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httpdwaekki · 2 days

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breathe | y.j.

summary: when your anxiety does nothing but weigh you down, pulling you under the waves of doubt, jeongin is there to pull you back to him.

wc: 2.1k

warnings: fem!reader, descriptions of anxiety/anxious thoughts, this is based on my experience of anxiety.

a/n: hi!! me again to remind you, the lovely astraystayyh and many other wonderful writers (including myself) are writing requests for anyone that is willing to donate to her fundraiser to help people in gaza! all you have to do is donate (any amount) and send proof to one of the writers along with your request! (please do make sure you read writers rules for requests first! and be aware they have a right to say no to the request.) i hope u enjoy, remember to eat, drink water and take your meds, ily <3

my library

(pictures are not mine! credit to owners!)

you have those days where you feel like you can’t catch your breath. like no matter how hard you try to swim to the surface, waves of dread keep pulling you under. your heart beating a few extra beats a minute, reminding you of the gnawing feeling of anxiety deep in your stomach.

the entire day you felt it. as soon as you woke up it felt like there was a weight on your chest. feeling an impending doom and the worst part? you had no idea why and what was making you feel this way.

jeongin sensed something was wrong. as soon as you woke up, you seemed; different. he couldn’t put his finger on it but he knew something was off. he didn’t ask, he figured if you wanted to talk about it, you’d tell him, as you always had before.

this time was different.

this time, it felt like the anxiety spread through your bones and into every aspect of your life. your work, your friends, and even your relationship. you felt like you were constantly waiting for something bad to happen.

because of this you didn’t want to reach out to jeongin, feeling like a burden. now, you knew, with all your heart, that if you told jeongin something was wrong, especially with your anxiety, he’d drop everything to make you feel better.

but instead, you push it down.

and as expected, it only got worse, the weight on your chest increasing, only dragging you deeper and deeper. you wanted nothing more than to go home and have your bed swallow you whole.

and that’s exactly what you planned to do until you got home. you set your bag down, kicking off your shoes, making your way into the kitchen. you find jeongin leaning against the counter, snacking on pocky sticks, scrolling through his phone.

he hears you walk in, looking up from the bright screen. “hi noona.” he smiles, slipping the device in his pocket, placing the strawberry snack aside. he opens his arms, prompting you to fall into them. “hi bub.” you mumble into his neck. you feel him place a loving kiss to the side of your head, arms tightening around you.

“we’re gonna leave in about an hour and a half, is that okay?” your eyebrows crease in confusion, pulling away slightly to look at him. “what?” he mirrors your expression. “leave for what?” you ask

“dinner with my members tonight.” he reminds you. a look of understanding washes over your face while dread and exhaustion seep into your bones.

you had completely forgotten chan had invited you both over to hang out and have dinner. jeongin had been so excited about it all week, but in your anxious haze this morning, you had completely forgotten. “ah yeah, okay, that’s okay, just let me shower and get ready.” you smiled, pulling away.

you didn’t get far before you were pulled back into him, you hands landing on his sides to stabilize yourself. “baby, are you okay? we don’t have to go.” he asks, searching your eyes for any sign of hesitance or discomfort.

you shake your head, “i’m okay in-ah, just slipped my mind.” you place a kiss to his cheek before pulling away once more. jeongin was not convinced.

you walked into your bedroom, turning on your lamp, plugging in your phone before sitting on the bed. you felt the weight getting heavier and heavier, taking a deep breath, you lay back for a moment. taking the foxi.ny next to you in your arms, tucked into your chest.

unbeknownst to you, jeongin had followed you, he had a gut feeling. something was wrong and you weren’t telling him. he stayed around the corner, waiting until he heard your low, uneven breaths.

he takes that as his cue and walks into the dimly lit room. he finds the plush fox now pushed into your face, your hands atop it, attempting to hush your cries. what was supposed to be self-soothing ended up breaking the dam you were trying oh-so hard to keep together.

you, oblivious to the ginger boy entering, jump as you feel the bed next to you dip. “baby, what’s going on?” he asks gently, placing his hand next to your thigh. he didn’t want to touch you in case you were overstimulated but he wanted you to know he was there.

however, this just causes a new wave, this time of guilt, the negative emotions mixing together to create a nasty storm you weren’t equipped to deal with. your chest tightens as your cries intensify, unable to breathe.

you roll over towards him, grabbing his hand in the process, bringing it to your chest along with the plushie. this told jeongin he could touch you. he gives your hand a small squeeze before turning to you, placing his hand on your cheek, thumb stroking it softly.

“hey, hey, y/n, you gotta breathe for me baby.” he says urgently, yet his voice was laced with softness. you try to take a deep breath, but you can’t calm down.you shake your head, “i- i can- i can’t.” the guilt and anxiety had an iron grip on you and it doesn’t plan on letting go.

jeongin shifts, facing you, placing your hand to his chest. “yes you can agi, follow my lead, okay?” he takes deep steady breaths, making sure to keep your hand pressed to him. he was sure you could feel his heartbeat as well but he didn’t care, he just needed you to breathe.

after about a minute your breathing becomes less eratate. “there you go, good job, just like that, i got you baby.” he praises, both his thumbs simultaneously rubbing your cheek and hand. you sit up, you finally feel yourself coming back to the surface. your cries soften but never cease.

you lay your head on his shoulder, tears still running down your cheeks, pulling his hand back to you. “i’m sorry.” you cry, shaking your head. ‘i’m so-” he cuts you off. “no, none of that.” he squeezes your hand. “do not apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for.” he says, placing a kiss on your head.

he sat back, pulling you into his lap. you still had the small fox in your hand, curling it back into your chest, melting into him. he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer to him. he places a kiss to the side of your head, rubbing soothing circles on your back as you calm down.

you both sat there for a moment, just enjoying being so close with each other. jeongin eventually pulled back, keeping one hand firm on your hip to keep you steady. the other making it’s way to you soft cheek, stained with tears before he gently wipes them away.

“you gotta tell me what’s going on.” a mixture of dread and guilt washes over you, pulling you back under with ease. you look down, picking at the skin around your nails. he notices and immediately picked your head back up before his hand drops to yours.

“stop that.”

he shakes his head, bringing your hand up to place a gentle kiss to it. “please.” he whispers into your skin. “i want to help but i can’t if you won’t tell me what’s going.” he kisses your hand once more, looking into your teary eyes.

“i just wanna help you baby.” you see pure sincerity and love in his eyes, hurt hidden behind them. you nod your head, “okay.” you take a deep breath, looking up, hoping to calm down enough to speak.

after a few moments he gives your hand a gentle squeeze, “take your time, okay? deep breaths, whenever you’re ready.” you nod, rubbing the soft fabric of the plushie, soothing you enough to be able to communicate .

“i don’t know what triggered it but when i woke up this morning, i just felt like there was a weight on my chest.” you begin to explain, tears still slowly making their way down your cheeks.

“like i’m used to my anxiety, it never truly goes away or stops. but this,” you pause, shaking your head. “this just felt, so much worse.” jeongin listened to every word, rubbing the back of your hand soothingly.

“why didn't you tell me?” he asked gently. “i just felt like a burden, i didn’t want to bother you.” you mumbled, avoiding his eyes.

“ agi,” he gives your hand a shake. “look at me please.” his voice laced, with softness. you slowly look up to him, love and concern mixed a dash of hurt that lingered in his eyes. “you are never a burden to me, you understand?”

you look between his eyes, as if searching for some sort of deceit. but you find none. you nod, tears still streaming down your soft cheeks.

“no matter what is going on, where i am, nothing, you are my priority always.” this time you bring the fox up to your face sobbing into it, diving into jeongin’s chest.

he wraps his arms around you, holding you tightly to him. he pulls you back into his lap, moving your face into his neck. you both stay there for what felt like hours, just basking in each other’s embrace.

suddenly the waves seemed to calm, they never cease, but now you felt like could keep your head above water and breathe.

he places kisses to your head, hushed whispers of praises and i love yous leave his lips. you relax into his hold, wrapping your arms around him, deep breaths softly brush his skin.

eventually you pull away, leaving the fox plush between the two of you, opting to place both your hands to his cheeks. you thumbs brushing against the apples of his cheeks.

“thank you, i love you so much.” you say sincerely, looking into his boba colored eyes. he leans forward, bringing his lips to yours, bringing a hand to rest upon yours.

he pulls away slightly, resting his forehead to yours “you never have to thank me for them, you’re the love of my life. i’d do anything for you.” you nod, closing your eyes, still overwhelmed by emotions.

“i feel the same in-ah.” you brush his nose with yours, before capturing his lips once more in a chaste kiss. “come on,” his arms drop to your waist before he pats your thigh. “ let’s get you changed and comfy.” you lean back, arms dropping to his shoulders, looking in his eyes once more.

“what about dinner?” your head tilts, confused. “we’re not going?” he says, equally as confused. “i already texted chan-hyung, we’re just going to relax for the rest of the night.” he pauses.

“did you really think we would still go over after this?” he asks, shocked. your cheeks warm. suddenly feeling embarrassed, realizing how silly that was. “i guess not, but you were so excited.” you pout, feeling guilt gnawing at you once more.

“we can always have dinner another time. i promise you my members are not going anywhere.” he gives a quiet laugh. “you promise you’re not upset?” you ask, searching his eyes for any trace of dismay, but you only find love and concern.

“not at all baby,” he shakes his head, placing a quick kiss to your cheek before tapping your thigh once more. “now come on, i wanna make my baby cozy.” you giggle before carefully moving off his lap.

“do you wanna take a bath or lay down?” he asks, making his way to your closet. “will you join me in the bath?” you ask following him. he pauses what he’s doing to look at you. “do you want me to join you?” you nod, shy smile making it’s way onto your face.

“then yes i will.” he says, grabbing a comfy change of clothes and towels for the both of you. you both made your way into the ensuite, he places everything on the counter before starting the tub.

you grab the epsom salt and bubble bath bringing it to him, letting him set up the rest of the bath. “is this too hot, baby?” he asks, moving to allow you to feel the water. you shake your head. “it’s perfect bub.” you lean down, sliding your arms around him, placing a kiss on his head.

‘thank you my love,” you lay your head atop his, “i love you so much.” he reaches an arm around you, rubbing your back. “of course, anything for my sweet girl.” he turns his head up, placing a kiss to your chin.

once the bath is filled, you both strip, stepping into the bath, jeongin laying behind you. you both enjoy each other’s presence, wrapped in each others arms, making small talk until the water goes cold.

once out of the tub, jeongin pulls the plug in the tub before helping you get dressed. you both get dressed before making your way to your shared bed where you spend the rest of the night watching movies, wrapped in each other's embrace.

a/n: yeah i got lost in the sauce again LMAO. anyway hope you enjoyed, please consider donating it's for such a good cause, we've raise $2,000 already! love you guys, drink your water, eat something and take ur meds <3.

do not repost

#i.n #yang jeongin #stray kids #skz #i.n imagine #i.n fluff #i.n fic #i.n one shot #i.n x reader #yang jeongin imagine #yang jeongin fluff #yang jeongin fic #yang jeongin one shot #yang jeongin x reader #stray kids imagine #stray kids fluff #stray kids fic #stray kids oneshot #stray kids x reader

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naamahdarling · 2 days

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I do want to say, because I know I am extremely and probably sometimes unfairly unforgiving of everything to do with the medical profession, that I had a really good experience last week with a team that was very empathetic and trauma-informed. The area of medicine is deeply triggering and I truly didn't know if I would even be able to talk or not. They were very understanding and respectful and I didn't feel like an inconvenience or a difficult patient, or like someone who was making a big deal out of nothing.

I know and they pointed out that I'm not the only person with this issue. This is actually common. It is utterly baffling to me that so many providers aren't able to cope with PTSD in their patients, especially patients whose trauma is medical in nature. These people treated me like a normal person who had experienced some very not-normal things.

Anyway, I had an unexpectedly hard time afterwards -- I figured the hardest part would be the appointment, and it super was not -- and have had a hard time off and on since. It has not been fun. It's been frustrating and confusing and upsetting and scary. But for once, none of that was the fault of the people I saw. I went in unsure I'd even be able to talk about it and nearly completely certain I wouldn't be able to move forward with the things I need to do. I figured I would probably have to white-knuckle it through a panic attack. I came out having held a productive conversation that left me scared, yes, but also hopeful and optimistic that I can move forward. And I didn't have a panic attack. It was a radical and unexpected change.

I worked hard for this. Any trauma is an awful thing to live with. The work of remaking yourself around the holes it punches in you is hard and confusing. The healing is often slow. In my case it comes with very few immediate rewards (it will actually make my life more difficult for a while because I'll have to deal with more medical interference, hooray). But it was time for me to do this and I have come far enough and worked hard enough to have the resilience to try, and I did it.

All we did was talk, but that would not have been possible a year ago. It was all I could do to ask for a referral because even naming the specialty was upsetting. I couldn't make the phone call to set up an appointment and when they called to try to do it, I hung up. Six or eight months ago I managed to dial the number and then hung up the instant someone answered. Last week I walked into the building and said out loud multiple words that make me feel like I have worms under my skin and which I can barely look at, let alone type. I didn't lose speech. This was a big win for me, and I'm thankful it went well, and I actually am proud of myself. I didn't even use any of my antianxiety meds that day, because I didn't think I would need them.

I don't feel grateful to the staff, I feel like someone finally did the bare fucking minimum, but I am very grateful, because I am not only what I feel. I am also what I know and what I do, and I am finally sort of getting those three things to match up in a way that they patch the holes in one another a little, and maybe someday I can stop slipping through the cracks.

I'm scared they will fuck up when I go to get some issues addressed, and they will betray me or harm me. I really am. Because hey, that's what my experiences have prepared me for, so that's a very natural way for me to feel. Rational, even.

I'm scared that I will look back at this appointment and feel stupid for having experienced any hope at all.

But even if it goes to shit, I still went in there and tried. I still did my best. And my best was okay. I was able to separate my fear from what needed to be done just a little bit. That means something. Because I didn't think I could do it at all.

#rambling again

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collapsedglasshouses · 3 days

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HEAVEN KNOWS I AIN'T GETTING OVER YOU || Joakim Karlsson x fem!Reader

picture found on pinterest

PAIRING: ex-husband!Jolly x fem!reader

SUMMARY: When Jolly visits you unannounced on a Tuesday night, you have no idea what it leads to.

WARNINGS: SMUT [oral sex, female receiving; unprotected p in v], possessive!jolly, ANGST, jolly and reader have a daughter together (y/d/n), MDNI, 18+

TAGLIST: @measuredingold @cncohshit @circle-with-me @jilliemiw86 @justeli6 (If you wanna be added to the story's taglist or to my taglist in general, leave a comment or message me privately!)

A/N: i wrote this in one sitting and i'm so proud of it that i can't hide it for one second longer. i hope you like it! also this isn't proofread, im very sorry ._.

MASTERLIST

[y/d/n = your daughter’s name]

You thought the hardest thing you had ever done in your entire life was the process of deciding to file for divorce from your ex-husband Jolly, but he had proven you wrong. It was that he had signed the papers without an argument or fight. He had just done it.

It had stung, how he came back from a long tour, saw the papers laying on the kitchen counter and just signed them. It hurt but you also knew it was for the best. That he didn’t fight with you was hard, but it also made it in some ironic way easier.

Since you had a daughter together, he came over only on the weekends when he was home from touring and normally, he’d only pick up your daughter and leave again; not really much conversation going on between you except the necessary small talk. He was a good father and human after all, and you were glad for that.

After some time, routine came back and somewhat everything began to feel normal again. You began to date again, and Jolly seemed to live his life to the fullest. You were happy for him.

That changed when your doorbell rang on a Tuesday evening. You were sitting on the couch watching TV when you heard the sound and for the first couple of seconds you thought about not opening the door. After all, it was almost 8 PM and you were kind of scared there would be someone trying to break in or hurt you, but when it rang again you became curious.

“Joakim?” You asked surprised when you saw him standing there.

“Is it true?” He just asked and looked you dead in the eye.

“What?” You answered him confused. He looked like he hadn’t slept properly since he brought back your daughter two days ago.

“On the weekend, y/d/n said you were seeing someone.” He asked, his tone careful, yet you could sense some sort of hurt in his voice.

“Do you maybe wanna come in before you confront me about stuff that hasn’t got anything to do with you?” You grumbled at him in a sarcastic tone, which he ignored while stepping into the place you once called home together.

He walked into the living room, followed by you. There he crossed his arms in front of your chest and looked at you, disappointed.

“What do you want to here, Joakim? I don’t remember that we agreed to be abstinent for the rest of our lives.” You snarled at him and mirrored is gesture.

“Don’t you think it still hurts that I hear that from our daughter instead of you?” He responded in the same tone.

“I don’t know why you suddenly seemed to care.” You grumbled. “Since you didn’t show any interest in me for… how long is it now? One and a half years?”

“You didn’t even let me explain myself and threw the divorce papers at me. How do you think I feel?” He angrily expressed.

“I don’t even need to tell you this, but there is no other guy. I went on two dates. TWO dates, Jolly.” You answered him while ignoring how his statement stung. You knew it had been egoistic of you, but the months before the divorce, he either wasn’t at home or when he was, he didn’t even look at you. You felt unimportant, unloved, neglected. And now he was throwing around these statements. You wished he had done it earlier. You wished he would have opened up to you. The fact that he only did it because he saw the potential danger of another person in your life, hurt you so much.

Jolly took a deep breath. “I feel like we never even talked about this whole separation.”

“You were the one who didn’t ask when I handed you the papers, Joakim.” You said, your tone a lot calmer than it had been before but you still were angry. You were glad that your daughter was having a sleepover at a friend's house that night, otherwise she would have already been downstairs.

When Jolly didn’t say anything for another solid minute, you sighed.

“Don’t you think it is a bit too late to talk now?” You mumbled defeated and ran a hand through your hair. “I hope you know that I didn’t do that to hurt you. We both know it would have ended way uglier if we dragged it out longer than it already had been.”

You saw how Jolly swallowed hard.

“You know I still love you?” He almost whispered and let his hands fall to his sides. When you looked at him like that, he almost looked broken… defeated. For the first time since what felt like ages, you felt like he let his guard down. Like he wasn’t trying to hide his feelings away.

“I know, Jolly.” You answered him. “And I also know that a part of me still loves you and always will, but we both know that this isn’t going to work. At least not like this.”

He slowly took a step towards you, carefully watching your reaction. When you didn’t look reluctant or took a step back, he reached for your hand and grabbed it.

“I am so sorry that all of this happened. I thought about everything that had happened. Long before the divorce. I know how cruel I was to leave you in the dark. To not talk to you when I needed nothing but your comfort. I thought that I would get through everything by myself.” He told you with honesty in his voice.

“You didn’t have to go through everything alone. That is what a marriage is for, Jolly. I would have been more than happy to help you. I still am if you need me.” You whispered out and looked into the eyes of the man you had and still loved so dearly, and you felt how your heart hurt.

“I always need you, y/n. I need you so bad.” Jolly responded and you saw how his eyes became glossy. Without even thinking you wrapped your arms around his torso and hugged him tightly. You felt how tears started to form in your eyes and it broke your heart when you heard him sniffle for a second.

When you leaned back to look at him, there was this foolish hope in your heart. The hope that you would be able to find back to each other. But your brain knew, even if you did eventually manage to do that, now was not the right time for it.

“Can I kiss you?” Jolly asked and you felt warmth form in your stomach. You knew you should have said no. You knew you should have been strong, but you still nodded.

Your lips met with a ferocity born from years of unspoken words and yearning. The taste of his mouth a bittersweet reminder of everything you had lost.

It felt like you kissed for an eternity and still, when you pulled away, it felt like it wasn’t long enough. You missed him. You missed everything about him, from his small jokes to the way it felt when you fell asleep next to him. He was what made this house a home.

“We shouldn’t.” You whispered against his lips, and he nodded. Before he could even think about letting you go, you pressed your lips against his for a second kiss. This one being much more eager than the previous one.

Slowly but surely, you stumbled towards the couch and soon you were laying under him, lips still connected as if life depended on it. His tongue slipped into your mouth, and you couldn’t help but sigh into the kiss.

It didn’t take long until his fingers curled into the waistband of your shorts and panties. For a second, he leaned back to look for consent in your eyes. When you eagerly nodded, he tugged them down your legs.

He kissed you deeply before lowering himself down your body. You shivered when you felt his breath against your core and not even a second later you felt his warm tongue sliding through your folds. He drew skillful circles around your clit. A wave of warmth washed over you as you moaned out his name and it felt so wrong and so right at the same time. You had missed him so much.

Your hand reached for his and he was quick to intertwine your fingers. Your nails pressed into the skin on his hand as your back arched in pleasure.

“Tell me you’re mine.” He pleaded as he raised his head for a second to look at you through his lashed and you felt like you could come on the spot.

“I’m yours, Joakim. I always will be.” You whimpered out and it was all he needed to hear as his head lowered again.

It didn’t take long for you to feel the waves of your orgasm washing over you, as you screamed out his name. Your vision blurred for a second as you came on his tongue. He kissed the inside of your thighs until you slowly came down from your high, before he came up to look at you again.

You grabbed his face and kissed him with such force, he feared to collapsed right on the spot. You could taste yourself on his tongue and the feeling of the fabric of his jeans against your naked cunt made you shiver in overstimulation.

In a swift motion, he turned you on your stomach and you heard how he unzipped his pants. The next thing you felt was hot kisses pressed to the back of your neck and you sighed in need. You needed to feel him, even if it was the last time.

“Do you have a condom?” He groaned into your ear.

“You don’t need one, Joakim. I’m clean and on the pill.” – “Got it.”

You clenched your fists into the fabric of the couch as you felt him enter you. A delicate burn formed inside of you as he stretched your walls. He was gentle but still you let out a small yelp as he bottomed out in one stroke. The small groan that escaped from Jolly’s lips, let you clench around him for a moment.

“God.” He moaned. “I wish I could stay inside of you forever.”

You moaned as a response.

“I’ll make you mine, even if it’s the last time.” He groaned as he slung an arm around your torso, making you slightly sit on him as he thrusted into you.

“I’ll be yours.” You whimpered and reached behind you to grab onto his hair. You moved in a rhythm as you felt the knot tighten in your stomach for a second time. One of Jolly’s hands travelled between your thighs and began to rub small circles on your wet clit.

“God, Jolly. I’m gonna come.” You almost screamed out.

“I’ve got you.” He breathed out as you felt the intense sensation of your second orgasm rolling over you. You felt how your body slowly lost strength, but you held yourself together for him.

You fell forward, leaning on your elbows as his hands grabbed your hips. Shortly after that you felt how he was twitching inside of you and he let out a loud groan as he finished inside of you, his cum filling you up until it began to drip. He grabbed the armrest of the couch in front of you to not let his weight drop on you as he mumbled out small love confessions.

For a couple of moments, neither of you dared to move. He peppered your shoulder with small kisses while you both tried to tame your breaths. Even though, you both didn’t want to, he eventually pulled out of you and got up, as you slowly laid down on your back.

After a minute or so he reappeared with a washcloth and gently cleaned you up, before helping you up from the couch and to the bathroom to go to the toilet.

After you finished and came back to the living room, he handed you your clothes and you both got fully dressed again, before looking at each other in awkward silence.

You knew what he was going to say, before he could even finish.

“Maybe, I should-…” – “Stay.”

He blinked a couple of times as his eyes lit up.

“Y/d/n isn’t coming back until tomorrow after school. You can stay.” You almost whispered and hoped he wouldn’t leave you in that state. “I want you to stay.”

“Okay.” He muttered and nodded slightly. “I will.”

As the two of you sat down on the couch, a wave of guilt washed over you. This was a forbidden taste of the past that only solidified the painful truth. You were bound by a love that could never be, at least not now…

dividers by @saradika-graphics

#bad omens fanfiction #bad omens fanfic #bad omens fic #bad omens rpf #jolly karlsson smut #joakim jolly karlsson fanfic #jolly karlsson fic #jolly karlsson x reader #bad omens smut #smut #collapsedglasshouseswrites

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lovelylittlelevity · 2 days

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Im very sorry to say that as of 5/29/24 Lovely Little Levity's blog and game has been decided to become a content archive.

this was a team decision, and due to the lack of motivation and health issues (mental and physical) among us, we've come to the conclusion to simply let sleeping dogs lie. While I wish I could say we ended with a bang or something else interesting, it was a simple decision to choose us and our health before LLL.

below are the final statements of those who wished to speak

---

Melody:

While I wish I could say I had fun, that was only true intitially. While I understand I made my mistakes, nothing I did gave the free pass some of y'all think you have to stalk me through multiple blogs telling me to kill myself and otherwise harrass me. I really hope I can find the joy of creating with friends again with the other projects I have ongoing. I guess to the people who still want to make "expose" documents/posts about me all I gotta say is: Grow up. Get a life outside of fandom culture. Some of y'all are forgetting what an actual problematic person looks like/have never faced REAL conflict and it shows.

Puppit:

Honestly it was fun at first but after a while it felt more like we have forced ourselves to make it because y'all wouldn't stop rushing us some of the time and kept on asking when the game was going to be finished. But when we released the demo, y'all said it felt forced. So it didn't feel fun anymore. It just became stressful in the end. Honestly the LMK fandom is just a whole disaster to the point so many are just at each other's throat. I just really hope it gets better for all of you.

Ekko:

In all honesty LLL was a mess. Early on we had the Scott issue, and then later more personal issues that slowed work down. Even when we had a pickup on motivation the constant pressure and rude comments were too much. It's not hard to be kind on the fucking internet, the world wont end if you dont click send on that kys message I swear. I could handle it better than the other members of LLL, however it doesn't mean i should have to. Thank you to everyone who was kind in welcoming me and aware of my tone deafness, you are appreciated more than you know.

-xoxo EK

#ekko yapping #lmk #dating sim #puppit answers #melody talks #lovely little levity

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livesworthlivingau · 1 day

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Lives Worth Living Chapter 7

Spoilers for ISAT as a whole, including Two Hats. I'm not great with slice of life stuff so I'm just supplementing it with tons of Isafrin content, hope you enjoy!

(As your nearing the end of your walk of shame, you perk up to the faint sound of your family shouting in the distance.)

"Siffriiiiiiin!!!!"

"FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!"

"Hey Sif, where are yah buddy?"

(You take a deep breath, slowly coming out of the tree line to make yourself known. You don't make eye contact. You feel bad enough about leaving, let alone coming back empty handed.)

"There you are Siffrin, you had us worried sick."

"Yeah, Sif, where'd you vanish off to?" (Isa asked in his always so kind and caring tone, not an ounce of judgement in his voice. You just walk over to him, gently laying your head against his chest. You didn't care that this was out of character, you needed him right now...) "I thought... I thought Loop was here..." (You say in a meek whisper, before feeling his large arms wrapping around you in a comforting gesture.) "I-It's alright Sif... We'll find them eventually, I'm sure!" (He reassures you, quickly getting over the bit of fluster you caused by your sudden closeness.) "Y-Yeah... We'll find them..." (You mumbled out, but even you are having a hard time believe that at this point.) --------------------------------------------------------- (Everyone wanted to make sure you were well rested after the ordeal they all went through yesterday. Despite it being practically a whole lifetime ago, so many pieces of it still stick in your mind, especially now that you're back here... You're finally back in your and Isa's room you were staying in that night. Everyone gave you plenty of space after this morning, though you're not even sure if you wanted that. You take off your cloak and hat, instinctively reaching for your ears and catching nothing... Right... we... we're not there yet... You take a couple deep breaths to calm yourself, sitting down in your bed. You look back down at your hand, pausing for a moment before making the sign for calling Loop again, hesitating before bringing it back to your face.) "Loop... Are you-" ["Hello~!"] "LOOP! Y-" ["The cosmic entity you are trying to reach is currently unavailable, please leave a message at the tone and we'll get back to you just as soon as we can~!" beeeeep] "..." (You take a moment to recover from the jarring tone you just heard, then deciding to leave a message as instructed.) "Loop... I'm s-" (You cut yourself off, you know they don't want to hear anymore apologies.) "... I wasn't being completely honest when you asked me why I wasn't freaking out earlier... The truth is I was terrified. I was frozen stiff when I woke up, I couldn't bring myself to move... and then I heard you, Loop... Your voice snapped me out of it. I missed you so blinding much Loop, for all these years I never stopped thinking about you, caring about you, always hoping I'd one day see you again... I just wanted to make sure you knew that, how much you really mean to me... I hope you're okay..." (You release the sign before moving your hand over to wipe your tears, giving a bit of a sniffle.) "Sif? You alright?" (Isa chimes in, the door starting to creak open just a bit.) "Heh... Hard to say honestly." (You answer with a light chuckle through your soft sobbing.) "Do you... want some company, tonight?" (You just respond with a light nod, Isa slipping fully into the room and closing the door behind himself.)

#lives worth living au #lwlau #isat au #isat spoilers #isat fanfic #in stars and time #two hat spoilers #isat two hats #isat #in stars and time fanfic #isafrin

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ilikekidsshows · 2 days

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Could I ask for your thoughts on Kuro Neko the episode as a whole? It's actually kind of my final straw, so I wanted to ask for your perspective on it.

I haven’t actually seen Kuro Neko in its entirety, and I have no intention to. This episode repels me. Everything I’ve learned about this episode has just made me want to avoid it more. I’ve read the transcript and I suffered every moment of it. I heard the first episodes of season 5 were good and thought to myself: “God, I hope season 5 doesn’t actually fix season 4 because then I’ll have to watch Kuro Neko to catch up.”

Kuro Neko is like Reflekdoll all over again, when the characters come away with the worst possible lessons. In Reflekdoll, Adrien learns that he should never try to be Ladybug and he can’t handle responsibility, while Marinette learns Cat Noir really does just goof off all the time and that’s his “role”. In Kuro Neko, Adrien and Marinette both learn the same lesson that his feelings don’t matter because Ladybug will always have more important things to worry about than his emotional state and he should just be her emotional support dispenser.

Basically, Kuro Neko has Marinette at her most self-centered in the entire show, and she’s downright selfish in it. That by itself wouldn’t be an issue if this wasn’t the retool and Marinette wasn’t Astruc’s imaginary daughter and therefore the “person” this world was made for. The thing is, the episode doesn’t have Marinette learn a lesson about valuing other people and their opinions, like any other cartoon protagonist would have in this scenario, no no no, the episode instead vindicates her.

Kuro Neko has Marinette chase away her partner with her unjustified negative attitude towards him, and she doesn’t regret it once. Instead the episode makes excuses for how she’s under so much pressure and Cat Noir should be grateful Ladybug considers him a useful tool. It’s basically the New York Special all over again. Marinette is in the wrong, but she’s under so much pressure guys, that Cat Noir should accept whatever mistreatment he receives because doing otherwise would be mean to poor Marinette.

Hot take: Marinette deserved to lose her partner in the New York Special and she deserved to lose him in Kuro Neko. Her actions directly lead to him leaving for completely justified reasons, and Marinette never apologizes. It would have been better for Adrien if he didn’t come back, so yeah, I don’t think “Marinette deserves to lose Cat Noir as a partner” is as extreme of a take as I was convinced it was when I first saw the special. Because Marinette keeps pulling this shit and never reflects or improves on her behavior.

Here’s what Kuro Neko tells me: Ladybug doesn’t actually care about Cat Noir as a person, but Cat Noir should still be grateful that he gets a spot on the team working for a leader who constantly abuses her power over him.

This fandom loves to rag on Adrien for being suicidal, because Cat Noir throwing himself in the path of an enemy’s attack to save Ladybug upsets Marinette, but, here’s the thing: LADYBUG DOES IT TOO. LADYBUG HAS PUSHED CAT NOIR INTO AN ENEMY’S WEAPON BECAUSE THAT WAS PART OF HER PLAN IN ‘BACKWARDER’ AND THE FANDOM SLEEPS ON THAT. Marinette’s plans often revolve around Cat Noir being in danger or compromised and the fandom dares to blame him for thinking his life doesn’t matter when that’s what his partner tells him with her actions constantly.

Kuro Neko is just more of that. Cat Noir quitting didn’t come from nowhere. There were warning signs of him missing fights and so on, but Marinette can’t be arsed to spare a single thought to what might be going on with her partner. She just thinks he should be happy he’s getting a break, because being a superhero is so much hard work, projecting her own thoughts and feelings onto him instead of asking. Marinette never asks when it comes to Cat Noir, she just assumes and demands.

She thinks Kuro Neko is Cat Noir, which is equal parts frustrating and hilarious when it’s paired together with her insisting time and time again that she knows Cat Noir so well in this episode. And it’s the episode where she fails to recognize him twice and misconstrues his issues to be about the fact that he can’t handle being one-sidedly in love with her. But, like, here comes the really asinine part; despite all these facts being provably incorrect, the episode still doesn’t make Marinette learn she’s incorrect. It really is Reflekdoll, but worse.

The only time Marinette apologizes in this episode is when she thinks Cat Noir was Akumatized, and it was for “not seeing how broken-hearted he was”, not for actively pushing him away. When Cat Noir comes back, she instead gives him the silent treatment until he says his justified anger at her was just “her kitty being temperamental”, invalidating his own feelings. Sure, Cat Walker, and therefore Cat Noir, heard those apologies, but Marinette doesn’t know that. Somewhere between realizing Kuro Neko isn’t Cat Noir and seeing Cat Noir again, she decided she had done nothing wrong that warranted an apology. And the thing that did it: the person she hurt coddling her through her pity party.

When Marinette realizes that Cat Noir is still missing and not Kuro Neko, in true Marinette fashion, she makes it about herself. “I must be the worst Guardian ever!” she bemoans when she should be putting together a plan. Hell, even a decision to do better by Cat Noir. But no, our solution-oriented protagonist couldn’t possibly make a plan to find and apologize to Cat Noir (maybe even do away with the “no revealing identities” rule so that this can’t happen again), she’s too busy bitching and moaning about how hard she’s having it. The only thing that gets her out of her funk is the new guy, who she thinks she’s just met, calling her faithful former partner “too emotional” and swearing servitude to her and her altar of the most important problems in the world. And the reason the episode is written like this? It’s because the writers don’t think she needs to apologize and do better in the future. Of course they’re not having her come to the conclusion that she needs to fix something, because they don’t think she does.

“You take care of everybody equally, Ladybug. Now I want to take care of you,” Cat Walker says, to absolve Ladybug of any guilt. The reality, though, is completely different. Cat Noir has always supported Ladybug. The reason he quit was because Ladybug made it abundantly clear she didn’t want or need his support anymore. And he’s made to come back to her, saying he hasn’t done enough? HE COMFORTS LADYBUG THROUGH AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN AT LEAST ONCE PER SEASON. HE DOES SO FUCKING MUCH AND HE’S FORCED TO SAY HIS EMOTIONS ARE “MAKING TROUBLE” FOR LADYBUG WHILE HIS SELFISH, SELF-CENTERED PARTNER WHO DOESN’T TREAT HIM AS A PERSON GIVES HIM THE SILENT TREATMENT, ONLY FACING HIM WHEN HE MAKES LIGHT OF HIS OWN EMOTIONS SO THAT SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR ACTING LIKE A JERK.

“You treat everybody equally” my ass. The day she starts treating Cat Noir like a person, then we can talk. Before that point, she’s a selfish, entitled jerk and Cat Noir deserves better.

The Fae Cat Noir Interpretation was supposed to reflect a flaw of Marinette’s, that Marinette never thinking about Cat Noir as a human being with emotions and problems was something she’d need to grow out of. Except that she doesn’t. Instead the show agrees with her and makes excuses for her. Adrien isn’t even human, he literally is made a “perfect” fae being that Marinette can treat however she wants and he will never complain and he will be in the wrong if he tries to leave.

#ml critical #ml salt #fae cat noir #kuro neko salt #never mind how the episode itself also trivializes Adrien's feelings with that comedy take on his apparent depression

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ghostofbambifanfiction · 1 day

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I have been reading your work for years now (living for the CYOA updates, truly), and I just need you to know what an impact your Lily has had on me.

I've noticed in multiple of your fics (Shelf-Awareness, CYOA, AOOUC, etc), Lily is this high-achieving person who reaches what "success" should be in her career, only to realize she's really unhappy with her work/life balance. And then she chooses something that is less conventionally seen as "successful", but it makes her happier and she has the time to devote to her passions & her family & friends (and she's still so good at her new path!). And it's so obviously the right choice for her and she's still the same wonderful and witty person (read it and weep, Kit) despite having chosen a different career path.

I just need to tell you how much comfort that has brought me. I, too, was a "high-achiever," but my high aspiring career goals didn't work out the way I thought they would, primarily because I realized I just don't value working all the time. But I've had the hardest time shaking that feeling that I'm a failure or that I'm 'not enough' because I'm not living up to some imaginary potential that I gave myself. But then I read your fic, and I feel better knowing that someone like your Lily could choose to walk away from her law career and still be this character that I absolutely adore; I actually get so proud of her for making that choice when you write her making it. I read your fic and love your Lily and feel proud of her choices and then lambast myself for making a similar choice??? That makes no sense! I'm being Kit, but TO MYSELF. Genuinely, the number of times I've been in a spiral and found comfort in the idea that your Lily is still valuable and good and brilliant after walking away from "The" career... innumerable.

So. Thank you for writing her. Truly, from the bottom of my heart. Her journey in CYOA in particular has meant so much to me.

Hey, this response is not going to be nearly as long as you deserve but I wanted to let you know that I read this ask right after I'd finished crying because I was feeling so ill and super anxious about it, and it was the nicest boost I could have asked for. I am so so so glad to have done you some small bit of good with my writing and I remain flabbergasted that it's something I'm even able to do. I genuinely think it's a real shame that we rarelyl see narratives in popular media around a character being brave enough to walk away from the thing they worked so hard for once they realise that it's not what they wanted it to be. I think we're sold the "work hard and achieve and your dreams will come true" dream too often, and that a lot of people feel trapped in gilded cages of their own making. Lily felt like the perfect character to explore that with, and the fact that it means something to you that I wrote it makes me feel happy and fulfilled beyond belief. So thank you for sending this to me, it means more to me than I can properly express, and I hope that you're having a truly wonderful week.

#sarah's choose your own adventure fanfic

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dearweirdme · 1 day

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I was just curious about you and other followers and supporters of Taekook, how we’ve all felt about their relationship the further in we’ve gotten from the beginning of their enlistment. To put into context: despite Paris and T*ennie and everything, 2023 really did come close to convincing me 100% of Taekook, though most days I still tried to retain a healthy sense of skepticism about them.

These days though, we haven’t seen them in a while, so now I feel probably closer to 60-70% that they are SOMETHING more than friends. Like I almost ask myself each day, could they really be that? Isn’t that a little impossible? And if they are… can they manage to make it through this difficult period of extended separation? What would they even be like when they come out of the military?

It’s not like I’m having doubts, but it does just seem too good to be true the further away we get from seeing them in the present time.

I wonder if you or your other followers are feeling this way…

Hi anon!

My feelings and ideas about them haven’t changed. My expectations about seeing them together or hearing about them together during enlistment were very low even before they left last december. To me this is a period of time in which we will most likely get nothing to base our understanding of the current state of their relationship on. My state of mind going through this period is basically that I believe they were probably together before they enlisted, I am aware of the possibility of them not making it through this, but I have high hopes that they will. I think a possible breakup will be noticeable when BTS reunites.. and in the meantime all we can do is base our thoughts on whatever we might get to see.

I’ve seen comments about them having broken up because Tae hasn’t posted Jk yet and on them having not seen each other yet. To me those things mean nothing. Would it surprise me if Tae posted Jk at one point.. no, but at the same time I’m never expecting him to. Even last year, though it was a great Tkk year, we probably saw them together way less than they actually were. Just like all members probably saw each other more than we were aware of. They choose when to post about each other, they do not only post about each other when they actually meet. People will call me an idiot for this probably, but Jk doesn’t seem to want to be seen at the moment.. and I think all members would probably be aware of how the others want to be present in fandom right now.

It’s a hard time for those who like to have reassurances every now and then. Selfdoubt is a thing and it very often occurs when looking back at things. It does not surprise me that Tkk fandom has become a bit.. quiet lately. It is something we have to deal with though, because I truly think we won’t get much realtime Tkk for another year. Personally I’m not bothered much, because I always deal well with not knowing everything. I did not become a Tkkr without looking into things extensively first, and my ideas about everything I’ve seen have not changed. To me all the Tkkry from the past is still as valid as it was before enlistment.

I always kinda wonder about the ‘good to be true’ aspect I see sometimes (and I’m not wanting to be critical here, I just truly wonder), because to me that seems like people think Tae and Jk are this magical fairytale come to life. If we are correct about them I do feel we are seeing something unique, but to me it does not carry much of the magical fairytale. I think what we have spotted is the very cruel treatment of two boys/men in love. Sure, they are rich and famous and handsome and their love ia of the greatest kind, but a lot of the things we have spotted is actually signs of closeting, of two sensitive boys having to hide their feelings. While I do get the romantic side of seeing Tae and Jk together (obviously I do 🥰🥰🥰), I have at times thought that maybe if I were wrong about them it wouldn’t be a bad thing.. because that would mean that they didn’t go through some of the hard stuff I think they went through.

#taekook #fandom shenanigans

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magnificentstrawberryomen · 2 days

Text

Indisposed (Noah Sebastian fanfiction) chapter seven

18+

Autors note: hello! an update, finallyyy hehe. also, i found it very hard to pick a gif this time, like hello he's gorgeous on every single one pff 🫠. but then i saw this one and i got a hot flash right away so i was like ... yeah okay then this is the one GYUFHIJOF. anyway, hope y'all enjoy this chapter, it's long asf btw lol. oh and, i wouldn't read it in public if i were you. 🙃

chapter seven

As I follow the guys, I look at my phone again, having a whole bunch of notifications: two texts from my best friend, five from my mom… including seven missed calls from her.

‘Oh please no,’ I mumble to myself, not looking forward to whatever she has to say to me. Let’s say that me and my mother do not get along very well.

‘What’s up?’ I hear Noah ask next to me, looking over my shoulder out of curiosity, trying to see the cause of my annoyance.

‘It’s my mother,’ I sigh. ‘Seven damn missed calls from her. Wonder what I did wrong in her eyes this time now,’ I mumble while rolling with my eyes.

As soon as Noah hears that it’s about my mom, a frown appears on his face and his forehead wrinkles. He knows a little about her-that I grew up with her and my dad in a little religious town in the UK, and we especially started to not get along anymore when I became a teenager and developed my own will and opinions.

It all just had to turn that big of an issue for her that she basically kicked me out, making me live with my aunt (her sister) here in the United States since I was thirteen. And believe me… I actually had a way better life with my aunt. I have always been hurt deep inside that my own mother kicked me out and found her religious beliefs way more important than her own daughter, but as I grew older I could accept it piece by piece, and I have always been grateful-and still am-that my aunt took me into her loving home. To me, she became more of a mom to me than my own biological one has ever been. A lot of times I have felt like she never deserved that title.

Of course my older sister, Kate, has always been the perfect daughter to her, following her religious footsteps like some too tall fucking baby duck (she is seriously very tall), making mum and dad always so proud of her. Her noisy ass always has something to say to me too, and makes sure that whatever I share online comes in her greedy hands and my mothers ones as well-hence why she has been calling me so much this night. Of course this has to do something with the picture I have shared of Noah and I-she absolutely does not agree with her brainwashed Christian mind that I work for a band like Bad Omens. Noah-and the rest of the band-do not know everything much by detail, something I for now want to keep it that way, as I am not very fond of talking about my family and our history.

‘That woman again?’ he huffs, shaking his head in slight disbelief of my words. ‘She's such a pain in the ass… What does she want this time?’

‘She probably wants to know why the hell I posed with you like that on our selfie,’ I sigh out of annoyance. ‘Hailey, how can you work for guys looking like that? Hailey, they are covered in tattoos, please tell me you will not do the same! Hailey, how can you work with guys worshiping the devil?’ I mock my mothers words in her annoyingly so called worried voice, the words being something she repeats to me so many times whenever she has the chance to talk to me.

Noah groans in annoyance and rolls his eyes at the sound of my mothers remarks. I know that the woman never fails to astound him. ‘Jesus Christ,’ he curses with a low voice, pinching the bridge of his nose as if I just said something that’s giving him a headache. Well, my mother sure as hell gives me that nine out of ten times.

‘Can’t you just ignore your mother at times? Just until she finally gets the fucking message? Like… how do you even keep up with her bullshit?’

‘Ha, good joke,’ I mumble at him. ‘Nah, if I don’t respond in a few days, she just calls my aunt, because she knows me and my aunt get along way better and that knows more about how I’m currently doing than my mom does. God, I wish she could just accept the fact that I’m an adult and have, and can have, my own life,’ I explain with annoyance.

The more I talk about my mother, the more Noah also seems to become annoyed with the situation, as if he knows where I’m talking about. ‘Damn,’ he groans after I just finished speaking, pinching the bridge of his nose out of stress.

‘Your mom is one annoying human being, you know that?’ he half jokes, but gives me an apologetic look after.

‘Oh trust me-I know,’ I say back, sighing. ‘It's one of the reasons I had no problem getting kicked out by her when she didn’t want me living with her and the rest of the family anymore, back when I was a teen. That’s why I moved from the UK all the way here in America to start a better life with my aunt.’

Noah listens to the words I speak, the annoyance on his face slowly fading away a bit more. ‘I have to say… I still gotta respect you for that. That’s kind of impressive, honestly,’ he softly jokes with a smirk, now nudging his shoulder against me, seeming to try to lessen my stress and annoyance because of my mother by doing so.

‘Anyone would want to escape from that woman,’ I mumble. ‘And somehow I was the bad guy. Just because I didn’t agree nor believe in her oh so holy Christian beliefs when I grew up,’ I mockingly say.

‘Oh God… your mother is one of those Christians?’ Noah asks, the annoyed expression on his face reappearing immediately as he hears me telling about it. ‘Jesus… No wonder she doesn’t like us then. She probably sees us as some kind of Satan worshippers,’ he grumbles out, rolling his eyes.

I can’t help but snort at his words as I nod. ‘Yeah, and she now thinks that I am too. I bet that she probably tried to call me because she saw our picture, all panicked because you ‘lured me into your Satanic beliefs’ or something,’ I say, trying to let the last words sound all spooky to mock my mom and joke about the situation.

It makes a genuine chuckle leave Noah’s lips as I do so. ‘Ha, yeah, that’s exactly it…’ he says with a wide smirk, now shaking his head. ‘Your mom makes everything sound so much worse than it actually is… I mean.. we’re not as evil as she makes us out to be, are we?’ he then jokes.

‘Of course not,’ I laugh, shaking my head. ‘But yeah, she was not exactly thrilled that I have a job as a stylist working for a metal band.’

Noah rolls his eyes as I say that. ‘Your mom is always so over dramatic about everything man, whenever I hear you talk about her… honestly, a girl your age shouldn’t have to worry about keeping her mother from being so dramatic and stressed about her life choices,’ he tells me, smiling with a chuckle, and I know that he means well with those words.

‘I know. It’s just… we have been through a lot together, so sometimes it still kinda hurts that she just won't love and accept me for who I am, or the choices I make and how I decide to live my life,’ I shrug, trying to talk casually about it. As I do, the slight playful smile on Noah’s face turns into a more empathetic and understanding one. He seems to frown at the thought of it, and his brows furrow slightly at the sight of me trying to seem all casual about the situation.

‘Well… it’s her loss,’ he tells me after with a shrug as he shoves his hands in his pockets, now looking at me with an expression that looks a lot more compassionate.

‘Guess so. I mean, my aunt is more of a mother to me anyways,’ I mumble, and then sigh as I click on my mothers name on my phone, just to simply text her back: ‘Don’t have time to talk right now, mum. I’ll call you back when I can find the right moment.’

Noah moves a bit closer to me now after I hit the send button, putting his hand on my shoulder and gently squeezing it to comfort me. ‘There you go,’ he chuckles softly as his eyes gaze over my phone. ‘Hopefully that’s enough to keep her from bugging you for the rest of the night.’

‘Yeah… And otherwise I’ll just turn my notifications off,’ I shrug, and then click on the two texts that I have gotten from my best friend Sarah a couple of hours ago.

‘Girl, since when do you have a boyfriend?? How come it’s Noah?? I know you told me you find him hot and all but oh my god??’

‘Pleaseee text me back asap, I want to know everything!! The tea is hot and I’m sat’

I roll my eyes as I chuckle a bit when I read her texts. Of course Sarah wants to know every detail about what happened, which is fair since we haven’t been able to catch up for a while.

I suddenly hear Noah clear his throat, making me look up from my phone to look at him. He casually-or at least, tries to-walks next to me with his hands still in his pockets, the smirk on his face growing by the second. I raise my eyebrows, as I ask him: ‘What’s so funny?’

He shakes his head and he then meets my gaze, his smirk still big. ‘Nothing,; he says all innocently, the playful glint reappearing in his eyes. ‘It's just… I saw the text from your friend,’ he chuckles, now pointing at the phone in my hand.

I chuckle, while I smile. ‘Oh yeah, she saw the picture of us together. She of course wants to know all the details.’

‘I figured…’ he laughs now, his smirk becoming more and more cocky. ‘Not gonna lie though. I feel honored by the fact that you told her you think I’m hot,’ he admits cockily and winks at me.

My eyes turn a bit wide when I look from him, to my phone, and then back to him, my cheeks turning a deep red color. ‘I… Well…’ I begin to stammer, feeling a bit embarrassed and caught. ‘It’s not polite to just stare at someone’s phone, y’know,’ I just try to casually say, pretending to not be affected by his words.

Noah just starts laughing loudly now as he notices the look on my face, seeming to of course enjoy every second of seeing me flustered at what he just said. ‘Sorry, I just couldn’t help it,’ he chuckles, shrugging his shoulders and then looking at me with a mischievous smirk and teasing glint in his eyes.

‘Hmm. I’ll just let it slip for now, Sebastian,’ I say with one raised eyebrow, deciding to just tease him back.

‘Oh, you will?’ Noah shoots back with still that smirk on his face and raised eyebrow on his own, shaking his head slightly with a chuckle as he looks down at me with a cocky yet amused look on his face. ‘How kind of you.’

The teasing smile on his face grows wider as he again chuckles, the playfulness in his eyes making him more flirtatious and mischievous than ever.

‘Oh shut up you. I need a drink now,’ I mumble, hoping the red in my face will quickly disappear, as we make our way to the afterparty in the building.

Noah again laughs at the sight of the red on my cheeks. For a second his eyes take in my appearance, as he smirks once again. ‘I can get you a drink,’ he responds, then looking at me with a challenging twinkle in his eyes. ‘If you manage to keep yourself from looking at me, and my hot body full of tattoos of course,’ he says so teasingly-of course still referring to my Sarah’s text that exposed me-that it makes me roll my eyes for a second.

‘Oh, I can easily do that,’ I say while narrowing my eyes at him, my voice sounding slightly playful.

‘You think so?’ Noah shoots back with a grin, now tilting his face slightly to give me a challenging look while he still walks next to me. ‘I doubt it. My tattoos are way too cool not to look at, and a cute little thing like you? I can practically bet money on it that you’ll give in after just a few seconds.’

He is clearly testing me and trying to get a reaction out of me with his teasing yet daring words, so I just snort at him. ‘Oh please. A few seconds? A bit cocky today, are we now, Noah?’

‘Cocky? Or confident? I’d say I’m confident,’ he shoots back, smirking proudly. ‘There is quite a difference, you know?’ he then chuckles.

We are nearing the small backstage area that will lead to the afterparty as we talk. The private bar is located for those who are allowed backstage, which I am thanks to our backstage passes and Noah bringing me with him. We walk towards the toilets as we are inside.

‘You wait here please, I’m going to change into something more party-like real quick,’ I say as I walk into a toilet stall and lock the door behind me.

I quickly get out of my simple work tee and pants, getting my strapless maroon dress with open back that’s folded neatly out of my small-but yet big enough that I can fit a couple of things inside-shoulder bag that I’ve brought with me. The dress looks quite nice on me as I say so myself-the dress hugs my curves and lets my roundings from front and back stand out very well. After that I put on some matching heels that are nice looking yet not too uncomfortable to walk and stand on, and after that I put a hand through my hair to get it to look a little more nice. When I feel good about my looks I walk out of the toilet stall, seeing Noah waiting for me while he scrolls on his phone.

‘Tadaaa,’ I say, spinning around quickly so he can see my look.

As Noah hears the sound of the toilet stall door opening, he looks up from his phone and puts it back in the backpocket of his jeans, and as soon as his eyes fall on me walking out of the stall and my little spin, his eyes go a little wider as his jaw drops a little.

‘Oh wow…’ is all he seems to be able to say as he takes in my form, his eyes looking me up and down. He is not even trying to hide the smirk that is appearing on his face after, as he then slowly shakes his head while taking me in once more.

It makes me smirk broadly myself when I see his reaction, jokingly saying: ‘And weren’t you the one saying that I would be the one not being able to keep my hands off you?’

‘I’m pretty sure those words did leave my mouth, yes,’ he responds, his smirk only widening when he hears my sassy comment. ‘And I don’t think I've ever been proven more wrong, honestly,’ he says as his eyes take in every inch of my body again in my dress, not even hiding the way he is practically admiring my every feature right now.

‘Just wait. I bet I can spend the whole evening without touching you. You in? Or are you afraid to lose?’ I mischievously smile at him.

‘Oh now that…’ -he lets out a devious chuckle at my question, the glint in his eyes only growing more and more mischievous as well as he takes a step closer towards me- ‘...that sounds like a challenge.’

As he speaks further, he looks at me through his eyelashes. ‘One I’m gladly willing to accept, even,’ he says huskily, his expression turning darker as he shoots me a naughty smirk.

‘Okay…’ I start, now also taking a few steps closer to him as I return his smirk. ‘Then it goes in now,’ I whisper into his ear when I stand on my toes to reach it, and then when I stand back normally again I look at him through my eyelashes with a seductive look.

‘Oh yeah? I hope you’re preparing yourself to lose then,’ he smirks as he again moves a bit closer to me, leaning in as his face hovers closely to my own, the devilish look on his face showing he’s gonna try his absolute best to make me break the rule. He wishes.

‘Hmm… I think I will be fine,’ I say as I narrow my eyes with a naughty smile, before turning around to walk away, knowing very well that my behind and moving curves are perfectly displayed in the dress I’m wearing.

‘Ha, we’ll see about that,’ I hear Noah mumble behind him, making me shake my head and chuckle to myself.

I walk towards the bar to order myself my first drink, noticing that a few guys standing around the bar at the order side are eyeing my chest more than my eyes, which makes me look at them with a nasty look before turning my back at them, focusing on a talk with my female colleagues I then spot. They excitedly and happily tell me their congratulations when I tell them about the nomination I got from the SMA's.

‘That’s so exciting,’ a light skinned girl from my age, Pearl, tells me when I tell her about the interview and photoshoot that comes with it. Her dark, curly hair is clipped behind her ears, and she wears a short, shiny, light blue-greenish dress that compliments her body and brown skin very well.

‘Tell me about it,’ I smile. ‘Have to admit though, that I’m also quite nervous about it…’

‘Oh yeah, that’s very logical, it’s your first interview for something like this, right?’

I nod, and Pearl returns it with an understanding but reassuring smile. ‘I’m absolutely sure everything will go just fine. Also…’ she now leans more into me, making me lean more towards her as well, and her eyes now wander to Noah standing in the corner of the room with a drink, alongside Nick and another guy they are talking to.

‘Things are getting more serious, huh?’ she smirks. ‘I’ve always wondered if you guys got something going on, to be honest… With the way you two always act around each other and such,’ she adds, making me blush a little.

‘Really?’ I nervously ask, and Pearl nods at me.

‘Yeah… I mean, girl-have you seen the way Noah looks at you? I wish a guy could look at me like that,’ she laughs, and I join her, while also feeling a bit warm about the way Noah seems to look at me when I don’t notice.

‘I just…’ I begin to stumble, feeling a little stuck if I could tell my new madly friend a bit of the truth, since Noah and I aren’t really officially out yet. But by the way she looks at me with such a kind and honest look, I decide that I will, also desperately wanting to share my thoughts and feelings with someone about all of this.

‘Well, let’s say I developed a little crush on him since the day I started working for him and the band,’ I shyly laugh as I begin to explain everything to her, making Pearl knowingly smirk at me. Goddammit. ‘And… when he started returning the jokes I made towards him, and our bond became closer, the jokes just turned a little more into teasing and sometimes even flirting as well… It has been going on for months now, and I couldn’t help but always had some sort of hope because of that, that he likes me back and all…’

‘Well, he obviously does,’ Pearl laughs while she shakes her head at me, taking a sip of her drink. ‘Like c’mon, everyone can tell. The tension between you two…’

I blush one again because of her words, nervously twirling a lock of hair around my finger. ‘You think so?’

‘Duh!’ she certainly exclaims, making me giggle a little, taking a few sips of my drink as well.

‘Well… Something may have happened between us last night…’ I say a little softer now with again a small giggle, making Pear’s eyes turn wide out of curiosity and excitement.

‘Hello-tell me everything!’ Pear exclaims as she seems to almost want to jump up and down of everything I have just been telling, making me try to calm her down as I shoot her a little awkward smile.

‘Okay so…’ I begin, as I take a deep breath with the corners of my mouth curling up again. ‘Me and Noah slept together last night. The night before this show, I mean.’

‘GIRL!’ Pearl now beams because of my words, which makes a couple of people look at both me and her, and as I laugh at her I again try to calm her down by shushing her.

‘How was it?!’ she now wants to know, making me look at Noah again for a moment, still standing in the corner of the room with Nick and the other guy. As soon as his eyes lock with mine, I can’t help but swoon a little when I think back of our intimate moment last night. It also doesn’t help that he winks at me, making me quickly shoot my eyes at Pearl again as I grin with slight colored cheeks. And, it makes me shoot back a lot more of my drink, making me squeeze my eyes shut for a couple of seconds.

‘Trust me… Noah is like some kind of God in bed, and I’m not even religious,’ I slur a little now that the alcohol starts kicking it, making me giggle like some in love teenager, and Pearl groans out of playful jealousy and excitement.

‘Damn girl. Noah Sebastian and Hailey Clark slept together… I must say, you two make quite the attractive couple…’ Pearl then winks at me as she said those words, and I blush for what feels like the hundredth time this night.

‘You think so?’ I ask Pearl whilst still being flattered about it, and she heavily nods.

‘C’mon, look at you two, being handsome and everything,’ she cheers, making me laugh behind my hand.

‘Yeah… Noah is quite handsome indeed,’ I answer, my mind trailing off to daydream about him-shirtless, touching me, kissing me… which then reminds me of the bet me and Noah made, so I quickly try to snap out of my unholy daydreams.

‘You don’t have to tell me twice,’ Pearl giggles, and when we say our goodbyes after because she spots someone else she knows, I walk towards Noah and the other guys he is standing with, with now a wine glass in my hands after I ordered it.

As Noah sees me walking towards him and the others, a devilish smirk appears on his face immediately. When I stand next to him, he glances at me, his eyes slowly trailing over my form, before coming back towards my face again while the smirk on his face only widens.

‘Hi there,’ I greet him with a sly smile, and then nod as a greeting to the others.

‘Noah was just about to tell us about that time you were absolutely shit faced and me and Jolly had to carry him to our hotel room ourselves, right Noah?’ Nick says with a playful smile towards him, making the other guys in the circle laugh and I can’t help but chuckle softly as well.

Noah rolls his eyes at Nick, but the smile still remains on his face as he slowly shakes his head. ‘Yeah, yeah, very funny,’ he says, ‘I can still remember the both of you had to carry me, and I mean I can’t help it if I’m a little weak to alcohol sometimes, can I?’ he now shoots back with a chuckle, and gives me a teasing look after as he turns to look at me again.

‘Ah, no of course not Noah,’ Nick chuckles and I shake my head with a little laughter, my head now filled with an image of Noah having to be carried to the hotel room by Nick and Jolly, it was probably a funny moment.

‘How sad that I missed that moment,’ I now smirk at Noah, leaning towards him just a little, so our hips almost touch each other.

My words make him raise an eyebrow with a small, playful smile. ‘Oh, I’m sure we can arrange that this will happen another time,’ he chuckles, returning my smirk and mirroring my action by leaning just a little closer to me as well, our hips now inches apart. Interesting move, Sebastian.

‘Well, make sure that I won’t miss it this time then,’ I wink, as I then take a sip of my wine. ‘But please not tonight though… I do not really look forward to having to carry you with that other idiot,’ I say, pointing at Nick, who pretends to be offended by my words.

Noah laughs at my comment, shaking his head as he looks over at Nick. ‘You hear that, Nick? Hailey doesn’t want to carry me with you, or the both of us I think,’ he teases Nick with a chuckle, earning him a small punch against his shoulder and a laugh.

‘I think she would rather have you carry her home instead, mate,’ Nick jokes while jokingly slapping against his shoulder a few times before leaving with the other guys, making me shake my head with a little laugh. Noah does the same, his eyes now trailing back to me. He raises an eyebrow as his eyes meet mine again.

‘So, little mouse, you want me to carry you home instead, huh?’ he says, a smirk visible on his face again as he starts to lean even closer towards me, but this time from the front.

‘Maybe… too bad we still have that bet going on, though,’ I teasingly yet daringly smirk at him, putting both my hands behind my bag.

His eyes widen a little as I mention the best, and he lets out a sigh after-a frustrated and amused sigh-as if he forgot our bet for a moment. ‘Oh I know…’ he says, sounding just a little tired, while he trails one of his fingers over my shoulder in the air, then over my chest, and stops it as it’s just inches away from my skin. ‘Do you have an idea how much I have to keep myself back from touching you right now, mouse, hm?’

‘Is that you saying that I’m gonna win the bet?’ I say as the corners of my mouth curl even more upwards.

A low and frustrated groan leaves Noah’s mouth as he looks away, taking a sip of his drink, before looking back at me with narrowed eyes. ‘Don’t be so full of yourself, mouse. I’m going to win-I always win,’ he says in a low voice, before leaning closer again, his thumb now rubbing over my bottom lip… making me almost explode by amusement, but also sexual frustration.

‘Yet… here you are… Already losing,’ I say, smiling against his thumb.

He then freezes as he hears me, and his jaw drops slightly, making me bite my lip harshly to hold myself back from laughing madly. He slowly looks down at his thumb against my lip, then back at my face.

‘I… Oh for fucks sake, I…’ Noah tries to stumble out, before letting go of his glass that he quickly sets down on a small table next to us with his other hand, reaching for my waist with it instead. I squeal, giggling when he grabs me by the waist to push me frustratedly against his body.

‘Oh, how I love to see you frustrated like that,’ I smirk evilly, a playful twinkle in my eyes.

He groans again, his hands trailing onto my waist with a firm grip as he presses himself close against me. ‘You’re enjoying this quite a lot, aren’t you? Seeing me being so frustrated like this…’ he whispers in my ears, his breath ghosting over my skin.

‘I quite do actually, yeah,’ I smirk, looking him straight into his eyes as he leans back from my ear. His eyes lock with mine, and he lets out yet another groan as he shakes his head, closing his eyes as he rests his forehead against mine.

‘God, it just makes me want to kiss you all over, mouse. It’s driving me insane…’ he whispers, as his hands now slide up and down my waist.

‘Not here in public, right?’ I teasingly dare him, and he huffs as his hands suddenly tighten the grip at my waist, his teeth gritting a little while he slightly shakes his head.

‘God… don’t tempt me. Not here, not now, or it will make me lose this bet I made-which starts over again now, by the way. I am not gonna lose again…’

‘Hmm, alright alright, calm down… I won’t tempt you,’ I say with a little mischievous smile, slowly taking a few steps away from him towards the dance floor in the middle of the room, which makes him drop his hands again. ‘Let’s see how good you are at keeping your words as I dance, okay?’

Noah takes a few deep breaths in through his nose, trying to calm himself down again as he watches me walking to the dance floor. ‘Oh, you’re a teasing little thing, aren’t you now…’

‘Maybe,’ I wink over my shoulder, and a tipsy giggle leaves my mouth when I enter the dance floor, beginning to move my hips and making my body feel loose as I dance along to the music in between the crowd.

My hands move over my body to my hair as I get lost in the music, my dress sliding up a little as I do so. I keep eye contact with Noah as I then confidently yet seductively dance.

Noah bites his lip as he sees my dress ride up just a little, and I see him mutter ‘Jesus Christ’ to himself as I look at his lips, a little goran leaving him as his eyes never once leave mine. I see him fight the urge to walk over to me at first, but he decides to do so as he says: ‘You really just can’t stay innocent, can you…’

‘Guess not,’ I say as I then teasingly stick my tongue out to him. A smirk returns to his face as soon as he sees me doing that, running his fingers through his hair as his eyes rake over my figure yet again.

‘You’re going to be the demise of me. You know that, don’t you?’ he says, almost growling slightly at the end.

‘Mhm,’ I giggle with a small nod, now dancing close to his body as I let my hips loose again. A low and frustrated groan leaves his mouth once more, and he can’t take his eyes away from my body, which is only moving closer and closer towards his body, almost inches apart. I love this, I love it so much to frustrate him and tease him so hard like this, seeing him struggle with the desire and need I am building up through him more and more.

And the moment I come close to him when I let my hips loose he can’t take his eyes away from my body, making him seem more and more frustrated by the second. His hands then immediately reach out to my hips, and his fingers dig into my flesh as he lets out a deep grumble. When he pushes me against him, a small gasp leaves my mouth, grinning because I won-once again. His eyes flutter close as he feels my body against his, and his breaths grow deeper. But the smirk soon disappears from his face again though, as his eyes suddenly widen, now realizing as well that he just reached out to me again without even noticing he just did it. It makes me feel quite confident and powerful if I’m honest, and I playfully grind against him a little while I dance, and when I can feel his pants tighten because of that I smirk broadly.

‘Oh for f…’ he mutters, not finishing his sentence when he bites his lip out of frustration, looking like he wants to start walking away, but he then suddenly stops in his tracks when he feels me grinding against him. It makes him bite his lip once again, his grip on my hips tightening.

‘I love how I can wrap you around my finger just like that,’ I grin when I turn around to face him again, playfully giving his nose a boop. ‘It’s just so easy…’ I then say, resting my arms in his neck as a mischievous smile appears on my face yet again.

Noah groans again and rolls his eyes at my comment, but his breath hitches slightly as he feels my arms around his neck. He shakes his head again, a smirk appearing on his face.

‘You’re a menace. You know that, right?’ he then replies to me, before quickly removing my arms again and cursing under his breath when he realizes he’s just once again touching me without even noticing. Oh, how I love this.

‘Well, there I go-losing yet again,’ he mumbles, ‘and that in front of all these people as well…’

‘Fuck them,’ I shrug at his words. ‘I mean, they apparently kinda noticed already that something is going on between us-so I’ve heard-and everyone probably saw our picture together as well… So, just turn that little anxious brain of yours off, yeah?’ I smirk, feeling myself definitely getting tipsy now as I blurt out these words.

Noah’s nostrils flare as he seems to realize how drunk of confidence I am getting of my drinks, and it clearly gets too much for him as he gives his head a firm shake with a groan. His hands grip my hips again as I still stand in front of him with a teasing and knowing grin, having him say:

‘Fine. I can’t fight it anymore. Just… just go crazy, I guess.’

His eyes are almost turning dark with desire, making me slightly chuckle at him. ‘Good. I will, as long as you’ll join me,’ I grin.

Noah bites his lips for a second before a devilish smirk appears on his face as well, and a dark look appears in his eyes.

‘Oh doll… You know I will,’ he says in a low, growly voice, his eyes raking up and down my body. ‘Now come here.’

I am so turned on by his words and dark gaze alone, so it makes me jump into his arms without thinking about it, wrapping my legs around his body instinctively, making him carry us from the dance room to another, small dark room, with just some dim red lights and little furniture. We both don’t really seem to care about where we are, we just want to feel each other-as soon as he closes the door behind him, he takes no more time as he pushes me against the wall, his body pinned flushed against me between the wall and him. He places his hands on my waist and groans deeply as he buries his face into my neck, making a moan already escape from my lips as he begins to kiss my neck, closing my eyes out of pleasure right away.

The sounds of my moan is all he needs to hear, and he starts sucking on my skin, his hands running over my body while he pins himself even closer against me. ‘You don’t know how bad you got me craving to touch you like this with those dance moves of yours, little mouse,’ he whispers in between kisses all over my neck.

I roll my eyes back by hearing him speak those words to me and run my fingers through his hair, as I enjoy every single kiss on my sensitive skin. His own breaths grow deeper and deeper as he kisses and sucks all over my neck now, his hands sliding all over my body as he presses himself even more flush against me.

‘God, you’re driving me wild, doll, you know that?’ he groans lowly, his teeth grazing over my neck. His words alone drive me absolutely wild and hot, so I grab his face to hungirly kiss him.

He lets out an approving groan against my mouth as mine meets his, before kissing me back just as passionately as if he has been craving this all night. ‘Fuck,’ he then hisses against my mouth as his hands hold onto my hips fiercely now.

The combination of his cursing and his tongue circling around mine makes me moan deeply in response, and by the way he keeps pressing our bodies closer and closer together until there is no single space left, my dress keeps on sliding higher and higher.

Noah’s grip on my hips just keeps on tightening as he feels the fabric ride up as well. ‘God damn-it’s so hard to keep that promise just to keep my fucking hands off you right now…’

‘Fuck that promise, honest to God,’ I mumble with a hoarse voice, wanting and needing him to touch and kiss me everywhere at this point.

‘You don’t have to tell me twice… I can’t keep my hands off you even if I wanted to,’ Noah groans against my mouth, his hands now wandering up and down my body as he keeps me pinned between himself and the wall.

I can feel Noah’s hands moving to the part where my dress is raised, tucking on the waist of my underwear, making me smirk against his lips a little. ‘Oh, you want me that bad, do you now?’

His breath hitches as he feels the fabric of my panties, and he bites his lips for a second when they leave mine, his big, hard bulge pressing the inner part of my thigh as he looks into my eyes.

‘Is that even a question, doll?’ he smirks back. ‘You have been teasing me all damn night, and now we’re finally here alone together, all mine…’

The feeling of him getting hard as he is pressed against me makes me a hot wet mess, and before he can say anything else again I already take my panties off, craving him more by the second. His eyes grow wider as he watches me do so, letting out a shaky and needing breath, his eyes looking over my entire form. ‘God…’

His hands move more lower, feeling the outer part of my core, making me gasp and shiver, and I slowly moan as he begins rubbing it. My eyes squeeze shut, enjoying the pleasure so much. He lets out a groan as his fingers explore my center, watching my facial expressions as I let out my moans.

‘You really are such a vision,’ he whispers in a low, husky voice as his fingers start moving in slow, circular motions over me.

And for fucks sake, his hand and fingers are heavenly on and inside of me, so I begin to turn into a heavy panting mess. He smirks as he sees how good I am feeling, still taking in every expression I make, not being able to take his eyes off me.

‘God, that’s it,’ he encourages as my breathing becomes even heavier, his words shooting to my core right away. Noah then doesn’t hesitate as he unbelts his pants with his other hands as he keeps his eyes on his fingers inside of me. His pants slide down his knees and he smoothly pulls off his boxers after, unraveling his length being very excited to wanting to enter me himself, making me smirk widely and evilly.

‘You’re quite an excited boy yourself, hm?’ I say as I shoot him a playful wink.

‘You wouldn’t guess how excited you’ve been making me all night, baby,’ he replies, his voice hoarse and full of lust now. I whimper just by hearing those ungodly yet for me holy words alone, and when he finally enters inside of me in a fast movement full of desire, my mouth jaw drops open full of overwhelming pleasure hitting me right away.

His head suddenly drops to the crook of my neck as his breaths get deeper and faster, and he grips onto my waist again to hold himself steady. ‘Oh, God,’ he groans out loud.

As he moves fastly in and out of me, the sound of our skin connecting fills the room, and with every movement he makes I moan and pant faster and harder. Noah presses his forehead against mine now so he can look into my eyes, the pleasure growing more and more with every movement now.

‘Hailey,’ he grunts out my name, his hands holding even more onto my waist. Every time I think our sex can’t get even hotter than the last, Noah always seems to be able to surprise me by getting wilder and loser every time we get intimate again, and I swear that I am almost a leaking mess around his length inside of me.

‘Noah,’ I moan his name back out loud as he keeps thrusting inside of me. His own breathing becomes faster and faster just like mine, as if his own breathing can’t even keep up with his own movements. I’m drowning in our heath and pleasure, and he closes his eyes as he groans against my mouth.

As I open my eyes my gaze locks with his for a few seconds, his eyes dark with lust and a devilish smile spreading on his face before his eyes squeeze shut, making me feel like he is very close to the edge as well.

‘Not yet,’ I then hear him murmur towards himself, and he then suddenly in a quick movement lets me go, making my heels clack against the tile floor for a second before he spins me around to press my body against the wall. I just gasp out of surprise yet also excitement, as his length enters me from behind with a quick, fluid movement. He pulls a low growl from his throat as he grips my hips tightly again, and it’s like he is overflowing with lust for me right now-he thrusts into me again with a fast pace, making my jaw fall wide open as I can’t hold back my loud moans, making me fall his name over my lips a couple of times as well.

‘Yeah, that’s me,’ he whispers in my ear in a low voice, his breath quickening even more as he moves against me with an even faster pace than before. ‘You know how bad I have been wanting to do this to you all day, ever since I saw you in my dressing room again? Imagining all the things I could do to your body as I was still on stage?’ he groans out, and I grip around him tighter with his thrusts.

And God, I almost can’t handle the pleasure mixed with his hot words all at once, as I cry out my pleasure to him. ‘Fucking hell,’ I groan, trying to keep standing on both my feet as he keeps moving in and out of me.

He lets out a moan against my neck, his hands trailing from my hips to my thighs for a second. ‘You like it, don’t you, doll?’ he whispers with his lips against my neck, turning my head around towards his face so he can give me a sloppy and teasing kiss. ‘You want me so damn bad, don’t you?’

I moan out loud just by his words alone again, and heavily nod as I do. ‘So bad,’ I breathe out with a high pitched voice, ‘always so bad.’

Hearing me saying that seems to make him feel even more excited, as he grips into my hips even tighter, pressing me right against him.

‘You’re mine… all mine,’ he mutters to me with another hungry kiss, his tongue entering my mouth. And that then makes me hit my climax hard, making me squeeze my eyes shut, panting and moaning out the pleasure that hits me, as my arms turn around to grab his bicep, almost digging my nails deeply into his skin, my legs shaking in the moment.

His head drops inside the crook of my neck, his own breathing heavy and quick as he can feel me gripping around him so tightly, gripping onto me tighter as he feels my nails in his bicep. His hair is lightly brushing against my neck as he tries to just take deep breaths, while he groans deeply and loudly as he lets every moment of our pleasure hit him all at once.

‘God, babe,’ he mutters against my skin, not even having the breath for more words right now.

‘Come for me,’ I whisper to him as I still try to catch my own breath, my wet spot almost already drooling all over again by the sight of him getting overwhelmed with his own pleasure. He immediately moans at the words that I tell him, his head burying his face into the crook of my neck again as that alone sends him to the edge. He then slowly pulls out of me, making me turn around so we can share a few more sloppy and hungrily kisses, and after that we let each other go again so we can both catch our breath. A smug grin appears on Noah’s face as he notices that I am still out of breath as well.

‘Fucking hell,’ I breathe out, ‘I have to kick these out for a few minutes if you don’t mind,’ I say with a small chuckle as I kick my heels off-my legs are currently way too shake to be able to still stand on my heels right now.

Noah just shakes his head, not bothering to actually reply, and a chuckle escapes his lips as well as he takes a few more heavy, deep breaths and looks at me. ‘Not at all,’ he then lets out, smiling sweetly as his hands softly caresses one side of my face, making sure I have him to lean onto while I get used to having my feet firmly onto the ground-as if he didn’t just fuck my brains out a minute ago.

I stand next to Noah in silence, blinking a few times as I get in thought. I knew he did not ever lie with the confidence and smoothness he always carried around him, but damn-he can be very wild, seductive and hot as hell when it comes to sex. Not gonna lie, I have always liked it rough and dirty as well, but I have never met someone who reached and needed that same level as me, until I met Noah and got intimate with him. And I’m actually glad, because it always made me feel as if I had to be ashamed of the intense and seductive way I like to be intimate with someone.

I can feel him looking back at me, smiling as he sees my flushed face, his eyes then slipping to my lips, that probably look slightly chewed and messy after our passionate make-out session. He smiles even wider as his big arms wrap themselves around my waist loosely, and he places a sweet kiss against my forehead.

‘You good to stand?’ he asks, a small teasing tone to his voice, but still very sweet and genuine overall.

‘Yeah… I’m fine now,’ I chuckle, and I give him a deep, long kiss before I get on my heels again. ‘Show must go on,’ I huff when I look down at them, stroking my short dress neat again, and then looking at the small mirror hanging randomly hanging in the quite empty, all black room, so I can make sure my hair is somewhat decent looking enough for others to look at again.

‘Show must go on,’ he repeats my sentence, his hand reaching forwards to help fix my hair a bit, softly stroking through them. I enjoy his now soft, gentle hands stroking through my hair, almost closing my eyes as he does so.

‘Mhm,’ I just answer with a small smile, playing a bit nervously with my fingers. This intense, intimate moment got me thinking, worrying and wondering all over again about what it all means-or what it shouldn’t mean, in such a short moment of us trying to calm down our bodies again. It makes me feel anxious-and also afraid, I guess-in such a short second, that it feels like it tightens up my throat, all because of my feelings for him bubbling up again, getting stronger and stronger with every private moment we have.

‘You sure you alright?’ he asks with a slight teasing tone to his voice, but also with just a hint of concern, as he sees through me. ‘You seem a little nervous.’

‘Well…’ I begin with a sigh while I nervously tuck a few strands of still messy hair behind my ears, my feet now ticking on the floor. ‘I just have been wondering something tonight… well, actually for a couple of nights now I guess…’

Noah glances over at me, his eyebrows slowly raising up, as his expression changes to curiosity. ‘And what have you been wondering?’

My gaze then lowers towards the floor, my heart beginning to pound a little faster, as I am anxious for this conversation and the subject itself, and for all the answers I could possibly get-or not get.

‘I have been wondering how you have been feeling. About all of this…’

As I say the last words, I dare to look up at him again. ‘You and me, I mean. Us. Or if there’s no us. Or if there will be an us, or not, or if you like me or not, if you are even into dating at all,’ I continue to nervously ramble at him.

His expression turns a little softer as he understands what I want to talk about, and he then gives me a sweet smile, before he slowly approaches me again.

‘Hey,’ he says, now just softly tilting my head up by my chin, looking into my eyes. ‘I like you. A lot,’ he answers me with confidence, smiling softly as he looks at me.

I can’t help but smile back right away as I hear those words, whilst feeling shy and flustered, my heart beating as if I just ran the marathon. ‘You do…? Really?’

He smiles as his thumb softly strokes over my cheek while he keeps his hand at my chin, holding my face so I can look straight at him. ‘Do you really think I would just kiss you, tease you and touch you like this every time, if I don’t like you?’ he asks as he smirks, teasing me on purpose. Of course.

I let out a chuckle, but bite my lip anxiously after. ‘Yeah… It’s just… I wondered if you also feel more than just being attracted to me, I mean.’

‘I am attracted to you,’ he says as he still smirks, his eyes lighting up a little bit as he can’t seem to help but flirt a little with me again to make the mood a little bit lighter, my anxiety clearly being strongly present. ‘But I know what you mean. Well… I don’t do just stuff like this with everyone or anyone, trust me on that,’ he smiles.

‘And I know what it looks like,’ he then adds after I just give him silence as a response. ‘And yeah, I guess in a way it could make me look like someone who just doesn’t care about commitment that much, right?’

I shrug at that, but my stupid anxious mind still does not have the right answer it is looking for. He again smiles, seeing how nervously I am still about getting the answer I need. His hand moves from my cheek to to the small of my back, bringing me closer to him.

‘What I am trying to say, and ask you Hailey…’ he starts, looking down at me with all the confidence he has. ‘If you would like to get together… Exclusively.’

As my heart beats madly by hearing those words from him, a big and happy smile grows on my face. Yet, I still can’t help but tease him: ‘Still not taking me on an official date first?’ I smirk, but before he can even answer my joke I already wrap my arms tightly around him, while I muffle in his shirt: ‘You know I’d want nothing else but be with you.’

He lets out a breath of relief when he feels my arms wrap around him, squeezing me a little together. ‘Me too. Nothing else but you,’ he whispers against my hair, placing a kiss against it as my head rests against his chest. ‘You're mine.’

It feels like my heart explodes by hearing his words, warmth spreading across my chest as I smile even wider. His head ducks down, tilting mine upwards as he places another soft yet passionate kiss against my lips, his hands now softly stroking my waist and back just as lovingly.

‘I very much love to be yours,’ I smile back against his lips after he presses kiss after kiss on me.

‘All mine,’ he mumbles against my lips, his own brushing against mine again after he said that, just teasing me with the touch more than properly kissing me right now.

‘Yours,’ I say back with a small chuckle, and then slowly get myself out of his grip. I begin to jawn, slightly blushing after out of embarrassment. ‘Sorry. The concert, party, the drinks and…’ I smirk a little as I take a small pause, ‘our activity, has very much exhausted me.’

He smirks as I yawn, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. ‘Well, we do need to get up early tomorrow,’ he says with a sigh, and lets out a small chuckle after that. ‘Maybe it is smarter to go home and get some proper rest, right?’

‘Yeah, guess so,’ I lazily smile back. ‘Also,’ I then start, as I pat him on the chest in a playful manner, ‘you have completely gotten our tour schedule rotten in your head, haven’t you?’ I joke with a small grin.

‘Tonight was the last show. We have a break for like a week now. Which means…’ I stop for a second, to excitedly throw my hands in the air as I chant: ‘Sleeping in!’

Noah softly laughs at my playful tone, shaking his head. ‘Awww, man,’ he groans right away, a sarcastic grin on his face as he jokingly frowns about it. ‘That’s a damn shame-because I was looking forward to spending another day with you,’ he smirks, his hands wrapping around my waist loosely, pulling me closer to him.

‘I mean, that can be arranged,’ I smirk back at him. ‘We can spend tomorrow together, y’know, if you’d like.’

He smiles at my suggestion. ‘Yeah… I would love that,’ he smirks, his hands now softly slipping under the back neckline of my dress, touching the skin there gently. ‘You wouldn’t mind spending another day with me whilst you’re free?’ he jokes teasingly, acting if he is insecure about the thought of that. ‘As long as you make my back survive that, I sure wouldn’t mind, I teasingly wink at him, but it’s also kinda true-my back is starting to kinda tell me that me and Noah have been… a little wild.

‘Oh…’ he teases me as a mischievous grin grows on his face. ‘Did I really do that much of a number on you, that you are now not sure if your back will survive?’ he smirks as his voice is low and still teasing, his hands softly moving up and down my back, touching the skin there just softly enough to tease me with it. ‘Or is that your way of telling me that you want me to massage you?’

‘Maybe both, maybe one of those answers… Who knows,’ I smirk as I shrug my shoulders. He smirks again at my tone and attitude, as his hands continue to move softly over my back, his fingertips sliding over my bare skin gently.

‘How about this…’ he starts, his voice lowering as he now moves his lips to my neck. ‘I’ll massage your back, and maybe take care of some other parts of your body as well…’ he then smiles against my neck.

I grin back, giggling a little as a warm and excited pang shoots through my stomach by hearing his proposal. ‘Deal,’ I say, kissing his cheek after. He then lets his lips press against my lips for another soft, passionate kiss.

‘Well, then…’ he chuckles a little, and with that he just picks me up from the ground in a smooth movement, making me squeal a little and laugh, and I wrap my arms around his neck. ‘Let’s head home right now…’

‘Your place or mine?’ I smirk, knowing that both our houses aren’t very far from the venue we are right now, as we all planned that with the band and crew together since this is the last show for a week.

‘I think mine is still a little closer than yours,’ he mischievously smirks. ‘And, I have proper massaging oil at home anyways, so…’

I giggle again as I nod. ‘Alright, alright. deal. ‘Do we need a cab?’

As he continues holding me in his arms while I talk to him, he chuckles as he shakes his head at my words. ‘Oh, no no no… We are walking this-it’s not that far,’ he playfully and confidently grins at me, glancing down at me again as he sees the playful twinkle appear in my eyes as well, making him smirk at me again.

I teasingly roll my eyes at him. ‘Fine. I would love to see you carrying me the entire way towards your home anyway, because you of course will still be doing that right?’ I grin at him.

‘Of course,’ he smirks as we leave the small room and walk towards the exit, laughing a little in between as everyone at the party looks at us with both confusion and a little laughter as well. ‘I mean… I am already carrying you-I guess I should continue doing that, right?’ he winks at me.

He continues walking through the crowd with me tightly and safely in his arms, and when I look at Noah’s face now and then, my heart grows warm when I see him looking proud and happy, and like he is having a good time. I truly love seeing him like this-the twinkle in his eyes, the big grin on his face, and his excited and happy body language. Nick and Jolly slap him on the back when they see him, big grins and laughter on their faces as Noah informs them that we are headed towards their home. Nicholas looks at me with a sweet, yet proud and deserving smile, raising his glass at me. I nod back at him with a thankful smile, as I am still thankful for the advice he gave to me for me and Noah’s situation, and how he is overall always there for me if I need someone to talk to.

I can’t help but giggle the whole time as we now are outside, Noah walking casually in the direction of his apartment with me still in his arms. Not gonna lie, it’s attractive that he is able to do this all. I nuzzle my head into his neck as a shiver runs over my back, the cold air from outside hitting the exposed bits of my skin. It makes him let out a small, playful groan, holding me a bit closer to him.

‘Well, it is goddamn freezing, that’s for sure,’ I say.

‘I guess that means we will have to warm up the moment we get home together, right?’ he smirks with a teasing tone in his voice, kissing me against my hair, a smirk still on his lips as he does.

‘Hmm, I guess so,’ I laugh back.

We then walk further in a comfortable silence, making comments about our surroundings now and then and laughing at some drunk people stumbling past us this late at night, or just some other funny things we see-to be fair, alcohol in your system makes everything quite funny. Soon, the two of us arrive at the band's apartment, and he turns to look down at me with a mischievous smirk on his face once again.

‘Well, here we are.’

He slowly lowers me down, his arms wrapped around my waist, his hands already slipping under the fabric of my dress the second my feet fit the ground.

‘Slow down boy,’ I smirk at him as I shake my head, and then look at his door. ‘Might unlock the door first? Or did you plan to stand here in the cold with me the rest of the night?’ I tease him as I giggle after. Noah lets out a small chuckle at my words. ‘You’re right,’ he says with a small smile, and he pulls his keys out, unlocking the door and opening it for me to let me walk in first. He follows me immediately afterwards, and as he does, he softly wraps his arms around my waist from behind the dark hallway, only being lit a little by the warm yellow light of the street lanterns outside. The hallway has a familiar scent to me-it’s a mix of cigarettes, a little bit of fabric of clothes and furniture, and scents from basically all the band members and their perfumes and deodorant. He softly kisses my neck as he stands behind me, his hand sliding to the front of my stomach, his fingers starting to gently circle there a bit. I smile as he does so, and before he gives me one last kiss on my neck, he asks as I hear the grin in his voice: ‘Wanna move upstairs?’

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