#why do I feel like im gonna be the only one doing this?? lmao

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

The Sword of Kaigen

standalone fantasy set in a rural mountain village at the edge of an empire that still holds traditional values, with families of powerful water/ice magic warriors

follows a powerful young heir who begins to question his beliefs about the empire when a new boy comes to his village from the city

and his mother, a housewife who has tried to forget her youth as a warrior and vigilante in the city since she moved back home to a loveless marriage

when there’s a violent attack on their village that they’re unprepared for, everything changes, and she has to embrace her old skills to protect her family and people

#The Sword of Kaigen #aroaessidhe 2024 reads #I’ve been meaning to read this for years and I finally got around to it! a really unique fantasy novel #I had always assumed this was ur average pre-industrial high fantasy and then was immediately hit with video games/tv in the first chapter #lmao. But overall (aside from the broader worldbuilding/politics) it is closer to the average ‘historical’ fantasy narrative - #so I can see why I got that impression #Some really compelling characters and interesting narrative structure that went in some unexpected directions. #It really focuses in on one village and how devastating a single battle in a war can be to their people - and how much work the recovery is #I feel like most sff is more concerned with a single person and/or the whole war so this felt unique. did also mean that the pacing was odd #- it's a slow start; then there’s a battle that must be hundreds of pages. The last section of the book feels a little too drawn out #and brings up random hanging plot elements that don’t really go anywhere. But I think overall this works for the story. #also one thing I didn’t love - cool complex interesting female character MC sure but also there’s weird moments like: #the first scene we see her is all the housewives comparing their attractiveness; she keeps referring to herself as an old woman (when she’s #and oh so meek and useless etc. And some of this feels like it’s part of the broader portrayal of the misogynist society #but some of it felt clunky or unintentional? #And then especially the end - when she and her shitty husband finally confront each other as equals and he apologises #she basically immediately forgives him and is like oh I was equally at fault because I am a meek woman who didn’t try either #like him realising he was wrong (and her realising he had a reason for being the way he was) doesn’t negate the fact that he treated her li #she acts like it was her fault for not trying too - when we have numerous examples of him berating her if she spoke up about anything? #like im glad he’s learning. but also that doesn’t mean she needs to suddenly forgive and love him wtf #that's the only real thing that annoyed me though. #also btw that 5yo seems kinda fucked up. are you guys gonna do anything about that

[beautifel]

seems like my heart does nothing but break lately

#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level #for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her #still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions #Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later #jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this #not fair not fair at all this is evil #and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences #i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it #i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity #is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike #Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂 #AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪 #at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even #LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it #what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol #hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather #kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter #how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there #n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng #or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak #n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own #well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her

[todayisafridaynight]

i dont get how daigo could be bitchy and moody while wearing a puffer like . my brother in christ do you even know how silly you look rn trying to be emo in a puffer

#snap chats #looked at myself for too long and was about to have my Daily Required Evil Monologue but i just look too goofy with this thing on LMAO #its cold as hell. all the time. if i draw daigo in his puffer at some point this will be why #but yeah bro i cant sulk when i look like the michelin man like cmon #thats how i know daigo aint been around a mirror in Ever...... #ough i wanna play gaiden now wait. coliseum calls to me...... #i should eat tho UGH i dont know what to eat tho. #my heart always tells me to go with the pork floss onigiri but i already had one today #technically i eat two a day so i colud make another one but it'd feel weird only eating One.. #but then i'd have had three rice balls and i dont like the number three... do we see my overly-convoluted dilemma... #ill prob cave and make two anyway. if im so tbh. #Come What May tomorrow my kirby onigiri case is coming in :) oh yeah i bought one of those. after being influenced. by bestie </3 #OK BYE what the fuck am i gonna do oho my god i wanted to draw but now coliseum but now food bu

[toastsnaffler]

sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests... #theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man #it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing #eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED #and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself #by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others #it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless #ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!) #but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking #and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk #oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao #and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3 #voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries #that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them #and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long #+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc #and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it #to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍 #anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite #if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^) #.vent #.diaries

[skunkg1rll]

when i love someone i WANT to learn abt their past traumas, their insecurities nd pain so that i can learn how to love them right. i want to understand how i should treat, reassure and comfort them. i want to learn their love languages so i can love them the way they need

#but why.... does no one ever want to do that for me? #i always have to bend and reshape so im as little bothersome as possible #and ppl always say stuff like omg u need to communicate nd u need to tell them blah blah blah #ok but what abt when u actually do all of that but no one listens to u???? #i actually do communicate my needs. very clearly #yet... im never heard or listened to #am i just not worth that??? idk.. i dont get it #i just ache to be loved the way i love. bc i know that i love wholly and profoundly #but im gonna run out if i cant receive the love that i need #:(((( #also it just hurts to be so understanding and supportive and want ppl to be comfortable #but then i dont get to take up any space or i dont get to have needs #i should only listen but never ask for anything in return #it just sucks #have i done smth wrong??? or am i just an awful person? delusional? #bc i have NEVER been in a space where im safe to express my feelings #not w my family. not friends. not even my therapists lmao (theyve also criticized nd judged me) #so im starting to think that maybe i actually am wrong #maybe if everywhrre i go im met by this. maybe i just need to suck it up #and be grateful for whatever scraps of love im thrown #bc clearly i am doing smth wrong!!!!!!

[tamagotchikgs]

last post ended up deleting my tags so im continuing them here

#but. #even after all the time i had aparti still went back at 16 #i traveled across the country just to see her again #and it fucking sucked #she ripped that wound right back open #which . felt so weird because she WANTED me to come #she made all the plans #honestly the train trip there was nice #i got to experience a lot of cool things #but the second i got there. it was . one of the worst times of my life #just nonstop #and now ive finally been away for awhile again #but i still miss her #& i dont know why #but it also doesnt help the only gf i have ever had did the same type of thing LMAO//.... i .. i just cannot win #maybe it's just my roll #say all these nice things n then immediately flip #she would make me hang out w her friends n talk me up n then. cheat on me with them with me there #& then get upset when i cried or tried to break up w her LMAO... #like. she wasnt poly or anything she was actually against it #but the worst part is how openly & loudly she'd love me right before it. so now i never know who is telling the truth. i never feel safe #but anyway. again. i stayed #over n over again id try to break up w her but then i loved her & so when she got upset n threaten to kms id flip n stay #n she'd do it again #until eventually she broke up w me n left me so fuckd up im not gonna lie JHVAJH #she still tried to stay friends after that n i tried #but then i started sobbing mid card game & it was very embarrassing top 10 worst things i have done #but i just. all i want is to be a good person. i want to be someone good & loving but i feel like im such a jealous monster #even if i dont let myself show it n try to ignore it bc i dont want to hurt anyone or be this awful it;s still here. just. permeating. #what if i feel too much what if ill never know when someone is genuine what if im just an evil obsessive freak n everyone i love hates me

[bangcakes]

.

#im literally so NDJDJDJJDJDJDNDN #idk how i didnt see this b4......... but like LOL why did i think things could only develop from seeing each other in person #like if we message.... its pretty much the same as like those brief interactions we were havin anyway b4/between/after class #also.... much more doable JJDMDDJD #god i feel so....... !!!!!! fool..... #idk i think i just need to worry about it less....... things will progress still ... ya NDJDJJDJDJDJDJD #idk this is the first time im experiencing this.... so im just ???? clueless #plus like i havent wanted to keep in touch with anyone since high school. so its like. trying to do that while also having like adult #responsibilities is hard djdjdjsjkdjdj #hhhh anyway #proud of myself for coming this far lmao. thought i was broken for awhile bc i like. didnt know that you were supposed to pursue crushes #i thought it was just a fun thing JDJDJJDDJD until one of my friends in 9th grade was like oh so are you gonna make a move ??? #and i was like lol wut #but now i understand. i really do. it only took 29 years LMAO GOD. #personal #wait i should clarify that my friend said that to me while we were in 9th grade JDJDJDJD the way i wrote it sounds weird

[bunnyb34r]

I'm so burnt out my dudes

#explains why the past two weeks ive been at my limit/only have like 2 spoons to deal with after work and by god do they go fast #like the tolerance i have for anything is so low lately and im sure it's autism burnout :/ #and idk what to do ab it bc i can't bring up the tism to my therapist bc oh youre not autistic. bitch i mask well ive had to for 20 years #straight! and i only talk to you for an hour once a month so like... how would you know #anyway i have 0 tolerance for like anything anymore and it's so frustrating #and sometimes i give into that and will seek out shit that will make me mad so i have SOMEBODY to blame my anger on #i dont interact other than reading/lurking but i sit here irl bitching to myself like 'yeah that happens bc youre a little fucking brat' #and most of the shit is stuff id roll my eyes at and scroll past in a good/neutral mood! but the burnout brain is like no theyre doing this #on PURPOSE they're like this to piss me off specifically. and it's like... how do i channel this energy into a non harmful way when #im so fucking burnt out? aside from stepping away from social media bc id seek it out elsewhere lmao trust me id pry ab my #cousins bc they are so fucking stupid and rude and the 'perfect' ones to latch onto and bitch ab bc my brain needs something to #justify this rage and anger and it's so stupid but sometimes that anger feels good? idk it's stupid but like i said i never interact #directly bc im not an asshole lmao im not gonna like call my cousins and be like lol yeah thats all your fault xoxo hope that helps bitch! #marquilla #idk where i was going with this lmao #this barbie has autistic burnout!

[widevibratobitch]

.

#vent post vent post lalalala #i wanted to post some pictures from my weekend trip with my friends before its too late but then i saw my fucking face and now i wanna kms #like oh my god. oh my god this is really truly the face im stuck with forever and ever and ever till the day im fuckin rotting in the groun #incredible how unfair life can be lmao (<- girl who is having such incredibly superficial stupid fucking problems but is otherwise #quite privileged but of course that will never be fucking enough for her because she's soooooo fckn stupid and selfish and annoyinggg lol) #i dont know why im so obsessed with it now #like i genuinely remember KNOWING that im kinda ugly (and fat) in high school and being like 'so what lol idc' #so WHY is it such an issue now????? #idk. i just kinda wish i was dead every time i look at my face and realise there's nothing i can do to change it #i can dress in ways that will cover my ugly ass shapeless body. maybe i can even go back to my ed properly this time #and lose some weight. for a time. before i gain back twice as much and the circle begins anew lol #but my face is not gonna change no matter what i do lmao unless i fucking scrape it off with a grater or smash my head into pieces #and like. even if i do get that rhinoplasty (its not gonna change my faceshape anyway. nothing i can do to fix THAT fuckin atrocity) #every time ill look in the mirror i will only be reminded that its fake. and that my natural face was disgusting enough it had to be cut up #to be fixed somewhat. #i just wish i had ONE. just ONE nice thing about my body. literally just one its not even funny lol #and its so fucked up when you look at my mom who was so insanely fucking beautiful when she was my age. like. i cant blame her #cause how could she have known that the genes she'll pass on will not result in anything good lol but also i feel like such a failure #like its not really my fault i got the genes i got. but yknow. #anyway im tired of always being the ugliest person in any group im hanging out with. my cousins? check. my hometown friends? check. #my uni friends? my GOD check (how ARE they all so pretty and skinny??? insane). #god i wish i were dead. like fr fr. im not actively suicidal since i cant bring myself to *do* shit anyway. but i just wish i never existed

[giverofempathy]

sometimes i forget how to be a person and then i get out my yoga mat, open the window and put on new york city soundscapes and just lay on the mat staring at the ceiling. and it works every fucking time because after 10 minutes i feel normal again

#its only this one specific soundscape video that works lmao its so comforting #i dont even know why that works ive never been to new york nor want to go there jwjtewkw #but the sounds are very comforting to me :) #salisha speaks #feel fine now so im gonna go cook. im gonna make gnocchi with mushrooms and pesto :) #cooking is actually also something that makes me feel better when i feel like shit so ive been doing that a lot too #dont know the point of this post lol just felt like making it

[kuiinncedes]

:D

#heartstopper spoilers #i like lowkey feel bad abt posting bc i never like warned ppl that i would or what i would be tagging or anyhthing XD #but this is my blog and also it's not even an hs blog lmao TT #but that's ur warning if u dont have it filtered lol and ig im just gonna say tag stuff until theres a read more #so yeah hs s2 spoilers lol :D u have been warned if u havent seen it yet #altho according to my dash that is just filtered tags after filtered tags im the only one who hasnt seen it XD #TAO AND YAN ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PPL TO ME GOODBYE #i love tao. so fucking much. goddamn #why are there so many problems damn i hope paris gives them (and me) a little respite (i say as i know what else is coming in paris :| #also the scenes from the books have been so good :'') fuck that david and nick scene #fuck david but it was done so well #ALSO MXM TOON COMING OF AGE IN THE SOUNDTRACK SOOOOOOOO FUCKINGGGGGG TRUEEEEEEEEEEEE #one of my newest fav songs frfrfr #2 eps in :'') i gotta do a little more work but then i think i'm good to watch the rest lol #jeanne talks #the SELF CONTROLLLL DO NOT START EP 3. I HAVE 2 NEWS ARTICLES I WANT TO GET THRU FOR TODAY DO THOSE FIRST

[toastsnaffler]

my graduation is supposed to be in august + im requesting to graduate in absentia but i feel terrible abt it bc im not telling my parents 😑

#just bc if i do tell them they'll probably pressure me into going. and i dont fucking want to its my degree i can celebrate how i like #i wont even be living here in august!! and its a wednesday which is super awkward + im only allowed 2 guests but i have 4 parents lmao #which means i have to choose between my mum and dad. which will end up in hurt feelings either way #and theyre making us pay for our own robes which is stupid bc they literally have like 40k from me already #i cant sit in a stuffy hall through a two hour long ceremony that i wont even be able to hear with no one i know ill commit homicide #no point in doing drinks aftwr bc none of my friends have the same graduation date and i dont drink #like theres not a single reason why i would want to go. so im not going to #but i can already feel how disappointed theyll be.... and theyll be more mad if i dont tell them beforehand but i dont want to debate it!! #ik this is such a stupid thing but its making me stress like hell #ugh #my current plan of attack is not to tell them until they ask abt it and then the decision will be made so they cant do anything abt it #even if theyre upset abt it. but i HATE lying even by omission im the least dishonest person ever this is making me feel sick #and i have to tell them eventually bc ill need to get my diploma delivered to them so arghhhhhh #i technically got my degree over a year ago anyway bc i dropped out this is so dumb #they shouldve just been like sorry no ceremony for dropouts!! and then it wouldnt be my problem #whatever. deadline for registering is at 5 so itll be out of my hands once that passes thank fuck #.diaries #i think im getting unnecessarily worked up abt it bc im just generally in a shitty mood tbh #gonna go for a walk and find somewhere to sit and read outside until i feel more sane i think

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#my desire to b productive vs my desire to create horribly earnest narut0 drawings #its just. i have a scene in my head that's like way too complicated to draw. but im gonna draw it anyway #and its gonna haunt me bc the dialogue is clunky. but whatever im gonna do it. this weekend. that is #i said id work on more writing school stuff today but ah i didn't sleep much and i did lots of focusing all day so like #brain is sorta mush now #snd all i can thibk abt is how much i lov 1ruka being narut0s number one dad brother #i just want to create a million scenarios where 1ruka cries over how much of a good kid narut0 is and how much bullshit he has to deal with #i just want someone to feel that pain for him. i mean. i guess thats s4sukes deal. but it feels different coming from a parent #from 1ruka it feels more. i wanna protect u. and from s4suke it feels more. i understand. lets destroy the world together. make them pay #they r the true ultimate narut0 stans. narut0 defense squad. everyone else back the fuck off #k4kashi is a 2nd teir stan. only bc hes got his own weird bullshit in canon. in my head hes also on the narut0 elite defense squad #wtf am i talking abt. ugh i need to sleep. i have to talk to ppl tomorrow. ugh no i should work on stuff #agh. fucj it maybe ill just wake up at like 5am and work on it then. and shift into proper work mode at 9 or whatever #blah. i now understand why i was feeling so like normal before this. its bc i was well rested lmao. im not at familiar levels of #exhausted unstabled energy. lov that for me #unrelated

[ironmanstan]

one of these days my dad is gonna realize what my school schedule is in the meantime he will continue to exist adjacently to me and never in the same space

#guy who brags constantly about me getting into my program and didnt realize th school im going to is like good #until he told one girl and she recognized the name and freaked out #and now he wont fucking quit with it #meanwhile: keeps complaining its gonna get real old driving me to school and please please learn to drive #i have class. 3 days a week. technically 2 bc one class is online and i only go in that day really late in the afternoon lmfaoooo #does he know this. no not at all. has actually not asked a question about what im gonna be doing #instead keeps worrying i have no future and keeps asking what career i want to go into and also is it animation its animation right #why not animation... oh well maybe you can transfer into animation later : ) #yeah ok. sure. why dont i transfer into animation so i can fucking smash a brick into my skull #screaming and dying he needs to go back to forgetting i am real he is paying too much attention to goings on now #idk how to relax and everything is coming up now and i feel like im dying slightly lmao. sitting at my desk working all weekend #working on what. who knows bc i hurt my shoulders too bad to do anything real. stressing myself out further for nothing #dies and explodes i should be excited and be doing fine but well lmao. lmao. i will probably feel better when i go in tomorrow #i dont know man ptsd brain is like nothing good can happen for long! standby for the other shoe to drop #and well it sure is coming to a head now bc getting in would be really. really good. so ofc the other shoe will drop right #i know it wont but my brain doesnt know that so fear sits in my whole body all day all night stress dream city baby #vent #ig #dies and explodes

[orcelito]

Listen I know I've talked about it before but it sure is a Feeling to know there r teens reading my writing n here I am putting my heart and soul out there in this thing that's like "I remember what it's like to be a mentally ill teenager, You're Not Alone" & there r very definitely teenagers reading it

& more ppl obviously, & this kind of reaching out applies to more than just teenagers, but teenagers r just so vulnerable & inexperienced in the world. Everything is still formative. So me putting this stuff out there trying to include Messages I learned through just trial and error re: relationships and whatnot. & knowing that there Are people it applies to. I'm just like. Man .

#speculation nation #like no pressure lol #this is too many words to describe the feeling but it's a specific sort of feeling #knowing there r teenagers looking up to me & in this way i am reaching out to them & trying to live up to their expectations #& i know this is probably not the common thought among fanfic writers lmao but like #a: i rly wanna b able to support vulnerable teenagers however i can #& b: im Writing teenagers too. so it rly matters that this stuff is Applicable. #it does kinda help that im writing teenagers in 2016 lol. which is only a Little younger than me #who turned 18 in 2015 lol. so i dont have to worry about How Things Are for teenagers these days #just writing my own perspective of the time. tho with the consideration of the different culture norms #so like same technology different society. tho with Research i try to make up for that cultural difference as much as i can #AND ULTIMATELY. it's fanfic. if it's not 100% accurate no one's gonna care lol #i already put way too much effort into my research #mx 'how do forensic dna samples work' 'do police require dna logging' 'japanese journalism privacy laws' etc etc etc #fuck man my search history has seen some shit JUST today. tho that is uhh off topic from the original post lmfao #now why would i need to search for that stuff? doooont worry about it #but yea writing! i sure am thinking about it. i always am...

[stranger-awakening]

i’ve actually finished making all of hannah’s birthday presents ahead of time (very sexy of me) so i have brain space in theory to start working on any of the six stranger things fic ideas i have on my list but eddie’s really prominent in at least four of them and i’m not confident in my ability to write him well. y’all are literally gonna have to give me time to adjust to getting him right

#i'm used to writing bisexual men but the ones i do write are usually very repressed for whatever reason they have #i've never written someone with the level of physicality eddie has and it's genuinely such an important trait to his character i feel #i know he was in now or never but that didn't center him and that wasn't from his perspective cause i was writing through mike #but i have to be in eddie's head for some of these ideas so it's gonna be a wild time figuring out how to write him #god the closest i've written is probably like boris tgf but he was kind of a different challenge because of his dialect patterns #and i only wrote him twice officially so lmao #we will just have to wait and see and yes im including myself in that #i can write shit in my head no problem and it will make so much sense but getting that down in a google doc is another level #i mean i dunno why i make these posts its not like it matters but also i like the idea of giving y'all my little updates fgsdkh #character is something i've gotten the most compliments on with my writing (this is a humble brag im Sorry) so i take it very seriously #and eddie is So Important to me like i Have to get him right #but trust that any and all of my future st fics will be hannah approved and god knows that no one Gets eddie munson like they do #jess rants about life