#thank you to everyone who’s kind of going along this journey with me thru my excessive tags lol

[standing-in-v-formation]

how did Mikey way’s weird hermit older brother who lived in a basement and spent time creating comics and playing dnd become one of the most captivating and commanding and charismatic lead singers of all time, like who could have seen that coming or even expected that to happen, we are so damn lucky that of all the possible outcomes and multiverse options that could have happened, we are living right now in the universe in which My Chemical Romance exists!!! and not only exists but fucking came back from the fucking dead I’m never going to stop crying over this and I have literally been forever changed because of them

#they told me I must fix my heart #they told me to build an altar where it swells #they told me I am not afraid to keep on living #they told me we’re not victims of a victim’s life #they told me we’re believers I believe tonight #they’ve told us all so much in their music #there’s so much more I can’t even say it all here #mcr #my chemical romance #my chem #I’ve shut off my emotions in my life for so fucking long and they are helping me so much #it’s very difficult to work thru some of their songs but they are helping me learn to process emotions #That’s something I didn’t expect and it’s not easy but they and their music are helping me so much #thank you to everyone who’s kind of going along this journey with me thru my excessive tags lol

[jadedjo]

I LOVE Luke/Mara, and I LOVE your fics. Can you recommend any other Luke/Mara writers, or writers with Luke/Mara fics? Preferably SFW ones?

Awwww, you’re so sweet!

I LOVE Luke/Mara too but am usually looking for NSFW sooo...let me dig through the bookmarks/history to see what I can dig up. But if anyone else has some great L/M fics that are SFW please add.

In no particular order:

JediDryad did a February Fluff challenge: 28 Ways Luke and Mara Get Together At Last this year for our favorite duo. Some are SFW and some are not so mind the tags. I am slowly making my way thru but definitely check them out.

@teagrl/ frangipani has Thresholds which is mostly SFW with a T rating.

Summery: While in Dathomir, Luke and a pregnant Mara take part in an old Witchy purification ritual in preparation for impending parenthood.

Set during NJO it has lots of L/M feels as they get ready for parenthood, A++ word-building expansion on Dathomir and is such a lovely story.

Also try Routine Checks. Summary: Scenes from a marriage in spaaaaace.

Frangipani is great but most of their stuff is NSFW.

Deaka is also great but would highlight An Odd Kind of Honeymoon, It’s great and usually shows up on everyone's list. Summary: Newly married Luke and Mara Skywalker journey across Tatooine on their honeymoon, some unexpected discoveries arising along the way.

Will the Real Luke Skywalker Please Stand Up? by kayladie is cute and silly. Summary: What happens when Luke Skywalker runs across someone using his name to pick up women?

Shattered Remembrance by Jedi-2B is an angsty amnesia fic that I don’t remember having any NSFW parts. I have a few other stories by this author also in my bookmarks/favs so check out some of their other stories as well. Summary: Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade are looking forward to beginning their life as a happy couple. But as they say, the best laid plans ...

everything I am not by fiesa Summery: She has spent two decades either hunting down or running from Luke Skywalker. OneShot- Mara Jade and a sudden change in pace. Or perhaps, not so sudden.

Responsibility and Commitment by Cassandra Spayke Summary: It is no small thing, to be second-in-command of a galaxy wide smuggling operation or head of a Jedi Praxeum. Responsibility & commitment are matters not be taken & given lightly, & that includes when it comes to marriage. Yes, another missing moments from VOTF story. Set in the 15 days between leaving Nirauan & the signing of the treaty on the Chimeara. Rated T for safety.

Repair by @bananasareforparties a lovely H/C, fluff, angst story. Summary: Mara Jade came to Aran to trade. She acquires nutcakes, Imperials, and one Luke Skywalker, condition: damaged. Hurt/Comfort fic.

A Year In The Life Series by @jadelotusflower Some are G some are M all are good. Summary: Luke and Mara celebrate various holidays in the first year of their marriage.  Each part can be read as a standalone or together as a series.

Auld Lang Syne by @jadelotusflower Summary: When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Common Hazards of the Penumbra Sector by @celinamarniss Summary: Luke joins Mara (and her crew) on a not-date in the Penumbra Sector to watch the popular, dangerous, and very illegal Ewok swoop races. Trouble, as it always does, finds them.

I would also highlight The Moisture Farmer’s Wife though there is very little L/M and more Mara getting a look at boy Luke’s life. Summary: After touching a mysterious Jedi artifact, Mara is swept back in time to Tatooine three decades earlier. Taken in by Owen and Beru, she has to figure out how to get home without revealing who she is. On top of that, her future husband is just a kid, and it's weird.

Celinamarniss has a few other G stories L/M stories that I haven’t gotten too yet so maybe check them out as well.

5 Times Mara took a vacation and 1 time she didn’t by @jedimordsith A fun look at all the trouble our duo get into. Summary: Mara Jade hates vacation. New Republic law requires she take them every year anyway. It goes... badly. 

They also have a few SFW stories all worth reading.

Catalyst by @myevilmouse This and Creativity are the exception for this author who is a self-proclaimed smut writer. But luckily they graced us with something safe to read.

Catalyst Summary: "So why’d you come?” Luke asked, genuinely curious.With a grunt, Mara stood up.  “I already told you.  If Jedi Master Luke Skywalker dies trying to make friends with a wampa, the Republic will never recover.”  She stretched, pulling her elbows behind her as she looked down at him.  “From the humiliation.”“Thank you for taking on such responsibility, Mara,” Luke grinned, getting to his feet.  “I really am glad to have you along.”

Creativity Summary: When Mara wants her husband to pull off a mission without the help of the Force, using only his blaster, wits, and good looks, what could possibly go wrong?

#asks #fic recs #luke x mara #sfw #that's the real trick isn't it? #star wars #star wars legends #called-kept

[bookwyrminspiration]

Do you think that anyone is going to die in Book 9? We haven't had a death in a while from the "good guys." (I believe the last one was Forkle 1) The only people I can think of could die would be Dex, Linh, (Maybe that explains the short POV), or maybe Amy. idk, I feel like Sophie is gonna have a hard time in the next book, with the way that the last book left off. But, Shannon might not have time, so I have no idea.

[Image: Screenshot of an anonymous ask. In all caps, it reads: "Sandor will most definitely die at the end of the series I don't want him too but ive been going thru the books and there is so much evidence it will happen." End description.]

I hope you two don't mind me combining these asks, they're just so similar and my thoughts cover both of them!! Because Sandor dying is one of the one's I feel is most plausible in the coming books, rather than talking about it in two different places it's easier to mesh both your asks!

The last death we had was, you're right, Mr. Forkle in Lodestar, but that was in book five and we're coming up on nine, so it's been a considerable length of time. It doesn't feel like we can keep going at this rate and have everyone consistently come out alive at the end of the day. You know all those kids games like Pie Face and Don't Break the Ice? it's like that. the longer things go on, the more the anxiety build because with each passing turn, the game gets more risky and you have a lower chance of escaping unharmed. In the same way, we've been moving along without incident through the series and we're just waiting for everything to blow up in our faces.

First, I'll discuss a few of the characters the first ask brought up! Dex is an interesting one; I could see there being an aspect of "he could only cheat death once" in reference to the time he was presumed dead. I think his death, based on how he's incorporated into the story right now, would serve as a way to make Sophie feel guilty and responsible because she wasn't paying enough attention to him. I don't think it would be a satisfying conclusion to his story, though. There's an element in writing when a character dies, generally you want it to be because it's an appropriate ending to that characters journey and story, a culmination of their triumphs and losses and their past. We had this in a sense with the first Forkle because all his accomplishments had led to a meeting with the leaders of the world alongside Sophie, and he had gone down protecting someone else and the future, and while part of that was for its impact on Sophie is does make enough sense with his character to be satisfying. I don't think we're quite there with Dex yet, so maybe it would take more of an approach of those sudden deaths that are meant to show that life isn't a story, that sometimes people die for no reason and you can't do anything about it. But enough about Dex, onto Linh!

Same as Sandor, who I'll talk about later, I think Linh might be more plausible as far as going down protecting her friends. We've seen in Neverseen and Nightfall that she has no problem going past some of her physical limits to ensure the safety of others, so I could see a scene where things are getting intense but she just keeps pushing herself further and further past the edge, just promising herself she'll hold on a little longer, just a little longer for her friends because they're counting on her. I think it'd be the kind of death where no one realizes what's happening to her until it's too late and she's given all she can give. Everyone would be so caught up in the fighting and just trying to survive that they wouldn't realize until a few moments later that no one can find Linh, that she hasn't said a word. I don't think she'd give any sort of final words goodbye, she'd just show her love for the people she surrounded herself with through her actions.

Amy I'm personally a little iffy on, just because we've already had so much drama with Sophie's human family that it might feel like "seriously?? you can't give them a break?" Sophie had to loose her human family, endure them being taken and tortured, then loose them again. Adding Amy's death on top of all that seems a little too close to older events to have the dramatic effect Shannon would want. There's also the matter of her being very disconnected from the elven world and all the drama, so there'd need to be a lot more connection back to her in the next book for this to be something more plausible. But! not completely off the table!

that's not to say all of these are completely improbably and can't happen at all, just that I think there might be some better options for deaths that would have a better effect on the story! But I do like all your suggestions and there's a lot I could talk about for each of them individually!!

So now, onto Sandor. Personally, he's one of the characters I can see dying the most believably. and the reason the second ask found "so much evidence it will happen" is likely because Shannon has literally admitted to planning to kill him off in every book since he's been introduced! I don't remember where exactly she said this, but I do know she shared this lovely bit of information a year or two ago. So not only have there been plans to kill him, there have been hints of those plans throughout the series.

some of my reasoning: he's a bodyguard; his line of work is literally in physical combat and protection, opening him up to a lot more opportunity for injury and disaster. I mean, he's already fallen off a cliff, and that was when he wasn't as emotionally invested in Sophie as he is now. On top of that, both Sophie and the fandom have gotten attached to him--he's been here even longer than Tam and Linh. So it would have that emotional impact and guilt from Sophie that Shannon would want to show us, same as it would have with Dex. The difference here for me, though, is that Sandor's death would be a better ending to his story than Dex's would (not that it was a bad suggestion! there's just a lot to it). In the same way I suggest Linh die protecting her friends, I think Sandor would die protecting Sophie. I simply have trouble imagining there's a more believable way for him to die.

He's been protecting her and getting hurt in her place for so long, I think it would be fitting for him to be doing the same thing he always does, but this time it's just...a little too much. A little too late. A little too bad. I think he'd be the kind to have a few final words instead of Linh, to thank Sophie for his time with her and to remind her that it isn't her fault. The little things like that.

and then jumping back to the first ask to round this out: I think we've had enough time and build up throughout the past eight and a half books that even if number nine is the last one in the series, Sandor could be killed and there would be enough time to figure all that out. he doesn't have a bunch of weird background stuff going on like Kenric or Forkle did that would draw out his death over several books, so I personally think Sandor specifically could be killed in the next book and it would make sense timing wise. All the others feel a little different though, so depending on who Shannon wants to kill, whether or not it would work out would change.

Those are just a few of my thoughts on death in the keeper universe! I don't know if it's possible to keep going and have everyone survive, but the tension has been mounting and we know Shannon is okay killing characters so there's a lot to take into consideration!

#I hope you don't mind me answering your asks together #they just fit so well together it made more sense to combine them than address each one separately #but I apologize if you would have preferred I answer each one individually #moving on: sandor dying is both something I really want and also don't want to have to deal with #because I want to see the repercussions but like...the second stage of them #not the immediate after affect of everyone consoling each other (though that's fun too) #but I'm very interested to see how it would impact them long term #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #quil's queries #long post #nonsie #nonsie squared #tw caps #tw death #kotlc sandor #kotlc book 9 #kotlc theories

[emersonfreepress]

What would the ro's be like in a zombie au?

whyyyyy anon whyyy. I'm actually gonna write this in like.. slightly different terms, you'll see. any time I even briefly think of a zombie au I'm just like

I WANNA WRITE IT SO BADDD

i don't even allow myself to entertain it for very long because getting into that would be the worst thing ever for my productivity with the alpha omg 😂😂 so I'll put like the ideas that pop into my head for writing a zombie au, to work some of that creative frustration out 😆

so in this very general, absolutely noncommittal idea of mine, the main cast are older and the setting is in and around a civilian settlement led by the Emersons.

and as a refresher, i like my zombie aus to have fast zombies and fast infections ^ ^ 28 Days Later/Train to Busan style babyyyy, we the Sprinting Dead up in this bitch 😆

= = =

Gabe is, predictably, looking for what's left of his family. Following rumors of safe havens and bunkers and such. Starts the story as someone who tries to be diplomatic, if not outright pacifist, but as times get tougher and resources dwindle, he'd become one of the most cutthroat motherfuckers in the wasteland. Low-key though, low-key. People won't trust you if they know you’re capable of throwing them to a horde for strategic reasons. Like if Rick turned into Shane (for those of us familiar with early Walking Dead--idk did that happen eventually? i gave up before we even met Negan lol). The end justifies the means :) Damn, I can legit see Gabe going full evil in a zombie au omg 😂😂 i want to write it so fucking bad

Preferred weapon for zed encounters: rifle

Preferred weapon for human encounters: handgun

Faith in humanity: fucking zero

Zombie kill count: plenty; the type to kill every zombie he has spare ammo and time for

Human kill policy: When it benefits him or the people he’s looking after

Survival rating: B+; he can make it out of some pretty dire situations through sheer will to live and ruthlessness

- - -

Kile has arrived--clearly, this is the timeline they belong in. They start their journey with Gabe (and their doggo) and stick to him like glue, even reluctantly so when Gabe eventually has them join the settlement. This can only go one way, though: Kile's just too much of a wildcard for the group and hates being told what to do. (Especially now that society has fallen, wtf) They'd make their exit alone and unannounced aside from a brief head’s up to Gabe. It's slightly bittersweet, but also? They get to loot and hunt and sneak around and kill fucking zombies, all by themself. Kile is a loner, a hiker, and a hunter to begin with so they do beyond fine on their own. However, once the inevitable violent human threat comes for the settlement, Gabe is sent out to convince Kile to come out of isolation, just this once please, to be the camp’s super soldier help defend the camp.

Zed weapon: p much anything they can get their hands on, ranged or melee, blunt or sharp, w/e; improvised weapons

Human weapon: hunting knife

Faith in humanity: never had any to begin with

Zombie kill count: lol infinite?? any zed they come across is double-dead if they have the time for it

Human kill policy: at Gabe’s direction or when provoked enough/threatened

Survival rating: A-; they trust no one, live in isolation, and prioritize survival above all else. only reason it’s not higher is they would risk their life for Gabe or their furbaby and also... their own Rambo-esque antics def attracts the occasional horde lmao

- - -

Jack... this poor boy, he doesn't deserve a zombie au 😂 He's one of those people that first believes zombies are just sick people, too squeamish to keep up with TV news coverage at the onset and too upset to consider anything else. He'd hunker down at home, staying holed up even while his neighbors evacuated, and probably be discovered while the main group is looting the same place as him. When people try to tell him the real state of the world, he'd be in denial until he absolutely couldn't be anymore. idk, probably after Kile shooting a bunch of non-lethal holes thru a zombie to make a point (attracting more in the process lol).

He’d almost immediately join the medical team at the settlement and as word spreads about how easy he is to talk to, he quickly becomes the literal on-site therapist. It's a role he embraces but... idk if it's an emotional burden he can bear. He's very emotionally resilient! But he ain't a professional lol imagine a whole settlement of traumatized zombie survivors seeking you out for counseling, yikes. He also can't say no to a person in need, so instead he quietly spirals into a very private depression while continuing to help others!!

Zed weapon: Oh gosh, do I really have to?

Human weapon: ...Kindness?

Faith in humanity: Unrealistically high

Zombie kill count: Single digit

Human kill policy: Not ever, unless completely unavoidable and to defend the defenseless

Survival rating: C...? idk, that feels generous. D+. To be protected at all costs!!

- - -

Jessie also had the initial reaction of hoping zombies could be saved, but she woke up from that dream swiftly. The science-minded person that she is, esp with her interest in biology, leaves her determined to find anybody who's got the intellect, expertise, and resources to start doing actual work toward a treatment, cure, vaccine—anything. Nothing would get her to finally unabashedly embrace her love of science (and innate leadership skills!!) faster than a zombie apocalypse! In fact, it’s thanks to her that the Emerson settlement’s got a small but growing team of scientists doing as much research as humanly possible to best educate the others on the outbreak and zombie behavior. Def no zombie experimentation going on though lol. ...Not yet, at least.

Zed weapon: rifle

Human weapon: rifle

Faith in humanity: High! We’ll find a solution! Don’t give up hope!

Zombie kill count: Double digits, but less than 30

Human kill policy: Only in unavoidable self-defense or defense of others

Survival rating: B! She has experience with ranged weapons, farming and gardening skills, first aid, camping experience, and a can-do attitude with a healthy dose of realism!

- - -

Rain remains cargo as I said in the last post about this 😆 They'd be very good for keeping clothes repaired and making useful modifications in the settlement, but their life up to this point has been very sheltered and privileged. We're talking somebody with a chauffeur and a personal chef before the outbreak! They would contribute to quality of life and homemaking efforts more than anything—an overlooked aspect of these scenarios tbh! After as many months of dragging their feet as possible and being nigh impossible to track down when you need them, they eventually become involved in meal planning and even help out with medical stuff if they're asked.

Zed weapon: how do you reload this thing again?

Human weapon: switchblade or other concealable sharp-pointy

Faith in humanity: Very low

Zombie kill count: 0! Can you believe it!

Human kill policy: Well if it’s you or me, of course I’m choosing me.

Survival rating: C. Being so tiny helps them find good hiding spots and their self-preservation is high enough to keep them from unnecessary risk-taking. Plus they're very stealthy! Self-defense is a major issue though, so hiding is always their best option.

- - -

Rupan/Rohan scouts for and leads scavenging missions and is Curt's right hand on the recruitment team. The two of them together are the perfect combo of diplomacy, debate, and deception--although R is more honorable about the last one and will only deceive for strategic reasons. When they aren’t looting and recruiting, they’re doing peacekeeping inside the settlement. Most social disputes end up getting brought to them for mediation and they’re pretty dang good at making and enforcing calls. One day they’ll wake up to realize they’ve basically become a sheriff and feel the need to puke their guts up and do something, anything, to reassure themself they’re still punk 😂

Zed weapon: SMG

Human weapon: shotgun

Faith in humanity: Believes in fundamental goodness but knows better than to trust first impressions

Zombie kill count: decent, more than 40; you won’t catch them having a field day tho, they’re trying to gtfo of most zed situations

Human kill policy: Violent threats have to be taken out. And they aren’t, at all, immune to a revenge rampage either...

Survival rating: B-. Can handle themself both with humans and zeds but is vulnerable to hostage situations and truly difficult sentimental/interpersonal decisions!

- - -

Vivian/Vincent manages inventory and stock and they run it so efficiently it’s scary! They're the perfect pick: a hawk-eyed tyrant and tattletale 😂 Despite constantly butting heads with just about everyone on every imaginable thing, they quickly become an important part of the inner circle of decision-makers for the settlement at large. Terrible at stealth, jumpy, and squeamish at the sight of blood and gore, they literally never go on missions unless they're 100% needed for their expertise on a supply run. (They would deny all of these shortcomings are that big a problem, meanwhile R is definitely acting as their bodyguard lol.) When they do tag along, they're prone to becoming the damsel in distress. Seriously, it happens near every fucking time. It's like they just attract only the most improbable and perilous zombie attacks and hostage situations 😆

Zed weapon: shotgun

Human weapon: handgun

Faith in humanity: Medium; seeing people work together at the settlement helps restore it a bit

Zombie kill count: Double digits, under 25

Human kill policy: Violent threats have to be taken out. Well, no, not by me! Get one of the ruffians to do it!

Survival rating: C-. They’d be higher if they weren’t such natural zombie bait.

- - -

Heidi is running the settlement, well-organized to the degree of actually managing to bring bureaucracy to a post-zombie apocalypse settlement 😂 People are free to come and go, but getting in if you don't live there requires trading something of value (fuel, med supplies, food, etc), temporary surrender and registry of firearms and explosives, and you gotta GTFO at the time and date specified upon entry! You can stay long-term if you contribute to the community in a tangible way—and each person admitted is approved by Heidi personally. Yes, every individual. No, she has no free time. And she is not known to be lenient with rule breakers—you want rule bending, you’ll have to go to Curt for that. People kind of hate her, but it can't be denied that she runs a tight ship. She kind of throws herself into the work to avoid the harsher reality at large and hasn't left the settlement in a long time. She's out of touch with how bad things have gotten in the wastes, but she knows better than to take reports at anything less than face value--even when she's skeptical.

Zed weapon: rifle

Human weapon: handgun; dagger

Faith in humanity: Medium. It fluctuates, honestly

Zombie kill count: Double digits, less than 20

Human kill policy: Violent threats must be taken out if they can’t be reasoned with. Spare those who surrender, eradicate those who don't, keep an eye on the newbies. Not tryin’ to nurse any vendettas around here lol

Survival rating: B. She's good with a firearm, masterful at persuasion, and savvy enough to calculate risks appropriately. Also far tougher than her prim exterior and demeanor suggests!

- - -

Curt leads the recruitment and reconnaissance teams! When a new person or group shows up in the area, Curt's the one who stalks watches them, decides if they're worth approaching, and if they should be approached with an invitation, a simple acknowledgment/announcement of their presence, or an outright armed warning to leave the area. He also keeps tabs on morale and general confidence inside the settlement, alongside R. When he isn’t leading those efforts, though, he’s flirting with settlers and squirreling his way out of manual labor and other chores. He’s also secretly growing weed at his place--don’t tell Heidi or Vi ‘cause they’ll wanna yell at him and ration it UGH.

Zed weapon: SMG, explosives

Human weapon: handgun, dagger

Faith in humanity: Pft, sorry, what now?

Zombie kill count: ...way more than you’d expect

Human kill policy: I don’t start confrontations, but I sure as fuck end them.

Survival rating: A! He’s good at playing hapless idiot when it suits him to be underestimated, good with firearms, and capable of being ruthless and decisive in life or death situations! Plus he has no qualms about ditching the settlement if he decides it’s not working out for him. Just don’t tell Heidi lol

#the rest are under the cuuuut #had to stop myself from writing too much SEVERAL times #love me a zombie apocalypse #lovely anon #answered #ROs #whoops got carried away lol #spent most of my work day finally finishing this ask because VIVA PROCRASTINATION #someone help ._. #phew #feels good to finally get it out of my system tho #now I can promptly never ever write it 😂 #AUs #fave #scenarios

[extraordinarilyextreme]

Crown Prince Li Kaiqing, Chen Ji, and Fushui

MAJOR spoilers for 《骊歌行》 Court Lady (2021)!!! This is just me blabbing about my feelings.

so we all knew that Crown Prince (CP) and Chen Ji (CJ) were gonna be BE cuz they have historical prototypes. after Chengxin was executed, Li Chengqian grieved for a long time, refusing to attend court and also building a shrine for him in the palaces.

well, even with that knowledge, i still cried like a little baby at the end of the drama. there’s not a single un-sad 感情线 in this entire show, but i really do think that the mess of these three is tragic.

before we dive into the mess that i’ve become, a huge round of applause to Li Zefeng for his amazing portrayal of the Crown Prince—the good-intentioned, sort of foolish boy that we first meet and then later the wide-eyed, paranoid, remorseless man. and of course similar props to Wang Yizhe’s two roles of sweet Chen Ji and scheming Fushui (and Sun Langlang for voicing them! Wang Zhi’s VA!).

so as i’ve already said, CP is really a whole different person after CJ dies. and the contrast between CJ and Fushui (FS) is very plainly evident: CJ dressed in pale white-blue, FS mostly in grey-black; CJ kept his hair loose, FS wears a bun (or hat, when he rises thru the ranks); CJ is a lowly palace entertainer, FS is well-trained in combat and medicine (and ends up as Senior Imperial Physician, somehow); CJ was terrible at weiqi, FS is good at weiqi but pretends to be bad at it. CJ was targeted and subjected to rumors, but no one dared question CP’s relationship with FS—because CP was in so much grief after CJ died, how could anyone bear to do that to CP again? even though FS was absolutely the one that everyone should have removed from CP’s side immediately…

when CP and CJ first meet in episode 7, CP is kind of a typical princely character: he’s kinda entitled, the world is his, his future is bright… and i firmly believe he 一见钟情 because while CJ still treated him with courtesy and respect, it’s obvious that CJ didn’t expect or want anything from him. and this continues in episode 9, when CP is trying to clear his thoughts by the riverside and runs into CJ who is fishing: CP brattishly orders CJ to stay and keep him company, and CJ is honestly more confused than anything as to why the freaking Crown Prince of the country wants to spend the whole goddamn day here. of course, it’s because CJ represents a freedom for CP: here, the Emperor won’t compare him to Prince Zhou or Prince Han; here, the Empress won’t admonish him over and over again; here, there’s no scheming advisors who try to curry favor with him. here, as CP tells CJ to use, it’s just “you and I” without care for rank or formalities.

(but also the death flag in episode 9 was atrociously obvious LOL with CP promising “I will make you a grave” to CJ’s absolute terror. on-the-nose. still made me sad later on, so that’s that i guess. in any case, the episode ends with a 定情信物 whereupon CP gives a jade from his belt to CJ.)

CP watches CJ perform (as he is an entertainer from Prince Han’s mansion) for the first time in episode 10, and we see it again in episode 12, episode 16, and episode 17. based off 《三国演义》Romance of the Three Kingdoms, the lyrics are as follows:

大丈夫只患功名不立 A great man should only worry about not gaining fame and honor/

何患无妻 Why worry over not having a wife/

舍生忘死报恩住 Leaving behind life and death to repay my Lord/

忠肝义胆待友朋 Treat my friends with righteous loyalty/

我要做有血性的英雄 I want to be a hot-blooded hero/

为义而生 To live for righteousness (loyalty)/

为义而死 To die for righteousness (loyalty)

CJ plays the main role of Zhao Zilong (Zhao Yun), and he helpfully compares the story to a game of weiqi in episode 16.

“A gambit [sacrificing insignificant pieces to protect the significant ones] is what Zhao Zilong did in the Battle of Changban. In order for Zhao Zilong to save A Dou, he couldn’t save Madam Gan. So, Madam Gan committed suicide. Isn’t Madam Gan a gambit?”

to which CP responds: “Thank goodness you are Zhao Zilong, and not Madam Gan.”

CJ: “The Crown Prince regards me as his soulmate [知己]. Even if in the future, the Crown Prince were to sacrifice me as a gambit, I would be willing.”

CP: “What are you saying? You and I are friends. No matter what happens in the future, I will never treat you as a sacrificial gambit.”

(so, like, death flags everywhere! 知己-mention! and, c’mon, i think for CP’s consort to be jealous/insecure is a little bit justified considering the amount of times CP has CJ perform this piece with a line like “Why worry over not having a wife”.)

backing up for just a moment before everything goes to shit, other notable events are CP finding out his wife is pregnant in episode 13 (but he spends the day fishing and then cooking the fish with CJ at the riverside, and they walk off with arms draped around each other’s shoulders), CJ hurting his leg after climbing a cliffside to pick red flowers after CP mentioned his wife loves the color red most in episode 14, and finally CP leading a blindfolded CJ to a new house just for him to tick off another romance-y trope in episode 15.

CP: “Didn’t you say you didn’t have a home? So I bought you this little estate. When you fall in love someday, have children, and have a great career, this will be your home.”

(the point is they’re both still kind of in a honeymoon phase right now, tho it ends quickly in episode 16 when our FL Fu Rou warns CJ against being so close to CP—but CP is a little bit too idealistic right now, a little bit too stuck in his blissful fantasy, a little bit foolish. foolish, and incompetent, and unable to protect the people he loves bc he unwittingly endangered them to begin with.)

of course, things come to a head in episode 17 when CP’s wife tells her sister about CJ, leading to the Emperor eventually finding out. but while that’s happening, CP goes to see CJ at the estate he bought for him.

CP: In the future, I won’t come here anymore. Therefore, let’s put aside differences for today and be friends like we used to. We will never have those kinds of days again.

CJ confesses he’s going to leave Chang’an: I want to learn swordsmanship well, and become a wandering hero, feeling at home wherever I am. When the Crown Prince becomes Emperor in the future, I can help you take care of bad guys along my journey out there. This will be my way of helping the Crown Prince to keep the empire stable.

CP gives his dagger to CJ: This is not a reward, but a gift for my friend who is about to leave. In the future, whenever you look at it, it will be like looking at me.

CJ: A gift from my soulmate. Chen Ji will definitely take good care of it.

(for ppl who’ve watched Qing Ya Ji, the parallel to Zhongxing and Fangyue here killed me. but there’s also a parallel within the show itself near the end when Fu Rou gives the Emperor a collection of scrolls and explains that the late Empress hoped that he would treat her writings like he were seeing her—one of Court Lady’s many confirmations that CP and CJ should be read as a romantically by paralleling it to visible, het relationships. ALSO, CP has CJ perform Zhao Zilong again right after this conversation, like a last nail in the coffin.)

so the Emperor finds out in episode 18 and angrily orders CP to kill CJ himself, lest he be stripped of rank. Fu Rou warns CJ, but he refuses to escape.

If I run away, the Crown Prince will not be able to fulfill the Emperor’s order—what would happen to the Crown Prince? […] Life and death are not the most important things; the most important thing is to stay true to yourself.

and so CJ unsheathes the dagger CP gave him.

The Crown Prince regards Chen Ji as his soulmate, Chen Ji also regards the Crown Prince as his soulmate. ‘A man of service dies for the one who knows him.’ (An upright man can die for his soulmate.)

CJ quotes “士为知己者死” from Sima Qian’s 《史記·刺客列傳》Records of the Grand Historian, tho if you’ve watched Winter Begonia, it should probably also look familiar.

CP pushes aside the soldiers who’ve accompanied him on the journey to CJ’s home, but it’s too late: CJ took his own life, using the weapon CP gave him, in order to protect CP.

the chorus of Lu Hu’s 《万里》 Ten Thousand Li plays as CP staggers toward CJ’s lifeless body.

呼吸，想着你, When I breathe, I think of you

在梦里，在心里, In my dreams, in my heart

怪完相遇，怪自己, After I’ve finished blaming that we encountered each other, I blame myself

别离，痛彻心扉！Farewell, my heart is broken

(this is a song from the OST we hear multiple times with the other couples in the drama—and we also see many couples by the same river that CP and CJ would fish together by. i think, like, all the couples associated with this song except our main one have a BE…)

in CP’s immense grief, he has the weiqi pieces from his last game with CJ glued to the board, never to be moved again, and he has the flowerbed outside flattened. we get our callback to episode 9: “Chen Ji has no family. I promised him that if he died, I would make him a grave.”

CP doesn’t meet FS until episode 37, but what the Emperor says in episode 19 about Chen Ji is what really makes the whole thing a tragedy.

You must be cautious when choosing friends. He would only have misguided you.

and that’s the thing, the Emperor isn’t wrong!!! it ultimately truly is the Crown Prince’s love for Chen Ji that destroys him. his love for Chen Ji ruins him, ruins the imperial family and threatens the dynasty as a whole. because when Fushui shows up, a man who shares Chen Ji’s face, the Crown Prince trusts him unconditionally—it’s the Crown Prince’s desperation to see any small part of Chen Ji again that leaves him vulnerable to FS’s manipulation: CP forgets who he truly is. because how could a man who looks like Chen Ji ever betray him?

CP is thrown from his horse in episode 37, striking his head upon a rock.

he wonders: Chen Ji, have I also died? Did you come here just to pick me up?

(but of course it’s FS, who was actually going to kill him but the soldiers arrived too quickly.) they meet officially in episode 38.

CP: I thought I was going to die. Dimly, I felt someone approach me—he wanted to save me. I originally thought it was Chen Ji who couldn’t bear for me to die, so his spirit appeared. I didn’t expect that it was you.

FS remarks that CP has brought up “Chen Ji” several times already; immediately, he understands that this is a weakness to exploit.

CP basically throws a temper tantrum in episode 39 when he discovers he will have a permanent limp from now on. (idk if it was an intentional parallel, but CJ also had a limp after falling from the cliffside in episode 14.) FS is the only person that CP allows to approach him, and FS gets him to eat grilled fish (which is apparently CP’s favorite food—how much of the people we love do we carry with us?)

FS acts innocent: I really am bad at lying; as soon as I lie, you see right through me.

it’s everything CP wants to hear.

CP tells him: When I fell off my horse, and was on my last breath, you came to my side and encouraged me to continue living. I’m now crippled and in despair, but you talked sense into me to eat grilled fish. Everything that has happened—if it were Chen Ji, he would also have talked sense into me, encouraged me. Sometimes, I feel that you are Chen Ji, just with a different face.

(obviously it’s the same face for us tho cuz he’s played by the same guy. but anyway, when FS comes clean about everything in episode 51, he mimics the words CP says here.

I am not Chen Ji. I, Yang Fushui, came to your side to find an opportunity to take revenge.)

back to episode 39, FS says he doesn’t want to be “another Chen Ji” because he doesn’t want to die so young—he’s afraid of death.

CP: I guarantee you that I won’t let anyone harm you. What happened to Chen Ji will never happen to you.

(and it’s true! FS gets away with so much goddamn shit because CP’s wife doesn’t dare criticize FS, and even the Emperor doesn’t after knowing what it’s like to see his son in such heavy grief. CP’s wife thinks this is her chance at making amends; she felt real remorse after CJ died, and honestly that line from It’s Quiet Uptown sums it up best: “If I could trade his life for mine/He'd be standing here right now/And you would smile and that would be enough.” a shame, of course, that CP was FS’s freaking main target. nobody wants to repeat the tragedy of Chen Ji, so no one questions Fushui.)

but, like, FS isn’t truly even that subtle—it’s just that CP is so blinded by his love for CJ. from episode 46:

CP: I have taught you for so long, but you’re still terrible at playing.

FS: I am doing it on purpose. Only if I play poorly, will the Crown Prince be willing to continue teaching me.”

CP: Even you put on an act before me? […] You are the person I trust the most. Don’t lie to me.

(太子，你醒醒吧!)

so FS successfully sows discord between CP and his brother Prince Han; the Empress passes away (always sickly, but her illness was very much exacerbated upon seeing her beloved sons turn on each other); CP’s wife kills her own sister in what she believes is a beneficial political move for CP; Prince Han’s wife is wrongfully executed; Sheng Chujun is killed and silenced too after he discovers FS’s plans. CP stages a coup against Prince Han. (the man who looks like Chen Ji must only want the best for him, right?) FS gets away with everything and goes to visit CP in prison in episode 51.

AND HERE! HERE! FS is supposed to kill CP; that’s been his goal from the very beginning. CP hasn’t eaten for days in the prison, but FS shows up with a grilled fish and CP eats without a second thought that it could be poisoned.

but. FS has been at CP’s side for so long now. he’s orchestrated CP to lose everything. there is nothing left that CP could give to him but the mere fact that he’s still breathing.

in episode 49, FS poisons Lian Yan’er and Yan Zifang is obviously upset on behalf of blissfully ignorant, head-over-heels Ma Haihu.

FS: I will kill whoever gets in my way.

YZF: What about someone you love? If it was someone you loved, you would be just as ruthless, right?

FS: It is human nature to be greedy and selfish. Where does love come into play? This question—you’ve asked the wrong person.

(but FS’s expression changes. someone he loves? he’s startled, he looks afraid.)

FS ruined CP’s life; and at the same time, gave CP reason to live again. CP started playing weiqi again, his relationship with his wife improved; he started smiling again. there was a passionate fire to him that he never had before (this was his second chance to do everything right, to protect the people he loves!)... the kindling, unfortunately, was his trust in Prince Han and his parents. from episode 39, FS comes in and sits down next to CP after CP trashes his room during his tantrum.

CP: Do you know why I treat you differently from other people?

FS: Because I remind Your Highness of your friend who already passed away—Chen Ji?

CP never stopped loving CJ; he loved Fushui, because he never stopped treating him as Chen Ji. after the failed coup against Prince Han, CP smiles in prison in episode 51 when FS visits him.

CP: It was fate who made us each other's soulmate [知己]. [...] If you can continue living well, I wish that you live your life to the fullest, with both smiles and tears.

how can Fushui bear to take the Crown Prince’s life when he’s received nothing but unwavering trust from him? when he explains who he truly is, when he calls CP foolish for trusting the wrong person, FS is on the brink of tears. his mouth trembles, his breaths shake. when the poison begins to take effect, and CP agonizingly reaches for him, FS takes his hand—just as CP gripped CJ’s lifeless hand so long ago, just as CP reached out to the person he thought was CJ when he fell from his horse. FS takes his hand, sobs, and gives him the antidote.

(Consort Yan’s eunuch is, of course, outraged.

Yu He: If you can’t bear to kill him, then I will!

Fushui: I forbid you. [...] He has nothing left to lose. I forbid you from killing him.)

so, we have the Crown Prince, ruined by his love for Chen Ji—and Fushui, who both took and freely gave the Crown Prince’s life back to him. it’s a love story; it has always been a love story.

and finally, FS gets Ma Haihu killed in episode 53. he picks up the comb MHH carved for Lian Yan’er (a 定情信物!), and when he speaks, ends up telling the story of CP and CJ as well.

There was a woman who sacrificed her life for your bright future. You only needed to enjoy it, yet you took the road of self-destruction.

and then he remembers what CP said to him in the prison in episode 51.

CP: If, in this world, fate truly exists, then so do the hearts of men.

FS remarks now: If you have a heart, you will be easily hurt, or even lose your life.

heartless Fushui, who kills without batting an eye, who nearly upturned the entire Tang dynasty, who doesn’t know of love. in the end, he couldn’t bear to end the Crown Prince’s life.

so, yeah. these three broke my heart. i really wonder what Chen Ji would say to the Crown Prince when they see each other again at last in the afterlife. what the Crown Prince would say to Chen Ji. how violent love can be. what it means to live in someone’s memory. or maybe they would return to the river and spend a long day fishing together again.

#court lady #骊歌行 #cdrama ramblings

[cloveroctobers]

GENEVIEVE ALIU —

IG info/bio: @/genevealiu1 | 19k followers | currently on a journey as a junior doctor living in 🇦🇺🤎 | blm.card.co🖤 | sk💛

26 years of age

Born and raised in Glastonbury, England

Pisces sun? + libra moon?

Mother is Guyanese and works for a non-profit organization

Her father is Nigerian and works in property management

has one older brother who is a Prosthetist and resides in Nigeria with his pregnant fiancée

She can’t wait to be a auntie!!!

And a younger sister who is a medical laboratory technician

To say the least, their parents were happy that their children fell into the medical field. Based on their cultures it was a honor to have their children in these professions

Vieve grew up with a sassy demeanor and her parents have old videos on their camcorders to prove it lol, it never fails that the pair brings out the embarrassing vids during the holidays but vieve genuinely appreciates them 

Although thanksgiving is a RACIST American thing, vieve never misses the opportunity to share what she’s thankful for in life and counts all of it as blessings! But it’s still fuck the pilgrims

Has held a friendsgiving before, loves any moment where she can host gatherings or attend them! either is quite fine. She loves being around people

the only time she likes to look back on the past is to see how she and her family carried themselves then and how the evolved into who they are now, it’s interesting to see

Loves “how it started vs how it’s going” posts and might have participated in a few

Always knew from a young age that she wanted to help people in some way, she was always doing something to help around the house and especially her aging/sickly grandparents

Felt offended that many people around school that she thought were her friends would stab her in the back labeling her as this “fake saint” since she rather spend her time volunteering instead of going to house parties in hs

Don’t get it twisted, she still went to those too & had her fun but definitely felt like it was the same routine and nothing ever felt fulfilling at these functions after awhile

Well known with all the cliques around school but had her own group of friends that fit into many of those cliques but she never felt obligated to stick to one social group. If you were nice and cool with her, she was the same to you, if you weren’t? Depending on her mood, she’d ignore you/say things under her breath or be “fake nice” as a form of being the bigger person

Has a curly hair routine that she consistently follows (after struggling to find the right products to make them flourish) and gets annoyed with if her curls don’t turn out the way she knows they can, it’s always frustrating when things don’t turn out the way you want them to but isn’t afraid to at least try

Three times is the charm! Is one of her mottos

loves bright colors, flowy attire, big hats, brimmed hats, bucket hats, berets, etc...

Has faced racism/prejudices and bullying growing up in public spaces—mostly school/uni & some of those same hatred actions online now that she’s dating seb

Because of that there were times where she felt insecure but deff grew to forgive, heal, and rise above the hate, she knows her worth

Has never been happier in a relationship than she is with seb, he’s her “moody long-haired, soft-hearted bby”

they’re both complete fools for each other and vieve is more vocal about her being in love/finding her soulmate whereas seb doesn’t mind showing it rather than speaking it—even tho he’s on a podcast but we mind our business okay?!

Seb is thinking of moving to Australia with vieve, he’s ready to risk it all for this woman, HIS woman 🤩

canon: gives more than she should/taken advantage of/not reciprocating in relationships... ex) how she dated a guy that she did everything for! especially financially and also struggled to find her worth but once she did? Her aura shined brighter than before— Ik chill out there Rocco

Also believes in loving yourself first to attract what you need in this world and found that in her career and seb. I hope they’re endgame! Since they’re the only couple I rooted for this season? Except for tai & ciaran maybe? They’re probably not endgame but whatever

They still get nervous/shy around each other even tho they’ve been together for months now + are in a long distance relationship which is too cute! I think since they’re in this for the long game they can look back on moments and still feel the way they felt in that moment. You know if you get the chance or have already heard elderly people talk about their relationships and how they get all starry eyed? That’s vieve & seb, that shit gets me right in my feels ew

Vieve’s love language is quality time, it’s what she shows and likes along with acts of service from her partner

Makes the best jollof rice & her fav dish is Metemgee

Trying to be on a plant-based diet only but will have her cheat days on occasion—mostly when she’s drunk and forgets her diet plan lmao that’s me getting double cheeseburgers or anything with dairy drunk af

now living in Australia, she tried to like vegemite but...the it’s a no for her, respectfully ofc! She never wants to disrespect anyone

besides the food, the atmosphere is much nicer since she feels like she’s on a holiday almost everyday and that there’s much more to see and do when she has the time

Loves the beaches and is thinking about surfing lessons

yes she enjoys those doctor shows and can agree that most scenarios are not the same as rl ofc but great question!

Since she’s a junior doctor now, and on her way to graduation! She feels so accomplished and having this chance to complete what she’s wanted her whole life in a different place, makes her super emotional

All those stressful all-nighters will be worth it. She mostly did it on her own but is nothing but humble and Is thankful to those that have helped her along the way, what kind of person would she be if she didn’t mention them?

and when COVID hit, she was one of many already on the frontlines. Her studies became altered but this wouldn’t stop her for her mission on this earth, this was her purpose and she knew we would conquer it all—but definitely has empathy and gets angry with how it’s being handled from time to time

She’s been exposed to it first hand which aboustely worries her parents, seb, her friends, and friends from the villa

Keeps up to date when all medical news, has a whole app dedicated to health

Learning French with some of her free time and is doing well at it

It was only natural for her to become closer to elladine since their men are homies and have a podcast together

They’ve hung out a few times on a double dates before the boat vacation & once just as girls before vieve left to Australia

Vieve is always offering advice but knows that every relationship is different and what works for her and seb won’t work for elladine and Nicky, she loves them together and knows everyone has bumps in the road

feels there’s some sort of tension between her and Harry now? Which she found a little off putting since they were supposed to be friends but she realizes that Harry has a condition but it’s also not an excuse for him to treat her shitty sometimes which he does and feels like it comes out of nowhere most times but he always apologizes yet vieve is slowly getting tired of this unhealthy habits

So they’re talking less these days, which he notices!

She wants Harry to find his happiness too! If he hasn’t found it in mc first that is

has met Tim— he’s a great laugh and seems like a nice guy—they follow each other, talia and jake in person when she was out with seb—they were also super nice and congratulated them on their win, she went up to miles once on a night out—he’s still a arsehole, priya reached out to her via dm about her new boutique that she wanted her to model in someday, Hope was just as stunning in person along with Siobhan, Chelsea & mc s2 were also kind, and a couple of the guys also wished her and seb well

She’s also noticed some of the shit talking coming from Elisa, Allegra, Lucy, and mc s1 (subtle shade from mc, basically about how vieve reacted if mc decided to give Harry a go but that was only brought to her attention thru fans) online but again, vieve peeped it and felt majority of it didn’t require a response. She was too happy in life rn and she had a man and they don’t

Plans to get a komondor, thinks they’re super cute! — seb does not “if you love me, you’ll love our child.” “It’s a bloody mop dog! And I’m a cat dad, you know that!” “Don’t talk about him like that, he’s got feelings just like your cat babies!”

I feel like she’s a matcha & Frappuccino lover, tries to keep her drinks simple and feels guilty when she has to make adjustments but the heart wants what it wants

Mini Countryman owner, she also drives like a “granny” better safe than sorry! She hates fast drivers, there’s absolutely no need for it!

Minimal makeup: eyeshadow, moisturizer, & a nude lip and she’s good to go

Secretly obsessed with among us, second life, and SIMS!!!

Celeb crushes? Heath ledger, Tyler posey, KENDRICK SAMPSON, Jordan fisher, Algee smith, Donald Glover, Mack Wilds, Khleo Thomas, Robert Ri’chard, Tahj Mowry, & Hasan Minhaj

Listens to: DaniLeigh, ABIR, Mary J. Blige, TORI KELLY, Us the duo, 11:11, Jacob Latimore, fifth harmony, joya mooi, & Greentea Peng, etc...

Anthem: The Cheetah Girls — Cinderella

#litg #litg3 #litg s3 #litg genevieve #litg moodboard #litg headcanons #litg headcanon #litg seb #litg Harry #litg mc #litg oc #litg elladine #litg Nicky #idk if I did her justice but my apologies to her and y’all if not lol #litg Tim #litg talia #litg jake #litg priya #litg hope

[shintorikhazumi]

“In and Out the Exits and Entrances”

A/N: Supposedly inspired by the above quote but… I overdid the concept. Damn. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be cute tsundere fluff all the way thru. What happened? Can’t believe my MayaKuro (Maya x Claudine) debut ended up like this. Pre-relationship stuff. Credits to @quotemadness​ and the original quote source. I always find their quotes so prompt-worthy.

Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

“In and Out the Exits and Entrances”

“I wish you’d find the exit out of my head.” Claudine grunted to herself as she fell face-first onto her large bed, exhausted from yet another spat with the insufferable woman whose name she would not mention. Why? She didn’t need another reason to think about her right now. 

She’d rather forget her all together, if anything.

Yes. Forget. Erase everything that had to do with her existence in the plane that was Saijou Claudine’s mind. Blot out any and all evidences, any trace, every step the brunette trekked along the paths of Claudine’s thoughts. Destroy all tracks for any train of Maya-related thought-

“GAH!” And here she said she wouldn’t put a name to the face that plagued her every night, who visited her dreams both in broad daylight and under the soft rays of the moon.

She cursed her feeble mental defenses, pounding a fist into her fluffed pillows before flipping herself over to lay on her back. It shouldn’t be such a big deal, really. Why was she so irritated today? It wasn’t like they never fought. On the contrary, no day would pass where they wouldn’t bicker.

So what was the big deal?

Why was Claudine so… infuriated? Vexed? Exasperated? What term would fit the bill to her feelings as of the moment. Was this frustration at the fact that-

Ah. Yes, maybe that was it.

Claudine was frustrated with Maya. Tendou Maya, who so strong and confident, so prideful, poised and elegant- yes, the perfect top star was… just suddenly not. And for what reason? Her ever good-for-nothing parents who Claudine couldn’t be bothered to even pretend to like. That was probably the one role she would fail at acting out.

Yes, that was it. Not pain or worry or anything… right.

“Damn you, you insufferable- nggh!” As Claudine continued to grumble and groan as she rolled along her massive mattress, memories of earlier in the day intruded her thinking space.

The 99th class was gathered in one of the practice rooms, everyone throwing their all into one-upping one another… at uno. Yes, they had settled for a quick round of cards after a particularly intense rehearsal for their new play that was showing in a mere two days.

It wasn’t a particularly grand production, and it certainly wasn’t well-known enough that they would expect a humungous audience. Maybe with a bit of advertising, they’d be able to gather a decent crowd, and each member of the team had built enough rapport with audiences that they expected to see a few familiar, regular faces attending.

Still, it was something they chose together as a class after having fallen in love with the story of a young lady who was cursed to go blind in seven days, and she decided she wanted to see everything in the world before that happened, and as she began her journey out of town, she met various people along the way- one of which was an adventure, volunteering to be her guide, who she would fall desperately in love with but never see again. A young soul who was cursed to only exist if they could be “seen”.

Right away, they were captivated by this and unanimously agreed upon it as their next project.

Everyone was excited for it; they were raring to go. Claudine had snatched the leading role as the blind young lady and she couldn’t be more thrilled. And maybe, somewhere deep down, her heart was also thrilled that cast opposite her as the love interest, was no other than Tendou Maya.

The infuriating woman, obviously, threw her a smirk in the most infuriating away she knew how. And she clearly knew she was pushing all the right buttons for Claudine to react to her… infuriating-ness... if that was ever a word.

All was normal, all was good.

Then it wasn’t.

Barging into today’s practice, through the wooden doors that could have broke from the sheer force with which they had hit the wall, was Tendou Maya’s father. Claudine would have applauded his dedication to acting, perfectly imitating a red chili, face scarlet with rage and fuming a few degrees, making the room they were all in, rise in temperature. She would have had he not marched straight up to Maya and landed a resounding smack across her face.

Claudine’s blood ran cold in contrast to the scalding gaze she threw at the elder Tendou. “Excu-“ Before she could move to her rival’s side and interrogate the sudden intrusion, the man began yelling.

“THIS is what you’re ignoring all my calls for the past week for? Slacking off and wasting your time and potential with silly games and silly girls, and useless productions!”

Claudine seethed. Her eyes travelling down Maya’s frame as the girl had her back to her. Her gaze found Maya’s tightly clenched hands- nails buried so deep they could draw blood. She wanted to reach out and ease the grip of the taller girl, wanting to bring her comfort, but at this moment, it was as if there was this wall that prevented anyone from stepping in to the father-daughter’s space.

“I texted you to come home right away. I told you, you were to meet some distinguished guests and perform for them. I told you to practice at home and prepare! DO YOU WANT TO SHAME THE PARENTS WHO GAVE EVERYTHING FOR YOU?!” His hand had lifted, and Claudine felt her body shift forward, mind telling her to block the blow.

Someone was faster, however. Nana had already caught the man by the hand, and even he was surprised at the strength that he couldn’t seem to overpower.

“Excuse me, not to sound rude, but are you allowed to be in here sir?” She asked with a bone-chilling smile.

“Even if you are a parent, it’s disrespectful to just barge into school grounds and intimidate students, visiting without prior notice.” Junna piped up from beside her. “We could inform a teacher and have personnel remove you for harassing students.”

“I’m her father.” The man breathed through gritted teeth, gesturing with his thumb to the girl who had yet to release a single word from her tightly pursed lips. Her head had been down the entire time since he hit her, and she had not moved an inch from her spot.

“Well, you sure don’t act like one.” Hikari remarked, not even sparing the man a glance.

“Why I-“

“Excuse me, the students have reported an incident, and I’m here to confirm.” Sakuragi-sensei entered the room, and the students felt relief flood their system, some tension fading away from their mentor’s presence. Behind her was a security guard and they could see Mr Tendou’s frame turn rigid as he coughed into his palm, regaining professional composure, before standing up in a confident posture.

“Ah, yes, sorry. No, it’s nothing. I’m here to speak to my daughter, that is all. Her… companions seemed to have the wrong idea.”

“Did we now…” Futaba slapped a hand over Kaoruko’s mouth before things turned worse.

“Even so, we have protocol, sir.” Sakuragi-sensei returned the professionalism, smiling as she led the man out. “We can discuss this further in the office with your daughter.”

“Maya. Come.” The man commanded, and Claudine flinched. What was he calling for? A dog? This was his daughter.

“…nt to…” The room’s occupants heard the soft mumble.

“What was that?” The anger seemed to be returning to Mr. Tendou’s voice as he took a step towards Maya’s direction.

“I-I…I don’t… I don’t want to!”

“You-“

“Mr. Tendou.” Sakuragi-sensei’s voice was firm, and the girls could never be more thankful for the strength their teacher displayed in moments like this where they needed her the most. “We’ll have the talk in my office.” She turned to the unfamiliar young lady in the middle of the room. Unfamiliar, not in the sense that they didn’t know who she was, but they could barely recognize her as she was. “Maya?”

Her invitation was gentle and kind, offering an option that Maya could say no, and not go with them, and that would be fine. She nodded her head, however, and Claudine had just enough time to react and grab the taller girl’s arm, all actions out of her control as her tongue slipped and she pleaded with a weakness she loathed,

“Don’t go.”

Maya laid her hand over Claudine’s, warm. She gave her a smile, and for a moment, Claudine’s heavy heart lifted, before her smile fell.

Maya went.

~0~0~0~0~

After that, the group of friends were only left with a message of a verdict and no sight of one Tendou Maya.

The top star was to go home with her father tonight, no questions asked. It had been her decision- or so Sensei had told them.

“It obviously isn’t.” Claudine sighed against the pillow she now found herself tightly embracing.

She lay on her bed in silence, feeling her head pound, heart heavy. It was so quiet in the dorm today. She could hear the fast ticking of a clock in her room. She could hear the footsteps of whoever was padding down the hall, possibly about to pass by her room.

It was nine pm, Claudine had checked the time. Maya should have been long gone by now-

A knock came on her door.

“Saijou-san?” The door opened the tiniest crack.

Should have, is certainly the right way to say it.

“What in the world are you doing here, Tendou Maya?” Claudine wanted to sound irritated, or her usual tone of annoyance, but somehow it came off as a gentle whisper- so soft, Maya could have missed it.

But she didn’t.

“I… may have ran back.”

“ALL THE WAY FROM YOUR HOUSE?!” Claudine could see a bit of dirt and tatter all over Maya’s wear, and she could see small beads of sweat on her brow.

“No, just the road. I-“ she swallowed a breath, “I told my father I didn’t want to go… He…” Her eyes flitted towards Claudine’s bed, and she finally realized that the other girl must be incredibly exhausted, so she led the way as they say side-by-side on the soft cushion.

Maya didn’t continue right away, but that was fine. Claudine was content on letting her take her time. She could tell her when she was ready. Claudine may not have been able to support Maya through actions or words earlier, but she sure as hell could do it through listening to her every worry and being by her side (forever, if possible) if that would help.

In Maya’s eyes, it was everything she ever really needed.

“I… those… my father. Well, you know how he said he messaged a week ago about having “distinguished guests” over.” She spoke with air quotes, and Claudine couldn’t help the small smile that formed on her face at the sheer cuteness of this creature before her.

She nodded as if to say, ‘go on’.

Maya smiled in appreciation at the lent ear. “Well, I am aware that what he means by that is that they are the families of potential suitors- or well, no, not suitors. Potential… marriage partners, you could say.”

Something didn’t feel right in Claudine’s chest. It felt constricted, and her throat ran dry as she nodded another response instead of speaking.

“Well, yes that, and I suppose to once more parade me like the trophy I am.”

Claudine frowned at those words. Finding her voice, she spoke with conviction. “You are wonderful, you are amazing, but you are not a display for their entertainment.”

Maya genuinely smiled at that, fingers tentatively reaching out to touch Claudine’s. The French girl made a small jump, but then relaxed, fingers intertwining with Maya’s as if it were the most natural course of action. She felt Maya squeeze her thanks, and she squeezed back.

There was always this warmth with Maya, a feeling she couldn’t quite name. It had planted itself in Claudine’s heart for quite some time and had only grown, having no plans of leaving, taking no steps towards the exit. It wasn’t just friendship; she knew that for certain. It wasn’t a negative feeling at all, either. She only ever felt this way around Maya.

Wait. Her thoughts were getting distracted again. She internally sighed.

“Continue?” She offered her ear once more, certain that her constant partner had more to tell.

“Ah, yes. Well.” She cleared her throat. “No one would fancy that. Being…yes. That. Um.” Was it always this hard to form words? Maya thought. “I- he, we talked. And. I-“ She could usually speak her mind so confidently, unabashed and eloquent. As of now, she was reduced to a bumbling pile of fool.

But Claudine never saw her that way. “Take your time.” She whispered, squeezing Maya’s hand once more, red eyes offering mental solace to Maya. “Take your time.”

Maya nodded, breathing in and out. “Long story short, I told him, I finally told him with enough conviction that… I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be his trophy, I didn’t want to be his shadow, I didn’t want to be his little doll or mascot, or toy or tool; I-“ She grinned, turning to face Claudine fully with a blinding smile. “I don’t want to be married off to whatever buffoon he chooses, who has clearly just the same amount of toxic ego as him. I can only imagine the people he currently associates with and favors.” Maya shook her head in disgust.

Claudine simply ran her thumb over the back of Maya’s hand, humming in reply.

“He wasn’t always like that.” The way Maya said that broke the child actress’ heart for the umpteenth time that day. “He used to be so much more than… whatever remains of him now.”

Claudine could only go on with her nonverbal responses, continuing to play with Maya’s hand in an effort to send her comfort. The latter appreciated it greatly.

“He was a better man… you know?”

Claudine offered the back of Maya’s hand a kiss, barely missing the blush that was quick to come and go on her face. “I know. Where would such a wonderfully, captivatingly, infuriatingly, charming lady such as yourself come from, otherwise?”

This time, Maya did blush.

The silent awkwardness made Claudine follow suit.

They sat there in discomfort as time passed before Maya broke the tension with a gentle tone.

“Ma Claudine.” That one phrase sent the said girl’s soul soaring. Maya shifted closer to her, blush still apparent on her face as she leaned over to lay her head on Claudine’s shoulder. “Don’t you want to know why I don’t want to get married to anyone my father chooses?”

“Aside from the fact that they might as well be narcissistic, idiotic pricks?” Maya burst into a sweet laughter at that, giving Claudine the sudden urge to embrace her and pray to hear that sound forever and ever-

These thoughts really, never taking a break.

Wiping a happy tear from her eye, the brunette responded, “Aside from that, yes.”.

“I-“ Claudine chanced a glance at the girl resting on her shoulder before staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t really know. Maybe you have someone e-else in mind?” Curse her stuttering. What was that all about?

“Oh! As expected of Saijou-san. How bright~.” Maya teased, and though her voice was playful, Claudine couldn’t find it in herself to play along. She didn’t like the sudden need to pull away and put distance between herself and Maya at this knowledge that the other actually had someone she liked. “Yes, this person seriously plagues my mind. At the start, I may have found it the slightest bit annoying.”

“Oh yeah?” Claudine knew her voice held that tinge of anger that wasn’t her usual schtick. This, she knew, was laced with hurt and a jealousy towards someone she probably had never met before. It made her feel pathetic. She pulled her hand away from Maya, extracting her whole body, stunning the said girl before she regained her composure, shocking Claudine with her next action.

Arms on either side of her head, Claudine was successfully pinned down by one Tendou Maya, eyes screaming an emotion that felt familiar, yet not to Claudine at the same time.

“Yeah.” Claudine could feel the ghost of Maya’s breath at their proximity. She swallowed.

“Well, lucky them, huh. Snagging the oh-so-great Tendou Maya.” Claudine made for a break once more, only to have her exit blocked as Maya now held her hands, lacing their fingers once more as she held Claudine in place, bent over her.

“Yes, I would hope they do feel lucky. After all, my father told me if I really wanted to do what I wanted, to marry whoever I wanted, to live as I pleased; If I wanted to prove that I could make it on my own, with my own efforts, without the name of my parents, or their backing…” She leaned down just another inch closer.

Far too close in Claudine’s honest opinion.

Maya continued. “He said I could start by walking all the way back here without calling for help, a ride, or anything.” She chuckled. “That sadistic ass even rode alongside me just to make sure. I’m glad I made it. I’d do it again if this is all it took to shut him up.”

Maya was so close now, her forehead bumping Claudine’s. The blonde could only stare mesmerized by those determined eyes.

“Gosh, and to think it’s partially just for that one infuriating person.”

So the infuriating person could find someone else infuriating huh?

“Yes, I can.” Maya laughed.

Ah, so Claudine had spoken that aloud.

“Yes, you did.”

Claudine rolled her eyes. “Well I apologize for that if it happened to offend you. Not that I haven’t said it before.”

“I’m used to it, I would say.”

“It would do you good. What if the person you like finds you infuriating as well one day?”

Maya’s laughter could only grow as she nuzzled her nose against Claudine’s.

“Ma Claudine, how can you be so dense? Ah certainly the person who plagues my thoughts makes it difficult for me to control myself, to bear my emotions and my musings, and all of those above. Really,” Maya brought a hand to cup Claudine’s face gingerly. “I think of you so much I wish you’d return the sentiment. Otherwise, I wish you’d find the exit out of my head-”

Claudine felt her breath stall in her lungs.

“…And find the entrance to my heart instead.”

That certainly did her in, the damage to her heart so great no coherent thought or word could hope to be formed as Claudine could only manage to splutter out noises as her face burned with emotion.

Well, she probably didn’t need her lips to speak anymore anyway, not when they were now occupied with reciprocating the tender embrace of Tendou Maya’s.

If Claudine could combust… oh, but she probably already did.

She had wormed her way in through the entrance to Maya’s heart, and she supposed it wasn’t so bad if she never found the exit.

 A/N: I appreciate any and all feedback!

Sudden spur of the moment to write this so I sped through it in under 2 hours. Ciao!

~Shintori Khazumi

#fanfic #revue starlight #maya x claudine #claudine saijou #maya tendou #mayakuro #based off a quote #speedwriting xD

[stularsen]

I feel like it's the right time to share PART TWO of the craziness that happened back in March 2020 as I am currently attempting the exact same journey in December from England to France and am being met with similarly impossible hurdles again... THE HURRICANE vs THE CORONAVIRUS (part two) Escaping from England to France, the long way round..

MARCH 2020 After the absolute rollercoaster of attempting to play eleven shows in eleven countries all around the world in the same month that a global pandemic arrived, these next days would be smooth and I would quickly and easily make it into France to stay with my girlfriend and her family. This is what I hoped for. So, I booked a flight from London Gatwick to Lyon and headed to the airport with my passport, a letter and accompanying document to allow me to enter France. The check-in process was straight forward, my suitcase disappeared and I headed to wait at the appropriate gate, first in line. I was already feeling somewhat at peace with the cancelled tour and my focus shifted to visiting Mathéa and her family. Boarding commenced and I handed over my passport and boarding pass which is where things started to get a little interesting.. The lady behind the desk looked at my passport and turned to her colleague to ask a question before letting me know that I would not be able to board the flight. I didn’t believe it. I showed the the letter and the document but they said it meant absolutely nothing to them. I pleaded, but there was nothing they could do. I pleaded some more and Mathéa pleaded with them over the phone. We knew there was no chance they would be able to do anything, but I just couldn’t walk away. After all the things that stood in the way in the previous weeks which we had overcome, this was now the last piece of the puzzle, refusing to fall into place. I eventually and reluctantly took my passport, boarding pass, letter and document with me and went to join a group of people waiting to collect their luggage after also being kicked off flights. It was chaos. So many people stranded and in far worse situations than mine. Some crying, some shouting at staff. I stood quietly but impatiently waiting for my name to be called, to then be led with about ten others back through the airport to another waiting area where our luggage would soon arrive. It didn’t. Well not mine at least. Everyone else disappeared within a few minutes but I was left waiting on my own for almost an hour. During this time, I was wondering what the next plan should be. I knew there would be a ferry leaving from Newhaven for France later that night, so I quickly booked a ticket. Maybe I would be faced with the same problem again, or maybe going by ferry would be less strictly controlled? I really didn’t know what might happen but I felt like I had to take a chance and see if I could at least make it into the north of France and then somehow find my way across the country to Mathéa’s family home in the east, near to the border with Switzerland. With my suitcase rolling along beside me, a heavy pack on my back and a train ticket for the south, I approached the ticket gates to enter the station. I soon realised they were not letting anyone through so I squeezed to the front to see if I could hear any explanations for the closure or if they knew how long the delay might be. It was chaos again with more impatient people struggling to hide their frustration. I had plenty of time before the ferry departure so I wasn’t particularly worried at this point in time. While I waited, I was answering messages on my phone and replied to one from Guido, a very kind fan from Germany. I told him about my situation and he then suggested that I take the next available flight to an airport within a few hours from his house in Rheinbach and he would pick me up from there and take me by car back to his home. It was perhaps my best chance to get to mainland Europe and then I would be only one land border away from France and not separated by the English Channel. I was suddenly thankful for the disruption with the trains at the airport. I rushed back from the train station to the first airline ticket counter I could find and waited in line, surrounded by more frustrated people arguing with staff. The mood was not pleasant. People seemed scared and angry and I remember thinking that if I had a home that I was being stopped from going back to, I might be quite angry and frustrated too. But for me, if I really couldn’t get into France, then I would find somewhere to stay for the coming weeks and it would be okay. Amsterdam was my next and best option and Guido agreed to meet me there, around three hours driving from his house. Just before I paid for the flight, I was told that I might have the same problem again and not be allowed on the flight and into The Netherlands, but I was willing to risk it for now. Ticket in hand I rushed over to the check-in counter to drop off my suitcase. They scanned my passport, it beeped in a non-positive way, I froze, waiting to see what would happen next. She said there was a problem. Of course there was a problem, there is always a problem.. unless there’s not? It could have been a mistake, maybe? With some confidence, I simply asked her to try again on the unlikely chance that it was just a computer error.. She scanned my passport again and I heard the other, more positive sounding beep. We both laughed. Somehow, it’s fine. She asked me to hurry to the gate because the flight would be boarding very soon. This time, they let me enter the plane. Boarding was smooth and even though I was now sitting on the tarmac ready to fly, I was still half expecting my name to be called over the speaker and be asked to disembark. Thankfully, that did not happen and shortly after take-off we began our descent into Amsterdam. The mood is strange. I’m in the ‘other passports’ line with my Australian passport and there are eight or nine people in front of me. One by one, every single person in front of me is turned away and asked to wait in a little side section. Surely I will suffer the same fate? When I got to the counter, I was asked if I knew about the current situation. I assumed he meant the situation with the virus and the impending shutdown of the entire world. He did. I said I was being picked up by a friend and driven to Germany and he told me that if I was not across the border and out of The Netherlands by 6pm I would be stranded and this is something he would not allow. He didn’t want to let me in, I could feel it. He wanted to send me to wait with the other group but instead he made me guarantee that I would be in Germany before 6pm. I promised. Besides, it wouldn’t be a problem, Guido would be there to pick me up and drive me back to his home. With my passport stamped and feeling such relief, I happily move through to find my suitcase and walk to the airport hotel where Guido and I agreed to meet. As I sit down and finally relax a little, I receive a message from Guido saying he is still two hours away. It is almost 3pm. This means we will not have enough time to make it back into Germany and we will both be stuck in The Netherlands when the border closes at 6pm. Do I tell him to turn around to go home and I find the next solution on my own? I was starting to worry a little and I wondered what I should do as I hurried back to the airport. As I arrived, I looked at the train timetable and spontaneously bought a train ticket to Nijmegen and Guido agreed to meet me there as it’s close to the border with Germany. Perfect, I think this will give us enough time. I’m feeling okay again, waiting on the platform for the train to arrive. But a few minutes later, I look back up to the screen and read ‘CANCELLED’. Of course it’s cancelled. Why wouldn’t it be? This was one of those moments when I really wasn’t sure what to do. It had already been quite a tense time and I was wondering if I should keep trying to get to France or if I just call it a day and stop. I tried to call Mathéa to get her to help find some options, but she was off doing yoga. I then asked a friend in Amsterdam if she would let me stay if I really got stranded. She said yes, so at least I had this as a backup. In the meantime I booked an uber from the airport to a point on the map somewhere in the east but the wait time just kept saying fifteen minutes so I cancelled and jumped in a taxi. He asked ‘Where to?’ I don’t know, just drive. Drive east towards Germany. ‘But where are you trying to go?’ I told him I was eventually trying to get into France. He said he would take me there for a good price. I declined and found an address halfway between Guido and I, on the edge of Utrecht at a restaurant conveniently named ‘Down Under’. After an eternity of watching the price increase on the little screen in the front, the driver drops me off, I pay him a lot of money and he says he can still take me to France if I want. I thank him and say goodbye. Guido is still not there. ‘Down Under’ is closed. I’m hungry and need to use the bathroom. I walk to another place nearby, but it’s also closed. I see a McDonalds down the road and walk there, but only the drive-thru is open and they won’t allow me to buy food or enter to use the bathroom. Things are getting serious. Guido turns up after another twenty minutes and I am so relieved to be out of the cold and with Guido who will take me to safety in Germany. We crossed the border at 5:45pm. They seemed to be setting up light towers as we glided out of 120km/h zoned Dutch roads and onto Germany’s autobahn. This felt like a big achievement. I felt safe now. Only one border separated me from Mathéa and I could stay in Germany if I really couldn’t make it into France. I slept very well this night. The following morning, we were wondering if I would be able to enter the north of France and have Mathéa come and pick me up at the border, but movement was already heavily restricted in France so this was not an option. People were also saying that both the French and Swiss borders with Germany were completely closed to anyone without a valid reason and valid documentation. It was beginning to look like I would be living with Guido and Yvonne and their boys for the days and weeks ahead. There just didn’t seem to be any possible or legal way to cross into France or even into Switzerland which would be helpful too. I think I was almost ready to give up when Thomas (amazing human and tour manager from the Hurricane Tour) sent a message asking what was happening. Thomas is one of those people who has taught me to never give up, that there is always a way, even when it seems impossible. He had booked the cheapest flight back to Germany (he is also very frugal) which happened to be into Cologne/Bonn which was not too far from where I was staying with Guido and Yvonne. He said together we would find the way for me to get into Switzerland and then I could get into France from there. Okay Thomas, let’s do this! Thomas landed and rented a car at the airport then came to pick me up. I waved goodbye to my German saviours who seemed very adamant, and rightfully so, that we would be seeing each other again later that day after my failed attempt to cross into Switzerland. There was still no plan for when we would arrive at the border but we were coming up with all sorts of ideas as we drove the five hours south towards Basel. Do I just try to walk across a field? Or go through a mountain path? Or in a boat down the river? Or in the back of a truck or a van? Or is there still a legal way to enter Switzerland somehow? I asked my good friend Pascal if he might have any genius ideas as he lives in Switzerland near the border, just outside Basel. He also makes amazing guitars (La Réselle Guitars) and had finished building a guitar that I was to buy from him. Pascal and his girlfriend Melina had a genius idea and within the hour he had emailed me a letter stating that I was entering Switzerland to pick up the guitar and as it was a business reason, it was allowed under the current rules from the government website as long as I would not be staying in Switzerland. I was nervous to try just with the letter, so I booked a flight out of Switzerland for the next day and as Thomas is the most amazing tour manager ever, of course he still had his printer with him in his backpack. We printed Pascal’s letter in German and in English and a copy of the boarding pass for the flight and headed to Freiburg to catch a train into Switzerland. I had asked Mathéa if she could cancel any yoga plans for the day and be available to search things and check information for us. She found out that all trains crossing the border were now cancelled out of Freiburg but that there should still be a tram running and maybe I could get on the tram and cross into Switzerland that way? Thomas dropped me at the tram stop. We said goodbye and I jumped on the next tram and attempted to cross the border. I followed the map on my phone. The tram was half full. I was nervous and I’m sure people could see it. The tram made a few brief stops and then we arrived at the border. Two police entered the tram saying something in German. One came to me and I handed him my ticket. He insisted I show him my passport. He didn’t even open it, he just saw ‘Australia’ on the front and said ‘Get Out’. I tried to explain. ‘GET OUT!’ I tried to stay calm and composed and explain again as I reached into my bag for Pascal’s letter and the boarding pass to hand over to him. He unfolded the letter to look at it. In my mind, one hour passed. In reality, it was probably closer to one very long minute. He didn’t say a word, he just kept staring at the letter. He eventually folded it back up, handed it to me with my passport and walked over to his colleague. I waited for him to ask me to go with them. But he didn’t say anything. Instead, they both step out, the doors close and the tram continues to move. I’m in Switzerland!! I try not to show too much emotion, everyone is still staring at me after this little incident. The tram arrives at the station in Basel. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder, I still can’t relax. I wait for Pascal, he’s on his way to pick me up. I’m waiting on the wrong side of the station, I have to walk back through again. I’m so nervous that the police or someone will stop me and ask me what I am doing. I see Pascal walking towards me from the other side of the station. It’s slow motion, just like the movies. I’m so relieved to see him, to be in Switzerland, to be safe for another night. We want to hug each other but we keep our distance and try to avoid any chance of potentially sharing the virus. I stay the night with Pascal and Melina and know that I’m so close to being with Mathéa now. Pascal drops me and the new guitar at the train station the next morning and I make my way south to Geneva which is then only thirty minutes and one closed border away from Mathéa. The plan was for her to try to enter Switzerland to pick me up and take me back into France but the police at the Swiss border would not let her enter. By now I have learned that there is always a Plan B, so at this point I wasn’t feeling too much stress. I had been told so many times in the previous weeks that something was impossible, and each time, simply by moving forward, a solution to each problem appeared. I had no doubt something positive would happen and I would be in Mathéa’s arms again. And then it happened. Mathéa phoned me and said the Swiss border police suggested I get a taxi or a bus from the station and I could cross into France as the French police were not actually there at that moment. People were being stopped from entering Switzerland but nobody was being stopped leaving Switzerland and entering France. But how long would the French police be away from their post? I jumped in a bus that was headed for Saint-Julien-en-Genevois, the first French town across the border. It would take twenty excruciating minutes for this bus to reach the border. I was the only passenger on board. I tried to act calm and relaxed but I have to assume that the driver noticed how nervous I was. Mathéa was also nervous. She waited in the carpark just over the border and could still see vehicles crossing into France without being stopped. Would it be the same for the bus I was on? These final moments seemed to last longer than the actual time that had passed since being kicked off the initial flight from London to Lyon. Then, all of a sudden, I could see the border and Mathéa could see the bus. We were so close now. On the final approach the bus driver started to slow down and in that moment I felt like everything was about to come to a final heartbreaking halt and I would be stopped just metres away from France and the girl that I love. My heart almost burst out of my chest as I realised the bus wasn’t stopping at the border, we were driving through to France, I had made it!! I frantically hit the ‘next stop’ button then clambered off with my backpack, suitcase and new guitar and ran over to the carpark into the waiting arms of Mathéa. (I wish that is how this last bit actually happened, but she was too scared to get out of her car so I first had to put my luggage in the back and then get into the front and have a slightly awkward but still very enjoyable side-by-side hug). It felt incredible to now be in each other’s arms after being told time and time again that it was just not possible. It was a miracle to be here and I knew it. After a short twenty minute drive we arrived at her family home in the countryside where I would spend the next months and could properly relax after days and weeks of such uncertainty and constant adrenalin. The hurricane was finally over. (or was it....) 


#stu larsen #hurricane #coronavirus #france #england #everywhere in between

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 21

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY IS SO VERY SLEEPY BUT THE UPDATE SCHEDULE TAKES NO PRISONERS (FOR THE MOMENT):

“So it’s true,” she wheezed between grit fangs—“that bitch really does have you on a leash.”

KINKY,

me: okay lemme refresh on what happened last chapter-- me: /remembers me: oh yeah! yeah that SUCKED,

lets us continue on the journey of deep and immense sadness with glynda ‘clown shoes’ goodwitch!!!!!!!! here we go here we go

It took a while to pry back the jaws of her soul and wrench herself out of them.

ooh i rly like the context change here. before glynda was kinda falling back into her soul as a way of just Getting On With Shit or protecting herself, but now it’s framed in a fun new way of please can i get out of here now.��good job glynda. look at u GROUNDING YRSELF like a CHAMP who should have been in a TKO LIKE FIVE ROUNDS AGO--

What did that mean? Had she asked Cinder about Ochre? Glynda struggled to recall, but the memories swirled like clouded ink in her skull.

i still love the continuation of glynda’s Mysterious Messages To Herself. she leads such a thrilling life of ‘did i write that’ and ‘did i do that’ and ‘what does any of this mean’

Hating herself, Glynda found she couldn’t remember.

and also a less thrilling life of the squeaky clown shoes variety. glynda PLEASE

She had to know: was anything Cinder had given her real?

the YOU and the US,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, the DESTINY. dw babe im sure cinder Has Never Told A Lie, Even Once In Her Life, On Account Of Being A Very Open And Honest Person,

Had she been abandoned? Cinder had been unhappy when she left. Angry, maybe. Angry enough to take her leave for good? Or had she always planned to?

i love watching glynda slowly become kind of,,,,,,,,,,,, more aware of herself in relation to other people? sometimes she still Moves or Does w/o rly thinking it thru, but we’ve got quite a change from, like, early chapters of glynda where she was barrelling along with VERY little disregard for both actions AND consequences,,, but look at her now!!!!!!! using her whole ass BRAIN. im proud of her. 

When she tried to dismiss this first fear, another one was waiting underneath: had something happened to Cinder?

In her attempts to keep Glynda’s soul from smothering them both, Cinder had been quite willing to converse over the phone with her—even if her texts were short and snippy, she usually at least responded, to avoid backlash. Did she not care anymore? Or—

Or was she unable to?

/leans in, like, uncomfortably close to the microphone

glynda darling i do Not mean 2 worry u but yr (future) gf is currently grieving, pissed beyond belief, and also

/checks notes

failing her way into becoming strawberry jam

But, surprisingly, there was another half to Glynda now: one that worried, despite facts, that Cinder was in danger. That Cinder might need her.

GO AND GET THE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The light caught in every golden thread of her crown emblem, embroidered with diligent precision. But something else caught her eye: the midnight black surrounding it had a sheen to it. Subtle red ducked through the fabric, glittering like burnished stars in a distant night sky: fire Dust.

The flash of a memory: Cinder’s face when Glynda had complained that her last cape had been burned.

This cape would not burn.

okay so no lie i cant read this bit without my eyes starting to water abt just how GOOD this section is and i have cried TOO MANY TIMES over this fic ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! T H A N K Y O U F O R T H E F O O D !

CINDER MADE IT FIREPROOF. SHE DIDNT HAVE TO. SHE DIDNT NEED TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THE SYMBOLISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IS U N R E A L. I AM CRYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

GO GET THE GIRL YOU MORON

Glynda didn’t know what to do.

Glynda dialed Winter.

and i am INSTANTLY launched back into the comedy that is glynda goodwitch’s life at large THANKS FOR THE WHIPLASH

“No, I mean… I was awful to you the last time we spoke. I know I was. I keep thinking about it. I’m so sorry, I just… Don’t have anyone else to go to right now. I don’t know who else I’d call.” It was horrible to admit. Loneliness had never shamed her before because her soul had held it at bay. Now it made her sick. “I’m safe. If you don’t want to talk to me…”

LOOK AT THIS CHARACTER GROWTH,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, GLYNDA!!!!!!!! YR DOIN SO WELL BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE COME LOOK AT HER THINKING WITH HER M I N D.

“I lashed out at you, Professor Goodwitch. That wasn’t right of me. I should have known that you weren’t truly to blame for what you said. I know Cinder. She’s manipulative. She twists the world and makes you think she’s a different person than who she really is. I blamed you in the moment, but Cinder Fall is truly the person at fault for making you believe that I would try to hurt you. I shouldn’t have raised my voice or said the things I did.”

/rubs face

like winter needs to be in this fic and og was bereft not having her actually take up 30% of the space as she DESERVES, but god i forgot that shes a whole Thing and winter please just. shush. for a moment. for a second. ilusm. but please shut up.

Glynda was pacing, her Scroll levitating near her.

side note but casual uses of glyndas semblance is one of my fav things i love seeing it. glynda ‘look mom no hands’ goodwitch out here,

Glynda closed her eyes. The tactile recollection of cats arching, bristling, and spitting. Backed into corners. “Maybe she was panicking. I don’t know.”

i dont rly have much to say here other than continuing to enjoy Cinder As Cat, the ongoing metaphor. glyndas just gonna pick her up the scruff of the neck eventually and we will ALL b thankful.

ughghghgb im not gonna copy paste this whole convo w/ winter because this is a liveblog not a shitty projection of the fic on the side wall of a bowling alley, BUT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD glynda is so WORRIED,,,,,,,,,,, past glynda is befuddled. bemused. why does future glynda Feel so much. but future glynda is FEELING and i love her. das yr gf yr worried abt. DAS HER,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, and also yr other gf winter too but like that’s a long-con sort of egg to hatch,

While it had been some time now since Glynda had been in a proper fight, she expected no trouble. This wasn’t Cinder—ergo: this wasn’t a real threat to her. Still, she would bide her time and hold her silence, if only for the chance of getting a hint of what was going on.

This wasn’t Cinder—ergo: this wasn’t a real threat to her.

LADS,,,, LADIES,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, BEANS,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, IS IT GAY,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, TO SEE YR RIVAL AS YR ONLY REAL THREAT,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

The group crossed the room as one unit, guns aloft and eyes peeled, determined to not be ambushed.

Glynda intended to ambush them regardless.

i dont like 2 say when an au gets a character so right that all other interpretations aren’t valid, but.......................... offal hunt gets glynda so right that all other interpretations aren’t valid, and thats that, on that,

One left. Glynda didn’t hesitate. She had been built to fight Grimm; far stronger, far quicker, far more bestial foes than these. She was herself a blade, sharpened far too fine for these intruders.

sounds hot

“Are they...alive?”

Glynda didn’t pause to check.

“Professor? Are they alive?”

glynda: fuck them kids

“How will you get to her?” Winter asked.

“I always find her in the end,” Glynda answered.

hrm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i wonder if that’s foreshadowing something

Her soul was churning inside her, longing for solace, for Cinder. She could picture the way like a burning trail in her mind’s eye; that bright-yellow tether between herself and Cinder, that pathway between their souls that she had tread so many times before. It always led her to Cinder.

HRM,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I WONDER,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

“Good luck, Glynda.”

“Thank you,” she said again, pausing under the streetlights. “But I won’t need luck. I’ll find her.”

FELLAS,

what a good chapter!!!!!!!!!!! also i cried. BUT I HAD A REAL GOOD TIME. I CAN IMAGINE THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE LESS OF A GOOD TIME, BUT FOR NOW, I WILL ENJOY THE MENTAL IMAGE OF GLYNDA’S BICEPS AND HER FUTURE WEDDING ALSO,

#rwby #offal hunt #liveblog

[unproduciblesmackdown]

let's do a classic Primez ask

thank you lol Prime Time is.....6 am is when im posting this, christ lol what else is new around here........Good Morning in advance lol and [rise and shine sailors it be monday]

2: Favorite book?

i don’t have one lol

3: Favorite fictional character?

i also don’t Properly have like, all-time ultimate Faves in these kind of categories either, but there’s still standouts at least lol......obviously lately it might show that i’m enjoying winston billions a lot, and natch that’s just One of the many wrol roles i’ve been glad to discover. natch winston, jared, and jeremy are fave raves amonth them

5: What’s your favorite fictional ship? (Canon or otherwise)

this is the same as the [fave fictional characters] thing in that like, sometimes i’ll Consume something where i don’t have any, and generally i’m out here multishipping and not like live or die by one Specific Pairing, if i like a character i’ll also probably like Many of their dynamic/s with various other characters, unless the options are That limited.......tying this in to the fave fictional character thing, re: winston, naturally tayston and benston, aka the fruits of us all combining our Genius, are top tier and here’s riawin where we don’t know for sure where it’s going but we’re getting some great Dynamic(tm) stuff anyways.....and natch re: jared i Enjoy Kleinsen (as something to make up ideas about that are outside canon and also as a perspective thru which to analyze canon) and re: jeremy.....stagedorks is beautiful, wild to have canon just give you some content that’s already as good as that

7: List 3 negative traits you have 

well i can be fairly anxious about certain things, which is mostly negative for me lol.........a more negative 2-way street is that i’m just generally in defensive mode around people lol, often i’m like, just trying to avoid Attention entirely and/or like uh oh attention, gotta try to just avoid taking damage from it lol.......on a gradual journey to just being default More Unpleasant / less accommodating lmao......not that i can’t be sometimes, or that i can’t be Genuinely Friendly with randos coz i like their vibe and actually Like socializing lol.........and then re: the challenges of socializing, it seems like maybe when i’m in an interaction i get caught up in [uh oh how do i Respond a) at all b) in a way that’s Good(tm)] and it maybe makes me less attentive to the other person / a worse Listener smh

11: How do you decide when it’s time to cut someone out of your life for good?

idk luckily it’s not something i’ve had to do left and right lol.......but ime it’s Also not exactly like. usually a “ah Now Is The Time to have zero relationship with this person” and most often it’s like [gradual distancing period that is mostly passive] and/or just choosing Not to reinitiate any sort of relationship........though re: more active approaches lol it’s more like. time to try to tune into my [does this feel like something indefinitely sustainable / something you actually Want to have continue in any way] gauge or whatevs. and then still it’s like, sometimes easier if moments happen to come along that provide an [opt out?] choice presented to you kinda lol.........if it’s someone You don’t want to be involved with really but they don’t feel the same and it’s “on you” to decide to peace out at some point it’s more difficult coz such [do you want to opt out]-distilled Moments probably don’t seem to manifest but i think that’s a useful thing to be aware of in itself........i.e. that there’s not always going to be a Narrative-Friendly “point of no return” / clear Line Being Crossed and even if it Doesn’t feel like “i can’t / don’t want to deal with this for Literally one more day” that doesn’t mean you should totally stick it out / don’t have enough reason to decide that you are Done at this particular moment even if you haven’t been Done prior or think you plausibly hold off on it. don’t need to have some kind of story where you think if you Explained it to anyone or everyone it’d universally be understood and everything would applaud like “Yes, the Right Decision” lmao like. not their business....

13: What are your favorite lyrics currently?

well with our groupchat in the replies to that Eternally Crying Over The Bar Song post..........just enjoy the “stay here for a while / cuz it’s nice / cuz it’s holy” part of the refrain, a fun part of the music, and that classic iconis like, lyrics being in a sort of character Voice and yet getting the idea / feelings across effectively even when the words are sort of general or simple.......”shooting from the heart / but we’re all a lousy shot” is great lol and also “say you will always be here” ending with “for one more” is like, there’s another Broader Idea / Sentiment expressed so effectively :’|

17: If you could make a wish, what would you wish for if you knew it would come true?

i can’t do any fun answers lmao it’d just be like [political commentary] but that’s warranted lbr

19: How do you handle heartbreak? Is it something that’s easy for you to get over, or something you struggle with?

lmao i think it is like By Definition not easy for anyone to get over / Not struggle with.........can’t say i’ve had Romantic Misadventures exactly but uh yeah it feels bad to feel bad but i like......wait it out???? idk lmao you can’t really just timeskip past.....Heartbreak Sucks For Everyone Cuz That’s Kind Of The Whole Thing

23: What do you want your future to be like?

pandemic-less, fascism-less........i can’t say i’ve ever been someone like “yea i Know what i want to do and have this whole plan set out how i’m gonna do it lol” i remember when i was like 4 or 5 or whatever being asked What Do You Want To Do When You Grow Up and i was like “shit idk.......i like dinosaurs so i guess paleontologist??” and it was as much a mystery going forward.........always and still mostly playing things by ear with a few vague “if / then” type ideas......aren’t we all though ig

29: Do you think zodiac signs can influence someone’s personality to an extent?

what do i know but i Don’t like or respect the recent years trend ppl being way into it like this isn’t [being really serious about hogwarts houses] or Earnest Myer Briggs Types energy that everyone’s bringing to it......like what are you getting out of trying to be this Prescriptive based on when ppl’s parents got into it. meanwhile i’ve been on the edge of my seat since someone tweeted about “when will we get the first astrology discrimination lawsuit” re: a story about ppl wanting a housemate with a certain sign for compatibility reasons. and like again if it Is like “yes there are time-of-year Personality Types for Objective Real” like. okay, still, what is this Approach that ppl have....doing for anyone.....

31: What does ‘self care’ look like for you?

not very fancy lol i’ll be like “damn i think i haven’t eaten today” and then do it......or be like hey here i’m gonna Do A Stretch or some shit. walk around. step outside if it’s nice. both true that Self Care has inherent limitations re: like we can’t just cancel out all the detriments to our wellbeing via Personal Choices and yet also we can’t Not look out for ourselves how we can......i’ll watch something that i Enjoy. or just knock out if it’s like “christ i need a mood reset” or i’m trying to timeskip through a headache. pet a cat. i like to try to be Appreciative of everyday ordinary shit......also messing around Making Stuff whether drawings or otherwise can be a good helpful use of time, i like talking to people who i like talking to, and other stunning stuff like that lol

37: Have you ever been surprised by someone staying in your life?

not really lol coz again with how i’m pretty slow to realize that someone is like, nonzero actively interested in interacting with me on a regular basis, and then once someone’s In My Life there’s no particular point where i go “whoa....You’re still here??”......ig sometimes there’s like, Friendly Acquaintances where it’d be Unsurprising if they just sort of dropped fully out of the orbit but they do not

41: How do you show you care?

hmm i sure like to do ppl favors / give them gifts / help them out w/ whatever, hang out / generally be Around them where like, doing [parallel tasks] works i.e. maybe we’re doing different things but in the same room.....just like to Talk and all and listen to ppl and Learn Things About Them, try to pick up stuff re: ways that ppl express like “hey to me it conveys Being Cared About when ppl do ___”........food/cooking is a love language......that thing where shit you’d be way too anxious to do on your own For Yourself is like, oh i’m absolutely gonna do it on behalf of someone i care about.......all this stuff is more like, Possible in person lmao rip. i Care you guys

43: Which of the seven deadly sins do you feel represents you the most?

who is your hellsona and what is their origin story (how they got condemned to hell).........if i’m irritable / argumentative am i wrathful? you could presumably someone saying yep it is inherently the one deadly sin of lust if you’re queer.......at any given time i’m passed out and dreaming about “fuck capitalism and the protestant work ethic” and that’s sloth i guess. and okay i went “who named an animal after a The Deadly Sin as if it’s like ‘wow fuck this animal for choosing not to zoom around as though they could and i apparently think that they should’ tf” and in looking it up i immediately learned the Sloth Fact that apparently their shits are insane and also the most dangerous thing they do?? like they poop only maybe once a week and All At Once so that a single dump might knock off a third of their total weight........and it’s pretty much the only time they leave the upper branches of trees, in that they crawl down to hold on to the trunk and take this monster shit and naturally they’re not great on the ground so Pooping is like the leading cause of death for sloths in the wild. and i think they ought to be named after that. 

47: What are you passionate about?

oh man [i am passionate a lot.mp3] lol.........always having a variety of Interestes which i like to talk about / potentially make things about.......decent amount of subjects i like to learn things about even if  i’m bad at like, actually learning things generally lmao, what’s Not losing focus on shit.......idk it’s not that hard for me to like go off about Whatever, got these jack of all trades interests / areas of Some knowledge, i’m opinionated and probably have something (extensive) to say about anything as just part of my charm lol, and just in general i can get Enthused / worked up about things..........also passionate about various [niche gay shit] things eternally. whoms among us isn’t

#let's see if my genius plan of [lie down and try to nap and also try to wake up circa noon] works..... #employed that the other day Yet Also was like ''i Will finish this drawing today'' which entailed staying up till like 7-8am so.......

[cubedcoffeecake]

Fanfiction Writer’s Appreciation Day

When I saw some other people making posts screaming positivity into the void of Tumblr, I knew that I couldn’t rest until I had too.

I don’t have near as much time to read fanfic as I used to, and I can’t remember the last time I regularly read fics that were longer than drabbles. If I read a long fic now, it’s solely because I want to see more by the fic’s author, and I want to spam all of their works w love.

In fact, my entire involvement w the fandom community has changed a lot over this calendar year: I’ve begun to actually interact w other creators and fans in the community, and that has come to be the most important part of fanfic for me. I’ve always loved the content, that’s what brought me here, but I’ve stayed for the people I’ve met and friends I’ve made.

So! This is a fairly-inclusive list of a WHOLE BUNCH of authors that I love and why I love you. <3 <3 In the spirit of Fanfic Writers’ Appreciation Day, here we go!

There is no one I can start w besides my irl best friend @strangenscary. Hanged Man convinced me to get a Tumblr, first off--I wouldn’t know any of you guys if she hadn’t talked me into that. And she’s also the reason I read Harry Potter! And, beyond just being a fantastic friend, she writes really awesome Kpop drabbles (that you should 100% check out if you like Kpop fandoms).

Then, next in the chronological order, is @jbankai89. I found their fic I Will Save Myself while searching for really angsty fics and have kinda been along for most all of the ride? The fic just ended a week or so ago and I rec it wholeheartedly--it’s got one of the best journeys through mental health healing and learning how to work out a relationship of anything I’ve read. I’m really glad I got to follow along w it!

I made a personal resolution to start commenting on fics and interacting w other authors about halfway thru I Will Save Myself. It was this decision that gave me the courage to leap into HP’s corner of Tumblr this past May, and by asking into Drarry fests I met @lettersbyelise! Elise is a beautiful lovely human being and I’m really glad I know her now! She introduced me to the Drarry Discord, which is how I met most all of the rest of you guys I’m about to rec.

@drarrymylove... Jeni is absolutely fantastic. I actually did follow her and read all of her everything before joining the Discord, and I was over the moon to get to interact w her. I beta’d her Drizzle and was internally fangirling so hard I had to take a break and chill out. You’re a super cool and special person I’m really glad to have met!!

@xx-thedarklord-xx is a fandom giant for really good reason. All of Sam’s fics are literary gold. She beta’d a drabble for me a couple months ago and I was starstruck, remembering spending long nights binging all of her fics. The Flower War fic was the first one she wrote since I’ve been following her and it’s one of my absolute favorites. If you’ve never read her stuff go find her!

@aibidil I’ve never interacted w much but seems like the helpful Mother of the Discord. She swoops in to save the day all the time and I’m always amazed. Not to mention her fanfic is incredible.

@l0vegl0wsinthedark, @goldentruth813, @snortinglaughter, @erin-riwen, @lqtraintracks, @carpemermaid, @synonym-for-life, @violetclarity, @bixgirl1, @writcraft, @parkkate, @harryandhislittledragon, @foularcadebanana, spookywoods and tari_vilya are all really cool peeps I know but haven’t interacted w enough to tell you specific awesome things about them, but they’re all great too! And their fic!!! All of their fic is entirely worth your while to check out!!

@drarrytingz, @ladybraken, @yosoylaborinquena, @gnarf, @unicornsandphoenix, @restlessandordinary, @slythrns-heir, @maesterchill, @breathofmine and @ununquadius are all fantastic people I’ve met thru beta’ing. Either I beta’d for them or them for me. Betas are such a huge huge part of fanfiction and such important people to writers I wanted to give y’all you’re own paragraph, but a number of you I’ve also gone on to get to know some of the best out of all of my online peeps!

ununquadius, goodness, I always get super excited when I see that you’ve written something! Every time! And even more when I get to beta it! <3 <3 We have, like, an actual author-beta thing going on and I think that’s the absolute greatest.

drarrytingz, gnarf, yosoylaborinquena, y’all are so nice and supportive and I love seeing you guys in my dash!!

@slythrns-heir deserves more accolades than I can come up w--from beta’ing to just generally appreciating authors and fans SO MUCH and doing so much for us and the community--you’re an absolute gem. <3 <3

@call-me-hopelesss is an awesome writer and I’ve been slowly chipping away at their Ao3 works for several weeks now, but that’s not what I think is the coolest, most mind-blowing thing about them. They leave some of the best comments I’ve ever seen, and they leave them all over!! I remember reading thru HD Birthday Bash and being really touched by how they’d left a really thoughtful comment on every fic. That kind of support is amazing, and you just blow me away. <3

@doubleappled, @nifflers-n-nargles, @llap115, and @harryromper are really really cool mutuals who I’ve really noticed thru fests. I always get really excited to see them on an author list for an anon fest, or commenting, or anything! They’re all as awesome as their works, and you should totally go check them out too!

But all of these peeps have been Drarry Discord peeps!! A few weeks after joining over there, I also joined the Tomarry Discord. As much as I love my Drarry friends my awesome Tomarry friends are a lot louder and talk a LOT so I really kinda know them a bit better.

@mirandaflamel, my wonderful owl wife, all of my love to you and your beautiful stories. @kuffymik, you and Meb terrify me just a little and I occasionally flee from your convos, but your writing is fantastic and I love you too. Same goes to @lord-of-the-snakes, tho I actually think I’ve known you the longest and that you’ve staked a place at the very very bottom of the Tomarry pit, so everything I said to Mik tenfold, really. @nencenedril, you sometimes seem to be the sane one and sometimes surprise me with how unusually creative you are. You’re really cool. <3 @cybrid, I followed your fics way before I realized that was YOU, and then I squeed a lot. But! You’re a fantastic author and mod and I’m really happy you stick around and join in on our insanity. I send my love to all of the other lovely writers I know on the Tomarry Discord whose Tumblrs I don’t know. (A special thx on this special day to Itsy’s perseverance w all of us)

@batsutousai gets a paragraph. If you’ve never read anything by Bats, you really really should stop everything and go read some of Bats’ fic. Any of Bats’ fics. They’re all legendary and deserve odes to be sung to them. I’ve held it in for this long so I might as well reveal that I’ve actually genuinely been following Bats since 2015, way before I knew anything about Harry Potter, bc her Marvel fics are also fantastic. When I got into HP I remembered that she’d also written for that fandom and went and read all of her stuff and that’s genuinely how I fell into the Tomarrymort pit. (thx Bats.) SO yeah, again, go check her out!!!!

While we’re on Marvel, @veliseraptor is someone I don’t think I’ve ever had the guts to speak to, but she is an utter legend as well and is rather solely responsible for the Stoki ship. I’d suggest giving her works a try if you don’t mind being pulled into a new ship--bc I would bet money you can’t read Lise’s works without getting pulled into Stoki, they’re so good. Kudos to a fandom goddess over there.

Back to HP, @asexual-lovegood and @rose-grangerweasleyisbae are my two all time favorite Tumblr drabble writers, so if you can it’s totally worth it to check them out. All of their stuff is gold. All of it.

To close up my really really long Author Love post here, I present to you Lomonaaeren, @renderedreversed, and wynnbat, who I’ve also never spoken to but when I try to think of mind-blowing, I-can’t-put-this-down fics by people I don’t really know, these are the three authors that come to mind.

.

So! Lots of love to everyone! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Fandom community is brilliant and amazing and you awesome authors are a huge part of what makes us exist. Thank you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#text post #fanfic authors appreciation day #love you allllllll #so much

[pcttrailsidereader]

Trail Magic: Another Story on How the Trail Always Provides

We have been periodically posting some of Kathleen Neves writing about her 2018 PCT experience over the past couple of months (and will continue with more posts in the future). Kathleen also maintains a blog with her writing . . . (http://www.kathleenlovesyoga.com/)

Trail magic is a topic that leaves virtually every PCT hiker in awe of the kindness of total strangers.  The key ingredient of the magic, as Kathleen points out, is its randomness . . . you never really know when it will happen. Kathleen details the magic in all of its forms . . . including the amazing support that so many hikers receive from friends and family as well as fellow hikers.  The best response to trail magic . . . is to pay it forward.

Trail Magic makes my PCT thru-hiking world go round. You can’t ever depend on it though. Trail Magic is always a surprise and very random. Its luck of the draw when you’re able to receive Trail Magic out here. You never know when it will show up or in what form, but when it does happen, it’s absolutely magical and very much appreciated.

What is Trail Magic? Trail Magic is when someone does something really nice for you, unexpectedly, out on the trail, usually without expecting anything in return. Trail Magic can come from someone you know or  most of the time, a complete stranger. We call people who provide Trail Magic, Trail Angels.

Trail Magic can come in many forms: a ride into town or back to the trail, food, cold soda, snacks, water caches, a place to stay in town, care packages sent to a town stop on trail, a cooler full of chopped fruit, lawn chairs in the shade, etc.

Over the last three months of hiking along the PCT, I’ve had the great fortune of experiencing a fair share of trail magic. I’ve been fed breakfast by a previous thru-hiker who also loaded me up on supplies and helped me with my new blisters in Mt Laguna. I’ve received hot dogs and soda at a ranger station. We’ve found cut watermelon and cold cans of soda in a cooler in the middle of the desert while hiking at night. I’ve camped at a tent site stocked with bottled water, pastries and fruit. We’ve come across a number of water caches in the very hot and dry desert. We’ve found soda and cookies in a dumpster right next to a couch to sit and rest on. I’ve been given a bag of chips while hiking. I’ve been fed hotdogs and cheeseburgers right before climbing over a big pass. I’ve been given a full fuel canister after running out of fuel and not having a store nearby to buy a new one. I’ve had my dinner tab paid for. We’ve gotten countless rides into town and back to town, sometimes without having to stick a thumb out. We even got picked up from the trail and had a place to stay in Big Bear when there was nothing else available thanks to a big event in town. And this is just the trail magic I’ve received from complete strangers.

I’ve even received trail magic from some of my own family and friends. My friends, Sally and David surprised me with a visit to Idyllwild and took Bleeder, Jesus and I out to dinner. My parents came to visit me out on trail at Tuolumne Meadows. We had dinner together and my dad bought me one of my favorite Mountain House Meals for the next section. My friend, Amanda has sent me a couple of care packages on trail loaded with beauty goodies. The ladies at Athleta University Village sent me a whole new hiking outfit, complete with a brand new shirt, a pair of shorts and some Kind Bars, since my original outfit was getting tattered in the desert. I’ve also received cards and letters from friends and family giving me words of love and support.

Even members of my own Trail Family, KitKat and Punchline surprised us with cold root beers, snacks and a delicious campsite cooked meal right outside of Idyllwild. Punchline and Mooch also treated us to a bomb.com home style cooked meal via fire pit at a campground in Mammoth before we parted ways for the last time. And then there’s all of my friends and family who have sponsored a portion of my hike, whether it be a meal, shower, load of laundry or town stop via my PCT trip registry.

My all-time favorite trail magic so far has been from my friends, Rachel and John at our Truckee stop. If there were a grand prize for Trail Magic, these guys would win it, hands down. It started with them picking me up from the trail at the I-80 Rest Area. I didn’t have to hitch into town. They had ice cold water and two In-N-Out Burgers waiting for me upon arrival!

After picking me up, we stayed at a spacious and luxurious condo on Donner Lake, complete with a washer/dryer in the unit, a full kitchen and a back deck that was mere steps away from the lake.

For dinner, Grit and I were treated to an epic meal on the town. Grit had the bison burger and I had the filet mignon with endless root beers. For breakfast in the morning, John made us pancakes, eggs and bacon.

After breakfast, Rachel and John gave us a ride back to the trail and sent us off clean, well-rested and well-fed. It certainly made hiking the next 30+ miles a breeze.

I remember my first day on the trail, right before I left the Southern Terminus to start my grand adventure, one of the volunteer hosts told me, “If you’re open to it, something magical will happen every day.”  Trail Magic doesn’t happen every day out on the trail, but when it does happen, it certainly makes my day out here quite magical.

Thank you to everyone who’s been my trail angel out here along my PCT thru-hike. No matter what your contribution has been made to my Trail Magic experience, you have helped make my journey out here a memorable one and the really hard days manageable. From the bottom of my heart, thank you a million times for all of your love and support. I couldn’t do this without you!

#trail magic #trail angels

[thestudyfeels]

Failure. Such an awful word, isn't it? You might've flunked that test Miss Honey set last week (in my defense, Genghis Khan's goatee was giving me nightmares) or maybe your sis ate up all those donuts you bought on your cheat day. Either way, it’s easy to get hit by a few L's along the way because life loves throwing in lemons. Oh, just noticed, life and lows... they even start with the same letter L! (hobo logic, COMING RIGHT THRU)

But what if I told you that failure = success? And that sometimes, failure > success? Isn't that rad as eff?

What’s the time? Don’t look at your watch! It’s time to conquer our failures.

You’re probably thinking along the lines of: "Ok… failure. *scrunches face* Hmm, don't want to experience that! I mean the letter F has better words... Like food! And omg fishies!! BRB. Gonna get food." Stop. Also, since I’m so kind, I'll get you the first appointment with my counsellor.

Failure is simply a deviation from the ordinary. Things didn't go as you had planned. Oh, please. I'm an excellent planner! I planned for my fishies to fly, and they will! Um, hi. Welcome to the real world. Fishies don’t fly around here. And if they did, an eel would prob smack you in the face while doing so.

But believe it or not, failure provides countless opportunities for growth. How? Because it’s only in our darkest times that we are willing to go the deepest. Good days, we skim through them. Only when the seas get rough do we sit down to try and figure out why things turned out the way they did.

And even though experiencing a low sucks, it is necessary sometimes. Think about this. Without failure, success would truly have no meaning. If you can’t ever lose, what counts as a win? If you can’t make mistakes, everything becomes ‘ordinary’ as there are neither any highs nor any lows.

Now! If you are all warmed up, let's sit around the bonfire and have a story time about my failures. Bring some marshmallows too, it's gonna be a long one.

In my life so far, I have gone through many failures. Most were small ones, nothing to cry upon (my sis did take my cookies which I'm NOT happy about but I think I’ll let that pass). Two failures, however, completely changed my life:

Fail no #1: Two years ago, I was a completely naive and ignorant teen. I had a bunch of so called “friends”, was hella popular, and was basically living the life of a queen (at least that's what I thought at that time). Well, in between that, I had my first boyfriend (poor guy) and hey, it was another feather to add to my cap. It didn't however, last long.

We broke up and a few days later, I tumbled into a really dark hole. Went down in the dumps and became depressed (And that starts with the same letter again! Oh, I’m so good at this, all hail me). My ‘friends’ left me to pick other ones and I had no one whom I could trust or talk to. I was completely alone. (Gosh, looking back, I was such a sad child.) Now I don't talk about weird shit like this because I am grateful that I’m out of it and am now a lil’ happy unicorn. Those days weren't fun.

Anyways, during my days in the dark hole, I realized something profound. I couldn't love someone else with all my heart because I hadn’t learned to love myself. Heck, I didn't even know who I was. I was a complete loser.

Fail no #2: Months later, my family shifted states (around the time I started this blog). By now I had grown to be wiser and stronger. Popularity didn't mean anything and I found my solace in perfect A’s all over my report card. Everything was going fine and dandy, but then I was showered with a bagful of lemons again (no wonder I’m allergic to them). I met Prashasti.

Now, most of you know her as Prasati grandma who helps me with the Interviews (read: here!) and about whom I talk a lot, whether in awe or annoyance. She’s a grannie with sass. Coming back to the point, she had joined freshman year in the same year as I had and well, we become friends. (BTW, she’s editing this article for me so shout out to my binch! I love you!)

Um, ok. Anyways, after we talked (like grannies do, lmao) about life and shit, I realized that I was doing it completely wrong. Sure, I was happier and not a loser anymore, but I wasn't even close to using the potential I held. I'd gotten up after falling off my rocker (or horse, if you like horsies) and dusted my hands, but now I was just sneezing all over the place. I hadn't taken the reins just yet. I was still in what philosophers call the ‘bubble’ (read: The Bubble Trap for more on this).

Feeling like a failure? Commence part two.

Truthfully, failure hurts. I will neither try to minimize the pain nor tell you that it is easy to bear. Instead, I will try to make you realize that failure is important to experience in order to become more wise, kind, compassionate, and in the end, a better human being.

Now, consider this. When you break a jar full of water (reminder, your mom is about to kill you so hide while you can), the glass shatters and the water pours out, now free. In the same way, life sends failures to crack open your outer, fake shell and to allow your values, your emotions, and your finer self to come out and experience the sunbeams outside.

Failure is beautiful and sine qua non (and I’m poetic, thanks for pointing out Sally). But ironically, many fail to understand that there’s honestly so much to learn from it. I mean, you get to stay at home, eat burnt popcorn for breakfast, and cry your heart out, doesn’t that sound like fun? Here, let me explain.

Lesson from fail 1: I learned my most important life lesson which was to love myself completely.  Another thing I realized was that everything is temporary; friends, boyfriends, everyone is going to play their roles in my life and move on someday, citius aut serius. There is nothing wrong with that, it’s a fact of life. I simply had to embrace that and make the most out of our time together. This failure also hinted at my non-existent communication skills, which I had to fix. (Now I’m Bob the Builder! Ah, childhood.)

Lesson from fail 2: I learned that you can truly be what you want to be. Life is full of opportunities and trust me, life wants you to win. Don't just live, though. You must take a step back occasionally to see where you are going. Most don't do that, they are too busy checking off tasks from their to-do and moving onto the next one. For them, everything is just a chore to get over with. They turn a blind eye to the freedoms that lie ahead of them. You are capable of doing everything you want, go wherever you want, be the person of your dreams. Isn’t that freedom enough? Most are scared to take responsibility for that and hence they play small and are willing enough to sacrifice their true dreams, settling for stuff that doesn't excite them.

You see, some say I’m a bit too wise for my age. I‘ve even had people send me asks ‘advising’ me to wait till I’m eighteen before I give advice on so called ‘adult’ topics, like failure, life etc. Pah.

Do we not experience failure when we are young? Or do they not matter, huh? One golden rule of nature is that what you resist will persist. If you don't learn from your failures which come in smaller doses when we are young, a much bigger failure is going to hit you smack in the face later on. Teens don't learn from theirs, and lo and behold, we find ourselves a few years later in depression, midlife crises, and whatnot. How fun.

THAT'S the reason I don't listen to what those asks say. I mean, sure, I could ignore my failure now, they are not big ones. But do I look like dumb to you? Life is a wonderful teacher and I choose to learn. And so can you.

So coming to my point, failure hurts. But remember, failure teaches more life lessons than I’ll ever be able to teach you (welcome to life lessons 101, taken by Nani). Ergo, point to note, failure doesn't stop you, it's the quitting that does. It doesn't take your faith away, it TESTS it. Decide whether you want to pass or- once more, fail.

So does that mean you shouldn't feel the pain, sadness or remorse the failure brings? Nah. You should never hold back your emotions. Cry, beat up yo’ pillow, kill fishies if you have to, I support you (the campaign starts, #SaveTheFishies).

But don't let your emotions rob you of your growth. Learn to let go when you have to, and then use your failures as a slingshot to catapult you closer to your ambitions. Pluck up the courage to face failure and your fears, it's as easy as plucking those lemons.

See, there will always be an excuse NOT to learn from your failures. I could have stayed in that dark hole which no doubt wouldn't have been very fun and would have ended up becoming suicidal. I chose not to. I could have left Prasati and her wise philosophical shit to pick other friends while continuing to live inside the bubble (I still love you prash, put down that knife please). I chose not to.

In the end, even though your destiny is roughly mapped out, it all depends upon the choices you make. Whether you choose to learn or not. Thus yes, failure is not the opposite of success, it becomes a part of success.

So please, by all means, fall, dear friend. Fall, and then choose to get back up.

here are some related materposts if you want to read more:

One way to change your life: your perspective (out new!)

Musings on The Bubble Trap + how to get out of it

Why should you conquer: the value of your life (popular!)

Read my Interviews with my friend, Prash!

Want instant motivation? Here’s my #ThursdayPickup!

Well, it’s a wrap! I post new articles every week (the schedule’s here) so you can follow me if you are into killing the game & conquering life. I’ll do my best to help you in the tough yet amazing journey called life. ✨

If you want to go thru my blog, I would rec picking your choice of post from my masterpost list! Or, if you want to read something insightful on your cozy afternoon while chilling under blankets, I would rec reading one of my interviews. Feeling spoilt for choices? Here’s another! If you want to implement the ideas I share in my masterposts by taking action, take on one of my challenges! + you can also request a blog post! For that, leave your question in my ask box.

I hope you are well, stay strong and conquer life, you conqueror.

- Nandini (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

#bouncing back from failure #how to deal with failure #inspiration #motivation #unicorn studying #*life #obsidianstudy #studyquill #studyplants #studyblrmasterposts #uglystudies #cielstudies #athenastudying #artemistudying #moonshinestudies #ahsteria #elrood #jiyeonstudies #have a good day y'all <33 ily #*work

[ot5]

@tllthesundies HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITCH!!!🎉💖🌸💞🎂✨💌💖💞💗🎊🎉🍾💗🎂💕💖✨🎊💖🌹🍾🎉💘💕💌🌻❤️✨🌷💞🎉❤️💝🎂💘

so for this special occasion i used my amazing photoshop paint skills to make u this taylourry manip since there’s an unfortunate lack of those:/ they’re baking you three (3) cakes how great is that😫 louis, of course, asked ‘how do you whisk’ all three times and taylor n harry just shared a look and fondly rolled their eyes at him. i like to imagine they were singing along to britney classics and also laughing about how louis’ album and lyrics will shake us to our core bc they live for that drama👀 and cant wait to watch us freak out. of course at some point louis started throwing flour at taylor &harry which ended up in a messy kitchen fight.

thanks for reading my mini taylourry fic excuse the lack of angst i kno you live for that shit but anyways as i was saying, happy birthday bith! i hope u have a great one!! i cant believe you've turned 20 today🤧 you were already settling down at the old age of 19 an now you’re entering the final Grandma stage *kylie jenner dabbing tears.gif* as an og violin i feel blessed to have followed ur journey and  watched you grow up & to have experienced ur crazy crackhead days which i lowkey miss sometimes it was truly a blast with ur shit posts and you saying things that still haunt me in my sleep. since im getting Sentimental™ you know what else i miss in this chilis today? you getting asks & Interacting on here bc i recall thats what started my soft spot for u. you’re [louis voice] genuinely Genuinely one of the sweetest people ive seen on here like everytime you called someone crouton or replied with a row of heart emoji’s my heart grew 10 sizes bigger💗💗 i hate that my memory is shit and there’s no blog/archive anymore(rip in pieces we’ll get to that later) that i can search thru for those Receipts but i know not one (1) mean word has ever left your mouth, or keybord in this case, those are the Facts #confirmed by me! even back in the day when i was blissfully unaware of any drama and this hellsite was just a happy place u still stood out to me bc when you answered asks or whatever you were just so nice! kind! and sweet! and funny too i feel like u raised me on memes (i also appreciate that u tolerate me w my crusty sense of humor and memes from 2013) and tbh when i saw you were younger than me i was Shook bc you felt like an older sister to me with wise words and just this calm&kind presence on tumblr dot com where everyone always takes offense u were idk the word..... rational/nuanced/patient/understanding? ive thought it many times before but if everyone here were a bit more like you this place would be a nice valley filled with blossoming flowers sawying in a gentle breeze on a warm spring day🌻🌷🌸 (i know u prefer fall so u can represent a Quality Leaf too if u want and i’ll ship you w niall #neaf) anyway as my melancholic ass was saying, i sometimes miss @harryandlouisofficial /harryandlouisau? idk you’ve had your fair share of changes(as i was searching through my own blog for a certain pic i came across some deactivated urls that i think were yours lsdknvds) but that harryandlouis brand™ was truly You and just such a familiarity on my dash and tbh if i come across any blogs that start w harryandlouis im always side eyeing them for that copyright infringement of intellectual property. Even before we really started talking i already felt like i knew you bc you were always....out there...talking, yellin n sprouting bullshit which was [me as that gif of pam from the office tearing up] beautiful😫 like i didnt even know about the existence of the vampire diaries but u were practically screaming about it on a daily basis and lowkey got me to crush on nina dobrev bc of it also ur love for tom odell, soup, domestic hl, Angst, the midnight memories album, that purple suit harry wore to the late late show, birdy, those literature ppl whose names im not even gonna bother with, and of course taylourry & how do you whisk, they’re all filed under ‘Things That Belong To Violet’ and i kno yelling about thing or reblogging ask memes or doing those tag things doesnt go with ur Brand but i wish it did bc there’s so much i wanna know or ask or just see what you think about things👀 u could make a post saying ‘potato’ and eventho id disagree id still be over here giving a standing ovation

this is getting long im so sorry snlkdfnsld i was going somewhere but im kinda losing the plot. So anyhow the point was that ur an angel! and idk also intimidating to me back in the day? ive sent my fair share of anons (nice ones of course nskldnsf) and i vaguely rmr asking for advice a few times too and you were always so kind n wonderful🤧 and then one day i sent smth nice off anon and you followed me back even with the ugly ass url i had back then lfnvslknsd bless you and now here we are:) so i love getting sentimental and reminiscing about the old days but also know that i admire u for jus deleting and starting afresh! kween of rebranding!👏👏 and this tiddiesundays era feels like ur a professional business woman or maybe more like a professional writer who has that clean & calm aesthetic down to a T and i might’ve turned notifs on so i wont miss that one quality (1) post per day sdlknlksdn i love showing my Love thru liking and rb’ing a lot so you make it hard on me sometimes(rmr when we were each other biggest fans? good times😫) but jus kno my heart’s still beating the same yes thats a sad attempt at a oial ref bc that is also filed under the things that belong to u. i dont wanna like, overwhelm? you bc im sometimes afraid ill b too much but know that im always out here rooting for u &hoping that ur doing great bc this bitch has a lot of love and adoration for u!!💗 i know some v sweet people on here but you are just.....on another level like just your presence here clears my skin and puts a big smile on my face esp when u drag me or vice versa for having certain Opinons (like the 1d album or song discourse) dont @ me but ur truly one of my favorite people. One day when you give me the go ahead im gonna send you that card/letter and i’ll get even sappier (yes thats possible!) i was gonna wish you a sunny day but for some reason u love rain so...i hope it rains:’) or else you can move your ass over here so at least one of us can appreciate the dutch weather also i would toast to you but i think ur still not legally allowed to drink which is also a reason to get ur ass over here bc i feel like you’d be a blast to get drunk with (also shout out to you for indulging me in my wine aunt moments u were truly there for me when no one else was🤧came thru with lyrics to tmh bops faster than lightning ill never forget that!) so to conclude this Essay i lov u & hope u have an amazing birthday *serenades you with tom odell songs*💗💕💖💘💗💕💖💝💗💞💘💕💞💖💕💗💝💖💘💞💕💗

#*cracks knuckles* HERE WE GO #u better make yourself a cup of tea and get some snacks this is gonna be a long ride #i feel like i had a clear outline of things i wanted to say but ended up forgetting all of that and instead we got.......this #this MESS violet sweetie im so sorry #i kno this is v Extra already but im gonna be highkey annoyed with myself if tomorrow something pops in my head like shoot i forgot to #mention that! so i might add to the tagsnslkdnvdls idk i love an excuse to show all my love and appreciation😫 and this is IT #also im sorry for being so late this took me a While bc im incapable of simple cutting n pasting in paint or putting my thoughts into words #me: i need to stop this is Too Much #also me: but is it enough?

[nandasachra]

the spirit of aging

This past year shaped another perspective of mine about aging. I used to be anxious and agitated on the particular aging moment called birthday but now I am about to receive it with a warm welcome. 

Since the catharsis process I went through a couple of months ago, I can feel my heart feels a bit well-ventilated and my mind feels a bit lighter. Thanks to the healing journey of catharsis, I can find meaning—even strength, from the painful feeling that I was intentionally facing—even seek. This catharsis process is indeed destroying me, yet so much empowering at the same time, a proof to my own self that I’m bigger than my own fear. Even I had tried to convert my fear into love. The very kind of love that I know will always there, intimate, hanging on the air of that sentimental city, waiting to fall like a clean rain washing out the dust on the ground of fear. 

Yes, I did it, also left some of it for another time. 

That moment also did a favor of emptying my emotional bucket that apparently has been full since my mind rotating around fragmented subjects of my existential angst, as preparing myself for whatever misery will come to me in a spur-of-the-moment, the action of anticipating my disguised fragility. Maybe some people are unwittingly a living paradox, they can be firm on their shells just to protect their delicacies. Or may I say all of us? 

Anyway, emptying my emotional bucket gives me outcomes to be more fair and sensible towards every choice that life has been given recently. And I guess, this catharsis process is one of the trials of whatever I learn from it.

-

5 July 2021

I woke up in the morning, half-awake to the yellow light softly came through my window, I believe when I’m fully awake & aware I can see the dust heavenly dancing around the beam—I’ll be joining them in a minute.

I heard distance movements from the living beings such a clear sign that the island is waking up. I grunted while I moved my body steadily. I felt much safe and easy under this blanket, the soreness of my body really want to makes me root onto this bed.

-

Days in my sicknesses, I finally decided to do COVID swab test and then got a positive result. It’s an “Uh-oh” moment, seems that I’ve got another unexpected birthday present from the universe huh. Who knows this virus would eventually be a personal blessing for me we’ll see. I’m quite sure it is COV19 because the illness spreading so fast in one day. Five persons in our place having a symptoms altogether then 4 of us were resulting positive. Greeting to the virus, evidently there will be no place in this world really have a privilege of the immune state, not even this tiny remote island. A reality that we must accept, a measurement that we must undergo.

My life feels like hit a pause button going thru this time. The symptoms was high in the early few days, like cannot breathe properly without the reserved O2 for several nights is a real thing. It’s been 6 days the very moment I write this. I’m a bit in distress not only because of the physical pain I felt, but I’m afraid if this virus could spread easily on this island by something we cannot anticipate at this moment, though we’re doing what we can do to make this isolation system works properly by the very least interaction—still, there’s slight interaction cannot be avoided. Also we can never be sure how each person’s immune system responds to the virus and how the body reacts to it. No sufficient health facility, so, fingers crossed.

However, being isolated on this island is actually way better than going off to be isolated in the city. Think I’m lucky by getting COVID while I’m here, for the virus cannot spread pervasively. When I feel decent I can do morning sunbathe at the beach to get Vit D, still can dip at sunset to release any tension, still can have a mindful walk around the trees in 50m proximity to get fresh air supply. I’m giving cheers to this isolated island’s made for.

The fact that I’m isolated with 3 other rangers that also infected makes me get to know them well. The isolation obviously could make someone feeling disconnected whatsoever, of course for me too, but for me also there’s a connection with people who bear the same struggle. In one very tiny building occupied by 4 sick people, we’re checking one another, entertaining each other by the silly stories, jokes, off-tune singing, and absurd behaviors. It’s been light-hearted in some ways. Treat each other more as friends than co-workers, no professional agenda. And day by day I’m able to understand each of them slightly deeper and build more intimacy that I always long for in people, develop my empathize with them.

By the time I’m basically pushing away work and other responsibilities as much as I can, let me just first reflect on life at the moment—like birthday always be a moment of reflection. Birthday will always be a very personal to me, it’s going deep inward rather than human-relational as one of the social-phenomenon I’ve been used to witnessed in this eon. It’s quite contradictory that I like to keep a mark for my close circle’s birthdays, like family and my closest friends—for the highest mark, in my prayer. 

For the moment of birthday, I’d like to get to the point that I understand myself a little better. To look at how myself experience life a bit wider—emotionally, spiritually, physically, and see how much I experienced intimacy, warmth, and compassion towards my own self and those around me. After all, I look at how myself progressed and regressed and what can be done to maintain this progression and rectify any regression. And as I’m getting older I also contemplate of how this trivial, annual incremental number means to me.

I recall one dusk time in Sorong, myself was sipping a Malaysian coffee while I listened to someone’s story echoed at my table. He’s a friend of mine, Don, 60 years old seems like 40 something. I asked him why he seems way much younger than his age?

He told me story, he had cancer when he was 30, he was being an army. It was the turning point of his life when he got a chance to live longer, cured of his illness, and then he felt like he was reborn to someone new, because it makes him rethink about himself and redefining his meaning on this life as one single human blessed with second chance. From US then he moved to Jakarta, looking for another way to live, from an army then being an engineer in an oil & gas company. He said maybe that’s why he looks younger because his life started again ever since. I know he was just trying to make fun of it, but somehow I love the spirit at the end of the story. Currently in his 60s he’s actively trail-running jump around the woods in Sorong nearby, hence I met him.

The point of his chronicle is not because of his illness regarding me fighting against COVID at this moment, I can say this is nothing compared to his—thanks for the full dose of vaccine shots that I got a few times ago, ease up the symptoms. But this is about the spirit of aging that emits from him, that whatever number you’ve been stand in this world, you’re still functioning. You can still choose how to bring yourself to the world, what act of services you can do to others. You can still learn everything and be whatever you want in alignment with your purpose. Your brain and your potential won’t decay over time as long as you sharpen it very careful and precise.

I believe aging is a biological phenomenon, the thing is after so many times it becomes a social symbol well-tailored by the culture—by the certain age you have to get a job, you have to get married, to bearing children, to be on top, to do this and to do that.. we have to be conform—and for this reason, I can tell you why. it. always. makes. me. uncomfortable, by getting older.

But now I get to embrace aging by the moment of getting mature, not getting old. Mature by healthy mindset, healthy lifestyle, healthy soul, also a broader set of knowledge to get along with people from a wide range of ages and backgrounds, just like Don. Even, he also displays that aging—the physical phenomenon itself—hasn’t necessarily dictate our own physical—boom. It’s adding more accuracy that age really is just a number. 

Your whole being, decide.

Last but not least. A special note for my birthday, I’m grateful that I’m not alone going thru this.

Stay safe, everyone.

[lady-zombies]

My final thoughts on Rupaul’s Drag Race All Stars 3 HEEENNNYYYYY

Hold on to you’re wigs children, it’s a long ride.

Morgan McMichaels-

I’ll admit it, I thought Morgan was a total bitch and I absolutely did not care for her.

HOWEVER, once she came back, and we got to see the other sides of her, I was like “wow, shame on me for completely and totally misjudging her”

Now I’m low key disappointed that she didn’t get more screen time

I would have loved to really see what she could bring

All in all I’m happy that she was able to get back into the spotlight and earn some hella respect from a whole new fan base ❤️

Thorgy Thor-

I absolutely love me some Thorgy Thor gurllll

I love how crazy and cucky she is, her whole vibe I totally dig it

I just wished she would believe in her self truly

I felt she spent so much time exerting so much energy into jealousy and paranoia that she didn’t really get a chance to shine for her true self.

All in all, I’ll always love me some Thorgy Thor and I can only hope that she’s able to see past her demons and become her best self ❤️❤️

Milk

Ohhh big and Milky gurlllll

I liked milk in her orginal season

I thought she was a weirdo in the best way and just totally misunderstood

That being that, I was a bit disappointed when she came in with her total holier than thou kind of thought process, which I totally called btw

Yes, you got to work with Marc Jacobs but that don’t make you the queen of England honeyyy

Tho on the other hand I think it’s never really a bad thing to be to confident in life

Milks confidence, tho it sometimes makes her head swell, will take her super far in life

Stay big, stay milky

Because honey I’m not lactose intolerant and I want alllll the Milk 🥛 🥛🥛🥛❤️❤️

Just you kno, chill sometimes 🙃

Chi Chi DeVayne-

Chi Chi is a precious baby who deserves to be protected at all cost

I love Chi Chi so much okay

It pained me to see her feel like she wasn’t up to par with the other queens

However i also admire her for her self realization that yeah, maybe she isn’t

But it’s all good baby because she had grown from her original season

And just like a beautiful blooming flower, she’s just gonna keep growing ❤️❤️🌸🌸

Sending any kind of hate her way is like stepping on puppies okay

Aja-

I am so proud of Aja okay

I think for having the smallest amount of time between seasons, she grew absolutely tremendously

I was neutral about her in her original season

But when she came back I was absolutely sold heeennnyyy I love me some Aja now

I truly wish she had been chosen to come back because I felt she had the best track record of the eliminated queens and had the most to offer

I highly expect her career to take off to the stars and I wish her all the best of luck❤️❤️❤️

I literally say “heyyy yo sissss” all the time now, thanks a lot Aja

BenDeLaCreme

Ohhhhh miss BenDeLa !!

I did not expect her to do as well as she did at all tbh

It actually kind shook me cause I was like ohh gurl if she keeps doing well, that means she’s gonna win

And that mean Trixies not gonna win...

I’m usually really good about avoiding spoilers but I totally seen that she was going to eliminate herself

I didn’t want to believe it but when I watched it, it was like I couldn’t really feel it cause it had been spoiled

However I do truly respect her for doing what she did

When it comes to confrontation DeLa is literally me

I hate it so much, it makes my skin crawl

If she wouldn’t have eliminated herself I think it’s obvious she would have won

All in all, DeLa is truly a pure soul in the world and doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. ❤️❤️

Bebe Zahara Benet

I didn’t really know how to feel about Bebe at first tbh

I had watched season 1 once like a long time ago

And honestly I was like okay... when she won

Now that she was back, I do truly see why she was picked to be the very first winner of Drag Race

Everything she does (except maybe choreography😅) she’s great at !

I did think she was a bit divalicious but who wouldn’t be in her position

I also love her love for her home country

It goes so well with her over all “brand” and what’s better than being absolutely proud of where you come from ?

Bebe is an embodiment if that

All in all, great well polished queen

And like she said heennyyy she’ll still always be the ORGINAL Rupaul’s Drag Race winner ❤️❤️❤️

Kennedy Davenport

Kennedy is a grumpy old man who just wants some lovin

I’ll be honest I felt like Kennedy was sort of a Roxy Andrews situation

There were many times where I felt she should have went home

However I can understand the struggles she’s had and in the end yes, I do truly believe she deserved a spot in the top 4

Top 2 ?? Ehhhhh, not at first I’ll be honest

But the more the eliminated queens and Kennedy herself talked about how all the other queens are basically so much more well out than she is, and how she kinda did need the win more than the other girls, the less mad I was

In the end I was like yeah, Kennedy does need this win, and even thou I am a die hard Trixie fan, I would have been absolutely 100% okay with Kennedy winning 🙌

I hope everyone gives her the proper love she deserves at DragCon as well as any other meet and greets

She is truly an amazing dancer, she paints a beautiful mug and she’s the kind of person who will tell you the truth, and the shit you need to hear even tho you don’t wanna hear it, you know what I mean Vern

I admire Kennedy and I wish her the best of luck in her career and life ❤️❤️❤️

Shangela

Like I said before, I am a die hard Trixie Mattel fan, like I would take a bullet for her

However.... I truly truly believe, Shangela was robbed and should have won !

I straight up thought she was gonna win !

You can clock my previous post about where I straight up say I think Shangela is going to win

And she damn well WOULD HAVE DESERVED THAT WIN!!

Shangela is the epiphany of a GLO UP !!!!

I remember the days where she was that kinda ratchet, not so polished, kinda short tempered, says whatever the hell she wants kind of queen and I’ll be honest, I did not care for her like at all

When season 3 came along I was like oh great, this bitch again

And I feel like that was the over all vibe she had in her drag race career

But nowwwww OHHH HONEEEYYY

I fucking love Shangela

I cannot describe how proud of her I truly am (word of the day: truly)

From the first episode when she came in, in her box and her cute little blue dress I was like I gurlll something is different about you in all the best ways

I can’t even describe how amazing her blossoming into a beautiful butterfly has been to experience

Shangela’s Drag is on point af now

She killed just about every challenge

I didn’t expect that

But I love it

I love Shangela

It killed me to see her reaction when she lost

She’s gonna go super far in life and I couldn’t be more excited for her ❤️❤️❤️

TRIXIE MATTEL

So apparently I ran out of text blocks so Trixie’s is going to be one long thing separated by... first of all OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG... I literally fucking cried when she won... I just about had a heart attack when she was pick for the 2nd queen... I really did not think she was going to win... but I couldn’t be happier what she did... Her as3 journey was an emotional roller coaster tbh... I thought this season was going to be kinda like season 2 how it seems like it was made for Alaska... I thought this season was going to be made for Trixie... it really thru me off when she didn’t start off so strong... I also felt bad because she would always talk about how she felt like she was letting her fans down... I wanted to do nothing but shower her with love but I didn’t even realize what kind of pressure was set on her... I was legit worried for a bit that she would be eliminated... and tbh when Ben went home, I was low key relieved because I was like there is now way Trixie is going to win with Ben out her slaying every challenge.... I don’t know what happened when she snapped out of it and finally brought it... but am I sure glad she did... obviously I think Trixie deserved to win, but I can still appreciate her fumbles and reasons on why LOTS of people are mad about it. But seriously, it’s just Drag !!! Just like anything else in the world, shit happens, and then we move on !!! Trixie is my queen, and I don’t know how that happened because all my life I’ve totally despised country music and basically any country folk stuff at all. Opposites attract heeennyyy...CONGRAULATIONS TO MY BOO, couldn’t be more happy and proud of you bb, I can only hope to be able to graze your presence at DragCon this year 💗💗💗💕💖💕💖💖💖💖💖💖💗 on a side note: I am just a simple 20 year old Bisexual girl from Colorado, and I just want to say, never in my life did I ever think that I would be so obsessed with (mostly)men in makeup. Please, please, please don’t send Trixie hate. Don’t send Morgan hate, don’t send Thorgy hate, don’t send Milk hate, don’t send Chi Chi don’t send Morgan hate, don’t send Aja hate, dont send Ben hate, don’t send Bebe hate, don’t send Kennedy hate. Drag race is this beautiful thing where all kinds of people can come together and enjoy and embrace their selves together as one. I love the LGTBQ community and it just absolutely blows my mind how quick things can get so ugly. All these queens make it a note to point out the importance of mental health, and I don’t understand why anyone in their minds would want to go to a specific queens page, be it Twitter, or Instagram or Facebook or whatever, and take time out of their day to write something with such intentions of making someone feel bad. It you have a negative thought about a specific queen, that’s cool, you’re totally obligated to have that, but believe it or not, you won’t explode or anything if you DONT post that rude ass comment. All the queens worked their asses off and it all payed off in different ways. Just be kind to each other people, because at the end of the day, it’s just drag and no matter what everyone’s lives will move on the next day. IDK I GOT KINDA RANTY Okay I’m done

#rupaul’s drag race #rupaul’s drag race all stars 3 #rpdr #rpdr all stars #all stars 3 #as3 #trixie mattel #morgan mcmichaels #thorgy thor #bendelacreme #kennedy davenport #shangela #milk #chi chi devayne #bebe zahara benet #aja #rpdras3 #my thoughts #sue me