black forest cake: late night drives down empty roads. singing to lana del rey and beach weather at the top of your lungs. counting stars and mapping out constellations. breaking into abandoned buildings. loud, heartfelt laughter. feather tattoos and band t-shirts. leather jackets and pink converse signed in black. dark coffee with extra sugar. chipped teeth and fingernails painted neon. thrift stores and life long friends. falling in love too easily, loving too loudly.
blueberry muffins: sunrise and waking up to birds chirping outside. listening to carobae on repeat till noon. empty canvases and paint stains. small cafes and iced teas. theme parks and cotton candy. heart shaped locket with pictures folded into it. the scent of home, and clean sheets freshly washed. notebooks full of pressed flowers. sunlight on your skin and the wind in your hair. the coastline and sand between your toes. breathing in and out freely.
strawberry sponge cake: late afternoons and picnics in spring. dancing to SHY martin in the rain till you’re dizzy. doodled hearts in the corners of a diary. pink gel pens and flower charms. milkshakes at midnight and lip-gloss stains on the straw. scribbled poetry and song lyrics. friendship bracelets and rose quartz. the colour of sunset and cherry blossoms. art gallery dates and greek statues. long text messages and three hour phone calls. daydreaming out loud.
pumpkin pie: midday strolls and the crunch of autumn leaves. taylor swift concerts in your bedroom alone. cinnamon sticks and warm tea. diy videos on embroidery and sewing skirts. reading books before class starts. cozy bookstores and losing track of time. acoustic guitar and finger tattoos. murals painted on the wall. handmade gifts and handwritten love letters. bonfires after dusk and burnt smores. wishing on stars and flower petals.
Anime: Free: The Final Stroke (film), Violet Evergarden, Horimiya, "Shuumatsu Nani Shitemasu ka? Isogashii desu ka? Sukutte Moratte Ii desu ka?", Ao Haru Ride, Trigun Stampede, Tamako Market, Liz and the Blue Bird (film), Umibe no Etranger (film), "Josee, the Tiger and the Fish", Honkai Impact 3rd, Banana Fish, Chainsaw Man
Hands around my body, Fucking til we're good, And we promise we'll do better, Both go down together.
Fucking til we're good.
If it isn't love, tell me why do we hurt so good?
I’ve been put on a high pedestal before. Where I’ve been described to be more than meets the eye but… I fail to meet those expectations. Cause I am not the praise that they gave me.
I am the Anti-Hero you’ll get exhausted rooting for.
Note: Descriptions of each song are not a direct translation but an interpretation.
Part I
Anti-Hero
- This song serves as the preface. Tells you everything that is to come.
if i were u
- A song that warns you of the inevitable crash.
Slow Grenade
- This song shows that instead of resolvement, self-sabotage tendencies take over.
Moments
A song where you become hopeful too early. Tries to ensure that even through bad moments, there are good ones too.
Not to be trusted.
Part II
intimate moments
- This song shows the difficulty of trusting others. Shutting yourself off, not letting anyone in.
Can I call you back?
- A song that explains sudden disappearances.
Bad Liar
- The cataclysm. Reveals deep seeded issues and false promises.
hate myself
- A song about selfishness. Not seeing what someone else goes through, seemingly not caring.
Part III
Personally
- A song about unreliability and not seeing the point of staying. The realization that sets in, telling you “Being alone is ok.”
Love Somebody
A song about lessons never learned. Mistakes that are on constant repeat.
this is me trying
- A song about regrets; self reflection; hope.
Walking
A song about the unexpected. Even after all that. Regardless of everything, some still chose you.
Outro
Dear Reader,
I know that I have been a guiding light at times, someone to look up to… but eventually, you will have to find that light from somewhere else. I’m not someone to take advice from but I am someone to learn from. I know I shine so bright to you but you should find another.
I know my mind is like a motel
I'm checking out when things don't go well
Sounds like I don't care
I promise I care too much
Mmm, I lose myself in conversations
I hear the words but I keep spacing
Outside it's raining, that's all I can think about
I can't focus now (ah)
I'm a no-show, I'm social, then super low
I stay in and quit things without a warning
Is it okay if I turn off?
I don't feel like talking
Maybe in the morning
Can I call you when it ends?
When I wanna come down
From the castle on my couch
Where I shut you out
Can I call you when it ends?
When I'm out of feelings
Done with missing out on things
And I'm missing you
Can I call you back?
Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me
I always end up feeling so lonely
In a room full of people I call my friends
I wanna call my friends (ah)
I'm a no-show, I'm social, then super low
So I stay in and quit things without a warning
Is it okay if I turn off?
I don't feel like talking
Maybe in the morning
Can I call you when it ends?
When I wanna come down
From the castle on my couch
Where I shut you out
Can I call you when it ends?
When I'm out of feelings
Done with missing out on things
And I'm missing you
Can I call you back?
Is it alright, is it alright if I don't make sense
Even to myself?
Can I call you back again?
When I'm out of feelings
Done with missing out on things
And I'm missing you
Can I call you back?
Can I call you? Can I call you?
Can I call you back?
Can I call you? Can I call you?
Can I call you? Can I call you?
Can I call you back?
Can I call you? Can I call you?