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shirophic · 3 years

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close nights | mm!naegiri fic

here’s the mastermind!naegiri fic i promised BAAHAHAHA VERY INSPIRED BY SONGS AND THERES A FAMILIAR QUOTE AT THE END IM PRETTY SURE MOST OF YALL HAVE HEARD ngl i feel like it went too quick but honestly idc give me feedback warnings: mentions of death, blood, stabbing, major character deaths

The night was cold, colder than usual.

Kyoko Kirigiri entered the security room, sighing as she sat down in the cool, blue chair. As she scanned her eyes across all the different cameras, quite a few things were on her mind. The 4th trial had ended, with alter ego’s death replaying in the minds of the students. Despair rotted within the students as fear shook them. Alter ego was their only hope, and now they were crushed.

Kirigiri watched as Asahina sobbed in her pillow, Hagakure trying to calm himself down, Togami reading as if nothing happened, Fukawa having a panic attack... Kirigiri bored her eyes into each of the footage from the cameras. Careful trying not to miss anything. Up until she reached a certain CCTV footage caught her eye.

A boy holding up a sign. The boy was Makoto Naegi, Ultimate Lucky Student. Kirigiri knew better than that, she was the Ultimate Detective for a reason. She knew that talent was a deception, after all, what kind of talent is the “Ultimate Lucky Student”?

Kirigiri knew his real ultimate was despair, a sickening depth of darkness, tearing down others.

To put it down to simpler words, It was his specialty.

Kirigiri never really understood the reason for despair. Sure, without despair there is no hope, but what was the real meaning behind it? Her ultimate was the Ultimate Detective, aren’t detectives supposed to be fighting against despair in the name of hope? Oh well, she was pretty much forced into this.

Turning her attention back to the green-eyed boy, she noticed there were words on the sign, with a grinning Naegi as he tried to stand tall enough to show the message.

“What an idiot. How did he become the Ultimate Despair again?”

The sign said “Come meet me in our special spot! Wear something pretty!” with a lopsided smiley face.

Once holding it for about 10 more seconds, he ran with the sign. Kirigiri had no idea what he had stored in that deceptive of a mind, but probably something not good.

- - -

As Kirigiri strode over to their “special place” Naegi was setting up something. Something like a room filled with candles and roses.

Rose petals and rose vines adorned the walls and floors. Candles were set up as yellow light shown in the darkness. Vodka and other drinks were lined up on a table, all set up for the night. Sure, it was cheesy, but something he put too much effort in. About a minute passed until Kirigiri arrived, Naegi staggered to fix his tie and suit, waiting at the entrance. As he looked up to meet with her eyes, he paused in amazement.

Kirigiri was wearing a deep purple dress that went just above her ankles with long gloves. Purple heels allowed her to have a little more height against Naegi. And her hair was up in a ponytail, with a purple bow to match. In all words, she was stunning. Naegi stood there agape as he looked at Kirigiri (respectfully of course.)

“Well? Are you just going to stand there looking like a reincarnation of Kuwata’s hair? Or are you going to explain what this is?” smirked Kirigiri, Naegi could have sworn he saw Kirigiri blush.

“Ah yes of course..” Mumbled Naegi as he looked down. “I.. I wanted us to take some time alone with each other, seeing as we get too caught up with the killing game and making sure none of them finds out about… about us..” spoke Naegi, softly.

Kirigiri’s smirk softened, seeing a side she saw many times, but not like this. Was this a confession? Perhaps a prank? She had known the boy for far too long to just not expect this wasn’t one of his other little pranks.

“Well then… In that case, let us take some time with each other.”

With that, Naegi and Kirigiri spent time talking and letting out their struggles. “It’s hard to keep track of what I've said and what I've not! It’s like I have to create a mental script..”

“You.. don’t have a mental script?” “You do!?”

As the night went on, Naegi played some music.

“Oh.. Isn’t this Lacrimosa?” questioned Kirigiri.

“Yea! Sometimes it calms me down when times are rough for me,” exclaimed Naegi.

Kirigiri didn’t respond as she looked like she was lost in thought.

“You’re thinking about your past again, aren’t you?” whispered Naegi.

Kirigiri turned to glance at Naegi, a stoic but slightly saddened expression on her face, “You.. You don’t need to worry about me. I can handle myself perfectly fine, just some… memories.”

Naegi examined Kirigiri for a while before standing up and lending Kirigiri his hand.

“Hey, I’m no doctor or therapist but, maybe a waltz will get it off your mind,” suggested Naegi.

Kirigiri opened her mouth for a bit, but completely drew a blank. Eventually, she surrendered and took Naegi’s hand.

They danced to Lacrimosa until it came upon an end.

Naegi slightly lifted his head to Kirigiri’s lavender eyes, yet couldn’t make out what was in them, sadness? Regret? Anger? He’ll never know.

Kirigiri had many thoughts as she slowly danced with Naegi, but she held them off for the time being, as they both wanted time together. And she didn’t want her depressing thoughts to ruin it.

Kirigiri and Naegi made eye contact as their thoughts disappeared, only focusing on each other now.

Kirigiri suddenly stopped, being aware of her surroundings and what she was doing - dancing. And with whom she was dancing with. “I.. Don’t you think it’s a bit… well, late for this?” Kirigiri questioned, “I wouldn’t want to be caught, god knows what they’re up to…” Naegi paused and chuckled for a bit. “We’re the ones in charge, aren’t we? Where is their god now?” Kirigiri looked down, not saying anything. “Where is their god now?” typical Naegi…” “if you don’t want to do this right now, why not grab a drink with me?” Kirigiri looked at Naegi with slight amusement, “why the niceties now?” but gave in, as her throat ached with thirst.

Naegi laughed quietly, then led Kirigiri to the food and drinks stand. Naegi grabbed a bottle of vodka and poured

“Hm, don’t you think we’re too young to be drinking?” “We’re 18 now, did you forget? Oh yea, Junko erased your memories as well.”

Kirigiri got lost in thought as she remembered the previous ultimate despair Junko Enoshima was the previous despair. Keyword: previous. Naegi and Enoshima had been partners for quite a while, a feared duo. After “The Tragedy” and after class 78 got converted to a new school for a safe shelter, Enoshima and Naegi were already putting their plan into action. They made sure everything was sealed and “safe” and after about a year, Enoshima forced them into the killing game. Unbeknownst to the other 15 students, Naegi was also in this plan from behind the scenes. And after the first death (Ikusaba), Naegi and Enoshima got into a fight.

- - -

An angry Naegi burst through the doors of the security room, opening to a gleeful-looking Enoshima.

Naegi never had any thoughts on Ikusaba, she was just another pawn in Enoshima’s plan. But she always had to make things complicated for him.

“Enoshima!” Naegi yelled, “How could you just let Ikusaba die like that? Do you know how risky that was.. If they found out-”

“Which they won’t, honestly Naegi you’re too paranoid,” Enoshima said unbothered. “And If they did I’m sure you can just kill them off like a fly.”

Naegi had a dark look on his face, “And what would be the explanation for that? Tell me.”

“I-”

“Oh! Togami just pissed me off! So I killed him in cold blood, upupupupu!”

Enoshima took a stand, an annoyed look displayed on her face.

“Look Naegi, if you’re just going to argue about the past, fuck off, it can’t be changed and you know that.”

Naegi quietly chuckled, which turned into full-on laughter.

“AHA- HAHAHAHA, you think I’m just going to accept giving up like that? Well unbeknownst to you, Enoshima, I have a few cards up my sleeve as well..”

Naegi swiftly threw a card at Enoshima’s face, giving a fresh cut to her cheek. Enoshima looked at Naegi in disbelief, gently touching her face.

“H- How dare you,” Enoshima said, bewildered.

Naegi looked at her in amusement, “Was that not entertaining for you enough, Enoshima?”

Enoshima growled, spitting at Naegi.

“Fuck you,”

“Pay me.”

Naegi quickly moved behind Enoshima, slicing the back of her neck, then putting her up against the wall with a knife under her chin, complimenting her facial features.

“Well now, the shorty finally decided to grow some balls, huh?” Enoshima teased, wincing as the cut behind her neck burned.

“You know damn well I grew some balls ever since I even started our little plan. Have a nice time in hell, Enoshima.” Naegi sneered, looking up at the despair twin.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be saving you a seat.”

Naegi then sliced her neck, pink blood dripping from the knife and onto Naegi’s hand.

Naegi hummed, dropping Enoshima on the floor, disgust filling his senses. “As much as I love bringing people into despair, the stench of blood is disgusting.”

Naegi then washed his hands and ordered monokuma to clean the mess up before heading towards his dorm room, pretending as if nothing happened.

- - -

“Hello? Earth to Kirigiri?” Naegi waved his hand in front of Kirigiri’s face.

Kirigiri was brung back into reality, realization striking her that she was lost in thought.

“O-oh, Naegi. Sorry, I was lost in thought… again.” Kirigiri said rather embarrassingly, glanced at the shot she was holding, and gulped it down.

“It’s okay Kirigiri,” Naegi spoke as he had doubt in his eyes. He then took a shot, shaking his head.

“Hey Kirigiri, I know I invited you here myself but, there’s another place I wanna show you, care to join me?”

Kirigiri pondered for a minute, should she really go with a murderer who killed the ultimate despair only just to become the ultimate despair himself? Kirigiri sighed, he couldn’t kill her because of her secret anyways. Kirigiri remembered how desperate he was to know the secret.

- - -

(beginning of chapter 3)

Naegi whined as he followed Kirigiri around pleading.

“Oh Kirigiri pleaaase!” he begged, “Let me know your secret!”

Kirigiri stopped and looked at Naegi, “why do you want to learn my secret so much?”

Naegi scoffed, “Well obviously because you’ve mentioned it once before and never told me! I thought I was your best friend..”

Kirigiri shook her head and continued to walk towards the physics lab, a click in her steps.

- - -

Oh well, it’s not like she has much of a choice.

Kirigiri sighed and followed Naegi, hoping that it would mean something good.

- - -

Naegi led Kirigiri up to the roof of the school, looking back from tie to time with a smile on his face.

Once on the roof, Naegi invited Kirigiri to sit down. The area was outgrown, plants growing everywhere. Fires all around the building, blazes and flames of fire all around the base of the school, the sun setting with a red aura.

Smoke filling Kirigiri's senses, she coughed. “W-Where are we Naegi?” she said as she looked at Naegi. Naegi’s face was lightened with red, orange, and yellow hues as he grinned down upon the world, eyes sparkling with delight.

“We’re.. We’re at the top of the world,” Naegi smiled.

Kirigiri glanced at Naegi with a confused expression but stoic eyes as she looked Naegi up and down.

“Quit the act, why did you bring me here?” Kirigiri demanded.

Naegi turned around, surprised. “Kirigiri, I just wanted to spend time with yo-”

“Stop, I know you’re lying to me. Spit it out.”

Naegi sighed with an annoyed tone and looked Kirigiri directly in the eye.

“I want to know your secret.”

Kirigiri was disappointed, but not surprised. Naegi was an awfully ambitious person and would go to extraordinary heights to get what he wanted, but Kirigiri was awfully stubborn.

“And exactly why should I tell you? For all I know, you could kill me instantly after.” Kirigiri doubted.

“Well for one, you can get out alive!” Naegi laughed, “But you’re not getting away this easily, Kirigiri.”

Kirigiri carefully examined the options she had; A: make a run for it, B: punch him and run, C: tell him and live. She knew with plans A and B he could easily either send monokuma after her or just kill her himself. And with plan C he could also be lying. So in all, it’s a win-lose situation.

Kirigiri sighed and made up her mind.

“I’m not telling you, whether you kill me or not. And besides, even you don’t know the secrets of this school, you need me.”

Naegi examined her closely again, then swiftly took out knives, throwing them all at Kirigiri. Which she dodged them all, even catching one. She threw the knife aside and stepped forward towards Naegi.

“You know you need me, you can’t do anything without me. Give up.”

Naegi growled, “shut up, shut up, shut up!”

With a few knives cutting Kirigiri’s dress and skin, she fell on the ground, backing away from Naegi.

She winced in pain as she looked up at Naegi, her vision blurring as she tried to make out what to do. Naegi stopped in front of her, playing with the knife in his hands before kneeling down in front of her face, lifting her chin up with the knife.

“You know Kirigiri, you’re an intelligent person with lots of room for improvement. I never wanted to come to this conclusion, but if you’re not going to work with me here, we’re going to have a problem.” threatened Naegi.

Kirigiri glared up at Naegi, keeping full eye contact.

“I’m not giving in, no matter what little tricks you have in store.”

Naegi rolled his eyes in annoyance, then putting his knife hard against her neck, “if you oblige, I’ll make your death quick and painless, if you don’t - well then you’re gonna have a fun time suffering.”

Kirigiri stared at Naegi in silence watching as her blood dripped down from her neck and onto everywhere.

Naegi then grew tired of waiting and sliced Kirigiri’s throat leaving her dead blank face the last expression she’ll ever make again.

He then stood up and started walking towards the exit down back to the school, when he heard something.

“I-Ikusaba… she’s alive, an…” Naegi whipped around, anxious, as he urged Kirigiri to continue. “And… she’s o-out for you..”

Naegi was stunned into silence. Ikusaba.. was alive? And she wanted vengeance? Naegi was very confused about this whole proposition. This was Kirigiri’s secret? Naegi then looked at Kirigiri again waiting for more information. But to no avail, Kirigiri’s eyes rid of the light and grew dead.

Naegi then started pacing around, wondering what to do next. Should he try to find Ikusaba? Should he kill Ikusaba once and for all? Should he-

Naegi was then interrupted by a figure in the shadows. He turned around to look who it is, but he couldn’t make out who it was until they stepped into the light.

“Naegi,” a cool monotone voice spoke, “We meet again.”

The figure then stepped into the light - a face known too well.

Mukuro Ikusaba. The other despair twin. Also known as the ultimate soldier. The last time Naegi and Ikusaba met was when they were putting the plan into action and putting the students in the classrooms. After that they barely interacted.

Naegi knew Ikusaba was dangerous. Her talent gave it away, after all. She knew tons of different strategies, and while Enoshima liked to say that the strategies were hers’ - spoiler alert: they were not.

Turning back to reality, Naegi began thinking of different tactics to well ah, slaughter his close friend.

Ikusaba read Naegi like a book, and took out her dagger - to which Naegi replied to taking his own out as well.

“Impressive, I saw what you did with Kirigiri. You’ve worked on your reflexes.” complimented Ikusaba. “But you’re no match for me.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

“Alright, let’s dance.”

#look i did something! 🕊️ request accepted #🙤 · mod tsumugi #mastermind naegi #mastermind makoto #mastermind kyoko #mastermind kirigiri #mm!naegiri #naegi x kirigiri #naegiri #makoto naegi x kyoko kirigiri #makoto naegi #makoto x kyoko #kyoko kirigiri #dr1 #dr1 kyoko #dr1 makoto #tsumugi-mikan

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knullanon · 3 years

Note

Lex Luthor with 33?

before writing- oof vibes are only angst but i do have an idea (also yes im using Kit if u remember him then u deserve a veterans award for remembering my useless bitches i create while writing)

after writing- using my dads quotes that he told me at a young age is really making me cry but its for the plot. also poor kit. f in the chat everybody also got too invested in this so yes theres a bonus

ilomilo - billie eilish

the gala was the longest one you had been to yet. you were almost glad, however. it gave you more time to talk to kit.

kit was the nicest boy you’ve ever met. he was the one to give you a view on the outside world. he was the one to help you make new friends in your situations. he was the one to treat you like an actual human being.

and here he was, sitting with you and laughing on your phones about some meme you’ve seen. he was the one who you liked: like, really liked. had a crush on kind of liked.

it felt stupid. it even felt childish. you didn’t want to have these feelings. it made you feel like a child. you didn’t want to have these feelings so you wouldn’t be hurt. even if you knew most of his words weren’t true, lex had always warned you about boys at a young age. how did he put it?

“the only thing they will think about when they look at you is how they can improve their status or how they can manipulate you. do you understand me?”

he always made you promise that no, you weren’t going to get a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, for that matter. he said that the only thing that you would end up with is a broken heart and a messed up sense of trust. he said you would just be running from one person to another trying to gain love only to be dropped after they got what was needed out of you.

and even if you knew that his words were just to keep you with him, that doesn’t mean they just went out of your head. after you hear things for a while, they start to become real. you didn’t want to have lex tell you something along the lines of “i told you so”

however, whenever you were with kit, it felt like those worries weren’t even there. even if there was a nagging feeling about trusting him, you ignored it because of what kit gave you: freedom.

he wouldn’t only talk to you because you were _____ luthor, he wouldn’t only talk to you just because he wanted your money, or power, he wanted to talk to you because of you. he liked who you were as a person, not who you were as a child of a celebrity.

maybe that’s why you gained a crush on him. because he reminded you of before you met lex. maybe you just liked him as a person, like he did you.

“_____, did you see what happened last night?” kit had asked, still snickering from the news article he showed you. you laughed.

“oh, wow, what party did you attend to this time?”

“none, at all actually: the entire city was on lockdown.”

“really?” you asked, turning to him. “which villain caused a mass murder this time, then?”

kit shrugged. “not really a mass murder, more of a... robbery.”

you rolled your eyes. “really? a city lockdown because of a small robbery?”

“a small robbery from one of lexcorp’s own warehouses.”

that got your attention. “how much?”

“a small multi-million dollar heist-”

“oh, stop making fun of me, I didn’t know!”

“it was a small price to pay, apparently-”

“stop!” you playfully shoved him out of his seat, and he fell right on his ass. you gasped and when you saw that he wasn’t moving, you quickly got up and bent down to where he was sitting. “kit? goddamnit, kit-”

when he jumped up from the ground, his hands acting like they were going to grab you, you jumped back. stumbling, the back of you knee caught the seat you were sitting on, so instead of falling on your own ass, you fell into the seat.

as he laughed, you whispered, “kit, you ass!” he sat back into his chair, before saying (between laughs), “sorry, sorry. it was too much of a good opportunity to miss.” you huffed and went on the phone he had given you. you looked at the news, and sure enough, there was a robbery on one of the lexcorp warehouses, and yes, the things that were stolen were at least millions of dollars in profit.

“now that i’m looking at it, maybe that’s why my dad was all talking last night.”

“of course he would be, ______, there was millions of dollar worth of tech stolen-”

“oh, i know, kit, don’t be a bitch!”

it was silent for a little while, besides showing each other memes and laughing. it felt nice. it wasn’t awkward, in fact it was nice. just showing your friend funny photos that made you laugh was enough for you.

1:10. this was the latest you’ve ever been at a gala. it was supposed to last until 4, so you could understand why, but it still felt weird. it was like... going to school at night. you recognize the place, but it felt so weird.

“hey, _____.” you turned towards kit, who was now looking at a blank screen.

“yeah, what’s up?”

“you said that... you said that you’re never allowed to go anywhere, right? that you don’t even know where your real family is?”

you shifted uncomfortably. “well, yes, but why are you asking me this?”

his fingers turned white from the pressure on his phone. “well... you don’t seem happy whenever you’re with him, I guess. it feels like you don’t want to be there.

you could say that again.

“and... and you’ve been my friend for months, now... I don’t want to see you hurt because of someone else’s actions... so... I was wondering if... you wanted to live with me?”

the last bit came out rushed, and yet, it still made you wonder. what if you could leave? what if you could live with your friend, your only friend, instead of your over protective father?

“I know its stupid, I shouldn’t have asked that. it’s fine.” he continued.

“no, it’s... comforting.” you looked at him straight in the eyes. “I’m glad that you like me so much you would risk me being in your house. of course, I’m going to have to say no, but I still... I still appreciate that you would ask that.”

he gave you a small smile, and asked, “are you sure you’re going to be ok?”

you smiled at him. “maybe. I don’t know. if I don’t, then I could always take up your offer.”

you both sat in silence for a while, before his phone buzzed. looking at your phone, you saw it was at least 1:40. almost time to go. and you didn’t want mercy, or pray to god, lex to find you with him.

looking at kit, you asked, “you wanna head back?”

he smiled. “yeah. lets go back before we both fall on our asses.”

~~~~~

walking down the large corridor felt strange. it was like something was going to happen soon. you didn’t know what, but something.

“so then, I asked him why he was being such an asshole, and he told me-”

“______.”

turning around, you saw mercy standing just a few meters away from you both. you quickly set some distance in between the two of you, to make sure that you were following the rules, but she didn’t seemed focused on you. instead, she was focused on kit.

she gave a small nod of acknowledgement to him. “kit is your name, right?”

he gave a shaky nod. “where were you last night?”

“excuse me-”

“where were you. last night.” every word seemed to be gritted out of her teeth.

“well, I was in my home. with my father. why?”

“really? at home with your father? and not at my warehouse, stealing my technology?”

you almost didn’t want lex to be here, but you also wanted to know why mercy hadn’t shot out kit’s brains yet.

“wh- excuse me?”

lex rolled his eyes. “I don’t need to hear excuses from you, boy, what I want to know is why you were stealing my tech, and why you used my daughter as your way to get this tech.”

wait, what?

“you’ve been using me for what?”

kit seemed to be panicking. did he- was he really using you for that?

“oh, you think I wouldn’t have found out? giving my daughter a phone so you could get into my systems and find out the codes for the doors? that you’ve been using my money for months without my knowledge? that you’ve been using my daughter for you own gain? for your own families gain?”

turning to him, you saw him try to make up some excuse about whatever he had done, but it was too late.

“freeze! put your hands in the air!”

you didn’t even see the police in the hallway, only mercy dragging you out towards the exit of the gala.

when you turned back to kit, you felt like a child. did you really trust him? did you trust him this much for it to be that he was only using you? you didn’t want to think about it. the only thing you wanted was to go home.

________________

BONUS:

“did you really think you could take my daughter away from me?”

looking up from his seat, kit saw lex sitting across from him. currently, they were in a courthouse. waiting for his trial.

“... it’s not right to keep her inside like a pet.”

he knew he pissed off lex now, but he didn’t care. his life was ruined now. it shouldn’t matter.

lex got out of his chair and said, “you know, I was thinking of letting you off on a plea deal, but honestly, now, I’m thinking of giving you a worse fate than your father.”

a plea deal? kit froze. did he just throw out any chance to see you again?

“if you’re thinking you just threw out a chance to see my daughter again, you’re right, but lets be real here:”

lex put his hands on the table and got close to kits face, barely inches away.

“she will never look at you the same way after you go to prison for 58 years.”

and with that, lex left kit to rot in his own depression, happy to give the boy more pain than ever.

#yandere lex luthor #yandere dc #yandere dc comics #yandere young justice #songs fics

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ask-thedeafjohns · 3 years

Note

For both Johns- Favorite memory of your friends? --\></

JOHN EGBERT: favourite memory of my friends? J. EGBERT: wow that’s a hard question! J. EGBERT: there’s lots of good times i’ve had with them J. EGBERT: although if i had to pick one? J. EGBERT: it would be the time dave suddenly came up to my door, soaking wet J. EGBERT: and just randomly asking if he could use my shower J. EGBERT: now it doesn’t sound all that much, but this was the first time i had ever seen him J. EGBERT: well, in person. we had talked a bunch online before then J. EGBERT: but he had run away from home at the time and we rarely talked! J. EGBERT: so for him to suddenly be at my door, after all that time? J. EGBERT: man, it was so cool to be able to see him J. EGBERT: but also, who’s first words to meeting someone is to ask to have a shower?

J. EGBERT: he’s lucky i had some spare clothes that karkat left one time that fit him J. EGBERT: or he would have had to deal with being soaked to the bone J. EGBERT: or worse, naked in my own house! J. EGBERT: hehe that would’ve been J. EGBERT: umm J. EGBERT: a-anyway J. EGBERT: getting to meet one of my best bud for the first time after he’s been having a rocky time? J. EGBERT: it’s hard to forget the feeling, especially since he chose me of all people J. EGBERT: plus, soaking wet dave is so funny! J. EGBERT: it’s hard to say why, but it just is hehe :B

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JOHN STRIDER: uhh J. STRIDER: i uhh J. STRIDER: i didnt really get to hang out with my friends like ever J. STRIDER: so... J. STRIDER: ...well J. STRIDER: there was one time J. STRIDER: one thing you should know, my big sis sucked big time J. STRIDER: like she was one of those stupid strict guardians who would force you to do things and youd have to just suck it up and deal with it J. STRIDER: but she was also...kinda just shitty in general J. STRIDER: one time J. STRIDER: she was trying to tell me stuff and J. STRIDER: lets just say i was having a hard time catching it J. STRIDER: and she knows exactly what to say to... J. STRIDER: well yeah J. STRIDER: so when i could i just J. STRIDER: sat J. STRIDER: in my room J. STRIDER: and... J. STRIDER: well i didnt really do anything J. STRIDER: but i guess dave noticed something was up? J. STRIDER: and the dudes a goofball and good for a laugh J. STRIDER: but you aint never met a more genuine guy J. STRIDER: except maybe egderp here but J. STRIDER: yeah J. STRIDER: anyway he said this one thing and i still remember it to this day

J. STRIDER: it sounds like a nothing thing but J. STRIDER: it really helped out that day J. STRIDER: ... J. STRIDER: hey dont tell john any of this J. STRIDER: he might be egbert J. STRIDER: but i dont think we are there yet

(Unshown dialogue underneath)

BIG SIS: Are your ears on, John? BIG SIS: I swear, why do I even bother trying to have you hear what I’ve got to say somedays... BIG SIS: If you don’t try harder to fill in the blanks BIG SIS: Someone’s going to just get fed up and shank you for all you’re worth, and they won’t care that you can’t hear as well as the rest of us! BIG SIS: Well, enough of that today. BIG SIS: I’ll let you rest for now and we’ll attempt to continue this tomorrow morning. BIG SIS: Be prepared for tuna and spinach puffs for tea time tonight hoo hoo

--------

(in the middle of conversation) DAVE: man what is her problem? DAVE: seriously. does she even fucking know how hard it is to listen to people when you can fully hear? DAVE: and you have to deal with your world half fucking volume JOHN: hehe yeah JOHN: but i mean JOHN: she tries well DAVE: well if she tried well she wouldn't fucking make you feel bad for being you DAVE: there's doing your best and then there's just doing whatever you wanna do JOHN: i mean true JOHN: somedays i just wish i didn't have to JOHN: well JOHN: deal with my whole thing hehe DAVE: hey no DAVE: you don't get to do that DAVE: who the fuck is she to tell you to be something you're not? an adult? JOHN: uhh yeah? DAVE: fuck that shit. either she can fuck her own ears and see what its like DAVE: or she can shut the fuck up and deal with the fact you're gonna miss out every second word some days JOHN: shes just looking out for me though JOHN: i mean its true JOHN: if i keep not knowing what people are saying someone will get me one day for it JOHN: i just gotta try harder heh DAVE: john, i mean this in the kindest way DAVE: but stop defending her as if she's so perfect DAVE: i mean DAVE: you aren't and im not about to say you are JOHN: geez, thanks DAVE: hey let me finish JOHN: ugh sorry DAVE: you're not perfect, and that's fucking okay DAVE: you try to fill in the blanks but i can't even imagine how someone even does that let alone every conversation DAVE: you're allowed to be imperfect, and no-one should make you feel shitty just because you’re having a hard time right now DAVE: no-one’s perfect. you’re you, and... DAVE: well, if that’s good enough for me, then it sure as fuck should be good enough for her JOHN: hehe JOHN: thanks JOHN: youre a real stand up dude sometimes DAVE: i’ll take that. and you’re fucking great for taking her shit in stride each day DAVE: pfft. “stride” JOHN: aaaaaand theres the lovable goofball we all know and love DAVE: hey i’m not perfect. that’s kinda the whole deal JOHN: hehe B)

#homestuck #john #john egbert #john strider #type: ask #anon #long post #Thanks for the ask stranger~!#And we get the first signs of J Stride's insecurities as well as Big Sis/Jane Strider~ ^^#Apologies for the super-long dialogue but I couldn't think of a better way to show off the answer #In contrast if you like all the dialogue feel free to read the extended log under the 'readmore' ^^#(It's kinda like supplementary reading. Adds to the whole thing me thinks~)#Anonymous

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calm-me-down-oh · 4 years

Note

How about all the questions ;)

skdsjf ofc u would get me back for that, under a readmore bc theres a lot!

When was the last time you masturbated? Yesterday! Had a.. very hot convo w my gf

Do you enjoy being fingered/fingering? Uhh the only time Ive had it done to me the person had to stop bc they got uncomfy with it and it was overall just a bit odd,, wait it happened a second time and their nails were too sharp also sdkfhsdh I feel like I could get to like it though? If its like, actually properly done rather than my current experiences sdhfk

How do you feel about food during sex? nno thanks mostly? I guess it can kinda depend on the food though idk, like if my gf suggested somethin I might not mind trying it out depending on what it was yknow

What do you do directly after sex? um.. well afaik just kinda lay/sit in a daze for a moment, mayb have some water, get real clingy, kind of have to be nudged into doing stuff bc i guess my brain just stops working skjdfkj

Cuddle with the tip in? Hell yeah. cuddle with it all in. sounds good.

What’s the nastiest sexual thing you’ve done? I don’t think I’ve really done anything nasty sdjkfsj all the sex ive had has been quite brief and vanilla idk

Name a follower you would fuck. @you-better-make-me!

Name a follower you have fucked. None..

What’s the sexiest part of your body? Idk man I guess my thighs are ok people seem to like them anyway

FuckMarryKill: DJ Khalid, Rick Ross, Fat Joe Am i supposed to know who these people are

Would you ever be with a trans person? i think the real question is would i ever be with a cis person (yes i would be with a trans person i am with 2 trans people and i am trans and i havent dated anyone cis since i was like 15)

Riding dick or doggy style? yes

Ever fucked in a school? Nope

Most random place you’ve had sex? havent really had sex in a random place lmao just beds

Would you ever be part of the mile high club? maybe..? thats having sex on a plane right. idk. maybe

Name three of your spots. what does this mean fkjd

Fuck on the first date? Depends

Do you suck dick? I’m sure gonna try!

Do you eat ass? Idk maybe not skdfjhsjk

Do you eat pussy? Haven’t yet, nearly did, got too nervous sdkjfh

Do you like kissing? So much!!

Is farting during sex sexy? I.. I mean its not sexy but like im also not gonna have a negative reaction. unless its me. that is something im admittedly very nervous about fkjd

Ever fucked in the shower? Nope

How old were you when you lost your virginity? Uh............ good question. 19 or 20 i forget if it was before my birthday but within the last year. unless you only count penetrative sex, then I haven’t yet

Do you prefer sex in the morning, afternoon, or night? Y..yes? I suppose afternoon/night is usually a better time, morning is jsut sleepy and trying to remember how to exist hours

Do you like drunk sex? Haven’t had it but I do get horny when I drink, wouldn’t be against trying it with someone I trust

Do you like high sex? Again never had it! And I haven’t really been high either so Idk

FuckMarryKill: Nicki Minaj; Cardi B; Kash Doll N..none for any

When was your first kiss? I was like 13 I think

How did you meet the person you lost your virginity to? College

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Nope. Wait maybe. Kind of. Idk when I was younger I was with this guy who would try get me to touch myself n I hadn’t figured out how to make it feel good so I’d just lie and say I was when i wasnt bc i didnt wanna do it so maybe at some point i said i came when i hadnt sdfhks

Ever painted/been painted on? Yeah but not in like a horny way, my ex would paint on my hand as kinda their way of flirting with me

You like sex toys? Sure

What’s your favorite sex position? Personally think missionary is underrated bc that closeness and being able to cling just sounds v good but also getting fucked from behind face down ass up also sounds,, v good lately

Sex on a bed, couch, or floor? beddd, maybe couch, floor just seems uncomfortable

Do you like car sex? Never had it, just seems a bit awkward but I guess I’d be open to trying it

You get instantly horny; what happened? My neck got bit!

FuckMarryKill: Trey Songz, Chris Brown, August Alsina. Kill chris brown. idk who the others are

Describe your crush. Don’t have one!

Woukd you ever be with someone with an incurable STD? Uh... Idk? I mean, theres preventative measures for basically all std’s right? So as long as those are taken so i dont also get it I guess it’d be ok

Rate your head game. No clue dkfhdsj

Rate your sex. Awkward!

Would you fuck someone outside of your race? ?? yes. what kind of question is this

Describe the type of freak you are. idk what this means but what first came to mind was ‘pet’ so take that as u will

Ever tasted your own nut/cum? Sure

Into golden showers? Nope

Body count: Under or Over 25? Wayyy under

How do you feel about nipple play? Uh depends! Not into being harsh like clamps etc just seems like itd hurt n not in a good way, but playing w/ them w ur hands and sucking on them. very good

Where do you like to be nutted on? chest/stomach seems good

Which are you better at: topping or bottoming? bottoming

What do you consider “too small?” Idk man dick is dick idc

Is play fighting foreplay? It sure can be!

Do you like angry sex? In concept maybe, in reality itd just kinda scare me

How long should a quickie be? Idk.. quick

How long is “too long” to have sex? Idk sex ends whenever one of u wants to stop, don’t think u can go too long if ur both comfortable with it

How long is “too long” to go without sex? Listen i.. am not the person to be asking this I’ve had sex maybe 3 times spread out over almost a year. i have never regularly had sex

Is “no” relevant in a relationship? Incredibly relevant!! Always!! Unless you’ve discussed beforehand that its ok to ignore it and have a safeword in place instead!! and then that safeword is not to be ignored!!

Do you believe in no-strings-attached sex? Sure but idk if i could do it

Would you have sex in a public bathroom? mmmaybe....

Would you have sex in a changing room? mmmmmmmmaybe

Who was the last person you had sex with? My ex

Describe your type. Idk I have the weirdest type i think they have like nothing in common then theyll all turn around and be into the same stuff or something its v strange

Name 3 turn-ons. Biting, just making out sometimes tbh, skin contact in places usually covered by clothes or under clothes..

Name 3 turn-offs. Umm. i definitely have turn offs but whenever im asked my mind goes blank. I guess being overly rough, hair pulling im undecided on tbh, and oh i usually dont like having my ass smacked but idk if itd change if it were like.. in the middle of sex

Name something that would make you stop in the middle of sex. Bad pain or panicking or it seems like the other person is uncomfortable. or someones knocking on the door for some reason sdkfjs

Would you answer a phone call during sex? no omg

Would you ever pay for sex? Nah.

Would you accept money for sex? Uh. Maybe? Wouldnt ask for it tho

How do you typically feel after sex? Mostly affectionate and good, but w the last person i was with sometimes it seemed like they just wanted it over and done with so i would get kinda nervous and guilty over that,, idk

Do you like your body? Nah

Ever sent nudes? Yep

Have you ever cheated on someone? Yeah he was abusive

Have you ever been cheated on? Idk, maybe, wait i think the guy i cheated on tried saying he cheated on me too but idk if he was just trying to get back at me so

Would you have a threesome? If I trust the people sure

Would you have a foursome? Same as above

Would you take part in an orgy? Uhh idk maybe, same as above applies tho

Would you let’s train be ran on you? Again if I trust the people yeah sure

How often do you masturbate? Idk it really depends sometimes im really horny and its like daily maybe more than once a day and then sometimes i just dont for like. a while

Sex with the lights on or off? on.. how are u meant to see what ur doing otherwise sdjkhfs

Sex with music or tv in the background? Sure, idc really. Though i have a thing if its like.. kids stuff.........dont do that..........

Do you have a cousin you’d fuck if you weren’t related? wtf no

In your last relationships, rate the sex? Uhh... good? I mean, good at the time, though like i said sometimes felt a bit rushed, and that now makes sense and i have very mixed feelings on it but mostly guilt bc the person i was with has since said they werent really into it. so.

Do you sleep naked? Nah I at least have underwear on

How often do you go commando? Never

Are your nipples pierced? If not, would you get them pierced? Nope

Do you dive right into sex, or converse first? Uh, depends? Talking about it beforehand or even during can be good though. But i guess it doesnt have to be Right before it, it can be a bit in advance

After taking your clothes off, what’s the first move? Kiss.. touch,, etc,,

Do you make the first move? Um. w my ex i kinda had to bc as i said, i later found out they werent really into it. other than that i generally dont tho bc im very nervous abt all that, kinda especially after that discovery hdfbghf

Have you ever had sex with more than one person in a day? Nope

Do you like dryhumping ? Sure

Can you twerk or do a split on a dick? Probably not

Have you ever been recorded during sex? No but I’ve had a dream abt being recorded sucking someones dick it was weird

Do you watch porn during sex? W. who does that. how can u focus on that. why would u watch sex when ur having sex skdjfhsjdk

After fucking, do you try becoming friends with a one night stand? Never had a one night stand

What’s your kink? Praise! Marking! Collars!

Would you hook up with the same hook-up again? I don’t think i could have a hook up tbh so no

Ever made a relationship from a one night stand? nope

How romantic are you during sex? uh.. idk havent rly had chance to try being romantic during sex but soft sex sounds v good imo

Describe your sex in 5 words or less. in my experience so far? nervous and kinda awkward

#god rip to my gf when every question i answer abt what its like having sex w me is just 'uh! awkward!'#Anonymous

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darling-i-read-it · 6 years

Text

Promise

The Kid x reader

Word Count: 2119

Warnings: None?

Author’s Note: I got very tired of saying ‘The Kid’ so I started saying Bill (due to it being Bill Skarsgard ofc) so I hope that doesn’t get in the way of your reading! Another thing is that I didn’t go along with the latest episodes in his identity, so this is placed somewhere just after the kid got out of Shawshank. Also, I will probably be writing more about him being (SPOILERS) Henry so PLEASE REQUEST THAT IM BEGGING YOU I LOVE HIM and I’m posting just after the latest episode because I feel like we need this out there

Request: By @lxnathelxciddreamer , Can I get some fluff with The Kid from castle rock (it’s ok if you don’t wanna do it)

Summary: Henry drops of The Kid for the night so that he can get some stuff done and The Kid ends up really liking his hostess.

Genre: fluff

Song: Innocent by Taylor Swift

(not my gif)

When Henry Deaver knocked on your door at 11 at night after not speaking in 10 or so years you were a tad surprised. Rightfully so.

He apologized out front and you asked him to come in because if Henry is back in town he must be here for a good reason. He shook his head and glanced back at the car parked on the side of the road, probably his.

“What do you need Henry?” you asked. He and you had been amazing friends even after he went missing for a few days. It didn’t really matter that it had been so long, you would still probably do anything for him. You weren’t like Molly Strand who you had seen around school sometimes but not much after Henry’s disappearance, who had a major sort of crush on him. You and Henry had really just been really good friends. He took a deep breath.

“I’m about to ask something of you that you do not have to do because it’s a huge favor okay? Hi by the way,” he muttered. You smiled.

“Hello Henry. I ask again, what do you need?” He took another deep breath.

“You’ve heard about the man in Shawshank? They found down there?” you nodded.

“Oh my god Henry did you get him out?” you whispered.

“Sorta. They just kinda let him go? Listen that’s not the point. I can’t have him near my mom and Molly can’t have him with her. I was wondering if you could..I don’t know-”

“Sure. Can I meet him first?” Henry was surprised that you jumped on top of it. He nodded quickly and turned to the car. You waited by the door as Henry leaned into the car window and then opened the door. A very tall man came out. He was tall and looked lean but strong and he seemed incredibly, horribly lost. You met them halfway down the driveway and went to introduce yourself a kind smile on your face.

“Y/N, this is him.” You nodded at Henry and smiled once more back up at the tall nameless man.

“Come inside please. It’s a pleasure to meet you sir,” you told him and gestured for the two of them to come inside. The man walked past you and inside, hestient at the door and then careful on the floor boards. You turned to Henry.

“I have to go back to my mom. You’re gonna be alright?” he asked. You nodded with a grin as you glanced back at the man.

“What’s his name Henry?” you asked. He sighed.

“He hasn’t said. I don’t think he remembers. He doesn’t talk a ton so don’t get discouraged. I’ll come see him tomorrow,” he said. You nodded.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Say hi to Mrs.Deaver for me?” you asked. He nodded as he got back in the car. You turned on your heels to the house and saw the kid standing there, watching Henry go. “He’ll be back tomorrow, no worries. Come on I’ll show you where you can sleep.” You walked toward where you held your guest bedroom but the kid didn’t follow you. He was still looking around the house. You turned back to him with a confused look.

“Your house?” he asked quietly. You nodded.

“Yep. Been my house since the first grade,” you said fondly. He nodded and followed you through to upstairs. When you entered the guest room you let him go in first. “This is where you can sleep tonight and however long you’re staying. Theres food downstairs and some clothes that will probably fit you in the drawer here.” You pointed everything out as you said it and he followed your gaze. When he didn’t say anything you turned to leave.

“Y/N?” he whispered. You turned around with a smile. He was looking over the piano that was in the corner of the room.

“That was my brothers he played a bit. The piano if that’s what you-” But that was what he meant. He was hovering his fingers over the keys and started to click a few. It hadn’t been tuned in a while so the notes sounded a little flat but he placed both hands down and managed to crank out a beautiful melody. You stood, mezmorized. When he finished he looked back up at you expectantly. “That was amazing,” you told him. He smiled at you and it was a eerie smile but you seemed to remember that he hadn’t smiled at you before so you took it.

“What’s your name? I mean Henry said that you don’t remember what it is but I mean if you could remember? I mean what do I call you?” you asked, your words jumbled into sentences to convey your thoughts. The kid looked at you with blank eyes and you decided he probably wasn’t gonna say anything. He probably didn’t remember. “Can I call you something or would that bother you?” you asked softly. He eyed you carefully. You sat on the bed, finger on your chin as you hummed and tried to think of a name.

“Hum...how about George?” you asked. He shook his head violently. He sat down on the bed beside you. “Ben?” He shook his head again. “Eddie?” you asked. He shook his head again. You sighed. “Bill?” He nodded carefully.

“Bill,” he decided. You smiled and got up.

“I’ll see you in the morning Bill. My rooms just down the hall, first door on the right. K?” He nodded. You smiled at him and turned to walk to your room.

It was pretty late and you were already pretty tired so you decided to go lights out and crawled into your bed, closing your eyes again. Your mind wandered to the man just a few doors down from you and where he had come from. Maybe he really was just lost. Maybe, he knew exactly what was going on in this town.

That’s it.

You fell asleep.

---

When you woke up you were suddenly very aware of a presence in the room. When you saw the tall figure you screamed, scared out of your mind for a moment until you realized who it was.

“Bill, it’s-” You glanced at the clock by your bed that lit up a shining green time “3:30 hon, what do you need?” you asked, wiping the sleep from your eyes. He pointed out the room and you squinted at him in confusion.

“The door,” he whispered. You got up, throwing your bed covers off you and hissed at the coldness of your hardwood floor. You walked past him and to the door. Someone was knocking on it. At 3:30am. You turned back to Bill who was just behind you, following you closer than your shadow. You tried to look through the peephole and saw nothing, the darkness of the world masking whoever was out there. The knock came back, harder and faster this time and you jumped back, bumping into Bill who caught you by the shoulder before you could knock the both of you over. You mouthed thank you and turned back to the door, hand shaking on the knob. When you twisted it and swung the door open you took a deep breath, grabbing Bill’s arm tightly in fear. The door opened and a women stood there. She looked past you and at Bill, seemingly relieved to find him here. She was older than anyone you knew personally.

“I’m gonna have to take him with me miss,” she said. No hello, no how are you, just stating she needed to take this grown man with her. Bill didn’t protest really but he didn’t move your hand off his arm.

“Who are you?” you asked defensively. She sighed, not expecting you to ask her a question.

“Theresa Porter.” The new warden up at Shawshank, your mind told you. You stepped in front of Bill.

“He was released from that place which you wrongly held him in in the first place, so unless you plan on charging him for something he’s not going anywhere,” you protested. She wasn’t the police she couldn’t charge him for anything but you never know. Bill eyed you suspiciously, you could feel it on you but you didn’t look over at him. Theresa Porter sighed.

“Can I speak with you alone Miss.Y/L/N?” she asked. You glanced at Bill who shook his head softly.

“Anything you need to say to me can be said in front of the man we’re discussing,” you argued. She sighed.

“He doesn’t know anyone Miss.Y/L/N. He’s better under our care up there,” she spoke. Bill watched her.

“He knows me. And Henry Deaver and Molly Strand. He isn’t alone up here Miss. Please just leave him alone,” you reasoned. She sighed and looked at you with soft eyes. She didn’t seem to want to fight you about this and in a way she looked almost, sorry for you?

“Okay. Here’s my card. We’ll take him when you want to get rid of him,” she said, handing you a small plastic card. You took it and shut the door, throwing the card on the table as you turned around.

“Won’t be needing that. You okay? Do you know why she wanted you?” Bill shook his head carefully but was still eyeing you.

“Why?” he asked softly. You furrowed your eyebrows.

“Why what?”

“Why keep me?” he asked. You laughed a little.

“You’re a human being Bill. You don’t get to be ‘kept’. You get to be free and if you wanna be kept then you ask a girl k? Don’t worry about it she’s a creep anyway.” Bill smiled at you and you smiled right back. You then yawned and rubbed your eyes. You were so tired. So so tired.

“Go to sleep,” Bill whispered. You shook your head and sat on the living room couch.

“Not yet I have to make sure she leaves. You never know with the workers up there..” you trailed off. Bill sat beside you, stiff and lanky.

“Sleep is good for you,” he protested. You rolled your eyes but then yawned, only adding to his idea of sleep. You sighed and grabbed the blanket that Bill was handing you. He smiled lightly at you as he watched your eyes shut. As he turned to leave you, you groaned. He turned and you smiled at him shyly.

“Maybe you should stay with me? You never know what those Shawshank guards will do to get you back. I think it’ll be safer,” you told him, trying to be convincing. He smiled again and walked up to you, sitting down by your legs. You watched him as he sat and you pulled up your coffee table so that he could level his legs and you put your head on his lap. He put up his legs and placed a hand on your head, rubbing your temples.

Let’s just say you fell asleep pretty fast after that.

You woke up suddenly when you heard a loud and rather violent knock on your door. You rubbed your eyes and stood, letting Bill stand up beside you. You opened the door, blanket still drawn around you to Henry.

“Hey Y/N, how’s The Kid?” he asked, slight worry in his voice. Bill walked up behind you.

“I like Y/N,” Bill told Henry. Henry grew wide wide eyed and looked at you who just shrugged, sleep still overtaking you.

“We gotta go,” Henry said, still staring at you. You shrugged and turned to Bill, a faint smile on your face.

“Do I have to?” Bill asked. You hugged Bill around his waist, to short to reach his top half.

“I’ll see you later,” you mumbled against his chest. He hugged you back.

“Promise?” he asked. You nodded and let him go.

“Promise.”

@swanky-batman

#the kid x reader #bill skarsgard x reader #castle rock #stephen king

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reesewestonarchive · 5 years

Text

chapter six / rem belongs to @forlornraven / masterpost / mature content

The van idles in the parking lot when Nakoa wakes. Rem’s nowhere to be found, until Nakoa peers out the window of the motel room and sees him setting their bags in the back, a cigarette stuck out of his lips.

Nakoa pulls from the window, stretches his arms above his head.

Waits for Rem to come back, and when he does, he takes one look at Nakoa and says, “You ready?”

“For /what/?” Nakoa’s ready to settle down. Get a job in some bullshit city that won’t ask his age. Rem can…

Well, maybe if he’s happy, he…

“Next leg of the trip.” He pulls the cigarette from his mouth, stubs it out on the bottom of his shoe. “You wanna get dressed?”

Right now, he wants another fucking nap.

“I’ll blow you,” Rem says, with a raise of an eyebrow, and Nakoa snorts. There’s no fucking way Rem wants to get out of here that quickly. “If we go.”

“Yeah fucking right,” Nakoa says.

But Rem steps forward and pulls Nakoa against him by the hem of his t-shirt. Tucking his fingers into the waistband of Nakoa’s pants, he says, “No. Hey.” He tugs at Nakoa’s collar, a smile tugging at his lips. Nakoa thinks about kissing him. He doesn’t. “I’m serious.”

Nakoa looks from Rem’s lips to the van outside. “Where are we going?”

“Oregon, maybe. Why not Canada? Or Mexico. Check out some of their beaches.” Rem grins. Draws Nakoa in for a kiss, and he tastes like coffee and creamer, sweet and smooth.

Like a different guy, but… fuck, Nakoa’s used to this. Rem gets freaked out by something, says a bunch of jackass shit, and Nakoa handles it poorly. It’s not like this thing between them’s easy. Nakoa doesn’t understand it himself, most of the time. Nakoa’s never wanted as much as he wants with Rem, and… that’s terrifying. To imagine the future and want someone by his side.

“What happened?” Nakoa asks, when his eyes are still closed and Rem pulls away, just slightly. “With the blood.”

Rem goes tight under Nakoa’s fingers. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Tough shit. You’re going to.” Nakoa pinches him, under the arm, and Rem yelps, scowls at him.

“Might have some prick on my tail. Don’t worry about it.”

Don’t worry about it. “You nearly beat the shit out of my dad when he hit me last year,” Nakoa says, trying to contain his frustration and failing, “but the second I want to make sure you’re okay—”

Rem pulls away. “It’s not the same. Come on, in the car. You can drive.” He flashes a smile, mischievous, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Rem.” Nakoa flattens his voice, steps backwards so Rem’s presence isn’t quite so intoxicating, so he can think through the fog in his head. “I’m serious.”

Rem sighs, runs a hand through his hair. “It’s fine. Can you calm down? I’m not some fucking damsel in distress. I can take care of myself—”

More than he had the other night, Nakoa wants to leave. Let Rem fend for himself, see where that gets him. But then, he imagines Rem lying on the side of the road, or in some dark alley next to a liquor store, and— “Why are you so afraid of this?” he asks, thinks about gesturing between the two of them, really nailing down what he’s talking about.

A dark look passes Rem’s face, before he says, “Because I don’t want you involved.” Nakoa expects him to leave—it looks like it. “You don’t need to get caught up in my bullshit anymore than I should be caught up in yours.” Nakoa wants to tell him that he likes to be, that he likes knowing Rem’s fine, that if he could help, he would. And now that it’s them against the world, two of them on the road alone, each other is all they have. But Rem doesn’t let him, says instead, “We have fun together, right?”

And any hope burns to ash in Nakoa’s chest. He tastes it on his tongue when he says, “Yeah. Fun.”

Bowie plays on the stereo in the car, and Nakoa hears it from miles away. He thinks of what Rem said in the motel room; fun. That’s what it started as; is that all it will ever become for Rem?

Desire breeds warm and heavy in Nakoa’s stomach, sated temporarily by sex, but more often Nakoa just… wants. A longing feeling when he sees Rem singing along to the radio, when Rem moans—a different one when Nakoa touches him than the one he makes when eating pancakes, but neither less arousing than the other.

The goofy grin when he teases Nakoa.

He wants. Maybe the two of them will never own property, will spend their lives on the run from Nakoa’s shithead of a father, from the people Rem hustles for money to survive, but that’s a better end than wasting away in Withervale.

Nakoa should tell him. He should find a way to say the words without scaring Rem off, to say without expectation what he wants.

But then, he wants Rem. Is it not better to have what pieces of himself Rem will offer?

“What are you doing?”

Rem’s voice is scratchy with sleep. His eyes bloodshot from a twelve hour drive, and Nakoa’s knuckles hurt from where he has been pressing against play, pause, record for two hours, listening to the radio.

Fuck. Nakoa rips off his headphones, says, “Nothing. Why?”

Rem raises an eyebrow, says, “Come on. Come to bed.”

Bed tonight is the mattress in the back of the van. Nakoa’s money sits safely in the locked glovebox, but it’s dwindling. They’re close to Oregon, now, Disney just a pipe dream, but Rem keeps pulling off to look at the wildlife. To stop in gift shops. To tug Nakoa around randomly in tourist traps.

Nakoa might revel the attention, if he thought it would lead anywhere.

In Rem’s hand hangs a bottle of whiskey, capped, but when Rem leans down to press a kiss to Nakoa’s lips, he tastes sober. Like toothpaste.

Nakoa chases Rem’s mouth with his own when he pulls away. Rem smirks. His gaze lingers on the tape recorder. “This for me?”

“Fuck off,” Nakoa says. He’d picked up the tape recorder in a pawn shop for a few bucks, one night, and a pack of blank tapes, too. He’s tossed out one shitty mixtape once already, to throw Rem off his tail, to keep him from immediately suspecting. Kind of counterintuitive—the whole point of the mixtape is so Nakoa doesn’t have to say anything—but it calms the anxiety some. That tape had a bunch of Madonna and Bon Jovi, interspersed with just enough of what Rem likes to keep him from telling Nakoa to fuck off and replace the mix with something else.

But it’s hell, finding songs for him. It’s a fucking nightmare. Nakoa has two, right now; a Queen song and a Bowie song, and it feels like the damn thing is never going to be completed. There are a million songs out there, but they’re too cheesy. Too fast, too slow, too cheap, too cliche. Whatever Nakoa’s looking for, he hasn’t found it yet.

Rem’s hand is cold in Nakoa’s, though. There’s a chill to the air, but Rem is warm when he pulls Nakoa against him, brushes his lips against Nakoa’s hair, and laughs as he says, “You need a fucking shower.”

“Rich, coming from you.” Not that Nakoa minds; or not that he can say anything about it. They both need showers, water pressure better than what by-the-hour motels have to offer. Some fucking soap.

Nakoa hums under his breath, already trying to budget out what they’ll need. He can’t.

“What are you humming?” Rem asks. His breath is warm against Nakoa’s ear, his arm a pleasant weight over Nakoa’s waist. It’s been a few days since they’ve fucked. Rem’s been going, too much, switched on too often. Nakoa jerks him off in the van, sometimes, on open stretches of road, sometimes Rem returns the favor, but Nakoa’s getting restless.

That was the beauty of Withervale, Nakoa thinks. The opportunity to do whatever the fuck they wanted, whenever. And it’s not like they couldn’t pick any town they pleased, settle in, but the call of the open road sounds like the call of a siren, to Nakoa; irresistible.

“Sounds like Queen,” Rem says.

“Good ear.”

“Mm.” Rem’s voice is already drifting. Nakoa waits until Rem’s breathing evens out, sneaks back out to where the recorder sits on the old picnic table next to the van.

It’s dawn sooner than Nakoa expects, and there’s a vicious crick in his neck that throbs and burns when he moves his head.

But, after searching through multiple tapes, through radio stations, through mixtapes… Nakoa’s finished.

He clears his throat. Hits stop on the recorder, then hesitates, his finger over the record button again. He could say it, here. Tell Rem everything he wants to say, even though words are meaningless. It’s easy to recognize that, with Rem. The amount of things that just happen, the words that fall from Rem’s mouth.

Nakoa shoves the tape in the stereo of the van, and crawls back onto the mattress. Rem’s breathing is still slow and steady.

He doesn’t move towards Nakoa in his sleep, so Nakoa does it instead. Presses himself against Rem’s side and curls against him. Nakoa breathes him in, stretches his legs, and passes out.

He wakes to Freddie Mercury singing over staticky, broken speakers, quiet, barely audible. Nakoa stretches his arms over his head, yawns, and sits up.

Rem’s behind him, hands in his lap, picking at the last few remnants of his nail polish from his nails. Nakoa makes a mental note to pick some up, if he can find any.

Nakoa watches him, for just a moment, head tilted to the side, before Rem says, “I like this one.”

His heart swells. A grin grows on his face. “Yeah?”

Rem says nothing, though. Just starts the van, puts it into gear, and drives.

Mist surrounds them, casts the road and woods in an eerie, romantic fog, and Nakoa listens as the tracks change from one to the next, discordant in genre but similar in theme.

Rem laughs when The Scorpions play, taps his fingers against the wheel, and Nakoa feels his heart sing along with the lyrics.

When the tape ends, Nakoa takes a deep breath into the silence, his breath loud in the empty space between them. Rem says nothing, seeming content in the quiet. Nakoa wants to fill the silence, somehow, but all the words feel wrong, now. The tape has already said everything he wants to say to Rem, more eloquently, more concise.

But the miles pass, and Rem says nothing. More miles pass—and he says nothing.

Nakoa resigns himself to nothing, disappointment growing in him like a wild beast, untamed and unmanageable. He bites at his fingernail. Lights a cigarette and takes two drags before he puts it back out.

Still, Rem says nothing.

So neither does Nakoa.

#road to nowhere au #my writing #zzz

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chonisbestmistake · 5 years

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A list of fanfic | blurb | imagine ideas to use for writers.

[For free!]

Okay, so i'm this part of the fandom that can't draw, write or create shit, BUT i have so many random (weird) ideas that i can't make into a real thing cuz i have no skills, so here it is, for all of you to use if you want. You can do whatever with it. The list is going to get bigger and bigger with time.

Shower [explicit]: Person A is pregnant, very horny and needs to take a shower and so Person B takes care of their wet, pregnant wife

The rescue mission: Person A is a princess(prince) and lives in a custle. Their mother is a bitch and tries to control their every move, so A decides to fucking run away. Person B is another princess(prince), who lives nearby. B steals person A from a custle trying to rescue A from their mother and they run away together to live with peasants.

The chainsaw kinda game [explicit]: Ever so a chainsaw movie? A and B wake up in a closed room and are told to fuck each other unless they dont wanna be stuck in here and die.

Child from a future: A and B hated each other from the beggining. They would get along only over one of them's dead body. But one day there's a child on A's doorstep calling them mommy and saying they are A and B's kid.

Yet another teacher/student thingy: A is a freshman at college and meets a deadly gorgeous teacher B. Everything goes great until A starts getting low marks and sarcastic comments from B. Its starting to get suspicious cuz A doesnt deserve so much hate and spitful words from anyone. Its getting worse and worse until A calls out B after class and screams 'You're in love with me, that's why you hate me so much!'

Hospital: A ends up in a hospital and is under some pills. They explore the hospital's rooms and find person B in a bed, who's 'what a surprise' under some weird pills too. They make out on a hospital bed and then there's a blank space in A's memory in the next morning. Turns out A only remembers B's beautiful space-like-eyes with big ass pupils and a whole galaxy glowing in them.

Seriously?: A and B have been in love for about 2 years. But than theres cheating and a big ass fight and crying and screaming. They havent seen each over for years now but then suddenly they see each other in a park again and B is all over A, but theres a slight difference in A's appearance and behaviour. And theres a little child right by A's side... What?

Memory chaos: A and B have been hating each other for 3 aweful years. But then A gets hit by a car and loses their memory. Turns out the only person who seems familiar is B. B feels like home and safety. But will B accept the way things turned out?

[My head's a mess, i know]

Now, I know im not the one who has so many thoughts inside and wants to see them writen on paper but has no skill. So you can add your own ideas to use for writers for free just by texting me. I'll add your name in brackets beside your idea ofc (credits!)

Dear writers, dont be shy to use this as much as you want! This is all for you. I know muse can be a bitch after all. Dont forget to give credits tho c:

#fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic ideas #imagines #for authors #for writers #for writing purposes #for free #for fun

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the-kipsabian · 5 years

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diary, pulitzer, characterization, carnegie, faulkner, record, trope ~

diary: how many pieces have you written that are just for you or will never see the light of day?its really hard to pinpoint a number with this but i know for sure that theres a few of them. both one shots and bit longer stuff that ive just written for my own personal happiness that im probably not planning on sharing cause im afraid of them not receiving the attention i feel like they deserve, so they are just for my eyes only ~

pulitzer: tell about/link a piece where you fielt your writing was the best.i know theres probably a bunch of these tbh, but if we go by recent things ive done, uuuuh. i did one thing with asagao!nate. this one. not too long ago and im honestly still very proud of that one? like, even if it was a rather quick one to write in the end, theres just. so many little sentences and things in there that i really like? the beginning for example. then theres the part that the first word natemare tells him and the last word nate himself says is the same. im just gonna leave few quotes here cause i just. really liKE THIS ONE OKAY ;;“And yet all he could think about was the amnesia light show that was eventually going to be playing in his head when the darkness was back to consume his soul once again.““It was obvious that something wanted him to stop breathing, stop living, to give up and melt into the sweet embrace of chaos and hell.”“The darkness caught him off guard, grabbing him by the hand and lead him down the path that he knew there was no return from until the damage was already done.”

characterization: describe your favorite character(s) you’ve written.i wanna say. literally any of my antagonist tbh lol. cause like. i love dark themes and angst and shit, and when you have the immoral bad guys that let you play around with that and then some murder and you get to. dig into their minds for what makes them so fucked up its just. aaaaaaaa i am wEAK. ..and that probably a really bad thing to say but i dont care lol. good examples of this i feel like are especially amber and sebastian? probably alex tho hes. a whole different ridiculous thing but yeah. i mean i love writing so many different kind of characters i just. love everyone lol. but murder children are my absolute weakness

carnegie: what authors and/or books/stories have inspired you to write or influenced your work?so. my answer to this isnt going to actually have any authors in it lol. cause i look up to different people in different mediums that include storytelling tho. like. okay the big one is probably the game alan wake? cause its like. basically what inspired the trilogy in the very beginning (and honestly still continues to do so, i love that game so much aaaAAA). and alongside with that eventually came poets of the fall, that i frequently use as a background music and their lyrics are ever so inspiring with things and fitting for characters tho?i love hideo kojima and metal gear is my favorite game series of all time, hence why i like fucked up too complex plots with way too many twists lolim also a sucker for sweet angst/drama relationship stuff with plot twists which i got into when i was younger through the works of arina tanemuraanddddd idk how this exactly counts here but im gonna include him anyways, cause my main man dan avidan was the person that inspired me to finish the first draft of silence kills when i was ready to give up on it, so like uuuuh. i think thats a pretty big thing here lol

faulkner: what tropes do you LOVE writing? which ones are your guilty pleasure?im a slut for literally any type of aus and thats not a secret to anyone lol. ‘childhood friends with secret feelings for each other’ is one i absolutely love. anything with soulmates. ZOMBIE AU cause i hate happiness lmao. uuuuuuuh. shit im sure theres like a shit ton more but my brain is so blank now that i have to answer to this hahhaaaa but yeah theres a few ~

record: have you written things based off of songs? do you like to?i have a few times. i dont know if any of them are any good anymore, but i have done some stuff that was based on songs. at one point i did a few inspired by nate’s stuff like way back when at least, that much i can remember for sure lol

trope: what’s a pet peeve you have about writing?im going to assume this mean about my own writing? tho just in general i hate it how much time it takes and yet people insist that ‘lol writing is easy’ and its just. its really not um fuck you?but as far as my peeves about my own things go, i. hate it that i dont trust my readers enough to read between the lines hngg. i have a mighty need to figure out something excessively impressive and then i go out on my way to explain it to the readers in authors notes or tags or whatever cause i dont want them to miss it and thats such a shitty thing to do cause you should never underestimate your readers catching on to things hngggg. im trying to better myself i swearalso honestly? i made. way too ridiculous and complex storylines. like holy shit dude chill the fuck out, not everything needs to be that hard to understand??and just in general im an asshole. ..to my characters, for the most part, cause i love angst, but yeah ;;

writing asks!

#..really tho go read that nate piece i love it lmao #it needs. more notes. cause im proud of it so mmmMMMMM #anyways yep heeeere you go woo ~#ss-trashboat #thank you for asking! <3

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pinkyoath · 6 years

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i come from school, feeling... alright. its not like it was the best school day ever but it went pretty good, im not gonna complain about it. blank comes up to me n starts telling me that i should participate more in parties, that they really want me to go n have some fun. i just led on the conversation n told her i would think about it, yet i have no idea if i really meant those words i said. ive been thinking about it lately, to just open up a bit n get out there but at the same time i just feel like its a weird thing to actually do n im still not sure if i wanna take that step rn. anyways omw home i started thinking about it n i wondered if i really should tell my parent about this. since i tell them pretty much everything that happens at school i guess i didnt see nothing bad w telling them about it. i was first not gonna talk about it. i had planned that i was gonna keep it to myself n if a party came up i would say that i had gone bc of oomf that is gonna be there, that probably will be true, next time it happens. but i have no idea what came up to me when i started talking to them, i just felt such a burden on my shoulders n i felt the need of telling them, even though i hadnt even done shit? idk. i told them n they didnt react negatively, as such. they just told me that if i went to one of those parties i would have to take a lot of care n all that basic shit talk they do. agreeing w her, of course i wouldnt do anything they told me not to do. im not that type anyways. time passes by, probs 15 mins max, or even less, n they tell me that the dog needs a shower. i felt pretty good so i decided to take him to shower. when i was drying the dog they came n started arguing that we didnt have blank n we needed it, ofc, for a meal. i remembered using 3 of them previous night but they kept on ranting about that there were 9 left if so n how they just "disappeared" if nobody used them. i told them that i hadnt been eating any lately, blank came up n said they hadnt eaten any lately, which made no sense since theyre LITERALLY the only ones that it blank on the daily. i guess they just decided to bail on this issue n pretend they didnt do shit to get the blame. of course. thats one of the things that annoy me most of the time. they never own up to their things n if they dont have the balls to actually confront my parent then they act as if nothing happened. obviously making it look like i am the one that did it. which annoys me, as i implied. i volunteered to go n buy some, i felt generous n i thought it would maybe make my parent feel a bit better today after all the shit they have made us go through today. i went out, bought some blank, came back n blank looks at me n i knew what was happening. they were still complaining about shit. i came in, put the blank on the kitchen counter n went to my room to put on some comfy clothes to wear at home before i did anything else. then my parent decided to annoy me since i just came. i hadnt even had my fresh air for max 15 mins when they came up to me n started complaining about the shit i left after showering the dog. dude. i shower the dog for u, i go out to buy some blank for the meal, i couldve SKIPPED all that shit, done it tomorrow or whatever n all u have to say to me is "look at all the shit u left here" n started messing things around. i hadnt even put on my HOME CLOTHES n i told them that, but they insisted that it didnt matter. that i should be more organized n shit. long story short, they tell us that we are gonna end up like these people here. no offense but i dont want to. that we will end up being alcoholics, drugs addicts, whatever the fuck, not be successful or shit bc of the way of our living. im not saying being successful means happiness but dude. we are 14 n 17 n im pretty sure we have a whole fucking life ahead of us. we are just starting this fucking life n u dont have to be so harsh on us. i get it u wanna complain but it can get mentally tiring. it can fuck u up in many other ways too, theres a limit line man. i just have no idea if i can trust her w what i told her today if they keep on talking that we are gonna end up like alcoholics. i was so close to fucking crying today. it has been tiring already. i want to sleep.

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hayle64 · 6 years

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“will i get to see you again”, if you keep running your hands through my hair everytime i look away, i wouldnt mind making you a ride to go somewhere other than home. *she blushes*, if only you knew i’ll be leaving soon. being here was me trying to make up for time that seemed i was ignoring. a million things i could say in this moment, but all i ended up doin was placing my hands on her high waist jeans cause i miss the fuckn friction between the fingers. looking at me like youre thinking i wouldnt stop him if he kissed me. if i kissed her there’d be no turning back. things i’ve written, it goes without question she doesnt understand if these lips of ours met im touching more than her attractive shape in these dark blues. always thinking about your last call. on your timeline, me mentioning how i wish it was you i was eating under this table while you sit across from me at that table. whenever im away she's waking up to long messages that should be just baby good mornin (hope you love some nasty wit ya coffee cake, get back under those covers). fearing what this could be, i know you’ll too eventually hit me with “this doesnt feel rite”. lights forever low, im blind to all her friends around. removing her phone from her back pocket just because i feel it’s more fitting if my hand was the thing putting pressure on her ass pocket. “i know you talk to other girls, but i dont care”, if she gets dramatic, ruins the thoughts im making of her, i’ll get with some action, put this hand somewhere where more than just some friends will wanna make a judgey opinion. telling myself not to do too much, so i say to her how about you point to who you came here with so i can show them why im the one you should leave here with. promise the ride to wherever i’ll have one grip fighting the steering wheel and the other playing in your thighs. jungle by drake instrumental through the speakers so theres alotta bass once you tell me youre about to cum. she looks away from me, blushes even harder than before. im horrible with words, hope she can look pass that. im better with communicating through affection. eyes lookn on nothin but her, my touch focused on being only against her skin (she so soft, i cant complain, life good). dont do too much, yet im finding my heads between her neck and shoulder, whispering in her ear, “tonight nothing should come between us”. me reaching underneath her black laced shirt was the closet thing to privacy given. i know this looks wrong, but i’ll softly kiss her in any place she wants until it feels rite. a poor mans love is what im am. a love that once you fully have feels impossible to lose. i may have to leave for while soon, but if i look away and you start to run your hands through my hair i may ask if i can stay here next to you. “ivy... ivy”, why am i always drifting off. “ivy? *she smiles and said what your thinking about. unable to speak, i bite my lower lip just to wet it alil. making this some real face to face i take my time to lean in. she didnt need the answer, i see her eyes getting lower with my approach. head still all over the place, our lips begin to meet. i know she feels safe by the way im now feeling her grab onto the side of my waist. my mind in ashes, is this only natural. i wanna feel more, i hate this innocent feeling im kissing her like its my first time by that mailbox(i aint nervous here).. so i put my tongue between her lips to a place it rite against hers. sliding it in back n forth, somewhat like my dick would if she decides to show me how she lays on her back, widely spreading her legs apart. i havent had sex in a long time, aye i know ima be even worst than i once was. forgetting that she’s still a sensitive girl in certain places, i hope you look at me with hate when i skip the whole take it slow with the stroke.. blanking out, not sure how long we been kissing. she stops to breath alil, i can tell she’s nothin like me. the look in her eyes warm n’ sweet, i can see she wouldnt hurt me. mines something different i need no mirror to know im staring at her witta clench jaw. i can feel my eyes looking her up and down like im broken and in need fora cute filthy bitch to fuck me until im better. she not mines but im determine to make her glare at this body with extreme passion. is it too much i want you to honestly look at me witta scary mediated calm in the darkest parts of your eyes. make your body language tell me to fuck you like im tryna win your back (i know, i know. im doing it again, im all in my head again). i feel her, she’s rubbing the side of my waist, smiling off at nothing, maybe somebody knowing. time being wasted i didnt put my tongue in her mouth to make us stand here like we’re a cute couple. so i slide my hand higher than before up her shirt, just enough to make her look up at me. probably the only thing this night i’ve said nicely, “kiss me again, dont make me keep waiting”. this time she’s kissing me faster, but fuckn stops with “ivy your hands are cold”. signs i took to run them up into what felt like was expensive lingerie. my palms massaging her breast, nipples, answering close to her ear “make em warm than. aye, take my hand and make me touch the warmest part of your body until i feel as warm as you”. she cant control not showing me a sample of where i could take her moan. “i.i.i.”, my mouth wet with her stuttering my name. if she was made for me she would've hide in front of my body, unbutton the dinems to took my hand to put them in her pussy (but fuckit) (passing out so hard i need a rice bowl, a bag of skittles)

#some to fall asleep to #draft #fuck typos

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leonmckennedy · 7 years

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me: im gonna write out this scene from a future fic that i cant get out of my head. it’ll be quick, its fine

me, 1400 words later: fuck

contains: prompto | noctis + a smooch or two. it’s like, brotherhood esque

theres a ref here to this one fic which is like, the best fic ive ever read

by the time the credits start to roll, prompto has nearly forgotten they were even watching a movie. prompto had made some offhand comment, something about a chocobo that was present in an earlier scene, and that caused noctis to snort and say something snarly, and that sparked the sudden conversation they’re having now.

the movie itself is of no consequence; it’s a mediocre movie they’ve seen many, many times together that it was only really on due to how familiar it was — and there’s some voice in prompto, something equally anxious and excited, that’s amazed he’s such friends with the crown prince now that they have a comfort movie— so, really, the movie managing to run it’s course while they argue about the sizes of monsters isn’t special at all.

unlike prompto, who’s all wild gestures and noises, noctis is rather still when he talks. it’s probably because of his seemingly perpetual drowsiness, with the current late time undoubtedly feeding into it. where noctis was facing him before, making faces at prompto and laughing whenever he said something particularly outlandish, now he’s leaning heavily into prompto’s side, head falling to land on the blond’s shoulder.

for a moment, prompto can only think of how warm noctis is.

“...i don’t get you at all,” noct says, voice amused even though he sounds like he’s suppressing a yawn. “i mean, you’re usually wrong about stuff like this, but never this wrong.”

prompto manages a huff. “i’m offended. a behemoth sized chocobo wouldn’t be scary at all. in fact, the bigger the bird, the more to love.”

“okay yeah, but we were talking about fighting. and i can guarantee you wouldn’t want to fight a chocobo the size of a behemoth.”

“dude. a giant chocobo could crush me with their giant feet and i’d thank them, probably.”

noctis laughs, a low chuckle that prompto can feel rumble through his body. noct moves, probably intending to push him or something equally terrible, but doesn’t seem to have the energy for it. instead he ends up shifting, depositing more of his weight into prompto’s side instead. prompto feels… well, he isn’t sure how to feel about it yet, besides of it being nice.

“alright, so let me make sure i got this right: you’d rather face a behemoth-sized chocobo, than a chocobo-sized behemoth, because you’re certain you’ll manage train the giant chocobo to not kill you.”

“having a giant pet chocobo is my new dream.”

“you’re so dumb, prom.”

prompto starts to say something in response but noctis shifts again, reaching for one of the blankets that became disheveled in their argument, and prompto ends up just… watching. he notices belatedly that the credits have completely finished rolling and the screen is blank now, the screen defaulting to the movie’s menu. so it’s late, and it’s quiet — thus, a certain type of hush falls over them. it’s something warm and comforting, not unlike the blanket that noctis proceeds to bundle around the both of them. all ridiculous conversations aside, it’s been a great night. no class tomorrow, homework either finished or left for another day when it’s more urgent.

right now it’s just them, and while prompto sits there in a deep silence slightly uncharacteristic for him, he lets it wash over him. he’s probably never been this content in his life. if noctis would look at him now, he’d probably see the dopest smile of prompto’s face, and then prompto would have to be forced to joke off his friend’s teasing. as it is, however, noctis is looking away, eyes half open and staring blankly at a spot on the blanket. his face is obscured a bit by his hair — because his fringe is growing, because prompto can’t remember the last time noctis has gotten his hair cut at all — so prompto can’t see his expression. but his hands are gripping the blankets, and he’s still besides the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes.

unbidden, the thought that noctis is really cute passes through. prompto doesn’t ignore it, per se, but he tries his damndest to squash the urge to grab his camera and snap a shot.

they continue in comfortable silence for a bit. prompto is ready to ask noctis if he’s fallen asleep already when the prince speaks himself. “hey… prompto.”

“yah?”

noctis opens his mouth but then closes it again, exhaling through his nose. prompto can feel the action. can feel it, clearly, when noct turns his head to bury his face in prompto’s neck, breathes against his skin. prompto bites back a surprised gasp, swallows hard.

“noct…?”

“sorry,” noctis says, doesn't move. “you’re just…. warm. it’s nice.”

funny, it’s what prompto has been thinking this whole time. noctis is so warm and calm by his side, prompto thinks that they could fall asleep like this. together, bundled up, with each other. it makes prompto’s stomach flutter.

“you’re just trying to use me as a pillow, aren’t you?”

“maybe.” the word is nothing but a breath against prompto’s skin. prompto shivers slightly. “maybe not a pillow but….something.”

something?

“you’re just the snuggle monster tonight, then.”

noctis shakes his head slightly and looks up at him then, completely and fully. their faces are close, and noctis’ sleepy blues have a particular shine to them. prompto swallows again and noctis follows the bob of his throat, watches his jaw, trails back up to prompto’s lips. like a built in response prompto darts his tongue out to lick them and noctis watches that too, copies the action himself.

“prom.”

“yeah?”

“kiss me?”

it sounds like a suggestion, a question, and a command all at once. there’s a bit in his mind that, while chugging to process what’s happening, asks how this is possible. is this what their relationship is? was? a split second, spent watching the anticipation in noctis’ eyes, isn’t enough to find a suitable conclusion; or any, really, that wouldn't make him scream in embarrassment. however that voice inside that screams at him, that bit that’s half anxiety and half bad decision making, nags at the edge of his self-restraint and then he’s nodding, a slightly jerky movement.

noctis leans in, and prompto meets him halfway. it’s a pretty chaste kiss, probably lasts not even five seconds. noct’s lips are soft, and when they part noctis is looking at his, head tilted as if to consider them.

the nerves start to tug at prompto almost immediately and he laughs, pitch a little higher than he’d like. “h-how was that?”

noctis blinks. “good.” and then: “one more?”

prompto nods, a little too quickly, and leans in again. the second kiss last twice as long, still pretty chaste. prompto’s hands, slightly shaky, has found themselves on noctis’ arms, holding firmly. his lips move against noctis’ and he’s suddenly not thinking much at all. soft. warm.

noctis pulls away first with a strange sound, and prompto shakes, opens his mouth to start stumbling out an apology because wow, maybe he managed to mess something up, but noctis places a hand over his. shaking his head, noctis simply settles back against prompto’s shoulder, face slightly buried. they fall into silence again, just for a moment.

“was… was that good?”

noctis doesn’t answer immediately. he closes his eyes, breathes in, out. “it was.”

prompto feels heat in his head, shakes it slightly as if that could help clear his thoughts. everything feels so warm it’s almost smothering. “do you wanna do that again? i mean, i wouldn’t be mad if you did. wanna kiss, that is. again.”

noctis shakes his head against prompto’s neck and prompto feels his stomach begin to drop. it’s like a weight suddenly sliding down his chest with the sudden fear. he’s going to lose something, something soft and decidedly lazy that he didn't think was even an option until just now and he tries to quell the disappointment. noctis, as if sensing his distress, grabs his hand and holds it firmly. in a moment he’s lying fully on prompto, eyes closed, and his uncontrollable yawn soothes prompto’s nerves. or maybe it’s just from the way he rubs his thumb against prompto’s fingers, back and forth, soft.

“i just… wanna sleep, now…”

“oh. bedtime?”

noct yawns again, muffled against the blanket and his friend’s shoulder. “bedtime.”

though prompto is sure sleeping in a position like this will just cause him embarrassment and a terrible crick in the neck by morning, he let’s it happen. he doesn’t hazard getting up to find the television remote, or another blanket, or any other excuse he would try to think of any other day. noctis, asleep almost instantly after his declaration, is a solid weight against him, warm. comforting. and with the light of the television, blue and almost humming against the otherwise dark room, lures him to sleep.

#ffxv #final fantasy xv #promptis #prompto argentum #noctis lucis caelum #fanfic #it's part of my duscae au #and honestly by the time i get to writing it it will probably go down much differently than this #or something

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jonghyyn · 7 years

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iyo when you write non-straight characters should you specify their sexuality/gender? I mean I'm personally a very 'not into labels at all' person for my own sexuality but support ppl who do find comfort in labels. but when I write I also tend to go toward the 'he just loves who he loves !!!' that sounded stupid but idk how to explain it.. so... like I was wondering why you feel strongly about explicitly stating someone's queerness instead of it being implied (at least u come off as that sorta)

i do definitely feel like that so!! i happen to have a lot of feelings about this so get ready for a Long Ramble. this is a precaution before ive even started typing i just know im gonna write a lot

i think before we start saying anything, we’ve got to acknowledge the difference between people who say that they dont like labels, and writing characters who Don’t Like Labels™. pointing out the problems of the latter is not a condemnation of the former. if someone rly doesnt feel like labeling their sexuality or gender, thats totally alright. the difference between these two is the person is a nuanced, multifaceted human being who may have lots of personal reasons for feeling that way, while the second is a fictional character that is Created and informed by cultural views of the creator. a person is not “created” by one single author and characters arent like…real living agents that have their Own Free Will, they are what their creators make of them. anyway i just feel like this is a rly important distinction that gets lost often!! i’m also more willing to look favorably on someone who self describes that way writing characters based on their own experiences, bc this perspective is inherently different from a straight person writing these sorts of characters. but moving on.

whats also important to understand, beyond writing characters, is how being openly not straight is shunned. queer people are not allowed to Exist as openly queer and they have not been allowed historically. even these days among people who consider themselves progressive, you’ll often hear that “its alright if someone is gay but do they have to shove it in my face all the time.” this attitude isnt somehow formed in vacuum, but created in a society that treats been openly queer as a taboo. we aren’t allowed to be open about our sexualities the way straight people are. we can’t acknowledge that we’re queer lest someone tells us to Stop Shoving It In Their Face (not missing the irony as we’re surrounded by 400 billboards of hetero couples everywhere). i dont wan’t to delve into other aspects of discrimination and get too off track here, i just want to focus on how being Openly queer is treated as a taboo, particularly among people who still want to call themselves ‘accepting.’ the only way society allows queer people to exist is if they never remind anyone, Ever that they are not straight.

this is Integral to understanding why the i Don’t Like Labels characters are so frustrating. the unwillingness to Explicitly talk about queer people carries over quite handily to media. the same faux progressive people that demand queer people never talk about being queer bc its Too Much Information, will praise queer coded characters that hint at their sexuality but never confirm it. the reason these characters are written is not to genuinely explore why someone might feel uncomfortable with applying labels to themselves, but to appease people who will accept queerness as long as they never have to acknowledge it. this way, u can court queer people interested in representation And people who might like the story but will be uncomfortable with explicit queerness. its an attempt for writers to cash in on peoples desires for interesting queer characters without ever actually fully committing to representing them. you dont get to claim to support queer people if ur also out there providing comfort for peoples homophobia. you cant have a foot in both doors.

describing queer experiences without calling them queer means that youre okay with this story as long as u dont acknowledge it as something Explicitly not straight and like…why?? why is it suddenly not okay when u take that bundle of experiences and use the word that theyre defining?? theres Weight behind using words like bi, gay, lesbian and if u reject them are u Really okay with lgbtq people? or are you okay with them Despite the fact that theyre lgbtq and not because you take into account theyre lgbtq. acceptance is not tolerating people Despite something, its acknowledging it and validating it as an okay thing to be. especially when it is something that historically Not been validated as okay. dismantling structural systems of queerphobia does not go about by ignoring queerphobia…shit this doesnt just fade away by chance, it takes active work. and part of this active work is Acknowledging Peoples Queerness As Something that is okay Out In The Open. the You in this isnt directed at you anon, just people who have these sentiments.

throwing vague statements like ‘they just love who they love’ Also creates this level of ambiguity. you might say “well why do u need the certainty when ur describing what is at the very least, something obviously very not straight” and to that i say youd be fucking surprised at how goddamn hard straight people will try to erase the queerness out of a character. like i’m going to use a game called life is strange as a example. i’ll give some background: in the game, the main character max can romance both chloe and warren. note that max is not one of those blank state wholly customisable bioware-esque player characters, she has a personality outside of the choices u make. anyway, the conclusion that is Logically drawn from this is that she is most likely bisexual. or at the very least in some way, not straight. and Yet i have seen discussions that say “she doesnt have a set sexuality it just depends on the playthrough so shes not rly a Queer Character.” even more than that, ive seen people that saw “well even in the chloe one shes not necessarily gay or bi maybe shes just Making an Exception for chloe bc their relationship transcends sexuality” and like ??? Why??? why cant she just be bi?? even when given a queer romance, why do u try and interpret it in a way that sets her up as straight?? ive seen people say “its not a romance its just something that Transcends Words” as if this is… mutually exclusive from being a romance. like… Why doesnt this happen when hetero relationships are depicted?? ive literally never seen someone say “u know, maybe hes not attracted to women and just Making an Exception so hes not straight” why dont u see people try to erase the romance aspect out of hetero romances by claiming their relationship is “Beyond Words.” this treatment is 1000% only ever afforded to queer characters. this attempt to play off romance as not rly romantic is only done to queer characters, even if its done subconsciously. people will Refuse to accept a character is queer as fuck if you dodge around it, because heteronormativity is so ingrained in every interaction that even obviously queer characters get filtered through this lens. the problem with this isnt necessarily apparent until u look at it within historical context, where queer people are repeatedly not allowed to be openly queer. these arent isolated incidents, but manifestations of the idea that queer people shouldnt ever be open about their sexuality. youve got to tackle the discomfort that people have with words like gay/lesbian/bi/etc

i think this particular character trope wouldnt bother me so much if it wasnt like… the only narrative ever present. time and time again, i have to see characters proclaim that they dont like labels while never once even hearing people breathe the word bisexual. if it existed alongside characters who were explicitly queer it would be less frustrating But its literally one of the few ways (semi positive attempts at least) queer characters are ever portrayed. this is particularly true for bisexual characters lmao like… yes…theres people who dont like labels…but theres also millions of bi people that just wanna see a fucking bi character Talk about being bi and all we ever get is a vague “i dont like labels” (that is often never explored further than that and treated as a throwaway line anyway). is creating characters who say that a genuine attempt to characterize someones struggles with labels or is it just a way to avoid saying the word Bisexual.

same with queer romance in media. its only ever Okay if u just hint at it- see dumbledore being gay. see- the korrasami thing (though i dont fault the writers for this bc they pushed hard for what they got, its issues with the network). why are queer people relegated to drawn out stares that May imply something while straight characters are allowed to get into explicit relationships. when u create ambiguous characters that May be interpreted as straight (even if youve really gotta stretch) ur prefer to maintain the negative “neutral” of the heteronormative status quo and allow homophobes to live with their views unchallenged more than u care about addressing queerness in characters.

its not a coincidence that we dont do this to straight romance or straight characters. this is particularly important for queer kids!! its good to see queer characters out there being openly queer. while me and u can often pick up on queer themes and narratives, a 8 year old is not going to get that. especially when theyve been conditioned to see straight romance as the only feasible choice. they wont realize the character youre writing is gay or bi or whatever Because they havent been exposed to the connotations we associate w certain phrases. its so important for queer kids to see queer characters Owning that theyre queer. its especially importantly to normalize words like gay or bi or pan. being gay is often Extremely hypersexualized (which is why so many people will tell u they dont care what u do in the bedroom bc they can only picture queerness is a sexual context) so when u Dont treat these words as things only adults can say, u help get rid of the stigma surrounding them. u help remove the idea that being queer is inappropriate for kids to hear about and that the only possible aspect to being queer is sexual.

anyway this has been Quite the Ramble but the point is that yes, we need to write more characters who are absolutely explicit about their sexuality and move away from the expectation that queer people need to create euphemisms to comfort homophobes desires to never hear about queerness.

#LONG POST #VERY LONG POST #man...u rly got me going #theres a lot of reasons why labels are important in the first place but man this is truly long enough as this is #i hope i didnt get too rambly and my point still stands i try to stop myself from going off on tangents #anon #ask

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decadenttimetravelmentality-blog · 6 years

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Can you get life insurance on a non-relative?

"Can you get life insurance on a non-relative?

I am legally still considered a minor child, although I am 16. My parents are divorced and I live with my Mom in Georgia. My natural father is dying of cancer, and lives in Illinois. Is it possible to get a life insurance policy with me as the benefactor even if me and my father live in 2 different states? Technically my Mom & Dad are divorced and she would not be able to get a life insurance on him on her own, as she is a non-relative. But I am his only son, so couldn't I get one on him? Even though by law children cannot legally engage in any sort of contract.

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Web site to get insurance quotes?

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hi im Robert, im From the MD NJ NY areas. lived mostly In Maryland and central New Jersey my life im 19 i lived in florida for a little over a year. wanted to stay but the Economy has done its toll on me and my bank account & Loosing a job there but back in MD i have a new job and also an opportunity to work out of the Baltimore Office or the Freehold NJ Office. i know when my father had an Courier delivery company he paid Alott and out raged prices to insure his trucks. and even paid 950 a month for one car in staten island NY. which was the place we lived for time. but anyways. i have a chevrolet G2500 Express Cargo Van that i do nothing really but commute and put tools in for side work and remove trash and stuff. and take on road trips because i can turn it in to a RV within 30 minutes and hook up a genertor. its pretty cool. but thats in-material, so anyways. i don't want to Pay through the Nose for Common/Average Car/Truck insurance Any Answers or suggestions will be glady Appreciated! Thank You!""

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i'm turning 16 soon. Getting my intermediate license, then six months later i'll get my real license. I've been looking at Jeep Wranglers, but i've decided I need something that gets a little better gas milage. So now i've really come to like Jeep Grand Cherokee's. The price of the Jeep isn't a problem, I can pay for the gas too. But the insurance is another. Does anyone have any clue how much insurance might be? I think my mom is with progressive if it matters. Thanks in advance!""

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Hello, I'm 17 years old, i have just passed my car test. I have a 1litre vauxhall corsa, 3doors, which is meant to be a very low insurance group, I just wondered if anyone knows of a cheap insurance company? Or any good ways of getting cheap insurance for a couple of years until I get a full time job - like named driver or something? The best quote i have so far is 2100 for a year. Thanks.""

""First car what should i get for like a money saver at the pump, and any ways to save money on insurance =]?

im turning 16 in a couple months and I will be getting a 7$ and hour job so I wanna know how much to save up=]

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/auto-insurance-quotes-from-several-sources-william-burns/"

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200dumplings-blog · 7 years

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Commentator

Commentator Bong

August 11th 11.42PM

I watched about 3 movies on the plane. I don’t know if you like musicals, I once watched Mama Mia when I was in China and it was pretty good.

I've watched it in Korea once, it was good! I don’t know if your high school ever made you watch plays like The Importance of Being Earnest, mine did and I always loved watching plays and musicals. Mine didn't haha

I was thinking about asking to see Jersey Boys, it’s broadway, and Lauren from the lab told me it was really good. There is also this cool movie about Van Gogh that is coming in November. Essentially it took many artists a long time to paint all the frames of the movies using the exact same style and most of the paintings are based on the masterpieces of Van Gogh’s. The storyline is Van Gogh’s life in France. I watched the trailer and it was so breathtaking I could fucking cry. I don’t think they will play the movies in the mainstream theatres, it’s more of an exhibition I guess. But it will be played in Toronto in November, and also in LA.

Unfortunately, I will just miss the movie by a week according to my travel plan, you said you’re going to LA right, when was it? but I might change my flight and hotel bookings. I don’t know if it is worth me to pay more money if I’m going with Boxin. Honestly, I don’t even know what I’m gonna do with her lol. Well maybe you guys can still have a good time. Or you can just go and do separate things, travelling alone is a pretty good experience! If you end up liking me back, maybe I will ditch her and we can go watch the movie together haha. Then I kept on thinking what else I wanna do with you(no sexual pun intended), and I was stunned that I actually wanna do so many things with you hahaha. Maybe I’m more passionate about the idea that I like you than the event itself, so I don’t care too much about the entire hurting and getting hurt thing. I think… maybe you should watch out for your feelings more.. I know you said you don’t care and I understand that I’ve been there trust me lol I really feel bad I can’t give back the care and attention..

I always ponder the words you’ve said and the way you said them. I know that people, in most cases, will eventually lose sparks and the chemistry will die out as the catalyst runs out and molecules stop moving fast enough to collide. You’re so nerdy its cute hahah. Contradictorily, I also have some hope in love for a long long time. It could be the example my grandparents set for me, or that I read The Little Prince too many times. I just watched the movie a few hours ago, and I think I cried in my heart a little haha. It is one of my favourite books. What I like the most about the book is the deep talk about “taming” the fox and the little prince had. It is certainly true that we will meet so many great people in our lives, and we will fall for them, maybe full heartedly or maybe less. They are all people to us, just like all the roses in the garden on earth are the same species as the rose on asteroid B-162. HOWEVER, if you chose to tame or be tamed by your little prince or your fox, then everything is different. We might part at some point, but the memories we had were eternal. To me that is beautiful. That’s a beautiful thought :)

So my neighbours on the plane are a very old couple, and it’s their first few times flying. I tried to take really good care of them and escorted the lady to the bathroom. It was kinda hard because they speak this strange northern dialect, and I’m from the south. I used to dislike people who can’t help themselves lol…. but now I have more empathy. You’re so nice ;D

I’ve done a very good job keeping your watch at my body temperature haha, I fell asleep holding it. I’m so scared to lose it already because I can only hold it in my palm. Maybe I will tell you that I lost it and keep it with me. By the way you haven’t given me your lighter yet. Strange enough I stopped smoking after last Friday. I’m not addicted but I do smoke one cigarette once a week. I guess now I’m more addicted to you and you’re much more powerful and pleasing than nicotine.

Yeah its not good for you… don’t smoke if you can help it haha, also my lighter is nothing special at all lol i don’t even use is much. I’ve also been wearing ur watch haha even tho its hella big lol

I’m right above NK right now lol….. I used to be sort of a nationalist when I was in middle school. I low key disliked Japan and Korea a bit maybe, I don’t remember exactly, or I choose not to. Now I think the extreme thoughts people have on whatever topic are caused by ignorance. If we listen better and actually try to work on resolving conflicts, this world will be a better place. Ignorance is a fucking sin, don’t ever think it’s ok to be ignorant. Critical thinking is key and that’s what UBC science has taught me so far. Yeah I had the same feelings with China and Japan haha its just our upbringing. I don’t like stereotyping people but sometimes theres a lot of truth to those stereotypes because of culture and stuff so its hard to ignore.

Coincidentally I did the overnight letter writing thing again hahaha, it’s becoming a habit. If I do this for long enough maybe I can shoot a movie of this or publish a collection of letters. You will get to name the movie/book.

I’m landing in about three hours, and you will be asleep by then. I don’t think you can hear me but I wished you goodnight. I assume that you] have seen Truman’s World. Sorry I haven’t haha. I remember vaguely that he said something like “if I don’t get to see you again, I wish you good morning and goodnight for the rest of your life.” It was definitely much better worded than that haha, but that’s what I wanna tell you for the following three weeks.

I had so many questions to ask you lol and I rehearsed over and over again since Tuesday, but my brain went blank when I saw you. This always happens haha, that’s why I always rehearse before I meet someone I care about. I might talk to myself a bit too much. Sometimes I picture the the next time seeing you, picture how you smile, how you touch your hair, how you play with your rings on your left thumb, right index finger and right ring finger, and how you tilt your head when you get a bit shy. My god, you’re so observant haha. I feel terrible that i can’t reciprocate these attentions and feelings to you. I think you’re so caring and wonderful but like you know, I can’t control how I feel about things. Its amazing to be loved and cared for and be told im beautiful, it rly makes me happy but also i feel bad. Its very selfish of me but I prefer liking someone over being liked… I guess i’m also kinda like you and not afraid to get hurt at times. But it amazes me how you can express your feelings like that, I would never be able to do it even if im feeling it or thinking it. Cuz of my ego or sth lol. I think you’re rly brave.

Words fail me when I try to describe how charming you are. I’m no Sean, but I do want you. I want to hold you for a very very long time, or simply pause time. I want to kiss every inch of your beautiful skin with the most passionate tenderness, and submerge myself in your smell. And other things that I’m not gonna write down haha. Seriously, you should do arts hahaha you’re writing is beautiful.

1.05 AM

Aug 12th 5.19AM

It’s so hot in Guangzhou. I couldn’t breathe for a few seconds when I walked out of the airplane. I get the same feeling when I go to Korea in the summer haha. I forgot this feeling and kinda missed it actually. I kinda miss it too sometimes actually. The other day, it was rly hot and i felt like i was in korea kinda haha it smelled like korea if thats even possible. I got “pulled over” with my little cart that has 2 suitcases on it. Thank god they didn’t ask me to open them and there wasn’t any beeping from the scan machine. I was like phewwwwww. 🙏🏼

I told my mom about you, briefly. Idk why I said that, but somehow I felt like it was important. Haha what did she say?

She said that I should make more friends like you hahahhaha.

Summer is an odd season, half of people are falling in love, the other half are breaking up. Or maybe everyone is breaking up and then falling in love. People are always doing the same shit, looking for love and then fail, aren’t we fucking pathetic. I guess that’s why lone wolves are cool because they dare to break this cliche. I used to be cool, and then I met you. Oh well I will settle with being a little less cool. you’re still rly rly cool you know haha. I don’t think its a failure. Love is love and if it ends it ends. love doesn’t always have to be forever lasting.

Alrighttttt. Jet lag is a bitch! I’m gonna try to get some sleep because next time I wake up I will be with my siblings. I will send you a picture of the triple Yangs hahaha. I hope you miss me a little.

Btw we can always be friends hahahha no pressure

i can feel you’re innocence when i talk to you and i honsetly sometimes feel a little too jaded for you. I’m pretty honest most of the time but thats cuz the honesty usually says something bad about me or hurt me not another person. Its rly hard to say no to you because I don’t wanna hurt you but i know i should be honest now so it saves u from hurting later. Idk maybe you don’t actually care that much and wont get hurt that much. I kinda hope that. You’re such an awesome person and i’d like to keep hanging out with you if you’re ok with that.

relationship wise… I think that I need some time to figure stuff out with myself and the thing with Sean. I mean i know logically i should stop being intimate with him and move on but maybe im just not done. Its like a habit and i dont wanna sound sleezy but we usually end up banging when we hang out. I think theres still too much chemistry.

I feel guilty… Im just a selfish jerk caring more about my feelings than urs im sorry.

Don't apologize because there's nothing bad here Hahahaha. As you said we'll see and for sure we will hang out!!!!!

Ok study hard and write your paper hahahah and you're not a jerk lol

Thanks.. ;)

Idk about all this jaded thing. It can be part of my personality, I used to read a lot of fairytales when I was little maybe that helped hahhaha

Seriously tho.... it's not that I am always innocent or I haven't seen nasty shit that happens everyday. I just choose not to be overwhelmed by that. I choose to be innocent when I can, and it's not always that case.

Darcy wrote me a card in middle school, and it had a quote on it. It was in Chinese but I'll try my best to translate it. It went like "knowing the worldly of society and choose not to is the kindest way to be mature"

I'm working on that.

That’s awesome and i admire you’re ability to do that. I didn’t mean that you don’t know how the world works when i said you’re innocent. This is me not you, its my insecurities. I feel like a more jaded person when I can’t live a positive life when im around someone like you. But I also think a little bit of darkness makes life more interesting, im just kinda twisted inside haha. but i mean whatever makes your life worth living and enjoyable is what you should do. Its different for everyone.

I think you’re doing an awesome job at life.

Aug 13th 2.30AM

I’m always using Vancouver time. I have you watch and never bothered to adjust it. I don’t use it for checking time. I might have told you that I have been having trouble falling asleep. But holding your watch somehow miraculously cured my insomnia.

When you said you loved seeing my face, I was like hmmm… It’s really humid here and hot, my mom left the windows open and I couldnt figure out how to close them for a while so my face was all greasy… and the lighting was horrible hahah so idk why you loved looking at my face. but thats always a good thing to know. Nah you still looked rly cute i couldnt even see any difference

Whenever you told me that you didn’t wanna hurt me, I chose not to think about it. Human brain is truly magical, because if you choose to ignore something then theres a higher probability for you to not remembering it. Until I read what you wrote up there about 3 times, then I started to question myself if what Ive been doing is ok. I don’t wanna confuse you more, and I want you to be happy. So I thought if you really liked Sean that much, I should probably just lay back and let you guys do your thing. I even thought about talking to Sean about this, but it’s not my business after all. I only wish you happy. I definitely overthought this but for about two hours I managed to convinced myself that if I’m not what you want I should fuck off. So I had this post on this Chinese website, it’s kinda like the equivalent of Tumblr. I post stuff I write and photos there and also posted some thing on a group discussion. Some people liked my writing and potentially my face lol so they messaged me and asked me out.

I said maybe to all of them, which you know is essentially a No unless I really felt like it. But I'll always say yes to you.

Something I found funny was that they all commented on my smile. “You have a really warm smile.” Everyone commented on one of my photos. Then they said “you must be sweet.”

Well I mean I might be sweet and also have lovely smiles but really I wanna save them for you. At the same time I don’t think I am what you want so maybe I should just wast them on random strangers. Well I hope smiling means you are happy not just making other people happy so you should always smile when you wanna. Its limitless. Thats how I came up with the idea that I should party tonight and forget about you. For a bit I thought I was actually determined.

Then you said you wanted to see me, and the moment I saw your face, I knew I dont wanna go partying tonight anymore haha. I will write you something, read some papers and sleep early to deal with my jet lag. You got me again. I can’t think straight when I see you and I love that feeling. The rush is worth the pain. You stimulate the secretion of dopamine in my brain. (You will probably say that I should do arts lol, but I already do arts girls so I will be fine in science) haha you “do” arts girl ;) ok

About your watch. I never told you that I dreamed about you a few times. I have too. I’m still not gonna tell you what happened in the dreams haha. They belong to me. But for the past week, I always thought about holding your hand before I fell asleep. Holding your watch in my palm had the same effect, even though it has the opposite texture of your hand, but it did the job.

I really hope that you are gonna be chill with your parents, because I remembered how much I hated dealing with them.

Yeah I’m hoping to keep low and try to just please them if i can while they are here.

I’m probably gonna go explore a bit tomorrow, and get some post cards and small things. I also wanna bring you a souvenir, so I better get started now. I just found out that they have this super cool bookstore called United bookstore here!!!!! theres this cool exhibition going on I’m gonna check it out tmr and hopefully get you cool stuff!!!! I’m really pumped cuz I love bookstores!!! Sounds like a lot of fun!!! I hope you have a blast.

Again, I will be here for you if you wanna see me. You probably won’t be able to do that in the future 10 days cuz your parents will be around. But hey Rebecca Bong, I will be here.

I was listening to Nell. I think it’s cool. My favourite so far is Dream Catcher. I like the beat and the lyrics(I read the translation lol). I will keep listening to their songs and let you know how I feel about them.

That’s funny because the friend who introduced me to Nell likes Dream Catcher the best as well in that album. When we went to their concert after the album release, they played that song and the background light was rainbow ;) my friend loved it. I’ll try to find a picture haha.

My fav from that album is Home.

So this is the tower I snapped you that's super famous in Guangzhou. It's called the Canto tower but it has a nickname as "girl's tight waist" and somehow it's always rainbow at night lol....

there I drew this masterpiece of you and I visiting there :) goals

Awesome drawing skillz hhahah

Random stuff I thought about when I woke up as I was thinking about you at Browns. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to take your shirt off and kiss you bit by bit until I'm drown in your body and get wasted. You're so beautiful baby.

Well, I don’t know about the other stuff but we can definitely get wasted. Whatever happens after…. is out of my control.

I'll take this as the green light hahahahaha

August 15th 5.55 AM

I didn’t actually start until like 6.20 hahaha. I was trying to figure out my timetable and got kinda annoyed about getting waitlisted for BIOL 200, cuz it’s one of the pre-reqs.

Anywayssss. Something funny that happened today. I was mixing baby formula for my sister and kinda applied my bubble tea shaking skill haha. I wanted to take a snap and caption it “bartender skills on point” I thought it was funny lol

I liked when you pointed out the irony of me wearing a “mask”. I low key hate how this world works but I chose to play by THE RULE and be the type of person the society likes. I’m actually a pretty amoral person. That doesn’t mean that I am morally corrupted but that I have no moral standards. There’s a movie called Mary and Max. I feel like I’m Max to some extent. Max is a sociopath, he doesn’t have any feelings, but he tries to match people’s facial expression and their reactions to different events.

Most of the time I feel indifferent towards most of people and things that happened in my life. Really I don’t think it’s worth my time to feel anything towards them. That’s why I smile(politely) a lot, because I don’t want people to talk to me most of the time. I mean I don’t mind if they do, but I’d rather not. In that sense I might be an introvert. But if it’s someone I care I would definitely pour my heart to make sure they are happy and try to be there for them. Idk if that made any sense lol.

The reason why I always wear this mask is mainly that I’ve been an outsider my entire life. I told you that I went to a boarding school in another province since grade 2. The first day at school there, I kinda got bullied by this girl I later became really close friends with because of my accent. I didn’t cry at all though lol. Then two weeks late nobody could tell that I was from another province. It’s the good old Darwinian’s rule right, you either adapt or you die. Then I studied really hard and became one of the top students. People started liking me I guess. After that I signed up to get involved in all kinds of activities and got a whole lot of rewards. The girl who bullied me kissed me one night and told me that I looked beautiful hahahahaha. I guess that’s how I became popular? Since grade 2 I never got to stay home for more than 4 months every year. I traveled a lot with my parents, but never really stayed home. That only got worse after I came to Canada. And I just adapted again.

But I know that I’m always an outsider. I don’t know how to explain that feeling. I never feel home anywhere. It’s kinda like a voluntary exile. It means losing the connection with your own land to pursue something else. I actually belong to this minor ethnicity in China. Minor ethnicities are kinda like the indigenous groups in Canada. In our culture, we have this strange connection with our land and our water. I gave that up. Then I realized very quickly that I have to be a person people accept, otherwise it’s game over. I won’t belong anywhere.

It took me a very long time to start being ok with not belonging anywhere. It all started when I met Charles. He was sort of a mentor to me. I met him at this tutoring place in Beijing. My mom wanted to me learn English better before I go to Canada, so she sent me there. Charles was at his 40s, quiet, always looked a bit tired, and very wise. He studied literature and philosophy at Bard, and almost did his phD at Columbia University. We read about 90 books together that summer, from ancient greek epic poem and plays to late 20th century philosophical essay collections. We read books about Utopia, feminism, and existentialism. I loved Medea, Freud, Kafka, Virgina Woolf, Huxley, Herman Hesse, Sartre, Camus, and etc. That summer I understood what I felt when I woke up by myself in a strange bed in a strange building and a strange city that you cannot see more than 500 meters away from you. It was exactly loneliness. That might sound very dramatic, but it was exactly how I felt. I could go on and on about this, but let’s stop there hahah. Oh I’m taking PHIL 385! It’s existentialism! I can’t wait!!!! In fact I already purchased all the 4 texts we will be reading haha.

WARNING!!!

I think whatever I wrote below here can be a bit too dark, at least I don’t normally tell anyone about this not even my very close friends….. so idk if u wanna read this…..

I had a hard time dealing with the fact that we’re all fucking individuals are practically lonely. Maybe because of this I had eating disorder for a while. I used to take these Japanese antacid pills everyday so I didn’t have reflux all the time. That was my way of dealing with sorrow and other negative feelings I had. I guess it wasn’t as bad as being clinically depressed? This is the “fucked up” side of me. I don’t think mentally ill people are are fucked up at all, because I’ve been there, or I’m still there, but I’m coping and I know it’s not easy.

I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it. I didn’t feel like talking to my parents about my shitty feelings for obvious reasons. I didn’t have siblings. I was an outsider and really people would probably accept me more if I’m always confident, cool and have my shit together. I thought if I found a person who would understand me, and care about me then I’ve found the cure. I thought my ex(Boxin) was kind of like my family for the longest time. I was kinda dependent on her I guess, I thought she was the cure to my loneliness and me being an outsider. Truth is you never ever depend your identity or happiness on anybody hahaha…. thats shitty. She was mental and a bit violent, and I was kinda lunatic too lol lets not get into too much detail.

Ok, so that was a very toned down way to describe my negative side lol. if you wanted a picture of that, you would probably see me shivering in my bathroom at 3AM with red eyes tearing toilet paper into pieces (it was very comforting to me)and biting on my own index fingers. That’s why I like Breaking Bad so much, because I can be Walt hahaha, and 80% of the time I think like him.

WARNING ENDED … :) life is beautiful again :)

I will show you an email I wrote Charles last summer. I promised that I will tell him about all the girls I liked hahaha so I might have to write him an email about you.

“Charles,

Sorry, I think I mis-sent you an empty email.

I wrote something on my journal again, and mentioned your email. What I realized then was that I did not read your writing carefully enough until I copied some pieces down. The last piece talking about changes reminded me so much of our class together in Beijing, and also enabled me to generate some new thoughts about Romeo and Juliet. Chance, we have always talked about chance. Everything that happens is accidental and unintentional. I wrote that "our encounter(meaning me and Christina) is just an accident then. Nothing more special than you missing the morning bus, me spilling hot water on my tray, and that scientist who discovered urea in his lab."

What we have talked about in Beijing revived, and is now growing again in my body.

I described you as following:

"He is slightly heavier(emotionally), maybe due to all the experiences he had. Every time, when this lonely, miserable man talks about love, he tries to pretend to be an indifferent narrator, like the one in Camus' book, of his own stories, but if I look closer, I can always find the sparks and frustration behind his glasses, in his weary eyes."

I hope that you will keep sending me your writing. I will definitely get a copy once it gets published.

Love,

Amanda”

August 16th 8.45 AM

I felt super tired today. I guess I can be an introvert, cuz I can really use some me time to recover. I hung out with Amanda, it felt the same as we were still in middle school. Or maybe it was different in some ways. He asked me when I got my ears pierced, and laughed when we recalled that I had horrible bushy brows. I guess we all changed but we still kept something that we had in middle school.

It was strange. He is from my past, the part I don't like facing. But I choose to see him once a year for some strange reason that I don't know how to explain. It was chill and made me very tired and lost.

I ate so much lol, too much really. I haven't ate so much since university or even grade 12. I felt like I was 15 again, my eating disorder and shitty feelings all came to me and I got exhausted.

Now I'm playing Nell's albums, and they really are kinda healing. I knew this band from you and I appreciate it. I mean I don't understand a word but hahahha I think it's really good!

Anyways I'm gonna sleep now, god my ex was being real tiring... I just wish I could go back to my lab life and hang out with my teammates and you so my life will be much more cheerful lol

Tons of loveeee❤️❤️❤️

August 18th 926AM

Bong bong bongggggg

Ok so I cleaned my brother's piss and shit like 3 times today. Great time :)

Every time you told me you "talked" to you parents, I got a little worried. I don't know my words mean anything to you, but you are a good human being and you don't need plastic surgery physically or mentally. Everyone is fucked up in their own way and your way is kinda beautiful.

I've been watching Skam season 3, and you have to watch it lol.... I mean I highly recommend it. My ex girlfriend(Alex so the one before crazy Boxin) said I would love it and turns out she's right again lol. I guess it can be super relatable to any millennial who's trying to find who they are and what all the big words (aka. Love religion sexuality etc) mean. One person commented on this show and said something like "Love, especially young love, isn't really about getting wasted, smoking, or getting corrupted together in any way, but is about secretly listening to all his/her playlists" and beautifully sensitive things like that.

It's a super relatable show to me. Sarah (Addy's gf) and I got a bit drunk and went out to pick up sushi together on that Friday night we met. We talked about how for the longest time none of us knew how to explain homosexuality with Darwinian's views on evolution. We both had this panic phase for a very very long time, fighting it every time we open our biology textbook and even thinking about ATGC bases in genetics class. They talked about the exact same thing in Skam! Also so many other cute things I can't spoil... for example the main characters are super hot like I would date one of them lol

I miss you a lot and I hope every day gets a bit easier for you with your parents :)

Love,

Yang

August 23rd 3.20 AM

It was nice to talk to you again. I sometimes wonder if you forgot about me already hahahha clearly you haven't.

I don't wanna be overly positive. To be honest, I don't like overly positive people. All my friends are fairly positive, and we believe in good things. That doesn't mean we are TOO positive though?

It really hurts me when I can't help people I care with their confusion. I really can't practically help you and I think talking too much about it is utterly annoying and meaningless. I do believe in you though. It's different from the way your father believes in you, because he probably also finds it hard to accept "failure"(meaning anything other paths other than his expectation). I was talking to one of my ex girlfriends Alex, and she said something really smart like "people always feel obliged to pursue happiness, thinking that that's the only way to live. In fact, you have to make so many choices every day, and it's not easy at all. Most of the time you don't necessarily make those decisions for your happiness, but you're just doing it for living, living at this moment."

She's real deep lol, but it makes sense right? I trust you because I don't think you're hopeless. My cousin Wei is confused and hopeless. You're just confused. I'm confused too. Well fuck who isn't confused? Baby steps baby steps....

I'll be your support, I'll always be your support when needed.

Moving on. I never thought taking care of babies would be so hard and tedious..... my siblings both weigh 5kg now... it's arm day every day. Most importantly, it's my last year of being a teenager, I should be clubbingggggggg instead of being a part time nanny.... I guess you're being a part time nanny+chauffeur too😂😂😂 why do bad things happen to good people!!!! We used to say that a lot when there's a rush at PF. Good old timessss.

I got a bit confused a few days ago about my ex girlfriend. It's crystal clear that I don't wanna get back with her or have any emotional connection with her. But what about sleeping with her? We dated for three years and one thing I enjoyed was sleeping with her. I guess I'm still super young, so sleeping with someone consistently for three years really trained my brain to think of her as the default when it comes to intimacy. I have mixed feelings about offering my room to her. I told myself that I won't bring any girls other than my future girlfriend home to sleep over lol unless they are my friends. I don't wanna be friends with Boxin, I don't wanna be anything with her. Maybe friends with benefits minus the friend part. I don't even know if I want that, but people get horny it's human nature and people like convenience.

I tried to explain, not because I think you expect anything from me, but I expect myself to be focused. There's nothing wrong with fucking around, I simply like giving one person the special attention. Sartre and Simone fucked around their entire life, but there's only one Sartre to Simone and vice versa.

About school, we can always study together if you want, I'm a good study buddy I think. I could probably study Econ with you if I haven't forgotten all about Micro.

Turns out that I'll have to cab back to UBC on the 3rd, but somehow I liked it this way. I don't wanna owe her anything lol or I'll just bus back cuz I don't have much to carry anyways

I'm going for a walk. The typhoon could hit the city at anytime but I miss getting soaked. It's kinda EMO so you probably get it hahahah.

Love,

Yang

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