#the system is broken but we still have to live in it.

[vastderp]

I Had A Baby Brother

My brother was found dead last tuesday in his apartment.

He died anywhere from Sunday to Monday, and his landlord got worried and checked up on him and found him on the floor with one hand over his face. There was an open jug of methanol nearby. My sister thinks he drank it, I pray he didn't. It was an ugly, fucked up death.

He was in declining health this past decade because he was a paraplegic and uncontrolled diabetic. There are systems in place to help with low income people in his condition, but they were barred from him as he was a convicted felon.

He went from learning to walk again in the physical therapy pool to drinking a gallon of vodka per day, growing more hostile and bitter as the pain got worse, until his body just gave out. He drove away his friends, he drove away his family, and then he hit the floor and never got up.

I was meant to view the body with my sister and her grown kids, but the funeral home couldn't tell us where his body had been sent, and stopped answering the phone on friday before memorial day weekend, and then we had to wait for someone to follow up on my sister's dozens of phone messages, which they finally did, to try and make their little profit.

My sister, who has been handling all of this along with my niece, selected a different funeral home for the cremation because the first one was disgraceful with my mother's death in 2007, and they're disgraceful all over again with my brother's now.

At one point today they finally established contact, and asked how my sister wanted to handle the arrangements for her "father". O how casual the not giving a fuck goes! Dude pressed to make a sale even after she told him how unhappy we were with their work.

All this to say that I have a car full of inherited possessions, unused medical gear, and the shitty fucked up remnants of my brother's shrine to Mom.

Good old Mom may have died almost 20 years ago, but her gentle, loving mission to smother her only son to death (and probably into eternity) is finally successful. Of all of us, I've often wondered who got it worst: The golden child, the scapegoat, or the parentalized invisible middle kid. Now that one of us has effectively committed suicide, I guess it's for the scapegoat and me to hash out who gets second place. My mother crippled him long before his car accident, in one long and winding but uninterrupted line of consequences from his birth to death. I consider it a murder-suicide. Which was which? They were both the killer, and both the victim. Enmeshment is a motherfucker.

I'm super bitter, really fucking sad, and incredibly proud of what's left of my family for how they're coming together now. (Except my dad, who is in another state, petting his dogs, because I don't think he can really deal with this shit).

So what's left? To go put some cologne on his corpse when they finally let us go view what's left of him. He always liked to smell nice and he probably doesn't right now.

They'll cremate him, and give us a ridiculously heavy cardboard box of ashes that we'll have to carry out, knowing it's all that's left of a lifetime of struggling and pain. Probably we're gonna mix his ashes with Mom's, and make that lifetime of enmeshment official.

I hope if they go to the same afterlife, he kicks her in the cooter. I hope she kicks him back. I hope they can see each other with eyes unclouded by trauma, and forgive each other for the choices they both made. I hope they forgive me for still being mad at them both for not being stronger. I hope I will forgive myself for a lifetime of resentment and blame. I sure got enough time for that.

Jason was funny, weird, secretly really smart but never made a point of it. He was stylish. He was a broken man who could have made better choices and didn't, who was happily fed poison until he couldn't live without it, who was basically his own whole ass Pink Floyd song. His violence sent me running into a better life. His death sent me trudging back into a damaged family with gaping holes like torn out teeth, into the arms of my sister, and we reconciled. There's just us two left now, and it's our job to make something beautiful come out of this jerry springer childhood we shared. We're doing our best.

Dozens of catheters still in the package. Leakproof bed padding in a plaid pattern. Gallons of creams, antacids, fiber supplements by the jar, pressure sore ointments, fungus treatment creams, lidocaine pads, antibiotics, antipsychotics, a hash pipe or two.

An entire apartment hoarded with moist towelettes, pressure garments, and cleaning supplies. An entire life choked with mental damages and crying relatives. I put on CeeLoo Green's "Robin Williams" and sobbed until my face felt burned. It helped.

All the usable/safe to give away medical equipment is being distributed to the other impoverished disabled people in his apartment complex, who will hopefully put it to good use. I got his old manual wheelchair because sometimes I can't walk. I'm terrified of becoming more like him, so back to phsycial therapy I go.

The rest?

The memories, the pity, the jug of methanol that I pray he never actually drank, the stain he left on his floor after a lifetime of compulsive tidiness, the shrine to the woman he killed who also killed him? All these things I will keep with me forever. I will honor him. He could have been so much more, for so much longer. He had a whole story I'll never know. He contained incredible kindness and generosity, and also a rage so deep it was fatal. He was only 41.

If you can spare a couple bucks for the gofundme my niece set up, it'd really help make the financial side of this horseshit a little more bearable while we do all the shit that comes with a death. Thank you for taking the time to read this post, for your sympathies, and for reading my fucked up family trauma dump. Rest assured there will be more.

Dear god, will there ever be more.

Send help. Send pizza. Send sad hip hop. Hail Atlantis. Hail Jai.

#death #gofundme #donate if you can #i had a baby brother

[ahamkara-apologist]

Feeling emotional about Eramis again. Feeling emotional specifically about how she's arguably one of the best D2 antagonists we've gotten in terms of being morally grey- even Savathun, for how well-written she is, can fall a little flat sometimes simply bc we know we can never trust her due to her track record of being self-serving, even if our desires can align with hers and she's still very complex. But Eramis is one of the few antagonists we've gotten who have never really been against US specifically- her hatred for the Traveler and the path it took her into the Darkness were all the results of systematic faliures from those outside her control. She WAS right to be hateful to the Traveler- it leaving Riis WAS what caused the Whirlwind, and the total loss of her homeworld. And yes, she DID choose to seize the Darkness to try to eliminate it, but the thing was that she had no idea just what she was getting into at the time. The Witness manipulates and abuses the weak and vulnerable- she thought she'd finally gotten her hands on a means of keeping the Eliksni safe from the Guardians (which she's right about btw!!) and leveling the playing field so she could fight on par with literal godslayers, but she was tricked. It's extremely clear from Plunder onwards that she never desired what the Witness did, but she didn't have a choice bc she was reduced to being just as helpless as she was the day that she fled Riis

But for all her pain, and how much she believes it defines her, it still didn't fully destroy her! She hates what we represent, but she still begs for us to choose what she believes is the path of least suffering. She still asks for us to give her friends the dignity of last deaths, and she grieved with Osiris when he offered her the chance. In Plunder, she warned Eido that if she tampered with her mission that she would kill her, but she still put her own life in danger for the daughter of her enemy- defying the Witness in the process, btw- to save her. And then, in Defiance, she put herself in danger AGAIN by not only betraying the Witness's plans to trap + kill us, but by physically flying into enemy territory to save Misraaks- who nearly killed her just a few months before. She hates what he stands for, but she'll still risk her own life to save him because she always, ALWAYS put the lives of her people over her own- and she knew as soon as the Witness began to turn Salvation into Wrathborn and Scorn that she had lead them into a trap. She's proud, but not so proud as to not recognize when she's done wrong...inwardly, at least

Eramis's heart is fundamentally good and it kills me that she's either ignored or hated by the D2 fanbase (hated more by the widespread audience, really) bc she's outwardly hypocritical and bc of her role in Rasputin's sacrifice (which she didn't even have a choice in, either- she was outright being watched by the Witness). All of her poor decisions are the result of untold centuries of trauma, suffering, animalistic desperation, and then finally being broken down by loss after loss after loss. Nothing she did is something that couldn't have been avoided if she just had the support system to keep her from being driven to the brink, and nothing that she did is not any more terribly monsterous than what we ourselves have done

I sincerely hope that Athrys is somewhere out there for her, and that she and Eido will be that support system for her post-FS. I want to work alongside of her and earn her respect and help her heal so bad, even if she never really comes around to us. It would feel counterproductive to Destiny's theme about grief and healing and learning to move past the unforgivable if we couldn't- because it's not like we didn't do the exact same thing that she did when pressed into the same circumstances (accepting the powers of the Witness to slaughter Salvation en-masse when threatened by them). We just had enough people supporting us to let us know when the devil was whispering in our ear, which is support that she very much did not have when she followed it to Europa

#destiny 2 #eramis #also like. we owe her sooo much glimmer after what she faced in the Prison of Elders #that + the fact that salvation honoured our surrender in the last seraph mission rlly drives home #the fact that we were the assholes in both of those situations. like damn eramis had more honour than humanity did #and dont even get me STARTED on the narrative comparisons between her opening the glassway and clovis's motives #they are LIGHTYEARS apart in selfishness

[soaps-mohawk]

Actually it makes me so mad when people are like “character is so stupid for doing this convention of the genre!” Like setting aside the trauma omega doesn’t KNOW that they’re in a romance story!! They don’t know that the guys are gonna take her side because they’re in love with her!! We as readers are outside the story and have seen more than omega because of the multiple points of view, we know that if she would just tell them it would be okay but she doesn’t! And that’s what makes the story fun to read

If characters always made rational decisions then stories would be way more boring and there’d be no point in reading them

Right?? Literally, they're characters in a story. They can't possibly know everything, and that's the point. It's called dramatic irony. We as the readers know more than the characters about pretty much every situation and event. (I mean, I know even more because I'm the one writing it.) But still, they don't have psychic abilities, they don't have omnipotence about the plot because these things are happening to them in real time for them.

I know media literacy is at an all time low and the ability to understand and analyze complex characters and situations is basically non-existent and everything has to be black and white laid out and explained word for word and taken literally because no one can look deeper than the surface or wants to put any thoughts into the media they consume.

Characters are supposed to be flawed, they're supposed to make mistakes and have faulty beliefs and fears and be traumatized. Perfect, watered down characters who always make the right decisions offer nothing for a story. There's no room to grow, no opportunities for their beliefs to be challenged, for them to heal, or on the opposite end of the spectrum, get worse and become the villain. Give me complex characters, give me broken characters, give me righteous characters who have their beliefs challenged and have to reevaluate everything in their lives. Give me traumatized characters who are unreliable narrators. Give me characters who are so beat down and mistreated by the system that they go on to become the villain. Give me flawed characters who make mistakes and have to learn from them.

If you can't understand and appreciate complex themes and narratives, then maybe you should stick to media made for children.

#people's lack of media literacy and complex thinking are the reason that so many shows and movies suck now #everything has to just be explained and put in black and white otherwise they can't understand it #i'm begging you to pick up an English textbook and teach yourself literacy skills #answered

[hellenhighwater]

i'm sure you've probably been asked this before but i'm new here and very curious: how did you come into ownership of your house and how are you paying for it? i recently moved in with my boyfriend and the housing situation is... dismal. and we're eventually moving into another house with a friend but we barely make enough money combined to support ourselves. i'm just curious as to what it takes to be content because you are living in such a dream house to me and i would love to achieve that one day. ty and have a great day!

I'm not going to pretend that my homeownership is some kind of one-man bootstraps success story; it's not. I got lucky in a lot of ways. It's a combination of stuff.

I haven't owned my house for long--it'll be two years this August. When I started saving for a house, I was lucky enough to be able to live with family and basically eliminate the majority of my living expenses, which allowed me to save a much higher percentage of my salary than I would otherwise have been able to save. I was driving an hour and a half for my daily commute, but it was worth it to not be paying rent. Having a bunch of roommates prior to that also helped. I have almost no debt--I did law school on 100% scholarship, and picked a cheap undergrad university. (This actually backfired--my credit score simply did not exist until waaaay later in my life than is recommended if you want a mortgage. I struggled to find a lender that would work with me even though I was stably employed and had a cash down payment ready.)

I also bought a home in a non-urban area; I live in a fairly small town. My house is also not very expensive; it was between $150-$200K when I bought it. That's due, in part, to the location (small town), the tiny lot (less than a quarter acre), the age (120+ years), and the need for a lot of superficial updates and repairs. It's structurally sound for the most part, but it's dated.

I'm a lawyer. It's easy to miss, since I post like an idiot, but I am regularly reminded that sometimes even morons pass the Bar. I don't make the kind of crazy money most people assume lawyers make, but for a single-person household I'm okay. I was able to make a fairly sizeable down payment--more than was strictly necessary, actually--so my monthly mortgage is actually less than $1k, which is still mindboggling to me. It's good, because this house DOES need work.

But with all that said, it still wasn't easy. I got my first job when I was a freshman in high school and I have been continuously employed since then. Between the ages of 18-28 there was never a time that I held less than two jobs; most of the time I had three, and it...sucked. It was fun, a lot of the time, but mostly that kind of unpredictable schedule is just exhausting at a subconscious level. I remember the week before the Bar, still working two jobs, being in the library at 3 am, my brain melting out my ears, and cruising Zillow listings for bombed-out houses in Detroit being sold for pennies on the dollar, thinking that if nothing else, I could buy one of those and make it work one repair at a time. I went to law school because I wanted to be able to buy my own house. I moved out of the city so I could buy my own house. I shaped a lot of my life around the need and want to have my own space. I have spent years sitting up late at night and looking at real estate listings I couldn't dream of affording.

I don't know if that helps. I guess the only advice I could give is that if homeownership is a big priority for you, maybe look for areas where real estate is affordable(ish; I know what it's like these days) and see what it would take for you to be able to live there. A lot of the time, if there's good bones to work with, the rest is just what you make of it.

#i often tell people i'm live in ______ #and it is not unusual for them to bring up various concerns about crime rates in areas like mine #and my fine friends: believe me i am aware of the crimes #its fine #what are they gonna do murder me??? only if i dont get em first #but the unfortunate reality is that for a lot of people under 35 its simply not possible to live in a major city without renting #which is insane #the system is broken but we still have to live in it.

[fiendishartist2]

guys what if i want to make my own apollo justice game.

#i need to write a prequel to aa4 pls pls pls pls pls #okay get this: so phoenix isnt disbarred yet and he doesnt have trucy. hes still taking and winning cases #one day he gets a call from edgeworth and hes all like ''wright i need your assistance'' and hes like what for and edgeworth goes #''ive been given the most ridiculous case and i think youre the only man in law who can take care of it'' #so phoenix bikes his ass to the detention center and boom. child behind bars #and phoenix is like ??? hey kid what are doing here. and this kid is the most surly mfer on the planet like you couldnt get- #-a word out of him if you tried. hes kinda giving phoenix the stink eye too but hes just the littlest guy on earth #and phoenix feels bad for him so he tries to get a rundown of the case (maybe edgeworth gave him an autopsy report or smth beforehand) #but get this. the kid still wont speak. he hasnt even moved a muscle. and after some prodding you find out this little dude- #-doesnt speak english (i dont love aa6 but i think apollos tragic backstory can be interesting so we're going w that but taking it seriousl #anyways so maya is like omg this kid is speaking khurainese but hers is kinda broken bc shes not from the mainland and only knows it- #-from like prayers #so you only get bits and pieces of the kids testimony. plus he still doesnt wanna talk bc ''dhurk told me not to talk to you'' #so you start following the new lead but you ask too many questions and apollos like oh shit i said too much and wont talk to you anymore #but now you have two leads: khur'ain and a man named ''dhurk'' plus the fact that this is kid might be new to america since- #-he cant speak english but is smack dab in the middle of california. its all v curious and phoenix wants to get to the bottom of it #for the rest of the case i feel like it would go in the direction of ''we dont know exactly whats up w this dhurk guy or where this kid- #-came from but we do get him acquitted and phoenix is able to save him from the dark path he was heading towards'' thus steering apollo- #-in the direction of law and giving him a wayyyy better reason than aa6 gave him <3 #i kind of like the interlinked nature of ace attorney's storytelling. like everything leads into smth else and everyone is impacted- #-by another person before they even become properly entangled w each other's lives #like how mia faced dahlia years before she met phoenix but dahlia was the one to connect them #or how trucy gave phoenix the diary paper but she's also the one who ropes apollo into the waa. even before they know they're siblings #or how lamoire left apollo and trucy as children and when they reunite as adults they cant recognise each other but they all find each- #-other anyways #i could go on but i think this could be cool yknow esp bc i think the most interesting thing about apollo's aa6 backstory is his life- #-post dhurk. like where did he stay? was he a foster kid? was he put into the system? how did that affect him? what kind of ppl took him in #i just wanna know how that whole thing would have effected him bc like when yiu think about it how did he even get to america?? his dad's #-considered a terrorist. idk man i think its interesting and apollo and dhurks interactions are one of the only good parts of aa6

[willowfey]

what do u do on days u wake up feeling empty and the only things that stir smth up in ur brain and body are memories of times/places that are long gone…. like what am i supposed to do with that….. i don’t feel like a person today i just wanna wake up in my childhood bedroom and smell the way it smelled in winter but i can’t do that so i just go through my day feeling vaguely nauseously unsettled and untethered…. and that doesn’t feel fair but i don’t know what can be done about it

#i know i sound like a broken record but i miss my trees. i miss feeling like i’m home. i miss feeling safe in my body. #i miss the owls and doves that fill the morning by my grandma’s old house and the smell of the co-op and the river #and the way the mountains look surrounding the valley. protecting me. #i miss the feeling of my hands on the window in winter and reading my favourite books for the first time i miss chris i miss my old bed #i miss myself. i feel like i’ve been lost for years #sometimes i wake up distracted and i fill my brain with anything i can find and i cheat the system and i feel things #for a little while. if i keep moving fast enough i forget that i’m lonely. i forget that i’m lost #but sometimes i stop and it catches up to me and i have to sit on the floor #sometimes i realise how far from home i am in every sense of the word and i feel like a child lost in a supermarket #except this time no one is coming to find me if i just stand still #i wake up and everything i can think of that would make me happy is a mirage #i wake up and the music isn’t enough and i want to start pedalling backwards and i feel like i’m floating very fast downstream #and there’s a waterfall looming somewhere in the distance and i can’t grab a log #im not gonna fall off. nothing is ever bad enough for anyone to worry about me drowning. but i am still very wet and very far from home #so what. do. i. do. ? #when i was a kid we lived in a house that had a very large oak tree out front (this was before the house with the willow tree) #at the base of the oak tree was a small fairy pond. we moved in during winter and it was frozen solid and u couldn’t see anything in it #but come spring it melted and we discovered the fairy pool was chock full of marbles of all colours and sizes. hundreds of them. #it was so thrilling to know they’d been waiting for me all winter to find them in the warmth. where are the marbles now #is anything waiting for me? is anything hiding in the frozen pond? #@the universe: i need a little help now pls. pls send me something small and colourful i wasn’t expecting. hundreds of them. or just one. #i am open to it all #because i can’t go back in time and smell my childhood bedroom in winter. and i will not go over the waterfall. so bring me marbles #~ signed yours truly. ps tell the trees i’m still the same

[somekindafairy]

i have a family member who i feel is just so susceptible to certain scams and idk. its like all these people telling you how to get rich, if you just give them money they will tell you the tried and true method to get rich, you can become a millionaire if you just give them money and come to their seminar and...

idk just she talks about it and is so excited and it feels so sketchy and idk how to talk to her about it.

#it's also a lot of stuff that's so individualistic like 'if you do these things you can be rich' which means if you are not rich it's #because you aren't doing it right and not you know #we live in a broken system #and like trying to make money is still valid and necessary #i just do not think any of these people have some magic secret #they are making their money by....telling you how to make money. that is a dead end. there is no where to go from there. #or alternatively #like if there was some secret by the time it's being sold to you it's not a secret anymore #you missed the boat and are just being scammed now #and if she just watches some youtube videos or buys a book here or there it's whatever #even if i think it's a bit toxic #but she said this one lady charges 30k(???) for a how to be a millionaire seminar and said she would do it if she had the money ??? #like what the fuck #that's a scam baby! #like it actually kinda scares me sometimes #she also got really into crypto and nfts which isn't exactly the same but feels very similar

[moineauz]

જ⁀ 𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔 , various ! pt two

synopsis: his voice lines about you as his beloved partner

including: boothill, aventurine

side comments: my first voice line fic was well received and for that I thank you all <3 so of course this is for all my boothill and aventurine lovers out there! (including myself for boothill...)

extra: gn reader, angsty and fluffy moments, I genuinely loved writing boothill's, minor spoilers for both favourites: boothill word count: roughly 1000+

care to see the first part? includes dr. ratio, jing yuan, & blade!

𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐋

WHO ARE THEY? I "Out here askin' question huh? Well if you're that curious... then you better listen close."

FIRST MEETINGS? "Met them on a bullet train in a neighbouring star system. Turns out we were chasing after the same fudge-heads. You could've seen them- a sly creature that's who they were, whipping out the most slick sniper I've ever seen. I'd reckon that was one of the most thrilling fights I've ever had: came out with dents all over my arms and a broken gun. Their bullets nearly punched a hole through my cheek... hah!"

GREETINGS? "They may be a load of dormant gunpowder, but they sure are sweet! Full of laughter and courtesy. But I'll let you in on a little secret... ( Name ) likes to walk in, pretty as always- and plant kisses all over my cheek before they even say a word."

PARTINGS? "Being a Galaxy Ranger means never staying in one place. ( Name ) is no Galaxy Ranger... I'd reckon it's better that way."

ABOUT US: SHOES IN THE HOUSE "I can't exactly 'take off my shoes' now can I? But ( Name ) likes to keep the house tidy and I best not anger them... like that one time- anyways, we came up with this whole fudging system just to keep the bottom of my damn boots clean! It's fudging ridiculous! *Chuckles* I can't help it, but ( Name ) is understanding. Even if I trudged through all the grime in the universe- they'd still wipe it all off."

ABOUT US: FAMILY "You see, ( Name ) has this big family. Siblings, cousins, extended cousins, aunts and uncles, you name it. We were on their home planet once, and I finally understood where ( Name's ) knack for puttin' a real good home together came from. Their family lives in the countryside where all you can see are open fields, lush hillsides, free-roaming animals and wildflowers. Consider it a quiet paradise. They even grow their own food for fudging sake! Everythin' made by hand and land. Darlin' nearly coaxed me into joining them for dinner once, but I knew better. Best not spoil the family get-together."

CHAT: HATS N' POSES "Personally, I like my hat and flare the way it damn is. How would fightin' be without it? But of course, your partner has to be a cheeky tease about it."

CHAT: WARMTH " I've seen it in the movies- those fudging 'romcoms'- and read it in books. When it gets cold... I'm no help. Can't do much except reach for a blanket and wrap them up. But even then, metal and skin don't fudging work."

PASTIMES DONE TOGETHER? "Count me in on a dance sugar plum! Have to admit, darlin' has a fair share of good dance moves. Nothin' like a hard-earned victory being celebrated with a cool glass of whisky and a smooth dance."

ARGUMENTS: "Bitter things that's all they are. Leaves you knocked out cold. Reminds you of all the things you can't take back."

SOMETHING TO SHARE: "Following the hunt ain't an easy task. But someone has to punish the wretched. That's the thing about the hunt- you get cold, hard. Sugar follows another path that doesn't make any fudging sense to me. But that doesn't matter. None of that ever mattered, not to them, not to me or even the hunt. Call it selfish, but I'd like to one day settle down... Just like their family. Out where no one could find us."

WHO ARE THEY? II "They call me their 'sweet lover'. But really it should be me saying that. If anything I am the sweat of their brow- a nuisance at times. But they still love me. They still fudging love me."

EXTRA: IPC ENTRY "Normally, Galaxy Rangers travel alone. However, we have seen the wanted Galaxy ranger- Boothill- be accompanied by someone who appears to be a vagabond follower of Xipe. Despite the information we possess, the relationship between Boothill and his supposed 'partner' is very limited."

𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐄

WHO ARE THEY? I "Fancy meeting you here- oh? A rumor you say? Rumours do have peculiar ways of reaching the ears..."

FIRST MEETINGS? "All business ventures possess their gains and losses. However, I did not expect my pockets- alongside others- to be picked on a night meant to celebrate the Strategic Investment Department. The person who did it played their cards exceptionally well. I applauded them and the subtlety of their skills."

GREETINGS? "Despite their rather cunning nature, ( Name ) is quite kind... shockingly so. I thought their smile was a chip they played for their own meticulous advantage. *Chuckles* I was wrong, there was simply nothing to understand behind that smile."

PARTINGS? "One transaction after another, the universe keeps spinning. Don't keep up, you fall behind. Simple. I don't have to worry about that around them, or at least, for a while, until another wager must be made. Until the peck on the cheek is over."

ABOUT US: LOCKET "( Name ) has a keen eye for trinkets and bought- well stole- a locket for the two of us to share. I keep it with me, a lucky charm if you may."

ABOUT US: NAPPING "Personally, I don't nap. But, ( Name ) is a terrible influence and says I should. I must admit, waking up to them in the afternoon is not a bad way to spend my time."

CHAT: THEVERY "( Name ) is a thief... a good one at that. Oh don't worry, they struck a deal with the IPC. Primarily on their terms because they have been such a nuisance to the IPC. It's rather amusing seeing the IPC chase their own tail. We've definitely shared laughs over it."

CHAT: CONFESSIONS "Who could possibly love something so broken? It's like keeping a clock that won't tick or a deck of cards missing a queen. Sometimes, I wish they didn't care so much. It would be... easier."

PASTIMES DONE TOGETHER? "Of course, a good game of cards is a fun way to pass the time. *Chuckles* Though, ( Name ) is a terrible player. Not that I mind, I'll guess I'll play the role of 'loser' this time around- best you not tell them."

ARGUMENTS: "What else is there to say? Nothing. That part is the worst."

SOMETHING TO SHARE: HEART OF GOLD "( Name ) steals to give to the poor. It's their motto... I saw them once with a group of kids on a planet in a distant star system. They were giving back to the orphanage- the smiles on the children's faces when given toys, marbles to be exact, were so bright."

WHO ARE THEY? II "In all honesty, I'm not quite sure. However, what I do know is that luck finally worked in my favour... I'll hold onto that for as long as I can."

EXTRA: DR RATIO'S OPINION "The gambler- without hesitation- will bet 'all in' even if it means his own life hangs in the balance. However, amongst the chaos of his bets, there is one person who will drag him back to reality... ( Name ). Aventurine will never gamble nor forfeit the one person who truly understands him. Even I don't fully understand the gambler's crafty nature. I suppose a thief is the only one who can and more importantly, will."

masterlist.

#—stellaronhvnters. #writing ᝰ.ᐟ #honkai star rail #hsr #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #aventurine x reader #aventurine x reader angst #aventurine x reader fluff #aventurine x gn reader #aventurine x you #aventurine angst #aventurine fluff #hsr aventurine #boothill x reader #boothill x reader angst #boothill x reader fluff #boothill x gn reader #boothill x you #boothill angst #boothill fluff

[bugpov]

i'd go like actually insane and throw myself out the window or smth if i didn't have any screens to entertain me like damn i got my phone taken away a lot when i was younger cuz i guess i was on it too much, so i just sat in my bed with all the dust and spider webs crying cuz i was alone with my anxiety and darkness and nothing to distract me cuz my family hardly talked or interacted with me and all my friends just liked to clown me and never wanted to hang out. like my family didn't even fucking feed me properly when i was little and they yelled at me and treated me like shit cuz i didn't wanna wash a sink full of their nasty ass dishes fuck u im not ur fucking child slave

#snail sounds #theyre fucking sociopaths like they don't even try to be empathetic #like it's one thing to be physically unable to feel empathy and still try to be emotionally considerate of others #but it's a whole other thing to *choose* emotional detachment and abuse #like oh you're depressed and that's why you're emotionally abusive well get fucked cuz we're all fucking depressed #there is no excuse for child abuse and neglect like im so fucked up now i can barely take care of myself #like im really trying here . i force myself to brush my teeth everyday and brush my hair and sit outside in the sun #i have to force myself to eat and to get up and go to work #i just wanna die my mom is the only one in my huge entire family who ever calls me #and she thinks im fucking delusional for thinking my brother raped me even tho i Know he did and i can't tell anyone how i know #cuz it's just too fucking disturbing and graphic and violent and so i just have to live with this shit #fuck therapy and fuck getting help i tried to do that several times and none of those therapists took me seriously about anything #and all my problems are downplayed #and now i owe almost 3k to my insurance company for meds that gave me hallucinations and fatigue #fuck meds and fuck therapy what i need is for the world to get it's shit together and start fucking gardening #i don't give a damn about property taxes or bullshit rules or anything like that #i will do absolutely anything to bring this broken system down to its knees and crumble #and we can all go back to living like normal human beings instead of these weird as fuck aliens tryna colonize the moon #i hope all these politicians and rich people fucking kill themselves or some shit im so tired of being nice #they didn't earn their success they all trampled innocent people and gods beautiful land to get to where they are now #and deep down theyre all terrified cuz they know they're done for #capitalism is coming to an end and these rich bastards are gonna be begging for mercy for us all to come back and be servants again #these stupid bitches love to act like theyre god so theyre merciless and have the power to make all kinds of miracles happen and they dont #i have reason to believe that god is basically powerless at this point cuz people dont believe in him #it's time for the gardening revolution #everyone is just gonna chill the fuck out and garden instead of exploiting immigrants #no one should be eating off of shelves anymore it's time to go back to eating off trees and vines #im sick of going to this cold as fuck grocery store scanning peoples groceries even tho they can do it all themselves #proportionatly ​being paid way more than someone whos getting blisters out in the sun picking vegetables all day #it's undignified like this is the most important job in the world and they get treated so badly it's undignified and im pissed

[clockwayswrites]

City Pigeons Bleed Green Part 8

WC: 897, Masterpost

Danny plucked at the hem on the sleeve of the too large hoodie that he was wearing. He would make a hole in it if he wasn’t careful, he knew that. He knew that he should stop, but he felt as if he stopped he might vibrate out of his skin instead.

Or, worse, change back to his human form.

It was just that… he felt good. He was rested. He could have slept more, it was like he always wanted to sleep these days, but the need to sleep just wasn’t pulling endlessly at him. He was full, too. He didn’t expect it to last long, Hood and Nightwing were talking about make him eat every hour, as if eating every day wasn’t already unheard of. Danny had almost broken down in grateful tears as they were explaining things to him. Maybe best of all he was clean. He had been able to take a real shower for as long as he needed and he had cried then, but at least it was in the shower so no one noticed.

He was good at crying silently these days.

Now they were in a nondescript car headed somewhere else. Danny felt he should be nervous at that; he was pretty sure that the two heroes had expected him to be, but Danny couldn’t find it in himself to worry. They given him somewhere to sleep and shower and fed him— were talking about feeding him again even as they drove. Wherever they were talking him, Danny was pretty it was going to be better than the lab. They kept trying to reassure him though.

It was a nicer building. He had been in a basement. It would be quieter. The machines and their noises never stopped. Danny got used to the white noise of it. It had two bedrooms. He had lived in a box too small to stretch out his legs in. It had good light. Danny had forgotten how nice it was to just feel the sun on his skin. He leaned over and rested his cheek against the cool glass of the car window.

“It actually has a tv and gaming system. I bet Red would love to play with you, Kid.”

“Danny.”

It was like the air had gone out of the car.

Danny scraped at the ribbed line of fabric with his too long nail. He felt it catch.

Then someone let out a huff of air. “Danny then. Got some books too or we can give you a tablet to read on.”

“Not everyone is a book worm like you, Hood,” Nightwing teased.

Hood flicked the other off in such a casual motion that it made Danny’s lips twitch in the start of a smile. It was nice to see people just interacting like that. To see people just… being people. It was nice to remember that not everyone were like… like them.

“Danny.”

“What?” Danny looked towards the front of the car. They were moving slowly inside of some sort of parking garage.

“You with us?” Nightwing asked. He had turned around in his seat to look at Danny. The skin around the top of his mask was furrowed in concern.

“Yeah. Sorry I just…” Danny shook his head and looked around where they were again. The concrete walls felt too close, too familiar. His finger caught on the hole he had started to pick in the sleeve of the hoodie. “It… are we going to be down here long?”

“Hey, no. I’m going to crawl back there with you, okay?” Nightwing said as he undid his seatbelt. He twisted himself to crawl into the back of the car with ease. Both of the heroes had changed into clothing like what Danny was in that morning. It was an odd contrast with the masks still on, but it was nice. “We’re going to drive into a spot right through there behind those doors and then go up an elevator. We just have to park.”

Nightwing rested his hand over Danny’s fidgeting one. Danny flinched and Nightwing pulled away.

“I’m sorry about the hoodie. I didn’t mean to—”

“Hey, no, it’s alright Danny. It’s just a hoodie. Red pulls at the bottoms of all them and Spoiler chews on the aglets. Hood stretches out any of them that aren’t his.”

“Not my fault you’re all so damn small,” Hood said smugly as he waited for the metal door to roll up.

Somehow Danny was sure Nightwing was rolling his eyes. “I just thought you might… I thought touch might help? If you ever want a hug or anything—”

The rest of Nightwing’s words were knocked out of him as Danny basically flung himself into into the hero’s arms. Danny felt himself start to shake as Nightwing held him back. “It’s okay, Danny. I have you. You can have hugs whenever you need them.”

-

Bruce’s tablet chimed with back to back notifications and he switched over to the family chat immediately.

The first message was from Jason: a picture of Dick lounging on the couch of the new safe house. Draped across him was the newest Wayne, white hair wild but his face more at peace than Bruce had seen in any of the other photos.

The next message was from Dick: his name is Danny.

Danny. His son’s name was Danny.

---

AN: A shorter part, but such great progress for Danny! They know his name! He got hugs!

I no longer tag but you can subscribe to the masterpost!

#dp x dc #city pigeons #batpham #trauma tuesday #with not much trauma

[cardentist]

this post [Link] says it better than the way that I'm about to, but I Just need to emphasize

"voting for the lesser of two evils doesn't mean jack shit when the lesser of two evils is still bad"

"lesser" Equates To Real Human Lives.

it feels Horrific and Awful to be stuck in this situation, to be trapped in a corrupt system in an awful world, But That Difference Is Still Human Lives.

people are already dying, people are likely going to continue dying, the world we live in is horrific and the people currently in power are to blame. that is all true

But More People Will Die If Trump Is Put Into This Situation. more lives will be ruined, more of our rights chipped away, and more people Like Him put into power.

if Anybody other than biden Can win the democratic vote then OBVIOUSLY that's the better option. but if it Isn't an option, if it comes down to trump or biden, the lesser of two evils would still save lives.

"by why would you support a system that's so corrupt and broken"

BECAUSE I LIVE HERE !!!!

there is no situation where we overturn the government before the elections and put in place a new fairer system. and until we Do have something better then participating in that system is the Only Option That I Have to try to push back having my rights stripped away.

You Can Do Both. You Can Fight For A Better Way And Use The Tools That We Currently Have

#discourse

[gay-jesus-probably]

Okay so I have a lot of thoughts about the whole thing of the Gerudo being a race of entirely women, with the only exception being one man born every hundred years, and that man automatically being their king. Now this worldbuilding comes from Ocarina of Time, and there's obviously a metric fuckton of unfortunate implications there, because it was 1998. And it seems that Tears of the Kingdom is sticking with the lore of Gerudo men being extremely rare and becoming the King of their people, which once again has a metric fuckton of unfortunate implications because it's 2023 and Nintendo has somehow gotten even worse about this shit.

But let's set aside the whole... everything, and look at this from just the in-universe perspective. How does it work? I mean, it's pretty clear that there is no overlap between the kings; the old ones are normally long gone by the time a new one is born, but the Gerudo manage to take care of themselves during the hangtime. So they must have an established system of government and leadership that doesn't involve a king, and somehow that system is set up in a way that does a smooth transfer of power once a new king is born and old enough to take the throne. But why bother always declaring a random guy to be your King when you already have a perfectly functional system in place?

I mean again, the whole thing has a lot of sexist implications, but we're not looking at this from a real world context, we're examining it in-universe. And we could just go the lazy route and say that their king is in charge just because he's the only man, but I don't like that. I mean come on, the Gerudo are a race of entirely women, and most of their outside problems come from Hylian men being creepy about it. They are entirely a matriarchy; there is literally no reason for their culture to have an inherent respect for men, even if the man in question is one of them. And they're desert people; they live in an extremely harsh and dangerous landscape, if they don't have their shit together, they will die. By sheer necessity, their culture needs to put a lot of value in being practical, because if they're stupid about things, people die. They really can't afford to have a shitty leader take over, and just letting some guy take the wheel doesn't really fit with the way their culture must otherwise work.

So again, why the fuck do they bother having a King?

I think it's mainly just a ceremonial position. Yes, if the guy is a good leader he'll be in charge, but if he isn't good at being a King or isn't interested in the job... fuck it, they've already got a functional government system that's been leading their people the whole time, why fix what isn't broken? The title of Gerudo King isn't about leadership or power. I think it's more about belonging. Because the Gerudo are a culture where every single one of them can be defined in the same way... and there is exactly one exception once a century. Men are considered to be inherently outsiders at the best of times, and more often they're enemies. A man born into this culture is a natural outsider; he is completely unique, and that means he doesn't really fit into his community. And well... when someone is fundamentally different from the rest of their community, they tend to be ostracized.

So I think that's why the position of Gerudo King exists. It isn't about them needing or even wanting a man to lead them. The title of King doesn't need to involve any leadership at all. It's about giving the man born every century a place in their society. It's a way of saying yes, you are one of us, you are a Gerudo, you belong here, you are wanted and you are loved.

The Gerudo know that every hundred years, one of their children will be fundamentally different from all of his peers. And so their society is built to ensure that a child who is completely different from them will still be loved and accepted. He will always have a place in their society. He doesn't need to earn their love, he has it just for existing. These are his people.

The title of Gerudo King isn't an inherent position of authority. It's a promise of acceptance.

#legend of zelda #ganondorf #tears of the kingdom #gerudo #look i have so many thoughts about how their society works #and for the record i really hate the implied bioessentialist gender stuff #but this is my headcanon on the whole gerudo king thing #if their king wants authority he still needs to earn it like everyone else #but they make sure he always has a place among his people #look growing up Different from your peers is a fucking nightmare #as any neurodivergent/disabled/queer kid can attest #i like the idea of gerudo society being structured around ensuring all their children felt like they belonged there #and having a system ready to go for the one kid they KNOW will be the most different

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

my health teacher said its illegal to have sex underage (even if your partner is also your age), is that true?

hi anon,

obligatory disclaimer that I'm assuming this pertains to the United States of America; if you're not from the US then disregard all of this and also accept my apologies for only being familiar with the laws of the country where I live.

the short answer is "yes, but if that's all that your teacher told you then they're being a real shithead about it."

so in America we have a specific designation called "statutory rape" that covers any instance of unforced sexual activity with someone who is under the age of legal majority. this does, unfortunately, extend to instances of teenagers having consensual sex with each other, in much the same way that teenagers who have consensually exchanged nudes might be found guilty of owning and distributing child pornography since they are both legally underage.

obviously even our deeply broken legal system usually has better things to do than try to convict teenagers having consensual sex with each other, so much like jaywalking or pirating movies this is rarely treated as a crime even though it is one according to the letter of the law. accordingly, many places in the United States have "Rome and Juliet laws," which serve to mitigate the penalty for what would otherwise be statutory rape as long as the minors involved were all consenting participants and are close in age.

this isn't a perfect measure, and it also fails to completely account for all instances of consensual teenage sex. there's a rather famous case of a man in California who had consensual sex with his 17 year old girlfriend in 1989 when he was 19; her parents objected and he ultimately wound up charged as a sex offender. this would be egregious regardless, but it's worth noting that as far as I know he and his then-girlfriend have now been married for something like three decades while he's still on the sex offender registry for going down on her in '89.

which I hope serves as a great reminder to everyone to a.) think critically about the value of branding people as sex offenders and b.) the American legal system is a joke.

the point being, yes it's technically illegal in many parts of the US, but that's definitely not all there is to it and the actual law varies state to state.

#sex edventures 2024

[mylight-png]

I refuse to be told to "move on" from October 7th. I simply refuse.

You know the thing about trauma? You don't really get the choice to move on. You may be living in the future, but at least a part of your mind is trapped in that horrible moment. Sometimes that part of you can never escape.

Right now, as I'm writing this, I am sitting at my desk in my room. But right now, as I am writing this a part, huge part, of me is still in that airport. That part of me is still staring at my phone, trying to catch its breath but failing. That part of me is still watching in shock as the death count rises, the videos of Hamas's atrocities are broadcasted everywhere I see, the celebration of my people being massacred is burning my eyes. My ears are hearing the wailing sirens from when I was last in Israel. My hands are still feeling the shaking of the walls as the Iron Dome intercepts attempts upon the lives of my family and me. My heart is hurting for each life lost and each family left broken.

My body is here, in January 10th. My mind is not. My mind, and the mind of nearly every Jew is still stuck in October 7th.

Do not think we chose this. If I could choose indifference, if I could choose apathy, if I could choose ignorance, I wouldn't feel so constantly triggered and in pain.

But nobody gets to choose trauma.

This wasn't a unique trauma, a first-time event. Pogroms are nothing new to us, genocides and attempts at such against us aren't anything new, hateful libel and lies are near-constants.

That's part of what made October 7th so much worse.

I grew up hearing about how my great-grandfather lost his entire family to the Holocaust, how my ancestors survived pogroms, how my parents faced systemic antisemitism in the USSR.

We all grew up hearing our parents and grandparents tell us about antisemitism.

And do not think we were ignorant of it. I was well aware that the world is not even close to shedding its deeply ingrained antisemitism.

I was aware of it when I wrote a speech about discussion of modern antisemitism and being told it was "well-written but controversial". I was aware of it when my teacher said I was responding "emotionally, not academically" to an author claiming antisemitism and the Holocaust weren't "that bad".

I was aware of it when a synagogue near me got shot up, a synagogue I've been to. I was aware of it because I had no other choice.

But it had always felt like it was "winding down" from what my parents had told me. Yes what my teacher did was bad but at least he didn't explicitly single me out for being a Jew and intentionally fail me. Yes the feedback for my speech was hurtful but it wasn't like I was being violently censored. Yes the shooting was awful but it wasn't a full-blown pogrom.

I'm not saying my logic was correct. Far from it. But that's how it felt before October 7th.

When October 7th happened I saw that nothing was "winding down" as I had previously thought. People were still just as keen to gleefully cheer on the killing of Jews as they had been. The world is just as slow to act when Jews are being forcibly held and tortured and killed. Blood libel and ideas of the "doctor's plot" are alive and well.

Oct 7th triggered old trauma, Oct 7th was traumatic in its own right, and for most of us, Oct 7th proved that antisemitism isn't going anywhere. It isn't winding down or getting better.

And that kind of pain? That kind of trauma? That sticks with you.

You wouldn't tell any other person to get over their trauma. So what makes it ok to say it to traumatized Jews as we are still processing the largest massacre of Jews since the Holocaust?

That behavior is horrible and inexcusable.

Trauma is trauma, you don't get to decide who does or doesn't have the right to be traumatized. You don't get to decide how people discuss their trauma.

#jumblr #jewish #judaism #jew #proud israeli #israel solidarity #opinion #discourse #antisemitism #trauma #generational trauma

[fellthemarvelous]

Holy forking shirtballs

I'm choosing violence today. I started this on Twitter, but I'm going to finish my thoughts here like I always do.

But what really blows my mind the most is the way that people look at Aziraphale's "choice" at the end, as if he had one to fucking begin with.

I'm sorry, but Aziraphale knows how messed up Heaven is. He told The Metatron, more than once, that he did not want to go back to Heaven! We can debate what each of us means by "choice" all night because my "choice" and your "choice" might be two different concepts. He could have been strong armed by The Metatron or he could have looked at where things were headed and realized he had no choice but to intervene himself.

You need to ask yourself what Aziraphale has a moral imperative to do.

What do we owe to each other?

Seriously, if you have not watched The Good Place, I recommend you go and watch it, because it absolutely shaped how I've viewed Good Omens 2 since its release.

My levels of frustration with the bad faith mischaracterizations of Aziraphale are off the charts. If you are blaming him for everything, implying that he should have to grovel and that Crowley has a right to hurt him back, you have missed the point of Good Omens entirely.

I defend Aziraphale, but I don't think one of them is more right or wrong than the other. They're equals. They're a group of the two of them, acting and reacting to each other throughout history. They're Alpha Centauri.

I cannot even begin to explain how fucking devastated I felt when Crowley said these words, knowing he was fighting a losing battle. What he said took a lot of courage because he's finally admitting something they've both been too scared to publicly define for 6,000 years. Crowley has had to spend so long with a rough outer shell because he fell and had to hide all of his softness.

The look on his face was one of pure joy when he created that nebula, but I think the fact that he got to share that moment with Aziraphale is what has always stuck with him.

So yeah, seeing Crowley with a broken heart at the end of "Every Day" was sad for me as well.

My brain still lives here!!

But Neil has said that Good Omens 3 is not quiet, gentle, or romantic. I imagine it's going to be more like the the first season in which they are not central to the plot. GO2 will help us make sense of how they ended up where they are when we see the bigger picture with all the other major players involved with GO3.

Aziraphale was still a soldier and accidentally got himself discorporated in his own magic circle in season one. He had a platoon waiting on him to start Armageddon, and he deserted them to go save the world with Crowley instead. Aziraphale is a deserter. I need everyone to remember that. He yeeted himself out of Heaven and sought out Crowley before even locating a body just to warn him about what was happening so they could try to save the world together.

I can't help but think of 1941 and that magician who had been arrested for being a deserter.

Aziraphale disobeyed orders. That took courage but it branded him as a traitor against Heaven. They tried to destroy him for it the same way Hell tried to destroy Crowley for his part in stopping the war.

Aziraphale and Job are the only characters we have seen interacting with God directly. Aziraphale has spoken to God before and he is determined to do so again.

Aziraphale knows Heaven is flawed, but he also knows it's supposed to be good. He wants it to be good. He does not like the way the system works and he wants to make a difference. (And I'm pretty sure he's also determined to talk to God without being intercepted by The Metatron.)

Since when is that a bad thing? I don't get it. And I've had this discussion before.

If you need to change the system by burning the old one to the ground, it's still change, and we don't know what Aziraphale has planned.

It seems to me that people just want to see Aziraphale fail because it would punish him for returning to Heaven instead of running off with Crowley.

Some of y'all take everything Aziraphale says or does and twist those things into malicious anti-Crowley actions because you think the only reason Aziraphale exists is to make Crowley happy, and if he isn't thinking only about Crowley then he's doing something wrong.

Aziraphale does not exist as a plot device to further Crowley's character. They come as a pair. They've been learning from each other for 6,000 years. Crowley challenges Aziraphale just as much as Aziraphale challenges him.

You can be mad at Aziraphale all you want, but villainizing him is gross. Defending Crowley does not mean you have to tear down and mischaracterize Aziraphale anymore than defending Aziraphale means you have to tear down Crowley (but I don't see that happen on nearly the same level it happens to Aziraphale). Stop painting Aziraphale as an abusive partner, for fuck sake.

Aziraphale knows there are flaws in the system. He wants to make a difference, and since he has seen that Gabriel can change, then maybe the whole system can. He has to at least try, and if he can succeed then maybe he and Crowley can stop hiding and finally be together without having to look over their shoulders all the time.

Why is that a bad thing? He's just as protective of Crowley as Crowley is of him!

But don't forget that Aziraphale's wing was covering Adam and Eve too. As much as a wants to protect Crowley, he has a moral imperative to keep humanity safe as well.

He sent Adam and Eve into the unknown with a flaming sword so they could protect themselves.

As much as he wants to be with Crowley, there are 8 billion people on Earth heading toward the Second Coming and Judgment Day. They'll work together to fight alongside humanity in the end. Aziraphale should not have to humiliate himself just to earn Crowley's forgiveness. That's a rancid notion.

The Resurrectionist was a whole ass moral dilemma for Aziraphale, which is why I brought up The Good Place earlier, but that's a post for a different time.

Aziraphale has his own motivations and they're just as important as Crowley's, and they don't have to be chalked up to Aziraphale being the bad guy. Weird, I know, but shades of grey.

"To the world."

#good omens #good omens 2 #aziraphale #crowley #aziraphale defense squad #yeah i'm being bitchy #no i don't care if you're offended #no i'm not interested in your aziraphale hate #i'm not interested in hearing takes about aziraphale being toxic from people who can't even be objective #some of y'all need to watch the good place because you need a lesson in moral philosophy #we should be able to have discussions about the characters without gross takes calling aziraphale abusive #az and crowley approach everything from wildly different perspectives because of where they are #just admit y'all shit on az because he doesn't look or act like crowley #I'm so done with the shitty aziraphale takes #they aren't even interesting enough to debate #they're just annoying

[starstruckmiraclekitty]

i liked your reader sneezes like a kitten but what about reader that sneezes like a dad. like full body earthshaking loudass sneezes that scare the living shit out of you. even funnier if reader is tiny.

Bahaha, yess🤣 I had fun writing this one, lol. Thanks for this request!! Sorry it's a bit short.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

141 + König with a Reader Who Sneezes are Loud as Shit

Warnings: swearing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Simon Ghost Riley-

You and Simon were sitting peacefully watching a RomCom in your flat. He'd never seen The Proposal before, and you'd be damned if you let another day go by without him watching it. The both of you were snuggled together, your head resting on Simon's chest when you got the sudden urge to sneeze.

You were able to turn your head just in time before letting out one of the loudest sneezes you've ever had, nearly shaking the glasses in front of you.

Simon immediately jumped up and took in his surroundings. "What in the bloody hell was that?!"

He turned to you to see you biting your lip to stop from laughing. "Love...did that...come from you?" His tone was deadly serious, a look of horror on his face.

You nodded your head, your cheeks burning from the intensity of his gaze.

Silence fell between the two of you for a few moments before Simon erupted with laughter.

"What's so funny?" You questioned, starting to chuckle yourself.

"I just, uh, didn't quite expect that from you. You'll be a great alarm system, though. Somebody ever breaks in and hears that, and they'll go running." He gave you a kiss on your forehead before pulling you back into him to resume your movie night, the smile not leaving his lips.

Johnny Soap MacTavish-

The two of you had just settled down for the 4th night of your horror movie marathon. You'd finally gotten Johnny into horror movies, as when you first started dating, he stressed he was vehemently against jump scares.

Unfortunately, you were about to backtrack your progress. It was right in the middle of a tense, quiet moment in the movie, when you felt the familiar tickle of an upcoming sneeze. Your sneezes were usually pretty loud, but you decided to make it just a bit more dramatic, to scare Johnny. You turned your head and bellowed out a ridiculously loud sneeze.

"AHHHH!" Johnny sprung backward on the couch, causing himself to tumble over the edge. "What the FUCK was that??"

You couldn't contain the laughter that emitted from your lips, at the sight of your boyfriend. "I'm sorry, Johnny. I sneezed."

"That was no fucking sneeze. That was like a demon leaving your body. Is your soul still intact? My lord. Never again are we watching these."

"Noo Johnny." You were still laughing your ass off, replaying the scene over and over in your head. "C'mon, let's finish the movie."

"Nah, nope. Gotta go check my pants after that one. Honestly, I think I may have wet meself"

John Price-

You and John were cooking dinner together on one of your nights off. John was mixing ingredients together in a bowl while you were cutting the veggies. You felt a spray of onion juice reach the inside of your nose, and the urge to sneeze overcame you.

"Dear, I'm done with the mixing do-." John started, but was cut off by your hideously loud sneeze.

Startled, he dropped the bowl, causing it to shatter all over the floor. "What the hell was that?!"

Both of you froze and stared at each other, John looking at you like you'd grown two heads, causing you to stifle a laugh with the back of your hand.

"My sneezes are a bit loud." You said, voice muffled by the back of your hand.

"A bit loud" is an understatement. Scared the ever loving shit out of me." A small smile appeared on John's face.

"I'll help clean this up." You crouched down on the floor to start gathering the broken shards of the bowl.

"I think you owe me a date night out after that one. May have to get myself some ear plugs just for your sneezes."

König-

It was a quiet week night, and you and König were sitting on your back porch. König was reading the newspaper while you were reading one of your books.

As the sun was setting, it hit you at just the right angle, causing the tickle of an oncoming sneeze. You turned into your arm and were trying to be as quiet as possible, no to avail.

The sneeze rippled through you, causing you to let out an obnoxiously loud noise.

König, who was sitting peacefully reading his newspaper, nearly jumped out of his skin, his fright causing him to rip his newspaper. "Heilige Scheiße, was war das?"

"Oh gosh! I'm so sorry Kö, I tried to be quiet. I've got really loud sneezes." Your cheeks were red with embarrassment, as your boyfriend regarded you with wide eyes.

"You're so small.. how did that come from you?" He was bewildered. He would've expected a sneeze like that to come from someone his size, not you.

"I've uh, just always sneezed like that." You rubbed the back of your neck nervously.

König let out a hearty chuckle, causing you to smile. "My little Schat, who sneezes like an elephant. Remind me not to read my newspapers around you anymore." He teased, kissing your temple.

(He tried to call you elephant as a cute nickname but felt like it was an insult and nearly cried afterward bc he felt so bad)

Kyle Gaz Garrick-

Gaz was playing video games with Johnny while you were in the other room on your computer. You felt the sign of an oncoming a sneeze and turned your head into your shoulder before screaming out "ACHOO!"

"Bless you, Johnny." Gaz said into his headset.

"I didn't sneeze, mate. I heard that too." Was his friends reply.

Puzzled, Gaz turned his head toward you, who had a bashful look on your face. "Babe, was that you?"

"No fucking way was that Y/N. That sounded like a dad sneeze, that did." Johnny laughed.

"Uh yeah. Sorry about that. Always had some loud sneezes." You bit your lip from trying to laugh at your boyfriend's puzzled expression.

Gaz broke out in a fit of laughter, setting down his controller to approach you. "That is hilarious. My girlfriends got dad sneezes. Who would've thunk that."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: hope you enjoyed❤️🙃

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