#than have 1 kid NOT get help

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

#writeblr #warm up #to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace #but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X' #and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!'' #babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3 #mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES #and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for #than have 1 kid NOT get help #but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here #bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness'' #it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!'' #& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness #but use it to defend THEIR actions #like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell? #you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse? #but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck? #your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross? #HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like #all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like. #anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol

[askamnesiamoonjumper]

me after editing the aau prologue for the bajillionth time

#First chapter I changed the opening bc I always thought it felt off/abrupt and wanted to have it be prince pov from the start #I wanna get in his head more ok sue me #Beyond that tho it was just some wording edits #Specifically with the internal dialogue moments I helped them flow more/feel more like thoughts #Also mj gets a bit more of their usual edge/pessimism bc the prologue they always felt a bit too “ówò sad poor smol bean” or whatever #That’s it tho chapter 4 I didn’t change bc it’s peak #Did add some teases to later things tho like snatch senses mjs soul at the end of his chap but doesn’t realize it #Or like I added the Not Now running thing in the earlier chapters bc it was more of a chapter 4 thing so I wanted 2 set it up more so boom #I think that’s all the notable edits ig like I said just description additions the only actual new thing is the opener for chap 1 👍 #Also also I got to include a hc that I have that I neglected to do before but I hc a!prince used plural internal dialogue #Because lol we love dramatic irony in this house #Grace post #this reminds me tho one of these days I should look through heart strings chapter one to look for editing things #Bc I think I did that recently but I don’t remember it much tho #Mostly just when the Hat stuff starts that was the parts I never directly rewrote I just edited them so they feel out of place in my brain #Also I’d wanna edit her dialogue bc it *was* in character (after rereading her diary’s to confirm) but I wanna have her be a bit more snark #Hat is Hard bc i Need the balance of cute little kid and also smug little shit (affectionate) like she is a pain to write man cries #This is just me rambling lol ignore it I just wanted to spam aau thoughts #In other news I made shapes redesigns but I’m on the fence on posting them bc idk if I wanna spoil or not hhhhhhhhh #Nowadays I’m more chill w spoiling things than I used to be #But there are a handful of things I’ve kept shut about (ex being princes name or mjs species stuff etc) #So I’m not sure if this thing with shapes i should keep secret or just post bc I used to spoil it but idk now #Shrugs #maybe I’ll do a poll later I dunno #Ok yapping over byeeeeee

[front-facing-pokemon]

#RIP to the legacy post editor. you will be missed. while queueing this post and the last one it's removed the option for me to switch to the #old one and is making me use the new one. which is like not bad. it's not a bad editor. i just don't like change as most tumblr users don't #it also just appends the post you make directly to the top of the currently-displayed posts behind it even if it's not meant to go there #which is a little bit scary when i'm on the queue page and i click “add to queue” for a post that's supposed to go up on august 18th #to see it immediately appear above mega metagross. the legacy post editor didn't do that. it made you refresh the page if you wanted to see #your own new post on the dashboard. which i think was better!! honestly!! i've never Made a post using the new editor to see how it behaves #only ever queued up FFP using this thang. but that's also bc i feel like i don't post very much. i need smth Interesting to say when i post #on my main blog i mean. i don't make extraneous posts on here (usually) unless i'm answering an ask or something. which. still have yet to #miss one to this day. going strong #bibarel #can you tell idk what to say about this guy. what are they‚ water-type? big chance i'm fucking wrong and they're just pure normal #OKAY i was right. normal/water. semi-interesting typing and i get why they're a water-type. but. i never use. bibarel. even as a kid who #didn't understand or care about competitive. i knew bibarel was not very strong. it's a route 1 normal-type fucker. and maybe it's like #better than i think or something but tbqh it's a sinnoh 'mon and i already have another sinnoh water-type that has my heart. buizel #so bibarel was not so much in the cards for me. bro i should do like. a mono-type run of a pokémon game one day. that would be fu #do folks do that? is that a challenge run that actually exists? nuzlockes exist so i don't see why not. okay i'm doing it. my next replay o #any pokémon game is hereby decreed to be a water-type mono-type run. i may or may not liveblog it on my main blog #and it may or may not be nuzlocke. we shall see #hell maybe i'll stream it. maybe that could be fun. i don't know of *anyone* who would be interested in that but it tends to help me #actually go about completing games when i have someone there like. waiting for me to do so

[rithmeres]

genuinely these panels are going to make me ugly cry

#i'm not back for real yet i think i want to stay away longer. i'm just here to put more things in the queue and answer messages #i really enjoyed trimax vol 4 idk something about it was less miserable than 1-3 #might have been the first volume that i wasn't grimacing the entire time i read it. or maybe i'm just desensitized now. #unironically this prayer is soooo beautiful to me. give us this day our daily bread. not bread for the week not bread for a year #just enough for today. #lately when i've been praying it just looks like #please for the love of god please please please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPL #things are not looking good for the community house.. lots bureaucracy with the city. and the church that funded us is falling apart #i don't know what i'm going to do if we get shut down it's the one thing in my life that's worth anything #all those kids... where are they going to go. who is going to help them. where is the neighborhood going to get their food. #in two days it will be the anniversary of [REDACTED] and i am so so so scared #just sat in my room today and fruitlessly scrolled thru jobs im not qualified for & tried not to think about thinking about killing myself #i don't WANT to kill myself i don't want to think about it i hate thinking about killing myself i will never ever kill myself or even try #but there is a demon or perhaps a ghost or evil wizard that tells me there's an easy way everything can go away. and it's A STUPID. BITCH. #please do not reply to this post i know you all mean well but i just don't think i can handle it. #talking about it i mean. and hearing people say nice but empty things. #i just wish i had someone to sit next to me. #personal #i don't want to go to church tomorrow :( it all feels so fake and i do not ever feel fed.

[wallboys]

jon crazy girl moments

#he’s so good at emotional-rage-induced attempted murder #someone get this kid a stress ball and some old glassware to smash in a dumpster #jonposting #asoiaf #jon snow #but on serious meta mode: one of the reasons i love his flaming sword dream in adwd #cause at this point he is much more ‘subdued’ than he was just a year ago. but he still does have a lot of anger it’s just internalized #and being redirected towards a purpose now (anger at the other night’s watchman who don’t grasp how important it is to help the free folk) #but his sword dream is like… his uncontrollable impulsive rage from book 1 being directed at the people he’s lost and had to watch die #like a manifestion his intrusive thought of wishing benjen dead in the snow #‘i AM the lord of winterfell!’ he’s still angry he’s still emotional he’s still selfish #i need to write a whole thing about jon internalized vs externalized anger… cause i have Thoughts

[lumiereswig]

Something you love that you don’t often share because you’re worried what others will think

I really love old media, and am constantly falling in love with things that either have fandoms that have gone well around the bend of sanity because they're too old, or fandoms with almost no people in them. One of my favorite movies is "The Lady Vanishes," which is like the only good Alfred Hitchcock if you like bisexual leads getting up to spy-related romantic hijinks on trains. One of my favorite shows is "The Vicar of Dibley," which as far as I can see has a fandom of 0 because it was an on-and-off british sitcom with no budget during the 90s. Those two things I rarely talk about because no one knows what I'm going on about so passionately—while on the other hand, I'm a big fan of the Beatles, and I can never permit myself to talk about it because that fandom is HUGE, kind of TOO BIG AND TOO OLD TO BE WORTHWHILE, and DERANGED. seriously. I once almost beat the shit out of someone (literally! like fists out!) because I disagreed with their opinion on a beatles song. (i was 15 and have since settled down but like christ, the fandom breeds that kind of religious thinking.) And whenever you say you're a beatles fan, people naturally assume you're an old angry man in his 70s—which, uhh, considering the state that fandom is in most of the time, fair. a shame because the beatles do have good parts—not the bits your old hippie uncle is always raving about, the other parts—and in so many ways are still fresh and worth analyzing and enjoying like a proper fandom would, but it's hard to even begin talking about because the fandom be batshit. and like—well, like me—it's hard to talk about something that you've loved that long, and that deeply, without going a bit insane. So these other fandoms I kind of enjoy on my own, the way as I did a kid—making my own headcanons and daydreams—but I don't bring them up generally, either because I don't want to explain how niche they are (and I am always liking niche things) or, on the other hand, hearing how nuts it is to be a fan of something so mainstream that it's like being a fan of air.

#i have a lot of thoughts about fandoms! #honestly i think it's helpful to have fandoms of 1 sometimes. ESPECIALLY if it's a big fandom out there #im so so so glad nobody could read my early fanfics because they lived for my own joy. they were entirely in my head or my journal and than #god for that. because it would have ruined it for me to get comments on my ongoing sagas #highly recommend kids not posting all their fanfics. post some if you want to get feedback and comments from strangers you cant control! #but keep some just for joy #asks

[welcometoteyvat]

co-op is crazy bc in the same co op session you can immediately click with someone and then find out the other rando who joined might be a racist

#i let everyone into my place unless i didn't click fast enough so ... #the experiences have been a) met one (1) whale who like has c3 or above of multiple characters #limited characters** forgot to specify lol #b) met multiple kids who are Way Younger than i expected.... yikes pls go touch grass dont play the gacha #c) met people who i like really vibe with and talk to semi regularly #d) this fuckass dickwad #tfw you pretend you're a race you're not to two poc over co op #there are cool people over co op though. most of the time <3 #most people just come and get mats too so its like whatever. happy 2 help your farming sessions though #there are also people who just stand there and wait for me to do something like 😭 i dont got the time either you talk to me rn or you #start doing things instead of just standing there. if neither of these happen im kicking you srry #there was one person wayyyy back who led me all the way to chinju forest and then played ayaka's theme to me though it was soooo cute #shoutout to anyone who bothers to learn genshin songs on the lyre and then play them yall are real ones #also did not know that so many cis males played genshin until they came to my world lol (and i met them irl but thats another thing) #problem is that some of them are like 14 and say gan.yu is their waifu ???? 😭😭😭 like bro idk how to react to that 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #ok this is getting a little too tmi but whatever #maybe ill delete it but conclusion coop is Wild

[mako-island-moon-pool]

You want to know how bad my memory is?

I was writing last night and I just straight up forgot that Sanji exists. I have been watching this show since 2012, he was my fave Strawhat outside of Luffy pre-TS, and I FORGOT HE EXISTED.

I was like 'hm yes well the ones who would understand are Nami and Robin... W- wasn't there one more I was thinking of a moment ago? Wasn't there another one who'd Get It?????'

'it's not Chopper. Definitely not Usopp. And it's not Zoro. That's all the remaining Strawhats at this point in the story. So... Why am I convinced I'm forgetting someone? Let's go through the arcs in my head agai- OH MY GOD, I FORGOT SANJI'

#When I tell you my memory is shit... 😭 I used to own a Sanji shirt. What the fuck?? #When that post about the memory issues finally leaves my queue #Like I joke about it but this shit can be genuinely terrifying. Like knowing my brain is getting worse. Knowing I'm probably forgetting #Seriously important things and just 'oops I can't remember haha' #It's scary. #I'll never get better because I'll just relive the pain over and over because my brain refuses to remember the help and progress I make #Every day I wake up back at step 1 it's so depressing and scary and horrifying and I hate it #I can never process anything bc I just forget and if I do remember it's like a punch to the chest for the first time every time #And people get SO sick of you after a while. Constantly asking for help. Never remembering anything. They get so annoyed with you. #Anyway. On a lighter note (not actually) I'm trying out a new one-shot :) #Not to speak ill of the 'soon-to-be' dead but Garp was a shit grandfather #So I was like What If Me And Luffy Had The Same Reaction #Because self love starts in recognizing your self through the other god damn it #Even if I finish this idk if I'll post it bc of how personal it is but it has been very cathartic to write #Then again I could just publish it anonymously so my irl friends won't see it. No harm no foul. #I (kid) once pushed my mom (grown adult) out of my room when she caused me to have a meltdown so I could 100% see Luffy doing the same thin #In my defense she had a habit of taunting me and destroying my stuff to punish me after inciting meltdowns and I just wanted to be alone #I was like 7 years old at the time (hell year hell year) so I doubt I actually hurt her. She just looked surprised. I remember that. #Sometimes I wonder why I identify so much with werewolves and then I remember ah yes. The childhood of being treated like a monster. #Like a freak because when people kept pushing your boundaries you'd rather bite than let them do whatever they want to you #Oh boo hoo such a terrible thing for a child to be... Protective of themselves... #ANYWAY. like I said this wasn't going to be much lighter. #I want Luffy to punch the lights out of Garp to protect his friends. Not even in-canon just in this fic #Ik in-canon Garp is a complex guy and loads of fans love him but... Smash eggs make sandwiches know what I'm saying? #Yeah GROOVY

[astral-catastrophe]

question of the day

am i experiencing a symptom of anxiety? adhd? a horrid combination of the two? neither??

#I’m leaning toward it being adhd #Anyways wanna hear something fucked up #Imagine this #Your nine year old child is having severe anxiety issues bad enough that she has almost daily panic attacks and regularly passes out #You do a shit ton of medical work to get it figured out #Then you come to the discovery that your child likely inherited the family mental illness #You literally get told that your child has severe anxiety and there’s no telling if she’s gonna either 1. get worse. Or 2. Grow out of it #So because of various work problems and not being able to afford help for your daughter #You all end up forgetting about it for years on end #This becomes nothing more than seven and a half traumatic months in your child’s memory and she eventually forgets it ever happened #Until later when your child hits middle school #And everything comes back and she starts to hide her anxiety and when she starts showing issues related to the other family mental illness #Then your child gets to high school #and now your kid regularly experiences things that aren’t normal and doesn’t say anything about it because of their anxiety #And after conversations with relatives it’s obvious that they’ve inherited the family anxiety and adhd #And yet you still do nothing #jays venting again #Kinda #I feel bad for younger me. She didn’t deserve any of that shit

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.'' #bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less. #and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help. #we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

[floral-hex]

The growing anxiety of realizing that I’m running out of time to text my dad happy father’s day 😬

#oh man our relationship would be so much easier if we just never tried #but I suppose that’s true for most things. not doing stuff is easier than doing stuff. wow what a concept. #but I do love my dad. I just don’t know how to talk to him #haven’t texted him since my birthday in December #lol just looked back and saw that the joke I was going to open with I already used for my birthday #’thank you for helping conceive me’ #okay yeah not that funny but like I said I don’t know how to talk to him #so being weird and trying to be funny is like ‘hey at least I’m putting some effort into my tri-annual text’ #I just… I dunno… blegh… I have nothing to say about my life that isn’t shameful or depressing #but hey! at least I’m the one (1) kid he has that’ll actually text him! #pretty sure my sis is still on the outs with him but she’s… got her own shit I don’t need to weigh in on #whatever. he’s got his whole ‘beach life’ Jimmy Buffet Florida day drinking ‘in a cool way’ BS going on so I don’t feel toooo bad #okay okay let’s see if I can get away with a quick text and not have to talk to him much #ugh… I’m a shitty son #or I’m not a shitty son but he really hasn’t done anything for me to avoid him like I do #just my own self-worth bullshit. well not just that. but I’m negative about myself so I’ll focus on that #oh hey sorry I forgot this isn’t a therapy session #why would you read all of this? #sorry to everyone having a shitty father’s day #I’ll be your dad #I’m proud of you. #if you made it through the day today then I’m proud of you and I love you or like you or whatever this is dumb #you can ignore this #text

[basically-i-write-shit]

Being a 9-1-1 fox fan and a teacher is so interesting and fun bc we took our preschoolers to the local fire station today and one of my only thoughts was about the 118 going offline for a bit just to give local schools and daycares tours. Special interest brain rot.

#we're a small town and only have the one fire station and there are clearly vast differences between the TV station in LA versus here #but that just made me want a midwest 9-1-1 spinoff more than ever #picture me this: 9-1-1 heartland or some bullshit. opening scene is the playboy young captain on his first day #we get to see him and his crew start their shift they arent in a big city like LA but they're in the twin cities or madison or cedar rapids #and we gwt to see them have a normal day. they go to a few calls. they have a class come in. they go to more calls. but its boring #boom. disaster. five-alarm fire #center of town. our crew is the first on scene but uh oh! flashback. hot playboy captain is a kid now. we see a similar five alarm fire. #the captain in charge? same last name as our current hotshot captain. its his mother. we see her lead her team. a few people from when #she was around are still there #helping out the kid. we go back to the flashback. she's leading the charge. she isnt captain but shes in the running #and shes trying to prove herself. she pushes herself too hard. she ends up injured. paralyzed from the waist down. #flash back to current day. our new captain who has been cocky all day backs down and keeps a level head. but as soon as hes in his office #he bursts into tears. his mother killed herself two weeks before his promotion to captain. no one knows yet #idk some more drama #but like imagine #i also like the idea of a smaller town station where everyone is volunteer firefighters bc there's not enough reason to keep a group #full time while there arent emergencies every day. but i did think that might get boring and hard to write for. but like what a real story #one a lot of peopme see #anyway

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

wish I was capable of articulating why I've been nonstop head in my hands about YJTV Bart and Jaime the last week or so but honestly I've got nothing. they're a lot and I dunno how to explain it. very important to me though

#give me like another week maybe idk i need to figure out why exactly I'm so emotional over them #it's like... jaime's a normal kid until he's Not and lbr he gets less normal by the day #and then bam there's suddenly a kid from the literal future who came back JUST FOR HIM #like... WILD #and bart? 100% did not plan to imprint on the guy he's trying to keep from going evil #and you can TELL but you can also tell he doesn't actually mind. jaime is nice to him and doesn't mind being attached at the hip #and that's enough for bart. they become besties in like 0.5 seconds and it's precious actually #like... idk man the fact that their friendship is actually a core detail in the whole yknow saving the world thing??? #bc if bart HADN'T gotten to friendly would things have gone differently?? if jaime was less open to said friendship?? #if they weren't both so willing to be open with each other and then stick together??? how much longer would it have taken #for the rest of the team to find out about the reach's control of the scarab? how much less prepared would jaime have been #for basically everything that happens all season?? #like yeah he gets all anxious about practically having a prophecy over his head but at the same time the fact that bart is even THERE #is proof that said ''prophecy'' isn't set in stone. #bart sticks real close to jaime both bc 1) jaime is his mission objective as it were) and also 2) he's kinda a lonely kid #and he and jaime have a connection from the get-go bc of the time travel thing #and has bart ever really had friends his own age before??? #lowkey it's almost like they're each other's security blanket of a person #not in a weird codependent way just in a friends who relax a bit more when they're together than with anyone else #bc bart can (theoretically) help and/or stop jaime if his scarab takes over which = success and safety for him (and everyone else) #and jaime KNOWS that and knows bart is prepared for the eventuality which also puts him a bit more at ease #idk I'm just throwing stones at the water and hoping they skip but OUGH peak dynamic actually #Lu rambles #...slightly more unhingedly than normal maybe #yjtv #meta finding tag #for my tags #yeah idk just. many thoughts and feels :)

[billowyy]

.

#i just realized i only get 5 more days with my students 😭😭 #i only have my internship 1 day a week and i'm there four more weeks #and i'm subbing for my mentor teacher one day this week #it's almost over 😭😭😭 #i'm going to miss them! #i'll see them around campus next semester since i should be doing my intern 2 in the same classroom #but i'll have a whole new group of kids then #i'm kinda jealous of the people who start their internship at the beginning of the school year instead of in the spring #bc they get to be there the entire school year #but i'm also glad how it worked out for me bc intern 2 starts sooner than intern 1 which means i'll get to be there on the 1st day of schoo #and see how my mentor teacher does the beginning of the year stuff #and i'll get to help out with it! #intern 2 is 5 days a week so it'll pretty much be a coteaching position #i'm really excited to be there every day #i'm going to miss my current first graders though 🥺 #i'm so glad that i'm enjoying my student teaching this much #i really lucked out with my placement

[thebewilderer]

i'm doing my office hours and we have little cubicles, so we can pretty much hear everything everyone else is saying

and there's this one kid that's in my friend's office hours right next to me and has been there for an hour

and he has been NONSTOP TALKING the WHOLE TIME about how he doesn't understand the material and how he doesn't know how to approach the problems and how he understands this one thing but not the rest of the things and how that's bad because he doesn't understand and -

like my guy. if you're asking a question to the person whose job it is to help you, you need to shut the fuck up long enough for him to be able to answer!!

the few times this idiot kid shut up long enough for my friend to actually start to say something to help him, he interrupted within literally one minute

my friend has not gotten to finish a single sentence. in an hour.

#his voice is honestly making me nauseous #what the fuck is it with men and just talking nonstop at people when they don't understand something #like specifically men #this friend does it too btw he's just outmatched by this idiot #the women i'm in classes with? if they even have the slightest doubt about something they just don't contribute at all #which is its own problem tbh but #VERY fucking indicative of the huge amounts of sexism in the stem fields #but oh my goddd these men need to learn to shut the FUCK up #i unfortunately work with one too #and if we're working on a problem #he'll just nonstop yap yap yap about it without actually saying anything #like i get he's trying to talk himself through the problem but. i am not here to be your fucking rubber ducky. do that shit quietly. #there's one (1) guy in my little cohort group of mathematicians who will actively stop himself when he finishes a sentence #(instead of adding on a 'because like' or 'what i dont understand is' or 'okay so') #and ask me what i think about the problem and his approach #ONE #and that's in my little group like that's not even these fucking kids i'm trying to teach #who somehow simultaneously think they need help and think they know better than me?? #i did an exam review for them the other day #and one kid kept asking questions (good! i encourage that!) and then actually being quiet to listen to my answer (love it!!) #BUT this ONE OTHER GUY in the room #who was ALSO THERE FOR THE REVIEW TO HEAR ME GO OVER THINGS #he KEPT TRYING TO ANSWER QUESTIONS #like someone would ask ME a question (me the TA the PhD student the person hosting the review session) and HE would start answering it #and i'm just ?????? #what the fuck is wrong with men in STEM fields #it's fucking insufferable #if you want a rubber ducky just BUY A FUCKING RUBBER DUCKY #i am here to do math not to be a pretty mannequin that you get to talk at all fucking day because you love the sound of your own voice #its so infuriating

[thschei]

My mom got home and immediately handed me an ipod classic and said "[Patient] told me her ipod won't hold a charge anymore, so I told her you might be able to fix it, or at least show her how to rip the music library onto her computer"

and I said . "I've told you to stop telling people I can help them with technology ."

And then I noticed the ipod actually still had a full battery (but I'm sure, like my barely functioning ipod classic, within a few seconds-minutes the battery would die), so I glanced through the menus, mostly because I still feel very nostalgic for using ipods & find the tactile buttons/audible clicking/whirring to be a lot more appealing than keeping music on a purely touchscreen torture nexus, but I was also curious about how recent the music this patient listens to is

So I said . "Oh hey, she has Rick Astley on here!"

And after a few minutes she goes . "I have that fucking Rick Astley song stuck in my fucking head." and I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed

#erin talks #text #footnotes: #1) I do actually keep music on my phone; there's 8848 songs on it & my phone regularly informs me we have less than 10% storage left #& I say <3 eat my entire ass [company] . I've been using spotify in recent yrs so I can use my music apps for audiostories #2) I know you can replace ipod batteries but it requires shit like soldering wires & I don't feel comfortable trying that #& I think I'd have to drive at least 2 hours to find someone I could pay to do it for me . which would still run the risk of destroying #the components that aren't being mass-produced anymore & are difficult to find #3) I unironically like never gonna give you up & used to listen to it for fun when I was really little . same with careless whisper #4) I wasn't Trying to get the song stuck in her head or annoy her when I said it but it was a fun side effect <3 #5) I tend to really like songs she hates from her days of working retail & songs being overplayed #my favorite mj songs are the ones that are like . the equivalent of if I had a kid & they loved new rules by dua lipa #I genuinely like them tho it's not me trying to torture her 😭 #6) I know everyone born in the 80's onward has the whole 'parent tells ppl they can help with technology thing' #but this specifically is bc when I was like 12 my laptop kicked the bucket & I had to find a way to save 4000+ songs from my ipod #I was very proud that I figured out a solution & didn't have to redownload all that music but like truly all you have to do is google #to see if a program that can do what you want . plz don't tell ppl I can figure anything out let them think I'm a dumb vapid zillenial 😭