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#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man
toastsnaffler · 6 months
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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salon-maiden-anabel · 3 months
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the more i think about your mom lucy hc, the more i really adore it. if you don't mind me asking questions about it, what's her general dynamic with kieran & carmine? is she a single mom? how does dahlia fit into the picture?
SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO REPLY TO MY BRAINS BEEN. TRYING . the thoughts are disconnected but by god there are thoughts everything below the readmore
But! Hi hello welcome to Oh lord this family needs therapy and counselling . ! Honestly I have been going into everything with the idea of her being a single mom w/ them! It;s very much a situation of like.... Parent that works away from home constantly, so the relationship is just unfortunately naturally more strained kinda thing .
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With all this i go with like.... The idea that they were very much born in Hoenn and lived there with Lucy until Carmine was approximately 9 or so, and Kieran was 7 [I do like to imagine they're 16 and 14 respectively as of the dlcs]. Work being so remote and stuff plus worrying about their education and all just led to living with their grandparents in Kitakami being the best decision for their development as yknow, People. I like to imagine Lucy visits periodically throughout the year and such to check in :> just takes a bit of coordinating. Also shes absolutely the reason they're able to go to blueberry for highschool via both making sure they Can go there financially and putting a word in to a battle focused school of them being kids of a facility head :p even if realistically Lucy isnt the strongest head by any means lol . it's kinda like if an E4 member put a good word in situation. And we can see with Lacey and Drayton both going there... gestures. I wouldnt be surprised if more children of different league figures go to it or schools LIKE it. But thats besides the point Lucy absolutely like, struggles with her emotions and such. Even from the small bits of dialogue we have from her? Maybe its just my autistic ass reading too much into it LMAO but . gestures .
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i feel like if this werent a kids game she'd just tell you to fuck off to your face here
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sorry just more quick looking too much into dialogue but. cmon. CMON. ...She's . definitely influenced how carmine and kieran act at least somewhat .
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Carmine might be the easiest to point a finger to as being like her mom but i genuinely think that it;s actually Kieran who ended up the most Like her, yknow it;s incredibly obvious to point a finger at Kieran during indigo disk and how he talks as being her fault a little bit :p anyways thats just me vaguely mumbling abt that. AS FOR. DYNAMICS. Kieran isnt as close to his mom as Carmine is just due to everything with living with their grandparents. Theres also absolutely like.... Very much a gap because he stopped seeing her as much when he was younger, while Carmine was only a year off of being like. Legally start being a pokemon trainer age. And its just Awkward, relation wise, just because of how little she actually sees them through the years, especially when the discussion would slowly shift to more "How are your studies?" "How are you doing in school?" "How is your pokemon training going?" once they start going to blueberry. Which i don't think was ment to come off as uncaring for them and only focusing on training as it did from Lucy's end, but I dont really think she knew what else to ask and all, because she stopped being able to really pick up on their interests as much as they got older. Plus thats just kinda How she talks... With the importance on strength and luck n all that. Then with all this I imagine she like. Probably only called once maybe twice between the dlc plots n all? And once again with just mainly the training questions it was just a sour spot. I wouldn't doubt Kieran would also struggle with not wanting to be in a shadow/the nepo baby accusations /j that I fully think if Drayton knows about he'd tease him and Carmine about. So like. All that with the instilled importance of ones strength :sob: Lucy you were not helping the Kieran situation. Hell I don't really think she would of even known about anything going down between Kitakami to Blueberry with Kieran just because neither of them wanted to tell her at all? Because again just that Awkward connection between them, just the permanent fog on all communication that feels like someone said something wrong at all times and it got too awkward to finish. IDK I think im waffling on I don't know how to formulate my thoughts the best LMFAO BUT I THINK... DYNAMICS WOULD CHANGE POST-MOCHI MAYHEM ESP. Bc i KNOW she'd find out after carmine and kieran nearly fucking DIE in the underdepths and everything hits her in the back of her head at once that she needs to repair what she can w/ them because she almost lost them. Probably means taking an extended leave from working at the Pike so she doesn't have to worry about scheduling to see them in person for only a short period of time. Especially if the times line up for them having any extended break from school . It's never going to be perfect, far from it, with their dynamics and all but. gestures. Briar needs to sleep with one eye open for a bit at least. in short
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AS FOR. DAHLIA im in turbo hell because I can not see? the siblings ending up like they did if she was also around? Shes such a force of positivity as a person im just. blinks a bit. Im in hell bc i adore the ship as my big rarepair ill die on a hill for but nobody expected the kitakami siblings especially not me so . i think if they ever do get together it'd be somewhere nearer to scarvio era which just. yeah. see image below
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freemindedspirit · 2 years
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Hlo there!Can you do reading abt who in bts is a feminist?
SO BEFORE STARTING THIS READING A FEW THINGS I WANT YALL TO BE AWARE OF.
It’s extremely easy to judge someone political engagement when they come from a different country than yourself especially when you’re like, American or Western European and the people you are asking about are Korean, which is still a pretty traditional country when it comes to gender roles.When I read for people, I always try to take into account how their upbringing was different from mine, and try to approach things with curiosity and compassion rather than a “holier than thou” mentality, which truly helps no one.I’m not saying we shouldn’t call them out if they do or sa something sexist, but first of all don’t come at me or at them because of this and second of all check yourself before trying to get other people’s ass.Is the action you’re taking truly helping the cause or are you performing activism just to be proud of yourself and shit on someone else ?
PS: (if you’re unaware of all the backlash openly feminists peopel get in South Korea I beg of you to read upon it before even daring to continue reading this post, because it is I think necessary to know that to truly understanding South Korean feminism and how it became how it is today.
With that in mind, I’ll be using a pendulum and my intuition for this.
As usual, for entertainment purposes only.
Who in BTS considers himself a feminist ?
Namjoon :He strongly affirms himself as a feminist and will not back down despite backlash.He’s aware he lost a lot of ARMYs’ trust because of the mistakes of his younger years, and he’s genuinely sorry and trying to do better, and making tremendous progress at that.He’s so much more aware than he used to be, and a part of him still feels guilty he didn’t know any better.There’s also a small part of him though that’s afraid of crossing the line between “using his privilege to speak out” and “speaking over women”.He’s however certain that he educated himself enough to be able to tell the difference to make sure it doesn’t happen, or is able to fix it if it does.
Seokjin:The pendulum strongly said yes, but I’m getting a bit of “he’s confused but he got the spirit” energy.I think he does considers himself a feminist, but he may feel like he “doesn’t deserve the title” in some way?Likes he’s very aware he hasn’t figured it all out and still needs education, he feels like he needs a lot of education actually but I don’t think he’s that far ?Theres just a lot of self doubt in general wether he’s doing the right thing or not, bu he’s overall very willing to work on it and listen and learn more.
Yoongi :Tbh I almost feel like he was a tiny bit offended that I asked 💀A huge YES again.The respect of humans right, equality and open mindedness have always been part of his value system.I think he had had some personal, up close experiences dealing with toxic masculinity early on in his life and it caused him to question things such a gender roles and gender inequality pretty early on.However he’s still a human being who makes mistakes, but he’s always extents determined to fix them and do better and better and educate himself and others.He might actually have been educating the other members for a long time?Even before debut I’m feeling ?Obviously he isn’t and never was a perfect person who was always able to tell when he said something wrong but I’m really getting the idea he’s quite knowledgeable.
Hoseok: yes again.I’m kinda getting that feminism specifically isn’t his number one priority, but he quite aware of te concept of intersectionality and enjoy learning a lot about it, how being part of certain minorities affect someone’s quality of life,traumas, how they can be put in danger.Don’t kill me but I’m having the feeling that right now he wants to learn a lot about the LGBTQ+ community, it’s history and how it came to being, especially because it’s not talked about at all in South Korea or barely.I think experiencing racism, xenophobia and homophobia ( yes calling BTS gay because they wear make up is homophobia, you don’t need to actually be gay to experience it) opened his eyes to a whole lot of things when BTS started to go big all over the world around 2016-2017.I keep seeing him stumbling upon an ARMY calling him a twink on Twitter then him looking it up an laughing to himself.I don’t actually know how much he can understand English this may not have ever been a true moment but I think it speaks to how curious and open he has become to how diverse can people lives be.
Park Jimin:Another confused but happy to learn boy.I think for him it’s more about internal work than external education.His deep compassion and need to see justice makes him an obvious support to the feminist cause, but he has some internal issues to deal with, linked to toxic masculinity, toxic expectations of himself as a man, gender expression.He also has made tremendous progress in that field but I feel like he’s still unsure of himself, he still catches himself going back to his old beliefs about what kind of person a man should be and suddenly he’s afraid he hasn’t made any progress and is spiraling in self doubt.Somebody tell this man it’s okay to fall sometimes, even if you know better,omg gonna cry he’s genuinely afraid that he may not be doing enough😭buddy you’re light years ahead of most men we know, we all raised our standards thanks to you.
Taehyung:A big yes again.Most definitely identify as a feminist, but he’s still a traditional, family man.Even though he’s feminist he still wants to find someday that family woman who will give him his big family five kids two dogs a pretty picket fence and who will love and cherish him and their kids and be happy being a mother.He will be an extremely involved dad and will expect the same of his spouse.I vote him most likely to rely on his fortune to be a stay at home dad and his spouse also staying at home for some time .He’s perfectly aware though that’s not every woman wants that, and just wants everyone to be able to pursue what they truly want without others butting in thinking they know more than them what’s good for them.Really “live your life the way you want it and mind your business” mindset
Jungkook:heard a “YEAAAAAH” even before grabbing my pendulum .I think he’s emotionally very invested in it ?I think when it comes to the women in his life he’s always ready to help, like making sure someone gets home safe, talking with you on the phone if you’re walking at night in a scary street, calling out creeps and sexual harassment.He may not be that involved like in terms of donations to feminist associations and shit, but on the personal level he kinda uses his privilege.height and muscles to his advantage 💀Like I can see him standing up between an old guy who was whistling at middle schoolers in uniforms very unhappy until the middle schoolers were far enough and explaining calmly to the old guy that he’s being a creepy pedophile and it’s in his best interest to never do that again.In terms of toxic or healthy masculinity I think he’s pretty healthy, but he enjoys being this like, softball baby star candy who looks like he could kill you.He also still has a hard time being completely open with his emotions but it’s more his personality and “I’m only feel pain when hyung is in pain” mindset.
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bandomgay · 2 years
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THE ZANE LOWE INTERVIEW THOUGHTS ...
ALEX BEING CHEEKY ABOUT THE COMPLEMENTS PLS HES SO ❤️❤️❤️
zane is literally so sweet about how he approaches questions so differently from other ppl to Alex like I love the way he's adapting to Alex's personality and he makes Alex comfortable
Mirrorball and do I wanna know being the ones that set the stage for the album really shows and that really makes me think about Alexs love for the aesthetics of music and whether consciously or not and it kinda goes back to all am albums are essentially a place that you go to not only musically even though that's the art medium you r using to get there it's also visually a place and Alex knows that and he sees that actively while writing and reflecting
Zane pointing out JUST how sad mirrorball is AND RADIO WANTED TO CUT THE INITIAL INTRODUCTION and we learn (if you haven't already by inferring) that theres a relationship between the intro and "don't get emotional" like....that's fucking amazing like I was thinking it but him saying it blew my mind like reacting to music within music...and how it's represented in the video somehow gave me even MORE astounding love for mirrorball and what it means to me, genuinely a breathtaking detail
More speak of the unrealeased song!!!! Hopefully we get a b side maybe but usually it's released under singles so maybe not but we can hope since they're actively expressing interest in it
This may be way to opinionated sorry lol but Alex saying the end of the tbhc tour made him want to get back out there so like wildly getting that energy in and it sounds like he may have been going for a big studio stadium sound ("let's do summat BIG" , "all down strokes") it reminds me of Halsey if you guys keep up with them about their decision to go with the softer sounds of "If I can't have love" after realizing they were to caught up in their angst or the negativity of their life in a bad way which made it's way into their single "nightmare" and it reminds me of the end of the tbhc tour and it hurts to think about but I'm glad, even though all these songs are gut wrenching it's being put out in a healthy way now after reflection and there's a lot of talk of that in this interview sometimes subtle sometimes not
Also I think adding on the fact that Zane said it sounds like the band is fighting there way out of the songs but are not,if this isn't to far fetched kinda way reminds me of how reserved (prone to very outlandish/lh levels of self editing/self control)Alex is and how he's trying to combat that more recently (in interviews and in song) though they are small changes they make quite mighty strides in the long run
Love the ideas of the band itself being an instrument for something grander on this album it's like it's supporting an idea or a feeling and thats just how large that feeling is that the band itself is serving the songs and emotion
LOVE THE TALK OF BAND DYNAMICS LOVE THAT JAMIE IS STILL THE RASCAL DJJCJCJJDJCJDJJC them supporting Alex when he's doubtful about his ideas :')))) COOKIE MAKING THE BIG DECISIONS SINCE THE BEGINNING IS SO :)
Them talking about how crazy it was when it all first began even eluding to how stressful (even using the word traumatic which I agree with) that was being so young and having that much fame already Alex talking about how he literally doesn't remember playing the reading tent which is so :'(
ALEXS DEAD PAN "I think that were the intention" (or something along those lines) and Zane dying like u literally can tell if Alex is like being for real
ZANE BASICALLY TELLING HIM NOT TO BASICALLY RETREAT INTO HIMSELF WHEN ASKING HIM ABT MEMORIES IN A CAR ....Zane you bloody mindreader he knows fr (one of us! one of us one of us!)
MR SCHWARTZ STAYING STRONG FOR THE CREW.....love that Zane straight up asks who this is and Alex gives and very great metaphor that I actually got when I listened to it!!! Like I literally saw the same thing mentally like I imagined the crew putting the king's theater stage together when listening to it if that's weird idk (definitely something hidden in this metaphor)
THE RITZ TO THE RUBBLE BIT IS EVERYTHING TO ME..........OH MY GOD....A BIT BROADWAY ON THAT SONG HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE !!!!!!!
And that concludes my mini analysis I hope u guys enjoyed reading that and have ur own thoughts u wanna send me or comment, sorry! if this post is too long I'm just :')
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sscoutregimentss · 3 years
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I was gonna make a request based on your Eren x Gamer Reader post but then I saw you take poly requests... Erejean x Gamer Reader? (She/her pronouns btw ^_^)
sure thing anon! your brain is huge. i started a one shot which is now sitting in my drafts bc i literally dont know how to finish it. maybe i'll post it later but for now here you go headcanons woohoo
eren and jeans dynamic makes it look like its impossible for them to share a girlfriend but it actually? works surprisingly well?
arguing is kinda their love language in a very strange weird way. if theyre not fighting somethings wrong but their like constant bickering actually is rlly important to you three's relationship lmfaooo a lot of communicating is just eren and jean fighting and then you pick up on something they say and you three talk it out. plus its gets all their energy out at the end of the day... like when puppies run around in circles bc they didnt go on long enough walks
jean is the planner of the couple, always making sure you guys get tickets to see this that and whatever, always figures out how ur gonna get places and when everyone will be picked up, makes sure everyones schedules are free and that theres no big game release that you'll miss and eren doesnt have work and jean isnt volunteering
in terms of nerdiness jean is a decent middle ground between you (who says "ummm actually..." unironically) and eren (who thought dungeons and dragons was a kinky thing) because he lives with connie so he gets roped into playing stuff like rainbow six seige and watching battlestar galactica into late hours of the night. also he's an only child who was prone to boredom as a kid so he played video games like any other only child. that being said he has a more extroverted personality and aptitude for sports so he just never got as absorbed in it as you did
this kind of makes eren jealous tbh because he thinks jean has more to relate with you then him. but jealousy is like a natural feeling and despite his feigned reluctance jean is happy to share his knowledge with him.
plus eren realizes that what he lacks in video game and movie knowledge he makes up in anime bc jean is clueless on that front. once you went on this huge rant about how sailor moon would decimate goku in a fight and jean just goes "gokus the pirate with the fox spirit, right? hes trying to become number one pro hero right?"
speaking of eren eren and jean are on the same volleyball team (i hc they play volleyball bc theyre tall but i think theyd be cute on any sports team because im weak hearted) and you become their fave cheerleader <3 they look for you in the stands before each game and have their own little ritual for good luck. when he spots you jean jumps really high (despite the team captain, levi screams at him to save it for when the game starts) and makes a heart with his arms and blows you a kiss when he gets in the air and its so embarrassing so eren just dogpiles the embarassment but giving you an over exaggerated wink its the worst theyre gross
jean gets you into connie's discord server after you complain that people are really rude to you in online games and eren is quick to demand an invite too even though he literally plays nothing and has no idea how discord works. he will log in and ping you to show you a meme and even though connie's server is really chill with rules (like 10 ppl max, just some friends hanging out) he has always wanted to say "no memes in general" so he does it every time. you have to show eren how to use private messages once connie jokes abt eren being his discord kitten.
cuddle pile while watching movies... jean is a film buff so you three have movie nights rlly often. its usually you sandwiched in between them with jean behind you and eren in front of you so you can play with his hair. jean's movie taste is actually really broad and you and eren both find a ton of new favorites through him.
they both really like listening to you ramble. you can explain soooo much lore abt your fave series and theyre both really invested. eren is more invested in the characters while jean is more focused on what happens next, but theyre both listening rlly well and making sure you know they care. they kinda care in different ways though? while eren is just passionate and because he's so passionate he must know about all things you like, jean is either interested or just likes hearing your voice. of the two jean is more likely to give you short answers and he'll be more dozed off so he's good to go to when you just want to rant. eren is going to ask you more questions and get wayyy more confused so he's good to go to when you want to explain or flesh out your points.
jean finds eren's jealousy of fictional characters sooooo ridiculous. whenever eren is pouting about some new video game guy youre in love with jean is rolling his eyes because of course its eren jaeger he's just looking for things to get angry at. "what are they gonna do idiot, come out of the tv?" but then one day there's a character that looks a lot like eren and suddenly he understands everything. but he realizes you have a thing for guys with long hair. he'll keep the mullet around for a while
they both really like having you sat in their laps and (unbeknownst to you) in order to avoid conflict they created a system. cozy game? eren. reading? jean. watching anime? eren. watching something live action? jean. playing a game on your phone? eren. watching an analysis video for your favorite franchise? jean. just messing around on your computer? rock paper scissors, best of three. eren likes to hug you tight and rest his head on your shoulder while talking to you. when it gets quiet he'll nuzzle his face in your neck and give you small kisses there. while jean likes to put his hands under your shirt and rest it on your stomach while you two chat. he's puts his head on your head or throws it back depending on your height and kinda just likes letting his hands wander, like rubbing up and down your arms or tickling you lightly.
you: i hate this stupid game
eren: yeah babe that game fucking sucks (has never played it in his life)
jean: then stop playing it?
you and eren, at the same time: what? no.
all in all they are good boyfriends 10/10 would recommend.
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inmyarmswrappedin · 3 years
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i didnt know abt skam at all until druck new gen, but have done a retrospective deep dive and was just wondering if u know how popular the remakes have been in their countries of origin? obvi theres SOME popularity, and from an international audience thanks to og skam, but did people in skam countries connect with it without the context of the og? (ik its kinda a loaded question but all ur answers are somehow entertaining and informative so figured i'd ask)
Hi anon 💐 Flattery will get you everywhere, haha. But seriously though, thanks for the note in parenthesis, I know I’m long winded, so I try to be interesting at least!
Of course I can’t really get a feel for how popular a Skam is in their home country, because I only live in Spain and I’m not part of the target demo anyway.
I will say though, that Norway has the smallest population of all countries with a Skam, and their ig accounts are the most followed across the board. There are some cases like the Eskild, the Elias Bakkoush or the Yousef characters, that didn’t really have active igs, so their remake counterparts have more followers, but that’s about it.
There’s also that NRK advised the remake teams not to promote their shows, and instead let the existing fandom and teens discover it on their own. That was the strategy NRK followed with Skam, but the issue is that Norwegian teens already had knowledge of shows like these. They’d even grown up with the Jenter characters and had aged out of that age bracket, so of course they found Skam easily and were interested in it. Some remake teams chose to follow the instructions and other teams didn’t. In general, the teams that promoted early and heavily had larger viewerships that those that didn’t. (I can discussion promotion strategies but it’s kind of beside the point in this ask lol.)
My impression about the popularity of the remakes in their own countries, and again this is just my impression and I could be wrong, since I don’t live there:
Skam NL is largely unknown in the Netherlands, mostly because it wasn’t promoted at all. I’d even say NL was pretty much viewed only by existing Skams fans.
Skam Austin had something of a following, but it averaged 300K people per episode, in a country of 328 million people. I will say FB did try to promote the show in its own way. The problem is that there’s so much scripted TV in the US market already competing for teens’ attention, and they should’ve promoted the shit out of the show. Austin wasn’t well known at all in the US.
My impression is that Skam Italia was both really well known in Italy and highly profitable. I feel like it was cancelled because timvision didn’t want to pay for a season about a Muslim girl, or didn’t think people would watch it. Once people protested and Netflix Italia reiterated their willingness to produce the season, they were happy to “uncancel” the show and afaik, their Sana season got good views.
Otoh, my impression is that Skam France does have a small local following, but it’s mostly (highly) popular abroad. And I’m really just talking about Lucas L’s season, which was so popular in South Korea that an event organizer actually held a con with the Skam France cast over there. I’m basing this on the fact that Lucas and Eliott have well over 100K followers, but every other character hasn’t reached 50K.
People have written a lot about wtFOCK being very popular with Flemish teens. It seems to be popular enough (wtfock was the most popular google search in Belgium in 2019? I think??), and I think it’s telling that Zoë is still the most followed character on ig. I would say it pretty much means that evak fandom turned its back on wtfock, because generally the Isak becomes the most followed character after his season airs. So based on this, I would say wtfock is more popular in Belgium than outside of Belgium... But not like such a hit that it would make the actors household names or anything (none of the actors are verified on ig).
IN MY OPINION... Skam España did the best out of any Skam remake locally. Their igs have the most followers overall, and not just Cris and Joana. Several characters, including Eva, Lucas R, Nora and Alejandro all broke 100k followers. A furniture store put out an ad with Cris and Joana lookalikes. A good amount of the actors are verified on ig, and many have already gone on to be cast in other projects (unlike the Austin or NL casts). I do have a couple buts. 1) Spanish is one of the most widely spoken languages in the world, and I think eskam benefited from a Latin American audience, which can’t be considered local. 2) Even though it did fairly well on youtube as a free show, I think ultimately eskam was an underperformer for Movistar. The goal was obviously to get people to subscribe to the service and access the extra content, and my guess is that this didn’t happen, because the seasons only got shorter and shorter as time went on. So, it was popular locally and internationally, but it wasn’t profitable like Skam Italia was. 
As for Druck. Imo Druck isn’t all that popular locally (though BRAVO, a teen magazine, has given them some attention here and there, suggesting it’s on teens’ radars kind of? idk). But I also think that, at this point, it’s by design. Funk didn’t really promote Hanna’s season, and as such it didn’t have a lot of views. But then they chose not just to promote Mia’s season on youtube and instagram, but to drop the weekly episode on TV. I think that’s the reason Mia’s season is still the most watched to this day tbh. The thing is, if the Druck team wanted, they could do seasons upon seasons of cis white blonde blue-eyed girls falling in love with the resident cis white bad boy, enemies to lovers, and several scenes of the leads making out, being naked in a bathtub, and so on and so forth. It would clearly do well. However, they chose to focus on underrepresented minorities and narratives, and at this point it seems like they’re okay with not being really well known locally, as long as they get enough viewers to justify making more seasons. Druck is one show where I feel like they could be more popular if they wanted, but they have decided they’re good like this.
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mariesocuniverse · 3 years
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Relationships: WayV
MaeKun
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if it werent for the the laws of ncity he wouldve asked her to join wayv and stay in their dorms
Since they don’t live together or are part of the same unit they don’t really spend a lot of time together but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t want to be with Mae
Large parent/protective older brother energy
not as protective as 127 hyungs but you know
Yeah she’s a menace when she teams up with other WayV members but she doesn’t clown him as much as they do it’s cause she saves that energy for doyoung lmao
mae claims she visits the wayv dorm for him but he’s 50% sure she’s just there for the animals
the other 50% is because she wants him to cook for her which he does even if she doesnt ask
hes like those parents who insist on giving you leftovers to bring home to your family
he taught her to do magic tricks bc she was insistent on wanting to learn at least one
okay but honestly she thinks he really cool despite all the clowning she does to him
like singing? dancing? cooking? visual? magic? and he can fly a plane????
one of the reasons she has high standards ngl
MaeTen
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ten has unofficially adopted her whether people like it or not
he has fought with taeyong and doyoung about it she is his baby
if mark and johnny are his brothers, mae is basically his younger sister
if you look at his photo gallery he has a folder dedicated to mae and mae only
any photo or video of them together is basically ten clinging to her like a koala
he looks at her like she put all the stars in the sky but the same goes for mae
she has admitted in an interview that ten is one of her role models because of his talent and work ethic
whenever she needs help with dancing he’s one of the first people she asks
xiaojun once asked him who’s his favorite between yangyang and mae and you could see him malfunction for like six seconds before jokingly scolding him
“yah how could you ask me that type of question?”
fun fact! ten was the person she asked to go with her when she got her first tattoo!
he arranged the appointment at the place where he got his and held her hand when she was getting it
Lowkey considered getting matching tattoos but never really took the time to think of what tattoos they’d get
MaeWin
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another top ship among czennies
these two are so soft for each other omg
just one glance at the two and you’re already melting
You can see Yuta screaming about MaeWin whenever the group is together and they’re interacting
And if you can’t see it you’ll probably hear it
MaeWin: casually talking
Yuta: is this what heaven looks like
MaeWinMark is just yuta’s weakness and he doesn’t even bother to hide it
Okay back to MaeWin before I get ahead of myself and make an entire post about Yuta and MaeWinMark
If they’re gathered in a large group their interactions aren’t really noticeable unless you’re actively looking for it
While the others are talking you can just see Mae playing with his hands or winwin giving her a soft smile while patting her head
They talk more when they’re either in a small group or just the two of them
MaeWin shippers were devastated when they got separated so when nct 2020 happened they went feral
Every once in a while they go out for hotpot and talk about what has been going on
LuMae
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this man right here
they first met when she was visiting NCT U dance practice for BOSS with food and she heard him from the hallway
its one of the reasons why she wasn’t intimidated by him even though hes a giant
she was excited to see what kind of energy and personality he would bring to nct
and she was not disappointed at all
personal hype man
whenever they’re on a variety show together and mae is asked to do something he just yells “FIGHT HAEYADWAE”
of course the same goes for mae but less loud bc last time she kept yelling she lost her voice and couldnt talk for the rest of the show
He just has this energy where if he’s hyped up about something she feels energized to be hyped up well so you just hear the both of them cheering loudly
its always interesting to see because you just see a gentle giant cheering loudly with this smol girl next to him trying to match his energy
he always makes sure she’s comfortable when they’re at a schedule
like we know how he’s really silly on camera but he’s also very observant and caring
one time mae complained about how her feet hurt from the heels she was wearing so he just picked her up bridal style and walked to the van without a word
XiaoMae
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They’ve heard abt each other from Kun and ten and greeted each other when they passed by each other in the halls but they never really had a chance to grow close until nct 2020 happened
Mae wasn’t in the Make a Wish unit so there weren’t a lot of chances to get to know each other while promoting either but it doesn’t mean they’re not friends
ten also hogs her attention when she visits the wayv dorms but we dont talk about that
these two arent as close as the others but not to the point where they actively avoid each other
whenever they’re together they just vibe
theres no awkward silence or small talk they just talk about random stuff
“no lucas, i dont hate xiaojun hyung we just dont hang out as often as we do”
“yes hendery we do have each other’s numbers we just don’t talk often”
WayV is lowkey tempted to lock the two of them in a practice room together and do a vlive to see what’ll happen
prime candidates for “It’s Awkward but It’s Okay”
their dynamic is kinda DoRen where they pretend to be awkward around each other as a joke
like they went out together once and everyone as excited bc omg they were interacting
XiaoMae shippers are starved for content and will accept any crumbs that come their way
HenMae
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the duo people didnt know they needed until they met
its not like people didnt want them to become friends its just that theyre energies match well
these two are such a vibe
you know how there are ppl who don’t see for long periods of times but you still want tackle them in a hug whenever you meet? yeah its like that
kun sometimes wants to separate the two bc of how much chaos they cause together
they’re the duo where they think something is a good idea at the time but ends up as something bad at the end
kun has banned the two from the kitchen bc of a fire they started
HenMae shippers are thriving because of all the stories of the dumb shit they’ve done
lowkey considered doing a series together on nct daily but then the channel stopped uploading vids so it was never mentioned again
one time he was on call with his sister when she walked in and accidentally mistook her as his gf and now they jokingly have each other as bf and gf in their phone contacts
ten nearly had a heart attack when he saw the contact name pop up and mae picked up the call
 yangyang has the whole thing recorded on his phone and refuses to delete it
MaeYang
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(A/N everytime i see this gif i need a moment to pause and try and remember my ideas cause my head goes empty when it comes to yangyang)
okay if HenMae are chaotic, MaeYang are worse
kun doesnt need to dye his hair gray bc of all the stress these two cause him
czennies thought they didnt interact much bc of different schedules and groups but once nct world happened they changed their minds
MaeYang slowly climbing up the ranks of nct ships
during one of his lives yangyang mentioned how he spoke a lot with mae and that she wanted to add him to the 00liner gc
czennies lost it that day bc 1) holy shit theres a 00liners gc and 2) why tf hasnt yangyang been added into it yet
insists that she calls him oppa/hyung even though theres only a one month difference between them
Mae and Yangyang: whispering in the corner of the room
kun: theyre either talking shit about someone or world domination and i cant tell whats worse
he tried teaching her some german once and she now knows like three sentences
“Hallo, Ich bin Mae. Was geht ab? Mir geht’s gut.” (A/N this is the outcome of my three years of german lessons everyone)
and basically all the swear words but we dont need to talk about that
haechan jokes that he’s stealing mae away from the dreamies so he wont be the maknae in wayv 
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m4rkiza · 3 years
Text
pile of headcanons
bunch of raihan/leon headcanon nonsense from my twit*r
theres alot under the cut, warning : its cheesy, also, i headcanon raihan calling leon "bubu"
Raihan is really good at baking and leon is great at cooking savory & spicy food, raihan likes spicy food and leon likes baked goods, they complete each other
Leon so thick and firm he'd be so good to hug and raihan took advantage of that, holding his bubu until leon complains or whine, yknow when ur pet looks so cute and u hug them, like that
leon contacts name on raihans phone is like "♥💖my bubu♥💕", but raihans contact name on leons phone is "Raihan" with capital R
raihan complained about it, showed leons contact name on his phone, leon is surprised bc he thought his contact name on raihans phone is just "Leon" or "Lee"
then leon changes rai's contact name too "🥰raihoney💖
leon doesnt look like the guy who'd be extra on hair and skin treatment, the reason his hair and skin (especially his hair) is unbearably soft and shiny is bc raihan kept reminding him to do so (and buying it)
sometimes leon act spoiled so raihan will do an entire haircare for him
yes raihan do it bc he loves leon unconditionally and he thinks leon deserves it
raihan has a dirty mouth and uses every swear word but for some reasons, around leon all he can say is "jerk" "ugly" and "dumb"
raihan does that bc all he remember when hes with leon is pet names and how-to-coo-and-woo-your-boyfriend
raihan being leons moral compass feels fitting, not bc leon is dumb but bc leon himself is swallowed by his own title and got the hero complex, making him selfless and have a hard time to say no
raihan is there to "what the fuck are you thinking, dont do that baby, you'll die"
but leon seems stubborn yes? he wont listen if people just say "no", he'd ask the reason why, and if the said person doesnt give a clear answer, he leaves but raihan always tries to explain him in full description, short & long lasting damage, consequence etc
so obviously leon listens, and as time goes by, raihan is.. his moral compass, in a way
raihan playfully growls while squeezing leons body parts but its definitely not so playful in leons mind
raihan always ask leon to wear his freshly-washed-hoodie at sunday so when he go to work at monday, his hoodie will smell like leon
raihans laugh is like "aha haha haha *low volume wheeze* phew heehee" and leon got a laugh that can trigger an earthquake
Raihan sneeze like a kitten while leon sneeze like a buldozer
Leon muffles his laugh by hugging raihan so it wont surprise anyone around them
leon demanding affection from raihan by giving him stupid empty threats
leon : Kiss me or ill
raihan : u will what
leon : i-i will shrink your hoodie and make it mine
raihan : no, now come here bubu
In reality, leon doesnt need to do "things" to get raihans attention, raihan told him he can just ask or "just sit on my lap or tug my shirt and ill cuddle and kiss you till the next day", but leons ego is too high for that so he does stupid shit instead
raihan is very loved by leons family bc surprisingly hes able to stop leon and hop from fighting
if u ask how, raihan simply pick up leon up and walk away
aihan is the only guy who leon will listen too and got called as the "champion tamer"
but all raihan do is just
raihan : bubu, no
leon : no..?
raihan : leon. no
leon : no...
then nag him softly while explaining the consequences, sometimes short and long term effect it depends on the situation
leon is stubborn, so it took sometime to convince him that his plan or an action he almost took to partake is very impulsive or doesnt give a good result
the thing is leon is not stupid, infact hes quite brilliant, therefore its hard to convince him if a person who tries to stop him doesnt have a similiar mind like he is, but thankfully theres raihan
for some reasons raihan is able to found leon in any occasion so the league staff ALWAYS calls him whenever leons gone
league staff : mr rai-
raihan : is it leon
league staff : yes
raihan : im on my way
leon likes to ask raihan for hairbands bc he kept losing them
raihan : bubu, isnt this your third time asking for them this week
leon : ....yes..?
raihan spoiling leon bc he feels he wants to make up for him, bc he wasnt available near leon when fought eternatus
leon follows raihan everywhere in the winter and kept pressing himself to him, whenever raihan question whats wrong leon just looked him in the eye and "im warming you up"
leon is small by raihans perspective but he hugs leon tight anyway
raihan is possessive of leon hes THAT hot, charismatic yet very adorable, leon is the one who keeps his chin up and soothe his fears, and hes the champion, everyone wants the champion, u think he'll let go that easily? no, never
and leon is probably possessive too, raihan is a hot nerd, affectionate and gentle, hes the one who push him to his best, the one who also stops him for doing too much, hes his source of comfort and he wont let go and wont let anyone take his raihan away from him for sure
10 years of friendship and healthy rivalry means 10 years of being on each others live, being one of the biggest contributor and supporter for the other, who pushes to the limit yet stopping when one is too close to the edge of the cliff
no matter if its platonic or romantic, they wont let anyone take their rival, friend and lover away that easy, you wont let anyone try to take away one of the important and huge part of your life
raihan big, so hes the big spoon, he loves cooing right at leons ears and kissing the back of his neck, shoulders and sometimes reaches forward to press a sloppy wet kiss to leons cheek
leon crying to raihan when he founds out raihan smokes when hes stressed out, and begging the other to stop and talk to him instead or cope with healthier way
raihan doesnt need an alarm clock to wake him up, leons just need to grin and say "good morning!" its so bright it WILL wake him up
raihan and leon lives together and since then the outfit leon has on his wardrobe is a collection of formal tailored outfits and his battle tower outift, some booty shorts and work out clothing, and obviously underwear and socks.the rest he just stole from raihan
especially t-shirts, hoodies, and jacket, raihan seeing him walking and opening his wardrobe after shower is such a common occurence that he doesnt even need to ask anymore
raihan looks like the type who carries lipbalm and hand cream in his hoodie pocket, he carries 2, 1 cocoa lipbalm for him and honey lipbalm for leon. whenever he met leon, he applies the lip balm on him, it becomes habit that leon even raise his chin up for raihan
leon can sleep alone fine, but when he woke up he felt groggy,but if he slept on top of raihan he'd woke up like he had a perfect 8 hours sleep even tho he slept for only 5 hours
raihan is a heavy sleeper but waking up with leon glued to his chest/back make his whole day better,especially when he woke up to leon peppering his face with kisses to wake him up
raihan being lowkey flustered and overwhelmed by leons beauty/cuteness/sexiness/everything while leon is being clingy and acting spoiled around him
leon cant be serious around raihan, when he saw the gym leader,he automatically let his guard down infront of him, changing from champion leon to leon from postwick, all giddy and happy
leon unzips his champion outfit and once raihan heard the zipping sound he zooms to leon to plant his face between leons chest
if leon wants attention from raihan he will do various things from holding his arm and press his head to raihans shoulders,sitting on his lap and loop his arm around raihans neck,hugging him from the front and put on a cute face
but if raihan wants attention he just, hug leon from behind,put his head on leons shoulder and doesnt let go until leon does SOMETHING
leon has been taking care of others for so long,so when raihan takes care of him ,its a new,yet quite familiar feeling.
its hard to accept since he felt bad about receiving the attention,but raihan kept doing it until leon tend to act spoiled around him
raihan always kiss leons forehead before he sleeps,when raihan is away, he has the urge to videocall raihan so he can coo him to sleep,but hes too embarrassed to do it
he thought abt that and raihan suddenly videocalling him,its noon on the region he visited, and hes like "heeeey, i just want to say good night to my beloved!! good night leon,sweet dreams,sorry bc i cant kiss your forehead but ill kiss u 10x more when im back"
leon was shocked and stared to his camera "lee? fuck,is the connection that bad-" and leon stuttered "n-no! i was surprised...thank you darling, have fun and stay safe okay?"
"of course! dont stay up thinking abt me for too long,i love you so much bubu,good night!
"..good afternoon raihoney,i love you too" leon stayed up for the next 20 minutes rolling around the bed screaming
raihan actually helps leon on taking care of his dragons, which made leons dragonmons actingspoiled around raihan,and sometimes leon thinks that his dragons loves raihan more than him
raihan plays with his dragonmon as if hes playing with a yamper,calling them "cute little babywubby" and playing with their hands,kissing their foreheads and lays with them on the floor,and of course leon joins in by laying on top or next to raihan
even leon have seen raihan carrying his dragapult like a baby with a baby axew hugging his legs, raihan is legit a dragon pokemon magnet
raihan has a habit of cooing or complimenting at leon even when hes doing the simplest thing ever and leon feels giddy like a 5 y.o everytime raihan does it
can u imagine how many pictures of leon raihan have on his phone,its probably more than 1000, he takes picture of leon as if hes a baby pokemon
leon comes to raihans place at 2 am without any warning,i mean raihan DID gave him a spare key so, raihans flat is HIS flat too,and there he goes,going to the bedroom and slip himself under the duvet,crawling to sleep closer to raihan
at first raihan is SO surprised that he jumped from the bed,but now he doesnt care anymore and just kiss leons head,mumbles "goo'nite bubh" and sleep again
leon does it so often that if hes gone from his apartment,people call raihan instead of him
raihan hugging leon from the back while leon is doing stuff in the kitchen while singing,and raihan is there like,peppering smooches and compliments while leon is STILL singing,and giggling bc raihan is smooching him
raihan is BAD at it but he sings along with leon in a joking manner and leon cant even sing anymore bc hes just wheezing while raihan is just "cmOn bAbeEEe SING AgAiiiNNnn"
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windsweptlassie · 3 years
Text
On Love
So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners: 
Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible
Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything
Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.
El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh
Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college
A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited
Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me
Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love
to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:
Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.
H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour
Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart
Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet
O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D
to beautiful quotes:
Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN
Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)
Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things
Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne
Mary: "Love is watching someone die."
Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"
Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"
V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?
Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!
Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka
Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention
to practices of love:
Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro
A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.
L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.
Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)
Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift
Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.
Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random
Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror
to crushes and potential loves: 
Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.
Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine
Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants
Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else
Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes
Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still
Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me
to the trials of love: 
Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk
Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it
Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.
Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love
L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start
Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him
Sean: Good luck it dont exist
Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3
13: I don’t know anymore
M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol
to beloved characters: 
Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension
Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love
to advice and prose: 
Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...
Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.
Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love
H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love
Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures
Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others
to the small, the simple, and the sweet:
Ireal: Poems
O: Flowers
Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.
Ad: we love LOVE
A: <3
Isak: small things
H: intense
Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away
S: her
E: <3
Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^
Catboy: wholesome
J: i love love so much it hurts
Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3
Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great
Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring
M: i love love
to food!
Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!
Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?
and animals too <3
Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!
96: raccoons ????
DJ Big Penis: cats
:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,
I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.
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dyketubbo · 3 years
Text
intro post (cleaned up a bit.. again!)
basic summary: my name is dyke/eyez/circus/mask/whatever you wanna call me, im a minor, im nd and a qpoc, i use any pronouns but he/him (and dont like masc terms, including bro, dude, guy, lad, stuff like that), and im apart of a system.
dni if youre against any kind of minority (includes racists, terfs, truscum, queer exclus of any kind [yes, even mspec lesbian exlus], etc etc), support ccs like schlatt uncritcally/actively like him, are nsfw, ship irl ppl (even ones that are okay with it), do x reader stuff with ccs, truth ccs at all, believe fiction doesnt effect reality/are a pro shipper/anti anti, or dont tag triggering things like zoophilia n stuff. dont be romantic or sexual towards me at all, and dont talk about touching me w/o asking. also dont interact if youre fine with those kind of ppl and actively interact w them (only exception to that last one is if you interact w ppl who like cc!schlatt, idc about that as much as long as theyre critical of him)
i like benchtrio the most but keep up w/ everyone best i can and like analyzing and drawing. im really sensitive and kind of an asshole so. bare w/ me if i lash out or am too much or something.
currently we have small intros of us per member on a page (/systemstuff) but dyke n grass will talk the most (mostly dyke). ty for reading, i hope you have a nice day and if its late for you, feel free to go get some rest. if its daytime, go eat!! or hydrate if you havent.
follows/likes and stuff will come from @/cottonskittles, reblog/like spam is ok, i dont care how people interact w me or my posts as long as they dont breach my boundaries, i think thats it but feel free to ask questions if u need clarification. more stuff under da cut
hi howdy just some more in depth stuff
im bad w tone so like. if you make fun of tone indicators or think theyre unnecessary/annoying (unless talking about excessive use/people using them as an excuse to be mean n stuff) probably dont interact w me because while i can interpret messages w/o them my own tone is often unreadable so i use them for the sake of others
story wise wise i usually look for benchtrio stuff, but i also try to keep up with everyones lore! theyre all important to the story in some way :]. however due to the themes surrounding them c!dream and c!schlatt make me uncomfy, and i only receive secondhand info abt the torture stuff bc its uncomfy too. also im personally critical of c!techno and i know that esp bothers a lot of ppl so yknow. warning to stay away this blog might piss you off
dni wise dont be a bigot. if youre against minorities of any kind fuck off, dont follow if youre nsfw or make nsfw content of childrens media, uhmm for personal sake regarding themes on the dsmp remember to like. tag cult stuff, drug use (esp underage), zoophilia, pda, and cannibalism if ur gonna follow me. tyyy. also dont follow if ur uncritical of some of the things various ccs involved have done (this is vague bc i know theres misinformation on dream and techno specifically but theres still shit thats actually been done and of course uh. the whole schlatt situations), and generally dont follow if you outright like cc!schlatt (c!schlatt likers r fine). like im not gonna make a big deal out of it but i will at the very least softblock because he makes me. really uncomfortable. you can interact n stuff just dont follow. dont interact if you use the new pan flag its gross and ugly and i dont agree with why it was made. and dni if youre a pro shipper (even if its to cope- find better coping mechanism thanks im a survivor and it makes me relapse to even think about pro shipping, actively romanticizing pedophilia, incest, age gaps, etc in media and then pretending like its just shipping discourse is Fucking Disgusting and i hate it), and dni if you like genderbend stuff it makes me uncomfy
also this is specific but if youre nonblack and weird about aave i will fucking murder you. n if you make suicide jokes please at least tag them. if you tell people to seriously kill themselves or joke abt "do a flip" or w/e or find that funny then dont interact w me at all
non dni wise w/ boundaries dont use masc terms for me, dont like.. talk about kissing me or flirting with me or anything, dont call me smart or a good person (just a personal thing. you can use synonyms if you really want), ask before talking about touching me, i have mirror touch so when people describe physical touch in any way i can feel it and thats uncomfortable. dont call me a liar, anddd dont make too many sexual references w/ me. keep it to the level thats like, present in beeduo streams but dont talk to me about kinks or anything even as a joke. finally make sure to tag things w /p if you mean it platonically around me, its for comforts sake. feel free to talk or message or ask for other socials or whatever idc about any of that
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thatsss all for now. i do analyses ig, also art. have a doodle of my sona to tide u over under this paragraph. sorry for rambling, im not good at summarizing my thoughts and i have a lot to say. ok thats all thank you if you got this far and read it all i rlly appreciate you /gen. i was milfsmp but i didnt want to take the chance that someone would call me milf as a nickname
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seijch · 4 years
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bitches make one post about suna in the smoke grays and suddenly it turns into a full round of headcanons...
content warning. drug use (vaping)
TERUSHIMA: man i swear do NOT put this man on the aux!!!!!! some ppl do not believe in paying for a streaming service and i hate to break it to you but yuuji is one of them,,, Want A Break From The Ads? If You Tap Now To Watch A Short Video, You’ll Receive Thirty Minutes Of Ad Free Music type beat... its not even worth it at this point 🤮🤮🤮 his pre-work fits always go hard. shops exclusively on stockx and buys apparel from the store if he fucks w it (and when it goes on sale ... original retail price kinda expensive tho). surprisingly good w the elderly? no one expects it from him but he ALWAYS gets compliments from them and no one else ever wants to deal w the crabby old people so they send him in for a quick and easy sale 🤝🏻
SUNA: ALWAYS vaping in the back. if youre near him in the stockroom hell blow the smoke in your face. punch him. do it. this is the aisle where there are no cameras. BIG sneakerhead but doesnt like to answer questions nskdfsd you could b asking him if a shoe is good for running nd he hits you w that “idk i just work here” and WALKS AWAY. like i KNOW you work here bitch thats the fucking point!!!! his shoe game is always on point so he always gets questions since people think he knows what hes talking abt (he does,, But 😐😐😐)
SHIRABU: at the register. designated cashier, only here because tuition does NOT pay itself... air max supremacist; owns three pairs of air max 270s in the most BASIC colorways 😐 judges customers when they walk in. if he sees someone trying to fake flex he WILL gag. once saw a man and his son with the toyota logo hanging from their matching gold chains and hasnt recovered since.
KOGANEGAWA: gets LOST in the stockroom and is always 🧍‍♂️ when he does. compliments the scent of whatever flavor puff bar suna blows into his face. isnt in the work gc when he first gets hired bc he has an android NJKSDSA but eventually upgrades and is welcomed in (but overuses animojis unironically.....baby please youre embarrassing us). absolute king. one of the best sellers on the floor during back to school season; the mans a high-five machine!! the kids love him. (as they should!)
ATSUMU: gets confused for yuuji from behind a LOT and bitch if this doesnt PISS HIM OFF!!!!!!! youd rlly think that having another person out there w the same exact face as you would train you to handle this shit better but guess not bc tsumu gets SO mad he stomps off to the back and has to 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️ for a bit..... osamu works at the food place two doors down and tells all the cashiers to make him pay full price, fuck a mall discount SDJAKDA there are too many pictures on his ig story of him and suna (reluctantly taken by aran) holding shoes to their ears like theyre the latest iphone. someone stop them before i reach thru the screen and shit in their shoes.
KINDAICHI: originally started working just to make money and knew NOTHING about shoes but bitch did he get INTO IT!!!! yeezy or bust, baby!!!!!! his go to work shoes are the tail lights but he also owns the desert sages (among others). his bank acc is NOT HAPPY,,, homie spends more money than he makes at his shitty minimum wage job 😭 once he learned the Shoe Lore he rlly came into his own as a solid seller but i would not be lying if i said before then he was on stock duty ....
ARAN: mvp of the store!!! gets along w the kids, gets along w the older folks, can hold a conversation w the sneakerheads, you name it hes got it !!!!!! on track to become an assistant manager if he so chooses -- the manager is alr begging him to come on full time but he doesnt wanna tie himself down to a life of selling shoes, yk? has people coming to the store just to see HIM like its a fucking host club. admittedly not as into shoes as someone like suna or tanaka,, definitely knows how to appreciate a Good Shoe but is halfway between a casual and a Full Sneakerhead tbh...
TANAKA: you wouldnt believe it but he is the KING of shoecare, both in usage and in sales! doesnt care as much when it comes to his regular old volleyball asics but when hes at work or out on the town? the flex is honestly UNREAL...catch him slacking, i dare you. shits on anyone who buys a team jordan like ,,, ok gatekeeper! his collection of retro jordans reaches almost concerning levels and refuses to sell any of them. he hasnt worn a good third of them, either (hes waiting for That Moment, whatever the fuck THAT means). only slightly above terushima when it comes to aux privileges. (theres also a video of him in the stockroom wearing nothing but booty shorts at the top of a ladder lipsyncing the lyrics to chandelier by sia. dont ask.)
BOKUTO: THE customer service guy. he spends small amounts of money like nobodys business but is lowkey scared of big purchases... drops $15 for food eight times a week like its nothing but wont buy a pair of $180 shoes... ok. as a result his collection is nowhere near as big as some of the other guys but he treasures them all and takes very good care of them!!! knows JUST what to say to warm any kind of customer up to him (gets hit on a lot, much to the dismay of tanaka nd yuuji)... also has a lot of former customers recognize him (its the hair) and he just has to go 😃 haha hey! every time.
NISHINOYA: whenever he cant reach smth and needs to be out on the floor asap he can and WILL climb up the shelves of the stockroom like a fucking MONKEY NKSFSN 😭😭😭 the authority when it comes to shoes for running, hiking, the gym, etc. if its outdoors leave it to him! had a pair of 270s but the bubble POPPED the one time he used the ladders as he came down..........hes literally traumatized and ALWAYS brings it up whenever he shares a shift w shirabu (who has since asked to not be scheduled w noya due to a “difference in beliefs” MSFSDS)
FUTAKUCHI: ive said it before but hes one of Those People thats worked half the stores in the damn mall so he was hired as a cashier during the holiday szn and left the company a few months later. youd think hed get along w fellow cashier shirabu but 😃 the manager avoids scheduling them together unless the stores gonna be busy bc one of them is gonna wanna use “the better register” and get mad when the other claims it first .... like theyre both FUNCTIONAL arent they??? 😭😭 does NOT give a shit abt shoes!!! never even learned the stockroom, just kinda figured it out as he went along...whenever someone asks him for their size in a shoe he hands it off to someone on the floor unless he cant avoid it (but believe it or not he will always give that person the sale...unless its suna bc he knows suna doesnt give a fuck)
@wackatoshi​ jic you dont see it when it drops 😚😚
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phanlight · 3 years
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Imagine Living Like A King Someday
prompt: Southview Boarding School isn’t a castle and Phil Lester isn’t royalty, but he has everything. His father owns the school, he’s popular, has the best room, gets all the best treatment – there are very few things that aren’t handed to him on a platter. Dan is a cleaner/Phil’s personal maid there, and he isn’t as lucky. Everyone seems to take an aversion to the outsider, including Phil (at first).
[CHAPTER MASTERPOST]
theres something so funny to me abt having written all of this over a matter of months and then picking it up 4 entire years later like nothing happened
still thinking of the enormous steaming mess past left future me to clear up in terms of plot but i think we're finally there THANKS 2016 SHELLEY
[AO3 LINK]
Twenty-Three (fINALLY)
By far the best thing about this job, Dan decides, is the Thursday afternoons. They allow for a lull in the week, a window wherein Phil is enveloped in a research project and Noah equally as swallowed up in rehearsals. December being only a breath away had made for a sudden increase in workload for both of them; it seems leaving the holiday season for an actual holiday is far too big an ask for the education system. Dan feels sorry for them. He remembers his burning resentment toward academic responsibilities; how much he’d loathed being made to study while the sky loses its light. He’d taken pity on the pair of them and stocked up on various study supplies – all edible and a few drinkable, much to their delight. He’d left them with all the Kit-Kats, Doritos and Jaffa Cakes they’d possibly be able to cram into a four-hour session. He’s becoming something of a mother figure, he giggles when he tells Lawrence.
There’s something about conversations with someone as wise as the head caretaker, the nicest boss he’s ever had, that jolts everything back into perspective again. Sometimes, when anxiety gnaws and every breath feels uneasy, the only thing that helps is a few words of wisdom. Of true compassion. And as caring and as gentle as Phil is, sometimes it’s worth listening to someone over triple his age; with triple his life experience.
And way over triple his collection of mugs. They stand in rows in a cabinet next to the desk, a glass door keeping them on proud display (there’s no way he doesn’t polish that regularly). He can’t count the teas they’ve had together, but he’s never had the same mug twice. It makes the overall experience just that little bit more enjoyable; a guaranteed smile no matter how bleak the day.
“Wallace, or Gromit?” is the first thing Lawrence says when Dan creaks open the door.
He frowns. Bit of an odd way to say hello, but he’s had weirder.
“Sorry?”
“If you had to pick?”
Dan chuckles, his frown melting away. Months of this place has made him warmly familiar with Lawrence’s eccentricities and quick-fire questions upon entering. The only one who works here with a personality, Phil often calls him, before quickly adding Below fifty, of course.
“Gromit,” he says decidedly. “He’s cute.”
“Gromit it is,” he whips around, presenting Dan with a steaming ceramic version of the dog, his left ear protruding into a handle.
“How did I not see that coming?” Dan chuckles, taking the mug and nearly burning his fingertips. “Thanks,” he sips a little too quickly. “Let me guess; you have a Wallace one too?”
“A-ha!” Lawrence spins around again holding with an identically sized mug, the other character still grinning despite having a head full of boiling hot liquid.
“You never cease to amaze me,” Dan grins, shaking his head in disbelief. He plops himself down on Lawrence’s enormous armchair, shifting a jacket off of the seat. Despite his repeated insistence that he really doesn’t mind and the stool looks really comfy, actually; Lawrence insists he takes his chair every single time he comes over.
‘It’s just lovely to have a chat with you, kid,’ he’d say. ‘I don’t get many visitors.’
The whole thing swamps Dan’s small frame, the upholstery devouring most of him, but the comfort is unbeatable. He could fall asleep here.
“Look at his nose! His- look at that! Hey- you’re missing it!”
Dan’s eyes dart around the room. “Wait- what?”
“The mug!” he urges.
Dan frowns, peering at the steaming Wallace. His grin looks like the taste of Brie.
“It’s-…” he squints. “Big?”
“Not mine you daft thing- yours!” he points.
“Mine?” Dan looks down. Gromit stares forward, his black button now a cherry red. “Oh!”
“Clever, that, ain’t it?” Lawrence enthuses, his eyes shimmering. “Must be a heat detector! I don’t know how they do it, these things,” he beams. “It’s like they’re finding something new every day.”
Dan’s heart glows. It would come as no surprise if he’d been waiting all week to show him that.
“I’ll keep an eye out for it next time,” Dan smiles, looking down. “I used to have a Pac-Man mug that did a similar thing, actually.”
“Pac-Man, eh?” Lawrence says as if it’s the eleventh Grand Theft Auto. “What used to happen? Did he do his little routine?”
“Not quite,” Dan giggles, assuming his ‘little routine’ constituted flying around a maze uncontrollably. “The ghosts just appeared. Nothing moved, though.”
“That’ll be the next step, I tell you,” Lawrence says. “Goodness knows what they’ll be able to do even one year from now. Come next Christmas you’ll be buying me a mug that can sing.”
Dan’s grin doesn’t stop. How someone so many times his age can still bear such child-like enthusiasm for the small things really is something treasurable. The gem of Southview, he decides as he takes another sip and studies the bottle opener collection beside him. Lawrence makes this job bearable. Worthwhile.
He doesn’t tell him such mugs actually exist; doesn’t let on the Cherusker stein is a particular favourite of his. The cabinet full of them was in fact possibly the only tolerable aspect of the May Fair experience; – he’d forever spend lounge duty dusting them, lifting every one and smiling as gentle lullabies spilled out until barked at to ‘stop wasting time’. He makes a mental note to make another addition to his Christmas shopping list. He’s certain Lawrence is aware of their existence, but he’s sure he wouldn’t be expecting to unwrap one only three weeks from now. Seeing those eyes crinkle with joy under years of laughter lines is a gift in itself.
He only realizes he’s smiling when Lawrence matches his grin.
“You’re at a funny age,” he sighs, clinking the spoon against the china. He places it on an Abbey Road coaster. “That’s what my mother used to say,” he pauses, forehead lined with thought. “Mind you, she’s been saying that at every age I’ve been,” there’s a silence. “Even now.”
Dan grins, imagining a woman twenty-odd years older but about a metre shorter. It warms his heart to hear she’s still with him, with them. Here.
“What does that say, eh?” he continues. “There’s never an age you’re going to look back and everything around you will have fallen into place. Never a moment you’ll dust off your hands and think ‘well, that was easy’. Because that isn’t life.”
The final sentence resounds all around the hemisphere of his consciousness. What absolute truth there is to be found in that.
This is precisely what he loves about his conversations with Lawrence. It isn’t just the tea. Not even the comfort both physical and emotional alike; the guarantee that whatever he confesses to doing won’t go any further than the office walls. It isn’t even the advice- which he’d go so far as to admit is more beneficial than Phil’s, at certain times (there’s just something about hearing it from someone who’s double their combined age).
It’s the lack of judgement. The listening ear. The only person he can truly guarantee is without a single trace of bias or underlying ulterior motive. The ‘I’ve experienced, lived, truly knocked down but bounced back every time’ tone that resonates through every pebble of advice, each wise word he gifts away.
And he feels safe, talking to him. He feels comfortable. It’s everything every single past job wasn’t, and even now, when Dan drags a scalding sip to his lips and listens to Lawrence’s stories, his pellets of wisdom and anecdote after anecdote involving life in the Sixties, he realizes he’s truly safe here. Happy, almost.
“How old is she? Your mother?” The question escapes his lips before he can exercise any control over what he’s asking. Shit, he hopes that wasn’t too personal. Not a lot of things are off-limits when it comes to conversations with Lawrence, but boundaries are still unclear.
Lawrence remains unfazed, his expression still thoughtfully soft.
“She’ll be ninety-eight this June.”
“Eighty-eight?” Dan frowns. He must have heard that wrong.
Lawrence points a finger to the ceiling. “Up ten.”
His jaw drops.
“Wow.”
“Yep,” Lawrence contradicts with a warm head nod. “She’s lived through a lot, has our Maggie.”
“I can imagine,” Dan breathes, leaning against the desk. His respective lifespan has already thrown enough in his direction. He can’t imagine what four times that would be.
“Lived through two world wars, bless her,” he sighs, his eyes studying the windowsill. “Lord alone knows what the woman must have witnessed,” his eyes flicker to Dan. “Then bringing up three kids on top of that,” he shakes his head, slurping the steam. “I don’t know how she does it. Still going strong, mind. She’s an angel.”
“Truly,” Dan sighs, his gaze leaning further and further out of the window. A crow comes to a soaring descent onto one of the branches, leaving a flutter of yellow leaves in its wake. If he narrows his eyes he can make out the very outline of a nest somewhere further in. “You’re lucky to have her,” he says before his thoughts can catch up.
Lawrence huffs out a chuckle. “You sound almost as old as I do, kid,” he hesitates. “Though you’re right. I am. I love her.” There’s a silence. “And I make sure I tell her every single day.”
Something tightens in the back of Dan’s throat. He blinks a couple of times, sipping carefully. “That’s lovely,” he mumbles into the mug, masking the crack he knew was going to appear in his voice.
“It’s important to say it as often as you can, you know,” he says, tearing open a box of Leibniz and giving Dan the first pick. They’re orange – his favourite. Last week’s rant over the white chocolate ones had clearly been taken on board. “However you say it. In whichever respect you mean it. You have to tell them how much they mean to you. You have to tell them you love them.”
A crumb goes down the wrong way.
“Careful, kid,” Lawrence gives him a firm thump on the back. Dan erupts into coughs, pausing to choke on his own breath a handful of times.
“You okay?”
It’s an amusing question given he’s a shade of scarlet and can only gasp in response, but he nods anyway, reaching for the tea.
All good, he mouths.
A couple of scalding sips later his lungs finally begin to recalibrate.
“Fuck-…” he huffs out a sigh. “I don’t know where that came from- I-…” he chokes again. “You’re right, though, about the-” another cough interrupts him.
“You’re meant to eat it, not inhale it,” Lawrence chuckles. “You donut. Here-“ he pulls out a drawer, scrabbling through loose sheets of kitchen roll and various CDs (without cases, much to Dan’s anxiety) before thrusting a half-opened packet of Soothers into his hand. “Finish them off, kid.”
“Oh, Lawrence,” Dan’s heart all but melts. “Thank you.”
He only takes one, but Lawrence insists he keeps them.
“Just in case you inhale your dinner tonight,” he chuckles, before adding, “Don’t you go choking on that, for God’s sake.”
“The irony of choking on a Soother,” Dan giggles. his speech a little indistinct. They’re a little on the sticky side but they still taste good. The peach ones have always been his favourite.
“Remember what I said,” he reminds him as Dan chews.
“Thank you,” he says again.
“Not at all, pet,” he smiles. “They need eating up.”
Dan chuckles. “I meant for the-…” he trails off when he spots the gleam in the older man’s eye. He doesn’t even need to finish his sentence to know he knows.
“It’s my pleasure. As long as I can be useful for something,” he raises his chipped mug to his lips as if it’s a champagne glass. “Always remember to give your energy to the right things. And the right people.”
Dan smiles, twining a loose thread around his pinkie. Another pellet of wisdom to come back to when he feels his mind darkening.
“I never used to be much good at that,” he admits. “The right people were always the wrong.”
“Ah, but never forget how far you’ve come,” Lawrence says. “You’re telling me things you wouldn’t have even been able to even think about months ago.”
Dan looks up. “Seriously?” Shit, he hadn’t even noticed.
“Would I be joking?” Lawrence simply says, furrowing a large silver eyebrow. Dan looks down at his tea, sipping carefully. It’s reached a perfect temperature, the liquid hugging his lips. “You tend not to be able to see your own progress, but others can. Others do,” he insists, grey eyes promising.
Dan feels like he’s going to cry.
“Thank you,” he breathes, disguising his mouth with the mug again.
“You don’t need to thank me, kid,” he chuckles.
“It’s unbelievably hard not to,” Dan admits, chuckling too. His eyes threaten tears but he can’t stop grinning.
“If anything, I should be thanking you,” he says.
Dan stares at him.
“Me? What for?”
“Oh, kid,” Lawrence sighs, his eyes glittering. “You have no idea how much I appreciate you. We’ve had some real characters in and out of here, I’m telling you – between you and me, and don’t even let this get to Phil, but-…” he shakes his head, his eyes following another crow headed in the same direction. He’s probably watching the same tree; Dan briefly thinks before he continues. “Some were okay,” he says almost as if to convince himself if anyone. “Mary, she was lovely. But some,” he closes his eyes, shaking his head. “Look- I really shouldn’t be telling you this- Lord alone knows how unprofessional it is to be-“
“I wouldn’t worry,” Dan interjects, immediately apologizing for interrupting. “Workplaces harbor all manner of dark secrets. I’m sure a little venting about a couple of difficult colleagues doesn’t even come close.”
Lawrence chuckles, dusting biscuit crumbs off of the desk. “That I can’t argue with, kid,” he continues wiping, as if to process his next thought. “I’m not one to speak ill of people- of anyone, but-…’ he shakes his head. ‘You have no idea how much easier a time you give me, kid. It’s a joy to have you here,” he lowers his voice. “Some of them didn’t even turn up.”
Dan feels his face burn a little. Something warm floods through his veins. Shit, he’s never been told anything like that before. Never anything even remotely close. There’s also something particularly wholesome about Lawrence giving a recount of lousy employees like it’s a business-shattering affair, all hushed tones and closed doors.
“It’s great to be here,” he says quickly, his heart thumping. “It really is. It-…” he stops himself, interrupted by the abundance of possible phrases. Saved me, is the only one that adheres.
“I know,” Lawrence says before he can even open his mouth. He reaches forward and gives his knee a quick pat, and Dan wonders how such a small motion can harbour such reassurance. He doesn’t even need to finish his sentences he’s this understanding. “You’re a delight of an employee, I hope you realize,” he grins. “Everything you do is so appreciated here, kid. I ought to tell you that more often,” he pauses.  “Sometimes the advice we give is advice we need to take ourselves, eh?
“And vice-versa,” Dan smiles, before hesitating. “Maybe I ought to express myself more.”
“Oh, you already do, kid,” Lawrence says. “We know.”
Dan’s grinning at his tea when he catches the end of his sentence.
“Especially Phil, did you say?”
“Oh, tell me about it. He can’t speak too highly of you, can our Phil. He can’t stop talking about you altogether, mind. ‘The Dan Button’, we call it.”
This conversation isn’t doing Dan’s sensitive blush reflex any favours whatsoever, but he’s past caring. He’s something of an open book to Lawrence anyway.
He stares at the row of vintage Cadbury mugs lining the top shelf of the cabinet (the 1970s Caramel edition is his favourite – there’s just something about the golden writing) as he continues. He wonders if he has a Phil Button. Does he talk about him a lot? Fuck, he hasn’t even thought about it. Usually there’s so much to say; whether it be an anecdote from the passing day or a conversation they’d had or something they’d watched or witnessed or read. It’s difficult to keep track of his own train of thought whenever anyone mentions him. The topic usually leads itself, his own mouth merely a guide. He’ll have to ask Noah if it’s getting excessive.
His eyes stay with the branch. The two crows huddle around the nest-like cluster. By the time this conversation is over the tree will probably be completely leaf-less, he notices as more fall.
“I don’t have a Phil Button, do I?” he says before he can stop himself. Fuck. He just couldn’t resist.
Lawrence only smiles. An eyebrow thinks about twitching upward.
Dan smirks at the silence. Okay. Enough said.
“You kids,” he sighs, swallowing the remains of his tea. “Look out for each other, won’t you? Remember what I said. Tell people how much they mean to you. They aren’t mind-readers.”
Dan smiles, and promises.
“Always.”
Lawrence grins. “I’m glad you ended up here. Doctor Lester is particularly fond of you, y’know.”
Dan stares at him. Surely not. He’s never even seen the man talk, let alone crack anything close to a smile. Any communication between the two had always been by proxy – usually through Lawrence but Phil a lot of the time too. It’s eerily easy to forget they’re even related at all, let alone father and son.
“Oh yes,” he continues, reading his expression. “I shan’t embarrass you with the details, but he says it’s simply a delight to have you on board.”
Dan stares out of the window. Another crow had joined whom he had presumed to be the mother (how can you even tell with birds like that?), both fluttering close to their respective nest. More leaves fall with every judder.
“Well, that-…” he giggles, already feeling his face flush again. He’s going to have to invest in some makeup at this point. “That means a lot. To say the very least, I guess,” he widens his eyes, staring into space. “Wow. God, that’s-…” disbelief silences him. He shakes his head. “That’s the first time like-…” his eyes flicker wider. “Ever.”
“Yeah,” Lawrence remains tactfully quiet. Any allusions toward past jobs are always met with nothing other than gentle sympathy – never questions, never any further comments. Dan can’t thank him enough for that – the past is to be referred to, not relived. If its only reflective purpose is to one day be used as a comparison, something highlighting the incline of quality of life thereafter, then so be it. “You’re appreciated here, kid. By all of us,” he leans forward. “Between you and me, I think he can see how happy you’re making Phil. Y’didn’t hear that from me though, alright?” he nudges his foot with his own and throws him a quick wink.
Dan goes from pink to peony. He makes sure to chew his biscuit properly this time, dunking it in the remains of the tea. Another choking fit at his point would probably send him head-first into the recovery position. He doesn’t reckon being carried out of Mr. Headforth’s office on a stretcher would be his finest hour. Not when he’s finally made it onto the good side of the school, of the staff and communities therein; unusually tight-knit for such a vast population.
He looks up. He smiles.
“No, I didn’t.”
Lawrence’s eyes flicker down to his cheeks. He doesn’t need to say anything.
::
And I make sure I tell her every single day.
It resides with him for the rest of the afternoon, the phrase burning itself into his consciousness like a tattoo behind the eyes. He can’t let it go, not when he’s studying that pineapple streak the sunset left behind, Phil a breezy nuzzle to the cheek. Not when they’re pacing through the corridors somewhere in the evening, somewhere between the fall of the sun and the rise of the moon. Not even when their hair becomes a confusion of two shades and every breath is shared.
However you say it. In whichever respect you mean it.
He wonders how Lawrence tells her; his mother. When. Where. Does it depend on the day? The hour? Circumstance? He knows there are more than eight letters involved in the action, more than three words to its weight. Does the meaning bleed through his everyday phrases? When he asks her about her day? Whether she’s eaten?
He gulps, his heart thudding.
“Have you had lunch?” was how he’d greeted Phil this noon. “I have loads of pasta in the fridge. I made too much again.”
He stares at the ceiling.
“Text me when you get there,” was how he’d said goodbye this evening. It had started as a joke between the three of them – the campus, although spanning acre-upon-acre of land is still nothing but a speck when compared to the rest of the outside world – but had quickly become something of a tradition (to the extent Dan would often find himself receiving ‘i’m ok <3’ texts from someone in the next room as him).
“Take care,” is how he punctuates most ending conversations with the other boy in hindsight. Still eight letters. A different combination of such, albeit, but a mirrored meaning.
Oh god. He’s fucked.
You’re at a funny age, grey eyes remind him.
Every cell in his body agrees with that, and apparently it’s something they’ll have to get used to. It looks like that’ll never stop, not even after ninety-eight trips around the Sun.
Remember what I said.
Dan does.
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urmomification · 3 years
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WOOO POG DREAM SMP AU
theres 1.8k words and 9,393 characters of a schlatt au below the cut LMAO
[i was rambling to my friend and this is what came out of it! send me an abt it if u have questions i would love to talk abt it more pls]
(slight body horror/gore tw!!)
slams fists on table rattling any dishes on the table au where schlatt doesnt die of a heartattack and tubbo locks him up to rot basically and his horns grow into his eyes effectively blinding him and chained his hands together and basically a leash on him to keep him from moving around in his cell so he cant do anything to break the horns off before they get too long and one day when technos breaking into lmanberg he gets chased into the prison and loses them in the halls before coming across schlatts cell and schlatts calling out like 'whos there i can hear ur foot steps whos there please someone whos there' etc yk and technos speechless they thought they executed him to keep him from causing any more problems in the country but this is this is just much worse than anything he even thought theyd do and hes standing in front of schlatts cell just looking at him as if hes imagining it he knew lmanberg was bad but holy fuck they just let this man rot in a cell to the point of his own horns blinding him and giving him no aid or way to ease the pain so he makes himself known and schlatt 'ive never been so happy to see, well, hear an anarchist in my life, its good to see- hear you technoblade' and chuckles and blood runs down his face like tears would, few drops landing on his clothes before techno starts trying to get into the cell to take him out of there he cant leave him here sure he was an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but he had standards and now that schlatt wasnt in power he had nothing against him really considering he isnt a citizen of lmanberg so he manages to pick the locks enough to get him out of there, schlatts arm slung over technos shoulder they stumble out of the prison building and as they slowly make their way to the nether portal to get back to technos base, they run into tubbo and quackity, schlatts old right hand men and they try to stop techno bc hes well an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but the glare techno gives them levels them and theyre left staring at each other for a moment when schlatt 'whyre we stopped whos there tech' and techno mumbles 'tubbo and quackity schlatt' and schlatt just furrows his brows as far as he can without sending excruciating pain into his eye sockets before he purses his lips and asks 'are they going to try and stop us?' techno looks back at the other two 'no they wont, isnt that right boys?' tubbo and quackity slink away allowing techno and schlatt to the portal and them going thru, schlatt still silent as he tries not to trip over technos cape or off the ledge of the bridge passing over the lava lakes, they make it to the portal and begin the walk across the arctic tundra to technos house, philza isnt there right now so its just the two of them and techno leads him up the ladder to his room (its not really a room i think its just a bed, a bell and an enchantment table) and sits him down on his bed mumbling something abt being right back and he is with some medical supplies and a change of clothes to clean everything up, they dont talk techno works in silence and when schlatt winces he mumbles a small apology before continuing eventually techno got schlatt as cleaned up as you can get someone w horns in their eyes and a sweater to keep him warm and finally starts asking questions 'how long had u been in there' 'lost count' 'did they bring you food' 'a chests worth at the beginning of the month' techno sighs 'i thought they executed you' 'tubbo chickened out despite me being 'an active threat to our peace in lmanberg' and locked me up a few days after u set the withers loose and dropped off a chest of food once a month and most of them refused to talk to me others couldnt even make eye contact with me, other than the few instances where they said things like 'heres ur food' or 'u deserve this' or 'i cant believe tubbo let u live' i talked to no one other than myself for however long i was in there' techno stands and walks around for a moment before flipping some pages and schlatt can hear him gasp quietly in mild surprise 'what is it tech' looking in the direction he heard techno from and techno says, turning to face schlatt on his bed 'schlatt that was almost 3 months ago' a single beat of silence rings for what feels like forever 'oh. i, i didnt think itd been that long. though it would explain my current predicament' loosely gesturing towards his face 'oh right abt that i have a few questions if ur ready to answer some' schlatt hums and techno grabs a pen and paper and sits next to him in case he needs to take any notes for future reference 'how fast do ur horns normally grow' 'idk just a steady amount my whole life pretty much' 'will they ever stop growing' 'they generally stop growing around 30 and continue to grow more in width than length' 'did anyone who brought u food notice' 'they grow quickly and by the time the person w the third chest came around they were getting close to my eyes but they didnt listen to me, no one did' he sighs looking down at would be his hands 'the odds of both of my horns growing into my eyes and blinding me like this are so low but of course it would happen to me' a chuckle void of any amusement 'because losing my country and my people and my power wasnt enough already' techno stands up 'you had that coming' schlatt actually laughs this time, short and curt 'ok fair, u were the one that took me down afterall' and from then on schlatt lives w techno and phil and eventually tommy and then without tommy (tommy was Not happy when he found out that schlatt was living with techno but he needed somewhere to stay too and techno happens to live in an arctic tundra where only a handful of people know how to get to so he didnt complain too much) and eventually techno saws off schlatts horns at the bend adn removes them from his eyes bc if they kept growing into his head theyd hit his brain and kill him on top of blinding  him and techno gags and almost throws up despite not being sensitive to gore  and gives schlatt a bandanna to cover the holes in his head for everyones sake and once they heal somewhat he can find something else out and thats how they live, schlatt helps with what he can like farming w phil but mostly spends his time learning braille or something so he can read and techno gets him books in braille so he isnt bored or alone like he was in the prison and he feeds him and takes care of him and schlatt is funny and entertaining despite being blinded by something from his own body and the torture it was like to rot in a cell alone for almost a 1/4 of a year and nights when techno gets home late and hes shaken and the voices are bad schlatt will sit behind him and play with his hair and talk abt his own day and rub technos back and in return when schlatt relapses and gets violent and angry techno will wash his hair and read him stories until he calms down and hopefully asleep and no one told him the news that wilbur died so when ghostbur shows up and starts talking to him he treats him the same as he would wilbur bc he cant see that hes a ghost all thats different is his speech pattern and overall personality and one day he says 'ur different wilbur what happened to that, i dunno spark u used to have' and wilbur simply 'im not sure if im being honest a lot abt me has changed since i died, or so im told i dont remember much from when i was alive' and schlatt just 0_0 and then hes scrambling down the ladder and stumbling around the house looking for techno, finding him in the basement working on something and when he gets there hes out of breath and his hands are shaking bc holy shit wilburs not only dead but a ghost and he was just talking to me and he doesnt remember what i did and and and and techno is shocked to see schlatt in the basement and asks whats up and schlatt just 'wilbur died wilbur fucking died tech why didnt anyone tell him and now hes a ghost hes a fucking ghost who lives in ur house and doesnt remember anything he doesnt remember that he blew up lmanberg does he he remembers my name but not anything that i did what hes a fucking ghost techno hes a ghost holy fuck' and technos just standing there like ??? no one no one told him 'yea philza had to kill him after he blew up lmanberg i thought u knew thats why i didnt say anything' oh. 'phil, phil had to kill him?' 'yea its a touchy subject, dont bring it up' and simply goes back to what he was working on so schlatt sits on the ground by the ladder and listens to him work his brain going a mile a minute trying to comprehend whats going on 'would i have become a ghost if theyd chosen to execute me?' 'its hard to say im unsure if theres specific circumstances that contribuite to someone becoming a ghost but theres really no telling' and goes back to working yet again and from then on they fall into an easy schedule of techno going out and doing whatever an anarchist terrorist w a murder record does on ur average wednesday and schlatt stays home reading and organizing whatever he can based on size and feeling and sleeping in windowsills and schlatt greeting techno comes home beaten up and full of new resources and a side of bruises and cuts so he tends to them, getting better at maneuvering and functioning without needing to see then techno making dinner and then curling up by the fire for the night enjoying each others company as they talk abt their days :]
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vampireqrow-moved · 3 years
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hey so I agree with a lot of the stuff in your post about the transphobia involved in the origin of the pansexual label, but I just have one question: what are the actual impacts of people with good intentions calling themselves pan? If you don't hate pansexuals and consider them bi, why type up a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of the origin of the label if it means the same thing in the way that most non transphobic people (your audience) use it? a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways (like bi and lesbian and anything really) and plenty of valid identities from problematic roots and evolve over time as people use them differently (queer, transsexual). so how is a person with good intentions using a not-perfect label in a way you don't like a threat to the community? if someone is using the label pan transphobically, wouldn't their bigotry exist independently? if pan people do not act in transphobic ways besides using the label pansexual, realistically what is changing if they call themselves bi beyond holier-than-thou aesthetic activism? plus, a blog on the internet isn't going to get everyone to stop identifying as pansexual, especially considering multiple prominent celebrities ID as pan. so why spend all that energy quibbling on semantics because some bi people use a slightly different word when you could be worrying about Literally anything else? just feels like you want to find something to argue about lol. extremely disappointed that I had to break a mutual
im going to respond to each thing you bring up chronologically- im not trying to nitpick or prioritize certain things you say ill just forget things if i go out of order and i dont want to miss something important. ALSO! i will be typing less formally (like keysmashes and shortening words n stuff) in this response than my og post bc its 1am as im starting to type this so im tired but i want to be clear that i am like. taking this seriously and im not like. mocking u in anyway if it could read that way?? i hope not but just in case anyways here it goes!
in terms of actual impact people with good intentions identifying as pan: honestly im not  sure the full scope of the impact this has, so ill only be speaking to what ive personally seen which might not be all. but like... id argue my younger self has good intentionals iding as pan. i wanted to support trans people, even if i didnt understand a lot of the nuance involved. as a result of this, i developed a sense of superiority over other bisexuals and a mentality that bisexuality was a primitive and lesser sexuality. that mentality is harmful, and although im not sure if it affected bisexuals around me (of which there are many most of my friends are bi ajfjfjf) its still a harmful mentality and can easily hurt people even if i specifically didnt. also using it even with good intentions, which i know many people have, still spreads and further normalizes a label that imo can not be separated from its transphobic origins. this effect is not as extreme as other forms of transphobia and biphobia by A LONG SHOT. the bi community faces a lot of other issues but that doesnt mean this one isnt worth addressing if that makes sense?
if i dont hate pansexuals: ik this is part of a larger point which i will adress but i specified this in my post bc i see a lot of other posts that are negative towards pansexuality have "i hate pan ppl" somewhere in it or a close equivalent. i do not shame these ppl for their anger, i just wanted to be clear i think a lot of pan ppl are bi ppl with good intentions choosing a label they dont fully understand based on a misunderstanding of bisexuality.
why write a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of pansexuals origin: ok 😭😭 the real reason here is that im literally just bad at summarizing. like thats literally it. i also like talking, its a bad combination. plus ive been thinking abt this for like. over a year im not even kidding and just like i have a lot of thoughts and figured if i was going to bother making my own post instead of rbing someone elses that i might as well get everything i wanted to say off my chest. ALSO BTW i literally got an ask like a week ago that was several paragraphs long asking me to explain my thoughts on why pan was harmful and some other stuff so like. this is partially responding to that and partially just me wanting to air my grievances ? idk if thats the right expression 😔😔
why write the post if my audience of people who identify as pan arent doing it in a transphobic way ? again sorry i didnt really understand the phrasing so i hope this is a vaguely correct summary!! um but like... again imo i think pan cant be separated from its transphobia and like. again imo iding as pan is like. a transphobic action/choice? obviously one transphobic thing does mean someone necessarily is like officially a Transphobe (it CAN be depending on the action but i dont think that applies here) but that doesnt mean there arent problems with what they did. this is like very complicated, but like. someone doing something harmful without the knowlege that its harmful doesnt make that person a bigot by any means it just means they didnt know. and i feel thats the case here? a lot of ppl (myself included until recently) know next to nothing abt pansexualitys origins so a trans inclusve sexuality might seem like a safe and good bet just because they dont know too much abt it, and like? i cant hate those people cause that was me for 5+ years and djgjfjdj you just dont know what you dont know!
basically i think iding with a transphobic label is inherently a singular transphobic action that doesnt make the person transphobic by itself, but is still a transphobic instance.
a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways like bi, lesbian, etc.: this is true and a point i attempted to make on my original post, but i might not have clear enough. my issue with pan is specifically that it is a transphobic response to a preexisting identity. lesbian isnt an attempted trans inclusive indentity that replaced an identity that already existed (which have many trans ppl identifying with the og label). transphobes can use whatever labels they want, but transphobes using a label vs a label having a transphobic origin is very different. bigots use inclusive and supporting language for their bigotry all the time but language that originated with that bigotry is worse.
many valid identities stem from problemstic origins (like transsexual and queer) but the words evolve: ok my paraphrasing is a little weird there. anyways. the thing here is that. those are slurs. reclaimed slurs that can be empowering to many people, yes, but slurs nonetheless. reclaiming a slur is taking a harmful word and wearing it as a badge of pride. first off, pansexual is not a slur (ur not implying that in anyway just. saying) and it isnt being reclaimed when people dont treat it as having harmful origins. transsexual is the way some people identify but ppl acknowlege its a slur and originates from transphobia. ppl love to act like queer isnt a slur, which is an issue in and of itself, but just. factually it has historically and is currently being used against ppl with the intent to hurt them. pansexual isnt on the same level as these and other words like the f slur, d slur, etc. pansexual originates from trans and biphobia WITHIN the community and not outside of it, and most pansexuals dont see themselves as reclaiming the title because they dont think anythings wrong with it in the first place. and reclaiming it just seems unnecessary considering its history? theres no empowerment from using pan as a label as opposed to queer or transsexual, and it just divides the bisexual community for no reason.
how is a person using a not-perfect label a threat to the community? ok i dont think its a threat but still an issue if that difference makes sense? id like to reiterate a few things ive said before, but for me personally, it made me look down on bisexuals and see them as lesser, and it made people around me see pan as the "trans inclusive" sexuality as opposed to bisexuality, and basically its usage just leads to further biphobia. is this the worst of biphobia? no!!! but its still biphobia and why not attempt to target and minimize that? i have no way to singlehandedly stop biphobia, but my post might get through to my friends who id as pan and that small thing is better than nothing.
if someone used the pan label in a transphobic way, wouldnt that bigotry be different from people using it not transphobically?: someone claiming all bi ppl are transphobic and only pan is the acceptable label is obviously a lot worse than someone iding as pan and saying bi/pan solidarity but again, the second isnt not an issue because the first one is a bigger issue, its just a smaller issue in comparison. i wouldnt say the bigotry is different, one is just worse than the other, but it still has the same problems.
if pan people dont do anything transphobic other than id as pan then what changes with iding as bi over pan other holier-than-thou activism: its just one less person using a transphobic label? which isnt that big but it might lead to their friends stopping iding as pan and cause fewer people around them to see bi as a transphobic identity. which is small scale stuff, i wont try to blow it out of proportion, but thats still a step in the right direction and hopefully more people follow with it. its not terribly huge or lifechanging but something small that may only affect the people close to you is still something rather than nothing.
a blog the internet isnt going to get people to stop iding as pan: oh absolutely not. honestly i expected to get unfollowed/blocked more than change peoples minds regarding the pan label (im surprised i only lost two followers so far honestly) but again, someone literally asked me to do this and i wanted to be clear on my stance on the label, since in the past ive been supportive of it. im not expecting the post to get more than five likes, its more directed to my followers rather than the internet as a whole. im not expecting a large impact, im hoping to change the minds of my followers and friends who id as and support the pan label. thats it. if something bigger comes from it- great! but thats not what im aiming to do.
prev point + many prominent celebrities id as pan: the first name that comes to mind is someone im not a fan of for separate reasons but thats irrelevant. i mean im repeating myself a bit but some celebrities in the past validated and made me feel excited abt my identity as a pan person when they came out, and it justified the label to me, even when i had doubts. i have never interacted with a celebrity and do not plan to change their minds abt their identity. again, my post was for my friends and followers and maybe who ever was scrolling through the biphobia tag and decided to read my post.
why spend that much energy worrying abt the pan label instead of something else: ive spent waaaaay more energy thinking abt a singular meme i didnt like regarding my favourite rwby character so like. maybe i just overreact to things lol. maybe i have a lot of energy and since i cant talk my friends ears off abt my favourite fruits or the different voting methods i learned in my math class or what would dreams taste like, then i gotta put my energy into something. idk. i have a lot of energy and honestly? this didnt take that much. but i felt it weighing on me as my friends talked positively abt the pan label, when i felt guilty for the superiority i felt over my bi friends INCLUDING my best friend and favourite person in the world so like. i spent enough energy worrying abt it, and like. in hindsight since its been over 12 hours since posting it, im thinking abt it less. i was more worried abt feeling dishonest with my friends than actually worrying abt pansexuality, but i figured i owed them an explanation for why my feelings around it had changed.
just feels like you want to find something to argue about: okay i DO love arguing but im not pulling this out of my ass for fun. its in response to posts ive seen on my dash, asks i recieved abt pansexuality, and my way of letting people know my views have changed and why since i know at least some people are curious.
i am sorry to lose a mutual as well, and i genuinely hope things go well for you, but uh yeah thats that.
again, if people have further questions im willing to answer them i just might take a while bc i have school and other stuff 2 do but uhhh yea sorry if im clogging ur dash sjfjfkkf
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losangelesvalorant · 4 years
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interesting things from tactical crouch’s interview w toronto assistant coach/analyst barroi on 1/19
barroi talks about why the team failed last year, the atmosphere/coaching of the new team, beast and nevix and why he believes in them, and the meta. [link to the full podcast]
on why the team failed last year
team atmosphere was biggest problem which lead to stellar retiring, tried to "better" atmosphere by trading envy to shanghai. going mixed roster didnt improve atmosphere and it just spiraled
Said toronto was beating everyone in scrims in stage 1, barroi thought they were a 4th place team and just got unlucky w getting shock in playoffs. Emphasized this several times during the podcast
team wasnt built for atmosphere, "long-term sustainability," was built to perform well but exploded "sooner than expected" and they HAD to make changes which was where they made bad decisions and it spiraled.
biggest thing he learned was coaching was all abt psychology, keeping morale up, small things to do to keep everything working, learned its HUGELY important
last season toronto's structure wasnt as great as it is this year
barroi was part of the roster building, thinks building a roster the way they did will always fail
implied toronto scrimmed way way too much last year and burned everybody out
noted specifically that ivy was nervous onstage even in later games
on the new team’s atmosphere/chemistry:
new team made for morale and high team atmosphere, all personalities will mesh well. that was the most important thing and its been working insanely well. everyones not best friends but its working well. 
happy with the players and environment they have, thinks adding an extra element might disturb that not in current plans to add anyone else. they are thinking abt contingency plans tho, have plans in case of emergencies
some competitiveness in the roster, but not a high level. Doesnt like the idea of an a and b roster bc every day is a high pressure environment where the better squad will start
Toronto scrims 2 blocks a day 6 days a week. do 3 blocks sometimes but not every day. def lower than highest hours of scrims in the league since some teams do 3 blocks a day.
when asked if fefe drives the coaches/players differently responded with "YES." 
fefe is rly good at motivating people, rly knows how to "get to people." may not be the biggest brain but knows his stuff and knows how to create a good environment. "hell of a difference" compared to last season (sounds like drama w bishop to me!)
everyone in coaching staff has their own role, like a venn diagram, bc of how specific their structure is. everything is really efficient
there's never been any discipline things on toronto yet, theres rules for scrims but no ones broken any of them yet
doesnt think toronto is gonna be a top 5 team. thinks maintaining a top roster + taking team psychology into account is very difficult
its possible that toronto could hit a really high high, but its a low possibility
last season barroi was worried abt pressure on stage bc everyone was silent, atmosphere was different, is not at all worried now. thinks the team drives itself very well, points to kariv and beast as motivators and nevix and logix as people who will never perform bad under pressure
on beast and nevix
beast is a huge motivator and a really fun guy for the team, keeping the team atmosphere up. has a huge competitive drive, learns REALLY fast and takes any and all feedback. theyre putting more and more emphasis on beast's role and more responsiblities bc theyre really satisfied w how he performs and learns. thinks beast is a very good pick for them
people on roster were chosen for specific reasons, beast was chosen bc he's super competitive. 
beast is kind of person where having a backup mt would motivate him even more, he wouldnt shut down if he was benched he would fight for the starting spot
nevix is "not the best player in the world" (in response to reddit saying he is the best player in the world). has been a good asset to the team, goes to the coaches/teammates most w questions. rly wants to prove himself
on the meta
in scrims sometimes offtank plays orisa now since mt is playing something else
"2 big archetypes" everyone is running in scrims. poke and rush comps. rush is reaper/mei/orisa/rein/lucio moira/bap. poke is mei hanzo, dif flex sups, orisa, no lucio. variation within those comps but its only those 2. the comps play very differently despite having similar heroes bc of dif win conditions and styles. poke is map dependant, wins over rush when speedboost cant close gap fast enough. theres not a core meta comp thats as ridiculous as goats, tho rush is similar to goats. 
teams playing junk, widow, probably double sniper, more diverse than past but again 2 archetypes of comps. running one or the other is very team/style dependant, for instance shock is probably sticking to rush and nyxl is probably sticking to poke based on their histories. wont talk abt what toronto runs
dive is map dependant, not smth you want to do all the time bc the other two comps are very good, rush is a natural counter to dive. doesnt sound like hes scrimmed dive comps often. sees dive having a place and being good at times but thinks its very team and map dependant. map and team both have to be good for it for it to work. dive is not the third archetype. if you have a good sombra vs poke, dive could work but was kinda like /shrug
havent scrimmed any teams in asia, which makes sense
thinks this season is exciting bc of scrim bubbles, nobody knows whats happening on other regions. each bubble conforms to one thing, may be different may not be, one may be superior but nobodys gonna know til they play each other.
yiska thinks theres gonna be some wild meta diversity since some teams have long breaks and can afford to grind out new comps, also bc there will be patches
misc things i thought were worth including
theres a german player coming to owl who hasnt been announced
apparently not a lot of other teams have that kind of good structure. Also mentioned that toronto’s scrimming outlaws
yiska brought up the csgo(?) team moscow 5 as an example of how the best teams can crumble completely and become bad under the stress of travel
roky is the person who grinds ranked most on the team, nevix is 2nd
barroi thinks defiant will place better than 13 (in response to tactical crouch thinking theyll place 13th), things would have to go “seriously wrong” for them to place lower. Thinks theyll have a strong first half and is sure if they do that the 2nd half will be even better. Convinced theyll at least make playins
barroi thinks chengdu will do fairly well especially w the scrim bubbles. Thinks they’ll be one place below defiant maybe. 
difference between coaching completely mixed roster and a 1 language roster, dont have to put as much emphasis on making sure everyone understands each other. depends mainly on the philosophy of the head coach, which changed so its different. probably the same without the head coach factor tho
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Jaded, Magic, Offspring, Vice for the alphabet one ... any characters you think are tasty but I would like to request that at least one be for Zephyr for development reasons (bonus if u want to make that be magic and talk abt her feelings on dunemancy as a controlled magic)
i’ll do all four for zephyr and also roll for others bc hehehe.........
Jaded: Do they buy into the “happily ever after” ideal? What’s their standard? Zephyr: not really??? I think growing up as an urchin kind of fucked that up even if she otherwise would. like, I’m sure the ideal in the kryn dynasty is what like. tbq and her wife have, with multiple lives and loving them through every one of them. but like. A) zephyr ain’t consecuted even if she says she is and B) she loves gent but that’s honestly probably her first real relationship and she kind of already knows that won’t end with a happily ever after because. she’s gonna still be in her elf twenties when gent dies. like, zephyrs actually kinda practical about this. she’s not gonna get a happily ever after with gent! she’s kinda accepted that even if she really doesn’t Like it. (and I’m very sad about it but that’s another post, elf lifetime meta included, if you want it). that said! she doesn’t think she won’t be happy! just that she’s smart enough to know that her relationships, such as they are, Will likely end in some pain for her, especially considering all the shit that comes along with a society with consecution. PC: Legacy - like. no? it feels ... cheap to her, I think. maybe it’s just me morgan not really believing in that stuff, but like. she grew up with nice parents who like. nothing was wrong with them of course! but like. she knows better, seeing them be in love with each other and fight and etc., she knows better than to think that anything could be happily ever after. she knows you gotta work at that shit, and I think she’s still figuring out how hard she’d want to work, if that makes sense. she does have a standard, though! she does want to fall in love or at least be infatuated/have someone be infatuated with her! it’s just an experience she wants. but considering her grandmother and her abilities... she kind of doubts she’ll ever be the prince OR princess in the fairytale, you know? NPC: Kiya - hh. Kiya knows better than to think happily ever after is in the cards. she’s got a pretty good thing going with MFU, she loves her employees, and I like the thot of her having a thing for one of them? but like. I’ve said it before: kiya isn’t really a ‘gets nice things for herself’ kind of person. so her standard is ‘it doesn’t happen in the first place.’ which is a little depressing, but hey! maybe she’ll be surprised.
Magic: In a magic series or not, are they accepting, or is each instance a shock? Zephyr: zephyr is a weird one because I like the idea of her being a little disbelieving that magic like. works for her, even though she’s a level 14 wizard with very specific knowledge of the arcane. I’m thinking about sir gentry and how he’s like, 50 years old by now or something. she didn’t look up the normal lifespan of a pet mouse until he was at least like. 10/15 because she just didn’t want to find out that he was about to die, and then she was kinda like ‘huh maybe... maybe he’s a magic mouse?’ (the in game explanation is that her dunamancy (time magic) is just. extending his life bc he hangs out with her and I think it’s cute and my dm loves me). but beyond that. I think it’s really fun if like. zephyr was NOT expecting to actually get into the academy? she made this whole plan expecting to at some point be found out but at least she’d have the knowledge, and then. She Wasn’t’? and she was obviously very happy that it worked!!! and I think she’s gotten more and more respect for her craft but it at least started as her going Wow alright this shit actually works? dope. now though I think she’s come to terms with it. she’s a level 14 wizard, she’s incredibly powerful really. magic for her is an extension of herself, to the point where she does it unconsciously (at least on sir gentry). she’s so skilled with dunamancy that she can just. choose to stop someone in time, five times a day. it’s exhausting, but she can just force a timeline on someone and have them be none the wiser. she’s Powerful, yo. and a lot of that power comes from sheer comfort with the subject, I think! I like that idea. PC: Zier - zier i think is very funny for this question because he like. JUST became a sorcerer and then levelled up super quickly in the span of like three or four months. but like. fundamentally, what happened was: 1. he ran away and got kidnapped and experimented on 2. he got away Somehow 3. he did magic at a giant spider 4. he ended up in another continent. so I think for him, it was surprising at first and he very much doesn’t know shit fuck all about magic, but he’s a noble boy through and through, and thus very quickly went “yeah i’m magical that fucks majorly because I fuck majorly.” it was basically him coming to terms with this new thing very quickly because he’s a bitch who likes the power. NPC: Coriander - coriander is the epitome of “is incredibly comfortable with magic.” for her, magic is essentially an assistive technology! she has darling who is basically a second pair of arms, legs, and an extra 8 feet of height so she can keep up with their partner and children who are much taller than she is. but I think a lot of the tech she develops is assistive or transportive in some way. coriander likes exploding things, but that’s more of a hobby. her actual magic works more like tech, and she treats it like a science.
Offspring: What kind of parent would they be? Would they prefer one, or multiple? Zephyr: much to think about.............. if she had kids I think she’d like multiple! she grew up completely alone so I think she’d want any kids to have siblings. as a parent I think she’d be good! i’ve been thinking about zephyr having very much Her People, who she likes, respects, and cares about to the point of fighting for and with them, and then Not Her People, who she kind of could give less of a shit about. her kids would def be Her People. she wouldn’t know exactly how to deal with them? I think for a bit there’d be a problem because she’d be stiff. she’d like her babies/kids very much! but she doesn’t know how to hold them. she doesn’t have experience talking to them. a baby cries and she tells it that theres nothing to cry over and logic at an infant doesn’t work and she goes bug eyed sasuke. but I think she’d figure it out eventually, and she’d be especially good at kids once they get to the “express their desires and disappointments in an understandable way.” perhaps she’d raise, on her own, very expressive kids because thats the only way they would be able to tell her what’s going on. PC: Sarril - :). he doesn’t know. but I think he would have been a good dad! his wife wanted multiple and so he would have had multiple, though he would have been very happy with only one. sarril was actively learning about Contact, so lots of hugs and holding for the babies and toddlers, especially with his wife and her family next to him. he’s always been a kind of calm and quiet man, and his way of showing love isn’t very Talkative, (i’ll talk about how he loves in another ask) so he’s more the dad who is At everything and is very quietly proud of everything his kid does, but unless there’s like, a crisis, he’s not likely to make it abundantly clear that he’s an adoring father. but you’d know from just like. he’s there, he’s tucking you in every night, he helps you with your homework, etc. NPC: Iris - iris wants kids SO BAD. she’d love one, she’d love multiple. part of being a part of a really terrible population crisis that may or may not be due to demonic influence, maybe, but she also just really wants kids. and she looked at cylthia and went “yeah alright we doing this?” I think iris with kids would be adoring almost to a fault. she’d LOVE those little bitches. she might spoil them rotten, but also they’d be super loved and have friends in all of glade and lent’s kids, and I think they’d eventually be cool.
Vice: What bad habits do they have? Is there something they would be ashamed of? Zephyr: shopaholic. i think a lot of her dresses come, if not free, at least steeply discounted because maybe she’s someone’s muse or maybe she did a huge favor for a dressmaker? haven’t decided yet. but definitely a lot of her paycheck (which I imagine she does get, from freelance jobs offering her wizarding services or maybe the dynasty pays her for the small wizard jobs like lighting the streets, bringing down and putting up and keeping up the night sky over rosohna, things like that) goes to dresses and accessories. she really likes spending money, and doesn’t mind so much about having it. I don’t think she’s ashamed of it, exactly? it’s her money, she’s spending it on things she likes. but it is probably indicative of Something. PC: Kenny - has a bad habit of being beholden to a god of fire who wants him to betray his friends. nah i think he’s got a bad habit of like now, scratching/rubbing soot off of himself. shit like that, where it’s a stimmy way of trying to get the ashen wolf’s influence off of him. he’s probably ashamed of it a little? because it’s the ashen wolf? but idk if it’s even really noticeable to others so that takes away a lot of the shame of it. NPC: Ecstasy - bad habits. of. not sharing her fucking feelings! she says thats STINKY but it kind of just fucks her over. like tbf with raini it kind of works because if she ever said she was in l*ve with raini the wizard might hightail it out of there but like. i think after two years she might have gotten away with it and didn’t even try. and now she’s kind of paying the price because not only does raini not remember her but it also doesn’t like, matter, maybe, because the feelings were ALWAYS unarticulated? so? she’s now just ????????
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