#they just haven't had their moment

[manofthepipis]

One thing that I’ve noticed is the amazing storytelling and character development Survey and Clicks are going through! They both have conflicting emotions, but seem to handle them very differently. It kind of reminds me of ‘Nice v.s Kind’ mentality. From my perspective, Survey is nice, but Clicks is kind.

For nice people, most of their characteristics are this:

- never wants to rock the boat

- Most concerned about not upsetting someone

- Afraid to speak up when they witness unkind behavior

- Censoring yourself for others feelings

- Enabling

Most of these in my opinion match Survey and their own mental battles pretty spot on! I should probably also mention early on that I don’t think Survey is evil, or acting out on any ill-will towards Spam, quite the opposite actually! Survey is probably walking on eggshells with every interaction they have with him. They haven’t had time to process through their own grief and PTSD from the last Neo rampage, so, that involuntary spills out when they don’t mean to. An example of this is when Swatch was talking to them about Neo, and their first thoughts were “Oh, Neo, great” clearly stating their apprehension towards the topic (and for a very good reason! Regardless of the mental state of the perpetrator, it’s hard to forgive and forget after a scenario like that). However, they also unfortunately, have that double whammy of the grief they felt by leaving Spamton alone, and was the only other Addison that actually heard the voice on the phone, therefore, they have an even more horrifying perspective of what Spamton went through. They somehow think that turning Spamton back into the white Addison will be the solution to all of their problems. Which, while one might think it cruel, given Surveys perspective, it makes a lot of sense. They can’t help but be scared of Spamton, they don’t want to be afraid, but they are so scared of that overwhelming feeling of NEO, and, it’s not like Survey has heard anything positive about Spamton’s new appearance. With the “burning hot plate sensation” to “I can’t say anything without being swamped by Ads” it makes sense that Survey would want to alleviate that burden. I really hope that one of the other Ads are able to catch on to Survey’s mental state, and help. Right now, my contester is Banner. Those two seem to be a little bit closer than the others, especially when it came to Spamton. Banner was also the one who noticed Survey’s apprehension and terror when Neo was in their house. This is getting to long LMAO so the summarize, ADDISONS!!! SPAMTON!! PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE ONE LIGHTING THEMSELVES ON FIRE TO KEEP YOU ALL WARM!!!!

To move on, Clicks on the other hand, is kind. For kind people, their personalities are like this:

- Willing to make waves

- Clear, direct communication, even when uncomfortable

- Being true to their own values or feelings

- Helping

- Acting from genuine feelings

Now Clicks isn’t a saint, he’s an asshole and a drama queen, even he himself admits this. However, he definitely gets the kindness award! As he passes this test with flying colors in my opinion! He doesn’t pull back his punches with Spamton, (like him just telling Spamton to shut the fuck up LMAO) and has the most clear communication with Spam! Spamton himself, recognizes that Clicks isn’t like Banner and Survey who are still trying to test the waters with him, rather, he treats Spamton like an equal. (Even if his sense of equal is just being an asshole). Clicks has also show to value his own feelings, especially with the latest chapter! The reason it took him this long was because before, his feelings were just a giant ball of ???. Once Clicks was able to understand and get through his emotions he was able to have a better understanding of Spamton and his character. (Clicks knows that Spamton hated being that white Addison, Survey is trying to make Spamton that white Addison). Throughout the story, Clicks has shown to have a remarkable sense of body language understanding as well as trying to respect Spamtons boundaries. An example of this is when Spamton thought he was being interrogated by the other ads, and when Clicks senses his discomfort, he tries to drop the topic. Even though he’s an asshole, he definitely wants to be there for all the addisons are a strong shoulder, as well as a protector. Clicks is notorious for making waves, (all with good reason!) If someone like Survey had to have the heart the heart with Spam like Clicks had, I feel like Survey would say something like, “Everyone is capable of change Spamton! And we all want to change for the better and help!” But Clicks is just like, “you are the most egotistical bastard I have ever met. Shut the absolute fuck up.” LMAO I love this guy. Clicks isn’t a nice guy, but he is a kind guy. And that goes a lot farther in my own opinion!

To conclude, Clicks is able to empathize, while Survey sympathizes. Both are so complex it’s so good rararjdndjskdkdnd !!!!!!!

i've gotta say reading this ask/analysis (asknalysis?) has got me smiling from ear to ear because of describing something so accurately i couldn't put it into words better than this

one, i'm extremely thankful for this, and tysm for your thoughts! They're always a pleasure to read especially as i see that so much of these addisons have actually got across :'D

i really really really like writing morally grey characters, and using the kind versus nice personalities is such a great way to describe their moral differences! Surv is definitely trickier, because as you said, they're not evil, they just got a lot going on. they are apprehensive, and definitely walking on eggshells because they have no idea to actually approach this situation other than wanting it over with. Their persistence to find out what happened to spamton in pt 1 was fulfilled (for better or for worse), and being "nice" is what he needed then, to be brought down from his rage and resentment towards them as a group, while kindness is what he needs now. So Survey's inadvertently putting themselves in a worse position, creating divide, just because their approach that worked before isn't working now. And it's not their fault while at the same time, yeah, being their fault. i rlly like this line "setting themselves on fire to keep the rest of you warm" it like 1. is perfect for this and 2. goes hardcore

Without spoiling too much I do believe you have it right :D though Banner isn't in a position as extreme as Survey here, the whole thing is certainly messing with him. He doesn't want to make the wrong decisions anymore about what to do with Spamton's situation, finding it odd and uncanny, rather than devastating like Survey. He wants to make things right, but doesn't have the tools right now to do so. He wants to help, probably more than anyone else, but unyielding optimism isn't going to work and he knows that :')

you're also right about what would have happened if Surv were in Clicks' position then. There wouldn't be much of a resolution other than Survey going back to what they've seen had worked before- talking Spamton (and the rising emotions) down. When said emotions and concerns, instead, needed to be acknowledged and translated to make any progress. With Clicks, processing how he's felt for so long and what Spam's feeling now, it helped them both in one conversation and connection. Spamton's a lot like the addisons than he cares to admit, as he's been one of them at some point, so being an equal is what he's wanted, but then when he never got it, it turned to wanting to be 'bigger' than them, and thus the spiral/decline. Clicks being kind, noticing visual cues of discomfort rather than being impatient with getting information out of Spamton asap when he finally starts talking, is going to make Spamton feel more like an equal and less a belittled outcast, or worse, a freakshow. And though addisons always have their own selfish motivations directing their actions, the outcome of Clicks' approach is pretty selfless in the end.

I'm also so so so glad to have readers that see the differences in empathy versus sympathy and nice versus kind! like, just the subtle differences between each approach, in where each side is commonly seen as synonymous, when in context, they can vary from each other in large ways!! It's enlightening even as a writer to see :D! tysm for sharing!

#fanfic #;v; happy writer hours #i rlly like banner's inclusion in here- i promise the yellow and orange addison aren't getting shunned in my fic #they just haven't had their moment #sponsor especially- as they've remained a mystery for too long #asks

[raine-world]

When MatPat came on screen I freaked out (in a good way) and got so light headed I missed the entire conversation and almost passed out until he said "But that's just a theory-" which shocked me out of it like a sleeper agent code word

#fnaf #fnaf movie #fnaf spoilers #fnaf movie spoilers #matpat #had a good time! #movie was alright. some parts bad. many plot holes #but the animatronic moments were easily the best part and made it super enjoyable #both the sweet moments and the killing moments #i had to ask my friend afterwards why matpat said “that's just a theory” because i did legit almost black out #i haven't watched matpat in years btw

[raggedy-spaceman]

"Amongst all of David's awards, you were recently named on the DILF list. Here's the top five: Pedro Pascal, Oscar Isaac, David Tennant, Mads Mikkelsen, Cillian Murphy. Oh, and Michael Sheen came in-" "Oh and where is he on the list?" "Michael Sheen's number six." "Number six! And just remind me where I am?" "Three, you're three." "Number three!"

Justice for Michael Sheen!

#the last leg #david tennant #michael sheen #Thanyia Moore #adam hills #josh widdicombe #alex brooker #good omens #good omens 2 #dilf list #crowley #doctor who #sorry but i haven't seen any gif of this moment and i had to #(i know i'm super late to this but i just watched it ok) #thanyia's timing was perfection #this is all in jest obviously this is a comedy show #but i'm glad she was there to take david down a notch #now we wait for michael's inevitable response #lol #mine

[spooky-activity]

The Trailblazer and her moms

#my art #honkai star rail #hsr #kafka #himeko #stelle #kafhime #also I realized every drawing of himeko i've done recently has just been her going like >:( #so i gave her a soft little moment with stelle #before bringing back the >:( face because she's near kafka alskdjflskjfd #I KNOW STELLE'S INGAME MODEL IS TALLER THAN BOTH HIMEKO AND KAFKA I KNOW THIS #however #i simply do not care #himeko is tallest in my heart #sidenote i would let kafka shove a dangerous space bomb into my chest #this is wild you guys I haven't had this much motivation to draw characters since tangled #hope it doesn't leave me anytime soon i love this endless motivation

[royalarchivist]

Quackity: Excuse me, I've never seen a bird fly. Can any of you please show me what a bird flying looks like?

I wasn't planning on watching Rust, but seeing Quackity BS his way into people's good graces and get treated like a king despite being butt-ass naked for over an hour sure is something else.

#Quackity #Rust #I wasn't planning on clipping anything but I literally haven't laughed that hard in frickin years #I don't think this is as funny if you haven't seen him be absolutely cringefail for the last hour and a half but whatever #May 25 2024 #(Don't worry I'm still gonna be posting old QSM/P clips I'm just busy on the weekends) #I've been doing a lot of cooking and been listening to this in the background #Genuinely I haven't laughed that hard in ages I had to lean on my frickin desk #full on hand slapping the table #it's just so stupid and this moment after an hour and a half of buildup just killed me #I don't know the names of these other two people though D:

[hamletshoeratio]

"A strong queen is just what this country needs!"

The Irish who know the queen in question as the famine queen:

#queen charlotte #queen charlotte a bridgerton story #bridgerton spoilers #a feminist moment for the ultimate anti feminist that was queen victoria #massive yikes just thinking of her involvement in the history of my country alone #over a million people starved & the British Parliament refused to accept financial aid from abroad #if they were offering more money than Victoria because they didn't want them to outdo the queen #and what she gave was pitiful considering her wealth #indigenous people as well as literal enslaved people across the Atlantic gave more financial aid than she did #yes bridgerton is fictional but the historical figures depicted had a real world impact #so much of which is still felt today #and just because Victoria was queen and not a king it doesn't make her crowning a win for feminism #Victoria historically was very very anti feminist #i don't know enough on george iii or Charlotte to comment on them but i know plenty about Victoria #haven't cringed so hard at a line since the famine episode of victoria the things i watch for leo suter #but as much as Victoria herself was portrayed inaccurately in that ep #at least it introduced the history of the famine to people who weren't taught about it at school #bridgerton

[squiddlysq]

Finished System Collapse the other day & Murderbot has never been more relatable

First image based on this post by @murderbot-moodboard

#murderbot #the murderbot diaries #system collapse #perihelion #asshole research transport #ratthi #ayda mensah #amena #googling to make sure I'm spelling amena right. bcos I misspelled Ratthis name in a previous post and haven't recovered from the shame #Sadly names pass thru my brain like sand thru time or whatever so. vibes only. i remember the sound not the letters. nightmare #Anyway murderbot mental health moment: the book was alot of fun #i need to do a reread now knowing what REDACTED meant the whole time #cause the wife and I were in torture thru the whole book like what the FUCK did murderbot DO #we were CONVINCED it had stood in the middle of ARTs lounge & loudly announced suicidal intent or something #or like yelled at everyone for risking their lives to come back and retrieve equipment <= it means itself #the combo misery and also sort of relief finding out it was literally just that murderbot has Been Through It #& is Suffering the Consequences #was kind of immense #anyway murderbot who is a crazy little asshole. its so me #Shadow the Hedgehog Gijinka looking motherfucker. I gotta pin down my design for it better #hope the memory visions r comprehensible but tbh whatever if theyre not #squiddlyart

[tyrasanege]

If the producers of Ninjago Dragon Rising don't give us a big, tight hug between Cole and Kai, I'll be upset.

They are one of the best dulas! This would be good both for shippers and for those who like them in a platonic way.

Although I suppose they will focus on Col's and Bonzle relationship.

Which won't be bad, but seriously, out of the entire team (not counting the amnetic Jay), these two were the only ones who didn't see each other eye to eye!

#(I know there are short episodes #ninjago #jay ninjago #nya ninjago #ninjago jay #lego ninjago #njnjago kai #nya smith #kai ninjago #ninjago dragons rising #ninjago lavashipping #lavashipping #ninjago kai #ninjago cole #ninjago zane #zane julien #secret hashtag #I hope this doesn't sound too aggressive #I'm just a little frustrated that these two haven't had their moment yet. #lloyd garmadon #ninjago lloyd #savemyboycole

[governmentmandatedryujinstan420]

releasing this from the hj discord dungeon because the public populace was in agreement also i'm chronically offline on tumblr and need to fix that for my chronically online ahh

#hand jumper #webtoon #sayeon lee #she couldn't even enjoy herself once she gets into the decent university because she got sent to the corps sayeon lee my giiirl #SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO BASK IN THE GLORY OF VALEDICTORIAN BECAUSE SHE WAS CONSCRIPTED 😭 #bro she's built like those kids in school who dump social interaction the moment exam season comes around #she's built like and earned that first honours fr. #but the corps said nah so she did the one thing those kids do make life even HARDER for themselves #even if in context it's no even hard it's just a matter of survival in the corps so success is the only option lest you die #hj reminds me of kaiji a lot with how they handle this but they're like two different genres but i digress #so she created TWO short term goals that forced her to hammer down her if not reinforce her previous values/beliefs #and if you read fp or wait until this tuesday lemme tell you rn it gets worse #which force her back into her shell and wall she's built #which is fucked up bc juni's wall is coming down when cell 4 didn't die as quick as she'd thought and surpassed her expectations #sayeon try not to be any characters narrative foil/parallel challenge fail 1000% speedrun #this only gets worse in fp and while this was in my drafts since the morning #i will say i literally just had a conversation abt this with my g bigbrainmanyvibes before prematurely leaving for lunch #but i set an alarm to actually post all the memes i made here so imma do this one now then the rest later #JOIN THE HJ DISCORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND WAY EASIER TO USE!!!!![to me......] #PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #that's it for my obligatory plug for the hj discord you can stop reading now i you haven't already stopped because i make this thing a diar #anw GLORY TO SAYJIN NATION!!!!!!!!!

[muirmarie]

modern trek erasing mccoy is genuinely my villain origin story

#mine #i just remembered how terribly mccoy was treated in into darkness again #and how the changes they made fully cut out the katra of it all #i mean they literally had not established the kirk + spock friendship enough to even make the story make sense at that point #they were fully leaning on tos and the pop culture history of it but they didn't EARN it at ALL #meanwhile they HAD established the kirk + mccoy friendship and they didn't even have mccoy in the goddamn room #unlike tos which of course had spock have his moment with mccoy BEFORE he goes in (and then of course the katra) #also i haven't watched SNW (and likely won't) but the fact they haven't had mccoy on there................. #anyway. it's. just. Interesting. is all. #[powering up my comically large supervillain ice ray] #(also let's not even talk about the certain segments of fandom that do it too lmao y'all know who you are) #i am too sleepy to be writing this so i am not putting it in the tags i'm positive it's bitchier than i mean it to be i'm just. v annoyed. #lol. lmao even. giggling cutely as i sharpen my knife. don't. erase. the doctor.

[apatheticlexicographer]

i think i finally understand the exact reasoning behind how both will and mike's sexualities are presented, and how those presentations flatter each other.

will is barely queercoded from a subtextual perspective because there's no need to queercode him. the writers verbally establish in season one episode one that people percieve this kid as gay, so you're immediately guided to see him through the same lens, at least subconsciously. people continue to refer to him as gay and he continues to "act" gay, and most of the audience is able to see this for what it is very easily without the need for heavy symbolism. will being gay is simply treated as a fact from the start by both the characters around him and the writers themselves, for better or for worse.

MIKE, on the other hand, is so heavily queercoded it's barely even funny. he's the one with the queer imagery, the blocking, the set design, the lighting. he's never explicitly referred to as queer, it isn't so much as suggested verbally, but the sheer amount of incredibly blatant subtextual material that surrounds him is insane. none of the characters within the show have the slightest clue that mike is gay. there's a good chance that mike himself doesn't know, or has only begun to realize very recently. even the writers do their damn best to make it appear like they themselves don't know. still, the fact remains that he is, it just isn't expressed in a way that the homophobic masses both within and outside the show are capable of picking up on. when he comes out it will be a shock to the characters and the majority heterosexual audience, but not to the queer people who pick up instinctually on the signalling. basically, you only know mike is gay if you have a genuinely functioning gaydar.

in this way they're so strongly representative of two very different gay experiences, both of which are important and both of which are treated respectfully by the writers, despite the setting.

will is the kid who never really gets the luxury of choosing whether to come out to people, because everybody has had him pegged from the start. even his own family: jonathan tells will he accepts him before will can even hint toward the topic himself. however as much as we're told that he "seems" gay to other people, all we are shown subtextually is a totally normal child who happens to have feelings for another boy. this is important because it subverts the trope of making "being gay" the "obviously gay" character's sole or core trait.

mike is the kid who people would never in a million years guess was queer. it's not just that he gets the luxury of choosing when to come out of the closet; he's so deep in it that he's drowning in winter coats. he's the "twist queer character," except he's not. his subtextual queercoding has been there beneath the surface for just as long as will has been textually referred to as queer on a surface level. this makes it clear that him being gay isn't some kind of last minute decision and the subtlety of his presentation wasn't an accident. if you don't knkw mike is gay now before it's revealed then you aren't supposed to.

they're foils like that. they're the archetypal queers, and i think it's kind of beautiful.

(and if anybody tries to argue that one expression of Queer Experience is more important than another then i'm coming for their kneecaps. having both experiences not only represented but thoroughly explored is so rare, although there are people all over the world who resonate with each.)

#i had a moment of extreme clarity and this was what emerged #sorry??? also hi byler tag it's been like a month #i'm still active reblogging an shit i just haven't had the impetus to post until this train of thought punched me square in the face #ANYWAY #this has actually made me change my mind on mike's sexuality #i've always HC'ed him as unlabelled but been amenable to either gay or bi interpretations #but i'm putting my hat in the ring on the gay mike side #sorry bi mike truthers i see where ur coming from but i feel like the representation of that kind of gay experience is #not 'more worthy' of course but definitely rarer #and so i hope that's what they're exploring #byler #mike wheeler #will byers #gay mike wheeler #mike wheeler is gay #byler analysis #byler theory #byler meta #stranger things meta #stranger things analysis #stranger things

[froot-batty]

how the living go on living and how the dead go on living with them

Excerpts from "Life After Death" by Laura Gilpin

#forgive me if this doesn't look very good i haven't properly done comic (ish) format in FOREVER #also i did not mean to finish this today i just had an autism moment #i should mention nora isnt dead. viktor just thinks she is for a little bit #frootverse #viktor fries #mr freeze #nora fries #batman #rogues gallery #my art

[kakusu-shipping]

Thoughts on/during Mochi Mayhem? I'm curious. Especially towards the... memetic dance scene(s).

I LOVED IT!!!!

Pokemon Scarlet and Violet really put me in the "I wanna be a kid doing stupid dumb goofy things with my friends" vibes and Mochi Mayhem really delivered! everyone coming over to the player's house and hanging out at the start and the whole finding the remote mini quest at the community center really got to me. We're just a couple of kids doing kid things!!

Also the fact that Arven says Clicker like an old man means so much to me. We really are siblings.

SPEAKING OF ARVEN

He knocked it out of the PARK during Mochi Mayhem being just??? So funny??? Like, he's so pushy about being the player's one and only Best Friend

And he's so agro at Kieran over it to the point of ending the epilogue apologizing for it... But Kieran didn't even notice because he's so use to his sister being agro at him like that???

Also the fact that he has just enough control while mind controlled by Pecharunt to be embarrassed by the stupid dance dskgjdfjgjdfh Hysterical

There's a lot of other really silly moments that got to me very personally, like how much everyone calls out Nemona for being entirely too much, or just the implication that the three of them were hanging out without me, implying they've all become friends as well really gets to me

I don't like the paid DLC direction Nintendo is going in, but this is the best Pokemon Game post DS Era in my opinion, even if with the DLC it's more than double the price of a DS era Pokemon game with about the same amount of content...

But yeah! I really liked the Epilogue! I had a great time, I loved seeing everyone getting to have a fun time and being silly, I ADORE Pecharunt to no end, and am super happy to have Kieran back in the club room finally!

#Pokemon SV Epilogue #Pokemon SV Spoilers #Arven #Penny #Nemona #Kieran #I like Pokemon I like when it's silly I like when it's fun I like that the characters are friends and get along #I also feel like this epilogue gave us just a little bit of the modern era Pokemon Haunted House vibe #We haven't had a real uncomfortable Real Ghost encounter in Pokemon sense XY which I think is okay #A little sad but they weren't major so it's okay they've been taken out #But ther were parts of the Epilogue before people started doing their silly little dances that DID give me a little heeby geeby #Like when Carmine just appears and stands there quietly at the beginning #Or when you're first looking for Nemona and the townies have purple eyes and aren't dancing yet #When Kieran's grandpa gets possessed!! #Little moments that are a little freaky and then are immediately wiped away by silly chicken dance #It's good I don't understand why the dance but I did enjoy it #Watching Carmine do a silly dance did get to me at first to I did laugh!! #I also just adore Pecharunt he's my morally grey little boy son son boy <3 #The short they released for him on the YouTube channel got me he's just a little baby who doesn't know any better #He just wants to be loved <3 I will love him like my own son

[can-of-slorgs]

Final surprise boop attack for @yowassupitsred!!

Faeran would 100% be really obnoxious about Calamari, and would intentionally make others appreciate her boopings haha.

(Secret second boop attack to @starbiology in revenge to the april fools war because even though i didn't know if you had any characters, I think of her as your character by this point and I found this scenario hilarious in my mind)

#neopets #neotag #gelert #vin doods #vin memes #technically at least JKSHSJ #I'm so sorry for the late response!! I didn't want to basically leave u on nothing and I had had this sketch saved for a week by this point #nice gelert my dood had some fun drawing him hahaha #it was only appropiate to draw Faeran for this case #also yeah i just found out Schnellys are cross eyed forever its just a characteristic for them #anyways its very late for me i had a really rough day at the lab lmao #my back hurts so much but i needed to come home and finish this or i'd have gone mad by how late im doing this #also Star Im sorry if i drew her completely off i haven't practice humans in a while D: #ur blog was a great reference on how to draw her when canon images are just... yeah #also idk why i drew my dog so little he's not that short but oh well #she's on a pedestal idk #ok too much rambling i should probably stop writing so much on tags #but year that's just about it hope u like the images!! the boop war was really fun and i just needed to draw something to save that moment

[aq2003]

i saw a post saying boom was good bc it feels like it could be done with any doctor/companion duo and honestly that was one of the things i felt was wrong with it

#in a show with a title character that could be Literally Anyone and a companion sharing the lead that could be Literally Anyone #i value the little moments that set this duo apart from the rest. ESPECIALLY when it comes to returning writers like rtd/moff #fifteen and ruby felt a little too eleven/twelve and clara adjacent in boom. in both their dialogue and characterization #space babies also landed a little weird at first bc it lifted a bit from end of the world BUT the scenes that fifteen and ruby #had to themselves. like ruby getting covered in snot and fifteen laughing. or fifteen and ruby looking after the Space Babies #or fifteen going out of his way to save the monster bc that monster is the only one of its kind Just Like Him Fr #that stuff is so good and its also something we haven't seen from another nuwho doctor. the vulnerable bleeding-heart empathy #and a dynamic w a companion that is basically 'two troublemakers that just deeply love fun and adventure and getting into trouble together' #oh yeah and also the devil's chord was peak fiction because it touches on fifteen's renewed connection and love for humanity #and marries it to ruby being a musician and how music like any art is the expression of the human soul etc etc #WHAT MAKES A DOCTOR WHO STORY GOOD TO ME IS PARTLY HOW THE PREMISE TIES INTO THE DOCTOR AND COMPANION'S CHARACTERS #IT HAS TO FEEL LIKE IT WAS TAILOR MADE TO THEM. ELSE IT WONT LAND RIGHT TO ME #i hate the take that they should've saved wild blue yonder for a fifteen episode bc #the tension is hinged on how well the doctor/companion know each other. u have a level of it that u can ONLY get #with fourteen and donna who are two halves of a whole soul but have also spent much more time missing the other than knowing them #im not rewatching fifteen's eps rn until a week later when i can watch it w my qpp but #rn i still feel a stronger sense of fifteen and ruby's characters from all the rtd-written eps rather moffat #which like. i get that a lot of that is my personal dislike of moffat's writing style but still #dr who #15 era #dw spoilers

[jankwritten]

Jasico Bingo Challenge: love letter

A sheet of paper, folded into thirds, dotted in places with what must be water and grass stains. The handwriting is legible in some places, and shaky in others. In the margins are small doodles of birds, clouds, trees, and other miscellaneous, abstract shapes, as if the writer’s mind kept wandering. 

TO: Nico di Angelo 

FROM: Jason Grace 

Hey, Nico. If you’re reading this, something probably happened to me. Maybe I hit my head again and lost my memories, or something, and you went through my stuff to try and find things to remind me of who I was. Maybe this fell out while we were hanging out, one day, and you saw it was addressed to you and you picked it up. Maybe I died—

However you found this, I guess, surprise! :) 

First thing’s first: I’m sorry for leaving. I know I begged you to stay, and then turned around and left, and I really hope you understand - I didn’t leave because of you. I needed to find Leo, and leaving with Piper was the easiest way to do that. I had to try and get him back. 

I wanted you to come with, but you were still healing and things were going really well with you and Will. I hope things still are, in fact. Wherever I am, I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come, and how much I’m sure you continued to grow even after I left. 

I really love you, man. I never got to tell you that, but you’re one of my best, closest friends. You mean so much to me. You showed me a side of the world that I never would’ve seen otherwise, and gave me a space to be myself, and I will never, ever know how I deserved that. How I deserve you. 

Is that out of left field? Haha it definitely is. Sorry. 

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Nico. I didn’t want to leave. I’m so sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry I had to go and I’m sorry it had to be me, but it couldn’t be her, Nico, it can’t be her, it can’t be. It has to be me. 

It has to be. 

Here, some of the words are smeared from the water marks. Lines cross through some words that have then been re-written, as if in after-thought the author realized they were too important to delete. 

If you really are reading this, after the worst case scenario, I understand if you’re angry. I understand if you never want to think about me again, after what I’ve done. I’ll understand if you storm to your father’s palace and demand I be placed in the worst of the worst punishments for being so stupid. 

Gods. Gods, Nico, I’m never going to get to tell you how I really feel. About all of this, about everything I’m going through, I’m never going to be able to tell you and that hurts. It hurts more than knowing I’m going to die, it hurts more than getting stabbed and poisoned. I’m going to die loving you and you won’t even know until it’s too late. 

Maybe this is a stupid bad idea. Maybe I should let it die with me. Is it cruel, to tell you how I feel if I’m gone? Does this make me an awful person? 

Shit. I think I’m an awful person, Nico. I’m awful and I’m selfish and I can never choose things for myself, it always has to be for the greater good, so this is it. This is as selfish as I can be. This is all I can be for you. 

I want to see you on the other side. I want you to punch me for getting myself killed and hate me for being a hero and I want you to know that I didn’t want this but it needed to be me. It has to be me. 

I’m still wrapping my head around it, but it has to be me, okay? So if I’m really gone when you’re reading this, okay, you have to let me stay gone. Please. If you get hurt, if you die, and it’s my fault, I could never— 

Here, the letter abruptly stops. Then, it continues: 

That’s all I wanted to say, anyway. That I love you. I love you in any way I can, and even if I’ve done it silently, and stupidly, from a distance, just know that it was there, the whole time. It’s still there, wherever I am. Dead, or lost, or whatever. I love you, Nico. I’m sorry.

-- Jason Grace :)

#jasicobingochallenge2024 #love letter #tw major character death ment #tw suicidal ideation #i haven't read TOA so I don't really know what Went Down with this shit but I think Jason did journal-type letters to people #he wrote down whatever it was he wished he could say to them before he died #I think there's one to Piper about how much he loves her and wishes things could've been different for them #I think there's one to Leo where Jason pours his guts out about how much he hates him and needs him and wishes he hadn't died #(the irony of that is lost on him) #he writes one to Reyna about how he wishes they had more time to be friends again #He writes one to Hazel begging her to keep an eye on Nico. pleasing for her forgiveness because he knows she'll be so angry #one to Percy and Annabeth in a similar vein. #i thik Jason just had a lot of feelings that he never let himself feel until he decided to die for everyone #and in that moment his dams broke and he realized that he was never going to have the chance to be himself #not really #he was destined for this. he was destined to be the son of jupiter champion of hera sacrifice of olympus. #who knew the boy raised by wolves was really a lamb for the slaughter #ANYWAY. :) #pjo #jason grace #hoo #nico di angelo #jasico