#tw: poor coping mechanisms

[promptsforyourwhumpfic]

Whump Prompt #1317

Submitted by Anon - thanks!

A whumpee who got out, who got better.

A caregiver. who is so relieved the worst is over and whumpee may not be back to their old self, but they seem okay and on some days caregiver isn't even reminded of what happened…

Until they catch the whumpee indulging in old patterns. Maybe the whumpee secretly punishes themselves. Maybe whumpee lets it slip they see themselves as less than human. Maybe the indulge in the form of unhealthy relationships or substance abuse.

The caregivers whole world comes crashing down while whumpee completely undoes any progress before their eyes as they realize they got caught.

#I LIKE IT #whump #writing #prompts #angst #recovery #substance abuse tw #self destructive behavior #worry #poor coping mechanisms #setbacks in recovery

[arrowheadedbitch]

Shawn: *mentions doing something extremely concerning often*

Any of his friends *rightfully extremely concerned*: Shawn, I don't think you should be-

Shawn: Well, it's either that or drugs, so

#drug use mention #tw drugs #psych tv #psych usa #psych #shawn spencer #coping mechanism #bad coping mechanisms #poor shawn #someone save him #from his own mind #🍍

[janetbrown711]

A Twist on an Old Classic

Collar | Touch Aversion | "Leave me alone"

Mei's been having nightmares ever since MK revealed his true chaotic monkey form which she desperately tries to ignore as she and MK go out to a concert

(Harbinger and the Solider type fic, but not exactly ;) )

Ao3 Link

Mei was on fire.

No… no, scratch that, she was the fire.

Red and hot, destroying and aching and burning, she was a flame singeing the grass beneath her feet and crumbling the trees around her as tears evaporated off her cheek.

She could smell the burning flesh, hear the cries of animals, feel her own soul and light being slowly and achingly peeled away from her as she burned bright and crimson.

“MK?! Pigsy?! Mr. Tang?! R-red boy?! Where are you?!” She called, her voice cracking as tears sizzled faster against her face.

“Where is everyone?!” She tried calling out again, which only made her sides ache more as she continued looking around desperately.

She saw something move in a bush, and without thought she ran to it before it was cauterized in an instant, along with a little white rabbit.

“No– no, I’m so sorry– I-I didn’t mean to– I’m sorry!” She tried to scoop it up, but it was cremated by her mere gaze and its ashes were spread to the wind. Trying to grasp them was even more pointless, as it just caused them to disappear quicker.

“M-MK– MK where are you?! I didn’t mean to– I didn’t– I don’t wanna– MK, please!!!” Mei cried louder.

“Mei? Mei?!”

“MK!!!” Mei sprang to life, running with all her might to where the voice of her best friend originated.

“Mei?! Mei where are you? We gotta get you outta here!!!” MK called again.

“I hear you! I hear you! I’m almost there– j-just hold on!” Mei replied, heart pounding.

“Mei-! Mei!!! There you–”

Mei was going to run into his arms, but MK stumbled back in terror.

“M-MK? W-what's wrong?” Mei pleaded, stepping forward, but MK crawled backward.

“Y-you! You’re the one causing all of this-!” MK pointed.

“MK, I-i don’t mean to– make it stop, please!” Mei ran to his side, grabbing his hand before her friend cried in pain.

“GAH— What is wrong with you?!” MK kicked her away while trying to cool his hand, which was actively smoking.

“I'm sorry! I didn’t mean to– I didn’t want to– I-i–” Mei could barely talk, the words just bundling up in her throat.

To make matters worse, Pigsy and Tang showed up too, and instantly ran to their son to investigate his injuries, and when Pigsy noticed it was Mei’s fault his eyes turned to daggers.

“You did this to ‘im, didn’t you?!” He growled, pulling out his rake.

“I-i didn’t mean to Mr. Piggy, I promise– I’d never–”

“It’s Pigsy, you lyin’ bastard!” The chef growled and swung at her, which Mei barely avoided.

“I’m not lying-! P-please! I don’t want to be like this!” She wept as Pigsy tried to strike her again.

Pigsy kept fighting her and fighting her and fighting her as she ran further into the bright burning forest, her cries and apologies causing the flames to grow higher and higher in the wind, until MK was somehow in front of her with his staff in hand.

“This is for the greater good Mei– you know this,’” MK lifted his staff.

“MK– n-no– please,” Mei begged on her knees.

Right then a different voice called to her– a familiar, but long, long dead one.

“Xiaojiao!”

Ao Lie.

Mei shook her head, trying to get rid of the voice before she noticed her friend– her bestest and greatest friend in the whole wide world MK– just smirked in his shining monkey form, glitching yellow before he leapt into the air and struck her through her skull–

Mei suddenly gasped for air, shooting upright in her bed, and gripping her blankets so tight it hurt.

“It’s not real, Mei– it never is,” She whispered to herself, closing her eyes to try and ground herself but all she could see was the staff being hurled towards her while he had that awful, awful grin.

Instead of that, she brought her eyes to her window where the night sky was slowly but surely transforming into twilight. It was… sort of calming, though her chest still felt tight and hot– like a flame wrapped around and squeezing her heart.

Ever since the defeat of Azure Lion and MK unlocked his “full monkey powers”, Mei had been having dreams like that one.

Sometimes MK would kill her alone, sometimes it would be a group effort with the whole gang plus Monkey King, and sometimes she wouldn’t even get a warning– going from simply hanging out to him transforming in the blink of an eye and killing her.

But they were just dreams, nothing more and nothing less.

A dream.

Mei took a deep breath.

She was going to go out with MK today to a hole-in-the-wall concert a couple towns over and it was gonna be totally "off the chain", or whatever that flier had said. She had planned this thing out for months and it was good for MK to get out and get loose again– she was not going to chicken out after working so hard on getting MK to not chicken out.

Slowly Mei picked herself up and dragged herself to her bathroom, ignoring her glowing alarm clock shining 4:28 AM at her. As she flicked the light on and closed the door she immediately looked in the mirror, inspecting her sluggish state with a groan. She inspected eyebags and messy hair before realizing if she looked real close, she could almost see flashes of crimson in her eyes, making her jump back and knock over bottles of soap.

“Shit,” she cursed to herself, quickly picking them all up and sloppily putting them back into place before looking back in the mirror, seeing nothing but her usual dark brown irises.

As they should be. There was no green and there was certainly no crimson, because crimson was bad, crimson meant no control, crimson meant–

Mei took a deep breath, shutting the spiral before it got out of hand.

She was just tired. And excited. She had a long day ahead of her and she needed to get back to sleep.

Yeah… that was it– she’d be fine, this was fine.

Bad dreams. They were just bad dreams.

It didn’t matter if every time she woke there was a familiar burning in her chest, or sometimes when she tried to light a candle the flame would be red instead of green, it was just a bad dream.

MK would never hurt her, and she would never hurt MK.

MK would never hurt her, and she would never hurt MK.

.o0o.

Mei never did manage to go back to sleep, deciding to doom scroll her various social medias until the sun rose, and after that she proceeded to make a big cup of cold brew and headed out to meet her bestest, kindest, loyalest, never-would-purposely-hurt-her-est friend in the whole wide world.

Pigsy and Tang were happy to see her, as per usual, with the former noticing the bags under her eyes and deciding to comment on it, which made the latter laugh and the couple had some quick couple banter before MK ran down the stairs, backpack in arm.

“Hey Mei–! I know, I know, I’m late, but not too late! We should still get good parking,” MK apologized, not seeming to notice he was only three minutes behind since Mei had arrived so early.

“Don’t worry monkey man, I already bought the pass online, we should be good,” Mei grinned, when MK seemed to notice something about her.

“You get enough sleep last night?” He asked, and Mei sat a little straighter.

“Psh, you know me– I can pull three all nighters in a row playing Super Monkey Mashing Bros tournaments online, I’m fine,” Mei brushed off with ease.

Pigsy didn’t seem to like that answer, huffing a little. “Ya know that doesn’t make it any healthier.”

Mei’s face almost twitched to a frown but she brushed that off too. “Just because you’re a grumpy old man doesn’t mean I’m a grumpy old man, Piggy,” she grinned again.

Tang laughed as the demon rolled his eyes.

“MK, you make sure Mei doesn’t pass out in the humidity, will you?” Pigsy smirked a little, making Mei scowl dramatically.

“Oh! Sure! Though I wouldn’t worry about that; Mei’s got them dragon genes, she can handle a little heat,” MK grinned as his words made Mei shift uncomfortably– which of course Pigsy noticed.

“You feelin’ alright..?” The chef asked in a low tone, but of course the other occupants heard.

Mei shook her head and instantly brought back her characteristic chipperness. “I’m a-okay, Piggy– I’ll get a shirt from the band for you,” She finger gunned.

“I’ll add it to the pile,” Pigsy smiled a little too sympathetically for her liking.

“Alright, well, uh– we going then?” MK bounced on his heels and Mei nodded, grabbing her bag and standing as well.

“Lead the way, my liege,” She bowed and gestured to the door dramatically.

“Why of course, my good lady,” MK bowed too and they both laughed and exited before Pigsy could shout his usual “text me when you get there!” and before they knew it they were in the chef’s beat up car and on their way.

“So– I know I’m gonna sound like a jackass that doesn’t pay attention to things– but what’s the name of the band again?” MK asked, making a turn out of Pigsy’s parking lot.

“They’re named Monarch Ocean Small Minnow– they’re an indie punk rock band that I was obsessed with our first year of secondary school,” Mei told him, pulling up their instagram before realizing she shouldn’t show MK that because he was driving, but he caught a glimpse before she stopped.

“Oh right– I remember Lin used to talk about them constantly,” MK reminded the girl of her own punk rock indie band obsessed ex-girlfriend.

“Had to bring up Lin, didn’t you?” Mei snorted, raising an eyebrow.

“Had to,” MK laughed. “I don’t think you’ve gone through a worse breakup.”

“Sometimes I still find guitar picks under my mattress,” Mei laughed and looked out the window.

“After I made you purge them all? Wow, can’t believe you’d just lie to me like that,” MK shook his head.

Mei rolled her eyes. “It’s not lying if I genuinely didn’t know they were there– and at this point I want them to be gone, trust me.”

Her bestie laughed more, switching on the turn signal. “Well at least you two have very lucrative careers of your own now: her’s being a solid music career with 150,000 monthly listeners on Spotify, and yours being– oh yes, what is your job again?” He teased.

“Hey! Being an heiress is not easy– and if anything, my job is making sure your ass doesn’t–” Mei shook her head. “My job is keeping you out of too much trouble.”

MK noticed her pause and glanced at her before he had to turn right, and it seemed he just decided to drop it (thankfully).

There were bits and patches of small talk here and there while Mei continued scrolling social media and think about her dreams and her powers and if any of it meant anything and MK drove, until about 45 minutes in he realized he completely forgot to fill the car up yesterday and they had to pull into a gas station– which meant Mei paid for gas and MK took her card to run in and buy all the junk his heart desired while she watched the pump.

Once he was inside, Mei leaned against the car and sighed, combing fingers through her still slightly ratty hair, cursing to herself.

“You’re losing it, Long. Keep. It. Together. They’re just dreams, they're not real, they're not prophetic, they're just dreams. Just stupid, stupid dreams,” She muttered, continuing to watch the pump until it clicked.

When she dislodged it, a little bit of gas spilled out, causing her to jump and drop it, getting the gasoline on the car and the ground. As she went to pick it up her hand went ablaze with crimson fire, which rose dangerously high due to the contact with the gasoline, which Mei panicked to fix even more, trying everything Red Son had ever suggested, but it was all useless as it climbed and climbed and climbed and–

“Mei! They had a buy-one-get-two-free deal on peach rings so I bought six bags, so I hope you don’t mind and– are… you okay?” MK asked, arms full of snacks and hands busy with sodas as the flames vanished in the blink of an eye.

“I-i– you didn’t–” Mei looked around, then at her hands.

MK’s brow creased. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing-! Nothing…” Mei shook her head. “I– I guess I had a bad dream the other night and it left me a little… jumpy,” she half-lied.

“Oh,” MK’s face softened. “What was it about?”

Mei shook her head again. “Not important– and more importantly not your fault, so let’s just get out of here.”

“If… you say so,” MK tried to laugh and lighten the mood, which Mei copied, but the air still felt rather sour as they started driving away.

There was some light small talk here and there, but after about fifteen minutes back into the hour-and-a-half drive, Mei’s exhaustion started getting to her and she began to nod off, and MK, being the kind and loyal friend he was, let her drift to sleep without protest.

.o0o.

Calm… peace… birds were chirping…

Ah, yes Mei was back at the training grounds with Red Son, where she had first learned to control her powers.

This… this was a good thing. It was calm here, there was no damage done, and as she looked around she saw the familiar long red locks of her darling-est Red Son, whom she decided to sneak up from behind for a hug attack, as she usually did in pleasant dreams like these.

“Aha! Gotcha,” Mei pounced before nuzzling her face into his shoulder.

“Ah– hi, Mei,” Red Son acknowledged her briefly before he looked out into the horizon.

“What? What’s wrong?” Mei frowned but didn’t let go of her partner.

The demon bull prince sighed. “Mei… we can’t keep going like this.”

Mei stepped back. “What do you mean ‘like this’? Isn’t this– great? Getting away from it all for a bit?” She tried to smile but Red Son turned angrily.

“‘Away from it all?! Dragon Girl– you– you destroyed everything– My parents are dead because of you– I-i–”

“What?! I haven’t hurt anybody– I’d never hurt anybody– I–”

“Look around, Dragon Girl– the world is crumbling at your feet because you couldn’t master a simple breathing exercise– do you not realize what you’ve done?!’” Red Son exclaimed, shooting fire at her as he spoke and it was only then she noticed the flames surrounding her and the smoke burning her eyes.

“I-I didn’t mean to, Red Son– I-I never wanted to hurt anyone-!” She argued with the prince, the flames growing higher and higher.

Suddenly, she wasn’t standing before her partner but MK again. In his monkey form, again.

“You know, the scroll told me I was the predestined ‘Harbinger of Chaos’ in this little song and dance of ours, but I’m starting to think he might’ve had us mixed up,” MK grinned, his smile glowing with pure yellow light against the swirling reds around him.

“M-MK, I didn’t mean for this to happen! Any of this! You have to believe me!” Mei pleaded with him as the temple started to crumble around them.

“‘The Harbinger and the Soldier were like the Stars and the Sky’ – do you believe that, Mei?” MK laughed, stepping forward but Mei was glued to the ground.

“Y-you really believe that ‘history is doomed to repeat itself’ bullshit? H-ha!” Mei tried to laugh it off but her “friend” only drew nearer.

“Mei, look around– there are no stars and there is no sky– not anymore, thanks to you,” He pulled out his staff.

“Wait MK please– I can fix this-! Y-yeah! I just– I just gotta breathe a little, like Red Boy said–”

“Red Son is dead, Mei!” MK shouted, and Mei suddenly had her sword in her hands. “Because of you– ALL of this is because of you!”

Mei shook her head. “This isn’t real– it’s not real– it hasn’t been real– this is another bad dream– I’m fine, we aren’t fighting, we’re okay– MK, please, just stop this!” She cried before MK lunged at her, which she managed to block somehow with her sword.

“My dads are dead– Our partner is dead– All because you couldn’t control your powers!” MK had golden tears streaking down his cheeks, gold like honey. Or molten glass.

“MK, please– you know I'd never mean to! I love them! I’d never–!” Mei backed up right into a wall that crumbled behind her, knocking her down to the ground.

MK laughed and teleported right in front of her before grabbing her by her collar. “We were friends Mei– and then you went out and you did this– I hate you,” he spat.

“L-let me go! Please! I can fix this! I promise!” Mei tried everything to get him to let go but his grip was solid.

He proceeded to punch her in the stomach so hard she went flying into another part of the temple, which again crumbled around her before he picked her up and slammed her into the ground, knocking the wind out of her.

She barely had time to look up before she saw him strike a pose all too familiar.

“W-wait– MK– PLEASE–”

The monkey tossed his staff and Mei was jerked into darkness.

.o0o.

Mei gasped for air as though she’d been drowning for hours, immediately pulling against her seatbelt as her eyes dashed from one thing to another, all while her mind and heart raced.

“Mei-! H-hey! It’s okay, it’s okay–! We’re here! I just need your pass,” MK’s hands slowly lowered away from her shoulder.

“R-right! Right– I– right, of course,” Mei took deep breaths and fished around for her phone.

MK drummed his fingers against the steering wheel nervously. “Did you... have another nightmare?”

Mei bit her cheek and pondered lying to him, but she was self-aware enough to know that would be stupid.

“Yeah, but it was nothing, it’s all good, homie,” She flashed a smile as she found her phone by her feet.

“‘Homie’?” MK raised an eyebrow and Mei cringed because she never said ‘homie’ ever.

Home slice? For sure. Hombre? On occasion. Haircut? Only when he tried cutting his hair during primary school. But homie? Never. Not even once. Not even as a joke.

“Tried something new and it failed; sue me,” Mei lied again, opening her phone to the pass and handing it to MK, who showed it to the scanner and it let them in.

“It’s weird, you were totally sleeping like a rock, I never would’ve guessed if you didn’t jump like that,” MK tried once again to lighten the mood with a laugh.

“You know what they say about sleeping dragons,” Mei shrugged and MK gave a weak laugh as he pulled into their parking spot.

“So– they’re not gonna check our bags for snacks or drinks or anything, right?” MK asked, handing her her phone back.

“Nah, they’re only checking for weapons and stuff– it’s not a big venue that cares about things like that,” Mei quickly checked the email with their tickets.

“Cool! I’ll take the snacks then,” MK grinned and proceeded to shove what candies he hadn’t already eaten into his backpack while Mei got out and stretched a bit.

She could still smell the gasoline on the car, which was weird. She also felt exhausted still, and it looked like no amount of cold brew was going to change that.

No matter, she’d be fine. She was a pro at staying awake for days in a row– and this time she actually managed to get sleep in between, so she’d be fine. Just drink some water in between shots and green dragon cocktails. She’d be fine.

It didn’t matter if it was humid and it was making her feel hot and sweaty like how she often felt before using any of her flame powers– especially the Samadhi Fire– she had it under control! Mei was soooo fine. This was going to be a fun day. She had planned it to be.

“Alright, you ready to rock and roll?” MK finger gunned.

“Always,” Mei finger gunned back and they started walking to the venue.

Mei lingered just a bit behind MK, but not noticeably enough that he'd stop or slow down. She… didn't really know why she did it. She was keeping her guard up, which was ridiculous because MK would never hurt her, and she was fine and completely in control of herself.

When they arrived, Mei quickly showed the scanner guy their tickets and they were allowed into the way too crowded venue with no trouble at all.

“Geez, they got us packed like sardines,” MK laughed and looked around.

“Yeah, they’re more popular than I guessed,” Mei looked around nervously, wondering if this was a violation of the fire code or something. That if she slipped up it would kill everyone in this building. That there would be no escape.

“Oh! There’s the bar! Want me to get you anything?” MK nudged her arm and pointed.

“Oh thank god,” Mei sighed a breath of relief and headed over, leaving MK a bit confused until he followed.

“I was offering to pay for you, you know?” MK pointed out as they pushed through the crowd of drunk twenty somethings and teenagers– even though it was only 2pm.

“Oh please,” Mei rolled her eyes and finally got herself in line.

MK frowned. “You know I’m not completely broke, right? I do have money, and would like to– ya know… buy you things too.”

Mei clenched her fists in her pockets, keeping her eyes forward on the bar tenders. “Look, I just need something a little stronger today, alright?”

This didn’t do anything to lessen her friend’s control, as he tried grabbing her shoulder to get him to look at her, but she quickly jerked it away, startling both of them.

“Mei–”

“Sorry– I–... sorry,” She shook her head and the bartender finally made eye contact. “One Green Dragon and an orange blossom.”

The bartender nodded, taking her card, and headed off to work.

MK stood by her and gave her a side eye. “Are you sure you’re okay, Mei?”

“Yes! I’m fine! Stop asking, jeez,” She mumbled, again surprising herself and only making her feel worse.

“You lie worse than my dad,” MK pointed out with a bit of smugness.

“Just need a drink MK, I’ll be fine,” She tried to correct herself, but MK was still clearly unsatisfied.

“Then you should probably drink water– not a cocktail that’s 60% alcohol,” He pointed out.

“Who are you, my dad?” Mei rolled her eyes.

“Mei–”

“Your drinks, ma’am,” The bartender returned and handed them their cocktails and Mei’s card back.

“C’mon MK, lighten up; your dad’s just a worry-wart, I’m fine,” Mei instantly took a sip through the little straw and tried not to react to the strength of the gin MK warned about.

“Right…” MK eyed her and took his.

“C’mon– our table isn’t far,” Mei ignored his hesitation, assuring herself she was fine and he was fine and everything was so fantastically fine, before they found their standing stable where they could set their drinks down and… not much else until the band actually started playing.

Mei drank more.

“Woah, woah– pace yourself, seriously,” MK pulled the glass away from her when she started chugging.

“You really do sound like my dad,” Mei rolled her eyes. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not gonna be fine in five minutes if you keep that up,” MK snorted, pulling her glass close to him.

Mei eyed him. “When did you become all ‘Mr. Responsibility Kid’?”

“You almost end the world a couple times and you learn to get your shit together… sometimes,” MK snorted, finally taking a sip of his and Mei felt her stomach start to tie itself in a knot.

She eyed her hands which were teeming with so much hot and nervous energy they were almost sparking.

Her friend gave a long sigh and set down his drink. “Mei… you’re kinda freaking me out right now. What’s wrong? What’ve you been dreaming about?”

“MK, I… I really don’t want to talk about this right now, alright? We’re here to have fun– not to dissect my inner psychology,” She half-joked.

MK slowly nodded. “I… yeah, I guess that makes sense… so long as you promise to actually talk about it later.”

“I promise,” Mei lied with a soft smile, feeling the knot in her stomach tighten.

“Okay, good,” MK seemed like he believed her and she could relax.

Well. Relax as much as she could like this.

“Can I have my drink back then?” Mei batted her eyelashes.

“Promise not to chug?” MK raised an eyebrow.

“Promise,” Mei rolled her eyes with a laugh and he handed it over just as the announcer voice started up and band members started warming up.

Mei immediately whistled and cheered for the bass guitarist, along with a bunch of other probably sapphics as she winked and started playing the bass line to one of their more popular songs. Mei glanced at MK he rolled his eyes playfully, mouthing some comment about girls being gross and they both laughed. Which was good. They were getting into the spirit of things. They were fine. They were normal. This was normal and good and they were having a normal good time. Nothing to be nervous about.

Sure Mei still felt uncomfortable and hot despite hearing others complain about how cold it was, and that knot in her stomach was only twisting tighter by the second, but that was just anxiety and nothing a shot or two of limoncello probably couldn’t fix.

So once the band got playing Mei kept cheering them on, making sure MK was thoroughly distracted. She waited all the way until about their tenth song to say to had to go to the bathroom, but instead made her way to the bar.

She stood around for awhile, half dancing to the music when someone bumped into her–

Lin.

How… nice.

“Oh, sorry man, I– Oh my god,” Lin’s face turned bright red.

“Nice to see you,” Mei lied, the knot twisting itself to practically microscopic levels.

“What’re you doing here? You with someone?” Lin smiled with her stupid perfect teeth.

“Duh,” Mei waved her off. “What about you miss ‘perfect guitarist’?”

Lin laughed. “You’re still as cute as a button, you know that?”

Mei growled, feeling the heat within her rise. “I’m taken, so you can keep the flirting to yourself– though I guess that was never your strong suit.”

“And you’re still a firecracker too, I always liked that,” Lin tried touching her arm but Mei jerked it away as she had with MK, though with far less guilt.

“Two shots of limoncello,” The bartender returned and slid her shots to her, and Mei instantly chugged them down.

“Damn firecracker, you’re gonna blow this whole place down like that,” Lin laughed.

“Lin just– just– just shut the fuck up, m’kay?” Mei pointed at her sloppily and angrily.

“Can’t a friend watch another’s back?” Lin smiled all innocently.

Mei growled again, imagining how good it would feel to give her a flaming fist to the face.

“Woah– you feeling alright? Your eyes are all… yeesh,” Lin pointed out, taking a step back.

What? Wait– no– fuck–

Mei tried to act cool and find the bathroom as the band finished another song, but with everyone standing and clapping and cheering and those shots plus the green dragon starting to kick in, so she just took out her phone camera and tried using that as a mirror– though nearly dropped it when she saw the crimson had returned.

It was then she realized she felt burning hot– so hot she could swear she could smell her own shoes burning– she needed to get out of here, or at least just get back to MK–

Though MK would recognize the signs, right? He’d see she was losing control and then he’d tell the others and then he’d kill her, just like in her dreams–

No. This wasn’t a stupid dream. This was real and MK was her friend– she had to trust him.

Keeping her panic severely under wraps, Mei pushed her way through crowds once more back to their table where MK gave her a big grin which quickly fell.

“You feeling alright?” He asked.

“I’m fine! Sooo fine– we good,” Mei lied and started swaying as the band played their next song.

“I’m going to get you water after this number,” MK shook his head with a laugh.

“Bah,” Mei acted chill but was really desperate for him to shut the fuck up because she really was only feeling worse and worse– especially as the music just got louder and louder and started to swirl around her in a dizzying cacophony. She tried to just keep cheering and swaying, but as the bass kept ringing in her hollow chest the feelings got worse and worse until she fumbled back and–

.o0o.

When Mei caught herself, she wasn’t at the concert venue anymore, but some kind of weird and white liminal space, where a man with long white hair–

Ao Lie.

“Ah, Xiaojiao, there you are,” He smiled sweetly at her.

“A-Ao Lie– what are you doing here?” Mei looked around, startled to find she was dressed in completely white robes that were identical to her ancestor’s.

Her great x1000 grandfather sighed. “I’m here to… warn you, I suppose.”

“What? Warn me of what?” Mei stepped back.

Ao Lie suddenly looked at her coldly. “You aren’t stupid, Xiaojiao. You know you are losing control.”

Mei’s heart dropped. “I– am I dreaming? Because only MK really ever gets these kinds of dreams and you’re like– super dead so–”

Ao Lie suddenly turned into his dragon form, curling around her as his eyes glowed red and his mouth oozed and overflowed with blood.

“Long Xiaojiao, do not take the words of your ancestors lightly."

"Okay– I-I have to be dreaming– the real Ao Lie I met would never–"

"You know nothing of my rage, child– it burns just as yours." His voice thundered.

Mei tried stepping back again but was paralyzed.

The massive dragon coiled around her three times.

“You are a blight to this world, Xiaojiao. You’ll destroy them all because you lack control and discipline–”

“H-haha, you sound like my mother,” Mei laughed nervously but her ancestor growled, showing off stained teeth.

“I too dreamt of my death before it arrived, long and painfully. For centuries I lived in agony, but it will be nothing to the suffering you will bring to others.”

“Then teach me how to control it properly! Y-you understand it, right? Help me!” Mei demanded.

Ao Lie gazed upon her silently and coldly, keeping her trapped but not muttering a single word. For a second Mei thought she heard him laugh, but soon realized that wasn’t his laugh at all– too cruel, cold, or callous– it was–

It was hers.

The Lady Bone Demon.

“Now, now little dragon girl… Why would he want to help someone who’s just going to destroy the world?” She smiled, lifting her chin to look at her softly.

“You aren’t real, that’s for sure– me n’ MK totally kicked your ass and we’ll do it again,” Mei gnashed her teeth.

“Funny… but you and I both know your destiny goes far beyond my control,” She smiled sweetly, patting her head.

Mei shook her head. “I’m not destined for anything! I’m just– I’m just me!”

The Lady Bone Demon chuckled. “You sound so much like that little friend of yours.”

At the mention of MK he appeared behind her ancestor in his monkey form, eyes glowing blue and holding his staff, waiting for orders.

“You are the bearer of the Samadhi Fire, dragon girl, and this denial of yours will only lead you to your fate, like your dearest grandfather,” The Lady Bone Demon shook her head ‘sadly’ as Ao Lie’s eyes turned red and the dragon shrieked in pain– and it wasn’t long before Mei’s chest began to burn and she cried out too.

Mei fell to her knees in pain but felt hands start to grab at her– to which she desperately kicked and bit and flailed to get them away. However, as she successfully kicked one away she heard Tang yelp and she panicked as she realized it was her friends attacking her again.

“T-Tang! I'm so sorry, I–” She turned to apologize but Pigsy hit her with her rake and she fell to the floor, where Sandy grabbed her before leaping in the air and trying to slam her in the ground like a wrestler.

The move successfully knocked the wind out of her, and she remained pinned on the ground as she felt dozens upon dozens of hands crawl against her skin.

“Let me go! I-I can’t– please!” Mei clenched her eyes and begged, and from that a massive blast was formed, and all of her friends and family were moved off of her. However, this was no better, as because of her carelessness they were all crying in pain as the Samadhi Fire started burning them alive.

“W-w-wait! No! Pigsy! Sandy! Mr. Tang! Red Son! I-I-I can fix this– I-I– I have to fix this!” She started to sob, but again the tears merely evaporated. Still, she didn’t give up, running to each person one by one, trying every little technique Red Son had tried to teach.

It was all useless– so very, very useless, as she failed again and again and could only watch as their flesh rotted and burned, their cries ringing out in her ears.

“I-I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry–” Mei repeated, shaking as skeletal hands attempted to cling to her robe before they were reduced to nothing but ash and dust, leaving Mei all alone with the smoldering remnants of her friends and family.

“Poor little dragon… you held so much potential,” Lady Bone Demon got close again with MK.

“I-I don’t care about potential,” She turned again to Ao Lie, who was standing besides Lady Bone Demon in his human form. “Please… tell me how to stop this.”

Ao Lie shook his head solemnly as the demoness laughed

“I’m disappointed in you, Xiaojiao. I thought you were smart enough to know it’s already begun.” She grinned.

Hands were quick to seize every inch of Mei again, forcing her to look up and see MK again leap in the air. She tried screaming, she tried begging, she tried lighting herself on fire again, but nothing freed her and again MK hurled his staff through her skull.

.o0o.

When Mei opened her eyes again, she was sitting outside somewhere– and there was a hand on her shoulder that made her immediately stand up and almost fall over in dizziness as she tried to process where she was.

“Woah! Mei! Careful– you totally passed out there, take it easy,” MK tried touching her again, but Mei slapped his wrist and he recoiled in confusion.

“I-I’m burning up,” Mei realized, placing a hand on her chest. “He was right– I-I’m going to– I’m going to destroy everything,” She started to panic and started walking away, which was hard due to her legs tingling and still having a slight buzz in her head from the alcohol.

“What? Mei– Mei! Where are you going?!” MK realized she was leaving and quickly followed, again trying to grab her hand.

“Don’t touch me! I’ll burn you,” Mei started to cry as flashes of her dream flooded her mind. “I–... I need to get out of here before it’s too late,” Mei looked around the parking lot.

“‘Too late’ for what? Why on earth would you burn me? Mei, what is going on?!” MK pleaded with her, but it fell on deaf ears and Mei started sprinting.

“Wait! Mei, where are you going?!” MK chased after, but the dragon girl was fast.

“Leave me alone MK! I can’t– I won’t let it happen!” Mei shook her head, almost panicking further when she realized she felt a sizzle in her chest like she had… that day.

“Let what happen?! Mei– Mei, let me help you!” MK called as Mei crossed a busy street, narrowly avoiding a car and motorcycle, the former which honked at her.

“I-i can’t control it, MK– I-i’m losing it, I know I am, I-I– I can feel it. Soon enough I’m going to destroy everything– a-and you’ll be the celestial soldier sent to strike me down,” Mei’s tears were hot– too hot. They’d start evaporating soon, she knew it.

“Wait! Mei, slow down!” MK also narrowly avoided a motorcycle, but eventually did the smart thing and hopped onto his cloud and drove it right in front of her.

“Go away, MK– just go back to the concert,” Mei shook her head, instantly turning on her heel to go the other way, but again MK cut her off.

“Mei, what’s going on?! You’re being all vague on me– I want to help–”

“Then go away! I-I can call my parents, they’ll get a car for me– just leave me alone,” She cried more, and tried turning away again when MK grabbed her arm, which made her cry out at the deathly cold temperature.

“Mei–! I-I’m s– what’s going on?! What did you dream about?!” MK didn’t let go, despite clearly debating it.

“LET ME GO!” She snapped, jerking her arm away and to her surprise, MK did. Her force caused her to stumble a bit, her sneakers causing sparks against the concrete and more panic through her mind.

“No– no no no no no– I gotta get out of here– I-I’m sorry MK– some other time,” Mei didn’t even meet her friend’s eyes before running with all her might in the opposite direction, even going so far as to use her powers so MK couldn’t catch up.

Flames were licking at her feet again; she could feel the ball of fire starting to swarm around her again and she just wept and shook in fear as she could still feel MK following her– why was he always following her– she needed to get away before it was too late.

Mei managed to run/mostly fly her way out of the city and nearby the freeways when MK suddenly caught up with her and cut her off in his–

In his monkey form.

“MK, I don’t want trouble– just let me go,” Mei sank back.

“What’s wrong, Mei? Why are you so afraid of me? I– oh, right– I am in my monkey form,” MK cursed himself and it dissolved. “But seriously Mei, what is going on?”

Mei looked at him, still seeing glimpses of his monkey form in the shadows. When she looked at his eyes they were almost beaming gold. It could almost look like he was wearing his heavenly armor under his sweatshirt too– in fact the folds almost–

No. It wasn’t real. It was a dream, Mei, it was all a dream.

“It was a dream. I know it was– but– I-I– I can see it– I can feel it– I need to just get some space… please,” Mei felt the flames at her feet threaten to grow.

“Feel what? The Sama—” MK’s eyes widened a little. “The… Samadhi Fire..?”

The mention of it caused it to rise exponentially, and Mei quickly soared off, which MK stubbornly followed. “Mei! You’ve got nothing to be afraid of! Remember Red Son’s training?! He totally helped you master it!” MK tried to encourage but Mei shook her head.

“I-I can’t– it’s like– it’s destiny, and I just keep– and the images– they don’t stop!” Mei cried, the flames growing higher and higher.

“What? For how long?!” MK pressed as he continued flying beside her despite her best efforts.

“I-I don’t know– The scroll? Since I met Ao Lie? Since we saw those… ink things???” Mei tried wiping tears away but they were evaporating, which made her cry harder as she lost more control.

“Mei, slow down, please,” MK begged his best friend.

“No– I need to get as far away from you a-and everyone else as soon as possible– I have to– can’t you see it?!” Mei shouted and shook her head.

“Mei you aren’t making any sense! They’re just dreams–”

“Dreams in the dragon family don’t mean nothing, MK,” Mei suddenly stopped, surprising MK.

“What do you mean..?” He asked carefully. Mei sniffled, slowly sinking to the ground.

“They… Ao Lie, before he died, he– he kept getting dreams– dreams about– about how it’d happen,” Mei tried to laugh a little, but it just made her cry more.

“Mei… c’mon, you don’t really think–”

“Every single time it’s the same, MK,” Mei snapped and stood, the sizzle in her chest turning into a true burn, and she could see the grass singeing beneath her shoes. “Every night, I’ll swear I didn’t mean to, that I’d never hurt you or Mr. Tang, or Piggy or Sandy or Red Son, but you never– a-and I always cross some line– an unforgivable line– a-and then you just–” Mei hiccupped.

“Mei, I know you’d never do that on purpose, c’mon,” MK tried smiling and grabbing her arm, but Mei stepped back.

“Don’t touch me, I–” Mei held her arm, and flames started climbing around her fingers. “I’ll hurt you– I hurt you every time– I never mean to but I do– I-I–”

“Running away hurts me Mei! I want to help you!” MK protested, taking yet another step forward but she took two steps back.

Mei glanced at him.

MK’s face fell.

“You… you don’t believe me.”

“MK– MK wait–”

“Then talk to me!” MK argued. “If you want me to stay then stay!”

“No! Can’t you see it? I-it’s already starting!” Mei pointed out the rising flames but MK just looked at her with intense worry.

“Mei, there’s… no fire. You’re… seeing things.”

Mei’s stomach dropped. “N–no I know what’s real– you’re just–”

“Mei, look at me,” MK begged, but Mei couldn’t, she couldn’t– what she was feeling was real, right? It had to be.

Unless this was a dream. Unless she was still blacked out and all she had to do was wake up– yes! Yes, she just needed to wake up.

"Mei! It's not real! Let me help you-!" MK grabbed her arm, and Mei shrieked, fire shooting up and forming the all too familiar sphere around her, and burning MKs arm something fierce as he cried out in pain.

"MK!!!!" Mei froze, not knowing what to do as his jacket just kept burning and burning and burning and burning–

MK managed to take it off before it suddenly just turned to ash– but not before the grass started burning too.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry– I-I– I need to wake up! Yes– you’re right– this isn't real– I’m sorry– but it's not real, right?" Mei tried to laugh but the dread in her chest was undeniable.

"Mei, I’m okay, just breathe,” MK tried to assure her with a light laugh but Mei shook her head.

"No-! I need– I need to wake up!" a thought popped into her head, and she looked at her wounded friend with a mix of fear and determination.

"MK, you– you need to kill me."

"What?! Are you insane?!" MK refused.

"It's how I always wake up– I'll wake up if you just do it– a-and this time no one would even get hurt!" Mei said with a tearful laugh.

“Mei, you’re talking crazy– You need help,” MK pleaded with her, trying to grab her hand but she pulled it back to her chest, where the flames spread across her clothes as the overwhelming heat from within finally spread outside– the familiar crimson glow overtaking her skin and suddenly it was the Mystic Mountain all over again.

Mei summoned her sword. “M-MK I don’t want to have to do this…”

Her friend’s eyes widened. “Mei– Mei, please– just– just think about this! I don’t want to hurt you!”

Mei went into a fighting stance, and suddenly her sword too was ablaze in a maroon inferno. “MK, you have to– I’ll destroy everything,” She begged once again.

“Mei– you– this isn’t– please-!” MK too began to cry.

Mei swung her sword, and thankfully MK was well enough to listen to instinct, summoning his staff to block in time.

“Mei, this is insane! Can you please let me take you home?” He asked, pushing her away from him.

Mei shook her head. “I’ll just hurt them– don’t you get it? Do you want your dads to die?! How about Wukong? Or even Red Son?!”

“Mei, you wouldn’t hurt them– I know you wouldn’t,” MK denied, and again Mei went in for an attack and he blocked her.

“You don’t know anything– I-I– this power, MK– it’s–”

“It’s too much.. Right? You feel like at any moment you could just snap and suddenly the whole world would crumble at your feet?” MK again pushed her back.

Mei didn’t let it stop her, mustering her strength for three quick swipes at him, all which he managed to block, but only barely.

“You’re holding back, MK– just do it already! It’s okay– it’s not real!” Mei laughed a little, lunging to attempt a blow from the back, but MK was light on his feet, jumping high in the air and landing softly a safe distance away.

“Mei, please– I don’t want to hurt you,” He begged.

Mei was going to have to switch strategies, she was getting nowhere like this.

“Well, too bad– because I really, really want to hurt you,” She bared her fangs, raising her sword for a high slash, and it sparked against MK’s staff. She then attempted to sweep his leg, but he jumped in time, his monkey king training protecting him like she had hoped.

“Mei, stop, please– I know what it’s like to be overwhelmed with powers!” MK begged as she spun around, hitting his staff three times before attempting a side hit, and after MK blocked, he did his first offensive move of the night, kicking her to the ground.

“You don’t know anything,” She growled, the flames suddenly growing seven feet in height around them. “You’re ‘MK the Monkie Kid’ – a divine creature made of stone, blessed with the greatest, most powerful mentor alive, meant to fix everything that’s wrong with the universe!”

“Mei, that’s not true! You weren’t there! You have no idea what Lady Bone Demon or that scroll thing said– I’m a– a–”

“‘A Harbinger of Chaos’?” Mei teased a bit, laughing and summoning her dragon.

MK froze though– like a deer in headlights so Mei hesitated firing.

“H–how do you know that?” MK asked.

“Here’s the thing about prophecies, MK,” She sneered. “They’re vague. They’re confusing. And everyone always assumes it’s about the shiniest man in the room,” She had her dragon open its mouth to fire on her command.

MK’s eyes managed to widen more, and with a smirk, Mei got it to fire. He was just barely able to duck and roll out of the way, freaking out at the patch of flaming heath left behind.

“Mei–! You’re– you’re possessed! That’s– that’s gotta be it! You’d never– Mei, if you can hear me, I’m gonna get help!” MK summoned his cloud, which Mei absolutely couldn’t allow him to fly away on and so had her dragon blast that too, but MK summoned another one mid-air and flew off at supersonic speeds, which Mei struggled to copy.

It was hard keeping up, and even harder getting in front of him, but eventually Mei managed to get just enough ahead of him that she could strike him down to the ground with her sword, and she quickly followed him so he could kill her properly

“M-Mei– you’re scared, I-I get it– but why?” MK struggled to look her in the eyes as he recovered.

“MK, I don’t want to kill you or your dads or Red Son as much as you don’t want to kill me, but you have to decide if I’m really worth more than the world and everyone else you love– you have to,” Mei was honest, which surprised even her.

MK shook his head. “You aren’t asleep Mei, and you aren’t seeing the Samadhi Fire. It was your regular, green flames against my jacket. Something’s wrong, Mei. you need help, not for me to k–... to–... you know…”

Mei looked at him with a face of stone. She stepped to her friend, grabbing his arm and helping him to his feet. He smiled at her warmly until she took two steps back, and pointed her sword at her chest.

“W-wait– n-no, Mei– stop!” MK shouted, picking up his staff and successfully knocking her sword from her hands, but Mei ducked and picked it up again, going back to attacking him, to which he unsuccessfully tried repeating the de-arming her again and again. It certainly wasn’t easy for him– such tactics were dishonorable and so she knew Wukong wouldn’t have practiced it much.

Mei was fine though, all she needed was an opening. She got more aggressive– she kept swinging harder and harder so he’d have to block harder, try harder, swing harder, aim harder–

And he did it.

It happened so fast she could barely comprehend when she tossed her sword aside and threw herself in front of his staff, and like lightning, his staff pierced her stomach before exiting her, leaving a gaping hole in its wake.

It took MK a moment to realize what he’d done, and Mei watched as his face twisted from confusion, to horror, to agony as Mei’s legs gave out, and he just barely caught her before she hit the ground.

“Mei–! I’m so sorry– I’m so sorry– I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry–” He rocked her and kept repeating himself over and over and over again.

“I-it– it’s not going black, MK– I-I– I’m supposed to– MK, I’m– I’m not waking up, MK– I’m not waking up,” Mei blinked in desperation.

MK shook his head, burying his head in her chest as a new kind of tears formed in Mei’s eyes– tears that she barely had the strength to let go– her chest sweltering with heat and yet so very, very cold.

“M-MK– MK– n-no– no– nononono– I’m so sorry– I-I– ack–” a tingling sensation filled her body as she rapidly grew weak in his arms.

“I’m so sorry Mei– I-I– I should’ve said something else– I should’ve gotten Wukong or someone– I’m so sorry,” Her best friend in the whole wide world continued to weep.

Mei tried lifting her arm to stroke hair, but she could barely even twitch her fingers.

“I-i shouldn’t’ve dragged you i-in– I’m– ngh– sorry,” Mei grunted weakly. “I-i love you– I-I’m sorry…”

MK was beyond words now, holding her tight and weeping openly as Mei was slipping further and further away.

This… this wasn’t fair! None of this was fair. MK didn’t deserve this. This wasn’t right– this was cruel, and sadistic, and cold blooded, and unfeeling, and psychotic, and unfair, and–

…It was destiny, and there was no fighting against destiny.

#lego monkie kid #lmk #whumptober 2023 #chimera shipping #mk lmk #mei lmk #harbinger and the soldier #my fics #background freenoodles #background chimera shipping #nightmares #tw excessive drinking #poor coping mechanisms #hurt no comfort #major character death #teehee

[iwaasfairy]

psttt does anyone have any good p1rat!ng websites without too many invasive ads? my fav one is goin paid

#tEARs tears i'm a ball of fucking tears #i can't handle this n #iM POOR #LET ME WATCH ANIME #iLL tW kmS iF I CANT /j #no but for serious though i need my coping mechanisms #or i'll start to break down on the inside #ring ring

[gottawhump]

Numb

Treasure/Kiri

CWTW: collars, institutionalized slavery, post-escape… coping? For @whumpmasinjuly Day 15: Numb.

She feels nothing.

When the adrenaline and the fear finally wear off, there’s nothing. Relief flickers when the collar is finally removed, but the emotion doesn’t catch and hold.

She knows the taste of fear, and she doesn’t feel it when she refuses to stay in the great country estate, choosing the walls of the palace apartment instead. She doesn’t feel anything, when she sends away the collared slaves assigned to her.

She warmed herself with hatred for so long. But that’s gone now. She is only cold, and numb.

She doesn’t feel anything at all when she signs the declaration of war.

#whumpmasinjuly #day 15 #numb #institutionalized slavery tw #collar #lady whump #poor coping mechanism

[writey-unicorn]

(Possibly unnecessary) Spoiler warning for most of the first season of Arrow.

So I'm rewatching Arrow after only semi-watching it the first time and I realized something.

Oliver is a sympathetic anti-hero who kills too many people and is far too self-destructive and angsty to be a hero but does too much good to be a villain.

Everyone else is a villain. Let me explain.

So Oliver has spent the last 5 years going through hell on an island with the singular goal of getting off the island and fulfilling his father's last wish of curing his city. He starts exacting his plan and gets caught by Diggle who, after a bit of back and forth and a premature breakup, joins Oliver in his quest. After Diggle joins him his quest changes to deal with some of the symptoms as well as the problem and he focuses even more on the symptoms when Felicity joins. This is all while trying to protect his friends and family and maintaining his public image which is for everyone except the people who know who he is which is (I think) at four and of course dealing with his own issues on the side.

And no one in the show gives Oliver the time or the patience he needs to deal with any of this.

His mother and sister are happy to see him for exactly 30 seconds and then are like, "Why aren't you exactly the way you used to be? Why are you always gone? Why aren't you perfect?" As far as they knew, he had been the sole survivor of an accident and alone for 5 years. He would need more than 30 seconds to get used to society again. Sure, he didn't help them realize this, but you could use your brain and realize that he's going to need more than 30 seconds to get used to people caring about him again.

Laural is also bad but has far more reason to be. That doesn't really excuse her or her unrealistic expectations for him but at least she waited for Oliver to come to her before telling him how disappointed she was in him.

Then you have the people who know.

Felicity probably comes off the lightest mostly from not knowing him very much. She mostly just adds on to other people's disappointment in Oliver. Tommy also isn't that bad but he knows that Oliver has been missing for 5 years, came back completely changed, and is a vigilante. He knows something horrific happened to him and is nowhere near as patient with Oliver as Oliver needs even after Oliver saved his life twice and his father's life once. And yes, Oliver had a hand in the friendship breakup but the man has a laundry list of issues, and, canonically, I doubt he's been home for more than 8 months yet. If he's been gone for 5 years then he deserves at least a year to recover before everyone starts yelling at him for not being good enough.

And then you have Diggle.

Oliver's and Diggle's relationship has always been rocky from the beginning. They've been in the same chapter, but never quite the same page. and yet, Oliver, Oliver "bullheaded, can't apologize to save his life" Queen, more often than not, is the one who changes what he's doing and how he's doing it for Diggle. Also, of the two, Oliver has apologized and reached out to make things right more. For one of the recent episodes, Oliver helped Diggle track down this guy he wanted to kill which Argus was already helping with. Oliver, probably expecting the highly trained Argus agents to not pick the least-defensible meeting spot possible (which they did and yes I'm angry about it) and to be able to deal with one person on their own, had gone after a man who was going to kill a child instead of helping there and Diggle threw a fit for that. And instead of Diggle realizing that he had overreacted and that Oliver had made the choice that he thought was right at the time Oliver apologized and promised to do better. Yeah, I'm mad about that too.

No one in the show holds anyone but Oliver responsible for any relationship he's in. No wonder Oliver ran into the arms of the first person who saw him for everything he was and didn't immediately berate him for not being exactly what she wanted and yes I'm talking about crazy ex-girlfriend, Helena.

#green arrow #john diggle #thea queen #felicity smoak #tommy merlyn #laurel lance #oliver queen #arrow spoilers #talk of death #talk of murder #bad coping mechanisms #because this is oliver trying to cope with everything #very badly #and no one's helping him #or can stop thinking about themselves long enough to notice how bad off he is #the man needs help #helena bertinelli #tw self destructive behavior #i feel so bad for poor oliver

[hawksheadcanonblog]

Headcanon - The Bookie is striving to be absolutely perfect. Yes, he knows that doesn’t exist and that he may as be rolling a boulder uphill, but it’s his horrible coping mechanism that he never outgrew from when he was a kid, who thought he’d be treated better if only he were a better kid.

#man someone should get this dude a therapist he has some shit to work out #he might not like it because 'perfect means not needing help' but he really needs it #if only that were his only unhealthy coping mechanism I just wanted to beat him up so much because angst tastes good #someone take him away from me I shoved so many issues into this poor helpless boy #HSC #HSC Headcanon #Headcanon #Henry Stickmin #Henry Stickmin Collection #TW: unhealthy coping mechanisms

[simpforcatsystem]

Ok but like substance use when you have DID just hits different.

Like alcohol? Does not. Just does not.

But weed? (Used legally👀) it makes us dissociate for hours and actually able to enter the inner world and engage with each other a lot closer than we can normally. A lot of the amnesiac barriers get loosened for us, at least when the alters are consistently in front for the time.

I just had a system relationship form bc the two fronting alters were actually able to talk to and interact with each other. It was nauseatingly cute.

But also maybe don't bc after that it sent us into a dissociative seizure so uh. Pick your battles.

#did osdd #did alters #storyteller tag #actually did #did trauma holder #cptsdhealing #living with cptsd #marijane #tw substances #substance use tw #its a poor coping mechanism but we're working on it #rin tag

[savingoursanity]

In the wake of accidentally cutting the bottom of my foot on a piece of glass I was reminded why self harm exists as a coping mechanism and/or form of self medicating to an extent.

I want to preface this by saying that I'm not encouraging self harm as a method of coping; I do not have any personal history with self harm, but I can conceive if only in part why people resort to it. Because lemme tell you as highly neurotic basket case with really wonky sensory processing my mind and body often don't like me very much so I tend to feel weird a lot in more ways than one. So while my foot felt terrible from the shard of glass that lodged into the fleshy underside, the rush of endorphins resulting from the process made the rest of my body feel great; I immediately felt more grounded and my mind felt sharper.

Of course this is gross oversimplification of the underlying mechanisms of self harm, but it was oddly fascinating to be reminded how the body is biologically wired to respond to pain. So while I would not recommend the experience and I definitely don't intend on purposely repeating the experience, I can see how that bodily response could ultimately be used to regulate and cope. Because beyond the mental and emotional aspect of control in the action of self harm, we are also very much sensory creatures and it's very hard to regulate in mind if our bodies are also not having any of it.

#tw minor injury #tw talk of self harm #tw self harm #cw self harm #sensory processing disorder #anxiety #mental health #coping mechanism #just to reiterate this was not self harm #i was just a klutz who broke a small glass plate and did a very poor job of cleaning up after myself #savingoursanity

[kailyn-writes]

Hey! It's your friendly neighborhood fic-writer once again🥰

Soooo I'm not gonna lie... the fic I'm writing is really fucking sad and angsty😂 I just want to make sure that there aren't any potential triggers for you. The only things that could be triggers by are mentions of death of a family member and poor coping mechanisms (alcohol). If these themes are at all a concern, feel free to either respond here or a shoot a message through Demi, whatever you're most comfortable with!

oh am I gonna cry?? cause if so I'm okay with that. I'm also going to put my answer under the cut just in case

alcohol abuse paired with anger is a trigger for me, if it is not paired with anger then I am okay.

#tw alcohol abuse #tw death #tw poor coping mechanisms #kailyn talks #so good to see you in my inbox again ily

[marionettemi]

Tw: mentions of (utting and generalized EDs, being svicidal, and just poor mental choices ig

!! PLEASE BLOCK, DON’T REPORT!!

I fucking despise when people say, “it’s a cry for help,” when it comes to EDs or cvtting. Unless you’re actively walking around, showing it off, no the fuck it is not.

Cvtting is a poor coping mechanism for some and the only way to live for others. Most people don’t want others to find out, and if they do, it is usually in a case where they want to show off the scars bc mentally ill brain thinks it’s pretty or is proud of the cvts.

People don’t say alvholism is a cry for help or using s*x to SH, only if it involved cvtting or ⭐️ -ving and it pisses me off.

It is not a cry for help or attention-seeking, it is just an addictive and destructive behavior.

#@na rant #@tw edd #tw self h4rm #tw s3lf harm #tw sh implied #tw self destructive behavior #tw self destruction #actually mentally ill #cvtaddict #cvtt!ng #personal rant #self mutilator #self h@rm

[harukapologist]

rambling about Haruka

As an ND person I just hate how Haruka's character is either completely infantilized or reduced to a selfish, evil murderer, when, to me, he is so much more than that.

Especially the latter; I hate when any MILGRAM character is called evil because what's the point of MILGRAM, then? They're all morally grey! That's how they test us. But Haruka in particular because I feel like it comes from a place of ableism, intentional or not.

I'm not sure if I should put TWs, but well I talk about ableism, murder (obviously lol), childhood trauma and well... it's Haruka

Haruka's outburst in the VD and his implication of killing animals (I know it's basically canon but erm... i can explain why I think it's an implication later) (i just finished writing the post and actually i explained why at the bottom of the post but its not a full explanation so lol) are the reasons I see people calling him either evil or childlike, and while I do think that Haruka is stuck in a childlike state in some aspects, this is emotional dysregulation of an ND and/or traumatized person, to me.

The uglier sides of being ND/traumatized, the ones that get heavily stigmatized and seen as intentional or evil; I think this was a display of one of them. And I really wish to see more people focusing on Haruka's disability in the ways it can affect his communication and day-to-day life skills more than "oh, poor baby, he has a disability that makes him feel unwanted" without actually understanding the details of the disability and, well, the reason why it is a disability.

Like, the emotional dysregulation that comes with being autistic, which is my headcanon for him. The hyperempathy and literal thinking that might make him harder to communicate with, and get people frustrated with him more often.

That and being severely neglected; I think neglect is one of the lesser discussed forms of childhood trauma and the fact that Haruka was shown to be neglected as well as abuse really means a lot to me, because I think some people don't quite understand just how much neglect and isolation fucks you up.

All those factors combined are a recipe for an unstable, impulsive, clingy shell of a human, and him getting called evil for that really saddens me. It's important to remember that these MVs are extracted from the prisoners' own memories and thoughts. It comes from their perception of their surroundings, their murders, and their own selves. The manic look that Haruka has on his face for a lot of AKAA, for example. The makeshift shirt he's wearing, as if he's desperately trying to sew himself together into a normal person, the exhausted, frustrated look when he picks up the necklace, it's important to remember that this is how he sees himself. A monster who has lost control of himself. The line "I'll keep killing to be your good boy" was a shock, but the way he meekly apologized to Es at the end of his VD, I really think that shows that he feels guilty, that he wants to convince himself more than anyone that he was a good person, that he was really trying to be one despite how his unlucky life frustrated him to his breaking point.

As for his infantilization, it has already been addressed by many thoughtful members of the fandom and I'm grateful to see that, but I also want to say it myself since god knows I hate being patronized.

It feels very ableist saying he's just "someone stuck in a childlike mindset/age regressor" Yes, and how does age regression as a coping mechanism develop? Usually through prior trauma that makes you "stuck" at said age, and that can present differently. It can be longing and yearning for a simpler time, for an actual happy childhood, or having flashbacks to a traumatic event that happened at a certain age; it is not uncommon for trauma survivors to be "frozen" at the age their trauma took place.

I think both of these are the case for Haruka. Frozen at that moment, but trying to reduce himself to nothing but a little, unaware child to avoid reliving it again, relishing in the innocence and purity of his good younger times (emphasis on purity--Haruka's murder was by strangulation, yet there's a shot in AKAA where he's covered in blood. I know it's after he killed the animals, but he's in the stitched-together outfit here; I think there's more to this MV than just killing the animals. Since this outfit is... not very likely to be worn in reality, did the animal killing happen at all? Even if it did, I think this shot remains an indicator that he sees himself as impure; guilty. I have a LOT to say about the inconsistencies in Haruka's MVs, but I'll save that for later... Anyway, back on topic) It is NOT "having the mental capacity of a child, so being unable to date etc." Haruka has still lived 17 years, maybe even more, since he isn't too interested in remembering his age. How do you treat actual neurodivergent people if this is how you see him?

When I rewatch the MVs, relisten to the VDs, reread the interrogations and timelines, I see no evil, just an incredibly broken, misunderstood person.

#please excuse any inconsistencies or spelling mistakes its almost 5am ive been awake all night lmaooo #im open to discussion but pls be nice :( #im a relatively new milgram fan (got into it just when ILY MV came out—got hyperfixated oct/nov) so please inform me if I say anything wrong #i love haruka so so much aaugh #i will defend him till my last breath #milgram #sakurai haruka #milgram project #haruka sakurai #jay rambles bleh idk #should i even tag this #i feel so scared to share my thoughts on the milgram prisoners AAA i hope everything makes sense

[yomogi-mogi-mochi]

Orchid Child, Dandelion Child

Pairings: Riddle & Sibling MC (NOT a romantic pairing)

Summary: This is going to take after Riddle’s overblot, and short and sweet. The term orchid child/dandelion child refer to children who may have very specific/different needs for their development, and those who need less accommodations or specific requirements for their development, respectively. They may grow up in the same environment but everyone’s needs are different, one child may have different coping mechanisms than the other. MC is heavily implied to have dyslexia, ADHD/Autism, and OCD (the latter two of which are often comorbid)

Notes: My brain is so dead. Enjoy this very short piece, sorry it's been a while.

TW: Graphic descriptions of embalming (weird tag I know but listen listen listen hear me out‒), also mentions of blood and human biology; past domestic/child abuse, and mental illness

GN Terms for MC

AO3 Link Here

Masterlist

--------------------------

Adjacent to your mother’s footsteps, you had always had a curiosity for the medical. Though it was never living bodies that enamored you. In death, biology levels all. Cremation, natural burial, or alkaline hydrolysis‒ no amount of money, or intelligence, magic, or talent would help anyone escape the inevitable. Whether able bodied, rich, poor, moral or not‒ all people returned to dust, bones, and decay. 

  Rituals like the embalming process always brought you a strange comfort‒ the draining and ejecting, bathing, refrigeration‒ the body incised, emptied of its filth, and sewn back up. Imagining the dissection of a body into each fleshy component relaxed your own‒ as if your cold body lay on a sleek, steel mortuary table, your jaws and eyes sewn shut and the biology of your body ready to be drained. Even if your insides were scraped out for people to see‒ you would not feel shame. No blood to rush to your cheeks, or your aching heart. Your mother had always dismissed this career choice, urging you to find something ‘more within your reach ’.

  Your body would be clean from its excrement, scrubbed of all the insides that capsized you from this world, and its people.

  Compartmentalization‒ your psychiatrist mentioned. It took you a few tries to correctly register the word in your head when you had gotten the report, you’re not sure if it’s correct. If you did not imagine this scene at least three times a day, you felt like your blood was going to burst forth from your membrane, hot and spastic, like a monstrous clot of nerves. Again. Again. Again. You cleansed this shaking contamination within you with whatever you could do. That’s wrong. You dig your nails into your palm, resisting the urge to lay the papers that were shuffled around by the headmaster on the floor, sorting and checking one by one if they were there. Again, again, again. You imagine an arterial tube weaving through the wounds of your hands, draining the warmth that itched against your skin, the function of your wandering eyes, and the defect of your mind.

  “I’ve signed off on everything. Is there anything else I can do for you, Mx.Rosehearts?” 

  “No, nothing else. Thank you, Headmaster Crowley.” 

  You gather the stack of papers in your file, you check through‒ quickly‒ your medical records, doctor’s notes, psych evaluations, annotated versions of section 504, interpreter documents‒ a variety of other loose papers that wedge inside the old file as best you can, just in case . Even for such a minute accommodation, lacking a legally recognized diagnosis prepared you for the worst. Rejection‒ a tumble and drag into a system not designed for you in mind. These accommodations were an afterthought after that system was built, something to make you “whole”. There were many experiences in your interactions with school boards that warranted preparations like this, which you scrubbed into your mind and routine. No one will help you‒ not the board, the teachers, your peers, your family‒ you must be prepared to advocate for yourself. There was never room for failure, and you made sure that these accommodations made up for your innate nature to do so in this system.

  You bow a perfect ninety degrees before you head out of the office, quietly shutting the door behind you with a soundless exhale. Adjusting the stack of papers in your file, you scurry off to the library to find a quiet corner to reorient yourself. You weave through the various open tables, the large seating area, and the comfortable nooks with beanbags‒ and instead, opt for your usual spot in the corner of the library, where you softly place the file on the desk. 

  That’s wrong. Again. Again. Again. Again. 

  You open and close the file four times, feeling a wriggling, hot feeling in your blood that completely halts your mind from moving forward with your process, despite the short amount of time you have until your next class. 

  No. Again. 

  With the sixth time, it feels right. You sigh in relief, thanking whatever higher being out there that the process didn’t take as long as before. Medical records, doctor’s notes, psych evaluations, annotated sections, interpreter documents. All in order, all there, only for you to see. A weight lifts off your chest as you shift your eyes around the library, and close the file. 

  You browse through the section of the library, running your finger along the spines of the books to spot a new read.  A mauve leather-bound book catches your eye, the gold letter glinting in the dusty light of the library. Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: Other Lessons From the Crematorium you skim the summary on the back. Satisfied, you work your way to the counter, where the librarian checks out the book with a smile. She pulls out the book slip at the front of the book and a pen. 

  Riddle Rosehearts. 

  You almost make a sound at the name, but instead, you quietly chew in your inner lip to provide some sort of grounding for the whirling feeling in your stomach. You feel sick when you write your name in the same cursive as the name above yours‒ just like your mother taught you. 

  “ Again .” Your mother would say. 

  You write. She slaps your hand with a ruler, reaching over your shoulder to erase the word. 

  “ Again .” 

  You write. She slaps, she erases. 

  “ Again .” 

  You write. She slaps, the paper begins to fray from the friction of your eraser, and the tears that run hot down your cheeks. Inertia. Inertia. Inertia. You repeat the word in your mind, trying to mold it with your hands. But the black text above the frayed paper seems to weave together, jumble, congeal. You push the hot coal in the back of your throat, forcing your bruised hand to write. 

  That’s not right. Again. Again. Again. 

  Why can't you just do it the way you're told?  

  Medical records, medical recommendations, psych evaluations, doctor’s notes, annotated sections, interpreter documents. So much extra weight that folder holds that you have to carry everywhere with you‒ just in case . 

  Again. Again. Again. 

  You open and close the locker shut, twisting the locker combination each time. At this rate, you know you’ll be late to class, way past your accommodations agreements. You hope Professor Trein won’t make such a big scene. 

  When you arrive at class, you are miraculously left alone by the professor and your peers. Breathing a sigh of relief, you take your usual seat, finding a practice exam on your desk. 

  You didn’t properly shut your locker. People are probably stealing your stuff now, breaking your things, tearing your extra records into pieces. You didn’t properly shut your locker. The documents are ruined, and you have to start all over again. You didn’t shut your locker. You grip your pencil, bouncing your leg, digging your nails into your palm. Yes, yes you did lock it. Three times in fact. Still, a voice persists‒ you didn’t do it right. Again. Again. Again. You scratch, and pick at the broken skin of your palm. 

  Eventually, as you continue staring at the packet‒ you feel a stab at the back of your shoulder. A student jabs forth the packet of papers that were collected from the back with an exasperated face. The papers are basically thrown your way as you add your half blank packet to the pile, swallowing down your anxiety. Trein continues class as usual, going over the review sheet. 

  “Mx. (Name). A word?” 

  You freeze in your seat, in the middle of gathering your things for next class. Students’ gaze furl towards you, and you pick at the wound of your palm to calm the rising panic in your abdomen. Begrudgingly, you pack up your things, and head towards Trein’s desk. 

  “I will excuse your tardiness for today since you have accommodations, but that does not explain the almost completely unfinished practice exam that we took in class. Do you care to explain?”

  You refuse eye contact. “I…” There was no way to explain it with any sane sensibility, or without alerting your mother. “I apologize sir. I was distracted. It won’t happen again.”

  He sighs, you know he doesn’t believe you. It’s your condition‒ you look to the stack of accommodation letters and agreements tucked under his elbow, and you feel that weight in your chest. 

  “Please, sir. I’ll do anything to make up for it I‒”

  A hand is raised at your response, with a pinch at the bridge of his nose. “It’s…It’s quite alright. I know you are trying your best, considering your… situation . Please finish the packet before you come to class next time.” Trein hands the packet back to you, which you accept with a silent nod. 

  The situation, the condition, the baggage. There have been many terms used to describe your disablement from the world‒ each more alienating than the other. You draw blood on your palm once more, looking inside the crescent-shaped holes in your flesh. You feel nothing but the trembling deep in your chest. 

  You sit in the shared space of the Heartslabyul dorm, hoping that body doubling will allow you to finish your workload. Though it takes you some time, you manage to finish your work before the sun sets, and you scurry back into your dorm room to begin your book. As you try to relax, the thought of a missing assignment, a failed exam, a systematic blunter pricks at your skin, spreading and choking your flesh. You read the same sentence over and over, but understand nothing. 

  Why can't you just do it the way you're told?  

  You hear a knock at your door, seizing you from your thoughts. You sigh, shove whatever scrap paper that had been lying around into your book, and reluctantly open the door. 

  Riddle Rosehearts. 

  You remember him from his perfect handwriting, his words that mirrored your own mothers. You could never get the “R” quite right, something both your brother and mother scolded you for. 

  “Rule of threes, you understand what will happen when you fail the third time.” Again. Again. Again. 

  Riddle had always resembled his mother much more than you had‒ in voice, in appearance, in tone. “ Rule of threes, (Name). You know what mother will do to you when you fail the third time .” He extended your mother's violence with all his likeness to her, in his face that would look down upon you with aberration, and his tightened fists that dragged your head to look closer at the paper, and realize your error. Every way he came into contact with you had been wrapped, tightly as flesh, your mother's violence. 

  You imagine that cold table again, but Riddle’s silvery eyes tethered you to the moment. It was as if you could feel every shifting tendon of your body, every pull of sinew and blood that pumped blood rapidly to your heart, and the back of your ears. But the guilty look on his face reminded you of one of the rare times he had broken mother’s rules. You realized he was as much of a child too, that day. Stretched thin and tall to fill your mothers expectations. 

  His stare is unbearable, you push through the tension in your throat. 

  “Can I help you, Dorm Leader Rosehearts?” 

  You think you see his worried expression, but your eyes dart from his gaze when he looks towards you again. 

  “You left this on the table in the common room.” He extends you the file that you thought had been safely tucked with your belongings. Your vision begins to distort‒ graying and distancing as you attempt to keep yourself calm from experiencing your literal nightmare . “I thought you wouldn’t want anyone to see it.” 

  “I…do not, no. I would not wish to shame you, or this dorm.” 

  Riddle takes a sharp inhale. You unconsciously tightening your body‒ imagining the postmortem stages. Pallor mortis, your blood pools to the souls of your feet. Algor Mortis, your skin feels on fire, and cools dead, limp. Rigor mortis, you stiffen and contract. The nutrients of your body drained, breaking down to gray sludge. You prepare for the breakdown of your body, your psyche, and your soul‒ the wounds on your body are only evidence to your movement through temporality in this system. Livor Mortis, your blood bruises your skin. 

  “I did not…mean that. I only meant‒ I felt…” He sighs, looking towards the floor. “I’m bad at this. But I didn’t mean that this is something shameful. I only wished to protect your privacy.” 

  You avert your eyes, unsure of what to do with him wanting to protect you in some sort of way. Perhaps his overblot changed him, but all you see if your mother’s shadow, when you look towards him. 

  “It’s not important, I apologize for the trouble, Dorm Leader Rosehearts.” 

  Maintaining his grasp on the file, he attempts to keep this connection going. “There’s so much I need to apologize for.” 

  You only manage a strangled sound, afraid to pull the file towards you. Afraid of movement, of air, of space, of time, of him. Everything seems to strangle you, you know that it was precisely designed that way.

  He cups a hand over your own. You try to repress the tremble in your body from the searing feeling of his palm, too afraid to look, speak, or move. You remain still, like a corpse, hastily trying to turn off your nerves and the bursting blood in your body, slaughtering it, and draining all feeling from your body. It’s been so long‒ your body rushes to catch up. You’re always catching up. Always. 

  “I don’t want to upset you. I just came to apologize, but I understand if you don’t want to see me.”

  Your mouth is sewn with silence, your jaw caught in a tremor in your mouth. Quickly‒ your mind makes the decision to speak‒ mother never liked when you didn’t answer to her questions. 

  The words scrape through your throat. “I…” A gulp to lubricate the convulsing motions of your esophagus. “Nothing is wrong. I apologize, dorm leader Rosehearts. It will never happen again‒ I apologize‒ I will make up for it. Please.” 

  His gaze softens. “I’m not asking because I’m asking you to apologize, or make up for anything. I’ve learned some things…I wanted to make up, but, I want to make sure you’re okay first.” 

  “Are you okay?”

  You spare a glance at his face, almost caught in the worried expression adorned on his features. “I don’t understand what the purpose that question serves. I can’t understand…” Still, you worry what will happen if it seems like you blame him for your lack‒ so you shift the weight on yourself once more. “I am incapable…of understanding. I apologize.” 

  “Hey.” He mellows his voice as much as possible, releasing you from his grasp. “It’s okay.”

  “You asked me a question. I was incapable of giving an answer that satisfies you. That is a violation of the rules, is it not?” You retract your hands to your chest, pressing your nails into the wounds on your palm. 

  Riddle folds his hands, almost nervously fidgeting with them. You almost react visibly with awe at the sight. “Our mother may have been wrong about a lot of things. I only recognized that after I attended here, and made many friends who helped me understand that. I am extremely regretful of the things I’ve done to you, and the things I’ve said. There’s no excuse for the things I’ve done, but I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me someday‒ I want to reconnect, if you’ll allow me.” 

  You push the file against your chest. “...I don’t think it will be easy. For me, or for you. Especially for me.” 

  “Most things that are worth something aren’t. I realized something while I was overblotting.” His cheeks gradually bloom pink, a habit he’s had since he was a child. You remember the color most when he cried, but he looks sheepish. Igniting the same warmth in your cheeks, you look at his feet. Heels, you never noticed. He must be shorter than you. “I missed you. I really did. And I missed what we could have had. I’m sorry I couldn’t have been a better brother to you.”  

  “I think…I missed you too.” You admit. “I think neither of us can ask for help, we’ve been raised that way. We have drastically different ways of coping with that isolation.” 

  “I think so too. I have a lot of work to do.”  

  “ We do.”

  Rubbing your arm up and down, you soothe yourself‒ thinking of bodies and corpses, your skin buzzing from the thought of decomposition‒ what grows from them. The fruits of death lay thick and sweet on your tongue, as you stumble through a small smile. Riddle reciprocates.

--------------------------

End Notes:

Obviously this is only a small glimpse into what healing from abuse and trauma is like. But it’s a start. The first steps count.

I’m also in no way shape or form attempting to justify Riddle’s behavior. He’s a complete and total asshole for sure, but he was a kid‒ I definitely see him as capable of change.

The terms Orchid/Dandelion child are relatively new, and I find the pop-psychology approach to it very distasteful (as pop psych usually is. do your fucking research people. PEER REVIEWED ARTICLES!) But I wanted to use the terms to kind of critique the notion of this divide between "resilient" and "nonresilient". It's just a matter of needs, which are different for everyone. Making this hierarchical distinction is arbitrary and often times ableist, as it normalizes a singular, hegemonic way of reacting/experience/compartmentalization/coping. Anyways read more disability studies if you want to know more.

Because I’m not officially diagnosed (my disabilities are not officially recognized by law because for me the disadvantages gross outweigh the benefits, like literally having your human rights stripped away) I don’t know the specific details of acquiring accommodations in a school setting apart from my position as a teacher, but please let me know if there are any errors in the information so I can fix them expeditiously

I also wanted to write about the systematic issues disabled people (particularly those with “invisible” disabilities or those who are “undiagnosed”), I feel like I’ve been experiencing a lot of issues and push back from a system which is not built for disabled people in mind (and often is used against the community in an attempt to eradicate the category). Furthermore, I wanted to explore the aspects in which traditional psychiatry/curative methods are not built for neurodivergent individuals specifically. We often get diagnosed (especially those who have been socialized or perceived as female) with other disorders because of the perpetual stigma against ADHD, and autism in particular. Mainly why I didn’t go the psychology/psychiatry route, despite (one of) my undergrad major(s). It would have been immoral for me to be one, if held up to the current regulations set by the American Psychology Association, or the regulations in my home country. Anyways, lots of problems I wanted to address‒ not sure if I was able to explore them more at length, but I’d like to do more of this in the future.

The book Smoke in your Eyes is a reference to Caitlin Doughty’s book. I highly highly highly recommend her youtube channel and any of her books tbh. She writes/talks a lot about death culture and our perceptions of death throughout history, and creating a more death-positive culture.

I wanted to avoid some of the common stereotypes and misconceptions of OCD, which is predominantly characterized by excessive handwashing, needing things very neat and in place. I wanted to explore the more internal obsessions, rather than focus solely on the external compulsions‒ as I feel like the external behaviors that are often portrayed in media don’t explore the inner workings that make the disorder so hard to live with (and treat).

#twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland angst #twisted wonderland fanfic #twisted wonderland fan fiction #twisted wonderland riddle rosehearts #riddle rosehearts #twst riddle #twst riddle rosehearts #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland scenerios #twisted wonderland sibling

[sorendeimos]

What an angry, disposable man… Nothing but a pawn … born to be damned.

How I perceive Severus Snape

Notes: Go into this understanding that to Me, Severus is deeply flawed and broke and trauma filled. There are parts of him I see as soft and squishy, covered by hate to keep Them from bruising. If you don’t like that, do not read this. Otherwise, enjoy.

TW: Mentions of alcohol abuse, drug abuse, sex, physical and emotional abuse, poor mental health, death, manipulation Please do not read if you cannot handle these topics.

Basics

Severus T̶o̶b̶i̶a̶s̶ Snape—01/09/1960 INFJ 5w6 Slytherin he/she/they gender apathetic

Personality

𖤐 Anxious 𖤐 Quiet, yet explosive when angry 𖤐 Calculating 𖤐 Jumpy 𖤐 Constantly self-destructing 𖤐 Studious 𖤐 Woefully inept at being social

Mannerisms

𖤐 Has neatly manicured hands and wears gloves to protect them. 𖤐 Carries with him a book, a notebook, and a pen at all times. 𖤐 Gets stomach ulcers from stress and poor self care. 𖤐 Takes up smoking as an adult after The Attack 𖤐 Has terrible coping mechanisms, ranging from excessive hours of brewing in the dark to binges of alcohol, drugs, and sex. 𖤐 Developed his harsh personality because of his father hating the sound of his laughter as a kid.

Family

𖤐 Tobias Snape — Father 𖤐 Eileen Prince — Mother 𖤐 Paternal Grandparents — unknown 𖤐 Maternal Grandparents — unknown

𖤐 A Moment in Time 𖤐

Friendships

𖤐 Lily Evans — childhood best friend 𖤐 Remus Lupin — study partner/friend 𖤐 Charity Burbage — close friend 𖤐 Narcissa Malfoy née Black — close friend 𖤐 Lucius Malfoy — close friend 𖤐 Regulus Black — friend

Relationships

𖤐 The Malfoys

After Hogwarts, they were all close, close enough for the Malfoys to open their marriage for Severus. Not because they lusted for him, but because he needed them and it kept his destruction contained.

𖤐 remus lupin

With Remus, Severus could exist as a whole person. There were no games or masks, as the wolf would sniff them out. Remus was and is a calming presence in his life that got him to open up, process, and relax.

𖤐 Regulus Black

Regulus was Severus’s first kiss. They did not date, per se but they did a number of things together. Severus was regulus’s only and it still hurts Severus to his core to recall this. He tries not to.

𖤐 a moment of weakness 𖤐

Trauma

𖤐 Severus suffers from night terrors, horrid dreams that teeter between reality and fantasy. As a result, he is jumpy, often exhausted, and irritable. 𖤐 The night terrors stem from the day his Father became a monster 𖤐 The day severus showed his first sign of magic, Tobias lost it. He flew into a fear based rage, throwing Severus into his room, and Eileen was left to explain everything. 𖤐 Tobias began to drink and hit soon after 𖤐 Severus went to hogwarts, eager to learn magic to defend himself and his mother, but became a target here as well. 𖤐 The marauders, mainly James and Sirius, tormented severus throughout Their years together. 𖤐 He became a bitter and angry boy as a result. he only found solace in his friendships with lily and eventually remus, potions, and dark magic research. 𖤐 His interests gained him friends in the malfoys and other supporters. The prank shattered his friendship with remus and followed by the assault shattering the one with lily. 𖤐 After graduation, Severus threw himself into his mastery and coped with the rage inside him via the Malfoys.

𖤐 forgiveness 𖤐

End of part one

#severus snape #sordidwriting #pro severus snape #severus prince #writing #pro snape #harry potter perception #character analysis #headcannons #severus x narcissa #severus x regulus #severus x remus #severus & lily #tobias snape #eileen prince #sorendeimos #fanfiction writer

[qierxing]

A/N: For Trey's bday and also my brain can't stop thinking about this. I gotta go crazy(mera i'm stealing your naming of magicord thank u)

Prologue | Sex Doll! AU | Yan! Trey Clover x Reader TW/CW: Reader is a NEET, self harm idealization, bad coping mechanisms

You're attending your brother's wedding, right?

The text is simple and innocuous. It’s a perfectly reasonable question. There's no hidden sub context that your mother would leave in such a sentence. Yet it sends cold sweat running down your back as you begin to bite your nails anxiously. 

Weddings meant people. People meant socializing and having to answer questions such as “So what are you up to these days?” or “Do you have a partner?” all while smiling and trying not to rip your own skin off.

You end up gnawing off a chunk of your nail off subconsciously, still stuck on the bright screen boasting the text message. Your thumb hovers over the textbox, unsure of what to even reply with that wasn’t a solid “hell no”. It wasn’t your brother or anything, and it would probably be nice seeing him again, but not when there’s the added pressure of other people and even worse, the subtle judgment that would definitely ensue at seeing your current form.

Sighing, you switch off your phone. You’ll come back to it later. Darkness claims your room again, but your sight’s adjusted well enough that you manage to avoid stepping on the various candy wrappers and instant noodle cartons littered around the floor. Pushing past the trash bags in the kitchen, you open your fridge and curse internally. Right. You ate the last frozen pizza from your stash. And of course, there’s nothing in your fridge besides milk.

You’ve no energy to go walking to the grocery store, so you lumber back to your room like a zombie, picking up your phone again and switching the tab to the maps to look at take out places. A Magicord message notification banner comes up, distracting you temporarily from debating which takeout place would be the cheapest to get delivery from. 

{21:37}: ohhh my seven, look at what they release!d!! [image attachment]

The image boasts a handsome man with sharp green eyes and long curved horns. He’s smirking as he brandishes a large staff at the viewer. A familiar gothic logo is splayed next to the figure. You roll your eyes. Of course your friend is going crazy over the newest Twisted Wonderland android lineup. She’s been going on and on about how their models are the hottest designs around and how cool they were. She even has several around (Sea Witch knows how much it cost) if you remembered correctly.

{21:38}: whos that lol

{21:38}: COME ON ISN’T HE HOT

{21:39}: it’s literally a robot what

{21:39}: 🙄 can’t even appreciate hot looking robots smh

You huff a tired laugh at the enthusiasm she has, even at a relatively late hour. Still though, you’re much too drained and worried to indulge in her endless fangirling.

{21:41}: i’ll start appreciating robots if it means i don’t have to deal with my brother’s wedding

Just as you settle on a fast food place for takeout, another message banner pops up and makes your eyes blink and widen.

{21:45}: wait bet?

Oh Seven–

{21:46}: bruh. dont you dare do smth stupid

{21:47}: >:3c

{21:48}: i swear to the seven what r u doing

{21:51}: dw bout it

You squint at your messages with suspicion before deciding it wasn’t worth your time to play mind games with her. A notification pops up about your delivery and estimation time for your food and you decide to take a well needed shower before the poor unfortunate soul could come face to face with you. 

When you finally leave the bathroom feeling somewhat better and refreshed, a knock echoes on your apartment door. Great timing. When you open the door, however, it’s not a person holding a plastic bag that greets you, but a man with a huge box next to him. Your mouth opens and closes silently in confusion as the man doesn’t even blink as he holds out a clipboard for you.

“Signature, please.” He blandly says, as if you weren’t standing there gaping at him with baggy eyes with dripping hair.

“I-I, uh, I didn’t order anything?” You try to reassure yourself that the delivery man messed up your neighbor’s order, calming the flaring nerves as best you can before your brain starts shutting down. “I think you got the wrong place.”

The man purses his lips and checks the clipboard. “Are you [First] [Last]?” 

“Oh, uh, yes?” You’re taken aback. Did you order something off of Sam’s Shop and forget about it? 

“Then it’s for you. Signature, please. I need confirmation you received the item.” The man looks bored out of his mind and you’re not willing to make a bigger nuisance of yourself than necesscary, so you hastily take the pen and sign your name in a barely legible scrawl. The man drones an insincere thank you out before turning on his heel and leaving right away, leaving you with a huge box that will no doubt break your back if you tried to pick it up.

After much sweat and puffing, you manage to scoot the box into your apartment hallway, before you give up and decide that was enough. Picking up your phone again, several notifications show up on your lock screen.

[Your food delivery is delayed by: 10 minutes]

{22:30}: teehee, enjoy the free gift UwU

{22:31}: and no its not the new malleus guy. i gotchu smth u would like

{22:32}: YOUR WELCOME

You have half a mind to call her and start yelling her ears off, but that takes energy and effort that you’re not willing to afford right now. So you rub the bridge of your nose and take deep breaths in and out, and remind yourself you can’t afford to be in jail for a murder.

Okay. It seems that your friend got ahead of herself and got you an android that you probably will hate and even worse, would be expensive as hell to maintain. That’s fine. This is fine. You could probably just return the box or something. 

Still, curiosity burns in you at what lays inside the package. You’re well aware that Twisted Wonderland has a variety of models, so what did your friend even get you? Couldn’t be a RSA model, they were often sold out and when they were in stock, it was always limited. 

Ah, screw it. Throwing your inhibitions to the wind, you scour your drawers to find that dollar store razor you keep for situations like these and start tearing into the tape and cardboard. Finally managing to clear the tape, you open up the top of the cardboard box and your eyes widen at the contents.

#yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twst #my works #blasting for your entertainment by adam lambert bc the lyrics fit the idea so well >:3c

[lucienne-thee-librarian]

Tw: lesbophobia, bullying, petty bitching about the Mean Girls remake and a subset of OG movie fans:

I Know. I KNOW its a me thing. But I saw a post that broke containment about the new Mean Girls movie how OMG REGINA CANONICALLY SINGS ABOUT GETTING GIRLS IN THE END SONG and my first response was "oh god, really?"

Look, I was never wild about the whole "Regina George was secretly closeted and that's why she picked on Janis to distract from her own feelings and save herself" fan theory but at least it was JUST a fan theory. And I know the original movie ending where it turns out Janis isn't even really gay, she was Lebanese and Regina got confused, and see she dances with a boy at the end, it's all okay she wasn't ACTUALLY a dyke!!!! - yeah I rolled my eyes too. Yeah, that was dumb and a coward's move, but idk. At least the movie itself, even if it copped out at the end by not risking having two of the protagonists be ACTUALLY gay in a teen movie...at least it seems aware that homophobic bullying is bad??

The original movie, whatever else you can say about it, or how it handled that issue or any others...at least tried to take that shit seriously. Janis was an outcast years after middle school who flinches at the idea of Damian telling anyone new about what Regina said about her for fear any new friends would abandon her immediately over it. Even Regina herself (blithely, callously, of course, but it's meant to be that) admits that the bullying Janis got as a result of Regina spreading those rumors about her made Janis break down, cut her hair and have to leave school temporarily over the rumors. Regina said that. Herself. With no remorse but she said it. The movie is a comedy, but it doesn't shy away from how brutal bullying of all forms can be. That's kind of the whole point of the goddamn movie.

But idk if the fans of this theory haven't experienced that much bullying themselves or its just a coping mechanism I can't relate to...that theory of "oh Regina's a closet case homophobe poor thing" just completely (to me) softens the whole thing, these fans do it to by making Regina in a sense, another victim. They may not intend it that way, but in the few times I've seen a Mean Girls post and my nostalgia got me scrolling a bit I've stumbled on this. Seen it in various places online and it always made me want to hiss like a wet cat because it's always like "omg poor Regina comphet sucks <333" and. Hork. Im sorry, hork.

Sorry, but I spent too much time BEING on the receiving end of that shit in middle school, getting called names and treated like an actual disease up until I moved to high school with mostly a whole new set of people over the fact someone spread rumors I was a lesbian, to feel anything but frustration over that. Yeah. I was Janis. I'll admit I can't be "objective" here. I never did any of the shit she does in Mean Girls in revenge, I never had the power or inclination, it wasn't a former friend who started it, but yeah I'm biased because that character was me. I know what it was like to be her because I lived it. And yeah, it kind of sucked!!! Did get better, but yeah. Was what it was.

It's a big part of why I've never liked the trope in popular culture that the loudest homophobic bullies are actually closet cases. It's not that "right wing politician caught soliciting blowjobs" has never been a headline but come on. Most of the people who trash queer people do it because they just hate us. Its trivializing of homophobic harassment to act like that's 1) a good explanation for most cases 2) much less an excuse and that's how it can be used. It'd be one thing if a self-hating person's mindset was like. Actually explored with depth and nuance as part of a story. But otherwise, nah. Miss my formerly lowkey traumatized teenage ass with that dismissive cliched shit.

So even the idea that the movie might be lending any kind of weight to that theory about Regina, however subtle or subtextual, that is??? Yeah funny lol, such iconic, very Representation. Fucking bite me. My lesbian ass is tuning right the fuck out. I'm not paying movie ticket prices to see this, if I'm gonna basically get the sort of person who would've made my life hell as a preteen and tween get turned into One Of Us with the expectation that's going to make me freak out with joy. Even if allegedly they did actually make Janis a lesbian (which, good for them if they did).

Of course, it could just be fans blowing something out of proportion but. Like y'all are not making me want to see this movie MORE and I was at best lukewarm on it having never seen the musical and being lowkey burnt out on the idea of yet another remake.

#idk if these girls are just that detached from the reality of what it's like to bullied period or what. Must be nice #ignore me i'm just stressed and strung out for a variety of reasons I'm trying to distract myself #from a health scare im having lately and trying to get answers for by any means necessary #if that includes whinging about something petty #to partly let steam off about bigger things and also cheer myself up #in case anyone else agrees and wants to bitch with me so be it. kvetching is good for the soul sometimes #tho to be clear this fan theory and that trope has always genuinely annoyed me