#what in the actual fuck is happening to this earth?

[all-purpose-dish-soap]

27 / 1.7k / spreading rumors about dating Gaz, part 2

⬇ nsfw; mention of revenge porn

...

Gaz doesn't negotiate. He doesn't back down. When the situation calls for it, he knows when it's time to escalate.

That's why he fucks you on your dining room table instead of a public bathroom. Partly because he's not a slag. The idea of you possibly agreeing to do it--of giving him the same ammunition you gave your ex to humiliate you--leaves a sour taste in his mouth. Even if you started rumors and risked his reputation.

A growl rises in his throat at the thought of your ex having the gall to send him that video of you. Christ. What on Earth did you see in him?

Partly, though, he wants to fuck you in your own house so that when he next sees your prat of an ex-boyfriend, he can properly rub it in that fucker's face that you invited him in on the first date.

Or maybe he'll take a picture of your panties in his teeth. He hasn't decided yet.

You're strung out with pleasure, your bare back against the table. You’re caught between wondering why he wanted to fuck you after all and letting every last reservation about it vanish into nothing. You’ve always wanted this. You never thought it would happen.

"Sergeant," you gasp out. "Is this-- what about your reputation--?"

"Don't start." His fingers trail the lines of your body, his eyes fixed on the parts of you he caught only blurry glimpses of in your ex's video. It didn't do you justice.

He wants to pretend there's nothing to this besides convenience--you did owe him. Hell, you wanted to sleep with him. You always made that crystal clear. Now he's just allowing himself to give in to baser impulses like a dog snatching up a rabbit thrown into its path.

But you're right. This will look bad if someone finds out. He should worried, but it's hard to care about that when the thing competing for his attention is the filthy way your pussy swallows him again and again, seeing how slick you leave the base of his cock.

He should've used a condom. He knows for a fact you knew he didn't and you said nothing. He'd tell you off for it now, too, but he's absolutely certain it would just make you cum. The nerve of you.

His hips stutter for a second before he can banish that thought from his mind. He shouldn't like the idea of you being that obsessed. Acting like you'd do anything he asked. Christ, work would be a nightmare if this got out. Him actually sleeping with you. But then again, he suddenly doesn't much like the idea of you finding a different rebound. You'd just be thinking of him anyway, right? Wouldn’t you?

Whatever. He’ll deal with the fallout later. When he's not enjoying your body.

“Who’s going to know?” he murmurs, eyes falling to your chest. “Let it go.”

“Mkay,” you sigh out. There's nothing more you want than to please him right now.

"You'd do anything I asked, wouldn't you." It's not a question. You both know it's true. And he likes that--he hates admitting it, but he does. His eyes drop to your pussy again, and his hips pick up their pace.

You've spent months flirting with him, teasing him about taking you to bed. Now you're getting everything you want. He's right. Why would you care one goddamn second about the consequences? “Anything.”

He hates how needy you sound when you say that. You're too trusting. He's taking advantage of you. Don't you get that?

His grip on your hips tightens, pushing into you more and more roughly. Your moans rise in pitch and he has to grit his teeth.

“Good." He says lowly. "Then you won't tell a soul about this, will you?"

"But--ah, ngh..." You bite your lip as he stops thrusting and grinds himself into you. You gyrate your hips, needing friction. "But people already think we're together."

“Do they? That’s a bold claim.” You're overestimating how many people believe silly rumors. Besides, it's hardly your concern anymore. He lays his palms flat on the table on either side of you, bracing himself. Your skin is so soft; your neck tempts him, but he restrains himself. "You're keeping your mouth shut from now on, yeah?"

You let out a sound of frustration as he slows even further. You try to push your hips harder against his. "Sergeant, please!"

"You want this, don't you?" His voice is chilled, but the heat in his eyes as he stares down at your bucking hips is hardly discouraging. "You'll want it again. You'll keep wanting it."

"Ugh, yes," you snap, squeezing your thighs fruitlessly around his toned waist.

"As long as you don't tell a soul about this, I’ll see to it that you get what you want," he growls. "Not your team, your friends, your stupid ex. No one."

You open your mouth to question him again, but he pulls away and snaps his hips hard into yours. Whatever you were about to say dissolves into a string of semi-coherent affirmations. Yes, you'll keep it quiet. Yes, you'll pretend none of this ever happened. Yes, you'll never use his name on base again. Anything he wants. Just don't stop.

"Good girl. Good girl..." Easy enough. Now that he knows how to get his way with you, you shouldn't be such a problem anymore. He can’t help but be a little greedy, though. "You're not going to fuck anyone else, either."

"Never!"

He grunts in approval. "And you'll never--and I mean never --try to get back with your ex. Understand? You'll stay away from him."

You writhe and plead, winding your arms around his shoulders. He grabs your wrists and pins them to the table, the muscles in his arms taut.

"Do. You. Understand?" His voice comes down on you like low thunder, all around you.

"Yes!"

"Good. I'll know if you do. Mm…" His breathing grows shallow. Your heat is impossibly tight, and tightening up even more. He squeezes your wrists. "You going to cum?"

"C-Can I?" you breathe out. "Please, can I cum?"

His hips stutter and he has to close his eyes for a moment. God, he's never been tested like this.

"Sergeant, please!"

"Cum," he says, the word short and sharp like gunfire. "Cum on my cock. Right now."

He presses his thumb to your clit and you wail, clenching around him like you haven't cum in weeks. Your body rolls, practically convulses, your head knocking against your dining table as you arch up. He lets out a snarl, not slowing down despite how painfully tight you squeeze him.

Once you come down from the high, his pace never slowing, your swollen core twitches and spasms with overstimulation. You cry out, but you make yourself stay in place. You want to keep making him feel good. You want to make him feel better than he ever has.

"Cum inside me," you pant out. "I-I'm on birth control. You can-- please--"

"You're a liar," he growls through clenched teeth even as he picks up his pace.

"I promise," you plead. Even if you're a liar, and you are, you're not lying about this. God, you want him to do it so bad you can feel yourself clench up again at the thought.

You're teetering on the edge of another orgasm when he pulls out, spilling his load across your chest and stomach instead.

You clench down on nothing, feeling a strange sense of satisfaction even as your orgasm ebbs out of reach. You let your head fall back onto the table, your breathing heavy. You don't see his eyes running over you, deliberating.

"Sergeant?"

"Mm?"

"Do you maybe want my phone number?" Almost seems like a silly question. He has your address now anyway.

"Hm." He pulls away, picking up your discarded purse from the mess of clothes on the floor. He pulls out your phone and opens your texts, types in his number, and sends himself a quick message. Then he finds your conversation with your ex-boyfriend. His eyes narrow. The last texts exchanged were earlier tonight. And you started it. You told him you were out to dinner with someone else. Just to get a rise out of your ex. It obviously worked.

That's okay, he figures, opening the menu and blocking your ex's number. If there's one person he does want to know about this, it's that arsehole. Maybe now he'll stay away from you.

You sit up. "Kyle?"

His eyes meet yours, steady and unwavering. "Yeah?"

"Were you serious?"

"I was."

"Even about coming over again?"

"I mean every word I say.” He hands your phone back to you and begins to get dressed.

You watch him, grasping the edge of the table. "When will you be back?"

"My squad leaves on assignment tomorrow. Don't know how long it'll be." He zips up and grabs his t-shirt. "I'll text you."

"Right, right." You suppress a sigh. "Always got a job to do."

He slings his coat over his shoulder, then pauses. He knows he shouldn't, but he can't help but reach his hand out to your cheek. He runs the back of his finger over your jawline. Then he disguises the tender gesture by gripping your chin and pulling it up so you're looking him in the eye.

"Behave," he tells you, voice low. "No sleeping around. No flirting of any kind. Is that clear?"

Your heart pounds. You swallow and nod.

"Good," he says, holding your gaze a moment longer.

As he leaves, closing the door behind him, he curses himself.

This is not a good idea. What's he trying to do, fix you? Stupid, stupid, stupid. This isn't going to end well. You're not good for him. But damn if he doesn't feel more satisfied than he has in years.

He has no choice. If he wants you to behave, he'll have to keep your eyes on him. Whether he’s on base or not.

...

part 1 / [part 2]

more Gaz / masterlist tag

#mine #story #fem reader #soft dom gaz #kyle gaz garrick #gaz #gaz cod #kyle garrick #gaz Garrick #cod #cod x reader #call of duty #call of duty x reader #cod mw2 #cod mwii #tf 141 #tf 141 x reader #gaz smut #gaz x reader smut #cod smut

[chuuyasheaven]

SUMMARY. It’s Chuuya’s Birthday today, and sadly he has to work till evening! He feels bad— for some reason— because he can’t spend the day with you. . But when he got home saw the food you made and a gift just waiting for him in your bedroom. .

TAGS. fem! Reader / Chuuya Nakahara, THIS A SMALL DRABBLE FOR THE FIC COMING, smut (p in v, praise, etc. idk), this is actually LAZILY written so yeah, idk anymore I’m just burnt out by school 😭, etc.

NOTES. Yes, I’m unfortunately still alive!!! Let me tell you buddy, writers block + finals anxiety/stress + depression is something you do NOT wanna experience at the same time. But yeah sorry for the late post I did not forget my blue eyed glorious beautiful most perfect man to walk this earth ginger sweet king’s birthday 🙏

Just imagine the guilt Chuuya felt for not spending the day with you. . Why? It’s his birthday today and you had a day planned for it but no, work had to be done. He did not expect to come home to his favorite meal next to a glass of wine on the table, but he’s still grateful of course! The meal wasn’t the only surprise though!!

Chuuya was laying on his back while you were on top of him, in the most beautiful lingerie he has ever seen, undressing him slowly. He felt a rush of adrenaline through his body, was this really happening? Well, yes, it was! It’s his birthday, of course he deserves only the best. A lot of thoughts were rushing through his head before Chuuya felt your breath on his neck. He had not noticed you bending down, but he did notice your kisses trailing from his neck to his chest. “Fuck!”, he gasped as you started to lick and suck on his nipple, where he was pretty sensitive.

“Feels good, Chu?”, you asked with a seductive undertone before switching nipples. Your hand ran up and down his stomach, making him shudder time to time. Done with his upper body, you moved to his lower body, unbuckling his belt and opening his pants with a smile. “Jus’ relax, okay?”, you cooed to him, continuing to free his lower parts from remaining clothes. “I’m tryin’ to, sweetheart. It’s hard when you’re being so. .”, Chuuya stopped mid sentence when you took his cock into your hand. “So what, Chu?”, he looked away from your gaze flustered. “C’mon, tell me. And look at me when you do.”, you commanded him nicely while you were already stroking his tip with your thumb, slow and gentle.

“. . When you’re being so. . perfect.”

23.53h/11.53pm, 30th April rn, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUUYA THE FIC IS BEING WORKED ON (fr tho)

#chuuya'sheaven ♡ #chuuya smut #chuuya nakahara smut #chuuya x reader #bsd smut #bungo stray dogs smut #chuuya nakahara #bsd chuuya

[neurolady]

I Forgive You!

I've seen a million and one different takes on Aziraphale's "I forgive you" in the Final 15. Most peoples initial knee jerk reactions of what the fuck does Crowley need forgiving for, to forgiving Crowley for an unconsented kiss, to (once folk have calmed down and started to see Aziraphale really has no choice but to go back to Heaven) forgiving Crowley for not trusting him. What I haven't seen is the suggestion that it actually has nothing to do with forgiveness at all!

When he says, "May God forgive you" or "May you be forgiven," it's always after Crowley does something Aziraphale believes is out of character or wrong. In Uz Crowley saying he wants to kill Job's children and at the bandstand after his ourburst at God (I'm missing one, I'm sure). I think in these instances he is genuinely saying I hope you're forgiven for what you just did.

On the two occasions, he uses, "I forgive you," Crowley is not acting out of character at all, and neither is he wrong. Aziraphale knows this! The two scenes are completely parallel in s1ep4 by the car when Crowley pulls over to apologise and, of course, in s2 the Final 15.

Crowley wants to talk about them and is ALL in for them to be together - literally, both scenes he basically begs Aziraphale run off together.

Aziraphale can't get past his cognitive dissonance and insists Heaven is the answer. Obviously, everything is ramped up 1000 in the Final 15, but even in s1, you can see Aziraphale's turmoil at being asked to choose Crowley or Heaven.

This is where I think "I forgive you" has nothing to do with Aziraphale offering forgiveness to Crowley. In both scenes, Crowley pushes Aziraphale's attachment to Heaven even further. In s1, he keeps it about Aziraphale, "...how can someone so smart be so stupid!" In s2, no such restraint, so you know just "No Nightingale's" and THE Kiss!! The effect is the same, Aziraphale is shook (obviously just a teeny-weeny bit more in s2), he's retreating into himself, and his reflex is "I forgive you". He's a being of forgiveness it's an instinct. He also knows - again probably more out of instinct than any deliberate intention - that Crowley will immediately recoil from any attempts at forgiveness, which gives him space to process. So I think "I forgive you", is actually Aziraphale's shield that he throws up between himself and Crowley when his love for Heaven (or more for being an Angel) is in direct conflict with his love for Crowley. He is pushing Crowley away because in the moment, he can't cope with the choice he has to make, and it works both times, and he instantly regrets it both times!

On the plus side, if you condense all the shenanigans that happen after the "car argument" in s1. Crowley instantly forgives Aziraphale for pushing him away, as soon as Aziraphale has a plan he goes to Crowley, he chooses Crowley and Earth without hesitation when the shit is really about to hit the fan and they get their happily until Gabrielle shows up naked at the bookshop a few years later after!

#the blueprint for s3 is all there in the original book #it's not gonna be so easy for them this time #but we know it'll end in the South Downs #ineffable husbands #good omens #good omens theories #aziracrow

[skullcfusher]

When u tlked about the toby n kate HCs u gave us Kate angst HCs do u have any toby angst HCS I'm obsessed w sibling relationship kate toby its the best 100 percent

Ok I tried typing out a huge thing but it's not letting me post that SOOO you're getting the short version, if anyone is interested in a long version dm me or smth idk BUT here they are

Toby struggles like crazy with masculinity, vulnerability and authority figures, between his father smacking him around and verbally abusing him, the bullies not only at school when he was there but actually trailing to his neighborhood and any time they could find him and all of the neighbors and older folk who saw what was happening but stayed silent, he felt crazy weak, especially when most of the things Frank said to him were always related to him not being man enough in some way, and it didn't help that Toby was a scrawny boy because food was hard to come by, it's not like he was starving by any means but they were kinda just getting by. This follows into his proxy life, always having to be stronger than everyone else in the room, killing people in horrific ways to show his strength and pushing himself to an extent to show that no one should fuck with him. Toby was born into a dog eat dog world but now the point he's at, all of the other dogs aren't hungry but he's still eating even if he's full. No one is trying to hurt him, don't get me wrong not a whole lot of creeps like him all that much but no one is looking to hurt him, but he can't fathom that. He has to fight, no matter how tired he is of fighting, he just doesn't recognize a world outside of that and it scares him. The only being he can't fight is slender, he's horrified of slender because slender has the capability to make that boy feel pain, not in the sense he can just flip the switch and he feels everything now but he can give Toby the most earth shattering, mouth frothing, skin peeling headaches. It's not just some small shit, Toby's feeling throat curdling pain for the first time, if feels like he's burying his own axe into his head. Punishment is bad for all proxies, but this shit is really new to Toby, Tim and Brian usually have to leave when Toby goes under cause they can't stand to hear him when he screams and thrashes he doesn't just fall to the ground and scream either he bites and rips his skin off and throws shit and gets fuckin crazy, Kate tries to stay and comfort but Toby pushes her away, he can't let her take care of him like that he's supposed to be able to handle it how can he not be able to handle something the rest can

Ok that's all for now I think, just cause I'm trying to make it short but if u want more or have any questions or even requests for other creeps I'm SOOOO OPEN I love answering shit

#creepypasta #ticci toby #ticci toby creepypasta #ticci toby headcanons #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta headcanons #dyl speaks #they could never make me hate u tobias

[byler-invested]

Hi! I absolutely agree with what you say in your reblog of that video! And since English is not my first language I wanted to ask, do you think that during the second recording when Will (presumably) says “to run”, “need to” is said in a deep voice that literally sounds like Vecna. Even on first listen, this kind of bass effect seemed strange to me and reminded too much of Vecna's voice. And now I could swear I hear the word “you” starting in Will’s voice, then “need to” in Vecna’s voice, and then again dramatically changing into Will’s voice saying “to run”. And I also think that where the author of the original post with that video has questions right before "do you hear me", I think that Will starts to say "do you" but his voice breaks off before he can say the whole sentence. Of course I'm just speculating and we may be wrong, but I was just interested to know what you think

Thank you for the ask! Don’t worry, it’s not my first language either. 🙆‍♀️

And yes you’re absolutely right, I did also hear that deep voice and I think it was Vecna. Even the rest of the voices (director, Will) sound kinda weird tbh, but I figured it was partially because of the method of sound recording in this footage. But to be frank I’m no expert in production, so it may very well be something entirely different.

Now, what I don’t really understand is why exactly would Vecna be repeating his exact words (“need to run” or whatever it is, I can’t remember it properly). I definitely found the entire sound recording exceedingly weird (but definitely interesting and powerful) and I bet it’s going to be an incredibly stressful, upsetting, frightening, etc etc and even disgusting scene— taking into account that by the end we seem to start hearing a disturbing and loud kind of buzzzzzz almost like a fly or other insect??? 🪰 (Did anyone else notice this???) And we know there were those fucking nasty and scary “demo-ants” 🐜 around, according to the written description of the leak, so maybe it does have something to do with that… 🤢 ewwwww….. that’s gonna fuck with me I just know it.

Yes I also thought about the possibility that Will’s voice seems to kinda be overlapping Vecna’s voice? Why and how on earth would that happen? 🫥 Some people were saying maybe he was getting possessed, fuck I just know I’m gonna be shitting my pants. 😂

I don’t know, everything is just so so weird about this leak. I haven’t yet thought this through properly, but I’m sure that more capable and methodical analysts will soon come up with more cohesive theories.

One of the biggest questions in my mind right now actually has to to with the described demo-ants. Apparently there’s a whole DnD creature that matches the leak’s description, I’ve seen pictures of it and it’s creepy as fuck. I’m very very curious to know what the hell that’s all about and why they would include it?? There has to be a reason/ meaning/ symbology within the story that justifies it.

Insects??? Why???

#byler #stranger things #mike wheeler #will byers #my post #st5 #st5 speculation #st5 spoilers #vecna #demoants #demo ants #demo-ants #st theory #st spoilers #st leaks #st5 theory #st5 production #st5 leaks #stranger things 5

[elnotwoods]

not these AI obsessed futurists preaching how this is the time for actors and writers to start utilising AI more, how they can use AI to fight big studios and just digitally clone themselves using AI so they could appear in an infinite amount of episodes of a tv show or movies, churn out massive amounts of writing thanks to AI etc. - how this is the time for creatives to hand over the creative reigns to a machine that’s been taught on stolen art, writing and more.

how creativity, that makes us inherently human and separates us from other animal species on earth, should be given up to fight greedy studios and streaming platforms that already don’t give a shit about the people that make them rich

#y’all this is… #karel čapek fucking say up in his grave #are y’all this dense? #do you really think that people who create and are fulfilled by being creative will give up the reigns? #are you all fucking serious? #what in the actual fuck is happening to this earth? #not to mention that there’s a massive fucking racial bias in ai that is trained on systemically racist models #i can’t with some of y’all apologists of ai and how it fucking steals the hard labour of people #wga strike #sag aftra #writers strike #ai #ai tool #ai generated art is teft #ai needs to be stopped #anti ai

[melit0n]

What the fuck do you mean Marble Hornets is going to be 15 in June. What do you mean by that.

#where on EARTH has that time gone #what the actual fuck #I'm not prepared whatsoever #15th anniversary of 'you brought your dog??' #not ready not happening this came out yesterday and I've just shown all my mates about it wdym #marble hornets #mel's rambles #creepypasta

[redvelvetwishtree]

Lmao you guys cannot "antisemitism" your way out of this anymore, that's old tactics which don't work anymore.

Can you also prepare a word for what's happening in Palestine? It's so enraging I can't put into words my anger and upset anymore.

#anti-abc xyz-phobic xyz-ist this that all these terms your guys use at your convenience but shut your eyes and ears when - #- when someone else is suffering #how you people bully the whole world into following your exact abd precise brand of political correctness #fuck off #I'm done tiptoeing on egg shells around western political correctness #none of you care about anything #except whatever suits you in the time #take all your wokeness away because it sure as hell does not help the rest of the world #you all are just like your politicians #everyone having delusions of being the most morally high and superior race on earth who can decide what is right or wornt9 #and how other people are supposed to express their opinions and talk about their tragedies and fckng genocides and ethnic cleansings #no one cares for your stupid lectures littered with such terms anymore #nothing matters when you actually see what is happening in places like Palestine #and i know some dumbass will take this post and turn its meaning around just like they always do #but i am so so angry at what's happening in Palestine snd then the reaction of pro-Israel people and western media and politicians #this was absolutely thr last straw for everything #palestine #free palestine #gaza #west bank

[obessivedork]

I'm having fun with Farscape but I DO also have the lingering dread of knowing there's probably only MAYBE 2 seasons pre-.... well, we all know what happened in 2001. Also damn the writers really said "do you want to see this man suffer? Have we ever got you covered 😎"

#this lingering dread happens in every show I watch that started pre and continued after btw #What in the FUCK was that alien race that made him think he'd made it home to earth 😭😭😭😭 Like I KNEW #because there's multiple seasons either he wasn't actually there or he had to leave again for other reasons! I did! #guys surely you could've extrapolated earth wasn't a good place to go by just reading his brain did you HAVE to do him like that? 😭 #Also I forget her name but the chaos gremlin has my entire heart and soul #farscape #I'm a weird age where I'm old enough to remember the event & cultural shift but I didn't entirely understand WHY at the time #(beyond the tragedy of death itself. Obligatory not american I'm canadian so that plays a part too) #crossing my fingers it fares better than st enterprise did

[benetnvsch]

WAIT WAIT- playing through the current Mayoi event for the first time and ?? Kunikida makes perfectly edible food from his notebook which the others enjoy ,, which ,, idk I just figured organic things were off the table which once again makes me wonder,,

Can Kunikida create life (what would happen if he wrote something like idk, worm,,, baby squirrel,, or something do we know)

#THE way I RAN to my computer to post this HELLO? #Kunikida's ability is so ??? to me #like #hypothetically he can make money and fuck up the economy #or like? drugs?? he could be a drug dealer ig since he can make safely consumable things #WHAT on earth #so like #could he make life??? #HHFKJHFKJF #sorry this is not important at all - #I just?? have always wondered specifically abt food /organic substances and life and now I have an answer for one of those #which is wild #so what would happen if someone ate something kunikida made and then Dazai touched ?? them?? Kunikida?? would it turn back to paper ? #in their body??? #wait actually this is making me realize idk how Dazai's ability works in terms of kunikida #im actually the worst at knowing Stuff ik when he touches things kunikida makes it reverts but ?? if he touches kunikida are they still fin #kunikida would just.... not be able to make more stuff while Dazai is touching him?? idk I am an imposter and a fraud #apparently it feels somewhat off too so like?? it's not perfect and that's so funny to me- #do u think Dazai ever gets bitter he can't try Kunikida's understanding of food LMAO- #bsd #kunikida doppo #bungou stray dogs #came back to add fandom tags cuz I decided yes I do want ppl interacting with this actually I need answers

[arundolyn]

obsessed with how clearly terfy weird bitches on here will say shit when called out for saying terf shit like "um well ACTUALLY maybe you think i sound like a terf because you identify normal feminists as terfs?? 🤔"

and then make absolutely no effort not to use transmisogynistic rhetoric and say weird shit that very very obviously is transphobia, like using terms like "trans rights activists" and "trans identified" and think they're so sneaky and nobody notices?

yeah i don't support all women. some of you bitches are terminally stupid

#crow.txt #like what kind of stupid ass gotcha. you are actively setting any real feminism movements back #way to go genius. youre fucking annoying #mfs think because they dont actively put terf/radfem in their bio or use those tags flagrantly that some of us cant read otherwise #truly the dumbest cunts on earth. like actually for real. embarrassing #i wish the term terf would silence yall im sick of hearing anything you bitches ever say #it hasnt lately but every time someone saying some weird terf shit had followed me im like girl are you lost? gtfo. #*hasnt happened lately im not fixing that #got mad in the shower bc i remembered seeing a post like this like 12 hrs ago and its still on my nerves #like at least be honest with yourself and stop lying and wasting anyones time more than you have to #how are you gonna be so vile and not own up to it. dont you think weve got like trans cooties dont you want everyone to block you. go on

[hussyknee]

The OCD urge to convince everyone that you're not a good person really.

#it feels unreal to me that it's not obvious to people what a five alarm trashfire the inside of my head is #it's a fucking warzone in here. people are dying. blood everywhere. things on fire #this ends up presenting itself in seething passive aggression‚ virulent rants at the drop of a hat and randomly exploding at people #but most of it happens at home or with disparate people and places #so a casual observer who isn't targeted and doesn't disagree merely thinks Im being snippy #instead of acting like bear caught in a trap #people see your highlight reel not the behind the scenes footage #so when they still like you despite how toxic you know yourself to be #it feels like you're being disingenuous somehow #the baseline ocd existence is believing you're the reason for humanity's downfall and a plague on the earth #and desperately hoping that nobody finds out but also that people do find out so that you can stop being terrified of being discovered #actually ocd #ocd #scrupulosity #knee of huss #mental illness #mental health

[foolishnpd]

odd... I'm suddenly struck by that very specific "nobody loves me aaaaaa" feeling of absolute despair...which usually has a trigger but right now idk what could've caused it

#lilyroaring #npd #actually narcissistic #cluster b things #mental illness #I think something's just fucking Wrong With Me. like in general 😍 #(to myself) babygirl there is no reason to feel like this #nothing even happened what on EARTH is making you feel like that #I've said it before #but it's like this hollow agony #absolute despair #a void feeling inside of me that says I don't feel loved #despite any and all evidence to the contrary #and if it weren't so pathetic I'd love to wail and cry about it #but instead I sit here quietly. trying to figure out my own feelings #it'll pass #but it's not pleasant #I would go wailing for attention if I could #but I don't even know what I really want #I don't like to beg either way- #so much love in this world and none of it is enough for me #I'll never have enough

[engagemythrusters]

wait huh i had like. four hundred some four months ago. where the hell did you all come from. what.

#WHAT? #im #really confused? #i didnt see a sudden influx of followers? #when the ACTUAL FUCK did this happen? #like this isnt a big number of followers but it is a MAJOR JUMP from what i remember being at #litearlly a year ago i was at maybe 270 ish too #what on gods green fucking earth

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

basically without exception there are 2 kinds of people in hisui in pla. there are the ones who go "hmm you're so strange and suspicious here do this dangerous task that i'm too scared/weak/lazy/whatever to do and MAYBE i'll start to trust you" and then there are the ones who go "wow you're so talented and cool and good at things here surely you'll be able to do this dangerous task for me won't you? since you're so helpful and all?" and that's why protagonist just never catches a fucking break

#the nemesis speaks #ok i lied there are a couple exceptions #cyllene is giving you tasks not bc you are suspicious or very talented but just bc you like. work for her. #and you still gotta rank up and prove your strength like everyone else before you go run off and do even more dangerous stuff #no free passes for being a hero so you can go get your legs broken faster. #another is. hilariously. arguably melli i think. because there is no task on sinnoh's earth that could save you from his judgement #and then of course there is mvp ingo who dgaf what your reputation is he's got a job to do he's gonna fucking do it. #actually there's probably a different post to be made here abt how ingo uniquely views the protagonist not as a Special Other #but just as like. a kid. who happens to be strong and fun to battle with yeah #but still. they're just another traveler that he's responsible for guiding through the region. #idk thinkin abt him. #pla analysis #i guess

[beingatoaster]

Felicity at the start of this session: I have to keep taking care of all these small people while we fix things at this lake

Felicity at the end of this session: I. for my mental health and also because I'm extremely pissed at some of them. may have to tell all these small people to fuck off and leave me alone once we're done with this lake

#two earths #felicity #is having a fucking TIME #i knew she was fucked up by what happened today #(we revived a sahuagin killed in an explosion we caused #and talking to him without admitting we caused it #was giving her severe emotional damage) #but it wasn't until i went 'she is going to walk away and have a joint' #and started thinking through how she's feeling right now #counting in certain party members making light of us having (it turns out) also killed their sea serpent guardian #and went. fuck. i don't actually want to stop playing felicity #but i am not sure she wants to keep going with the party right now