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lovesosweeet · 7 months

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better left unsaid // cth

chapter four

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn't know.

chapter zero, one, two, three

june 3, 2016

madrid, spain

calum

—

Before I know it, it’s 6 am and Orion and I are watching people sleepily head to the metro station near where we’ve been sitting for several hours. Our trash from our late night/early morning falafel run has remained unmoved next to us since we devoured our food. I didn’t even realize the sun was up until Orion started squinting at me because it was glaring directly into her eyes. We aren’t in it, but we’re sitting on a bench right outside the big park in Madrid called Retiro.

In the daylight, I can better see her eyes and their warmth. They’re brown, but they almost look like burnt orange. There’s something extra warm and light in them… almost like caramel. Maybe they look extra bright because of the light blue dress she has on, but still, I can’t stop staring at them.

Orion is one of the funniest people I’ve met on tour, and one of the kindest. She’s smart, but not in a way that makes it hard to talk to her because she speaks above me, just in a way that makes it even more intriguing to hear what she has to say, and truthfully, she has a lot to say. It’s sweet, and I like listening to her.

“I don’t know about you, Mr. Rockstar,” she starts, and I roll my eyes at her dig. “But, I’m pretty tired. Want to grab a coffee? I can help you figure out your way back to your hotel if you want to go sleep or hang out with your band or whatever it is you’d normally do at this time.”

I laugh, knowing the rest of the band is definitely sleeping soundly right now. Truthfully, I don’t really want to say goodbye. Touring the world, you learn how fleeting your time is with people who aren’t on the move with you. It makes it harder to say goodbye and the time with the people you care about feels even more special. I only met her less than 12 hours ago, but Orion is someone I want to spend my time with.

“I’d love to grab a coffee.”

She smiles—a tired, but still energetic smile. “Sweet. Hmm… I think there’s a place just a few blocks this way.” She points to our right and pulls out her phone. I don’t know how hers isn’t dead—mine died hours ago.

I stand up and dust off my pants, and then I look down and notice the stain on my shirt for the first time in daylight. It’s a faint purple splash. I don’t know if I’ll ever wear this shirt again and not think of her. It already makes me smile, thinking of our encounter at the club and her frustrated, but adorable, expression when I startled her.

I hold my hands out to her to help her up and she reluctantly takes them, scoffing a little. “Let’s go grab a… cafecito? Is that right?”

A surprised look takes over her face. “Are you sure you don’t speak Spanish? You know a total of like… five words now!”

“Alright, take the sass back down to a level two.”

With the help of her GPS, we arrive to the small cafe after a few minutes of walking. It’s nice to see Madrid in the daytime. We’ve stopped here before on tour, but haven’t ever really explored much. Honestly, if I wasn’t with Orion right now, I probably wouldn’t be exploring now either. It’s a pretty city, from what we’ve seen, and oddly clean. Compared to Paris, or New York, or LA, it’s a world of difference in the amount of litter.

There are families and young people and elderly people out and about, even though it’s early in the morning. There’s traffic but it’s not noisy. I also love how at home Orion seems here, even though she’s only been here for a week. It feels like she just meshes with the city and she’s content—I wonder what she looks like in other cities. I can’t imagine her being any more beautiful than she is right now at 6 am, bloodshot eyes, faded makeup, her hair falling out of its ponytail, and still so sweet and happy.

At the cafe, she doesn’t even ask me what I want, but I don’t mind. I hand over a handful of coins for the coffees she ordered us, and grateful for the hot cup when she gives me mine.

“What do you have going on today?” I ask, silently hoping she’s free to spend the day with me.

“I don’t think we have any plans. I’m sure my friends are hungover and sleeping…” She trails off and grabs my hand, pulling me out of the tiny cafe and back to the sidewalk. “Do you need to be anywhere?”

I shake my head. “I’ve got to be at the hotel by 3 to ride with the band to the venue for soundcheck, but I’m all yours the rest of the day if you’ll have me.”

Orion nods. “I guess we can hang out.” She feigns acting annoyed with my presence.

I fake hurt and shove her arm playfully before I wrap an arm around her shoulders, starting to walk while she starts rattling off ideas of what we can do.

—

By 2:30, she’s taken me to her favorite breakfast cafe, forced me to try vegan donuts, helped paddle in a boat at Retiro, and pulled me into a few small art museums to marvel at the pieces and translate some of the labels so I know what I’m looking at. She wanted to take me to the three story Primark on Gran Via but she said it would take up too much of our time and there’s too much else to see.

“Do you want to come to the show tonight?” I finally ask her. I’d been debating asking her all day—not debating whether or not I wanted to ask, simply unsure of when or how was the right way.

She looks surprised. Have I not been blatantly obvious? I really like this girl, of course I want her to come to the show.

“Do you want me to come?”

I grab her shoulders and turn her to face me so she has no choice but to look me in the eyes. “I would love for you to come, but I don’t want to make you come if you don’t want to.”

Orion smiles somewhat sheepishly. “I’d love to come. Do you know what the venue is? And what time?”

“Shit, no, I don’t, and my phone is dead.” I try to remember the name of the venue but can’t. “Here, I’ll text myself on WhatsApp and when I get back to the hotel I’ll text you everything you need to know.”

I hold my hand out for her phone and she hands it to me, unlocked, so I can message myself. I type in a quick message — “hola señora” — and then hand her phone back to her.

“Oh, and you can bring your friends, if you want.”

Her face lights up. “Oh my god, I think they’d lose their minds. They’ve been texting me nonstop since they woke up.”

I laugh. “Bring them, they can meet the band if they want.”

Orion nods, shoving her phone back into her bag. “Okay, I’m sure they’ll be up for that. You should probably get going.”

I nod, going to pull my phone out to figure out how to get to the hotel, but am reminded again that it’s dead.

Orion giggles. “Do you need help getting there?”

“Maybe.”

“What’s the hotel?”

“Hotel Madrid…. Gran-something?”

She gives me a look like ‘you should get your life together’ but she types it in her GPS. “Oh, duh, silly. Hotel Madrid Gran Via. It’s a few blocks this way. We’re already on Gran Via.”

I feel stupid but I don’t care. I’m just excited that she’s coming to our show tonight. I can’t wait to introduce her to the guys — they’ll love her.

“Walk me there?” I ask, hopefully. I want to spend as much time with her as I can. I don’t want this to be the last time I see her, but I’m not sure how often I’ll get to see her if she even wants to see me again.

Orion grins and locks her hand in mine again. Gran Via is busy and hot, and it’s easy to get lost in the crowd. It’s nice to be tethered to someone in places like this. “Let’s go.”

We meander through the crowd—I’ve got sunglasses on to try to lay low, thankfully I’ve only been recognized a few times today and Orion has been really cool about it. After a few blocks, the somewhat familiar hotel comes into view, and I notice a small crowd outside of the regular entrance. Thank god we asked security to show us the back entrance before we went out last night.

I feel Orion tense up at the sight of the swarm of fans and I squeeze her hand. “It’s okay, there’s a back entrance.”

Her shoulders drop as she relaxes. “Oh, good, I didn’t think it’d be good for you to be seen with me.”

I’m not sure what she means by that. I’d have no issues with being seen with her—she’s not a controversial figure, and I can confidently say she’s not going to go spreading gossip online, and, fuck, do I like her. I don’t say anything though, as now we’re less than two blocks away and they could see me at any moment. I turn us down a side street and then into the alley that leads to the secure back entrance to the hotel. I see Matt, our tour manager, and Gus, one of our main security guys, talking outside of the entrance.

They’re so caught up in their conversation they don’t see us until we’re just a few yards away. When Matt looks up, he does a double take.

“Calum!” He grunts. Shit. He’s mad. “Where the fuck have you been? You haven’t been answering anyone’s calls or texts. You know we’re leaving for soundcheck in,” he checks his watch, “seven minutes!”

I turn red, embarrassed that Orion is here for this. “My phone’s been dead, we were just exploring the city.”

Matt fumes. “You know you’re not supposed to go out during the day without security.”

Shit. I’d forgotten about that rule. Truthfully, I don’t normally go out during the day, and it’s a new rule we just implemented after a few shows in Asia when Ash got ambushed while he was out grabbing food.

“It’s my fault,” Orion says.

I turn to her, surprised. How’s she going to dig me out of this hole?

“I just really wanted to show him Madrid and we didn’t have time to charge our phones so we couldn’t stop and call to get security with us. We stayed away from touristy spots mostly and I felt weird about the idea of having security following me around. I knew we had to be back here by 3 and I hoped it wouldn’t be a big problem as long as we came back in time and laid low. I’m so sorry, if I’d known it was that important we would’ve come back earlier to let you know everything was fine.” Her story is somehow believable, but Matt’s still mad.

“Who is this?” Matt snaps, his eyes angry and boring into me.

“This is… Orion. We met last night and hit it off, so we spent the day together.”

Matt still looks angry as his eyes flit back and forth between the two of us. “You’re lucky you’re back in time.” He then turns away from us to wave down the black van that just entered the alley, presumably our ride to the venue.

I let out a sigh of relief and turn to O. I can’t help but smile when we lock eyes, and then we both stifle a few giggles. What are we, schoolgirls who just got caught? “I had the best time with you today.”

Orion blushes and looks down, breaking our eye contact. “Yeah, it was really fun.”

I nod. Goodbye. I’m supposed to say goodbye. I don’t want to. I wish she could just come with us to soundcheck and then join us on tour, honestly. That’s incredibly irrational and she has a life. But that’s what I wish.

“Can I kiss you?” she whispers, looking incredibly nervous.

I place a hand on her cheek and pull her close, having to bend down to get us on the same level. I don’t even think about my probably horrible breath due to not brushing my teeth all day, I just focus on her and her soft lips on mine. It’s a short kiss, but definitely my favorite first kiss I’ve ever had.

“Kiss me whenever you’d like,” I quietly say back, making her laugh. “I’ll see you tonight?”

Orion nods. “Yep, don’t forget to text me!”

“I promise, I won’t forget.”

She gives me a hug goodbye and I kiss the top of her head before she’s pulling away, stepping back and giving me a small wave before she starts walking out of the alley.

“Hey Matt, got a phone charger?” I call, making the already angry man scowl and dig through the backpack he has leaning against the building. He tosses it to me and then opens the door to the van.

“Get in, Hood.”