#that team got me through the rest of ep 14 and helped me beat ep 13 dark mode

[incorrectinfinity]

what was your team for him? Plz bestow the knowledge ;0;

(All cookies are lvl 70 with 70 powder)

I don't remember fully but

Werebrute (I forgor his name), either Black Pearl or Financier, Sherbert, Cotton, and a BTS cookie

#that team got me through the rest of ep 14 and helped me beat ep 13 dark mode #PRO TIP USE SHERBERT ON THE BLOBBY THING BOSS HE M U R D E R S IT HOLY SHITTTTT

[anxiouswhumpyescapism]

Any tipps for Sebastian Bootz whump? I'm searching...

Hello!:D

Unbelievable to me that you’re interested in Basti Bootz whump, since I feel like there’s like 10 people I’ve seen on tumblr that rb content with this guy.

So, I don’t know where you’re from, but he’s from a German TV show thing, so if you can’t speak German/aren’t German then it might be hard to navigate the sources. But maybe you’re German and you’re all set. You can look for Eps and scenes on the ARD Mediathek (VPN is your friend I guess if you’re not located in Germany), and there might be some clips on Youtube. You can also DM me off anon, I’m friendly :) You might already know all that, in that case I’m sorry.

So here is a list of Sebastian Bootz whump from “Tatort Stuttgart”.

(A bit spoiler-y but I’ll try to be vague while still tease a bit hjhjhj)

Ep 2, “In eigener Sache”, some angsty/exhausted moments at 00:23:00, 00:44:40, and he’s also getting pistol whipped and taken hostage (+ being held at gunpoint) 1:20:10 onwards.

Ep. 4, “Das Mädchen Galina”, Basti gets shot and falls unconscious during the first 8 minutes of the episode. For the rest of the ep (at least most of the time) he can’t move his arm properly, needs help with some stuff and is grumpy/shaken up (and refuses to take time off, naturally).

Ep. 10, “Scherbenhaufen”, Basti shielding another person with his body at ca. 00:50:00. He’s also being hunted and shot at from 01:20:00 onwards (+ gets a bloody nose and hurts his shoulder during this - the dressing of which is visible later). Bonus points: His partner is really worried for him the entire time :))

Ep. 12, “Spiel auf Zeit”, Uhm, there’s...relationship troubles and Basti is really hurt and Shooketh at 00:08:40 onwards if that’s your thing (love the subtle angst there). For the rest of the episode Basti is really tense and emotionally all over the place. There’s outbursts of missplaced anger and stuff, and he’s Real Emotional a few minutes later (for example ca 00:22:00, he’s Not Okay there). Even a bit later there’s a tiny heart to heart with his partner.

Ep. 14, “Freigang”, Basti is Going Through It at 00:03:50 onwards for a few minutes, like, emotionally (reasons: heartbreak and unhealthy coping mechanisms).

Ep 15., “Eine Frage des Gewissens”, basically Basti has a nightmare / scary memory there in the beginning (and at ca 00:13:49). The whole ep is angsty imo. Basti and his partner are being interrogated on an unclear law enforcement situation and Basti isn’t sure what’s his pov on said situation after a while, and is tense for several reasons during the ep.

Also, Sebastian is using Unhealthy Coping MechanismsTM involving alcohol at 00:14:45, 00:47:40, 00:48:28, resulting in a lovely scene at 00:50:35. He’s emotional and teary eyed at 00:55:45.

Ep. 17, “Preis des Lebens”, phew! So, this episode marks a turning point for Basti (and the partner duo specifically). I’d recommend the whole episode but starting at ca. 00:43:20 there’s major angst and Sebastian is freaking out over the course of the episode (someone close to him gets kidnapped). He’s scared, angry, emotional, crying, his mood is explosive. Angsty wise I love that ep.

(to really drive the effect the episode has on the relationships in that team home, I’d recommend watching earlier episodes first though, If you’re also interested in the team dynamics and characterisations and stuff)

Ep. 21, “Der rote Schatten”, ca. 00:54:15 while being involved in a chaotic shootout he is hit in the arm and he’s got a (at times a bit bloody) dressing on his arm for while after that incident.

Ep. 24, “Hüter der Schwelle”, 00:42:15 onwards, Basti and another guy beat each other up :))) The scenes following that InterestingTM wrestling match are worth the watch too imo. He’s being patched up at ca 00:50:55

Honorable mentions (not that whumpy but still noteworthy imo):

Ep. 1 “Hart an der Grenze”, ca. Min 50, Basti has to meet a creepy criminal that he put away a few years ago and seems withdrawn right before they meet him and obviously is not happy with them having to meet the other guy. - a tiny bit angsty.

Ep. 3 “Tödliche Tarnung”, ca. 01:05:00 onwards, a very emotional and slightly teary eyed moment. (TW for flashbacks to a car accident involving a child right before that scene)

Ep. 9 “Das erste Opfer”, stressed father vibes from Basti throughout the ep.

Ep. 13, “Happy Birthday, Sarah”, again stressed father vibes from Basti throughout the ep.

Ep 15., “Eine Frage des Gewissens”, failed heart to heart at ca. 00:16:35 and some sort of successfull heart to heart that feels catharsis-y and angsty at 00:50:35.

Ep. 24, “Hüter der Schwelle”, watch out for some coughing at ca. 00:21:45 and a few moments later (bonus: tiny bit of reckless driving)

Ep. 25, “Du allein”, imo the scene at ca. 00:28:00 where Sebastian is very agitated, tense and angry is him displaying signs of (mild?) PTSD or something, because the stuff that’s happening might remind him of what happened in Ep. 17, but I haven’t seen others talking about this, it’s just my personal read on things and how I interpret it. There’s also a tiny reference to his (past?) alcohol consumption as coping mechanism so...

Ep. 29, “Der Mörder in mir”, noteworthy scene ca. 00:32:20, heart to heart -ish moment with his partner.

Hope that helps :)  DM me for more information if you want.

#sorry if i missed something lol. i sprinted through ep 27 das ist unser haus. that ep still feels like satire to me lmao #I really hope you see this anon!! #basti bootz #sebastian bootz #thorsten lannert #tatort #tatort stuttgart #tatort whump #what a surprising combination of words. #sebastian bootz whump #fandom tatort #misc #felix klare #whump community #anon #asks #this post will probably be the only post existing in some of these tags lmao #my posts

[ayankun]

Agents of SHIELD Season 1 Rewatch Update

Ok so I’m having a difficult time remembering what it was that made me hate this show so much (aside from the unforgivable Minecraft reference) and stop watching in Season 1.

Just got through ep 14 and holy cow, I’m honestly not sure whether the storylines for seasons 2, 3, and 4 were planned this far in advance, but if they were then these folks did such an overwhelmingly good job of keeping their eye on the ball.

Best I can figure, I’m having a good time on this attempt thanks to prequel-goggles.  I already know where this story is going, who these people will become and what’s going to make them into what they will be, and I can appreciate this older storyline in light of the circumstances it precedes -- rather than for what it is without that context. 

(It certainly helps that some of the dumber stuff is already starting to be replaced by the better stuff, like it’s ep 15 and the “night-night gun” was just replaced by the much more palatable “icer,” and they haven’t tried to call the individual dwarves by name for ages now)

Also there’s some pretty good cinematography, the graphics are really respectable, watching this found family slowly realize how much they love each other is sooo charming, and the affectations required of a MCU-spin-off-sci-fi-spy-show are really well balanced with the character drama which is its true heart.

I know ep 1x08 (”The Well”) is six and a half years old so maybe spoiler warnings are not necessarily required but here we go

Remember when Thor 2 came out and then this show had to earn its stripes as co-existing in the MCU so they had to address the fact that aliens ripped up London and the whole world knows about it?

Not being able to afford the likes of Chris Hemsworth was something they obviously had to work around, and plopping in that rando dweeby Asgardian as a twist was definitely one way to do it. 

But the real showstopper is that the through-line of the episode is the examination of the similarities and differences of Ward and May, especially once they both come in contact with the Asgardian rage-stick.

Seeing Ward nearly incapacitated by his traumatic childhood memories serves two important purposes.  First, it makes some good strides towards humanizing the man, who until now has been that hot-and-cocky kind of character that just expects to appeal to an audience but hasn’t yet earned any appeal whatsoever.  By now, we’ve had a reference to his toxic dynamic with his older/younger brothers, and seeing him reliving his experience with the well suddenly opens him up and gives some dimension to that tall-dark-handsome cardboard cutout.

Second, those experiences are a really good twist!!  When it’s revealed that he’s not remembering being tortured in a well by his brother, he’s remembering allowing his brother to torture his other brother down a well and not having the guts to do anything about it.  It’s a good one-two punch because you weren’t expecting to pity the guy, and now that you’ve spent twenty minutes pitying him for being victimized, you get to grapple with the much more complex emotion of the kid!Ward not knowing how to get out of this lose-lose situation and understanding that his current character must be in some way informed by this regret and guilt.

THIRD, after seeing Ward go through all this and barely hold it together, we get to see how May handles this level of relive-your-worst-trauma-and-incinerate-yourself-with-unbridled-rage when she has to pick up the rage-stick and .... instead of it leaving her on the ground like it’s just done to Ward, she somehow experiences 0.00000% change in personality or capability WhatSoEver.

She not only isn’t affected, she summons all the broken pieces of rage-stick and effortlessly wields the fully formed berzerker staff to defeat the rest of the baddies single-handed.  It says so much about her character, about the depths of the trauma that sent her to the place we met her in in the pilot.  We still don’t know what happened, but this her “my secret is I’m always angry” moment, and it’s a  level of anger has been repeatedly and thoroughly cataloged throughout the episode so far.

It also gives these fools something to bond over.  And while I’m seriously disinterested in their weird little Thing that didn’t go anywhere and didn’t really impact much, it was a nice way to avoid progress in the “Skye’s falling for her SO” storyline that I don’t care for either.

But Skye makes her move in this episode!  She and Ward dance around the possibility that maybe they’re into each other and they could possibly move from antagonistic strangers to folks who are a little into each other.  But he does the gentle thing and turns her down! (without closing the door entirely, I must add)  And then he wanders off on his own and ... May’s wandering off on her own ... and they share some micro expressions and then, seriously you guys this sequence is so tasteful and understated, just look:

Ward leaves Skye at the bar with a parting “I’m beat, another time, maybe,” and off her wistful look we cut directly to this chiaroscuro hallway.

Ward enters the frame, starts unlocking his hotel room. He's just another monochrome shape in this monochrome place.

But then there’s May entering the shot at the far end of the hallway, and her motion and his turning to look at her frames her monochrome shape in this nice little white triangle between him and her door.

And there’s a tasty little rack focus that pulls the instant she passes in front of the door, making sure our attention is on her and the little white label of her bottle that really pops in the sea of black.

By this point in time, we’ve been shown, graphically, intimately, a dark shadow in his past, and we’ve been shown the physical and emotional toll its taken on him (an insight provided by the magic alien macguffin, btw).  We haven’t been told anything, we experienced his experiences with him via the power of cinema.  Her specific trauma is still a mystery at this point, but we’ve been given enough information to understand and appreciate its effects on her character.  So not only can we sympathize with Ward now, we can sympathize with his empathy for May in this moment.  

She catches him looking.

I mentioned micro expressions and screenshots do not do these performances justice.  How does one catch in a single frame the millisecond that an eyebrow ticks in asking a silent question?

Typical for her, May’s answer is also communicated through body language.

From that canted, inviting look, we pan down as she unlocks her door and enters.  She passes through the frame and disappears inside, after giving us a reminder that her plans are to apply alcohol to her issues.  (Remember that Ward turned down Skye’s invitation at a bar of all places)

Oh, and what has our framing left us to contemplate?  Is that a bed I see in there?  (Remember that Ward turned down Skye’s invitation)  Let me point out that this shot of just the bed after May walks by is on screen by itself for maybe a fraction of a second.  Just a suggestion of a thing, really.

Ward contemplates.

I love returning to this shot because it’s literally the same set up, and my instant reaction is that it’s another insert, a POV shot, and I fully expect to return to the single shot on Ward to discover his decision the second he makes it.

INSTEAD.  Ward walks immediately into THIS FRAME, too, black-shape-on-white-shape in the same way May was introduced to this scene.  And we stay here as he closes the door behind him ...

Letting us know everything we need to know without a single word needing to be spoken.

Another fraction of a frame dwelling on that shot and then immediately fade to black.  Credits.  Show’s over, folks.

And not that there’s any particular meaning in it, but they were super careful to minimize what colors were allowed to appear in this sequence?  Like there’s a particular sort of green in that weird armchair, which sort of matches the green-glass of her bottle.  And there’s the red of the fire alarm fixtures which more or less matches the red of his, y’know, fresh facial wounds.  EVERYTHING else (other than, I guess, their skin tones) falls somewhere along the white-black spectrum.  NICE.  BEAUTIFUL.  I LIKE IT A LOT.

And the Netflix synopsis for this episode is “In the aftermath of the events chronicled in the feature film Thor: the Dark World, Coulson and the S.H.I.E.L.D. team try to pick up the pieces.”  1) I’m realizing that they literally go around picking up pieces of the rage-stick and that’s hilarious but mostly I mean to say 2) this MCU-tie-in episode could have met the brief being as vapid and non-impactful as that blurb makes it sound.  But it took the opportunity to open up its characters for us to see their gooey insides, and hell they picked two of the best characters to dig into for this one, considering Ward’s tragic backstory plays as both a misdirect and actual inciting incident for his betrayal of SHIELD, and May’s tragic backstory feeds a couple of B-plots this season as well as being the major catalyst for a lot what happens in season FOUR.  SEASON FOUR, PEOPLE.  THE SEEDS ARE WAY BACK HERE IN SEASON ONE.

REMEMBER HOW THESE CHARACTERS WERE INTRODUCED THOUGH??  I DO, I JUST WATCHED THE PILOT LIKE YESTERDAY.  WE MEET WARD FULLY ENSCONCED IN HIS GUISE OF SHIELD BADASS SUPERSTAR; HE IS LITERALLY ASKED TO EXPLAIN WHAT SHIELD MEANS TO HIM, AND WE GET TO HEAR THE FIRST OF HIS MANY LIES.  WE MEET MAY IN HER OWN PERSONALLY-DESIGNED WHITE-COLLAR HELL, TURNING COULSON’S OFFER DOWN THE SECOND SHE HEARS HIS VOICE BECAUSE SHE’D RATHER STAPLE DOCUMENTS FOR ETERNITY THAN BE OUT IN THE FIELD WHERE SHE CAN MAKE ANOTHER MISTAKE LIKE THE ONE SHE CAN’T FORGIVE HERSELF FOR.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  This show knows how to weave a character-driven story, and it’s done it for six seasons straight, juggling constantly evolving -- grounded, nuanced, impactful -- character arcs with the external factors (Thor: The Dark World, for one) that force certain narrative decisions.

(until they decide to ignore those factors altogether, lol, I’m looking at you, season 5, you wacky maverick you)

#agents of shield #aos #the well #grant ward #melinda may #a long rant about things I love #it's nice to rant about positive things for a change

[sasukerevolution]

Any chance you have a list of Naruto episodes that mainly focus on Sasuke? I kinda want to rewatch, but only remember the arc with Sasuke vs 5 kage/Dei/Ita/Danzo.

Not right on hand, no, but I can comb through and let you know which parts I tend to watch when I miss him! You only listed eps from Shippuden but I’ll include original series anyway ^^ I organized this by arc; beginning part has my commentary and then just a list after. I bolded the ones I actually do rewatch a ton.

This got really long so here’s a tl;dr for the parts I recall/can be bothered to find and the rest is under the cut.

ORIGINAL SERIES: 3-5, 6-8, 10-15, 16, 19, 22, 24, 28-30, 33, 39, 66-68, 75-76, 81-85, 101, 107-110, 128-135.

NARUTO SHIPPUDEN: 1, 51-53, 113-114, 115-118, 121-126, 135-beginning of 139, 140-141, 143-144, 152, 202-203, 204, 208-211, 212-216, 220, 331, 333, 334-335, 337-339, 341, 366, 370, 373, 474-479.

ORIGINAL SERIES

Prologue - Land of Waves

There’s pretty decent focus on him for the first part basically up until he passes out in the Forest of Death. Episodes I like to rewatch a lot for Sasuke specifically are 3-5, and 16, which is where Sasuke sacrifices himself protecting Naruto (I usually prefer to read the Zabuza arc bc I feel like the battles drag out too long in the anime). A more comprehensive list would probably be like… 3-7 (one of Sasuke’s first battles with the Demon Brothers is there), I really don’t like watching Zabuza’s battle with Kakashi in the anime but episode 8 has Naruto and Sasuke tag-teaming to help free him, episode 11 and maybe (?) 10 have Sasuke and Naruto eating a lot and training and etc., and then 12-16 cover Sasuke fighting Haku and Naruto eventually showing up to help. Sasuke wakes up and they ask Kakashi some insightful questions in 19.

3-5, 6-8, 10-15, 16, 19 

Chuunin Exams & Konoha Crush

I don’t really rewatch this one a ton but episode 22 is the Rock Lee Beats Sasuke’s Ass ep, 24 is the Sasuke Figures Out You’re Supposed to Cheat on the Chuunin Exams Test ep which I enjoy personally but also don’t really watch a lot, 28-30 for the Sasuke vs Orochimaru stuff in the Forest of Death, 33 for Sasuke going sicko mode on the Sound ninja, 39 for Sasuke using Lee’s jutsu to beat that one guy’s ass in the prelims, 66-68 is Sasuke vs Gaara but I don’t rewatch this a lot and prefer reading it in the manga bc the anime drags it out way too much imo, I actually don’t rewatch their confrontation in the forest much either but I think (???) it’s eps 75 & 76.

22, 24, 28-30, 33, 39, 66-68, 75-76

Search for Tsunade

I watch 81-85 a lot. That’s where Itachi returns to the Village and we get our first real bit of insight into Sasuke’s past– this is usually one of the first things I’ll rewatch when I’m missing Sasuke. He’s in a coma for the rest of the arc, though. I also watch 101 which is the Kakashi’s mask filler ep and doesn’t really focus on Sasuke particularly but it’s fun watching him freak out.

81-85, 101

Sasuke Recovery Mission

107-110 cover Naruto and Sasuke’s rooftop fight and Sasuke making up his mind to leave the Village. A lot of things about this piss me off a lot lol so I actually don’t rewatch a lot. 128-135 is Sasuke and Naruto’s battle at the Valley of the End. There’s a lot of Uchiha lore embedded here and I like his fight with Naruto so I rewatch this battle a lot.

107-110, 128-135

I don’t watch any of the filler after this.

So to summarize, the Sasuke parts of original series that I can recall are: 3-5, 6-8, 10-15, 16, 19, 22, 24, 28-30, 33, 39, 66-68, 75-76, 81-85, 101, 107-110, 128-135.

NARUTO SHIPPUDEN 

Kazekage Rescue Mission

The first episode teases Sasuke’s later return and is also just generally nostalgic if you’re into that. I also just like the opening for this arc lol.

1

Tenchi Bridge Reconnaissance Mission

Sasuke’s first appearance in part two and his reunion with Naruto are episodes 51-53. I don’t rewatch these a lot mainly just because I rewatched them all the time when I was 14 and got bored of it.

51-53

Itachi’s Pursuit Mission/Master’s Prophecy and Vengeance

Finally good stuff. Episodes 113-114 cover Sasuke killing Orochimaru– I prefer reading this in the manga to watching it so I don’t actually rewatch it a lot. In 115 Sasuke picks up Suigetsu and the episode is a bunch of filler stuff that wasn’t in the manga but it’s fun so I rewatch that one a lot. 116-118 are where he picks up Karin and Juugo and forms Taka which is *chef kiss* golden content. 121-122 are Taka looking for Itachi… I find this stuff kinda boring so I don’t rewatch it so much unless I’m in a particular mood. 123-126 cover Sasuke’s battle with Deidara, which is awesome, but I prefer reading it in the manga, and Taka taking care of him, which is very cute… 135-138 and the beginning of 139 are Sasuke’s battle against Itachi, which is also golden content that I rewatch a lot (though admittedly I tend to just type “Sasuke vs Itachi” into YouTube and watch it there than actually watch the episodes for some reason). 140-141 are Sasuke finding out the truth about the Uchiha clan– I think along with episodes 81-84 in the original series and Sasuke vs Danzou these are the episodes I rewatch the absolute most. 143-144 are Sasuke and Taka joining the Akatsuki– 144 specifically is the Taka vs Killer Bee fight which I watch a lot. 

113-114, 115-118, 121-126, 135-beginning of 139, 140-141, 143-144

Pein’s Assault/The Two Saviours

If I recall correctly, episode 152 is where Sasuke speechifies at Tobi and tells him he doesn’t care if people see him as childish, he wants to destroy the Leaf, blah blah. This speech is real good but I tend to read it in the manga– I’ll bold it anyway though because I read it a ton.

152

Five Kage Summit/The Assembly of the Five Kage

You mentioned this one in the original ask but since we’ve come this far anyway I’ll say the parts I like. I love this arc, it’s definitely one of my favourites in the entire series. I think 202 is where Sasuke fights all the Samurai, 203 is where Sasuke meets Gaara again and they fight (lmfao I opened the episode on Crunchyroll to check that I’m thinking of the right one and look where I stopped last time)

Maybe I like SasuGaa? Anyway, in 204 Sasuke ditches Taka to go after Danzou, then Danzou vs Sasuke and Sasuke’s betrayal of Karin is 208-211, which I mentioned above is among the like, top three things I watch the most when I’m missing Sasuke, along with Itachi vs Sasuke in both original series and Shippuden. 212-216 are Team Seven finding Sasuke again and Sakura trying to kill him and Naruto and Sasuke talking to each other in their heads and blah blah… the only part of this I tend to watch a lot is Sasuke’s interaction with Kakashi because I find this part really annoying. In 220 Sasuke gets eye surgery.

202-203, 204, 208-211, 212-216, 220

Fourth Shinobi World War: Climax/The Great Ninja War - Sasuke and Itachi

Crunchyroll’s not super great about breaking the next parts into seasons and I’m lazy so I’m basically just gonna talk about the rest of the war arc. I know it’s a million parts long but I just think of it all as “The War Arc” anyway.

Sasuke’s out cold recovering from surgery from most of the beginning of the War arc and doesn’t wake up til 331 (there’s also good Taka content in this ep– Suigetsu and Juugo looking for Sasuke, and Karin breaking out of jail). He catches up with Itachi in 333 - I rewatch this one a lot but I’m more likely to reread it. 334-335 is Sasuke and Itachi vs Kabuto, and 336 is too but it’s more Kabuto-focused. Focus comes back to Sasuke and Itachi for 337-339– and 339 is where Itachi says the “I will love you forever” line. I rewatch that episode a ton. In 341, he meets up again with Suigetsu and Juugo and brings back Orochimaru– I tend to reread this a lot in the manga but not watch it. 366-370 are when he gets Orochimaru to bring back the Hokage, but most of it is Hashirama talking, so the Sasuke-focused ones are 366 & 370 (I tend to rewatch this entire part a lot though because I love the Hashirama & Madara stuff). In 373 he joins back up with Team Seven and says he wants to be Hokage and blah blah blah. I think that’s basically the last episode of the anime I actually bother watching sometimes. I thought about combing for the Team Seven stuff where they’re fighting aliens and the prophecy and whatnot, but everything is really fucking scattered after this part and I tend to just skip around for Sasuke content in the manga because I can’t deal with the anime, especially because this is around where the anime famously released a new episode weekly for a year and only eight of those episodes weren’t filler. The Naruto vs Sasuke stuff is 474-479 and a whole metric ton of it is filler that makes me sick to my stomach so I never watch it, but I figured I’d mention it anyway.

331, 333, 334-335, 337-339, 341, 366, 370, 373, ?????????, 474-479

So to summarize, the Sasuke parts of original series that I can recall/bother looking for are: 1, 51-53, 113-114, 115-118, 121-126, 135-beginning of 139, 140-141, 143-144, 152, 202-203, 204, 208-211, 212-216, 220, 331, 333, 334-335, 337-339, 341, 366, 370, 373, 474-479 (which you couldn’t pay me to rewatch).

I love recapping so, tl;dr:

ORIGINAL SERIES: 3-5, 6-8, 10-15, 16, 19, 22, 24, 28-30, 33, 39, 66-68, 75-76, 81-85, 101, 107-110, 128-135.

SHIPPUDEN: 1, 51-53, 113-114, 115-118, 121-126, 135-beginning of 139, 140-141, 143-144, 152, 202-203, 204, 208-211, 212-216, 220, 331, 333, 334-335, 337-339, 341, 366, 370, 373, 474-479.

Happy watching!

#sasuke #naruto #naruto shippuden #a guide to only caring about sasuke uchiha #lmfao #ramblings #Anonymous #anon: do you have a list #me: i guess i do now

[reconhq]

Do you have any advice for someone who wants to make a (very LGBTA positive) webseries of her own?.

oh boy! I sure do. I’ve actually been on a couple other projects other than Recon, all after the first season was written & mostly after the first season was shot, and ya girl has learned a lot because of and since season 1!

i am so sorry but this is going to be SO long. i am kinda obsessed with web series & digital content and it’s my actual professional career now so just… get ready. sorry 😅 i’ll add a TLDR at the end.

(p.s. this is just advice from me, Emma, and not the rest of the Recon team who may have different/additional advice, maybe someone will add on after the holidays) 

write your bible before anything! depending on if you’re co-creating or just co-producing/writing, this should be done before you bring on additional folks. if you’re co-creating, this is obviously a collaborative process. when i created recon, i did it on my own. i pitched the original idea to some dear friends (one of whom makes a cameo as a security guard in ep 20!) and got their opinions, adapted from their advice, and once i had a solid format, main character, and general plot, i started on the bible. it took probably a month of fucking around before i felt ready to write a bible. 

the basic components of a bible are a log line, short season overview, character breakdowns for your characters (mine are ~paragraph or two for main characters, with shorter ones for less central characters), a summary of the show’s main themes, genre and tones, and the format of the show (if you’re mapping out multiple seasons, it may be relevant to do this for each season as well as the overall show), as well as the most important part of your bible– the episode breakdowns. i’ll touch on those in a minute. 

i do all my original brainstorming on paper, because i am adhd as fuck and it’s easier for me. your bible isn’t the place to brainstorm. separate them out. not saying you have to write on paper, but have a separate doc for brainstorming so the formatting for your bible can be easy to follow. 

if you’re co-producing or having someone else produce your work, it makes sense to have your co-producer or producer right there with you as you work on your bible to give feedback. does this mean they’re writing it? no. is it useful as hell? yes. 

my partner-in-creative-crime justice and i tend to share bibles and brainstorm docs with each other when we’re working together on a project. depending on which roles we’re playing on each project (e.g., i’m producing his podcast COSMIC under our company name but not co-creating or writing, so i mostly gave notes on his bible. we’re also working on a series called Inked, and we’re more like co-creators there, so we both write in the doc.)

your bible is the holy doc of your show; it’s what you show to any writers, producers, designers, any creative working on your show so that everyone is on the same page. it is your main reference and guiding light through the whole season; make it clear, organized, and as easy to read as possible. i personally use google docs for my bibles, and use the hell out of the outline function. highly recommend, but everyone has their own system.

break your ENTIRE story before before you write a single script, before you write your pilot, before anything. it’s part of your bible.

if you’re not super familiar with tv/screenwriting, breaking a story means figuring out the beats. the breakdown of reason s1 started as messy af writing on whiteboards, and turned into this:

this is absolutely not what your first outlines or final drafts will look like. we changed…. a ton while writing our scripts. you can see even in this sequence– episode 8 and 9 got blurred, and we barely touched on ava’s past because there wasn’t room. regardless, this doc & breakdown served as the basis for all our writers and kept us all on roughly the same page. when we disagreed, we could go back to this and sort it out from there! 

find your people. two roles were crucial to me when we made recon: a mentor, and collaborators. having good people behind me was so so important; i could have never done this on my own.

i got…….. so lucky with my mentor, bernie su. he not only gave me incredible advice, read scripts, and reviewed cuts, he purchased the damn show, accounting for 75% of our funding. i feel like it’s important for me to acknowledge the luck and privilege i have here: the show would not happened without him, and i only got that chance because i live in LA, went to USC, and applied for the right job at the right time. HOWEVER, aside from the funding that made recon possible, bernie’s expertise seriously helped. after principle photography, we were left feeling lackluster, and bernie gave me advice that led me to make changes that transformed the show. having someone with experience– whether in tv, film, web series, any sort of writing– is invaluable. 

while i created recon on my own, i did not develop or make it on my own. the episode breakdowns? half me, half other people (mainly justice lol). the look of the show? EP/DP christa, production designer amanda, graphic designer hal, and justice as costuming lead. i did not write season 1 on my own. i recruited friends from USC and even one from high school to write episodes i didn’t think i could do justice (no pun intended). 

once you’ve found your people, trust them. there will obviously be cases where you disagree enough with someone’s creative opinions that you shouldn’t, but except in extreme cases, trust your people. try to only chose people you trust in the first place. letting go was so so so hard, but many of the best parts of recon happened because i got over myself and trusted my cast and crew. episode 16, player vs player, was justice’s baby, and i almost didn’t let him roll with the animations because i was too nervous. holy fuck, i’m so glad i trusted him. same with reflections (ep 15), written by my now-fiancé, which no one else could have written. hal was a bit unsure going in, but the episode is phenomenal. my production designer’s choices were amazing, and i had little to do with them other than being like “yes that is so cool let’s do it”

seriously. trust your people. watching bernie on artificial & emma approved trust us, his crew of mostly 20-somethings, with creative decisions taught me a huge lesson. i was 19 when he hired me, 19 when he bought the show, and he actually fucking trusted me and the rest of his team to do things. my initial reaction was what the fuck, but it worked. it also let him focus on the big picture while giving us the space we needed to feel creatively and emotionally fulfilled. trust your people.

this also applies to your actors. we had a google drive specifically for our actors to throw up ideas/backstory for their characters, and we’d read through it and give feedback and contributions. it led to better performances and characters with more depth. we also met with actors where we could to discuss their ideas for directions for their characters– video game nerd taylor came from convos with joré. 

katiemichal and kat were just like, the same people as their characters, so there was less of this, but there is definitely value in casting the irl versions of your characters as them.

edit your episodes individually, then read through the WHOLE SEASON at once to edit. repeat that until you read it and it’s cohesive. 

keep track of your timeline and your canon, even canon that’s not explicit in the show. there’s so much recon lore that we kept to ourselves that informs several decisions in the first season. 

unless your character’s race/ethnicity (even gender) is a key part of their character or the show, cast with an open net. ava was originally a white girl name jody. ana, the actress who played her, originally auditioned for riley, and we changed the character’s entire backstory for her, which added an amazing dimension to the show we get to see in reflections (and an upcoming podcast shh). lesson fucking learned on my part– almost too late. don’t be like me.

ren, on the other hand, we were 100% sure was non-binary, and although we opened auditions to all genders, we specified from the start it was a non-binary character and we’d give priority to queer/nb actors. it was the right choice.

PRODUCTION DESIGN IS FUCKING IMPORTANT. cinematography is great, and we obviously focused on it a lot w the style of our show, but PD tells so much of your story without saying a word or taking up a second of airtime.

sound is the single most important thing on set. you can make an ugly shot work, ugly sound will bring people immediately out of the show and possibly abandon it. we fucked up scheduling for Punching Bag, and had to delay its release (it was originally episode 13, not 14), hire a sound editor, and put a goddamn disclaimer on it because we didn’t have time to get good sound because of our own mistakes. arguably my biggest regret of the season, because the script and acting for that episode is so good, and we low-key ruined it. GET GOOD SOUND. 

only exception to this is probably coverage and continuity; although those can be fudged a lil more. get a script supervisor or have your AD do it so you don’t miss anything crucial. always get your masters first. 

schedule more than you think you should. like, down to the 15-minute block. it won’t work, but it will work worse if you don’t. do your best to stay on schedule (hint: AD/producer on set)

trust your gut. this is your baby, and your choices should service the story you want to tell. let that be your north star, and while you should let your story evolve with time and the contributions of your cast and crew,  

TL;DR: write your bible & break your season first. find a team you trust, and trust them with their choices (both cast & crew). if you can, find a mentor/someone with experience to give advice. edit your show both as individual episodes and as a whole season, multiple times. continuity is crucial, backstory is crucial, coverage is crucial, scheduling is crucial. GET GOOD SOUND. and always keep sight of the story you want to tell.

i am so sorry. this is a fucking essay. 

#Web series #queer webseries #lgbtq web series #webseries #web series writing #lgbtq writers

[bakugaykatsukii]

I Talk About Bakugou Because I'm Bored

Bakugou. He's best boy. My son.

No, actually, I'mma explain in as few words as possible why I absolutely adore his character.

Oops this got long.

Okay, so it's the first chapter/episode (I'll go off the anime because it's practically identical and more widespread) and it opens with Deku narrating. This is to establish an immediate connection between the audience and the main protagonist; it conveys how important Deku is. Plenty of shows do this so it's not really a big deal, just common practise. HOWEVER, the second character we hear speak is Bakugou, who is insulting Deku.

This is framed in a way that's supposed to make us dislike him, and continues all throughout the first episode. He's presented as a four year old trying to beat up our main character, and then his next scene is being ten years older and Still Trying To Beat Up Our Main Character. This makes him seem rotten to the core, as his character hasn't changed whatsoever in that time, and as an audience we know very little information about him.

On top of that, within this first episode he is deliberately made to have no redeeming qualities, nothing that could make him sympathetic in any way. The Sludge Villain fiasco isn't until ep2, and in this one he literally tells Deku to kill himself, reaching peak middle school bully. He destroys something the Main Protagonist clearly treasures and is privelaged in every conceivable way, even his (later obviously intense) desire to be a hero is simplified to monetary gain, with "I'll be even richer than All Might himself!!!" (or something to that effect). Later on I'd explain such a line to be a result of young Baku trying to quantify his future success, something he never mentions again after the Sludge Villain.

In these first twenty minutes of the anime, he's been absolutely dragged through the mud. Not only is he this arrogant, selfish, mean bully, he's also the sort of bully we can all relate to having, making him even more dislikable! It's so easy for an audience to write him off as irredeemable almost immediately.

But then comes ep2. Seasoned anime watchers likely brush over some small details, but the fact that the Sludge Villain attack happens when Bakugou is 14? Wow. At this point no one likes him, and to many people seeing this happen could come across as a sort of karmic punishment, deserving and therefore less sympathetic. And so Horikoshi succeeds in continuing to make him dislikable but also adding depth to this character who so clearly believed he was invincible.

However, any such depth is pretty much ignored by the audience. I've watched many reactions, and, at this point, due to Bakugou's sub par personality, most people don't care about what happened upon first viewing. To be fair, it's treated as background until Deku steps in and proves himself a hero, at which point he's promised a quirk and That's all anyone can think about.

(also there's some symbolism in this ep because Bakugou and Deku were both attacked by the Sludge Villain and saved by All Might, showing they are actually equals in character and have a lot in common.)

Anyway, so for the first few episodes no one gives two shits about Bakugou because he's meant to be dislikable. He's set up to be as bad as possible without needing to be arrested/never being redeemable. Yet, he's also not clearly set up to be redeemed whatsoever. Let me explain:

Quick break from bnha to head over to atla, Zuko is the perfect redemption arc. And some of that can be attributed to his presentation in the first few episodes: where he's portrayed as antagonistic but still honourable, and has a tragic past. He's the sort of character you know isn't actually bad at heart. But Bakugou hasn't got any tragic back story to speak of, and certainly isn't honourable, so we don't expect a redemption.

That's so interesting to me, because it basically means his character could go in any direction but most shounen fans expect him to be the typical rival. He's mean now and will be mean later, nbd. Will probably betray Deku in order to gain more power. That sort of stuff.

But, as the first season progresses, we're shown that Bakugou (on top of all of his anger issues and cruelty) is also so incredibly determined, to the point where it's harmful. A lot of people, even in season three, expect him to accept the LoV's offer, but as early as ep7 he's shown to be dedicated to being the best on his own. He utterly fails at pretending to be a villain, and doesn't manage to work with his "villain" teammate. When the USJ attack rolls around, he fights alongside Deku.

I feel like I've just word babbled for a while so here's a picture:

Isn't that adorable? Anyway, I continue.

Okay, recap: Bakugou is presented initially as bad and in no way sympathetic, but throughout season one some of his good qualities do get highlighted.

The Sports Festival is probably when I was most on edge about who my favourite character was. Todoroki vs Deku vs Bakugou was a whole internal debate. We all know who eventually won though. Point is, this is the first time Bakugou is supposed to seem likeable.

Like, yes, he helped out at the USJ, but he was still reckless and angry about it. In this arc his flaws stop seeming so antagonistic (even though he's now more at odds with 1-A than he's ever been) and are framed humorously; if you think about it, the only times you're not rooting for Bakugou in this whole arc is when you're laughing at his antics. He stops seeming like a massive unforgivable bully and becomes a secondary threat behind Todoroki, even though he ultimately wins the Festival.

One of the first things he does in the season is tell people messing with their class go away, albeit bluntly, and is then complimented for it by Kirishima, who is the nicest guy in the class! No longer are we supposed to necessarily dislike him, as he's being developed after all of season 1. Him saying "I'm gonna win" as his speach is expected by the audience and laughed at- absolutely nobody watching was scared he'd hurt Deku in some terrible way due to it.

The cavalry battle demonstrates that he can work in a team after some adjustment time, and he gets his own antagonist (Monoma) who we all root against! This makes us closer to his character, as in a way we have a common enemy.

Then obviously the single battles are super interesting, his one against Uraraka especially turning people to his side. Since Aizawa, who as an audience we trust after his actions at the USJ, backs up Bakugou's actions, we accept them as the right thing to have done. Especially since Bakugou later calls Uraraka "not fragile", demonstrating that he can respect people and actually isn't as discriminatory as his earlier actions against Deku might lead one to believe. Everything about this fight is pure gold.

The rest of his fights are also very interesting, so let me go off on a little tangent. He's the only person to 1) be uninjured by the end of the festival (he did win tho so...) and 2) he's the only person to win all of his fights by forcing his opponent into submission. He knocks out Uraraka and Kirishima, goes to knock out Tokoyami but has him give up instead and then knocks out Todoroki! His fights are so much more violent than the others, who are primarily trying to win by pushing their opponent out of the ring or by immobilising them, which could make him come across as more aggressive (which he is). But it actually works for his character considering the way he demonstrates respect is by giving his all, therefore in order to show he cares about these fights he has to go for absolutely decimating the person against him.

Also, interesting side note to all that, out of our main three festival contenders, Bakugou is the only one who actually needs to use the festival for its intended purpose: impressing scouts. Todoroki, as the son of Endeavour, is already known throughout the hero community as a promising young talent, and could even get the No2 hero to coach him if he so wished. Deku even says himself that he doesn't necessarily need to get scouted when All Might is already teaching him. Out of the three Bakugou has the most incentive to actually show off here, no guilt/baggage required.

Anyway blah Stain arc blah. Bakugou picks Jeanist to intern with, which many might think makes him shallow. Their quirks are in no way similar and their images are almost diametrically opposing, and Bakugou only chose him because he's such a highly ranked hero. However, I believe the creators crafted this pairing in order to convey how good of a future hero Bakugou promises to be. BJ, in these episodes, is all talk. He's such a superficial hero that, in order to rectify Bakugou's foul personality, he gives him a haircut. He demonstrates the arrogant nature that Stain hates so much. Meanwhile, Bakugou ignores him and is still arrogant in his own way, obviously, but not for anything other than his own pride. He, when you break it down, spends all of his time working towards a genuinely good goal, just to prove to himself that he's worthy- no desire for fans or fame in there, he wants success but isn't actually looking for any of the perks that come with it. This, imo, makes him better than BJ. Also, Bakugou never actually says he is working with BJ due to his rank and could be doing it because their quirks botha require so much time, practice and effort.

Okay, so, now for the final exams. This is where I decided he was my favourite. He works with Deku etc and proves to the audience that he can work with him and won't necessarily become a villain, plus All Might lets loose a little and proves he too can be violent and mean.

What I really love is about ep24 s2 is actually the bit that makes a lot of people chuckle: where Bakugou bites AM's hand. This kid has been giving his absolute all, putting every ounce of strength into beating his idol, because, lbh, his self worth depends on his success here, until he literally cannot raise his arms to punch anymore. And yet, he still refuses to go down, despite every odd against him. Something about that tenacity is just so incredible to me.

It's almost 1am, let's have another break, shall we?

Idk I thought it was funny when it came onto my dash.

Btw, it's now I wish I knew how to hide most of a post lololol.

Season three is just Baku's season, ngl. Like,,, so many of his Stans got their start here, and it's not hard to tell why. A big reason why Bakugou felt irredeemable was because he had no reason to be so mean, but the narrative makes up for that by then putting him through so many bad experiences.

There's been a million metas on why he's so perfect in this season, and this is already abhorrently long, but ah well.

Okay so he's captured by the League through no fault of his own. As the audience when we find out Bakugou is missing we immediately think he's done the dumb thing and gone off on his own, but it's quickly revealed that he's already been kidnapped. Tokoyami is also taken, cementing that the LoV are looking for kids with some villainous feature, but also showing that their perception of what makes a child villainous is skewed, since we know Tokoyami is good.

At the hideout Baku is entirely restrained and silent, so clearly against his will. If we remember every other time he's been restrained (so goddamn many) we'll think back to the Sludge Villain, finding out Deku had a quirk, after his *win* against Todoroki and his internship with BJ. In this way, it's obvious to tell that this is all a Bad experience for him, as those were all very negative times in his life. There's no way he'll join them.

None of the pros even consider it a possibility. Aizawa defends him against the press (and, once again, we like Aizawa! So we trust him) and none of his classmates think he could be evil, they're all primarily concerned for his safety. Even BJ, who insinuated that Baku could easily become a villain, doesn't appear to believe he'll turn down that path.

Also Baku is pretty cool when he fights of the villain like I'm ngl.

And then, when he sees All Might? And his face screws up? With his lip trembling? It's undercut with a joke but he's so obviously just a scared/relieved kid in that moment and it's gut wrenching to remember that.

It's really getting late and I'm at 11% here so speed round through the provisional licence exam.

He can tell Shindou is two faced

Even though he's blunt he's still got the instincts and smarts of a hero

The class looks up to him

Aizawa has a lot of favouritism for this child, y'all, how did I not notice this?

His failure here is intrinsic to his character growth as it means he hits absolute rock bottom and we can move onto:

Deku Vs Kacchan 2

Where to even start. The guilt and pain he experiences has made me tear up several times just from thinking about them, and that GODDAMN VOICE CRACK AS HE YELLS nope it hurts too bad.

It's sort of the culmination of every emotional issue Bakugou has exhibited throughout the series. He can't find self worth without constant praise and pressures himself to be unimaginably perfect, to a self destructive point. He has no support system in place to help him with these issues. His anger stops being repetitive/funny/annoying and is finally, clearly shown to be more damaging to himself than to anyone else, as he feels the only way he can deal with his stress and hurt is by lashing out at those who try to help him.

In this fight we also learn why Deku, even though he's Baku's victim, still looks up to him so much. And the whole dynamic is so perfect I might cry rn.

I am annoyed, though, that further than that Baku's mental health has been pretty much entirely ignored for 200 manga chapters. Probably my only complaint about him.

.

.

.

At an entirely selfish level, I can relate to Bakugou. Obviously I'm not a teenage boy with explosion powers who bullies people in order to feel any self worth, but the high standards for himself? The pain at any failures? Being told through childhood how great you are only for it to be torn away in your teens? That's all so painfully relatable to me, and so I feel an even deeper connection with his character.

One last picture to finish off:

#LONG POST #bnha #Bnha meta #Meta #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #my thoughts #katsuki bakugou #bakugo #bakugou #bakugou kidnapping #Bakugou meta #Mha #My hero academia #Mha meta #Bakugou katsuki #I didn't even mention Mitsuki WOW #Ngl it's too long a post #bnha bakugou #bnha bakugō #mha bakugou

[junker-town]

Andre Drummond on breaking up with the Pistons, being the best rebounder ever, and his new rap album

Cavaliers center Andre Drummond.

A career-spanning Q&A with the Cavaliers center.

Heading into the 2019-20 season, Andre Drummond’s NBA career was metronomic. Just 26 years old, the two-time all-star had spent seven seasons with the Detroit Pistons as, for better or worse, a model of consistency.

Before the season ended, Drummond’s relatively calm NBA journey was flipped upside down when Detroit traded him to Cleveland for John Henson, Brandon Knight, and a second-round pick. He only played two games with the Cavaliers before head coach John Beilein was let go. Then Covid-19 shutdown the NBA.

Since, Drummond has donated $160K to support Cavaliers arena staff and healthcare workers, while also helping supply over 10,000 headphones to schools in the Cleveland and Detroit areas. Drummond has also spent almost all of his free time working on his second album, which is set to release on May 1.

In a phone interview with SB Nation, Drummond spoke about his whirlwind season, his upcoming album, why he’s the best rebounder who ever lived, and so much more.

This interview has been edited for clarity.

SB NATION: Where are you right now?

ANDRE DRUMMOND: Miami. We’ve got some family down here.

SB: What has the past month or so felt like, having to adjust to a totally new routine?

AD: The past few weeks, it’s been crazy. Just not doing anything, locked in the house and really not knowing what’s going on. So I think the unknown is probably the most crazy thing for me right now. I’m getting a ton of time to spend with my family, which is really good for me. Obviously you don’t normally get to spend so much time with loved ones, so that’s been good. But other than that it’s kind of just a waiting game right now.

SB: Are you following the latest developments with the season, whether it’ll come back or not?

AD: I’ve seen different things and gotten memos and things like that but it’s still all up in the air.

SB: Can you describe an average day from sunup to sun down?

AD: Seven in the morning I’m awake, I ride my Accell bike. Then I’ll do some workouts with my best friend. We use gallons of water as weights. So we use those to workout a little bit outside. Then the rest of the day I’m sitting here listening to beats and writing songs.

SB: How hard is it to stay in shape?

AD: For me it hasn’t been difficult at all. Like I said, I have the bike here and a pretty long runway in the back of my house as well, where I can go right outside. So it’s not that hard to stay in shape.

SB: Do you have access to a hoop?

AD: No, I don’t, actually.

SB: When was the last time you touched a basketball?

AD: Whenever our last practice was in Cleveland.

SB: A few players have said that. Would you have participated in ESPN’s televised HORSE competition a couple weeks back if someone asked you to?

AD: Yeah I would’ve did it.

SB: I saw you were shooting threes in Cleveland towards the end of the season.

AD: Yeah, letting them go.

SB: How would you describe the year you had before the season ended?

AD: I think it was going well. I was playing really well, added a few things to my game. Obviously the three-point shot is something I’ve been working on, and I showcased it this season a lot more. The trade obviously happened so we’re all aware of that. It was definitely a different environment and a different feel. But I’m definitely enjoying it so far. [The Cavaliers] did a great job getting me adjusted, getting me acclimated to the city and the team, and it’s been really fun. It’s just kinda sad that I didn’t get a chance to finish the year out with them.

SB: You said something this year that caught my eye: “I think I’m definitely the best ever when it comes to rebounding. I don’t think there’s anybody who’s even remotely close to the things I’ve done when it comes to [rebounding].” When did you first think that?

AD: I’ve always thought that about myself. I’ve just never been vocal about it. I’ll never put another man before myself. I’m always gonna think I’m the best. Even if I’m wrong I’m still gonna say that I’m right. I’m still gonna find a way to try and prove it.

SB: Did you catch any flack for that statement?

AD: No, I mean, everybody has their opinion. I don’t really read into it.

SB: Throughout your entire career you’ve been one of steadiest, most durable players in the league. But then the year you’ve had would feel bumpy for any player. First you’re in trade rumors with the Atlanta Hawks. Then you’re dealt without any forewarning from the Pistons — as you tweeted — and sent to a lottery-bound Cavs team with a loaded frontcourt. You play just two games for John Beilien before the team lets him go. What was the strangest part of it all for you?

AD: I just think that two-week span, with all those things happening. Just between the trade, and Coach B getting [fired] and then all of this happening. It’s just a crazy stretch. You just gotta let it happen. There’s not much you can do. You can’t fight what happened. I just try to be the best professional I can and try to help my team win.

SB: I assume some of you wanted to stay in Detroit for the rest of your career, but was there ever any part that said “Hey, maybe this breakup is the best for the both of us? We didn’t really have any postseason success and weren’t showing progress.” Where was your head before the trade happened?

AD: For me it was just a part of the game, a part of the business, and I just happened to be falling into it, so it was definitely a different experience for me. Do I have any hard feelings for Detroit? No. Do I have anything negative to say about it? No. Because at the end of the day that was home for me. And they’ve always been good to me, so I have nothing negative to say about that. I’m in Cleveland now so that’s all I can worry about now.

SB: I know there’s obviously a lot more important things going on but have you thought about your own future, and where you’re leaning with the player option in your contract?

AD: For me I haven’t really thought too deep into my next decision yet because obviously we can’t really do anything yet.

SB: I know you just said you’re spending more time with family during this downtime, but are you doing anything else now that you otherwise wouldn’t be able to do?

AD: I’ve really taking the time to work on music and finish my album so that’s been the biggest thing I’ve been working on thus far. Spending time with my family, getting to see my daughter down here. That’s really about it.

SB: When you say “working on your album” can you be a little more specific?

AD: More time to write. More time to really sit down and pick what kind of beat I want to use instead of just picking a random one and going in. I’ve taken my time with it and think it’s gonna be really good.

SB: How many songs have you already recorded?

AD: I’ve done 14 in less than a week.

SB: Do you have a release date?

AD: May 1.

SB: You put out an EP in 2018 called FYI. I believe your new record is called FYI 2. What are some differences between the two?

AD: The first one was just my coming-out party. Me sharing that I do make music and I take this seriously and I’ve taken the time to really perfect my craft. That was obviously my first project and what I thought was really good. And when I listen to it now, I’ve come a long way. My sound, my beat choices and my lyrics. So I’m excited to share the new version of me.

FYI was all over the place with beat choices and more just having fun with it. Just trying to get a project out to let the world know. But now the process I took with FYI 2 is more in depth, and the meaning behind the songs are definitely more meaningful because they actually come from a place.

SB: When did you first know that you wanted to make music and actually put out a project?

AD: I’ve been making music since 2013 and I had over 2,500 songs I’ve made. Those were all just trial-and-error songs. And over time I kept making more and more. Some of the songs from my project in 2018, I made in 2013, 2014, so those were some songs I made a while back and decided to put out.

SB: Do you write your own lyrics, and if so how long does it take to put a song together?

AD: For me, it doesn’t take too long. Once you get me out of my seat when I hear a beat, then it’ll be a good day, but there’s always days where I’ll go through beats and say ‘this doesn’t sound too good’ but I’ll listen to it anyways. It’ll take me maybe an hour to come up with an entire song. Sometimes I just go in and start making the melody and start placing the words while I’m in the booth. I don’t even write it.

SB: Who helps in the collaboration process? Are people just sending you beats?

AD: I have my team of people that I bring with me to the studio. The beat-picking process is pretty easy. I have a wide variety of beats from different producers all over the world. You know it’s just whatever I come up with, whatever idea I come up, we’ll hear a beat and start shooting ideas. It’s a really fun process. I just started working with Rico Beats, Pop Smoke’s producer. RIP to Pop Smoke. Other than that I used a beat from Gigahurtz, he’s out of Portland.

SB: Dame Lillard and Iman Shumpert are two NBA players who’ve shown legitimate ability as rappers, too. But sonically I wouldn’t really throw you in that same category. Is it fair to say your sound isn’t like theirs?

AD: No, I’m more commercial.

SB: [Laughs]

AD: That’s not even a knock against them! I’m just not a rapper [laughs]. That’s not me. I don’t have a rapper’s mentality. I don’t have that sound. When you hear them rap it sounds good. Whenever I rap … that’s just not my sound.

SB: Which musician out there would you compare yourself to, if you were telling someone who’s never heard your music before about it and wanted to get an idea of what it was like?

AD: I just have my own sound. I don’t think anybody should compare themselves to anybody.

SB: A couple years ago you said in an interview that Jay Z, Biggie, Tupac, Nas and Kanye were your five favorite rappers. It’s strange for me to call someone who has those five on their list an old soul but I also feel like there aren’t too many people in their mid-20’s who’d have that type of list. Has it changed? Is anybody new catching your eye?

AD: That’s still my top five. That’s just the music I listened to growing up. I love the way they rap. I love their music. And I love what they were talking about, which drew me to them. There’s all kinds of stuff [being played] in my house so it depends on who’s the DJ that day. We were listening to Afrobeats yesterday. [I listen to my own music] all the time.

SB: I read that Candy Rain is your jumpoff record as a DJ. You’re 26. How is this possible?

AD: That was my go-to! [Laughter]. Whenever I felt like the crowd was dying I was like ‘let me go to the 90s real quick.’

SB: When did you start DJing?

AD: I started in college actually. I didn’t really take it seriously until I got to the NBA, when I could afford a DJ set. I’d use the DJ set at the bars. When I got to the NBA I started DJing for real and had a lot of fun doing it.

SB: Have you thought about starting your own Club Quarantine?

AD: I’m actually planning on starting something really, really soon. Probably in the next week or so. I’ll start getting on Instagram Live and start DJing. Look out for Drummond Quarantine Radio!

I have my equipment in storage. I just have to get it. I don’t know how many records I have, there’s a huge box full of them. Maybe a little less than 100. It’s hip-hop, and some oldies that my mom gave me.

SB: On your new album, are there any guest stars people might know?

AD: Yeah but I can’t say them. We all agreed on a day when we’re gonna announce that.

SB: Do you know what day?

AD: I will not tell you that either [laughs]. You just have to wait and see.

[scratchtheblock]

New Post has been published on SCRATCHTHEBLOCK

New Post has been published on http://scratchtheblock.com/behind-the-project-every-eye-by-ivan-ave/

BEHIND THE PROJECT: EVERY EYE BY IVAN AVE

We never get tired of saying it: behind a dope record , there’s always a solid work of a brilliant producer!

Today for our column named Behind The Project , we focus our attention on one of the most interesting albums of the year recorded by an european rapper that made a splash overseas (a rare case in the history of hip-hop). We’re talking about the microphone master Ivan Ave, a Telemark,Norway emcee whose career is  exponentially growing through a series of compelling projects and outstanding collaborations.  At scratchtheblock.com , we love to fuck with Ave’s signature mellow rhymes and we often give a spin to records like Helping Hands or Low Jams but the exciting galaxy of Ivan Ave music also gave us the opportunity to get familiar with the rest of his crew , Mutual Intentions , a fleet of creative minds that includes super-producer (and Ave frequent collaborator) Fredfades,Yogisoul,Ol’Burger Beats,Jawn Rice and SRAW, among others.We’re going to scout Ivan Ave last effort entitled Every Eye in order to get familiar with the producers involved .

MNDSGN

Ringgo Ancheta aka Mndsgn is one of the most innovative and gifted hip-hop producers of the moment, in particular his eclectic sound made a strong impact in the Los Angeles area.  The Stones Throw affiliate recently teamed up with Los Angeles based Alima Jennings creating a new and fresh imprint named Akashik Records (which houses acts like Joyce Wrice,Koreatown Oddity,Nanna.B and B.Cool-Aid).  Mndsgn has left his fingerprints on Every Eye producing and co-producing 8 out of 14 tracks, confirming the good chemestry with Ave, whose laid-back flow perfectly feet the dirty and gritty soul vibes .

   DAM-FUNK

Damon “Dam-Funk” Riddick is a renowned musician, vocalist, and producer from Pasadena. Riddick particular ability to reinterpret da funk music with a distinctive and remarkable modern approach , led him to collaborate with a wide range of artists: Snoop Dogg,Daz Dillinger,MED,Blu,Mac Miller,Tyler The Creator just to name a few. Da supa-fonky act put his hands on the track entitled Steaming working behind the boards with another phenomenon, Kaytranada. The final result of the fruitful collaboration is an intergalactic sound and we bet you’ll have a real blast listening to it!

    DJ HARRISON

We met Virginia superb musician and trained producer DJ Harrison when we wrote da Behind The Project for the neo-soul masterpiece TigallErro . Producer, engineer, drummer, pianist, bassist, and guitarist  , Mr. Harrison impressed us with his musical vision and clever prowess to absorb different styles of music encompassing jazz,soul,blues,hip-hop,r&b,neo-soul. Harrison art of sampling through an organic process with live instruments represents another interesting quality of this incredible artist. DJ Harrison co-produced Fast Forward with Mndsgn and co-produced Jellylude and One Eye (our favorite track of the album) along side Sir Froderick. Recently DJ Harrison released an instrumental project under Stones Throw entitled HazyMoods

SIR FRODERICK

If you dive into Philly hip-hop producer Sir Froderick‘s Bandcamp catolog , you will enrapture by his head-nodding beats that flirts with sample-based rhythms,breakbeats,jazz and funk. Known also as Didaflo? , Froderick dropped last month da majestic instrumental project Rachel’s Suffering At The Hands Of The Sentinels. Sir Froderick and DJ Harrison cooked a collaborative work in 2015 called Songs About H.E.R under the moniker Sons Of Frod that includes Bassed Eyes and Bokchoy reintroduced for Every Eye tracks Jellylude and One Eye .

    FREDFADES

Ivan Ave longstanding partner-in-crime , Fredfades earning our respect churning out impressive productions and albums, unveiling a strong penchant for jazz sonorities, interesting leitmotiv of his works. Jazz Cats , a stunning album recorded with the help of  jazz trumpeter Kristoffer Eikrem is a clear example of Fredfades passion for “the marriage” between hip-hop and jazz. Fredfades produced the track George Duke (another superlative bomb!!) and co-produced Squint featuring Kristoffer Eikrem.This summer Fred’ dropped the well-appointed LP Warmth via King Underground label

    KIEFER SHACKELFORD

Running Shoes and Old Eye are two pieces co-produced by San Diego-born musician/producer Kiefer . This dude literally intrigued us with his capability to paint vivid pictures through his supa-soulful notes that exude a jazz background and love for the king Jay Dee. Kiefer is paving the way for his success , unveiling excellent skills and an extraordinary musical vision as you can realize listening to his debut acclaimed LP Kickinit Alone released via Los Angeles label  Leaving Records

    YOGISOUL

Yogisoul co-produced Old Eye. Grew up in a small town near Oslo, Yogi is another interesting member of Mutual Intentions crew.He described his music as 

an hotchpotch of vinyl samples, dusty rhodes chops, thick layered basslines and unquantized crispy drums. 

Last year Yogi released his debut work entitled By Nights , delighting our palate with jazzy and extra mellow beats.. 

LIKE

Los Angeles rapper/producer Gabriel Stevenson known as Like is living a fruitful moment as producer cooking superlative productions for relevant albums like Malibu and Good Kid, M.A.A.D City as well as Good to Be Home and  I’M UUGLY. The grammy nominated producer co-produced Running Shoes. Make sure y’all to follow him because his hip-hop group Pac Div its working on a new album recruiting super-producers such as DJ Dahi, Swiff D and Esta from Soulection label. Recently Mr.Stevenson dropped the hit Backwoods, a collabo with Iman Omari featuring Compton rapper Buddy.

    KAYTRANADA

DJ/producer Kaytranada is one of the most in-demand artist of the moment! His trump card is the attitude to push the boundaries of his eclectic sound in a genuine and natural way. You can listen to his top-notch productions for his collaborative EP with Buddy, Ocean & Montana and then discover a new Kaytra style on his backdrops cooked for Sunni Colon or GoldLink. Kaytranada put his touch on the track entitled Steaming. Long live to the canadian beat-alchemist!!

      ARTHUR KAY PIENE

The figure of Arthur Kay Piene got a relevent role in helping Ave & co to produce Every Eye. Mr.Piene is an Oslo jazz-pianist which interest on making music transcends the boundaries of tipical genres as you can realize listening to his side projects such as The Switch and Dr.Kay and his Interstellar Tone Scientists . We can describe Piene music as a kind of cosmos where alt-pop and psychedelic sonorities meet jazz! In 2015 Piene started to collaborate with Mutual Intentions , supporting Fredfades and jazz trumpeter Kristoffer Eikrem on their collaborative album Jazz Cats (playing synthesizer on three tracks).  On Every Eye , Arthur Piene put his musicianship on several tracks and he describes his collaboration in these terms: 

it was me colouring the beats coming out of LA. So most of what I’m doing on Every Eye is finishing touches,experimenting with longer lines and ideas, to go with the shorter loops that the beats are based on. We tried to incorporate some of the stuff  I’m doing with Ivan in a live setting 

Arthur co-produced the track titled Monitor , creating something like an 80s boogie vibe that perfectly fit Mndsgn laid-back drums.

#Arthur Kay Piene #Dam-Funk #DJ Harrison #Fredfades #Kaytranada #Kiefer #Like #MNDSGN #Sir Froderick #BEHIND THE PROJECT

[zeribbo]

2017 buckmore 6hrs rd 1

None of us had karted since December round, well, aside from Dan who made an appearance in EPS rd1.. Myself, Daybu, DeeWill and Wardie all had suitable rust to shake off. The southcoast contingent arrived late, one of us ahem, arrived later than the others, not even the promise of day long sunshine could wake him up in time! Fortunatly we didnt miss much in the drivers meeting, this being our 6th 6hr at Buckmore now we knew the ropes, the only change to the regs was the race now requires 7 pitstops as opposed to 6. 6 is already one too many in my book but we had to rethink (or wing) our strategy.

Quali came and we sent Dan out first to dry the circuit off with the 21 other karts in attendance today which appears to be the average from last season.  The circuit was dry aside from the in-shade T1, all it required now was some rubber putting down to help us all along.  Dan stuck it second early doors until I went out for a few laps to relearn, the kart felt great and had lots of poke and evenish handling. I however felt less than great, a blocked sinus meant I was hanging out of my arse.  I handed over to Wardy (we’ve not decided on the spelling, only phonetically that it sounds Australian).  We’d all summised at the end of last season that the only thing holding Wardie back from 50’s laps was confidence and bumtime (not that bumtime), however he was straight into the low 51’s and quickly broke his PB knocking in a 50.8, moving us back up into the top 10. 

We were chuffed, having Wardey into the 50’s would be mega, in the last 10minutes of the quali we sent out Daybu to try and set us a time, he did too, 50.4! good enough for 4th position and our highest qualification yet.

For the race we had upto our first fuelstop planned out. Wardie had to be gone at 2pm so we were going to start him amongst people who were quicker than him on paper (not normally a good thing) then change out to myself who’d bring the kart in for fuel.  Wardy gridded up for what seemed like an eternity as Kartforce were here with 5 teams, some made up of complete novices to karting. We’d driven against Kartforce teams numerous times in owner driver racing, normally resulting in repair bills, luckily some of their more experianced karters had turned into quite quick karters, the rest had bumpers, which was a bonus.

The race started and Wardie quickly claimed third, over the first couple of laps he backed up 4th to 6th and then started to pull away, briefly deciding to change with second but then drop back to dice with Lap of the Gods who collided with Wardiey, spinning both karts but costing us 3.5seconds longer to rejoin the circuit. When DeeWill finally turned up he was gobsmacked at what was unfolding. Wardey rejoined in 5th and then started to chase his aggressor down for 4th, not only was he now consistently lapping in the 50’s, but he was knocking out low 50 second laps, setting a FL of 50.158 and was often fastest on the circuit.  Soon the 12second defeceit was inversed as he passed and started to gap lap of the gods, further accolades followed as he approached the end of his stint. Going further than most other teams in initial strategy meant that we soon went upto 2nd and then 1st before after an hour he got out and I jumped in to plummit down the order.

I came out in 4th and then quickly fell to 5th on pace, luckily we’d built up a buffer and was running our fuel strategy from the end of the race to the start (kinda) I came out into a bit of traffic and for a few laps had to battle my way through a pack with a kartforce guy, before eventually a backmarker slowed me up enough that he got away. Over the next few laps I closed the gap until he pitted, which was annoying! our bluetooth radio’s were getting a rare outing (frankly we’d perfected the hand signals) and it was nice to have a pace update without a mychron on the steering wheel, aside from the fact I was equalling last April’s pace but was .5 slower than December’s pace irked me, but we started to plan the fuelstop.

Our initial pitstop had been great, Wardie came into the pits like a stabbed rat, with probably the best pit entry i’d ever seen at Buckmore. I’ve got no idea how he slowed the kart down, even when he got out he instinctivly lifted his seat insert as he went.  The fuelstop however is a different beastie, I had Dan in my ear feeding me fuel bay status, it was busy for a couple of laps but I noticed the #14 board being shown and sussed he’d be just behind me so next lap as I came up the hill I got the all clear and made a blast for the pits. My only problem was I got out the left side where the fueller was and not the right hand side, but it was still a very good stop, what made it a better stop was kart 14 had come in 2 seconds later and was being stacked up behind us, wasting seconds.

DeeWill got into the kart and i went and dosed up on sudafed and PG Tips, my day was done, I was feeling rough as! DeeWill went out in 5th and quickly set about catching Lap of the gods for 4th, once this was done he set a new ENRG FL 50.150, beating Wardie by 8thou’s and starting to close in on 3rd, the middle part of the race was all about catching third whilst getting our final pitstop right, Wardie went out after DeeWill and was back in the 50’s but the kart had lost a bit of pace, towards the end of DeeWill’s stint the clouds came and track changed a little, this seemed to hit us more, Wardy was in the 50’s but not with the same blistering pace from earlier, feedback was that the front had less grip than before and adapting was costing us time.

Wardey handed over to Dan, he was mic’d up as he’d be doing our last fuel change, we knew tank would goto 2:15 but being dry all day we knew we’d come in with the least amount of fuel ever! However 2hr15 soon became 2hr20 as we lost track of time yakking, we got on the blower to Dan to arrange the fuel stop.  All was looking good as we were one of the only teams stretching the tank, however when Dan came in he locked up and missed the entrance to the fuel bay, disaster! He did a semi-hot drive through and rejoined the circuit, this cost us about 3 seconds total, so not a showstopper, but did mark us down as having made an extra stop.

This extra stop would be a gamble for us, Dan was apologetic on comm’s for the lap he did before he managed to hit the fuel marks, however we knew that the fast drivethrough wouldnt get past the marshall’s should we try to use it for our minimum stop total, so we’d have to finish with 8 pitstops to our name.

We were in 4th and dropping from 3rd and losing time to 5th, while the middle was about gaining ground on 3rd, the late part of the race was about keeping ahead of 5th. Dan, who unlapped himself in the december race was struggling for speed, rarely popping into the 50’s it was a trait that would haunt us for the rest of the race, when Dan changed for Daybu with 2hrs to go we though our grid setter in quali would put us back in the race.  Unfortunatly Lap Of The Gods had their fastest driver in for the final two hours and we had no answer, Daybu’s stint was uneventful with the gap behind falling to around 30 seconds, when Dan got in for the last hour, our cards were played. The Final hour was the same as the previous, 5th were often a second a lap faster while we struggled for pace, the only olive branch we had was that 2nd place SJM Racing and Lap Of The Gods still had an extra stop to go.

Lap of the God’s passed us for 4th and shot off into the distance, the 2nd time in 2 races we’d lost 4th late on.  We knew a pitstop was about 14seconds on the in lap plus an extra 3-4 on an out lap, but they were soon over 20 seconds ahead. Needless to say if your booking mid to low 50’s then it’s a lot easier to pass people than if you’re doing 51’s and we were regularly getting caught trying to lap people.  However with the last 5 minutes of the race remaining racecontrol gently nudged the team in 2nd and 4th that they still needed to their final stop. We thought this was a bit polite of them, with 2 minutes left Lap of the Gods came in for a run around, they exited with plenty of time over us, we’d not be getting a podium today, however SJM racing agonisingly pitted on the white flag lap and we had to settle for 5th, a mirror image to December’s finish.

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 15: "We’re just the worst people alive” - Jimmy

Inside scoop - live footage from the team meetings between Jenn, Kait and I

We're just the worst people alive aye

[10:14:03 PM] carson (tibet host): kait, jenn, jimmy? [10:14:04 PM] carson (tibet host): good job [10:14:13 PM] carson (tibet host): Good job on flipping to the side you have a worse chance of winning against [10:14:16 PM] carson (tibet host): but enjoy your premade [10:14:18 PM] carson (tibet host): have fun

What is this? Time #4586479173 of the Malaysia 3 being called out? Get in line.

Update: I feel like Pat, Jack and Kait are in the best spots. Pat is connected to everyone, as well as Kait and she doesn't have any votes against. Jack is a middle man, and I don't see anyone targeting him for a long time, even though the rest of this game is going to be short. I get the vibe that a move is going to be made against Malaysia this round, and I honestly think it'll open the door for Jimmy to solidify relationships with Steffen and Lydia as long as they give him a chance because he has less connections that Kait does in general. Oh if they both make it far I'm going to have my hands full as a jury member. 

Now this is a story all about how My game got flipped, turned upside-down And I'd like to take a minute,  just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the recipient of Lydia's 1,000-yard stare.

Last night was a clusterfuck. A total shitshow. A mess, a disaster, a complete disasterpiece.

And, of course, I'm at the centre of it all.

I should preface this by saying I haven't really been getting much sleep lately, and yesterday was a pretty trying day on a personal level too. So decisions I made last night are at least partially driven by that thorough exhaustion (yikes, I typed 'oxygen here at first.) Not that anyone does or should especially care purely in the context of the game, but it might help explain some of my logic or lack thereof.

The immunity goes to Jack (in large part because of me – I gave him the cookies and skewed the total [along with Steffen, coincidentally] to ensure our odds were good.) That was good news. Letting him win his second in a row in such a visible way will, I hope, make him less worried about me. Somehow.

Immediately after the immunity, MJ goes to Lydia and reveals what Wes had feared last vote – MJ, Jake, and Malaysia (incl. Jack) have teamed up and they plan on splitting between Lydia and Jake, with Lydia going on a revote if she doesn't play her idol. Which I firmly believe she doesn't have and is a boogeyman. 

So why is MJ telling her this? According to him, he doesn't want to do this plan anymore. He wants to blindside Kait instead.

And this is the first major spot I fuck up. Lydia told me before the call that she was hesitant to come to me with this info because she knows Kait and I are close. But she also knows she needs me to do whatever she wants to do (which is not necessarily true, but no way in hell am I saying that and making myself sound less valuable.) So she tells me, and I immediately tell Kait because we'd discussed the possibility of MJ throwing her under the bus. And she loses it on MJ, who proceeds to lose it on Lydia.

So let's back it up a bit. Why did I tell Kait? Aside from our alliance which feels near-unbreakable, Wes and Lydia are still operating under the assumption that Malaysia has no cracks and is an unbreakable trio, and that we'd have better luck siding with MJ, Jake and Jack. And that's so frustrating to me. I know that's not the case. I know Kait would... WILL turn on Jenn and Jimmy. She's told me as much in a way that I absolutely don't doubt. I've had the wool pulled over my eyes enough time to know when I'm in the dark. So when Lydia and Wes keep referring to Malaysia as a tight three, I see this as an opportunity to get Kait in on the plan, possibly blindside a Malaysian after taking out Jake next round, and see where things take us from there. Plus, if I get Kait moving against MJ, she's not moving against Lydia. So I thought I was doing something smart.

What I didn't count on was Kait immediately going to MJ. I'd hoped she'd do the same thing I'd do – play it from the shadows, use the information as a bargaining chip and a weapon rather than expose her hand immediately. That's on me for not knowing Kait's proclivity to knee-jerk reactions in situations like these. I should've anticipated that. But regardless of what I should have done, the net result is that Lydia's pissed at me – rightfully – because the information leak is a bad look on her. Wes is pissed at me – rightfully – because to mitigate the damage, he's willing to step into the fray and say Lydia told him, who told me, who told Kait. MJ told Lydia not to tell me, but he didn't say anything about Wes. MJ's probably pissed at me – or he will be, anyway, if/when he finds out the truth. (Note the lack of a 'rightfully' here. MJ's been shady as fuck since pre-merge and I'm getting sick of it.)

So that's a bombshell. I'm getting pulled into calls here and there, with Wes and Lydia, with Kait, with Kait and Lydia, with Steffen (more on the latter later.) Information seems to be flowing more freely at this point than it has throughout the game to date, for me. I guess this is what happens when information's not being re-routed through MJ? 

And this is the second part where I fuck up (though I'm admittedly confused about this one.) I'm winding down a call with Kait, where I'm telling her I'm not pissed at the blowup and that we can salvage this and that I don't think Wes and Lydia want to vote her out (though, after the initial misstep, I wouldn't blame them if they were plotting to get her out behind my back.) And after we finish chatting, I say 'Alright, I'm gonna go hop back on call with Wes and Lydia to try and calm things down.' Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. Kait gets oddly short with me and cuts the call unexpectedly. Still not sure what this one was about, but it leaves me ill at ease.

So I get back on call with them, we talk out our options, and then I realize a crucial component of any plan we make is having Steffen swing to our side. And he's not the type of player we can draw in with any confidence by approaching him and saying 'This is the vote, do it.' So I ask if I should be sharing this info with him (thinking out loud more than anything.) Lydia and Wes both agree that it's a good idea, and suggest pulling him in as a fourth for us. (Well, the discussion started earlier in the day prior to the immunity – this just expedited the process.)

So I go to Steffen. And at this point I'm getting fed up with the games and the subterfuge, and figure it's best to drop this info on him upfront so he can see there's no deeper level. And of course that's a mistake because why not. I start getting a bit frustrated with him and ask him what HE wants to do this round, and of course he's reticent to throw out a name given this info vomit. 

We get on call, talk things out a bit, and I think that helped him realize I was being straight-up. And the brute force approach was obviously dumb because, although we've had a solid working relationship, it's suspicious to just be all 'blah blah here's everything that's going on what do you want to do? *takes notes*'

Anyway, thankfully I think this is the only mistake I made all night that didn't have an impact. Steffen and I agreed that we needed to get something going and to prevent MJakeJack from pulling in Malaysia or we're toast. And he uses the opportunity to vent to me about how he doesn't like feeling like an accessory in this game and wants a steady group to work with. And hey, what a coincidence, there's an opening in the Wes/Lydia/me alliance! So, great. I don't drop it out of thin air, but my plan is to tell him about it today and ask if he'd be willing to join us and be a solid pair so at F4 we can at least force a tie.

(Side note, I still can't get over how sweet Steffen is. I was very not-subtly freaking out and must've sounded about as beat up as I felt, so he made a point of putting the game talk on hold and asking if I was okay and what he could do to help. It's moments like these that make me so fucking glad to call him a friend.)

Once that call's over, Kait wants to get on call with Lydia and me. Lydia's restarting her computer for a bit so it's just me and Kait chatting about everything that's been going on. And we hit a half-lull in the conversation right as Lydia joined the call. She asks what's going on. And I mean, I'm looking shady enough as is, right? An awkward silence after being in a call alone with Kait would just exacerbate the sketch vibes. So I word vomit and say the first thing that comes to mind. Which, of course, is about the only thing I could do to fuck things up more.

I say that I think we can pull Steffen in on the plan and that he's looking for a solid alliance.

So naturally, the conversation turns to, 'okay, let's pull him in here. Final four deal with Steffen.' Which is AWESOME... except if you read earlier, you'll see Lydia, Wes and I had the same plan. I can hear Lydia facepalming through the screen. Or making this face:

Anyway, the call with Kait wraps up. It's now about... 1:40 a.m.? I've got to be to work in about six hours. But Lydia wants to call, and after the shit I've unintentionally dragged her into I'm not about to ignore her and bail. But thankfully she agrees to keep it short because I suspect she was getting sleepy too.  Her first line on the call: "Maybe I shouldn't be asking this, but... are you just tired, or are you high?" The bit of humour caught me off-guard because up until now the night's been fairly emotionally charged and exhausting. 

I explain what I was doing as best as I can under the circumstances, and she seemed sympathetic – mostly because, as I mentioned earlier, I very clearly sounded as exhausted and drained as I actually was. So I apologize unreservedly, and tell her we'll talk today. And I'll fix it. Somehow.

And that's the tale of the longest night I can recall. So where does that leave us?

Well, sloppy gameplay aside, it seems like the cards are aligning where I want them to, more or less. The game plan seems to be to take out MJ. Theoretically, we'd have myself, Wes, Lydia, Steffen, Jenn, Jimmy and Kait. There's a very clear benefit for Jenn, Jimmy and Kait – especially Kait. Jenn and Jimmy might be thinking that taking out the 'other' dominant alliance might set them up to run the table. But my game is obviously dependent on Kait telling me the truth about being willing to cut one of them. I think that time is coming faster than I realized.

Steffen, of course, is just looking for some long-term self-preservation. I don't think he gets that with MJake. I think I can offer him that in some way, shape or form. And it'd be nice to definitively be moving in the same direction rather than assuming it.

That leaves me, Wes and Lydia. Wes' objectives have been super clear from the hop. He wants to think a few moves ahead at all times. It's a very shrewd strategy that I'm sure has worked out super well for him before – and I'd be so on board with it if I weren't also working with Kait. It seems like most of his plans involve taking a shot at Malaysia and hoping to splinter MJackJake. His strategy is sound, but I don't think his logic holds up given the information he doesn't know. I really want us both to keep having each other's backs, and having him as a sounding board is so excellent. But I know he's not trusting me 100% after that busted-ass game of telephone. Thank god he's willing to take some of the heat. He's such a good ally.

Lydia... she's the one I'm the most worried about. She's got the most reason to try and break away from me, I think, and Wes would likely follow her over me right now. I'll put it in no uncertain terms: I fucked her over last night. I feel absolutely terrible about it because not a drop of it was intentional. But the intentions don't matter nearly as much as the end results. I NEED her to know that I wasn't trying to throw her under the bus and she's still one of my closest allies. But I think any hopes of her believing she's my #1 are gone after last night. That's a colossal bummer. 

Based on what she and Wes have been telling me though, I think there's a chance they'd boot MJ. Lydia was mentioning that she was a bit sketched out by Kait suggesting a vote split, which... I kind of agree with? I don't think it's necessary here given Lydia's power-swapping power. And splitting could lead to more mess than anything. But I do wonder if that was more Kait spitballing than anything. I doubt she'd flip on me to side with MJ and Jake

Phew. That's a lot of unfiltered info-spew, from my brain to the page. One aspect I haven't mentioned yet is that the compounding blunders have me really worried that it could be me tonight. There's a lot of reasons for people to be upset with me, a lot of reasons for people to want me out, and a lot of reasons why things could go sideways.

OH HEY RIGHT ON CUE. Kait just messaged me saying Jenn told her that Jake wants me out. Welp panic bells. Red alert. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. Another double-digit exit may very well kill me. 

My entire brain is crying and it's barely past 9 a.m. I'm going to need a metric fuckton more coffee. I'm not cut out for this level of paranoia or anxiety. It's too much. And of course, I can't confirm or dispel these fears at all. MJ won't tell me shit if he and his minions are gunning for me. Or Kait. Could they be gunning for Malaysia and be hoping we all split the votes?

I'm confused. And I need to submit this now or I'll just be live-updating with every morsel from every chat I have today. Intense scrambling time. Welcome to post-merge All-Stars.

[1/21/2017 11:23:00 PM] mj ultra . _/: Hey [1/21/2017 11:23:08 PM] mj ultra . _/: I really have had fun playing this game with you [1/21/2017 11:23:11 PM] mj ultra . _/: So Far [1/21/2017 11:23:26 PM] mj ultra . _/: This might seem random bc it is but idk. I just . Hosts never let me play with my friends so! [1/21/2017 11:23:33 PM] mj ultra . _/: Yeah! Just wanted to let you know I appreciate you

my feelings start to get hurt when mj says shit like this then just blatantly ignores me and acts like he doesn't know me and treats me like i'm stupid. that's not how friends act. anyways, this is exhausting. it's been a very not fun season and while i'm not just sitting here giving up by any means i just don't have the drive to sit there and spread lies about him either even though that's what he's doing. i'm a hero, goddamnit. 

Live footage of me and Jimmy after tonight:

This reward has 46k possible number combinations. At the very least. Y'all really thought I was going to spend all this time trying random number combos? Nah, I'll let other people do it. Lazy for life.

I talked to MJ tonight about his future plans and he goes: "Everyone should be playing to win!" and in short, fuck all of your friends and other relationships because WINNING COMES FIRST and I'm sitting here thinking about old wise Shareef and this gem of a quote:

Except in this case, I'm not going to guilt trip an 18 year old, basically teenage boy, but...if the shoe fits!

#confessionals #ivebeenbamboozled