#take him to the vet etc | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

salaciousdoll · 7 months

Text

✩˚｡⋆ ⋆ ⋆ Tear You Apart ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ˚｡✩

･˳ . ⋆ guest starring Geto Suguru, Gojo Satoru, Nanami Kento, Toji Fushiguro, Shiu Kong, Choso Kamo, Hiromi Higuruma, and Atsuya Kukasabe x Fem!reader ･˳ . ⋆

୨୧ ⁺⁎˚ ⋆━━ Be advised to the warnings of smut, 9some, groupsex, gangbang, saliva waste, nipple play, food play( whip cream), pet names( Angel, pretty baby, bunny, strawberry, etc.), bodily fluids( squirting, cum, bukkake), Halloween costume party( Geto and Gojo as König and Simon, Hiromi as a priest, Nanami as Patrick Bateman( not his idea), shiu and Toji as ghost face and Jason, Choso as Garu from Pucca, Atsuya as a sexy security guard, and finally you as playboy bunny with a sprinkle), anal play, tit job, foot job( unexpected or expected character), calve job( I don’t think that’s what it’s called), dirty talking, degradation and praise kink, daddy kink, again BUKKAKE, Nanami strokes Shiu’s dick while it’s in your throat( using you throat in a jerking motion basically), reader is hella flirty, jealous! Geto, cuck!geto, fingering, pussy eating, porn with plot( a little), p in v, let me know if I missed anything! Wc: 10k

Minors do not interact, 18+

ෆ ‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿ ෆ ̟ ̇ ┈•ﾟNote from Salaciousdoll: Happy Halloween everyone, I was procrastinating on finishing this, but I had no choice since I know multiple people are here for either the aot vets or the last one. Therefore, to those that have waited, I give my love and candy to you all for your patience and I hope you like it <333. Also, this is my first gangbang/group sec fic in a minute, so bare with me!! Some of these may be ooc( this is your final warning before you click continue to read) and as always welcome to Day 6 of my kinktober and the last day of kinktober. After this, we’re on to no nut November!!!

ﾟ•┈୨ Salaciousber Masterlist ୧┈•ﾟ｡ﾟ•┈୨ Taglist ୧┈•ﾟ｡

Halloween parties are filled with people finally getting the chance to show how slutty they can be. You loved Halloween so much, one of your favorite holidays. Halloween is the night of parties and horror mixed in one. October 31st is also the one night you experienced something you never thought you would agree to or be a part of. Something spectacular. Extraordinary. Extravagant. And most of all, sexy.

You were putting on your dark and light pink eyeshadow when Geto walked in your room with his costume and bags of candy he was going to sit out in the bowl for little kids to take, your idea since he hates being around a lot of people in general. You didn’t know what made you an exception, but you’re glad for it. The temple kisses he gives you everytime he sees you ensures your thoughts.

Geto walked to you and kissed your forehead from behind, sequentially spitting out your contour, “ fuck babe, you gotta let me know when you didn’t finish your makeup look, now all I could taste is that stuff you use.” His eyes were scrunched closed and his head was tilted to the side as he wiped his lips off with the back of his sweater. He looked so funny in the mirror that you couldn’t help but to laugh.

Your laughter calmed down, “ Sorry, Honey didn’t expect you to still kiss me while I’m doing my makeup, anyways what’s in that bag?”

Geto opened the bag and took out the costume in his hand, “ Got it just for you, like you asked.”

Gojo suddenly popped up behind him, “ With the courtesy of my help, of course.” Gojo pointed to his costume afterwards with a huge smile on his face, “ Guess who I am…” Satoru had on a white skull face mask on top of his white fluffy hair with green-army cargo pants and black combat boots to match. The black bulletproof vest hid his nipples well since he was shirtless. His green headphones sat on his neck as he smiled at you. Your vision of him dressing as Simon from COD came to life. You asked them to dress up this Halloween, so you wouldn’t be the only one dressing up tonight.

You couldn’t even get an answer out because of Geto rolling his eyes with a shake of his head, “ She knows already, dumbass. She’s the one who assigned these little costumes to all of us, did you forget already satoru?… nevermind don’t answer just get out so we can get dressed for this shit of a party.”

You laughed at Gojo whining about Geto being a hard ass and how he needs to lighten up on this special holiday. A holiday most don’t even consider to be a holiday. You started to blend in your makeup with your cheetah print robe on. Your Halloween costume was under the robe, so you really just had to wait for Geto to get dressed— luckily he showered before he left the house. Now you wait for him.

You heard him shuffling and moving on his side of the room away from the mirror. After the blending, you finished off the rest and lined your lips up prior to spraying on the setting spray.

You then got up and pulled out your pretty pink open toe platform heels. Slipping your feet into them— the robe following after revealing your custom made bunny costume with rhinestones on the edges and inner bunny ears. The vintage bunny costume was something you never saw yourself wearing until now. Such a beauty, thanks to the creator of them: Zelda Wynn Valdes, a black woman. Gotta love that for you.

Geto came out of the bathroom after brushing his hair in place, his long black hair flowing behind him with no shirt on and green cargo pants on. He put on a vest after, keeping it open for the cherry on top: black combat boots and a könig mask on top of his head. His pretty face was still visible for you and that’s enough.

You smiled at him and walked up to him with your tits jiggling with every step you took towards your man, “ You look so fucking good, but that’s not his full attire babe.”

He knew you were teasing him, so he smiled at you, “ And you look very, very delicious, can't wait to devour you tonight. Now give me a kiss, my pretty bunny.”

You almost squealed at his nickname but composed yourself when you heard a honk of a horn downstairs with a yell following afterward, “ Come on, love birds. Gotta party to get to and some ladies to meet!” Gojo only knew you two were ready because of Geto sending him a text telling him you two would be down stairs in two minutes once he was through getting dressed.

You sighed and grabbed your pink fur coat to wear over your outfit; about to put it on until Geto stopped you, “ Let everyone see what they can’t have. Want to show you off. Want you to show off” Your glossy lips stretched into a smile and you kissed him on his cheek letting the glossy lip print add to his look.

Suguru held up a white, short see-through robe with pink fur on the outline of it, the one you were supposed to wear with this costume, “ wear this one instead.”

You smiled and turned around so he could slip it on you. He then fixed your hair prior to grabbing your clutch— handing it to you. He watched you walk out with your heels clicking on the floor with every step you took. Geto was so lost in the way your legs looked in the white panty hose you wore with little rhinestones all over it. And your ass. Your ass looked so cute and plump with the bunny tail on the back of it. He was fucking lucky to have you. You may think tonight is everyone’s night, but Geto disagrees because tonight is all about you.

The transition to the house was fun, mainly because of Suguru playfully arguing with Satoru about any and everything. Their friendship was beautiful to you, so you just sat back in your seat and looked out the window. And because of that you didn’t notice either of them staring at you through the side of their eyes or in the rear view mirror.

Soon you three made your way into the club and looked around at everyone. You noticed people wearing all types of costumes: bananas, Frankenstein, cat suits, cheetah suits, bunny suits, playboy costumes like you, school girls, sailor men, sailor moon costumes, superheroes, manga villains, and etc. costumes. Wow they really went all out for this costume party satoru organized. Yes he showed up late to his own party at the big club you three were walking through now.

Geto held your hand as he brought you to the table a big group were at, one of them was a woman, your friend: Shoko. You slid into the booth beside her and hugged her.

“ You look so gorgeous, {reader}! Got questions for you, pretty girl. The first question is how did you get everyone to join in your get up with the costumes? I’ve tried since we were in college.”, Shoko yells over the loud music as she pours you a shot of rum to get your blood flowing for tonight.

You smiled at her, grabbing the shot glass in your pretty manicured hand, “ Can’t say, it’s a secret.”

Utahime heard you— now sitting next to Shoko on the other side of her— speaking up, “ what’s the secret of getting these knuckleheads besides Nanami and Hiromi to listen?”

Shoko looked over at the men, mostly Geto, Toji, and Gojo trying to get Nanami and Choso to drink. You chuckled at Choso pigtails and costume all together, he really dressed up as Garu from Pucca like you asked him. You then traveled your eyes to Nanami and shook your head letting out a little laugh, he was supposed to be Patrick Bateman but he just did his regular attire with a red dress shirt and zebra print tie. He didn’t even try, yet he still looked good.

You then turn your head to Utahime and smirked, “ They just do. Guys I don’t really control these men, they just do what I ask. Strangely without any objections.” Shoko and Utahime faces formed into tiny o’s of shock.

Shoko downed her drink- scrunching up her face afterwards. You laughed and downed your shot doing the same thing. Man, rum is not your kind of drink, where’s the { favorite drink} at.

“ You got all of them wrapped around that pretty little finger of yours, I think I know why. Your aura tells me why.”, Meimei said standing at the end of the table with her braid in front of her face, she was cat woman. Shoko was a sexy devil and Utahime was a pure Angel.

Your eyes rolled at her presence since you didn’t like the actions she did. And she did a lot of them. Other than that, you can’t be a hater, so you say she looks good to which she just smiled at you and spoke to Shoko.

Shoko had a cigarette hanging off her mouth as she spoke to Mei mei, “ What do you know? Spill because there has to be some answer to how they all dressed up this year.”

You tuned them out as you eyed Shiu, who was dressed as ghost face from scream, from across the big space you all were stationed at in the V.I.P. Session. The mask on his head was positioned to the side of his face, he had small leaks of blood on his mask, face, and neck— you couldn’t tell if it was real blood or fake blood, knowing him he never got his hands dirty so it may be fake. As he was eyeing you, you noticed his rings on his hand illuminated from the disco ball light on the ceiling.

He was staring into your eyes as he took a long drag out his cigarette, the burn in his lungs wasn’t even bothering him as he kept his eyes and mind filled with you as the vision, besides he was used to the feeling. He has wanted you since he got introduced to you. He and Toji talked about you in more ways you couldn’t even imagine. You were a cutie to him and he wanted to feel your thick thighs clenching onto his head as he teased your pussy throughout day and night. “Geto don’t know how to handle a woman like that” was Toji saying to him whenever they talked about you in almost all of their conversations with just the two of them and he agreed with Toji everytime.

You broke eye contact when Geto came into his view, bending down to give you a kiss on your lips in front of everyone without a care in the world. He meant it when he wanted to show you off tonight. This was only the beginning though.

You broke the kiss and tilted your head at him in wonder of why he did that so abruptly. He suddenly grabbed your hand and walked you to the bar to get another drink, “ Are you enjoying yourself, pretty girl?”

You didn’t know why he asked that question since you both got here 25 minutes ago. His question had a tone you couldn’t comprehend especially when you’re beginning to feel a little dazed. You were a fucking lightweight when it came to drinking and hated it because your fun would have to end early every single time. Too afraid to go past your limit in fear of acting too out of character.

“ Sugu, what’s wrong? Why are you asking me that?”, you asked prior to taking two shots. He took two shots as well and let out a noise following the second one, kinda like a loud grunt.

“ You know why? Want to make sure you are alright because I didn’t like the way you two held eye contact with each other and thought he made you uncomfortable. Did he?”, Geto asks referring to Shiu eye-fucking you.

You laughed at how serious he sounded without meaning to, “ Honey, you’re jealousy is screaming right now.” You laughed again after that statement and grabbed his hand that was placed on the bar, “ You, mister, have nothing to worry about. He’s not the one I want. I want y-”

Geto turned to you with an expression you couldn’t figure out, “ do you think I haven’t noticed the exchanges you’ve had with everyone over these past couple of months. The hand touching with Satoru, flirting with Choso and touching his hair whenever he lets you.” He turned his body fully to you and opened his legs to pull you in between them by your robe, “ the eye fucking with Shiu, bantering with Toji over stupid and small things, the doe eyes of seduction at Nanami whenever he spoke to you, the batting eyelashes at Hiromi, and finally the giggles with Atsuya. Let’s not forget to mention the arguing with Naoya, teasing with Ijichi, and the explanations of lust with Kashimo.”

As he named all of them he continued with descriptions of you giving slow blinks to Shoko and the seductive smiles at Utahime. What a little sly fox you were. He leaned closer to your ear to whisper, “ what a little slut I’ve got on my hands, am I right? A slut who needs to be torn apart. Let me tear you apart by fucking you in the VIP rooms no one is allowed in. Let us tear you apart.”

You gulped and stared at him, music blocking out and you were now just staring into his chocolate brown eyes. Geto hands found their way up your body, tracing over the curves, humps, or rolls on your body making his way to your tits to enclose his hands, well try to enclose his hand around them.

Your mouth kept closing and opening like a fish— mind was gone. Too gone that you didn’t feel a presence behind you as you kept staring at Geto eyes. Geto started to play with your star-shaped diamond necklace in between your breasts, “ All you have to do is say the word and I could have this organized, darling. Your word against mine. Tonight is all about you.”

You gather up some spit from your dried up throat and slowly nod your head. Geto looked behind your shoulders and signaled Gojo to wrap his new black blindfold over your eyes. You were about to panic until you felt lips on your lips and then Geto’s voice followed afterwards, “ Relax, my pretty Angel. Grab my hand and let me guide you.”

You felt him grab your left hand and then felt him, no… someone else grabbed your right hand causing you to slightly jerk away. Gojo almost burst out laughing at the way you scooted closer to Geto in fear of another person grabbing your hand.

Geto squeezed your hand in reassurance, “ Trust me, darling.” You nodded and reached your hand out in front of you thinking that the person was in front of you now. Gojo was in front of you but was still beside you, so he grabbed your hand into his big, calloused hand. You tried to guess who hand you were holding the entire time you were guided in between Suguru and Satoru, gaining looks from curious and judging people around you all. It looked so suspicious and eye-catching from the bystanders point of view, Suguru thought you were lucky because you couldn’t see the people staring at them.

They were glad they made it to the room with multiple footsteps following behind. You couldn’t hear them because of the music still blaring loudly in the background because of the door being open. Soon, you heard the door shut and felt the robe on your body get taken off you. The sharp gasps and inhales were heard before you and you wanted to take off the semi-tight blind fold to see where the noises came from. The silence was awkward yet it intrigued you.

You gasp when you feel a rough, thick fingers being wrapped around your chest area and a voice following, “ You’re shaking pretty baby” That voice belongs to Gojo Satoru, the man you and Geto admired. Chuckles were heard around you and it was driving you crazy that you couldn’t figure out who was in this room with you.

“ Scared? Don’t be, doll.”, Toji's voice was heard from the right side of you, it sounded like he was a few feet away from you.

“ I don’t think you saying that is helping, let me.”, Nanami says, coming up behind you. You tried to turn your head to him as if you could look at him through the blindfold.

This action made Suguru grip on your jaw tightened, “ Keep your eyes forward, darling.”

Atsuya was next to talk as he sat on the arm of the couch with a cigarette in his mouth, “ Yeah it’s not like you could see anyways so keep ya pretty head forward, will ya?” You were about to respond to him until you felt your body begin to get tighter around your arms that was stuck to your side by this thing wrapped around you. It was a rope most likely especially from the way it felt against your body. They finished tying you up and you only knew because of the taps they each gave you in your thighs. Your boobs were pushed up even more and your stomach enhanced even more from the way Suguru and Satoru tied up the top half of your body.

You soon felt a hand trace over the rough rope wrapped around your body causing your breath to get caught up in your throat. Nanami stood behind you with his body pressed into your back and his print on your bunny tail, heavy and thick. His lips touched the shell of your ear and your body was now visibly shaking before him, “ feel that? Feel our bodies touching… so warm together, now think of something warm. What makes you feel warm? Summer, bodies sitting next to each other, laying on top of each other, or a warm day in winter? Tell me, cupcake.”

Nanami then grabbed your tummy that was hidden by the vintage bunny suit you still had on, pulling your body further into him— giving you a hint towards your answer. You cleared your throat and answered his questions, “ Bodies next or on top of each other makes me warm, why?”

Nanami smiled at you and took off his jacket from behind you as Geto still stood in front of you admiring you from head to toe. He wasn’t even paying attention to the conversations, hell majority of them weren't due to how amazing your body looked in shibari ropes.

“ Easing your mind, my little cupcake. It worked because you’re not shaking anymore. Nervous anymore. Most of all..”, Nanami says, trailing off with a kiss to your ear lobe.

Hiromi chimed in on the side of you and Nanami, further away from you two though, “ You’re comfortable with us now. Not a timid little girl in front of the pack of wolves anymore. Now let us take care of you.”

You finally let your head fall back onto Nanami’s shoulder as he traced little circles on the side of your thighs as he looked at Geto with a knowledgeable look. Geto and Gojo helped you out of your heels, putting them to the side. Your feet felt so cold through your panty hose you had on. Your feet were swept off the floor as Nanami walked you to the couch in his arms. His arms felt so huge around your stomach, you wanted to feel them but couldn’t because of your hands being tied to your sides.

He turned you around to him before gently sitting you on the couch in view of every man in this room with you. You were the star of the show and the apple of everyone’s eye. They watched your chest rise up and down, slow and erotically. Your lips were plumped and looked ready to accept any cock.

Geto smirked at his beautiful piece of art he managed to get in his arms, “ She’s all yours.” He was talking to everyone in that room and everyone knew he was serious about this. He was treating you like he was pimping you out and somehow it turned you on even more. He was letting other men use his woman in front of him. God, he was so perfect for you because this was your darkest desire for a minute.

Only part you worried about is if he’s going to look at you like you’re his treasure after tonight. Stupid mind of yours because of course he’s gonna still be in love with you after all, this was his idea from the start.

Toji was the first one up with his Jason mask on his head like a hat, “ Gonna need your warm mouth to warm me up like the good little slut Geto gloats about. You can do that right?” His boots were placed on the sides of your body and his crotch was in your face. Boots creasing into the luxurious, leather couch with no care in the world. He needed your mouth wrapped around his cock.

You could feel multiple eyes on you as you heard a zipper being unzipped and a hard object hitting the top of your head. You gasped as Toji laughed at your scrunched up eyebrows as a reaction to hit cock lying on your head, hard and ready to be sucked.

Everyone was indeed staring at you but somehow his gaze was more crucial than the rest. He pushed your head back so it’s against the couch, “ Open wide for me, doll.” You opened your mouth in a beautiful little o making him smirk,“ Now suck my dick like a good little dolly and I may reward you.” You tried to move your head forward to grab his dick in between your needy lips but it’s like he wasn’t near you.

Toji was playing a game with you as he moved back when your mouth neared the head of his cock. He darkly chuckled at your pathetic attempt to get him inside of your mouth again. Toji put two hands on the couch behind your head and leaned his hips back when you almost caught his tip inside of your mouth, “ Such a needy little whore. You want my cock that bad.”

You wanted to cry so bad because your pussy was beginning to ache because of his words and teasing actions, let alone the feeling of being watched. It was all too much for you that you were starting to get irritated and most of them could see it.

Choso came forward with the lingering of your temptations all around him, guiding him to get on his knees in front of your body squirming in frustration because Toji was still playing his little game with you. You stop moving and squirming when you feel big hands closing on your thighs as they pried them open.

You stupidly looked down and your hair got yanked back as a result of your curiosity with a dick pushed deep into your throat in sequence and consequence. Toji’s cock created a bulge in your throat— you tried to catch your breath but couldn’t because you soon felt the opening of your costume and panty hose be ripped open letting the fresh air hit your glistening pussy.

“ Fucking vixen you are, a commando slut. Hurry up, Choso I want a turn.”, You heard Shiu say in a low, gruff voice. You automatically knew he was either jerking off or just really thirsty for you. Meanwhile, Toji was fucking your face with neediness and dominance in one.

“ Fuck, your fuc-hahh.”, Toji moaned as your jaw locked in on him like he was in a Venus fly trap. Your hollow cheeks looked so pretty in his view, if only everyone could see how pretty you looked with his cock in your mouth.

Toji pulled out of your mouth just in time for Choso to spit on your pussy— marking himself on your body. Choso spit felt so warm on your cold pussy. Your pussy was cold from the air, which made you clench onto air. Choso used two fingers to spread your pussy apart, his thick and pierced tongue licked a stripe of your pussy causing you to moan.

All of them grunted, moaned, or cursed from hearing your moan.

You whimpered, “ Please— fuck my face.” Your whimpered out words were heard around the room and Toji definitely took that into consideration, so he pressed your head back into the couch and snapped his hips into your face, balls slapping your chin as he started to fuck your face with no mercy for your throat.

The sounds of balls slapping a wet chin along with gags and gargles filled the room. Toji's eyes were rolled to the back of his head as his dick moved in and out of your smooth, wet mouth faster. Spit bubbles were starting to form on his cock due to the gargles you were producing from trying to moan at the feeling of Choso’s tongue ring twirling around your clit.

“ Choso, do take in mind that my Angel likes her pussy to be eaten messily. She’s such a whore like that so whenever someone doesn’t eat her out messily, she gets whiny and starts to squirm like she’s trying to do right now.”, Geto pointed to her when Choso stopped what he was doing to look at him. Choso looked back at your body. You looked like an actual whore squirming around with your clothes torn and spit dripping down your body from your mouth getting fucked.

Choso nodded and wrapped his hands around your thighs, well trying to fit his hand around them. He moved closer to your wet pussy and smirked to himself. He thought she was really pretty. Your pussy is like a piece of candy he saw at the top shelf of the candy store, pricey with pretty packaging now he gets to taste it. Your vision was starting to go black from how hard Toji was hitting the back of your throat and you were close to falling into conscious, but Choso’s face in your cunt woke you out of slipping into unconsciousness. Your gags were getting louder because of Choso flicking his tongue over your clit. The motion of his tongue was what you needed.

You tried to reach for his hair but the rope and Toji’s thrust was stopping you from doing anything, so all you could do is close your thighs around his head, eventually taking Choso to heaven because he dreamed of this and so has Shiu who was watching closely.

Gojo was palming himself inside of his camouflage pants letting out little whimpers here and there at you being used by two men. Nanami sat with his hands on his face, leaning over with his elbows on both of his knees watching the show in front of him. His hard on was pumping and was starting to hurt, but he can wait his turn. Hiromi, however, could not wait and neither could Atsuya. They needed to feel your hands on them some way or get their hands on you, doesn’t matter.

Geto was too busy setting up the camera on his camera to take care of his hard on inside of his green pants. He tried too hard to ignore the sounds of your gags and moans as they both took care of you.

Toji thrusted into your mouth two more times before pulling out— a string of saliva was dispersing off his cock from how much saliva you had in your warm toaster of a mouth. Toji was holding his wet cock in his hand in order to stop himself from cumming inside of your mouth and wasting his opportunity of cumming anywhere else on your body. Toji then gathered the spit lathered on his cock up into his hand just to smear it on and around your lips making you even more messier.

Your licked around your lips to taste what he put on your lips, your moans followed loudly with clarity to the men in the room. You were desperately moving your body up and down Choso’s thick tongue inside of your pussy like a dick fucking into you. His slurping sounds were loud and the spit forming all over your pussy and his face was turning you and him on a lot more now. Choso let go of one of your thighs to palm his bulge inside of his pants, he needed to be inside of you.

The curl of his tongue inside of you was enough for you to lift the upper half of your body off the couch with desperate whines following, “ Fuck meeee, I need more. Mmmphh!” You couldn’t believe how whiny you were sounding but when you have a fat tongue inside of your pussy and a silver ball attached to it, anything can happen.

Choso did one more circle of his tongue around the insides of your pussy before dragging his tongue up your pussy to your clit, sucking on it with loud noises following. His moans on your pussy as he ate you out were so pretty to you and you were close.

He knew you were because of how your body started shaking and your hips dragging up and down more desperately. Choso moved a little to let Shiu hurry and take his place once he moved.

Choso sucked on your clit one last time causing you to moan loudly at the abuse he was doing to your clit.

You felt his mouth detach from your clit and felt another person's mouth on your pussy. His tongue was more rough and sloppy than Choso’s, way more sloppy. You tried to sit up, yet the person didn’t let you because he held your stomach down with one hand whilst his other hand moved to the opening of your pussy. His fingers pushed inside of you causing you to open your mouth letting out a moan so pretty that Geto was glad he caught it on camera so he could jerk off to it later.

While Shiu was devouring your pussy with his long tongue and thick lips, you felt two other presences on the side of you. They both helped pull down the top of your costume just below your tits. Nanami eyed your tits with lust, lust that he hadn’t felt in a long time. He was a preserved man and didn’t focus on getting his dick wet like the rest of these men. So it was only you that was on his mind, in his view, everything. He now understood why Geto was obsessed with you when he looked back up at your face. Face of an Angel being pleasured by demons of lust.

He watched the way your throat moved when you let out little whimpers and moans at Shiu eating your pussy like a starved man. He loved hearing you moan out names too, one day he’ll get you to moan his name all night long if Geto lets him have you.

Meanwhile, Hiromi loved the sight of your tits and needed to see them with whip cream on them, so he grabbed some out of the little frigerator on the far side of the room. Geto was a genius for this one little thing. Hiromi came back and sprayed some whip cream on your right tit causing you to whimper at the coldness of the cream. Hiromi threw the can behind him and licked off all the whip cream off your tit, cleaning up every last bit of it before sucking on it. For someone dressing up as a priest, he sure is acting in sin right now.

Nanami could hear the sucking sounds coming from Hiromi on the other side of him and the slurping from Shiu down below. It was only right he joined and he did by taking your other nipple in his mouth. Nanami’s mouth was attached to your pretty nipples and his tongue was swirling around your nipples as his mouth was attached, adding on to the pleasure you were receiving.

Your head was thrown back on the couch, you were feeling yourself getting closer and closer to the edge and needed to touch any of the three men attacking your body with their lips, “ mmmph, this fe-eels sooo good.”

Hiromi loved the sound of your voice crying out in pleasure. He wished he could capture the way your face transforms with different expressions especially when he grazed your nipples with his teeth on purpose. Your boob felt so heavy in his hand and he was in love with them. Wanted to suffocate in them if he got the chance. Hiromi’s hand traveled down to your stomach, squeezing it causing you to gasp.

The feeling of being squeezed, licked, and sucked on by all three men was beginning to stimulate you. As soon as Shiu warm, wet mouth planted itself on your clit with his tongue spelling something you couldn’t even comprehend because your mind was too stimulated, your head crashed into the couch again and your body thrashed around in desperation to get away.

Your moans were soon captured with Gojo’s lips as he kissed you whilst leaning over the couch to capture your lips in an upside down kiss.

“ atta girl! she’s a fucking squirter. I called it.”, Toji says like a proud scientist presenting his latest discovery. He was sitting on the couch before you four and watched as Shiu tried to capture all of your squirt in his mouth.

Geto rolled his eyes at Atsuya pulling out a 20 dollar bill to give to Toji.

Atsuya scoffed as he saw Toji hand in a gimme motion, “ You’re lucky this time. Don’t forget that you still owe me 10 dollars because of her costume choice.”

The slurping and muffled screams stopped as you came down from your high. As Atsuya was giving over his 20 dollars, Shiu was detaching his lips from your jumping clit. He smirked at your pussy crying for him, “ You did so well, bunny. Such a pretty pussy you have.”

You whimpered as Gojo tongue explored your mouth, sloppily licking around your mouth with his tongue. He wanted more of you, needed more. Nanami and Hiromi both let go of your nipples with a string of saliva left behind as they released your nipples out of their wet mouths.

Surprisingly your nipples were still hard but this time covered with saliva. Their saliva. They couldn’t wait to fuck you like their little slut. There’s a reason why these two men are preserved and to look like they’re stressed out all the time. They don’t release their frustration anywhere, so tonight’s the night they will. All thanks to you.

Gojo planted one last kiss on your plump and bruised lips. Bruised from his kissing is the best kind. He was magnificent at kissing, sloppy but beautiful. Everyone started to back up as Geto came forward with a smirk on his face as he watched your body move up and down. You were helplessly tied up right now and he knew you liked it that way. Too bad it’s gonna end right now.

He took off the ropes after a few twists and pulls. Once you felt the ropes come off your body, you felt sad and relieved. Following after was the blindfold on your eyes. As soon as they came off, your eyes squinted because of the light above you. Once you regained your vision back, your eyes moved to in front of you and you shyly looked down again. You couldn’t help but to do that because having this many sexy men in the room with you was too much.

Geto footsteps were heard as he walked around the couch in the back of you. He chuckled, pulling your chin up to face the men who looked at you like you were a little red riding hood and they were the wolves waiting for your next move.

“ Come on, Angel. Don’t get shy now. Actually, when have you ever got shy, is this because these are the men you’ve been slutting yourself out to even when I’m standing right there with you?”, Geto asked from above you since he was still standing behind you but now leaning down a little to stare at your head and face.

Your lips puckered and your right leg started to shake up and down, this time Choso took note of this because he knows how it feels to be nervous. So he insists, “ Suguru maybe blind fold her again, she’s too sh—”

Geto shook his head, “ No, she’s just fine. She isn’t shaking because of anxiety Choso, nooo. She’s shaking her leg in impatience. She’s a sly fox who gets everyone to believe she’s shy, innocent, and so forth but nooo she’s a dirty slut on the inside and now on the outside. Show them how much of a devilish whore you can be, Angel.”

It's like something in you snapped when he pointed that out, like he put a battery in your back to energize you up. You opened up your mouth to speak, “ I want all of you, right here and now. Fuck me.”

Those words set fire to all the men around you. Men in different costumes: ghost face, Simon ‘ghost’, könig, Jason, a priest, a supposed Patrick Bateman, Garu, and a security guard. All for you.

Toji came over to lift you up and you gladly wrapped your legs around him, “ fuck, doll. Your pussy caused that, look down.” You looked to the side and down at the big wet stain on the couch with a smile on your face. Toji kissed your neck as he still held you up in his arms not caring how much you weighed, “ Thank you for proving that asshole wrong now lemme give you my award.”

Toji walked backwards to the couch opposite of the one you were on and landed on the couch with you on top of him. Your bare pussy was on top of his pants that had the zipper open. Toji couldn’t wait to be inside of you so he took out his hard cock and you lifted up to sink right back down taking half of him inside before stopping when you couldn’t take anymore, “ Mmmm, I can’t take anymore, Toji. Let me ride like this.”

Toji's eyes narrowed, “ You think you got the upper hand here?” He smacked your ass right as Gojo chuckled from behind you, “ I think she thinks she has the upper hand, how foolish of you, pretty baby.”

Gojo’s big hands came down on your shoulders and Toji’s big hands enclosed themselves on your love handles with some of your tummy spilling over his hand. They both helped you take all of Toji’s cock watching as you whimpered at the feeling of being stuffed full in your pussy.

Toji’s groan was ruff but pretty, “ just like that, now you’re full of me, hope you enjoyed the last of your breath because it’s about to be taken in three, two, on-”

Your head suddenly got dragged to the side of Toji’s head to Shiu’s cock. Shiu’s cock smelled so good and looked like he tasted so good. You wanted him in your mouth so bad. In the back of your mind, you were honestly surprised that a man besides Suguru dick smelled good and natural.

Your mouth watered and just as it did he shoved you down on his cock with a loud guck sound following. He was about to brutally fuck your throat and you were gonna love every second of it. Meanwhile, Toji was slowly moving inside of you, teasing your pretty cunt. A cunt that was sucking his dick in. “ Such a tight, needy cumt you have”.

“ Hey, Suguru, pass the lube over here. Need to prep her before she takes it up the ass like a good girl right?” The way he stretched the “right” sent your pussy fluttering around Toji’s cock. Your eyes widened when you felt the rest of your panty hose from behind get ripped by Gojo’s hand.

Shui’s head was thrown back as you gagged on his cock eagerly, “ She takes cock like a pro, fuck ye-uughhh.” He was an undercover moaner, perfect for you as you slurped on his cock.

Gojo slapped your ass prior to dripping the lube he got from Suguru on your other hole. The cold liquid felt so good dripping down your hole and soon his finger rubbing in circles felt the same way. Nanami couldn’t wait any longer and neither could Kukasabe, so they both dropped their pants to get handjobs from you. You took Nanami’s cock in your hand as he stood next to Shiu whose head was thrown back in bliss.

Your head started to bob up and down even faster and once you started to move your head in a circular motion, Shiu was done for. Nanami looked over at him and chuckled at how his eyes crossed from the head you were giving to him. His chuckling stopped when your hand started to tighten on his cock as you stroked him up and down.

Atsuya guided your other hand to his cock, you so eagerly took in your hand— stroking him at the same pace you were stroking Nanami. Both of their heads flew back as they let out low groans or moans at the way your hand was working their cocks.

Gojo was focused on the way your hole took in his finger as your loud moans were vibrating off Shiu’s cock. “ Such a cute little hole, you’re telling me you’ve been keeping this all to yourself Suguru.”

Choso hissed as he stroked his cock to the scene in front of him. You were being used and it was only going to get better from here.

Geto shrugged his shoulders and Hiromi scoffed, “ a selfish man indeed.”

“ oh shut up, you would keep her to yourself as well if she looked how my Angel looks.”, Geto throws out while you were getting your pussy spilt open and fucked perfectly. Gojo needed to get a fill of your pussy and ass, in response he slid his finger in and out your ass opening it up for him. Once he saw you relax, he unzipped his zipper and pulled his dick out to lay it against your ass.

Nanami started to fuck into your hand and Gojo saw and wanted to poke fun at the man like he always do, “ Her hand must feel good to have someone like you fuck it. Her pretty fingers are getting you off aren’t they? How long has it b-”

“ Shut the hell up, I don’t need to hear your voice when all we should be- aahhh- hearing her moans. Let the lady get her spotlight.”, Nanami speaks out as he suppressed his moans when your hand started to twist around his cock.

Gojo threw his hands up as the rest of the men chuckled, “ you’ll hear her moaning in a moment, Nanami.” Gojo pushed his thick cock into your pussy cussing you to release Shiu’s cock from your mouth letting out a loud moan. Gojo looked up at Nanami with a smug look, “Like right now”.

“ Aughh- aaahhh it hurts. It hurts.”, you moaned in pain. Gojo kissed the back of your shoulder while Toji licked your chest as he stilled for a moment to let you and Gojo adjust.”

“ Shhh I know, I know. I can stop if you want, say the word and you got it, strawberry pearl.”, Gojo whispered in your ear as he dick now pulsed inside of you.

Your teeth bit your bottom lip in reaction to both dicks being inside of you. You wanted to cominute so you didn’t say anything, just wiggled to get more of him inside. Gojo smiled and started to move inside of you slowly. Toji smacked your ass, “ Hold still f’us doll. Need to get all the way Inside.” You did as he said and moaned at how they both rubbed your insides just right. You felt like you could feel every vein on their dicks.

Shiu shoved your head back on his cock, holding onto your head as he fucked into your mouth, hard and fast. Your arms were starting to get tired so Nanami helped guide your hand up and down his length as he thrusted in and out of your hand at a fast pace. As opposed to Atsuya who just sat back and let you do all the work, such a gentleman.

Toji waited until Gojo was all the way in before he gave him a head nod. Gojo held onto your love handles or hips tightly digging his nails into you as he started to pound inside of you. As he moved in, Toji moved out and this repeated. Both snapping their hips into you almost tearing you apart and surprisingly, it's like you wanted them to do it too.

“ Atta girl, mouth full of cock just like your pussy.”, Gojo taunts as he shrugged off his vest leaving him in only his green camouflage pants and boots. He fucked you with his Simon mask on his head. You wished he had it on his face.

“ Can’t wait to gape her pretty little ass like the slutty little doll she is told to be. Such a pretty slut taking our cocks like this.”, Toji says with a grunt at the end when you start to tighten with both of them inside of you—pushing their cocks together like two thick sticks laying on top of each other because of the rainstorm.

Your throat felt like it was being poked fast everytime Shiu snapped his hips into you. Nanami started to jerk your throat with his large hand that had his watch on his wrist. Shiu almost felt like he was going to pass out if Nanami did it even faster. Fuck this was so unexpected and hot. “ Shit. Shit. Shit. If you both keep fucking, aahh.” Nanami didn’t know what came over him when he did that. He just saw the bulge in your throat and wanted to touch it. If Shiu can get a bulge in your throat then he damn sure can as well, maybe even longer than his.

You felt liquid squirt on your hand from the left side of you. Atsuya couldn’t take seeing you do to work on everyone’s cocks like a pornstar he was obsessed with. He came before everyone and knew he was gonna be the laughing stock of the future get togethers they have but if cumming in your hand was the price then he’ll gladly let them laugh it up, “ Fuck sweetheart, such a good little hand you have there.”

Your mouth was getting tired and so was your hands. Nanami felt it so he snatched his cock out of your hands at the same time as Shiu snatched his cock out of your mouth with a loud gasp from you.

Nanami held your hair up balled into a ponytail to admire your face and Shiu let out a deep breath wiping the spit off your mouth just to put it back into your open mouth.

“ So fucking pretty”., Shiu exclaims.

“ Yeah she’s very beautiful in this view”., Nanami agrees.

Your eyes were beginning to water from Toji and Gojo fucking into you, “ mmhhh, it feels soooo good. I don’t think I can tak— oohhhh.” Your eyes rolled to the back of your head when they both swirled their hips as they pounded inside of your sloppy cunt. You let go just then the and there by squirting on both of their dicks causing both to pull out just enough to let it all out.

“ Damn, her pussy is too fucking perfect. She squirting on me so prettily, should’ve made the bet with you, old man.”, Gojo moans as he moves in and out of your squirting pussy.

Toji got irritated at the insult Gojo gave him because he wasn’t old, which made him take his anger out on your poor pussy. He scooted a bit lower, just enough to fuck into you at a different pace Gojo was going— mixing up your insides like you never had it

“ Fuck off, Satoru. Now back to you little doll, how do you like that pussy getting abused by my cock. After all it’s my dick that made you squirt right?”, Toji ended his question with a slap to your ass causing you to jerk forward with a cry of pain and pleasure mixed.

You couldn’t even answer because your eyes were starting to cloud with tears and your head was filled with nothingness. It was a scary and horny feeling. Satoru grabbed your stomach as Nanami and Atsuya massaged your tits with their big hands. You were feeling pleasure and touched all around.

So much that you started to cream around their dicks making them slide in and out of you a little more easier. Once satoru saw this, he laughed, “ oh look at how she’s creaming on our dick Toji, we both know I added to that one, let’s call it how it is.”

Gojo’s hands gripped your tummy and his chest was now connected to your back, “ Awnnn it’s a weak spot for you, isn’t it? Having your stomach touched or gripped is your weakness, yeah. Let’s see how long you last, pretty baby.”

Geto was enjoying the scenery so much that he was edging himself like he usually does when you’re off on vacation or doing something else, away from him.

Gojo bites your shoulder as he pounded into you, flowing in sync with Toji.

“ uuuhnnn, it’s coming. M’cummin. M’cummin. M’cummin!!”, You screamed out before Shiu stuck his finger in your mouth. They all watched how you shake on Gojo’s and Toji’s dick in your cunt. Gojo pulled out just in time before he was about to cum inside of you. Ultimately, stopping himself from cumming.

Toji kept fucking you through your orgasm causing you to open your mouth in a silent O with your eyes rolling to the back of your head. It was beginning to be too much for you and you were starting to see black.

Geto sighed and came up from behind you after Gojo patted him on the back walking away afterwards. “ The joys of having a slut like this one. You could fuck her until she says the magic word. Our magic word, isn’t that right, Angel?”

You nodded like you were being mind controlled to nod your head. Toji pulled out of you and was about to cum on your stomach, but Geto put his finger on his hole stopping him from cumming, “ Wait until the end, Toji. Save the best part for last. He looked at the men in front of him and then turned to them behind him, “ This goes for all of you. Want to see this pretty little slut covered in cum, preferably similar to a canvas, my beautiful art in the end.”

Toji's head rolled when geto stopped his cum from flowing out, he liked being edged even when he never did that at all until now. He just couldn’t believe Geto had the audacity to touch his dick and stop him from cumming. Such a vile man.

Toji scoffed and lifted you up to place you back down on the couch, he looked at Geto with a scowl, “ Boner kill.”

Geto gave him a close eyed smile before picking you up in bridal format to walk you where Gojo laid on the pool table— by the wall. “ Take her ass and I’ll take her pussy. The rest can join but this pussy is mine for the rest of the night. She’s been too naughty.”

Your eyelashes were falling off because of how much you were crying and your mascara was running down your face. Geto smiled when he saw your reaction to Gojo slowly moving past your tight ring of muscle with closed eyes. He moaned as he slipped inside of you, “ Ssss’ good. So good. Fucking perfect little ass you got on you.”

“ Hear that, Angel. Gojo thinks the ass that I fucked in the past is perfect. And indeed, he is right. Your ass is perfect but not as perfect as your, Geto moved to squat on the table to line himself up against your pussy and when he slammed himself inside he moaned at your pussy instantly gripping onto him, Pussy.” He finished off his sentence with another moan escaping his throat.

They both moved in sync with your cries and pleas in the background. Geto threw his head back when the tip of his thick cock started to kiss your cervix repeatedly with a string of wetness in between his tip and your cervix each time he thrusted in and out.

The rest of the men got up and circled around the three. Toji hopped on the table to get on his knees beside your head, “ come on, doll, my dick is lonely without your hand.”

Choso stayed by your feet that was wrapped up in your white panty-hose, he needed to feel your feet on his dick, so he grabbed your feet and connected his dick to the soles of them fucking himself on your feet. It felt so different and good to you that you just let him. Foreign feeling indeed. What’s even more foreign was his pretty whimpers following, “ fuck. Fu-Uhh.”

Atsuya bent your leg to slide his lube up cock in between your calves and thighs, muffling his moan with a bite of his lips, “ Mmmmph.”

You then felt your tits being groped together before a cock moved in and out, the cock was heavy and thick and once you looked up your eyes connected with Hiromi’s big pretty eyes, “ That’s it, you have such pretty tits. A slut indeed. A pretty titty slut.”

Nanami crossed his leg over you, now standing in front of your face with his dick out. He grabbed your hair in a tight ponytail. Your moans were growing louder at the feeling of your body being used by all of these men and with that, Nanami’s thick, long cock slid in your mouth like a cold popsicle waiting for your mouth to warm and suck it up. “ Shit, think she’s perfect for this.”

Shiu guided your hand to his dick and you worked your magic on Toji’s and his cock, he hissed at the feeling of your pretty hand jerking off his cock. Toji did the same with his hair covering his eyes and his mouth opened in a silent o.

Once everyone got comfortable, you were in for it. Every push and pull out Gojo and Geto did was a dance they synchronized together. You couldn’t handle Gojo’s long cock inside of your ass filling you up and you couldn’t handle Geto’s thick cock inside of your pussy. Everything was too much and too good.

It felt like every part of your body was being admired and fucked right now and you loved it. “ Mmgh, mmmmphhh.”, You moaned in gargles because of Nanami fucking your throat with the need of Cumming into it. The bubbles that were forming around his dick as he snapped his cock into your needy, wet mouth 9( a fuck hole. He wasn’t usually this harsh with you or any woman but tonight was different. Tonight was a special occasion.

Choso was in a limbo state of mind as he fucked the covered sole of your feet, “ fuck, she’s such a good girl for letting me do this shit. I- I can’t help myself.” They all knew he had something weird to him, they finally found it out. He was a feet guy. What they didn’t know is it’s not true, something was whispering into his ear once he saw your feet dangling as Geto and Gojo fucked you.

Now for Atsuya, that was true. He’s a weird man. The weirdest out of all of them. There’s no denying that one.

Toji groaned out a loud moan before cumming into your hand and on your arm, “ Fu-uhhghhh-ckkk, she take cock so well, she’s a trained little whore.”

Shiu was next and his cum shot over your tits and hand, “ shit, shit, sh-uhhhhgh. You’re fucking right. So damn right.” They both finished first before any of the men. Geto smirked and held onto your stomach fucking you without no mercy, he wished he could see your tears pouring down your eyes like Nanami is. He wished he could see your tits moving up and down at he and Gojo’s thrusts. God, he wished he could kiss you.

“ Take it, Angel. Want you to feel your insides raveling before cumming on my dick. Matter of fact, you can take more from me, can’t you?”, Geto muses as he rolls his thumb over your pretty clit.

Your body was voluntarily shaking right now and soon it went limp. So now, you were limp and out of your mind as they continued to use you. You loved this and never wanted it to stop.

Neither does Gojo, who felt your hole taking the shape of his dick, “ aaahnnn, Suguru, keep doing that. She’s gonna fucking milk my cock at this rate. Such a fucking naughty little slut.”

Your slurps and gargles were loud now and the sound of balls hitting the chin was growing faster. Nanami was now cradling your head with his big hands as he moved your head up and down his cock, “ I sincerely wish you two would shut up. A lady is talking. You’re - holy shit!! Think I’m gonna cum.”

Nanami held your head against his pelvis letting any breath that you had, have no chance of escaping. His blonde hair was now covering his forehead as sweat glands started to build up around his forehead and run down his face.

Hiromi knew he was about to cum so he moved his tits up and down his cock, releasing a loud groan when he came in the middle of your tits, his head hitting the back of Nanami’s back. Both breathing loudly as you milk all of their cum out their bodies.

“ M’gonna cum. I wan’ cum. Wanna cum so bad. Please please please please.”, Your moans were loud and once your body felt the ribbon cut loose on your insides, your orgasm hit you hard and powerful. So powerful that you squirted out water and cream on suguru’s dick and some of it hit his green pants.

Gojo and Geto pulled out of you making everyone else stop as well as they watched you shake miraculously. Geto dragged you down to the floor and they all stood around you with the exception of those who already came on your body so it was only Geto, Gojo, Choso, And Atsuya left.

You closed your eyes when you felt Atsuya cum hit your face, close to your right eye. You were still shaking by the legs because you didn’t have enough time to get over your orgasm because theirs was coming as well.

Choso’s cum followed by spraying your chest, lips, and nose, “ fuckkkkkkk, damn! Such a pretty face you got. Ughnnnn.” His cum was drippy and he had lot of it.

Geto and Gojo were next and they both jerked each other off which made your pussy convulse at the sight. They were so hot doing this especially with the little whimpers and moans coming from them.

You licked the cum on your lips and spoke in a low, seductive voice, “ That’s it, cum on me. Cum on me like your personal toy.”

Gojo whimpered out his words, “ oooohhhh, fuck yes. Keep talking.”

And you did while holding eye contact with Geto who was stroking Satoru with a twisting combo he learned from how you did him, “ Cum on me like your personal slut. Your cum whore. Your cum dump.” Once you said the last sentence, you happily closed your eyes as both of them came onto your face at the same time. White and clear cum was all over your body. You smelled like sex and loved it for some reason.

Geto's body was jerking and shaking as he came and Gojo’s body was stuck as his head was thrown back in pure ecstasy.

“ Such a perfect little bunny. Pleasing all your- hnnghhh- daddies so good.”, Geto moaned as his cock finally stopped Cummin on your body.

You shakily raised up to kiss your Satoru’s dick first and then Geto’s cock of their tips, “ Thank you for the candy, daddy.” Your eye contact with Geto caused him to lean over and kiss you without a care in the world if your face was filled with other men cum. The camera recorded everything and he was going to show the video to Kashimo, Sukuna, Naoya, and Ijichi, the other men you were flirting with, with your consent first. Let them know they can be a part two only with your consent of course.

ෆ ̟ ̇ ┈•ﾟ Tagging: @chosoist @honeybleed @simpingfor-wakasa @angelshub and anyone else who would like to be tagged <3

2K notes · View notes

becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 1 year

Note

BORIS JOHNSON RESIGNS AS MP. Thoughts? The people howl for a new update to the Big Dog the Clown saga.

Yes this was not on my personal bingo card; my most recent Big Dog event was that a friend of mine works for air traffic control and recently had to delay BoJo's holiday flight by four hours, and on being told that this particular plane had to be prioritised for a runway slot because it contained an Important Clown promptly pushed it to the bottom of the priority list. Lol. And then all this! What larks.

Okay not a lot of detail yet still but LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE EVENTS OF 9TH JUNE, 2023 and you know what? It's been a while. Let's do it properly.

7.15am

Another day dawns in the reign of evil Grand Vizier-turned-PM Rishi Sunak. He's a very boring flavour of evil, tbh. Say what you will about Johnson, but at least there was spectacle and showmanship to his clownshow. Something for the children to boo and hiss. An animate ham in a villain's wig, something to really enjoy as you sit back, relax, and savour a tall, cool glass of schadenfreude.

By contrast Rishi just gets sycophants - who are no less ridiculous, but far more grey and boring - who pretend he's a tech bro because "he understands AI" and they think that will make him a visionary and a man of the future and maybe some sort of Elon Musk figure, because that's obviously a smashing template to be copied in a leader of a country.

This briefing was presumably drafted using ChatGPT.

Anyway, this is what we thought the day would be: another dreary overcast washout, livened up by Downing Street's latest attempt at making Sunak seem like a good idea to stave off the hulking spectre of Labour's inevitable GE win next year. How trite. How tedious. How mediocre.

What a shame it would be if... something were to liven it up.

8.39 am

Fun fact!

When a PM's term ends, as their last act in office, they get to present an Honours List. This means they write a list of all the people they reckon have been Jolly Good Sorts who have done Good Clowning and Supported The Community, and nominate those people for honours. Honours here can be anything from an MBE/OBE etc, to a Damehood/Knighthood, all the way up to entering the Peerage i.e. becoming a Lord. Traditionally, people have been fairly reasonable with these lists. Apart from anything else, the outgoing PM can only write the list - the new Prime Minister has to sign off on it, and it's usually the case, of course, that PMs are deposed by the opposition party.

Why am I mentioning this? Well: Boris, you see, has now presented his list to Sunak to validate. You may be unsurprised to learn that it contains quite a lot of clowns.

Another fun fact!

If a sitting MP is given a Peerage, they cannot continue to be an MP. MPs are elected. Lords are not. So an MP offered a lordship right now would have to stand down if they accepted, triggering a by-election in their seat that... well. That anyone could win, couldn't they? Ordinarily. Except Labour's shadow is growing, isn't it? I don't suppose Sunak would be all that happy about losing, for example, any Tory MPs nominated for a peerage right now.

What fun facts.

At 8.39am, Politics UK reveals an as-yet-unverified report that Nadine Dorries and Alok Sharma have been removed from Boris Johnson's honours list, and will go back to vetting.

(They also reveal that Big Dog's dad has been removed from the list, because nominating your dad for a Peerage is "inappropriate". Sorry, Bigger Dog. Apparently even corrupt ghoul Rishi Sunak has a limit to what open corruption he will allow, which is news to us all, most of all Rishi.)

10.41am

Nadine Dorries decides she will play to her strengths, and appear on TV to do some Public Speaking, which always goes well for her of course.

Nothing, let's remember, has been confirmed yet at all. But she's here to put people's minds at ease! No power-hungry status-chasing pink maniac, she! She is very clear in her aims.

“The last thing I would want to do would be to cause a by-election in my constituency.”

Quite right, Nadine. That would be disastrous.

11.20am

Oh, it’s Tory think tank NRG’s conference in Doncaster today. Gideon George Osborne, pig-stupid former Grand Vizier and idiot fail-heir to David "pig-fucker" Cameron, gives a speech. Let's see some quotes!

On the Tories’ choices of chancellors since he personally fell on his sword over Brexit left the role:

“You can see when the partnership doesn’t work. The government's paralysed and the politics is terrible.”

Fair, but also you are a government, George.

On Tories who attack the civil service:

“We’re in charge of our country’s destiny. We should stop blaming others if we don’t get things right."

... right. But you just... Uh.

On Tory culture warriors:

“It’s really important that the Conservative Party is excited about the country we aspire to lead… and doesn’t get in to ‘we’re against all these groups of people’. We’re the inclusive people.”

Well, points for clearing that absurdly low bar, I guess. Christ, I cannot BELIEVE Suella Braverman is making George fucking Osborne look good-by-comparison.

1pm

Ooh. Nadine's attempts to put minds at ease have inexplicably not worked, can't think why not. She's such a reassuring and charismatic speaker normally.

But the rumour is now FLYING about that Nadine has indeed been dropped from the honours list, and specifically because Sunak wants to avoid a by-election that will lose him more seats at a time when he is desperate for even a mat on the floor as long as it's blue.

Sorry, Nads. Still; this morning you were very clear that the constituency comes first, so I suppose that's okay. The priority now is that she MUST stay in position, so the Tories can keep their numbers steady. It is VITAL she remains an MP. Let's remember her exact words!

“The last thing I would want to do would be to cause a by-election in my constituency.”

3.45pm

Nadine Dorries tweets her resignation.

The last thing she does as an MP is indeed to cause a by-election in her constituency.

3.50pm

Except this is Nadine Dorries we're talking about. She's found some flashy balls to juggle, look, and a boy to pour custard down her trousers.

Not five minutes after dropping the bombshell, she deletes the last tweet announcing her resignation, and tweets a new one.

The new tweet says, “it is now time for another to take the reins” as the MP for Mid-Bedfordshire.

The original tweet said, “it is now time for someone younger to take the reins.”

On Talk TV, Dorries says that "something significant did happen to change my mind", but doesn’t elaborate.

3.56pm

The whispers are whispering. The rumours are rumouring. The knives are sharpening.

Nadine's now-former seat is Mid-Bedfordshire, and has been Tory since 1929; a safe seat, which certainly explains how Nadine fucking Dorries managed to hold it for as long as she did.

An MP on the right of the Tory party says that if the Tories lose the Mid Bedfordshire by-election, it’ll open questions about Rishi Sunak's leadership CLOWNFALL 3: REVENGE OF BIG DOG LET'S GOOOOOO

3.57pm

Nadine Dorries is removed from the WhatsApp group.

I would love to know who leaked that image. I really should not have that image. Ah well. Now you do too.

4.12pm

Good tweet alert!

5.08pm

Phew! What a day. Let's see how Rishi's getting on.

He approves the rest of BoJo's honours list. Shall we take a look at our newly-honoured citizens? Shall we see what familiar names crop up?

Honours for staff at centre of Partygate Jack Doyle, Rosie Bate-Williams and Shelly Williams-Walker (and a lot of other terrible and disgraced people who were loyal to Johnson, and some of Carrie Antoinette’s friends).

Damehoods for Andrea Jenkyns and Priti Patel.

Knighthoods for Jacob Rees-Mogg, Conor Burns, and Michael Fabricant.

An OBE for Kelly Jo Dodge, Parliamentary hairdresser.

Also honours for Ben Houchen, currently at the heart of a media storm about dodgy property deals. His huge regeneration project in Teesside is subject to a government investigation regarding the governance, finance and value for money.

(Interesting point – Tory MPs Allister Jack and Nigel Adams were offered peerages, but decided to wait, since accepting now would trigger by-elections.

Why were they offered at all, do you think?)

So … this means Michael Fabricant is now Sir Michael Fabricant. Like, actually. Genuinely.

Nice one, Rishi. Thank goodness you understand AIs.

5.44pm

The Guardian’s Pippa Crerar - journalist who brought down Big Dog one Partygate reveal at a time - tweets her guide to he honours list:

Martin Reynolds, former PPS, invited 200 officials to drinks in Downing St garden. He told officials to "bring your own booze", later adding: "We seem to have got away with it".

Shelley Williams-Walker, getting a Damehood, was No 10 head of opps & now runs his office. At No 10 party the night before Prince Philip's funeral she was dubbed "DJ SWW" for her banger playlist.

Jack Doyle & Rosie Bate-Williams, who get OBEs, were press spox who repeatedly denied the parties happened

Dan Rosenfield, who gets a peerage, quit in mass exodus of senior No 10 staff as anger over Partygate grew. Former chief of staff faced reports he was among senior Downing Street officials who attended a Christmas quiz when restrictions were in place.

Shaun Bailey, who ran unsuccessfully for London mayor, gets a peerage, and Ben Mallett, a close friend of Carrie Antoinette's who ran Zac Goldsmith’s disastrous mayoral campaign, gets an OBE. Both are in this picture of a lockdown-flouting party at CCHQ:

What a sea of punchable faces.

7.58pm

But we've been so focused on Nadine! She's fucked up her juggling, look, but she's sliding around on the rollerskates, ever so distracting. But here's the thing, Tumblrs, here's the thing:

Among all of this, what's the Chief Clown doing?

The Privilege Committee reveals in their draft report that Boris Johnson misled Parliament, and recommends a sanction of more than 10 days.

Does that sound too little? Are you wishing it were smething more meaningful? Let me help put it in context.

This sanction would be enough to trigger a by-election in Johnson’s seat.

8.02pm

Boris Johnson

QUITS

as an MP

The committee said Johson had “impugned the integrity” of the House of Commons. Fascinating! I didn't know its honour had ever been pugned.

He accuses the inquiry of trying to “drive me out”!!!!

"It is very sad to be leaving parliament - at least for now - but above all I am bewildered and appalled that I can be forced out, anti-democratically, by a committee chaired and managed, by Harriet Harman, with such egregious bias".

Worth noting that the committee has a Conservative majority, mind. But you mustn't let things like facts get in the way of your feelings, BlowJo. You never have as a politician. Nor as a journalist, come to that.

(Also SIDE NOTE – “at least for now”?? What are you planning, Big Dog?? I suppose Nadine is leaving an empty seat...)

8.41pm

Christopher Hope of the Daily Telegraph reports he’s heard rumours of a THIRD Tory MP potentially resigning – and another Johnson loyalist at that. Lol. Trololol. Lmao, even. Perhaps rofl.

11.43pm

And finally, the day is wrapped up with the Guardian revealing their front cover for the following day:

Big Dog is OUT, hot trans bloke is IN.

Not a bad finish.

#asks #long post #politik #the adventures of big dog the clown

2K notes · View notes