him. A gesture he appreciated even though it wasn’t very effective. Finally Prince arrived. The young hero took in the atmosphere in the room and was clearly annoyed. “Listen, I promise I was safe. But I could’ve been in the middle of talking someone out of making a bad decision at the time. You can’t just shout in my ear out of nowhere. That was dangerous and frankly, I expect you to be more levelheaded BS. Anny other night and Logan would have insisted Prince gave him a detailed debrief on what exactly was so important that he couldn’t even let them know he was okay. But today… “That isn’t what this is about Prince. Take a seat,” Thomas instructed. Giving Logan a moment more to collect his thoughts. “Ok…” Prince said as he sat down, Looking around confused. Logan took a last moment to calm himself before he started his story with an apology. “Prince. I must offer you my sincere apologies. I didn’t want to tell you this right away, and maybe I should have.” Had his decision really been about allowing Prince to live his dream before burdening him? Was withholding the truth for Prince’s benefit? Or his own? “You shouldn’t have gone out without knowing the risks… We talked a little about nemeses during your training.” Prince nodded. Clearly still confused. “Yeah, but I doubt I’ve done anything that warrants one yet. Those come later in a career unless…” Prince paused, frowning. “But you were a villain. Any nemeses you had would be heroes… Right?” Prince was a good student indeed. He’d realized that Logan was telling him he was about to inherit his mentor’s past. And he had a good point. A nemeses of Logan would be on the side of the heroes. “Technically, the collector isn’t my nemesis. At least not in the traditional sense,” he agreed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Ever since he stopped using his powers, high stress situations got him small headaches that got worse over time. “I’ll start from the beginning,” he said, thinking back to a time he’d erase from his life all together if he could. “I became a villain because I needed the money and fast. Plain and simple. Any legal means were insufficient, so I made a name for myself and eventually, when I said ‘give me 10.000 dollars or I destroy this building,’ people handed me the money because they knew I very easily could make good on my threats. I always picked an amount they could easily provide without harming the business or individual too much financially. One day I found myself running from the police force. I had misjudged the time it would take them to arrive,” he had gotten arrogant with success. “And I got helped by a stranger in a haphazardly put together disguise. When we lost them and caught our breath, he introduced himself as ‘the collector’. I fairly quickly understood him to be a fanboy of sorts. He was a big fan of my ‘work’, though he misunderstood the intention entirely. Not that I could get him to understand that.” Everything he said that didn’t fit Collector’s narrative was ignored or dismissed. “He thought I was taking the money as proof that I was superior or something like that. I didn’t listen too closely to his speech at the time. I was concerned with getting away. He said he wanted to help me. Gifted were still considered fairly new. Nowadays most people alive have lived most of their lives in a world with gifted.” The first super powered individuals had appeared around the time Logan was born. “But back then, most of the population still saw it as strange and there weren’t any real initiatives to help train the powers. So the gifted that were around often were untrained and had their powers act up without warning. Which could be quite destructive.” Logan recalled the park bench and every instance of loss of control after that, all the way up to a wine glass in a restaurant less than a year ago. He looked at his pupil to make sure he hadn’t lost his attention. The wide, attentive, green eyes and firm nod told him he still had an audience. “Anyway, the collector thought that people should respect and celebrate our existence. He compared the stigmas we faced to those of people of color, or the LGBTQ+ community, then still called the Gay or Queer community. He said it very nicely, it almost sounded reasonable, if you ignored the slight notes of supremacy. And if I had been trying to ‘stick it to the man’ as they say, I might have been tempted. But I just wanted…” to pay form my sisters treatment and my research for a cure. “I was selfish in my actions and therefore not interested in his big revolution, which turned out to be a good thing in some ways.” He didn’t want to even imagine the kind of person he’d be then. He wouldn’t have Patton that was for sure. And Virgil… No. He was glad Virgil was kept away from that madness. And he intended to keep it that way. “I told him I wasn’t interested in leading any resistance, thanked him for the assistance and left. Shortly after this, I encountered Manifestor for the first time. He blessed one of the people in the building with super speed.” Said gifted was now one of the heroes patrolling the city. He was actually one of the heroes who’s territory Prince shared. Thomas hadn’t gotten the hang of permanent and temporary power boosts yet at the time. It was always a game of chance. Thomas chuckled. “I remember. I was so pleased that it worked.” Pleased was one word for it. “You were insufferably delighted, even though I defeated your champion.” While he and StarBucker were amicable nowadays, at the time, Logan had been thoroughly annoyed at the inconvenience. But thinking back to Thomas’ triumphant smile he could not quite help his own amusement. “You did retreat though,” Thomas pointed out. “I stalled you long enough to make you give up that mark and head out. So it was a win for me.” Logan let out a sigh, he couldn’t argue with that, but they were getting of topic. “I saw the Collector a few more times after that, though I managed to avoid conversation. One day, during a stalemate with Manifestor, he asked me about him. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who’d been approached about his plans. He had actually advanced them. He was now not only collecting gifted, but also individuals worthy of a gift. Be it they joined him out of free will, or got persuaded through different means.” Blackmail, intimidation, manipulation. Those were the collector’s tools. “And he wanted me to ‘grant them that blessing’,” Thomas added uneasy. Logan patted his old friend on the back in support. A conversation with the collector had never been a fun experience for either of them. “Manifestor had enlisted the help of others to free some of his victims,” Logan continued. “The Collector claimed I was championing his cause. I assured Manifestor that I had no intention of assisting in his plans. That is about the time Manifestor started winning me over to redemption.” He thought back to those times with a bittersweet feeling. He’d been so excited by the idea. A nice place for him and Hannah to live. A good job that would let him take care of her and have her be proud of him. Things hadn’t gone quite how he’d wanted, but at the same time, one thing had gone better than he could ever have imagined. “Next time I spotted Collector, I told him in the plainest possible terms that I was not interested…” It should have been a firm ending to this story. Or so he had thought. That was naïve of him, he now knew that. Obsession and fanaticism don’t disappear just because one piece of that craziness did not cooperate. He’d been arrogant once again. Thinking too highly of himself. It took him a moment to continue. “He assured me I would be…” He suppressed a shiver as he recalled the polite, almost pleasant way he’d spoken. Sort of soothing. As if Logan had merely been a child afraid to go in the swimming pool and Collector was indulging him for the moment. “I haven’t seen him since, but that promise… I don’t know what exactly he has been up to in the past 14 years. But one can only imagine how someone like that matures... Or what he has planned for me when he finds me.” Or much more importantly, his loved ones. Thomas, Patton, Virgil, the Bullards who despite the current situation were still family to him, and Prince too if he was completely honest. There was no telling what Logan would do if any of them… Not now. “Prince, the collector will not consider you his enemy. But he is yours. Anyone who meets his criteria of ‘worthy’, is at risk. And he does not take no for an answer.” The words had barely settled in the room or Prince shot up panicked. “Phantom!” he exclaimed. “Phantom might be in danger! What if someone on the chief’s team passes on information to Him? Or what if he has connections to these crime organizations!? I’ve got to go out now and find him…” Prince was clearly about to head out again right away. Admirable, but not very prudent given the circumstances. “Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow you can try again. Even if you find him, you are not in the right state of mind to deliver this kind of news delicately.” Prince paused, clearly contemplating his words. Seeing, or feeling, an opening, Patton added his two cents. “You’ve done great today sport! You just go home and sleep on what you’ve learned. Tomorrow night there is another patrol and you might run into him then.” And to make the set complete, Thomas finished: “I’m glad you are so eager to meet this young hero Prince. Just know that there is no pressure. They’ve been evading unwanted contact for almost a year now. It is okay if you don’t find them right away. And we’ll give you the support you need.” Prince clearly did not like it but he conceded. “Can I ask a favor though? Can I bring him some of that dye and a modulator? I doubt he’ll have a very sophisticated disguise if he’s on his own. It could be a sign of comradery?” he explained awkwardly. Logan nodded. It made sense, and it wouldn’t take him long. He led Prince through a few doors to his lab. Once he got to his desk he put his family picture down. It was a digital picture frame that played an album of family pictures once the camera registered his face in front of the desk. Even if Prince didn’t look at it on purpose he might catch a glance of Virgil, Patton or him in passing. And Prince was a curious person. His territory included Logan’s new neighborhood, he might see Virgil on one of his runs while he was on patrol. Or see any of them in passing. For Prince’s safety and that of Logan’s family, he wouldn’t take risks. He handed Prince a black hairdye stick. Fitting for a gifted who relied on stealth. He picked up a dark purple modulator, the darkest color he had and plugged it in to program it. Prince clearly had an idea of how Phantom’s voice should sound. “Could you make it so it’s like, deepened by an octave and doubled? With an echo effect?” Logan nodded. It fit the moniker Phantom was given, that was for certain. “Thank you. This should help a lot,” Prince grinned as he took the modulator. “I shall be heading home now,” he bid before leaving the lab, followed by Logan who watched him get in the elevator to leave the facility. Logan let out a relieved sigh. “Come on. Let’s go home and see Virgil,” Patton said gently, knowing what Logan needed right now. Logan smiled gratefully and as they headed up, he handed Patton the keys. He didn’t feel clear of mind enough to handle driving tonight. He let Virgil know they were on their way so he would know to expect them. Otherwise he might think they were burglars.

When they got home they found Virgil on the couch with his headphones on. He looked up and smiled as he spotted them. “Welcome back. I gotta ask though. Who’s your fourth guy?” he asked playfully. Logan blinked confused. “What do you mean?” “For your poker nights,” Virgil joked. Patton giggled at Logan’s side, taking the lead. “No cardgames I’m afraid kiddo. We’ll tell you about the project once it’s finished. It’s all confidential for now I’m afraid,” he said. Virgil cocked his head and studied Patton for a moment, then he shrugged. “Okay, Keep your secrets,” he sighed as he stretched and got up. “Night Pat, night Lo,” he said casually as he headed to the door. Logan cringed a little at that. Lately his son, on occasion, used his surname. He was assured by Picani that this was in no way a reflection of Virgil’s affection for Logan as a father. He had no less than 3 fathers now. Him, Patton and an unknown biological father. To differentiate between the three he likely used surnames in his head. Which may slip out verbally on occasion. Even knowing that, it stung a little. “Goodnight Virgil, I love you,” Logan replied, trying not to show his inner discourse. Virgil paused in the door and looked back with a smile. “Love you to dad.” And just like that the tightening in his chest loosened. “Love you three kiddo!” Patton added. “Love ya Pat,” Virgil snickered before disappearing to his room. Logan kept staring at the door for a moment. Patton hugged him from the side. “What do you say I make us a nightcap before bed?” he suggested. Logan nodded. “That would be pleasant,” he told him.

The next morning, Logan woke up to hearing Virgil move about and singing to himself downstairs. That boy never sleeps in. He let out a yawn and stretched, feeling Patton curl into his chest. “Do you regret moving in with us yet?” he teased. “Never,” Patton muttered sleepily. “I smell bacon,” he hummed. “First awake makes breakfast in the weekend. It’s a tradition we have. He was ten the first time I found him trying to fix me breakfast in bed,” Logan recalled fondly. “He made a mess, but it was really sweet. He was following all my rules. He didn’t touch the knives or the stove without me there, which of course limited his options. I helped him make breakfast the that day. After that I made sure to lay some things ready for him on Friday and Saturday nights in case he tried again. Which he did.” “That is adorable,” Patton squealed with a kiss to Logan’s cheek. “Let’s see what our son has in store for us today,” Logan suggested as he got up. He waked to the closet to select some clothes for the day. He felt Patton’s eyes on his back and turned around. “Everything alright Patton?” Patton bit his lip. “It’s just… Our son. I really like the sound of that,” he explained. Logan nodded. “I do too.” Patton bit his lip. “I was thinking of maybe looking into… what it would take for me to adopt him? Make it official?” he suggested. Logan’s heart skipped a beat. Patton had mentioned adopting Virgil in a burst of emotion before. But it seemed like he meant it. He knew that it would mean the world to both him and Virgil to have Patton be an official part of their family. “That would be excellent Patton,” he told him sincerely. Patton’s face lit up at that. “Would you help me figure it out? I want to know what steps I have to take.” Logan walked back to the bed and sat himself next to Patton, taking hold of both his hands. “It would be my greatest pleasure,” he told him gently. Patton’s shoulders relaxed, his gaze still thoughtful, and then he let out a giggle. “May I inquire where your mind has taken you now?” Logan wondered fondly. “It’s just. Look at me being practical. You have rubbed off on me,” he scolded playfully. “Well if it helps, you have changed me too. For the better that is,” Logan assured him with a kiss to his forehead. “Now get downstairs before our breakfast gets cold.”

Breakfast was pleasant. Virgil rolled his eyes and teased them with how ‘cute’ they were being this morning. Logan responded by giving Patton an extra kiss to his cheek. And then Thomas picked Virgil up for their trip to the zoo. Logan and Patton distracted themselves by preparing classes for the next week, answering email and spending some quality time together. Logan had told Thomas that he could tell Virgil about his teenage years. If the topic of parents and siblings came up, he could mention what he knew. Logan knew that he was risking moving up his time table. But part of him hoped he’d be forced to tell Virgil everything tonight. He should have told him long ago. But he kept finding excuses to postpone. He had still not decided whether he’d talk about BrainStorm or not. “I’m home!” Virgil called all of a sudden. Logan glanced up from his book. Time had flown by. Patton was almost done with diner after which they had to leave for Prince’s next patrol. Logan was torn on that subject too. On one hand he knew the young hero wouldn’t need constant supervision for much longer. But on the other, he’d worry about Prince the whole evening if he didn’t personally keep an eye on him. “Dad!” Virgil grinned brightly as he gave him a hug. Effectively ending his inner turmoil. “Virgil? Not that I do not appreciate you seem excited to see me. But is there a particular reason?” he wondered. Virgil let go and stepped back. Logan absentmindedly took note of the fact that the height difference between them was almost gone. Would he outgrow him? Caleb had been a little taller than him. “Uncle Thomas told me about your teen years. I didn’t know you were on the debate team!” he grinned excitedly. Logan was a little flattered that this little bit of information seemed to mean so much to his son. “Well, yes. It was a bit of a hobby of mine, as well as an attempt to get better at socializing,” he confessed. Virgil’s eyes sparked at that. “You were a socially awkward nerd,” he chuckled. Logan frowned at that. “Hey, that’s a complement. I’m a socially awkward artsy kid. Sounds like I’m your son after all,” he chuckled happily. “Speaking off. Uncle Thomas told me you wrote poetry back in the day.” “Really?” Patton exclaimed from the kitchen. Logan was flushing bright red. “I… Experimenting with different forms of self-expression is a natural part of discovering one’s identity as a teenager. It was a phase. I would like to forget about it,” he said stiffly. “Aw, but poetry is so romantic,” Patton pouted. Logan made a mental note of that. Just because he didn’t write anymore didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy reading it from time to time. There was something soothing in the format and he knew of a few poems Patton may enjoy. As far as Virgil was concerned though, poetry was firmly in his past. “That’s too bad. I thought I could maybe make a project around your old work for art class,” Virgil said disappointedly. Oh, that was not fair. “I’ll see if I still have one of my old notebooks,” he allowed. “Just ask my consent before you pick one.” And before he knew it he was once again hugged tightly by his son. “Thanks dad. You won’t regret it. I promise.” Virgil’s excitement was worth any embarrassment that his pubescent ramblings may cause. During dinner Virgil told them about the trip to the zoo and the many sketches he’d made. He also informed them that his session with Picani had gone well. After dinner Virgil bid both of them goodnight in case he’d be asleep when they got back from the university. Patton was smiling the whole way there. “What is on your mind?” Logan wondered. “Did you ever write something for a crush?” Patton asked giddily. He had sort of expected this. “I… Didn’t really have a romantic interest in high school. Thomas was the only person my age I got close to. I was… Well you know what I was going through back then. Between my mother and school… All I had on romance was rather resentful or, once Hannah introduced Caleb to me, from the eye of an observer. Perhaps I can find one of the latter. It might be nice for Virgil to use something inspired by his parents as a base for whatever project he is working on,” he mused. “That sounds like a lovely idea,” Patton agreed.

Half an hour later, Logan was pacing the floor. Prince should’ve called in ten minutes ago. He might just be late, but… Then a beep announced that Prince’s communicator went active. Logan rushed to the comstation. “DreamPrince you are late. What is yours status?” Had he ran into trouble? Was he hiding? Or had he simply forgotten about his com until now? “I am currently debriefing Phantom. I’ll let you know when I’m done here. Tell chief I’ll stop by with a package,” he informed them swiftly. “Radio silence until further notice.” And just like that, the line went silent once again. “He has him…” Logan muttered. Almost in disbelieve. “Oh thank goodness,” Thomas breathed in relief. They’d all be worried about the child out on their own. But it seemed like they were quite a few steps ahead of Collector. An advantage they sorely needed.

Hero au

@cirishere​ @hestianerd1​ @moonlightshow00​ @naturallyunstablegamer​ @alias290​ @meowthefluffy​ @frida0043​ @angelic-cali​ @selenechris​ @theblackveilinreverse​

#sanders sides #ts sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #heroau

[spicycreativity]

Soft-Shoe Shuffle - Ch 5

Chapter: 5/12 Additional Notes: See Ch 1 for more information. Read on AO3 under "WizardGlick." Any formatting/italics errors are holdovers from AO3 that I was too lazy to fix. Chapter Content Warnings: N/A; ask to tag Excerpt: Janus slid a few inches down in the chair, feeling as wrung-out as he did when he used to stay up all night braiding and weaving his influence into Thomas’ thought patterns. “I certainly won’t hold this over your head. Figuratively.” He slid down a few more inches. “If you want to avoid falling out of the chair, I suggest you put the footrest out,” Logan said. “The handle is on the left side.” “Yes, because I’ve never sat in a recliner before,” Janus muttered, balancing his weight on his heels so he didn’t slide out of the chair. Note: The cake is a lie metaphor

It's my job to be cleaning up this mess And that's enough reason to go for me It's my job to be better than the rest And that makes a day for me

Janus awoke to the sensation of something poking the underside of his wrist and a deep conviction that it was going to be one of those days. Mild pain in his wrist aside (what was that?), a sticky sense of malaise clung to his skin like saltwater and pressed into him harder than his blankets ever could.

Janus opened his eyes. Remus had evidently tucked him in, because he was under his blankets with his arms crossed over his chest like a corpse. He was still wearing the onesie and his gloves, and his hat rested on the nightstand beside him. Janus examined his right wrist and found that Remus had slipped a folded piece of paper into his glove, the corner of which was poking Janus in the wrist.

Adjusting his pillows as he went, Janus sat up and pulled the paper out of the glove.

There once was a Snake with a fast wit

Who fell for a Side with dad habits

Poor Janus was sprung

And hoped Patton was hung

So they could make love like two rabbits

"I'm going to kill him," Janus said evenly. He kept his wits about him when disposing of this new poem, merely flicking his wrist and sending it up like flash paper. It disappeared in one satisfying flare of white.

Janus nodded once and hauled himself out of bed. He didn't like that he'd fallen asleep in the common room not once, but twice now. It wasn't his style. He was the puppetmaster, the Lord of the Lies, the doorkeeper who dressed like an 1870s oil baron and took his coffee black like his soul. He didn't fall asleep on the couch.

At least it had been Remus to take him to bed. Janus wasn't sure what he'd do if he woke up in Patton's arms.

It didn't matter. Janus could rehabilitate his reputation today while he lounged around until he felt better. First of all, he had to get this accursed parrot onesie off.

As much as it pained him, he changed right back into his usual outfit. The stiff starched cotton was never the most comfortable even on the best of days, but today it chafed irritably against his skin.

He would have preferred a nice set of fleece-lined pajamas, but his fragile pride simply wouldn't let him go out like that. Not when he had already displayed such weakness in front of the others.

He slunk out of his bedroom and down the hallway in stocking feet, walking toe-heel to muffle the sound of his footsteps.

Logan gave him a curt nod from the couch as he passed; Janus tipped his hat in reply.

He passed the dining room table and rounded the corner into the kitchen. He had been aiming for the coffee pot, but stopped short at the sight of Patton seated on the floor with his legs pulled up to his chest and his forehead resting on his knees. It was the same position he had been in the night Janus found him in front of his door, and it made Janus go hot with worry.

Janus stared. Patton's shoulders rose and fell with his breathing, slow and even. He wasn't crying, then. Janus coughed into his fist.

Patton looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes. "Oh, hey, Janus," he said like it was the most normal thing in the world for him to curl up on the kitchen floor on the verge of tears.

"Good morning," Janus said, going for the coffee maker for the sake of having something to do with his hands. "Please try to convince me you aren't upset about anything."

"It's nothing," Patton said.

Janus was more than content to leave it at that, since he didn't care about Patton's feelings. He poured ground coffee into the filter and shoved it into place with a little more force than was strictly necessary. His eyes fell on Patton when he turned to fill the coffee pot at the sink. Patton, with his shining eyes and quivering lip.

Fuck.

Janus poured the water from the coffee pot into the reservoir, slid the coffee pot into place, gently pressed the button. He stared at the coffee maker until the first drops fell into the coffee pot, tugging at the fingertips of his gloves. It would be so easy to just turn around and go back to the living room. He could even drop a hint and send Logan in. So why couldn't Janus move?

Oh, he knew why.

He set his jaw and turned around, staring down at Patton. "I'm great at consoling people," he said in a voice that came out wrong, all accusatory and angry.

"You don't have to," Patton said, not meeting his gaze. "It's not your job."

"No, I-- That's not what--" Excellent. Janus just loved getting tongue-tied like some flustered adolescent would-be Romeo. Good thing he wasn't defined by his silver tongue. "Feel free to jump in here."

"I don't want to tell you," Patton said in a low voice. "I don't want to make it your problem."

"Like I won't get it out of you one way or another." Janus sat down and crossed his legs, the better to look Patton in the eye without looming over him. Behind him, the coffee maker hissed and gurgled.

"I miss Roman and Virgil, that's all. I'm worried about them."

"I'm sorry I asked."

It was meant to be a joke, but Patton only looked more anguished. "I'm sorry! It's not your job to-- I don't want to make you feel like I blame you for what happened…"

Janus braced himself. "But…?"

"But nothing," Patton said. "I'm sorry; I know I'm being silly."

Ugh. Janus remembered the stab of guilt that had struck him when he'd realized that he might have hurt Remus. How panicked he felt at the idea that Remus might be angry with him. The fear in knowing that Remus' anger would be justified. A nauseating wave of empathy hit Janus with the force of a speeding semi-truck striking a pixelated frog. "Patton, you don't blame yourself do you?"

"I don't know." Patton's voice nearly cracked. He swallowed hard and looked, beseeching, at Janus. "I'm the one who… You know." He waved a hand, presumably to indicate 'morphed into a giant frog-man and tried to kill Thomas and his friends.'

Janus stood at a crossroads. Telling Patton it wasn't his fault would be tantamount to admitting his own guilt.

And hadn't he pushed Patton to the breaking point? Hadn't he aligned the pieces on the chess board? Hadn't he-- His head spun and his stomach dropped. Hadn't he puppeted Roman on his makeshift stage and cast him aside when he was no longer needed? Hadn't he?

But then again. Hadn't it been worth it? Janus would take all the turmoil of the past few days a thousand times over if it meant Thomas would listen to him . Janus had done what he'd had to do, and it had been a net gain for him.

Janus stood at a crossroads, and he walked straight between them, kicking up dust and rocks beneath his feet.

"It was an accident," he said to Patton. "Sometimes, things just happen and it's nobody's fault."

"I guess," Patton said, though he didn't look all that convinced. "You're probably right. You're usually right. You're really smart, Janus."

Janus waited for the other shoe to drop: some insult about his character or choices, but nothing came. Patton tilted his head. "Thank you," Janus choked.

He stood and wheeled around to face the coffee maker but nearly lost his balance and had to clutch the countertop for support. He would keep it to one cup of coffee today and spend the rest of the day hydrating and, more importantly, not having hard emotional conversations with people who made him want to re-examine his entire moral compass.

Not that Patton made him-- Oh, who was Janus kidding? Janus would walk one thousand miles through the desert on his knees if Patton asked him to.

So long as he could complain about it the whole time.

"I'm waffle-y sorry for being such a downer," Patton said. "Want me to make you breakfast?"

Janus stared at the drip-drip of the coffee as it fell into the pot. "Why do you do that?"

"Why do I do what?"

"Cook. It seems like a lot of work when you could just…" Janus snapped his fingers.

Patton either chose not to point out Janus' hypocrisy in brewing coffee or, more likely, didn't think to mention it. "Well, honestly, I like the work," he said. "It feels personal and… Well, it feels like love ."

Janus swallowed hard. "Oh," was all he could think to say. He stared at his warped reflection in the half-filled coffee pot.

"So," Patton said. "Can I make you breakfast?"

Janus lurched forward, putting more of his weight into his hands where they connected with the edge of the counter, and let his head hang. What was wrong with him? Words circled his head in a whirlwind and evaded all his attempts to string them together into complete thoughts.

“Janus?” Patton prompted. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine ,” Janus snapped, acting on pure instinct.  He turned around and forced himself to look Patton in the eye. “Sorry.” The word felt foreign and uncomfortable in his dry mouth. “Yes, Patton. I would appreciate it very much if you made me breakfast.”

Patton took this behavioral change in stride, perhaps even with a knowing look in his eye. Janus realized with a creeping sense of unease that Virgil had probably been equally skittish when he’d made the move from Dark to Light. But Patton didn’t comment on Janus' disgusting predictability. He only smiled and said, “Great! Do you like blueberry pancakes?”

Janus didn’t, not really, nor was he particularly hungry. Janus said, “Yes” and forced himself to smile.

“Perfect." Patton half-turned away before turning back to Janus. “Oh, yeah! Logan said he had something he wanted to ask you.”

Janus manifested a coffee mug onto the counter (the same black and yellow ouroboros one that Patton had visualized for him) and reached for the coffee pot. “Trying to get rid of me?”

“No!” Patton yelped. “I’d actually really like it if you stayed in here with me. Not that I can’t be alone with my thoughts! Because I can and I’m fine. But you’re still kind of an unknown and that scares me and I’d like to get to know you better-- Oh, gosh, um, not that you scare me! I don’t think you’re scary. Unless you want me to think you’re scary? I know Virgil kind of had a whole complex about that. N-not that I think you and Virgil are necessarily anything alike!”

Someday, Janus was going to let Patton keep going just to see how deep he would dig himself. But today was not that day. Today, Janus wanted to sit down and take care of this exhaustion before it turned into something worse. “Patton, relax.”

“I’m relaxed!” Patton said, his shoulders hiked up nearly to his ears.

“I was just teasing you.”

“I knew that.” Patton flushed and pushed his glasses up. “Forget I said anything, okay?”

“Already forgotten.” Janus smiled, actually smiled to reassure Patton that he wasn’t angry. Because he didn’t want Patton to be scared of him. Pain bored into the back of Janus’ skull like a railroad spike propelled by dynamite. Two aspirin jumped into his hand before he even realized he had summoned then. He swallowed them with a mouthful of piping hot coffee and only just managed not to cough.

“You okay?” Patton asked.

A thousand sarcastic misdirections died on Janus’ lips. “Just a headache.”

Patton nodded.

For a moment, they stared at each other with eyes locked. It was Janus who turned away, covering his face under the pretense of swiping his hair out of his eyes. “I’d better go see what Logan wants.”

He fled the warmth and earnestness of Patton’s presence and the trenchant blade of his own desire. When he reached the living room, he forced himself to calm down and took a seat in one of the recliners that stood perpendicular to the couch so he could face Logan. “You had a question for me?”

Logan vanished the book he was reading before Janus could get a good look at the cover. Damn, that could have provided useful insight into Logan's interests. “More of a request for information, to be perfectly clear," Logan said. "I’m interested in Remus.”

“Well,” Janus said, seizing the opportunity for a bit of fun, “I’m not so sure he feels the same way about you, but I suppose I could make an inquiry.”

Logan kept his face blank but Janus could tell from the way his irises twitched and his cheeks darkened that he had understood the joke and was choosing not to acknowledge it. “I’m sorry; I should have been more clear. What I meant is that I am interested to know more about Remus as an individual. A ‘person,’ if you will.”

“I will.” Logan raised an eyebrow and drew the corners of his mouth down in an expression of tense irritation. “You don’t like being teased,” Janus said out loud.

“I don’t find it conducive to productive conversation, no.”

“Well, far be it from me to want to impede scientific advancement.” Janus touched his fingertips to his chest. “Did you have any specific questions about Remus?”

“Yes.” Logan leaned in, a new spark in his eyes. “I was curious about his behavior last night. He was only interested in staying when he felt that he wasn’t wanted-- When he was considered ‘intrusive.”

“Yes.”

“Is that behavior inherent or learned?”

Janus thought for a moment. Logan didn’t like sarcasm. He didn’t want to be teased. So Janus steeled himself and told the truth. “I don’t think it’s my place to tell you.”

Logan nodded, head bowed in disappointment. “I had feared you might say that. In that case, Janus, I have a favor to ask of you.”

Janus tried not to wince. He was tired. He really wasn’t in the mood to navigate the potential minefield of Remus as a topic of conversation. On the other hand, he could use all the favor he could get for the inevitable moment that Roman and Virgil emerged and protested his newfound position in the Light. Logan could be a strong ally in that conflict. “Oh? Let’s hear it.” He settled back in his chair and stared at Logan over the top of his coffee mug. At least the headache had receded a little, now only flaring up when he turned his head too fast.

“I am more than happy to speak to Remus directly. In fact, I would prefer it. However, last night demonstrated that Remus is unwilling to engage in social situations where his presence is desired. His rapport with you suggested that this may not always be the case. So I drew the tentative conclusion that you may be able to act as liaison between Remus and me until he feels comfortable conversing with me directly, assuming that time does come. If he really doesn’t want to talk to me, I won’t force the matter.”

Janus took what Logan had said and distilled it to its core: “You want me to arrange a meeting between you and Remus.”

“Yes. Please.”

“Anytime soon?”

“Logically speaking, there’s no hurry,” Logan said, his face neutral. Too neutral.

Janus considered this. “You’re excited,” he said, a smile growing on his face. Ugh, he was excited that Logan was excited. Since when did he care about Logan’s personal growth?

Logan swallowed hard, the line of his jaw sharp and tense. “...Yes,” he said finally. “I am excited. And I don’t wish to impose, but I would prefer you spoke to him sooner rather than later.”

Really, what Janus said next was selfish. “I’ll talk to him today.” It was selfish because it was for his own benefit. Really. If he was responsive to Logan’s desires then Logan would view him in a more favorable light and be more likely to defend him against Roman and Virgil when the time came. That was all. Janus didn’t care about the happiness of pawns and puppets.

Yet still his chest filled with inexplicable warmth and light when Logan smiled (yes, smiled) and said, “Thank you, Janus.”

Janus slid a few inches down in the chair, feeling as wrung-out as he did when he used to stay up all night braiding and weaving his influence into Thomas’ thought patterns. “I certainly won’t hold this over your head. Figuratively.” He slid down a few more inches.

“If you want to avoid falling out of the chair, I suggest you put the footrest out,” Logan said. “The handle is on the left side.”

“Yes, because I’ve never sat in a recliner before,” Janus muttered, balancing his weight on his heels so he didn’t slide out of the chair.

Logan stared at him, eyes calculating. “You may do yourself harm if you hold that position for very long. Ergonomically speaking, the best position for optimal back health is reclining.”

“If you’re going to insist…” Janus scooted back up and pulled the handle, holding up his coffee so it didn’t spill as the chair shifted.

Logan tilted his head. “I wasn’t insisting. I gave you information so you could make an informed decision about how you wanted to sit.”

“...Thanks.” Janus took a long drink of coffee, thought for a moment, and manifested a book that he thought might catch Logan’s attention. He made a show of finding his place in it, and sure enough, Logan shifted like he wanted to say something. Janus looked at him over the top of the gilded hardback copy of Thus Spoke Zarathustra; the most audacious thing he could think of in the moment. He had to balance it with one hand, as the other was still holding his coffee mug, and the spine dug painfully into his leg. He looked at Logan and raised his eyebrows in expectation.

Logan shook his head to indicate he had nothing to say. He summoned his own book, the one he had been reading earlier and, with a look of faux innocence that ill-suited him, turned the cover toward Janus just long enough for him to observe that it was an old chemistry textbook before laying it open on his lap.

Janus sniffed and turned the page in Thus Spoke Zarathustra , not at all embarrassed at having been caught out.

--

Breakfast meant facing Patton again, which meant dizzy butterflies in Janus' stomach. At least Logan was there, and his presence helped mitigate whatever sinister magic powers Patton had that made Janus go all warm and soft and giddy in his presence.

Janus cut his pancakes into smaller and smaller pieces and drank orange juice like his life depended on it while Patton and Logan revisited an old argument about whether Thomas should adopt a puppy (or several).

They left Janus out of it, which he appreciated for once. Today, he was more than happy to half-listen and dismember his pancakes. It was easier to eat when Patton wasn’t paying attention to him, anyway; the nervous nausea receded like the tide in the absence of the moon of Patton’s focus.

When Janus had downed his fourth glass of orange juice and realized he was bored, he forced himself to tune into Patton and Logan’s argument so he could find a place to strike and excuse himself. There were other, more aggressive ways to command attention, but he wasn’t in the mood to raise his voice or ‘accidentally’ drop his fork, so he waited with his hands folded in his lap.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, he abandoned propriety and interrupted. “Do you plan to finish anytime soon or do you intend to hold me hostage here all morning?”

“Oh, sorry, champ.” Patton turned to him, eyes wide and beseeching. “We usually all just talk over each other.”

"Oh, please do call me that again."

"You don't like it?"

"No, I love it. Can't you tell?"

"Sorry, Janus." Patton smiled. "Don't worry, though! I'll find a nickname you like."

"Anything's better than 'reptilian rapscallion,' I guess," Janus muttered. "Anyway. I have business to attend to."

"Okay!" Patton said cheerily. "But one of these days it's gonna be your turn to wash the dishes!"

Janus tipped his hat and sank out. They could have that argument another day.

He found Remus in the living room making a Jenga tower out of chicken bones.

"Business or pleasure?" Janus asked, trying not to sway into the coffee table. It was hard to tell with Remus.

"You drunk?" Remus asked, placing another chicken bone on the tower.

"Hammered," Janus said. He perched himself gingerly on the arm of the couch, though what he really wanted was to collapse with his head in Remus' lap. In any case, a little flattery was in order. "I got your limerick."

"And?"

"It was horrifying, thank you. I burned it."

Remus nodded his approval. "So did you miss me or what?"

"I need a favor."

"From me?" Remus puffed out his cheeks. "Who pissed you off? I haven't heard Roman's dulcet declarations from yonder curtain yet."

"I thought we'd moved past Shakespearean sonnets."

"Sorry, Snakespeare." Remus shrugged. "Some habits are hard to break."

"Mmph." Janus rested his elbow on his knee and his forehead in his palm. He just had to finish up here and then he could have the rest of the day off.

"Sooo who do I need to threaten and/or maim?" Remus asked.

Janus squeezed his eyes shut. "Actually, there's no violence involved. It's a real favor, Remus."

"Well, now you have my attention." Remus shifted on the couch, the beads of his shirt rattling. "Are you dying? You have to tell me if you're dying. And let me watch. And dissect your body. And use your skull as a goblet. Ooh, and--"

"I'm tired." Janus lifted his head and came nose-to-nose with Remus, who was peering at him with his eyes opened as wide as they could go. "And I need you to talk to Logan."

"Oh, yeah? Ol' Tight Ass getting on your nerves? Need me to scare him a little?"

Janus pressed his forehead into Remus'. "No."

"Ooh, you're warm."

Janus tugged at his collar. "It's not like I'm wearing layers or anything."

"So why do I have to hang out with All Time Lo?"

Janus usually cloaked his dealings with Remus in a few layers of reverse psychology and the occasional double entendre for good measure. Today, he just said, "Please."

Remus frowned and drew back. "You're sure you're not dying? Pope John Patton III isn't slowly poisoning you, is he?"

"He doesn't have the guts," Janus said. Remus' eyes lit up so he quickly added, "And I don't want to see yours."

"Aww."

"And if you really want to know… Logan wants to talk to you. As a person."

"And what does this have to do with you?"

Janus sighed and finally gave into his desire to flop over onto the couch. He ended up splayed over Remus' lap with his limbs twisted at uncomfortable angles, but couldn't be bothered to right himself. "Logan asked me to ask you because he rightfully guessed that you wouldn't respond to a direct invitation because you have a complex about showing up where you're not wanted unless I'm involved."

"And you said yes because …?"

"You're right, it's not like me at all to want to have something over someone else." No use showing his whole hand unless he absolutely had to.

"Do you like it over there?' Remus asked. "Is it better than…" He waved his hands.

If Janus owed any side honesty, it was Remus. So he sighed and made an effort to speak plainly; no filibusters about the subjective nature of 'better' and 'worse,' no cryptic half-answers. "I want it for you, Remus. It's tense and it's uncomfortable, but this half-acceptance feels more like home than you could ever conceive of from the shadows. It is better. But it won't be enough until you're there, too."

"Jesus, Janus." Remus fake-gagged a few times. "They're turning you into one softboiled snake." But he shifted and gently arranged Janus' head in his lap, placing Janus' hat on his own head. He ran his fingers through Janus' hair and smoothed his bangs out of his face. Like Janus, Remus preferred to disguise his intentions, usually with irony and shock value. They understood each other in that regard. But now, Remus spoke in calmer tones, and lowered his voice. "Hey, Janus?"

"Yes?"

"If you really do have a thing for Patton--"

"I don't--"

"If you did. I really do hope it works out for you. And I know… There's a change involved with crossing over--"

"I won't--"

Remus placed his hand over Janus' mouth. "I just hope it works out for you, that's all. And I'll talk to Logan. Since you asked."

Janus knew better than to lick Remus' hand. Instead, he kissed it.

"Ew!" Remus yanked his hand back and made a show of wiping it off on his pants. "Save your love and affection for the Guilt Trip Tour Guide." He grabbed Janus by the shoulders and sat him up, placing his hat back on his head. "Now where's Logan?"

"You're doing it now?" Janus coated his disappointment in a veneer of skepticism; he could have easily fallen asleep in Remus' lap if Remus had held still for a few minutes longer.

"Might as well rip the Band-Aid off," Remus said. "And a few layers of skin, too. Did you know that your top layer of skin is called the horny layer?"

"Charming," Janus said.

"I aim to please," Remus said. He stood and did a little shimmy.

"Guaranteed to satisfy," Janus agreed.

Remus sank out, leaving Janus alone on the couch. He forced himself to get up before he fell asleep, and walked over to the curtain to listen for a few seconds. There was no sound of screaming, no sound of Remus cackling in fiendish delight, so Janus had to assume that everything was going smoothly.

He sank out and chose to manifest back in the Light Sides' living room. Now he could relax, because he certainly wasn't worried about how Remus' interaction with Logan would go.

"Hi, Janus!" Patton said, springing up from the floor.

If Janus had been startled by this, he would have jumped and gasped, but since he wasn't, he remained still. His heart rattled against his ribcage until he could feel it in his stomach. He took in a breath so deep it made his lungs ache and sat down on the couch. "Patton."

"What are you up to?"

"...Training for the Olympic canoe slalom."

Patton blinked. "So you have time to talk?"

"I suppose…" Janus said, trying to telegraph his irritation without making Patton think that Janus was mad at him. It was a delicate operation, and Janus must have erred too far on the side of caution, because Patton's smile never faltered for a moment. "Great."

He sat down next to Janus, and the inches between their bodies pierced Janus' heart like a deadly insult. But he knew better than anyone that it took more than desire to breach a gap. "I hope I'm not in trouble."

"Of course not!" Patton said. "I'm not-- I mean, I don't think I-- Oh. You're teasing."

"Good of you to notice."

"Um, anyway. I wanted to, um… I wanted…"

"Take your time. I've got all day." Though he played it off as such, the yawn that Janus stifled behind his hand wasn't fake.

"I want to talk about philosophy with you!" Patton said all in one breath.

"Oh," Janus said. He studied the back of one gloved hand. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"We can start small."

"I take it you had something in mind?"

Patton nodded vigorously. "Ends and means."

Janus swallowed. "Well," he said, feeling for all the world like he had just walked into a trap. "By all means, start us off."

"Um," said Patton. "Well. Um." He cleared his throat. "Ah."

"Fascinating. Go on?"

"I'm trying to think of an example that doesn't involve," Patton dropped his voice to a whisper, "murder."

"That's probably a good idea."

"Okay, I don't know, let's say I had this really awesome recipe for strawberry shortcake. And, uh, Logan was trying to make one from scratch for Ro-- For your birthday."

"Mmhm." Janus raised the corners of his lips in what was supposed to be an encouraging smile while he feverishly tried to figure out where Patton was going with this. Preferably before Patton got there, so he could steer the conversation as needed.

"And say Logan was making a real mess of it, and I knew you would be disappointed to receive a not-so-good cake for your birthday. So I go into the kitchen and try to nicely hint that Logan should use my recipe, but he's not having it. Now, I really want you to have a nice birthday cake, so I finally snap and tell Logan that he's no good at baking and he needs to listen to me. And he gets upset and doesn't come to your birthday party, but I make you an awesome strawberry shortcake and you really enjoy it. And all the guests have a wonderful time, even though a few of them really miss Logan and wish he was there."

"Ah, yes," said Janus. "Rousseau's famous strawberry shortcake thought experiment." He rubbed his thumb across his temple a few times. The sooner he helped Patton get to his point, the sooner he could finally relax. "What's the question?"

"Since everybody at the party was happy, including you, the birthday boy, did the ends justify the means?"

Janus squinted, but Patton's face was the very picture of innocence. "It's Logan's fault," he said slowly, "for letting his emotions cloud the bigger picture. If he had just listened to you in the first place , no one would be upset."

"So the ends justified the means because the result was good?"

"Sure. You knew that your plan was the better one."

"So you could say that I was entitled to behave in a way that hurt Logan? Because I knew better than he did?"

"That's what I said," Janus snapped. He took a deep breath through his nose. Patton was behaving with picture-perfect decorum, so Janus had no need to lash out like a cornered animal. "I'm saying Logan shouldn't be hurt. He should think for 3 seconds and realize that he was standing in the way of the greater good."

"But he is hurt," Patton said. "I hurt him. There's no 'should' about it."

"What do you think, then?"

"Obviously I think I should apologize to Logan!" Patton said. "I had no right to hurt him like that."

"So you don't think there's any end result that would have justified those means."

"That's right," Patton said, nodding so hard that his glasses slid to the tip of his nose. "Being mean is a bad means. And maybe someone smarter than me has already said it in better words, but I don't think anyone has the right to hurt another person, no matter what the end goal is. Um, e-especially over something as small as cake."

Janus' first choice of response to this was a new thought experiment involving murder. But that felt a little mean-spirited, even for him and oh, the ends of winning a debate against Patton wouldn't have justified the means of playing dirty to do so. Janus buried his face in his hands. "What if you didn't care about Logan?" he murmured into his gloved palms. Pain pulsed through his head.

"What?" Patton said.

Janus moved his hands so only his mouth was uncovered. "What if you didn't care about Logan? What if you thought he was a pompous ass whose only relevance to you was as an obstacle between you and making a really awesome cake ?"

"My answer hasn't changed," Patton said. "And it's not going to."

"What if you explained yourself and Logan humiliated you in front of everyone ?" Janus used his fingertips to apply pressure to his browbone, but the pain only increased.

"His wrong wouldn't negate my wrong," Patton said gently. He rested his hand on Janus' knee.

Fireworks exploded behind Janus' eyelids. Why did it have to be Patton ? And why did Patton have to be right? He'd even gone to the trouble of presenting his point in Janus' preferred terms, even if his debate skills left something to be desired. "You can go ahead and give me the lecture if you want," Janus mumbled. Shame burned bright and hot inside him and flames danced along the seams of his clothing, pinpricks of irritation on his skin.

"Janus, look at me." Patton's thumb rubbed small circles on Janus' knee.

Janus dropped his hands. The light flashed into his eyes and made him flinch. "Go ahead."

"I don't want to lecture you," Patton said. "I mean, a part of me does. But I realize now that I can't just do that. The only authority I have over you is the authority you want to give me, and I have a feeling that's not much."

Janus scoffed. "You'd be surprised." He looked at Patton's hand and clenched his own into two fists. "I'll… I'll think about apologizing to Roman. I'm getting good at it, these days."

Patton jerked his head up and something seemed to click for him, an unasked question answered. "You apologized to Logan."

Janus nodded, but no happiness touched his heart at the look of approval in Patton's eyes. He just felt shaky and sick and very, very tired. "I didn't mean to, but…"

"You realized you'd hurt him?"

"It helps that he didn't mock me to my face." A particularly intense wave of pain flashed from the base of Janus' skull to his temples and he winced. On impulse, he dug his fingers into the side of his head just beneath the brim of his hat. It didn't help.

"Does your head still hurt?" Patton asked.

Janus nodded. No sense lying now, not about something as petty as this, and especially not now that Patton had a floodlight on him. If Janus was playing 4D chess, he was doing so on the 20 yard line of Patton's football field and he kept. getting. tackled. "It's getting worse."

"Do you usually get headaches like this?"

"No."

"Well," Patton patted Janus' knee and withdrew his hand. "It's been a stressful few days."

Janus blinked, staring at the spot where Patton's hand had been. His thoughts came slow and syrupy.

"Patton?"

"Yeah?"

Janus struggled to keep his eyes open. The gentle honey-toned lights of the living room might as well have been high wattage LEDs beamed straight into his retinas. He blinked away tears. "I'm sorry." Patton gave him a sad smile. Janus continued, brushing away a tear that clung stubbornly to his upper lashes. "I pushed you to your breaking point on purpose. I used you. I-- I tried to push you down for the sake of pulling myself up." Pain flashed through his head and he squeezed his eyes shut against it. "I don't even know if I'm doing this right," he admitted. "I'm sorry I hurt you, but… Hurting you got me what I wanted."

"Hey, kid-- Janus, I think you'd better call it a day," Patton said. There was a nervous edge to his voice that Janus didn't have the mental bandwidth to try to decipher. "Try to sleep off that headache, okay? We can talk about this later."

The pain was so all-consuming, so violent in its demands for Janus' full attention that he wasn't even capable of defending his pride. A vague, hollow shame made its home in his chest. He stood, joints protesting, but Patton stopped him before he could sink out.

"You don't have to go."

Janus nodded and sank back down onto the couch, slowly, so Patton had time to stand up and get out of his way. It made sense. It wasn't like Patton was going to stroke his hair and share his warmth just because Janus wanted it.

Even if he asked.

Patton said something that Janus didn't quite make out before he slipped into unawareness.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #moceit #patton sanders #janus sanders #spicywrites #spicywrites soft-shoe shuffle #song featured: it's my job - jimmy buffett

[wherelightanddarkmerge]

Chapter One: Dim The Lights

Virgil blinked, shocked at what Thomas had done, at what he was letting Janus do. "But- but I already protect you..?" he said, hoping he had somehow misunderstood, that they weren’t really calling Janus “Self-Preservation” now.

Thomas began, "Well yeah but-"

Nope. Not a misunderstanding, then. "But he does it better. I get it." And then Virgil sank out.

Logan, Patton and Thomas all shouted "NO!", but they were too late.

The room went silent. Patton whispered, "Quack?" in concern.

Thomas said, "We have to go after him."

Janus said, "Maybe not me."

Logan said they should let him cool down first.

Roman only appeared in the video briefly, but he showed up when Virgil wasn't there. When he mentioned the Anxious side, the others looked away and muttered something about Virgil needing to calm down. Roman gritted his teeth; all he could think about was how the new 'hero' was just letting Virgil suffer. After only a few minutes, he left in anger and went to paint Virgil’s nails.

Virgil quietly told him, "They don't want me anymore."

Roman said, "They don't want me either, but I'm not gonna leave just for them. I, for one, am staying, and they can't do anything about it.”

Virgil stared at the nail polish on his hands. "If it's Dark Sides they want..." He took a deep breath, his eye-shadow blackening, "It's Dark Sides they'll get."

Roman quickly interjected. "No! No, that's not what I meant! We need to show them that we're still the good guys."

Virgil looked up and asked with a hitch in his voice, "Did they ever really think I was a good guy?"

"I did." Roman whispered, unsure if that was enough. It wasn't.

"You'd be the first. Even I know I'm the bad guy, Roman. If Janus can be accepted, and Remus can be... tolerated, but I can't, what does that mean? They never trusted me." 

Roman searched his memory desperately for something to reassure Virgil with. "What about that whole Hogwarts houses thing? That was specifically to help you feel more part of the group."

"That was to make me shut up about the hair," Virgil contradicted.

Maybe it was due to Virgil’s room, or maybe because Virgil was speaking with such rare sureness, or maybe deep down Roman believed it too, but it became harder to not believe Virgil's words. "Surely, you can't- can't believe that, Virgil."

"How many times do I have to tell you Roman?" He stared away, dejected, "Villains get two things. The best song," Virgil's theme started playing softly, Roman's own theme mixed in subtly, "And the worst backstories." He stared off again, "The only way to get them to listen is to be scary.. Even afterwards ‘accepting’ me, that's how it is. Remember Patton's room?"

"What about it?" Roman asked. "A lot happened. We made a bunch of Guys and Dolls references, we talked about Thomas's ex, you helped us figure out why Thomas was having trouble moving on--"

"And I had to scream at Thomas  before anyone noticed I was panicking and Logan decided to," He waved a hand wildly, "Just, leave!"

"Oh," said Roman. "That-- that was pretty bad..."

At perhaps the worst possible moment, Patton knocked on the door. "Hey, kiddo? I know you're upset right now. Do you want to talk?"

Virgil’s eye-shadow turned the darkest of pitch black, the color growing to surround his eyes. He tried to talk, his tempest tongue breaking through, "Not right-" He took a deep breath, "Not right now Pat.."

"O-okay," said Patton, caught off guard by Virgil's voice, though he knew he shouldn't be. "I'll leave you alone. Let me know if you change your mind."

Virgil collapsed back on his bed, taking deep gasping breaths. "I'm telling you Ro, you have to be the bad guy-" His voice went back again and he faltered slightly, "You have to be, if you want anyone to listen."

“But haven't we been specifically working on not listening to the bad guys?" asked Roman. He was grasping at straws at this point, looking for a way to prove that Virgil wasn't right, that he could still be the hero, and Virgil could still be the dark and stormy knight.

"If they aren't listening to bad guys, Janus wouldn't be out there right now! Remus would still be unknown to Thomas!" He glanced over at Roman, "Sounds like it's me and you getting ignored."

"Is... is it really the only way?" Roman asked mournfully.

"I hate it as much as you do," said Virgil. "I wouldn't be saying it if there was another option. We have to do this."

Roman stared at the ground for a few seconds, and when he looked up, there were tears in his eyes as he said, "All right, Virgil. I'm with you."

Virgil took a deep breath, unsure for a moment if he could go back. Back to being hated and everyone insulting him and not understanding that he's trying to help. When he opened his eyes, he was back in his old hoodie, but it was different now. There was deep purple running down the seams, like a sick reminder of who he could have been. His eye shadow was darker than ever, and it looked like cracks running down his face, highlighted by startling bright purple. When he spoke, it was still the slow, hesitant voice as always, but his tempest tongue was more... prominent. "Roman... meet.. ah- You probably remember Paranoia." 

"And what do I do?" Roman asked.

"I think..." Virgil paused. "We don't want you looking like Remus or the King. You should probably be gold, shiny, but dark too. So..." Virgil motioned towards Roman, and now he was in a black uniform with twisting, curling gold thread spreading from the place directly over his heart, extending up to his neck and halfway across and down his chest. A gold sheath hanging from a black sword belt was at his hip. There were hints of red everywhere-- shadowing the golden curls, lurking at the seams. "What do you say to abandoning the pretty boy prince and replacing him with the General?"

Roman looked over his outfit in Virgil's- or, Paranoia's mirror, which wasn't doing its usual chants of pointing out insecurities. It was silent, Virgil had shut it up with a wave of his hand. Roman glanced at himself in it, and instead of being horrified, he drew himself up. They had to listen to someone like this, "I'd say I agree. But it needs one more thing.. To show we're on the same side." Eye shadow appeared on his eyes, not under like Virgil's, but on and above, like normal. It was a dark, deep, red, and Virgil grinned.

"You know, Roman, we're not quite 'Dark Sides', are we?" he said.

"No, we aren't," Roman agreed. "We want nothing to do with Remus and Janus. We're something new."

"We're Umbra Sides." Virgil said this with an odd finality in his voice. "We're Umbra."

"Umbra," Roman whispered, grinning. "I like that. It means shadows and stuff right?" Virgil's room shifted to accommodate to the changes. It was mostly the same, but the shelf where he kept keepsakes from the others was hidden, only Roman's gifts- sweaters and Disney posters, allowed now. It seemed darker now too, and the shadows that usually tormented Virgil seemed... frightened of him. Like he was their merciless ruler. Or perhaps they weren’t used to him acting so confident. Who knew, they were shadows.

"Exactly," said Virgil. "And-- and we're together now, we've got each other's backs, right?"

"We'll never be alone again, Virgil." He held out a pinky. Yeah, it was childish, but it was pure, something neither of them would dare to ruin. "Pinky Promise."

Virgil smiled and linked his finger with Roman's. "Pinky promise." After a few moments of hesitation, he asked, "Would you stay here with me tonight? You seem to be doing all right in my room now."

"Yes, I noticed that. Any idea why?" He summoned a sleeping bag, as Virgil snapped his fingers. Little fairy lights turned on, blinking different colors. Despite everything, Roman and Virgil were still Roman and Virgil.

"Maybe because last time, I was Dark and you were Light. It clashed. But now we're the same. Does that make sense?"

"We're the same," Roman repeated.

Virgil smiled. He'd never been the same as anyone before. He wasn't like the dark sides. And he wasn't like the light. He waved his hand and soft Disney lullabies played, lights dimming. "Good Night, General Roman."

"Good night, Paranoia," said Roman.

From outside the room where the Umbra Sides lay, Patton cast a regretful glance at Virgil's door, then paused. No, he was sure that he was only imagining it. The door hadn't darkened.

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides fanfiction #patton sanders

[mother-snake]

all they need is eachother

(virgil and janus angst, cause i havent put jaus through enough truma apparently. hope you all enjoy!)

taggs: @idkanameatall @anxiously-creating @imthebadguythatsfine warnings: i wanna say a panic attack? definate feels. words: 2594

-virgil and janus have a history. not a perfect one. but one thats good for them both-

There were many things that confused everyone in the mind palace. But one of them was the way Janus and Virgil would act towards one another.

Sure, when they were younger, they had a ‘rivalry’ if you could even call it that. but somewhere along the line they wouldn’t have denied that they fell for one another, but they hadn’t quite come to admitting it to each other… the others were about to lose their minds over that. Logan and Patton had set up a bet. it wasn’t looking too good for Patton. both not sure when it had even happened. But it was before Thomas knew about them.

Janus always made sure Virgil wasn’t going a day without some form of human connection. Even if it was just sitting in his room cuddling into Virgil’s side pretending, he was cold. and the days he truly was cold, Virgil would lend his hoodie over to the other side despite the fact he would be exposed to the cold.

But between all of that they did have their fights. And it was just unfortunate timing that when Janus had chosen to reveal himself that he and Virgil had a fight only the night prior. so when they appeared in the mindscape things were clearly tense between the two of them.

But that didn’t stop Janus form smiling when he saw Virgil waring the patchwork hoodie he had created for the side as a small goodbye gift when he had left to join the lights.

So, it had made his day ever so slightly better to know he wasn’t completely mad at him. Well… for the time being at least. He hoped.

When he had sunk down, he didn’t go straight to his room. He always made a quick pit stop in Virgil’s in hopes he could steal an old hoodie or jumper from him. So far, he only had two. yeah…no. he was getting another. The other two didn’t have his coffee and almost cookie scent. It baffled him how he could have smelled like coffee when Virgil apparently despised coffee.

He didn’t ask. He knew when to keep to himself.

Well, as he was ‘looking’ he felt his hat get taken from his head, causing him to turn around and see Virgil standing their mid-way through placing the hat on his own head. “so, what brings you here traitor?” Virgil said with a smirk. “for the last time I’m sorry,” Janus strained. “you allied with Remus against me,” he deadpanned. “it was monopoly, you know I get competitive!” Janus exasperated.

“let me steal a shirt and were even, ill even let you keep another hoodie- “ “deal,” Janus said shaking Virgil’s outstretched hand.

They both held their smiles, something they only seemed to do in each other’s presence. “so… what’s Remus up to right now?” “most likely lit something on fire knowing him,” Janus responded, “any tea on the others?” “other than Logan really needed a moral boost. Not much I’m afraid,”

Janus pondered what Virgil said as he pulled out a light purple hoodie and draped it over his arm with a smirk. “I bet Remus could help with that,” Janus held a grin that could only happen on one occasion. “you have a plan? “I have a plan,” Janus said, his eyes glistening.

Virgil was happy that his concealer was able to hide the blush on his face as he saw how happy Janus could get scheming.

--

He was concerned when he found Janus in his room later that day. His smile dropped into a frown when he saw Janus trying to swipe away stray tears. “hey you okay there dude?” Janus’s eyes snapped up to Virgil. “I’m fine,” he didn’t push for an answer.

He slipped off his hoodie and threw it Janus’s way. getting a small laugh out of the side as it landed on the snake’s head. Janus sniffed before he slipped on the hoodie, zipping it up and pulling it over his head. His hat sat off to the side.

Virgil felt worry seeping into his foundation. It had been months since he had seen the side crying. Even then it was the first time in years. “it’s okay,” Virgil said as he sat down next to Janus, leaning his back on the wall and wrapping an arm around the side, “I’ve got you.”

No more words were said. Being there in each other’s embrace said more than they truly knew. Janus rested his head on Virgil’s shoulder. A wave of tired washing itself over the both of them, falling asleep. Lulled by the sound of the others slow breathing.

--

Virgil was not impressed. When Janus said he had a plan… he didn’t expect this of all things to happen. nope. Nada. Not on his wish list.

He sighed as he watched roman get bonked on the head by the mace. He had been asked to play along. Not that the other three in the room knew that.

“ah… it’s the duke,” Virgil sighed… he was having words with Janus later.

The only problem was that he had an act to keep up. one he preferred not to do. he was a light side, and until the others knew that he promised he would keep the act of hating the others up. that had been the compromise.

And then… “I would never hide anything from you,” he glanced down to the floor. a fiery pit of rage burned higher the more Remus spoke. he could let Janus slide. He knew the other was just teasing him. But Remus wasn’t like that. he knew what he said and how it could invoke feelings in others. and he knew that this would trigger something in Virgil… and it did. Janus hadn’t told him about the plan… he had hinted at his past… and now Remus had as well. Had Janus told him to do so?

He shook his head, unnoticed by the others. only one thing could be said. Their plan, whatever it was… was working. Logan was getting listened to despite what everyone around him kept saying.

At some point he guessed he got caught up in his head. The possibilities running around his mind weren’t pretty to say the least and he knew he had Remus to thank for that. “Virgil buddy?” and that where things hit the fan.

--

He wasn’t sure how to feel… years of work seemed to be set in flames in seconds. The look of betrayal etched into his mind. Unwilling to move when he blinked. “Virgil?” a silky voice spoke from behind. it seemed to light a match below. One he didn’t realise was sitting above gasoline.

Virgil snapped around, glaring harshly at Janus with a steely gaze. the deceitful side stepped back in shock… this wasn’t like Virgil.

“leave me alone,” he snarled. Janus looked at Virgil before taking a step forward. Virgil ignored his calls and walked away. His destination was his room. He wanted to be alone for now.

And Janus. He didn’t know what had happened. But he needed to know. And now. He turned and bolted to where Remus was normal confided.

What he didn’t expect was to bump into said side over in the light half. “Jannie? To what do I owe the pleasure?” he grinned wildly. “why is Virgil so angry at me?” he asked with pleading eyes. “angry- “he cut himself off.

He stopped himself before thinking, and when it hit him it was like a bag of coal had be thrown into his skull. “um… we may have fucked up?” Remus said as he looked at a confused Janus. “what do you mean?” Janus asked, worry seeping into his words. “you know…hinting to Thomas he was one of us and all,” Remus said nonchalantly.

Janus stopped where he stood… had that really been the reason? Had he been so angry because they kept prodding at that small thing? tears left Janus as thoughts swirled in his head. Had Virgil hated him all this time… had he only put up with them because he could keep an eye on them. “I… I need to go,” Janus muttered as he wiped away tears that pooled down his face. “Janus,” Remus said as he grabbed the sides arm. “please- “before he could finish, he was pulled into a tight hug.

Any tears that had been held in went loose like a waterfall. He sobbed into Remus’s chest.   he didn’t want to believe he may have just lost his best friend. But some times there’s no way to lie yourself out of a situation.

--

That was the final straw for Janus. He wasn’t the villain. He never had been. So why was roman so insistent he was. “how can we trust him!?” he heard roman yell at Thomas. “I don’t have an easy answer for that…it’s a start,” there was no going back. “my name…” all eyes were on him in that moment. “my name is Janus,” he looked Thomas dead in the eyes before hearing laughter. no… “Janus? What are you? a middle school librarian?” roman laughed.

He had tried to hold himself back from sinking down. Doing what he does best and snapping back as a defence. “oh that god you don’t have a moustache roman. Otherwise between you and Remus… I wouldn’t know who the evil twin is,” what the fuck did he just say?!

His mind didn’t remember much of what happened after. Right now, he was in his room curled tightly in a ball. Ignoring Remus’s plea to get him out of the room. he only pulled himself closer… just when he thought he wasn’t the villain he did that. just when things were going perfectly… he did the one thing he knew would hurt roman. compare him to his brother. He let out a small chuckle as his mind grew darker and darker. Remus began to get worried. He could hear Janus’s thoughts and it was getting to much even for him.

A thought crossed his mind… would he even want to see Janus. Well… tough luck.

He found himself bolting over to the light sides. Dodging Patton coming down the stairs. Not stopping to apologise as he shoved him out the way.

When he arrived at the purple door, he banged harshly, hoping to grab the others attention. he heard shuffling on the other side but didn’t let up until the door creaked open. He slotted his foot in the crack of the door, just in case.

Virgil saw the panicked look on Remus’s face. “what do you want?” he asked sternly. “it’s Janus, please-“ Virgil shut the door harshly, causing Remus to wince,” I’m scared,” Remus muttered.

Virgil paused. He had never heard him sound so… broken? Was that the right word. Then he felt it. the waves of anxiety coming from Remus. It made his eyes go wide. “where is he?” “his room, he won’t open the door for me,” Remus muttered. Virgil gave a sharp nod before sinking down. He landed outside Janus’s door and almost stumbled at the force of anxiety and feelings even he had never felt so strongly. what was going through his head?

He reached his hand onto the door handle. He held a breath before turning it and pushing it open. he wasn’t sure what he would find. But it didn’t feel like it would have been this.

His room was dark. Pitch black even. A small shiver was sent up his spine the closer he got to Janus. that’s when his ears registered the noises coming from the bed tucked neatly in the corner. He felt something inside his soul break as he heard the sobs and cries coming from the ball curled up on the bed.

He closed the door behind himself. Knowing Janus wouldn’t want anyone to see him like this. “Janus?” he said, “hey, can you hear me?” he asked.

The side heard his name get called and looked up, showing his face that had been buried in his lap. “Virgil?” he muttered rubbing his eyes, trying to labour his breathing as best as possible. he sat down at the end of the bed before taking his hoodie off and placing it mid-way to him and Janus. but before he knew it a set of arms were wrapped around him, holding him tightly in a hug. what felt close to an instinct he wrapped his arms around Janus. Not letting go. He continued to hold on as he heard the sound of Janus’s breathing settling down before Janus slumped against him. He lifted Janus up before he repositioned himself, trying to not wake the obviously shattered side.

“g’nite Janus,” he muttered before planting a gentile kiss on Janus’s head. he lied down next to Janus, wrapping his arms as best as he could around the side. he didn’t realise how much he had missed holding Janus like this. Sure, the situation could have been better. But he had a feeling if it weren’t for Remus he wouldn’t have cared enough to check.

Virgil didn’t sleep.

--

Janus had woken up with something warm wrapped around him. It was like a heater for your body mixed with the worlds best blanket. the smell of cookies and coffee filled his nose. making him let out a content sigh. he buried his head further into whatever it was. a small chuckle filled his ears. Since when did blankets make a noise?

He cracked an eye open before shooting up. there lying next to him was a smirking Virgil his hoodie lying where Janus had been moments ago. “okay, what the hell- “the memories from yesterday flooded his mind.

Any though that had been in his mind only a couple minuets ago were washed away. He felt his shoulders beginning to shake as he dug his nails into his arms. Virgil threw the hoodie his way. he caught it mid air and slipped it on as quickly as possible. He could swear that any thoughts left as soon as he put his first arm in that sleeve.

“what happened yesterday Janus?” Virgil asked. he guessed when he winced at the memories Virgil was not going to back down from this one. “some things were said… and roman made fun of my name,” he muttered. he looked up to see a murderous look on Virgil’s face. “I compared him to Remus and…the look on his face. Virge… it won’t go away,” he cried, burying his head in Virgil’s shoulder.

He was fresh out of tears and felt like a piece of dirt. “sorry you had to witness that last night,” he sniffed. “hey, don’t apologise, feeling suck. Sometimes all you need is a good cry,” Virgil chuckled, “take that from me.”

Janus didn’t say anything but only held onto Virgil ever so slightly tighter. sure things weren’t the best. But even so. He was happy to know despite what had happened Virgil could still keep a soft spot for him. A warm feeling spread in his chest. happiness was something he loved. And to Janus, Virgil was his own source of daily happiness.

Despite all their fights, at the end of the day neither could be mad for long. They would always come to a compromise. And right now, even if it was just to put what happened behind them, he was okay with that.

He had Virgil and Virgil had him. he had all he needed in his arms.

#Janus sanders #Virgil sanders #anxceit #anceit #patton sanders mention #logan sanders mention #remus sanders #thomas sanders #sander sides #angst #some form of break down?

[mimssides]

The Lie of Black and White: 7/9

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The air was tense. Janus looked panicked and Remus as if he was about to start crying again. But before they could freak out Virgil held his hands up and told them calmly: “I’m not saying that Thomas doesn’t need me. He needs the fight or flight instinct, my vigilance and fear in general, but the anxiety is just too much of all of it.”

“I do think, you’ve got the right notion Virge, but I am sceptical of you returning to your former state as Fear. It’s highly improbable that we could reset you”, Logan chimed in.

The logical side sounded far more fascinated than bothered. Which did bother the others except Virgil, who promptly explained: “Yeah, no! I know. Getting back to what I used to be isn’t a possibility anymore. But like, having Thomas’s friends around or the breathing exercises help me being actually helpful. And therapy might do even more good than that. I just wanna help pull my weight too, instead of dictating everybody around and make them adjust to my needs.”

Virgil seemed to be unsure of his answer and looked through the round. Logan seemed very pleased and Patton’s face showed the signs of relief. Janus still looked a little bothered but he gave off a lot less hysteric vibe than before, so Virgil thought that he might have calmed him enough. Then there were Roman and Remus left. Roman’s face was devoid of emotion and Virgil immediately focused on Remus, who was as always easier to read that his brother has been to Virgil.

Remus was afraid. He was afraid of Virgil suffering because he tried to be better, without actually becoming any better. And Virgil understood him too well. He feared that himself but after all what has happened it seemed to be worth a shot. He wanted to at least try.

He didn’t get to think of an answer as Logan reassured him: “That is very good reasoning Virgil. If you are ready to make this step, we might all benefit a great deal from it. There is a possibility of therapy improving Thomas’s self-esteem and the relationship with his intrusive thoughts, if we could get a handle of the anxiety within us.”

“But what if it hurts you? What if you don’t want to do it when we try?” Remus asked troubled and at once was reaching for Roman’s hand again. The Prince let him do as he pleased and only watched Virgil’s reaction.

Virgil gulped. He didn’t know.

“I don’t know. But I know that I’m pretty rational right now and that the scenarios I might come up with when we are that far, won’t be rational. Also, it’s not very likely that it would hurt me. Like, everything Thomas ever did to get his anxiety down – that helped me. And if I’m being more rational and all, I wouldn’t force you to, uhm, illustrate all of these worst-case scenarios anymore. I hope.”

Remus said nothing for a bit. Then he shook his head.

“But I’ll still be intrusive thoughts. You can’t medicate me away.”

“Yeah, and we won’t need to. With me better, we can easier work on that too and you might be able to do the things for Thomas and us, which you have in mind if you want to. You can be – Creativity again”, Virgil told Remus shyly.

But I am Creativity, Remus thought. But that’s not what I’ve been doing. I haven’t been creating. I’m processing and formulating ideas and thoughts from everybody else but me. This might get me free. This might let me say things I couldn’t manage to say because all the words were taken by other thoughts but mine.

“So, you realize that you’ve hurt him by calling and keeping him in your room?” Roman said to Virgil but Remus didn’t really hear it.

“What – I -”, Virgil stuttered taken aback by the calmness in Roman’s words despite their hostile underline.

“You must know that staying in your room has bad effects on us. I mean, you knew immediately what was going on with Patton, Logan and me when we were in your room and started reeling. Which was not pleasant at all, as a side note. And Remus has spent whole evenings in there with you, while the paranoia had come up. You do acknowledge this now, right?”

Virgil’s first instinct was to panic until he realized that Roman was not being aggressive or accusing. He was getting to something different with his point. But what was it? Virgil felt his thoughts race. Not in a bad way though.

What could he get out of Roman’s words? That he knew of Remus sometimes spending nights in his room, when he had a bad day or panic attack. But how did he know? Remus’s and Virgil’s room used to be further away from the common aera than Roman’s. He couldn’t have known about it, had Remus not told him about him visiting Virgil. But why would Remus tell Roman this? Roman and Remus were obviously closer than Virgil and all the others had thought them to be, but that was no reason for Remus to tell Roman if not for-

Remus hid his pain. He couldn’t heal. And the only one who knew was Roman. And Remus had stiches on his body. Stiches that were too neatly done for him to have done it himself. Roman had fixed him up after he had gotten himself injured. And he probably also helped him fix himself, when he was mentally exhausted.

Roman was the one who saw Remus hurt because of him.

“Is… is this why you disliked me so much when we started out? Because I hurt him without knowing it?”

Roman’s stern gaze softened instantly. Wow, Virgil really was on a good reasoning spree today, wasn’t he? And it made sense. Roman had never antagonized Janus as much as he had Virgil before the trial. With Janus it was more of a rivalry, like the Joker and Batman in the LEGO Batman movie.

Virgil bit his lip and scratched the back of his neck. Roman had disliked him a lot when he started turning up in the videos. Virgil had just brushed it off with Roman’s black and white mindset and even embraced the more villainy view Roman had of him. In a way it had gave him the feeling to be in control, to be powerful, when he actually only was lashing out and closing himself out.

It’s been a while since he had realized it. And now he had come far enough to actually work on his old baggage and help himself and the others to deal with their tasks. Calmly, Virgil closed his eyes and listened to the blood in his ears and focused on the feeling of Roman’s eyes on him. His gaze was as noticeable and warm as ever.

“I see that now, Princey. I get it”, Virgil said after he had looked back to Roman.

He kept his eyes steady for once and there was a little hint of a grin in the edge of Roman’s lips. Immediately Virgil felt lighter. He didn’t want to get back on Roman’s bad side. As fun as the fighting could be, the hurtful comments stung and it was a lot safer to bicker with the Prince instead of argue with him who wields a katana and has the knowledge how to properly use it.

“Wow”, Roman muttered and an actual smile stole its way on his lips.

Affectionally, he pulled Remus a litter closer to himself. Remus flinched at the pull and looked as if he had only been pulled out of his thoughts just now, but didn’t seem to mind the affection from his brother.

“This does explain some things…”, Patton quietly said.

As Logan and Janus slightly nodded agreeing to the statement, Remus had a big question mark written all over his face but didn’t bother to inquire what it was about. It couldn’t be too important anyway. But now he noticed that Virgil had a strangely endearing look in his eyes which was directed at his brother, who also looked weirdly fond and –

Remus’s train of thought got interrupted, when Roman looked at him with a meaningful glance and then told the others: “Anyway, when we’re going to bring this up to Thomas, we could use the opportunity and talk with him about Ree, here. And give you a chance to explain yourself too.”

“Wait, what?” Remus asked and sat up straight. “Why would you do that? Why would you want me to talk to Thomas?”

Roman exhaled slightly irritated and raised his eyebrows. Patiently, he answered to all’s surprise: “Because I told Thomas we should talk about you and that I would discuss it with you guys. And since we are talking about heavy topics, it might be the right time to bring you up and give you a seat at the table too. All of this will get easier when we work with you instead of against you, don’t you think?”

“Ro, I’m not – I’m fine with working in the background! I don’t need attention like you do! When Thomas deals with me it means -” Remus refuted but Roman silenced him with a wave.

“When Thomas dealt with you in the past it meant that he had a crisis. When you were seen it meant that we had already let it go too far and if I remember correctly – Roman gave a shot a look in Janus’s direction – we shouldn’t put off dealing with our negative emotions until we have a crisis incoming.”

Remus kept quiet and Roman continued: “I know you don’t need the attention I do, and you get your ideas directly to Thomas or sometimes even through me, but a small check in now and then might do miracles, wouldn’t it? So, we’d see the signs before we have to extinguish the fires.”

Remus sighed and drove with hands over his eyes. His shitty idealistic brother. The stupid shield. The protector. The defender of their Selves.

Defeated Remus looked over to Patton and asked him: “Do you allow it? Do you allow me to show up?”

Patton was immediately hyperaware of Logan’s, Virgil’s and Roman’s confused looks. The question sounded awkward and unrelated to them, Patton was sure of it, but Remus was direct and honest and tired. And he needed to know that Patton wouldn’t stop Roman’s plan and let Remus show up.

And so, Patton nodded and told Remus humbly: “I do. I’ve done so in the past and I will never stop you from appearing again.”

“What-” Virgil began but was stopped by Logan shaking his head and putting his hand on Virgil’s leg.

“Let’s save this question for tomorrow”, Logan asked and pinched the bridge of his nose visibly tired. “This discussion has gone on long enough and I doubt that any of us is still able to assimilate any more information. Can we agree on that?”

“Yes”, all sides agreed in relief.

It was already long past midnight and they were all beyond tired, yet nobody was about to just go into their rooms and call it a night. Eventually, Patton asked if they wanted to throw in a movie and eat the remaining cookies. They decided on Ernest & Célestine, a sweet French animation movie, and ate in comfort as they watched the grumpy bear and the little orphaned mouse slowly befriend each other on the TV. Janus and Patton had moved closer to the middle of the couch and now sat next to Logan and Virgil, while the twins sat on the floor and hummed with the gentle music.

It was Patton who was first to fall asleep. Janus didn’t register it, even though the fatherly side was leaning his head on him and softly breathing on his cape. Nor did Logan but he also was next to fall asleep with his head resting on the backrest on the couch and his arms crossed in front of his chest. Virgil and Janus followed quickly and when the film ended Roman and Remus stood up and stared for a moment at their fellow sides.

They exchanged a look and then helped each other to put the coffee table aside and pull out the couch, so it became a bed, while maintaining the peace of the others. Patton snored a little and was about to cuddle Janus, when Roman took off his glasses and gently placed them on the coffee table. He proceeded with taking off Janus’s hat and giving each of them a cushion and a blanket. After some deliberation he took off their shoes, while Remus was tucking in Logan and Virgil.

The Duke was quiet. The pillows were already under Logan and Virgil’s heads, their shoes off and Virgil gently tucked in. Remus was stuck with Logan’s glasses and the blanket he had summoned for him. He had reacted so quickly when he had touched him. He didn’t want to startle him again and instead watched Logan’s face for some time. His features were almost the same as Thomas’s.

Remus had always found it strange that Logan was the one who had chosen to look most like their human. Sure, it made sense that the one who tried to be the most realistic Side, to reflect Thomas most accurately but there was so much more personality in him. He had interests in everything, always asked “Why?” and never gave up until he got an answer. There were so many layers, so much curiosity and still he decided that his looks should be closest to the person he was a Side off.

Remus didn’t understand it. Not that he understood that much, he didn’t care most of the time if he understood or not, but this was a question that he always asked himself again and again. Why did the Side, who embodied their desire for learning and discover new things decide to stay in this static form? To Remus it didn’t make sense.

And he liked it.

Carful not to touch Logan’s face he finally took off his glasses and tucked him in. Silently, he got up and looked over to Roman, who had observed him. Softly they stepped away and went over to the dining table.

“The whole thing about our predecessor really fucked with Specs, didn’t it?” Remus said keeping his voice low, while seating himself on the table.

Roman leaned against the next wall and watched the others for a second before answering.

“It did. Really did.”

“… Did he like like him?”

Roman tilted his head from left to right. He tried to keep himself out of the romantic attraction some Sides displayed for the others. It hadn’t been too hard to stay out of it, mainly because Patton, Logan and himself didn’t have romantic interests in the other or him, but the whole situation was changing now with Virgil, Janus and hopefully soon Remus too being or getting accepted and mingling more with them.

It had mixed everything up and Patton and Logan showed emotions and dreams he hadn’t heard in quiet a bit. And it was hard to ignore them, when they were almost as loud as Logan’s falsehood cries.

“He might still. I’m not sure he knows.”

“He does. He feels guilty still.”

“Maybe…”

The twins were silent for some minutes. Still even. It wasn’t the first time they saw the others sleeping. Roman had been to too many movie nights, where Pat and Logan forgot the themselves and nodded off on the couch. Too often Remus had tucked Janus and Virgil after them scheming in their little lounge in the basement.

But it hadn’t been like this in ages. All of them together and in peace. Not quiet at peace with all that was happening but so much closer than even a day ago. Maybe they could really get somewhere with all this talking and discussing.

“When did you unlock the door?”

“… Like three days after the wedding…”

Remus chuckled lightly.

“I can’t believe you managed to hold onto your grip for that long, Drama Queen. Only took J to call you evil for you to crawl back to me. Who would have thought, hm?”

Roman took five steps. Waited for Remus to look at him. Saw him look at him. Then he opened his hand and a big rusty key appeared. The one he had made for the lock Remus had summoned for their door.

Remus eyed him curiously.

“I’ll destroy the key. I shouldn’t have shut you out. You can destroy the lock, if you want to.”

“I do.”

The key evaporated and so did the big black lock on the door in Roman’s room. Roman gave Remus a hug. They stayed in the embrace for some time uncaring for the others subtle breathing and the ticking of the big grandfather clock by the wall.

“… Wanna do some pottery?”

“Should we summon the stuff right here or…?”

“Yeah, why not.”

“Make a painting station and a kiln. I have some vases ready for to bake and some you could paint while I sculpt.”

Roman nodded and only ten minutes later he was already painting a strangely formed plate he was painting with a white base colour. Next to Roman stood a small wood kiln, which he regularly checked for the right temperature and summoned new wood pieced to throw in the fire when he realized that it needed a little more heat. Meanwhile Remus was working on a new piece at his pottery wheel.

And so, they worked in silence. Both had dropped their illusions. Remus had changed in a loose white tank top and baggy pants, which both were littered with clay stains and little holes from wearing them all the time. Roman had chosen his red t-shirt with the yellow crown on it and a pair of black shorts. It got rather warm next to the kiln and he was sweating a little but he couldn’t claim that it bothered him too much. He liked the heat.

#roman sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #arguing #comfort #angst with a happy ending #The Lie of Black and White #sanders sides fanfiction #eir writes #repost

[98prilla]

To The Dead

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...

He was trying.

 He really, really was, trying.

 But he couldn’t get Roman’s words out of his head.

 And he’d heard the others, talking to the air, talking to him, they probably thought he didn’t, but he’d always been good at lurking in shadows, in pretending to not exist, he wasn’t surprised, he was able to mask his presence well enough no one could sense him near.

 He’d heard Patton and Janus’s pleas. He’d heard Logan’s well reasoned arguments. He’d heard Roman’s apologies. He knew Roman was blaming himself, that it was tearing all of them up inside, but the thing was, Roman was right.

 There were too many things, that could go wrong. Too many ways he could hurt them, too many ways he could destroy them, and he refused, he refused to drag them into his self-destructive spiral.  

 So, he stuck to the shadows, where no one could find him. He hid in the corners and under the couches and under the beds. He didn’t use his room, not since then they’d know where he was, and he stayed away as much as he could. He was exhausted and unfocused and half even deader than he already was, but he couldn’t let himself rest or he’d fizzle into view.

 The closest he’d gotten was that night, with Patton. Everyone else had already been in their own rooms, and he felt guilty, Patton was staying out there for him, after all, and the least he could do is make sure he was comfortable. And now Patton’s words were rattling around in his skull, too, fighting against Roman’s, and he felt torn in two entirely different directions.

 Maybe that’s why he found himself here, lurking in the shadows of Patton’s room, melted into the ones in the corner of the room. He heard the door open, and he took a deep breath as Patton came in, flopping face first onto the bed, slightly alarmed to hear sniffling emerging from the pillow his face was shoved into.  

 Slowly, he emerged from the wall, his inky, tarlike form slowly forming into something more solid, something that almost felt right, though it had been so long since he’d been anything other than a blob of darkness or a splotch of shadow. But as his form settles, it feels more and more… right.

 “Pa… Patton?” He asked, voice rusty and hoarse, barely above a whisper, but it’s enough. Patton gasped, shooting upwards, and all at once Patton’s eyes were on him.

 “Virgil!” he flinched back at the volume, form already destabilizing, it was harder to hold now, that he hadn’t in months. “sorry, sorry. I’m just… I’m glad to see you, kiddo. We've been worried.” He said softer, wanting to lunge, pull Virgil into a hug, but knowing he'd run if he did.

 “so-rry. I-" he flinched, a strange feeling coming over him, an almost nausea, almost vertigo, and he found himself on the ground, gasping as cold washed over him.

 “Virgil!” he could tell Patton had yelled his name several times, but he couldn’t seem to hear right, the world was blurring and going fuzzy. Not just the world, he was blurring, his form bleeding away like a water color painting. He felt Patton's hand on his arm, trying to say something, then the world shifted out from under him, Patton's hand swiping through empty air as he vanished.

…

He stumbled hard, shoulder ramming into the wall, as he heaved in several deep breaths, trying to keep from full out panicking.

 He felt weird. Solid. His body had weight, his form wasn’t flickering, he was leaning against the wall, but it wasn’t their wall. The house, he was in the house.

 His breath sped again, remembering, shaking, crying, pulling at his hair as he screamed into a pillow, His words echoing in his head, he hasn’t been back here, not in the living room, since then, since he'd done it. He could feel the shadows darkening, starting to move of their own accord, starting to whisper.

 “What the fwuh?” His eyes snapped open at the question, frantically taking in the scene.

 Staring at him were two guys, both wearing twin expressions of shock and fear. Around his feet was a star in a circle outlined in chalk, a candle at each nexus.

 “Summoning circle? What amateur fucking shit is this? Watched full metal alchemist a few too many times?” He choked out, biting sarcasm masking his fear and panic, trying to get the shifting tendrils of shadow slowly climbing the wall under control, succeeding in at least halting their growth.

 “We… we were trying to summon Patton.” The shorter one said. He huffed, vision spinning.

 “Well good job, dipshit, you summoned the literal opposite of that ray of sunshine. Now get me out of here!” He demanded, teeth grit against the strange cold seeping into his bones, the dark tiredness starting to fill him.

 “Um. We don’t actually know how.” The taller one admitted sheepishly.

 “Who are you, anyway? We only knew Patton and Roman.”

 “Uh, no. You don’t get to interrogate me after practically kidnapping me.”

 “Kidnapping… you showed up!” the short one, who seemed to have an attitude.

 “oh yes, because I looove getting dragged to the physical plane of existence and talking to two idiots who think the funnest thing to do is harass people who probably don’t want to have memories of their recent demise brought back to the surface!” He shouted, breathing picking up again, hands clenched into fists, shadows wavering and breaking over the room, though he kept it in enough it didn’t attack, claws and glowing eyes and teeth ready to bite.

 “You’re… Virgil, aren’t you?” He flinched back at that, shaking harder. “Oh shit, dude, I’m-"

 “What? Sorry? Yeah, me too, now let me out!” he snarled, eyes flashing dark voids of shadow, his shadows writhing, and he found he had the anger to control them, and he hissed as one swiped through the chalk, releasing him from its hold as he struggled to stay standing, the circle giving him a truly physical form, draining his own energy to do so.

 “We aren’t fucking toys. We’re people. We all died horrifically, at our hand or at others'. So next time, leave me the hell alone.” He snapped, his shadows encasing him as the solidness faded from his limbs, as his form fell to shreds, as the last of his energy was sucked from him, realizing the circle draining him dry, the crackling electric backlash of breaking the spell hit him full force, sending him reeling.

…

He fell, unceremoniously, crashing down from the ceiling and landing hard on the floor, crying out at the pain that shot through him, his vision flickering. He felt cold, icily cold, exhausted, drained, empty, barely, barely there.

 “-il…-ear me? Virgil!” Roman’s panicked voice cut through his haze, though he found he couldn't answer, couldn't even nod. He was so purely exhausted, he was barely staying together at all. “Oh, love… it’s ok, I’ve got you.” He felt Janus lifting him up, and realized he must have landed in the living room. He thought he should be worried about that, for some reason, but his mind was already hazing over with fog. “Logan! Patton!” He called, the spirits appearing after a moment, any reprimand at being disturbed vanishing as Logan took in the state of Virgil, unconscious and form flickering, not the usual black, but a soft, faded gray. The same kind of gray that he’d seen on the others, on himself, when the wraith was draining them of their soul’s essence. Something had very badly damaged Virgil.

 “What happened?” he demanded, trying to be steady, to keep Patton beside him from panicking.

 “I don’t know. He… he showed up, in my room, then vanished, like he got pulled away, I tried to hold on, but I fell right through him!”

 “Then he fell from the ceiling and crashed to the ground.” Roman finished, lacking his usual bravado.

 “Lo, is he-“

 “No, he’s not fading. Whatever started the drain has stopped, he’s stable, if very weak. An attempt at summoning, if I had to guess. Likely, they didn’t use anything to power the spell itself, so it used Virgil himself. He’s lucky he was able to break out, as he must have, for it to hit him this hard. Otherwise…” Logan trailed off, unwilling to finish that sentence, knowing from the silence the others knew his meaning.

 “He was going to talk to me.” Patton said softly, tucking back a strand of Virgil’s hair, who didn’t seem to register the motion at all, lying still and pale as stone.

 “He still may. He just needs to rest and recuperate, Patton. He will be all right.” Logan reassured, resting a hand on Patton’s shoulder for a moment, before turning away, trying to hide his fondness behind a frown. “Though we should figure out what exactly they did, and stop them from doing it again.”

 No one noticed the green eyes glowing in the corner, alight with anger, at the state of his friend, because Virgil was a friend, whether he liked it or not. It was long past time the humans take notice of him, after all, and this would be a much needed… learning opportunity.

…

“well that could have gone better.” Thomas muttered, shivering slightly. The darkly moving shadows had vanished along with the ghost, the circle now smudged beyond recognition, the icy cold temperature of the room slowly returning to normal.

 “No kidding. How’d you know that one’s name?” Joan asked, still staring at the spot he'd vanished.

 “He… the real estate agent. He had to tell me, the previous tenant, Virgil… died, here. To suicide.” Joan let out a low breath, collapsing back onto the couch, grabbing a pillow to hug to their chest.

 “shit. No wonder he wasn’t happy to be here.”

 “It looked like it was hurting him.” Thomas murmured, remembering how Virgil was clinging to the wall, barely staying upright.

 “That's what happens when you do your research through google search, you silly billies.” They both stared at the glowing green eyes floating above them, the slow Cheshire grin forming out of nothingness to accompany it. “Someone gets hurt.” The voice growled, and suddenly it wasn’t a single pair of eyes, it was thousands, a towering mass of writhing tentacles and blindingly black light, a cavernous maw and a million gnashing, reeking tooth beaked mouths screaming.

 They both gasped for air as the vision vanished just as quick as it came, a few mere seconds, a glance at the clock revealed, though it had felt like they had been trapped with that Lovecraftian creation for hours. Thomas could still feel the vibrations of the clacking beaks, hear the echoes of distant screams, and he could tell from Joan’s horrified expression, they had seen it too.

 “I’m not exactly a fan, of people hurting my friends. Especially when they can’t do much in way of defense or… retaliation-“

 “We didn’t mean to!” Thomas blurted, before the sinister presence could throw them into another nightmare. “We didn’t… we didn’t mean to hurt anyone. We just… Patton seemed lonely. So we were trying to find a way to actually see him, and… and we obviously didn’t do it right. And I’m sorry, for hurting him… Virgil.” He finished, a frown on his lips, thinking of the pain on the ghost’s face. “Is he… is he ok?” He asked, heart pounding a thousand beats a second, terror racing through him.

 “Well, well, well, isn’t that interesting. The human has a conscience.” The voice echoed from every direction, bouncing around the room in the most disorienting pattern, one moment directly in his ear, the next all the way in the kitchen, the next above them near the ceiling, those green eyes and grin always in the corner of their eyes, always vanishing as soon as they turned to look.

 “And what about you, short stack? Got anything to say for yourself, before I decide what to do with the two of you?” Joan gulped, holding the pillow tighter, knuckles white.

 “Uh. He was right. Virgil. It’s not… we shouldn’t treat this like a game. You’re people. Not entertainment. But we do really want to get to know you all… to help, if we can. Even though we’re generally pretty shitty at showing it, that’s what we were trying to do. Help.” They managed, wincing as a dark chuckle rang through the room.  

 “Help, huh?” They yelped as they felt something cold wrap around their ankles, suddenly yanking them off the couch, dragging them across the floor, across the kitchen, to the basement door. Blinking their vision clear, adrenaline racing, they both practically held their breath as they watched a shimmering outline form, cringing as it was filled in with bones, then veins and arteries, pulsating flesh and decaying organs, finally a layer of skin growing over it all, putting a face to that Cheshire grin, the electric green eyes, as the being towered over them, smile wild and manic, eyes ablaze, a morningstar resting over his shoulder, his outfit some weird mix of sparkling satin and menacing velvet. They both flinched back as he leaned down, examining them, before extending a hand.

 “Seems like you two can use all the help you can get. Now, if you’re gonna go full in on this, you gotta learn the basics, and if you abuse what I teach you…”

 They shivered, seeing crimson blood splash across their hands, teeth ripping into their jugulars, shadowy creatures clawing them to shreds, screaming though no one else could hear, unable to move their bodies as inch by inch, their skin was stripped from their flesh, ants eating them from the inside out.

 “And it’ll be twice as bad if you harm any of them ever again. There won’t be anywhere you can hide, that I won’t find you, and believe me, it’ll be a pleasure.” Their vision cleared, the images wiped away like fog on a bathroom mirror, forgotten nearly instantly, though the feeling of dread and terror lingered. “So. You in, or are you pussies?” Joan snorted despite themselves, earning an eye roll from Thomas, and a slight upturn of the lips from the being, though he still glared daggers at them. Thomas took a deep breath, accepting the outstretched hand, surprised as he made contact, and it helped pull him to his feet, solid, though it didn’t feel quite… real. Joan followed suit a moment later.

 “Ok. I want to learn.” He answered solemnly, Joan nodding in agreement, gaze serious in a way it rarely was.

 “Me too. If we’re gonna be the crazy ghost house people, we might as well really go for it.”

 “It’s been a while, since I had such willing students. Oh, this’ll be fun!” He clapped, eyes swirling, teeth slightly too sharp.

 “So… when do we start?” Joan asked, and Remus tsked.

 “Patience. I have to get back before they wonder where I’ve went, and you have to start living like a normal person and not staying up until two scrolling tumblr!”

 “What does that have to do with ghost summoning?”

 “Nothing, just good life advice. Take from me, who’s never actually been alive!” Thomas and Joan exchanged a puzzled look.

 “Aren’t you a ghost?” He cackled, a wild, howling sound, that sent shivers down their spines, as he wiped away tears from his eyes, floating on his back in midair.

 “Oh, sweet summer children, you naive innocent fools, you’re lucky I’m in a good mood, otherwise it would be so very easy to break you. No, no, no, I’m not a ghost at all. I am a poltergeist!” He declared, suddenly close to Thomas’s face, gently booping his nose, those swirling eyes far too close for comfort as they stared into his. “And you may call me Remus.”

#sanders sides #tss #ghost au #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #character thomas #character joan #sympathetic patton #sympathetic roman #sympathetic logan #sympathetic virgil #sympathetic janus #sympathetic remus #ghost patton sanders #ghost roman sanders #ghost logan sanders #ghost virgil sanders #ghost janus sanders #poltergeist remus sanders #human thomas #human joan #virgil angst #protective remus #in his own chaotic way #angst #some fluff

[nadiestar]

The Lie of Black and White: Part 7/?

Summary: The wedding changed things. The wedding led to Patton  apologizing and  Janus opening up. To Logan reminisce and Virgil to  re-evaluate. And for  the twins it - well for the twins it led to  confrontation, hurt and  facing the mistakes and lies they had made  theselves and the others  believe for far too long. (ca. 3200 words)

(So, hello. I know this is a lot shorter than the others but I’m thinking about finishing this fic with the talk their gonna have with Thomas and that will take a little more time than this and I didn’t want to let you hang on that cliff hanger from before. Also, I was thinking about doing some additional oneshots and maybe a sequel for this if you’re interested. One oneshot I have in mind is what happened after the Paranoia (out of Patton’s and Janus’s perspectives). For the sequel I’d tackle how Virgil and the others would deal with therapy and possibly what’s up with original Creativity. If you’ve got any ideas of what you would like to hear a little more about just tell me. I’d love your input!

And side note: Ernest & Célestine is a beautiful moive I can only recommend watching. It's just so beautifully drawn and so gosh darn comfy!

Anyway, thank you for hanging around this long, take care and have a wonderful day!)

Link on Ao3

@aprincehasgotoslay

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The air was tense. Janus looked panicked and Remus as if he was about to start crying again. But before they could freak out Virgil held his hands up and told them calmly: “I’m not saying that Thomas doesn’t need me. He needs the fight or flight instinct, my vigilance and fear in general, but the anxiety is just too much of all of it.”

“I do think, you’ve got the right notion Virge, but I am sceptical of you returning to your former state as Fear. It’s highly improbable that we could reset you”, Logan chimed in.

The logical side sounded far more fascinated than bothered. Which did bother the others except Virgil, who promptly explained: “Yeah, no! I know. Getting back to what I used to be isn’t a possibility anymore. But like, having Thomas’s friends around or the breathing exercises help me being actually helpful. And therapy might do even more good than that. I just wanna help pull my weight too, instead of dictating everybody around and make them adjust to my needs.”

Virgil seemed to be unsure of his answer and looked through the round. Logan seemed very pleased and Patton’s face showed the signs of relief. Janus still looked a little bothered but he gave off a lot less hysteric vibe than before, so Virgil thought that he might have calmed him enough. Then there were Roman and Remus left. Roman’s face was devoid of emotion and Virgil immediately focused on Remus, who was as always easier to read that his brother has been to Virgil.

Remus was afraid. He was afraid of Virgil suffering because he tried to be better, without actually becoming any better. And Virgil understood him too well. He feared that himself but after all what has happened it seemed to be worth a shot. He wanted to at least try.

He didn’t get to think of an answer as Logan reassured him: “That is very good reasoning Virgil. If you are ready to make this step, we might all benefit a great deal from it. There is a possibility of therapy improving Thomas’s self-esteem and the relationship with his intrusive thoughts, if we could get a handle of the anxiety within us.”

“But what if it hurts you? What if you don’t want to do it when we try?” Remus asked troubled and at once was reaching for Roman’s hand again. The Prince let him do as he pleased and only watched Virgil’s reaction.

Virgil gulped. He didn’t know.

“I don’t know. But I know that I’m pretty rational right now and that the scenarios I might come up with when we are that far, won’t be rational. Also, it’s not very likely that it would hurt me. Like, everything Thomas ever did to get his anxiety down – that helped me. And if I’m being more rational and all, I wouldn’t force you to, uhm, illustrate all of these worst-case scenarios anymore. I hope.”

Remus said nothing for a bit. Then he shook his head.

“But I’ll still be intrusive thoughts. You can’t medicate me away.”

“Yeah, and we won’t need to. With me better, we can easier work on that too and you might be able to do the things for Thomas and us, which you have in mind if you want to. You can be – Creativity again”, Virgil told Remus shyly.

But I am Creativity, Remus thought. But that’s not what I’ve been doing. I haven’t been creating. I’m processing and formulating ideas and thoughts from everybody else but me. This might get me free. This might let me say things I couldn’t manage to say because all the words were taken by other thoughts but mine.

“So, you realize that you’ve hurt him by calling and keeping him in your room?” Roman said to Virgil but Remus didn’t really hear it.

“What – I -”, Virgil stuttered taken aback by the calmness in Roman’s words despite their hostile underline.

“You must know that staying in your room has bad effects on us. I mean, you knew immediately what was going on with Patton, Logan and me when we were in your room and started reeling. Which was not pleasant at all, as a side note. And Remus has spent whole evenings in there with you, while the paranoia had come up. You do acknowledge this now, right?”

Virgil’s first instinct was to panic until he realized that Roman was not being aggressive or accusing. He was getting to something different with his point. But what was it? Virgil felt his thoughts race. Not in a bad way though.

What could he get out of Roman’s words? That he knew of Remus sometimes spending nights in his room, when he had a bad day or panic attack. But how did he know? Remus’s and Virgil’s room used to be further away from the common aera than Roman’s. He couldn’t have known about it, had Remus not told him about him visiting Virgil. But why would Remus tell Roman this? Roman and Remus were obviously closer than Virgil and all the others had thought them to be, but that was no reason for Remus to tell Roman if not for-

Remus hid his pain. He couldn’t heal. And the only one who knew was Roman. And Remus had stiches on his body. Stiches that were too neatly done for him to have done it himself. Roman had fixed him up after he had gotten himself injured. And he probably also helped him fix himself, when he was mentally exhausted.

Roman was the one who saw Remus hurt because of him.

“Is… is this why you disliked me so much when we started out? Because I hurt him without knowing it?”

Roman’s stern gaze softened instantly. Wow, Virgil really was on a good reasoning spree today, wasn’t he? And it made sense. Roman had never antagonized Janus as much as he had Virgil before the trial. With Janus it was more of a rivalry, like the Joker and Batman in the LEGO Batman movie.

Virgil bit his lip and scratched the back of his neck. Roman had disliked him a lot when he started turning up in the videos. Virgil had just brushed it off with Roman’s black and white mindset and even embraced the more villainy view Roman had of him. In a way it had gave him the feeling to be in control, to be powerful, when he actually only was lashing out and closing himself out.

It’s been a while since he had realized it. And now he had come far enough to actually work on his old baggage and help himself and the others to deal with their tasks. Calmly, Virgil closed his eyes and listened to the blood in his ears and focused on the feeling of Roman’s eyes on him. His gaze was as noticeable and warm as ever.

“I see that now, Princey. I get it”, Virgil said after he had looked back to Roman.

He kept his eyes steady for once and there was a little hint of a grin in the edge of Roman’s lips. Immediately Virgil felt lighter. He didn’t want to get back on Roman’s bad side. As fun as the fighting could be, the hurtful comments stung and it was a lot safer to bicker with the Prince instead of argue with him who wields a katana and has the knowledge how to properly use it.

“Wow”, Roman muttered and an actual smile stole its way on his lips.

Affectionally, he pulled Remus a litter closer to himself. Remus flinched at the pull and looked as if he had only been pulled out of his thoughts just now, but didn’t seem to mind the affection from his brother.

“This does explain some things…”, Patton quietly said.

As Logan and Janus slightly nodded agreeing to the statement, Remus had a big question mark written all over his face but didn’t bother to inquire what it was about. It couldn’t be too important anyway. But now he noticed that Virgil had a strangely endearing look in his eyes which was directed at his brother, who also looked weirdly fond and –

Remus’s train of thought got interrupted, when Roman looked at him with a meaningful glance and then told the others: “Anyway, when we’re going to bring this up to Thomas, we could use the opportunity and talk with him about Ree, here. And give you a chance to explain yourself too.”

“Wait, what?” Remus asked and sat up straight. “Why would you do that? Why would you want me to talk to Thomas?”

Roman exhaled slightly irritated and raised his eyebrows. Patiently, he answered to all’s surprise: “Because I told Thomas we should talk about you and that I would discuss it with you guys. And since we are talking about heavy topics, it might be the right time to bring you up and give you a seat at the table too. All of this will get easier when we work with you instead of against you, don’t you think?”

“Ro, I’m not – I’m fine with working in the background! I don’t need attention like you do! When Thomas deals with me it means -” Remus refuted but Roman silenced him with a wave.

“When Thomas dealt with you in the past it meant that he had a crisis. When you were seen it meant that we had already let it go too far and if I remember correctly – Roman gave a shot a look in Janus’s direction – we shouldn’t put off dealing with our negative emotions until we have a crisis incoming.”

Remus kept quiet and Roman continued: “I know you don’t need the attention I do, and you get your ideas directly to Thomas or sometimes even through me, but a small check in now and then might do miracles, wouldn’t it? So, we’d see the signs before we have to extinguish the fires.”

Remus sighed and drove with hands over his eyes. His shitty idealistic brother. The stupid shield. The protector. The defender of their Selves.

Defeated Remus looked over to Patton and asked him: “Do you allow it? Do you allow me to show up?”

Patton was immediately hyperaware of Logan’s, Virgil’s and Roman’s confused looks. The question sounded awkward and unrelated to them, Patton was sure of it, but Remus was direct and honest and tired. And he needed to know that Patton wouldn’t stop Roman’s plan and let Remus show up.

And so, Patton nodded and told Remus humbly: “I do. I’ve done so in the past and I will never stop you from appearing again.”

“What-” Virgil began but was stopped by Logan shaking his head and putting his hand on Virgil’s leg.

“Let’s save this question for tomorrow”, Logan asked and pinched the bridge of his nose visibly tired. “This discussion has gone on long enough and I doubt that any of us is still able to assimilate any more information. Can we agree on that?”

“Yes”, all sides agreed in relief.

It was already long past midnight and they were all beyond tired, yet nobody was about to just go into their rooms and call it a night. Eventually, Patton asked if they wanted to throw in a movie and eat the remaining cookies. They decided on Ernest & Célestine, a sweet French animation movie, and ate in comfort as they watched the grumpy bear and the little orphaned mouse slowly befriend each other on the TV. Janus and Patton had moved closer to the middle of the couch and now sat next to Logan and Virgil, while the twins sat on the floor and hummed with the gentle music.

It was Patton who was first to fall asleep. Janus didn’t register it, even though the fatherly side was leaning his head on him and softly breathing on his cape. Nor did Logan but he also was next to fall asleep with his head resting on the backrest on the couch and his arms crossed in front of his chest. Virgil and Janus followed quickly and when the film ended Roman and Remus stood up and stared for a moment at their fellow sides.

They exchanged a look and then helped each other to put the coffee table aside and pull out the couch, so it became a bed, while maintaining the peace of the others. Patton snored a little and was about to cuddle Janus, when Roman took off his glasses and gently placed them on the coffee table. He proceeded with taking off Janus’s hat and giving each of them a cushion and a blanket. After some deliberation he took off their shoes, while Remus was tucking in Logan and Virgil.

The Duke was quiet. The pillows were already under Logan and Virgil’s heads, their shoes off and Virgil gently tucked in. Remus was stuck with Logan’s glasses and the blanket he had summoned for him. He had reacted so quickly when he had touched him. He didn’t want to startle him again and instead watched Logan’s face for some time. His features were almost the same as Thomas’s.

Remus had always found it strange that Logan was the one who had chosen to look most like their human. Sure, it made sense that the one who tried to be the most realistic Side, to reflect Thomas most accurately but there was so much more personality in him. He had interests in everything, always asked “Why?” and never gave up until he got an answer. There were so many layers, so much curiosity and still he decided that his looks should be closest to the person he was a Side off.

Remus didn’t understand it. Not that he understood that much, he didn’t care most of the time if he understood or not, but this was a question that he always asked himself again and again. Why did the Side, who embodied their desire for learning and discover new things decide to stay in this static form? To Remus it didn’t make sense.

And he liked it.

Carful not to touch Logan’s face he finally took off his glasses and tucked him in. Silently, he got up and looked over to Roman, who had observed him. Softly they stepped away and went over to the dining table.

“The whole thing about our predecessor really fucked with Specs, didn’t it?” Remus said keeping his voice low, while seating himself on the table.

Roman leaned against the next wall and watched the others for a second before answering.

“It did. Really did.”

“… Did he like like him?”

Roman tilted his head from left to right. He tried to keep himself out of the romantic attraction some Sides displayed for the others. It hadn’t been too hard to stay out of it, mainly because Patton, Logan and himself didn’t have romantic interests in the other or him, but the whole situation was changing now with Virgil, Janus and hopefully soon Remus too being or getting accepted and mingling more with them.

It had mixed everything up and Patton and Logan showed emotions and dreams he hadn’t heard in quiet a bit. And it was hard to ignore them, when they were almost as loud as Logan’s falsehood cries.

“He might still. I’m not sure he knows.”

“He does. He feels guilty still.”

“Maybe…”

The twins were silent for some minutes. Still even. It wasn’t the first time they saw the others sleeping. Roman had been to too many movie nights, where Pat and Logan forgot the themselves and nodded off on the couch. Too often Remus had tucked Janus and Virgil after them scheming in their little lounge in the basement.

But it hadn’t been like this in ages. All of them together and in peace. Not quiet at peace with all that was happening but so much closer than even a day ago. Maybe they could really get somewhere with all this talking and discussing.

“When did you unlock the door?”

“… Like three days after the wedding…”

Remus chuckled lightly.

“I can’t believe you managed to hold onto your grip for that long, Drama Queen. Only took J to call you evil for you to crawl back to me. Who would have thought, hm?”

Roman took five steps. Waited for Remus to look at him. Saw him look at him. Then he opened his hand and a big rusty key appeared. The one he had made for the lock Remus had summoned for their door.

Remus eyed him curiously.

“I’ll destroy the key. I shouldn’t have shut you out. You can destroy the lock, if you want to.”

“I do.”

The key evaporated and so did the big black lock on the door in Roman’s room. Roman gave Remus a hug. They stayed in the embrace for some time uncaring for the others subtle breathing and the ticking of the big grandfather clock by the wall.

“… Wanna do some pottery?”

“Should we summon the stuff right here or…?”

“Yeah, why not.”

“Make a painting station and a kiln. I have some vases ready for to bake and some you could paint while I sculpt.”

Roman nodded and only ten minutes later he was already painting a strangely formed plate he was painting with a white base colour. Next to Roman stood a small wood kiln, which he regularly checked for the right temperature and summoned new wood pieced to throw in the fire when he realized that it needed a little more heat. Meanwhile Remus was working on a new piece at his pottery wheel.

And so, they worked in silence. Both had dropped their illusions. Remus had changed in a loose white tank top and baggy pants, which both were littered with clay stains and little holes from wearing them all the time. Roman had chosen his red t-shirt with the yellow crown on it and a pair of black shorts. It got rather warm next to the kiln and he was sweating a little but he couldn’t claim that it bothered him too much. He liked the heat.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #brotherly creativitwins #angst #comfort #hurt #The Lie of Black and White #mim rambles #also it would be nice if you could reblog it if you enjoyed the story

[jeejee-the-snek-boi]

The Urban Kraken

TMA AU

Tw: mild/moderate horror depending on tastes, drowning, facial distortion/shapeshifting/camouflage

Statement of Logan Sanders, regarding his time as a marine biologist working in Birmingham. Original statement given January 13th, 2012. Audio recording by Janus Dee, Head Archivist of the Thomas Headscape Institute, London.

Statement begins.

-

I'd recently moved to Birmingham to help out at the National Sea Life Centre. It wasn't particularly an interesting job, or even one appropriate for my level of qualification as a marine biologist, but we'd had reports of some kind of squid spotted in the local canals. There'd been otters and even dolphins who had managed to find their way into canals and rivers that would be outside of their normal habitat, so whilst a squid sounded unusual, to boot, I was naturally curious as to how it had got there. My colleague at the time- a rather very annoying yet charming man called Roman who worked in the gift shop- had warned me not to investigate. I found it… odd, to say the least. He couldn't have known much about marine biology- or, at least, I assumed he didn't, given the fact he was unable to distinguish between a shark plushie or a dolphin one, although perhaps he merely needed glasses.

I, of course, didn't heed his warnings- I had no need to, at the time, of course, although he did seem rather familiar. 

It took me a few days to realise that we had the same face, only… he wore it more expressively than I did, and he didn't seem to wear glasses either. I merely assumed it was a coincidence, or some long lost relative, so I didn't give it any thought.

I was working behind the scenes mainly, although I did occasionally try my hand at being a tour guide. I happen to have a special interest in marine life- hence my profession- so I found joy in teaching people about the animals we housed there. The children particularly liked the sharks, which wasn't a surprise to me, although it wasn't uncommon for people to label my commentary as unnecessary and boring- I tried not to let it get to me, of course, although occasionally it did.

On one such day, I found myself going for coffee on my break, where I ran into Roman. I didn't particularly mind his company, although I still found him a little odd. I knew everything about his dreams and ambitions- and he had a lot- but very little about him personally. He would talk for hours about his dreams to make it as an actor, and I gained a fair few insights of his insecurities too- the man seemed riddled with them. 

And, whilst I'll admit, none of that is particularly unusual, he'd ask everyone about their families or their kids- he made it a point to learn as much as he could about people and to include those facts in his daily interactions, but we never learned anything about him. Most people where I worked had written him off as shallow and selfish, superficial even, but I suspected differently.

 Anyway, Roman and I talked for a number of months, and I still hadn't learned a single thing about his life. I still didn't know why his face was so familiar to me until I found myself people- watching at the gift shop one day, and I noticed that, alone, his features seemed to… shift. I couldn't pinpoint what colours his eyes were, and his skin had taken on an almost… iridescent quality, if that's even the right word for it, as though he had chromatophores. It reminded me of a cuttlefish, or other cephalopod. 

I'd put it down to some form of shiny make-up, or perhaps a face mask that he'd forgotten to remove in the morning properly, and it wasn't until a few weeks later and more people watching that I finally noticed what detail I had been missing- his features seemed to shift and change to match those of each customer.

I was alarmed, of course, because there was no logical explanation as to why a human would possess such qualities.

Which… for some strange reason, drew my attention back to the so-called squid in the canals myth that had been circulating for a while now. 

There had been some… rumours circulating, asides from the existence of the squid. There'd been a few scattered suicides and cases of drunken misadventure down at the canals, a few dead bodies, all drowned. Some were intoxicated, and almost all were alone- although the time of death wasn't always at night as you might expect for a spate of murders. So, naturally, people started to link the deaths with the squid. 

I was curious, and wanted to see the squid for myself, so I spent several days observing the canal. I sat on the benches with my notebook and camera, although apart from the odd family of mallards, or a troublesome Canada goose, there was nothing in the water. I eventually concluded that there wasn't anything in the water, but now I was invested in the mystery.

The deaths were relatively spread apart, although almost all of them had been within the city centre. I observed for longer anyways, deciding instead to people watch- if there was a murderer, the murderer most likely frequented the area, although as more deaths occurred, I found myself struggling to find a connection to any particular person's commute and the times or locations of the murders.

I remembered Roman's odd ability to camouflage, although I knew his commute took him to the other side of the city.

That was… until I saw him down by the canal. He seemed to be talking to the water, so I kept myself hidden behind one of the bridges. He left, and, as far as I'm aware, didn't kill anyone. 

I took to following him after work, watching him frequently do the same thing again and again. It was… odd, but he wasn't the murderer. Although, I was beginning to suspect that, if Roman wasn't human, and was some form of… I wouldn't go as far as to call him an aquatic mammal- but sea creature, perhaps, then perhaps he was communicating with the squid. 

So the next time I visited, I brought my scuba suit. I must have looked a prat walking through the streets in scuba gear in the middle of an urban area, but I was intent on getting to the bottom of this mystery. 

It took several days before I had the courage to jump into the murky water- the amount of waste products thrown into the canals ranged from the odd box to shopping trolleys to knives- and there were a lot of knives in Birmingham- anyway, I wasn't planning to jump in just yet, until I saw a thick tentacle pull Roman into the canal.

I panicked, and dived in. I'd had experience working with squids- it was stupid of me to dive in without chain mail, given how sharp the beak of a squid can be- but I was only thinking about saving my colleague from the canal. I knew how to make the squid let go, and I intended to do that.

I couldn't see very well, but I could make out their shapes, and Roman didn't seem to be having any trouble breathing at all. The squid was half person, like a mermaid- although perhaps a little demented, but they were hugging Roman.

As soon as the squid person- for comedic purposes, I'd named them squidward- noticed my presence, I attempted to swim away, although they grabbed me before I could do so.

I was sure I was going to die, so I squeezed my eyes shut- only to find myself being pulled to the squid person's chest in a hug. It was… strange, to say the least, and awkward. But soon, the squid person let go of me and allowed me to swim away. Roman joined me, although he seemed reluctant to look me in the eye. 

I confronted Roman, who explained to me that the squid person was his brother, Remus- or, more accurately, his sort of twin. The two had once been one being, but both had very different desires- Roman wanted to live on land, whilst Remus was content in the water- so they had simply… split, into two.

I asked about the deaths, and Roman explained that Remus didn't understand that humans couldn't breathe in the water. He was lonely, and whenever he saw somebody else lonely, he wanted to hug them. They usually drowned, and Roman didn't have the heart to tell him that they had died.

I… went back, in my scuba suit, and kept Remus company with Roman for the best part of six months- and the deaths diminished greatly. Of course, we couldn't keep it up forever, so we had to find a way to help Remus to understand that humans couldn't breathe. We didn't find a way, so I came up with a solution. 

Roman had quite a bit of money saved up, and the two of us had become… close, to say the least, if the evenings spent in his apartment were anything to go by, so we brought ourselves a patch of land up in the Yorkshire Dales, and dug up one of the fields entirely. We made a pool, a deep pool, and I borrowed one of the moving tanks from the aquarium and we transported Remus up to his new home. 

He loves it there, content to splash about, and free to hug Roman and I without fear of drowning anyone. And Roman and I managed to hold down our jobs back in Birmingham thanks to rail travel, even if the long commute was taxing, at times, and eventually decided to get married.

I decided to submit my story to the archives to keep a document of the existence of such creatures, and to put word out that they are not harmful and are not to be killed.

-

My initial reaction would be to discredit this statement as a rather elaborate prank, but nonetheless I had my colleague Virgil do some digging, and he found that Logan Sanders had a doctorate in marine biology from Oxford University. He did work, and still does work, at the Sea Life Centre in Birmingham city centre, and was willing to talk to us again. Virgil requested pictures, which Logan was happy to provide us with, so I had Patton check to see if the photographs are real. Again, the photographs checked out, and Logan and Roman allowed us to visit. After said visit, I can confirm that the squid man, and indeed Roman's cuttlefish-like camouflage, are more than just urban myths.

Recording ends.

@needscaffeine @patton-birdie @sanderssideburns

Anyone can ask to be tagged! Tagging you guys because

1. Mutual

2. I sent an anon ask and you said I could tag you!

3. Bae

#tw drowning #mild horror #facial distortion #tma au #sanders sides #crossover #background logince #logince #minor logince #sea creature Remus #sea creature Roman #roman sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #janus sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #ts fanfic #ts fanfiction #ts fic #Cal Writes

[perspective-series]

Vampire Perspective (1/18)

By: @arc852 and @hiddendreamer67

Warnings: death threats, kidnapping, talk of blood/vore themes, fear, Virgil’s a jerk in this one a lot in general so Imma just put a blanket warning for that here and consider yourself warned for all future chapters

First Chapter (You’re here!) || Next Chapter

A/n: Behold, just in time to wrap up the transition from spooky season, it's Vampire Perspective. Please pay attention to the warnings on the chapters- it's the darkest story of them all. >:)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Roman probably shouldn’t have been out so late when the human wasn’t even home yet. He should have waited and he knew he was going to get an earful from Logan once he got back but he really wanted the candy bar the human had left on the coffee table before leaving. He knew if he had waited, the human would have thrown the candy away.

 He scaled the side of the coffee table and grabbed the half eaten candy bar. It was a little melted but wrapping it back up in it’s own wrapping should do the trick. He shoved it in his bag despite it not fitting all the way and then turned around and started climbing down the coffee table.

 He froze when he heard the front door click, his only warning as it suddenly began to open. Panicking, Roman dropped the rest of the way down and hid behind the coffee table leg, lying in wait until the human went off to bed. It was just his luck when another set of feet followed into the apartment.

 “Didn’t I tell you that place has the best food?” Thomas told Patton as they entered his apartment. They had just gotten back from dinner at a small diner Thomas loved.

“Oh, absolutely.” Patton hid his cringe well, one hand around his stomach. Human food had a habit of making him sick, but it wasn’t as though he could go out and not eat. It was worth a few tummy aches to be able to spend time with his friend. He paused at the doorway, knowing he couldn’t take a step further without being invited in. “Well, Thomas, it’s always great seeing you, but I should probably head home for the night.”

 “Oh, you don’t have to leave so soon, I mean, unless you want to. But you’re welcome to come in and stay for a bit if you want.” Thomas said as he took his coat off, sending Patton a smile.

Patton breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, if you insist.” Patton stepped over the threshold.

Immediately, Patton was overwhelmed by an intoxicating scent. It was something he had never smelled before, and while Patton always felt that lingering temptation from the scent of human blood, Patton felt almost physically drawn to it. 

“What… what is that?” Patton gave another sniff, careful to bite back a moan as his fangs threatened to extend. He had to keep his glamor up, but this glorious smell mixed with the fact Patton just had to indulge in human food was leaving the vampire rather ravenous.

 “What is what?” Thomas asked as he stepped into the living room, raising a confused eyebrow at Patton. 

“You don’t…?” Patton paused, remembering how limited human senses could be. But how could he not smell this? It was almost like a human, but there was some miniscule difference that made it impossible to resist.

“Nevermind.” Patton shook his head, slowly taking a few steps forward. He kept his eyes peeled, tilting his head this way and that to try and get a read on the source.

 “Okay?” Thomas chuckled. “Anyway, did you want anything to drink?” Thomas asked, inching his way to the kitchen. “I’ve got soda, juice and I think I might have some beer if you want that?”

“Water’s fine.” Patton called back, but the second Thomas was out of the room Patton didn’t hold back. Using his vampire speed he danced around the living room, focusing on following the trail until all signs pointed to it being… under the coffee table?

Patton got down on his hands and knees, gasping at the sight. Here, a tiny human was stood beneath the table, no bigger than Patton’s hand. And catching their terrified scent, this was definitely the source.

 Roman’s eyes widened, first at the speed of this human and then at the sudden eye contact he found himself having with him. He had never seen a human move so fast…

 Despite that, Roman knew he had to try and get out of there. This human was giving him a weird feeling in his gut, a feeling far worse than any other human gave off. He backed a step away from the leg of the table before turning and running towards the couch. If he could just make it there he would be safe.

But quick as lightning, Patton’s arm shot out beneath the table, curling around the tiny form.

Patton blinked, having been momentarily overwhelmed by his instincts. Even he didn’t know he could move that fast.

 Roman screamed as he was grabbed and he struggled against the tight grip. “Unhand me!” He yelled, briefly glancing up at the human before he froze. He had thought it was a trick of the light but no...the human’s eyes were red. 

 Roman was starting to think he should stop referring to this guy as human.

“Oh, no no no-” Patton quickly shushed the little guy, pressing his thumb to its mouth to silence it. It was strange; Patton was used to being the strong one as he could easily overpower humans, but this was… different. 

What was this thing, anyways? Why had Patton never seen it before? Slowly Patton sat back on his heels, lifting it up to his face. 

….and why did it smell so good?

 “Hmm!” Roman tried to scream but was muffled by the hu-er the thing’s thumb. His struggling picked up as he tried to push the thumb away and get away from whatever this monster was. 

 It was in that moment that Thomas walked back in. “Hey Pat, here’s your...uh, what are you doing on the ground there bud?”

“Nothing!” Patton sat up stiff as a rod, shoving his find into his jacket pocket. If he had the ability to blush Patton was certain his cheeks would be blazing as he stood up. “I mean, uh, I was just… my feet were tired?” He took the water from Thomas, gratefully drinking to avoid conversation and buy himself time.

 Roman let out another muffled shout as he was shoved into a pocket. He squirmed within it but he was effectively trapped with no way out. Besides, if he tried he knew the human of the group would see him and that was the last thing he needed. 

 Although, depending on what this monster was, the human might be the better option here…

 Thomas looked at Patton in confusion. “Oh...okay? You know you could have just sat on the couch though, right?” He chuckled.

“Oh, yeah, silly me.” Patton gave a slight gasp, having drank the water too fast. His hand was practically twitching around the little prey animal, desperate to know more. “I guess my brain must be pretty tired too… I think it really is time for me to head home.”

 “Oh, yeah no I guess it is getting pretty late. Do you want me to drive you home?” Thomas offered, not wanting Patton to be alone in the dark.

“No, I’ll be fine!” Patton waved, making sure to keep his speed to normal human levels as he dashed out the door. “GoodnightThomasSeeYouLaterBye!” His last farewell all blurred together, called over his shoulder.

 “Oh! Uh bye!” Thomas called out. He watched his friend leave, feeling confused at what had happened while he had been in the kitchen. He shrugged, deciding that he would call Patton later tomorrow and started getting ready for bed.

 Roman continued to squirm as he felt the monster leave the human’s apartment. Oh no, this was bad. What was going to happen to happen to him? And, oh, he never even got to say goodbye to Logan…

Patton knew if he still possessed lungs he would be panting he was running so fast, even with his enhanced speed Patton showed up at his home in nary a few minutes. It was a gloomy home, hidden off the edge of town and away from prying eyes. Its beat down appearance was not Patton’s primary concern, the vampire tearing into the house.

“Virgil!” Patton called out, desperate to share this with someone. “Virgil, I found- well, okay, I don’t know what I found, but come look!”

Virgil was down the stairs in the blink of an eye, curious as to his best friend’s excitement. However, even before Patton pulled the little creature from his pocket, Virgil recognized that scent.

“You found a borrower.” Virgil spoke, his voice devoid of emotion as he stared down at Patton’s prize.

 Roman struggled as he was lifted out of the pocket but he froze as he found himself being stared down by another monster. The red eyes gave it away that this guy was not human either.

 The borrower’s eyes widened. “H-How do you…?” How did this creature know what he was!?

Patton blinked, surprised to hear the little thing had a voice of its own. “What’s a borrower?” He found himself asking.

“I thought they all got wiped out like a century ago.” Virgil allowed himself to take another sniff, coming a few steps closer. “Their blood is said to be stronger than the most delectable human. I’ve only ever seen them once this close before, they’re really rare.” 

 “Ex-Excuse me?” Roman asked, looking at the non-human in front of him. “Okay, for one, we are very much thriving.” That...may or may not be a lie, Roman wasn’t actually sure how many borrowers were left but he wasn’t about to let these creatures know that. “Second, centuries? Blood? What-What are you?” 

“Um…” Patton bit his lip, looking to his mentor. He rarely had a meal ask him that before, mostly because Patton stayed well away from humans when he could help it.

“Doesn’t really matter.” Virgil let out a growl, his eyes more red than normal. “It’s not gonna be alive long enough to tell.”

 Roman’s eyes went wide and the brighter red in Virgil’s eyes made him even more terrified. “What, no! U-Unhand me! Let me go!” His struggled picked back up as he desperately tried to pry the hand off of him. Unfortunately, it was proving fruitless.

“Virgil!” Patton hissed. “You’re scaring him!”

“Oh don’t get all humanitarian on me now, Patton.” Virgil fought to keep steady. “I know you can’t resist, you smell it too. Humans are one thing, but this? It’s practically what they’re made for and you know it.”

 “Look, I have no clue what you are on about but we’re made to live and survive, not-not whatever you think.” Roman was still confused about what the hell these creatures wanted out of him but the fact they were focused on his smell did not sit right with him at all.

Patton bit his lip, trying to ignore his instincts as not for the first time they conflicted with his morals. “I could just take a little bit?” Patton tried, raising the borrower higher.

“What, with that little thing?” Virgil gestured to it. “Pat, even if you take only a taste you’re gonna effect it. Just drain it all and be done with it. Think of it as putting it out of its misery.”

 Roman knew there were other words in that sentence that Virgil spoke, but he was only focused on one. “You’re going to eat me!?” He tried struggling even more but he was already tiring himself out. But no, he couldn’t give up. He couldn’t allow whatever these monsters were to eat him!

“No, I wasn’t!” Patton paused. “Not whole.”

“Well, you could.” Virgil shrugged. “I’ve heard of vampires who’ve done it that way. It’s easier than trying to pierce such a small target, and you don’t waste any.”

 “I-I’m sorry, did you say vampires?” All their talk was starting to make sense now and Roman didn’t like it. “P-Please, I assure you, I taste disgusting. M-My blood especially! I eat so much junk, there’s no way I have good blood.” Roman tried desperately.

“That just makes it tastier.” Virgil got a glint in his eye, coming closer with a predatory grin.

“Virgil.” Patton said sternly, turning to the side to hold the borrower closer to himself.

“Look, finders keepers Pat.” Virgil crossed his arms. “But if you’re giving up your shot, I am not missing out on this opportunity again.”

 Roman gulped, leaning back as far as he could in the grip. “D-Did I say junk food, I meant d-dirt?” Roman mumbled out of fear. He didn’t miss how Virgil had said ‘again’. How many borrowers had fallen prey to these vampires before?

“Well?” Virgil quirked an eyebrow, impatient.

“I…” Patton groaned. This was so much worse than with humans. Sure, Patton felt bad about drinking from a human on the rare occasion his instincts got too strong, but at least when he had self control Patton knew he wouldn’t kill them. And no matter how good this borrower smelled, Patton couldn’t ignore the fact that it acted just like a human being. 

Virgil gave a sad sigh, almost as if he was disappointed despite expecting this. “Come on, Patton.” He stuck out his palm, waiting.

 “No! Please, you can’t do this!” Roman yelled but his actions didn’t match how panicked he was, as his struggled were now slow from how much he had done so before. This couldn’t be the end for him. It-it just couldn’t be.

Patton felt his heart leap into his throat, overwhelmed by his sympathetic urges at the desperation in the borrower’s voice. 

“I’ll do it!” Patton suddenly declared, holding the borrower close to his chest. “But, um, I already ate tonight. I-I’ll do it later.” Patton tried not to think about all that human food making a rock in his stomach.

Virgil squinted at him. “...fine.” Virgil let his hand drop. 

 Great, so not only was he still going to be eaten but now they were going to prolong it. No, he couldn’t think like that. He had to use the time he had to figure out a way to escape. He had to remember he was dealing with a vampire though. Not a human. He would have to be extra careful, maybe try when they were asleep.

 ...Wait, did vampires even sleep?

#vampire perspective #borrower!roman #vampire!patton #vampire!virgil #blood #perspective series #part 1 #VP #lemme know if i miss any warnings i be doing ma best

[olliedollie1204]

what if moxiety talked about their issues and also deceit is there

spoilers for “Are There Healthy Distractions?”

this is a weird concept that got out of hand but hear me out. i wrote a scene that could have taken place in ATHD, picking up around 6:28 and replacing the scene up until 7:17. i’ve seen people worried that a) Patton and Virgil were somewhat tense with each other in this video, and b) Deceit wasn’t at movie night. ironically, i don’t think either of these things necessarily imply angst in canon, BUT i still came up with an idea of how to address both of these in one lil fic!

straight up tho, I genuinely think that, between the writing, acting, and editing combined, ATHD is one of the most impressive videos in the entire sanders sides canon (second only to Learning New Things About Ourselves). i’m beyond thrilled that the team is experimenting with new concepts and ideas!! it rocks man!!

word count: 2,553

“No, should Thomas be staying home right now?”

“Well, Virgil, Thomas made his decision, and I think we should all just try to settle into it.”

Virgil looked at Patton for a beat longer before bringing his gaze back to the screen. “Hm.”

The silence thickened in the room, with the musical number happening on screen somehow not seeming loud enough.

Patton broke it first. “I hope you’re not... blaming yourself?”

“I-” Virgil’s eyes widened slightly, but he quickly pulled back into his normal expression. “I don’t know. I mean, I am the one who pulled the plug on our party plans.”

“Nice alliteration,” Logan mumbled, eyes glued to the screen.

Virgil darted his eyes to Logan, lips quirking briefly. “Thanks. But, uh,” he continued, looking down at his clasped hands, “I mean, I could maybe understand if you think that, uh, someone else should... you know.” He shrugged lightly, meeting Patton’s eyes. “Shoulder the blame?”

“Nope!” Patton answered far too quickly. He tried to cover up his mistake with a light laugh. “I-I mean, I just wanted to check how you’re feeling.”

Virgil looked disappointed. “Oh.”

“Uh, Pat, I’m confused.” Roman leaned forward to look at Patton quizzically. “Do you want Virgil to blame himself, or not?”

Patton’s expression turned slightly panicked. “Of course I don’t want him to blame himself!”

“Of course Patton doesn’t want Virgil to blame himself.” Deceit’s voice rang out from his position against the wall, near where Patton stood for videos. He had a sleeping bag pulled against his chest as he reclined, able to see both the TV and the sides on the couch simultaneously.

Virgil’s eyes narrowed. Patton blinked in confusion.

“I don’t,” he said uneasily.

Deceit smirked. “And why would you? It’s not like he’s the one controlling our dear Thomas’ emotional state or anything.”

“Actually, although Patton is technically the figurehead of Thomas’ emotions, Virgil’s presence has a significant enough impact to influence his emotional state at any given time,” Logan stated plainly, too distracted by the surprisingly enthralling movie to detect the tension in the current conversation.

“Especially in this instance,” he continued, unaware of Roman making a horribly unsubtle throat-slashing gesture from the other side of the couch, “when the inciting incident of Thomas’ current anxiety was actually caused by his moral outrage, which is ironic, given the proximity of Virgil and Patton’s friendship-”

“Oh-kay, hey!” Roman interjected with faux cheer, finally catching Logan’s eye, causing him to falter. “I think we should all just... watch the movie! All of us!”

He jerked his head in Deceit’s direction, hoping beyond hope that Logan would understand the universal signal for “stop giving this guy ammunition to work against us, Logan, please stop talking, for once!”

Logan’s eyes widened slightly. Message received. “Ah. Apologies for interrupting, Roman. I would hate to miss a moment of this... fantastical, frivolous film.”

“Well, isn’t this interesting?” Deceit asked, ignoring Roman and Logan’s attempt at changing the subject. “I guess, in this case, the side to be blamed for causing poor Thomas all this trouble is... both of you.” He grinned, eyeing the two sides in question. “Funny how that happens.”

“Lay off, Deceit,” Virgil muttered, crossing his arms as he tried to watch the screen. “Don’t bring him into this.”

“Virgil...” Patton started, but couldn’t finish. He didn’t know what he wanted to say. He just didn’t like the way Virgil was curled in on himself. An uncomfortable, unidentifiable feeling wormed into Patton’s stomach.

“Go on, Patton. Do finish your thought,” Deceit pushed. “How do you feel about Virgil blaming himself for all this trouble?”

Virgil tightened his grip on his arms.

“I don’t think Virgil should blame himself,” Patton mumbled, feeling the pain in his stomach worsen. He wished Deceit would just drop it.

“So, he should blame you then?”

Virgil glared at Deceit. “Don’t.”

“I mean, look at him, Patton. Our dear friend Virgil isn’t handling this well at all.”

“I’m handling it just fine,” Virgil snapped.

“Oh, truly, of course you are. Because ‘handling’ a difficult social interaction by becoming a hermit is the image of stability.”

Roman scoffed. “One impromptu movie night does not make Thomas a hermit!”

“Indeed,” Logan added. “A hermit is one who lives in solitude as a practice of religious discipline. Unless Thomas has decided to become a devout follower of Idina Menzel, he does not fit the criterion.”

Roman looked pensive. “Well-”

“That was not a suggestion, Roman.”

“Can we all just stop talking about it?” Virgil said in a raised tone. “I know I’m the fuck up here, I’m sorry I ruined our plans, and I blame myself.” He turned to Deceit, eyes narrowed. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Deceit smiled and opened his mouth to speak again. Patton looked at the pain on Virgil’s face, and made his decision.

“Virgil should be blaming me,” he announced, setting his mug down harder than necessary. “I caused all of this. It’s all my fault.”

All of the sides’ attention went to Patton. The pain in his stomach intensified greatly.

Virgil was stunned into silence.

Finally, Deceit smirked. “Well, Patton, I’m thrilled at your confession,” he said, breaking the silence. “Although frankly, it took much longer than it should have. I think I can speak for Virgil when I say-”

“You do not ever speak for me,” Virgil said forcefully, whipping around to face him.

“Oh, really?” Decit replied, folding his arms and peering at Virgil. “So you don’t blame Patton for what you’re feeling right now?”

Patton inhaled sharply, and waited for Virgil’s response. There was an uncomfortable pause before Virgil huffed, rolling his eyes.

“I’m not explaining myself to you.”

Deceit gasped. “Ooh, a non-answer to my rhetorical question! Bold new strategy.”

“Deceit, if I may. What do you stand to gain from this confrontation?”

“Me? Why, I’m not looking to gain anything! Really, I’m just looking out for Thomas.”

“Yeah, if ‘looking out for Thomas’ means ‘being a dick until everyone feels bad and movie night is ruined’.”

“I don’t believe I should have to explain that that is not what ‘looking out for Thomas’ means, Roman.”

Belatedly, Patton realized what the unfamiliar feeling in his stomach was. It wasn’t guilt from hurting Virgil. It wasn’t regret from hurting Thomas. It was a deeper, more personal shame.

“But I’m sure Thomas is just so glad to finally know that he can’t trust his own heart to not let him down,” Deceit continued, unfettered. “Truthfully, it’s about time.”

Virgil slammed his fists down onto his thighs. “Can you stop lying?”

Deceit chuckled maliciously. “No. Now, Patton-”

“Wait,” Logan interjected, hand raised. “Do you mean- was that a ‘no’, as in, ‘no, I can’t stop lying’, in which case your truthful answer of ‘no’ was a lie- but if that was a lie, then the truthful answer is ‘yes’, as in, ‘yes, I can stop lying’, which, your answer of ‘no’ then would contradict that fact-”

The deceptive side blinked. “I- what? Shut up... what?”

“Yeah, that one made my head hurt,” Roman added.

“I lied! I’m sorry!” Patton’s outburst stopped the other sides in their tracks. Again, everyone turned to look at the moral side- Logan and Roman with trepidation, Virgil with disbelief, and Deceit with a smug satisfaction.

“You lied?” Virgil replied dully.

“Not about the ‘I-don’t-want-you-to-blame-yourself’ part,” Patton added hastily. “But...”

He bit his lip slightly, eyes furtively darting around, before taking a deep breath and meeting Virgil’s gaze again.

“But I don’t want to be blamed either,” he said with uncharacteristic somberness.

Roman and Logan exchanged glances. Virgil kept his eyes locked on Patton.

Patton fiddled with his mug before continuing. “I- I know it’s irrational,” he continued. “It’s... illogical and unfair to try to absolve myself of any blame. But I just feel like... you guys don’t get how much this hurt me- me, specifically,” he emphasized. “I mean, obviously it hurt us all. But it’s not just the fact that Rico used to hold different beliefs. It’s- it’s knowing that he used to condemn both Thomas’ most personal moral beliefs, and his core emotions. I mean, his morals and emotions? That’s literally my entire thing!”

Patton felt himself getting worked up again. He tightened his grip on his mug, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I shouldn’t have taken over like I did.”

The other sides stayed silent. They all remembered the conversation with Rico, the sick moment of realization at what he was admitting to, how Logan had attempted to rationalize Thomas’ response but was almost physically pushed aside as Patton rose to the forefront of his mind. Patton’s anger, sharp and cold, and the way he couldn’t stop, even as Logan and Virgil and even Roman tried to calm him.

The way Virgil begged Patton to stop, stop, before he’d do something he’d regret. The way Patton, for the first time in a long time, refused to hold back out of fear of the consequences of speaking from the (figurative) heart.

And now, this evening. How Patton couldn’t take it back. How Virgil couldn’t let it go.

Patton forced himself to meet Virgil’s eyes. The anxious side stared back, unblinking.

“I hate that this is hurting you so badly. I really, really hate it, and I’m sorry. But I can’t lie and say that I regret it. I don’t. I can’t.”

Another silence. The high-pitched cartoon voices continued to blare from the TV. Patton found, with some small relief, that his stomach no longer hurt.

Everyone was looking at Virgil, whose fists were digging into his thighs. The hood from his onesie had fallen slightly over his face; Patton could no longer see his expression.

After what felt like an eternity, Virgil’s fists unclenched.

“...Thank you for your honesty, Patton.”

Patton looked at Virgil with wide eyes. The latter straightened up slightly, pushing his hood back to look at Patton directly. Deceit quirked a brow, but Virgil continued before he could speak.

“Of course I’m glad that you stood up for what you believe in. You are Thomas’ heart, and it wouldn’t be fair to you if you couldn’t stand up for yourself.” As Virgil spoke, he ran his hands across his thighs, letting the texture of his skeleton onesie calm him.

“Your reaction may not have been the best, but you did the right thing. And I’m not mad at you. But if I can also be honest,” he added, cutting a glare to Deceit before returning his gaze to Patton, “you did put Thomas- me, specifically- in a difficult situation. And I know that wasn’t your intent, but I’m not gonna lie. It kinda sucks right now.”

Patton twisted his mouth into a grimace before looking down at his mug. “I get that, Virge,” he said softly.

Virgil softened in return. “I don’t blame you, Patton... at least, not just you,” he added, eyes flicking away from Patton’s for a moment. “I just need some time to work through this whole thing.”

The two sides looked at each other. Logan and Roman leaned forward slightly, ready to intervene if this olive branch was not accepted.

Finally, Virgil offered Patton a sad smile. Patton hesitated, then returned it. The two broke their gaze, looking down at their respective laps.

Another silence. Logan and Roman side-eyed each other, similar expressions of surprise on their faces.

“Wow, Virgil,” Deceit suddenly drawled. “What impressive conflict resolution. Truly, you’ve made us all so proud.”

“Okay, Two-Face, you know what?” Roman interjected in annoyance, leaning forward to meet Deceit’s eyes. “It’s one thing to instigate conflict between two of my best friends for no good reason-”

“Thanks, Princey,” Patton said, giving him an appreciative smile.

“-But what’s more, you’ve been talking forever and I’ve missed far too much dialogue already!”

“Thanks, Princey,” Virgil muttered, giving him a thumbs up.

“Do you want to be excused? Is that it? You want to be released from the terrible punishment that is movie night?” Roman flopped back on his throne of pillows, waving his arm exasperatedly. “I just thought it’d be nice to spend some time together when you’re not being a jerk, but if you want to leave-”

Deceit gasped, one hand coming to rest on his cheek. “No, Roman, why would I want to leave? I love the thought of being stuck out here with you nerds watching ‘Frozen’ for the dozenth time.” As he spoke, Deceit rose from his spot against the wall, making sure to block everyone’s view of the screen as he crossed the room to the staircase. “It’s not like I voted to watch ‘Coco’ or anything.”

Logan sipped his iced coffee. “Remus is back there.”

“Hey.” The intrusive side appeared just as Deceit made it to the bottom of the stairs.

“Oh my God-” Deceit reeled backwards before catching himself on the railing. “Oh, fuck. You gotta- you gotta stop doing that, man.”

“But you’re a liar!” Remus replied gleefully. “So you’re telling me to keep doing it! Right?”

“Oh, for fuck’s- I can’t. I just can’t deal with you tonight.” With that, Deceit turned and went up the stairs, giving an exasperated sigh as he exited.

The sides were quiet once again.

“You know, I’m not surprised he’s a fan of ‘Coco’,” Roman remarked idly. “That- that seems right.”

~Later~

“Olaf fully melts by the fire while accompanying a dying Anna,” Roman started, with a rapidly building enthusiasm. Although Logan would not have necessarily elected for Thomas to spend the next few hours rewriting a children’s film to be more narratively satisfying, he did have to admit that he was pleased that the creative side seemed to be taking his suggestion to heart.

Speaking of heart, Logan peered at Patton on the floor. He was fully engaged in Roman’s brainstorming, making all of the appropriate response faces for the situation. He was so engaged, in fact, that he did not seem to notice Virgil tapping his back with a socked foot.

Logan noticed. Tuning Roman out, he attempted to subtly observe as Virgil managed to get Patton’s attention.

The moral side looked over his shoulder; although his face was partly obscured by the angle, Logan could still make out his worried expression. Virgil’s spiral earlier had been troubling for several reasons, not least of which was the fact that he directly referenced how Patton was a factor in his anxiety. Logan wondered, not for the first time, if the two sides’ friendship was genuinely mutually beneficial. They had found themselves at odds before, of course- all of them had, at one point or another. Despite their strengths, Patton and Virgil were both highly emotionally charged, which could serve as either a benefit or a hindrance when the two worked together.

Logan watched as Patton mouthed something unidentifiable to Virgil. Virgil nodded, inhaling slowly and releasing the breath. Another pause, then Virgil gave Patton a small thumbs up.

Patton’s lips quirked up in a relieved smile. He returned the gesture.

Logan saw as both of the sides relaxed, the tension leaving their bodies almost visible, before the two turned back to debate the merits of Roman’s ‘Frozen’ fanfic.

The logical side grinned to himself, fixing his tie. Maybe his fellow sides could help each other, after all.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders asides #my posts #my writing #i literally can't believe this is the first fic i've written since march #and it came so easily #and i'm so proud of it #and it's the longest fic i've ever actually written???? #i can't believe this tbh

[writing-and-teatime]

Secrets and Shattered Hearts: 3/3

Hey so this is the last chapter of a story I wrote that turned out way longer than I thought it was gonna be. This is an angst. Please enjoy. Roman and a brother once, a long time ago, he doesn’t even remember him. But his brother remembers, so does Virgil. The sides must face the past as Virgil attempts to keep the Dark Sides a secret and keep everything peaceful.

Triggers: Sympathetic Deceit, Sympathetic Remus, betrayal, crying, anxiety, abandonment, angst, fighting

—————

On the rare occasion that one of the Light Sides did come into Virgil’s room then Deceit and Remus would simply disappear and come back later when they were gone, simple. Sadly the others couldn’t sink out if they were holding onto Virgil, otherwise Virgil would go with them.

On this particular day when Virgil entered his room, Remus and Deceit were laying on his bed. Deceit was flipping the pages of a novel and Remus was trying his best to distract him. When Virgil entered the room he peeled off his sweatshirt and hung it on his desk chair before blaring some music. Deceit snapped his book shut and rose to greet Virgil. Remus followed suit, only he did it more aggressively. Virgil turned to Deceit and began to describe the day when Remus pushed him gently from behind. When Virgil turned Remus dangled a wad of black and purple above his head. It took Virgil a few seconds to realize it was his sweatshirt.

Remus began to run and Virgil followed him, around and around the room in a desperate attempt to get his hoodie back. A sigh escaped Deceit’s lips, they did this often, and he stuck out a foot. Remus slammed to the ground and Virgil crashed on top of him, grasping for the hoodie. Virgil was sitting on his chest while Remus struggled to shove him off,  holding the hoodie tightly. Virgil finally got a grip on the cloth when the door swung open. Two heads turned to look at Patton. Deceit had disappeared.

The last thing Patton had expected to see when he opened Virgil’s door was him fighting another side. He had come upstairs to invite Virgil to movie night. He had knocked multiple times but was sure that Virgil couldn’t hear him over the incredibly loud music blasting from the room. Patton grabbed the doorknob, sure that Virgil would forgive him, and swung open the door. Virgil sat on the chest of another side, struggling for something in his hands. Two pairs of eyes, one brown and one green, turned to Patton. A cry for help escaped his lips and Patton backed away, Roman appeared at one shoulder and Logan at the other. They looked into the room at the mix of purple, green, and black tangled on the floor. Virgil rose as Roman entered with his sword pointed at the side in green. Virgil was holding his hoodie now, he slipped it on.

“Roman,” Virgil said. His voice was edged with worry. Remus got up and faced Roman. Opposites. Enemies. Brothers.

“Back up Virgil,” Roman warned, “I don’t want you to get hurt.” Panic slipped into Virgil’s face now. He opened his mouth to speak but Remus stopped him.

“No, Virgil, let me handle this.” Remus said. Patton jumped forward and pulled Virgil away from the two. Logan held onto his arm protectively, leaning over to whisper in his ear.

“Are you okay?” He asked. Virgil didn’t answer and Logan repeated the question.

“I’m fine.” He said. His voice was no longer edged with worry, it was full of it. All the emotions he was feeling, panic, worry, anger, were clear in his voice.

“So, Roman,” Remus said leisurely, “facing off against me? How sad. I suppose you just didn’t have enough guts to do it before now.” He said. Confusion crossed the faces of all the Light Sides. Remus mocked surprise. “Oh, you don’t remember me?”

“I don’t know you,” Roman growled. He forced sureness into his voice, but his eyes said otherwise. Remus laughed his madman laugh.

“Are you sure about that?” He said. Roman didn’t answer. He looked as if he was dredging the deepest memories in his brain for answers. “Brother?” Remus added spitefully. Roman looked up at him in fear.

“I thought… I thought…” He stuttered out. Remus’s eyes were made of fire now. Burning and full of hate.

“I won the game,” Remus told him venomously. “I hid, all right. I hid right under your nose. You, the great protector.” He spit. That was the last straw, Roman brought his sword up and swung at Remus. Virgil ripped himself from the grasps of Logan and Patton and threw himself in front of Remus. Patton screamed.

I thin line of fire bloomed on his back and made its way to the rest of Virgil’s body. Cold air hit his back as the fabric of Virgil’s shirt and hoodie was sliced open. He could feel the blood begin to soak into the black cloth. He fell into Remus’s arms and the Dark Side laid him gently on the floor. Virgil was facing the Light Sides. Patton had his face buried in Logan’s collared shirt. Logan stared at him with a mix of panic and calculation, as if he was trying to process what had just happened. Roman had dropped his sword and backed away. His face was no longer full of anger, it was now a mask of desperation and guilt and disbelief at what he had done. Virgil could feel Remus pull off his sweatshirt and shirt. He felt his nimble fingers, normally working on cruel pranks, working to stop the bleeding and to tend the wound.

Patton finally turned from Logan’s shirt. His nose was running and his eyes were full of tears, but when he saw Virgil he stopped. He wiped his nose and eyes and marched forward. He began to help Remus. Roman made a sound of warning, protest, but Patton held up his hand to silence the Prince. Roman studied the dark planks of the floor. Logan left the room and returned a few seconds later with a first aid kit.

The wound was cleaned and bandaged incredibly quick. Then Virgil was sitting upright on his bed, fine. Patton sat next to him on one side and Logan on the other. Roman sat in his desk chair. He hadn’t said anything the entire time Virgil was being treated and was still silent. Remus stood in the corner of the room, hesitant to leave but unsure of whether to stay.

“So,” said Logan finally, “do you mind explaining what exactly is going on?” Virgil gave a small nod and a sigh.

“This is Remus.” He said, gesturing to the side. “He is my friend. He is Roman’s younger brother, and a Dark Side.” Patton stiffened next to him.

“Brother?” He asked smally. Virgil nodded again.

“Thomas’s creativity split around 6,” Virgil began, “It became two sides instead of one. Roman and Remus, both Thomas’s creativity.”

“So why haven’t we met Remus before?” Logan asked. “And why don’t we remember him?”

Virgil shrugged in response. “You only knew him for a year, not even. And as for why you didn’t see him, well, he didn’t show himself to Thomas. He likes to work in the shadows. If you can believe it.” A silence settled over the room.

“Why did we only know him for a year,” Patton asked. It wasn’t a question as much as a demand. Virgil didn’t answer, he looked from Roman to Remus first, seeing if either of them wanted to share. Roman averted his eyes. Remus gave a slight shake of his head and gestured for Virgil to continue.

“You only knew him for a year because Roman was quick to be rid of him.” He said, not in an accusing tone, though. Patton gave a little gasp. Virgil could see a tear streak silently down Roman’s face. “Remus liked to play games, so Roman decided they were going to play a game that resulted in Remus’s disappearance.” Silence settled over the room. Roman was now crying silently. Streams of water pouring down his face quietly. No one moved to comfort him.

“Roman…” Patton began. He didn’t know what to say. Roman began to sob now.

“I was 6, Pat.” Roman gasped between sobs. “I thought I was protecting Thomas. I thought that if I sent him away then he would just disappear. When I learned that wasn’t the case it was too late.” Roman broke down. He could no longer talk. His body shook with tears as he cried over all the mistakes he had made. Patton pulled him into a hug. Virgil and Logan joined. They all sat and comforted Roman. Someone set a hand on Roman’s shoulder. I belonged to Remus. The three sides moved out of the way and Remus was in front of Roman, holding his shoulders.

“Hey,” Remus said. He gave Roman a small shake and their eyes met. Neither could look away. “Hey,” Remus said again, softer. He pulled Roman into a hug. Enfolding him in a way that Virgil only ever saw when Remus was with Deceit.

“I’m so sorry.” Roman sobbed. Remus’s eyes were sad and disappointed, but the edge of anger that had been there only a few minutes before was gone.

“I understand,” Remus said. “I get it, it’s okay.” He glanced around at them and stepped away so that Patton and Logan could converge on Roman’s crying form once more. Virgil took Remus by the hand and together they began to walk out of the room.

“Wait!” Patton called from behind them. They stopped and Virgil turned to look at Patton.

“Yeah, Pat?” He said. He was getting a little nervous.

“Where do you think you two are going?” He yelled. “You’re hurt and we haven’t even met Remus!” He sprung off Roman’s bed and pulled the two into a hug, warm and comforting. Remus looked panicked and a little surprised. He’d never been hugged by anyone other then Deceit and Virgil. His face seemed to soften and Remus melted into the hug.

In the first few weeks of having Remus around everything changed. It took a while to get used to, but they did. Remus was officially part of the family. They had a little party one night that was full of noise and chaos and games and hugging, even Deceit showed up and the Light Sides welcomed him in. They got to introduce Remus to Thomas and he seemed to make a good impression. The party lasted all night and, most likely, kept Thomas up. The Sides, Light and Dark, were finally equal. They were friends.

#remus sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #patton sanders #logan sanders #thomas sanders #sanders sides #sander sides fanfiction #sander sides fanfic #writing

[team-free-squiggle]

Virgil who wants to finally be a part of the famILY is finally a part of it but the memories of being mistreated was hard for him to stay with them without panicking every minute (kind of PTSD-ish). The others are oblivious about the whole thing and it wasn't until he has a nightmare one night that they realized how they badly treated him and try to help him... (I love angst so...)

oof but I love it so much, thank you for the prompt!

Also what’s this? what’s this? it’s something very strange…. an update!!!!

~~

Verse: canon

Type: hurt/comfort

Prompt: above

Characters: Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Roman Sanders

Pairings: Platonic Lamp

Warnings: Virgil has a nightmare, fear of others based on past hatred, mentions of past panic attacks

~~

It was another day. A day after a million other days. Nothing out of the ordinary, just another day. 

It was also the day that Virgil believed he messed up so badly, that he would never and should never be loved again. 

But why? What had happened? 

It all began the day he truly became accepted into the FamILY the other Sides had created, the day he got his greatest wish of all. 

He was invited to movie nights, he was allowed at the dinner table. Virgil hoped it would go well, and it did, but there were intrusive thoughts after a while.

“Remember when they didn’t want you?”

“Remember how you had to eat alone all these years?”

“Remember how if you even left your room, Princey would grab his sword and place it in the only open seat, forcing you to stand if you wanted to be near them?”

Virgil tried to forget. They were nice to him now. They wanted him around now. But try as he might, he still remembered. Virgil may have forgiven the other Sides, but his heart had not forgotten how they had treated him. And it only became worse.

He was so scared now, with all the things he remembered, any time he saw one of the others. He’d remember Roman pointing his sword at him whenever the Creative Side waved. He’d remember Logan slamming his door on Virgil asking for help when he was panicking too much to calm down himself. He would even remember Patton, just going along with the other’s indifference and hatred of him. Virgil was reminded every time he saw them that they used to hate him, and it caused him to panic.

Why would they suddenly love him? They probably only kept him around to make sure that he didn’t duck out on Thomas again.

Virgil loved the others. He wanted to spend time with them, more and more. But he also was very afraid that they would hate him again, and he never wanted to go back to when they hated him. 

So eventually, around his birthday, he started to avoid them. He couldn’t take the fear that came around being them anymore. 

Then, the day before his birthday, someone popped up in his room. It was Roman, who wanted to know why Virgil had been drawing away from them again. 

Unfortunately, Roman had caught Virgil when he was asleep. Roman was about to sink out, but stopped when Virgil thrashed. Roman quickly sat on the bed and took Virgil’s hand, frowning. 

The anxious side was sweaty, and still tossing and turning even though he was asleep. Roman got very scared and called up Patton and Logan when Virgil began whimpering softly, calling out words like “no” and “stop, please.” Roman showed them Virgil as soon as they were there, and Logan began to wake him up. It didn’t take much more than a nudge.

Virgil opened his eyes, saw them all, and scrambled back. He was shaking, but trying to hide it - like he was trying to protect himself. It was Patton who realized that Virgil was trying to protect himself from them.

The thought nearly made Patton cry, and he communicated this with the others via a quick glance. Their own eyes widened, and they backed away from Virgil slowly. He relaxed a little, thankfully.

“Hey guys, what are you doing in my room?” Virgil tried for nonchalance and ended up at fearful. Logan and Patton looked to Roman. Roman blushed.

“Well, my dark and stormy knight, I came in to ask you a question - I simply wanted to understand why you had been participating less and less recently - but I found you asleep! I know you don’t get nearly enough sleep, thanks to Pocket Protector’s many speeches on the subject.” 

Logan interjected with a “hey!”, making Virgil snort a little.

Roman smiled at the anxious side for that. “But you began to toss and turn. Like you were having a nightmare. I didn’t know what to do, so I called up these two. And here we are!” Roman finished with a grand flourish. 

“Are you okay kiddo? What - what was that about?” Patton asked, wanting to make sure his dark strange son was okay. Virgil shook his head.

“Bad dream, Pat. That’s all. Now, as much as I appreciate the group therapy sessions, I would actually like to go back to sleep.” Virgil said with a pointed look. Logan wasn’t buying it for a minute.

“Look, Virgil. Bad dreams make it harder to sleep. I would like to at least have you talk about your dream, so that you will sleep easier.” Logan sat down, and Virgil’s breath hitched. He searched for something he could make up, but nothing came to mind. He wasn’t creativity after all. Then he remembered the other’s fears.

“Look, it was more a series of things - being in the middle of the ocean without knowing what exactly is at the bottom of it, a cute guy rejecting me, seeing a spider - you know, scary stuff.” Virgil hoped the fear in his voice would seem to be stemming from those subjects. He saw each of the others shiver when he mentioned their own fear, and he hoped that his lie would work. 

Logan, however, detected a falsehood, and said as much.

“Virgil, that is clearly a falsehood. What was the nightmare really about. You, as a manifestation of anxiety, would most likely be afraid to tell us, but it is okay. We are here for you.” Logan did his best to comfort the side he considered a friend.

“But I can’t know that you mean that. I can’t know that you mean any of it.” Virgil muttered darkly. Roman spoke up, confusion clear in his voice. 

“Any of what, Virgil?” He asked. Virgil glared at him, but Roman wasn’t taken aback by the look of hate.

He was taken aback by how poorly the “hate” covered Virgil’s true emotion; his fear. His fear of… of them. 

“Any of what? Are you kidding me? You have all been acting so nice, so good, so… so freaking accepting.” There was a venom to Virgil’s voice now, something that stung rather hard. “But you weren’t before. God, before…. I wanted nothing more than this. To be part of the FamILY. But no. You all hated me, no matter how much I loved you.” Virgil was borderline hysterical at this point, shaking so hard. 

Patton gently reached out towards him, but Virgil moved back. Patton could tell, just like the others, that it wasn’t out of hatred or anger - it was out of fear. 

“You- you… all of you just didn’t want me. I didn’t want me. But still, I tried to help. For Thomas, for all of you. But every time I even opened my mouth, there was a sword in my face.” Virgil looked up at Roman guiltily. He never meant for the others to find out how pathetic he was, how afraid. He never meant for them to hear this, but after months of the words not coming out, he couldn’t stop them now even if he tried. 

“And you! You literally shut the door in my face the one time I gathered enough strength and hope to ask for help when in the middle of a panic attack!” Logan looked at the floor, knowing that Virgil was right. He didn’t want the anxious side around, so he locked him out and never thought twice about it. Until now.

Virgil’s look softened when he looked at Patton. “You didn’t do anything, really.” Patton looked heartbroken.

“But we both know I went along with all of it.” And Virgil couldn’t deny that that was exactly the problem. 

“You want to know what the nightmare was, Logan? It was just some memories. Memories of the others, memories of all of you.” Virgil knew that by now, they would know exactly what he meant. Roman voiced it for him.

“You were… you were alone again, and we hated you again, belittled you, is that it?” Virgil nodded, closing his eyes.

All four had tears streaming down their faces. Virgil hated himself for telling them. But he couldn’t keep it up anymore.

“I love you guys. And I love spending time with you, and I love feeling included. It is, quite literally, everything I have ever wanted. But I couldn’t stand being afraid all the time. Afraid that things will someday go back to the way they were. That you’ll get tired of me. That… I won’t get to stand by you, but that you’ll force me to stand against you.” Virgil’s voice was rough and soft, gentle and painful all at once.

“I know we can’t fix the past.” Patton said, the others all looking at him as they wiped away their tears. “But we can work together in the future.” 

“I actually was needing some help on a quest that I currently can’t beat,” Roman offered gently. “Someone who is the literal embodiment of fight or flight would be wonderful to work with.”

Virgil looked up, shocked, but nodded. He was stunned. He confessed that he was afraid of them, of being hurt by them, and instead of pushing him away, they only pulled him closer. 

Patton bounced. “Oh! It’s almost Christmas! Didn’t you say you want to help bake, since it helps you to relax?” Virgil supposed he shouldn’t be surprised that Patton would remember something so small that he said months ago, and yet. Virgil still felt warm when Patton remembered something that he said.

“And you did tell me you wanted me to listen to that band of yours… Twenty One Pilots?” Logan prompted, looking up hopefully at Virgil.

Virgil was stunned. “Wait… what is happening?”

“We want to help you, to include you, to help you see that we love you. You are right that in the past we did not, but that is because we simply never let ourselves know the real you. Now that we do, we are very happy to have you, if you will have us.” Logan explained. Roman giggled at Logan’s ending word choice.

Virgil blushed a little, but only out of sheer happiness. He loved his FamILY, and they were apparently going to be hell-bent on showing their love in return. That was something he figured he could live with.

“Virgil Sanders, will you please stay with us, and be part of the FamILY? After all, we want you here. We love you.” Patton smiled gently, and all four of them leaned closer together.

Virgil grinned. “Yes.” 

Roman whooped, bringing them all into a group hug that had them giggling and cuddling for a long time.

It would be a lot of work, and it would be a long time before Virgil got over his fear. But he knew now that his FamILY would help him.

And he would never have to be alone again.

~~

Tag list under the cut

Tag List

(Sanders Sides)

@astraastro 

@madly-handsome 

@amber1594 

@lie-lie-birdy 

@thebaagelboy 

@justanotherpurplebutterfly 

@ravenclawunicorn1 

@princessbelix 

@water13girl 

@romanasanders 

@deathshadowrules 

@virgils-jacket 

@fandomsofrandom 

@cochroachkappa-blog 

@zoeyheys 

@chipminkle 

@6tick6tock6 

@panic-at-theeverywhere 

@not-my-patton 

@cookieturtleart123 

@confinesofpersonalknowledge 

@generalfandomfabulousness 

@thegirlofwolvesandfangs 

@toujours-fidele 

@light-it-on-fire 

@ghostmaster83 

@bubblycricket 

@theresneverenoughfandoms 

@mentalstabity 

(All) 

@birdybabybird 

@awesomelissawho 

@funsizedgremlin 

@surviving-an-ocean-of-fandoms 

@teacupfulofstarshine 

@bitchwannatryme  

#prompt #platonic lamp #oneshot #hurt/comfort #angel writes #virgil centered #thomas sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fics

[nbcreepere]

Beauty and the Stinky Boi (Remus x Reader) CHAPTER 25

  Warning: Cussing, fun, time skips, Remus, and of course a happy ending for all. :)              It was Halloween and the sides had dressed up in their costumes ready to go trick or treating. I went as Remus because him and the sides had chosen to do partner costumes, so why not make an excuse to wear his cloths? Thomas was  Spider-man, Deceit and Remus went as Georgie and Pennywise, Virgil and Roman was Jack and Sally, then Patton and Logan was the Cheshire cat and the white rabbit. "So we have everyone and everything, correct?" Thomas asked. "You forgot something..." Virgil said. "A bag! We need a bag for candy!" I chimed in. Logan held up a bag. "I have grabbed a few just in case." We all nodded and headed out. "So there is a Halloween party at midnight, right?" Patton asked. "Yeah my friend (b/f/n) is hosting it. There will be a contest and games!" I was excited. They came back to see all their old friends for Halloween and decided to throw a party. We all went to the first house and Thomas knocked."Trick-or-treat!" We all said when the man opened the door. "Aren't you all a little to old for this?" He asked in a rude tone. "You're never to old to have fun!" Roman snapped back. The man grew angry and shut the door. We kept walking though. He wouldn't ruin our night of fun. We all skipped over to the next house and received candy this time.          After we hit all the houses we went back to Thomas' house and pored out our candy. "I'll trade you a kit-kat for (y/f/c) (Your favorite candy.)" Remus said to Virgil. "Make it two." Virgil was making a tight deal. "Done!" Remus handed over his candy. "I will give my candy corn to anyone with out a trade!" Patton said. Patton never liked candy corn and no one knew why. It was odd for him to not like candy. "Hey call me weird, but I'll take it all!" I said knowing Remus loved the stuff. Everyone including Remus, which surprised me, gave me their candy corn. "Ok I will trade anything for (y/f/c), I'll even give you my leg!" Remus said as he took off one of his legs. Patton and Virgil started freaking out causing Thomas to panic. "Remus, babe, please put your leg on." I looked at him and he smiled. "As you wish." He put his leg back on. It ended with Logan just taking all the healthy stuff we all got, Patton got the rest of Logan's, but Logan told him not to eat it all in one month like last time, Deceit kept all his, Virgil got all the sour candies and hard to chew candies, then Roman got the chocolates and any other thing that had chocolate on it, Thomas had a mix of candy, but mostly his favorite candies were in it, Remus got all my favorite candy before I could get any, but I had all of the candy corn. I was mostly planing to give it to him.         We all went back to our rooms to relax for a while before the party started. "Hey, baby cakes..." I turned to see Remus holding out his bag of candy. "What's this?" I asked. "It's your favorite candy, silly!" He said merrily. I giggled handing him the candy I got for him. "You know I would kiss you, but I don't want to mess up your make-up." I told him. He didn't care and started to kiss me. We pulled back."Your make-up is messed up..." I said sadly. "I can fix it before we leave again, just like how you can was it off later."He went and started kissing me again. Soon one kiss turned into a make out session. I soon pulled back and checked the time. "Ok... we need to fix out make-up cus we'll have to leave soon." I told him. He kissed me one more time and got up going to the bathroom. I followed and saw how the make-up affected my face. I cleaned my face after laughing and fixed up my make-up. I looked over at Remus who was applying more lip stick. "You ready?" I asked him. He nodded and we meet up with the others.         We were all at the party now. Patton and Logan were talking, Thomas was talking to a guy, Roman and Virgil were dancing, somewhat. Remus was chit chatting with my friend, I was happy the two were getting along. As for me I was eating, there was honestly nothing better to do. I saw Remus look back at me and smile. I smiled back at which point he made sure his back was towards me. He pulled something out and showed (b/f/n) it. He slipped it back in and started talking to them, always taking a look over to me to me to see if I had moved. Soon enough I got up and joined them. "Hey! How's my favorite little friend?" (B/F/N) asked. "Well I'm having fun if that's what you mean." I laughed. "Hey we'll be starting some games here soon!" My friend told me. I gave a smile to them and everyone quieted down as Roman had asked them too. Virgil was in front of him, and he got down on one knee. "Virgil, my love... Will you be my dark and stormy night forever and marry me?" Roman asked pulling out a ring. Virgil slightly panicked, but said yes and hugged Roman. I watched the two kiss in happiness. I didn't see Remus turn his back on me and look at something. We ended that night with the most fun we've all had.         It was soon Christmas and everyone sat down to open presents. "Awwww you bought us all sweaters! I love mine, (y/n)!" Patton exclaimed. Virgil actually put his on and smiled. Deceit surprisingly got us all something. "They are well..." He started. "Friendship bracelets!" I put the one for me one and hugged him. "Thanks Dee! I love it!" Everyone else loved theirs two. Remus started pulling out a box that was tiny and had green wrapping paper out of his shirt, but Logan stopped everyone. "Patton, I believe you should open this one next. It's from me." He handed Patton the box and Patton opened it. Tears swelled in his eyes and a smile that was bigger then the rings on Jupiter. "What's in it?" Roman asked. "'Will you marry me Patton?' Oh Logie bear of course I will!" Patton hugged Logan and for someone who doesn't smile, Logan had a big smile on his face. I saw Remus put the box back in his shirt and look down in disappointment. We all celebrated for the now two happy couples. Remus pulled out more boxes for everyone, giving them all little stuffed animals.          It was two in the morning and I couldn't sleep. A million thoughts kept me awake. I got out of bed and started walking around the palace. My bare feet hit the cold ground as I went to the memories library. I scanned threw each book and found the one on where me and Remus first fell in love. I went to the next book and the next book and then I came upon the one from Halloween night. I watched it as Roman asked Virgil to marry him and that is when I saw Remus turn away. I looked closer at him and saw that he had a pain in his eyes. Then I remembered Christmas. Both of those times some one was asked to forge their love as one and become married. Did he think I would never want that? "What are you doing in here so late?" I heard a voice call from behind me. "Oh uh... I can't sleep..." I told them truthfully. I turned and saw Logan. "You should be getting at least eight or more hours of sleep. If something is troubling you to the point you can't sleep you can talk to me." He told me. "I'm fine, but thanks Logan." I gave a fake smile to him."I'm going to bed now." I told him. I gave him a quick hug and left for bed. I was there again, lying in Remus' bed, not being able to sleep. I didn't get any sleep that night causing me to pass out during a game.         It was now Valentine day. Remus asked to go on a walk with me and I agreed. "To the wood's we go then!" He smiled at me. There was no doubt I loved him. There was also no doubt that I knew something would happen. We walked in and he started his little talk. "You know I love you right? Do you remember how I said I would never marry?" He asked. I nodded my head. "Well I was going to do this on Hallow's eve, but then Roman and Virgil, then I was prepared to do it on Christmas, then Logan did it, so I'm asking you now..." He got down on one knee and held my hand. "There is only one thing I would change about you... and that's your last name." He said. He pulled out a ring and waited. He looked like he was expecting a no or a slap in the face, but I tackled him down with a hug and kisses. "Yes! I've waited too long to hear that!" I couldn't stop myself from kissing him, but it didn't matter because he kissed me back.         We all set our wedding dates the same. Halloween of that year. Logan did the normal tux and the others including myself put on a costume. Patton, Virgil, and I had linked arms to walk down the isle. Each step made Virgil panic, but Patton and I reassured him every thing would be grate. We each made it to our future husbands and listened to our vows. People clapped and cheered. Each of us kissed as was told too, none of us wanted to break apart. The flowers were tossed and Thomas caught one and my bestie caught two. I laughed at the sight of it. The one's who were wedded started the dancing. Remus glided me around and if I stepped on his toes he didn't care, just as long as he danced with me. Remus and I snuck out of the building and went to were the garden was. Roses were still in bloom surprisingly, and as I was looking at them Remus pulled something out. He pressed the play button and our song came on. "Might I have this dance Beauty?" He asked. I took his hand as Tale as old as Time played. "Only if you'll love me forever." I said slowly dancing with him. We swayed back and forth, he even picked me up to swing me. I felt as though this night could never end. we continued to dance in the moonlight and the song slowly came to an end. "Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme. Beauty and~ the beast~"  The music started to stop just as we stopped dancing. "I will love you until the day I die, and even then I wont stop loving you." He said kissing me. I kissed him back and we stayed like that for a few minutes, almost never to pull apart. 10/29/19 Published on 10/31/19  pages: 5.3 words: 2028 This is the last chapter. I just want to say thank you to everyone who read this, loved this, hated this, and commented on this. I love all of you and can't wait to start writing my next book. I don't know what It will be, whether it's a sequale to this or a new book entirely. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, this book, and everything in between. I love you all and have a lovely night.

#fanfiction #romance #remus #remus sanders #remus x reader #remus sanders x reader #sanders sides #sanders sides x reader #Beauty and the Stinky Boi