#the Gordon freeman was from memory GET OUT OF MY HEAD | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

a-substantial-trash-pile · 1 year

Text

HLVRAI notes

did not want to burden my original HLVRAI ref post with this wall of text so i’m just sticking it in its own post.

my personal HLVRAI headcanons under the cut 👇 (WARNING: LONG ASS POST im sorry)

Setting: - The events of HLVRAI happen in virtual reality, but there is also technically a real world, BUT that real world is screwed and humanity is dead(?). Except before the world ended, Black Mesa was working on a project (”The Half-Life Project”) to preserve the universe and humanity forever by making a virtual simulation of the universe and making brain copies of people (with or without consent) and shoving them into this world. Black Mesa dealt in a lot of alien shit/tech, so they were super ahead of the curb and also morally bankrupt. Obviously they can’t get everyone’s brains into VR before the world ends though, so there are also people that are developed by the simulation to help populate the world like it would be IRL. Don’t ask too many questions on how this all works ok. Just think of it like a “our reality is a simulation” conspiracy, except the conspiracy is real. - HLVRAI happens in this virtual reality/simulation, but as its own separate little offshoot of the main simulation. It was built as a game because it was the original early test of the system and Black Mesa is full of nerds. Kind of a stress test in a way. Like “how well is the system going to handle some crazy shit going down” kind of test. The Resonance Cascade has been happening on loop in this offshoot for who knows how long. Because honestly it was kind of forgotten about as Black Mesa moved on to work on the “main” simulation. Anyways, in my head, the end goal for the Science Team is to break free of the game and get into the main simulation. Which they eventually do and can live their lives and go on heists and be gay and happy and shit.

~ ~ ~

Gordon Freeman (Age: 27, Ht: 6′1″) He/Him - Dominican American - Pansexual - Worked for IRL Black Mesa, but at like the super surface level in which he has clearance for barely anything, so he doesn’t actually realize how messed up the organization is until it’s too late. Being into video games and a huge fucking nerd, he volunteers himself for what he’s told is just a little virtual reality experiment testing some new state-of-the-art tech. What he doesn’t know is that Black Mesa essentially makes a virtual copy of him without his consent and traps him in a loop. Gordon doesn’t realize all this until the end of HLVRAI. - Joshua was a just a joke made in the moment and Gordon doesn’t actually have a kid IRL. BUT Dad!Gordon is not lost. Joshua ends up with him eventually. Don’t ask about the details, I’m not sure how this happens yet, only that it involves post-game Science Team needing to save their world from completely breaking and Joshie is key to it. - Gordon doesn’t develop proper feelings for Benrey until post-game, when he gets to know him better in a healthier, less insane, less incredibly stressful environment. - Post-game, Gordon can magical girl transform back into his HEV suit and gun arm when needed. Except when he goes back into normal dad guy mode, his gun arm remains in the HEV suit at the point where it was cut off. So it’s like a cool looking prosthetic. He’s also following his dream of becoming a successful Justin.TV streamer (”GordoFreeTV”) and has amassed a decent following--enough to be his main job. Although he doesn’t really need to worry about money after the whole bank heist shenanigans.

Benrey/Benry (Age: Not sure but when he was a IRL human he was in his 30′s, Ht: 5′2″) He/They- Japanese/Chinese - Transmasc - Gay (wow no kidding) - Benrey is the result of an alien “virus” being mixed with the memories/mind of a human. Gordon was not the first volunteer for IRL Black Mesa’s experiment. Before Gordon, Black Mesa sent out an ad to the public asking for people willing to come in to be a part of their little VR experiment for money. Applicants were interviewed because Black Mesa were specifically looking for people who were desperate and wouldn’t be missed. One of the people chosen was a guy named Beni Henry Song. Beni lived by himself in some crappy apartment, recently lost the only family member he cared about (his mom), and the friends he did have were online ones he played games with--most of which only knew him by his username (”benrybenrybenry”). Because the Half-Life project was in its early stages, Beni got kind of screwed and kind of died and Black Mesa considered his case a failure. What Black Mesa didn’t know was that they had succeeded in getting some of Beni’s mind/memories into VR, but was kind of just floating around as bits of data. As BM kept messing around with alien technology, an alien “virus” got accidentally introduced into the simulation. The virus ended up absorbing the Beni brain fragments, which is how Benry ended up coming into existence. - Benrey was not always the Main Antagonist. After the simulation is developed into more of a game format and Gordon (the 1st proper success case of inserting a human mind into VR) is introduced, Benrey joins the group as an ally and pines over Gordon like the gay ass bitch they are. The game is beaten and everything restarts. This loop happens many, many times. I’m totally not obsessed with time loops because I watched Madoka Magica when I was young or anything. Anyway, Benry is one of the only ones with memories of previous runs, although they don’t maintain many due to their human side being unable to handle it. On one run, he figures out how to “delete” the final boss from the game, so he does because he thinks it’ll make things easier and maybe even end the loop. But the loop doesn’t end and the game needs a final boss. So the game’s script gives that title to Benry. Their thoughts are influenced by the script needing them to be the bad guy. When I say “influenced”, I don’t mean complete mind control because Benrey was an annoying asshole (affectionate) before he got the bad guy role. He just became even more of an asshole with more malicious intent. Benrey doesn’t get freed from the script until after they get “killed” in the final battle at the end of HLVRAI. However during the game, he does have moments where he comes back to himself and tries to fight the script, but it ends up coming out as nonsense due to the conflict of what he and the script wants (ex. "SONY CEO JACK TRETTON SURVIVED A NUCLEAR BOMB”). - Benry’s still a little shit even after being freed from the script, because that’s just how they are, but it’s way less malicious and more so done in fun. When he does cross a line, it’s more so out of ignorance or miscommunication rather than actually wanting to cause harm. He even says sorry sometimes. - Post-game Benrey is slowly gaining more memories from his past life as his human side and alien side become more melded with each other. They’re not Beni Song anymore, but they are learning who they are now. Gordon cooks him different Asian dishes because it seems to be pretty consistent in spurring memories in Benrey (Beni’s mom cooked a lot [he misses her]). He works as a nightshift security guard at a local mall. They like to terrorize the local teenage delinquents and has become an urban legend to them. - yes he’s japanese/chinese because i self project ok

Harold P. Coomer (Age: 68, Ht: 5′0″) He/Him - Hawaiian/Samoan - Transmasc - Bisexual - An AI based on a IRL Black Mesa scientist by the same name. He does not contain the actual mind/memories of IRL Dr. Coomer--just a basic replication of them to act as a base to evolve off of. He was developed in the very early stages of the Half-Life project. An early concept and attempt at “preserving” an individual in VR. He technically wasn’t completed before Black Mesa moved on, which is why his code is a bit out of whack. Thanks to his memories being from someone IRL, he is much more susceptible to becoming self-aware. Although it’s unclear how many of his memories are actually from the real world and how many were created by his programming to fill in spaces. - He and Bubby aren’t in a relationship during HLVRAI, but they do have in-game lore memories of knowing each other long before the Resonance Cascade and have a friendship with a dash of hey-maybe-we-could-be-something-more-someday. That someday is post-game in which they get together and later get married and get a house and have a cute garden. Coomer likes gardening. “It’s therapeutic, Gordon!” - Coomer has had a hard time dealing with the fact that he’s technically an AI and the world is virtual. He had a crisis about everything not being “real”, but post-game he’s learned that just because everything is virtual, doesn’t make it not “real.” Hosting Science Team BBQs, gardening, suplexing Benrey headfirst into a table, stargazing with Bubby--it’s all real enough for him. Of course, like everyone, he has his bad days, but he’s got lots of support now. - He’s got cybernetic limbs and implants. You can see the glow under the artificial skin of his arms and legs. Glow gets brighter when he’s actively using his tech. - fun fact his appearance is based on an uncle of mine back in hawaii because they both like boxing

Bubby (Age: “Always old”, Ht: 5′6″) - He/Xe/Any (aka "I don’t care! I don’t have time for this.”) - German (because that’s what the scientist he was built off of was [Dr. Kleiner]) - Demisexual and nonbinary. Technically?? It’s not something they think about--not that he doesn’t respect it in others, he just doesn’t really care to think about it for xemself. - Originally had no name--only a number given by Black Mesa scientists to help identify xem from the other prototypes [8488]. Coomer started calling him Bubby and they were like “Oh actually I think I like it.” - An AI that was developed and given a basic backstory to evolve off of. Their model’s appearance is based off of a Black Mesa researcher in the real world named Dr. Kleiner, but they share no personality traits with him. Their in-game lore is what’s established in HLVRAI: xe is a test tube baby--the ultimate result of VR Black Mesa’s attempts at growing the “perfect scientist.” - Bubby LOVES space. He wants to know what’s UP THERE. Doesn’t think the same of the ocean though. Does NOT want to know what’s down there thank you very much. - Powers include combustion and turning into a car. Road trips are interesting.

Tommy Coolatta (Age: 37, Ht: 6′6″) He/They - Filipino - Aromantic - Tommy was just another Black Mesa-programmed AI before G-Man grew attached and passed down some of his alien coding to him, hence being his adoptive dad. G-Man/Mr. Coolatta himself is an offshoot of the huge main alien/human AI system (A.K.A. his “Employers”) created to sort of oversee this little part of virtual reality and keep everything running. - Tommy is aware that the game has restarted many times and maintains memories on the other loops. They developed Sunkist over the course of previous loops and made it so she could maintain her memories through the restarts as well, so he could have a consistent companion other than his dad (who isn’t always around) and Benrey (who doesn’t always remember the best). - The loops are why Tommy is good at the pew pew with gun. It’s not just instinct, it’s repetition. He actually knows what he’s doing when handling weapons. He just acts like he doesn’t because it’s funny. It’s canonical that Tommy has the highest kill count out of the Science Team after all. - Tommy is bored and he’s kind of tired ok. They like to try and spice things up sometimes. - In previous loops, Tommy would sometimes just hang out with Darnold for the entirety of the game and not join Gordon at all. Even though Darnold doesn’t know about the restarts or that he’s even in a game, Tommy enjoys spending time with her because she’s so down-to-earth. Darnold played a part in helping create Sunkist, even if he doesn’t remember. - Tommy likes to wear things on their wrist that they can fidget and play with. Usually colorful, stretchy bracelets/bands. He does it when he’s lost in thought or just needs a distraction. Some of his bracelets he’s made himself!

Darnold Pepper (Age: 40, Ht: 5′4″) He/Her - African American - Asexual - Like Tommy, Bubby, and Coomer, Darnold is an AI built off of a IRL Black Mesa scientist. - She’s kind of a shut-in and has a lot of anxiety (particularly social), but post-game he’s learning to come out of his shell because she’s finally found people she can be comfortable with. Darnold wants to Do Things. He wants to get out there and explore. But her anxiety gets in the way a lot of the time. Post-game he’s able to start really pushing himself and start Doing Things. - Where Darnold finds her confidence is in science. Specifically inventing and experimenting. He creates all sorts of potions and gadgets and has fun doing it. She’s also confident in her abilities as a Pro Gamer(tm). When he gets to talk and infodump about the things he enjoys, he almost becomes a different person. - She’s the grounding point of the Science Team. The mediator. Just genuinely enjoyable to be around, even if she doesn’t believe it herself. He worries that nobody really likes him and that he’s just an annoyance that everyone tolerates, but she’s getting better at pushing these doubts from her mind with the help of friends and therapy.

~ ~ ~

MISC. notes (aka why the fuck is sans undertale here)

Here is my sad attempt to give an in-universe explanation as to why there are fictional characters from other media in the simulation too: - So IRL Black Mesa was full of nerds ok. Some of these nerds maybe wanted to make sure their favorite things got inserted into this simulation of the universe. So they put these things in. Somebody tried putting Undertale/Deltarune into the simulation ok. But something along the way got mistranslated in the system and instead of just the game existing as a game in the world, it turned the characters into humans living in the world. Kind of like how Coomer, Bubby, and the others were built off of IRL people, except these new humans were built off of fictional characters from a hit indie video game. They don’t have memories from Undertale/Deltarune and the games don’t exist in the world. They’re just average people living their life. Until the Resonance Cascade Part 2 Electric Boogaloo happens and their reality as they know it starts to break and maybe some powers and memories get reawakened maybe haha. - This is my dumb general justification for all the dumb crossovers I’m probably going to end up inserting into my version of the HLVRAI universe. Is this even an HLVRAI universe at this point? idk anymore. why am i like this - Anyway, in this universe/simulation, Santiago “Sans” Alcade is a streamer on Justin.TV (”sans206″) who has somehow amassed a huge following despite hardly putting effort in his streams (his layout still looks like shit). He lives with his culinary student brother Papyrus Alcade (Pap picked the name when he transitioned) in Washington State. One day, Sans goes on a trip to New Mexico to hang out and do an in-person collab stream with his streamer bud GordoFreeTV. But when he gets there, weird shit starts happening to him, like his hands not making up its mind on whether they want to have flesh or not, his eyes glowing, and a skeleton goop monster haunting him. Also he can summon bones now. Res-Cas Part 2 Electric Boogaloo! - Also Gordon and Benrey have a pet headcrab named Patamon that has little mutated flesh wing bits on its head and is a weird coloration. Patamon will eat anything and loves sitting on heads, but especially Benry’s head (crabs gravitate towards him in general). For some reason when other people who aren’t the Science Team see Patamon, they just think its a really fucked up cat.

#long post #hlvrai #hlvrai ref #hlvrai au

64 notes · View notes

bbeeohazardd · 6 months

Text

[stares at tumblr while shaking my head disapprovingly] they don't even know IRATE's a creature now and that he's in love with Darnold(<- he has not shared any of the IRATE lore outside the re:y2kvr server)

n e ways uhhhh fuckin lore dump

IRATE (ECMS-4-Xen) is a failed prototype for a Black Mesa project, where they were basically trying to make genetically advanced soldiers with Xen DNA. He was the first to actually survive and kept around to be studied to improve upon future generations.

He's a defect due to being tiny and very alien looking with little to no alien abilities aside from shapeshifting.

He was then later stuck together with Benrey due to the two meeting and immediately bonding, Forzen was able to keep Benrey calm and mostly cooperative, so the scientists just said "fuck it" and let them stick together.

Forzen and Benrey are not the same type of Xen creature, but they're very similar.

Then, once the main scientist he was under the care of (Dr. Reece) retired, he was separated more from Benrey and got put through more of the military stuff due to not really having anyone to advocate for him.

Also, he and Dr. Reece do not have a parent-child relationship, while Reece did care about Forzen he didn't see him as his own kid or anything.

He was only there during the ResCas due to the project higher-ups just sending any of the rejects to be death fodder to keep the successful ones alive. He was very much freaking the fuck out during that and just trying to stay alive til he managed to get out.

Once the shit with Gordon happened, he was kept updated by Benrey and only brought in once Darnold (Dr. Right) contacted him due to needing help with Joshua. They became close, but due to Forzen being very much an outsider he more so saw it as just an "oh I'm just helping the Science Team" thing.

Forzen wants to help to prove that he's good, he has a lotta fuckin guilt from being a product of Black Mesa and a very strong moral code. He was created to be nothing more than a weapon, and he doesn't know how to be anything more than that, along with not having any time to adjust or get help for his issues.

Forzen goes into "I have to fix this" mode and tracks down G-Man to make a deal with him to take Freeman's place, though G-Man isn't known for having an honest nature.

The rp and lore stuff has yet to continue, but IRATE now works under G-Man with basically little to no memory of who he was, Freeman is still Freeman and now Darnold is gonna have to figure out what happened and what to do

#i like how i went from 'oh what if i made the hlvrv Forzens that weren't shown' to this #IRATE lore is crazy and ever-growing #and i think about him way too much so here #also the art for Dr. Right will be posted after this because OOUGH I LOVE HIMMM THE DARNOLDDDDD #irate #hlvrv #art #my art

8 notes · View notes

eliyafreeman · 5 months

Text

The day has come

25 years to 'half-life', and the other half of my life that I didn't know about. Gordon Freeman, the one thanks to him I stand and do not fall. Standing confidently in the face of fears and traumas. He fights against aliens, and I fight against my own pain. I didn't need him to be in my life for me to know he was always here. His name is enough. This name, so many connections with this name. If it's family, friends, places with the name I went to or family members were... his name rings in my ears as a reminder that he's always here. He is a ray of light at the end of the tunnel of hell. I only dream that there will be a moment and he will help me finish with humans. To finish with the abuse of humans. Their hurtful obsession... But I understood, I share a soul with someone who doesn't exist, but exists in one way or another. We both have a pair of green eyes, shining out of our shattered souls, both of us trying to pick up another piece and another piece. Like a puzzle of memories, memories of when we were sane people without worries. Until our lives turned shockingly upside down. But no one saw it coming, not even us. We are bigger than all the threats in our way. No matter how big and scary that threat is. We are bigger than fear. big together You are my other half, who completed my half-life. My broken heart knew that humans wouldn't make it right, as true love can feel, it's all in the head. This is just another danger and another shattering of another piece of my heart. You are glue that stays. A bandage that does not come off. You are even more than that. you don't exist. The concept of love is not to be hurt, and I know you will never hurt me ever. Love is a maze, it's hard to get out of it. But from the labyrinth inside your heart I will never want to leave. Imprison me in your beating heart. Every beat of your heart is what I am satisfied to hear. Hearing you being alive is all I want. I wish I could hear your voice, but hearing you alive and breathing is everything to me. The connection between us is a connection that was not and will not be with anyone else. To sit and fantasize about how you love me... there is no substitute for that. A real hug didn't feel as real as an imagined hug from you. The confidence you make me feel is huge. No it's not the gear, the guns and the nuclear weapons, it's you. Only with you I know that nothing will hurt me. My love for you is a love that cannot even be described in words... You made me a different person from that Saturday, July 30, 2022. In a moment I'm here, fighting for my life to get out of the cycle of abuse. Yes, from your serious face I don't see your feelings, but from your eyes, I see everything... The happy ending will still come, we will be set free from the battlefield, and I will reach the warm embrace of your arms .

Love you, My Gordon. 💗🧡

14 notes · View notes

hals-homo-blog · 3 months

Text

Welcome to Hal's Homo Blog

About

Heyyyy I am Hal. I'm 23, Bigender, He/Him > She/Her. I am an Animator, Illustrator and Writer, though I haven't been making a lot of finished pieces at this tough spot in my life. I always keep trying tho ^^.

I am an adult, and there is gonna be 18+ Adult content on here. I have the #suggestive tag for people who don't wanna see that, and I Highly Discourage any minors from following me. If you're gonna follow me anyway, block the tag. If I catch minors liking/reblogging adult stuff off my page, yer gettin' blocked, pal. Sorry.

This blog is gonna be pretty reblog heavy, though I don't like to spam reblog the same post except for like that one time. I also have memory loss issues (trying to look into that) so if I say/reblog the same thing over and over, or if I forget who you are, I apologize, I just am that way. Just like, remind me and I'll probably figure it out XP thank you for your patience.

Blorbos and tags below the cut :3c

Blorbos

☆ Vincent (Yeah, that one) Vincent Afton, my beloved husband, my only tulpa, I made him On Accident. I've been messin' with him for like, 7 or 8 years now, but I only recently found out he was his own person up in my head there.

Gordon Freeman (Freeman's Mind) Most recent hyperfixation, uhhh The Pookie of all time tbh. I relate to him painfully hard. I'm just Freemind coded in my heart tbh, but I've been repressed so I can only say in my head what he says out loud. I worry about getting a Freemind headmate... I'm trying not to get any more headmates, but I suppose it remains to be seen.

Alucard (Hellsing Ultimate) heghghehhehe Vanpire, Hot. Ough. Hellsing is just so fucking good, and Alucard is the very best part of it all. I love how much of an Evil Bastard he acts like. He's not an evil bastard in his heart, you can tell, he's very sweet, deep deep down. He needs a lil' bit of a hug and a kiss.

Swerve (IDW) Ough I relate to him So Much I love that fucken robot. He's soooo sweet natured, he really is. He needs someone to love him asap. I love how nice he always is to everybody tbh, he deserves a hug.

Postal 3 Dude (Postal 3) OUGh this is the newest one, he's literally So Silly. The Grinning Sniler...

Tags

Hal Art - My art Hal Talk - Thoughts nobody asked for Hal Answer - Answers to asks Halcore - what it says on the box Hal's Bookshelf - Stuff for me to read Find Later - Find later Suggestive - Minors pls block this tag or just don’t follow me 🙏 /lh 😭 - laugh so hard I piss myself 💝 - sexy/arousing stuff 🛒 - shit I wanna buy at some point MY HUSBAND - Vincent posts THE POOKIE - Freemind posts LULU - Alucard posts ROWOBOT - Swerve posts The Grinning Sniler - Postal 3 Dude posts

These are all just ship tags Hal x Vincent Hal x Gordon / HalMind Halcyon x Alucard / Halucard

#Pinned Post #Hal Art #Hal Talk #Hal Answer #Hal's Bookshelf #Find Later #😭#💝#🛒#MY HUSBAND #THE POOKIE #LULU #ROWOBOT #The Sniling Grinner #Hal x Vincent #Hal x Gordon #HalMind #Halcyon x Alucard #Halucard

4 notes · View notes

archiveofmiksown · 5 months

Text

CHAPTER 2. I CAN'T STAND YOU HANGING ROUND LATELY I CAN'T STAND YOU TRYING TO SAVE ME

previous / next

Consciousness festers like a wound; slow, red, and painful. Bubby groans as a droning buzz nips at his ears. It takes all that he is to sit there with a hand on his aching head, a low grumble leaving his lips. Memories remain fragmented, floating through the abyss of a migraine-afflicted mind.

He had been in a room. That room. He's certain of that much. But now he feels that he isn't; there's no steel flooring beneath his fingertips or blisteringly blind lights breaking through the curtain of his eyelids. There's only him and his unfinished thoughts licking against him like flames.

Where is he? What happened? His eyes are open but he can barely register what's in front of him. The images feel years away; like the worn surface of a fading photograph. He could almost call it dreamlike, but he doesn't dream. He shouldn't, at least.

"...Oh my fucking god, you're actually still alive."

The voice rises from above the haze. It is sharp and bitter and all too familiar. Bubby seizes up. He knows whose this is. He remembers. The realization is enough to jolt him from his stupor.

Like clouds parting, his vision clears. There he stands, slowly coming to focus, a foot tapping against the dusty, rubble-riddled floor of some non-descript Black Mesa hallway; Gordon Freeman in all his pissed-as-hell glory.

"G-Gordon!" Bubby exclaims. He scrambles to get up. The effort kicks up the dust by his feet. His heart races. There's a surge of emotion that passes over him; the flashes of feeling unnameable save for one. Relief. Shameless of him to feel such a thing, considering everything he's done. And strange, considering his design. But he's coded to revel in security. The instinct for self-sustainment makes it so. Gordon may not be a friend, but he is familiar. A sharp contrast to the fog of half-buried memory.

Gordon sighs that same, deep-chested sigh that he always lets out around them. "So you're awake now." he laughs, the sound hollow and disbelieving, "God, I can't believe this is real. I can't believe I'm here with you."

Bubby flinches at the venom. He should say sorry; he wants to. But his defenses find themselves flaring up, and the hiss leaves his lips before he can stop it. "Oh, I know that tone! Go fuck yourself and die, Gordon. Do you think I wanted you to be here with you, too?"

He kind of did. It was better than being alone. But Bubby would sooner crawl back inside his tube before admitting that.

Gordon rolls his eyes. "Don't tell me to fuck off, man. Not when you fucking… you know—" he gestures wildly, "—chopped my hand off."

"What? I didn't do that!" Bubby protests, "I didn't even tell them to do anything like that!"

Gordon points an accusing finger. "Well whatever it is you told them to do, it doesn't matter. I don't have my fucking hand, and now I'm fucking alone here with you!"

Silence falls. The last sentence echoes through the room, lingering in the air like smoke from a gun. Bubby's anger pauses as his thoughts hover around one word and one word only— alone. He frowns.

"Wait… what do you mean alone? Where… where are the others? What happened?"

"Huh?" Gordon blinks. Bubby's sudden turn to docility seems to have caught him off-guard. "You seriously forgot?" he hums, a thoughtfulness softening his edge. For a moment, there's a semblance of peace between the two men.

"Well, you were out pretty cold. I was kinda hoping you'd died, but you kept screaming." Gordon's voice lowers to a murmur, "Not that I think people like you could die, anyways."

Bubby tilts his head, blissfully ignorant of the latter part. "So I was asleep?"

He puts a hand to his aching head. So that was all a dream. That's weird. He doesn't dream. He's not supposed to. Gordon shifts his weight from one foot to another. The aggression that steeped in the air mellows beneath the lull of their shared perplexion.

"Yeah, man, why d'you think I kept yelling at you? I was trying to wake you up. Ugh, anyways."

Gordon sighs, putting his hands (hand…) on his hips, "The short of it is: you begged us to let you out of your tube thing—"

Bubby's eyes widen. Things are beginning to sound familiar. His memories, previously discarded, now surface with a renewed clarity; like a sharp intake of breath after breaching water.

"Oh." says he.

"You told us to press the button—"

Memories return. He can see it: Hands on glass, fractures on the surface, a face wrought in painful supplication. On the other side of his tube, the others in the Science Team. Staring and staring as he pleads to be freed. Their faces. The blurs. The unfinished memories. Had this really been why?

"...Oh."

"—then everything kinda fucking blew up."

Then the rapture. A white-hot, blinding return to chaos. Entropy folding unto itself and manifesting in broken glass and smoke. And a dream— one as fractured as the mind which conjured it.

"Oh."

"Yeah." Gordon throws his arms up, defeated, "And now I'm trapped in this side of the hall. With you."

Bubby frowns. "You could always just leave me behind if you hate me that much."

"God, wouldn't that be amazing?" his tone seethes with sarcasm, "But I can't. I literally fucking can't! I don't have my right hand, man, I can't fucking shoot anything with this thing! Can barely open a fucking door." he waves the aforementioned stump-remains of his hand, "You're gonna have to do it all for me."

Realization hits him in waves, though that's not to say it's any easier for him to digest. Bubby's face transforms into a wide-mouthed look of horror.

"...Oh god. You really are stuck with me."

"Yeah. Yeah. You get it now? God." Gordon pinches the bridge of his nose, wincing, "Can't believe I have my fucking life in your stupid traitor hands."

"Hey, I said I was sorry, wasn't I? I'll be better!" says Bubby.

"You really think I'm gonna believe that?" Gordon shoots back.

Bubby opens his mouth to respond, but can't make up the words. Guilt rises in his throat. Silence is the only answer one can give if the other party was right. At this, Gordon sighs.

"Ugh, whatever. Let's just go. We don't have much time. And I feel myself bleeding the fuck out."

#mik text #old wounds #hlvrai bubby #hlvrai gordon #dr bubby #gordon feetman

4 notes · View notes

hlvrfreakyfriday · 10 months

Text

HLVRFF: Chapter 7

It’s been a few days since the switch first happened.

And thankfully, said days have been considerably calmer than that initial night and following day. No more accidental shape-shifting or skeleton summoning for Gordon, and Benry has been doing pretty well about being careful with Gordon’s body.

Benry also apparently made a blog. Seems he thought that telling strangers on the internet about his non-human status and current situation was a fantastic idea. Gordon was of course upset… but eventually joined in on the blog anyway. Like, fuck it, why not? And it turned out to not be that bad- answering questions from curious ‘anons’ gave Gordon something to do, filling in the time he’d usually be using for his Twitch streams (Gordon really doesn’t want to explain this shit to his viewers).

At least, the blog thing was nice while it lasted, anyway. Soon as the asks slowed down, Benry quickly lost interest in it, and Gordon wasn’t really sure what to do with the blog himself. So there goes that distraction. Guess people claiming to be cosmic beings from beyond the veil just isn’t that interesting to the internet.

God, he’s bored. That’s another thing that Gordon’s discovered he hates about this.

He can’t do his streams while looking and sounding like Benry, and he’s also afraid to go kill time away from the house, the risk of a body horror-inducing anxiety attack happening in public being one he doesn’t want to take. He could go visit Tommy or Coomer and Bubby, he supposes, but he doesn’t wanna bug them too much. That, and he still doesn’t want to leave Benry alone in his body.

With nothing much to do to keep him occupied, Gordon has been finding his thoughts wandering. Thinking about his youth again, but also wondering about Benry’s. He recently learned that the entity is not in fact ancient like Gordon always assumed, but a year younger than Gordon himself. What kind of childhood did he have? Benry pretty much never talks about his past- his explanation of his skeletons the other night being the first time Gordon’s ever heard anything about Benry’s life before he worked as a guard at Black Mesa.

Well. There was also the time Benry insisted that he and Gordon knew each other as children, but Gordon’s fairly certain he'd remember playing with a kid that looked as distinct as Benry. He may have taken a few knocks on the head as a child and can’t remember a lot from back then, but his memory isn’t THAT bad!

.....

Maybe he should shoot his mom an email sometime. See if she remembers what all friends and playmates he had as a kid.

In fact, he may as well do that right now. Not like he’s got much else to do. Gordon grabs his phone and opens up the email app.

~~~

From: Gordon Freeman To: Beverley Freeman (mom) Subject: childhood question

Hey, Ma.

Random question, but do you remember any of the kids I played with when I was little? Like, from six years and earlier. I got to thinking about it recently and it’s bugging me that I can’t remember.

Oh, and sorry I haven’t called much lately! Been busy between my streaming schedule and getting dragged into impromptu hang-outs with my friends.

~~~

Gordon hits send, and now plays the waiting game.

Not just for his mom’s reply, but also for Benry to get done washing Gordon’s hair, so he can then get started on lunch for the two of them. Benry had missed getting a shower last night, and like hell Gordon’s gonna let Benry ruin his hair care routine. Gordon works hard to keep his hair so nice, damn it.

While Benry’s taking this lunch time shower, Gordon is sprawled on the couch, browsing the ‘net on his phone for lack of anything better to do. His attention is drawn from the phone, however, when there’s a knock at the door. Did Benry order a package or something? Gordon ponders as he makes his way over to answer the knock. He opens the door and-

“Benny!”

“Oh, hey Benry. Is Gordon in?”

-Gordon immediately slams the door closed.

Which he instantly regrets, because that’s his ex-wife and son out there that he just closed the door on. Fuck.

What does he do? What CAN he do? Anna still doesn’t know that Gordon’s roommate for the past four months isn’t at all human, and he’s not sure if dropping that bombshell on her like this would be a good idea. He could try to pretend to be Benry… but he’s a bit shit at it, he’ll be honest. And Benry would probably be even worse at pretending to be him, too. Anna may not know Benry very well, but she knows Gordon too well to not notice something’s up. It’s not at all hard to imagine just how horribly that plan could backfire and bite them both in the ass.

God damn it. Bombshell it is, then.

Gordon slowly opens the door back up, and is greeted by the sight of a confused Joshua and annoyed Anna. He can’t help but wince at her judgmental stare.

“Uh… hi,” Gordon says awkwardly.

“Yeah. Hi. You wanna tell me what that was about, pal?” Anna says, irritation clear in her voice.

Gordon takes a deep breath. Hoo boy. “Yeah, I uh, have a lot to explain, actually. Come on in,” he says, stepping aside to allow the two entry. Once they’re all fully inside, Gordon kneels down to meet his son’s face. “Hey bud, could you go play in your room for a bit? Your mom and I have some grown-up stuff to talk about,” he says to the six-year-old boy. Joshua gives him a strange look, but nods his head, uttering a little ‘kay' before running off to the back of the house. Gordon then motions for Anna to follow him into the kitchen, and they both take a seat at the table.

“Okay. So, explain,” Anna prompts.

Gordon sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. “God. Okay, uh. Two things, one of which I probably should’ve told you about way sooner. It’s kind of connected to all the Black Mesa bullshit, so it’s gonna sound… a little crazy,” he says. Anna quirks a brow at him at the mention of Black Mesa, but says nothing, waiting for him to continue. He taps his borrowed claws on the table as he tries to figure out how to explain… all of this. Another deep breath, and he looks Anna in the eyes as he says, “I'm not Benry. It’s me, Gordon. I’m in Benry’s body, and he’s in mine.”

Anna blinks at him, and gives him a look. “Wow. That is… probably the weirdest and also shittiest excuse for slamming the door in my face you could’ve possibly made,” she says, wholly unimpressed.

Another sigh from Gordon. “Look, I know how it sounds,” he then says, “I wouldn’t believe me either, if I had never been through the- uh. The accident at Black Mesa, but you’ve gotta believe me.”

Anna crosses her arms as she leans back in her chair, still very much not believing what ‘Gordon’ is saying, but admittedly curious to see where he’s going with this.

Gordon drums his fingers on the table again as he considers how to convince Anna. “Okay, look. The other thing I was gonna tell you, that I probably should’ve told you about sooner? Is that Benry isn’t human. He’s the reason we’re stuck like this,” Gordon explains.

“Riiiiight,” Anna says, “'Benry' isn’t human. Y’know, all you had to really do is just apologize, instead of making up this wildass excuse that Gordon’s no doubt going to debunk, so you can stop with… the… uh…” she trails off when Gordon begins to sing out a sustained high note.

As well as several orbs of blue light.

The lights linger in the air after he stops singing. Anna reaches out to touch one, transfixed, and it bursts like a bubble upon contact, followed by strange sense of calm briefly washing over her.

She looks back to Benry… Gordon? And says, “What the actual hell?”

“Benry calls it his ‘Sweet Voice',” Gordon explains. “I have absolutely zero idea what it is exactly or how it works, or why it tastes like Jolly Ranchers of all things, but, yeah. Do you believe me now?”

Anna looks away, thinking. Does she believe him? That ‘Sweet Voice’ stuff seemed pretty solid evidence for the whole not human thing… But is he really Gordon?

…She has an idea for how to find out.

“I’ll believe you if you can answer this question right,” Anna starts. “How did you- assuming you are Gordon- and me first meet? What exactly happened?”

Oh, god. Gordon kinda wishes he couldn’t answer this question. It’s a mortifying memory he'd rather forget the exact details of… which Anna knows, and thus also knows Gordon would never tell anybody else about it. Perfect question for this, really.

Gordon buries his borrowed face in his hand and groans to himself for a moment, and then he begins. “It was a party at some guy named Mark's place. After meeting and chatting with each other for a bit, me and you somehow got roped into that ‘seven minutes in heaven’ thing and locked in the hall closet.” A pause. Here’s the fun part. “…We were in the middle of kissing when the beer I had there started mixing badly with those fucking gas station hotdogs I'd eaten just before the party- honestly I don’t know what I was thinking eating that shit. But, uh. Yeah. I very nearly threw up in your mouth. And then did throw up all over Mark’s clean linens,” Gordon says, grimacing at the memory.

“Unsurprisingly, I never got invited to any more parties at that guy’s place. But what did surprise me, was that you still wanted to see me again. You said you wanted to give me a second chance at a good first impression,” Gordon says with a fond smile. Anna returns the smile, but it quickly falls from her face as a sudden realization hits her.

“…Holy shit. It really is you,” Anna says, eyes wide. “How the hell did this happen? I mean, you said Benry did it, but, how? What IS Benry? I always thought his weird paleness was ‘cause he was anemic or something, not a- an alien or a monster- Oh god, is it safe for Joshua to be around him? Hell, is it safe for YOU to be around him!?”

Gordon raises his hands up in a gesture for Anna to slow it with so many questions. “Whoa, hey, gimme a chance to answer!” Anna settles down and utters a small ‘sorry' which Gordon handwaves away. “This happened because Benry was poking around in my dreams- ‘cause that’s just one of the many impossible things he can somehow do- but I was having a bad nightmare at the time. When it got abruptly ended, I got shoved out of my head and into his, while he was left in mine. Neither of us knows how to switch us back, but a friend of ours knows someone who does, so we’re just waiting on them.

“As for what Benry is… I’m not entirely sure? Some kind of... eldritch space god cosmic horror… But uh, despite that fact, he’s not dangerous,” Gordon says at first, before quickly correcting himself. “Well, okay, he can actually be extremely dangerous if he wants to be, but thankfully he cares more about video games than pulling any weird madness-inducing cthuloid shit… Plus, I’m pretty sure he'd take an entire firing squad for Joshie.”

“Joshua does like to go on about how cool and nice he thinks your roommate is,” Anna says with a small smile. “But, how did you end up rooming with this… guy, anyway? I’m guessing the thing about him being another former co-worker from Black Mesa was just a cover story?”

“It wasn’t, actually,” corrects Gordon. “He really did work as a security guard there. I have no idea how or why he ended up in that job, though.”

“You don’t?” Anna asks.

Gordon shrugs. “He doesn’t talk about himself much, and I don’t ask.”

Anna gives him the ‘I love you but are you fucking serious’ look. “I, ah, think that maybe you SHOULD ask, especially if you’re gonna be living with him indefinitely.”

Gordon rubs at the back of his neck sheepishly. “Well, you see, when he first moved in here, I set up a bunch of ground rules for him to follow. He agreed, but only if I let him set some rules, too. One of his rules was to not ask him invasive questions,” Gordon explains.

“Asking your co-worker why he picked his job counts as ‘invasive'?” Anna asks, raising a brow.

“I mean, maybe? I don’t know!” says Gordon. “He’s a weird alien-thing, I never know how he’s gonna react to stuff.”

“Okay, okay… But still, why he’s living here with you? You’d said it was because he had no other place to stay after losing his old job. That still true, too?”

Gordon nods. “Apparently he just lived in the facility dorms before. And he’s here specifically with me because he had to live with a member of the Science Team, and I’m the only one on the team who had the space for him.”

“Why does he have to stay with one of you guys?”

“…For reasons I legally can’t talk about,” Gordon says simply.

Ah, he did say this Benry stuff was kind of Black Mesa related, didn’t he, Anna thinks… Wait.

“…He didn’t cause the accident at your old workplace, did he?”

Gordon shakes his head. “No, he… well, he was there when it happened, and him being there may've factored in… But he didn’t directly cause it,” he explains. He purposefully neglects to tell Anna that he’s the one who caused the accident. He’s not quite ready for that conversation yet.

He’s also not ready to tell her Benry’s one of the major causes of a lot of his PTSD, either. Or about all the people he killed for seemingly no reason. OR about how he turned into a giant fucked up monster and tried to kill Gordon and his friends… She, uh, would probably start to worry herself to death over Gordon and not let Joshie come over anymore if she knew about all that…

Speaking of Joshua, the six-year-old is all of a sudden dashing into the kitchen, b-lining for Gordon.

“Daddy! You can’t let Benny grow a beard when he’s him and you’re you again!”

-----------------------------

If Benry had ever thought about maybe growing his hair out like Gordon’s before, those thoughts have all been completely discarded now.

Turns out that taking care of this much hair is a major pain in the ass. It is taking him so. Dang. LONG to wash all this shit. He can’t understand how Gordon puts up with this bs. The price humans must pay for beauty, he guesses.

When Benry’s finally done with washing Gordon’s mane of hair, he slips out of the shower and begins the next arduous step: drying it all. He tries seeing if he can get away with just towel drying it… but, nah, too much hair here for that. Time to break out the hair dryer.

…Benry has no idea where Gordon keeps his hair dryer.

Pulling on some sweatpants and draping a towel around his borrowed shoulders, Benry heads out of Gordon’s master bath and bedroom, with the intent of finding and asking him where he keeps the dryer. However, soon as he steps out into the hall, he’s greeted by someone else entirely.

“Daddy!” Joshua chimes.

oh shit, Benry thinks, before responding to the boy. “uh- heyyy there, joshie bro.”

The smile that was on Joshua's face falls, and his expression is replaced by a confused one. “Heeeey, YOU don’t call me bro, just Benny calls me that,” he says. “And Benny was talkin' like you at me, too. Why you guys doin’ that?”

aw damn, sussed out by a six-year-old. After a quick glance down the hall, Benry kneels down to get more face level with Joshua, and speaks in a hushed tone, “it’s because i'm not your dad and he’s not benry. i'm benry, and he’s your dad. we got body swapped, yo.”

The boy’s eyes go wide at that, and after doing an exaggerated gasp, he whispers back, “Did a mad scientist get ya?”

“nah, it was kinda my fault. but it’s all good, man. tommy's pops is gonna fix us up when he gets back from some trip he’s on,” Benry assures.

“Oh that’s good,” Joshua says. “I like you guys better when you’re you and dad’s dad. You’re not s'posed to have a beard.”

Benry snorts. “oh yeah? what if i decide i like having a beard, huh? maybe when i'm back in my body i'll grow me one.”

"No!"

“you could call me beardry.”

“Noooo!”

“oh i'm thinkin' yes. grow me uh, an epic wizard beard.”

“Nooooooo!” Joshua continues to protest, but with a smile plastered on his little face. Benry laughs at him, but then Joshua suddenly takes off down the hall, heading towards the kitchen.

“yo, hold up!” Benry calls after the boy as he gives chase. When he reaches the kitchen himself, he’s greeted by the sight of Joshua clinging to his father’s borrowed leg.

“Daddy! You can’t let Benny grow a beard when he’s him and you’re you again!” Joshua cries.

Gordon looks at his son, but then up to Benry when he notices the other in the entryway. Gordon’s ex is also sitting at the table, and she follows Gordon’s gaze to look at Benry, too.

“uhhhhh…” Benry mumbles, lightly chewing on his borrowed lip.

“Hey, relax,” says Anna. “Gordon already explained all this weirdness.”

“oh. ‘kay, cool,” Benry says, and does visibly relax.

“What’s this about you growing a beard?” Gordon speaks up.

“lil' mans said ‘m not allowed to have one ‘cause i'd look weird,” Benry explains.

“You would!” Joshua says. “Super weird! Like that time daddy didn’t have one!”

“Hey!” Gordon says with mock offense. “I didn’t look that weird!”

“Yeah, you just looked like a sixteen-year-old high schooler,” says Anna, which gets her a frown from Gordon.

Oh no, Benry’s picturing that now. It’s a little too easy to, honestly. “yooo, gordon got a case of baby face? ha ha, nice,” he says, laughing.

Gordon continues to get ribbed by his family and roommate about his ‘baby face’ for a good bit, before Anna checks the time and announces she and Joshua have to get going. Apparently, they just stopped by real quick to say hello while they happened to be on this side of town. As usual, Anna (and Joshie) both swear to secrecy in regards to the new info they just learned before they leave. As they head back to the car, Gordon steps out with them to see them off and give his son a hug. Benry watches from the living room window, and can’t help but feel a little… something. He’s not entirely sure what. But he always gets the feeling whenever he sees Gordon interacting with his family like this.

He’s never mentioned it to Gordon. Or anybody else.

It’s fine. It’s not important.

Gordon comes back in, and Benry finally asks him where the hair dryer is (turns out it was in the top left drawer under the sink. Why didn’t he think to look there???). After hair is dried and a shirt is put on, the rest of the day is significantly less eventful. Lunch is had, video games are played, YouTube is watched, Gordon keeps giving him weird looks when he notices Benry being way quieter than normal- oh. He should probably say something, huh.

“admiring yourself, freeman?” Benry says to the man at the other end of the couch. As predicted, Gordon’s expression scrunches up into an annoyed scowl. All according to plan.

The annoyed look leaves Gordon’s face pretty quickly, though, and he replies, “No, you’ve just been weirdly quiet ever since Joshie and Anna left. Is something up?”

aw fuck he was supposed to get distracted. “nah, just don’t feel like talking. your dumb human vocal chords feel weird.” nice save.

Or, well, it would be a nice save if Gordon wasn’t very clearly mentally pressing X to doubt right now.

…Theeeeen again, maybe it really WAS a nice save, as Gordon doesn’t press any further, instead changing the subject. “…Y’know, I’ve been wondering. How did you end up working at Black Mesa anyway?”

“'cause they gave me the job,” Benry answers simply.

“Okay, but WHY did they give you the job?”

“’cause i was good at it.”

Apparently, that wasn’t the answer Gordon was looking for, as he gives an exasperated sigh and turns his attention back to the T.V. screen.

Benry kind of has an idea about what kind of answer Gordon probably was looking for, but he doesn’t really… feel like telling him. Talking about the Not Good parts of his past would just bring up unnecessary drama and shit, and nobody wants that. Besides, it’s the past. Can’t change it. No use worrying about it.

It's not important.

--------------------

Welp, Gordon can now tell Anna that he knows so little about Benry’s history not for lack of trying. He didn’t bother trying to get any better answers out of the entity, as he’d probably have better luck getting blood from a stone. Same reason he didn’t try asking again why the guy was being extra quiet.

Whatever. If Benry doesn’t want to talk about his feelings, that’s none of Gordon’s business.

It’s late at night now. Benry has since gone to bed, while Gordon’s still wide awake. And bored. God he is so fucking bored. Benry’s own usual go-to for keeping himself occupied at night is just more video games, but Gordon’s not really in the mood. He decides instead to open up the Tumblr app on his phone and see if there’s any new asks for the blog.

And of course, there aren’t.

Something does catch his eye, though. A conversation he had with one anonymous asker, about trying to get over his issue with Benry’s shape-shifting by voluntarily practicing it. Admittedly… it’s not exactly Gordon’s ideal way to pass the time, but he knows he really should get on it. Help ease his anxiety, and thus lower the chances of a repeat of that first night.

Gordon takes a deep breath to steel himself. Okay. Okay okay okay. Let’s do this shit.

…Uh. How exactly does he do it, again?

Every time he’s shape-shifted before, it was totally involuntary. Maybe… if he just thinks about doing it? Same way one would move their arm by just thinking about moving it. Yeah, let’s try that. Lifting his borrowed right arm, he focuses on the thought of it growing a little longer, like when he reached for that glass on the high shelf.

And much to Gordon’s surprise, that… actually fucking works. His borrowed right arm is now several inches longer than his left. And there wasn’t even any weird squirming in his insides or flesh-tearing feelings when it happened, either. He turns and twists the limb this way and that, taking in how, aside from the added length, it still looks like a totally normal arm (well, normal for Benry, anyway). Hell, it even FEELS normal. He was expecting it to feel weird and wrong, but it… really doesn’t. Changing shape is just that much of a normal, natural thing for Benry’s body, he supposes. He feels a little silly for putting this off for so long, now.

Gordon’s about to will it back to normal proportions, when he catches his reflection in his bedroom mirror. He gets a little chuckle out of the imagery of Benry with the mis-matched arms.

But then he also gets the strangest sense of deja vu.

Before he can dwell on that any further, though, his phone grabs his attention next, notifying him on receiving an email. Shortening his arm back (which also comes easy) and grabbing his phone, he sees it’s a response from his mom. Ever the night owl, his ma.

~~~

From: Beverly Freeman (mom) To: Gordon Freeman Subject: Re: childhood question

Hey there, honey! Good to hear from you again!

Childhood friends, hmm? You didn’t actually have any regular friends when you were that young, I don’t think. You mostly just played with your little brother. You DID have this one imaginary friend, though! I found an old drawing you did of him when you were little. I took a picture of it with my phone and attached the file (aren’t you proud of me?)

By the way, do you know if you’ll have Joshua this Thanksgiving? It’s been so long since we’ve had either of you over for turkey day, or since we’ve had both you and John in the same room!

Love Mom <3 (lol it’s a heart!)

[attached file: mybestfrend.jpeg]

~~~

Huh. Maybe that’s why he can’t remember any playmates he had as a kid. Because he didn’t have any. Makes sense, he guesses.

Gordon downloads the attached file, and then opens it up in his phone’s picture gallery.

[image description: An old child's drawing on wrinkled paper. It depicts a boy with green eyes and glasses standing next to a taller monster boy with sharp teeth, claws, and multiple eyes. They are both smiling. There is a brown mud puddle at their feet, and several pink and blue orbs floating around the monster boy's head. The words 'MY BEST FREND' are written at the bottom of the drawing. End description.]

...No fucking way.

#half life vr but it's freaky friday #fic repost

4 notes · View notes

blacktobackmesa · 2 years

Note

12 and 14 for the writer ask game!

12. What is your favorite theme/subject matter/trope/ship to write about? Why?

Exploring the absolute weirdness that is the world of hlvrai. I could-- and just about did, for this question-- wax philosophical about existentialism and reality, but just to get down to it, figuring out what Gordon and the AI Characters' lives could be like is downright fascinating. Also, figuring out the things that make Gordon different in their eyes! There's like, a two sentence moment in Good Fun With Good Buddies and Gordon where Gordon takes off/lifts up his VR headset for a moment to like, refresh, but because it's Darnold's perspective he just goes from a normal guy to freakishly lifeless. And then just snaps right back. Gordon Weirdman.

Also, favorite ship to write is Boomer. I'm not big on writing romance but I cannot separate them, it's not my choice. They're too damn good.

14. Share a snippet.

Will do! No context, not revised yet.

Gordon clapped his hands together as he took a seat. “Alright. Before we get started on anything else, there’s one thing we’ve got to get sorted. Name.”

“Oh, I know this one.” Benrey spoke. “Gordon Freeman.”

“Exactly,” Gordon said. He propped an elbow on the picnic table, hand primed to gesticulate as he began to speak “When–

“What do I win?”

Gordon disregarded Benrey. “When I was talking to Coomer, we–”

“C’mon, man, I want my prize.”

Gordon’s fingers clenched together. “We–”

“Why you gotta be mean?”

Grimacing, Gordon stretched out his arm and gave Benrey a couple pats on the head. “Well done. Good job. You did it.”

With Benrey satisfied, Gordon got back to business.

“When I brought this topic up with Coomer and Bubby, they referred to the Gordon who isn’t me with his full name, or just as Doctor Freeman. But if we use that name, it’s just going to be confusing.”

Tommy blinked. “Why’s that, Mr. Freeman?”

Gordon gestured to Tommy. “Exhibit A right here.”

Tommy looked puzzled for a moment, then raised his eyebrows. “Oh! Right. It’s– Sorry, Gordon. It’s a habit.”

“I don’t normally mind it,” Gordon assured his friend. “It’s like a nickname. It’s something you do, it feels familiar. But since you and your dad call me Freeman all the time, it’s not gonna be as clear who we’re talking about.”

Bubby nodded in agreement. “It’s going to take too long if we call him Doctor Gordon Freeman every time. Maybe just ‘Other Gordon’?”

Gordon shook his head. “It feels… weird. Labeling one of us as Gordon and the other as Other Gordon, I mean. It’s a little hard to describe, but I don’t think I really want to think of one of us as the original. That being said, despite my better judgment, I’m opening the floor for what we’re gonna call the Gordon Freeman in your memories. I’m going to remind you all that this is going to be a potentially emotional conversation, and you’re going to suggest things like Captain Fuck anyway, but I just wanted to say it.”

The air was still for just a moment.

Mr. Coolatta’s mouth curled in a ghost of a smile. “You’ve grown remarkably perceptive, Doctor Freeman.”

Gordon shrugged, smiling back. “I’ve had time to get to know the guys.”

#gordon streamman #hlvrai #tysm for the ask theyre GREAT questions

16 notes · View notes

vinnygordon · 9 months

Text

Ykw fuck it y'all get my scrambled hlvrai au of wreck it Ralph. It's just copy and pasted. It will be updated.

Quick doodle so far (very quick) not canon height. As in Bubby is smol unless he's angry and he grows tallll

"my name's Gordon Freeman Jr from the game Gordon Freeman Jr have you seen my friend Benrey?"

"Break it Benrey?"

"Yes! YES THATS HIM!"

"Should have locked him up when we had the chance...."

"Lock him up?"

"Not making the same mistake as you...."

"Benrey! Oh I'm so happy to see you!. Wait no. I'm. Not."

"plz fix this... Please?"

"I don't have to do shit! Excuse my potty mouth. I'm just so so CROSS at you! Do you have any idea what you've put me through?! All this chasing around the others are scared then ahhh... I met this most dynamite gal... Oh he gives me the honeyglow something awful. But, she rejected my affection! An then, I GOT THROWN IN JAIL!"

"'m sorry..."

"You don't know what it's like being rejected and treated like a criminal!"

"Uh.... Sure I do. Playin that game everyday bro. It's why I ran off. Benny boy tryin to be the good guy but I'm not. Epic fail. Now can you uh... Don't have to forgive y'know but uh... Young boy and the game depends on it for him to uh... Get this racehorse car back in order. Fix? Pretty please?"

"Heh.... Fine...." (said gal is Forzen and boy is Joshie)(Gordon falls for Forzen at first then for Benrey later and fozen is like "rude wtf" and Benrey is just "ha fuck you bro")

Turbo is Gman (I dislike gman that's why :))))

Benrey goes to destroy the mentos thing (dunno what it'll be in cowboy, just dynamite?) And Gordon pushes away from Forzen, the science team and Joshie glitches to run after Gordon as wel.

Gman ends up destroying Gordon's arm but he can't fix it cause it's virus issues if won't work as he and Josh push Benrey out the way so he doesn't die. Tommy and Coomer are from other games that the plugs got pulled. Bubby is the sour guy.

"I can't remember nobody can, gman locked away our memories and modified us to fit his theme"

Like Benrey shaoeshifts as the levels go on to destroy the facility and Gordon fixes it

I like to imagine Forzen, Darnold and Tommy are in a shooting game, but Tommy's was pulled. Coomer I guess just a fighting one like the classics and his special ability is to like muktiolyfor a KO.

Oh god Sour Bubby prototypes- only he's spicy cause cowboy.

Viruses are obviously xen creatures like

Forzen modded her game so he (she/him pronouns) could appear androgynous (help from Darnold and Tommy). Gordon his game had a fault being made and he was a guy when his game art and other arcades are him as fem.

See I thought of Darnold being like a potions seller in a shooting game but what if he's Tapper.

Benreys sweet voice is like his health.

Benrey sees that gman has destroyed Gordon's hand and he's PISSED. So after he explodes the dynamite to explode the volcano, he jumps to the virus gman and makes him look at the light and bleed virus blood.

They just adopt Joshua both of em. Benrey watching people love playing with Joshua even when he's mute (he's like qbert type like just ! And that) and glitchy at times but he's not a guaranteed win still a challenge unlike Vanellope

"you live here?"

Joshua claps and smiles, rushing to the little makeshift bed next to a vamp fire near the volcano and bundles in the blankets, a heart emote above his head

"All by yourself? With all this garbage..."

Joshua shrugs sadly miming he shouldn't exist and his glitchiness makes it dangerous.

Benrey rubs the back of his neck and watches the lava bubble and explode a little

"Why don't you leave?"

A red circle with a line through it followed by a glitchy emote. He mimes being unable to get through a door. Before flopping onto his bed sadly, cowboy hat flying off.

Benrey looked between this child and the unfinished race course, before looking at the newly made, messy mechanical horse. His four arms sprouted thicker and tougher, claws becoming like shovels as he quickly scooping the dirt away, tail swiping rocks side to side as he rushed further all around the lava.

Joshua bubbled question marks and exclamation marks, making shocked beeping noises.

"It's a uh... Track. Tadaaa. Can uh... Learn to drive cool horse rather than the uh... Peddle horse."

#hlvrai #darnold pepper #gordon feetman #gordon hlvrai #benrey #hlvrai au #updating soon cause im so not normal about it

1 note · View note

thezeekrecord · 1 year

Text

would you rather

[index/summary]

Gordon wasn’t surprised in the slightest to discover, upon Benry’s invitation, that his bedroom was the basement. After watching Benry’s full day of work, pitching in a little bit here and there when he felt it was a simple enough task, Benry led him down the stairs and through the door to reveal a shockingly clean room. It wasn’t pristine, yet it was cleaner than Emmet’s—the bed was carefully made and all garbage and clothes were where they belonged, save for a mug and a couple cans of soda left behind on the desk in a neat line. Benry plopped down in his computer chair, jostling the desk a little bit as he reached for his Playstation controller. Gordon got a peek at the computer, now woken by the movement of the mouse; on the desktop, he found a dreamy picture of Legolas.

“...Big Lord of the Rings fan?” Gordon asked, nodding at his desktop.

“Huh? Is that what this guy’s from?” Benry replied absent-mindedly. “This was the desktop when I got it. Thought it was funny, so I didn’t change it.”

Gordon shook his head at the reminder of his computer’s origin, but couldn’t help a laugh nonetheless. “Man. I feel bad for that kid, still.”

“I saved all her stuff.” Benry told him, finding and holding up an external hard drive. “All I kept on here was the desktop picture. Her dad’ll get her a new computer eventually, so when I next see her, I’m gonna give this to her.”

Gordon shrugged, letting it go and sitting down on the edge of his bed. Benry hooked the Playstation up to the TV next to his desk, connecting to a Call of Duty server. As he let it spend a frankly ridiculous amount of time loading, he stood and approached the landline phone conveniently set up nearby, dialing a number by memory and leaning back against the wall.

“Tommy! Wanna play COD?” Benry asked with a grin, pronouncing the acronym like he was talking about the fish. Gordon waited patiently as Benry listened to Tommy’s reply. “Wha—? No, he’s right here...?”

Gordon paused as he realized his mistake. He’d just taken off for Benry’s house—no word or message left behind for his friends to know where he went. Gordon made a sheepish face at Benry as they made eye contact. Benry wordlessly held out the phone, so Gordon leaned forward to take it and put it to his ear.

“...Hey, Tommy.” Gordon greeted with a nervous laugh. “Uhh, sorry I disappeared on you guys.”

“What—Mr. Freeman, what are you doing at Benry’s house?” Tommy questioned. “I tried to visit you at your office, you just weren’t there. Then Darnold tried to stop by your apartment before coming home, and you weren’t there, either. I tried calling you, too...”

“I know, I know, it’s sudden.” Gordon replied with a sigh. “Uhh—it’s just...my parents are in town, I needed to get away.”

“Oh. Of course, Mr. Freeman.” Tommy said empathetically. “If you needed to get away, you could’ve always stayed with me, though.”

“No, yeah, I appreciate that, but...distance is kinda key in this situation.” Gordon sighed guiltily. “I’ll be back home as soon as I can be sure they’re gone.”

“Alright, then. Let us know if you need anything.” Tommy told him gently. “Uhh—I’ll just go knock on Darnold’s door, then we could join you guys to play Call of Duty.”

Gordon was glad he brought his headset and his proper one-handed controller, anticipating they might be playing together like this. They played late into the night, until there was an abrupt knock on the basement door. Benry groaned and pulled his headset off.

“Fuck off, Emmet, we’re busy!” Benry shouted.

“C’mon, you know how early you gotta get up.” Emmet replied. “Be responsible for once.”

“I’m like, 27, man, I can stay up late if I want to.” Benry argued, putting his headset back on.

“Actually, I might wanna call it a night.” Gordon pointed out, glancing at the time on his phone—which was really the only function it served here, without cell service. “It’s pretty late.”

Benry whined as Darnold and Tommy agreed. Moments later, they were logging off, Gordon unplugging and collecting his headset and controller to take back upstairs to sleep. If he was to help Benry with the cows in the morning, he was going to have to be sure to get up bright and early.

****

Gordon woke with a start at someone banging on his door. He jolted upright and reached instinctively to his side, expecting to feel the cool grip of a gun in his palm. Several jarring seconds went past as he both did and didn’t feel his right hand attempting to grip something; as his brain clawed its way into lucidity, the sensation subsided, and he remembered where he was. He let out a heavy sigh, pushing hair out of his face.

“Wakey wakey, eggs ‘n bakey.” Benry called from the other side of the door. “Casa de Calhoun ain’t free. You gotta help with the cows.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it! Gimme a minute, Jesus Christ.” Gordon called back as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “Lemme get dressed, I’ll be down in a few.”

“Do you need a minute? Or a few of ‘em?”

Gordon grabbed one of the more decorative pillows from the bed and threw it at the door. “Go away! Give me some peace!”

“Well, I’m gonna go take Emmet to work. Go eat your breakfast, I’ll be back.”

Gordon threw himself out of bed at that, opening the door to catch Benry before he made it to the stairs. “Hold on! You’re leaving me here alone?”

Benry turned to look at Gordon like he had two heads. “What, do I gotta babysit you?”

Gordon glanced towards Moula’s bedroom. The door was open, and the light was off. He assumed she must have been downstairs—which, of course, was where Gordon would have to get his breakfast from. It wasn’t anything entirely against her; as a fellow parent, he understood her protectiveness of Benry. If anyone even thought about harming a single hair on Joshua, he knew he wouldn’t be nearly as collected as Moula had been thus far. As Gordon, though—the man who had killed her son—he wasn’t so eager to try and make polite conversation without Benry as a buffer.

“I mean...can’t I just ride with you and Emmet?” Gordon suggested hopefully.

“What? Without a shirt?”

Gordon glanced down at himself, forcibly reminded of his own indecency.

“You can ride with me ‘n Emmet if you wake up on time.” Benry chastised, proceeding down the stairs without him. “Be back in a few.”

Gordon gave up, watching Benry disappear down the staircase. With a deep sigh, he picked out some decent clothes to change into before he stopped at the top of the staircase. Spending a few moments steeling himself for awkward silence, he headed downstairs.

Down in the kitchen, Gordon found Moula stood at the sink, sleeves rolled up to wash dishes. Much like the previous morning he had spent here, he saw an assortment of food set out on the counter. This time, it looked as though whoever had cooked was in the mood for rice, with eggs and chopped vegetables to add to it. He cleared his throat, alerting her of his presence as he stepped into the kitchen to join her.

“Um...want some help?” Gordon offered, eyeing the drying rack precariously full of clean dishes layered on top of each other.

Moula gave him a glance over her shoulder. She didn’t look either pleased or displeased to see him; she just seemed tired, was all, Gordon thought. She let out a small huff as she scrubbed at a pan in the sink. “Sure, Gordon. Thank you.” She replied politely.

Gordon took up a rag to dry dishes with, struggling to find their assigned places in their kitchen. When he’d take a little too long figuring out where something went, Moula would break the silence to point him in the right direction. The rack was nearing halfway empty when Gordon decided he was sick of the awkward pauses.

“So, uhh—you live here in Colorado long?” He asked desperately.

Moula hummed thoughtfully. “Some part of me never feels like it’s been quite so long, but it has been a while. My family moved here shortly before I started college to be closer to some other family...”

“Do you like it here?”

Moula cast Gordon a brief, curious look before she turned back to the dishes. “For the most part, yeah. There’s a lot I miss about home, though.”

“Yeah, I feel that.” Gordon agreed as he carefully put away a pot lid, trying not to make a ruckus. “It’s nice that there’s trees here. Not a lot of green, out in New Mexico. I think that’s one of the things I miss most about Washington. It’s like everything in New Mexico is dead.”

“The desert isn’t dead.” Moula corrected with interest. “There’s plenty to look at, if you rethink what you’re supposed to be looking for.”

“Huh. Yeah, I guess that’s a good point.” Gordon said distantly, imagining the landscapes of home. He’d have to pay closer attention when he drove back, he thought.

“...I’d miss trees too, though, to be fair.” Moula added with a small laugh.

Gordon laughed with her, just a slightly-less-awkward chuckle.

“You know, despite everything, I think Benry will appreciate having some help with the cows.” Moula said suddenly. “He manages on his own, but it’s a lot of work and some long hours, doing it alone. I remember starting out while the boys were still in school most of their days. I thought I’d be ready for it, but I don’t think I stopped being sore for at least a few months.”

“Yeah, it never struck me as easy work.” Gordon said. “...I heard you used to be a vet tech. Do you like cow farming better, or...?”

“It’s leagues better.” Moula told him with a whole-hearted smile. The smile quickly faded, though, and she turned her gaze back to the dishes evasively. “At least...it was, back when I was strong enough for it.”

“Oh, uhh...yeah. Sorry about that.” Gordon said sympathetically. “...I know it sucks, when something disabling happens in your life like that.”

They both paused as Gordon rubbed his palm over his right arm. He’d had the time to adjust—he figured some things out on his own and got help with others, like his one-handed controller; still, his life was never going to be the same as before the resonance cascade. He wondered about Moula’s condition, in comparison—was this debilitating exhaustion something that could be worked on? Or did it just come down to long-term management of how she was now?

Moula eventually sighed, giving him a small, half-hearted smile. “Yeah. It fucking sucks.”

Gordon returned the slight smile before looking back down at his arm, chewing on his lip. A few moments of reflective silence passed before he glanced up at her again, finding she was looking him over. Gordon hesitated, the social anxiety that had left him over the course of their brief conversation returning in a flood.

“What?” Gordon asked nervously.

Moula set the last clean dish in the drying rack, taking up another rag to dry her hands off. Once they were dry, she leaned back against the counter, pushing some of her messy hair out of her face and crossing her arms.

“What happened at Black Mesa, Gordon?” She asked, furrowing her brow.

Gordon stammered uselessly for a couple of seconds. “I—...what do you mean, ‘what happened’? Benry probably told you everything already, right? At least...from his perspective, I guess.”

Moula shook her head slowly. “He hasn’t told me much, actually.” She said pensively. “I don’t mean that to say I think there’s any justifiable reason for you to have killed him. But...well, first of all, you don’t strike me as the type to think of murder as the first solution.”

“Um...thanks?”

“Second of all, I know Benry. I can see there’s a lot more to how he feels about you.” She continued seriously. “If it were up to me, based on what little I know, I wouldn’t like to have you around my son. Honestly, I expected him to turn you away, too, but...even though you killed him, he’s still let you back into his life.”

Gordon frowned deeply, absent-mindedly running the dish rag over an already dry plate in slow, useless circles. “I...yeah. I guess he has.”

“All he’s told me is that you walked in one day without ID, so—”

“Passport.” Gordon interrupted in a harrowed voice. He swallowed hard, trying to force down the nausea starting to stir in his stomach as he thought of the resonance cascade. “...It was my passport. I didn’t have my passport.”

"...Okay, sure, passport.” Moula said dismissively. “...After that, he said something went wrong with a test, and the whole facility broke down. You all were trying to escape, but in the end, when you all could have just gone home, you turned on him and killed him.”

“That’s not—no, no, that’s missing a lot of key details.” Gordon said, leaving the plate long forgotten on the counter. “Listen. Yes, I didn’t have my passport. Yes, something went wrong with the test. Aliens that were trying to kill us were popping up left and right, and then, the military showed up to cover it all up and kill everyone. He...”

Gordon hesitated, his chest starting to hurt as he remembered being plunged into darkness. He took in a stuttering breath, doing his best to speak evenly. “I’ve had my reasons for getting to the point where I didn’t trust Benry. He wasn’t...I mean, he was following us around, but...he wasn’t on my side. Like, seriously, it wasn’t even just him. I’ve had this issue with a couple of the others who were there with me, and we’ve had to work through it. Bubby and Dr. Coomer—there were points where they saw an easy way out, so they tried to take it, and—...and I got hurt because of it.”

He felt tears stinging at his eyes, holding his right arm close to his chest as a familiar aching feeling settled into it. “What we went through was fucked up. The thing is, I just—there’s a part of me that gets it, on some level. I don’t know what the strategy was with the military—try to make deals to capture and kill me, and then get everyone else later? But...I mean, if they’d approached me, and said that if I turned one of my friends over, they’d get me safely back up to the surface to my son...” He choked on a small sob he’d been doing his best to hold back, averting his eyes from Moula. “I guess it’s hard to say, in retrospect, whether or not I would’ve taken it. But I get it, because I sure as fuck know there’d be a part of me that would consider it. It’s just self-preservation. No matter how hard you try to think with morals, we’ve had self-preservation instincts baked into us since humans even evolved—I mean, since the start of life on Earth, really. No matter what you’re thinking, your brain and your body don’t want to die. You’ll look for any way out of death that you can. So...I get it.”

Gordon desperately wiped at the tears falling down his cheeks, unable to help another sob. He shut his eyes tight and tried to take in deep breaths to calm himself, but at this point, it was futile. He turned to lean his elbows against the counter, covering his face as he cried for several moments. “And—I mean, I don’t know if I’ll ever fully forgive them for it. But I’ve reached the point where I can say I understand, and I can still be friends with them, because circumstances are different, now—plus, at least they apologized. ” He went on through his sobs. “But Benry? He had just as much of a hand in selling me out to the military as Bubby did. With Bubby, I kind of got it, because I know he didn’t think they’d hurt me as bad as they did. But—but Benry—he fucking said he wanted me dead.”

It took a moment for Gordon to collect himself enough to breathe evenly. He glanced at Moula once he’d calmed down a little. She wasn’t looking at him, anymore; her eyes were unfocused as she stared vaguely ahead of her, brow furrowed as she chewed on her lip thoughtfully. When she did look at him, she had a conflicted expression, clearly still taking this in. He was grateful she was just listening, at least; no interruptions, and no obligation to try and mitigate his crying.

“I-...I just...” Gordon went on, reaching for a paper towel to clean his face. It was rough against his skin, but it was the least disgusting solution he had at the moment. “I never wanted to kill or hurt anyone. But...in Black Mesa, during the resonance cascade, I killed more people than I can even count, all so I could be here today. And—and it’s horrific. What it looked like, what it sounded like, how it felt—all of it is burned into my head. It was self defense, but...I don’t think I’m ever going to forget it. I can’t forget that I reached a point where it just...it got easier to...” Gordon fought back another sob threatening to escape, covering his face again to avoid Moula’s gaze. “It got easier to kill whoever got in my way, than it was to try to find any other way around it.”

When Gordon lost his ability to speak again, Moula finally said something. “So...that’s how it happened, then? You lost your trust in him, and he got in your way?”

Keeping his eyes firmly covered, Gordon forced in a deep breath to answer. “There was this point where he kept insisting we go back, even though we were told we had to go to some other dimension to kill something, if we wanted to stop what was going on.” He explained, voice shaking. “When he got big, I mean...I don’t know what else I was supposed to think or do. He’d already said to me he wanted me to die, and he was obstructing me at every fucking opportunity he got. I was told that there was something there that was causing aliens to teleport to Earth, and I mean—I didn’t know how far that extended. Was it just Black Mesa, or was it all over? Either way, as far as I could tell, doing that would save myself, my friends, and...maybe a bunch more people. He was the only one there that seemed powerful enough to do something like that, and he was following me around, saying he was gonna kill me. Killing him was—...at the time, it seemed like my only option to get back home alive. And it’s not easy, thinking back to killing him. Everyone around me acts like I don’t find it difficult. But...out of everyone I killed...I knew Benry the longest. Nobody else in the Science Team seems to think it haunts me, but...even if I haven’t been sure there was any other way we were going to live, and no matter how much I feel like I must hate him, no matter how necessary it felt and how motivated I was to do it in the moment...after the fact, I-...it really, really does haunt me.”

“...You’re not here because of your parents, are you?”

Gordon looked at Moula in surprise. He couldn’t even formulate a response to that; his brain felt like it was on fire, thinking so extensively of Black Mesa again, and no longer had the capacity to think about anything else.

Moula sighed deeply, dragging a palm down her face. “I get it, if you’re here to find something in Benry that would give you...I don’t know, answers or closure, maybe, for what happened.” She said exhaustedly. “This feels out of my league. I don’t think there’s anything I can tell you that would help any of this make more sense, and I’m not interested in trying to intervene in my son’s life like that, anyway. That’s for you two to sort out. But what I can tell you is that none of that sounds like my boy.”

Of course, his mother would say that, Gordon thought to himself. Why was he telling her all of this, anyway? He wondered. It wasn’t like Benry was going to let her be on anyone’s side but his own. He was just sobbing in front of her for no reason. He gripped the edge of the countertop tightly, biting his lip hard as he strained to stop crying fully.

“It sounds like there’s a lot more to what happened at Black Mesa that neither of you fully understand.” Moula assessed thoughtfully. “If you really want to know more, and you’re not here to hurt Benry...” A sharp look formed in her eyes at that, “it’d be worth being patient for a real conversation about it. He can be slow to come around to talking about something hard, but in my experience, he just needs extra time to think about it. I can see that he’s trying. I know he’ll open up to you sooner rather than later, if you keep working with him.”

Gordon nodded slowly. “...Yeah. Okay.” He murmured.

Moula looked like she was thinking something over hard for several moments. She took in a deep breath, giving Gordon a deeply intense look. “I know it’s complicated, considering he doesn’t actually die. I’m not going to pretend it’s not, and it changes the situation to you a little bit, I’m sure. But the intent is still there for me. I can’t speak to what happened leading up to your fight in Black Mesa, and I’m trying very, very hard to keep cool about all this for Benry’s sake. But I will say that now, in these circumstances, Benry does not deserve to die. And if you do try to hurt him, all bets are off. I won’t hesitate to put a stop to it myself if I have to.”

“...I’m not gonna hurt him.” Gordon said hollowly.

A few tense seconds passed, Moula just watching him closely, before she let out a long breath. She nodded slowly, indicating towards the remaining rice on the counter. “You should eat.” She said, reaching for one of the clean dishes to start drying. “After that, I’m sure Benry would appreciate it, if you got a head start on cleaning up in the barn. I’ll show you what needs to get done.”

“Uhh—are you sure you should be doing that?” Gordon asked, starting to feel slightly more stable. “I don’t want you to push yourself, I mean, I can just wait for Benry.”

Moula shot him an exhausted, slightly irritated look. “I said I’ll do it, so I’ll do it. You don’t know my limits.”

Gordon nodded and backed off, taking one of the bowls of rice from the counter. “Yeah, of course. Sorry.”

After having his fill of breakfast, Moula and Gordon bundled up to head out to the barn, Beef rushing ahead dutifully to wait by the doors. Gordon still wasn’t used to the smell of the barn; he was sure it became just as normal to the Calhouns as the smell of their own house, but it’d probably take him a while to reach that point. Moula pointed out what Gordon needed to do and what tools to use for it, taking up some of the lighter tasks herself. Gordon couldn’t sugarcoat it—it was disgusting. Fortunately, it only took a few minutes for his brain to switch gears from oh Jesus what the fuck am I doing to it’ll be good to get this done, and Moula and Gordon proceeded in silence.

Gordon never actively enjoyed cleaning, but he had to admit, it usually helped when something triggered him. He’d try to visualize the mess he was addressing as clutter in his own brain; physically taking care of the mess got his blood moving, and watching the space around him clear out helped put him at ease. He was feeling much better as he finished up cleaning the floor when the barn doors opened again, revealing Benry. He pulled the hood of his coat off, casting a worried look at Moula.

“Mama Moula, you should be inside.” He said, rushing to her side like she might faint at any moment. “Remember what that doctor said? Something, something, cold and immune system or whatever...”

“It’s fine, Benry. I’m not gonna spend the rest of my life inside.” Moula replied, waving him away. “I was just getting Gordon started out here.”

Gordon waved at Benry wordlessly when he glanced his way. He seemed far less interested in his presence than he was in Moula’s wellbeing, though; he grabbed a stool from the corner and dragged it over to Moula, setting it out beside her.

“At least sit down. Don’t fall over.” He said, urging her to sit.

“I feel fine right now.” Moula told him with a smile as she sat down. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

A concerned, irritated look spread over Benry’s face. He made a few vague gestures with his hands and said some nonsense noises, like there was too much to point out, and he simply didn’t know where to start.

“Maybe you need to sit down.” She told him playfully.

Benry gave up trying to put his thoughts to words, instead sighing and stuffing his hands into his pockets.

“C’mere.” Moula said, beckoning Benry closer.

Moula kept waving him closer until he was bending down at eye level with her. She cast a glance in Gordon’s direction before cupping her hands around her mouth, so Benry offered her his ear to whisper into. The polite part of Gordon wanted to give them privacy, but the curious part won out this time, watching them as Moula closed the gap to whisper to him. Instead of telling him any secrets, though, she blew a raspberry in his ear. Benry looked taken off guard, bursting out into a surprised laugh and pushing her away playfully.

Gordon was happy to let Benry and Moula’s attention stay mostly on each other for the next short while, as he finished up the chores Moula had directed him to. It gave him an emotional buffer, some time to recover from earlier and think.

Maybe it was weird, he thought, how Benry would so quickly transition into death threats, the way he had in Black Mesa. Part of what made Gordon so on edge about him back then was never quite knowing where he stood with him; one minute, Benry would be bizarrely flirting with him, and the next, he’d be stating with full confidence that he wanted him dead. Then again, whatever the answer was, did it matter in the end? Yes, he had his own selfish reasons for wanting Benry gone—how could he feel truly safe, with him around?—but at the same time, how he felt wasn’t really the point. It would probably take years to unravel the meaning behind Benry’s twisted and convoluted behavior, and that was time he didn’t have. Mr. Coolatta had made it very clear that it was in everyone’s best interest if Benry was disposed of. Even if it didn’t feel like it was.

Gordon let out a small sigh, pushing hair out of his face as he got back to work. Some part of him relaxed as he reasoned himself beyond getting into Benry’s past actions. He didn’t want to think about the guy’s feelings or justifications for what he’d done. None of that mattered.

“Gordon, hey.” Benry’s voice cut through his thoughts suddenly, bringing Gordon back to the present. He looked his way in a daze, finding Benry and Moula staring at him.

“Huh? What?” Gordon asked.

“Would you rather have to make dinner for five super picky two-year-olds—and they all have to get the same thing—or every time you close your eyes for two weeks, including blinking, you smell rotten milk? The babies have guns, by the way.”

Gordon stared at Benry for several long seconds. The moment a small snort escaped him, the floodgates opened, and he burst out into hysterical, screaming laughter. He was only laughing for a couple seconds before he grew lightheaded, sending him down to the freshly cleaned floor heavily. Even as pain shot through his hip as he landed, he kept laughing, rolling over onto his side as he struggled to breathe through his hysterics.

“What? It’s just a question. It’s not that funny.” Benry said with bewilderment.

Gordon’s stomach ached as he laughed, tears rolling down his face. Moula and Benry stared at him all the while, until finally, after what felt like an eternity, Gordon managed to stop. He had to take a few extra seconds to catch his breath before he answered.

“Easy.” He said, his voice raw from all the crying and laughing he’d already done today. “Cheese and crackers for dinner. Boom. Everyone’s happy.”

[previous | next]

1 note · View note

qhazomb · 3 years

Text

BACK TO THIS POST, and some of the major things that would play out differently if the events of HLVRAI eventually happened in the THINGVRAI setting:

benrey wouldn’t follow gordon into the test chamber (but would still use the passport thing to follow him a good bit as a thinly veiled excuse to chat up his boyfriend s’more before work :3c)

rescas still happens, as it didn’t matter how fast or slow gordon pushed the crystal into the laser. shit was always gonna hit the fan.

once gordon, benrey, bubby, tommy, and coomer all gather up, they’re at first gonna make a plan to head to the surface to leave, but then “Oh no, wait! Darnold! He- he’s down in Mixology!” so then they change the plan to head down there to grab darnold and THEN escape.

benrey assimilates a xen alien and is very briefly able to pick up that Something Weird is going on in their brains. like something that wasn’t supposed to be there. couldn’t get a better feel of it before it quickly faded, once he’d fully absorbed the other alien’s brain.

benrey gets cut in half by the door, and now has to find an alternate route to get his other half that was separated from the rest of him and the team back to them. he’s no longer concerned about outing himself as an alien in black mesa cause lol those bastards got way more pressing concerns at the moment. and also might not ever recover from this localized apocalypse that’s tearing the facility apart.

no skeletons freaking gordon and the others (but mostly gordon) out this time.

benrey gets his biomass back together when they reach the elevator (where benrey showed up after his first ‘respawn’ in canon)

benrey doesn’t get separated from the group again after that.

bubby and benrey don’t help stage the ambush for gordon. bubby doesn’t because him and gordon have known each other a good while by this point, and bubby considers him a friend, and like hell he’s gonna hand over a friend to those bootboy bastards. benrey is very well acquainted with the human body and all it’s strengths and limitations and also gordon is his fucking boyfriend and the first other sapient that was ever nice to him even after finding out what he really is, he’s not gonna hurt gordon, hell no.

gordon still gets ambushed, as he still needed to hit up that med station in the room. only this time after the lights go out, the soldiers only manage to go as far as knocking gordon to the ground before one of them lets out a blood curdling scream that quickly becomes muffled by horrible flesh tearing and meaty squelching sounds. other soldier kicks the lights back on to see his buddy getting engulfed and merged into some fucked up bloody mass of flesh and teeth and insectoid limbs. and eyes. lots of very angry eyes that are glaring daggers right at him. before the remaining soldier can try to shoot though, tommy nails him with a well-placed bullet, now that the lights are on again.

benrey learns from the memories of the bootboy he ate that they wanted some data storage from gordon’s HEV suit, that’s apparently stored in the right gauntlet, and they were planning on cutting his fucking arm off to get at it. major fucked up, bro. benrey temp assumes the soldier snack’s form, and is able to send a fake message that, while they caught freeman, the data storage was too damaged to recover, and that manages to get the bootboys off their backs. well, to a degree. the rest of the soldiers there are still gonna try and kill them along with every other living person left in the facility. but hey, at least they’re not specifically chasing down the science team, now.

they get to mixology and are glad to see darnold is okay (and also find out he had no idea what the hell was going on). their plan WAS to then try and go home after this, but by this point they’d been urged by so many other scientists and guards to get to the lambda lab, as they need help trying to stop all this.

darnold actually comes with this time! still doesn’t fight, though. benrey takes advantage of the extra biomass he’d gained and splits off an extra body guard for potion bro.

darnold also doesn’t go with them to xen. benrey’s extra body stays with darnold, and is able to keep darnold informed on what’s going down on the science team’s side of things as they happen.

benrey isn’t the ‘final boss’ this time, and the team actually get to see the nihilanth. which they’re not entirely sure how to deal with. benrey gets an idea though.

benrey launches himself at the nihilanth and manages to get a good couple of stings in, injecting it with clusters of his own cells. he gets smacked, hard, and then just lets the rest of his biomass lay there playing dead because owwwwwwwwwwwww. after that, the rest of the team are basically just having to ‘survive the clock’ while benrey’s cells make b-lines for the nihilanth’s most vital organs and start assimilating them. after he’s successfully replaced the nihilanth’s organs with himself, he just. stops doing organ things. no more beating heart, or breathing lungs, none of that. obviously this kills the nihilanth. not the most showy or climactic victory, but gordon doesn’t give a shit, he’s just happy they’re all fucking still alive.

i want whether mr. coolatta is actually human or not to be really vague, so no obvious alien power displays. thus tommy’s dad isn’t the one who gets them back out of xen. benrey is! he managed to pick up that portal creating ability from the nihilanth, and he opens up the way back home for everybody.

they don’t end up at chuck e cheese once they cross over, though. instead, they’re out in the desert by the roadside, a ways away from (what’s left of) the facility. darnold and benrey’s other body are waiting there... along with tommy’s dad, the three of them waiting in a big black van. mr. coolatta showed up and lead darnold and benrey up and out of the facility, and then drove them out there... where he somehow knew benrey would open up a portal from xen to get the rest of him and the science team back to earth.

“dude, tommy, there is no way your dad’s human. like for real, that guy seems even less human than ME.” “Right!? FINALLY someone agrees with me!” “I don- I don’t know what you and Mr. Freeman are talking about, Ben. My dad- he’s just a guy!”

the science team are all given nice fat hush money checks to keep quiet about all the shit that went down at black mesa. and benrey.... is allowed to continue on as he was. mr. coolatta will make no reports of his non-human status to his... employers... out of respect and thankfulness for helping stop all that business with the nihilanth, and keeping his son safe.

...mr. coolatta does make one vague comment about the antarctic outpost incident, though. a vague and very slightly threatening sounding comment.

benrey, uh, assures him he’s... chill. like, totally. cool as a fuckin’ ‘cuke over here, man.

the science team all decide that quitting working for black mesa and moving out of new mexico sounds like a great idea.

#thingvrai au

22 notes · View notes

6kuros · 3 years

Text

me: hmmm today i will post a short snippet of a thing i wrote and never finished but is decent on its own. post hlvrai benry coomer gordon interaction or someting.....i dont ever think ive shared my hlvrai writings before so enjoy.......

word count: 1240

benrey came to know the times when the sun disappeared as nighttime. night was when people were supposed to sleep. which was why every time gordon had laid down on the rigid pavement of black mesa, and instructed the others to go to sleep before he turned off the game, he closed off with a "good night", one directed towards each member of the party-- with the exception of benrey, whose presence with the team was inconsistent.

"Sleeping is almost like recharging a H.E.V. suit-- except you're the suit, and your bed is a charging station," doctor coomer explained with his ever-cheery tone. benrey didn’t really understand that either. he generally did not understand doctor coomer and did not care to try.

benrey didn't have a bed, which didn't end up mattering much because the first two days and nights at gordon’s house, he never slept. after being shown the tv and its game console, as well as around the house, he found ways to keep himself entertained. he liked the grainy blue of the tv screen when everything else was dark. no better time of day existed for him to sit an inch away from the tv as the bright fuzzy static poured into his eyes.

gordon slept the most. sometimes from the late evening until when the sun was past the middle of the sky the next day. tommy also slept this late sometimes, but he went to bed hours later than gordon. bubby and darnold's sleeping schedules were closest to gordon's, with a few hours shaved off before midday.

the third day, benrey found himself passed out on the couch. he woke up feeling something unfamiliar. he decided he did not like the feeling; it was sort of like when he was bored, but all over his body instead of his mind, and at the same time his body hurt. the kitchen was bustling and the sun was bright at the time of this awakening.

benrey slept earlier that evening, and ended up awake around 2 am. sleep was bullshit, he concluded, opting to sleep only when he felt like it. this was usually until he stayed up to a point of exhaustion and his body insisted that he get some fucking rest.

on his fifth or sixth day outside of the game-- he was starting to lose count --he wandered upstairs during the middle of the night. benrey spent most of his waking hours on the lower level, but boredom was typically right around the corner.

he was creeping down the narrow hallway when he was lured to gordon’s bedroom. he froze in place, a few feet away from the stair banister. muffled thunking and what gordon sounded like when he was panicking echoed through the walls. benrey traced the sounds to the room benrey had entered the house through-- gordon’s bedroom. a pathetic little light just barely shone from the door crack.

the noises got louder as benrey clutched the doorknob turned it to open the door. the light was the bedroom closet, its door wide open, illuminating the room enough so that benry could see gordon. gordon was in bed, his wailing achingly loud now. he thrashed and jerked in the sheets.

"No," benrey caught some of gordon's desperate mutterings. "No, no, why-- they-- no-- Benrey!"

"what?" benrey said.

then benrey realized gordon was asleep. he was moving and talking in his sleep.

gordon screamed and benrey jumped a little. it was odd that gordon stayed in bed so much, if even then he could hardly get a moment's peace.

gordon groaned. he wasn't thrashing around anymore. he held himself up with the arm he had, and trembled, head drooping at his pillows. he gasped and cried softly.

not sure if gordon was still entirely asleep or not, benrey began low at first; the equivalent to a hum. blue orbs were sent and concentrated just a little past his mouth.

gordon’s body still shook. benrey came a few steps closer, so that the sweet voice would hover near gordon's head. benrey couldn't see his face, but it was reassuring to that see gordon quietly lay down. benrey kept singing, changing inflection only occasionally in order to attain a simple tune. he didn't stop until gordon's back was rising and falling rhythmically.

be observed gordon. his shape was sloping and gentle, exposed by blankets tossed aside. only when the glowing blue orbs evaporated into nothing, did benrey leave.

he backed out of the room slowly.

“Hello, Benrey.”

benrey whirled around. doctor coomer stood in front of benrey with his arms behind his back. his facial expression was inscrutible in the dark.

"I saw you in there. No ulterior motives, I hope?" doctor coomer chuckled. they stood in the silent darkness for an elongated moment.

coomer’s mouth opened with a sigh, "You've caused quite some harm to Mr. Freeman you know? It's going to take some time for all of us to get used to you being here. Especially Gordon… I haven't the slightest idea why he brought you back. When he was just beginning to get better."

"Perhaps it's selfish for me to care about Mr. Freeman because of what he did for us. When I realized what I was… what I was a part of … it pained me to think that the relationship Gordon and I had might have been artificial all along. And that when he finished the game there would be… nothing."

benrey pursed his lips and waited for doctor coomer to get to the point. he didn’t really like listening to coomer berate him with flowery wordiness.

the doctor broke his intense gaze when he had said this, looking forlorn and to the side. then he looked back at benrey. "However, Mr. Freeman proved it was more than that. He treats me as if I'm real. And he brought us out of the game. I'd like to believe it was because he cared deeply about each and every one of us… but… he brought you back too."

silence suffocated the hallway. another new feeling spawned within him. in his stomach, something creeping and underlying that made him squirm.

"Looking back on it, Gordon and I had some wonderful memories together. But I've also realized a lot of his experience was far from pleasant. And Gordon doesn't need to be reminded of it anymore than he already is."

doctor coomer tilted his head up to meet benrey's height.

"You should know that I'm not the only one who wouldn't hesitate to get rid of you if any harm were to come to Mr. Freeman."

benrey’s throat went dry. he tried to move past doctor coomer but a few steps down the stairs and there was a hand tightening around his forearm.

“Do you understand that, Benrey?” doctor coomer whispered. he squeezed tighter and benrey couldn’t tug himself free.

“yes,” said benry. his feet were teetering on the edge of a step as he twisted and pulled. “let go of me."

he stumbled a few steps down the stairs when coomer released him. he didn't look back at coomer until he made it to the bottom of the stairs, past the corner that led to the kitchen. his breath was lodged in his throat. coomer faced gordon's door with his arms neatly folded behind him once more. over and over coomer's tellings echoed in benrey's mind as he slinked away.

#writing #fanfiction #hlvrai fanfic #gordon feetman #benry #benrey #dr coomer #coomer #idk what to tag this as #frenrey #vaguely?

122 notes · View notes

virtueangel · 3 years

Text

anyways,, what if gordon went back to apologise to benrey and they became best friends?

funny lil idea.

i would just like to believe that there is a world in which gordon feels bad about what he did to benrey — a world where he apologises, and maybe benrey feels a little bit bad as well.

headcanon is after “keep reading” — it’s pretty long, sorry lsdkfjslfj

but uh. yeah. here you go :)

The Apology

Time is relative. It’s a made-up concept — only created to measure and organise. Five months doesn’t seem like very long to someone who is on their deathbed; but it’s a hell of a lot longer to someone who can only seem to fill the space with guilt. Five months is a long time to be drowning for. Unfortunately, Gordon Freeman is the kind of man who fills the space with guilt. He’s had to learn the hard way that five months is, relatively, a long time.

He stands in front of his bathroom mirror, gripping the sink tightly and staring at himself with tired eyes. His skin has gone grey, and his hair has grown out like unmaintained ivy vines. His eyes look heavy without his glasses; like they’re pulling down his whole head with their weight. He wraps his hair into a loose bun, too tired to position it on the top of his head. He runs the faucet and leans over the sink, splashing cool water onto his face with his one hand. He stops the faucet and pats his face with a brown washcloth, frowning at the dark spots under his eyes when he looks at his reflection in the mirror. Five months is a long time to carry guilt in your mouth but never swallow.

Gordon slips his glasses onto his face before turning around to walk back into his bedroom. He makes his way over to his walk-in closet, which is barely half full, and pulls out a variation of the same outfit he wears every day: jeans, some sort of sweater, heavy black boots; all under a white lab coat. He doesn’t get to wear the HEV suit much anymore — or at all, really. There’s no need for it with the work he does now. There’s barely any Black Mesa to work in, for that matter. What was too destroyed to save is just gone; all the employees who died — were killed — never got replaced. The facility is smaller, the staff is smaller, the work is smaller. No more green goo; no more Wikipedia; no more “testing”. Just scientists watching nothing, for ages, trying to decide how to clean up the mess that they’ve made.

This job of cleaning, of course, falls to the people who caused the problem in the first place: the Science Team; Dr. Coomer, Dr. Bubby, Tommy Coolatta, and, well, Gordon Freeman.

Gordon tugs his hair tie to let down his disastrous bun, and instead gathers it into a much more presentable ponytail. Hair this long really shouldn’t be up to regulation at a facility as dangerous as Black Mesa, but it’s not like there are any corrections officers around to stop him — not anymore. Gordon sighs and picks his car keys up from his nightstand, jingling them in his hand before quickly snatching his passport and shoving it into the pocket of his lab coat. He scoffs to himself and rolls his eyes to the ceiling, wondering when bringing identification to work with him will stop feeling like a punishment.

Punishment. Guilt. Same thing.

Gordon drives to work cautiously and parks as far away from the entrance of the building as possible. He knows that the building is OSHA approved — he walked around with the team surveying the facility to make sure it was up to code and that Tommy really had been telling the truth — but a small part of him is still waiting for the entire lab to explode. After what he saw five months ago, Dr. Freeman wouldn’t put anything past the facility.

The walk from his car to the entrance of Black Mesa takes Gordon three minutes. He nods to people he passes, recognising some of them as fellow employees and greeting others just out of politeness. He doesn’t open his mouth to speak any actual words to anyone; he decides they’ll be content with only a little bit of acknowledgement. It’s not like he interacted much with anyone at Black Mesa, even before the accident. The only people he really talks to now are his counterparts of the Science Team, but even then he’s not quite sure what to say to them. They can make small talk all they want, but they’ll never forget what they’ve been through. Avoiding something won’t make it any less real.

Gordon’s first stop when he enters Black Mesa is the break room. He usually tries to avoid this place — or really, anyplace that reeks of memories — but he forgot something at the lab yesterday and this is where the lost and found is located. The room isn’t empty when he enters it, but luckily it is only filled with people Gordon doesn’t mind talking to. Still, he tries to pretend he doesn’t notice any other presences when he bends down to sift through the dark green tub for his wristwatch.

“Good morning, Mr. Freeman!” Tommy exclaims from his seat across the room, beaming a smile at Gordon.

Gordon stands up straight and takes a deep breath before turning to let Tommy see his face. “Hey, Tommy. How’s it going?” He asks, hoping his tone seems genuine.

“I’ve been here for three hours already,” Tommy replies, not directly answering the question. He holds up a can from the table, his arm wobbling the slightest bit. “This is my fourth soda of the morning!”

“I don’t think that’s very healthy, Tommy,” Dr. Coomer offers from his seat across the table from Tommy. He turns to Gordon now. “Hello, Gordon!”

“Hi, Dr. Coomer,” Gordon responds, trying to sound polite. Small talk, he thinks to himself. That’s all I have to manage right now. Small talk.

“Do you want a soda, Mr. Freeman? I think I have an extra quarter if you want it. I know a soda costs three quarters and I only have one but I think that could still be helpful if you only have two.”

“I’m fine, Tommy, thank you,” Gordon replies, pushing his glasses up on his face nervously. This is starting to feel more like a come and sit down with us, Gordon! kind of morning than a let’s say hello and then go our separate ways kind of morning. He bends over to look through the lost and found bin again, fishes out his watch, and turns to leave before he has the accessory fastened around his wrist. Dr. Freeman doesn’t take more than one step when a third person gets his attention.

“For Christ’s sake, Gordon. You never want to spend any time with us anymore. That makes me a little bit sad,” Dr. Bubby says from his seat next to Tommy, and Gordon freezes.

“I’ve just been… busy,” he excuses, but he can’t meet Bubby’s eye.

Bubby sucks the backs of his teeth, making a tsk sound. “Gordon got a fancy promotion and suddenly he’s too busy for us. You hear that?” He says, looking from Tommy to Dr. Coomer.

Tommy looks away from Gordon, but doesn’t make eye contact with Bubby or Coomer. “Yeah, I think I’ve started to miss him just a little bit,” he admits.

Dr. Freeman frowns to himself. “Tommy,” he starts, apologetically.

“I do think you’ve been avoiding us a little bit, Gordon, and I can’t figure out why,” Dr. Coomer cuts in.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Coomer,” Gordon replies, looking at the floor.

“Well don’t just stand there, Gordon! Come and sit down with us!” Dr. Coomer shifts his seat so he’s sitting closest to the wall. He pats the empty chair next to him, inviting Gordon to sit down. Hesitantly, he crosses the room. I guess one little conversation couldn’t hurt.

“What have you been up to, Mr. Freeman?” Tommy asks, a childish grin hanging on his face as he takes a sip of his soda.

“Just… working,” Gordon replies. The other three go silent, waiting for him to say more, but he doesn’t elaborate. There’s nothing much to say.

“Well, that sounds boring,” Bubby says, earning nods in agreement from Tommy and Dr. Coomer.

“Where have you been working, Mr. Freeman?” Tommy asks, not knowing what to do with the weighted silence.

“The Lambda Lab,” Gordon replies, spitting the words out quickly.

Dr. Coomer nods in approval. “Oh, I do enjoy the Lambda Lab! What are you up to today?”

“I’m, uh, I’m actually not sure,” Gordon says, looking down at his watch. “You know what? I should actually get going or I’m gonna be late for my assignment.”

“You don’t report to anybody, Gordon! You’re a head scientist!” Bubby retorts, but Gordon is already out of his seat and heading for the door.

“Visit us back here for lunch!” Tommy calls, but Gordon doesn’t turn around for that either. He has no intentions of meeting up with them again for more questioning, but he isn’t going to be the one to crush Tommy’s hopes.

Suddenly, Gordon doesn’t want to go to the Lambda Lab anymore. Sure, that’s where he works now — but he isn’t called for another hour and a half. And besides, it’s not like he really reports to anyone anymore. Everyone is too afraid to tell Gordon what to do, considering how… horribly wrong everything went the last time anyone yelled at him. Dr. Freeman scoffs to himself at the thought of it, remembering how he had been in the right and it was really just that security guard who had screwed everything up… That security guard whom Gordon had always treated like he was stupid. I probably owe him an apology for that, Gordon thinks. I owe him an apology for a lot more than that, actually.

Gordon walks through the wide, abandoned halls of Black Mesa, nervously whipping his head from side to side. He fears that someone might be following him — terrified that someone might see where he’s going. He walks right past the turn in the hallway that will eventually lead him to the Lambda Lab, wincing ever so slightly. Guilt, he thinks. Always the heaviest thing in the air.

Dr. Freeman finds himself in front of a heavy door, the frame lined with red and yellow reflective tape. There’s nothing indicating that it isn’t safe to go in, just probably that you… shouldn’t. Gordon takes a deep breath and pushes the bright red button next to the door, waiting apprehensively as the mechanism slowly whirrs and pulls the doors apart. Gordon taps his foot and tilts his wristwatch upward again, even though he knows he is nothing short on time. The doors seem to take ages to open, when in actuality, he only waits about ten or fifteen seconds. His pulse quickens as he enters the room — a wing of Black Mesa that he has never spent time in before. It’s the part of Black Mesa that everyone views as a dark corner; there are stories about it, but no one has ever actually visited to see if those stories are true or not. Everyone is too afraid.

The room is quiet and spacious, almost… peaceful. Dr. Freeman flips the bulky switch on the wall next to him, and the lab is flooded with light. Gordon takes a deep breath as he scans this unfamiliar territory, knowing exactly what he’s looking for but still unclear on what it’s actually supposed to look like. The question doesn’t remain unanswered for long, because there he spots it, pressed against the back wall of the room: a test tube, filled almost to the brim with gel-like teal fluid. There are about twenty cords plugged into the wall, all of them connected to the tube. Gordon’s stomach lurches when he brings himself to finally look at what’s inside the tube — what’s floating in the teal fluid.

This tube is different from the one Dr. Bubby was grown in. It’s almost cryogenic, but with gel instead of nitrogen. It’s for preservation, but it has only ever been in experimental trials. The tubes were tested with small animals, but never with anything human-sized. Gordon frowns to himself, catching himself feeling bad for a second. What if the tube doesn’t work? What if he’s just been drowning in there for all these months? Dr. Freeman expected to feel emotions if and when he ever visited this room, but he never expected sympathy to be amongst them. He takes a steadying breath, remembering one crucial detail: Benrey isn’t human.

Gordon crosses the room to the control panel, vaguely remembering the day this tube was first introduced. He had been in the room when it was first installed — that was the last time he saw Benrey until, well, now. Dr. Freeman was vaguely briefed on how the tube works, but he never studied it in detail. It was too painful for him. Why try to preserve this life at all?

Nonetheless, Gordon had listened. He presses the big blue button on the control panel, and pushes forward a lever. He turns around to watch the tube as the liquid slowly drains, trying to steady his breathing. One overlying fear leaks into his brain: am I going to regret this? Gordon takes another steadying breath, telling himself that what’s done is done, there’s no going back now. And besides: there’s always a way out. He can simply fill the tube back up again if things with Benrey don’t go as planned, right? There’s more teal gel in Black Mesa somewhere.

Once the gel has been drained, Gordon presses the green button on the opposite side of the control panel to flood the tube with oxygen. “I’ll at least want him breathing…” Gordon mumbles to himself, a touch of sarcasm dancing between his words. He smiles maliciously to himself, about to make a joke, but thinks better of it. He came here to talk to Benrey, not to beat him up. Dr. Freeman has already “killed” Benrey once, — if you could even say that about someone who doesn’t die — he doesn’t need to do it again.

Gordon turns around to watch the thing in the tube, slowly taking steps closer until he could reach out and touch the glass if he wanted to. Little by little, Benrey starts to stand up straighter, open his eyes wider, breathe deeper. Gordon waits, hoping his fearful state doesn’t show on his face. He has nothing to be afraid of. He never had anything to be afraid of. That’s the whole reason why he’s apologising.

“Oh, yo, it’s you,” Benrey says once he regains full consciousness.

Gordon crosses his arms over his chest, realises that this stance seems too dominant, and relaxes his arms at his sides. That feels weird, though, and not guarded enough. He goes on fidgeting with his hands for about thirty seconds before realising how stupid he looks. He’s relieved that Benrey hasn’t commented on it yet.

Gordon takes a good look at Benrey now, allowing himself to really look at the entity for the first time since, well… this might be the first time ever. He’d somehow managed to never take in Benrey’s appearance, despite all the time they’d spent together. Benrey is still wearing his Black Mesa security uniform, but it is now out-of-date. The security chief at the facility decided to instate a new dress code, simply so the guards wouldn’t look like Benrey anymore. He’s wearing black lace-up boots, but they aren’t nearly as chunky as the ones Gordon is wearing. They have a little bit of a platform, but only for the tread. He’s also wearing navy blue pants, with a matching navy blue long-sleeve shirt under his security vest. The only thing missing from his outfit is his helmet. Without it, his hair is revealed; it’s black and fluffy, and Dr. Freeman smiles to himself because he can’t imagine how Benrey ever managed to keep all of that under his helmet in the first place.

“Bro, I’m talking to you. Can you please answer me?”

Gordon is transported back into reality. “What?”

Benrey sighs, uninterested. “I was sleeping so peacefully and you came in here and woke me up. I wanna know why.”

“Wait, you were alive? Like, you could function and shit?” Gordon asks.

Benrey shrugs. “I could see and hear shit. I was like, alive, but not conscious. I couldn’t process anything. It was kinda dumb, but whatever.”

Gordon looks taken aback, making a mental note of that. Alive, but not conscious. Got it. I don’t think that’s what’s supposed to happen. “I actually came here for a reason, believe it or not.”

Benrey makes an exaggerated yawning sound. “So get it over with.”

Dr. Freeman glares. “Can you be nice? I’m trying to be nice right now but I think you’re going to ruin that for both of us.”

Benrey scoffs. “Oh, so you’re going to be nice now like you were nice when you shot me even though I wasn’t even shooting back?”

“You have to understand that you were a threat, Benrey. Do you even know how big you were?”

Benrey laughs. “Yeah, of course I know. I did that on purpose. I thought it was funny.”

Gordon shakes his head. “It wasn’t funny. You terrified me.”

Benrey shrugs. “You hurt me first.”

Gordon goes silent, searching for the right words. Is that true? He wonders. Did I hurt him first? And then, Was it on purpose? “How did I hurt you?”

“You never listened to me when I spoke,” Benrey starts. “All I wanted was your passport, bro! I was just trying to keep Black Mesa safe and somehow that made me the enemy!”

“I didn’t know there was a rule about having ID,” Dr. Freeman replies, but he knows it’s a weak excuse. He closes his mouth, willing Benrey to continue.

“Well, I guess it must’ve been instated that morning or something because I was definitely told that all employees needed an ID to enter any facility, not just the high security ones. And I was just doing my job, you know? I wasn’t trying to… harass you, or whatever. I just needed to know that you weren’t dangerous.”

“I’m not dangerous…”

“I didn’t know that, man! I kinda started to figure it out as we spent more time together, but I didn’t know it in the beginning and I guess I was scared that I was going to get in trouble or something if I just decided that you weren’t dangerous without having any proof of it.”

Gordon sighs, formulating a response.

“Can I get out of this tube? It’s really cramped in here.”

Dr. Freeman mulls over this request, thinking about the pros and cons to each side. It would probably be easier to have this difficult conversation if Benrey weren’t on the other side of the glass. It does seem a bit cramped in the tube — and it’s kind of Gordon’s fault Benrey is in there in the first place. Gordon nods and makes his way back across the room to the control panel, flipping a switch and watching as the tube door slowly flips open. Benrey steps down to the tile floor delicately, wobbling a little bit from the movement.

“You okay there, buddy?” Gordon asks, offering a hand for support.

Benrey takes Gordon’s hand and nods. “Yeah. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Gordon scans the room, looking for somewhere to sit. He does a full rotation with his head, before landing again on the test tube. He panics for a second, wondering where Benrey went, but all he needs to do is tilt his head down to see the entity sitting on the floor in front of him. Gordon sinks down as well, and they sit cross-legged on the tile.

“So you came to talk to me, huh?” Benrey asks, staring Gordon right in the eye.

Gordon looks away, uncomfortable. “Yeah, uh, I guess so…”

Benrey blinks, waiting for Gordon to go on. When he doesn’t, Benrey says, “So get on with it.”

Gordon sighs, willing up the courage to continue. “I wanted to… apologise, actually. I wanted to apologise… to you,” he says finally, avoiding eye contact.

“Okay,” Benrey replies, unimpressed. “What for?”

Gordon rolls his eyes, embarrassed to have even come here in the first place. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe he should just seal Benrey back in the tube, fill it up with the teal fluid again, and leave. He could easily pretend not to know what’s in this room at all. He could go back to the break room, sit down with the rest of the Science Team, and act like Benrey is nothing to them anymore. As far as the rest of the team are concerned, he isn’t.

But Dr. Freeman came here for a reason, and he’s going to see it through. “For… everything, I guess. For being rude to you when you didn’t deserve it. For not giving you a chance,” he pauses, looking up at the ceiling. There is a weird tingling in his nose that he desperately wants to get rid of. “For… seeing you as a threat when you weren’t one.”

“I’m Black Mesa security, Gordon. I’m the best of the best. Of course I’m not a threat,” Benrey scoffs.

Gordon freezes, eyes focused intently on the thing sitting in front of him. Human never felt like the right term. But monster is just plain vile. “That is the second time I have ever heard you address me by name.”

Benrey shrugs nonchalantly. He doesn’t look directly at Dr. Freeman. “I’m taking this conversation seriously. And besides — I want it to last as long as possible. I know you’re just gonna seal me back in that tube when it’s over with.”

Gordon opens his mouth to protest, but Benrey cuts him off.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind the tube, actually. It’s better than being dead, I guess. But I’d rather be alive. Have control over my life. It’s shit to have to wait for someone to make decisions for me.”

Gordon fidgets with his ponytail, winding it around his finger and letting it go. “I guess I let my ego get ahead of me,” he says finally.

This seems to catch Benrey’s attention, for he turns back to Gordon and leans forward, suddenly interested in the conversation once again. “You think?”

Gordon is about to groan, when he remembers that arguing is not at all the goal of this conversation. “I was a bit of an asshole, I’ll admit, but I don’t deserve this,” he gestures at Benrey with his right arm — the one with a gun where a hand is supposed to be.

Benrey frowns. “No, I guess you didn’t deserve that.”

The two sit in silence for a minute or so, avoiding each other’s faces, looking anywhere but in front of them. Finally, Benrey breaks the silence with a question.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

Gordon hesitates, choosing his words carefully. “I don’t hate you, Benrey. That’s the whole thing.”

“I told you not to shoot,” he retorts, almost too quickly. “I said to stop shooting, because if you shoot me I’ll have to shoot you and I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want violence, you bastard! I just wanted you to listen. But you don’t fucking listen because you think you’re better than everyone else. Look at you!” He gestures to Gordon’s attire. “You’re a head fucking scientist! I don’t know what you did to deserve that title, but it has definitely inflated your ego a good bit. You’re an asshole, you know that?”

Gordon frowns, but doesn’t defend himself. He knows he deserves every word of Benrey’s harshness. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, planning out a response in his head. “I know that I’m an asshole, Benrey, and I’m sorry.”

Benrey perks up, not expecting an admission. Hell, he’d been expecting an argument. He stays silent, willing Gordon to go on, suspicious of the man’s motives.

“That’s why I’m here, actually. It was fucked up, what we did — what I did.” He looks up at Benrey now, cautiously meeting his gaze. Neither of them look away.

“I never meant for it all to get so… grotesquely out of hand,” Gordon continues. “I was blinded by the shiny objects, I suppose. I had a job to do. I had a responsibility — a reputation — to uphold. I was ready to gun down any and everything in my path to get to where I needed to be. I had all these lost and broken people standing behind me, looking to me to make a move. I couldn’t let them down. I had to save them, get them out of Black Mesa. And I guess I was willing to destroy everything just to get them to their destination.”

After a few seconds of silence, Benrey says, “But it wasn’t to get them to their destination, was it?”

Gordon shakes his head. “No. It was for the glory. For the gold star you get when you finish a game.”

“You know gold stars hold no actual weight, right? It’s a fake trophy. Motivation comes in forms of fabrication. You’re smart enough to know that, I think.”

Dr. Freeman nods, breaking eye contact with Benrey. He brushes a strand of hair out of his face and fidgets with his ponytail once again. “I am smart enough to know that. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t naïve.”

There is a moment of silence before Benrey says, “It’s almost admirable.”

Gordon looks up. “Almost?”

Benrey shrugs. “I don’t know. That you were willing to go that whole way. Even if it was for a gold star, you were still doing something good for the rest of them.” He pauses before adding, “But you are in no way a saint. You didn’t have to push me down the fucking ladder to get your happy ending. I could’ve been part of your happy ending.”

“You were getting on my nerves.”

“Weak excuse.”

Gordon nods. He knows that already.

“Is this you saying you’re sorry because you actually feel bad, or just so you can alleviate guilt?”

Alleviate guilt, he thinks to himself, realising the truth. But he doesn’t want it to be the truth. He continues. “Look, the point is getting away from me.”

Benrey scoffs. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry about… everything. You’re not a threat. I know that you were just trying to do your job. I got angry when I shouldn’t have. You didn’t deserve me lashing out at you…” He trails off, his eyes landing on the tube behind Benrey. He gestures at it with a nod of his chin. “You don’t deserve that, either. You’re not dangerous. You don’t deserve to be locked in a cell.

Benrey smiles. “I don’t mind the tube, but I miss Black Mesa. I miss,” he stops, looking down at the tile floor between his crossed legs. He begins tracing a circle with his fingernail. “I miss the Science Team, a little bit. Even though I know I wasn’t technically part of it. I miss Tommy, and Bubby. And sometimes even Dr. Coomer,” he smiles. He hopes he’s doing a good job of hiding it, but Gordon can still see the corners of his lips turned up ever so slightly.

“You could come back, I suppose,” Dr. Freeman replies in a cautious tone.

Benrey’s head snaps up, and his cheeks flush. He can’t hide his excitement anymore. “You mean it?”

Gordon shrugs. “As you said, I’m a head scientist. I don’t report to anyone. No one can tell me to put you back in the tube.”

“I don’t wanna go back in the tube.”

Dr. Freeman shakes his head, smiling to himself now as well. “You don’t have to go back in the tube. And besides, I’m not actually sure I could fill it back up anyway.”

Benrey laughs, just a little bit, before the tone turns serious again.

“I really am sorry, Benrey.” Gordon opens his mouth like he’s going to add more, but only the same words come out. “I’m sorry.”

Benrey shakes his head, looking down at the floor again. “I forgive you.”

The two sit in silence, smiling, not sure of what to say. Eventually, Gordon stands up. Benrey watches as he bends his arm at the elbow, offering it to Benrey. Benrey stands up and links his arm through Gordon’s, and together they walk through the metal doors and out into the hallway. They don’t say much, but they smile, and it is the first time Gordon has been able to breathe in months.

__________________________________________

“Can I shoot the gun?”

“No, you may not shoot the gun!” Gordon protests, trying to pry Benrey’s hand off of his arm.

“I’m going to shoot the gun.”

Gordon watches in horror as Benrey somehow manages to make his gun-arm shoot at the floor, creating an explosion of tile pieces and smoke. The aftermath is a hole in the floor, threatening to crumble into a bigger sinkhole and take this hallway down to the level below it.

“Bro, why’d you do that?” Benrey exclaims, letting go of Gordon and moving as far away from him as possible.

Through gritted teeth, Gordon mumbles, “You piece of shit.”

#hlvrai #benrey #gordon freeman #hlvrai benrey #writing #headcanon

16 notes · View notes

goatbi · 3 years

Text

Fae Keep Their Promises Chapter One: Reunited

“Nice to see you again too, Bubbly.”

And memories slammed back into Bubby’s mind.

How xe could have forgotten xyr fae, xe didn’t know, but that didn’t matter anymore, because xe remembered, Bubby remembered that little child with the bright eyes grinning up at xem from the floor while xe sat in xyr tube, and Bubby grinned.

“Bug...”

“It’s... Gordon now, by the way.” Xyr fae, Gordon, smiled nervously, eyes darting around quietly. “I found a name I liked.”

Bubby nodded slightly, staring in near silence towards Gordon, taking in everything about xyr child as xe could.

Gordon’s eyes were just as bright as Bubby remembered, glowing in the low light of the broken facility. Bright eyed and bushy tailed, Bubby remembered that well, Gordon’s hair now dyed with streaks of green in it. For a moment, Gordon stared back, head tilted just a bit, almost like a curious puppy, before Bubby broke the silence by dragging Gordon forwards, wrapping xyr arms around him tight, clinging. Gordon made a soft noise of surprise, before wrapping his arms around Bubby in return, clinging onto him tightly.

“I missed you.” A whispered confession into xyr neck, and Bubby smiled softly, squeezing him for just a moment before stepping back, hands still on his shoulders.

“You kept your promise, bug. That’s more than I ever thought I’d get.”

Gordon smiled slightly, wiping at his eyes quickly. “Fae keep their promises, no matter what.”

“Do the other know? Benrey was following you around. Though, I have to admit, you put up a good show.” Bubby grinned, and Gordon let out a soft laugh, just barely an exhale of air, nodding slightly.

“I did. I... I don’t think they know it’s me.” Gordon shrugged a shoulder. “But team trouble’ll be back up and together in no time.”

Bubby groaned softly, but grinned anyways at the idea. “Don’t put those thoughts into my head, you three were monsters and you know it.”

At that moment, Benrey rounded the corner down the hall. Gordon glanced back at the noise, one ear just barely twitched as he did, looking back to Benrey.

Benrey had come back a few years before Gordon, but Bubby had noticed before that he tended to avoid him and Coomer. Tommy didn’t get the same treatment, which admittedly stung, but Bubby could understand it, since he and Coomer were the ones to send them away, and more... complex things, like the decisions that led to that moment, usually had escaped younger Benrey, and Benrey also tended to hold onto grudges for a good period of time. Bubby wasn’t really surprised by Benrey giving xem the cold shoulder.

But Benrey... Bubby paused, thinking back to running into Benrey again as Benrey made a slow meander towards them down the hall. Gordon looked between him and Bubby, but Bubby found xemself in a hole of thought, frowning.

Benrey had reintroduced himself. Bubby had shook it off before, but there was something odd about that, wasn’t there? Bubby would have recognized one of xyr child, had at first, but Benrey reintroduced himself and went about their day.

Gordon looked back to Benrey, raising an eyebrow. “Hey.”

“You talking about passports?” Benrey asked, looking to Gordon, and Bubby watched his face carefully, theories forming in xyr mind quickly. Bubby saw nothing. No recognition, just the general Benrey blank that Bubby had gotten used to seeing. Which. Okay, so Gordon looked different, he had grown, but they left together, they had to know each other.

Gordon seemed to draw the same conclusion, but said nothing of it. “No, just. Catching up a bit.” He looked down the other hall, eyes darting around. “C’mon. Let’s go see if we can find someone else alive still.”

Bubby looked to Gordon, their eyes meeting for a moment, both showing the same confusion, as Benrey grinned his sharp grin, and nodded, walking with the two of them.

“Watch out there’s a creature!” Tommy’s voice came from down the hall, and Bubby jumped slightly, eyes darting first to the tall man down the hall, and then to where Tommy-when did he get a gun?- was pointing, to-

But Benrey had it covered, and Bubby jumped as Benrey did something, bright light arcing out around him and then settling. Gordon stared quietly, but said nothing. Bubby had never seen Benrey do something like that, but Gordon might’ve, since he ignored it, moving to Tommy, who, while rumpled and scared, seemed well enough.

“Tommy, are you alright?”

Tommy’s eyes turned to Gordon. “Mr. Freeman! I-I’m okay, just.” His eyes darted past to Benrey for a moment. “Shocked.” He murmured, turning back to Gordon, and Bubby saw the same unfortunate truth that xe had seen in Benrey’s eyes.

Tommy didn’t remember Gordon.

Gordon blinked, and nodded slightly, patting Tommy’s shoulder with a heavy hand, which barely moved Tommy at all. “Good. C’mon, let’s, let’s keep going. We gotta get out of here.”

Ve nodded, and Gordon led the charge, Benrey following behind Gordon, shooting jabs towards him as they walked, Tommy following along, and Bubby the caboose, frowning quietly to xemself.

They didn’t remember Gordon. Bubby did, why did Bubby if they didn’t? Better question, why didn’t they? They were raised with Gordon, they should have remembered the third person in their little band of troublemakers, but. Nothing.

There was an idea in Bubby’s head, but he didn’t want to believe it. He couldn’t believe it. There was one more person, one person that could break it or not and Bubby had to find him.

Harold would know, wouldn’t he?

Bubby huffed a sigh, ignoring the look Tommy sent back to xem, keeping focused on Gordon’s back as he shrugged off the jokes Benrey tried to make.

“Dr. Coomer!”

Xe moved forwards quickly, peeking into the room from around Gordon’s arm, seeing Harold, of course, the right one too, still in the control room, an arc of strange lightning from the main room arcing just barely past Harold’s hair, singing it, if Bubby’s sense of smell was correct. Harold just grinned at them.

“Ah! Hello Gordon!”

“Coomer, Coomer, step away from the panel-” Gordon’s eyes were panicked, and Bubby blinked, looking to Harold again, who was grinning slightly with no real sense of danger. Bubby narrowed xyr eyes at it, and Harold met xyr eyes, then took a careful step away from the panel, away from the arcing electricity mess. Good.

“Thank you, Cooms.” Gordon let it slip, and Bubby tensed just slightly. Gordon’s nickname for xem triggered the memory, and Bubby looked to Harold again quickly, and-

Nothing.

No renegotiation, no understanding, and Bubby’s hear sank.

They didn’t remember Gordon.

#hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #gordon freeman hlvrai #tommy coolatta #bubby #benrey #dr. coomer #fae gordon freeman #bubbly au #Feelings in Various Ways

25 notes · View notes

tigerdrop · 4 years

Note

okay kind of obsessed with the body swap art tho. idk why i just like benrey getting to bully gordon with his own body, his own voice, and i like gordon trying to navigate whatever weird shit benrey’s got going on. gordon not being able to figure out or control whatever organs in benrey’s throat produce sweet voice so it’s just spewing whatever emotions he’s feeling at random (including Horny? uh oh. can’t hide that as easily as a surprise boner can you gordon?)

this ask kicked me into actually thinking about it and your brain is so huge. massive. i lost control

last night i was struggling to articulate thoughts for the body swap thing but this is kickstarting me. i. really love bodyswap stuff........(sighing) i am yet again having to confront the fact that i latched onto an embarrassing number of Things after having first read about them in [REDACTED]. truly hate being alive

so like......potions. you can get into a whole lot of weird stuff with potions. truly loving that darnolds 5-minute existence gives me an excuse to think of the stupidest horny potions scenarios

and why in the fuck wouldnt he have a bodyswap potion just chillin in his lab. why wouldnt benrey crack that bad boy open and take a sip while darnolds bitching at him "dont you touch any of those goddamn potions. im not gonna tell you which ones which so if you die, you die"

gordon claps benrey on the back afterwards like "well, thats a risk im perfectly happy for him to take" but uh oh you fucking buffoon. the touch is what activates it. and shit just starts spinning and schlorping in his mind and he nearly falls over clutching the lab bench next to him and when he cracks his eyes back open, hes........shorter. and everybodys asking if somebodys okay but that somebody isnt him and hes kind of miffed about that

and then gordons head turns and he sees Himself being steadied on his feet by tommy and darnold and hes like.......guys? guys. hello! and the sound of benreys voice coming out of him with that irritated and loud timbre makes everybody turn to face him........b/c that is so insanely weird coming from him

im like way into the idea of benreys, like, Eye Darkness Thing transferring to gordons face when their bodies are swapped, too. its just his malevolent energies manifesting physically no matter what body hes in

Wait god wait. Like. Benrey in Gordon's body and he gets horny for some reason and has to live Gordon's fucking pained life of the suit edging the hell outta him- Bc now Gordon can actually fucking jerk off for the the first time in days. No edging bullshit from the hev suit

benreys newfound appreciation for why gordons such a bitch all the time

RRRRRRRRRRR gordon able to go wild beating his meat that night finally but right before he does he stops because hes looking down at. 8)!

YES EXACTLY....... gordon freeman humbled by the sight of benreys huge meat. except its his meat now

at first he only feels mildly weird about jacking it when hes not even in his own body right now but hes been edged for days now and hes just thinking "if i can just get this out of the way now, ill be clear-headed for however fucking long im stuck in black mesa. maybe this is why ive been so goddamn stupid lately. yeah"

but then he gets some time and space to himself at long last and unzips and the shock of seeing benreys huge uncut dick instead of his own brings him back to reality like "?oh my god what the fuck am i doing"

embarrassment! guilt! but also hes still fuckin horny and eventually curiosity wins out. whats the harm, right. its not like he has to say anything about it. and gordon freeman is (mostly) heterosexual and hes never been this up close and personal with a foreskin before and hes just......curious. scientifically

maybe hes even.......locked himself inside one of the company restrooms while hes at it. just to make sure hes got privacy. and there is a mirror right there........ he was gonna just bust one out and leave as fast as he can but now hes curious

starts. thumbing the hem of his shirt under benreys vest. starts lifting it up experimentally just to see where all that hair leads. out of curiosity. and seeing the curve of benreys stomach peek out in the mirror makes him hiccup on sweet voice inadvertently

weirdly enough theres a part of him thats both relieved and disappointed that hes never seen that color before

he never envisioned that seeing benrey like this would be a turn-on but like......with that vest and that helmet on he just looks like some kind of fuckin roundish rectangle shape. but now gordons intimately familiar with how his body feels to move around in......what hes gotta look like underneath all that armor and ill-fitting work clothes......and the hornier he gets the stupider he gets

takes off the helmet.......just to test the waters. if somebody manages to bust in, thats not so weird to explain. and hes surprised by the shock of black hair he finds under there. he doesnt know what he was expecting....but honestly, benrey looks, like, kind of nice like that. more like a person

im slightly obsessed with the idea of benrey just not even registering as a Real Guy, physically, to gordon, one that he could possibly be attracted to, until hes out of his work uniform.......like hes more of an icon of a person than anything up until that point. pure signifier. no substance

like......you know......the equivalent of how benreys HL model registers to 99% of people watching the series. sure, thats not necessarily anything youd register as "hot", most likely, but then u peel that away and its like........Oh

the model is the icon and the representation of the icon is the real

and gordon runs a hand thru benreys hair and tries out one of those shitty little smirks benrey likes to use on him and the effect is.......dizzying. is that him? is that what benrey really looks like to him?? he feels fuckin salacious doing this

he can even.........get his face up close to the mirror and really look at those teeth

run his tongue over them experimentally.......feel their sharp edges.......and, no, theyre not sharp like a knife, but they are definitely pointy. and surprisingly well-kept......hes never seen benrey brush his teeth before but clearly he must. theyre so smooth and slick under his fingertips

and then he flushes and drops his hand b/c hes getting some weird fucking thoughts right now........but looking back up at himself in the mirror and seeing benreys face all wide-eyed and red makes the issue worse

oh, you really like seeing him look like that, dont you. and gordons pissed b/c this isnt even his fucking brain but its still whispering the exact same neurotic, self-defeating shit at him that hes trying very hard to tamp down

and then he starts getting a little crazier. taking off the vest. he can explain that, no problem. its just kind of hot. heavy. he needed a breather! its normal. just in here to splash some water on his face and cool down, nothing wrong with that. but that just makes benreys shirt all the easier to access.......and he tugs the hem of it just a little higher and looks at himself in the mirror and runs a thumb over the curve of his stomach, where the hair is thickest, and he shivers

gordon freeman is deeply normal and would never get off to the sight of a guy with arms the size of his head tentatively dragging the hem of his shirt up, just for gordon to look at him closer

hands shaking from nerves as he decides to loosen his tie and start unbuttoning and he sees more and more hair-dusted skin and muscle and fat and a thin sheen of sweat reveal itself

> i could see gordon trying to tense and flex the muscles a bit just because hes normal

HE IS, AND HE WOULD

he doesnt know when "being horny b/c hes been pent up and edged for days and he just needs to get his rocks off real quick so he can be normal again" turned into "being horny b/c the way benrey looks under his uniform is scary good to him" but if he thinks about that too hard hes gonna have a panic attack

tells himself that its all just because he hasnt been able to get off. thats why hes thinking this shit. hell stop thinking it once he nuts

> hey this is a quick aside but yknwo how he talks to himself in third person sometimes? what if he does and then kinda does a mental double take at how his name sounds coming out of benreys mouth, with his voice. ok thats it goodbye

oh ym god thats making me go insane. doing it by accident and then.........saying it again. on purpose. just to hear benreys voice doing it

getting one knee hitched up onto the sink and leaning forward with his arm braced against the mirror and his forehead leaning on his arm and tugging benreys dick (no, idiot, thats your dick right now, stop thinking about it) and tentatively groaning out his own name and it comes out so hoarse and desperate that it punches him straight in the gut (too bad, hes thinking about it, he cant not think about it, not with the way he looks and sounds right now)

> remember in the series when benrey called him gordon one (1) time and he noticed immediately and was like..i think thats the first time youve called me by my name.

he looks so fucked out and slutty in that mirror that it almost makes him pass out

eyes darting like hes trying to commit every single detail of how he looks right now to memory (b/c he is. he fucking is. he wants to make benrey look like this so fucking bad. just for him. wreck him and get him flushed and sweaty and panting and moaning gordons name and jesus christ, okay, thats where his brains taking him. okay. cool)

hes dizzying himself thinking about it. he knows benreys hot for him by this point, theoretically. assuming his weird come-ons werent just jokes. benrey would probably let him do this to him. benrey would probably want him to touch his dick. gordon thinks about how good it might feel for his own hand to be on benreys dick and he cant get himself solidly into one headspace or another - hes gordon, hes benrey, he wants to touch, he wants to be touched, he wants to feel his own hand on this dick (and god, maybe he could. maybe he could ask. wouldnt that be crazy.)

benrey in gordons suit and gordons body and gordons face leaning over him, b/c fuck, he really is tall compared to benrey, hes figured that one out awful quick. and gordons (his) hand on his (benreys) dick and stroking him and leering down at him with those dark, dark eyes that dont even really look like his eyes, anymore, not with the way theyre shaded over, and hearing his (benreys) (his) voice moaning out his (gordons) (definitely gordons) name and all the little "pleases" and "thank yous" that he cant stop letting out b/c benreys voice was made for it, made to beg and whine and ask so nicely, and his heads spinning as he comes all over the fucking mirror and sink

> i wonder if this could be combine with the ideas that parts of the self or like mind is still a bit left behind if that makes sense, like with benrey also wanting this that part of the reason gordon wants to say those things

"do you want to fuck him or do you want to be him?" well my good bitch, perhaps you can have a little of both. welcome to my personal hell

hes never come so hard in his fucking life and the noise that rips out of him when he does, finally, after days of being jerked around (ha ha) makes his ears burn with shame

now if you really wanna go crazy. imagine that benreys up and walking around this whole time b/c being edged by his stupid broken suit is making it impossible for him to sleep, and he hears........all of this. stops and presses himself flat agains tthe wall to listen

he cant actually get into the bathroom to scare the shit out of gordon/offer to join in/etc, b/c this stupid flesh body of gordons cant even noclip, but he can press his ear to the door and. listen. and he can flush all the way down to his chest when he hears gordon in there, moaning out his own name with benreys voice

so thats what gordon wants him to do, huh. thats what hes thinking about.

poor benrey, tho. he gets to experience just a lick of the endless fucking suffering that gordon goes thru every single day just by being alive, and "the HEV suit trying and failing to suck him off to completion while his dick twitches against the hard metal of the interior every time gordon groans in there" is just one small part of it

anyway . see ya. my final message

#asky #writin stuff

47 notes · View notes