#the fact that he trended for it is iconic

[kendallsroyco]

Charlie Cox's 2023 Comic Con Tour Wrapped ✨

• 17 comic con appearances

• 12 outfits worn

• 5 outfits repeated

• 1 Bluey cosplay 💕

#charlie cox #daredevil #matt murdock #comic con tour ✨ #bluey cosplay best charlie event of 2023 #the fact that he trended for it is iconic #no but fr i love seeing him meet a lot of fans this year he is truly the best celebrity to meet 🥺

[boo-cool-robot]

Truly of all the Austin Walker Boyfriend Characters, Ibex will never be reproduced. There may be other hot mean guys, but for various show reasons, his dynamic will not ever happen again. Just in terms of tabletop safety and comfort, it’s not really a good idea to hand out character sheets and then 3 hours later have a guy just show up and be manipulative and mean to everyone without prior discussion, even if it all worked out in the end! And in terms of Ibex’s function of making the players make hard choices and be willing to fuck over the characters and the party, they don’t need him anymore. Everyone fucking loves dramatic irony and making terrible things happen to the characters. 

There is such a marked difference between Ibex and, say, Adelaide, who is mean and condescending to Hella but who has an established flirtatious vibe that was clearly talked out behind the scenes with Ali. And Clem, who is heinously cruel, is co-handled by Jack and Austin by constantly turning to the camera and going “oh she sucks so bad” and never letting her look cool. 

Also in a broader sense, I think the show turns more towards being interested in the cruelty of systems and framing cruel characters as symbolic of larger logics. Interpersonal meanness has more of a “just for fun” vibe and generally players interacting with mean NPCs WANT to experience a mean NPC. I don’t think that I’d say the players actively dislike having Ibex in the game, but they’re not all having fun with him the way Austin, Ali, and Jack do. 

Anyway, this is a ramble but I really think Ibex’s hot mean coolguy interactions would never exist in the FatT of today. The ecosystem niche he filled no longer exists! 

#there is also the later trend of he/theyification of austin walker boyfriend characters #yes adelaide is a female awbc. feminism. #she in fact may be the first awbc ever onscreen #(clem is not an awbc and never will be) #(just to get it straight) #okay the thing is that in a very real sense you cannot have a guy introduce 'you're like a very good dog!' unegotiated #it is iconic but it only worked because of the jack-austin clown-to-clown communication #I do also think that the audy reveal and animal out of context is another example of c/w shit that would not fly without their psychic bond #a podcast about sadness and that's it period #ibex (ibex)

[scarletspider2the2ndpower]

“Chains,” Spider-Man: Redemption (Vol. 1/1996), #3.

Writer: J. M. DeMatteis; Penciler: Mike Zeck; Inker: Bob McLeod; Colorist: Christie Scheele; Letterer: Jim Novak

#Marvel #Marvel comics #Marvel 616 #Spider-Man: Redemption #Kaine #Kaine Parker #it’s the bottom middle panel of the first page for me #either that or the panel with the rat #but in all seriousness I’m fascinated by two things here: #first that despite often being a marked antagonist and doing some pretty awful things #Kaine never does quite lose a sense of morality (even if it manifests primarily as guilt after the fact) #idk it’s just something I’ve always been intrigued by with his character #that Kaine often times would wish to simply be an entirely selfish shadow of a man #but is nonetheless dragged into heroism by that iconic Parker Guilt #Secondly it might just be DeMatteis’ writing but I find this established trend interesting #that Kaine very frequently and transparently lashes out at others for faults he sees in himself #is it perhaps Kaine believes that he deserves even worse than how he has it? (despite his life being pretty horrible as is????)

[rynwritesreid]

I am obsessed w Ryan Gosling wearing a necklace with his wife’s initials on it to the Barbie Premiere!!!! Can we see Spencer doing the same thing, maybe to the office or a team dinner ? 😍

A/N: this is such a cute idea, and if I am being honest this is defo something early to mid season Spencer would have done. Thank you for the request:)

Summary: it’s basically as requested. I have added in some detail about other women flirting with him and that’s why he decides to wear it, but he does still wear it to the office.

Content: fluff. Fem!reader. Other people flirt with Spencer, but he doesn’t reciprocate.

Masterlist| requests are open| navigation

Spencer was aware he got attention from other women; he knew he was attractive. He never flirted back, or really gave anyone else the time of day and he was very open with the fact he was in a very committed relationship with you. You were also not prone to jealousy, you didn’t really like other people trying to flirt with Spencer, but you understood he was an attractive and very intelligent man. 

Spencer though, he had become to hate it. He didn’t understand why people didn’t care he loved you, that he was in a relationship with you, and only wanted you. He, being the ever-intelligent man he is, had come up with a solution.

“Hey, I have something to show you.” Spencer reached into his pocket and pulled out a medium sized box. “Before you get too excited, this isn’t a ring. It’s a necklace with your initials on it.” 

“Are you going to wear that?” you asked with a smile, feeling a warm flutter in your chest as you looked at the delicate necklace in Spencer's hand. The silver chain glinted under the soft glow of the evening sun filtering through the window, and the initials intertwined beautifully, a testament to your bond.

“Yeah. Yeah, I am. I want everyone to know who my heart belongs too.” 

And with a tender smile, Spencer carefully fastened the necklace around his neck, the cool metal resting against his warm skin. As it settled into place, he stood up and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close in a tight embrace. You could feel his heartbeat against your chest, steady and sure.

"I love you," Spencer whispered, his voice filled with sincerity. "And I want the whole world to know that you're mine."

*

The next day, Spencer turned up to work wearing the necklace. JJ was the first to notice, her eyes scanning the necklace, wondering why he had suddenly started wearing jewellery.

"What's that, Spence?" JJ asked, tilting her head in curiosity. Spencer smiled, his eyes lighting up as he adjusted the necklace instinctively.

"It's for Y/N," he replied proudly, his voice tinged with a newfound sense of determination. "I want everyone to know that she's the one I love."

JJ's gaze softened as she took in his words, understanding the significance of the gesture. She nodded approvingly, a small smile playing on her lips.

"That's sweet, Spencer," JJ said, her tone genuine. "I'm happy for you both."

Derek had overheard what JJ had said to Spencer, and while he also did think it was cute and he would never tell a man that wearing any jewellery wasn’t masculine, he still wanted to tease Spencer a little. 

"Hey Pretty Boy, since when did you become a fashion icon?" Derek teased, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he sauntered over to Spencer's desk. Spencer rolled his eyes good-naturedly, used to Derek's playful banter.

“Oh, you think I’m a fashion icon because this, Derek?” Spencer grinned, a playful glint in his eye as he adjusted the necklace once more. "Well, let's just say I'm setting a new trend."

Derek chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. "Alright, Reid, if you say so. Just don't let Garcia catch you. She might think you're stealing her accessory game."

Spencer laughed at the thought of Garcia's reaction, imagining her excitement at seeing him embrace a new fashion statement. It felt good to have his friends' support and light-hearted teasing about his gesture towards you.

No one else seemed to care, Garcia had done a squeal of excitement when she saw the necklace and realised the initials were yours. But other than that, no one seemed to fuss over it.

*

Though he had noticed that he friends and colleagues didn’t seem to care about his necklace anymore, he had noticed how other women would interact with him. They seemed to glare at the two initials dangling around his neck and back off.

Spencer found himself almost amused by the reaction of the women who used to flirt with him. Their glares held a mix of disappointment and frustration, as if his simple act of wearing a necklace had somehow dashed their hopes. He couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction at their reactions, knowing that he was making it clear to everyone where his heart truly belonged.

~join my taglist~

~taglist~

@purplepistachi0 @iluvreid @nomajdetective @drspencieee@ms-ks-world@evvy96 @oliviah-25 @starkid024 @emalyntgtgfhvgg@krokietino @julllliiia @xohoneybun @spencerreidwifeee@pleasantwitchgarden @Theillestvillian3@bitchassbecky691 @piperb400@queermaxwooo @gemofthenight @cham9ions @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @Catsareawesomek@anna-belle-xd@drreidsfavwhxre@Oureternalbond@beth-gallagher22 @firstunmannedflyingdeskset @waywardhunter95 @r-3dlips @k3nzxx @keiva1000 @peppersapro @just-a-harmless-patato @miss.daianaa@spenxerslut @skulliecadaver-blog @svnfully @reidsgirlhottie @bluepuppethidinginafilingcabinet @lover-of-books-and-tea @indigosamsblog

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x you #dr spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid #criminal minds x reader #request #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds fanfic #bau team #criminal minds fandom #spencer reid smut

[speechlessxx]

new addition. [henry cavill x reader]

summary: anything henry does instantly goes viral.

warnings: mention of fangirls. plot twist?

word count: ~850

It was a poor choice of words on Henry’s behalf – and he knew that.

You knew he knew that.

Ever since you’ve met him, nearly three years ago, you’ve noticed that Henry relished in the chaos he created from just one simple post. Whether it was a clip of him working out or him panting after his jog or even a simple picture of Kal, he sent the internet into a frenzy each time he broke his silence on social media. In fact, you would say he’d get off on it – but of course, he would only respond with a amused smirk and a shake of his head.

And sometimes, just sometimes, he liked to drag you into his mess.

So, when your phone dinged once, then twice, then a million times after one afternoon, you knew Henry had done something yet again.

At first, you ignored the incessant chimes of Instagram and Twitter. The colorful purple and the calm blue icons staring up at you, tauntingly as if saying, “we know something you don’t”. But this wasn’t your first time on the Henry post rollercoaster, and you opted to just turn your phone on Do Not Disturb, silencing the annoying chimes and buzzing.

But only for a few hours … until curiosity got the better of you, and you found yourself exchanging your novel for your cell phone.

You noticed that your accounts had an influx of new followers and posts had more likes and comments than usual. The culprit for this sudden popularity was a single tagged post from your beloved boyfriend.

It was a rather strange occurrence. Henry was keen on keeping your relationship as private as his career would allow. You’ve graced his stories once or twice throughout your two year long relationship, but he had never been so outright and forthcoming on his public feed.

The photograph was nowhere near risqué – which brought a bit or relief to your anxiety. It was a photograph of you curled up on Henry’s bare chest, sleeping your fatigue away. You were covered up enough with the nearly sheer night slip and Henry’s muscled arm wrapped around you. However, it was the caption that caught your eye.

“Our new addition kept her up all night.”

Your jaw dropped and eyes widened as you read that line over and over again. That cheeky little –

There were multiple “congratulations” comments beneath the post, followed by various celebratory emojis. Of course, there was a heavy amount of jealous fans’ inputs, but you considered yourself a veteran at this point – their comments became an inherent risk the moment Henry asked you out on a date.

Speculations, articles, “Baby Cavill” trended worldwide. You couldn’t help but slap a palm onto your forehead before groaning. Despite being frustrated because you were trending for such an obscure reason, you couldn’t help but find the entire situation amusing.

You came out of your shared bedroom just as he was walking into the house. Normally, you would take the time to admire your sculpted-by-the-gods boyfriend – especially after a run or a work out – but today, you wagged a finger in his face.

“You,” you said, in a mock scolding tone, “owe the world an explanation, Mr. Cavill.” Behind Henry padded in Kal, who ran to greet you, nudging your calves with his wet nose. “Your dad has gotten me into big trouble, bear.”

The dog stared up at you with big eyes but you knew that the only thought going through the Akita’s mind was, “treat?”

Henry burst out laughing as he pulled out his phone, undoubtedly reading through the mess he’s created. He seemed almost as elated as he was when he saw the reactions to his PC building video.

“Hennn,” you whined, pouting.

Before your boyfriend could respond, a high pitched bark could be heard as your new puppy ran  towards its family. Energic from his afternoon nap, the little guy jumped and pawed at you, trying to get your attention. He’d occasionally bump into Kal but the older dog didn’t pay him any mind, opting to lay down on the wooden floors, exhausted from his run with his dad.

You bent down to play with the little puppy, cooing at it and handling its tiny paws as Henry recorded.

He’d eventually post the multitude of photos and videos of you and the new puppy with the caption, “Just to clarify, we got a new puppy.” The simple caption would ease the fangirls, but the new puppy news did not stop Baby Cavill from continuing to trend.

Henry loved watching his family grow. The puppy testing Kal’s patience, but Kal proving time and time again that he is a very good boy. And you were an incredible dog mom. Going through the photos on his new post brought a smile to his face as he found himself getting lost in a day dream. He couldn’t wait to introduce an actual little one to the family (though you’d argue that the puppy was indeed your baby).

#henry cavill x reader #henry cavill #henry cavill fan fiction #rpf #real person fiction #speechlessxx

[tubbytarchia]

Actually I'm gonna need a little insanity thread for all the rancher things I love as I watch their POV for the first time. I'll publicize this when I'm done with ep5

TLDR: Heavens, it is a long list. I cannot tldr this

Them running around in circles, completely lost after their first deaths whilst also not expressing even the slightest bit of anger (esp Jimmy because you know)

Them expecting the other to know how to build but neither of them can

Tango building a box of a house and Jimmy being absolutely smitten by it continuously

Tango praising Jimmy with full genuinity for bringing back... a bucket of water

Them cradling one little chicken like its their offspring before they can get more

Jimmy standing behind the door, calling for Tango in order to surprise him with cows.... god help my heart

Tango declaring them as team ranchers to immediately admit he might not be a very good rancher. This is good and cute because I love to see them struggle yet have unbridled support towards each other

Jimmy being cornered by Joel and Etho so Tango leaves to save him (or so he says at least!)

Jimmy ushering Tango into their house as Tango yells for help due to his hunger and being chased by mobs, and then Jimmy giving him two melon slices because that's all he has (They are so pathetically poor which only accentuates the wholesome and cute factor)

Jimmy accidentally picking up Tango's baked potato and then handing it back to him so they can eat together while Tango basically foams out the mouth because he's so hungry

"Welcome home honey"

Them celebrating being able to feed themselves to any degree

Tango all "I built that wall, it's ugly, continuing the trend" only for Jimmy to immediately proclaim that he likes it

Jimmy catching on that Tango can be a great builder actually and confronting him about it like he's just been cheated on

Tango blocking their entrance to prevent more cows from leaving for Jimmy to then admit that he was the one that broke the door, oops

Tango watching Jimmy escort two goats from a distance "he's doing great"

Them in total confusion wasting way too much time trying to figure out how to get goat horns as they're huddled in their house with said goats strolling around (and them continuing to get butted casually as they go about their normal activities) before eventually choosing to waste much more time by trying to do the same thing outside

Unrelated but Pearl of all people being the first person to come to them with genuine help rather than to fuck with them like everyone else

In the face of all their struggles, the thing that seems to bring the absolute most joy to Tango and Jimmy by this point is obtaining a silly little goat horn

The fact that they both got the exact same goat horn!!!

"I need stuff for tools, and I need stuff for Jimmy"

Tango defending their base's looks despite proclaiming to be a bad builder, because god, I want him to be doing that just because of how much Jimmy praised it

Nobody replying to their goat horns, but THEM replying to each other!! (They also toot at each other later when frantically looking for each other agh!!)

This time Tango interrogating Jimmy as if he's been cheated on because Jimmy went into the deep dark without his approval

"The R survived"

"Tango snap out of it; Tango's having a moment" *Tango yelling and groaning and grunting and laughing continuously*

"Tango, Tango, let's think about this. Let's think about this!" "Hold me back" "Tango, listen to the horn" Jimmy calming his deranged husband aw

Tango burying his head in a corner refusing to look at his beautiful ranch in complete ruin even as Jimmy coaxes him

Jimmy and Tango kind of begrudgingly accepting Scar trying to be nice but Jimmy still valiantly defending the foot tower before it burned to the ground

Their son/daughter :( (Tango refers to the Warden as a she one episode and a he in another. Their child was an icon...)

Tango expressing that he's proud of Jimmy for having stayed alive so long and Jimmy replying "It's all down to to you. Hey, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you"

Maybe Jimmy really didn't have a water bucket on him but it was so funny of him to casually turn to Tango whilst on fire and go "can you put me out?"

Jimmy being comically kidnapped??? (Actually being put into gay baby jail instead) And asking Tango to help save him

"You're still here? It's over. Go home. Go." (insert a bunch of crying emojis)

Other stuff: I think by virtue of Jimmy being a real tall guy, his character is usually depicted as taller than Tango's if not significantly so. As such... Tango calling Jimmy "little man" tickles me greatly and sounds like a very fond pet name

Briefly brought it up earlier but goddd. I will absolutely hc that Tango only became proud and defendant of his work because of how much Jimmy liked what he built. And Jimmy always being there and calming Tango in his crazed outbursts <3 Tango is such a goddamn creature isn't he

And the uhh... Tango dying quickest out of anyone because of a creeper, to then express that he was proud of Jimmy for doing well even though he got them killed the first time around, and then Jimmy unceremoniously dying to an Enderman to end their series for good... As funny and poetic as it is, god, the canary curse fuckin hurts!! And yet there were hardly times that Tango showed disdain towards Jimmy, and then never genuinely. He knew their series could end quick with Jimmy as his soulmate and even when their positivity faltered, their support towards one another never did

For having read all this (or maybe just glancing and scrolling)... some unfinished rancher doodles just for you that I made while watching their POV

:)

#team rancher #rancher duo #I am not okay #trafficshipping #blabber

[aroaceleovaldez]

I think one of the best examples of what went wrong with TSATS is from the book tour I attended -

At one point during the event, Mark Oshiro made a comment about Nico's card collection. Specifically, they joked that Nico collecting cards was a sign that he was gay, because clearly he was only collecting the cards to look at the men on the art (which ends up being a note made in the actual book itself).

I've said a lot that you cannot divorce PJO from neurodivergence and disability. You just can't. And I stand by that. If you remove the neurodivergence and disability aspects from PJO it is no longer PJO because that's the foundation the entire series is built upon - representing neurodiverse and disabled students and kids. If you do not understand that or try to ignore it you have missed the most fundamental aspect of PJO as a series and everything else falls apart. (This is actually a trend that begins occurring mid/late-HoO and throughout TOA and that's where I say the main series begins to feel like it's no longer itself, but that's a rant for another day.)

You cannot divorce any of the demigod PJO characters from being ADHD/dyslexic. It is a core part of their characters. You cannot separate Nico di Angelo from the fact that he is ADHD/dyslexic. If you agree with Nico being autistic-coded or not, he is explicitly ADHD, and MythoMagic as we're introduced to it with him is clearly his hyperfixation if not his special interest. It just is. MythoMagic with Nico is the main ADHD/autistic trait we see presented with him. You cannot erase that. You cannot say "Nico only collected cards because he's gay" because then you are removing the fact that Nico is ADHD and you have missed the entire point of the series. Failed step 1.

TSATS does things like this so often throughout the book. (Ex: None of the characters stim, ever. The closest we get is Will bouncing his leg in one scene, but that's heavily implied to purely be him feeling anxious in that moment and nothing else. Nico even gives up his most iconic stim object and it's replaced with a coin he explicitly never stims with. He only ever touches it, never stims with it.) The book refuses to acknowledge that Nico and Will (and Annabeth and Percy and Piper and etc etc etc) are ADHD and dyslexic (and autistic-coded, in Nico's case). And if it does even remotely acknowledge those themes, it does so in the most ableist ways possible (infantilizing Nico, blaming Nico for his own ostracization, magically healing all of Nico's problems, implying Percy is only bad at school because he's disinterested and lazy, etc). And that happens because they started on the wrong foundation. They treated the characters' neurodivergence and disabilities as secondary and optional rather than the literal foundations the entire series was built upon and it shows.

#pjo #riordanverse #tsats #the sun and the star #tsats crit #tsats spoilers #the sun and the star spoilers #nico di angelo #adhd #autism #autistic nico #had another complaint in the drafts #i have other complaints informed more by the book tour i attended but that's another post #anyways theme of the week. me being sick and shaking this book about being ableist #again will queue some cute art for later so we're not being too negative all at once

[novoki]

Gladstone: Chief Mouser of the Treasury

Larry the Cat gets a ton of attention across the internet for his role as Chief Mouser at No. 10, but nobody knows about Gladstone which makes me super sad so i’m here to rectify that:

Gladstone is the Chief Mouser of Her Majesty’s Treasury in Whitehall, London. he was appointed in 2016 following Larry and Palmerston’s appointments as Chief Mousers of No. 10 and the Foreign Office respectively - and should get just as much as, if not more (as i personally believe), attention as them!

why, you say? well ohoho i’m glad you asked:

1) he’s better at his job than Larry

Larry is well-known for his “lack of killer instinct” and is notoriously bad at his job as Chief Mouser. the press calls him “Lazy Larry” due to his tendency to sleep on while mice run amok and in 2012 was almost fired from his position due to incompetency!

Gladstone, by comparison, is a natural mouser. 

Gladstone’s catch count was last reported as 22, far higher than Larry’s (if not as high as Palmerston’s, i’ll admit). Gladstone made his first catch within 48 hours of arriving at the Treasury whereas it took Larry just under two months. Larry also had to have an assistant appointed, Freya, to help with mousing duties; Gladtsone catches all his mice himself, and has even moved onto flies, as can be seen above.

2) he’s fashionable as all hell

while all the cats of Whitehall are undoubtedly adorable, only one can hold the title for best dressed: Gladstone.

clearly, Larry and Palmerston have nothing on Gladstone. both have simple solid-coloured collars whereas Gladstone is leading the fashion revolution with every new bowtie he wears.

in fact, he’s started a trend with his bowties! when Evie and Ossie became the new Chief Mousers of the Cabinet Office in late 2016, they sported Gladstone’s iconic bowties. #styleicon

3) he’s a social media influencer

the last reason Gladstone should be just as much a household name as Larry and Palmerston is because his job isn’t only limited to mousing - he also uses his platforms to spread the message about his work:

Gladstone’s Twitter and Instagram is filled with constant updates as to what the Treasury is doing, and he often features in simple ‘5 things about ___’ videos that are cute as well as informative. he’s also seen frequently supporting global events like Pride yearly (hence the rainbow bowtie above).

4) in summary: he’s awesome

now that Palmerston has retired to lead a more chill life, and now that Larry looks to be on the horizon of replacing Boris Johnson as Prime Minister, perhaps it’s time to acknowledge how cool Gladstone is and pay him the respect and attention he deserves?

#in other words: my latest hyperfication #cats in power is so fucking funny though #cats in power #cats of the world #cats #funny #uk politics #gladstone the cat #larry the cat #palmerston the cat #chief mouser #lol #comedy #uk #united kingdom #cats in politics #hm treasury #westminster #whitehall

[gnomebinary]

This is my protocol bingo! (Thank you as always osric.com).

Lena is just doing her evil job - No thoughts, no morals, no alligence. Girlboss.

Nobody ever finds out Jmart's real names - I just think that would be tragic, and fit in with what RQ have been saying about this not being too attached to Archives.

Redemption arc - There was a notable lack of these in Archives even though forgiveness and making a conscious effort to behave morally were important themes in the later seasons. I'm ready for Mr Bonzo to have Kylo Ren's exact redemption arc where he's redeemed mostly through kissing. I don't even care who he kisses.

Froyo trip - It's pretty clear that we're being told that this is Somewhere Else through things like the Archives staff having tea and the OIAR staff having coffee. The s1 Archives gang iconically got icecream, so I'm gunning for a froyo trip, and a Gwen monologue about preservatives.

Colin dies first - He's just so killable. Plus, Celia can't die until they do her reveal and they'll probably want to build up to it, Sam can't die because he's the driving force behind investigation into Magnus, Alice can't die because she kinda makes the whole show, Gwen can't die because she's mid-arc and it is of the type that if left unfinished it would be anticlimactic not tragic, and Lena can't die because the impact would be pretty low.

Nostalgic PC games - I LOVE that RQ appears to be into old tech. I want to see Chester and Norris play Catz 5. Lowfi retro charm.

Dyhard - I go back and forth on this one, it feels too obvious what with the hot drinks imagery workplace annoyances to lovers stuff, but at the same time it does Just Make Sense.

Somebody becomes disabled - In Archives people were injured a lot, but none of that amounted to a long-term physical disability, except for Melanie's blindness. Feels like something to do in Protocol.

Police brutality - Feels like a theme that Jonny still has more to say about, and an incredibly easy one to weave into this kind of story.

Alice is hiding something - I actually think she isn't but y'all are saying it.

Alice naming stuff has consequences - She does it so much and Colin warned her off it, clearly seeming concerned but not explaining why, I think it will have unforeseen and damaging consequences.

Someone has a pet - In Archives, especially in the earlier seasons, everyone was notably unattached. Martin has a mum to take care of, but nobody has partners or children. I think this was partly because it made them easier to manipulate, and partly because it meant that tragedy could be dialled up: Sasha dying was sad, but not as gutwrenching as Daisy dying because Daisy's relationships were more fleshed out because it was later in the series. We're already bucking that trend with Celia's son, so I think we might see a pet too. Also, the pet will probably die.

Alice dies in the last season - Alice is very killable but she's also the heart and soul of the character relationships, so I think they will kill her but they'll wait to do it, and then do it mid-final season as an OOH THEY WENT THERE turning point, like how Tim dying brought in a new, darker era for Archives.

Conclusion that love isn't what makes you human - At London Comicon in October, Alex or Jonny (I forget) said that if Archives was about what makes you a monster, Protocol is about what makes you human. I think it's kinda trite if love is the answer, and I think the conclusion re love will be that monsters can love, because that's cooler. Hell yeah romantic monsterfucking.

Celia evil - I LOVE that we're seeing another Welsh person, but she doesn't sit well with me.

Agnes returns but we don't hear her speak - The tree on the other side of the rift is still alive, and if that universe was this one then that means that Agnes may still be alive. Jonny and Alex have said that they regret not doing more with Agnes, and I don't think they'll miss out on the opportunity to use her again. However, I think the fact that she doesn't speak is central to her tragic character and role as Jon's character foil, and I don't think they'll change that. I actually posted a tiktok about this.

Scene on London public transport - We're already seeing our gang at the pub and on dates, I think we're going to get some tube content.

Jmart fate worse than death - They're going to have us WISHING that they died in mag200.

Fears never treated as separate - I just think we're over that.

Breakup - They're getting the character relationships in early, so I'm predicting an onscreen breakup, because that's one of the few ways that we didn't see relationships between characters going bad in Archives.

Gerry's life gets ruined again - I'm sorry guys but I don't think they're going to let him have peace. He's going to get dragged into the OIAR situation and he's going to suffer.

Alice's brother lives - People are already noting similarities between Alice and Tim, I think that it'll be essentially the same character beat again if her brother dies. Adapt, improvise, overcome, RQ.

Another Michael - Just another character called Michael, unrelated to the four existing Michaels. I wasn't going to put this because Jonny is very aware of the four Michael problem, but this man plagurised his own full legal Christian name, so anything is possible.

Jack is Agnes' Jack - I think it's cool if we all think about how there was actually a massive age gap between Agnes and Jack because she didn't seem to age past her twenties, so he was absolutely a child when she was an adult. Not that I want to have Discourse or anything, that relationship was hecked up and complex in plenty of other ways, just because it's interesting.

Onscreen kiss - They said they wouldn't do it during Archives and then they did and it wasn't that gross, so I'm ready to see it happening again. They might have a relationship between allosexuals this time, I don't think they're going as far as onscreen fucking, but I'm game to be surprised. Insert joke about reusing the whimpering noises from Archives here.

#the magnus protocol #tmp #tmp spoilers #the magnus archives #tma podcast #tma #dyhard #colin becher #alice dyer #samama khalid #gwendolyn bouchard #lena kelley #celia ripley #tmagp

[withered--s0uls]

Oh look it's another GD crossover

Ghost Drone AU - @electrozeistyking

You already saw all this art but shhh HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

This originally started out with me just wanting to draw Beanie interacting with the Intertwined Codes Kids but then I added some extra stuff lol.

If you're a reader of Intertwined Codes, this kinda sorta spoils future stuff bc only the twins have been mentioned in the Draft/Teaser fic but oh well. You have been warned.

IC!Uzi wouldn't like actually meet GD!N bc they'd kinda decide that "hey, let's not have the widowed man see an alternate version of his wife that actually got live." simply out of respect kinda?? So she would stick around at home with the kids whilst IC!N goes out to look for Beanies Dad after their kids drag her to them lmao.

So yeah she doesn't necessarily know the extent of the mans depression, the kids just mentioned there only being a dad so she just specifically asks about GD!N in this doodle

IC!N would quickly pick up on GD!N not being completely okay, even without being told any details. So he probably would end up sitting him down to talk on their way back to the IC!Doorman families place, wanting to help if he can in any way. (He runs a Daycare and tries to also be a support to any parent that needs it, so I feel he out of habit would lean into trying to do that with GD!N)

More/The kids under the Cut otherwise the post looks so long rip

I will go over each of these one by one (can'tdo close ups bc 10 image limit, I'll reblog this in a second with the close ups.)

Left are the Code-Related Nuzi kids, right are the adopted ones.

Code related kids

Zagi:

Not much to say, I'm still working out their personality - they're maybe 2-3 years older than Beanie, so they aren't too far apart in age. :)

Orita:

She's the sibling who started the trend of putting stickers on her siblings, so she DEFINITELY would do the same with Beanie.

She also probably originally was going to show her how to build a weapon, but her parents promptly stopped that lmao .

She would think it's really cool that Beanie has a custom core icon & in general is completely customized from the start! She herself was originally put into a regular worker body (just with the tail and headband being custom made by her mom), she had to build the DD forearms herself. She also has a sticker of the DD icon on her core, covering the WD icon :3

Rexim:

At this point he has enough siblings to be past the "ew a little kid" phase, so luckily Beanie gets spared that. His main camera is damaged, he only really uses his headband optics to look around, so he would kinda just look as if he's staring past her a lot. But bc of the obvious cracks in his visor I feel she would pick up on the fact he's not actually ignoring her.

Also he definitely would just play music to her, because IC!Uzi kinda always has music on whilst working in her workspace he kinda picked up some of her taste in music (Hence he's playing the same song that Uzi is shown to have been listening to in Ep7)

Raven:

First up THANK YOU Zeisty for helping me brainstorm silly stuff for them. They're a little ball of chaos now and I love them.

Anyways.

They would join Orita in bedazzling Beanie, and then they'd start talking about bird facts and also try to get Beanie to talk about her interests.

(Their height difference isnt 100% accurate bc halfway through drawing this I changed the IC timeline, making Raven about the same age as Zagi instead of them being a teen, so I kinda had to manually try and semi-fit their heights lol)

Adopted Kids

Ray:

Nothing to say. He's a baby. Tho whilst I was outlining this one I had to giggle because of how big he is in Beanies hands. She's so tiny 😭💕 /affectionate

Annika:

Oh boy. Ann.

Annika is the eldest kid & was adopted a while before Zagi was coded / whilst the parents were organizing the code copies for Zagi

She does NOT know how to talk to other kids. Never did. It made her stick out at the orphanage wing because she just avoided everyone. And it is very chaotic when Olivia and Ray first show up, because Ann's only idea of talking to other Drones is "well you got to be relatable" so she brings up the siblings dead parents bc like, her code parents are dead too. Both pairs dying to DDs. So yeah she probably would be the first, if not only one, in the whole household to just bring up GD!Uzi. She would do it like it's nothing either.

IC!Uzi would promptly get her to stop and sit her down having a conversation about "what did N and I say about trying to connect on that topic?"

Like IC!Uzi would actually feel really bad about it despite Beanie not knowing her mom. Bc she herself obviously didn't remember IC!Nori growing up but still didn't like the topic.

Olivia:

Olivia, as I said, was greeted with the topic of dead parents by Annika as well. So she probably would kinda interfere when IC!Uzi goes to sit Ann down to talk.

She would feel the need to apologize for the older girls behavior (which Ann would apologize for herself later too ofc) and would try to get Beanie to go play something together whilst IC!Uzi sorts that whole situation out.

She's also the closest to Beanies age probably, just was forced to mature bc of what happened to her parents, despite being taken in by Nuzi shortly after. She still obviously acts like a kid tho when comfortable, so I feel she would kinda ease up around Beanie and actually act more like a 4-5 year old around her.

Bonus? Bonus!

Needless to say Beanie would return home covered in stickers & hairpins (Orita & Raven have more than enough of those, they'd just let Beanie keep some)

RIP GD!N having to get her out of those stickers once they're back home

Also, for the "*humming*" variation of the picture I blame @k1k0oftheworld. Kiko was in vc with me when I was talking about how Beanie would be covered in stickers when she gets home, and saw the doodles as well.

He proposed the following scenario after seeing Rexim show Beanie IC!Uzis playlist:

Beanie humming dead batteries song & GD!N having a breakdown bc it reminds him of GD!Uzi

I do not take accountability for this, I was going to spare the poor widowed man.

(I scrapped the idea of him not knowing ab the IC!Doorman family and him getting a mini heart attack when Beanie goes "I met Mom today" in favor of him and IC!N meeting & talking - I WANTED TO SPARE HIS POOR HEART)

@k1k0oftheworld you owe him money for a therapy session now /silly

Anyways that's it, I'll put the close ups in the reblog like I said 👍

#murder drones #serial designation n #md #uzi doorman #ghost drone au #Intertwined codes #beanie doorman #Nuzi ship kids #like a lot of them #I'm tagging all of my kids in the reblog i dont have the patience rn #au crossover #gd x ic #ghost drone x intertwined codes #ElectroZeistyKing #my art #Souls Art

[southofeerie]

modern west wing social media hcs

i feel like charlie would have the most normal social media acct and following, like maybe an instagram where he posts pictures of himself (mostly for family), and like a twitter where he occasionally retweets his friends or bartlet. he likes making fun of other people (especially senior staff) for being too stuck to their devices, and a large online presence would take away that ability

CJ’s twitter is less incendiary than she’d like, since she’s the face of the bartlet administration, and so a lot of it is discussing policy or clarifying briefings. she does retweet a lot of good edu sites or interesting articles she finds. she herself trends a lot, she’s pretty famous online as a political icon ala AOC or bernie sanders, and she gets a lot of edits made online from press conferences (which she enjoys bragging abt to the other staff, while making fun of them for being out-of-touch). CJ also has a private instagram that hogan had her make, but she only posts extremely blurry pictures of coffee and her goldfish with captions like “hogan said to post to remind people that im alive”. toby always replies with “sending the pictures to MOMA. breathtaking” and danny replies with “breaking news. press secretary reveals she is still alive. more at 7”.

leo does not have social media because he still has a flip phone and a brick laptop. he says he prefers hearing bad news out loud or reading it on physical paper, but really, he just can’t figure out how to work it. im talking types “google” into google, then types “hello find me a map of the united states of america” in the search bar. margaret tried to help but seeing him type google into google physically pained her

josh is banned from twitter (after he pissed off three midwestern states, basket weavers, and most hollywood producers in the first week in office). cj regularly checks to make sure he hasn’t made a new account. he has a public instagram, but cj looks over captions before he posts (he once tried to ask the president for permission to get a new account but the president sided with cj). most of his posts are about encouraging people to vote or be more politically active. he is also not allowed to reply to comments on the instagram, so he reads them out loud in a mocking voice to donna. unbeknownst to him, there is a white house deputy chief of staff twitter page run by donna (with cj’s permission) that discusses white house initiatives and shares fun anecdotes abt day to day work. anytime someone tells josh they love his twitter account he assumes they mean instagram, and nobody tells him until bartlet is two years out of office

donna, like charlie, has an instagram mostly for her family back home, but also has a twitter where she talks about tv shows she likes and her hobbies, that has a decent following. she might have a tumblr but again it would be abt tv shows and hobbies she has

toby is on goodreads and instagram (but only to leave sarcastic comments on his friends’ posts). he hates twitter’s word count limit and how it’s owned by elon musk, and rants abt it often. he leaves lengthy reviews on any political commentary article in the comments section. this has been brought up in the briefing room, to the point where cj has a recording of herself saying “toby ziegler’s online rants are not indicative of president bartlet’s views. if you have any questions please direct them to ziegler himself”

president bartlet has facebook </3. there’s a white house twitter page run by an intern, but he’s not involved with that. he posts fun facts about national parks or ancient latin novels, but each fact starts with something like “joshua lyman, 🧍‍♂️deputy chief of staff, 🇺🇸doesn’t understand the true beauty of yellowstone national park 🙄🏞🏜🤦‍♂️”. most people think it’s a parody account and cj doesn’t want to correct them

abbey does not have facebook, despite her husbands insistence that it’s better than twitter. on the rare occasions she uses her account it’s mostly to discuss important medical breakthroughs and her daughter’s work

sam has a really popular instagram, where he posts selfies and pretty pictures of the white house and captions like “having a great day at work today!” or “white house at sunset.. gorgeous”. he posts on his story a lot, and comes off as very relatable to the public. he’s cj’s dream social media user

will bailey runs campaign social medias pretty well but his own twitter account is mostly for promoting the campaigns. occasionally he retweets stuff his friends post, or tweets out funny jokes he hears.

margaret is tumblr famous, but never posts abt her job. her posts regularly wind up on other sites. she hasn’t told anybody and doesn’t plan to

#the west wing #west wing #tww #cj cregg #charlie young #josh lyman #sam seaborn #toby ziegler #margaret hooper #jed bartlet #abbey bartlet #social media au #donna moss #will bailey #leo mcgarry

[greatwyrmgold]

Caramelldansen, the Disney Channel theme, & obfuscated authorship

Kevin Perjurer's Disney Channel's Theme: A History Mystery and jan Misali's who wrote Caramelldansen? feel like complimentary opposites.

Both are videos about the authorship of music that lots of people have heard but few people think about. But the similarities end there. (Aside from some fairly petty stuff like "both have iconic associated choreography, if the wand thing counts as choreography".)

Perjurer expresses frustration that, for all the artistry he puts into this and his other documentaries, he will be remembered as a YouTuber or a content creator, not a documentarian or a filmmaker. For all the work jan Misali puts into his craft, he embraces the fact that he makes YouTube videos. It's not easy to remix "Die Young" and "Hare Hare Yukai," but Misali did it...and what kind of documentary would have a 13-second title card in the middle with a mashup of a J-pop song and an A-pop song playing over it?

(Are American pop songs called A-pop? They should be.)

On a related note: Perjurer's documentary seems to have that tension as its primary theme. The tension between the effort and artistry that goes into something like the Disney Channel theme, and the disrespect it receives for not even qualifying as "low art". The primary theme of Misali's video seems to be more along the line of "It's worth remembering random facts about the world," expressed through his frustration at Remix Records, his frustration at how much Caramelldansen ("I would absolutely love to play the garbage Caramelldansen rhythm game!"), and the random facts he dug up while researching and chose to share for no other reason.

(There's a decent argument that who wrote Caramelldansen?'s primary theme is more along the lines of "'Caramelldansen''s original authorship is irrelevant, because the meme is what makes it 'Caramelldansen'," but that theme doesn't really appear outside the video's conclusion.)

Another stream-of-thought association: Perjurer has nothing but respect for the work of Alex Lasarenko, both his contributions to the Disney Channel theme and his broader work. Misali has nothing but shade to throw on the work of Giovanni Sconfienza, both his "contributions" to Caramelldansen and his broader work, and especially his attempts to take the Caramell out of Caramelldansen. I feel both of these are 100% justified, given context, but it's another interesting contrast!

Perjurer assumes that the audience will accept that the Disney Channel theme's importance is obvious to the viewer, and understand what made it so prominent. It was played on one of the biggest kid's TV networks of the 21st century! Misali focuses most of the video on why and how Caramelldansen rose to prominence, because for a lot of people it's just "that song that plays for ANIME LOL".

The obfuscation of the Disney Channel theme's authorship comes down to Disney being Disney and not saying anything about non-Disney people who make Disney Disney. (And, to be fair, broader industry trends.) The obfuscation of "Caramelldansen"'s authorship comes down to some rebranding done years after the fact. Misali is (I feel, rightfully) critical of [name]. Perjurer is (I feel, rightfully) respectful towards Alex Lasarenko and the music he directed/composed.

Most obviously: It takes months of research, correspondence, interviews, and so forth before Perjurer can figure out who wrote the Disney Channel Theme. Misali identifies Caramell as the creators of "Caramelldansen" in the opening seconds of the video. (Also, it's in the song's title.)

Now, you might reasonably wonder why I wrote this post, comparing two random YouTube video essays on similar topics. I'd like to provide some grand thesis statement that ties my conclusions and process into some statement about the nature of art. However, at the end of the day, this is more of a jan Misali post than a Kevin Perjurer one. But I think both would agree that this kind of little thing has merit. (Nowhere near enough to ask for their opinion or assume they'd have one, of course.)

#jan misali #defunctland #youtube #caramelldansen #disney channel theme #random thoughts #unusually random this time #video essays

[whipcracknumber5]

Ok walk with me on a “no but seriously imagine it” type rant

Ok so with the 🧡 from the wad post we are all collectively losing our minds right? Right. People are talking about the rest of the rainbow of hearts

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

We already have the red heart from Phil’s birthday post from 2023 ❤️

Now one could say that the red heart is the more romantically used one, or you could say that it’s just basic use one. Who can say.

Now with the release of WAD on YouTube we get the orange heart 🧡

I feel like this one is more special than the red heat tho, it’s more personalized. Orange is the color of his show and arguably his new branding.

Now this is where we start cooking! Those are the first two colors of the rainbow in order I might add we have Roygbiv your know her you love her

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

So what might we get with the rest of the rainbow what and when can we expect the yellow heart and so on. While I am a June/ October phedding truther I don’t believe we will get anything of the sorts this year, think of the length of time the two hearts are placed, Perhaps we get two more hearts this year.

We could get a yellow heart on dans birthday posted by Phil obvi maybe saying how he’s such a ray of sunshine /s

💛☀️🎂

And then the 10 year anniversary of dapg is coming up on September 12, I would imagine they do something for that let’s say they do a green heart for that one for the sims being one of their main series on the channel, plumbobs the symbol of the sims commonly being green.

💚

That would continue the trend of the colors being in order. But what are the gaming channels main colors??? Purple and blue. As seen by the dapg icon and the border around the face cam in the videos.

💙💜

As much as I want to get a full set in order I think the blue and purple are more likely for the gaming channel then green.

So that leaves us with the green heart, who is associated with green? Who’s iconic bedspread and thus branding was blue and green for YEARS? Who dyed an insane about of things green when Dan was gone? That’s right everyone’s favorite princess Phil Lester!

And what would be the next signifcant date (excluding 10/19) up next? Phil’s birthday in January. Bringing us right back to the first post with the red heart, Phil’s birthday post. So I would say we could expect something big June 2025. Being pride month and the month they started talking they could pull something on us that would make us lose our minds entirely.

Anyway that’s my whole rant just on the fact that we got

🧡

#dan and phil #dan howell #phil lester #danandphilgames #phandom #amazingphil #danisnotonfire #WAD #Phan #< for the phandometrics #Phan for top ship

[queenaryastark]

It's actually interesting examining Stansas and their absurdity.

A lot has already been said about the fact that Sansa was created specifically to bully Arya. That's already been proven and is a fact.

But what's interesting to think about here are the different ways Stansas will attempt to excuse what can't be excused. Here are the tactics I've noticed:

Stansas will lie that Arya is actually the one who bullied her foil. I'm actually surprised this person didn't go with that tactic since they have ST's mug as their icon, which suggests they rely on Benioff and Weiss' inaccurate adaptation where Arya was shown as the aggressor toward the character who was specifically created to bully her. Regardless, this excuse relies on ignoring the books in favor of published fanfic. The books show that Arya is bullied by her foil.

Stansas will lie that Arya "gave as good as she got". Now, this one requires a little bit of accepting that bullying occurred but tries to decrease the concession by putting blame on Arya as well. This is still factually untrue. All bullying in this dynamic is only coming from one direction: from Sansa to Arya. What Arya endures is name calling, being told she's unwanted, being told her life is worth less than an animal's, having her appearance likened to an animal's, being casually insulted just in the flow of conversation, having a murdered friend of hers victim blamed as a taunt, etc. There are exactly zero examples of Arya treating Sansa this way. The closest they try to come to providing an example is using Arya's grief over Mycah where Sansa was victim blaming him for his maiming and murder. But that's not evidence of anything other than Sansa's malicious nature.

Stansas might transfer blame exclusively onto Jeyne Poole. Again, this requires admitting that bullied occurred. Rather than blame Arya, Jeyne is presented as the only bully or as a bad influence on Sansa 🤣. Again, this is incorrect. Jeyne is a member of the lower nobility. In a world where Sansa didn't exist, there is a 0% chance Jeyne would ever dare to bully the daughter of a high lord. Even if she tried, that first attempt would be cut off at the knees due to the difference in rank between Arya and Jeyne. It's Sansa's bullying of Arya that gives Jeyne permission to join her, since she is also a high lord's daughter, and Jeyne is able to follow her lead. So Jeyne’s blame in the treatment of Arya is far less than Sansa’s. But isn't it funny how quick they are to throw Jeyne under the bus? I guess that's on brand for Stansas since Sansa was canonically relieved that Jeyne, her dearest friend, was given over to a pimp because it meant she could read without having to hear her crying.

In the case of the person I screencapped, they attempt to excuse bullying as normal in order to strip away Sansa's complexity and purpose. They even tried to project their fav's behavior onto real people instead of just Arya and Jeyne. It's been proven that bullying has a long-term negative impact on the person who endures the bully. GRRM seems to understand this as shown in how he depicts Arya and her bullies. We see how her schooling suffers and she has a negative self-image, which results in her tolerating additional bullying from others as if it was something required of her (she only speaks up with Hot Pie and Lommy when she thinks they're insulting Jon). Studies have shown that the impact of being bullied as a child can stay with a person well into adulthood. So by trying to normalize it, not only are Stansas proving what terrible people they are, they're showing that they aren't capable of accurately analyzing the text nor understanding basic character development. In short, they're wrong.

If Stansas actually enjoyed Sansa as a character, they would embrace her complexity rather than doing mental gymnastics to pretend she's one-dimensional. But then I'd lose out on seeing their ridiculous trends in bad takes.

#arya stark #asoiaf

[bloompompom]

Trending Now! Beloved, international pop sensation was spotted getting hot and heavy with the lead vocalist of Devil's Paradise, Eren Jaeger, at an after-party, sparking rumors of a secret fling. The unlikely couple has yet to comment publicly on the status of their relationship, but their scandal-worthy PDA alone implies they must know each other very well. 

Ha! That couldn’t be any further from the truth.

♡ pairings: rockstar!eren jaeger x popstar!female reader, eren jaeger x historia reiss ♡ content: ~8k word count. enemies-to-lovers, explicit language, alcohol, tobacco, pet names, reader discretion advised. ♡ previous chapter | next chapter | series masterlist

★ Chapter Two ★

It turns out that a fake relationship calls for just as much work as a real one.

Your life had been consumed by music for as long as you could remember—even longer than that, actually.

Your father was big in the music industry. You were talking big, big. Icon status. His band toured and filled stadiums across the country, ten times over, well before you were born. And once you were, he brought you along for the ride. He’d show you off on stage before your little eyes could even fathom what a crowd was, announcing to the world that he had a good feeling about you—what a strange thing to say about a child. But he wanted you to be a star, just like him, so a star was what you became.

Yes, for all intents and purposes, you were a nepo baby. You were sure, to outsiders, it’d seem like you were complaining about nothing. Here you were in your penthouse apartment, fresh from the bath with soaps costing more than some people make in a week, wrapped in a robe costing more than some people make in a month, lounged on a sofa costing more than some people make in a year. What could you possibly complain about?

Besides the fact that you paid for it with your soul, selling every aspect of your life away. Apparently, even down to who you can and cannot drunkenly make out with at a party.

Speaking of that, your argument with your dad didn’t seem to fix anything. Neither did Pieck’s, though you’d bet she handled her’s more rationally. You were surprised she couldn’t win him over, considering he always valued her opinion more, but even she wasn’t capable of such a feat.

But just like that pep talk you gave yourself in the mirror, you believed it was worth it. 

You were never one to keep a diary, at least, not in the stereotypical sense. Your journals were filled with lyrics that served the same purpose. Every thought, even those that made your stomach sick and left your head in ruins, could be metamorphosed into something as beautiful as poetry. Really, it was poetry, kept on ruled and folded pages. Jotted down, crossed out, and rewritten over and over in messy, middle-of-the-night handwriting.

Those lyrics never met the radio or any streaming services. They were never even given the chance to meet a microphone. They were stuffed away in the depths of your closet. You didn’t have time to write anymore. You were too busy singing to backtracks, churning out song after song, written with no other purpose than to top the charts. 

You thought you’d age out of your dad’s grasp one day, but his reach was far greater than you had anticipated. You were his project—you know, since his first one failed. 

When your dad decided to release his first solo album, it was a flop. Not quite a fall-flat-on-your-face flop, but it was damn near close. He never outrightly named it to be the reason, but when he told you that passion projects were a waste of time, it wasn’t difficult to piece it together.

Your dad promised you the dream of stardom, and that was what you got. But whether it was his dream or yours was yet to be determined. If it were up to you, it would be just you, your poetry, and a guitar—if you could get the hang of it. 

But no, you were generic. 

Most of what you knew about Eren was what anyone could find from an online search because there was no way you would go and talk about yourselves over coffee. Member of Devil’s Paradise. Occupation: singer. Birthday: March 30th. He was two years older than you.

Then came the rabbit hole. A deep and descending spiral. You started with live performances, then stumbled upon some recent interviews. That was always how hate-watching began, wasn’t it? Your blood boiled as you watched Eren play it up for the cameras. Laughing at the right times, sprinkling in a charismatic smile here and there, even if you thought it made him look like a villain.

It seemed like he could get away with anything so long as he desired it. Write the songs he wanted, screw up his lyrics if he felt like it. Hell, he could have kicked his feet up on that conference table if he wanted to, you were sure of it. All the while, you couldn’t even defend yourself with Pieck stepping on your toes—literally. 

You couldn’t say it enough: Eren infuriated you, ceaselessly so. But somehow, buried deep within you, you could admit the band—that he was a force to be reckoned with. Not that you’d ever say that aloud, of course.

Eren’s presence was eye-catching. He knew how to use every last bit of the stage as if he owned it. But so did the rest of the band. Even Connie—stuck behind his drumset but far from hidden. The smirk on his face was everpresent as he attempted different tricks with his drumsticks, unexpectedly nailing every one of them. 

But what stood out to you the most was the energy between Mikasa and Eren. It was electric. Always in tune with one another. As you watched, you noticed a twinge of guilt when you thought about calling their band shitty—but only because of Mikasa! Either way, it didn’t matter; you planned to take the feeling to the grave.

Mikasa actually found you on Instagram a few days after that god-forsaken meeting. Word must have traveled fast. The two of you exchanged phone numbers because she insisted on calling you.

She answered the phone after only a ring. Before you could say a word, she was already apologizing for everything that happened that night, as if it were somehow her fault. She had no reason to feel responsible; you could make your own decision. You told her that, too.

“Honestly, it didn’t even cross my mind that you’d be interested in each other, but I should have known he’d try something,” Mikasa said.

You were quick to correct her. “We’re definitely not interested in each other. We were just drunk.”

“Right. Sorry.”

 Mikasa ended the call by telling you to look at the bright side—the two of you would see more of each other. You feigned excitement not because you didn’t like her but because you only heard the underlying implication. You would have to see more of Eren, too.

Your PR team was adamant about keeping up appearances, desperate to clear things up as if it were a blip on your permanent record. You and Eren were ordered to paint the pretty picture of having been in a happy and committed relationship for the last two months. Don’t forget: they had your image to protect. It was one they spent years crafting. 

You had them clutching at their pearls at the mere thought of you—gasp!—having drunken sexual relations with a man you had just met. 

To think, all of this hubbub, and for what? You didn’t even get laid.

According to them, two months meant you had to drive home the honeymooners, lucky-in-love thing. Googly eyes and all. Anything to snuff out the salacious rumors before executive Mustache died of an aneurysm.

Think of those pictures they plaster on the front of magazines. Those candid couples wearing their absolute best because they coincidentally were papped on their way to the gym. That was what your team of publicists expected of you—on Mondays, that is. Saturdays were for strolling together. To where? Anywhere, they’d say! Ugh. 

It was so very quaint, wasn’t it? As if your schedule wasn’t already crammed enough.

Since the after-party, the most time you spent with Eren was the first (and only) time you went to dinner together. Petra wanted to ensure the paparazzi caught ‘the shot,’ as she called it. Aka, a photograph of Eren feeding you a bite of food.

By the way, Petra was the nervous redhead who rambled at you during the meeting. She was one of Devil’s Paradise’s publicists—specifically, Eren’s. 

She turned out to be less flighty than you thought, at least when the higher-ups weren’t around. You would maybe even say you liked her for no other reason than she was the only one who treated you like a person. Enough that she’d throw in a ‘Hey, this is pretty weird, right?’ now and again. 

That didn’t stop her from dreaming up these ridiculous, borderline-fantastical ideas, like feeding each other goat cheese crostinis, dumbly giggling when Eren would miss your mouth and use his thumb to swipe your lips clean.

Spoiler alert: that never happened. And the paparazzi never snapped ‘the shot’ because you weren’t interested in having Eren feed you anything. Luckily for you, he shared the sentiment. 

What a challenge it was—pretending you had eyes for someone you couldn’t bear to spend an hour with. It was a big ask for both of you. You were singers, not actors. And what was supposed to be a romantic dinner probably appeared more like you were fighting, and not the kind that looked like a lovers’ quarrel. 

To be fair, there was a very small chance it was your fault this time. Just maybe you picked the wrong dinner conversation. But hey, he was the one who brought up his ex-girlfriend first.

Keeping your voice low, you asked him about Historia Reiss. Though the restaurant was dim and not exceptionally crowded, you were only out because you were supposed to be spotted together. The last thing you wanted was to become the jealous, obsessive girlfriend. You were just curious, that was all.

But Eren only said they broke up six months ago, another tidbit you could have found on Google.

“Someone’s down bad,” you poked lightly, even cracking a smile so people would think you were enjoying each other’s company. Pieck would be so proud.

When he didn’t humor it, you stifled the nasty face you wanted to make and asked, “Why’d she break up with you? Because you’re a dick?”

“Yeah, probably,” Eren deadpanned. He didn’t look up as he spoke but bitterly forked around his plate.

That was where the conversation ended. Any and all conversation, for that matter. Talk about awkward. You remembered texting Pieck under the table in a fury, telling her you would never do this again, even if it meant she’d have to lie about your whereabouts to your father.

After only two weeks, you had to tap out. No more cutesy coffee dates, no candlelit dinners, and you’d certainly be escorting yourself to the gym from now on. But Pieck could only cover you for so long before she had to call out your avoidant tendencies.

It felt like interrupting your days had become her new favorite pastime. Still in your robe, though you had left the bath over an hour ago, you lazed on the couch. Convinced everything was peachy, you thoughtlessly answered Pieck’s call with a chipper, “What’s up?”

No pleasantries were exchanged. The first words out of her mouth were, “Do you know how many days it’s been since you and Eren were last seen together?”

Her voice was far too accusing for such a pleasant day. It wasn’t even noon. She spoke so fast that you weren’t positive you heard her right. Why would you count such a silly thing?

You replied tentatively, “Um, no.”

“Twenty-seven.”

“You’re so weird for keeping track of that.”

“It’s literally my job,” she told you like she had many times before. 

Yes, Pieck’s official title was manager, but she was second-in-command. Or as you liked to call it, your babysitter. While the title of personal assistant felt demeaning to give to your best friend, you couldn’t help but think ‘manager’ had gone to her head.

She continued, “Your relationship can’t consist of leaving heart and flame emojis on each other’s photos.” Why not? “You’re taking him to Sasha’s party.”

You flung upright so fast that you were surprised you didn’t fly off the sofa. “Like hell I am!”

If you opened a dictionary and flipped the pages to the word ‘influencer,’ you’d bet there would be a picture of Sasha Braus. In every sense of the word, she was an influencer. She was bubbly, a bit outlandish, and like a magnet whenever she walked into a room. You wouldn’t say she invited you to her party because you were friends, more like she invited you because you were, well, you. 

She announced she was working on expanding her brand, starting with everyone’s favorite breakout product: eyeshadow palettes.

The launch party was on Saturday—two days away. You had known about it for some time now, but you conveniently kept it a secret that Sasha included a plus one to your invitation. You were actually looking forward to the event up until now. 

You spewed every reason as to why this was a horrible idea, rattling away like a bad defense attorney. ‘Eren won’t go’ and ‘Actually, I think I’m coming down with the flu.’ Then came the good old-fashioned begging. 

She let you wear yourself out before hitting you with, “It’s already been arranged. Sasha sent you a plus one, and I’ve spoken with Levi.” Damn it. “Oh, and Petra will be going with you to ensure you’re both on your best behavior. We don’t want a repeat of dinner.”

There was that line again. Best behavior.

You were about to end the call right there, but you decided to hear her out after she apologized. She tried to cheer you up, too, but it was a blatant attempt at reminding you not to shoot the messenger. So then you hung up on her. She’d surely scorn you for acting so childish later.

♡ ♡ ♡

“I don’t know why you’re being such a little bitch about it. Just look at her—she’s smokin’ hot.”

Connie had put one of your music videos on the flat screen during their break from practice. It must have been set to autoplay because that was ten minutes ago and you were still going. He appeared to be the only one watching, sprawled out on the couch with his hands tucked behind his head. He only tore his eyes from the screen to see what Eren had to say.

Eren leaned against the wall, paying more attention to his phone than Connie as he tried to drone out both him and your grating voice. “She’s the one that’s a b—”

“Don’t,” Mikasa interjected. Eren finally glanced up, and Mikasa caught the dreadful look in his eye. “Besides, you didn’t seem to think so when you met her.”

The bite in her tone caught Jean’s attention. He straightened out, sat a bit higher in his seat, and let a wry smile take hold of his face. “Yeah, you’re only saying that because she didn’t want to sleep with you. Let me guess, you said something—probably in your usual douchey fashion—and pissed her off.”

Eren’s eyes flitted from Mikasa to Jean. Only for a second, but with the silence, it was enough to pull a dry chuckle from Jean as he concluded, “Looks like I’m right.”

Connie rolled onto his stomach, eyes wide and interested. He might as well have been kicking his feet in the air like the little gossip he was. “Man, you had the perfect shot and fuckin’ blew it. I wouldn’t have, if it were me. To think I was this close—”

“You called her a stray,” Eren reminded.

Connie cocked a brow at him. “Oh, yeah? And what did you call her?”

Eren didn’t answer that. He pushed himself off the wall and shoved his phone into his pocket. “I’m going to get lunch.”

He didn’t want to give Connie the satisfaction of getting a rise out of him, but his dodginess alone was enough for Connie. He looked pleased with himself as he snickered, “What? You’re not gonna offer to get us any?”

“No,” Eren replied. He was too abrupt about it, what with the way he hastily grabbed his keys and wallet. He chose to ignore Connie’s and Jean’s giggling and whispering on his way out. 

It might not always seem like it—especially right now—but the four members of Devil’s Paradise were best friends. As thick as thieves since the tender age of fifteen. But if you asked any of them, they’d say it has felt even longer than that.

The band had humble beginnings, practicing in Jean’s parents’ garage instead of the unimaginable studio they had now. It took nearly a decade of work, but they finally ‘made it,’ as people liked to say. 

Their careers really kicked off a little over a year ago. In Eren’s eyes, it was practically overnight. Now he couldn’t even grab lunch without getting recognized. It had only gotten worse since they snagged a nomination at the upcoming alternative music awards.

Devil’s Paradise was nominated for the best album of the year. Mikasa had incessantly reminded Eren of it every day since—as if he could possibly forget. One minute she’d list all the people they should thank during their acceptance speech, then the next thing Eren knew, she’d grip at the roots of her hair and spout nonsense like, ‘We shouldn’t even bother going. We’re just going to embarrass ourselves.’ There was nothing they could do but wait for the reading of that fateful envelope, but even she was starting to make Eren antsy.

Even so, Eren liked seeing Mikasa like this. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d seen her so excited over something. Whenever she talked about winning, she looked just like she did when they were kids.

Mikasa was like a sister to Eren. They grew up side-by-side, quite literally. Their parents were next-door neighbors, fating Eren and Mikasa to become best friends before they had even left the womb.

Back then, there was no band. There was only Eren and his guitar, Mikasa and her bass, and their out-of-tune strumming as they attempted to teach themselves how to play. Everything only started to fall into place once they hit high school—when they met Jean and Connie.

Mikasa overheard the duo talking in the cafeteria line. Connie was complaining about getting his brand-new drumsticks confiscated during biology class. ‘Who knew it’s against the rules to drum on the dissection trays?’ And the rest was history—almost.

There were a few kinks they had to iron out, of course. One could imagine the bickering that ensued when they tried to come up with a name, but it only became a brawl once Jean and Eren both wanted to lay claim to the role of guitarist. It only fell to Jean because his singing was subpar, and that was putting it lightly.

But to this day, Mikasa and Eren were still the heart and soul of the band, just like they were back in their parents’ basement or at their school’s talent show or wherever else they found themselves. Eren wrote the lyrics, as always, but he still needed Mikasa’s hand to fine-tune the music.

That was why it was all the more difficult when the two of them butted heads. It was like everything surrounding the band came to a screeching halt. ‘Mom and Dad are fighting,’ Connie would whine. This time was no exception. 

Not surprisingly, their most recent argument involved you. Mikasa genuinely felt bad that you were cornered into this position. Really, she pitied both of you, but she favored you only because she knew Eren could be a dick. The friendlier the two of you became, the more she felt trapped in the middle. And it certainly didn’t help that you and Eren were equally stubborn.

Mikasa suggested Eren should be nicer to you if he wanted this situation to be as painless as possible. She told him you were a good person—that he shouldn’t let his stupid pride get in the way of getting to know you. Eren said she didn’t get it.

Sure, Eren played it cool when you first asked him about the arrangement, but it wasn’t as though he was particularly thrilled about it. He just knew better than to act like a spoiled brat and throw a tantrum over it. Shame on him for getting involved with such a diva. Lesson learned.

Flashback to the morning following the after-party: Eren woke up in Historia’s bed. His eyes opened, and he just sort of stared at the ceiling, trying to ignore the horrible writhing in his gut. He attributed it to his hangover.

The feeling didn’t go away by the time his phone started ringing, loudly. He sifted through the sheets before it could wake Historia, but he struggled to find it. It rang a second time, and she let out a whimper of a groan. Wearing nothing but the bedsheet, she reached as far as she could without falling off the bed to fetch Eren’s phone. She tossed it to him—at him—without looking. 

He missed that call, too. Both of which were from Levi. 

Historia rolled over, looking at him with her cheek smushed against her pillow. “Last night catching up with you already?”

Expectedly, Eren’s phone rang a third time. He watched momentarily before replying, “Yeah, I think so.”

Eren, along with you and the rest of the band, had to sign non-disclosure agreements regarding the phony relationship. Both your teams took the matter entirely too seriously, so Eren couldn’t tell Historia about any of it. He figured he could sort that out later.

It had all become such a massive headache for him. He was relieved to have a moment to himself, even if it was limited to the thirty minutes it’d take him to get lunch.

But as it turned out, he couldn’t even get that because, speak of the devil, your name popped up on his phone screen.

Eren was going to let it go to voicemail, but he heard Mikasa in his head—yes, that happened from time to time. To him, the truly painless option would be to ignore the call, but he decided to answer at the last second.

He clicked the button for speakerphone before saying, “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me,” you said before giving your name.

Eren thought you sounded curt, especially since you were the one barging in on his day, but then again, he was learning you were always like that. “I know. Levi put your number in my phone.”

“It’s really hard to hear you.”

“I’m driving. Hold on.” Eren fumbled to turn off speakerphone. He dropped his phone and, in the hassle, the driver behind him laid on their horn. Frustrated, Eren jammed his phone between his shoulder and ear. “What do you want?”

Eren heard your scoff before you replied, “I’m guessing Levi told you about the party this weekend.” He only made a small grunt of acknowledgment, more focused on turning left at a busy intersection. “People will probably want to talk to us.”

“God forbid,” Eren snarked.

“You know what I’m trying to say! I just think we should, like, rehearse or something—I don’t know.”

Your voice tapered off there at the end, almost nervously. Eren imagined you chewing on your nail in thought on the other end of the line. “You’re really stressin’ about this for no reason, aren’t you?”

“I’m only stressed because I don’t want you to make me look dumb,” you retorted. You were getting mad; Eren could hear it even in the thick silence between you. “I don’t have any time tomorrow, so you have to come by my place as soon as you can.”

“Today? Listen, we don’t need to rehearse anything. I’m supposed to be at practice right now, anyway. I only answered because I’m getting lunch—”

“Great. Bring me something. Whatever you’re having.”

“I’m not—”

“Tell Levi to text you my address.”

And that was that.

When you hung up, Eren chucked his phone into the passenger seat. Stopped at a red light, he rubbed his eyes like he could relieve the tension behind them, cursing under his breath. 

Thirty minutes. He couldn’t even have thirty fucking minutes to himself.

By the time Eren arrived at your apartment, you had finally dressed and made yourself semi-presentable—at least, you weren’t in your robe anymore.

In that time, you decided to ring Pieck. You tried to earn a few brownie points by telling her you invited Eren over to prep for Saturday, but she only told you to post a picture or else it ‘didn’t happen.’

For a split second, you thought you had opened your door to a stranger. You nearly slammed it in Eren’s face when you saw him in a ratty, old baseball cap and a pair of sunglasses too bulky for his face. You figured that was the point, though—to hide his face beyond recognition. Not enough to stop a die-hard fan, but it did the job.

Eren removed the ‘disguise’ once he was inside, setting down his hat and glasses on your entryway table. He tugged on the tie that kept his hair loosely held back, grumbling as he shook it out. “I hate having my hair up.”

“I don’t know. I think it makes you look less scruffy,” you said. You intended it as a dig, but in some way, shape, or form, it didn’t come across as such. You played it off by taking the brown bag from Eren and leading him to your kitchen. “What did you get?”

“Sushi.”

“Sounds good,” you hummed. You set the bag on the counter, plopping on the stool as you pointed across the room. “Chopsticks are in that drawer.”

It was a pleasant surprise that Eren actually listened—less so when he started opening every drawer but the one he needed. You were about to repeat yourself when the receipt stapled to the bag caught your attention. 

“Jeff?” you questioned.

Eren finally found the chopsticks. He didn’t sit at the counter but stood opposite you on the far side of the island. “What? You don’t use a fake name?”

“No, I do,” you said. “It’s just that Jeff isn’t very believable. You don’t look anything like a Jeff.”

He turned the bag around so you could no longer see the receipt. He muttered, as always, when he said, “I wasn’t thinking that hard when I put it down,” as he pulled out your food. Two identical boxes, one placed in front of you. 

You thought on it, just for a moment as you cracked open the plastic lid, then said, “I think you look more like a Dylan.”

“Dylan?” He actually sounded a bit offended by it, causing you to chuckle.

Not that you expected him to, but Eren never asked if you liked what he ordered for you. It was good, but out of sheer pettiness—come on! He couldn’t even give you the common courtesy of asking—you decided not to compliment his taste in sushi. 

You could only compare the time you spent with Eren to a strange dance. A dance neither of you could master. You were cursed with two left feet, awkwardly side-stepping and stomping on each other’s toes again and again. Because of it, there seemed to be an underlying, mutual understanding that neither of you wanted to chit-chat. And that was the only reason lunch wasn’t entirely uncomfortable.

But eventually, you had to talk. There was a purpose to this little meet-up—one greater than hoping the paparazzi snap you canoodling on a park bench. If there wasn't, you wouldn’t have invited him over in the first place. 

There were small but specific details that you’d need to iron out if you and Eren had any hope of making a convincing couple. It worked in your favor that you’d only been seeing each other for two months (wink, wink). There was no pressure to memorize every fun fact and finish each other’s sentences. No one would expect that of the couple so madly in love that they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves for even a second—that didn’t leave too much room for getting to know each other, did it?

But there was just one crucial and absolutely inevitable question you’d hear time and time again. 

“They’re going to ask us how we met,” you said. It was the first break in silence, making you the loser of this invisible game between you.

You set down your chopsticks and placed your chin on the heel of your hand. After a thoughtful pause, you said, “Well, you obviously asked me out first.” That grabbed Eren’s attention. He glared at you, about to interrupt, so you jumped in. “After sliding into my DMs, perhaps?”

“Wait a second.”

“Telling me how pretty I am and that you’d just love to get to know me over a drink.” There was an airiness about you the more you played it up.

“I wouldn’t do—”

“And when you met me in person—” You mawkishly clasped your hands together. “—it was like love at first sight.”

Eren appeared more bored than usual, something you didn’t think was possible. “Finished yet?”

What a mood killer.

“Someone can’t take a joke,” you complained, dropping your hands to the cold marble. “Do you have a better idea? Because I don’t know where we would have casually bumped into each other.”

“At an after-party,” Eren answered smartly. 

You frowned. Frankly, you were not looking to craft some elaborate story. The less convoluted, the better. You needed a tale dull enough that reporters would cruise on by rather than nitpick you apart. Something that even Eren couldn’t mess up. 

“Besides the last part, you DMing me the most obvious route,” you said. “It’s practically un-fuck-up-able.”

“That’s not a word.”

This was going nowhere. You conceded to your phone, something to distract you, while you tried to unclench your teeth.

“Embellish it however you want, I don’t care, but we’re sticking with my story. And while we’re at it—” A benefit of inviting Eren over rather than arranging a meeting was that with no one else around—no Petra, no Pieck who’d undoubtedly call you a bitch—you finally had the liberty to demand, “I’m going to need a few things from you. Don’t give me that look.” 

Behind the speckle of hatred in your eyes, there was a dash of desperation, a subtle plead to hear you out. It annoyed Eren because it reminded him of Mikasa again. 

He sighed reluctantly. “Fine. Let’s hear ‘em.”

You straightened out like you were ready to make your presenting argument. “First, when this whole thing is over, I’m dumping you. Not the other way around, and definitely nothing mutual.” You pointed your chopsticks toward Eren’s takeout. “Are you going to finish that?”

He slid the container away from you, which was enough of an answer. “Is your pride seriously that important to you?”

He was one to talk. 

“Think of it this way,” you started, a crude smile pulling at your lips. “I’m sure if you come crawling back to Historia all heartbroken, she’ll be more than happy to lick your wounds.”

He didn’t seem to appreciate the dating advice but let you continue with your rules.

“Speaking of Historia, I won’t stop you from getting back with her because, truthfully, I’m not all that interested in what or who you do in private. Just don’t get caught with her in public.” It was a fair stipulation—more than fair. “Can you at least promise me that?”

He gruffed a noncommittal, “Whatever.”

“No, you have to swear,” you asserted. For emphasis, you stuck out your pinky. Eren gave you that look again, but you didn’t back down. “I take this very seriously.”

Apparently, that was deserving of another (exaggerated) sigh from him, but he linked his pinky finger with yours anyway. “Fine. I promise.”

A small victory, but it was a step in the right direction, nonetheless. And for once, you were the smug one. “Thank you.”

♡ ♡ ♡

Saturday rolled around faster than you wanted. Funny how it always worked like that—how dreaded events always came sooner than the enjoyable ones. 

You spent your Friday in the recording studio—usually one of your longer days, but even an afternoon stuck inside didn’t slow down time.

Next thing you knew, you were stiff and slumped in front of the mirror, wiggly with anxiety, as your face was poked and prodded.

“Babes, you have to stay still for me,” your makeup artist urged, her voice still as sweet as the first time she reminded you. You quietly apologized, trying not to move.

You hadn’t had a day to yourself since the after-party. And even that was a few measly hours. If you weren’t recording, then you were practicing for upcoming studio sessions—warm-ups, vocal lessons, everything. And if it wasn’t practice, then you were on tour. 

This was supposed to be your downtime. Your scheduled, well-deserved downtime that you now had to spend latched to your insufferable fake boyfriend. 

Eren, Eren, Eren. He was all anyone wanted to talk about these days. It was as if you lived your entire life without knowing of his existence, only to wake up one morning to discover he was the name on everyone’s tongue. You couldn’t catch a break from reality even when you shut your eyes in the makeup chair—a not-so-subtle hint you weren’t up for conversation while you were being fussed over. No, this evening’s styling team was far too invested in your love life, despite it being none of their business. 

The woman finishing your makeup was so surprised to learn you and Eren were ‘an item,’ as she coined it. She gushed about it as she warmed and patted concealer on your under eyes. It didn’t help your nervous blinking. 

Was this really how they’d react if you were to seriously date someone?

“Yeah. It’s—uh, it’s new-ish,” was all you could get out. 

Every one of your answers was short. They didn’t seem to notice, so captivated by the sound of their own voices that they didn’t hear the nervousness in yours. 

The woman styling your hair had this glint in her eye from the moment she saw you. You fixed on her smile, all teeth, in the mirror’s reflection until she confessed she was a massive Devil’s Paradise fan. She had their album cover set as the lock screen on her phone. She even showed it to you. 

At some point in the conversation, she said, “I mean, you’ve seen him on stage, right? The guy’s sex on legs.”

Less of a Devil’s Paradise fan and more of an Eren Jaeger fan, wouldn’t you say?

To you, it was merely background noise—you weren’t even positive she was talking to you—but it earned her a smack on the arm from your makeup artist.

“Obviously she’s seen him on stage. That’s her boyfriend.”

She put extra emphasis on that word. The b-word.

You supposed it was rather bold of her, wasn’t it? One would think she’d have the common sense to not say that around someone’s significant other—if it were a real relationship, of course. 

The truth of the matter was that you’d bet she knew more about Eren than you did. You hadn’t even seen him perform outside of the ten minutes you stumbled upon online while she had seen him live in concert (she told you twice).

It was all so stupid and weird and sort of hilarious. How your makeup artist ran to defend a relationship that didn’t exist, how your hair stylist fidgeted with embarrassment over a comment you couldn’t care less about. You almost wanted to belly laugh. 

If only they knew. 

The sun was almost set by the time your car parked, its orange crest melting over the tops of palms. The breeze was crisp for the first time in weeks, enough that you had tucked yourself into the corner of the backseat for warmth. Your sheer-in-all-the-right-places dress wasn’t cutting it. 

Like a real couple, you and Eren arrived together. Petra, too, sat between you. She sounded just as enthusiastic as she did during your first meeting, like she believed she could magically brighten the damp mood.

There was a short walk to the venue, and the three of you were escorted there by security. Petra spent the first half of it scolding Eren because he didn’t hold the car door open for you. ‘What was I supposed to do? Someone opened it for us.’  You didn’t say it, but he had a point. Even so, that didn’t stop her.

You were beginning to think she had read one too many romance novels when you heard her whispering to Eren, her voice no greater than a hiss as she demanded him to give you his jacket. No, not just give it to you but put it on you. 

This was the part where Eren would agree, and Petra would insert a collective awe from the crowd if she could. 

Eren vetoed the idea immediately. He didn’t slow or look back at either of you when he said, “No way. She’s a big girl, she can handle it.”

His major attitude had you and Petra stopped dead in your tracks, both of you gasping an offended, “Eren!” 

Look, it wasn’t like you wanted his jacket—the leather would clash with your outfit—but did he seriously need to act like going out of his way for you was torture?

Petra hurried to catch up with him. “Need I remind you that you have an audience?”

She was right. Outside the entrance was a swarm of cameras and phones, every one directed at whoever was locked in their crossfire next. 

Eren didn’t mask his hesitancy well. It was written across his face as he forked over the jacket, unwilling to lay it over your shoulders. Out of spite, you beamed at him as though he had done it correctly. An expression so endearing that anyone looking in would undoubtedly find it sweet, but Eren knew better than that. He saw right through the facade, clicking his teeth at you before turning away. 

You slung on the jacket one arm after another, and instantly, the scent of it—of Eren—made your stomach clench. You were brought back to that night. The same warm scent that tickled your nose, just without the stench of alcohol. Whatever arrogance you clung to a second ago had now slipped through your manicured fingers. 

Before you stepped inside, Eren’s hand took hold of your wrist and tugged you aside. Rightfully, you were caught off guard. As you opened your mouth to ask why he thought he could manhandle you like that, he shoved a hand into his jacket’s pocket to retrieve a pack of cigarettes. 

You were sure he only wanted you for the cigarettes. Even more sure that he most likely wanted you to skitter along now, but you hung around to ask, “You smoke?”

“No. I quit two years ago,” Eren answered. Then he placed a cigarette between his lips, sparking the end with a lighter he pulled from his back pocket.

“That doesn’t look like quitting two years ago.”

He took a short drag. On his exhale, he said, “Stress cigarettes don’t count.”

Stop the presses. This just in: Eren Jaeger was capable of experiencing human emotion.

Jokes aside, getting worked up over such a contrived event didn’t seem to fit the vibe he had going on. He certainly didn’t look worried, staring out at the road as he puffed his cigarette like you weren’t even there.

You swallowed the scoff you wanted to let out. He had some audacity to mock you for wanting to rehearse the other day when he was as unnerved as you.

Eren cleared his throat, and it shook you from the thought. You pointed out, “That can’t be good for your voice.”

“Good thing I could retire tomorrow if I felt like it,” he said dryly. 

You couldn’t hold it in this time; you snorted derisively and handed back his jacket. “I’ll see you inside.”

Petra’s voice trailed after you as you headed inside, but you weren’t the one signing her checks, so she stayed behind with Eren. Finally, you had a moment to yourself, even if you were surrounded by hundreds of others.

The place was packed already, dolled up in retro pastels. Femininity dialed up to an eleven. Imagine the slumber party of your cotton candy dreams—glossy lips, feathery pillow fights, and bottle girls draped in silk nighties. It was gaudy, in your face, and pure camp. You didn’t expect anything less.

A hostess escorted you to your booth, toward the very back of the club. On your way, Sasha spotted you, bouncing over in her satin set and slippers. She looked adorable and perfectly on theme, down to the fluffy eyemask perched on her pony-tailed head. It was hard to hear her over the bass thrumming in your ears, but she swore she would come and find you later. 

It didn’t take long to realize your lunch with Eren was nothing more than just that—lunch. Wasted time you’d never get back no matter how much you enjoyed the sushi. Outside of some photos here or there, dropping a few hints about your new single, and smushing your face with Sasha’s for that article-worthy photo-op, no one batted at you and Eren, together, even if he did stick out like a sore thumb. 

“Never thought I’d be at one of these,” Eren said as he sat at your side, leaving an awkward foot of space between you.

“You’re welcome for the free exposure.”

You glanced over at him. He looked too big for the booth. It didn't help that the contrast of his deep hair—his clothes even darker, from his jacket to the toe of his boot—was stark against the white plush.

Without missing a beat, he quipped, “It’s not free if I have to follow you around all night.”

“There are worst things.” You gritted your teeth into a smile to disguise that you were throwing snide comments back and forth like daggers. “You know, like being followed around by you all night.”

“That right?” It was a challenge. You saw it in his eyes, whatever it was, and you didn’t like it. “Well, it’s a good thing you came anyway. You could use something to cover that huge zit on your forehead.”

He was boyish and crass as he said it, flustering you. You couldn’t even begin to explain how stupid he sounded—that eyeshadow wouldn’t cover a pimple—because he probably wouldn’t get it.

You slapped a hand over your blemish and hissed, “I should tell my makeup team you said that because, apparently, they’re fans of yours for some unbeknownst reason.”

You were nothing more than an irritation to him, a fly buzzing in his ear; you could sense it. “I’m going to get a drink.”

“Aren’t you going to offer to bring me one?” you cooed. It was laced with acid though you wore the same soft-eyed expression as before, when he handed you his jacket. 

You reminded Eren of Connie. And he was about to blow you off just the same when a better idea popped into his head—a little something to entertain himself during this snooze fest of an evening. A reward for playing along, if you will (you wouldn’t). 

What? It wasn’t his fault that it was incredibly easy to get under your skin. 

“Sure,” he replied, but he didn’t leave your side. He left a lengthy pause between you, sliding closer to place a hand on your thigh. He angled closer to you, like he wanted to sell the happy couple schtick, but he had on a cat-like grin. “For a kiss on the cheek.”

You folded your arms tightly, your entire being on lock. “No.”

“C’mon. It’ll look like we’re fighting if you don’t.” He still wore that wicked smile as he pestered you with a cocked head. “Your face is scrunched up. Everyone will think you’re mad.”

That’s because I am mad. You wished you could shout it out loud, but you knew he wasn’t wrong. From the corner of your eye, through the crowds and flouncy servers, Petra was looking—no, staring—at you. She looked concerned, like she was about to race over to you, so you forced another smile. If this kept up, there was no doubt in your mind you’d leave the party with a broken tooth.

“Fine,” you agreed, but only to get him away from you. Eren’s hand was still on your leg. He grazed over the exposed skin, just once, so it didn’t qualify as a caress, but it still knotted your stomach like earlier. 

You pecked his cheek. The skin under your eyes started to burn. “I’ll have a vodka soda. Two limes. Now go away.”

“Right away, angel.” He was too pleased with himself. 

“Don’t call me that.”

Across the way, Petra shot you a corny double thumbs-up, as if that meant anything. You acknowledged her with another painted smile, hoping Eren could hurry up with that much-needed drink. 

He hadn’t returned by the time Sasha found you, as promised. You missed the conversational crutch of having a drink in hand, but luckily, she appeared to be drunk enough for the both of you.

She took a heavy seat next to you, sitting closer than Eren dared. Her knee brushed against yours, and she spoke to you with gin-stained breath. Like everyone else, she was shocked to learn about you and Eren, and you entertained her no differently.

‘Yes, it’s new.’

‘Oh, yeah. He’s just great.’

‘Only two months, yep.’

You should have been ashamed of how little attention you offered her, but wasn’t there anything better to talk about? Really, if you had a dollar for every time someone mentioned Devil’s Paradise, you, like Eren, could retire tomorrow. Tonight, actually. So fast that you could run laps around his retirement—if you wanted to make it a competition, which you weren’t above. 

But unlike the others, Sasha didn’t sound like just another fangirl. She spoke as though she knew them well, and it felt like treading water trying to keep up with her because, in reality, you knew close to nothing about these people. Any of them. Especially Jean and Connie who, as it turned out, were surprisingly good friends with Sasha. Who would have thought? 

She leaned into you, real close. The type of closeness that excited you, like she was about to start a soap-box confessional.

“They’re really good guys,” she said. She said it knowingly, too. The slur in her speech disappeared; the haziness about her features faded. Suddenly, she was stone-cold sober. It felt like she was letting you in on something.

“Look, this thing—” She waved her hand flippantly, referencing the sexy babydoll (can those words be put together?) fantasy surrounding you. “It isn’t me. If it were up to me, I would have been happy to enjoy my launch from my bed, downing an entire pizza all by myself.”

You weren’t sure why she was telling you this or what she meant. But if she, like you, could see through the bullshit—

“But it’s all in good fun, right? And who doesn’t love fun?” Sasha raised her glass high, no longer whispering but slipping back to her drunk, ditzy persona. Just in time for Eren to return.

They said hello, they hugged, and then Sasha offered one last glance, like she could see straight through you—the two of you. But it wasn’t malicious; it was sympathetic. 

If there truly was a bright side to this—Mikasa said there always was—then perhaps it was that you’d end up with two genuine friendships. Fingers crossed.

♡ taglist: @daisynik7 @bejewelledd @lifesuckssomuchtbh @vanessani @intimacywithceline @6sakusa @softjaegerhours @akvrae @sundazedm1 @bomjug @rinshoe @sunasbunnie @okaystopwhore @lem-hhn @brooks-lin @writing2live @ichinosejager13 @littlemochi @sveetnn @elliesbabygirl @sugurunicorn @utahimeow @batafuraikisu @arendizzle @blushblossomsblog @conniesbbymama @wonupuppy @drugzforyou @wtfiswrongwithme1 @str4wberrylover @pompompurjin @bingbongbingbongsblog @josukesss @my-wide-open-eyes @vlsquuu @0bruise @dudaoosstuff please let me know if i missed you or you'd like to be added/removed!

*additionally, i noticed some of the tags weren't working properly. if yours didn't work and you'd like it to, check your settings and see if it allows your blog to appear in search results. i promise, i so badly want to tag you, but i think my brain will melt if i keep trying. hopefully i’ll sort it out next time!

#eren x reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren yeager x reader

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

Seattle Fact #3:

As many of you are aware, Y2K Nostalgia is currently en vogue. This naturally means the next trend will be 2010s nostalgia.

What THIS means is that at some point in the 2030s the world's climate will shift irreparably and '10s icon Macklemore will rise again from his onyx sarcophagus in the catacombs of Old Seattle. Make sure when he does that you have some sacrifical hand-me-down clothes ready, lest he smite ye.

#unreality #Seattle #decadeology #Macklemore #Value Village #Washington