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purrincess-chat · 2 years

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Cat’s Updated Episode Ranking as of S4

I want you all to know that last time I did this, I titled the word doc “why did I do this” and I titled this one “why did I do this again.” 106 episodes, you guys. 106. Don’t ever ask me for anything ever again XD We didn’t give number ratings this time because I didn’t feel like braining that shit tonight, but I feel like this ranking is more accurate than the first and not just because it includes all of s4 this time. I re-evaluated my old one and moved some things around. I feel better about this one.

As always, these are just my personal opinions, and if you don’t like them, MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN LIST

1. Origins II

In looking back at my original ranking, a lot of episodes moved, but this one is still and I think always will be king. This was the last episode of s1 that I watched originally, and it is the one that has left the longest lasting impression. The rest of the episode is fine. It’s a good set up, but anyone who has followed me for like two days knows that I am a S I M P for the umbrella scene. In the Rain is literally on my spotify playlist. I listen to it in the car and get in my feelings. I was already on board with these two dorks, but that moment was when I went yep. We’re in it now. We’re gonna see these two nerds kiss if it’s the last thing we ever see.

2. Riposte

As I mentioned, some episodes moved around when I went back to evaluate my original list, and I just really like Riposte. Kagami is such a compelling character. I have loved seeing her development over time. The Ladrien in this episode was just *chefs kiss* Adrien jumping in to save LB, “maybe he’s busy,” the coffin thing, the soft little way she kisses the coffin, the awkwardness at the end where Adrien is like I desperately want to say something- ANYTHING to you because I want to spend as much time with you as possible, the little kiss he blows at the end. I’m fucking whipped for this episode.

3. Gorizilla

Okay, I feel like Riposte is a bit stronger overall, but Gorizilla still makes me absolutely feral. Don’t get me wrong, Adrinette is my favorite side, and I love loved the Adrinette here, but the motherfucking Ladrien trust fall, and the absolute awe that Adrien looks at LB with when she catches him and just the softness when they land on the ground for that split moment of “holy shit I almost died, but you’re so amazing and beautiful and I love you so much wow” just I am soft, you guys.

4. Mr. Pigeon 72

If any of you have paid attention to anything I’ve ever said or written ever, this one being this high shouldn’t be a shock to you. It’s the umbrella scene 2.0 first of all, and don’t get me wrong I love that for us, but the Marinette and Kagami friendship this episode. Marinette just leaping onto Kagami, bribing her mom with bread and just stealing her, and Kagami being so stone faced the whole episode but just letting her wacky friend drag her along on an adventure even when she’s not listening. When Adrien BONKS HIS LITTLE HEAD. Plagg helping with the akuma! The sheer absurdity of Mr. Pigeon being akumatized 72 TIMES! Yall, we really lived in this episode.

5. Simon Says

Is anyone surprised that all the pivotal Adrinette/Ladrien episodes are the ones I love the most? I originally ranked Simon Says higher for nostalgia’s sake, and it is still a very solid episode for being the OG Ladrien episode and giving us the ever iconic shower scene. Legit one day my niece was watching this episode in another room and I came out of the woodworks like a fucking cockroach and was like L a d r i e n???? Plus, Gabe almost played himself. Doesn’t get much better than this, folks. I watched this episode and said, yes ma’am, I’ll have one of those about Ladrien. We’ve been fighting the antis ever since.

6. Stormy Weather

I originally ranked this one higher because it was baby’s first Miraculous episode, and this one is still super solid, but I have since come to appreciate other episodes more. Don’t get me wrong, I still adore this episode. The animation was crisp, it gave us a good intro to the characters, their relationships and dynamics, the world, the set up. Stormy Weather is a cool villain with a cool design. Just all around a good time to be had by all.

7. Evillustrator

I feel like this episode might have surprised people in my original ranking because of my general feelings toward MC and MC stans, but like I honestly started out in s1 liking MC the most. I thought Evillustrator was funny. I loved their “introduction” to one another. I loved the sass, the pretending, the eye rolling. I like this episode. I like MC (in canon). It’s the fandom that has always been my issue with MC. Just not a lot of good takes floating around about it. But Evillustrator is good.

8. Backwarder

So, I was chatting with Gale about this list after I did it, and I sent him my top and bottom 10 and he was most surprised by this episode. But then he remembered: I’m a Fu stan. Honestly, how he is controversial in this fandom is still beyond me, but like I really liked Fu as a character. He and Marinette had such a sweet dynamic, and this episode just brought so much more to his character. Ever since he was introduced and revealed to be super old and the last remaining guardian, there was such an air of intrigue around him. We will talk about how they botched his plot line later, but I loved getting a peep into his life here and getting to meet the girl he fell in love with and seeing that she’s a fucking badass. I enjoyed her power and the lucky charm use of this episode was one of Ladybug’s best, imo. I loved this episode. Sue me.

9. Strike Back

I didn’t love this episode as much as Gale, but I will still agree that it is the strongest finale we’ve had so far. I plan to give my overall impressions of s4 later, but I will say that this finale made everything in s4 worth it. I think a lot of us were very worried going into this finale, but to me, the finale ebbed a lot of my fears for s5. Hawkmoth having all the Miraculous is just not a threat because we know Gabe is incompetent. I mean, it took a 14 year old literally doing all of the work for him and handing him victory for him to get anywhere. The mans is absolutely gonna get his shit kicked in in s5, and I’m here for it. I’ll talk more in depth about this finale in my s4 analysis eventually, but I liked it. It was good, and is the strongest finale we’ve had to date.

10. Kwamibuster

I’m a Marinette stan. What else can I say?

11. Chat Blanc

I know this one is generally the fandom’s favorite, and I do like CB. I think what I tend to look for in my favorite episodes are those moments that really grab me. This episode is interesting from a meta standpoint when you start looking at the deeper implications of it, but a lot of my enjoyment of this show can be summed up with “heheh bug girl like cat boy.” I mean, my top 5 episodes are literally all the most shippy episodes. I know what I’m about. Chat Blanc is a good episode. I will never deny that. Please, put down your pitchforks because it didn’t crack the top 10.

12. Gang of Secrets

I originally ranked this one higher, I think because of how it initially shocked me. I was so jaded going into s4, and this episode was a breath of fresh air. I mean, them breaking up the rivals immediately at the start of the season was funny to me, but this episode really had the impact I’d been looking for. Alya learning her identity was a game changer in a way the rivals never could have been. We knew from the start that the rivals were destined to fail, but what we didn’t know was if anyone would ever learn their true identities, especially before they did. I said it before, but GoS was the episode that made me say, “Damn, is Miraculous good again?”

13. Despair Bear

Listen, does this episode rank this high because of the Adrinette slow dance? Don’t @ me, we all know the answer. BUT I still like this episode, even retroactively knowing where Chloe ends up. Chloe’s arc being scrapped or botched or whatever you want to think/say/feel about it is another conversation, but overall, this episode was fun for more reasons than one… but ya know. It was mostly for the Adrinette slow dance…

14. Oblivio

This one shockingly moved down for me from my original list. And like, not to say I don’t like this episode, I do. It’s ranked 14/106 for crying out loud, but I dunno. I like the implication that they will always find each other and fall in love no matter the circumstance, but all of their sweet moments get erased in the end, so they don’t remember. We remember, but I want them to remember. Ya feel me?

15. Furious Fu

Fu stan. That’s it. That’s the tweet. This episode was controversial for a number of reasons, but idc. As angry as I am about what they did to Fu, I can’t lie and say I’m not happy to see him happy and thriving with Marianne. Fu is out here getting the rest he deserves and living his best life. Can’t be mad.

16. Kuro Neko

This episode conflicts me. Like on one hand I like it a lot, and I objectively view it as better than the episodes that follow it, but overall I’m not as obsessed with it as the rest of the fandom. Cat Walker is fine, and this episode gave us an interesting look into Adrien and the way he approaches everything and gives us a good dive into his relationship with Plagg, but I think this episode is soured a bit by the overarching LadyNoir drama this season. It’s bittersweet. But objectively, with the function that this episode serves, I couldn’t rank it lower than this. Plus I totally called the ending.

17. Gabriel Agreste

This episode is 100% ranked this high because Felix is the most competent bitch in this whole show. I know everyone is all on their sides about Felix. Is he a good guy or a bad guy? (personally I say neither, but that’s a convo for another day). But like Felix really was that bitch this episode. This episode really saved him for me, I think. I was originally meh about him, but he just really has his own agenda and wanted to fuck up his uncle, and we gotta respect that.

18. Startrain

Cat, is this one ranked so high because of the Adrine- YES, IT’S RANKED THIS HIGH BECAUSE OF THE ADRINETTE. I am a weak bitch who falls for every carrot this show dangles! Let me enjoy them in peace. But that being said, I also did like that Lila gets thwarted in this episode, Alya and Nino investigate like heroes, and Max and his mom are precious and I sincerely miss when canon gave focus to the new heroes of the episodes instead of cramming them all into one.

19. Ephemeral

Gale and I had a lengthy discussion about this one. I’ll let him voice his own comments on it, but for me, this episode was fine. I feel like of the two “reveal” episodes, Chat Blanc was better, but I was telling Gale that I see the fake reveal episodes as a kind of check point for the love square. It gives us a way of checking up on them and seeing “if the reveal happened now, what would our kids do?” Things were a lot peachier in Chat Blanc because they had less on their plates. Ephemeral was an interesting look into the love square dynamic of s4. Granted, the reveals themselves are different too between the two episodes, but it’s an interesting look at the characters and how they view each other. Marinette being Ladybug isn’t a real stretch of the imagination for Adrien because he thinks very highly of both. Ladybug, on the other hand, thinks Adrien and Chat Noir are two very separate people. She tries very hard to keep them separate in her mind, so when she finds out that the boy she is madly in love with is actually her very dorky partner that she has put a lot of mental effort into not being in love with, she needs a minute. And that’s not to say she views Chat poorly, but just that she would not have pegged him to be Adrien. It’s overall, an interesting take as well on the main conflict between them the whole season: Marinette’s mental block. The whole season she spends pushing him away, lying, trying to scrape her shit together herself, and that’s not shade at her by any means, but just a journey she needed to go on to grow. I dunno. I’ll talk more about all of it later, but this episode was interesting enough to me that I can overlook its flaws.

20. Sandboy

This episode was chaotic, and I absolutely love Sandboy’s aesthetic. The possibilities here are endless. It was just fun.

21. Origins I

This episode probably took the biggest hit in my re-eval, and that’s not because it’s a bad episode, but I think I ranked it far higher than I truly felt originally. I love Origins II and will die for the umbrella scene. Origins I was also good, but the umbrella scene is what really tipped II over the edge. Origins I did a good job for what it was, and I liked that the heroes were not immediately successful. But overall, this episode was just setting up for Origins II, and a lot of other episodes out rank it now for me.

22. Gamer

People salt on Gamer, but I had a good time. There’s a lot to like about it, yall are just mean XD

23. NY Special

Again, I had a good time. I watched this originally in Disney World, so that may have colored my opinion, but like it was fun. Good moments, cool concepts. The Adrinette was absolutely chefs kiss. We thought they were gonna hurt us with the Adrinette in s4, but really it was the LadyNoir. They did a heckin uno reverse.

24. Risk

I liked Risk. It didn’t give the same punch as Strike Back, but as a set up episode for Strike Back, it was solid. I love the Adrinette moment and hope that continues in s5. I’d love to see Adrien leaning more on Marinette and deepening their friendship leading into a reveal. And that 100% is because I am a selfish Adrinette simp. We’ve been over this.

25. Glaciator 2

If Adrien doesn’t tease Marinette in the future for calling him Buttercup this episode will have been for nothing. Jk, but it was pretty cute. I liked it more than the original Glaciator, and I love that it spat in the faces of all of the true selves people. Just directly into their mouths. I enjoyed that very much.

26. The Collector

This one moved down a lot too, but it’s another one that I think I gave too much credit originally. It’s a good episode, don’t get me wrong. It started s2 off strong. I liked it. Back when we had hopes and dreams. We were so young.

27. Sapotis

Sapotis was a solid ep. And it’s better in retrospect after GoS because Alya did in fact help Ladybug after finding out her identity.

28. Psychomedian

I find it hilarious that the ambassadors and writers were all like ehh this episode is just okay. The others are better. And then it aired and everyone in the fandom was like YEEHAW. I love that about us. We were so torn up about the LadyNoir drama going on, so the one little taste of normalcy we got we ate up like hungry badgers. Honestly, this episode airing as late as it did was probably for the best. We needed it. I also love that no one makes Adrien laugh like Marinette Dupain-Cheng. And that Gabriel totally fucked Harry Cl-

29. Christmaster

I still think this episode is funny. Just pure comedy. And Ladybug 100% is the best kid in the world. Facts.

30. Weredad

I still think someone on the writing team secretly reads fanfiction. There is no other explanation for this episode.

31. Lady Wifi

The LadyNoir moment at the end where he respects her and doesn’t look. My actual heart D:

32. Dark Cupid

We all know why this one is here

33. Volpina

Back when we thought Lila had potential to be something and that everyone would know she was a liar after this. What fools we were. That being said, the LadyNoir/Ladrien dooooooooooor. Second best season finale after Strike Back.

34. Glaciator

I still cannot believe a whole ass man got akumatized because a girl didn’t want his ice cream. But the MC was nice I guess. And the LadyNoir at the end with the bluuuush

35. Hearthunter

Just all around solid Adrigaminette pure guy and gals being pals. We love to see it.

36. Timetagger

I actually liked Timetagger. He and Bunnix were so sassy together. Also Alix is a real one.

37. Zombizou

People didn’t like this episode, and I still don’t know why they salt on Bustier for this? Like I do, but I don’t. Sure, she should have addressed Chloe’s behavior, but at the same time I get the impression that Bustier is trying to be a positive female role model in Chloe’s life seeing as she doesn’t get that in her mom. Had the writers actually intended to redeem Chloe fully, this episode might be more impactful, but in retrospect it does lose a bit of credibility. But this whole episode was basically every zombie apocalypse movie ever made, so it was actually kinda funny to me. All the Bustier salters need to touch grass.

38. Shanghai

I enjoyed this special. Yeah, it was gimmicky, but I like Fei and the boy squad. And the Adrinette was adorable. Adrien was so happy to learn she was in Shanghai too. And Gabriel getting bodied by his own akuma. 10/10.

39. Miraculer

Seeing as they uno reversed Chloe’s development, I actually felt like this episode was well done. If they wanted her to lose faith in her hero, I think they did a good job here. Plus Sabrina finally got a fucking episode to herself.

40. Lies

This one actually moved up a lot I think from last time. Or maybe Truth just moved down. Either way. I feel like the Adrigami ship was overall better handled as a whole this entire time. They had more believable chemistry. Kagami is more rounded, and her reasons for breaking up with him were more justified I think. Plus, Adrien didn’t try to deny her accusations or invalidate her feelings. And Kagami didn’t push Adrien’s boundaries either. She could have asked why he kept running away from her, but she just accepted that maybe he didn’t feel the same way about her as she did about him. Idk. I just feel like their breakup was better rationalized and handled.

41. Hacksan

Listen, I love LB, but I would love to see Scarabella and Chat Noir have their own adventures. Like nothing serious. Maybe Ladybug lets Alya borrow the Ladybug to go on patrols every once in a while when she’s tired or overwhelmed. That’s all I ask. Also all of Marinette’s tips for Alya XD

42. Qilin

I liked this peep into Sabine’s character. I’ve wanted more on her parents for a while, and while Sabine is kind of a caricature of Chinese culture at times, I like that she is so aware of her daughter and seeing how she loves and takes care of her. Also we stan a queen that just wants to do the right thing and who doesn’t have time for bitch ass moth men.

43. Rocketear

This episode ranks this high specifically for Nino and his bubble pipe calling Chat Noir a slut to his face.

44. Mayura

Blah, blah, something something Adrinette cheek kiss. The rest of this episode was just okay.

*This next section will be mostly one-liners that sum up my feelings cause we’re getting into the “ehh, this is fine” section:

45. Ikari Gozen

We stan Kagami

46. Malediktator

Chat being a cat, and Chloe was there too I guess

47. Anansi

Didn’t care for Nora but Carapace can stay and also Alya said I see you

48. Gigtantitan

Marinette said bone apple teeth XD

49. Party Crasher

The true definition of boys will be boys

50. Reflekdoll

Didn’t hate this one as much as Gale

51. Desperada

Adrien please go to therapy

52. Oni-chan

Kagami said: then perish

53. Frightningale

Clara is a teen pop idol who is very gay for Marinette Dupain-Cheng thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

54. Style Queen

Audrey is the more entertaining bitchier version of Gabriel

55. Gamer 2

I need LadyNoir video game dates like yesterday

56. Dark Owl

Mr. Owl is the hobby Gabriel should have gotten after his wife died instead of turning into an actual villain.

57. Sentibubbler

Alya being a competent bitch.

58. Troublemaker

Very cringe but in a good way?

59. Reflekta

I would like to adopt (1) Juleka Couffaine

60. Timebreaker

“TWO LADYBUGS” Chat keep it in your pants

61. Dearest Family

Sabine was the only valid one this whole episode also I would like too see badass biker Marinette with tattoos and a leather jacket in the future. Thank you.

62. Optigami

Adrien thinks Marinette is absolutely feral (affectionate)

63. Prime Queen

Lady “of course I’m not dating my cute little kitty why would you assume that” bug

64. Silencer

Chat Noir really sucks at charades.

65. Syren

Ondine deserves the world and I hope she comes back from the war eventually as Kim’s gf

66. Befana

The animation was shit but the lucky charmssssssssss

67. Reverser

68. I actually don’t hate Nath after this, and again Alix is a real one

69. Mime

This episode ranking this low feels like a crime because of the iconic Ladrien stare, but overall it was just fine.

70. Felix

Didn’t care for Felix at first, but he grew on me. Also Chat being like lol, you’re a friendless loser, aren’t ya? Was pretty funny.

71. Mr. Pigeon

Marinette being a competent bitch

72. Queen Banana

Chloe’s movie was better.

73. Sole Crusher

I’d like Zoe more if she wasn’t very obviously just a Chloe replacement and they tried a little less hard to make everyone like her.

74. Truth

The blue boy was in the wrong, but his stans aren’t ready for that convo. I had fun at the breakup bash tho

75. Guiltrip

Julerose stans come get yalls milk

76. Princess Fragrance

Rose is a bisexual queen

77. Copycat

Mean Girl’s principal voice: Stay away from underaged girls!

78. Crocoduel

Listen, I love Juleka, but I did not care about the plot of this episode.

79. Bubbler

Nino is the goodest boy, and I had fun rewriting this one in my enemies AU.

80. Animan

Otis, please go to therapy.

81. Robostus

Do you guys remember when I wrote that fic where Markov marries Alix’s watch lady? I think about that sometimes.

82. Ladybug

RIP Sentibug

83. Catalyst

This ep was lowkey boring to me

84. Puppeteer

One of Ladybug’s most badass moments for sure

85. Pixelator

Jagged just get a restraining order, man

86. Horrificator

I love Mylene, but I tend to skip this episode. It’s not bad, and I love that Adrien was 100% ready to kiss Marinette. That’s why it outranks the other s1 eps below this, but I almost always skip this one.

87. Pharaoh

Jalil please go to therapy.

88. Kung Food

They should have let Chloe boil in the soup. Would have saved them a looooot of problems later

89. Megaleech

Polymouse is cute, but like I need the show to decide if Andre is good or bad.

90. Rogercop

Roger is not a great cop tbh

91. Guitar Villain

I think we as a fandom should talk more about how Adrien has Marinette’s autograph.

92. Dark Blade

M. D’Argencourt please go to therapy.

93. Penalteam

Hey, remember when they used to give the characters their own focus episode before giving them superpowers?

94. Bakerix

Still don’t care that much about the racist grandpa.

95. Simpleman

The kids were the best part of this episode.

96. Christmas Special

This episode is cursed, but I kind of ironically enjoy it. Not enough to listen to Bryce “singing” again tho

Bottom 10!!! My worst of the worst

97. Puppeteer 2.0

I cannot stomach this episode. I am not strong enough. I even forget that there is Ladrien in it sometimes. That’s how much I’ve tried to blot the scene from my memory.

98. Frozer

I feel like this episode made no sense at times. And I know I’m not alone in this. Like everyone this episode was just off.

99. Stormy Weather 2.0

Still didn’t need to exist. Nothing was gained.

100. Wishmaker

Listen… Listen…. Listen. Overall, the premise was okay. My feelings for this episode will greatly depend on how the ending is handled in the future. I’ll reserve some of my comments until then.

101. Queen Wasp

Seriously, why did we give Chloe a Miraculous after this?

102. Animaestro

The fact that I had to watch this episode with my own two eyes is a crime. Like Thomas did not have to stroke his own dick like this. Nothing was even gained from this ep either. Forever skip. Or idk maybe watch the first half.

103. Captain Hardrock

Anyone who has been here a while or seen me talk about Birthdaygate knows why I don’t like this episode.

104. Antibug

I’ve talked about this at length before, but this episode has always irked me. Chloe literally lied to Ladybug and stalled their investigation, so of course Ladybug wasn’t going to trust her immediately after when she decided to tell the truth. I hate that they made Ladybug apologize for “not believing” Chloe because she didn’t deserve to be believed.

105. Miracle Queen

Worst of the season finales. For a number of reasons, but mostly for what they did to my mans Fu. Go live your best life tho, king.

106. Chameleon

This episode has sparked so many Lila salt fics out of me, and while I do think it is in general everyone’s worst episode. Like no one had braincells in this episode. Probably the worst written episode if I had to pick one, but it didn’t fill me with quite as much rage as my worst rated episode.

107. Feast

I feel like I expressed myself pretty well the first time, so I’ll just copy and paste my original rant: Okay, okay, okay, here we are. Bottom of the barrel. Cat’s most hated episode, and you wanna know why? You want to know why this episode fills me with rage? Because we spent two fucking seasons building up all this mystery and lore and intrigue surrounding Fu’s big mistake, and they dropped the fucking ball! They did my mans so dirty! They could have really deepened his character, deepened the Order, deepened anything other than whatever fucking affair Gabriel and Nathalie have going on, but NO. They made it some stupid, bland-ass thing that got resolved magically in the end, then just ignored it for the rest of the season. I will never not be salty about how they did my boy Fu in this show. I’m happy he found his peace, but fuck if I’m not livid about how they did it. Whatever. Chat being done with Ladybug’s shit when they’re about to get eaten was funny I guess.

#episode ranking #cat speaks #i need a fucking nap #ml spoilers #cat spoils

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 4 years

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Nicole’s rambling: In the defense of Oliver Ulliva and age gaps

Okay, first let me remind you - this is my POV on the book as a whole. Everyone has their way of understanding of what exactly happened in Call me by your name (the novel) and you don’t have to agree with everything I am about to say - WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE.

Second thing - I’m going to be using translations and page references to my copy of the book - that being the first Czech edition from the year 2018, translated by Lucie Podhorná because it varies from the OG book itself (for example, when Elio talks to Vimini, my copy says "when did he tell you?" instead of "when had he tell her?"; it's just small nuances). Also, that's why I'm referring to Oliver as ‘Oliver Ulliva’, because my copy canonically confirms this being his last name - it refers to his last name being ‘Ulliva’ a few times since Mafalda cracks his egg open.

What made me even wanna write this rant? I don’t wanna in any way talk about the author or the director, or the actors. But... Well, quite a few things - especially the statement that their relationship was predatory since the very begging (simply because Oliver is seven years older) and that it was practically a ‘consensual ra*e’ and... Listen.

1. The Age Gap

Most of these were from the American audience who viewed the movie - but let me explain why Europeans might view this relationship differently and why you might change your opinion about it as well. I am not saying Americans don't do these things as well, but from what I've seen on the forums, etc., it seems to me that European x American view on age gaps is way different.

For the sake of this statement, I interviewed 10 of my European friends - of which were mostly all Czech. Europeans do not see a problem with having a seven-year (and more) age gap between the partners - you rarely find a couple of which both are the same age; three-years being the “standard” gap.

Young people, around 17 - 19, at least in my country, are attracted to older partners for various reasons - some like the intellectual potential of their partner, some are searching for a form of certitude in an older partner having their priorities sorted out and figured out their lives and what they want to do with themselves; whether we are talking about m/m, w/m, w/w or a non-binary relationship. One of my friends told me she searches older partners solely because they feel more protected by them. It's the sense of serenity, a different feeling of connection and different understanding to your other half.

I've talked to four of my friends, who both have partners of the same age or max. 1-year gap and even they told me they absolutely can see themselves dating a partner older by minimally five years. So, it's not a controversial thing here, really.

Maybe it’s more common in here, but rarely anyone frowns upon such relationships. At the time of my first relationship, my first partner was five years older than me - and I honestly couldn’t see myself with someone my age. From my experience, the relationships and bonds have a higher probability to last longer (we had a beautiful relationship of three years), it isn’t only driven by hormonal side of things and such, the feelings can develop into something more meaningful than just simple and shallow lust. More for that matter - most of these age-gap relationships didn't end extra-bad breakups and the partners tended to continue seeing each other as friends.

When I interviewed my friends, asking them about the length of these relationships, it was never less than a year. Usually, they said that they learned a ton of new stuff about themselves and having a healthy, normal relationship than from dating someone their age. So... Yeah. I guess that personal, first-hand experience is what makes us see the relationship for its good and bad, but still assures us not to perceive the relationship as predatory.

Now, you might say that while were living in the 2020s', Call me by your name took place in 1983 - and guess what? It was written in the year 2007. Does that mean something? The answer is - no. My grandma met my grandpa in the 80s' (I asked her about this as well and they have 14 years gap; my other grandma and grandpa met at the end of 80s' and the start of 90s' and they, as well, have 8 years between them) and by this, you can see that the situation is more or less the same as it was.

For all of the above, I can see why Elio fell for Oliver so quickly. First and foremost - he mentions Oliver being older like... Three, four times in a book that has word count 76.996? Elio doesn't care about age - it's a story about two human beings falling in love. It's not trying to research the problem of age and such. Stop judging the story for the wrong reason, ffs.

2. The 'consensual ra*e' argument:

Another thing I've encountered is the audience calling the story 'consensual ra*e'... Let me elaborate and tell you why you're wrong. In America, the age of consent is 16 - 18. In Europe, we have the age of consent established at 15 (the lowest being Estonia with 14) and you are a lawful adult at 18 years old. Given that Elio was 17 in the summer and 18 in November, he was already perceived as an adult; given what were his parents like and what relationship they had to him. (Again, I am looking at the story from today's perspective since the audience did as well). He was a man at the time Oliver came to Italy, he was a man at the time he had sex with Marzia, he was a man when he had sex with Oliver and he was a man when he traveled to Rome.

Elio should be perceived as an adult who carries most of his personal responsibility on his shoulders (since you're more than partially punished for the laws you break from the age of fifteen) and if he decides that he wants to be in a sexual relationship with an older man - he can rightfully do so. Surely, the relationship had another big B U T (for some people) - homosexuality and homophobia. And from the historical standpoint, I don't wanna spend too much time over it. The LGBT movement foundation ties back to 1969; given that Italy was in the capitalistic pro-American part of Europe (Czechia was under the Communist regime at the time, so homosexuality was barbarically punished in my country), I think there wasn't a problem with a subtle, not-too-obvious gay relationship. Sure, you couldn't walk into the open and hold hands and such, but you wouldn't get you beheaded.

Yeah, I mean, I'm not an expert on Italian war history and I don't particularly know what happened with Italy after WW2, but I know that in 1985, first LGBT organization got founding from the republic and from that I assume the situation, especially if it would be a subtle relationship, wouldn't be as bad.

In the story, it is hinted that both Sami and Anella were aware of the whole relationship - I mean, come on. Sami knew (since he had the big speech about being corrupted at the age of thirty, ("I think he's better than me, dad".; "And I am sure he would say the same about you, which both of you makes seem like good people." - Call me by your name, page 221)) and Anella perfectly knew at least in the movie - I mean, the car-ride home? Oh, she knew very well and she even told Marzia at the dinner, IMO.

Now tell me why would the relationship be a consensual ra*e? Because it is not bent to accommodate American laws? Because it not an ordinary every-day relationship? In which way is it ra*e? At the age of 17, you are taken as A D U L T who has their responsibilities to fulfil, at least here in Europe.

3. Oliver didn't love Elio as much as Elio loved Oliver:

... What? I mean... What?

Sure, you are seeing the whole story from Elio's eyes and for that, you are more likely to take Elio's side in this matter. In the end, it was Oliver who was getting married, right? And he was the first one to reach out, right? Well... It was a both-sided thing. At the first few pages, Elio says “"Do you want to look at them? "Not now, maybe later." Polite indifference, as if he noticed my out of place zealous effort to make him like me as he pushed me away briskly."; page 12 and on page 18, Elio states "We started - he must've seen the hints way sooner than I did - to flirt.", let alone that Elio describes that probably, Oliver visited his room while he was asleep.

I can see where the opinion that Elio loved Oliver more could've come from - he was young, hasty and captivated by the entirety of Oliver. Since we see the story by his side, Oliver can seem to be the less active out of the two. But trust me, he loved him the same amount, if not more. This was confirmed by both Sami and Vimini -

Page 92, a conversation between Elio and Vimini, Oliver went to the sea with Anchise:

"Do you know where Oliver is?" "I don't know. I thought he went fishing with Anchise." "With Anchise? He's crazy! He almost killed himself the last time!" No response. She was looking at the sun slowly setting down. "You like him, don't you?" "Yes," I responded. "He likes you too. More than you do - I think." You really think so? - No, Oliver does. - When did he tell you? - Not too long ago.

and page 220, when Sami and Elio talk about their trip to Rome:

"Oliver may be very intelligent—," I began. Once again, the disingenuous rise intonation announced a damning but hanging invisibly between us. Anything not to let my father lead me any further down this road. “Intelligent? He was more than intelligent. What you two had had everything and nothing to do with intelligence. He was good, and you were both lucky to have found each other, because you too are good."

Which obviously shows that both of the people who are indirectly watching the relationship between Elio and Oliver blossom in front of their very eyes are aware that both were very much in love. And Vimini, even if she said 'Oliver does think he loves Elio more', she could see that these two are very much attracted to each other. She was spending a lot of time with Oliver throughout his stay in Italy and she was beyond intelligent - these two were an incapable pair idiots compared to her.

So, no, Oliver doesn't love Elio more; he's just not being as childish about it as Elio is. Once more, the age gap is tying into this topic; while Oliver has his 'hot-headed' days, he already went through the phase of being obsessed by someone (or at least the phase being obsessed and letting the surroundings know). He is slightly more mature than Elio, so he just doesn't let himself go that easily.

And I think that he maybe suffers from internalized homophobia - page 224, Oliver talks with Elio as he comes back for Christmas:

"You should leave then. They (Elio's parents) know about us." "I figured so," he responded. "How?" "By the way your father spoke. You're lucky. My father would have me carted me off to a correctional facility."

In this short piece of dialogue, you can see that Oliver's father isn't okay with LGBT (not too much to wonder about, the American society was different than it is now, it wasn't a safe space for queers). And it's plausible that if Oliver had listened to this as he grew up, he got scared when his mind and body reacted to Elio in this way. We can see that for Elio, he lets go for some time; as they sleep in the 2nd part of the book and visit Rome together in the 3rd part of the book. He tried to overcome the fear and simply because he was in love with the boy, he did overcome it.

But you can see the broken shell (which was tore down in Italy) slowly getting together as Oliver gets back to the USA. He, once more, is under the pressure of American society who is not LGBT friendly at the time, his own father would've never supported his decisions regarding his love life, it could cost him his academic career... And for all of these reasons, it was more logical for Oliver to get married. It was his way of putting order back into his life; it was his way of being good as he says Elio.

So, yeah. Here you have it. Oliver was in love, the relationship could benefit both parties and it wasn't a consensual ra*e, thank you very much.

#call me by your name #call me by your name movie #call me by your name novel #elio perlman #oliver ulliva #anella perlman #samuel perlman #cmbyn #luca guadagnino #andré aciman #armie hammer #timothée chamalet #call me by your name...#and I will call you by mine

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skgway · 3 years

Text

1823 Sep., Mon. 1

5 55/60

10 55/60

1/4 hour in the stable – Above an hour looking over my different volumes of extracts and Thomson’s chemistry for the method of fumigating # the far stable vide extracts volume C. Purifying rooms and Thomsons volume 2 vide Muriatic acid –

At 8 1/4 set off to meet Miss Pickford and came up with her in Horton street sauntered along the new road as far as Pump, and came in to breakfast at 9 1/2 –

At 11 20/60 George rode Caradoc and led Hotspur to H–x [Halifax], and I walked with Miss P– [Pickford] parted with her, and mounted at Savile hill at 12 10/60 – I had chiefly talked off the worst of what I said on Saturday and, on questioning her very closely, whether she thought I ever had a friend on the same terms as Miss Threlfall. She said no, she did not think I ever had. That she seems persuaded. I never had any criminal connection with any of them.

She appeared wanting to fight off this herself. Said I thought worse of her than she deserved, carried her meaning too far. But this I denied and maintained, and she could not be off. But said very oddly, when I talked of a marriage of souls and hinted at bodies too, mentioning connections of les esprits, ames et corps, that it was all esprit on her side. Insinuating that it was le corps on Miss Threlfall’s part only.

I looked surprise[d]. ‘Then,’ said I, there is only one alternative. Do you know it?’ ‘No’ ‘Of course.’ I did not say I in my mind thought of her using a phallus to her friend. She was sure I thought worse of her, etc.

Her niece Elizabeth had asked if she did not like me very much, and if I should not be sorry when she went. ‘Oh,’ she told the child, ‘Miss Lister will care nothing about it. She would not be sorry. Why should she if I died tomorrow?’ I protested against this, said I could not be so heartless. Sentiment between us would be absurd, but I felt towards her the same regard one gentleman friend would feel for another. She seemed not displeased.

Speaking of what they said of me, one lady who pretended to know me well, somehow I could not help suspecting Mrs. Waterhouse, it was melancholy that I had so little sense of religion. Pic thought quite the contrary. Has a high opinion of me in all things. Thinks me most consistent with myself, most refined in sentiment, etc. etc. Did not believe my nonsense last night. Asked if she could have forgiven me had it all been true. She did not know. I said she would forgive me anything. Said she, ‘perhaps I should.’

Before she left here, shewed the letters between Mrs Bunt and Misses Bunn and read her some of the most particular passages of Miss Vallance’s letter – She thought it too sentimental yet owned afterwards she might like her. Speaking of ladies, said I esteemed π [Mariana] above all the rest because she had never said or done what I disapproved –

I had only just ridden once round the moor, when Miss P– [Pickford] appeared and joined me at 12 35/60 – She walked by my side till 1 10/60 when I dismounted and sent George back with the horses, and we walked about to Skircoat green thence into the Salterhebble road – Along the moor again to the bottom of the old bank, then to Suter’s, then parted at the bottom of the old bank at 3 10/60 –

She had had a letter from Miss Threlfall to pay interest money. Listened to my advice and at last gave me a promise she ever would advance another six pence on any plea whatever, except what she was bound for. Talked a great deal of Miss Threlfall. It seems she has deceived Pic in money matters, and in cordial matters too. Pic suspects she has not been constant. Said I, ‘I hate to say anything against the ladies but, according as we say in Yorkshire old rotem, they're all alike.

Said she always seemed to me more like Pic’s mistress than anything else. She did not deny this. Said she lost herself sadly. Pic was wrong to have her name so connected with Miss Threlfall’s. At last said that if anything ever happened between Pic and me it would be on account of Miss Th[relfall]. It would not do for me to have my name put with theirs. There was no fear of my appearing a tellal[l], I should be ashame[d] of Miss Th[relfall]. In fact, Pic thought I might be ashamed of them both and bade me only tell her at once and not let her down easily.

Asked if she would be sorry. Yes, but she would never shew it. What would she never relent? She would never put herself in my way again nor would she let her sorrow ever appear to anyone. ‘What if I wrote a handsome letter?’ She could not write letters, but yes, she must write an answer of some sort. Owned I had thought worse of her than she deserved, but said I had changed my opinion and now thought she had never had any attachment but to Miss Th[relfall] and had been more constant than she deserve[d]. She seemed to confirm this. Owned she had despised and disliked Miss Th[relfall] at some times and would have been off but could not desert one who had no other friend, and hung upon her, and was kept up in respectability by her entirely.

Pic thinks me the most consistent person with myself she ever saw, but I had said several things as if I did not think her so much so. She said I did not know the warmth of friendship she was capable of. Meaning sheer friendship. Wanted me to take Samouell’s entomol[og]y but I would not and she seemed vexed. I said she had bungled the offer. She was the oddest person I ever knew. I would do what she wished, keep it, and let hear from me in two years from this time or send it back. ‘Send it back,’ said she, ‘leave in passing tomorrow.’

Something passed that I referred to Miss Th[relfall]. ‘Oh,’ said she, ‘let her name rest forever.’ I made no remark of this. Pic had told me before I did not know what an odd compound she, Pic, was. Speaking of the barefaced things I said to her, and of forgiveness she did not think I deserved. ‘Well,’ said I, ‘but I always get it too’ which she assented. ‘When,’ said I, ‘shall I see you again?’ ‘Perhaps never,’ she quickly answered –

Altogether the last half hour did not please me and I parted from her sensible of her abruptness, her want of gentleness or tenderness of feeling, and acknowledging to myself that I wished I had not staid so long with her. Yet I stood in the old bank watching the last of her as she turned up Horton street. Watching, I scarce knew why, as if I had not felt towards her as if I thought her so gentlemanlike. As I had said I stood watching her long, the people might stare at me –

It has before struck me she likes me more than I might expect. It is very odd, but if I tried would it be possible to make her melt at all? She was unusually inclined to take my advice about Miss Th[relfall] and the Doubles’s. Surely these things might make me think she likes me, tending towards particularly –

Got home at 3 40/60, having sauntered along musing all the way – Fumigated the stable 4 oz muriatic acid poured up 12 oz of common salt, in a pot placed on a pan of coals – Sauntered about with my aunt and came in at 4 3/5 – Till six writing a note that might perhaps go with Samouell E[ntomology] tomorrow. Wanted a Latin quotation looking over – Looking over Virgil’s eclogues above 1/2 hour –

In the evening from 8 to 9 20/60 (downstairs) wrote the whole of the journal of today – Tolerably fine day, but a little drizzling damp before breakfast, and afterwards about noon – Speaking anonymously of Miss V[allance], said my manners had deceived her and I was sorry Pic did not wonder. She herself had deceived people in the same way, much to her surprise, and had been very sorry about it –

Barometer 1 1/2 degree above changeable Fahrenheit 59 1/2º at 9 50/60 p.m. at which hour came up to bed –

#anne lister #anne lister code breaker #shibden hall 1823 #frances pickford

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spiralesbian · 4 years

Text

ALRIGHT

here’s my full Stranger Avatar Sasha Archivist timeline:

(also, thanks to @artbyblastweave for being so interested in my lil au!)

SEASON ONE

sasha james is hired as the head archivist of the magnus institute!

her assistants are jon, tim, and martin

tim takes the thematic role of martin (aka getting tormented by my worm wife jane, and stays in the archives)

sasha reads thru statements and is a skeptic! she really does not believe it’s real until jane comes along.

“tim……………………..did you die here?”

“no, but every time i come to work i die a little more inside.”

cute timsha moment in the supply closet tho.

until martin kool-aid-mans through the door and gets them out of there

jon used to work in artefact storage so he hides in there. he’ll be fine

i actually can’t remember how they all get out but they do it KKJSDGFJHD

sasha takes everyone’s statements. tim is fucked up, martin is also fucked up, jon is actually fine though he seems pretty normal about this whole situation most definitely.

sasha realizes this is a bit more than a regular archivist job.

SEASON TWO

sasha gets paranoid of course. she learns more about gertrude because she never got the chance to meet her

she takes a statement from a guy named michael shelley. weird dude. then helen shows up :)

jon is most definitely himself he is just a normal regular grumpy jon i swear :)

sasha starts to manifest her powers a little bit. she doesn’t know it, but she is an avatar of the stranger, and a prisoner of the eye.

she starts to notice more things about jon? similar to this comic but with jon

eventually she + tim + martin help get jon out of the grip of the NotJon. this is my au and i get to choose who dies (it’s no one because i miss the s1 archival assistants too much).

jon is pretty fucked up from this though and at like a season-3-tim mindset already.

fucking goddamn leitner avatar of the fucking whore shows up to trap the NotJon in one of his shitty fucking novels. fuck this guy tho

he’s like Sasha We Must Talk and shes like okay but stay 8 ft away from me at all times you bitch

she leaves the room for 10 minutes and pipe murder occurs. good riddance

wait are the cops in the season i genuinely can’t remember. if they are, their roles don’t change very much. melanie and sasha feud, battle of the bi queens

SEASON THREE:

uh oh! girlie’s be framed for murder! she crashes at her ex gf georgie’s flat. also the admiral is there don’t think i would EVER cut him out of this story

(also jon is georgie’s ex too because i think that would be fun JDHBFHS)

sasha learns abt an upcoming web ritual (mirroring the unknowing), all that shit. gets kidnapped a ton of times, as usual.

helen is like “i am going to kill you because i hate gertrude <3 i was that dumb bitch’s assistant for too long” but michael busts out of the door like Hi Guys and traps her in the hallway.

sasha also gives her statement about a leitner she found as a child that marked her. its a stranger book and we learn her edgy orphan origin story how her parents were both murked by the stranger. fucked up if true!

back at the archives jon is like so fucking tired of this shit honestly and now martin is also pretty paranoid. also jm romance subplot is still very present!

tim is just trying to protect sasha at all times and he’s pissed she keeps leaving the country and getting fucking kidnapped

(remember when jon persuades the traffic cop?) sasha starts to fill her archivist role in a different way. she can shapeshift into the subject of a statement and uses her affiliation with the eye to coerce statements or info out of people. (example: if she needed a live statement from the guy in #90 Body Builder, she could temporarily make herself look like jared hopworth to the guy and ask “what happened to me?” or “what did i do?” and the guy would be like well he built some fucken bodies i guess let me tell you all about it) while reading the statements in america that refuel her, she fully shapeshifts into the statement giver while reading out loud.

once again i truly can’t remember daisy + basira’s roles until the end of the season. also melanie get shot by the ghost at some point

anyways sasha gets kidnapped by trevor and julia and they gerry lays out all the shit for her and she’s like ah! i’m fucked

tim offhand mentions the web ritual to martin and he loses his shit cause he’s marked by the web blah blah this isn’t a web!martin thing i swear i just need someone to fill tim’s role in the ritual and a lonely ritual would be fucking boring as hell as we learned from ass man peter lukas. i hate that man

so they make the plan to stop the web ritual (which is fucking hard when the offense knows your every move) so sasha, basira, daisy, jon, and martin go.

tim stays back at the institute to burn shit and distract elias. elias does some fucked up shit as usual and it makes me sad

the ritual starts! they have a plan to blow it up and run but like. u know how it goes

instead of the unknowing-stranger-dream-sequence, we get everyone kinda mixed up in a huge spider’s web on the big stage and its still quite confusing because this ritual not only manipulates the prey, but also the prey’s perceived reality. the web is also in current control of the buried coffin cause they think that shit is kinda fun. they yeet daisy into it.

hard to describe what happens, but basira keeps her cool, jon is a bit lost in his own mind, sasha tries to use her powers to escape but fails. she manages to get through to martin through the strings and mounds of spiders and she tosses him the detonator.

[squishing spider noises]

SEASON FOUR:

martin doesn't die, i told you i can't kill the og archival assistants! he does lose most of one leg though, he took the blunt of the explosion.

sasha in da hospital in da coma. tim is mad he can’t wake her up and then my man ollie says “ur fucked up mate” and she wakes up

(and because coma jon has such wild hair controversy, i’m establishing that her head was shaved when she was in the coma. it grows back thru s4. it she keeps one side shaved cause she’s cool)

meanwhile tim is recruited by that dumbass man you know who i don’t even wanna say his stupid fucking name

sasha gets daisy out of the buried. they become avatar pals!

(there is the biggest blank in my memory where all of season four should be. at this point i should just relisten to the entire fucking show but i would literally just forget it all again)

melanie says hm. fuck this! and blinds herself. she goes to live with georgie (and that’s the moment jon and sasha realize they are both georgie’s exes FHFHDJD)

tim continues to fight the lonely pull. he thinks that since p*ter l*kas is tied to the institute, he can blind himself out cause melanie was successful. he is wrong. he is also interrupted by elias midway, and only blinds one eye, and loses most of his sight in the other. elias’s hold on him is weak, but this just drives him way farther into the lonely.

gotta be honest i remember the end of season four but like i couldn’t visualize what was happening at the end so i like don’t understand what happened JGDKFJGD but sasha intervenes (???) and peter yeets tim into the lonely (???) and sasha jumps in (??????) after him. elias is just there i guess?

instead of “look at me martin,” sasha finds tim and at this point her form is warped and hard to recognize because of stranger powers, and tim is almost 100% blind, so she says “don’t look at me, see me. see me tim, it’s me.” and finally creates a clear image of herself. “it’s...it’s you. you’re my sasha.”

they break free and go to scotland i guess KHSDDKDSF

idk what happens with jon and martin im losing continuity at this point. fuck it, they smooch <3

“ah these are the statements.”

“yes. basira said last week she’d send some up as soon as the archives weren’t a crime scene. and she wasn’t sure which ones you’ve read already, so she, she just said she’d send a bunch.”

“.........Hello Sasha.”

(alternate ending: personally i think sasha would read through each statement before speaking them aloud cause that’s what i would fucking do, so she would get this statement and be like “lmao tim come look at this elias trying to prank me dumb bitch think i’ll start the apocalypse for him. fucking little puny bitch boy. anyways what do you want for dinner?”)

SEASON FIVE:

“just. listen.”

“...i’m dead. and you have been chosen to be my replacement as head archivist. hopefully, this means you, jon, but if someone else is hearing this, and elias has made a different choice for some reason, then these words are still very much intended for you.”

sasha in full stranger avatar mode and is like 8ft tall and her faces shift a lot as they go through the realms. except the stranger is the second to last one (the panopticon is last obviously).

helen and michael actually talk shit out in the spiral hallway and now they are mlm wlw solidarity and both like tim and sasha are such bi and trans icons <3 this is so fun don’t you love the fearpocalypse <3

oh daisy n basira trapped in the hunt, and jon and martin are trapped in the stranger. wtgfs + the admiral are like in space or some shit idk but they are ok :)

not much to report other than she is my monster wife <3

i really don’t have many theories to how everything in s5 is gonna pan out, and i would like to closely mirror the actual show, so maybe as we get closer to the end i’ll build more on to this! thanks a lot for all the notes on my first sarchivist post!! also if u wanna make art this specific au DEF tag me in it i’d love to see!!

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t4tlawlight · 4 years

Note

A, C, D, Q and S !! :-) for the fic ask game

A: How did you come up with the title to [insert fic]?

Well over 5 years ago shelby “wecansexy” cragg posted a vrisrezi playlist on 8tracks called “something better left unknown” and i downloaded it and one of the songs on it was “the execution of all things” by rilo kiley. Anyway fast forward to 2017 i was fleshing out the first version of this au with my friend and i decided to make a playlist to help flesh out my ideas. i parsed through my mp3 folder and chose that song pretty early on and it ended up being one of the most important songs in the whole playlist (the last song in the whole thing, in fact) and i named the playlist after it as a result. Anyways because of that i got used to thinking of it as the executions au so when i finally got to the current draft of the fic and started writing it i used it as the title again.

Anyway sorry to inform you that my fic is named as such because i really liked vrisrezi over five years ago but. Yeah. On a related note most of the chapter titles are named after bits of songs from that original playlist or from my individual character mixes.

C: What character do you identify with most?

L death note. Not like, his morals, and his values, and hopefully not his bastard attitude, but his autism and Quirks (tm) present in a way that is profoundly similar to my own and also i too want to be gentle (Dramaverse only). i also vibe w/ drama light to a lesser degree (but w/ Light its less how he acts and more his socioeconomic standing, lol.) As you know mantis there is a running gag in brotsubas about kinassigning me L.

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with [insert fic]?

LMAO. Yes. obviously see A) re: how it’s named after my AU mix and more specifically after The Execution Of All Things by rilo kiley (the song, not the whole album, btw) but YES i made a playlist for this fic YEARS after i actually started writing it. i used the playlist as a rough draft b/c this au originated as a RP idea i pitched to my friend wren (that ultimately went nowhere plot-wise which is why i am writing a fanfic, but i did have a RP blog set in the original draft for the Executions universe) and also because i am addicted to making playlists in order to flesh out ideas instead of making an outline or, like, an actual written draft. Anyway if you want to listen to the original draft of the executions playlist it’s on youtube!

Q: Do you have any discarded scenes/storylines/projects?

LOL yes. there are several illustrations on my art blog of “deleted” scenes from the OG au that are more humorous in nature, e.g. THIS COMIC, since most of my discussion of the original AU with wren was comedic in nature and as the current draft of my fanfic stands it is much less comedic in tone, though it isn’t wholly stripped of humor. There are also a few comics that basically will never see the light of day/won’t for quite a bit because they’re ideas i had that will be slapped into act 2 and 3 later.

Also takada used to be in it and she completely isn’t now. That’s honestly the biggest change, that takada was going to have significance and then i deleted her from it altogether. Sorry takada i don’t know much about you i was just on a kick because i had just seen the 2006 movies.

S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

Enemies to lovers but, like, more like enemies to rivals to friends(?) to lovers. obviously. Also i love bodysharing aus but like. I promise that has nothing to do with my fic i just wanted to say it.

#ask #ask meme #Hi im finally getting to these thanks.#mabtis

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autisticstarseed · 4 years

Note

if u could, perhaps, bless us with all the applicable symbols from that fic ask for hvh 👀

ooOoOOOoOO Rub s gay hands togehter omg ty friend 😍;;;;;;

💡 - What was the motivation behind the story?

hHH i hadnt written in 10+ years so when i latched onto this plot idea i just thought itd be a good time to jump the shark and try it again !! i just wanted smth really edgy and depthful bc im emo and the rest kind of snowballed

💎- What was your favorite part?

osdlfksd;lf it’s hard to pick a fav but the drunk scene was definitely the most fun to write at least

⛰️- What was the hardest part?

THE SCENE WHERE THE GANG IS KIDNAPPED BY ENKI,,,, i debated toning down the violence but in the end i knew where the story was going (and where its still going) and that its gonNA be kinda dark so why hold back now ig

🎭- What was the feeling or mood you were going for?

BITTERSWEET AF,,, sort of just treading the line of ‘hopeful’ and ‘hopeless’ at all times to fully portray the feeling of being at your lowest, but with that classic tss ‘silver linings just around the corner’ kind of undertone

🏟️- Who was your intended audience?

mostly all the adults that watched tss as a kid and felt like spirituaLLY MOVED BY IT cuz i really tried to tap into that Emotion Tee Em we all felt when we found out that zak was [redacted]

🔬- Was there one scene you were building up to/knew you had to get just right?

hHH theres actually a LOT of scenes like that and i think a lot of my general motivation to keep going comes from that ‘WAIT FOR IT WAIT FOR IT’ vibe slkdf:SDF but the Plot Twist tm in the latest chapter was definitely a big’n, and theres a few more of those still to come :^)

🗝️ - What were you thinking when you wrote it?

kjdjFSDs:DF tbh whenever i start really writing, [’im shifting into soup mode’ seinfeld meme voice] im shifting into maladaptive daydreaming mode

🎥- Were there any tv shows, books, or movies that influenced this verse, if any?

:^) devilman crybaby pls forgive me for everytHing

📈- Was there a clear character arch you wanted____ character to go on?

i actually have a short list of what i somewhat consider to be the story arcs in my notes !! mostly just for organization and obvs i wont list the future ones but so far we’ve seen the kushtaka arc, the enki arc, and now we’re in what i call ‘the annunaki’ arc.

🎢- Were there any scenes you were nervous about? For audience reception or otherwise?

ALL OF IT JSHDJSKD, but again a lot of the enki scenes i was worried would be too edgy TM, and the whole annunaki plot as well i was worried might be too ‘out there’ for ppl, but it takes the story exactly where i always wanted it and lines everything up perfectly so i went for it lol. i was also ofc worried if people would like ila or not bc oc but most ppl love her actually which is so 😭❤️

☠️- Did you consider killing off any of the characters? Did you?

8^) [mickey mouse voice] this is a surprise tool that will help us later ,

✉️- Did you title your chapters? What title do you like best?

yes! the next one actually has my favorite chapter title yet, but so far i like ‘so strikes the harpoon’ since its a throwback to the first couple chapters

☀️- Was there symbolism/motifs you worked in?

o every single paragraph is an overly thought out middle school poem im entering in the talent show actually

🎵- Did you have a playlist/piece of music that went with this story?

Yes !! i have HVH insp part 1, Part 2, and an extra one for all those songs that have the vibes but just dont fit enough to make sense in a playlist

📜-Do you want to write something like this again in the future?

probably ! ive learned i definitely like the edgy/darker and emotionally driven stories with ongoing plot, so that trend will almost definitely continue. idk if ill write a dystopia again anytime soon, but i think my future stuff will at least retain that long and heavy vibe

💁- Did readers influence/change any part of this story?

oh yEA like basically i was ready to quit after the very first chapter before it was even written and kinda just got it all out on a whim of motivation but was expecting to flake on it like i tend to do with projects, but the invested response to it was just so uplifting that its what ive been riding on all ten chapters and im so grateful for it :’)))

✏️-Would you go back and change anything if you could?

hHHHHHHH yes and ok this is terrible but i actually tend to avoid re-reading my older chapters until i hAVe to bc i suffer from that sO much ,,, , its just little things like tiny words i wanna change or bits i wanna take out/put in and once or twice ive even caught a mistake or plot hole/smth i forgot to add that i rly do have to go back and edit and i just turn to dust every tim e

⭐- What’s a scene/paragraph you’re proud of?

i really liked the northern lights scene!! it was meant to be a pivotal moment of that ‘bittersweetness’ vibe i was talking abt and it was another one of those scenes i had been planning for a while;;;

“ I think of how much the rest of the family would love this. This isn’t like the moon and the sun, where I can see it and know that even if it looks different, they’ll see the same one soon enough, wherever they are. This reminds me only that I am not with them. It stings. It seems unnatural for something so gentle and natural to appear before us as if we aren’t in complete, total fucking chaos. After all we’ve been through, and the sky still dances. “

📣-What was the best piece of encouragement you got?

AVERY ALL OF UR LIVEBL OGS AND COMMENTS GIV ME SUCH L I FE, ,, ,, CRYIGN CAT FA ce

🔦-Did you learn anything while writing it? About yourself? Writing?

isdfhSDF YEs, part of my hesitation to write came from this thing where i always just assumed there was a wildly high standard of writing in fandom spaces like in original literature spaces, where you had to have like 10+ sentences to a paragraph and you had to describe every tiny detail of a setting and you had to follow every single grammar rule or it was unreadable but like. genuinely its like sculpting with words as long as you have a shape ppl get the idea which is such a weight off my shoulders lol, its still a lot of work but so much fun to know i can to an extent do what i want and ppl actually like it like that. i also learned that like most other writers i have to cause my favs emotional and physical pain,

🎁- Any writing advice for people who want to write something like this?

hhHHHH 1. please do it its so fun just give in to the edge my guy , 2. try to get comfortable re-reading your chapters, for me its like when ppl listen to themselves sing/act but im trying to do better bc its so much more consistent when i keep it fresh in my mind and it also boosts confidence when u can pick out the things u like instead of the things u dont, 3. trying to have at least one scene in mind for each chapter that ur excited to write so u can have motivation to update faster! for me it doesnt have to be smth i think would excite the audience either like it could be the most basic thing but just having an idea of it and knowing i want to see it come to life rly helps me stay on top of it all

TY SM FRIEND THIS WAS SO FUN x x )

#lochley #long post/ //#hvh #human v humanity #secret saturdays #tss #sorry to spam the tag with a longk boi but hHBHHBH #TYYY #fanfic

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jennsmischievousmind · 5 years

Text

EXSOMNIS

CHAPTER 4 - Two birds, no stone

Exsomnis: Wakeful, vigilant

Summary: Fresh Doctor out of residency you didn’t expect Conyers to be this uneventful until everything happened at the same time. From the outset, an odd meeting with what seems like a steadfast Detective but it was only the beginning.

Notes: English is not my native language, I’m trying to get better at it, please be indulgent.

Based on the movie Prisoners by Denis Villeneuve (so I don’t own any of the OG characters) if you haven’t seen it, I recommend you do (maybe before reading) :) The story takes place before and through the event in the movie.

Thanksgiving was around the corner, meaning you were short on staff at the hospital leaving you no time to spend at home. Erin and Rachel were at Rach’s parents, they had tried to convince you to come but family dinners were not your thing, even more with a family you practically don’t know.

2 days before Thanksgiving you crossed paths with Detective Loki. Since last time you didn't really have time to meet, so you took a few minutes around a coffee to catch up. He noted that you were alone on Thanksgiving’s night so managed to invite you for dinner.

“Dr Y/L/N, I’m sorry but we need you to stay on shift tonight, we’re shorthanded.” The HR announced as you were taking your break. You cursed under your breath, the HR gave you an apologetic smile. Phone in hand, waiting for Loki to pick-up you hoped he was busy too, it would make it easier.

“Hey,” he answered, you heard rustling papers, he was surely at work, you huffed alleviate.

“Hi, uhm, I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it tonight. Got to stay at the hospital. Understaffed.” You announced at once, ripping off the bandage as fast as possible. He could understand, it’s kind of the same at the station. He inhaled on the other side of the phone.

“Duty is duty, don’t worry.”

“Come out next year, and we'll do it all over again ok?” you heard him chuckle

“Let’s do that but not next year.” He offered hopefull.

“Agreed, see you soon then.” You bid goodbyes wishing each other a happy Thanksgiving.

Little did you know after your call he asked to stay on shit for the night.

A few hours later, you were finally free from the Hospital but you frowned as soon as you put a foot outside. By the time you reached your car you were soaked, the heavy rain whipped your windshield, making driving difficult indeed it took you twice the time to head home. It was 2 am on your kitchen clock, you wondered if Loki was still up, you texted him not expecting an immediate answer so went to bed immediately.

You woke up around 9am, dragging your overly tired self to the coffee machine, checking your phone while the hot liquid filled the big cup. Rach and Erin had ranted about how Thanksgiving at Rach’s parents went horribly awkward. Erin had even sent a ‘rescue me’ video from Rach’s parents’ toilet in the group chat, you couldn’t help yourself to smile and blessed yourself for not going.

No answer from Loki, you felt this inescapable pang in your stomach when you find yourself led, in the blink of an eye, to question your own emotional life.

Then your phone buzzed.

“Busy, talk to you soon, sorry. Loki” you stayed silent reading the text multiple times, somehow relieved that he had answered but not quite sure of how to render the text. Trying to find something to say, you finally decided for an “Ok sure.”

You drink your coffee lost in your thoughts, heading to the living room. The news on TV blurting the Thanksgiving usual hazards: Snowy roads; traffic jams; accidents; lost items in turkeys...

“Yesterday in the usually quiet town of Conyers, Thanksgiving turned into a horrid day for two families. Two little girls disappeared in broad daylight. Soon one suspect was in custody, he was apparently driving an RV that was parked in the girls’ neighbourhood early in the day. He tried to run away with his vehicle when found at a gas station parking late last night. The two girls are still missing as we speak.”

“Damn it.” you shook your head sighing, what is wrong with people you thought while listening to the news and at the same time checking your sns.

“Detective Loki from the Conyers Department of Police has been appointed to the case.”

Raising your head from your phone, mouth agape at the TV, you rewind all the pieces of information in your mind. If you had known sooner you would have said something else in the text. Long minutes passed, during which you wondered if you should send him another message. The blinking cursor in the box "new message" seemed to became impatient until the buzz of a call made you jump.

“Y/N, have you heard about ...!? A honk made you put the phone away from your ears. Only two words “Loki”, “abduction” were audible.

“Hello to you too, yes I’ve just heard, that’s awful!”

“Yeah, hi, definitely not good timing for you though!”

“Erin!” you scolded and heard Rachel do the same.

“Okay okay, just trying to lighten the mood.” she apologized.

“Where are you by the way?” you turned the TV off.

“Traffic jams.” She sighed, another honk resonated in the phone, you heard Rachel swear at another driver.

“Tell me when you’re home. And ... we should stop the night’s run for now just in case.”

“I wish we had to stop for another reason.”

“Yeah, call me okay.”

“Yeah bye.”

Instead of the usual run, you met with the girls for board games, usually, it involved a bottle of wine and Rachel’s exquisite cuisine.

“Okay, hear me out” she put her glass on the ground, you rolled your eyes. All night she had asked about Loki.

“What about your needs Y/N? I feel like you're waiting for him to finally give you some time of his, as you're not a priority.”

“I'm not a priority right now Erin.” You sipped on your wine.

“You know what I mean. I am just afraid that you're making his needs overpass yours without taking care of how you feel in all of that.” Her hands making big gestures, you grabbed them.

“We’re not even a couple or something, calm down! you smiled, I'm not blinded by the guy, I know what I worth, what I deserve. And my needs, for now, are fine thank you.” You stifled a laugh at her frowning face.

“I shouldn’t have pushed for something to happen between you two.” she said questioning her cupid skills

“Ok, you released her hands and continued, look at me back in Cleveland, the exams took over me, the internship at the hospital was a disaster and how many times did you present me a guy?”

“Lots of times…” she mumbled

“Yeah, and you want to know why it never worked out?”

“They were assholes.” She grimaced

“Hm mostly yeah, but I wasn't ready to be in a relationship! My mind was elsewhere, I had no time to take care of my physical and mental health as much as I should have. It was a hard time, you witnessed it.”

She nodded admitted it.

“I’m fine now but I can't crash into his life like that and take his focus out of this case especially because I know it won’t work out since he is concentrating on his duty.”

“I got it okay, but there will always be another case and did he text you or something …”

“I know but I like to think we'll have a moment of respite. And he’s not quite the texter but that’s fine by me, you know I’m not a good morning and good night's texts kind of person.”

She stared at you squinting her eyes, you mimicked her wondering.

“You really want the guy!” she caught you so off guard that you almost spit your wine.

“Miss the point by miles, you cough, but yeah let's say that.” You both cracked into laughter. She was still a bit concerned, but she got around in the end.

40hours after the abduction, no sign of Loki except on the news, thankfully you had lots of work at the hospital so you didn't have time to let your mind wander.

When you heard the indictment of the paedophile priest, you almost threw a tantrum in the break room.

“How the fuck that asshole is still in charge of a church, he is surrounded by children all the fucking day!” you screamed at the tv, scaring the surgeon next to you, some students looked at you from the lunch table. The ringtone coming from your pocket made you walk out and step outside on the emergency staircase allowing you to take some fresh air.

“Hi there..,”

“Hey, I'm sorry I didn't call sooner”

“No no, it's okay I've seen the news. I know you have a lot to do ... and the freaking priest ... I mean why is that guy still out there.”

“I don't know Y/N, I'm not a judge.” He answered with a tight voice.

“Right sorry, I jumped on you, it's just that..it's really upsetting.” you sighed rubbing your eyes.

A 2-seconds silence felt, giving you both opportunity to breathe in and change the subject.

“Are you all right?” You asked

“Tired mostly, he inhaled, I wish .. I could see you without feeling guilty .. but my mind is on the case..”

“Hey hey, you shushed gently, it's okay, they are the priority here.”

“Why didn't we met at another time.” He said gravely.

“At least we've met, even though you had to be stabbed for it to happen.” He chuckled over the phone. “I have to go back, be careful out there.”

“You got my word.”

He hung up, you took a big breath of fresh air before stepping back in the building, thinking of what he said. What would have happened if you had met at another time?

Erin bumped into you.

“The community is organizing a vigil in front of the Birch’s house tomorrow night, she handed you a flyer, you’re coming?”

“Yeah, I’ll drop by your place so we can go together.” she nodded and you sighed looking at the face of the two little girls on the handout.

Chapter 5: Respect all, trust few soon

#detective loki x reader #prisoners #detective loki #exsomnis #jake gyllenhaal x reader #jake gyllenhaal #jake gyllenhaal imagines #slow burn #imagines #fanfiction #keller dover #alex jones #hugh jackman #paul dano #reader insert

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thecharlester77 · 6 years

Text

Heartless - DH AU Short

Another DH AU Short; this one is about the OG Subject’s death. Oof ;-;

Heartless – DH AU Short

It had been a long day, and the evening was slowly slipping away as night started to begin.

“Has he been in there with her all day?” the violent one asked worriedly.

“I think so…”

“You don’t think she’s…gone yet, do you?” the anxiety in his voice increased.

“No, I don’t think so,” the Nice One replied quietly.

“Are the others allowed to see her?”

“Only if he allows them to. She might not be able to handle it.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

For the first time ever, chaos wasn’t being wrecked by the violent one, and the kind one didn’t have to clean it up. But, still as usual, the mean one was by himself.

Suddenly, the door burst open and the Sad One walked out.

“Can we all see her?” the Scary One asked.

“Sure, just be careful with her…She’s upset, obviously and – um. Never mind. Whatever, I don’t care,” he muttered, storming off down the corridor.

The Nice One got up.

“I’m going to go tell the girls they can see her,” he said.

“I’ll wait here,” the violent one replied quietly.

The Nice One paused, looking back over his shoulder.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“No, are you?”

“…I’ll go get the girls.”

A few moments later, the Nice One came back, followed by his daughter, and the Scary One’s child.

“Hey, Kid,” the Scary One greeted his child with a small wave. She only glared in reply.

“Can we see her, Dad?” the Nice One’s child asked.

“Yes, sweetie. But be gentle with her; she’s very fragile at the moment.”

“Ya hear that, Kid?” the violent one muttered as he pushed open the door, “Be gentle.”

“I’m not deaf!” she retorted, “I know!”

She looked up from where she lay on the bed.

“Where’s my you?” she asked nervously.

“He just went to get some things,” the Nice One reassured her, “He’ll be back soon.”

She struggled to sit up, and then looked at the other kids who were stood by the doorway.

“H-hi,” the nice child waved, and the other kid waved back.

“Um…Kid, you should probably say your goodbyes to her,” the violent one said quietly.

“What do you mean? Why would I say goodbye? Is…Is she really sick?”

“Yeah, I’m afraid so,” he replied with a sigh.

“But if she’s dying then why isn’t hers here? Doesn’t he care?” she asked bluntly.

The violent one watched as the Sad One’s kid began to cry; she’d heard.

“O-of course he cares!” the violent one choked out, trying to sound outraged at the assumption that he didn’t, “L-Like Shoulder Angel said, he’s just gone to – um – get something.”

He didn’t want her to be upset, but he had to admit that his kid’s accusation seemed accurate.

“So go on, g-go and say your goodbyes to her…”

“Are you crying?” his kid asked, seeming confused.

“Am I?” he muttered. He reached up to his face and felt tears.

“I don’t know, Kid, just get it over with,” he sighed.

He turned away from them, only half listening as the three children spoke. After a few moments, he heard a noise that sounded like a muffled sob. He turned around again, and then wished he hadn’t.

“Aw geez,” he muttered.

Both the child in the blue hoodie and the Sad One’s kid were in floods of tears, and even his own kid was welling up.

“This is a total disaster,” he mumbled, wiping the tears from his face.

“I’m going to go and get him,” the Nice One suddenly appeared at his side as he whispered, “Watch them?”

“Okay.”

He watched as Shoulder Angel left, and then looked back at the bed. The tragic scene caused tears to once again spring in his eyes, and he looked away.

The Nice One exited the room and strode down the corridor. He ran his hands through his hair as he came to the living room, and opened the door.

He saw the Sad One sat on the sofa, sipping a cup of coffee and reading a book – as usual.

“Hey,” he announced his presence, “Your kid’s slipping away.”

“Why do you think I left?” he muttered coldly, “I can’t be in there. I can’t watch another ch- I just can’t.”

“She needs you there,” he protested.

“She’ll be fine…It’ll be over for her soon.”

“She’s dying! Can’t you at least pretend you care?! She’s so upset!” he cried, rage seizing him.

“No!” the Sad One rose from his seat angrily, “I will not pretend to care! Why should I?!”

“She’s going to be gone soon, and she really wants you to come back,” he replied, trying desperately to appeal to any compassion he had left.

“I’ll go back,” he sighed, placing his coffee down, “But I will not pretend to care about her. She’s not a child…She’s just a thing.”

“How can you say those things?” the Nice One gasped, “She’s dying! How can you be so heartless?!” his voice cracked as he stormed off.

The Sad One followed reluctantly after him, and then found himself back in the room.

“Geez…are you okay?” the violent one asked the kind one as he entered the room, a hand covering his face.

“I’m fine,” the Nice One replied, “You don’t look so ‘okay’ yourself.”

“That’s because I’m not,” he muttered.

The Sad One followed in after him, and nobody said anything to him.

“I think the other kids should leave now,” he said quietly.

The Nice One nodded, and then began to take his kid by the hand.

“Can you take yours?” he asked the violent one. He nodded.

“C’mon, Kid,” the Scary One gently placed his hand on her shoulder, “You should go.”

She flinched at his touch, but didn’t brush him away as she usually did.

“I don’t want to go,” she muttered, “I want to stay with her.”

“You can’t, Kid. It’s…It’s not something you want to see anyway.”

“…Please?” she looked up at him with tears in her eyes, as if pleading to stay.

“N-no, Kid, I’m sorry but no.”

She scowled at him, and then looked back at the Sad One’s child.

“I…I’m not allowed to stay. I’m sorry.”

She leaned over and quickly hugged her, before turning back to hers.

He took her hand and led her out of the room.

“You and the nice kid in the blue hoodie should…um…play together or something. I’ll be back later.”

“Okay…”

“Aw, Kid, don’t cry,” he muttered.

“I’m not crying!” she protested, glaring at the floor.

He sighed, and knelt down beside her.

“It’s…it’s not weak to cry, y’know. Not when it’s over something like this.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Did you cry when your daughter died?” she asked, still glaring at the floor.

“Uh huh…I probably cried a lot.”

“Probably?”

“It was a long time ago, and I prefer not to think about it…”

She still didn’t move.

Catching her by surprise, he wrapped his arms around her in a hug. She stiffened, and pushed him away.

“Get off me,” she mumbled, “I hate you.”

“Ha…Hate you too. Now go!”

She ran off leaving him alone in the corridor.

Sighing, he turned around and re-entered the room.

He immediately froze in the door way, seeing something he never thought he’d see.

Shoulder Angel was stood, tears streaming down his face as he screamed at the Sad One, who was stood angrily facing him.

“You’re completely heartless!” the Nice One yelled, “How can you let her go like this?!”

“You’re the one shouting,” the Sad One remarked calmly.

“I can’t even – argh!”

He turned to storm off, but the violent one seized him by the shoulders.

“Let go,” the Nice One demanded – the threat in his voice was empty. He was too tired to do anything.

“I think we all need to calm down,” the violent one sighed.

“When did you two switch places?” the spiteful one muttered.

“SHUT YOUR MOUTH!” the violent one yelled.

“So much for calming down,” the Sad One said.

“P-please stop fighting,” a weak, frightened voice came from the corner of the room.

The violent one turned around, as did the kind one.

“Geez…I’m sorry, Kid. I didn’t mean to frighten you,” the Scary One sighed, raking his fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” the Nice One apologised, “I didn’t mean to get so cross.”

“It’s o-okay, you were just trying to help me-” she was cut off by another coughing fit.

The violent one turned away. He couldn’t watch anymore. It hurt too much; it reminded him of another time…

He rested his head in his hands, trying to block out the noise.

There was a lot of shouting. Coughing. Then there was screaming – her screaming. Begging him to hold her hand…or to hum, just so she wouldn’t be scared.

As much as the violent one tried, he couldn’t blot out the racket.

Until suddenly, everything fell silent.

Slowly, he turned around – and wished he hadn’t. The Sad One’s child was lying still on the bed. Unmoving. Not even breathing.

“She’s gone now,” the Sad One said quietly.

She was gone…and he didn’t even seem to care. In her short life, she’d tried everything she could think of just to get him to love her back. She’d even let herself get hurt.

As this realisation came to the Scary One, a white, molten anger began to burn in the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard…she’d begged him. But still he’d refused.

“How could you?” he said, his hands balling into fists.

“What?” the Sad One sighed.

“How could you be so heartless?!”

Before he had time to think, he swung his arm straight into the spiteful one’s jaw, issuing a left hook right to his mouth.

The Sad One stumbled backwards, clutching his face in an offended manner. He could taste blood as he gritted his teeth, tears stinging his eyes.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you that hard!” the violent one apologised frantically, “It was an accident.”

The Nice One gave him a glare, and then approached the other one, who was staring at the floor as blood trickled through his fingers.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

The Sad One nodded, despite the fact that tears were rolling down his face. They couldn’t see his tears, as he was covering half of his face.

The exploding pain in his jaw was nothing compared to the crippling feeling of guilt that was attacking him at that moment. He squeezed his eyes shut and slid down the wall, sitting in a heap on the floor.

Guilt and despair. Now he was completely alone. He had no one – and it was completely his own fault.

“Hey, sad sack, I didn’t hit you that hard…right?” the violent one knelt beside him anxiously.

“That…r-really…hurt,” he muttered, wiping blood from his mouth.

“Aw geez – don’t kill me. Please?”

“I’m not going to do anything,” he said quietly, “I deserved it.”

The two looked back at him silently, expecting him to continue. The silence continued.

“Whether you deserved it or not, I still shouldn’t have hit you,” the Scary One sighed.

The Sad One drew his knees up to his chest, suddenly sobbing.

“C’mon…stop crying…” the violent one said uncertainly. That did nothing.

After a moment of awkward hesitation, the violent one leaned forward and embraced the Sad One in a half hug.

“You’re not heartless,” the violent one sighed, “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“I shouldn’t have either,” the kind one added. He shuffled forward, and then joined the hug, wrapping his arms around them both.

“This really takes hugging yourself to a whole new level,” the Scary One muttered.

“Just be quiet,” the Nice One muttered, “We’ve been through enough today.”

#thesubjectandthescientist #thesubjectandthescientistfanfiction #fan short #DysfunctionalHouseholdAU #heartless

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hsj-scenarios · 7 years

Text

The Ryosukekeke Saga Continues...

Mod J had not checked her inbox, phone, and messages in a while, mostly avoiding messages from the OG who continued to vacillate between out of control anger with threats and swear words, and completely broken sobbing, pleading. That said, she finally felt brave enough to take a look--we peek into her world as she skims through the hundreds of messages...

Eighteen days ago:

Ryosuke:

I see what you all have done! （；¬＿¬) Who is this...this.... @keito-okamoto person? A new Mod? Is that what it is? AND MOD L!!!!!!! OMG WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (☞◣д◢)☞

Ryosuke:

Mod L (╬ಠ益ಠ) backing up this person, this @keito-okamoto person, plus I never settled on the ‘OG’ title. Still! What, did you guys bring on a new mod for the express purpose of disparaging my character? Honestly, I’d like to talk about this.

And the fact that you’ve changed your password Mod J.

⁀⊙﹏☉⁀ WTF

I thought we had an agreement. I’m so put out with you I am going to avoid any song with your name in it from now on. Seriously, I’m making someone else sing my lines--and when I say “I love you, Juliet” I am talking to every other Juliet in the world, but NOT YOU!!!!!!!!!

（￣へ￣）

Mod J: ( responding two and a half weeks later)

ILY. That’s not the new mod, that’s Mod C, your paranoia is on high alert, you need to simmer down now. Look no one is even talking about this anymore! I won’t even be at the concerts, so I don’t care what you do at them......you’re such a toddler.

17 Days Ago:

Ryosuke:

WTF is this!?! (; ･`д･´) I thought ( •̀ω•́ )σ you were going to talk to Mod L to get her back on my side! Instead of putting this entire debacle to rest, she is fanning the flames. That quote is taken entirely out of context. It’s absurd and it might even be defamation, or libel, or something, hell, I’m no lawyer. But I DO keep one on retainer--your blog may be hearing from him.

（　｀ー´）OG OUT!

Mod J: (2 minutes after two and a half weeks later)

Ah, see I never said that, ever--you said it...a thousand times, but I never said it or agreed to it. I told you that you needed to take it up with them, because I am NOT your messenger. I’m sure this quote IS out of context, the same way you screaming “Mommy” while on the roller coaster was. I didn’t know Kekeke was such a gifted ventriloquist! *sarcasm off*

15 Days Ago:

Ryosuke:

Tell Mod L she at least got this s*** right. (*´ー`)

OMG-- @(。・-・)@ your blog is a three ring circus lacking a f***ing ringmaster on it’s best day--on its worst it’s like one of those zoos on Zoo Tycoon where they build this huge zoo, with hundreds of thousands of patrons, and then start feeding the pedestrians to the dinosaurs--or just let all of the carnivorous animals loose.

へ‿(ツ)‿ㄏ Either way.

Still, factually speaking, if I were to be a courtesan this is absolutely and unequivocally true. I would be the best, I would win it all, and I would f***ing crush everyone else out of the competition with my prowess.

╭( ･ㅂ･)و ̑̑ ＂

I want more about me, and this, who am I making the check out to?

(also, I’m gonna beat the hell out of Chinen for putting a d*** filter on my computer now!) （○｀Ｏ´○）

(also, wtf Mod J, ༶ඬ༝ඬ༶ why you gotta bring that up? Am I no longer your number one?)

Mod J: (5 minutes after two and a half weeks later)

I just...no comment. (yes, you are still my no 1! mmmwah)

11 Days Ago:

Ryosuke:

I see you’ve closed the requests. <(_ _)> Thank GOD! I know there are at least fifty requests that I sent in about me, which have not been filled to date. Now maybe you can put some quality material out about ME! Please, Mod J, it’s been so long, so long....I’m so sad all the time. I can’t even handle and we’re on tour and I need happy happy happy--give me the happy please!?

.·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·.PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU.

BTW, why aren’t you responding to me?

｡･ﾟヾ(✦థ ｪ థ)ﾉ｡ﾟ･｡

I’ve left messages on your cell phone, your house phone, your email (both), Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Linked In, Live Journal, and of course, here. I even got a hold of your neighbor and asked them to tell you to contact me, and if they didn’t I need to know, I gave them a lot of money to do that.

((*｀ﾟдﾟ)ゞ PLEASE SHOW MERCY ON ME!

(and I didn’t even catch the kiss, didn’t even watch it come near me, I swatted it away with great force!)

8 Days Ago:

Ryosuke:

This fill was strangely accurate. Terrifyingly so. Pls stop. (⁎˃ᆺ˂)

(；´･Д･)(where are you Juliet?)

6 Days Ago:

Ryosuke:

Mod J, I am going to need you to help me out here. ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ I’m not even kidding, okay? I need you to be f***ing serious right now, cause I am in dire need of your help!

( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

How much do you know about this “Mod L” person? ( ⁰д⁰) Cause...well...I mean, I had a detective come into my house looking for hidden cameras and taps. Paranoid? Nope, realistic, because this is too much like a genuine conversation I actually had with Yutti. I’m freaking out right now. ヽ〔ﾟДﾟ〕丿 Could Mod L be a spy? Could Mod L be someone close to Jump? Could Mod L be someone IN JUMP!?!?! <|๑⊙Д⊙|/

OMG! ε=ε=(怒ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ

Please help! Σ(ﾟДﾟ;≡｀ﾟдﾟ)

Mod J (7 minutes after two and a half weeks later)

You do need help, but not the kind I can offer. Yama-chan, this is all just fiction, not your actual real life. I mean, if you need us to, we’ll put a disclaimer like those movies where it says anything resembling a real life event or person is strictly coincidental. But still...Mod L isn’t in Jump.

You’re just really not as complex as you think you are to be honest. I mean, how do you think we all write you so accurately?

Ryosuke: (2 seconds after the response from Mod J)

Is that an insult? (｡•́︿•̀｡) I’m dizzy again, I mean the world is tilting sideways, why have you forsaken me Mod J?!

.·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·.

Why!?

6 Days Ago:

Ryosuke and Daiki’s friendship in one gif:

Ryosuke:

Yes.

Not gonna lie, I was drinking a soda when I scrolled past this and it literally came out of my nose. It hurt.

Still...｜ｏ゜）Accurate. Terrifyingly accurate. ヘ（。□°）ヘ TOO accurate. I am still leaning toward my hypothesis. Until you offer me proof, anything is possible. Still, I’m for sure the guy in yellow.

⁀⊙﹏☉⁀ Right? Right??

5 Days Ago:

Ryosuke:

YES. (it wasn’t me I swear!)

4 Days Ago:

Management: Okay guys, I know Dear was a great outlet to show your sexy sides but we kind of want I/O to be a little more PG.

Ryosuke:

The actual conversation was “Guys, this is going to be a tour with a lot of children attending so we are going to need to keep the atmosphere ‘family friendly’ this time.”

Just to be clear, they were sure as hell staring straight at me while they said it, and you know, that just makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up like someone’s challenging me right up here in my dojo.

So I plainly responded, “F*** you, how’s that for family friendly?”

Actually, that didn’t really happen, okay, so it did in my head though and that should count for something. That said, an intelligent conversation took place and they decided it would be wisdom to allow us to perform what we wanted.

ヽ( ･∀･)ﾉ┌┛Σ(ノ `Д´)ノ

(If Dai-chan or Chii-chan contact you and tell any lies about me pitching a fit and crying and threatening to quit because the world NEEDS my “ah ah ahhhs”, please hear them as the blatant and bold-faced lies they are!)

4 Days Ago:

Ryosuke:

This is true, except it really wasn’t Keito. (>^_^)><(^o^<) He’s been going through a lot lately--and you know...no matter how selfish you guys seem to think I am, I have a heart for the guy! (ps I meant love, not give-- (; ･`д･´) I can’t write the word f*** on my phone but it can apparently feel the f*** free to change my non-swear words at will!)

3 Days Ago:

Ryosuke:

This isn’t a good thing--it’s still being talked about.

(ノ｀Д´)ノ~┻━┻

STILL BEING TALKED ABOUT!

This is a bad thing. Stop them--don’t you have any power or control Mod J? What are you DOING about all of this!?! First it was the bane of my existence the BPA, I can’t f***ing drive anywhere now, because everyone apparently knows what car I drive! I mean, let’s be honest, I stand out anyway, so I mean the car--I mean, f***, I’m getting off track--listen, this same person is...just, now they’re saying they did the Kekeke thing too?

┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY TIMES THAT MAN HAS LEFT MESSAGES ON MY CELL PHONE CACKLING MADLY!? All hours of the day and night I tell you!

Щ(º̩̩́Дº̩̩̀щ) Can’t you ban them? For me? Please?! I’ll say “I love you Juliet” and mean you, only you in all the world of all of the girls named Juliet!

(/□＼*)・゜PLEASE.

3 Days Ago:

Ryosuke:

Please? 。ﾟ(ﾟﾉД｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

3 Days Ago:

Ryosuke:

(ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc) I LOVE YOU JULIET! PLEASE

・゜・(ノД`) PLEASE PLEASE!??!?!!? (｡♥‿♥｡)

2 Days Ago:

Ryosuke:

(⊙_☉) What the actual F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!? F***ing hell! This is insane. You’re all crazy. (⊙.☉)7

ꉂ (๑¯ਊ¯)σ л̵ʱªʱªʱª (ps I sent this to Takaki--and now he’s mad at me because I wouldn’t tell him where it came from! lolololololol)

2 Days Ago:

Ryosuke:

Less food network, more writing about me. (´｀;) ？What has happened to your blog?

YOU STILL AREN’T ANSWERING ME!?!? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??

2 Days Ago:

Ryosuke:

Did I do something? (′︿‵｡) Did I? (´•ω•̥`) I can’t fix it if you won’t talk to me.

2 Days Ago:

Ryosuke:

This is both alarming at how accurate it is (again!) and that you guys paint me to be some kind of control freak who can’t handle a relationship without knowing every intimate detail of someone’s life.

...

Well, it’s still alarming how accurate it is anyway.

I’m hiring a bodyguard.

I quit you. ~(>_<。)＼

1 Day Ago:

HS7 @ the 113th 1130000000000000th time that Chinen mentioned Ohno:

Ryosuke:

I fixed this for you.

(I can’t quit you, please, you guys gotta still love me, okay!? I didn’t mean it!)

1 Day Ago:

Keito after he watched Ryosuke’s kissing scene 4 84 times, twelve times while Ryosuke was in the room with him begging him not to.

Ryosuke:

I fixed this for you.

1 Day Ago:

Yuto: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars :)

Ryosuke: If anyone, and I mean /anyone/, wakes me up at 3am to go look at the damn sky without sexual gratification in some way, shape, or form they will be removed indefinitely from my life.

Ryosuke:

I fixed this for you. Just saying, I love to sleep but c’mon. Just...c’mon!

Mod J: (12 minutes after two and a half weeks later)

Bless your heart. Just...bless it.

Ryosuke: (20 seconds later)

Are you patronizing me? ｢(ﾟﾍﾟ)

Mod J:

No, I really want your heart to be very blessed, you’ve worked yourself up into a frenzy, haven’t you? Deep breath, everything is fine, people are all about Yuya and the salad ship now, you know? Kekeke will get tired of paying us to torture you, and everything will go back to normal, with our blog filled with lots of stories that make you look like the amazing guy you really are! Just take a deep breath, it’s all going to be okay! I’ll take good care of you from here!

Ryosuke:

ヾ(;ﾟ;Д;ﾟ;)ﾉﾞYou promise?

Mod J:

I promise.

Ryosuke:

(‘∀’●)♡ ILY Juliet.

Juliet:

ILY2 (´∀｀)♡

Today:

Ryosuke:

Mod J, I take back everything! I just saw that the person who started all of this Ryosukekeke craziness is the one who was in Paris!

(‘∀’●)♡ Listen, I was terrified, being in a foreign country, facing so many fans, and not sure what the reception would be. I’m used to facing those kinds of challenges with the other Jump members, not by myself--there’s always been a level of security in having everyone there, you know? But this time, I was all alone...

So here I was feeling so alone and worried and afraid and then there was this lovely fan, smiling, and happy, and overjoyed--holding this uchiwa that said “Ryosukekeke” and I swear, I laughed so hard! I really did!

It was this bright shining moment, and the fan was so lovely--a happy smile in the midst of so much trepidation--and there was such peace to be found in the idea that there was at least one fan there who wasn’t going to approach me from the perspective that I was Japanese ( ´△｀) and not whatever nationality they wanted Ed to be (despite it being fictional), who wasn’t going to come at me from the thought that I couldn’t possibly be good enough, ฅ(๑’Δ’๑) that our team couldn’t pull it off, that I was going to fail the collective FMA fandom.

That one fan was going to be there to see me, ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ Yamada Ryosuke, and not just as the Idol from Jump either! But as the ~ヾ(＾∇＾) PERSON I really am--as there’s no show that proves more about who I am genuinely than our own show does! That fan watched the show enough to know about my love/hate relationship with Kekeke--and you know what?

d=(´▽｀)=b I’ll go through anything to give back to that fan, even suffer through months of ridicule from my members, and incessant phone call messages from Kekeke, and even having a lot of posts on your blog that make fun of me! Because, there’s no way I can say, not for one second, that my feelings are more important than that single fan’s happiness.

（⌒▽⌒ゞ Not for one second.

To my Dear @sekairiinu, (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc) my “Ryosukekeke” fan--thank you for being a bright light in a sea of uncertainty.

（*’∀’人）♥ I pay my respects with my embarrassment gladly!

--OG

PS I am still not so sure about your Mod L. Can you give me definitive proof that she ISN’T someone in Jump?!

#Hey! Say! JUMP #Yamada Ryosuke #hey say jump #drabble #ryosukekeke #Mod J #I didn't check the dates but the posts are in the right order #prompt fill

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greenguy57 · 5 years

Text

Someone asked me a 150 question ask list.

Here’s Part 1, time for Part 2! (Long post warning btw)

47) Ever been high?

Nope, no intentions of doing so either.

48) Ever been drunk?

Nope, same as 47!

49) Have I done anything recently that I hope no one finds out?

Kinda? All the people that need to know, do, and that’s all I’ll say! 😜 (And no this wasn’t anything criminal or illegal)

50) What was the color of the last hoodie I wore?

Green, big surprise! 😂

51) Do I ever wish I was someone else?

Not really! I’ve been lucky enough to have a solid life.

52) One thing I wish I could change about myself?

It’s gonna sound stupid but if I could have super powers I would do that. I’m lucky that I’m happy with myself and I’m very grateful that I’m at this point! ☺️

53) Favorite makeup brand?

I don’t have one!

54) Favorite store?

I don’t really have one of these either. I have a lot of favorite restaurants and chill spots but nothing store-wise.

55) Favorite blog?

My boi mimikyutie-chan! She’s always supplying me with some solid memes and quality posts!

56) Favorite color?

🤔

57) Favorite food?

Homemade chicken noddle soup 🙏, also traditional ramen and my brothers, girlfriends, mothers banana pudding! 👌👌

58) Last thing I ate?

Turkey sandwich on Italian white bread with cheddar cheese and mayo! 🥪

59) First thing I ate this morning?

Reheated leftover chicken and waffles!

60) Ever one a competition, if so, for what?

I’ve never won an official competition, I’ve probably one some small ones in the past, but I can’t really recall.

61) Ever been suspended or expelled,if so, for what?

I have not!

62) Ever been arrested, if so, for what?

Nope, I am an innocent man!

63) Ever been in love?

Yes, and currently still am! 💙

64) What’s the story of my first kiss?

Alright. So I went over to my friends house with my first girlfriend after taking her to homecoming in high school. Her parents came to pick her up and before she left I kissed her in front of the door. Then she left and I get picked up soon after!

65) Am I hungry right now?

Nope, just ate that sandwich from that earlier question! 👍

66) Do I like my Tumblr friends more then my real friends?

Most all of the friends I have on Tumblr I’m friends with irl.

67) Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook, I don’t really use Twitter.

68) Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr, for the same reason above.

69) Am I watching TV rn?

Nope, I’m listening to Super Mega as I answer this! 😂

70) Names of my best friends?

Tess, Nick, Adam, Kayla, Cam, Ruth, Callie, Kate, Matt!

71) Am I craving something, if so, what?

Not really craving anything right now, I’d be down for a pay check from work and a good lay though! ✌️

72) What are my towel colors and how many pillows do I sleep with?

My towels at school are just white, at home they’re all sorts. As for the amount of pillows, I usually sleep with 3.

73) Sleep with any stuffed animals?

I do not, but I sleep with a small blanket and use it as a head pillow.

74) How many stuffed animals do I think I own?

I have a ton in storage from when I was a kid, but I do have a few stuffed Kirby’s that I have around my room!

75) Favorite animal?

Great Danes, though I’m also a big fan of sharks and the Pistol Shrimp! 🦐

76) What color is my underwear?

Black, Gray, and varying shades of blue. Currently wearing blue! 😉

77) Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate!

78) Favorite ice cream flavor?

Chocolate Fudge Brownie... 🙏

79) Color shirt I’m wearing rn?

🤔 (I wear green shirts every day)

80) What color pants am I wearing rn?

Light Gray shorts!

81) Favorite TV show?

Avatar: the Last Airbender. 🙏

82) Favorite movie?

Right now, it’d be Avengers: Endgame. Such a great film! 👍👍👍

83) Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

I’ve only seen Mean Girls so the OG gets my vote.

84) Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls is definitely more iconic and funny imo so gonna say Mean Girls wins yet again.

85) Favorite Character from Mean Girls?

This list really likes Mean Girls huh, I guess the main character cause I don’t really remember any of their names! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

86) Favorite character from Nemo?

Um, the stoner sea turtle, Crush was his name I’m pretty sure.

87) First person I talked to today?

My girlfriend. (Wonder how many time’s this will be the answer 😝)

88) Last person I talked to today?

My brother.

89) Name a person I hate?

I honestly don’t hate anyone specifically, but I guess I’ll just blanket statement say I hate people how are outspokenly hateful and ignorant? Also rapists, pedos, nazis, all the freebies.

90) Name a person I love?

My girlfriend! Also my family and the best friend I named earlier! 💙

91) Is there anyone I’d like to punch in the face rn?

Not particularly.

92) In a fight with someone?

I am not, no. I’m not one to stay in an argument or fight for a long time.

93) How many pairs of sweatpants do I have?

Just the one, and they’re very comfy! 🤙

94) How many sweaters/hoodies do I have?

Just one hoodie and I have one v-neck sweater.

95) Last movie I watched?

Sherlock Holmes! The one with RDJ and Jude Law. 👍

96) Favorite actress?

Big fan of Dichen Lachmen and all she’s been in!

97) Favorite actor?

Can’t honestly think of one! Though my favorite voice actor is Nolan North, love his voice work!

98) Do I tan a lot?

I don’t. I’m pretty pale and I can’t really tan.

99) Do I have any pets?

I do, he’s a big dumb Great Dane named Neo!

100!) How am I feeling?

Feeling pretty good! Having a good time answering all these questions for any follower to see! 😁

101) Do I type fast?

Not really! 😅 I also still have to look at the keyboard when I type.

102) Do I regret anything from my past?

No I don’t. I have a life mantra I live by where even if I’m not proud of things I’ve done in the past, I try to learn from it and not regret the experience. Regretting things doesn’t help better your life so why do it?

103) Can I spell well?

W E L L, as for the quality of my spelling, I can spell alright but I tend to cut corners when typing since auto-correct is so common.

104) Do I miss someone from my past?

I mean, yeah I suppose. But like I said before, I don’t really dwell on it!

105) Ever been to a bonfire party?

I’ve been to many, my friends and I often did bonfire nights over the summer.

106) Ever broken someone’s heart?

I sure have, and it suuuuuucked. But sometimes it be like that and gotta move past it. And the faster you rip that band-aid, the faster both parties can move on and get to a better place!

107) Have I ever been on a horse?

I have not, no.

108) What should I be doing?

Checking the dryer to see if the towels are done, so I’ll actually do that rn. **

109) Is something irritating me rn?

The towels still aren’t dry, so that’s kind of annoying. 🙄

110) Have I ever liked someone so much that it hurt?

I few times in my life, I’d so yeah.

111) Do I have trust issues?

Not really, I feel like I answered this in part 1, but I generally trust everyone unless given a reason not too.

112) The last person I cried in front of?

I think my girlfriend? Though it may have been one of my friends though.

113) What was your childhood nickname?

Never had a childhood nickname, having a short name like Seth doesn’t give kids much material.

114) Ever been out of my province/state?

Yes! I’ve been out of my state plenty of times, but only out of the country once.

115) Do you play the Wii?

Not recently, I do own a Wii and played it a lot. I also got a Wii U with all the 3 games it has.

116) Am I listening to music rn?

Nope!

117) Do I like chicken noodle soup?

I don’t, I looove chicken noodle soup!!

118) Do I like Chinese food?

Yes, my favorite of chinese food is probably orange chicken, fried rice, and egg drop soup!

119) Favorite book?

Not much of a reader, I do read comics though! My favorite comic book is The Amazing Spider-Man: Issue 800. It’s such a great issue!

120) Am I afraid of the dark?

Not really. I get a bit tense walking in city streets at night, but I’m not really scared of the dark.

121) Am I mean?

No! 😂 Being mean isn’t fun and I always apologies if I make a mean joke.

122) Is cheating ever okay?

Nope, it’s not cool and no one should ever do it no matter what.

123) Can I keep white shoes clean?

Shoes are meant to get walked on so they’re going to get dirty if you actually wear them no matter what. This is definitely the weirdest question to be so far.

124) Do I believe in love at first sight?

No I do not. Infatuation at first sight exists, sure, but I don’t think you can fully fall in love with someone without getting to know them at least a little bit first.

125) Do I believe in true love?

Yes I do. True love definitely exists imo!

126) Am I currently bored?

Not really! Typing these answers are keeping me occupied!

127) What makes me happy?

Hanging out with good friends, playing games, good food, great sex, and sleep. I am a man of simple needs! 😂

128) Would I change my name?

Maybe my middle name, but I’m a fan of my first and last name so I’d like to keep both.

129) What’s my zodiac sign?

Pisces. 🐟🐟

130) Do I like Subway?

It’s pretty good!

131) My best friend of the opposite says that she likes me, what do I do?

Continue to date her! 😜

132) Who’s the last person I’ve had a deep conversation with?

I’m pretty sure I’ve answered this question, but I’m pretty sure it was either my girlfriend or the friend that drove me to my last exam!

133) Favorite lyrics rn?

I got nothing for this. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

134) Can I count to one million.

I could, I don’t know why I’d ever do that. Never been that bored!

135) Dumbest lie I’ve ever told?

Must’ve been so dumb that I didn’t remember it. I also don’t lie often so there’s that.

136) Do I sleep with my doors open or closed?

Closed! I don’t like sleeping with my doors open, that’s just weird.

137) How tall am I?

5′ 7″

138) Curly or straight hair?

I don’t really have a preference, but curly hair can be pretty cute on people!

139) Brunette or blonde?

You know, I used to think I had a thing for brunettes, but I’ve been with about the same amount of blondes so I guess I have no preference here either.

140) Summer or winter?

Summer for sure! I prefer heat over cold.

141) Night or Day?

Night I guess? I stay up late playing games so that’s my pick.

142) Favorite month?

I guess July? That’s when my anniversary is and it’s mid summer so it’s prime vacation time!

143) Am I vegetarian?

Not in the slightest, love me some meat! 😋

144) Dark, milk, or white chocolate?

Milk chocolate, though dark chocolate is a close second!

145) Tea or Coffee?

Tea, 100%. With lots of sugar too.

146) Was today a good day?

Today was alright, spend most of it sleeping and mowing the lawn, I did enjoy answering all of these though!

147) Mars or Snickers?

Snickers I guess? I haven’t eaten a mars bar before.

148) What’s my favorite quote?

“Life is a lot like this tunnel, you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you are sure to find yourself in a better place!” - Iroh

149) Do I believe in ghosts?

Not at all. Never seen solid enough proof for me to believe in them.

150) Find the closest book to me, turn to page 42, what does the first line say?

“After the tests were done, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon...”

And that’s all the questions! Thanks to whoever asked literally all of them and I hope this shows that I mean business when I reblog ask lists! 😂

#answered #long post #part 2

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kira-celeste · 7 years

Text

Music, bands and artists have been shaping me since I first developed a passionate enthusiasm for them at only twelve years old. People find home in a lot of things. In their houses, in their beds, in their cities, in each other. I don’t think I’m ever home until I’m listening to music. There’s something in its familiarity, its sincerity, its idiosyncrasy. There isn't anything more special than developing a bond with an artist or band and it being strengthened by each song, each personal connection made with a specific line. I wouldn’t have gotten here - to where I am as a person today - without being a One Direction fan, and that I know for certain. They changed and affected me and my life for many years, and probably will continue to for many to come.

One Direction were my first celeb crushes since the Jo Bros and Jesse McCartney. How ‘bout that.

I first came across the band in a newly recruited friend from my science class who had a new desktop background of a reasonably attractive boy. Just before this, she had had a passionate crush on Jaden Smith and I was curious how, (or moreover) who, had taken her eyes away from her love. Little did I know it was (then, not so) foetus Zayn who had become her background picture, and even less, that soon enough, he’d have a very large place in my world. Time passed, and the two friends in my science class began to seemingly only make jokes that only made sense to avid one direction fans; and when I asked them to explain, the answer was “go watch the video diaries”. Little did young Kira know.

It started off with hatred. To be quite fair, it always does with me, apparently. it was hatred with a burning passion. Look at them with their dumb hair and their dumb faces and their dumb accents and the dumb way that their dumb eyes twinkle. Dumb.

And then the rest of the video diaries. And the music and music videos. And the live performances. And the scrolling through the one direction cute facts tumblr pages. And all of a sudden they weren't so dumb anymore. I knew it had reached a point when I started storing said facts and other cute pics of each of them in separate folders on my laptop.

I was hooked.

One Direction-ism was really a disease. it spread like wildfire - yet I’d proclaim proudly to be an OG fan (in my vicinity, at least). Cute, I know. I had swapped favourites from Louis to Zayn, but Harry Styles enamoured me - )I knew it from the beginning - he was always the one I “hated” the most) it was his energy mainly. You know when you just see someone, and you just know, like, exactly who they are? Like its intertwined so obviously in their smile and body language and the way they dress and their words and hand gestures and tattoos and voice.

One Direction definitely became a glue that brought me together with so many people. In fact, without those dumb boys, who knows how many friends I’d have. It hurts my dignity to say I was just another fan, but I really, really was. Though insignificance was the last thing on my mind. The bond of it all… the feeling of connection with all of these people around the world who YES! Actually agree that Harry’s left eye was a little bit more greener than the right!! And it was embarrassing. I loved it.

When Zayn left One Direction, I had moved on, for the most part. It had been around four years. I was still at each of their Sydney concerts and moreover, still deeply intrenched in the concept of Harry, and exactly who I thought him to be. (which I’d say, is fairly accurate — a pure, beautiful shining light in our world. Also a kitten.) I remember sitting with one of my closest friends that I gained over One Direction on the day that the One Direction team released the news.It was dark because we were watching a movie in class, and she just burst out crying. And I remember comforting her, and almost laughing at the ridiculousness; all this for a dumb band? But really, I understood completely. For the most part I felt the same way. How could he do this to us? How could he tear everything apart? That dumb band was our whole lives. And I’m not exaggerating. There were times where One Direction had been engrained into my every day life - for years. They were the only topic of conversation for some of my friendships, they were the twitters and tumblrs and fan fictions that we would check each day. Their faces on posters would cover our walls inch to inch. There music and lyrics were all that we listened to and memorised. They were sometimes the last people I thought about at night. And so it did hurt. It felt like that familiarity, that life was being ripped to shreds.

And it proved correct. Hours later, I cried into my friend’s chest, embarrassingly blabbering about how things will never be the same, about how everything was going to change. (Yeah, dumb band alright) It was in the middle of the playground at lunch time. I know, embarrassing as fuck. It was bloody Don’t Forget Where You Belong - damn you, Tom Fletcher and your incredible songwriting. And things are different now. Its been almost two years since Zayn left and a little less since they officially took their hiatus. And though things had faded long before then, there was still an ache knowing that they weren't still there, still performing, still releasing music and videos, still doing interviews. It still stings when I think about it too hard. It feels like a favourite toy that you’ve held onto from when you were younger, that you still wind up from time to time to remind you of when you were five and it was your whole world - but all of a sudden the batteries have all broken and run out and you’ll never have that tangible piece of memory ever again; to still be there to revisit, to know that you still have the capability to revisit it. I feel like I’m a different person to who I was as a preteen. Definitely more wise, less naive. More mature, realistic.

But maybe that was the best thing about being a Directioner? It was that glimmer of hope — reserved just for meeting them, for catching a glimpse, for the fulfilment of that magical moment in all the best fanfics; where you run into your favourite member (Harry) and he (Harry) falls desperately in love with you after he (Harry) spills his coffee on your new shirt on your way to a new job — and out blossoms a dangerously wonderful love-hate affair, snowballing into the most passionate, romantic and cliche relationship you ever did think of. Even the smartest, most realistic of fans held that glimmer. It fuelled a hope that went so much farther beyond these dumb boys, instead allowed for a girl’s mind to imagine the future in a brighter light. It was a chance for hope for the future for teenage girls who were uncertain about their future prospects of love or opportunity or chance. And that was the magic. It was the magic that kept some people going. I remember talking to a girl a year older than me from Ireland who was in love with Niall. I comforted her through twitter DMs where we shared a similar personal misery story, and she told me about how her life was hopeless, how she was being bullied and self harmed, how she wanted to give up. Her friend messaged me on her account about how she had run away from home, updated me about how she had ended up in hospital again for attempting to commit suicide again. I was probably only 14 or 15 at the time. She use to only message once in a while, but they would always come. I lost track of time, not realising until checking my DMs that she had stopped replying to my messages. She eventually never tweeted again. I remember crying in my bed late at night for her and it took me a long time to stop blaming myself for not doing more.

It was the same magic of it all that allowed us to be exposed everything else that was miserable and dreary about the world. There is no good without it being defined by the bad; and the bad we saw.

I’m eighteen years old now; far from twelve year old me. But I’ll be damned if I don’t smile hearing about someone in the press recalling what a kind, lovely person Harry is. I still get butterflies when I hear him sing, hear his voice. I will still belt every song of their’s when it gets put on the AUX. And I’ll never be ashamed of what those years gave me.

#the life of a directioner tbh #theyve shaped me so much #so heres me talking about how they changed my life n stuff #journal 24.01.17

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