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ellin-messenger · 3 months

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Winter Outing

Warning: a pitch of angst with a comfort. fluff. first time writing, implied reader having a slightly insomnia, interaction reader with dan heng are platonic (can be romantic), hinted spoiler of Xianzhou arc (hsr, dan heng's mentioned), ooc(?), series au

Ellin: "Late posting since December, sigh."

Before the mistress's demotion.

Synopsis: It's December, the weather in Coromppo unusually colder than ever. Need a thick clothes since your fragile body couldn't handle such a heavy cold winter. During the winter night, you are not able to sleep properly so you took a glance at the window balcony and decided to go outside for a short outing but.. your childhood friend wouldn't let you go alone.

It's cold, dang, it's too cold.

Your body has been covered a lot of layer of blankets. You wanted to sleep but at the same time, you can't. You wanted to stay awake for awhile. Geez, even you had such a thick layers, you can't win against the cold. Frick this body, you murmured.

Lately, the weather in Coromppo unexpectedly cold during incoming of the winter season. You thought it was normal since the country where you lived right now always been cold for that long, it never been a summer unfortunately.

You sigh, getting up into sitting at the side of your queen size bed. You stretched your arms and covered yourself with the blanket. Geez, how absurd...despite you reincarnated as a person who born in this weak condition. It took a lot of efforts to take a complete recovery. You can't blame anyway since the fate has decide you. Anyway, still, you can't sleep.

You slowly get up and not to make a sound because it was midnight. Most of the maids and servants were asleep. You can't wake up your nanny or else she will nag you as you were caught by getting up very late (it wasn't first time though).

You walk around your room while your body is shivering in cold. To ease your boredom, you sneak the shelter to look up the files of the previous cases.

Taking a time to observe the details, nah, too tired to look at the whole bunch of words, no thanks.

You sigh,

You knee down to observe your sleeping cat, oh my, how cute. You pat it on its head then it lets out a purr. Better not to tease it or it will bite (everytime).

You sigh in frustration and laying down on the cold floor, well, it doesn't matter.

"I'm bored." you murmur quietly.

Oh.

How about.... you should steal the food at the kitchen during the night hours? You carefully open the door without a sound and you saw a dark and empty hallways in the sight.

Nah, scary. You closed the bedroom door out of your fear. The fact your bedroom was at the second floor, meanwhile the kitchen was at the first floor. So, it's too far to walk in the darkest winter night, you fear that you doubt you can walk alone in this villa.

You sigh again, it's too cold to sleep. Not only that, but a sleeping issue! Remind of your previous life that you will spend time at late night gaming.

Oh, let's think about the lores in this life as well! Thinking what is your next move would be...

Your mind felt empty. Ahhhh.... what are you supposed to do?? Walking around and do nothing?? And despite you were awake during the night, couldn't sleep but your brain was not functionally working onto something you need to prepare early and sooner for the future where the story flowed through your strategies.

Hmm...

You scratch your chin.

And.. it left you wonder.. you wanted a breathtaking outing as an idea. You had a feeling to have a sight around the environment once again. Which is.. it leads you glance at the balcony window, you peak into the glass door of the balcony's entrance. It was snowy, it was lucky not to have a blizzard.

Although your nanny warned you to not go outside for too long during this winter December, but you might against her, since you were needing to let your mind rested of the scenery with overwhelming view, along with a feeling of comfort as you walked though this kind of weather. Imagine, you walked in the streets.

In this time, you let it happen today. If it means can let you sleep peacefully after your winter outing.

You carefully rummage the clothes in your closet to search the winter outfit that fits in to your body, that immune slight from the cold because you want to walk in calm way than getting caught the cold within an hour.

You beamed as you finally found the suitable outfit for this night winter and you wear immediately, consider your nightgown can be your inner clothing to prevent from the cold as an extra.

Stockings were must, with a brown palatte added in simple pattern that match to your mood in your outfit aesthetically.

Done and dust. Before you go out from your room, you lit up an antique lamp with a candle.

You slowly open the big well-made door and glance around in the empty hallways. You relief as knowing it was a right choice to give your personal escort for a day off even during the nighttime guard. You pity him whenever you saw him every night as he stood and guarded your door room, to assure your safety. You let him rest him, even he dared to resist (like you attempted to shoo him away because you felt your personal space was at your limit).

You breathe in and breathe out, tried your best to put yourself in bravery spirit while you must overcome by walking through the dark hallway until you able come down to the stairway toward the living room.

Pit pat pit pat,

the way your walking slowed down similiarly to what you tried to sneak in onto something without a sound or being caught by half-sleep servants and maids while you're kept holding your lamp to get rid of blank view from your way.

You successed! You're thankful to the God that you able reach to the stairway by walking alone through the darkness without anyone to accompany with.

Even though the meters were shorten, it doesn't change that was scary too. You fear that you will imagine some random spirits will jump on you. But lucky, nothing serious will happen to you.

As you went down the stairway. You were surprised as you saw a light coming from nowhere in the living room. Wait, did someone was there? You thought, in shiver.

Or someone does up late at night too? Maybe hopefully, you wouldn't encounter on someone who has a bad intention here at night.

So then, you carefully take a peak to witness a figure who was rested on the couch.

As you took a step, hid on the wall, maybe the side wall. Just not get notice easily.

You saw a familiar black hair figure, noticed unique looking earrings as well, wearing a similar white coat that you often see everyday. You saw that a certain young man is reading a book as he sat on the side of the drawer where the small lamp was stood.

"Oh, I thought he was in the room. Guess not." You murmur quietly by your thoughts, hoping he won't hear your voice immediately.

As you took a step, walk into him from the back while attempting to surprise him.. you heard,

"..Pull a prank on me, Y/N?"

You stunned in your track, it was likely he noticed easily by your familiarity presence from afar.

You let out a quiet and awkward chuckle, "Ehehe.. you realize me quickly, Dan Heng."

Your attempt jumping on him was a failure. There is no use anyway since he has a strong 6 senses.

And so, you walked toward him, from the back of the couch. You rest your elbows on the back cushion of the sofa, sigh softly,

"Never thought you were still up at night. You said that you will sleep."

He responded, while flipping the pages, "...I wouldn't be able to rest my mind. So, I read while enjoying the winter as a chance."

Dan Heng, who happens to be your childhood friend after your reincanation. A young man who appears mysterious and secretly to have a soft spot to his childhood beloved. He was taken in by your uncle from somewhere that Dan Heng was lost and bumped into him by accident.

You remembered that time you woke up and saw him that held your hand very dearly, that refused to let go as if fear of losing someone so precious to him.

It left you noticed, that certain mistress or the former soul in this body who always treats him in the way as a family to him, consider she often spends time with him during the past as he and she had a share of loneliness with each other.

"A dream?"

"No."

You acknowledged him that he hardly slept more peacefully than a normal person does.

You may share a struggle as him but you are still able to sleep than he is. But you knew better about his character and his background of his origin. In which his past left unsettled. You knew he was often hunted by a nightmare in an endless loop by a certain person that he desperates to escape. That's a part of the reason he couldn't sleep properly.

And also the part of his strong sense of threat whenever he tried to sleep normally, in fact this former soul experienced a lot of dangers in the past. It's easy he can be anxious. Or rather his life too.

"I lie, this isn't the first time that you were up late."

"wasn't you too?" He looks at you in disbelief.

You smiled, maybe in annoyance, "That's the issue. I can't."

He sighed, continued flipping the pages as he focused on the book instead, "..Then? What are you gonna do for now?"

"I'm not like you. I'm going out." You spoke in response.

"This late night?" He stopped his reading.

You nod, "Yeah. Only for a while."

"Suddenly?" He questions you again.

"Yes."

He looks back to you again, "Why?"

"My mind is empty, I felt like it." You shrug.

"You should've walked around here, you know. It's better than you gets trouble in the winter outside." He suggests, his tone sounds like he worries you, he does refuse for your late night doings.

"They will notice me like I was a menace spirit wandering around the villa that seeks for a threat." You are unamused by his idea.

"I don't know others. But try to sleep then. Ellin does not allow you to go out during this condition." He turns to his book again.

"I can't."

"Playing around? Or maybe try to do something that amuses you." He exclaimes.

"Ellin will hunt me if she awakes whenever I do some stupid ruckus that drag my interest. I metaphor this, like a mom with a slipper when she saw her kid doing their twerking on the floor during midnight after she awakes from the noises." You shiver whenever you remind your nanny.

"Oh, that's unfortunate." He huffs.

"You're no fun." You pout.

He doesn't bother about your comment, "I am. If that's what you think."

You sigh and have no energy to debate him more. You lift yourself from the back cushion couch and decide to walk toward the door entrance.

You can't do anything since your mind is still active in something that you need to experience to do the stuff like feeling the environment again. You felt something that can't let you sleep. You want something that can exhaust you so you able to sleep nicely.

The soft and quietly loud voice that suddenly called out for you,

"Are you really going out for sure, Y/N?"

Dan Heng turns and looks at you again, with that another unusual expression that he makes. He placed his book aside on the drawer which is beside the lamp. As you were about to reach the door but it stopped you as you noticed him getting up from the couch.

"..I'll go with you." He firmly spoke.

You turn to him in confusion, "What?"

"I said, I'll join you." He seriously replied. He does anxious about your well-being.

He walked to you and lowered his head to look at you, "Wait for me. Don't you reach the door yet."

"..huh, right"

You were surprised by his actions and nod anyway.

"I'll get the scarf for myself."

"Okay." You nod again.

He turns around and walks toward the rack, where his scarf hangs on it. He reaches and takes the scarf, immediately wears while adjusting his neck comfort.

As soon as he was ready, he walks back to you, "Let's go."

You dumbfounded, is he really wants to accompany with you?

"What?"

"Dan Heng, are you for real?"

"I insist. Now, we'll go together."

"But-"

He glares at you, "Don't ever think that you can go alone."

You sigh in defeat, "Fine.."

Then, you had no choice but follow him as he walked out to the entrance.

Outside of Villa, Street of Dovinc

You huff as you finally out from the suffocated room, with.. Dan Heng, he was right at your side, keep yourself in secure. That's unfortunately for you not able to go out alone during this late snowy night but it's for your best, at least.

You and him were walking through the snowy road, toward the old bridge and went across over, while you glance the below of the bridge, you saw several swams were swimming around in a cold weather. Oh, the water isn't freezing, how weird.

You glance around the street, some of stores were open, in which the stores' lights were still opened. Didn't expect ho you lived in reincarnation world, being exist here in an old-fashioned generation, the 24-hours store existed to operate in this generation.

Well, neither it's just fictional logic or did happen actually in the old past? You wouldn't know because it makes you think so. But it's good thing some of food stores were opened, so it's a timing to get a light meal during this night.

The street went quiet due of no citizen was around because.. of course, it's late night, everyone- no, almost they went asleep soundly and prepared for the daylight soon while you couldn't sleep neither Dan Heng too, so you had an issue for that and Dan Heng is hunted by a nightmare, how sad.

Sigh, you wished you don't want to involve anything related to certain events but since you were reincarnated, there's no escaping now.

"There's something wrong, Y/N?" Dan Heng was the first stopping his track as he's being attentive as usual by your unusual behaviour, he notied you were zoned out for a while as you walked through the street without considering your surroundings.

Ah, you awfully quiet in the night, he thought that something that might anxious you.

You blinked out a few as you stopped your track as well, leading yourself to look at him in confusion, "Oh, no? Did I act something weirdly?"

He lowered his head to do a check-up on your well-being, dang it, he's being too close!

"You zoned out." He stated.

"Ah, really? I'm just glancing at the stores."

He sighed, "You seemed like thinking on something not necessary."

You le gasped, "Do I look one, Dan Heng?? I'm perfectly fine!"

"And you do seem like hiding. Got some ideas in your thought?"

You looked at him blankly, still confused that he was saying.

"Dan Heng, I know you're concerned. But don't get too overprotective of my beings." you sighed tiredly.

"You hardly sleep. So, I thought there's something in your mind until it gets you a thought of going out alone." he speaks firmly.

"My eyes is refusing to shut. What do you expect? I want to sleep too. But I had an urge feeling to witness the weather and environment again." You replied drastically.

He sighed and looks at you again, "It's.. just, ahem, Y/N. I want you aware that your condition and your safety as well must be a priority. You still fragile, not yet fully cure and you easily get blind by a danger."

"I know. I know what am I doing. And you? You can't sleep as me, do you?"

He widened his eyes with your words and sighed again, "It's normal."

"Then, I thought it wasn't as you think that I wasn't too." you spoke in slight annoyance.

"You-..sigh, alright, I got it." The black hair guy sighed in defeat by your words had strike him back about his beings as well.

You turn back to your surroundings. You seemed some of people as well still awoken and sit on the brick that build surrounded the decorated plants.

You enjoyed the temperature of the weather while walking around the snow happily and Dan Heng follows you quietly as he pays attention on you. He can't help but smile slightly by the view of your figure was a child to him, oh, how it reminds him during your childhood days.

"You were quite an adventurous back then. I guess you don't seem change even single bit." He speaks while keep looking out fo you, as long as you don't get hurt anywhere.

You turn at him by his words, it seemed it popped out in your thoughts of the mistress in this body, from the story plot in your game used to often bedridden in her childhood days. It's lucky that she able to experience to go outside of the world in slightest.

You smiled, it hurts you how badly ended her in the end of the Household Vinc arc leave her in suffering and died from that tragic fate.

It doesn't mean she fully villainess or antagonist she begins with, it's just how the world and society treat her in this way, reminds you also Dan Heng wasn't into himself anymore after his precious's death. He couldn't tell his last word for her before her final breath,

"Oh, how I long to be yours. I'll be no longer myself without your existence anymore."

"...ah, I promised you. To show why your existence is truly meaning among of mankind. I never hesitate to despise them from what had they done to you. Oh, I'll curse them as you did for them."

Look at him, look at the past cutscene! He held her like she was a fragile glass to him, like a precious object that must be taken of nicely. He just kneeled down and quietly crying over her bloody dead body. You looked at him in the cutscene, just how tight can be how he hugged her so dearly, never care the dirt or bloods stick on his clothings. All he cares was her, he refuses to accept her fate as she acknowledged she was dying.

After her death, of course, now he despised the world and society. He dared to curse the world for her.

But the problem is... they were lacking of communication.

It started after the mistress went into a deep coma, it effected her memories as well like you memories were blurry the same, but you managed to recall quickly. They couldn't open up each other, especially to Dan Heng, he hardly to speak up his true origin, because he fears of her leaving him after she acknowledged the truth of his past.

While mistress accepts him no mater what, but he still doubts it by her words and it ended regrettably as he witnessed her death,

Yes, he was too late.

Oh, how he desperated to identified him being a dragon from his past as a sinner, just, unfortunately, he regreted for not telling his true self.

Of course. You turn the event greatly, since you were the one knew the progress of the lores and plots.

"Why are you staring at me?" His voice suddenly snapped back from your reality as you went zoned out again.

"..Oh, am I?" You spoke awkwardly.

He sighed and went closer to you with that unusual expression, slight concern, "What are you thinking? Did something catch your thoughts?"

"Oh, Dan Heng.."

"It's strange how you look at me while thinking about the thoughts so deeply." he anxious as he questioned your blank expression.

The fact you stood there for a while without a single move, he thought you were freezing or something but he's being attentive as usual can tell him that you're in the deep of thoughts.

You shake head with a faint smile on your face, "Ah, it's nothing. I predict that I'll be dying in the future, maybe I was in your arms."

He silenced as he stunned by your words all of sudden.

Dying? You? No, impossible. He thought.

He will never let that fate of yours slide in. Just, no way.

"What do you mean by..?"

You added, "I mean, you didn't hear wrong, no?"

He widened his eyes by your reply. His expression changed into darkened.

He lowered his gaze to the ground, leaving him thinking in bitterness. He can't imagine you will leave this world without him.

It makes him gripping his fist tightly.

"I manage to predict of the sooner in the certain event so I able to turn toward the rightful is." You spoke.

"..And how you knew the future of yours is..dying?" he looks at you in pitiful expression, even he tried to hide.

"I only able to get a hint of my fate, I know what I lead my death such a tragic way. Let's see.. dying by someone's hand because I was losing control until I make the chaos into a war..?" You scratch your chin as you crossed your arms, try to recall the mistress's ending.

"Due of..my dark energy has been taken over me as I wouldn't able to hold it any longer." You added.

"You're making me think about the War of Raging Witch IV from the past centuries. Was it the same pattern as yours?" The black hair male questioned.

"Let's say it's accurately. Since we all have despise by the societies. To add, it's because of the hurtful background of course."

You both stare each other silently. You were calm whenever you said something that related to your future death while Dan Heng was concerned by your statement, finds it hard to accept if it's happening.

"..Is that true? Did you find it accurate by your fate?"

"It's already decided. That's how I'll be facing it." you nodded calmly.

"..You'll be dying?"

"Ah, unless, I should be wary of my well-being, I able to predict that from the changes, it was likely not possible." you assured him, while patting his arm gently.

It's not like you were prepared to die early. Can't you just live enjoyable-ly?

You aware that your condition still not yet to be cure fully. Which how you were facing right now for being an ill person, a fragile body. But CAW was a great support for your strength in any obstacles and serious situation. As long as your body must keep in fit.

"I.." Then, your childhood starts to speak again.

You cut out his word immediately, "Let's keep walking."

You start to go back to your track as you continued enjoy for a scoll, as well he walks behind you, it seemed he thinks of something.

"Y/N." He called out your name.

You're still walking and reply, "Yeah?"

"..Are you just joking or-"

"I'm not."

"I beg your pardon?" he lifted up his head, sees the sight of your back covered with a coat.

"I'll be dying anyway. It's already set it."

He sighed, "Stop playing, Y/N. I'm being serious."

"And while, I am not, Dan Heng." You stop your track again as you turns around to him, in irritation.

You both finally were facing each other again, keep in silence. Meanwhile Dan Heng was in his deep thought, tries to connect to your words. He didn't mean to irritate you but keep his firm expression on his face. But you able to read through his face, he was hurt.

You sighed, waiting for him to talk again as you willing so.

"Speak up."

"Will you leave me?"

"Huh?"

You widened your eyes in surprise by his question.

"You heard me, Y/N." he stares at you so firmly.

You huff, "No. But I don't promise that if anything happens."

"I see." he nodded by your answer.

He hesitated as he wants to tell you more, he lowered his head, refused to look you.

You tilted in confusion by his behaviour.

"Did something wrong? Or my words were hurting you? My bad if I said something unexpecte-"

"Will accept me for who am I?"

You frozed, how surprising to see him this, anxious over his past beings, the past he finds it hardly to recover until he lifted up the guilts and burdens on his shoulder. He can't help but trying his best to open up for you.

"..What?" you dumbfounded.

He huffs in hesitate of repeating, "You heard me right."

You went speechless and it makes him more anxious more. You think deeply again, the last thing is..

He fears losing, losing her like losing you as well.

"Mhm, no matter it is." You nodded.

He lighten up slightly, "..even I'm a sinner?"

"..What?"

"Ah, it's nothing." he huffs, he may accidentally to slip out from his tongue.

"Dan Heng. I know you were refused to open up with me."

"..."

It went silenced immediately. You knew it. And so, you turn around, walking toward the opened bread store.

"Let's get a bread, I'm hungry." You wave at him from behind.

"Ah, yes." he nodded and followed you from the back, keeping yourself safe.

You both walked toward the store and were greeted by the staff who were taking a night shift. You decided to choose the bread that is enough for your late night snack, neither is Dan Heng too.

You bought the chicken mushroom bread that was baked into a nice crispy. Of course, you bought a hot drink as well. No one misses the milk tea during the night.

Meanwhile, Dan Heng bought a simple bread and share the same flavor as yours. Instead, he decided to buy hot chocolate.

Even if both of you weren't having a conversation with each other, all the gestures and body language is enough to understand what you were doing. He's been observed by your movement to keep yourself close.

You pointed out an empty bench while glancing at Dan Heng as you would like to sit together. He nodded as he follows you.

As you both were taking a seat and adjusting the position to make things comfortable, then you decide to take a bite from the bread.

He attentively looks at you as soon as you eat before he does.

"Does it hot?"

You muffle while you are chewing, "..Nah, it warms that not harm me."

"That's good. Just don't get your tongue hurt."

"And the texture is good to taste, it's crispy. It's delicious. Oh, the flavors blended very well. It's too satisfying to feel the crisp on your mouth. It's so.. good~!" You mumble in beamed while enjoying the taste of texture from the bread.

While the black hair guy agrees with your comments. The fact both of you bought the same bread.

"It's odd that you choose the same flavor as mine."

"I'll taste it from what you had to buy. If it's good, well I find it good too."

You grin slightly, "Oh, wow. Trying to experience the taste as mine, huh."

"It's normal since we can share it with each other. Your interest can be part of mine too."

"Oh, right." You nodded.

"But your intention would never be the same as mine though."

You laughed awkwardly by his suspicions. It's usually for you to come up with such a 'scheme' whenever you try to plan something before.

Both of you are now chewing the bread in silence while enjoying the view of the snowy night. You start to chat a bit about the view, not to miss, he was willing to listen every words that you said.

"The moon seemed to be shaped into lunar now. It's pretty." You lifted up a finger to point out the moon.

"It's 19 December. I guess the full moon will rise for a few days." He stated.

You nodded while smiling as you were gazing at the sky. It was beautifully made in art. Dan Heng looks up to the sky as you do.

"Ah, Dan Heng. If you try to open up with me, it's a sign that you truly trust in me, you know? There's no use of hiding." You look at him with a faint smile in the form of your lips.

Dan Heng silenced and looked down as if he was in the deep of thoughts. You still acknowledged him that he would doubt your words and also himself when it comes related to his past.

"We have already been this together for many years ever since Uncle Welt took you in when you were running away from the certain circumstances. Are you still not to trust me that I'll accept whenever you are?" You continue.

"Ah."

Silence. The question has struck him in. It seems you don't gain his trust yet whenever you tried to talk about his origin. He kept avoiding it when he had a chance, truthfully, he has such a hard head to deal with when it comes to his depress self.

You sighed without a word as you continue to gaze the night sky again.

"If you don't want to discuss about that, I insist not to force you." you smiled.

Soon, he looks back at your face in serious expression,

"Y/N." Dan Heng starts to speak up.

"mhm?"

"Will...you accept me whenever forms that I am from what you witness soon?" he slides in closer to you but not interfer your boundaries.

It gets you a hint, one day, you'll know of his true origin. One day, you'll travel on the trip of certain destination, the Xianzhou.

But you can't letting him hide from you anymore before it's too late but you let him be, give him a mental realization by striking your tragic future from the plots that you kept in flow.

You want him realize, that he shouldn't doubt you due of him, being a sinner. So, you wait for him.

The way he looks at you in desperation, he hates to see you leave from his sight, his life will be doomed without yoour existence.

"Even you're a worm, of course I'll accept you." you joked but it meant it truly.

"Don't joke on me." he frowns.

"No, but really. Seriou- hey!" you whine as you felt his finger on your cheek and pinches you hardly due of your idiotic behaviour. To add, his fingers is darn too cold.

"Answer me."

"Alright! Alright, geez." you pout slightly, still felt his fingers were on your cheeks.

"So, even you were a beast. Yeah." you replied, rubbing your cheeks as his fingrs left from yours.

"Are you even answering though?"

"I am??"

He sighed, "Y/N. What if you..dislike me?"

"What on earth who told you that?" you cringe.

"No one, but myself."

"Should I take out your inner self, then?"

He snickers, tried to hold his laugh, "..pfft- cough, No?"

"He tries to roast the heck of you."

"Why the heck you would bring him up for a blame?" he unamused, but actually he was trying not to laugh for it.

"You said it, that upset me." you sadden.

"I'm sorry but, I just want your honest answer." he coughs out slightly.

"Are you still doubting me now? I thought you guess right about us should believe each other." you huff in upset tone.

"No, I'm not doubting you." he shakes head with a light sigh.

"Then, must you think of me almost hating of your being, huh?" you state.

"I.. wouldn't think of that. But my past rather finds you disappointing."

"Oh." you side eyes him while drinking your hot milk tea.

And you both were enjoying the light meal that you had, you commented the taste of your milk tea while Dan Heng shared his as well. The bread that you had eaten were all empty in the paper plastic.

You decided to come up an idea for a recent case to him, meanwhile Dan Heng being a listener as he is, marks every single detail that you described.

After a while of spending on the bench, you decided to take a walk again, the black hair boy follows by your lead as well.

The snow falls on your shoulder and you were smiling to feel the breeze from the environment again. Oh, how you long seek for a nice peace after such a hard work from the recent cases.

You sigh as you felt the cold on your face again.

You glance at your childhood, who always kept quiet all the time, no wonder.Somehow it felt like lonely, like him.

"Dan Heng." you called out softly, you stopped your track as you saw him walking away without noticing his surroundings.

Your voice manages to reach out for him so he turns around, walk back to you as he realizes that he walked that far.

He replied with slight mumble, "Mhm?"

You beamed, "Hand."

"What?"

"Hand."

He confused, "Hand? ..My hand?"

You extended your hand to his, "Hand."

"..You want to hold..my hand?" he surprised by your sudden gesture.

You nodded.

And he hesitated.

"Was it okay?"

"No worries, it's normal. Consider we both are close." you shakes head.

"I don't think.. it's quite imitate?"

"You don't want to?" you tilted your head.

"Ah, I meant.." he hesitated, but slightly flustered by your odd affection to him.

After a short wait for calming his composure down, he slowly reached your hand and held it carefully, not to miss that his ears are red as well, even he kept denying.

You slowly gripped his hand gently and ready for another walk. You smiled as you felt his warmth from his palm while he refuses to look at you through the eyes contact.

"Did you feel warm?" you asked.

"Your hands are quite cold. Is that what you asking me to hold it for you?" he huffs but hates that he's smiling a bit.

"Nah, it's nothing. We both quite lonely, you know?"

"..It's a purpose?"

"No?"

"Ah, well, I see."

"Was it uncomfortable? I can release my hand from yours." you reconsider.

"No, let's keep..like this. I'm good."

"If you said so."

You both continued for a short outing before you decided to head back to your villa. But something that you want to remind him before the event happens.

As you both were on the way of the villa's direction, you start to break the silence.

"Hey, uhm. Look, here. I'm accepting whenever your forms were looks like. And, even you're a sinner, you still remain as a 'Dan Heng' to me."

He frozes and you stopped as well.

"..Are you..?"

"Ah, I don't know if I misheard your words or sort of, but to me, my thoughts were never changed that how I view you. So, please, do not doubt that."

"..."

"Ever since Uncle Welt took you in, I finally able to have a friend like you but, haha, I admit that you were hardly to approach with. Hey, I'm grateful that have you with me." you chuckled slightly.

"..." Dan Heng stares at you as he lowered his gaze on you.

"From I acknowledged about you from Uncle Welt, you seemed to have your struggle to your past."

"Mhm, yeah." he nodded a bit.

Then, you started walk again, dragging his hand to get moving, "Don't think about past now, we already have been facing to our present now. And.., the future too."

You continue, "Consider you carried such a burden and guilt from the past. But there's no use of that anymore."

According from the story plots, he ran away from the problem that he had been through, the bitterness of the past, which he hardly solved it alone due of he received a backlash by the society from his homeland, Xianzhou.

As he ran to the country in nowhere, he bumped into a man named Welt Yang,.. ahem, it was your uncle, of course, deciding to take him in to be your friend.

Now, it seemed he still struggled toward his past's grief, something left unsolved and needing someone to be his side.

But you don't want him to think this deeply or your destruction trait will lead to the bad end. It's better to act this earlier before he is late.

"Whether your past still left isn't settle yet. I'll tell you, you can't run away from your problem even it's been a long time."

"..."

"You can't leave that aside alone if you were still struggling."

You continue as you both walk toward the snowy path, "One day, I assure you, your problem will be solved if you able to face your fear. Try to rely on yourself than keeping yourself in the shadow."

He slowly nodded.

"As for the certain man who often appear in your dream, ah, there's no need to worry. You need a company then."

"I'm not."

"Sure." you sighed.

You both continue to walk, feeling the warmth hands each other, you smiled as he tried not to grip your palm tightly since you knew he wanted this for so long (according to the system, you can read his mind, the imitate thoughts one, only that you allowed to read).

After a short silence, Dan Heng starts to open his mouth again.

"Y/N."

"Yeah?"

"What if.., you were there in my life, I mean, my past life."

You turn at him in curiosity, "Me? Involved in your past?"

He nodded, "Yeah, what if.. you witness the scene that I used to commit a sin that might against the law of that certain country."

He huffs, looking at you with a straighten facial face, "Will you..be upset and leave me because I was a sinner?"

"Woah, there. I understood, just give me a time to imagine." you panicked.

"Sorry, didn't mean to put you such a pressure."

You once recall of his past, he used to be got chained into a prison cell. You remembered that he was likely that he will be sentenced of his death, unfortunately, he left unsucessed but receive amount of big backlashes from the residents from the Xianzhou, as a unforgivable sinner who against one of forbidden laws,

A curse of immortality.

Which that country forbidded an immortality because of unstable cycle between life and death.

Who those who dared to eat a fruit from abundance tree, they shall curse in suffering as an immortal. Ah, well, let's not to get deep into a detail then.

The fact his past has involve any related to do with 'immortality', so he has been facing such a torture fate after living in a prison.

Maybe related to 'resurrection'.

Of course, if that action is a crime, and unacceptable, it may be a harm to others as well.

You answer, "Ah, I would be disappointed or upset if I ever witness the scene."

"..I see."

"But seriously, you were realizing of your doings just to sacrifice your deeds. And uhm.. look, even i was upset, but, I don't think you did on purpose, so if it was me there, I should tell them not to put you such a cruel treatment."

"Why?"

"Because realize for a mistake that you made, I know you tried to avoid anything. But something it urges you to make things like.."

"Resurrection, yes. Maybe.. my past 'self' did that."

"And here you are, you were changing. You must know that how impressive you are, you were trying your best!" you grinned softly.

He surprised, "..Is that so?"

"Turning over new a leaf, that's the phrase said, right?"

He sighed softly, "Yeah."

"And that's the Dan Heng that I knew. You still remained as yourself right here, right now." you looked at him with a confident.

".And you're not deceiving me for that doings?"

"I'll be lying if I said that I don't. But I don't hate you because of that, you were nice."

"Don't act kind."

"I'm speaking the truth."

He can't help but tighten his grip on yours by your words. Just how badly he wants to pinch your cheek. He was..

..glad to be with you, even he wasn't the chosen one.

"Maybe one day, I'll show you my true form."

You beamed, "Really?"

"Let's see."

"That's not fair." you frown.

"That is not about the fairness. It's about happening for the later." he chuckles a bit.

As you both were walking, share a small laughter each other while kept holding hands each other to make it sure you felt warm.

"Hey."

"Yes, again?" you responded.

"Thanks."

"Huh, for what?"

"For existing."

"You stated that like I was a ghost only was a sight on you."

"Don't joke around."

"Can't atleast you say more nicely?"

"It wasn't my problem." he huffs.

You annoyed but he gripped your hand tightening. As if he refuses to let you go.

"Pat my head later. I'll be in your room." he spoke as you both closely arrived to your villa.

"You said that you don't need my company?"

"I'm just saying."

"Kept denying that then I'll be gone."

"Y/N."

"I'm kidding."

Another pinches from him again from irritation for scaring by your words again. Sigh, what a lovely night.

In the end, Dan Heng silently needs your company during the night so, he took a one seater sofa and moved it next to your bed. For that, he able to get close to you while holding hands each other,

And that, he manages to sleep in peace without getting a same nightmare again.

Consider he did that to be next to you, he must respect your boundaries as well.

Luckily, you insisted, so you reached your hand to him as soon as you laid on your queen-size bed. He shyly took your hand and both of you fell asleep after felt the warmth from the both's palm.

He is now glad, to be with you ever since you both were young (while he wasn't) without feeling anxious or bother. Because you accept him whatever he is, even you're being an idiot to answer that, but you meant what your answer is,

And he whispers in your sleep, "As a promise, I'll protect you, no matter what are you facing now and then."

And he swore to be your side until you both grown up.

In the morning, you ended up being a bedridden again after a cold has strike you.

Sigh, you must endure of your nanny's scolding then.

End.

#hsr x reader #honkai star rail x you #dan heng x y/n #dan heng x reader #dan heng x you #series au #Your dailies had been recorded!#ellin's data sent!#ellin: milady please take your medicine

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yueebby · 8 days

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say yes to heaven – gojo satoru

synopsis. period piece, forbidden love

contents. ooc, angst (eventual comfort), yandere emperor!gojo, lovesick!gojo, servant!reader, obsessive behavior (5k words of gojo pining), lowkey unreliable narrator, time skips

notes. inspired by the apothecary diaries and this post. loosely based off of ancient japan (this is basically its own world). this is the prologue to the series where everything can generally be read as a standalone ! (fic under the cut)

emperor!gojo who broke a hundred year tradition to take you as his only lover. despite your role as a concubine, everyone in the imperial palace knew he was going to make you his empress.

emperor!gojo who had not meant to fall in love with you, but you have managed to somehow charm him. a man that single handedly brought his own clan to power– weak in your hands. hushed whispers around the imperial palace call you a witch, but they never reach your ears. not as long as he is alive.

emperor!gojo shamelessly showering you with love. he pays no mind that it is highly frowned upon, he will have his hands on you every time you are in the same room.

emperor!gojo who is livid when there is an attempt on your life. his usual ocean eyes turned to blue flames like a wild animal. servants and clan elders alike scurry under his gaze. the assailant is taken care of by his own hands.

emperor!gojo who is forced to satiate the clan elders into submission by taking in another concubine from an influential clan. he insists to you that it is no more than a political formality. who are you to meddle into imperial affairs?

emperor!gojo who can’t help himself and ends up falling for another girl who his clan elders demand he must wed. she is much younger than you, beautiful and is well bred; a perfect match for the emperor.

emperor!gojo whose frequent visits to you come to an end, forcing you to move from his chambers and back to the consorts’ pavilion.

There was a time when you had everything. A place to call home in the Inner Court, a beautiful palace with anything you could have ever dreamed of. Servants, admirers, riches; you had it all. But what was most dear to you was your lover– a man so divine, many thought he was directly blessed by the hand of God. It was too good to be true. A woman of lowly birth like you, paid as homage for the sins of her clan against the new reigning family of Japan, becoming a concubine of the Heavenly Emperor.

You remembered it all too well.

His brilliant mind that once strategized the downfall of the previous imperial family, calculating its next move in a game of Go against you. You can still remember the shock on his face upon his first defeat. The way he would keep you from leaving to fulfill your other duties until he was satisfied, eyebrows furrowing as he struggled to keep up with you. No matter how hard he tried, you remained victorious. It drove him mad.

You remembered the stolen kisses while you made your rounds in the Inner Palace with your ladies in waiting. It took you quite a while to learn to tune out their giggles every time the Emperor dips you down to taste your lips in broad daylight. The grin that he wore after was enough to leave your legs weak.

Above all, you'll always remember how safe you felt in his strong, reassuring embrace. You’ve seen him train, and it was no wonder the Gojo clan rose to power so quickly as a result of one man. The way he wields the katana is unlike any man on the face of the earth. Those arms were your sanctuary. You can still vividly recall the attempt on your life, orchestrated by a traditionalist incensed by the Gojo clan's swift ascent to power. The emperor, outraged by the assassination plot, personally saw to the man's execution.

However, the damage was done and it caused great strain in the Imperial Palace.

To appease the old geezers that were forced out of power, Emperor Gojo had taken in another concubine from one of the Big Three families of Japan— a beautiful Zenin girl. Her flowing, silky hair and saccharine voice enchanted everyone in the Inner Palace, captivating the Emperor, most of all. She was younger than you, with perkier breasts and soft skin that was enough to capture the attention of any man.

You don’t blame her for taking the Emperor’s attention away. Though you would be a liar if you said it did not hurt you. Deep down, you cannot deny the agony that sears your soul, realizing that the only semblance of love you've ever tasted remains unrequited. With a heavy heart, you resign yourself to the bitter truth of your existence, knowing all too well the cruel confines of your place in this world.

You were merely a pawn, and the Emperor did not want you anymore.

That was made clear months later when you received a scroll from the Emperor’s advisor, a man you were once well acquainted with, Geto Suguru.

“What is this?” You asked him quietly, your heart silently begging the Heavens it was not what you had suspected it to be. The black haired man in front of you does not respond, and you feel something pierce into your heart. Despite being a part of the Emperor’s court, it was rare that you received letters directly.

Your suspicions were confirmed when your shaky hands finally opened the scroll to read the familiar kanji written by your beloved.

“The Emperor decrees the termination of your role as concubine." Geto spares you the trouble of deciphering the characters neatly written in ink. “In his mercy, you are to be moved as a servant in the Outer Court. You are to serve the Imperial Physician.”

What you remember most was the silence. The Emperor’s silence after the stressful months you had to endure alone. The silence shared between you and Geto when you were forced out of the Imperial Court. All that was left was the sound of your heart breaking and the wood creaking underneath Geto’s feet as he walked away. Satoru never bothered to see you off.

Seasons change and by the next spring, you’re busying your hands with collecting herbs for the Imperial Physician, a man by the name of Yaga Masamichi. He is a kind man, pitying you enough to fill your days with laborious tasks to prevent your mind from wandering to thoughts of the unfortunate turn your life has taken. He is even generous enough to supply you with a new wardrobe of clothing full of light fabrics, a luxury you thought you would lose in the Outer Palace. Though the initial humiliation has worn off with the passing of time, you are still constantly reminded of your fall from grace.

Looks by the mix of condolences and disgust are shared when you roam the walls of the Outer Palace. You hear whispers of how the Emperor is infatuated with his newer, shinier toy. It is enough for you to swallow the bile that makes its way up your throat.

“It is no wonder the Emperor tossed away a wildflower like her in exchange for a cherry blossom. He needed someone to rival his own greatness.” A particular comment stopped you in your tracks. Your grip tightens on the woven basket in your hand filled with medicinal herbs you had collected earlier that morning.

“Have some pity on her.” Another eunuch whispers. Your breath falters, but you continue your walk with your head held up. You’ve heard the rumors. The beautiful Zenin Himiko has charmed the Emperor enough that there are rumors of a royal marriage to come. It doesn’t help that the Emperor has remained monogamous to her since he had banished you from his court.

A comforting hand links itself with your arm, “Ignore them. I saw Yaga shooing away a crowd of suitors that were lined up for your hand.” Ieiri Shoko scoffs, secretly sending you a wink. She has been studying medicine under Yaga for nearly a decade, eagerly accepting you as a companion upon your arrival. You feel your cheeks heat up at her flattery. You know she’s just trying to make you feel better.

Although your beauty never faded, it seems as though you are no longer sought after in the marriage market. Not that it matters, considering the new life that you’re living. You’re now a personal servant to the Imperial Physician, leaving no time to worry about suitors and such. Your days are filled with good work— tending to Yaga’s cherished garden that he has sowed for decades rather than frivolous games and attending the Emperor. It may not be glorious compared to your former life, but it was the best a woman of your status could receive.

When you and Shoko return to Yaga’s estate, you’re surprised to see the somber look that has settled on his aging features. Shoko makes an offhand comment that he will age faster if he keeps scowling. She receives a scolding.

“Is something the matter?” You gently place down your basket full of herbs.

Yaga sighs, calloused hands rolling up a scroll with the Imperial Seal. “It appears the Emperor’s consort has fallen ill and His Majesty commands my presence in the Imperial Palace.”

The Royal Consort. The woman that dethroned you: Zenin Himiko.

“I understand.” You nod, maintaining your composure while two sets of eyes scrutinize you with keen observation. It was only natural the emperor wanted the best doctor in the country for his object of affection. “Shall I close up the shop while you journey into the Inner Palace?”

Yaga shakes his head, “That won’t be necessary. I will have Shoko act as my stand-in.” He remarks with a quick glance in her direction “You, on the other hand, will accompany me.”

Your eyes widen.

“You cannot be serious.”

“Typically, one of my apprentices would accompany me on such journeys. However, now that I have acquired a personal attendant,” He gestures towards you with a flick of his hand, “It shall no longer be necessary.” As he speaks, he runs his hand absentmindedly through his well trimmed beard, gaging your reaction.

"I—" Your words falter and fade away. "Yes, sir," you respond, inclining your head in deference, a stark reminder of your place. While you may have concealed it, you were seething with humiliation. Returning to the Imperial Palace after a year of exile to serve the woman who took your spot was mortifying beyond measure.

“Very well. Pack enough for one week’s time. I doubt the Emperor would have called me if this was a light ailment.” He says gruffly. “We leave at dawn.” His gaze shifted to the horizon outside.

1 YEAR AGO

“Your Grace,” You purr at the feeling of his large hands scratching your head.

The smile that rests on his face is almost ravenous. “Yes, my love?”

“I think—“ A soft sigh escapes your lips when he presses on your weak points. “I should g-go.”

His ministrations stop almost immediately.

“Go?” His eyes peer down at you in his lap. It is now that you realize the weight of his piercing gaze. “Have I commanded you to leave yet?”

“No, but—”

“Then you have nowhere else to be.” He huffs, unintentionally puffing his cheeks out. You stifle the giggle that nearly escapes from your lips. He vaguely resembles a pufferfish– or so you think. Though you’ve never seen the round creature with your very own eyes, you’ve heard that the delicacy was something only members of the aristocratic class would feast on.

Your mouth waters at the thought.

“What are you thinking about that could possibly be so important? Keep your eyes on me,” A strong hand squishes your cheeks together and firmly guides your face back upon him.

You should be embarrassed; ashamed at the intimate position His Majesty has trapped you in. The way your head is tucked away in his lap as he peers down at you, nothing to shield you away from him. It was incredibly scandalous, considering that you were an unmarried woman! But it seemed like the Emperor had taken no mind towards it. You would even dare to say that he was enjoying it, with the way his lips quirk upward at the sight of you squirming.

“Your Grace,” You repeat, determined to free yourself from his hold. His eyebrows furrow.

“Satoru,” He reminds you. You purse your lips. The position you hold in his court is simply not high enough to grant you the privilege of calling him by his given name.

“Your Grace,” You try again, the title rolling off of your tongue naturally. A man like him did not deserve any title less than.

“You’re breaking my heart, sweetheart. Indulge a man, won’t you?” He pouts down at you. As stubborn as ever, you don’t relent.

“I would be overstepping my boundaries as your consort to call you as such. That privilege is reserved for your future bride.” You take advantage of his guard let down to sit up and escape his hold. If he could have caught you, he made no effort.

“I am a simple man.” He follows you to your vanity. A giggle escapes your mouth. He is anything but. “I want my love to call me by my name.”

You turn around to cup his cheek. He eagerly leans into your touch, sighing happily at the contact.

“I wonder how Lord Kento and Geto would react to you like this.” You tease, a smile unknowingly painting itself on your lips.

Satoru’s face falls, features morphing into an appalled expression. You watch him close the distance between you through the mirror.

“Kento?” His voice had a dangerous lilt in it. You blink, unsure what spurred on the sudden tension in the room. “Since when were you so comfortable around him? He cannot satisfy you like I can.” He reminds you of the man’s castrated state as an eunuch. You wince.

“I have not gotten comfortable,” You’re careful to pick your words. Gojo’s possessiveness was something that was not easily tamed. “He simply provides good conversation while you are away.The palace is far too big and lonely while you’re away dealing with clan matters.”

The only response you get is a quiet grumble. “You’re lucky that you’re pretty.” His large hand creeps its way into your hair again, undoing the hairstyle your ladies in waiting had spent a copious amount of time on earlier that morning. Gojo carefully plucks the extravagant silver hairpin from your hair, the dangling pearls clicking softly at the sudden movement. His hands slowly make their way down to the kimono that you are wearing, hands ready to undo the obi.

Your hands softly hover his, “I fear that our roles have been reversed. Should it not be me who gets you unready, Your Grace?”

He chuckles and through the mirror you can see a smirk make his way to his lips, “I’d let you undress me any day. Just say the word, beloved.”

You roll your eyes, but allow him to continue. It was moments like these with the Emperor that led you on to believe that there was a semblance of love between the two of you.

How wrong you were.

PRESENT DAY

The sun has yet to meet the horizon when you arrive at the Inner Palace. The horse-drawn carriage that you and Yaga had taken is the only sound at the scene, clopping down the stone road and back to the Inner Court. You miss the serenity of the beautiful palace you once resided in, knowing that it will be bustling with life in just a few short hours.

In front of the large doors of the primary ceremonial hall where the Emperor spends most of his time, stands Lord Nanami, a counsellor to the Emperor himself. Time has only made his face sterner, but his neatly styled hair and blue and yellow dyed court attire remained the same. He waits patiently while you and Yaga make your way up the flight up stairs that lead up to the hall.

“I am glad to see you in good health, Yaga.” Nanami bows.

The man next to you promptly waves his politeness off, thanking him for his hospitality. You stand silently while the two men engage in conversation regally.

Lord Nanami sighs, “His Majesty has been plagued by stress lately. To say I am relieved by your presence would be an understatement.” His statement is a subtle reminder that you must harden your heart upon entering the palace walls. The meticulously built walls were no longer a sanctuary for you, rather, a painful testament that you were no longer wanted.

Yaga lets out a hearty laugh and it reveals a rare sight, Lord Nanami’s lips curving upwards by a slight. “I highly doubt the boy would be glad to see me. The appearance of the Imperial Physician is portentous.” He scratches his beard. You tilt your head in confusion at how he referred to the Emperor.

“I suppose, yet I am intrigued to find out how he will react upon seeing his object of affection flourishing anew despite the sting of frost.” Nanami audibly wonders. Even a fool could understand his eloquent comparison. The Emperor would be thrilled to see his consort in full bloom once again. You pray that the Heavens would grant you some mercy from witnessing such a scene.

“Youth,” Yaga shakes his head, chuckling to himself before regaining composure. “I mustn't keep the Emperor waiting. [Name], please gather the herbal ingredients to treat the young Consort as you seem fit. I shall confer with His Majesty and meet you in her chambers to declare a proper diagnosis.”

You bow, “Yes sir.”

While Yaga prepares to enter the doors where The Heavenly Emperor resides, your eyes couldn’t help but gaze longingly at the large bronze doors.

“You seem well,” Nanami addresses you for the first time in over a year. Your eyes trail from the Emperor’s door to the blonde man in front of you. “Allow me to guide you to our herbal stock.” Nanami offers you his arm as you start to make your way down the stairs.

You take it, lightly holding his arm. “Thank you, Lord Nanami. Time away from the Inner Palace has been like a breath of fresh air,” You respond, ensuring your voice carries no malice. You hear the large palace doors from behind you open, the metal creaking loudly in the quiet dawn.

“I must ask you to call me Kento,” He leads you down the stone steps. “We are old friends, it is strange to hear anything but.”

You focus on your steps down the stairs, only responding once your feet meet the solid ground, “I fear that our social statuses have changed since then. It would be the cause of a scandal should anyone hear I am calling the Imperial Counselor by his given name. Your admirers would have my head on a stick.”

“Your imagination is amusing as always, [Name].” He gives you a closed eyes smile. You huff.

“I am only speaking the truth!” You insist. He chuckles.

“It is quite refreshing to see both you and Yaga again. I’m not sure how long it has been since I have been at the imperial physician.”

You gape at his confession. “You mustn't skip your annual visits to the physician, Kento. It is in the best interest of your health!” You lightly scold him, lifting your hand to flick his forehead. It was a force of habit. “Perhaps if I have time after treating the Consort, I shall do a check up on you.”

Nanami clears his throat at your comment, the twinkle in his eyes dissipating as if your direct touch had burned him.

“I would rather not lose my head.” He mumbles, eyes scanning the courtyard around the two of you. You knit your eyebrows, confused.

Nanami leaves you to fulfill his duties once you arrive at the Royal Kitchens to retrieve all the necessary items to treat Consort Himiko. You are glad that he did not accompany you into the kitchens to prepare Consort Himiko’s herbal soup.

The memory of it still irks you.

“You’re late,” One of Consort Himiko’s ladies in waiting snaps just as you enter the kitchen. You look up to see a young girl, dressed in a light purple kimono. It must be Himiko’s signature, you note. It was strange to see someone outside of the Imperial family donning the color, but you suppose it was only a grand display of Himiko’s influence.

“You’re a lot more plain than I anticipated,” The other lady in waiting quirks an eyebrow, eyeing your appearance. You furrow your eyebrows, shocked by their rudeness.Their undying loyalty to their Lady was enough to fuel an unspoken hatred for you. Though you’re not sure that the two coincide, you don’t blame them.

The two are mixing a concoction that you don’t recognize to be used to treat the sick. The taller one adds some aromatics and herbs in and you see the other one unwrap a cloth to reveal a rare delicacy from the West. Cocoa, you believed they called it.

Then it hits you– the two are not making a medicinal soup for their Lady, rather they are making an aphrodisiac! The image that conjures in your head makes you blanch. Back in the Outer Palace, Shoko had shown you the effects of the stimulant (you shiver at the memory of her shoving a treat laced with it into your mouth). It was certainly a night to remember.

“How pathetic,” You mutter underneath your breath, quickly rushing to obtain the ingredients you needed without making conversation with the two girls.

Fortunately, they pay you no further attention for the time you’re in the kitchen.

“Please excuse me,” You bow upon entering the Emperor’s chambers. Despite the Consort’s Pavilion being similar in size to a small town, you remember spending most of your time in the Emperor’s chambers rather than your own. It was probably the same case with Consort Himiko. You slowly place the tray carrying broth and medicinal herbs to treat the Consort down on the circular wooden table in the middle of the room.

Out of curiosity, your eyes can’t help but soak in the Emperor’s room. Not much has changed since you’ve left. His Majesty’s preference for minimalist decorations have stayed the same, along with his natural musk that fills your nose. You feel your face heat up at your own thoughts. How could you think of such a thing when you are about to meet his new lover?

Your gaze moves to his bed, where Consort Himiko resides– only to find nothing.

“Huh?”

You observe his bed, silk sheets neatly made, seemingly untouched. The sounds of your sock clad feet patter on the wooden floor as you make your way to feel the bedsheets for any signs of warmth, but you are met with nothing.

“Don’t you know that entering the Emperor’s chambers can be punishable by death?” A deep voice from behind you causes you to jump in your spot.

Your guard is immediately raised, head whipping to the sound. In hindsight, you should have never agreed to accompany Yaga on his trip. It was a foolish idea all along, you think as all of the air in your lungs dissipates upon seeing your former lover.

Standing at the entrance of his own sleeping quarters is Gojo Satoru, his frame big enough to tower over the doorway. His arms are crossed over each other, electric blue eyes focused on nothing else but you. You press your thighs together tightly to avoid squirming anymore than you are. He has loosened his dark blue kimono to expose some of his hardened chest, a sight any woman in the nation would die to catch a glimpse. Even underneath all of the fabric, anyone can see his divinely sculpted physique.

“Your Grace,” You waste no time to dip your body deeply, praying that he will allow you to keep your head by sunset. “I apologize for the intrusion, I was under the pretense that Consort Himiko resided in your quarters–” Your voice loses itself in your throat when you see his shadow quickly encroaching.

“Himiko stays in her Pavilion,” He towers over you, eyes gazing down on you. “But one might suspect that you already knew that.”

Your eyes frantically meet his feet, desperate to salvage what was left of your dignity, “I assure you that I speak of the truth, Your Majesty.”

When he doesn’t respond, you slowly lift your head.

The flustered look on your face must have been amusing to him, as he makes his way closer to you, bending down to interrogate you further.

“Is that so?” He hums, enjoying every second of cornering you into his chambers. The back of your legs have met his bed, trapping you. You inhale sharply, trying to keep your breaths even, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing the effect he had on you.

He continues, “You’re awfully skittish for someone who was happily skipping around my territory in the arms of another man just earlier.” His predatory gaze seems to darken.

“Kento?” When his name leaves your lips, the man in front of you grits his teeth. You turn your head to the side, deliberately avoiding him. “With all due respect, Your Majesty, but I don’t see how Kento and I’s relationship is any of your concern,” He does not take your actions well, his gaze searing into you.

“It certainly is when the woman in question is you,” Gojo’s voice loses its feral lilt, distress flashing across his face. There’s a newfound desperation in it that chips away at your resolve. His hand raises to your face so slowly, as if he did not want to startle you.

“This is wrong. I– I saw a couple of servants earlier making aphrodisiacs, perhaps you could have unknowingly consumed them.” You tell him, frantic eyes meeting him. It is not unusual for couples to use aphrodisiacs, you know that after under Yaga. The Emperor must have mistaken the laced dessert for his usual.

He shakes his head, running a hand through his white hair.

“You are mistaken. This is solely your effect on me.” He promises. You could barely believe his words, stuck between feeling offended or shocked.

“How could you stand to be so cruel?” Your voice is barely above a whisper. There are no tears in your eyes this time. “I am not a courtesan you can buy for the night,” You snap, pointing a harsh finger to his chest.

“What do you mean?” He sounds breathless.

“Whatever do I mean?” You scoff, a dry laugh escaping your mouth. “For a year, all I have gotten is pity from the world, because you decided I was no longer entertaining. You could have at least banished me away yourself. Instead, you sent Suguru who couldn’t even look me in the eye! Don’t you know how humiliating that is?” With every word that left your lips, more venom seemed to drip. Anger was prickling you all over, taking control of the rational part of you.

Gojo seemed to be taken aback by your outburst. It was far too late to take anything back now. If you lose your head by nightfall, so be it.

You dig a deeper grave for yourself when you take advantage of his moment of weakness to flee. He’s quick to react, attempting to grip your wrist.

“Wait, [Name], beloved–” He uses that all too familiar term of endearment, but it doesn't deter you.

You accidentally bump into the circular wooden table placed in the middle of the room. What an awful place to keep it, watching in horror as the Consort’s medicine shatters on the floor. To add salt to the wound, a vase you recognize to be specially gifted to the Emperor from a foreign nation tips off too before you can catch it. The sound of porcelain shattering fills the room.

“[Name]! Are you alright?” You hear Gojo ask from behind you, but you run over the broken shards before he can catch you.

Had you bothered to pay closer attention, you would have noticed articles of your clothing and a couple of your missing belongings littered all over the room– creating a faux impression that you never really left the palace.

Days passed by after the incident, and luckily, your head was still attached to your body despite offending and nearly endangering the Emperor. Yaga’s disappointment when you had told him what happened was made evident when he sent you home early after hearing the events that transpired, insisting that he can handle the Consort on his own. Normally you would have argued, but you knew better than to inflict Yaga’s wrath.

“Now you’ve really done it,” Shoko whistles lowly, walking in from the front of Yaga’s shop.

You hide your face in your hands, “I made an absolute fool of myself, didn’t I?”

“A fool? No. A conspirator against the Emperor? Perhaps.” She dangles a scroll with a familiar seal on it. The Gojo Clan’s familiar emblem reflects off of the sunlight spilling into the room. Your heart drops.

“Oh, they’ll have my head.” You moan, hands instinctively lifting to shield your neck.

“Though I’m quite impressed that Yaga only sent you back here. He used to have worse punishments.” She shudders before impatiently unraveling the scroll. You watch her eyes gradually widen as they read the contents of the letter. The scroll falls from her hand.

You rush to it, desperate to read your fate.

To [Last Name] [First Name],

Greetings and prosperity unto you.

By the mandate of the heavens and the authority vested in Us, We hereby extend Our solemn words to you, [Last Name] [First Name], servant of the realm, in acknowledgement of your debt to the Empire.

In response to your unmeritorious deeds, The Emperor bestows upon you His imperial pardon from capital punishment. In consideration of your obligations and the harmony of the realm, it is hereby decreed that you shall serve as an indentured servant to the Imperial Household for a period commensurate with your debt. During this time, you shall labor faithfully and diligently under the supervision of Our Heavenly Emperor, performing duties essential to the welfare of the Empire.

By fulfilling your obligations with diligence and humility, you may yet earn favor and esteem in Our sight.

The Imperial Court

A loud gasp escapes your mouth.

You feel your legs weaken, your emotions running wild. Shoko’s eyes meet yours, mirroring your frantic gaze. In that moment, you are met with the same suffocating sense of hopelessness.

extra!

gojo was kicking his feet happily as he watched suguru draft out his letter to you. suguru thought it rather cruel, while the white haired male was too busy purring happily as he fantasized about having you back into his grasp.

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