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darkobssessions · 1 year

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I'm getting really angry at how nothing about work or workplaces is geared for neurodivergents and especially autistics.

Absolutely nothing from the set up, the requirements, the social element, the hours, the expectations, the environment. Nothing.

Not the resumes and cover letters, nor the interviews, nor the vague conditions and agreements upon employment.

Am I a bit late to the party? Maybe. But it is because I only found out I was autistic in 2021 and have a patchy work history, leaving jobs, doing part-time gigs, and burning out in my education career.

I'm in severe burnout but also in a position where I have to get independent and fast away from my abusive family. I've basically dedicated my existence to job search, resume writing, and applications for the last 2 years (I lived with my partner for some of that time but had to leave the UK due to no full time job/visa and then with my parents the rest of the time working at the only career I've had that's paid me consistently: education).

The only problem is passion projects are impossible when you're burnt out, and careers often burn autistics out (because of set up of workplace cultures). I love teaching. I don't love demands, social elements and sensory overload.

My experience basically qualifies me most strongly for educational jobs.

But I am finding everyone is requiring so much all of the time, even in the process of hiring and giving you so so so little that it isn't even worth it.

'We'll hire you, but maybe only one day a week.'

'We don't know when you can start, HR has a huge backlog right now we will let you know when we know more.'

'You need to do these 5 trainings before you begin and go book fingerprinting and background checks.'

They want you to give everything and pay you a part-time wage.

Or they want you to give 40+ hours. Or super early in the morning (which is not possible with my burnout, mental health, moods and physical issues). Not to mention the 'benefits' of a minimal number of sick days they pat themselves on the back for 'awarding' you with, let alone miniscule holidays, and sickeningly low pay for cost of living.

It's all so hostile for NDs.

At first I looked and looked for something fulfilling, and since I have experience, education makes sense. I love teaching. But it's not great if I don't want to be burnt out and on the edge of meltdown daily.

Now I am looking for something part-time that leaves me alone and I can come home from not having been completely overloaded (maybe warehouse work, factories, bookstores, grocery stocking). I thought I wanted to be invested in what I was doing but coupled with what I'm experiencing and what I've read from others about their burnout and jobs, it looks like this may be the way to go.

To put this into perspective, even if something seems like a really good fit because of your experience/career/background or interests there will be a catch or a requirement that it is impossible to fulfill. There's a part-time youth instructing job at a recycling centre gearing them up for graduating and careers which sounded like a great fit until I got to the part where it said it needs you to have a driving license since you will 'ocassionally' need to transport students (ages 16-24!).

Why?

Why must I be an educator AND a social butterfly AND a driver and navigator?

Why?!

It's cheaper and better for them if their workers do everything but it's prohibitive to those of us that have issues and disabilities.

I'm sorry but my abilities as a teacher have no bearing whatsoever on my ability to drive. Driving extracts so much energy from me, is terribly dangerous when I am overwhelmed or melting down, and causes me to panic regularly. I don't notice as much what is going on around me when I am overwhelmed and make mistakes if I am pressured. I have trouble recognising a route even if I frequent it. Places look different at different hours of the day. My ability to navigate is extremely low. My ability to teach is honestly why I was born.

Why must every single role expect you to be neurotypical?

Why to protect our mental health can we only do minimum wage jobs?

Why is this system stacked against us?

I'm so frustrated right now and if I could just make some money to be independent of abuse I could funnel it into creating BETTER for us because we sure as anything deserve it.

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p4nishers · 9 months

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im an aroace barbie truther through and through i recognize my own kind

#i can SMELL the aroace spectrum its true if u ask another aroace they'll also tell u that we actually have the ability to smell each other #out like it's just a thing we do and when i sat in that cinema i couldn't stop thinking 'one of us one of us one of us!!!!!' throughout th #whole movie so believe me im an expert #barbie #barbie movie #aroace barbie #aroace #barbie greta gerwig

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c-ptsdrecovery · 11 months

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A lot of us have trouble with self-care because we were taught by early caregivers never to put our own self-interest first.

Here’s the thing: in a perfect society, people would look out for each other, right? Because each person deserves to have people looking out for them. But sometimes there isn’t another person who can take care of you.

You are the person with the primary responsibility of looking out for you.

Little kids’ parents have that primary responsibility, but when the kid reaches a certain age, they are the one with that primary responsibility.

Yes, you have some level of obligation to take care of friends and family and the needy, but the one person everyone can agree that you definitely have the responsibility to take care of is you.

Think of it like a logic puzzle. Every person deserves to have somebody taking care of them. You are in a situation where nobody else is going to take care of you or nobody else can take care of you. You still deserve to have somebody taking care of you, and you are the person with the primary responsibility to do that.

Yes, there are times when we don’t put ourselves first, for whatever reason, but for a lot of us, we have abandoned ourselves and have stopped fulfilling that responsibility to care for ourselves. You are as deserving of care as anybody else, and you are your primary caregiver: if you don’t do it, who will?

#ymmv based on age #this is written with full adults in mind #but obviously the ability to self-care is a spectrum #self-care

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aflockofravens · 2 months

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*dying pterodactyl noise*

"Chance or Something More" already had me in a chokehold but the English dub!?

I thought for sure we'd get the frantic over-the-top Jinshi when he sees that Maomao saved him, but instead we got the quiet, disbelieving, heartbroken, terrified voice of a man who is so so scared to lose the best thing that's ever happened to him.

And then his resolve carrying her out of there, calmly? Not making eye contact with anyone, pace unbroken, thousand-yard-stare of a man who almost lost everything?

He doesn't even care that he almost died. He doesn't care who's around to see him carry a low born servant girl out of the temple. He doesn't care about propriety or cultural expectations.

His Maomao is injured. She is his priority. Always.

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gurorori · 3 months

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if you say shit like 'autism is not a disability' i hope you actually have really bad things happen to you and you are banned from the autism community for the foreseeable future. get another fun weird club if you so badly need one

so profoundly tired of people trying to make autism into this whimsical quirkiness when it's for most people a serious and debilitating life altering disorder

#im not even that high on the needs spectrum at all. i definitely need a lot of support but it doesn't nearly compare to hsn autistics for ex #but our autism have never been masked and it's always been apparent in obvious ways that stunted our social and personal development #we can't mask at all it's not an option to us. we are disturbing in person. we talk weirdly. we are monotone with very rare exceptions.#we do not understand the overwhelming majority of very important social cues and we can't pretend or mask that #we've always been singled out and our impairment has ostracized us from peers our entire life #especially with the struggle of getting daily tasks done. we are JUST a little more independent with things than we were as a kid #i always talk about not feeling like an adult and being stuck in kid (teen at best!) like mindset and abilities and understanding of things #that is autism too. we are stunted and disabled developmentally in many ways as a result and we were never on par with others of our age #and we will never be.#i hate this sentiment so much and i hate the 'disabilities wouldn't exist if society was perfect at accomodating us all to a T'#like yeah surely our violent outbursts and shutdowns and intense stimming wouldn't exist? our need to regulate stimuli #our Inability to regulate emotion or response to overstimulation?#like holy shit if you're autism lite jsut say that. some of us are actually significantly impaired and very much DISABLED and require #support to function. and surprise surprise some autistics need help with every step in their daily life. are they not disabled? fucker

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septembersghost · 7 months

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it's just that "i was half-convinced i'd waken, satisfied enough to dream you" is such a delicate declaration, yet so ardent. if perhaps you aren't real, if you are something my own mind has concocted, that's enough. (come back to me, even as a shadow, even as a dream.) the mere gossamer thread of fantasy would be enough to fill my heart, would be real enough if you don't exist in this waking world, i'll bring you into it, i'll find you in a dream. "happily, i was mistaken," and have never been so glad to be wrong. you do exist, some miracle of fate led me to that window, and as long as you are real, there is hope to hold onto. that love could be realized too. anthony is the only person in the story who still believes in anything, and it's love. my heart has followed a winding path, and that you exist is enough to persist. in the cracks of light, i dreamed of you. it was real enough to get me through. 'til i'm with you, then i'm with you there.

#anthony hope #johanna barker #sweeney todd #sondheim #and we'll sail the world and see its wonders #me talking to sondheim: did you know you wrote the most beautiful love songs of our time #sondheim: that wasn't what---#me: shhhh. you did though. you did.#it's also how anthony is a foil to sweeney not only in his innocence and impatience #they both fantasize but utterly differently #the point of anthony's johanna is that she is so vibrantly alive and all he wants is a chance for them to be together #to open the bars of her cage and take her hand and flee together #but sweeney's johanna has to keep her distant and a child and frames her in death. he cannot rescue nor embrace her #he's lost the ability. he could put the revenge aside and save his daughter instead but it's impossible #anthony is intent: i'm with you there #sweeney is resigned: we learn johanna to say goodbye #they are poised on the ends of the spectrum of life and death. another bright red day #rising and setting #and the only way to achieve balance in this is for both anthony and johanna to be shadowed by the end #it doesn't mean it's a fool's hope. but the hole in the world touches everyone #anyway yes i'm still on about this like i have been since 2005 #i've had almost no sleep because they decided today was the day to cut all the bushes and slam into the building #and my windows for hours 😩#but this thought popped into my head (one might say) and i needed to write it down. regardless of coherency!

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sskk-manifesto · 1 month

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Atsushi's back in the game!!! ۶( ˆ o ˆ )

#And Kouyou!!!!#Also. I can say Steinbeck is kinda 👀👀👀#King of the specific category of “I forget I like him until he's on screen”#I'm seriously unlocking memories with this rewatch. Like I haven't thought about it in two years–#but I just know when I was watching the anime for the first time I was being like #“Of COURSE the villains need to spend several minutes each episode explaining in detail how their own superpowers work so that the–#protagonists can get a perfect idea of how to best counter them. Why are villains made so freaking stupid in this show” aljhvwslchvqliyqwb #But. Eh. I guess that's just bsd to you.#Alsoooooo random thought of the day: I don't really favour how Tanizaki's ability was adapted in the anime.#I very well understand they were going for this green Matrix-like illusion effect‚ but every time someone says “... Snow?”#I'm like please explain where do you live that has snow glowing green.#Aamsjgvfaskjhfv sorry this is me being very. Cranky and nitpicky and having terrible audience etiquette in refusing to–#engage in suspension of disbelief. It just bugs me akvakcvqkyb I just feel like... Green is such a non-snow color–#that quite of completely disrupts the Light Snow / Sasame Yuki aesthetic. I would have liked it much better light blue or simply white.#What else. The way the Guild just goes on at stereotypes still troubles me a lot. The “usamericans can't be touched by laws–#because they use money to corrupt anyone” “foreign criminal organization come in our country to corrupt our pure and untouched soil”#Idk. Maybe all of it is true. Can it still be deemed a stereotype when it's objectively something that's happened before–#and will probably keep happening?#I suppose I'm just not a fan of the constant hostility against any foreigner. Idk.#This situation besides is extremely ironical. If you meet me irl it probably won't take long to see me being very outspoken about–#how much I despise usa cultural colonization of all other countries. It's something that really bothers me‚ how rooted and pervasive–#their influence is. So in a lot of ways I can relate to the author's sentiment #I just feel that. If you start treating them as stereotypes and ignore the complexity of a country and the wide spectrum of causes–#that contribute to its attitude in international relations. You end up practicing precisely what you're trying to criticize.#Okay this is the last time I'm getting into the politics of the Guild arc lol #random rambles #This time I took watching the episode slow I feel a little late

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dimiclaudeblaigan · 3 months

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this is not fire emblem i just have to say

HOW IS IT

THAT WE GOT

CHRIS PRATT

FOR MARIO IN THE MARIO MOVIE

RIGHT? RIGHT

AND JAPAN GOT FUCKING MAMORU MIYANO IM FUCKIN LOSIN IT

#DCB Comments #us: chris pratt for real #japan: THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND THE BELOVED MAMO-CHAN #i just found this out and my brain is trying to process this at all speed and failing miserably #everyone was like can we have ACTUAL voice actors for voice acting work #AND JAPAN IS OVER HERE /ON/ THAT WITH MAMO-CHAN???#im losing my mind right now yes im only just finding this out #i hadn't even thought abt watching that movie but im this close just listen to mamo's performance as mario #what is this sorcery what is this ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT INSANE DISCONNECT #west: what if we hired chris pratt that's a good name everyone knows #japan: what if we hired mamo-chan that's a perfect name everyone knows and will love #but it's also hilarious the man with the softest fucking voice i have ever heard in my life voices mario at all #it's going to take me all week to properly integrate that into my brain's recollection ability #i know im late to the party i just saw it in passing and after the huge backlash from chris pratt voicing mario #seeing japan on the TOTALLY opposite side of ''voice actors get va roles'' spectrum is just killin me #mario must be D A M N precious to them even for that movie bc they didn't pull their hiring punches #that's a level of care in the hire we will probably never see in the west im dead gjksjhfgjs

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bhaalsdeepbat · 4 months

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In the vein of embracing the darkness and kinda owning it, I imagine Redeemed Durge x Spawn Astarion would have viciousness punctuated by tender loving care. Like, turning a Bounty job into a fun little hunt, giving into predator instinct and enjoying the thrill and adrenaline. Durge holding someone still while Astarion gets his fill, then gleefully ending it. They both just appreciate one another's prowess.

Then they're heading back to wherever they're staying, lingering touches and stolen kisses exchanged along the way, then they topple into bed before the sun can even peek over the horizon. Their limbs are locked, bodies pressed, secure and proud of the way they wield their combined strength. Just cuddles while basking in one another.

#bat muses #dont get me wrong they fuck nasty and are switches who power struggle #but the softness when love and genuine affection are reasserted #and the ability to even just be entirely tender and gentle if they choose #i think they would both be eager to harness the full spectrum for intimacy just so they can experience as much life as they can together #astarion #durge #durge who is down to get a little dirty so their little prince (astarion) never has to dirty a finger or break a nail #like astarion as both this really strong monster hunter but also still pretty pathetic #but he is a lot of cuddles and gentleness they just #also embrace their darkness when it bubbles to the surface #also thinking abt how his meanness would translate over with a Durge who quips and pushes back #mercy

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patchwork-crow-writes · 4 months

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45 - Boundaries

I have always known I am different from other darkners. Special, somehow. While my compatriots remain as they are, eternally faithful to their designated roles, I find myself constantly changing, evolving, transcending the bounds of my supposed destiny.

What I don't understand, is why.

I always thought that meeting more of my kind would make me feel less alone in the world. I desperately wanted for that to be the case, yet... I feel no kinship towards them. Our similarities serve only to highlight the gulf that exists between us. But perhaps I am being snobbish. Perhaps I am blinded by the magnificence of the lightners, as has been claimed of me in the past.

I would not dare to presume I stand equal to either of them. They know the conventions as well as I do, by now. Despite that, there is a strange, inexplicable parity between us. Here, too, are beings capable of reflection and growth, their inner lives so rich and nuanced, forms of joyous, angst-ridden contradictions, both masters of their own destiny and prisoners of a greater provenance.

Their choosing to spend time with me, when they could be out there, living a truer, fuller life... if they can cross that forbidden threshold so easily and so readily... who is to say that I, too, cannot hope to do so, one day?

But until that day, I will stay as I am, with one foot in the light and one in the dark. Caught between two incompatible states of being, not entirely belonging to either. Some wretched in-between-thing, grasping endlessly at something I will never be able to hold...

...could there truly be a place for me, in the world we strive to create? Or will I fall between the cracks once more, lost and forgotten to all?

_______________________________

The Dark Menagerie No. 45

<-<-First || <-Prev || Next-> || Index

#writing #fiction #fanfiction #deltarune #drabble #Ralsei #meditation on lightners and darkners #and where exactly Ralsei fits on that spectrum #because he's got some wacky abilities that no other darkners possess #Fun fact - I actually wrote this like a year ago #and it's been festering in my drafts ever since lol #Let's see what else I can find in here :p #The Dark Menagerie

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vounoura · 1 day

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I still have a really big soft spot for ESO's class design tbh, I think having to realistically make every spec able to perform every MMO role while also having to make every one of those classes feel noticeably unique and different even in the same role was a really fun design decision

#saint.txt #in other words ESO has the really fun aspect of not being locked to a specific class to play a specific MMO role (tank / dps / healer)#and even better while each spec shares certain things all of them to some extend feel unique from each other even in the same role #dragonknight might be the typical tank class but NB tank is still a genuine choice that relies on different tanking tools #mag!NB and stam!NB are on completely different sides of the spectrum when it comes to DPS roles.#Stam!NB is your prototypical glass cannon RPG rogue class w/ high DPS but no self-healing (outside of vigour from Cyro.diil)#while mag!NB is entirely DoT effects and is one of the easiest classes to solo on bc of free invis + incredible amounts of self-healing #NB healers are basically vampire-style healers or are cutting into their own HP to heal which makes them noticeably different #from say DK!healers which have a lot more shield/barrier options to straight up prevent damage in the first place than other healers.#and so on. even in the same role each class has its own feel and gimmick(s) which means even with limited classes you're incentivized #to make a lot of alts to play around with. it's such a fun departure from the typical systems and classes aren't pigeonholed into XYZ role #that being said the system also = gear itself being pretty cookie cutter bc everyone has to run to same basic things and core abilities so.#pros and cons y'know. but I still think it's a super fun system.

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themyscirah · 7 months

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Thinking abt Jessica Cruz and the ability to overcome great fear again

#everybody including canon: omg hal is the greatest lantern kyle is the best etc. etc.#HOWEVER OKAY. my vision.....#with like 15 to 20 years of our time i could expand on stuff and give her THE character arc okay #like im just saying yellow lantern jess arc could ACTUALLY be so good bc i would do it as a way to bring her back to the corps stronger and #better and more assured #in herself because like its not about NOT being afraid is about OVERCOMING it and bravery isnt the absence of fear but action in spite of it #et cetera et cetera #like okay i was kidding when i said i think shed be more powerful than kyle or hal #because theyre both totally overpowered in their own way ofc with hal's willpower abilities at like insane levels and kyle's command of the #emotional spectrum being what it is et cetera #BUT. jess has such an interesting relationship with the ring and BEING a green lantern and its like i want to go deeper with that. like down #to the center of the earth deeper. because i feel like shes a character that would have such a great connection to being a lantern and would #especially be the one to embody the 'overcome great fear' phrase at its core #also like THE RELATIONSHIP SHE HAS TO BEING A LANTERN-#all the lanterns have interesting relationships to the corps or what it means to be a gl but for me jess's is just SOOOOOO compelling and #rich and just. being a lantern saved her life. becoming a lantern GAVE her her life BACK. on multiple levels!!!#like quite literally bc of the fact that volthoom died in her body before she got the ring but like before she became a gl she wasn’t living #a life at least not socially. even when she was power ring i still doubt HIGHLY that she even really left the watchtower when not on mission #because like. they glossed over it but the power ring doesnt come off. she was always like that and even with her control over it always a #little primed to blow and i think that's something jess was aware of even if the rest of the jl wasn't as much #bc she like was always reminded of how precarious her power over the power ring could be like it said HORRIBLE things to her all the time!!!#like on power it would be just calling her names like verbal abuse #so even while she had control over the ring it was a tenuous sort of precarious state and she was very aware of that!!!#and i feel like thats what it often comes down to for jess: control. i think its a key part of her character that she desires that sort of #control over herself and her fear due to feeling a lack of it for so long. and THATS why i think that yellow lantern jess has SO much #potential bc it has a huge chance to explore her relationship with the concept of control and harken back to her origin and early days as a #hero.#gosh i went on a tangent here but yeah. LOTS of feelings abt jess #basically a whole meta in the tags tbh #jessica cruz

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forest-chosen · 3 months

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@static-overlord // cont x

Elin nodded her head, listening to Vox’s explanation with interest. Seeing the sparks shooting from the demons fingertips was actually quite fascinating. After a moment of silence, the Irishwoman nodded her head. Glancing down at her own freckled hands, the woman seemed to come to a decision. With a simple wave of her hand, a circle of mushrooms and wildflowers pushed up from the ground.

“What does it feel like tae ye? Traveling like that I mean. When I travel..”

Elin hummed thoughtfully before continuing.

“Kinda feels like I’m being pulled in completely different directions? Not enough to hurt but enough tae lose my way if I’m not careful. When ye travel through the circuits do ye see anything? Fer me I always end up seeing heavy mist and the outline of trees when I travel using my abilities.”

#ic #The static between channels [Vox // Staticoverlord]#just realizing how their abilities are on the opposite ends of the spectrum

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general-cyno · 11 months

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it's always interesting to me how a bunch of analyses on knives’s character I've seen/read rely on the affirmation that he's inherently in an advantageous or privileged position compared to vash when not only are both of them from the same female-presenting species, they both suffered from the same gendered trauma and exposure to oppression/violence in the form of tessla as kids - it was their reactions and processing (or lack of processing, in knives’s case) of it that ultimately shaped what would later become their opposing ideals and/or beliefs.

obviously, our own different experiences, thoughts, beliefs etc irl will influence our readings on these sort of characters but idk, I think it's curious that knives's brand of rage/hatred/violence is seen as a Clearly Cis Masculine thing (which boy. there's a lot to unpack there) when these feelings stem from a deeply rooted fear of exploitation and consumption (that he can be subjected to, by virtue of the species he belongs to and what his body can do) that can be pretty relatable to afab folks imo. the lowkey infantilization is huh interesting as well bc honestly a lot of knives's overly emotional reactions remind me of afab characters who are immediately dismissed as crazy, hysterical etc etc for acting the same

anyway. I don't really care what genitals ppl hc knives with bc lord knows porn is free real estate and that's another matter (I've personally enjoyed fanarts/fics where he's depicted as having either, both, or smth completely different) but eh ig what I mean to say with all this useless rambling is that knives belonging to the same (oppressed) species as vash and still exhibiting abusive behaviors towards him doesn't automatically make knives the Cishet Male Privileged guy fighting against vash's Queer Trans Marginalization when both can easily be read as sexually-and-gender queer (even if in different ways) and if you believe folks from the same oppressed/marginalized group can't hurt each other well. think abt that perhaps

(as a side note bc this apparently needs to be said on these kinda posts but No I Do Not Think Knives’s Genocidal Tendencies Are Okay)

#I have a lot more to say sjdkdk but I probably should shut up #or well ok a last thing. even from a biological standpoint the manga confirmed knives is technically weaker #than vash is #from that one scene with conrad during the july incident then later as knives tried to merge with him in the ark #a lot of what ppl see as an advantage physically is like. knives relying on his own knowledge of their bodies #(which he seems to have studied)#using the element of surprise to his advantage or external factors/help (like l3gato's powers for example)#this doesn't make his actions towards vash less abusive or violating in nature but yknow again #he's not biologically more privileged than vash #stamp actually added a bit of a more ominous dynamic in this sense bc nai is actively encouraged to hide #what he is for his own safety and he's seen as more 'plant-like' than vash is bc he can produce resources like his sisters #and considering how ship 3 treated vash in the beginning for not being 'useful' in a typical plant way #I can't even imagine what nai would've been put through in his place and if he hadn't weaponized his plant abilities #to defend himself #tp #also yes this is me saying the twins are both on the trans spectrum

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theygender · 3 months

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Bruh I've known for years that I have visual processing issues (separate from my actual vision problems) but I never really looked into the specifics of how it works before. I know sometimes, especially when my brain is tired, I have trouble making sense of shapes and separating the foreground of images from the background. So I can see the image perfectly fine but I can't make out what it is, even if it's something that should be very obvious like a singer crouching at the edge of a stage (actual example). Those moments are a lot like auditory processing issues, where you can technically hear what someone is saying just fine but your brain can't parse it into words. And when I'm having a lot of trouble with this sort of thing, image descriptions are helpful for me. I figured that was just what visual processing disorder was right?

Well now I'm reading more about it and it turns out that there are 8 different types of visual processing skills and VPD can affect any of them. The issues I just described would fall primarily under visual foreground issues bc it stems mainly from not being able to distinguish the foreground (singer) from the background (stage and audience). But it probably also involves some visual closure issues bc I have trouble figuring out what the full shape is if part of it is cut off (like if the singer is kneeling in such a way that not all of their limbs are fully visible), as well as form constancy issues bc I have trouble recognizing familiar shapes if they're in an unexpected position/context (singer kneeling close to the audience instead of standing on stage)

Reading more about form constancy has got me really mind blown actually. I have a lot of quirks that I always just attributed to autism/ADHD. I can't find objects in plain sight, for one thing, especially if they're in a different location than normal. I can set something down on a table right out in the open and almost immediately lose it if there's other objects nearby for it to "blend into." If I'm looking for something in a cabinet or the fridge or even just on a slightly crowded counter I have to ask my gf to remind me what color it is so I can just pick out the color, bc otherwise I can look forever and not find it. Even if I make a conscious effort to check each individual item, I can look right at it multiple times and still not process that it's the object I'm looking for. I have to make it a habit to always put things back in the exact same spot bc otherwise I can't see them. The other day I went to get a new roll of toilet paper from our toiletry shelf and I thought "damn, we're almost out, I better order some more." I didn't realize until I bought a new box and went to stack it on the shelf that there was already an entire new box right there, just slightly to the left. And this isn't even "tired brain" processing, this is my everyday normal

And apparently... that's all described as symptoms of form constancy issues? Like, some of the things optometrists warn parents to watch out for when determining if their child has VPD are "difficulty finding missing items quickly even if they are in plain sight" and "difficulty recognizing objects when placed in a new location"

Another issue I have is a ridiculous inability to orient myself, know my way around familiar places, or understand where I am in relation to other places. I still have to use GPS to get to shops near my home that I've been going to for years and I have no idea what direction anything is in. My gf and I once had some fun playing a game where we stood in our living room and she asked me to point in the directions of things like "the store across the street" and "the entrance to our apartment complex" and "the mailboxes" and "the dumpster by our building" and I was unable to get any of them correct. Part of it is bc even if I DO manage to memorize my way around somewhere it's just a single-line map telling me when to turn to get from point A to point B and it falls apart if I try to come at it from any other angle, and part of it is due to an inability to judge distances (I have taken the extreme long way around on multiple occasions bc I couldn't tell that "just around the corner of that side of the building" was a shorter distance than going around the opposite side of the building, circling around the back, and then coming in from the other direction)

...Turns out that another aspect of form constancy issues is "difficulty judging distances" and "difficulty picturing objects at different angles." Aaaand during this research I happened to stumble across a site with little baby games to help young kids with visual processing issues practice to improve their form constancy skills and uh. It's kinda kicking my ass 😭

I learned some FUN things about myself tonight lads

#prosopagnosia (faceblindness) also falls in the visual processing issues category apparently which. makes sense i guess?#im just kinda shocked that all these issues might be related tbh #like i had always thought of it as three separate things: faceblindness—spatial reasoning issues—visual processing issues #with the visual processing issues being the least impactful on my life bc it only really affected my ability to discern images #and usually only acted up significantly when my brain was particularly tired #but. apparently vpd is a much wider spectrum of issues than i even realized and it may be Causing the other issues? potentially??#idek what to do with this information tbh. it changes functionally nothing except that i can put a name to my experiences #ive already naturally worked out accomodations to make my life liveable with these challenges #like using my GPS everywhere and always putting items back in the same spot so i dont have to rely on sight to find them #and luckily i have a partner who is very patient and always willing to help me when i inevitably have trouble anyways lol #but this is definitely. some knowledge i guess #ill probably at least bring this up to my therapist but this may be outside of her wheelhouse 😅#rambling

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boinurmom13 · 1 year

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bo. bo. bo. listen. in your mind's eye. imagine some magical artifact suddenly makes hestia and tyler swap powers for one (1) season. imagine the absolute chaos that (could) WOULD unfold. imagine like. tyler wakes up and OH FUCK OH SHIT OH TITBALLS he's a dragon and he can straight up SMELL???? camilla's magic????? rip lance, accidentally gets some eldritch shit happening to him as hestia is freaking out. anyway. yeah. imagine. c h a o s :3

hed tell everyone their magic smells like tortellini with really wide eyes (even if it isnt true)

but like

telepathically

cuz i assume hed get that too

like this exactly like this

and itd go like this

Tyler: you smell like tortellini

Camilla: well, what kind? beef, parmesan and mozzarella, shrimp? it depends on wheth-

Camilla: did you just fucking speak.

hestia would be able to tell where magic is concentrated/where a magic person is within a half mile radius (it makes hide and seek with colleagues really boring)

shed also be able to directly suck someones energy source dry. like, until they pass out or die dry. idk if she had that before but awesome sauce

better hope tylers open to teaching hestia how to control and manipulate vampiric magic within a week otherwise he will get rly sick rly fast. thats an angst idea right there. tyler WOULD freak out and try to reverse the effects bcz without his vampiric magic hed die by the seasons end.

thats a rly long and complicated process and also half the reason he disappears every two or smth weeks for abt half the day.

but, cool idea! love it! i think itd be funny to see how they adapt to each other’s abilities, as vampiric magic is prone to instability. not sure abt all that dragonic shit but YER

#when i say instability i mean its far and few vampiric witches #especially older ones who made deals with reapers to get said powers #are prone to literally fucking DYING when the ‘magic awakening’ happens #the awakening being when a witch/wizard/wtv figures out they have these powers #BUT vampiric witches by BIRTH are less likely to have loose control/die when their magic awakening comes forth #its a hard magic ability to control #as its a bodies natural instinct to save itself when in times of need #so if your body says its low on energy then you best believe youre suckin it out of plants and life #its also a hell of a lot harder to master #as plants are easier to take energy from than animals #and animals are easier than humans/intelligent beings #monsters are a spectrum #slimes are easier than golems #yadda yadda #woo lore i love it #and also #tyler and his ex work together to keep each other alive via the use of their magic #so if tyler suddenly loses that before the deadline…#then his body will catch up with its age and hell get sick really quick #but #its okay!#theres gotta be smth to reverse the relics effects right?#or at least another vampiric/healing witch to help him out right #maybe one in the family #whos super anxious and scared and shy #(cough) ophelia (cough)#hes got backup plans.#LOVE THE IDEA GOAT #SUPER AWESOME #aand sorry for rambling in tags i love my ocs and all the lote that comes with them

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