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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 year

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Gig apps trap reverse centaurs in Skinner boxes

Enshittification is the process by which digital platforms devour themselves: first they dangle goodies in front of end users. Once users are locked in, the goodies are taken away and dangled before business customers who supply goods to the users. Once those business customers are stuck on the platform, the goodies are clawed away and showered on the platform’s shareholders:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/21/potemkin-ai/#hey-guys

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

Enshittification isn’t just another way of saying “fraud” or “price gouging” or “wage theft.” Enshittification is intrinsically digital, because moving all those goodies around requires the flexibility that only comes with a digital businesses. Jeff Bezos, grocer, can’t rapidly change the price of eggs at Whole Foods without an army of kids with pricing guns on roller-skates. Jeff Bezos, grocer, can change the price of eggs on Amazon Fresh just by twiddling a knob on the service’s back-end.

Twiddling is the key to enshittification: rapidly adjusting prices, conditions and offers. As with any shell game, the quickness of the hand deceives the eye. Tech monopolists aren’t smarter than the Gilded Age sociopaths who monopolized rail or coal — they use the same tricks as those monsters of history, but they do them faster and with computers:

https://doctorow.medium.com/twiddler-1b5c9690cce6

If Rockefeller wanted to crush a freight company, he couldn’t just click a mouse and lay down a pipeline that ran on the same route, and then click another mouse to make it go away when he was done. When Bezos wants to bankrupt Diapers.com — a company that refused to sell itself to Amazon — he just moved a slider so that diapers on Amazon were being sold below cost. Amazon lost $100m over three months, diapers.com went bankrupt, and every investor learned that competing with Amazon was a losing bet:

https://slate.com/technology/2013/10/amazon-book-how-jeff-bezos-went-thermonuclear-on-diapers-com.html

That’s the power of twiddling — but twiddling cuts both ways. The same flexibility that digital businesses enjoy is hypothetically available to workers and users. The airlines pioneered twiddling ticket prices, and that naturally gave rise to countertwiddling, in the form of comparison shopping sites that scraped the airlines’ sites to predict when tickets would be cheapest:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/27/knob-jockeys/#bros-be-twiddlin

The airlines — like all abusive businesses — refused to tolerate this. They were allowed to touch their knobs as much as they wanted — indeed, they couldn’t stop touching those knobs — but when we tried to twiddle back, that was “felony contempt of business model,” and the airlines sued:

https://www.cnbc.com/2014/12/30/airline-sues-man-for-founding-a-cheap-flights-website.html

And sued:

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/06/business/southwest-airlines-lawsuit-prices.html

Platforms don’t just hate it when end-users twiddle back — if anything they are even more aggressive when their business-users dare to twiddle. Take Para, an app that Doordash drivers used to get a peek at the wages offered for jobs before they accepted them — something that Doordash hid from its workers. Doordash ruthlessly attacked Para, saying that by letting drivers know how much they’d earn before they did the work, Para was violating the law:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/08/tech-rights-are-workers-rights-doordash-edition

Which law? Well, take your pick. The modern meaning of “IP” is “any law that lets me use the law to control my competitors, competition or customers.” Platforms use a mix of anticircumvention law, patent, copyright, contract, cybersecurity and other legal systems to weave together a thicket of rules that allow them to shut down rivals for their Felony Contempt of Business Model:

https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/

Enshittification relies on unlimited twiddling (by platforms), and a general prohibition on countertwiddling (by platform users). Enshittification is a form of fishing, in which bait is dangled before different groups of users and then nimbly withdrawn when they lunge for it. Twiddling puts the suppleness into the enshittifier’s fishing-rod, and a ban on countertwiddling weighs down platform users so they’re always a bit too slow to catch the bait.

Nowhere do we see twiddling’s impact more than in the “gig economy,” where workers are misclassified as independent contractors and put to work for an app that scripts their every move to the finest degree. When an app is your boss, you work for an employer who docks your pay for violating rules that you aren’t allowed to know — and where your attempts to learn those rules are constantly frustrated by the endless back-end twiddling that changes the rules faster than you can learn them.

As with every question of technology, the issue isn’t twiddling per se — it’s who does the twiddling and who gets twiddled. A worker armed with digital tools can play gig work employers off each other and force them to bid up the price of their labor; they can form co-ops with other workers that auto-refuse jobs that don’t pay enough, and use digital tools to organize to shift power from bosses to workers:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/02/not-what-it-does/#who-it-does-it-to

Take “reverse centaurs.” In AI research, a “centaur” is a human assisted by a machine that does more than either could do on their own. For example, a chess master and a chess program can play a better game together than either could play separately. A reverse centaur is a machine assisted by a human, where the machine is in charge and the human is a meat-puppet.

Think of Amazon warehouse workers wearing haptic location-aware wristbands that buzz at them continuously dictating where their hands must be; or Amazon drivers whose eye-movements are continuously tracked in order to penalize drivers who look in the “wrong” direction:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/02/17/reverse-centaur/#reverse-centaur

The difference between a centaur and a reverse centaur is the difference between a machine that makes your life better and a machine that makes your life worse so that your boss gets richer. Reverse centaurism is the 21st Century’s answer to Taylorism, the pseudoscience that saw white-coated “experts” subject workers to humiliating choreography down to the smallest movement of your fingertip:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/08/21/great-taylors-ghost/#solidarity-or-bust

While reverse centaurism was born in warehouses and other company-owned facilities, gig work let it make the leap into workers’ homes and cars. The 21st century has seen a return to the cottage industry — a form of production that once saw workers labor far from their bosses and thus beyond their control — but shriven of the autonomy and dignity that working from home once afforded:

https://doctorow.medium.com/gig-work-is-the-opposite-of-steampunk-463e2730ef0d

The rise and rise of bossware — which allows for remote surveillance of workers in their homes and cars — has turned “work from home” into “live at work.” Reverse centaurs can now be chickenized — a term from labor economics that describes how poultry farmers, who sell their birds to one of three vast poultry processors who have divided up the country like the Pope dividing up the “New World,” are uniquely exploited:

https://onezero.medium.com/revenge-of-the-chickenized-reverse-centaurs-b2e8d5cda826

A chickenized reverse centaur has it rough: they must pay for the machines they use to make money for their bosses, they must obey the orders of the app that controls their work, and they are denied any of the protections that a traditional worker might enjoy, even as they are prohibited from deploying digital self-help measures that let them twiddle back to bargain for a better wage.

All of this sets the stage for a phenomenon called algorithmic wage discrimination, in which two workers doing the same job under the same conditions will see radically different payouts for that work. These payouts are continuously tweaked in the background by an algorithm that tries to predict the minimum sum a worker will accept to remain available without payment, to ensure sufficient workers to pick up jobs as they arise.

This phenomenon — and proposed policy and labor solutions to it — is expertly analyzed in “On Algorithmic Wage Discrimination,” a superb paper by UC Law San Franciscos Veena Dubal:

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=4331080

Dubal uses empirical data and enthnographic accounts from Uber drivers and other gig workers to explain how endless, self-directed twiddling allows gig companies pay workers less and pay themselves more. As @[email protected] explains in his LA Times article on Dubal’s research, the goal of the payment algorithm is to guess how often a given driver needs to receive fair compensation in order to keep them driving when the payments are unfair:

https://www.latimes.com/business/technology/story/2023-04-11/algorithmic-wage-discrimination

The algorithm combines nonconsensual dossiers compiled on individual drivers with population-scale data to seek an equilibrium between keeping drivers waiting, unpaid, for a job; and how much a driver needs to be paid for an individual job, in order to keep that driver from clocking out and doing something else. @ Here’s how that works. Sergio Avedian, a writer for The Rideshare Guy, ran an experiment with two brothers who both drove for Uber; one drove a Tesla and drove intermittently, the other brother rented a hybrid sedan and drove frequently. Sitting side-by-side with the brothers, Avedian showed how the brother with the Tesla was offered more for every trip:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UADTiL3S67I

Uber wants to lure intermittent drivers into becoming frequent drivers. Uber doesn’t pay for an oversupply of drivers, because it only pays drivers when they have a passenger in the car. Having drivers on call — but idle — is a way for Uber to shift the cost of maintaining a capacity cushion to its workers.

What’s more, what Uber charges customers is not based on how much it pays its workers. As Uber’s head of product explained: Uber uses “machine-learning techniques to estimate how much groups of customers are willing to shell out for a ride. Uber calculates riders’ propensity for paying a higher price for a particular route at a certain time of day. For instance, someone traveling from a wealthy neighborhood to another tony spot might be asked to pay more than another person heading to a poorer part of town, even if demand, traffic and distance are the same.”

https://qz.com/990131/uber-is-practicing-price-discrimination-economists-say-that-might-not-be-a-bad-thing/

Uber has historically described its business a pure supply-and-demand matching system, where a rush of demand for rides triggers surge pricing, which lures out drivers, which takes care of the demand. That’s not how it works today, and it’s unclear if it ever worked that way. Today, a driver who consults the rider version of the Uber app before accepting a job — to compare how much the rider is paying to how much they stand to earn — is booted off the app and denied further journeys.

Surging, instead, has become just another way to twiddle drivers. One of Dubal’s subjects, Derrick, describes how Uber uses fake surges to lure drivers to airports: “You go to the airport, once the lot get kind of full, then the surge go away.” Other drivers describe how they use groupchats to call out fake surges: “I’m in the Marina. It’s dead. Fake surge.”

That’s pure twiddling. Twiddling turns gamification into gamblification, where your labor buys you a spin on a roulette wheel in a rigged casino. As a driver called Melissa, who had doubled down on her availability to earn a $100 bonus awarded for clocking a certain number of rides, told Dubal, “When you get close to the bonus, the rides start trickling in more slowly…. And it makes sense. It’s really the type of shit that they can do when it’s okay to have a surplus labor force that is just sitting there that they don’t have to pay for.”

Wherever you find reverse-centaurs, you get this kind of gamblification, where the rules are twiddled continuously to make sure that the house always wins. As a contract driver Amazon reverse centaur told Lauren Gurley for Motherboard, “Amazon uses these cameras allegedly to make sure they have a safer driving workforce, but they’re actually using them not to pay delivery companies”:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/88npjv/amazons-ai-cameras-are-punishing-drivers-for-mistakes-they-didnt-make

Algorithmic wage discrimination is the robot overlord of our nightmares: its job is to relentlessly quest for vulnerabilities and exploit them. Drivers divide themselves into “ants” (drivers who take every job) and “pickers” (drivers who cherry-pick high-paying jobs). The algorithm’s job is ensuring that pickers get the plum assignments, not the ants, in the hopes of converting those pickers to app-dependent ants.

In my work on enshittification, I call this the “giant teddy bear” gambit. At every county fair, you’ll always spot some poor jerk carrying around a giant teddy-bear they “won” on the midway. But they didn’t win it — not by getting three balls in the peach-basket. Rather, the carny running the rigged game either chose not to operate the “scissor” that kicks balls out of the basket. Or, if the game is “honest” (that is, merely impossible to win, rather than gimmicked), the operator will make a too-good-to-refuse offer: “Get one ball in and I’ll give you this keychain. Win two keychains and I’ll let you trade them for this giant teddy bear.”

Carnies aren’t in the business of giving away giant teddy bears — rather, the gambit is an investment. Giving a mark a giant teddy bear to carry around the midway all day acts as a convincer, luring other marks to try to land three balls in the basket and win their own teddy bear.

In the same way, platforms like Uber distribute giant teddy bears to pickers, as a way of keeping the ants scurrying from job to job, and as a way of convincing the pickers to give up whatever work allows them to discriminate among Uber’s offers and hold out for the plum deals, whereupon then can be transmogrified into ants themselves.

Dubal describes the experience of Adil, a Syrian refugee who drives for Uber in the Bay Area. His colleagues are pickers, and showed him screenshots of how much they earned. Determined to get a share of that money, Adil became a model ant, driving two hours to San Francisco, driving three days straight, napping in his car, spending only one day per week with his family. The algorithm noticed that Adil needed the work, so it paid him less.

Adil responded the way the system predicted he would, by driving even more: “My friends they make it, so I keep going, maybe I can figure it out. It’s unsecure, and I don’t know how people they do it. I don’t know how I am doing it, but I have to. I mean, I don’t find another option. In a minute, if I find something else, oh man, I will be out immediately. I am a very patient person, that’s why I can continue.”

Another driver, Diego, told Dubal about how the winners of the giant teddy bears fell into the trap of thinking that they were “good at the app”: “Any time there’s some big shot getting high pay outs, they always shame everyone else and say you don’t know how to use the app. I think there’s secret PR campaigns going on that gives targeted payouts to select workers, and they just think it’s all them.”

That’s the power of twiddling: by hoarding all the flexibility offered by digital tools, the management at platforms can become centaurs, able to string along thousands of workers, while the workers are reverse-centaurs, puppeteered by the apps.

As the example of Adil shows, the algorithm doesn’t need to be very sophisticated in order to figure out which workers it can underpay. The system automates the kind of racial and gender discrimination that is formally illegal, but which is masked by the smokescreen of digitization. An employer who systematically paid women less than men, or Black people less than white people, would be liable to criminal and civil sanctions. But if an algorithm simply notices that people who have fewer job prospects drive more and will thus accept lower wages, that’s just “optimization,” not racism or sexism.

This is the key to understanding the AI hype bubble: when ghouls from multinational banks predict 13 trillion dollar markets for “AI,” what they mean is that digital tools will speed up the twiddling and other wage-suppression techniques to transfer $13T in value from workers and consumers to shareholders.

The American business lobby is relentlessly focused on the goal of reducing wages. That’s the force behind “free trade,” “right to work,” and other codewords for “paying workers less,” including “gig work.” Tech workers long saw themselves as above this fray, immune to labor exploitation because they worked for a noble profession that took care of its own.

But the epidemic of mass tech-worker layoffs, following on the heels of massive stock buybacks, has demonstrated that tech bosses are just like any other boss: willing to pay as little as they can get away with, and no more. Tech bosses are so comfortable with their market dominance and the lock-in of their customers that they are happy to turn out hundreds of thousands of skilled workers, convinced that the twiddling systems they’ve built are the kinds of self-licking ice-cream cones that are so simple even a manager can use them — no morlocks required.

The tech worker layoffs are best understood as an all-out war on tech worker morale, because that morale is the source of tech workers’ confidence and thus their demands for a larger share of the value generated by their labor. The current tech layoff template is very different from previous tech layoffs: today’s layoffs are taking place over a period of months, long after they are announced, and laid off tech worker is likely to be offered a months of paid post-layoff work, rather than severance. This means that tech workplaces are now haunted by the walking dead, workers who have been laid off but need to come into the office for months, even as the threat of layoffs looms over the heads of the workers who remain. As an old friend, recently laid off from Microsoft after decades of service, wrote to me, this is “a new arrow in the quiver of bringing tech workers to heel and ensuring that we’re properly thankful for the jobs we have (had?).”

Dubal is interested in more than analysis, she’s interested in action. She looks at the tactics already deployed by gig workers, who have not taken all this abuse lying down. Workers in the UK and EU organized through Worker Info Exchange and the App Drivers and Couriers Union have used the GDPR (the EU’s privacy law) to demand “algorithmic transparency,” as well as access to their data. In California, drivers hope to use similar provisions in the CCPA (a state privacy law) to do the same.

These efforts have borne fruit. When Cornell economists, led by Louis Hyman, published research (paid for by Uber) claiming that Uber drivers earned an average of $23/hour, it was data from these efforts that revealed the true average Uber driver’s wage was $9.74. Subsequent research in California found that Uber drivers’ wage fell to $6.22/hour after the passage of Prop 22, a worker misclassification law that gig companies spent $225m to pass, only to have the law struck down because of a careless drafting error:

https://www.latimes.com/california/newsletter/2021-08-23/proposition-22-lyft-uber-decision-essential-california

But Dubal is skeptical that data-coops and transparency will achieve transformative change and build real worker power. Knowing how the algorithm works is useful, but it doesn’t mean you can do anything about it, not least because the platform owners can keep touching their knobs, twiddling the payout schedule on their rigged slot-machines.

Data co-ops start from the proposition that “data extraction is an inevitable form of labor for which workers should be remunerated.” It makes on-the-job surveillance acceptable, provided that workers are compensated for the spying. But co-ops aren’t unions, and they don’t have the power to bargain for a fair price for that data, and coops themselves lack the vast resources — “to store, clean, and understand” — data.

Co-ops are also badly situated to understand the true value of the data that is extracted from their members: “Workers cannot know whether the data collected will, at the population level, violate the civil rights of others or amplifies their own social oppression.”

Instead, Dubal wants an outright, nonwaivable prohibition on algorithmic wage discrimination. Just make it illegal. If firms cannot use gambling mechanisms to control worker behavior through variable pay systems, they will have to find ways to maintain flexible workforces while paying their workforce predictable wages under an employment model. If a firm cannot manage wages through digitally-determined variable pay systems, then the firm is less likely to employ algorithmic management.”

In other words, rather than using market mechanisms too constrain platform twiddling, Dubal just wants to make certain kinds of twiddling illegal. This is a growing trend in legal scholarship. For example, the economist Ramsi Woodcock has proposed a ban on surge pricing as a per se violation of Section 1 of the Sherman Act:

https://ilr.law.uiowa.edu/print/volume-105-issue-4/the-efficient-queue-and-the-case-against-dynamic-pricing

Similarly, Dubal proposes that algorithmic wage discrimination violates another antitrust law: the Robinson-Patman Act, which “bans sellers from charging competing buyers different prices for the same commodity. Robinson-Patman enforcement was effectively halted under Reagan, kicking off a host of pathologies, like the rise of Walmart:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/27/walmarts-jackals/#cheater-sizes

I really liked Dubal’s legal reasoning and argument, and to it I would add a call to reinvigorate countertwiddling: reforming laws that get in the way of workers who want to reverse-engineer, spoof, and control the apps that currently control them. Adversarial interoperability (AKA competitive compatibility or comcom) is key tool for building worker power in an era of digital Taylorism:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/10/adversarial-interoperability

To see how that works, look to other jursidictions where workers have leapfrogged their European and American cousins, such as Indonesia, where gig workers and toolsmiths collaborate to make a whole suite of “tuyul apps,” which let them override the apps that gig companies expect them to use.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/07/08/tuyul-apps/#gojek

For example, ride-hailing companies won’t assign a train-station pickup to a driver unless they’re circling the station — which is incredibly dangerous during the congested moments after a train arrives. A tuyul app lets a driver park nearby and then spoof their phone’s GPS fix to the ridehailing company so that they appear to be right out front of the station.

In an ideal world, those workers would have a union, and be able to dictate the app’s functionality to their bosses. But workers shouldn’t have to wait for an ideal world: they don’t just need jam tomorrow — they need jam today. Tuyul apps, and apps like Para, which allow workers to extract more money under better working conditions, are a prelude to unionization and employer regulation, not a substitute for it.

Employers will not give workers one iota more power than they have to. Just look at the asymmetry between the regulation of union employees versus union busters. Under US law, employees of a union need to account for every single hour they work, every mile they drive, every location they visit, in public filings. Meanwhile, the union-busting industry — far larger and richer than unions — operate under a cloak of total secrecy, Workers aren’t even told which union busters their employers have hired — let alone get an accounting of how those union busters spend money, or how many of them are working undercover, pretending to be workers in order to sabotage the union.

Twiddling will only get an employer so far. Twiddling — like all “AI” — is based on analyzing the past to predict the future. The heuristics an algorithm creates to lure workers into their cars can’t account for rapid changes in the wider world, which is why companies who relied on “AI” scheduling apps (for example, to prevent their employees from logging enough hours to be entitled to benefits) were caught flatfooted by the Great Resignation.

Workers suddenly found themselves with bargaining power thanks to the departure of millions of workers — a mix of early retirees and workers who were killed or permanently disabled by covid — and they used that shortage to demand a larger share of the fruits of their labor. The outraged howls of the capital class at this development were telling: these companies are operated by the kinds of “capitalists” that MLK once identified, who want “socialism for the rich and rugged individualism for the poor.”

https://twitter.com/KaseyKlimes/status/821836823022354432/

There's only 5 days left in the Kickstarter campaign for the audiobook of my next novel, a post-cyberpunk anti-finance finance thriller about Silicon Valley scams called Red Team Blues. Amazon's Audible refuses to carry my audiobooks because they're DRM free, but crowdfunding makes them possible.

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arcadia345 · 8 months

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Astro observations🤍🦢

Not a real astrologer just my observations:)TW🔞

I noticed in 10th house Synastry house person could feel like planet person is shallow if you know them irl or it could be difficult to build a deeper connection w them but if it’s a celeb/far distance person you feel like you know them better than most people 💀 esp if it’s in a water sign notice me jungkook 💜

I’ve noticed people with outer planets in the 1st have shocking resemblance to their ancestors

Capricorn placements don’t get enough recognition for how many hidden gifts/ talented they are. I feel like people forget that they’re half goat/fish so their creativity can go overlooked(wow what a surprise). Wherever Capricorn/ Saturn is in you chart is where your hidden talents are, where you tend to feel shunned from/your biggest obstacles in life, where people try to belittle you because they see your potential. But once you realize your potential and work on it consistently you can become oh so powerful.

6th:their work ethic, natural healers, could be accused of being lazy, having haters at work, animals love them but they could’ve have bad experiences with them in the past, having good health/nice body if you’re persistent

3rd: being discouraged by your peers/teachers/family because of your communication skills, could do really well in later school years and also could be popular, feeling like your pov is never taken into thought, they could have been the child that was the most problematic but also the one that holds the family together like glue

12th: they sometimes could feel like a shadow also could see shadows💀 strong intuition without knowing it, people could spread lies behind ur back, another healer placement, you know other peoples fantasies & secrets bc of insights you get via dreams, your “gifts” could come later in life, having lots of hidden talents/info that you learn about yourself as you get older, definition of old souls

Also I’ve noticed Capricorn placements (esp fems) have strong intuition especially in tough situations they’re definitely the ones you go to for advice

My Capricorn stellium coworker said she basically worked all way till her due date with all her kids😳 but her last one almost came WHILE on the clock😭😭 like you need to rest mamas

Prominent Aries with a sprinkle of Neptune energy LOVE BLUSH and if you don’t please try it out you’d look so good😩and don’t be scared to experiment when it comes to makeup RAMS are meant to be BOLD example

Having a crush on someone you have 11th house synastry especially mars or sun is so hard😭😭😭 it’s so hard to get them to see you as other than a friend 😕 not impossible tho😈

Libra moon masc tend to have heavy karma when it comes to women esp family members, could go either way but most of the time they’re the ones getting hurt by the fem

Have y’all noticed some older Scorpio suns still dress like they’re in 2013? Which isn’t surprising since that was around the time millennials (Scorpio Pluto gen) were thriving

Saturn in 4th, I’ve noticed that they’ve had to deal with restrictions at a young age either it be emotional or material especially when it comes to food I now people with this placement that were fatshamed by their family members

Sun in 12/6 could have absent fathers in different ways

6th:he could be incarcerated, a workaholic, could’ve been ill, could be in the army

12th: also could be incarcerated, you probably don’t know who your father is or never met him, he could have passed, could be obsessed with finding him/absolutely no interest at all, could have a dr*ug addiction

Sorry not sorry but Saturn in the 5th natals are so boring😴true definition of squares have some fun once and awhile they’re all work no play

A pair I love to see is Virgo with Aquarius/Capricorn it’s either VERY toxic or they have cutest relationship ever😭

Venus In 10th synastry, they could see each other as the best looking partner that they’ve ever had

I noticed I tend to have 3rd/4th house synastry with my pets, but the ones I have to give away have planets in my outer house

That’s all for now don’t forget to like and follow🩶

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suguruplsr · 9 months

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Your daddy’s bestest friend

✰ ✰ ✰ your daddy’s best friend is so nice !

જ⁀➴ it should be despicable how long i’ve spent on this so the warnings might not be accurate and maybe a few typos i looked over 🙁

,, dads best friend toji! whose also a dilf! x fem!reader, porn with little plot , small fic , pet names (sweet girl, darlin’, sweetheart, baby, princess) , age gap (reader in college, 20’s) , oral (m & f receiving) , unprotected , dumbification , overstimulation , degrading (wrds: whore, slut, brat) , slapping (like twice) , brat taming , lots of cum, reader gets like really horny at some point—

divider from @/cafekitsune

you were happy that your dad was finally able to go out and enjoy his life while in his late 40's, now no longer having to hover over his daughter, or take care of her all on his own.

being in college, still living with your parent, and having a part time job as a server had it's lows, but with the help of your dad and a few generous tips at work, you knew you'd finally able to move out his house in a few months. much to his dismay.

the idea of finally being a independent adult and living on your own was as exciting as it was scary. even your dad was a little worried from how eager you were to leave him, and maybe you did feel some dread about leaving.

Well, the dread of not being able to see the new friend your dad made some months ago, Toji, whom you've gotten accustomed to seeing on their football nights and eventually, every other day.

he was laid back and chill with no care in the world almost. his muscular figure always sprawled out on the couch, giving you casual greetings with a smug smirk and pet names whenever your dad wasn't around. after a week or two of coming over, you began to see him around the house often.

the annoyance of him constantly coming over slowly dissipated and now you enjoy noticing those fleeting glances he gave you. knowing well that you were doing the same.

It's just that, sometimes, you couldn't help but sneak down to the kitchen for a few snacks or drinks while they watched the game. just so you could eye him a for a good few seconds. he surely had to be in his 30's, despite the rough tone of his voice, and his obvious older age. but there's no way someone who like him, was around your fathers age.

and perhaps you've let your eyes trail a bit lower some times, trying to go unnoticed as you visibly gulp at the bulge that peeked through his pants. always excusing yourself to be alone to those scenarios of how you'd make sure you get at least one night with him before you leave.

thinking about his large build that towered over you. huge hands that would cup your body just right. you could tell just from the way he has to spread his legs wide to get comfortable, that he had a thick cock. 'he'd definitely be a good fuck' , you always thought to yourself.

and maybe today could be your chance.

"Dad, i'm not a child. you know I don't need to be watched over."

You crossed your arms with a small huff, your disapproving eyes meeting your fathers. Okay, you were a little excited that you'd be alone with Toji, but your judgement got in the way.

"I'm leaving for over a week sweetie, I just want to make sure you're going to be taken care of."

Your dad sighed reassuringly, shaking his head and parting from the hug, opening the door of his black 2013 ford edge SE sport. "I love you sweetheart. Toji i’m sure you—"

"Don't worry, I'll take good care of her." Toji waved him off with a smile, you following in suit, ignoring the dangerous way those words rolled off his tongue as your dad pulled off. you couldn't help but feel as if there was another meaning to them

After wards you both walked in, Toji watching as you walked to the stairs. "You're a daddy's girl aren't ya?" he smirks, sitting on the couch and grabbing the remote.

"Well he's who I grew up with so it's only natural." your voice got quieter with each word as you watched his legs instinctively spread to get comfortable. your eyes flickered back up to his, embarrassment flooding your body when you saw his eyes already looking at you.

"Mind getting closer? Couldn't hear ya sweet girl." he chuckles, putting down the remote and gesturing you over to him. his eyes had a small gleam to them that almost made your knees buckle as you walked over to him. sitting on the other end of the couch.

Eventually you two ended up talking about more than just your dad. he even told you about his son and that he was currently co-parenting. while you told him all about your college life, from the nerve wracking work to the frat parties you occasionally attended.

You didn't even realize how much time had past until Toji was asking what pizza you'd like so he could order. which led to you two to watching a horror movie which he had chosen.

"How can they be so stupid.." your rolled your eyes, watching the classic 'pick me blonde girl' die with her boyfriend. you had unconsciously laid your head on his shoulder long ago, small comments about the characters leaving your lips every few minutes.

"s'posed to be entertainment." he replied with a chuckle, amused by your distain. "wanna watch somethin' else?" you could feel his voice vibrating against your body.

"this'll be fine. just wanna see how it ends." you sigh, reaching over to the counter on his side, only to feel his hand clutch your waist. "don't want ya to spill anything." he mumbles, guiding you back as he hands you your drink.

Yet he didn't move his hand, the pads of his fingers pressing comfortably into your skin and massaging you. after a few moments of silence and hidden glances you decided to take your chance, letting him put up your drink and while you swiftly leaned more into his hold.

his hand was draped across your back and your head on his chest. "well aren't you gettin' comfortable.." he hums, holding your legs on his lap, his other hand moving along your thigh. "maybe." your purr with a smile, watching as his eyes looked down at you with a look that made your stomach turn in excitement.

"You don't really care about the movie do you?" he smirks, his tone low as his hands nearly slip under your shorts, close to the hem of your panties. "Not really. I got other entertainment." you said smugly, moving your hips so his hands could reach further up your shorts. "fuckin' knew it" he says breathlessly, squeezing your thigh and pulling you fully onto his lap, your legs around his thighs.

"Saw you starin'.. those frat boys don't take care of ya?" the pad of his thumb pressed your bud through your flimsy underwear. rubbing around to feel your wetness. "they don't do a good job y'know.. want someone more experienced." you smile, holding onto his shoulders as you sat up and let him pull down your shorts.

he sighs at the sight of you, only in a tight t-shirt and underwear. on his lap. "I'll take care of ya sweetheart, sittin' so pretty f'me." his fingers slid your underwear to the side, one hand holding them to the side and the other slowly sliding up and down your folds.

"Make sure you take, o-oh! um.. extra care of me." his middle finger teased around your hole before pushing in, making you take a sharp breath. he chuckles at your stammering, placing a kiss on your nipples that poked through your t shirt. "I got you baby."

his finger curls inside you in a back and forth motion, slowly inching deeper and spreading your walls wider for him to slide in his ring finger. the feeling made you squirm, “Toji!” you whine in his ear and fall more into his hold, much to his enjoyment.

"your hear that? what a messy girl you are.." he groans, his voice having a teasing edge. you held back your moans, listening to the squelching sound of your cunt wetting his fingers. you felt him move your underwear more, gently pressing his thumb on your bud and rubbing it.

a broken moan escapes your lips at the stimulation, your thighs beginning to shake as you rolled your hips deeper onto his fingers. "m'close! please, just like that. please make me cum!" you whimper, nails digging into his back as you chased the feeling building up inside you.

"oh look at you.. gonna make a mess on me. sweet girl?." he murmurs in your ear, his fingers scissoring your hole. the movement of his thumb started to become faster while his tongue licked your hard buds through your shirt. making the hot feeling of your release rush through you.

your pussy squeezed his fingers tight as you came, a loud porn-worthy moan leaving your lips. he let you continue to ride out your orgasm, his fingers slow and tantalizing, until your moans died down into small blabbering.

"so fucking hot." he groans, removing his fingers and finally pulling you in for a kiss. your lips sloppily mesh together as you unbuckle his jeans. "want you so bad. please." you whine, struggling to undress him amidst heated moment.

"you got me spoiling you huh? i got you sweet thing. just take this off baby." he pulled the strap of your underwear, standing up and undressing himself. you eagerly followed, then sitting up on the couch, on your knees so you were eye level with the thick girth put in front of you.

"can i?" you mumble, glancing up at Toji. your mouth practically watering at the sight of his thick hard cock dripping with pre cum. so tauntingly close to your lips. "of course darlin’." his smirk was wiped off his face at the feeling of your hand's beginning to jerk his cock.

moving closer, you stuck out your tongue, his pre falling into your mouth. a guttural sound rumbled through his body from your filthy act. his cock twitching with need. "fuck. c'mon baby ne—" you cut him off by leaning up and wrapping your tongue around his tip.

your lips slid onto his cock and you swirled your tongue around him hungrily. flickering your eyes up, you studied him with a look of desire. the sound of his groans made your pussy clench on nothing but air. his hand reaches down and runs through your hair, nearly gripping it every time you kissed and licked one of the veins along his cock. but Toji wasn’t going to ruin your fun tonight, he had days to ram into those cute glossy lips of yours.

"could cum just like this." he says breathlessly a small whine, nearly, falling from his lips. he closes his eyes with a mutter praise when your mouth took almost all of him in. you hummed, slowly sliding your mouth along him and setting a good pace, one hand holding onto his thigh while the other wrapped around the base of his cock. matching the pace of your mouth.

he bites his lip, looking down at you with hazy eyes and slowly grinding himself into your mouth. "m'gonna cum. keep it in your mouth. gotta see how disgusting you are, heh" you acknowledge him with a small hum, sucking him off with a sudden fervor that made him cover his grunts as he spills into your mouth.

you milked him, all of his cum tainting your mouth white. you stick out your tongue that was heavy with his seed, “gonna turn you into a dirty slut. swallow it f’me princess.” Toji groans, noticing your how your thighs clenched together. you came just from sucking him off. making him chuckle and bend down to you, pushing you back on the couch as he pries your legs open.

“pretty pussy leakin’ cus of me? how cute.” you meet his eyes as you swallow his thick cum, savoring the salty taste. “did so well for you Toji! please fuck me. wanna cum on your cock..” you plead, squirming at the feeling of his hands playing with the cum that stuck to your skin all around your pussy. “since you asked so nicely” he says lowly, sitting beside you and moving you onto his lap.

your cock hungry self immediately grabbed his tip, lining him with your hole and then taking him all in one go. your pussy slamming down on his cock.

“fuuuuckkkk! y-you know how to take dick huh?” he grunts, holding your thighs down tightly as he tries to not lose himself in your tight cunt. you clenched around him, body slumped against his chest as you already felt another orgasm approach. “Toji please! let me move, wanna cum!” you whine, tears building at the way you pussy twitched around his girth. making your mind feel fuzzy.

before you could continue your rant, Toji held you up by your waist, then slamming you back down. a smug smile playing on his lips at the sight of your eyes immediately rolling back, cute little moans leaving you. “you’re a fucking brat—“ he does it again, adding a slap to your ass as you come back down on his cock. “but it’s okay, just gotta—“ he groans, slamming you down on him again before switching your positions into a mating press, shuffling a pillow underneath you before laying you on it.

“just gotta put you in your place. damn slut.” he smirks down at you, reducing you into blabbers of his name and how good his cock is as he thrusts into you. “where did my cock drunk whore go?” he mocks, his cock deep as he wipes the fat tears that rolled down your face, then he slaps your breast, watching how it jiggled while he thrusted into you.

“Toji! m’sorry! was t-too greedy, fuck!” you sob, taking another thrust, hands trying, and pitifully failing, to push his pelvis away. he was wrecking your puffy pussy. “i ain’t ask all that.” he swats your hands away, instead pinning them up and beginning to quickly thrust into your soaking cunt.

“might forgive you if you cum on this cock. said you was gon’ do that right? go ahead. dumb slut.” he tugs your body higher with your wrists, hitting your pussy at an angle that made your thighs shake. straining as he feels his cock about to spurt into you. “gonna cum for you Toji!!” you cry clenching tightly around him, your messy pussy cumming all over him while he shoots his seed into you.

“this pussy is a fuckin’ vice.” he groans, slowly pulling out of you, hushing your whines with a deep kiss, pulling you onto his lap as he gets comfortable on the couch. he begins kisssing away your tears and sobs. “toji.. fuck i can—“

he kisses you, the massaging of his hands into your plush body slowly bringing you from your high. “shh, s’okay. gotta fuck you in the shower. messy, just like this.”

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scotianostra · 2 months

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Happy tenth birthday to The Kelpies.

The Kelpies, located in Falkirk, tower a colossal 30 metres above the Forth and Clyde Canal and form a dramatic gateway to the canal entrance on the East Coast of Scotland. Created by Scotland's leading sculptor Andy Scott, The Kelpies are a monument to horse powered heritage across Central Scotland.

Some details of the Kelpies, each structure contains approximately 18,000 individual pieces. There is over 1.5 miles of steel in each structure. They each weigh over 300 tonnes and sit on 1,200 tonne foundations. Each structure has 464 steel plates In a monumental feat of engineering, The Kelpies rose from the ground in just 90 days, in late 2013.

Nearly one million people visited the Kelpies sculptures in Falkirk in the first year, since then the visitor numbers have declined, but still have numbers of over 500,000 a year

Some people criticise the cost of The Kelpies, said to be around £5 million, to me it is justified, it does bring a lot of people into the area of Falkirk in general, and are we to be the generation that forgets about public art just because of the costs? I love them and have visited them to many times to remember of the years, I may not be in Falkirk now, but I will take a trip to The Helix again and grab more pics, enjoy a coffee and take in the views over to The Ochils.

This saturday the Helix is hosting a tenth party to celebrate their birthday, the day event is free for all to attend and includes a producers market, face painters, Clydesdale Horse Demonstrations, Pipe Bands and much more. The evening event is ticked and you have performances by Rebecca Vasmant, Callum Beattie, the Red Hot Chilli Pipers, and much more., there are still some tickets available.

The last three pics were taken by myself on this day 2020.

#scotland #scottish #falkirk #Grangemouth #Kelpies #andy scott

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dev1lm4n · 11 months

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lesson one: sensitive

ko-fi | series masterlist

pairing: porn star!joel miller x f!reader

summary: under several notable circumstances, mr. miller finally decided that he'd be the best teacher for your first debut into sexual activities. even when all of it is to prepare you for your successful date.

word count: 5.4k (i know.. i went a little crazy on this lol)

warnings: explicit (18+), set in 2013, pre-outbreak, age gap (joel in mid 30's and reader in early 20's), inexperienced but not dumb reader, fingering, he's kinda mean, check umbrella warning on series masterlist

notes: i had so much fun writing this! tbh this one is super filthy compared to the other one so.. forgive me 🤲 COMMENT n REBLOG if u liked it

“I could take you home if you’d like. Pretty girls like you shouldn’t roam the street alone.”

Simon, more commonly referred to as Robotic Class Guy or French Fries, was surprisingly not half as bad as you thought he would be. He had all the height of a man but none of the bulk. From behind he could be easily spotted as someone in their late teens to early thirties, mostly blaming his horrid graphic tee and skinny jeans combo, but when he turned that face was all boy. His caramel hair flopped over his eyes in the way no office worker could get away with and on his wrist were bracelets in woven leather.

At first, you accepted his awkward invite out of spite.

Just to rid yourself of a certain plague festering upon your head, feasting on your brain cells so that you’d think of nothing but Mr. Miller in all his glory. Him with his tight worn-out jeans, spread open enough that you could see a naughty peak of his bulge, while he watched the soccer game. Him with his shirt off, bathing in the summer-induced moisture, while he mowed the front lawn and edged the curb. Him with his thumb parting your lips, looking at you like he’s about to consume you alive, but of course he didn’t.

At least now that Simon came around, you’d have a new port to anchor your boat on.

“No, thanks, I’m alright. My..”

Who was Mr. Miller to you again?

Your.. father? Absolutely not. Even if he’s taken you in as a part of the Miller family, just like how he used to say, you would feel like it’d be morbidly repulsive to deduce him to that particular role. For fuckssake, you stick a finger up your cunt every single week to the thought of him fucking you like one of his girls.

Then would a family friend be better of a word? Or should you just say that he’s a guardian of yours? But that’d be confusing, wouldn’t it? You glanced at your watch, counting the hour and minute hand as if it’d give you a revelation on how to answer Simon’s pop quiz.

“Someone promised to pick me up.”

That sure did sound ominous.

With a promise to leave a message to his cell once you’ve returned home safely, you stepped out of the quaint local restaurant. It was warm outside and you weren’t particularly fond of that. Heat has always been your mortal enemy; something about the musty scent of middle school boys’ armpits after PE class mixed in with the pungent perfumes they use to try and hide it has left you permanently traumatized. Your once-cheery mood had long evaporated along with any semblance of coolness. You tugged at the hem of your sundress, fanning yourself with your hand in a futile attempt to find relief from the stifling heat. This is hell!

Where was Mr. Miller?

Mr. Miller must've read your mind, because a honk quickly resonated. He was on the very corner of the parking lot; his large pickup truck looked hilariously out of place when compared to the array of city cars parked by his side. You swore you could see him grin from behind the shaded tint of his window, perhaps entertained at your almost too obvious annoyance. The thought made your heart jump and maybe even did a front-flip. God, you’re helpless!

As you beelined down the sidewalk and on to him, the heat seemed to intensify with every step. Beads of sweat formed on your forehead, causing your hair to stick in weird shapes. You just hope that his truck’s AC works.

“Hi.. Hi, Mr. Miller.”

“Hey, sweetheart. How was it?”

The nickname never ceased to exude so much power. ‘Sweetheart’ made you feel as if a tail had grown out right from the hilt of your ass and you had no other choice than to swish it around excitedly. You propped up one leg on the washed-off gray carpet, before swinging yourself into the vehicle in one go. The door closed behind with a loud thud. As you leaned back, you cringed at the feeling of your sweat-soaked dress clinging onto your skin. You felt like some marinated beef, sticky and in need of a quick shower.

“It was alright,” you hummed.

“Alright? Now that made me all the more curious,” he grinned, nudging your side with the edge of his elbow. “Com’on now. Tell me all about it, will ya?”

“Mr. Miller, are you trying to embarrass me?”

Mr. Miller’s soothing brown eyes that were stuck on the glittering street lights came flickering over to you, as if he’s actually afraid that perhaps he’s made you uncomfortable. His shoulders squared and his jaw slackened for just a split second as he tried to grasp for any nuance you’ve just given. You then smiled at him, relieving him of his worries.

It’s a little jarring to say that you think he’s quite cute. In the same way people find puppies cute, or those strawberry-shaped trinkets. He’s a little socially-awkward in his own way. Embarrassed to ask the waitress to bring his plate back, but would be confident bullying his cock into a tight cunt. Would definitely get kooky when asked to join a parents-teacher conference, but would whisper filthy things on the internet.

“I ain’t tryna make you embarrassed,” he huffed out. “I just wanna know you’re safe.”

How nice. If only he knew why you went on dates in the first place.

“He’s alright, Mr. Miller. Kind, decently groomed, respectful,” you replied, flicking through your Twitter feed mindlessly. “Better than most college guys.”

“Did he pick you up?”

Your forehead scrunched up. “I ordered a cab.”

“Did he at least get the door for you?”

“It’s not exactly the 1900’s, is it?” you quipped back at him.

He raised his eyebrows, waiting for your answer.

“If you’re that curious, then no.”

“Well then, did he pay for dinner?”

“No, well.. I did offer for us to split it,” you reasoned.

“Well, sweetie, he’s not too respectful. Is he?”

“Yeah.. but he’s cute.”

He’s cute and you’re desperate to get over Mr. Miller. Terribly so. At first, the entire situation with having your pornstar crush be the head of your host family was hilarious, it’s a joke written by itself. But then the desires went through the roof in a matter of weeks and you’re sure that you’d actually jump him one of these days. He’s attached to the back of your mind like some ghostly presence. Everything he said and done carved at your brittle wall of determination and one day it’s all going to fall apart like broken glass. You needed to stop it from happening.

There was a minute or so where he didn’t have anything to say. He hadn’t let go of the handbrakes either, though he appeared to be squeezing the leather cover of the steering wheel tighter.

“Cute ain’t enough for a man, sweetheart.”

Mr. Miller finally pushed down the handbrakes and released the pickup truck from the small parking lot. His large hands skillfully turned the wheels to fit through the tiny gaps, guiding the vehicle towards the open road. You shut your eyes for a good minute, then you let out a weighted sigh. Almost as if you’re a deflated balloon.

The drive was going to be a long one, considering the restaurant you’re on was in the heart of the town and Mr. Miller’s humble abode was more towards the outskirts. Would he continue preaching about the importance of Southern manners and being a gentleman? Because if he did, perhaps you’d just shut him up with a kiss.

“I’m just a little nervous,” you broke the silence.

“Because of the boy?”

“Sorta, yeah. It’s my first time..”

You clicked your phone shut, stuffing it on the cup holder next to the car stick. The entire conversation was making you nauseous. You had to press on the button on your left to slide down the windows in order to take in fresh air. Through the open window, a gentle breeze tousled the top of your hair, carrying with it the familiar scent of Summer in Austin. As he drove closer into the outskirts of town, the lights gradually faded behind into a sea of twinkling stars.

“First time in what?”

“In all this,” your hand motioned the idea abstractly.

“You’ve never dated?”

An enthusiastic grin snaked its way to his lips.

“I have! But it’s not- it’s not real. It’s middle school romance. We meet each other in the hallways, hold hands and giggle about it, then go on pizza dates,” you tried to explain. “I’ve never dated properly.”

“Why not?”

“Because,” you tousled your hair in frustration. “Just because, Mr. Miller. I’m not sure either. Maybe I’m just comfortable in my own little bubble?”

“Then this boy.. What’s his name again?”

“Simon.”

“Right, Simon. Are you thinking of dating Simon properly?”

“Maybe,” you muttered.

“Maybe I could teach you,” he paused. “Well, that is if you’d like this old man to teach you old tricks.”

Your hands tightly clutched the edge of your seat. A rise of bile disturbed your throat's peace as a knot of anxiety started to form in your stomach. This is what you’re working towards.

You didn’t want to admit it, because admitting means legitimizing what you had in mind, but you were hoping for him to offer you help in any way that he felt was right. Despite your.. odd relationship with him, he was your guardian and you’ve seen the way he dealt with all Sarah’s problems with soft-spoken words and fair actions. You trusted him to help you delve into this new world of adult romance, but it’s not like you’re expecting for him to agree on it. Shit, shit, shit! You couldn’t think straight.

“Com’on then. Tell me what you’re so nervous of.”

“You’re gonna laugh at me,” you groaned.

“I’m not!”

“You are,” you persisted.

“Fine. I promise not to laugh.”

You took a deep breath. The single word sticky on the end of your tongue.

“Sex.”

The pickup truck swerved.

To your surprise, instead of howling and laughing at your lack of experience, he was quiet. Awfully so to the point where you think you’d rather have him laugh at your patheticness instead of giving you the cold shoulder. You rolled the window back up, giving him your full attention as you waited for him to do something. He looked tense; the grip he had on the steering wheel was so tight you could see the leather developing crescent-shaped marks. What was he thinking of?

“Do I.. do I have to give you the talk?”

“God, no! Mr. Miller, I’m not clueless,” you looked horrified that he even considered giving you the birds and the bees talk. “I am, but I know what happens.”

The hours you’ve spent analyzing each and every one of his videos surely made an impact on how you view sex. Perhaps not the most accurate one, since you were merely looking through a 720p video and not being present in the scene, but you knew how sex goes. How it starts, what arousal looks like, what appears to feel good and what doesn’t, and how good an orgasm looks like when induced by another person. Mr. Miller might not be aware of how much he’s taught you. Not directly, but in a cause-and-action kind of way.

“Then what are you afraid of?” he hummed.

“Making a mistake,” you muttered dejectedly. “Of it not feeling good.”

A beat passed.

“Do you..” he struggled to speak properly. “Do you want me to teach you?”

What were you thinking! It was one thing to harbor intense, disgustingly filthy feelings towards a man who perceived you as an addition to his family, but it was another thing to act on it desperately. Your mind reeled back towards the exact moment when you agreed on his proposition. How you agreed on it instantly as if it wasn’t even a question, how you nodded your head miserably as if you were afraid that you’d miss this one chance, how you buckled your knees at the thought.

God, how pathetic can you be! You didn’t remember much after such a cathartic turn of events. All you managed to compile in that pretty little head of yours was that he took a different interchange, then slipped onto a highway towards.. whatever this place was.

It was on the outskirts of town. Opposite to where he lived. Big trees grew tall and heavy as they provided a mystique veil for the trailer house. You remembered the shade of peeling paint covering the outside, sky blue. The lanterns provided ample lighting for it to be spotted from a distance, but not enough to attract rowdy attention. Mr. Miller told you to come inside first while he secured his pickup truck properly. He mentioned a thing or two about racoons or squirrels, but you were too high off adrenaline to even notice. Being in the property, you instantly knew where you were.

This was his lair.

Where he shoots his videos, where he invites all his pretty co-stars to make them moan and whimper about how good his cock felt and how deep it went, where he edits those striking millennial-core thumbnails. Your throat grew dry and you began to think if it’s time to bail. He’d understand, wouldn’t he? Mr. Miller would just take you home and forget about it. Then, by next summer, you’d be out of his hair and he’d never even think about it.

A creak sounded from the front door. You jumped.

“Hi, sweetheart. You okay?”

You nodded. Your entire body went cold, especially the tips of your fingers and toes as you saw him come close. One step at a time. Almost as if he’s trying to make sure he doesn’t scare you too much. Mr. Miller looked awfully big up close. You never seemed to notice this entirely when you see him around the house, but when he’s confined in this miniscule trailer house, he looked massive. His presence towered over every last bit of your confidence. It’s surely crumpling - your confidence - slowly dissipating into thin when he was flushed against your chest.

“I’m okay, Mr. Miller.”

He pulled a foldable chair from one of the open compartments, before taking a seat on it. He spread his legs, as always, and had this look in his eyes.

“You sure you wanna do this?” he paused, before resuming. “You could tell me you don’t feel like doin’ this anymore and I could take you home. Won’t talk about it anymore if you don’t wanna.”

“I.. I want to do this, Mr. Miller.”

“Are you sure? There ain’t no pressure in this. I’m simply here to help you, sweetheart, so if you feel like-”

“I get it, okay, I get it. I trust you. A lot. And I know you’d be the best person to teach me.”

What were you even saying? This was straight out of your wildest wet dreams and perhaps that’s why you’re so adamant about it. You watched silently as he contemplated his choices. Mr. Miller scratched his beard for a short while, his gaze focused beyond you and you could almost watch in real-time how his morals and values crumbled onto the creaky floorboards. He stood up from his small chair and headed right towards where you were standing idly. Is this what May felt like in those videos?

“Alright, sweetheart. I ain’t a vocal man so this is gonna be challenging even for me,” he chuckled gruffly. “Every man has their way of settlin’ with their ladies, but I like ‘em stripped off their clothing first. So will you be a pretty thing and do that for me?”

For a second, you were as still as a rock. Entirely not used to having the person who initiated many if not all of your orgasms giving you these orders in real life. He’s right there in front of you, flesh and bones, telling you to strip off your clothing. It felt like a fever dream. You must’ve had a weird look on your face, because a grin started to form on those chapped lips of his.

Conscious of the mistake, you quickly reacted. Almost skittishly in a way as you pulled on the zipper that’s located on your right ribs. Your fingers fumbled with one another, as if it’s been braided into one, but you managed to loosen it after a few attempts. You slipped your right arm under the spaghetti straps, before you slipped the other one. The only thing holding your modesty together was your one arm that’s holding onto the support-less front flap of your sundress.

“Com’on now. It’s just me. You can act shy and adorable around Simon, but not this old man,” he teased.

You nodded, hesitantly letting your arms fall to the side. The terribly warm weather encouraged you not to wear a bra. Although you wondered if 3 PM you knew that you’re going to be engaging in some promiscuous agenda this evening. You looked up into his eyes for some kind of guidance, in which he responded with a curt nod, before you tugged on the dress so that it’d slide onto the floor.

Now the only piece of modesty you’re wearing is your plain white panties. Your breasts were entirely exposed, cold nipples firming up as it reacted to the change of temperature. This is embarrassing! Mr. Miller was being incredibly methodical in the ways in which he approached the situation, lacking sloppy mouthy kisses and feverish touches.

“Smart girl,” he complimented, almost on instinct. “Let’s get on the bed, yeah?”

You moved adjacent to him. Mr. Miller was gentle when he patted the spot next to him, allowing you to settle down properly while he fixed a pillow behind your back. To think that you’re positioned on the same bed where you’ve witnessed him please an array of girls made you feel some sort of way. A hitch in your heart, a twitch in your hole. You’ve never witnessed him this gentle. He’s always fond of establishing the power he held on the dynamic he’s presented, always telling girls what to do in quick succession and calling them humiliating names if they fail to do as told. With you, he was sweet and rather funny.

“In my experience, one of the things girls like the most is to be withdrawn from control,” he spoke up into the thick air. You didn’t miss the way his eyes cruised along your beaded nipples, or the way it watched you with feral precision. “Of course, it depends on the person. But you. I think you’re a sensitive one, are you?”

You nodded obediently.

“Cross your arms behind your back,” he ordered and watched closely as you followed suit. “Lean back onto the pillow.”

You copied his order. Only then did your finicky brain finally compute that you’re limited off your movements now. With your body weight acting like paper weight for your arms, it’d be impossible for you to react in quick time.

“Good girl.”

His mindless comment made you tighten your thighs together.

“I’m gonna touch you, okay?” he whispered gently. You could watch how he’s slowly approaching you with much caution. His arms caged you in as it dug into the tangled sheets next to you. He’s testing the currents, making sure you’re fully consenting to the experience before he makes any mistake that might ruin your perception of sex. “Ask your little friend to touch you slowly. None of that frisky aimless touching. If he pulled on your nipples and called it a day, I’d leave his ass.”

This little routine he had, the one Wicked Fantasies had, was memorized into your head and to watch it take place right in front of you made you ecstatic. He caressed the side of your face. Gently even with those big, large fingers of his, he managed to take up a good portion of your cheek. Mr. Miller then made his way to your lips. He swiped it once over your upper lip, then another time over your thicker bottom lip. You’d anticipate for him to stick his thumb in deep enough so that he could see your uvula properly, but he didn’t. Instead, he settled on pressing down your tongue as if to pin it against the lower floor of your mouth. A good amount of saliva was collected that when he pulled away, a lewd string remained intact.

“Do you know why I like pinning a girl’s tongue down?” he queried to increase comfort in a way.

“No,” you whispered breathlessly. “Why?”

“It makes ‘em docile,” he muttered. “Encourages submission and I like a pretty girl who listens.”

Mr. Miller’s fingers dragged through the curves and texture of your warm skin, leaving goosebumps on his wake, before he finally reached your two perky nubs. Each one hardened before he could give them the treatment they both deserved, which in a way broke his routine, but instead of being irritated, he appeared to be pleased.

Girls in his videos weren’t as sensitive as you. They didn’t get riled up just by a little touching and teasing. Seeing you like this was a refreshing touch. One that made the wrinkles on his forehead ripple as his eyebrows quirked. He circled his calloused finger around where the pigmentation started. Once, twice. Right until he was merciful enough to press against the apex of your nipples.

You squirmed.

“So sensitive, are you?” he cooed. “Tell Simon to play with your sensitive little nipples, hm? You look like you could cum just by this.”

“O-oh please!”

“Please?”

You couldn’t respond. Not when he’s rolling the most sensitive part of your nipples between the pads of his thumb and the side of his pointer finger. Touching your breasts with your own nimble hands felt nothing like what he’s doing right now. You instinctually grinded your leaking pussy down onto the bed, almost like an animal in heat.

“Poor thing couldn’t even tell me what she wants. What would Simon think, hm? A girl with no self control like you,” he hummed. Mr. Miller quickly held onto your thighs so that you’d stop rocking onto the bed and getting off from pleasure he’s not offering. Your eyes met his, searching for help, but the sweet and respectful Mr. Miller wasn’t there anymore. “Alright now, sweetheart. You have ta make sure that you’re thoroughly aroused before thinkin’ of even touchin’ this place.”

“You’re new at this,” he hummed. His fingers slipped off the hold he had on your nipples before it slid down your stomach and settled precisely above your clothed clitoris. “It’s gonna hurt bad if you’re not properly lubricated. Sex is supposed to be fun, not painful so if some guy tells you that it’s supposed to hurt, don’t listen to his dumb shit.”

Mr. Miller was incredibly informative if you put aside the fact that he’s touching you in all the right places that it’s making you go dumb. He spent the time explaining why an action must be provided and how to perform it, when you know for a fact that this is not what he’s used to doing. Wicked Fantasies was known to be straight with words, using minimal sentences to provide his co-stars with just the right amount of information. You could tell he’s holding back the urge to be meaner, to act the way he likes, just for you to be more comfortable.

“Let’s take a look, shall we? You think I did a good job, darlin’?”

It’s dark out. There’s only one source of light that’s present in the room. A small bedside lamp in the shape of an elephant, Sarah’s favorite animal that’s grown to be yours as well. This session with him felt intimate; you’d expect for him to bring out the bright light panels and reflectors just like in those videos you watched of him, but instead, he mostly depended on the moonlight rays.

You were acutely aware of how those dark eyes of his mirrored your own. The way he studied you was unlike any other, not with an invasive intent, but rather with heed. You watched as he hooked his fingers on each side of your panties. Slowly dragging it down, only to stop to wait for you to ease your thighs upwards.

“Look at you,” he chuckled. “I’m right about you bein’ sensitive. Don’t think we need any lube when your pussy looks like this.”

By instinct, you brought your thighs together, shy that he’s observing you with such vulgar intensity. He hummed out a tone of disapproval and quickly placed his arms on both of your knees, prying the two apart as if he’s opening a stubborn can of bolognese. You bit your bottom lip, stifling the noise of embarrassment.

Anxiety bubbled up inside of you. You wondered if you looked okay down there - no other men had seen it besides him! - or if there was something strange that caused him to halt. There was a lewd string of sticky arousal pooling on the center of your panties. You silently watched as it stretched and broke as Mr. Miller pulled the thin fabric away.

“You’re soaked, sweetie,” he teased.

“Mr. Miller, that’s- that’s embarrassing..”

“You like to touch yourself, don’t you?”

Your eyes flickered towards his direction in fear. Has he discovered your incurable obsession for him and his erotic videos? That couldn’t be, could it? There’s no scientific correlation between being extremely aroused with masturbation as far as you’re aware, but the confidence he exude made you doubt yourself. Mr. Miller moved in a painfully slow tempo, taking his time to caress your inner thighs and stomach before even considering touching you where it ached. His calloused fingers felt different against your skin. It left a fiery trail in its wake.

“No, I don’t,” you lied with a breathless squeak.

“It’s okay if you like to touch yourself, y’know,” he whispered as if taunting you. “Girls who like to touch themselves understand themselves better.”

Mr. Miller finally touched you properly. His pointer finger probed against your clitoris, touching in the lightest feathery manner possible that you couldn’t have felt it if you weren’t concentrating. Your hips followed the brief source of pleasure, only to be disappointed when you notice that he wasn’t there. He pulled his finger close to his mouth and made a big show out of it. The way your arousal glistened under the pale moon rays, Mr. Miller teased you with his expressions and mannerism. He dipped the stained finger in his lips to have a good taste while keeping eye contact.

“Please touch me.”

“What was that, sweetheart?” he hummed.

“Please touch me again. It feels go-”

You were cut off immediately when he lazily drew a perfect circle on top of your hooded clit.

“Fuck, please, please, sir.”

Ah, he liked that. He liked the new name you’ve granted him. Mr. Miller was kind enough to resume what he was doing. His finger descended down onto your throbbing hole to gather a good amount of slick before he brought it up to aid his ventures.

“The best way to feel good is controlled pleasure. It feels better to be denied than to receive boring continual pleasure, so..” he paused his movement all together. “I’m gonna teach you a little game.”

“A little game..” you sounded like you’re about to cry from his sudden withdrawal.

“Count to ten, properly. Then I’ll reward you with more. If you fail, then we gotta start from the very beginning,” he explained. His warm breath fanning over your sensitive clit. “You think you can do that, pretty girl?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll start now.”

“One, two..”

You felt how he made his laps around your nub. It was much more intense than the pleasures you’ve initiated before. Compared to rutting against a pillow, grinding against a bedpost, or laying under the tub’s running water, this felt like an entire new experience. You fought to keep still, but it’s gradually getting harder when his finger starts prodding against your tight little hole.

“Three, four. Please, Mr. Miller. Oh god,” you whimpered by accident. He didn’t like that one bit by the look he gave you. There weren’t rules and promises to this, no dynamic the two of you have agreed on, but you couldn’t help but be terrified of his disapproval. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, sir.”

“From the start,” he ordered.

“One, two, three..”

You could barely remember the numbers in your head despite encountering them almost every day of the week. You’re a smart girl, knows your ways around things, but being touched by Mr. Miller makes you go all dumb.

“Four, five, six..”

Your thighs began to twitch and spasm. You catched the way he pulled back the hood to your clit to get a more direct touch. It was working wonders as the sensation now is a lot more electrifying. Arousal dribbled down your twitching hole and onto the crack of your rear, wetting the sheets beneath you with the sticky clear substance.

“Seven, eight, n- nine!”

You jutted your hips out when his fingers brushed over your clit once more, the sensitive bundle of nerves extra aware of his presence, and he managed to hold you back once more. He’s forgiving. You knew he’d punish his co-stars if they couldn’t stay still like you, but he let this one slide. He continued rubbing slow, tight circles only to alter into an eight shape.

“Ten.”

The ultimatum. It has arrived, your key to heaven.

“Smart girl,” he cooed, never actually stopping. “This little hole of yours looks neglected, hm?”

“Yes, pleasepleaseplease.”

“Touch your clit slowly like I taught you,” he ordered. “You can do that can you, sweetheart?”

You nodded, distraught and ruined. With his sweet permission, you pulled one arm out from your back and rested it right above your clit. Slow and steady. Just like how he ordered. Mr. Miller on the other hand was slicking up his pointer finger with his tongue. Fuck, that looks so god damn hot.

He had pressed his sole finger deep into your warmth with no hesitation whatsoever. The combination of his calloused finger against your walls and the golden freckles inside his narrowed irises had you reaching out for his forearm. Your nails came in contact with his skin as you dug upon it, crescent shapes formed in pinkish shades atop his skin. You had to sit up as the only way you’re getting through this is by leaning on his sturdy arm.

“Oh, you like that, huh? Filthy girls like you love to get their holes filled?”

What you didn’t expect was having him press a second finger in. His one finger was thicker than what you’re used to, but two fingers? That makes you an overachiever for sure. You looked up to meet his eyes frantically. You knew he wouldn’t be kind enough to withdraw the action when his mind is already set on it, but it was worth the try. He cocked his head arrogantly as he pursued his plans. Mr. Miller’s middle finger was a tight fit. Barely able to slip past the ring of muscles. Though when he did manage to get himself in, a loud moan escaped your lips.

“Mr. Miller. I can’t- I’ve never- never taken two fingers!”

“I know you can do it, sweetheart,” his free hand went over to run over your sweaty hair, admiring every inch of you. “You wanna please that boy, don’t you? Little Simon?”

He was skillful with his fingers, perhaps from his job requirements. Although it’s still incredible how he managed to have you squirming, yelling how you’re about to cum in a matter of seconds. All he did was switch between pumping the two in you, creating the filthiest sounds, and reaching upwards to hit that certain spot of yours. You rubbed your clit with much concentration as you followed after his thrusts.

“Mr- oh.. Mr. Miller! I’m gonna cum, sir.”

“You’re gonna do that for me?” he grinned, pushing his fingers into you as deep as they could go. He maintained a steady pace, emphasizing pressure on that spongy spot up top that you’ve never managed to reach with your stubby fingers. “Pretty girl gonna cum from my fingers?”

“Yes, yes.. sir. Please.”

“Cum for me, darlin’” he whispered. “Show me how good you can be.”

Oh god, you're in a lot of trouble.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x you #joel miller smut #joel miller fic #tlou #tlou x reader #the last of us x reader #the last of us #tw age gap

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alwayschoppedtaco · 6 months

Text

bedtime stories ll l.h.

pairing: lewis hamilton x wife!reader

warnings: none, just fluff

summary: the story of your relationship, as told through the bedtime story of Josie Hamilton.

word count: 1.3k

my masterlist

“Josie!” You yell down the hall. “Time for bed!”

“Momma!” You hear a frustrated groan from the playroom where your daughter has taken up residence. “I’m not even that tired.” The three-year-old shouts, making her way out of the playroom and towards where you stand, hands on your hips as you peer down at her tired eyes.

“Baby, if you go to bed, I will tell you a story.” You offer, stroking her curls off her forehead.

“The story of you and dad?” She begs, grabbing your hand from her hair and pulling you towards her room. You laugh at her quick change in mood as you agree to tell the story.

“Okay, but only if you get into your pajamas and get in bed.” Josie agrees to your bargain, slipping into her favorite pair of Disney princess pj’s and jumping into her new big girl bed that her dad had put together for her recently, with the help of Sebastian over facetime.

“Okay, where to start?” You ponder out loud, thinking of your husband and how you should go about telling this story.

“From the very beginning, momma!” Josie exclaims, moving over under her covers so that you could lie down with her.

“Okay, okay.” You scoot in close to her, wrapping your arm around her and beginning your story. “I met your father when I was working for McLaren in 2009, your father was coming off his first championship win in F1, and I had been interning under his lead mechanic.”

“And you guys locked eyes from across the room and fell in love?” Josie interrupts in excitement.

“Not quite.” You laugh, wrapping the covers tighter around her as she settled further into her bed for your story. “I talked to him maybe three times that entire season, he was a hotshot driver and I was an intern, we didn’t have much overlap.

“I was offered a leading position at Red Bull the following year, helping to develop the car that Sebastian won in.” You continue, a small smile forming on your lips as you reminisce. “The next time I spoke to your father was at a party celebrating Sebastian’s championship. He had come with Jenson to celebrate, Jenson never letting up a chance at a party.

“He came off a little snobby to me at first, you can get quite the ego when you are at the top of your sport, and only 1 of 20.” You explain, moving your hands as you talk. “He came up to me and offered to get me a drink, I had only talked to him a few times, but who was I to pass up a drink.

“He ended up asking for my number before he left, and that was that.” You sigh, thinking back to that night and how much alcohol the two of you had consumed, drunken secrets and actions that your daughter wasn’t quite old enough to hear about yet.

“But momma, when did you guys fall in love?” Josie asks, invested in the story.

“I’m getting there, I promise.” You laugh at her impatience before continuing with your retelling. “I stayed at Red Bull, occasionally running into your father at different parties and around the paddock, but it wasn’t until 2013, three years later, that anything happened.

“It was another championship for Sebastian, but by the end of the season Mercedes had offered me a job, and I had talked with Christian and decided that I would take it. And so I was one of the mechanics working on Nico Rosberg’s car. I talked with your father a lot more that year, growing closer and becoming friends. I have to confess that I liked him as a lot more than a friend for the next couple of years, but we were work colleagues first, and I wasn’t going to put my career in jeopardy over a boy.”

“Mom!” Josie exclaims in exasperation, her brown eyes wide with anticipation for the romance. “When do you guys kiss and get me?”

“I promise I am getting there, you just have to be patient. If I wasn’t patient then I never would have gotten you.

“Anyways, I stayed at Mercedes for a while before my dream spot at Ferrari opened up and I left Mercedes in 2015. I was at my dream job, back working alongside Sebastian, and finally starting to realize I wanted to settle down.” Josie is trying to keep her eyes from closing, fighting against the sleepiness she is feeling.

“Maybe this story can be ended tomorrow, hmm?” You suggest, noticing the tired eyes and her yawns.

“No!” Josie quickly exclaims. “I can stay up, I want to hear this!”

“Ok,” You smile fondly, continuing your story. “Well anyways, I was working with Sabastian, who had become a good friend of mine while I was at Red Bull, and he had suggested that he set me up on a blind date.”

“I was hesitant at first, not wanting a date disaster, but Sebastian wouldn’t stop pestering me about it so I finally caved.”

“And you had the best date of your life with dad?”

“Oh no, it was probably the worst date I have ever been on!” You exclaim, laughing at the memory. “He showed up half an hour late, didn’t even apologize! I had half a mind to leave at that instant, but I couldn’t think of a good enough excuse!”

“Hey now, I made it up to you eventually.” Lewis pipes up from the doorway, having arrived at some point in your story without either of you noticing.

“Daddy! Come sit with us and listen to the story.” Josie says through a yawn, rubbing the sleepiness from her eyes.

“Okay, princess.” Lewis settles himself on the other side of her, stroking her hair comfortingly, knowing that it usually puts her straight to sleep.

“Continue momma.”

“Okay, well as I was saying, Sebastian set me up on the worst date of my life.” You repeat yourself despite your husbands disagreeing stare. “He arrived late, didn’t apologize for it, and by the end of the night I just wanted to get home and call Sebastian to complain.”

“Why did you go out with him again then?”

“He offered to walk me home, and somehow saved the entire night on that half mile walk.” You explain. “He finally apologized, explaining how nervous he was that he couldn’t pick out which tie to wear that night, he was so nervous that Sebastian called me the next day to tell me your father had called him five times to get his opinion on tie color and which type of knot he should use!”

There is a small smile on Lewis’s face as he watches you tell the story, remembering how sweaty his palms were over the thought of messing things up with you.

“I brought her flowers to make up for everything the next morning, I felt horrible for making a fool of myself.” Lewis laughs thinking of how much remorse he had for being late. “I brought her a bouquet everyday for a week to show her how sorry I was.”

“And it finally worked, cause I agreed to a second date.” You tell Josie. “Best decision I ever made.”

“Three years later I asked her to marry me”

“And then we got you.” You finish, looking down to see Josie’s eyes are closed, her breathing even.

You and Lewis carefully make your way out of her bed, closing the door to her room before making your way to your room.

“It really was my best decision to say yes to that second date.” You say settling into your bed and opening your arms so Lewis can cuddle with you.

“It was my best decision to get the ring after the third date.”

#lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton x wife!reader #lewis hamilton x you #formula 1 x reader #f1 x reader #formula one x reader #wife!reader #x reader #f1 x you #f1 x y/n #lewis hamilton #formula 1 #mom!reader #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton fanfic #mercedes #formula one #f1 #alwayschoppedtaco

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shutterandpencil · 2 years

Photo

“A Millipede”

A millipede I saw at a family reunion. It was a pretty fascinating sight that day.

#nature #millipede #taken with my fujifilm #old pic #taken around 2013 #digital photography #fujifilm finepix #FinePix JX520

0 notes

etherealising · 11 months

Text

interlude one | parle-moi

↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

summary: a glance into the final couple of weeks of carmy and baby's senior year.

wc: 13.7k

song inspo: parle-moi

please don't let any graphics hinder your imagination of fem!reader/baby, you could imagine her as a fucking smurf for all i care. any pictures used are NOT a representation of baby they just fit the chapter!!!!

also i describe hayden as atj's character in kick-ass because that's what i was watching while writing this chapter but you could imagine him as rasputin or liteally whoever you're into.

but also like atj and jaw are literally the same person just different fonts ya know? happy reading!

May 2013

Carmy watched as you manned the front of house at The Beef, you and Richie working seamlessly around each other as the both of you took turns at the cash register and running food to the customers who had decided to dine in. Carmy wouldn’t lie, he was a little miffed that Mikey had given you a job here but strictly forbade him from even thinking about working at The Beef, but it was okay because he had a plan. Carmy was going to pursue his dream of becoming a chef, not only that, he was going to become the best fucking chef he could be and prove to Michael exactly why he deserved to work alongside him at the family business.

It wasn’t necessarily fair for Carmy to be mad at you for earning yourself a job at The Beef, and he wasn’t. He knew you were only working there to save up money, he knew how badly you and your mom needed it. Things had gotten worse with your mom in the past two years. One of your aunts had come from the west coast to stay with the two of you as you finished up your senior year waiting to whisk the two of you away at the first chance she got. Carmy had met her a handful of times. She was nice he would give her that, but she always looked at him like she knew a secret he didn’t.

Leaning against the end of the counter as he waited for you to go on break, he watched as you made your way back from the dining area to the front, doing his best to capture your features. The slight sheen to your skin from running back and forth and the slight humidity that could be felt in the air. He took notice of the way your hair decorated your head, which pieces looked out of place. Carmy studied you with a curious eye, fingers drumming against the small sketchbook you had got him for his birthday. He had wanted to draw you for a while, and he tried once, but after picking out everything wrong with the drawing he decided that maybe your kind of features weren’t meant to be confined to the lines on a piece of paper.

Carmy watched as you laughed at something stupid Richie said, your laughter singing through the restaurant. Even as you turned to the window of the kitchen to share the joke with the rest of your crew, the large smile still hadn’t left your face.

You turned from the window removing the apron from around your waist as you approached Carmy, the remnants of laughter still on your face. You grabbed his hand pulling him along to the dining area where the two of you plopped down at your favorite corner table. The patrons are still there sending greetings to both of you. You nodded at Carmy’s sketchbook that now sat on the table, his hand lying flat atop it.

“Got anything new for me to look at?” You eyed the small book, always happy to look at whatever new drawing had taken over Carmy’s mind, even if they were of Claire.

Carmy followed your line of sight, a slight blush rising to his cheeks at your intrigue. He usually wouldn’t think twice about letting you parse through his artwork, your genuine interest always pushing him to keep up his hobby. “Uh, I’m not sure if you’ll want to see what’s in this sketchbook.”

Carmy’s fingers began drumming away again, the constant contact with the small book keeping him calm. You sent a teasing smile his way “Why afraid I’ll get tired of seeing your drawings of Claire?” You had meant for the quip to be a joke, although you were tired of seeing Claire’s face staring back at you through Carmy’s drawings, it wasn’t your friend's fault that she had stolen the heart of the boy you had been pining after for the better part of a year.

The frown on Carmy’s face told you that he may have taken offense to the slight joke, your teasing smile dropping as you felt the guilt creep in on you. “I don’t draw Claire that much do I?” The vulnerability in his tone catches you off guard.

You quickly shook your head wanting to appease him, “No Carm, guess I’ve just been around Mikey and Richie too much working here.” You sent him a small smile hoping to raise his spirits, “Word of advice though, some people might find it a bit weird if they knew someone was drawing them without their permission.” You leaned your head on the palm of your hand as you watched Carmy flush even more.

Carmy felt the heat of his blush rising on his neck and painting his cheeks an even deeper red, of course, you would think he was weird for randomly drawing your friend. His lack of experience and newfound fascination channeled into his drawings as he saw no other way to deal with his crush on Claire. He cleared his throat, eyes finding yours again, “Would you?” At the confusion on your face he swallowed, not wanting you to think him any weirder than he already felt, “Would you find it weird if I was drawing you?”

You watched Carmy sink into himself after asking you that question, your own heart melting a bit about the shyness Carmy exuded. “Carmen,” your hands reach out to clasp his between your own, “I would be flattered if you ever decided to draw me. Hell, maybe I’ll even commission you.” The ending joke is made to bring yourself back to reality, if Carmy was drawing you it wasn’t for the same reasons he was drawing Claire.

If it was possible for Carmy to blush even more, he was sure he would’ve looked like a tomato sitting in front of you. You always knew exactly what to say to stave his self-doubt, but recently your words had been more warming to him, something that he couldn’t explain. But he found himself hanging on to every word that left your lips a little bit more.

Before Carmy could get his response out Tina appeared by your table with two signature beef sandwiches for the two teenagers she had watched grow up. The two of you thanked her watching as she made her way back into the kitchen, not being able to spare a minute with the dinner rush starting soon.

You smiled up at Carmy before digging into your food, the warm bread and the seasoned beef caressed your tongue. You let out a sound of appreciation as you swallowed your first bite head tossing back to savor the flavors in your mouth. Carmy let out a small chuckle as he watched you, always finding your reaction to be overdramatic, he wouldn’t lie though, he was excited for the day he would earn that same reaction after you tried his food.

A content sigh escaped your lips as you wiped your mouth with the provided napkin, “I’m gonna miss this when I’m gone.” Carmy could hear the sadness in your voice, his own sense of sadness filling him as he remembered what fate held for the two of you after graduation. The two of you would be separated from each other in what felt like the first time in forever.

Carmy sat his sandwich down, slumping a little in his seat while trying his best not to bring the mood down, “You leave at the end of July right?” His question met your ears as you took in his kicked-puppy look, you remembered how well Carmy took the news when he found out. The betrayal on his face when he found out you chose to go to a college on the West Coast.

You nodded your eyes not meeting his as you tried to lessen the hurt in your heart. It's not like you wanted to be that far from Carmy but it really was out of your hands. Your mom and aunt decided it would be best to be closer to family amid your mom’s ever-declining health. “Yeah Carm, our flight leaves on the 31st.��

You took another bite out of your sandwich appetite dwindling, but not wanting to waste the food you know the crew loved making. The two of you finished your sandwiches in silence, neither of you wanting to talk about the future and more than happy just to sit in the other’s presence.

Reaching for Carmy’s plate you stacked your own on top of his before moving them onto the edge of the table, ready to take them when your break came to an end in five minutes. You sat up straighter in your seat imbuing yourself with confidence as you prepared yourself to broach the topic you weren’t sure Carmy even cared for.

“So Carm, prom is coming up, have you given it any thought?” Carmy knew you were trying to come across as nonchalant, but the gleam in your eyes told him otherwise. Hiding the small smile that graced his lips, he watched as you tried hard to act as though you didn’t care about prom. It was a bit funny to him.

“You know it's not really my scene Baby,” he watched as your shoulders slumped a bit. You had been expecting his answer so you weren’t sure why it affected you so much

You nodded your head, “Yeah, you’re right. Not sure why I brought it up.” You began playing with your fingers, you aren’t sure what you were hoping would be different this time compared to the other times you had brought it up to him. You knew Carmy wasn’t interested in you romantically, and you knew he wasn’t interested in going to prom, but you were holding out hope thinking he might pity you and join you at prom as your friend as one last hurrah before your big move.

Carmy felt bad, he didn’t mean to make you sad. He was just waiting for the right time to ask you. He knew how much prom meant to you, and had listened to you talk his ear off about going to your high school prom after your mom and his mom showed you pictures from their respective proms. He was still working up the confidence to do so though, every time he thought he was ready he would overhear the idiots in his homeroom with their own plans to ask you. Thankfully though you had rejected every advance, and what kind of friend would Carmy be if he asked you to prom at the dinghy sticky table in the back of his family’s business?

“I’ll think about it okay?” It was Carmy’s turn to reach for your hands, to assuage the sadness he could see overtaking your features. Your eyes met Carmy’s not sure if you had heard him correctly, you wouldn’t allow yourself to get too excited at the prospect that Carmy might want to attend the prom.

You sent Carmy a small smile and a nod before standing up from your seat and grabbing the two dishes still sitting on the table, “I’ll hold you to that Bear.” You headed towards the door to the kitchen disappearing from Carmy’s sight.

It was always odd for Carmy to hear you use that nickname for him. You had usually just stuck to ‘Carmen’ or ‘Carmy’ when you were feeling extra friendly. But hearing you call him ‘Bear’ always made his heart beat a little faster, the way the nickname left your lips making him feel warm on the inside. Knowing that such a special nickname had countlessly graced your tongue, a family name just for him that you had felt comfortable enough calling him always made his head fuzzy and his chest feel like it was on fire. The sound of the bell above the door snapped him out of his thoughts, he quickly gathered up his sketchbook, he didn’t know where he was headed, but hopefully, some fresh air would give him the courage he needed to finally ask you to prom.

Your shift ended an hour ago, but you always stayed later to help the crew clean up. Mikey began giving you rides home as you took on more hours, the one plus side of working for your neighbor. At that moment Tina was helping you clean the front of the house her favorite oldies CD popped into the ancient radio, the two of you had created a tradition since you started working at The Beef. Tina would shoo Richie to the back to clean her area so the two of you could catch up.

Tina had taken you under her wing when you first started working there, teaching you what she could in her spare time. Although you had no plans to work in a kitchen anytime soon, you still cherished the time spent together taking what she taught you and using them in your kitchen. Happily sharing with Tina what your mom thought about a recipe she taught you and bringing one of your mom's famous recipes for Tina to try.

Being able to connect your mom and your work mom through food always brought warmth to your heart. The women in your life all doing their best to raise you to be the best woman you could be. As you and Tina finished cleaning up, the two of you headed to the dining area where you would usually wait for Mikey as he finished up whatever he was doing in his office and Tina would sometimes keep you company.

The two of you occupied the same table that had earlier housed you and Carmy. “So did Carmy get his head out of his ass and ask you to prom?” The smile on Tina’s face showed how excited she was to hear about your progress in getting Carmy open to going to prom.

You hid your face in your hands, your big smile hiding behind it, “He told me he’d think about it, which isn’t a no but, I’m too scared to get my hopes up,” You smiled in Tina’s direction watching as she nodded the smile never leaving her face.

“Mama, why don’t you just ask him yourself?” Tina questioned searching your eyes, your smile faltered as you listened to Tina’s question, why hadn’t you just asked Carmy? It would’ve given you a straight answer, and you wouldn’t have had to wait around while he was being indecisive.

Your eyebrows pinched together as you looked at Tina in earnest, “But what if he says no?” The self-doubt creeping in, of course, you would ask him as friends, you didn’t want to freak him out but insinuating you wanted something more, even though you did.

Tina shrugged her shoulders, a small warm smile decorating her features “You can’t control his reaction Mija.” She leaned forward to clasp your hands in hers, “If you don’t ask you’ll never know.” You could always count on Tina’s solid advice to ground you.

And she was right the worst thing that could happen if you asked Carmy to the prom was his swift rejection. But the answer would always be rejection if you never asked. Tina squeezed your hands as you nodded, letting her words sink in as you calculated the best way to ask Carmy to prom.

“I see the way you look at him mama, and listen,” one of her hands shot out to raise your chin so you were looking at her directly. “It’s going to hurt if he doesn’t feel the same way, but you can’t keep living ya life waiting for him. You can be there for him as much as you want, that’s fine ma, but at the end of the day you gotta remember you’re the only person who got you.”

You could feel the tears on your waterline threatening to spill out, leave it to Tina to serve you the most heartfelt advice on a random Thursday night at a dining table at The Beef.

“I’m not saying you gotta let go of your feelings for him, just don’t lose yourself waiting for that boy to come to his senses.” With that Tina patted your hands as she stood from her seat, coming to your side of the table and planting a loving kiss on your forehead.

“You get home safe now ma, a’ight, make sure Mikey ain’t driving all stupid with you in that car.” You laughed at the jab Tina made about Mikey’s driving.

Standing up the two of you embraced each other in a hug, you were grateful to have Tina in your, and you were grateful to have met the Berzattos because without them you wouldn’t have been able to make all the wonderful connections you have now.

You waited for Tina to grab her stuff so you could walk her out. The two of you exiting The Beef you stood outside the entrance watching Tina as she made her way down the street, waiting until her petite figure was officially out of your sight before heading back inside and locking the door behind you.

Venturing to the back you stopped in the office doorway, Mikey sitting in the desk chair as Richie leaned against the desk the two of them whispering fiercely between each other. You gently knocked on the wall hoping to catch their attention, you learned the hard way that being privy to any whispered conversation these two had was never worth it.

“Uh, I’m ready when you are Mikey,” you looked between the two of them, the two giving off a more sketchy vibe than they usually did.

“You uh, didn’t hear anything you weren’t supposed to did you?” Richie’s question caused you to frown. They were definitely doing some sketchy shit that you wanted no part in.

You rolled your eyes before bending down to pick up your backpack on the floor next to the door. “You two are so fucking weird,” you crossed your arms over your chest as you looked between the two of them. Mikey finally rose from his seat and tossed you the keys that were sitting on the desk.

“Hey! That’s rude you know, I think I’m fucking great,” Richie’s response caused a tired smile to form on your lips.

“Yeah Rich, you can be cool sometimes. Goodnight Rich, get home safe.” You sent a small wave his way before leading the way to the car parked in the back of the lot, wanting nothing more than to get home, shower, and bundle up in your warm bed.

You unlocked your door before quickly sliding in and reaching over to unlock Mikey’s door. Silently rushing him along and immediately turning on the heat as Mikey settled into his seat reversing out of the lot.

“What were you and Richie even doing anyway?” You looked over in Mikey’s direction as your hands were placed in front of the vents supplying warmth to your body.

Mikey smiled at you before facing the road again your curiosity was always something he could count on, “Just keeping the business afloat. Nothing to worry over.” You nodded along, no stranger to the many problems The Beef ran into. It shocked you sometimes that it was still up and running, but you knew Mikey always found a way to keep things going.

“How’s school?” The question gained your attention, one of these talks is almost mandatory between the two of you, Mikey checking in on you and in a not-so-subtle way checking in on Carmy through you. You couldn’t pretend you knew why it was so hard for them to just talk to each other, but you guessed any effort was effort.

“Alright, I guess, just preparing for finals. Oh, guess what?” The giddiness in your voice earned a chuckle from Mikey as he nodded for you to go on. “I’m planning to ask Carmy to prom, but like as friends you know?” It was a bit ironic that every Berzatto except the one that mattered knew about your crush, but according to them, you weren’t very subtle about it.

Mikey’s laugh crumbled your resolve a bit, you weren’t sure if he was laughing at you or your idea. You flicked his shoulder sure he couldn’t feel it through his jacket, he raised his hand as a way to ward off your attack. Not that it was doing anything to hurt him.

You watched as Mikey pulled into your driveway never forcing you to cross the street on late nights. His hand reached for the ignition turning the car off as he shifted to face you in his seat.

“You know I’m proud of you right?” you nodded as you listened to Mikey’s words. “You’re gonna do big fucking things, Baby, don’t forget about us little guys alright.” You laughed a little confused about where this topic of conversation was coming from.

“I could never forget about you Brother Bear.” You teased the childhood nickname you gave Mikey pulling his lips into a smile. “I’m gonna write about you one day Mikey, gotta remember you to do that.” You watched as he just stared at you eyes roaming over your face, you reached across the console pressing a quick kiss on his cheek before moving to get out of the car.

Mikey’s hand reached out to grab your arm, “You gonna look out for Carmy even when you leave right?” You nodded at the question, feeling no need to elicit a verbal response. “Just keep an eye out for me will you, you’re good for Carmy.” You had no plans to cut Carmy off after your move, the two of you already discussed the best ways to keep in contact, the best season to catch a flight in.

“Come on now Mikey, you Berzatto’s are stuck with me for life, you can’t get rid of me that easily.” You laughed as Mikey rolled his eyes

“Get your ass in the house, Baby, I told your mom I’d stop bringing you home so late,” you nodded, picking your backpack up from by your feet on the floor. You quickly walked to your front door turning back to send Mikey a wave as he watched you get in safely.

Mikey sighed as he easily parked the car in his driveway just across the street. It was selfish but he needed you to stay in Carmy’s life in whatever way you could manage. Carmy would need you, the role you played in his life making him a better person than he already was. Mikey just hoped for your sake that Carmy put in the effort to keep you in his life, his little brother honing in on the Berzatto family habit of self-sabotage.

Mikey would speak to Carmy about it, if there was one thing he would get his little brother to understand, it was that allowing you to walk out of his life would be a colossal mistake.

Carmy was waiting for you in front of the school. Since getting your licenses the two of you had been taking turns driving the other to school, and today was his turn. He knew it would take you a good minute to make your way to the entrance since your class was located at the back of campus. It didn’t bother him though, it gave him a chance to try and calm his nerves. There was one week left until prom and he still hadn’t asked you.

He purchased the tickets a week ago. You had given him the perfect opportunity at lunch when you decided to spend the period getting help from your creative writing teacher.

Carmy just never felt like it was the right time to ask you, at least that’s what he was telling himself. In reality, he had plenty of opportunities, he just kept losing his confidence. Forcing him to constantly postpone the question he so desperately wanted answered.

For example, when he was visiting with your mom over the weekend and you were teaching him your mom’s famous peach cobbler recipe. He swore he was gonna ask you in the midst of baking, he knew you were into romantic gestures. Not that he wanted to go to prom with you romantically or anything like that. But then the two of you made a mess with the flour while trying to perfect your mom's homemade biscuits, flour getting everywhere including on the two of you.

Carmy decided as he watched you clean your face that right then was as perfect a moment as ever. The two of you were in high spirits enjoying each other's company, but then he watched as the evening light streamed through the kitchen window just perfectly. The sunlight lit up the features on your face he had somehow been overlooking for all the years he knew you. Your bright eyes and cheeky smile were solely trained on him.

And there he was standing in your mom’s kitchen, drowning in the attention you had always allotted especially for him. His smile faltered as he couldn’t help but just watch you at that moment, his breath hitched while his eyes skated over the planes of your face, the ache in his chest slowly dwindling his confidence. And Carmy decided he just couldn’t ask you that day. The timing wasn’t right. The two of you were a mess and he needed to find a bottle of Pepto Bismol asap.

So that’s how he ended up nervously waiting for you to exit school on a random Monday in May. Carmy made sure he was in the regular meeting spot as you two had dedicated it, out of the way of any other students. The two of you weren’t loners, well you weren’t, Carmy didn’t care too much for high school labels. But the two of you were fine being in each other’s presence with no need to include anyone else, and yeah sometimes you would run off with Claire or Hayden and try to invite Carmy, but Carmy didn’t need any of that. He got you and your attention every day of the week whenever he wanted, and for Carmy, that’s all he really needed.

Carmy finally spotted you making your way through the crowd of teenagers who were either waiting for their rides or just trying to prolong the day with their friends. An unconscious smile graced his features he had been waiting all day to finally just get things over with and pop the question. The two tickets held so tightly in his hands they were starting to crinkle. Letting out a deep breath, Carmy straightened up, wanting you to take his inquiry seriously, not sure his usual shyness would exhibit that he truly wanted to go to prom with you.

No longer able to wait, Carmy began walking in your direction, doing his best to avoid the bodies that didn’t care enough to pay attention to him. He made it halfway before the sight in front of him caused him to abruptly stop. Walking next to you was the tall boy he always felt himself feeling insecure around. Hayden had never shown Carmy any ill will and had even tried to include Carmy in conversation in the times he joined the two of you for lunch. But the teenager had something Carmy didn’t have; a reserve of confidence and natural charisma. The two of you had just met this year in your creative writing class and Carmy swore he would never hear the end of it.

Hayden was drinking in all your attention right now, the two of you bouncing ideas off of each other for your creative writing final. You thought Hayden was cool since your first meeting at the beginning of the year. The two of you became instant critique buddies, always asking the other to analyze a class assignment before you submitted it. At times you had thought about inviting him to hang out with you and Carmy outside of school, but you didn’t want to make Carmy uncomfortable, so the two of you remained friends inside the confines of high school.

You laughed at one of Hayden’s outlandish ideas, knowing if he turned in a paper on the topic of whatever conspiracy theory he was into at the moment they would probably withhold his diploma.

“Hey, check it out,” your eyes followed the path Hayden’s finger was pointing at, a small scowl painting your face at the scene playing out in front of you. “Looks like Carmy finally asked Claire to prom.” The words made your ears buzz, and the tickets in your back pocket felt like they were on fire now.

The two of you watched in silence as Carmy and Claire traded shy smiles with each other before he handed her one of the two tickets in his hands. When he told you he’d think about it, you weren’t aware he would think about going with someone else. The hope in your heart immediately died out as you watched the bright smile overtake Carmy’s face. You didn’t blame him, if you had the opportunity to go to prom with your crush, you obviously would have taken it too.

“You good?” The nudge to your arm broke you from your longing gaze, eyes finding Hayden’s through his dorky glasses. You nodded trying to shake the sadness off yourself, Hayden was great at reading people.

“Yeah, actually,” you took a small breath before continuing. “I know this is kind of weird, and you’re totally allowed to reject me. But would you maybe wanna go to prom with me? It doesn’t have to mean anything obviously, just two friends having a good time together.” You slipped the two tickets out of your back pocket brandishing them to Hayden. Even if you couldn’t go with Carmy you still wanted to attend prom and Hayden was a great second choice.

“Hell yeah! I’ve been waiting for you to ask me.” The lame joke caused the both of you to laugh as you shoved Hayden’s shoulder. He took one of the tickets from your hand walking backwards while still facing you. “Don’t sell yourself short, maybe I want to go to prom with you to mean something.” His loud voice catches the attention of the teenagers surrounding you. A group of underclass girls fawning over how cute they thought the scene between you two was.

You watched as Hayden disappeared to his car, a small laugh leaving your lips at Hayden’s antics, a part of you feeling giddy at the idea that someone wanted to go to prom with you as more than friends.

Carmy wasn’t sure how long he stood there staring at the interaction going on between you and Hayden, but it sure did suck the confidence right out of his insecure body. The thought of going to prom with you was just another failed idea as he was sure Hayden would ask you.

“You okay there Berzatto?” Carmy was snapped out of his trance by the presence that made their way to his side. His eyes shot to Claire’s, momentarily widening before he tried to calm his exterior. He nodded his head, giving himself a minute before even thinking of gracing Claire with an incoherent response.

“Ye-Yeah, just waiting for Baby,” his free hand raised to point in your direction as Claire smiled at him, eyes leaving him for only a moment. He dropped his hand not knowing how to continue the conversation, Claire was your friend and yeah he did have his fair share of classes with her, and she did only live down the street from the two of you. But he had never been alone with her on purpose.

The two of them stood in a stilted silence, both overcome by their shyness to say anything. Trying to ease the awkwardness Claire’s eyes landed on the tickets still tightly grasped in Carmy’s hands, finally finding an out to the silence. “I didn’t know you were into prom Carmy,” the statement reminded Carmy of what he had been planning to do in the first place.

One hand raised to run through his slightly grown-out hair, head nodding rapidly in response, “Yeah, Baby seems to be really into it.” Carmy didn’t notice Claire’s smile falter, of course, he was taking you to prom, you were the only girl that existed to him.

Carmy finally faced the girl standing next to him. The least he could do while waiting for you was hold a conversation with her. “Did you want to go?” Carmy watched Claire’s smile brighten, a confused look painting his features. Not realizing that with his overall awkward and shy personality, the girl in front of him thought this was his way of asking her to prom.

“With you?” She questioned the giddiness in her voice, easy to point out. Carmy’s eyes widened this time, this was definitely not his original plan. But he couldn’t just say no and turn her down he would’ve felt bad, plus he did have a huge crush on her, and Mikey and Richie had both told him to stop being such a pussy when it came to girls. So Carmy realized he had his answer.

“Yeah with me, i-if you want to I mean,” Carmy waited with bated breath hoping he hadn’t read the situation wrong. If Claire’s blush and wide smile were any indication he was on the right track. He raised the hand that contained the tickets between the two of them, plucking one out and offering it to Claire.

Their hands brushed as she reached for the ticket, Carmy’s smile matching hers as they fell into polite small talk about their day and their plans for after graduation.

“Don’t sell yourself short, maybe I want going to prom with you to mean something,” the sound of what they both knew to be Hayden’s voice drew their attention. They watched the fading interaction between you and Hayden, Carmy’s attention zeroing in on a laugh he heard over a hundred times.

The squeeze on his bicep removed his attention from you, eyes falling back to the girl he had just asked to prom, albeit accidentally. “They’re so cute! I can’t believe they’re going to prom together,” Claire’s excitement had somehow increased after Hayden’s obnoxious display. “Hey, maybe we can carpool,” It was wrong but Carmy couldn’t get himself to focus on the words leaving Claire’s mouth, too busy watching you watch Hayden.

“Oh hey, my mom’s here. We’ll figure it out later, see ya Carmy.” He sent a noncommittal nod in Claire’s direction, a slight wave sent to her mom who was patiently waiting in the car. Eyes immediately went back to your figure that had finally begun to make its way in his direction, the smile on your face confusing him. You didn’t like Hayden did you?

Carmy watched as you stopped in front of him before your hand reached out to shove his shoulder, “Why didn’t you tell me you were asking Claire to prom?” Carmy wasn’t sure why but your question irked him, the excitement in your voice crawling under his skin. It’s not like he had to run his whole life by you, you obviously didn’t.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were asking Hayden to prom?” The hostility in Carmy’s tone and the frown on his face confused you, “You just asked him to prom so he’ll sleep with you.” Your eyes widened at Carmy’s insinuation that the only reason anyone would go to prom with you was to fulfill their carnal desires.

You scoffed rolling your eyes at his immaturity, “You have an ugly fucking attitude, Carmen.” The shove of your shoulder into his as you stormed off to the car cooled his anger down.

Carmy had no clue what the fuck had been going on with him, with the two of you recently. But he knew he needed to cool it with these mood swings before you decided to leave him behind for good. He only had you for the rest of the summer before your constant presence in his life would disappear. He didn’t want to give you a reason to cease all contact after your move. Carmy followed after you knowing it would be a silent car ride home.

Prom Night | Saturday

The week leading up to prom had been the most awkward week between you and Carmy since the dawn of your friendship. It's not like you were giving him the cold shoulder, but you sure weren’t as nice and friendly as you usually were with him. You only spoke to him out of necessity that week, your friendship with him on rocky ground after the accusation he threw your way.

It had gotten so bad that you had even begun inviting Claire and Hayden to your’s and Carmy’s self-proclaimed lunch table. You had told Carmy it was under the guise of figuring out the plans for prom night, but you just didn’t want to sit alone with Carmy as he acted like everything was fine between the two of you. And Carmy knew two, and if he was brave enough he would’ve admitted that it hurt to see you so upset with him to the point that you were no longer comfortable in just his presence.

He had even broached the topic to Sugar, hoping she would be able to give him advice since she was a teenage girl at one point, and probably understood your thought process better than he did. He regretted the decision immediately when she explained to him that because of the situation, he should be more worried about the way his words hurt you, rather than his feelings of you distancing yourself from him. She had gone on a long tangent about how you had every right to want space from him, the two of you were longtime best friends, and having someone you trust with your whole life deduce you to just your body would make anyone question the friendship. Carmy learned the hard way that Sugar wasn’t going to tell him what he wanted to hear just to make him feel better.

It was a tough week for Carmen Berzatto and it was nobody's fault but his own. Sitting on his bed he stared at the suit he would be donning tonight, the excitement he once held for prom, slowly dwindling with every smile you saved for Hayden that week. Every time you asked for Hayden’s advice before Carmy’s he felt his resolve cracking, for a constant time in his life your friendship with him was the only thing that truly belonged to him.

He wasn’t used to having to share your attention with anyone outside of his and your family. He wasn’t prepared for the smile he thought was reserved just for him, to so easily graced your lips when speaking with Hayden

You and Claire were getting ready together at your house, you had invited the girl to join you after she explained her mom would be out of town for a business meeting. The friendship between the two of you was still rather new, you wouldn’t go as far as to call her your best friend, but she was your first close girlfriend and you thought that counted for something.

Claire was easy to be friends with. She was a sweet girl with a bright personality and the two of you wondered how you had lived on the same street all this time and never became friends before senior year. Claire was easy to be friends with; that is until Carmy decided he liked her. After that day it was no longer just you and Carmy, it was you, Carmy, and Claire. And Claire was never even actually physically there, she was just a topic of conversation that Carmy couldn’t go a day without somehow bringing up.

You didn’t blame Claire though, how could you? And just as naturally you watched as your new friend fell for your oldest one. It hurt in the beginning to realize Carmy would never speak of you the way he spoke of Claire, but as time went on you got over it, the mantra ‘if Carmy’s happy, I’m happy’ slowly getting you through senior year. But it was agonizing when Claire confessed to you she had fallen for your shy doe-eyed shadow.

Luckily for you though the two of them were too shy to ever do anything about it. And maybe you were a shit friend for not telling Carmy that he did have a chance with his dream girl, but you would’ve been an even worse friend for revealing Claire’s secret behind her back. It was a lose-lose situation. So now you were relegated to being the middleman, lending both of your friends an ear to talk about their infatuations with each other.

And that’s exactly what you were doing right now as you listened to Claire drone on about how sweet Carmy was. And how cute he looked when he asked her to prom, and if you thought he would look good in his suit tonight; which yes, you did but Claire didn’t need to know that. You were almost starting to regret inviting her over, but you had to remind yourself it wasn’t her fault that you were too scared to admit your feelings to Carmy, or that you should’ve just asked Carmy to prom yourself with no hesitation.

“Which color?” Claire’s voice broke you from your pity party, the two of you sitting on the floor in front of your mirror, your respective makeup set out in front of you. You looked at the two eyeshadow palettes Claire was pointing at, quickly pointing at the one color palette that would work best with her blue-green eyes.

“I think these colors will make your eyes pop,” the small smile on your lips encouraging Claire to take your advice. “Can I be honest with you?” You were unsure that you wanted to have this conversation with Claire, but you’d always have Carmy’s best interest at heart.

Claire shifted to face you, your serious tone drawing her undivided attention. “Just be careful with Carmy, okay?” Your eyes flickered between hers to make sure she understood the gravity of what you were saying. “Not in a bad way or anything, it's just…he really likes you. And he’s not that experienced in the romance department, so just don’t expect too much of him,” you paused, eyes going down to watch as your fingers picked at the hem of your robe.

“He’s shy, ya know, and he’s a little self-conscious even though he does not need to be because he’s so cool once you get to know him. But if he seems a little clueless or doesn’t pick up on your queues, just don’t hold it against him okay? I know he’s going to try not to mess things up with you Claire.”

Your eyes found Claire’s face again, a small endearing smile on her lips, “You care about him a lot.” You laughed not meaning for it to sound as sarcastic as it came across, you did a lot more than care about Carmy. “I’m glad Carmy has a friend like you in his life,” Claire’s hand patted your knee, the truth in her words causing your heart to sink a little in your chest.

“Enough about me and Carmy, I didn’t know you were into Hayden!” The two of you giggled about the fact you were talking about boys and getting ready for prom, neither of you thought you’d be in this situation right now.

“I’m not. We’re just going as friends,” you said as the two of you began to paint your faces. “Well make sure he knows that.” You put down the lip liner you were examining, eyes flashing to Claire as she shot you a goofy smile.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You watched as Claire rolled her eyes at your obliviousness, you threw a makeup brush at her that she easily swatted away. “I’m just saying” the other girl’s hands raised in defense, “Hayden has like the biggest crush on you, he’s just too nonchalant to say anything.”

“Really?” The surprise in your voice stole a laugh from Claire. “Of course! Look, you didn’t hear this from me but he had plans to ask you to prom. You just beat him to the punch.”

You watched Claire for a minute as she resumed doing her makeup. Your own eyes find your figure in the mirror, a shy smile curving your lips. Maybe your head had been so far up Carmy’s ass you were too blind to see that there was another great guy out there ready to make you happy.

You thought of the advice Tina had given you a few weeks back, you would always care for Carmy. But if he was getting his happy ending tonight, it was only fair that you tried as well. As you and Claire sat there chit-chatting and getting ready, you thought about how different your life would be if you set your feelings for Carmy aside, and tonight was the best time to figure it out.

You and Claire made your way across the street to the Berzatto household where everyone was waiting for the two of you. Your mom and aunt left 30 minutes ago, Donna having invited them over for dinner while you all attended prom. You saw Hayden’s car parked in front of their house and couldn’t help but feel excited at the idea of spending such a fun night with him, you had only ever seen him as a friend but maybe tonight could change things.

You were pretty sure Donna was snooping through the windows excitedly waiting for the two of you to arrive because the moment your foot hit the sidewalk Donna threw the door open with a loud voice surprising the two of you.

“Oh my goodness! Look at you girls, you look beautiful!” Donna exclaimed as she made her way towards the two of you pulling Claire into a hug before throwing her arms around you, careful to mind the bulky Polaroid camera in her hand.

Removing yourself from the hug you peered behind her to see everyone else filing out of the house. Your aunt helped your mom as she talked Nat’s ear off about something you couldn’t hear. Mikey and Richie do their best to interrogate a calm Hayden, and Carmy awkwardly follows behind at the back of the pack, his suit hugging him well.

You were quickly pulled away from your assessment of Carmy as Nat made her way to you with a huge grin on her face. “Baby! Oh my goodness!” Her words became muffled as she pulled you into a hug. “You look so gorgeous, Carmy is such a tool. Well, no offense to Claire.” You let out a small laugh as you parted from Natalie, the two of you joining everyone else so the picture-taking could begin.

Before joining Claire and Carmy you stopped by Mikey and Richie to pick up your date, hoping they hadn’t gone overboard with the ‘intimidating older brother’ act. Squeezing in between the two older men you looped your arm around their torso pulling them into a double-side hug.

“Are tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumb giving you a hard time Hayden?” The words leave behind a mock pout on your lips. You gave Hayden a bright smile, easily taking his suited figure in, he had forgone his round dorky glasses. But his signature unruly dark curls were in their usual mess atop of his head, and you would admit you appreciated it.

You watched as the once apprehensive look on his face turned into a bright grin at your words, a pretty blush painting his angular cheeks. “Wow, you look uh-”

“She looks what buddy?” Mikey’s tone left no room for questions, his arms moving to cross against his chest widening his stance to appear more intimidating.

“You look pretty.” You weren’t even given a second to respond as Mikey started in again.

“I look fucking pretty to you? Richie, this boy just call me pretty?” Mikey’s eyes never left Hayden’s even as his question was directed at Richie.

You watched as Richie copied Mikey’s stance, your arms falling from their movements. “Yeah Mikey, I think he fucking did.”

“Richie’s a looker too, you gonna call him pretty?” You watched as Hayden fumbled with his words, eyes searching yours for any help.

“Yeah Curly Sue, I wanna be fucking pretty too.” You weren’t sure how the conversation had gotten so out of control but luckily for you, your mom was there to save the day. Pulling Hayden’s attention to a conversation so he could escape your two personal bodyguards.

“You two stop giving that poor boy a hard time.” Mikey and Richie having no defense against your mom, let him join her as Donna came up to the three of you for a picture.

You resumed your initial position with them, arms finding their way back around their torsos. The two of them leaned down to press a kiss against both of your cheeks, a cheesy smile taking over your features as the three of you posed for Donna’s camera.

“Okay Baby, grab your cute little date and take some photos,” Donna motioned you over to where Nat was finishing up the couple photos of Carmy and Claire, now waiting for you and Hayden.

You maneuvered yourself from Mikey and Richie’s grip standing in front of them, the two of them looking at you with smirks decorating their faces. Although you found their antics to be stupid, you were glad to have people in your life who cared enough about you to try and scare your dates away.

“This kid not weird or some shit is he Baby?” Mikey scowled at you, arms finding their way across his chest. You shook your head, you thought you knew enough about Hayden to vouch for him. “No, he’s just a friend. It was a last-minute decision.” The two men stared at the boy who was waiting for you to take pictures with him, the pretty flower corsage in a box in his hands.

Mikey nodded in his direction signaling for you to go and join him, “You guys stop by The Beef after. Don’t want you and Carmy getting into any stupid shit.” You nodded before making your way to Hayden’s side. His smile caused one to grace your lips as well.

“Everybody wants pictures of us but uh, I need to give you this first.” You smiled as he shyly showed you the corsage, you watched as he removed it from its box. You held out your hand as he carefully slipped it on your wrist, surprised to see how perfectly the colors chosen complimented your skin tone.

You couldn’t help but share a small smile with him when the two of you caught each other’s eyes again. “Thank you, Hayden, it's beautiful.” The click of a camera drew your attention, eyes finding Nat’s as she looked at the image on her digital camera.

“Awe Baby! The two of you are so cute, okay give me a few poses.” Carmy couldn’t help but watch as Sugar gushed over you and Hayden, his mom keeping Claire’s attention as they discussed whatever it was they were so enraptured in.

He watched as the two of you took photos as if you were a couple and not just two friends going to prom. The two of you stood in the standard prom pose looking like the perfect match, Hayden standing behind you with his hands wrapped around your waist, the two of you smiling happily at the camera. The position changed slightly as Hayden rested his chin on your shoulder for one shot, slightly turning his head for the next shot so his lips caressed your cheek. From Carmy’s vantage point, you didn’t seem to mind.

Carmy was pulled into Mikey’s side as his older brother wrapped his arm around his shoulder. The two of them watch you and your date in silence for a moment. “Baby’s growing up isn’t she?” The question was not something Carmy was expecting from Mikey.

“Do me a favor and look out for her Carmy alright?” Carmy nodded, no one ever needed to ask that of him. “Better start treating her right before this becomes your feature.” Mikey looked down at Carmy hoping to drill the words into his younger brother, sending one more squeeze to his shoulder and an encouraging smile his way before leaving to join Richie in conversation with your mom and aunt.

Sugar caught Carmy’s eye, a melancholy smile on her lips, “Carmy come, let me get a picture of you and Baby together!” He looked to his mom and Claire, the two of them giving him nods of encouragement. He gently took the Polaroid camera from his mom's hand knowing you’d like at least one Polaroid of the two of you before heading in your direction.

He approached you and Hayden as the two of you were having a quiet conversation, “So if I potentially called you baby non platonically how would you feel about that?” Carmy wanted to gag and was relieved as he watched you roll your eyes at the cheesy pickup line.

“Eww, actually please don’t,” Carmy stood there in silence watching how chummy the two of you were and feeling awkward for just listening.

“You’re right, my girl has a better ring to it.” Carmy’s eyes widened he had no idea where the fuck this kid's confidence was coming from but it sure was starting to piss him off. He watched your mouth hang open partially at a loss for words apparently just as appalled as Carmy.

The hand reaching up to cup your chin almost sent Carmy into a full spiral, “Close your mouth, can’t have my girl swallowing flies.” Camry was about to blow his shit! Who the fuck did this model-looking motherfucker think he was?

“Hey, pretty boy! None of that slick shit in my yard!” Carmy had never been more thankful for Mikey’s obnoxious personality, watching as you and Hayden laughed together looking thick as thieves.

He quickly took his opportunity to squeeze his way into the space Hayden had once taken up. Carmy could feel the tension as he stood next to you, he quickly handed the Polaroid off to Sugar so she could take the picture before making his way back to your side.

Neither of you spoke a word as you got into position standing in a side hug so the awkward tension between the two of you wouldn’t be as noticeable in the final photo. As you fixed yourself to make sure you were presentable, Carmy found himself enraptured with you carefully sliding his arm around your waist.

The way you had chosen to style your hair was something he wasn’t accustomed to. The new style allows the angelic planes of your face to be showcased, the apples of your cheeks and your cheekbones catching his eye. The pretty sparkly stuff on your eyelids catching the dimming sunlight he was almost tempted to touch it. He liked the earrings you had chosen and the way the pearls sat so prettily around your neck he wanted to trace each one.

The square neckline of your dress showcased your perfectly sculpted collarbones. Carmy was so lost in his study of you he hadn’t thought twice about running his thumb across the one closest to him. The touch tickled you enough that your body was now slightly turned into his. Carmy cleared his throat, “Uh…um there was a bug.” He watched as you nodded along with his lame excuse.

Your hand came up to smooth out his pocket square that sat atop his heart. Carmy caught your eye before you could face the camera head-on, he gave your waist a slight squeeze to give himself a boost of confidence. Carmy watched as you stared up at him questionably the two of you just staring at each other for a moment.

Carmy’s eyes darted over your face, taking in your features before losing himself to the shape of your lips for a moment. “I think you look beautiful tonight Baby.” The words left Carmy’s lips with no sense of apprehension, no shyness. He was sure of himself; sure of his statement.

You had leaned into him a little bit more, your eyes rapidly blinking as your brain realized what he said. Carmy watched as a small shy smile graced your lips, his own soon following as he realized just how important it was to keep that pretty smile in his life.

Unbeknownst to the two of you Sugar had watched the whole moment play out, quickly raising the Polaroid to capture the intimate moment between the two of you. A moment she was hoping would finally lead to more between the two of you.

“Thank you Carmy,” Carmy watched as you leaned in slightly before stopping yourself and quickly readjusting so you were facing Sugar head-on. Carmy wasn’t sure what had changed between the two of you in these last couple of weeks but as Carmy forced himself to look away from you, he found himself thankful for whatever ushered in that change.

Carmen Berzatto knew at that moment, he would want for no one else the way he did you. And he would spend every day for the rest of his life proving that he was enough for you.

You and Hayden were leaning against his car as the two of you watched Carmy walk Claire down the street to her own house. Hayden had volunteered to drive you all to prom, and when your fun was done there happily drove you all to The Beef, excited to try the sandwiches you couldn’t stop raving about.

And now the night had come to an end, the four of you all ending back up at your starting destination. You thought the media embellished high school prom a bit, but you hadn’t regretted your decision to go and were happy to have spent such a memorable night with people whose company you enjoyed.

Hayden’s arm was brushing against yours, his suit jacket almost swallowing you up. You were grateful for the jacket, the night growing colder as time went on. The two of you were calmly standing in each other’s presence, the silence not bothering either of you. Tonight with Hayden was fun, you enjoyed how goofy he was. Always doing what he could to make you smile and laugh, you were scared things might have been awkward due to the romantic undertone of the event.

“I had a really good time tonight Hayden, thank you for being my date.” You couldn’t help the shy smile on your lips, you were sure your cheeks would be sore from smiling the whole night away.

Hayden sent you a bright smile of his own head nodding along, “Me too, I’m glad you decided to ask me.” The two of you stood there for a moment just smiling at each other.

In the movies, this was usually the moment a kiss would happen. But you weren’t sure if you wanted Hayden to kiss you, you enjoyed his company and you thought he was a great guy but you didn’t feel anything romantic for him yet and didn’t want a single kiss to lead him on.

You leaned up slightly, your lips caressing his cheek as a form of thanks. “Maybe…we could hang out some other time?” If you were really going to put your happiness first it would be necessary to put yourself out there.

“I’ve got you till the end of July don’t I?” Your eyes find Hayden’s cheeky smile as his hand raised your chin. You nodded eyes searching his face, wondering what these next two months might hold for the two of you.

His thumb began to rub back and forth on your chin, your breath hitching as you watched him lean down. Mind going blank, panic filling you as you tried to figure out if this was something you wanted. You stood still, nerves racing through your body as you were about to have your first kiss.

You watched as Hayden’s eyes flicked to the side before he reluctantly stepped back, thumb brushing your chin one final time before his hand returned to its side. You followed his line of sight to see Carmy approaching, standing a little distance away to wait for you.

Turning back to Hayden you sent him one last smile, the boy pulled you into a hug engulfing you with a slight kiss pressed to the top of your head before the two of you moved apart. You quickly slipped off his jacket before handing it to him, moving back so he could get in his car. You watched as he sent Carmy a small nod in goodbye before his car disappeared down your street.

Letting out a small sigh you turned to where Carmy was waiting for you a shy smile on his face. You smiled back as you approached him the two of you walking up the sidewalk to his front door, you knew your mom and aunt would still be here at this time.

The two of you entered the house greeting the four women that were sitting in the living room having their small party. Questions were thrown at both of you about your time and making sure your dates made it home safe all the usual questions to be expected after prom. You listened as your mom told you that you would be leaving soon. Knowing that when it came to your mom soon could mean in the next five minutes or the next two hours.

Your eyes found Carmy’s as you let out a small yawn, his eyebrows raising in question before nodding towards his room. You made your way to follow him up the stairs too tired to contribute to the conversation happening in the living room.

Entering Carmy’s room you made your way to the foot of his bed to sit down, quickly removing your heels a sense of relief filling you. Dropping your heels you watched as Carmy stood by his door looking as though his mind was racing. You smiled at him patting the spot next to you, a sort of peace offering.

“How was your night, Carmy?” You watched as he made his way to sit next to you, head falling to rest on his shoulder as you awaited his response.

“It was fun, yeah, Claire was really nice.” You watched as he blushed, you might have felt a little sad any other night but right now you were too exhausted to care.

“Why didn’t you kiss Hayden?” The question hit you like a shot of espresso. You raised your head from Carmy’s shoulder trying to find his eyes as he kept his head focused on his clasped hands. “I don’t know, I don’t think it felt right.” You genuinely had no good explanation for Carmy, you didn’t even have one for yourself.

“Did you kiss Claire?” Your question came off a little more hostile than you had intended. Carmy sat up, eyes finally meeting yours as he shook his head. You felt guilty at the relief that flooded through you.

“No, it didn't feel right.” You let out a small laugh at the recycled explanation, a similar one leaving Carmy’s lips as he didn’t take his eyes off of you.

“Gosh we’re such losers,” you giggled, bumping your shoulder with Carmy’s. “I thought for sure you would’ve taken your chance to kiss Claire tonight.” You wiggled your eyebrows in a teasing manner, the ice that had been ruining your friendship this past week seemingly forgotten.

Carmy gulped as he continued to study you. “Maybe she wasn’t the girl I wanted to kiss tonight,” Carmy’s words caused your joking mood to quickly sober up, the smile disappearing from your face completely as you realized just how intently he was staring at you.

“Carmy,” your voice trailed off, not sure what the boy in front of you was getting at. You stood up needing a bit of space to understand the underlying message in Carmy’s words. “Carmy, what are you talking about?”

He followed your movements, the two of you both standing up now, faces inches apart. You couldn’t help but follow Carmy’s tongue as it quickly traced his lips, your own coming out to wet yours. The room was silent as you waited for Carmy to say something, anything. Your heart began to beat faster as the 10 words Carmy spouted in your direction gave you a sense of hope.

Your breath hitched as you watched Carmy’s hand raise, his eyes falling to your neck. You felt his fingers delicately trace the path of borrowed pearls, each touch leaving behind a whisper of something you couldn’t place. You allowed him to continue, too nervous to say anything at that moment.

His hand began to trace its way up the side of your neck, soft touch making your knees weak. He looked to be in a trance lost in the idea of you. A gasp escaped your lips as his hand gripped the side of your neck, fingers gently tugging the hair at the nape of your neck.

Carmy couldn’t explain it, but this, you standing so beautifully in his room right now, lips parted slightly as you waited for him to make the final move felt right. It felt so right it didn’t matter who either of you went to prom with, it didn’t matter that this would be the first kiss for both of you. What mattered was that it was you here with him; you who had always been with him, he would’ve given everything to be deserving of you.

The small nod of your head was the last sign Carmy needed before he surged forward capturing your lips in a harsh kiss. The two of you were so inexperienced your teeth clashed together. The roughness brought the both of you back down to earth, you couldn’t help but laugh at how awkward that first kiss was. You didn’t even think it could even be considered a kiss, more so a smack of lips against each other.

You watched the shy blush rise on Carmy’s cheeks, you could tell he was feeling self-conscious about the whole situation. Your hand raised to gently caress the hand that was still placed on the side of your neck.

Eyes locked you sent him a warm smile leaning in slightly a small whispered “c’mere” breathed between the two of you as you gently pressed your lips into his. Your eyes closed as you felt Carmy relax into the embrace, a sigh leaving his lips as he tugged you closer by the hand wrapped around your neck.

The two of you pulled apart eyes fluttering open as you drank in each other. Neither of you say anything for a moment, the room is filled with the sounds of your soft breathing. You couldn’t believe this was finally happening, all these months of unrequited feelings and secret pining, and here you were kissing Carmen Berzatto in his bedroom.

You watched as Carmy let out a shy laugh, thumb caressing the space behind your ear. Your smile matched his, the two of you watching the other with goofy smiles playing on your lips.

“Can I-,”

“Yes.”

Carmy gave you no chance to finish your sentence before he eagerly agreed and surged back in to kiss you. His lips felt like heaven against your own, you had wondered what this moment would feel like if it ever happened. If Carmy’s lips felt as soft as they looked, what would their natural taste be like?

The kiss continued as Carmy’s tongue poked out to shyly glide across your lips, you smiled into the kiss before parting your own. Easily inviting him in, the two of you languidly moved in sync, no battle to be fought as the two of you enjoyed the caress of each other’s mouths.

You couldn’t help but moan into Carmen’s mouth a hunger you didn’t know you had finally being satisfied. The small tug on your hair caused your mouth to open wider, the kiss becoming sloppy as the two of you gave in to your desires. You felt Carmy’s hand delicately trace your neck, his infatuation constantly leading him back to it.

The bite on your lip caused a harsh gasp to leave your lips, Carmy quickly pulling away at the noise. He looked at you with wide fearful eyes scared that he hurt you, ruining a good moment too soon.

“I - I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to.” Seeing Carmy so worried and vulnerable at the moment sent a thrill of warmth through your body. Your confidence grew as his faded, you took a small step into his space backing him up into the foot of the bed which caused him to resume his sitting position.

You could get used to looking down at Carmy.

You raised the hem of your dress so you could maneuver yourself into his lap, arms going to wrap around his neck. Carmy watched you like a deer in headlights, this new sense of confidence making you feel brave. As Carmy sat there like a statue you gently removed your hands from around his neck to guide his to your waist.

His hands squeezed your hips as you quickly adjusted yourself in his lap, Carmy’s eyes following the hem of your dress as it moved up more exposing your thighs. “Won’t you kiss me again Carmy?” The small whisper bounced off of Carmy’s lips due to your proximity, you watched as he rapidly nodded his head, hands squeezing your hips for dear life. You gave him a small smile before the both of you surged forward eager to be connected again.

As the kiss between you deepened you began unconsciously rolling your hips into Carmy’s the feel of his lips searing into yours making you want more. You listened as a strangled noise left Carmy’s lips before he pulled away again, you quickly stopped your ministrations.

“Is this okay, do you want me to stop?” The question caused Carmy’s head to rest against your rapidly rising and falling chest.

“No-no I-I just need a minute.” You were beginning to feel guilty, maybe you had come on too strong and Carmy was just confused about his feelings. You began moving to get off of his lap not wanting him to be any more uncomfortable than he probably was.

You stopped as a blissful sigh escaped Carmy’s lips, his eyes finally moving to meet yours. You sat there silently as the grip on your hips tightened a sigh parting your lips as Carmy bucked up into you while he guided you back and forth. The direct eye contact somehow increased the sensation between the two of you.

“I-I like it when you move like that.” You nodded along to Carmy’s words, continuing the movements yourself as Carmy’s lips found your neck trailing open-mouth kisses on any bare piece of skin he could. One hand quickly reached up, sliding the thin strap of your dress down, so he could finally appreciate your collarbones in the way they deserved.

In all honesty, neither of you had any clue what the hell you were doing, but whatever it was, it was working. No matter how messy the touches were, or how sloppily you were kissing each other every movement felt right.

Carmy was lavishing your chest and neck in any way that he could, kisses trailing over each collarbone. An impromptu bite in the space where your neck and shoulder met caused your breath to hitch. Your hips created a rhythm against his as the two of you lost yourself to the bliss.

A loud knock at the door interrupted the two of you. Carmy quickly removed his lips from your neck, doing his best to shield your body in case someone walked in. Neither of you knew how long it had been, too caught up in losing yourself to each other, too caught up to realize how far things had almost gone.

The knock sounded again as your aunt said your name, “We’re heading out, meet us downstairs.” Footsteps leading away from the door calmed the nerves both you and Carmy had been feeling, eyes peeling away from the door to match with each other.

No one said a word as the two of you stared at each other, you taking in Carmy’s flushed appearance. As he admired your disheveled figure above him, the confidence quickly left your body as you shuffled to get off of his lap.

The hand on your hip stopped you as you eyed him curiously, he slowly reached up to fix the straps that he had slid off of your shoulders, the slow shy touches caused your head to spin. He helped you stand up before adjusting the hem of your dress. You quickly glanced away as he tried to subtly adjust himself.

The shout of your name from downstairs forced you to rush to his bathroom mirror to fix any obvious differences in your appearance. By the time you came back, Carmy was holding one of his knit crew necks out for you to slip on.

His hand reached up to scratch the back of his neck, “Uhh, it's cold outside.” You smiled gratefully before slipping the crew neck on, quickly scooping up your heels as you made your way to the door. You turned around facing Carmy one last time with a wide smile on your face, you leaned in prepared to end the night with a sweet kiss.

Carmy leaned in pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead, the two of you scoring the intimate moment. Carmy couldn’t help but smile as he watched you leave wearing his knit crew neck, part of him hoping it smelled of your scent upon its return.

Carmy hadn’t expected the night to take the turn it did, but he was thanking his lucky stars that you went along, no questions asked. Neither of you knew what this meant for the future of your friendship, or if this would blossom into something more. But the two of you were both lost in the bliss of your actions to think too long on it for the rest of the night.

Sunday Evening

You hadn’t seen much of Carmy over the rest of the weekend, instead spending the free time with your mom and aunt. You also weren’t quite sure how to approach him, and the fact that he hadn’t approached you either signified you were both at a standstill, neither of you sure how to broach the topic.

It was Sunday evening and you were on your way to The Beef picking up an extra shift after Mikey called to ask if you could come in. Richie had to leave early for whatever the hell he did in his spare time.

As you parked in the back lot, you were surprised to see Carmy sneaking through the back door. Your heart began to thud a little faster, it was stupid, but you hadn’t thought you’d be seeing him so soon. You sat there for a moment calming your nerves, you were sure the conversation wouldn’t be brought up while you were working, but maybe Carmy came here looking for you specifically.

You got out of your car, locking it behind you before entering the establishment. Quickly punching your time card before grabbing one of the spare aprons and heading to check in with Mikey.

The dinner rush would be starting soon and since Richie was gone you’d have to balance working the cashier and running food to the diners. You walked around, head popping into the office to let Mikey know you were there.

The two of you crashed into each other as he was making his way to the kitchen, arms shooting out to steady you so you didn’t fall.

“Thanks for coming Baby, but uh if you wanna go home I won’t stop you.” You watched Mikey awkwardly scratch the back of his head, eyes darting around the kitchen as he watched the controlled chaos ensue. Surprise etching your features, not used to Mikey being the awkward Berzatto in your life.

“No, I don’t mind kind of needed to get out of the house anyways,” you smiled at home before heading to the front to take care of the line that was beginning to form.

Most of the orders were for takeout so you hadn’t been rushing back and forth too much. But the Johnsons, an old couple who ate dinner here every Sunday, was your first dine-in order, the two greeting you before heading back to their favorite table.

You turned to the window waiting for the order you had already given, watching as Tina made her way to you apprehensively.

“I can run this for you Mama if you want me to.” You shook your head sending her a smile before taking the two red baskets from her hand and making your way to the dining area, eyes instantly spotting the older couple.

“Two famous Italian beef sandwiches for my favorite regulars,” you smiled down at the couple setting a tray in front of each one respectively.

“Say, honey, isn’t that your little friend over there?” You watched as the woman subtly pointed at another table, you and her partner both taking in the scene in front of you.

You felt a wide smile spreading over your face as you took in Carmy’s figure, the shyness exuding off of him. His lips brandishing a small smile, it took the laughter of his table mate to slap the rose-colored glasses off your face.

So caught up in your infatuation with the boy you’d been crushing on and finally got to kiss the other night, you hardly noticed Claire.

The two women sitting at the table in front of you sharing a knowing look, guilt seeping through as they alerted you to something you’d rather be ignorant to.

“I’m so sorry honey, I didn’t mean to upset you. Mabel been telling me I oughta learn when to shut my big mouth. If I ain’t listen 20 years ago I sure wasn’t gone figure it out by now.” You let out a sad pathetic laugh at Ms. Sadie’s explanation doing your best to compartmentalize your feelings.

“Shame though Baby, that boys missing out on something good. You looked at that boy like he parted the heavens and earth. My Mabel used to look at me like that, you know, the only thing she looks at like that now is cake and these damn beef sandwiches.” Ms. Sadie’s laugh unconsciously draws one of your own, finally taking your attention from Carmy and Claire.

“Oh hush up now Sadie and let the girl get back to work,” another watery laugh escaped your lips. “Talking this sweet girl's ear off like she wants to listen to you on top of watching the boy she loves on a date.”

Your head shot to Ms. Mabel’s slightly taken aback by her word choice, she settled you with a look. “Don’t go giving me that look now. You may be foolin' that boy and yourself but you ain’t foolin' anyone with eyes baby.” You let her reach out to gently pat your hand, the two women in front of you made it hard to keep your calm facade up.

“You gone on and head home Baby, and if Michael has a problem with it you let him know Ms. Mabel and Ms. Sadie said it was okay.” You let out a real laugh, the sound caught the one boy’s attention you didn’t care for right now.

“And tell your momma to stop by if she’s ever feeling up for it,” you sent the couple a small smile nodding your head. “Yes ma’am, you two enjoy the rest of your night.” With that, you began your journey out of the dining room.

You stopped as you heard Claire call out your name, turning inside the doorway as she sent you a wave, returning a small one as you purposefully avoided giving Carmy any attention.

You made your way into the kitchen no one needed to ask what was wrong as they took in your somber mood. You silently slid into the walk-in, maybe it was unsanitary but you didn’t think you could face anyone as you finally let the first sob wrack your body.

The fact that you knew this incident wouldn’t change your friendship with him irritated you to no end. But you cared for him so much that you just couldn’t force yourself to quit him. Maybe this move was what you needed, the time spent apart would allow you to discover who you were outside of Carmen Berzatto. You would do your best to allow the friendship between the two of you to keep flourishing, but whatever Carmy decided was best for him, you’d just have to live with it.

You hadn’t realized how long you were standing in the walk-in until Mikey entered. Body engulfing yours in a hug as his warmth radiated through you. The older Berzatto allowed you to stain his shirt in tears, neither of you saying a word as the sound of your sorrow painted the walk-in.

The youngest Berzatto’s hand stilled on the door handle as he listened to your faint cries. His own heart broke as he realized that he hurt you again. Head hitting against the exterior of the door, he didn’t deserve you, didn’t know if he ever would. Carmy forced himself to listen to your faint sobs wanting to console you at this moment but not knowing where the two of you stood.

Two friends stood on opposite sides of a steel door, hearts breaking in unison as it felt like everything was fighting against what they both wanted. July would come and they would part ways, promises whispered to stay in contact and remain friends, neither soul knowing what the years apart would have in store for them.

a/n: i apologize if anything in this chapter doesn't make sense or is wonky, i've been editing for 3 days straight and i feel like i can't read english anymore. hope you enjoyed! i also have a whole playlist if anyone is interested!

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#carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto angst #carmen berzatto x you #the bear x reader #carmy the bear #carmy x reader #carmen berzatto fluff #all i ever knew only you ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊#[aiekoy] interlude one #the bear fic #carmen berzatto

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